Alrighty…

It’s time for another episode of “The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast!”

Awesome, right?

By the way… I am sorry it took so long.

I guess you can chalk it up to laziness on my part. We have had a lot going on lately and I kind of neglected getting new content out there but I am going to work really hard to stay on schedule of posting one of these episodes a week.

Anyways, today’s episode is about lying to an ex boyfriend.

We hear from a woman who wishes to remain anonymous who has found herself in a bit of a pickle.

Here is a recap of her situation,

  • She has been with her ex for 7 years
  • He’s 26 and she is 25
  • They have been broken up for a month and a half
  • She thinks he is going through a quarter life crisis
  • He reached out a week into NC
  • Wanted to get back together (yay!)
  • They went on a date
  • She lied about having slept with someone else
  • He obviously got upset and now she is back to square one

What We Talk About In This Episode

  • Quarter life crisis’ (I don’t buy into them)
  • First loves
  • The new quiz
  • What to do if you make a major mistake like this
  • If anonymous should go back into NC
  • When the appropriate time to hash things out regarding the relationship should be

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Is There A Chance Your Ex Will Take You Back?
Take The Quiz

Podcast Transcript

Emcee:

Welcome to the ex boyfriend recovery podcast! Where we help you get your ex back and have the fairy tale ending you deserve! And now, your host, he’s been dubbed as the ex-whisperer, Chris Seiter!

Chris Seiter:

What’s up and welcome to another episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. Been a little while since I last did an episode. Got a little busy, we recently released a quiz on ex boyfriend recovery.  Basically, that defines what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back. And the second we implemented that quiz, it blew up. People just flocked to it. It quickly became the most popular page on the website. For the last few weeks, I’ve been monitoring that and spending a lot of my time working on that quiz and things within the quiz and we’ve completely revamped our–I don’t know. I wouldn’t call it necessarily a newsletter but we completely revamped the emails that you get when you sign up for exboyfriend recovery. When you do this quiz, you basically get this set of emails that basically defines to your situation what kind of chance you have. Now, I don’t want to get too much into it. I don’t want to spoil anything for you but it’s a big deal. We really are trying to put more quality things out there.

There’s—I think something like four free giveaways of content and pdf and I do the success story report where I took a lot of my successes and figured out exactly what made them successful. I have that all kind of in a pdf document professionally designed. We got a lot of cool stuff in that email sequence. So, if you haven’t already done it, please go ahead and sign up for that quiz. Not only is it a really cool quiz but you’re going to get so much value after you sign up for it. It’s a little insane. I think we’ve gotten—you know our email inbox has blown up. My assistants are struggling to keep up with all of the people asking questions. And since we’re trying to create this—basically this community where we help people who are trying to get their ex back. We try to respond to everyone. I can’t guarantee we do in 24 hours but usually within 2 days, we get to you and you get a response. We’ve had the limits for some of our responses because I think over the Easter holiday, we had something like 400 unanswered emails. So, we fell a bit behind which is why I actually came in and started helping out my—some of the other members of the ex-recovery staff in answering some of the emails.

So, you know it’s a really cool thing. I really highly encourage you to check out the quiz. You can basically just go to the website and you’ll see it’s everywhere. It’s plastered all over the website but let’s get to the real reason why you’re here. You’re here to learn about how to get your ex back. Basically by through hearing other people’s situations and figuring out what advice that I give to them that you can use for your situations. So, today we’re going to hear from a woman named Anonymous. She didn’t want her name posted which is fine, completely fine. So, we’re just going to call her anonymous and she’s got a really interesting story. So, I’d like you to take a moment to listen to it.

Anonymous:

Hi Chris,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years. He’s going to be 26 this weekend and I’m 25. We’ve been broken up for about a month and a half at this point. The reason for the breakup was he basically was having a quarter life crisis. He didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know if he wanted me, didn’t know what he wanted out of career. So, we broke up. We were kind of talking a while after the breakup and then I finally started no contact and within a week of us not speaking, he reached out to me asking if we could talk. I didn’t respond. Saying he didn’t want to be done. Just kept texting me positive text messages. And within two weeks, I kind of prematurely agree to meet with him and we did and it went well. However, we’ve been—he then asked me if I have been with anyone else since the breakup and I lied and I said yes, just to hurt him and it did. And he was angry and we kind of are back with square one. So, my question is, is implementing no contact rule again even going to work? I know you say it’s less effective the more times you do it and also when is the appropriate time to kind of hash things out and talk about the issues that cause the breakup in the first place? Or would you suggest not to do that? Thank you. I really hope you can help me. Thanks.

Chris Seiter:

I just want to take a moment and thank you for having the courage to put your situation out there. I know that’s a tough thing for a lot of women. I know a lot of women are scared to do that but I think the women who do end up having the courage and the women who are lucky enough to have their question picked on the podcast, get a lot of value out of what I say because I spend basically 20 minutes talking about that situation. So, let’s do a quick recap of your situation then we’ll get to it. You have been with him for 7 years. I’m thinking, you said you were 25, you said he was 26. I’m thinking this was your first serious boyfriend. I think maybe you had a boyfriend before this one but it wasn’t very serious. I mean you’ve had this boyfriend since high school. So, he’s essentially your high school sweetheart and I could factor into all of this in a second but first let me get to your situation.

Like I said, he’s 26, you’re 25. You’ve been broken up for almost a month and a half. You believe he’s going through a quarter life crises which I’m not quite sure I buy it all. I’ll tell you why in a minute. You did no contact. You’ve made it a weekend and basically he asked for you back. You went on a date and you seem to have him back. You kind of accomplished your goal and then you fumbled it. You told him that you slept with someone else to hurt him which obviously it did and you find yourself back at square one. So, you’re big basic questions here are should you do the no contact rule again and what’s the appropriate time for you to hash things out regarding the issues in your previous relationship and what caused the breakup and things of that nature. I’m going to answer all of that but first let’s talk a little bit about your situation. A little bit more in depth.

So, I’ve mentioned that this was your first serious boyfriend. If this is your first serious boyfriend, I’m assuming you are his first serious girlfriend and at that age, if you’ve only experienced one person or you’ve only been in a relationship with one person. It’s human nature to wonder what it’s like to be with someone else. Could it better? Could it be worse? You know, some of that grass is greener syndrome type thinking comes into play here. So, I think that may have been contributing to the breakup. You mentioned something about a quarter life crisis because he doesn’t know what he wants to do in a career which I’m not sure I buy a quarter life crisis thing. I mean I know they have midlife crises but just to put this to perspective, he’s 26 and I’m 26. So, I think I have a lot of great insight into what he’s thinking or he’s mindset and at 26 years old, I have not had a quarter life crisis though. I’ve certainly had multiple chances to have one. I mean if you’ve ever gone to sleep deprivation with a new baby, you know what I’m talking about. It drives you insane. My wife and I really struggled with that one when we first brought our baby home. So, if that’s not a reason for a quarter life crisis, I don’t know what it is.

I can maybe buy into the thinking that he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his career. That can be kind of a tough thing because society has kind of painted men into a corner where men are the providers. I know not necessarily anymore that women’s rights have done a lot for equality and things like that but if you look at the numbers men still earn more than women. It’s sort of that glass ceiling type of thing. But I don’t want to get into any political debates on what men earn versus what women earn. I’m just trying to get you into the mind of your ex boyfriend here. Your ex boyfriend is at a place in his life where he needs to have a career. He needs to have an idea of what he wants to do. I mean there’s nothing scarier than living life without a plan or without a financial plan to back you up. And men really take that seriously, so I can buy into the fact that he feels a lot of stress about that but it’s not a quarter life crisis. I just don’t buy that at all.

The other thing I wanted to tell you was I kind of wanted to get onto a little bit. You had him in your hands, I don’t know what you were thinking with regards to trying to make him jealous or make him upset by telling him that you slept with someone else. I mean I can understand why you did it because maybe you’re upset that he broke up with and you wanted to hurt him that way that he hurts you. Maybe you wanted to get some sort of validation from him that he cared for you in a deep level and you certainly got that but it really didn’t do anything to help  you with getting him back. It hurts you massively. It hurts you a lot. I’m not going to lie to you. You were there. The finish line was a literally a feet away and then you basically stumbled on purpose. So, just going forward, if I’m going to help you out, I need to know that you cannot do this again. I mean you’ve had him in the grasp of your palm.

So, make sure when you implement the things I’m going to tell you about that you don’t do anything stupid like this because I’m not going to lie to you. What you did was really stupid. You had him. Telling him or hurting him like this served no purpose for you other than just getting that validation but the fact that he was on a date with you, the fact that it only took a week of ignoring him to get on this date should have been validation enough that he’s still had feelings for you. I could definitely buy into the fact that he was struggling with this career or trying to figure out his life path or what he should do for a career. I can buy into that.

That could be a contributing reason for the breakup but you hurt yourself when you told him that you slept with someone else because going forward now, he’s going to question everything you say. He’s going to—there’s going to be trust issues there. And even if you tell him –which will I’ll get to in a second here. Even if you tell him that you lied, even if you explained your reasons for lying, in the back of his mind, he’s not going to believe you. I know because I would react the same way. I would think, “Ok, we’ll she’s telling me that and I can understand why she did that but what if she’s just lying about this as well?” I mean this is the kind of headwind that you’re going to have to overcome if you’re going to try to get this particular ex boyfriend back.

Here’s the good news though, because I know I’ve been kind of negative here. I know I’ve been kind of getting onto you and telling you what you did was not a smart way to approach it. Here’s the positive. The positive is I really think you have a great chance of getting him back. Believe it or not, even though what you did was stupid, I think it can serve a purpose for getting him back which I’ll cover in a second. What else did you want to know about? You said you wanted to know about what the appropriate time was to hash things out with him. To be honest the appropriate time is when he’s in an incredible mood, when he is in such a good mood that you can basically tell him that you murdered someone and he won’t get upset with you. Please, please don’t somewhat go out and murder anyone. That was a horrible joke! But that’s the point I’m trying to make here. You need to approach a situation where you bring up your previous relationship when he’s in an incredible mood. People are going to be more accepting of bad news when they’re in a good mood as opposed to bad news when they’re in a bad mood. I’ll give you an example.

I was having a great day, a few weeks ago I was having a great day. The quiz on ex boyfriend recovery was blowing up. We were helping more people than ever before. I was really excited. I was in a great mood. My wife was in a good mood. I think the baby slept through the night that night. So, I was feeling really good about myself and I think my wife, she took the baby to her parent’s house to give me some kind of space to work and some peace and quiet to work basically. And I did just that, I started working and I started particularly cleaning up my desktop.  I own an iMac and it’s really cluttered. Like the desktop is really cluttered. I put all of my work, all the pictures I do and any book I’m writing is on this desktop and  a few months ago I started rewriting ex boyfriend recovery pro which is kind of the flag ship product. I’m kind of trying to divide it up the three sections. I took a lot of the complaints I got from people who bought the book and I’m working them in to make sure their complaints get covered and no one ever has an issue. I’m trying to match everyone’s situation with a specific plan.

So, they know exactly what they have to do to get their ex back in their situation and I was writing I think what was like a hundred pages and I was super excited about this. I think I even mentioned it on a few of the previous episodes of the podcast. I was telling people on the emails, I was telling people on the comments, I was telling people on Youtube, I was telling my wife about it, I was telling my dad about it. I was really excited about this thing because I really thought it was going to be revolutionary but back to the story, the particular day I was cleaning up my desktop and I happened to put the book that I was writing, the book that I spent a month and a half working on into the trash bin and then I clicked on the trash bin and then I erased it. I didn’t know I did this but when I found out, I was shocked. I couldn’t believe I’ve done that. I’ve never done anything like that before. Usually I’m very secure about the projects I work on or in a specific area of my desktop where I don’t touch them or they sat there and everything. But here’s the thing, I was in a great mood that day, so even though, it was a horrible loss which I have since started rewriting the book and that I think it’s even better now than it was but even though it was a horrible loss, I didn’t really feel that upset inside because I was in such a good mood.

So, approaching this situation, basically if you’re going to deliver bad news to your ex boyfriend or if you’re going to bring up something negative, do it when he’s in a good mood. That’s kind of the moral story here that got way off topic. Let’s get to your situation.

You obviously messed up. You’re wondering about the no contact rule. Specifically if you should do the no contact rule in your situation and you seem like you’re really well read. It seems like you went through the website. You saw what I said about the no contact rule but how every time you do it after the first time it losses some effectiveness and that is certainly going to hold true but the good news for you is you really didn’t do it. You did it for  a week and then basically got him back and then fumbled it up before you really got him back. So, technically I think it’s going to lose a little bit of the effectiveness for your situation but not much. Not like if you had done a 30 day no contact rule and then fumbled up. So, I really think you really have a great chance of almost—even though you’re at square one. You’re at square one like legitimately at square one.

Sometimes when people mess up on the no contact rule, they go back to square negative one because the no contact rule losses its effectiveness but you, since you really didn’t do the no contact rule that much, it’s not going to lose much effectiveness. It’s still going to be very effective. I still think it will work on him but here’s the strategy I think you should employ. You lied to him about sleeping with someone else, why you did this, I think my personal belief is you were trying to find some sort of validation that he’s still loved you and maybe you thought this was the best way to bring it out, maybe you were just trying to hurt him. Let’s not get too much into why you did it. It’s done. That’s the reality we’re living in right now. How can we approach this situation?

Well, I mentioned that he’s going to be questioning you every single time you tell him something now because in the back of his mind, he’s still going to wonder if you slept with someone. I think for him to even ask that question of you in the first place means he’s worried about it. So, this kind of puts his radar on even harder, if that makes any sense. So, what I think you need to do before you enter the no contact rule is let him know that you were lying. Explain everything to him. Explain why you did it. Explain kind of what you’re hoping to get out of this. Explain that you were trying to hurt him or you were trying to make him feel bad. Explain. Let him know that it was a lie. Let him know that you really didn’t sleep with someone. Apologize to him. It has to come from a genuine place. This can’t be a BS apology. This can’t be an apology just to be an apology. This has to be a genuine apology. He has to feel how sorry you are. He has to feel how big of a mistake you know you made. How dumb of a decision it was to do what you did to him. He has to feel this things for this apology to be effective. Basically what I’m trying to do here is, show him that what you did was a mistake ok? And then also showing him that it was a lie. That you really didn’t sleep with someone and then after you’ve given that apology, you go into the no contact rule. I think 21 days should be sufficient in your situation.

So, so far we’ve got the apology. Then we do the no contact rule for 21 days. Now, the biggest misconception about the no contact rule, that I found to be lately is a lot of people just use it to focus on their ex boyfriend but that’s not what it’s for. Yes, it is for making an ex miss you, it’s for healing an ex’s feelings emotionally, it’s for leveling you out emotionally and that’s—it’s really a two pronged approach in the fact that, yes, you are using it for your ex but you’re also using it for yourself. I consider it now since I’ve become a little bit 0:19:49.3 and I’ve become a lot more successful at getting people’s ex’s back. I consider it a failed no contact rule if you haven’t made any personal strides. Seriously, you should go back into no contact rule and to the no contact rule even if you didn’t contact your ex but you didn’t make any personal strides, you should go back to the no contact rule. It’s a failed no contact rule. That’s how important it is to make the personal strides. That’s how important it is to focus on yourself and a lot of women obsess about the no contact rule. They think about their ex’s way too much. They put too much emphasis on them.

The way to not do that is put all the emphasis on yourself. What can you do to improve yourself? What can you do to become the best human being that you possibly can? What can you do to become better looking? What can you do to have a better personality? What kind of hobbies can you pick up?  What kind of things have you always wanted to do but you never did? Do those things during the no contact rule. You have to make personal strides. You have to heal from the breakup emotionally. That is what the no contact rule is for. So, you didn’t really do that. A week of no contact is not enough to make the kind of splash that we’re hoping for. So, try 21 days and during those 21 days, focus only on yourself. Don’t obsess about your ex. Don’t obsess about anything relating to your situation and I promise things will go better for you.

Alright so, let’s say that you do this apology. Let’s say that you do the 21 day no contact rule but what happens next? Well, basically what I think you should do is just follow the game plan. Look on the website. Understand everything I teach about the value chain, about how you want to go from the no contact rule, to texting, to after you build attraction through texting, you move up to the phone calls then after you build attraction through the phone calls, you move up to the dates. That’s what I think you should do. I think you should prolong this. Maybe the biggest mistake you made was rushing and honestly, he was ready but you weren’t. For you to make a major mistake like telling him that you slept with someone just proves that you are not ready to get him back. So, a lot of women think, “Ok, will getting my ex back, I have to wait ‘til he’s ready.” But that’s not always the case, sometimes he can be ready and you’re not ready. I think maybe, we’re ready to get him back but you weren’t ready maturely wise to get him back. You need to take kind of calm down from the break of a bit. I think you tried to get him like, two weeks after the breakup you did this. You were still hurting from this breakup. That’s why you did it. That’s why you told him that you slept with someone else when you really didn’t. So, I really think this time around you should prolong the no contact rule. Prolong the game plan for getting him back. Make it to where—it’s not getting back into ways—I mean a lot of women try to get their exes back—the biggest mistake I see a lot of women trying to get their ex back too soon. So, what you need to do is prolong this. Make it a little bit longer.

Let things unfold naturally because you’ve already proven that he wants you back and I really think you have a great shot at getting him back. You just can’t make this errors going forward. Now, the other thing I want to talk about is jealousy. I really don’t think you should implement any jealousy tactics. Why? Well, he’s already going to be very insecure about you or you telling him and lying to him about sleeping with someone else. So, he is going to be on hyper alert, assuming that he’s interested in getting you back. So, if he’s interested at getting you back, and you for example go for a hang out. Let’s say, it’s not a date, it’s just a hang out with one of your guy friends, Dave and you post a picture on Facebook and he comes across this. Well, all you’re going to be doing with that picture or that act is you’re going to be upsetting him to the point where he’s not going to want to be with you because he doesn’t feel like he can trust you. The name of game here is getting him back but at the same time, showing him that you are the most trustworthy person alive. That’s what you’re main goal is because of the mistake you made. See, before you made this mistake, all you have to do is get him back. All you had to do was just build up an attraction and get him back but now that you made this mistake, you had the added headwind of making him trust you because even though you didn’t sleep with someone, if he truly believes that which is like I said, he’s going to question everything, you still lied to him. And lying hurts people. It does and it makes people not trust others.  So, kind of the big thing that you’re going to have to accomplish here is getting him to trust you again and the best way to do that is not to put yourself in a position where you’re around other guys. Not to put yourself in a position where you are in—how can I put this?

Not to put yourself in a position where he can look at you say, “She’s not trustworthy.” And that sometimes means not going out to a club or something with your friends if they’re going to take pictures, post it on Facebook. I know that sounds kind of weird but that’s the way it has to be.

Emcee:

Thanks for listening to the ex boyfriend recovery podcast at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com

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140 thoughts on “EBR 044: Lying To An Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Pie

    July 17, 2016 at 9:14 am

    We were in a relation for about a month and we even had sex within that month. He broke up with me soon after that suspecting that I’m lieing about my previous sex life.
    He is a good person, and he loved me a lot even during the single month, I can’t say it’s actually his fault because I was not willing to talk to him my ex boyfriend and what i have done with them during the pasts. So i escaped answering his questions plus lied as well.

    I tried to explain why I lied and told that i wasn’t comfortable telling you all that right now and i needed more time for it and i spilled out all the truth soon after i thought he is going to break up and I tried to convince him asking him to give me a second chance.
    He never spoke a word and he was so silent, did not reply to my texts and calls.
    I was going behind him so much, because I love him, that i needed him back him in my life somehow and i called and texted him continously.

    Later one day i got a message from him saying that i was accusing him and threatning him and insulting him and comparing him with my ex and mentioned that He is breaking up with me because i wasn’t honest plus he said he can’t trust me anymore. :'(
    and said that not to lie to my next bf and wished me the very best for what life has to offer and told me not to force him to talk to me, that the talking will happen naturally.

    Before he sent me this message i was continuously asking him to tell me whether he wants to continue or break up, and since he was ignoring me i asked him to give me some respect.

    I’m clueless whether he actually broke up with me or not.
    There is this supersition where it says that when you gift a watch to your loved ones, the relationship breaks up. when he sent me the break up message i asked him to give me back the watch but he dint.

    I was hurt and I din’t know what to say.
    and i sent him a message that i wont talk to him derafter because whatever i say at that time seemed to be accusing insulting for him.
    I gave him some time and we work in the same office. He dint speak a word in the office as well, but as time went he started talking to me about some work. as soon as he started talking to me i chatted with him again thinking all is back to normal, but then he doesnt talk to me like before and maintains the professionalism with me.

    But i said that im not gona leave this relationship no matter how much you hurt me or ignore me, your the one for me.

    He talks to me only if i text him, plus helped to select clothes as well online.

    does he still love me? or not?

    I cant decide on it? But i want him to be mine.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2016 at 5:05 pm

      hi pie,

      he doesn’t…one month is too short.. and how serious is the lie? is it yo the point that you slept with both of them at the same time? because if not, it just looks like he is just using that as a reason to beeak up with you

  2. Avatar

    Matte

    June 27, 2016 at 6:44 am

    Hey my ex bf broke up with me cz i lied about something in the past that I didn’t wanna tell him about it .. Cz I thought it was too early to tell him everything about my past life .. It’s been a month now .. I cnt get over him .. We only dated for 4 months .. I’m not happy cz lied i did a mistakes .. People make mistakes ?? What i have to do .. I want him to trust me again i know it’s hard .. I want him to be with again .. I was doing the 30 days no contact .. After 6 days he texted that he hopes if I’m doing good .. Nd if learned from my mistakes.. Idk what that means.. I textexted a long msg all he answered was bye .. Thx for ur help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2016 at 5:47 pm

      Hi Matte,
      what did you say in the ling message?

  3. Avatar

    Rj

    May 4, 2016 at 1:28 pm

    My boyfriend and I have known each other over a year, We are kind of long distant relationship, well, only 75 miles away. We only see each other every fortnight since we started the relationship. On 17th of April, when I was at his, we had an argument about the little things, then I brought out that I got HEP B which is with me since a I was a child, which it was really difficult to let him know at the beginning of the relationship. 21st of March 2015, was our first date, We felt in love after dated 3 times. And by the 5 dates, we started to have unprotected sex… The same day, he told me he loves me and I felt the same. But because of that Which made me more difficult to come forwards with my illness, because I am worried that if I told him then I would lose him, despite the experience I had. whenever I told the man on the early stage, I meant before we started, I told them I am carrying Hep B, then the answer is that dont want to go on. After some times being turned down, I got hurt and blame myself having such horrible illness with me, so I stopped telling everyone and get on with it, and not getting myself in any long term relationship or get myself being in love. However, I did get on with 3 men in a long term relationship, where I told them my case after knowing them for a quite a long time. They were fine with it, and my ex husband was the one. as I thought my boyfriend loves me, in theory, he would supporting me in anyway. But i was wrong about it, he is holding this against me now by saying that he lost trust in me and he feels betrayed and he didn’t know me at all because I brought this out after a year, leaving him with no choice and shocking him with the fact, and said I cant love him if I am willing to put him on risk. I blamed myself on not being honest with him, I know I was wrong. I just couldnā€™t overcome my fear of losing him in the first place. Since 18th of April, he has changed the way he messaged me where he always message me 1st in the morning. He stops…Although he stops messaging me the morning messages, he still replys my message on that day, but not a lot of words. the following day, I messaged him 1st then in the middle of conversation, he told me that he is thinking to end the relationship, he said that his head wants to end it, but his heart doesnt. He loves doing the things we do so on, and canā€™ t imaging to go anywhere with someone else and donā€™t want to date with anyone else. However, since 18th of April, it was me the 1st to messaged him, So on 21st, I messaged to him that I think we need some time off, and I wont message him to worry him and we will talk about until he has spoken to his doctor on Monday of 25th . We both agreed. Anyway, his blood test comes out clear, not infected by my illness. My doctor told me that what he needs to do is go and get vaccine then he would be protected. But his doctor told him that the vaccine is not always work, and also suggested him to ask for a break with me because he doesn’t know if he can trust me. So he did ask for a time out to give him some space and times to think about stuff. Before that, he mentioned about to end it, but I begged, that’s what he said he needs time out. So, after Monday, we didn’t message each other until Saturday 29th morning, and I messaged him first again, because I couldn’t bear the silence. He replied messages, but not saying much, just a few words. We didn’t message long, I could sense there is something happening in his mind. And then at night, I messaged him I missed him, he replied he missed me too, then the argument started…I told him that I didn’t know whether I should message him, as I was worried that he might not like it during the time he needs to think about stuff. He said sorry and feel bad that he was not communicating, because he didn’t know what to say. He said he feels like everything has changed, and I asked if he could talk about it, so he said: Same as before you told me about HEP B, before that he was worried me is a liar, that I might be making things up for some reason or another, then I told him about HEP B and that’s just an extra things to think about. On this, I could clearly feel that he lost completely trust in me. And not to mention that, he got trusting issues with me since day one, and I also realized, that he was betrayed by his ex, but what was it, he didn’t tell specifically. He is affected by his previous relationship, and sometimes projected things onto this relationship.
    However, he doesn’t trust me in anyway. And then he ended it the relationship saying: It’s best we end it, I am sorry, I will miss you always. As usual, I begged again ( I feel I am rubbish now), he didn’t say much but just say, I am going to bed. Since, we didn’t message for 2 days now. .
    I don’t want to end ( oh well, who doesn’t speaking of a woman being dumped), with reading your articles, I will do that Nc, because I know deeply in heart that he still loves me. But my issue is that, do you think I have lied? Have I not being honest with him? What sort of things should I do to think about what I have done wrong in this matter? Why has he got this reaction? How can I gain back his trust again if he did come back to me?(might be a day dreaming for me)
    Thanks for your help

    1. Avatar

      Rj

      May 4, 2016 at 3:25 pm

      Yes, Amor, I did explain the whole things to him what I fear about. He accepts the reason why I didn’t tell him at the beginning, and he said he understood how difficult and horrible I feel. There is not cures in chronic Hep B, it will be with me all my life. I go to hospital every year to do the check up and scan. I know what you mean about that I pose a health threat to the other person, but my case is not serious, so far, no one was transmitted by that. Can I ask you what do you mean by “thank yourself for avoiding somebody who is not serious with you” You mean because of this matter, he is not the one I should put effort to get him back again? What is the chance for me for getting him back again with my illness? Is there any room to work this out later on? Hep B is not scary isn’t it, does mean that I shouldn’t be living a normal life like all the others? I had 2 kids and my ex husband are fine with this. Sorry if I am saying something wrong and if I did, please correct me… thanks a lot

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 7, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      hmm, yeah I mean he shouldn’t leave you just because you have an illness.. specially since you said you have already been honest with him.. give him time.. maybe he just needs time to process things

      right now, since you already begged and explained..do nc first before trying to contact him again..improve yourself and forgive yourself at least after nc..you would be more emotionally stable to talk with him.. but don’t start with the relationship talk right ahead after nc.. take it slow..build rapport again first.. he has to feel comfortable with you again..

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 4, 2016 at 2:27 pm

      Hi Rj,

      I hope you can be cured with hep b even if it’s chronic.. I heard from my nurse friends that if you survive it, then you won’t get it again(correct me if I”m wrong)
      Actually it’s really a serious issue because it poses a health threat to the other person, it’s something that should be brought up before sex happens.. and if that person leaves, then thank yourself for avoiding somebody who is not serious with you.
      Did you tell him the reason why you didn’t tell him right ahead?

  4. Avatar

    Help Please

    April 24, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    So I’m now on day 20 of nc (which began a month after we broke up) and last week my friend messaged my ex, without me knowing, and asked him if he could see us (my ex and I) ever working again. He replied no he didn’t because too much has happened and because of what he’s put me through. Does this mean he legitimately sees no chance for us or is it guilt making him say that?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Hi Help Please,

      maybe it is guilt.. you’ll know it once you start talking again.

  5. Avatar

    Questioning

    April 24, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    Hey, if it’s possible I really need an urgent reply ASAP…

    I’m on NC Day 25 and my ex has been calling me nonstop the past 2 days. He sent out a text, paraphrasing, “I don’t know if I’m even reaching you. I’m thinking of giving up. ” What should I do? Should I end NC right now? If so what should I say? Or should I wait out the remaining 5 days? I’m just afraid that he might give me up completely/move on/delete my number. I really don’t know what to do!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      Hi Questioning,

      did he say he wanted to get back with you? If yes, you can break nc but I think that in itself says it so..

  6. Avatar

    Help wanted

    April 15, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    hee,

    this is going to be a pretty difficult story, me and my ex met at a festival a few years back, I had a boyfriend at the time but it was not a happy relationship and I really missed something and stayed with him because we had a child together.
    but then i came across (my now ex) and it was amazing from the first time I saw him it was like “this is it” you know when the sun hits their face and you can hear angels sing :3
    but we both had issues with depression and things jut went pretty bad, so we broke up.

    I don’t really remember how long it was but after about a month we got back in contact and eventually back together.
    but he promised me if we ever broke up again that would be the end of it.

    I rented a small apartment and from the beginning he was there, although he wasn’t allowed to and the people that inspect the homes were starting to notice I wasn’t on my own.
    he had problems with finding a stable job and we couldn’t afford renting a real home. there was a lot of stress and uncertainty.
    and I couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with him. (a year has passed now)

    a day later he’s all ready using tinder to find new girls. (he still lives with me at this point)
    a week later he moves in with a friend of his and now it’s really over.

    I clean the room (which I never could properly) and find this emptiness inside, because now I have the peace I so much desired but It’s not what I wanted/expected.

    I’ll be renting a small home soon and I just wish he would come live with me there were there will be much less stress.

    since we broke up a lot of stuff happend we were friends, we had fights but most of all we had still feelings for each other.
    today he came to my house to pick up some stuff we talked and we laughed and we kissed and everything was as it should be,
    then told me he should leave, and that it was’t right and I told him to listen to his heart but he couldn’t, not now.

    he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t get back with me, not even if that’s what he want’s and I don’t know if I should try to fight for what I feel is right or put up with the fact that I made the biggest mistake in my life and deal with it.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 4:26 am

      Hi Help wanted,

      correct me if I’m wrong, you broke up a year ago but you stayed together? But now, you’re not.. so, are you doing nc?

  7. Avatar

    Amy

    April 12, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    Dear Chris/Amor

    I would really appreciate some help!! I’m 15 years old and my ex (first proper boyfriend) and i broke up about a month ago after a month and a half of dating. I guess we were in a LD relationship since we live in separate cities from each other (I live on the west of Scotland, him on the east side) and for a 15 and 16 year old that is difficult haha. He ended up breaking it off with me saying that i became too controlling since I was encouraging him to stop his excessive drinking and smoking (cigarettes and marijauna) which he did for the first month of our relationship, then one day he said he wanted to start it again. There is a load to this story!! Basically his friends and i didn’t get along since they believed I was controlling him by keeping him on the right path for his own health, however he has Aspergers and ADHD and to make things worse, I have anxiety and minor depression. I believe his Aspergers was the main reason for his beliefs of me controlling him, since he is easily manipulated because of it and i believe his “friends” did exactly that which breaks my heart thinking about. We were so happy together before his friends got involved and we began arguing everyday. Since we broke up we have spoke on and off, some ended Im arguments and i began the NC 9 days ago and have heard nothing from him. I am extremely worried about how to get him back (I really do want him back at some point) due to his condition and I’m thinking that using these tactics (NC, texts, using jealousy etc) may mess with him differently and make him think I’m done completly with him (he has told me in outbursts that he has no feelings for me any more but told me when he’s calmer that his feeling for me are still there. Please please help me, I would love some advice! Thank you x

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2016 at 9:40 pm

      Hi Amy,

      The truth is you have to set your boundaries and standards and that means you have to be open to losing him if he doesn’t meet it. YOu can’t change him. It will be his decision, and if he doesn’t want to change, you have to check your standards. The person who has the weaker standard will the follow the person who is more in tune of his/her standards. If for him, he loves drinking and smoking and his standard is that his gf should be accepting of it, then he will not get back with you. He will think you’re just not compatible. If you have a weaker standard, you would want him to change but will keep it to yourself because you wouldn’t want to lose him over something that is not really that big of a deal for you. So, for now think first. It’s good that you’re watching out for his health but if he doesn’t want to change it, then you have to make a decision for yourself if you should stay or not.

  8. Avatar

    confused

    April 12, 2016 at 3:10 am

    Hi Chris, I would really appreciate some advice.

    I am a 31 year old women who was approached by a guy on instagram. After one month of going on dates once or twice a week I started to feel a genuine connection to him. We were always laughing and having a great time, moreover he was the first guy i dated in a long time that was very affectionate in public without giving off a vibe that he expected sex. Fast forward to the end of this month he asked me to go on an overnight trip to a nearby city to visit one of his friends. I said i would love to! he offered to pay for a hotel but my cousin had mentioned that I was free to use the basement suite she shares with a roommate. Hoping to avoid having sex because I feel it is too soon I told the guy I was seeing about my cousins offer; he said sure. Here is where i messed up. I didn’t tell him about the use of both rooms… I should have told him I wasn’t ready to sleep with him but i didn’t. Worse still on the way to see his friend he made some sexual comments which i didn’t respond to. I was hoping that my lack of response would be a subtle clue that I wasn’t ready. When we arrived at our destination we spent the evening with his friend and had another really good night, but when the evening ended and we came to my cousins we were both tired and wanted to take a shower. I told him he could use the washroom first. He did and when he was finished he came to my cousins bedroom and i went next. I showered, got ready for bed, and in a tank top and underwear went back to the room he was in to kiss him goodnight. My plan went wrong when I gave him a kiss and a minute later told him “I’m so into you physically and would love to have sex with you, but I’m not ready, its not my style to move so quickly.” He freaked out and told me I was disrespectful, that I should have told him a lot sooner, and that a woman my age would easily know this. I told him I was planning to sleep in my cousins roommates room and that he was right, i should have said something sooner but also didn’t want assume he had these intensions. He said knew I was sorry and insisted that I sleep in the same bed as him, so i did. He also told me that every action has a reaction and that he would not be able to control how he reacts to this. I told him I understood his anger at me – thinking this didn’t mean it was over, just that I had really messed up. The next day he gave me the silent treatment around his friend and didn’t once hold my hand or kiss me the way he usually does. I thought this was because he felt rejected and tried not to force affection as I knew I would need to allow him to get over things. On our way back to the city we live in I finally was able to confront him and say “hey you’ve been acting differently toward me all day. I know I made a huge mistake in my delivery yesterday…Im trying to give you the space to think and feel how you want but I wish I could fix this.” He responded by telling me that I was emotionally immature and that he never wanted to see me again. We drove the rest of the 1 and a half in silence. When he dropped me off he gave me a hug and said “no hard feelings, Chow!” I know that I should’ve brought up my need to wait on sex a lot sooner and that my delivery came at the final hour. however, I also feel that his reaction was a little strong, but it also seems completely against his nature. For an entire month he seemed like a completely different person. How do I make this right? is there a way to reconnect?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2016 at 7:46 pm

      Hi Confused,

      You’re not wrong.. It’s never wrong to refuse sex, especially if you’re not ready.. He’s the one being disrespectful.. Clearly that was his intention when you went there and that was what he only wants when he tried to get your favor by being sweet to you. If he really likes you or loves you, he would apologize for making you uncomfortable.

  9. Avatar

    Anon

    April 11, 2016 at 7:50 am

    Hi. I need some advice about my situation. I’m not exactly dealing with an ex boyfriend. We met a few months ago, flirted with each other, and then sort of became FWB (terrible idea, I know…) At the time he was just a crush, but of course I developed feelings for him. He kept saying he liked me but wasn’t in love with me and eventually I decided to stop having sex with him. He was okay with it and said that what he values the most is our friendship. He’s tried to initiate sex a couple times after that but I stopped him and made it clear I wouldn’t do it unless he has feelings for me. Now he just treats me like a friend and I have the feeling that he kinda takes me for granted because I keep doing things for him and never ask him for anything. Now, I want to do the NCR but I don’t know how long it should be in my case. I thought of telling him I have feelings for him and I need space. Is it okay to tell him in advance I won’t be responding to his messages or should I simply ignore them if I receive them? Thanks!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 11, 2016 at 2:07 pm

      Hi Anon,

      I’m pretty sure he knows you have feelings with him and for me you should move on because h
      if he really loves you, he would do it the right way.. right now it looks like he’s just using you

  10. Avatar

    Mikka

    April 10, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    hello , my boyfriend and i were in a relationship for 2 years hes the love of my life, im his first love… but this relationship is a long distance one and hes planning to leave and going to live in the US, so he always has thos ideas in mind trynna say that he has his work first,his studies first, his ambitions and stuff so we’ve broke up first 4months ago becasue he was too busy and had no time for love stories.. then i tried the no contact rule for a month i could talk to him as a friend then I Sworn to god for something (I LIED) but since this lie isnt about cheating then its ok.. but he’s a type of men that really doesnt like lying. the lie that i tried to tell was :”” i havenot sent any anonymous question to that guy (someone who liked me at the time)” and then i was compelled to give him my passord and so he found out that i indeed asked that quy several questions like ‘ what did you like about that girl ..” so he was annoyed but the important thing that ive done was : I TOLD HIM (MY EX) ABOUT THE GUY WHO LIKED ME AND USED TO TALK ABOUT ME ON ASK.FM BEFORE ASKING THE GUY, because my point was i wanted to know if my ex is still love me and woud be jealous … but seeing me lying to his face hurt him so i lost his confidence but we could get back together and i promised him not to lie anymore,thins went well for 3 months when suddenly he remembered stuff in the past and told me that i might have lied to him before that 1st breakup so he started to have doubts and left me again HE KNOWS THAT I’VE NOT CHEATED ON HIM AND THAT IM DYING FOR HIM. so once again, i tried the no contact rule but ive done something that he doesnt like (childish stuff) so he started to like another girl and now they are together i dont know weither this is a rebound relationship? the last time i talked to him he knew that i said bad things on him and his girl he knew that i was ready to fake conversations in order to ruin their relationship so he told me that im a fake person and a liar and that he hates me now!! he cant even stand looking at me anymore, he said that if i would stay the only girl in this world, he would even want me anymore, he bloked me and doesnt want to talk to me no more.. i tried to explain immediatly, i tol him that im sorry and im willing to change. i want to regain his trust just as a friend, i tried several times i promised him and sworn to god that im trying to change my self but he still doesnt want to believe me …
    so please help me i really want him, im dying for him and im really willing to change and stop lying because this isnt fair, i lied once and he forgot all the goodness about me, i want to show him that im a trustworthy nowadays and that im more mature
    however how can i proove this to him when hes taken and doesnt wanna talk to me neither to any girl except his girl???

    1. Avatar

      Mikka

      June 4, 2016 at 2:20 pm

      Hello there.. he initiated a week ago but he doesnt treat me like he used to when he first met me.. i mean the 1st day he talked to me he was so excited to know me & used to flirt alot (he had no intention to be with me at that time he just liked me although he has lots of female girls that he used to talk to all night..)
      so idk why he’s treating me like “those other girls” like an ordinary friend.. i never was his friend since the beginning we used to be benefit friends and then our relationship progressed and i made him falling for me fo 2 years.
      so please tell me how can i get his attention and makes him chasing me like he used to, before. i want him to be excited whenever he talks to me & never gets enough or tired of me..
      aw and btw now he trusts me a lil bit, like his trust is progressing.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 3:22 am

      it will really take time.. You have to let go of how he is when you were starting because you didn’t have history then.. There was nothing that he will remember about you that will hurt him or doubt you.

    3. Avatar

      Mikka

      May 28, 2016 at 3:23 pm

      im really sorry for bothering you.. do you think that i should apply the NON-Contact rule for a month? or its not needed? because we dont talk to each other these days

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      you’re not ;), if you’re not talking then it’s better to use that to do actions or activities that can help you be more emotionally stable and can help him to trust you.. let’s say it’s like nc, that if he doesn’t initiate in a month, try to initiate but if he texts within it, reply to him

    5. Avatar

      Mikka

      May 25, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      i changed but he cant blieve that i actually changed for him and im not willing to do the sam acts again because im really not ready to lose him .. i dont know how to convice him .. lately i nocted that he’s being busy and doesnt wanna chat again with me anymore so i stoped texting him. but i always show him love on social media..
      he thinks in fact that i havenot been in love with him! he once told me: if you true loved me you wouldnt act like this, you would not planned to hurt me , you wouldnt lie to me..” so i wannt to convice him the truth that i always was ready to die for him, that i acted like a child just to keep him single so he cant be with another girl and get back with me.. i really want him to understand this argument but he would never believe me

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Because building trust takes a lot of time.. The actions will be the one who will make him believe you

    7. Avatar

      Mikka

      May 19, 2016 at 4:13 pm

      yea it creates more attraction.. but i just found out and he confessed to me that he hasnt been in a relationship after our breakup! he lied to me because he thought that i would hurt that gurl so he wanted to protect her from he warned me and told me that theyre in a relationship but THEY WERE NOT. so now thats why he came back to talk to me but he STILL has 0 trust in me. he told me that he trusts that other girl and thinks that shes really a good person, he also told me that im the worst thing ever happened to him , so i started crying on the phone he hates it when i cry, i just couldnt control my self he didnt mean to be Mean with me he just throw words easily because hes honest all the time, also he thinks that i pretend to cry in order to get his pity and attention so he was like :” i dont care about your tears no more” but then he keeps being kind and talks about stuff with me he just cant forget about my childish acts and cant trust me anymore and thinks that i wont change!
      how can i build that trust again? he has my accounts passwords and like knows everything,, i dont know how can i make him forget about those childish acts.. im really lost 🙁

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      It means you really have to start to make a change in your life first. He still sees you as the same as before, You have to move on without totally moving on.

    9. Avatar

      Mikka

      May 10, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      ok thats what i decided im not texting him first anymore, but sometimes he starts the convo he asks me what im doing and then when i take time to reply he reads my msg and doesnt reply back..
      so should i answer if he sends me a msg in this period? because i decided not to txt him first, not chasing him anymore, and not asking him to call me at night .. but if he texts me i reply simply and wont show him that im still interested in him anymore..
      can i do this? because if i never reply for a whole month he will think that im ignoring him and he hates it when hes ignored . and if i ever do a NC , once i finish it i will have to restart just like now and im too afraid that he finds another one again..
      yesterday suddenly he asked what i was doing and i told him that i was about to hangout so he asked where and with who.. he asked about my friends’ names.. he Still Cares! but i dont know what does he want exactly :((

    10. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 12:17 am

      if you keep texting him will it help create more attraction? if it does, then of course go ahead.. but will it get you more friendzoned?

    11. Avatar

      Mikka

      May 9, 2016 at 11:40 am

      im sorry im bothering you but i reallu dont know what to do.. he indeed texted me and called me but he didnt seem really interrested or more like he didnt sound as he is tending to get back to me.. and so 2 days after that he started running away from messaging for instance; he reads my msg but doesnt reply.. i send him another one the next day and he replies normally like i sent him : i miss you.. his reply was : what are you doing right now.. and then after 5 min of disscussion.. i asked him if i could call him tonight , he read my msg but didnt reply back!
      i think at first he wanted to be chased when he told me that he missed me and stuff, but then i dont know what happened to him ..

    12. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 5:20 pm

      it’s ok Mikka. You’re not bothering us… we’re here to help. You texted him you miss him? oh no.. wrong kind of text.. actually, the texting phase is intended to help you build rapport to help you get him back.. but you have to keep in mind, this is a restart not a continuation of your previous relationship.. The nc has to help you establish that you’ve moved on so to create that sense of him losing you.. because right now, you’re still telling him, you’re not over him.. I think you should do another nc..

      do a proper nc.. have your own life.. and then after it, treat him a like a person you don’t know that you’re trying to attract.. but in reality, you have the advantage of already knowing of what his interests are to get his attention and to get him interested in you..

    13. Avatar

      Mikka

      May 7, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      hey amor.. im so excited acctualy he texted me 3 days ago he told me that i looked pretty in that video he asked me about my final exams, about family,friends and about my news.. he even called me for 2 days .. but i see him not like he used to be now he talks to me like any other friends he just asked me to remove a picture that i used to post (its a picture of a well-known man)
      and asked me if i talk on the phone with male friends by night.. he broke up with his girl but he just kept silence about that subject he didnt say a single thing about it.. he doesnt seem like he is excited when he talks to me,except the first day he sounded like he missed me.. i show him interest,love ,care and excitement .. should i keep it that way?

    14. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 1:49 am

      a little of that but more of being interesting by sticking to the activities that you do to improve yourself… continue what you were doing during nc while talking to him and end the convo in high point politely always.

    15. Avatar

      Mikka

      May 1, 2016 at 8:11 pm

      hello;
      couple of days ago it was his birthday, i sent him a video of me and i told him in that video that iam sorry for my childish acts and i feel terribly sorry and ashamed of it. i also apologised because i lied to him once( since then i lost his trust) i tried to explain to him that i am improving my self and that i dont want to make him any harm action, and that i still wish him all the best no matter what because after all he’s a good guy by nature, so i asked him to forgive me and not to do to his new girl what he had done to me. i apeared nice and gentle in the video i was smiling laughing and i also asked him to meet me when he comes to france because he has to come soon.. i told him that im willing to get my self-independance again .
      his reaction was not really clear he said Thankyou i replied youre almost welcome ,anytime bye bye..
      and then he asked me if this is my new number i replied no this is my sisters’ one (because he used to block me from my personal phone)
      and then he asked me to translate him a sentence in french it says’ youre beautiful… ” so i think he wanted to tell me that i looked beautiful but indirectly! aw and he unblocked me from Telegram (only one of my accounts the other one is still blocked) but not on whatsapp…
      but God THANKS i thought that his reaction would be really bad like he would blocked me without replying to that birthday wish, lately he used to tell me that he hated me and he couldnt stand looking at my face
      this time he apeared like hes cool and not hating me ..

      but for that day, he still hasnt talked to me no more he doesnt even give a single signe! i didnt contact him again cause i told him that im not chasing hi,m i still dont know whether he is still in relationship or not.. i just feel like he is single now because its a rebound relationship but i dont know yet,, what should i do??

    16. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 3, 2016 at 8:32 am

      ok.. he was nice because you were nice in the video.. but the truth is, all that just confirmed you’re still chasing him because you mentioned that what you’re going to do in nc is for him.. so, that’s why he’s not chasing or messaging you.. he has to think that you’re over him and living a new life for him to take a chance on being friends with you again

    17. Avatar

      Mikka

      April 14, 2016 at 12:44 pm

      what can i? i cant move on him i really want him but he hates me because he thinks that i have some bad qualities and he thinks as well that he was wronged and mistaken by me because he just found how fake,liar and childish i am.. im really not, my behaviour was due to jealous reaction, after 2 days i realized how terrible was my reaction and i understand that he can hate me because of my childish acts but I REALLY want to prove him that im not such child-like .. so How can i show him that??

    18. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      if you really want to show him.. then let time pass and focus in yourself..because that’s the mature approach..you can’t force it..

    19. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 11, 2016 at 7:01 am

      Hi I answered your first comment, I’m just going to copy paste it here coz it’s my same answer
      You can try that but you will just look like chasing him, so make it the last apology before moving on.. I think you can but you will really have to let time pass

  11. Avatar

    May

    April 10, 2016 at 4:35 am

    Hey again! Thanks for the help last time. It’s been 23 days into no contact and I ran into him at a bar and kept conversation short with him. He texted me a week or so ago and I ignored it, so he confronted me about not responding. I told him I didn’t receive it, but he just said “riiiight” and I laughed and admitted I just ignored it. Then he brought it up again immediately, that he wanted to tell me he’s moving but doesn’t know when (I acted unfazed) and I told him that I wasn’t ready to talk to him when he had texted me, and frankly I wasn’t ready to talk to him at that moment, but he still kept trying to talk to me after I said that. He also looked visibly distraught that I didn’t want anything to do with him, and didn’t ask him anything or try to keep the conversation going!

    He was with my roommate (my roommate is male) and he kept cutting in when I was talking to my roommate. So NC is definitely working. The thing is, when NC is over in about a week, do I still escalate slowly with texts, to phone, to hanging out? We usually hang out alone when we were friends and when we were dating, and the first month we were broken up. I know he’s stressed and will want to be able to see me as soon as I shoot him the conversation initiation text and vent. I don’t want to let him have that. When it does come down to spending time together, do I bail on plans with the “something came up” strategy?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2016 at 10:49 am

      Hi May,

      that’s good. Yes, refuse in the first weeks, and take it slow

  12. Avatar

    Hmmm..

    April 7, 2016 at 8:43 pm

    Hey Chris!

    I’m not sure if this question is asked a lot, but since this article is about lying to your ex..let’s say I get back with my ex at some point, (which I hope I do :/ ) I’m the sort of girl who tells her boyfriend everything.. Literally everything. No secrets.
    But would it be a good idea to let him know the existence of this site, and that this site helped me get him back?

    1. Avatar

      Hmmm..

      April 9, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      I feel bad that I didn’t find this website earlier..it’s such a shame I found this after I commited all the mistakes 🙁

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2016 at 4:49 am

      that’s ok.. most of the people committed the mistakes before doing nc.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 5:24 am

      Hi,

      You don’t have to tell him everything, you have to have some things to yourself and also some thing to ahow him in the long run.. so that aside from doing new things,you’ll continue to suprise him and make him get to know you more, so the relationship won’t get boring

  13. Avatar

    Dee

    April 7, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    Hello!

    First of all, I’d like to thank you and your blog for being a significant part of my healing process post my break up.

    I was devastated and desperately trying to get my ex back. Not only helping me reconcile with my boyfriend, ex then. But you also help me in regaining my self worth. I see things clearly now. I quit being the so called gnat and constantly trying to be a better version of a girlfriend I am.

    Talking about lies.. My boyfriend finally come clean to me that he slept with another girl when we were not together, for months he’s been lying to my face that he never sleep with anyone other than me, yep we still sleep together, yep he was using me and I’m a total moron.

    He used to be the center of my world. He’s been mistreated me quiet badly for years of our relationship and I’ve been very apologetic. I still love him. But the fact that he has bo problem lying to me, bothers me. He did that in less then a week after we broke up. A rebound, I know. But at that time he knew, he threw me to hell and he didn’t really care about my welbeing.

    Now, frankly, I don’t know. I guess my hatred is bigger than my love to him. I want to be with him, but I have reasons to flee. It’s tainted. Not only about this case but also all the betrayal he conducted (as in leaving me when I need him the most and trash talk me).

    Do you have any suggestions? I never lie. I hate lies. I always emphasize the importance of being a good partner and teammate. But I dont feel like he values any of that.

    Thanks! 🙂

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 4:12 am

      Hi Dee,

      you have to decide whether to forgive him.. did he apologize and is he willing to make up?

  14. Avatar

    Noor

    April 7, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    Hi Chris, would you mind doing a video or a post on how to get an ex boyfriend back after a prolonged period of no contact and if you haven’t been together for almost a year? I know you’ve done a post similar, but it didn’t seem very applicable to my situation.

    Thank you.

    1. Avatar

      Noor

      April 17, 2016 at 2:41 pm

      Hi Amor, that would be great if you could, because I think it’s quite a common situation which is awkward to get out of and could be difficult.

      Well, my ex ended things with me back in July last year and we haven’t seen each other since. We haven’t really spoken much either. I did NC initially to try and move on from him, but I’ve realised I want to give things another go. He’s always been the one to initiate any kind of contact. He sends me funny pics and inside jokes, but this has been less frequently now as my replies are normally short or I don’t reply to them. I find his messages pretty confusing, as back in October he told me we would never get back together. So I backed off and gave up any hope of a reconciliation. We were together for over 6 years. He messaged me out of the blue in December after two months of NC saying he missed me and that he was sorry, which confused me and I didn’t reply. He wished me well in Feb on what would have been our 7 year anniversary and he sent me a happy birthday message a couple of weeks ago too, haven’t heard from him since. Not sure if he is just messaging me now out of obligatory reasons.

      Please let me know what you think. Thanks in advance!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 1:10 pm

      ma
      You know I think you can rebuild your relationship if you start communicating with him

    3. Avatar

      Louisa

      April 11, 2016 at 6:16 am

      I would love to hear that too! 🙂

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 3:50 am

      Hi Noor,
      thanks for the suggestion, I’ll forward that to him..what are other details of your situation?

  15. Avatar

    Help

    April 6, 2016 at 11:36 pm

    Hi Chris/Amor, my LD boyfriend and I broke up about two months ago after taking a break and deciding it wasn’t the time for us to be together(long distance + he wants to figure out his path). He told me we should stay as good friends, and maybe if the opportunity comes up we could reunite. Honestly, I became some sort of gnat after the break up because I thought we could still talk as if nothing happened, big mistake. We talked for about 4 days straight and after that he stopped responding, the next day a common friend(she is one of his best friends) told me he was like that, and when she friend zoned him (about a year ago) he went dead silent for three or four months and they started to talk again, she told me that I should give him time for him to grieve the break up, and talk to him after(I honestly think he told her to tell me this because it would be too much of a coincidence if she did it out of nowhere). It’s been two months since the last time we talked and I really miss talking to him and I want to be at least his friend because he is a great person, we trusted each other and we shared so many interests, but I’m scared that he may not respond to my texts… I wanted to ask our common friend if we have some chance of being friends but I’m also scared of what she might answer(ex: that we don’t have any chance of being friends) I need some advice on this situation please 🙁

    1. Avatar

      Help

      April 27, 2016 at 3:00 pm

      Thanks for your advice Amor, I’m going to try and give nc another month or more so I can really work on myself :). I’m still keen on being friends but maybe right now I need to put myself first.

    2. Avatar

      Help

      April 25, 2016 at 12:17 am

      And what I ment with the “Is this normal?” Statement, was that I wanted to ask if it was normal that it saddens me that we don’t talk to each other

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2016 at 8:06 pm

      of course it’s normal that it makes you sad but I think you really have to let everything pass before trying and you need to establish that you are moving on

    4. Avatar

      Help

      April 25, 2016 at 12:15 am

      To clear things up, the same week we broke up I became a gnat and he stopped responding on a Sunday, after that I decided to stop texting him for a while, it’s not like I continued texting him or anything, and after that, my friend told me that he needed time. Is it really okay for me to text him after time has passed?

    5. Avatar

      Help

      April 22, 2016 at 2:59 am

      I need more advice on this… I honestly don’t know what to do(I haven’t asked my friend yet). I’m worrying too much on whether he is willing to stay as friends or not, so I haven’t talked to him yet. I honestly miss talking to him, we could talk about everything together and we wouldn’t get tired, but now it’s been 2 months since he stopped answering my texts and it saddens me a lot that we haven’t talked at all, is this normal?. I’m honestly willing to stay as friends, because I value him a lot and I care about him, but he’s stubborn and he may not want to be friends. Should I contact him?

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 23, 2016 at 10:30 am

      you should initiate a text.. if he doesn’t reply, rest for a week before trying again. If he still doesn’t reply.. that means you have to move on.. it’s not normal that he didn’t answer for two months..

    7. Avatar

      Help

      April 16, 2016 at 1:18 am

      Hi Amor, I forgot to mention that I’m visiting the city where he resides in about a month, I don’t know how to progress on moving on because I wanted to visit him and I told him a while ago that I was going, but first I want to be in an okay state with him. What should I do?(Disclaimer: I’m not from the US but he does live there, he moved last year. Also we’re still in high school so I only go there once a year)

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 4:29 am

      if you can handle it emotionally that’s okay.. With your friend, that’s ok too as long as your friend doesn’t mention that you’re the one asking.

    9. Avatar

      Help

      April 15, 2016 at 8:30 pm

      Should I ask our common friend if he seems willing to stay as friends?

    10. Avatar

      Help

      April 12, 2016 at 12:16 am

      Hi Amor, thank you for your answer. I want to move on but I’m scared, I somehow progressed but he’s still in my mind even after two months.. Should I continue with no contact until I move on? How can I be active? If our break up wasn’t bad do you think its a sign that we could be friends?

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2016 at 4:08 pm

      actually no contact’s first purpose is to move on..so, yes just continue it.. Being active means doing new things, meeting new people, being active in maintaining your health, beauty and social life.. If it wasn’t a bad breakup, then that means you have a chance of being friends again

    12. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 2:12 am

      if weren’t active in the past two months for yourself do that first… it’s easy to be friends if he really sees you have moved on

  16. Avatar

    Eve

    April 6, 2016 at 10:25 pm

    Hi dear Chris

    I’m asking for help: I broke up with my ex two months ago, and inmediately i went into NC; i got depressed clinically, and ask for help. Then the last friday he called to see me for give me some money that i lend him befote. We met this monday, he went with a sweater that i gave to him…and didnt bring all the money and said that “we have to meet again”. We talk we laugh, and he was trying to reach physical contact, we hugged etc. But then…the topics appears about the break up…and he told me that he was really ok happy, with the reasons when we broke up two months ago…i ask him what he wants and he said nothing…and ask me what i want “¿to come back???” He said with a D: kind of face…so i told him that no, that i dont know that im passing trough a process, my therapy etc. And then he agreed that its difficult to be friends cause we always have been more than friends…so he said that we just have to met to bring our things back and talk a little…he accompaneid me to the bus and in some point he hugged me from behind…
    When i get home i wrote him a message “it was nice to see you and know that we can still laugh together” and he just respond a “:)”. I don’t know what to do…he was like always…and is putting like to my photos but dont talk…what should i do? my depression worsened…help

    1. Avatar

      Sally

      April 12, 2016 at 2:03 am

      She says that i need to calm down, and work on myself, to heal myself and improve my issues.
      And then i can think about contact him in a regular way…so i just want to know your opinion, and what you think that i should do to recconect with him and get him back…

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      take your meet up as a good sign, he hugged from you behind and smiled at you as a reply.. But if you’re still depressed then that means you’re not emotionally prepared to try to be friends with him yet.. Work on that first. YOu have to learn to make yourself happy first because you can’t rely on that from others.. Once you’re more emotionally stable, then try to rebuild rapport with him

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 1:36 am

      Hi Eve,

      what does your therapist really suggest?