What To Do After The No Contact Rule- Exact Steps To Take!

225 thoughts on “What To Do After The No Contact Period”

Sarah

April 1, 2020 at 4:45 am

I broke up with my ex boyfriend about 5 weeks ago, he texted me yesterday due to a payment that was charged to his card by mistake. We chat for a bit and fix the issue with no arguments, we never had problems with those things so it was a smooth text conversation. A bit short, but friendly and polite. Actually, was nice to hear from him during this pandemic days and know that he cares about my health as well. However, I was planning to keep with the NC until next week cause tomorrow is his birthday and now I feel kinda of obligated to wish him happy birthday. I really don’t want give him the impression that I don’t care about him but it seems to fast to jump into that. Should I just wait for a week or so to contact him back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 7, 2020 at 11:48 pm

Hi Sarah yes stick to the original plan of NC do not reach out on his birthday he will then think about you and wonder why you have not reached out to him

Jolene

February 21, 2020 at 9:32 am

Hi there, just need some advice.
I went no contact for a month, lost alot of weight, got my head sorted out, all in all feeling like a new person, and today broke the rule by sending a positive and humorous message because I was feeling good and happy.
To which he responded: Oh, are you talking to me again? To which I responded that yes, I just needed time away from him to gain perspective on our situation. And then texted that we can be friends because that is all I am ready for!!!?? He didn’t respond to that.
Does this mean I should just move on? I am good to do that, not sure if I should just give up and if I messed everything up totally now.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 26, 2020 at 10:38 pm

Hi Jolene so the fact you told him you only wanted to be friends and he didn’t reply more than likely he felt a little bit sad that you appear to be over him. I would reach out again in a few days and see what sort of response you get without getting into a conversation about the past, the relationship, or emotions. Talk about something interesting that he is going to want to talk about and end the conversation at its peak

Katie

February 19, 2020 at 10:52 pm

In our last conversation, I told my ex that I still loved him. I think it scared him (though it wasn’t the first time I’d said it. He then suggested that “maybe we shouldn’t talk.” I already knew that I’d have to do no contact in order to have a chance at getting him back, and that’s when I started it. Today marks day 30. I’m eager to start the next part of this process but I’m also nervous. I want to be sure I take the right steps and don’t ruin my chances of getting him back. I’ve read many of your blogs, listened to your podcasts, and watched your YouTube videos. My gut tells me that he will come back, but I’m terrified of screwing anything up! Please help me figure out the right way to go about this!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 20, 2020 at 10:51 pm

Hi Katie following the program starting with No Contact and working towards being Ungettable is the way forward while reading the materials on this website

Shan

December 3, 2019 at 10:53 am

Hey so I finished 38 days no contact. The first conversation was fine and then I ended up texting him 3 days after that and having a great conversation. However I ended up ruining it . I don’t have much great advice at home and when I told my mother this she told me I was acting like a dog and basically all of this overwhelmed so much into calling my ex and just asking him if he still cares for me or not. I told him I honestly did not want to be friends and we don’t have to be a couple or anything right now, but I would prefer if he just let me know if he doesn’t like me so I could move on fully. Basically he told me he still loves me and has feelings for me but he doesn’t know if he still wants me to be with him in the future or not. I feel better knowing that he loves me but I feel sucky for giving in to peer pressure and my anxiety. Anyways within the conversation on the phone I apologized to him for my outburst and rushing him and I just told him that we will talk about it another time in the future and this is the last negative thing we will discuss for a while till we feel ready to have that convo later. I also asked him if he still felt comfortable texting and talking to me afterwards to which he replied yes it’s fine if I keep texting him the way I was after no contact. He said he doesn’t mind, but I feel so bad that I want to send him an apology text. I know what I said wasn’t as extreme as an ultimatum bc I wasn’t like “either be with me or I’ll never talk to u again” but I did say I didn’t want to be his friend and that I would rather move on if he has no feelings for me, which is true. (I suffer with anxiety btw, so knowing things like this is better for me. Atleast I would know if it was over or not) Now that I know he still has feelings for me I don’t want to make any more mistakes. So should I send another apology through text even though I said sorry at the end of our conversation, or should I just not say anything so that I don’t cause any more damage or initiate contact too soon. He said he is ok with me contacting him once in a while (I was doing light hearted text and it was actually going really well). So should I just not say anything and back off of him for a week or two since he’s not entirely angry? Please help. I’m trying to look on the bright side being that I know how he feels and I know I’m not wasting my time entirely, but I still feel bad because I don’t know if I should apologize again or not. Sorry if this seems repetitive by the way lol.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 7:25 pm

Hi Shan so I know this is going to be hard to hear but you need to do another no contact as you have 1 – skipped the value chain 2 – had an emotional conversation 3 – made him fully aware that he still has you if he wanted you back. These are all things that we do No Contact to change. You do not want your ex knowing he has you if he wants you, you do not want to have emotional conversations with someone, especially when you haven’t spoken in over a month, and you do not have a phone call so soon in the process. You need to read the articles here so that you learn how to follow the program properly while you do a second bought of No Contact for 21 days this time

Alexandra

December 1, 2019 at 12:41 am

Hey!
I commented on another post before about my ex leaving me, blocking, getting a new gf, unblocking me, he gave me a chance to start over instead i bombarded him with essays being a beg. all that dilemma. I chased him hard for 5 months and he blocked me again. I tried contacting him and he said no chance he doesnt want to talk and Too much has happened.
So I stayed away for 5 weeks. Last friday I saw him out and I managed to be normal say hello how are you? He didnt want to talk at first but he did in the end. He said ‘i’ll be in touch when ive healed and ready’. Last night I decided to try and text him knowing that i’m blocked, and it delivered hes unblocked me!! I said how Im ready to be normal now and stop this pattern and be happy, that I love him but willing to be an adult and not chase anymore. Then i pocket dialed him by and he said “ ill block you if you keep ringing “.. I said sorry didnt mean too, drop me a message when you fancy a chat. He sent me a thumbs up..
.
My plan is now to be normal, text him when i know hes at work and not with with the new girl, have normal conversations and not bring anything up like he wanted before.

Could this work? I have such high hopes for us I know we are ment to be. Im not going to beg again or come accross needy. Im going to try my hardest now to strike conversation like you suggest, and prove to him I can be normal and we can move forward. Im hoping over time he will trust me, remember the girl he loved and this new girl wont matter?
My friends have saw him out with this new girl they are together but i really do believe hes blocking his emotions out with me, shes the opposite to me! Im obsessing now what to talk to him about I feel everything i put will be wrong..i just need to not give him a reason to be annoyed at me? Like starting a new friendship? God this is hard

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2019 at 7:50 pm

Hey Alexandra, so the continuous messages and calling you are doing youre going to get yourself labelled as his “crazy” ex so rein that in and do not do it anymore, you need to give it a 21 day no contact again now after you sent emotional messages again to him. Knowing he has a new girl and that you plan on doing the being there method spend your no contact reading about that and the ungettable girl ready for when you reach out to him agian

Davis nicole

November 6, 2019 at 7:46 am

Hey Chris my ex decided we should go on a break till he gets back from school so I agreed and gave him space and then I did the no contact rule then after one month he replied to my picture on my status and I replied normally with a thanks and a happy new month then after two days on a Sunday he replied to my Sunday picture on my status again so I just laughed coz it was a funny one but I don’t know what to do now and I don’t know if he actually wants to come back or he just wants us to be friends…..how do I know if it’s what he wants or not.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 8, 2019 at 10:54 pm

Hi Davis so he is showing interest in your social media, and you now know he is watching. So read up on what being an Ungettable girl is and do that work, social media is an important part of this. However hes has asked for a break so communication is not supposed to happen. So go into a 30 day NC while you are doing the UG work. This is going to make him re consider that space he asked for and make him miss you and talking to you.

Cassie

September 28, 2019 at 5:05 pm

Dear Chris,
My ex broke up with me but he cried the whole time and held my hand. I’ve been doing to no contact rule and I was wondering if he wants to meet up after the no contact should I agree, or wait until more rapport has been built through texting? Is his crying a sign he doesn’t actually want to be broken up?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 29, 2019 at 8:37 pm

Hey Cassie, so after the No Contact you need to build up your conversations and connection again from scratch, treat him as if it was a new person. You need to go from texting, to phone calls to allowing it to be natural. Skipping the value chain will only ruin your chances of getting him back.

Linda

August 27, 2019 at 6:32 am

Hey, it’s Linda
Me en ma ex started dating like a yr en he proposed in between informally with out me noticing i mean I tot he was kidding bcoz it was too early en I was like rlyyy then he said he was juz joking bt he wasn’t. Then after like a mnth or stg the issue was raised then he told me that he will never think of me that way again bcoz he wasn’t joking that time even if he pretended he was en now he made up his mind abt the whole marriage thing.I told him I wasn’t ready en also I tot he was juz bluffing bt that now I am ready.Bt he said no en I asked him to atleast try en still refused. So I we broke up at the end of June en I started the no contact immediately en finished it after 30 days then I started texting en he replied positive en after 3 days too u did the same he again replied positive. Should I continue initiating texting or start calling or propose to meet up…I fly don’t knw wat to do, plz help?
Anonymous

August 11, 2019 at 5:24 am

Hey.
I live in a Muslim country where it’s very important to get parents approval before getting married. My boyfriend and I dated for 3 years, it was a great relationship but when our parents met it didn’t work out between them.

He told me he’s trying to convince them but so far nothing has happened. Maybe he’s scared of them and maybe he’s not trying. I don’t know. I initially begged a lot and he always maintained that he’s trying to convince them. During the begging stage he starting getting very annoyed.

There were instances where sometimes he’d message me telling me how much he loves me and he’ll never let me go and then sometimes he’d message me saying you can find better.
It’s been a couple of months and I initiated no contact rule with him a month ago. He’s on a vacation with his family since a month.

He happily posts pictures with his family on social media

What should I do next?
Peaceful girl

August 7, 2019 at 7:49 am

I have done all that…My ex is sorry and feels he wants me back…. He looks a mess to me of late…and I wanted him back but now that I have stayed for a while without him….he want back but…I don’t know how to handle it…It is really hurting to see him like that…but I am scared of taking him back….I am confused…at first I wanted him back….I feel good without him .

and some part of me still want him back…but 3/4 is a big No. and my friends too don’t want him back into my life…
Amanda Ewoldt

July 28, 2019 at 2:31 am

Me and my ex only dated for 7 weeks and I screwed up. After the break up texts were sent he stopped replying to me. I did no contact for 6 weeks and tried a peek his interest text to which he replied. We have exchanged texts for almost 2 weeks but he never initiates any texts. He only replies. After the first week I subtly asked him on a date to which he replied that he couldn’t because he was on a business trip. A week more of texts every couple of days. He is not iniciating as I said and his replies, tho amicable and friendly don’t invite the idea of seeing eachother I’ve looked for advice on what to do under these circumstances but have found no advice. What do I do now?
N.I

July 11, 2019 at 7:15 am

Hi Chris,
I have also bought your ERP Pro system. One question: My ex broke up with me after 3.5 years of relationship (living together for 3 years). I initiated NC straight away and 3 weeks later he contacted me to pick up his staff. He said that this is emotionally heavy and while I was upbeat he was in a hurry, trying not to making any eye contact but he said that if he forgot something we will go sometime to grab a cup of coffee and to take it. In any case I kept on the no contact but heard nothing from him. So now it is 32 days of no contact since the break up and 12 since he came to pick up his things.
When do you think I should text him? (By the way, aren’t all the possibilities against me? He had 3 weeks to miss me but he didn’t and instead he came to pick up his things). Does him, picking up his things counts as breaking NC and I should count 30 days since then?

Chris Seiter

July 11, 2019 at 1:44 pm

Hi N.I…..Perhaps extend your NC another week or two, then initiate your re-communication strategy that I teach in my Program.

An

June 19, 2019 at 8:17 pm

Hi!Thank you for the support on the facebook page, I can definitely recommend it for those who were wondering!

What if you received communication (in my case via email) from your ex, should that be mentioned/replied to when you finish NC and start the texting fase?
And what to do if that communication was not 100% positive?

Chris Seiter

June 19, 2019 at 10:57 pm

Hi An….Well it depends on numerous factors. But mainly the idea is to get thru your NC doing those things to help yourself and your efforts to reunite. If the feedback you got was not positive – then just put it behind you. When you start texting after NC period is over, follow my guidelines covered in my Program.
Chris Seiter

June 19, 2019 at 10:57 pm

Hi An….Well it depends on numerous factors. But mainly the idea is to get thru your NC doing those things to help yourself and your efforts to reunite. If the feedback you got was not positive – then just put it behind you. When you start texting after NC period is over, follow my guidelines covered in my Program.

Anushree Saikia

May 3, 2019 at 9:39 am

My ex and I dated for a year and I messed it up bad at the end. To save him from the hurt, I broke up with him. But I realised I cant live without him. I tried months of asking forgiveness and do everything in my power to make him forgive me. Turns out it just pushed him away. He then came to college the same state as me and we met and had a romantic month together but he broke up with me 2 months later over phone.
I contacted him for months again . He did the same. Finally I was fed up with the constant drama and looked up on the internet. I found out about the EBR and it has been 40 days of no contact and I havent received any form of contact. There was one measly email on my birthday to which I didnt reply because I was afraid of breaking no contact.

40 days are up. What do I do? Please? please? Please?
Stef

April 30, 2019 at 4:15 am

I was contacted after a week of NC after the breakup (he broke up with me, he mentioned he wanted to stay friends during the breakup). I made light conversation then said that as much as I like talking to him, I was still very hurt and said I needed time to work on myself. His response was: “that’s fine Stef.
I’m really happy and proud of you.
Reach out to me when you are ready. I be here ”

So does this mean I should be the one to reach out after a certain amount of no-contact period?

Chris Seiter

April 30, 2019 at 4:02 pm

Hi Stef….so if you pick up my eBook, “EBR Pro”, one of the things I talk about is what one should do after no contact and it does call for you to initiate contact after doing all the other things that make up the NC process.

Lmc

April 22, 2019 at 11:08 am

Hi Chris,
I have been following your program and completed the no contact period. I was with my ex for 3 years and it was abit on and off but we always got back together within a week or so. Our last break up happened 3 months ago and was messy, i reached out to him a couple of times within the first 3 weeks and each time received negative replies telling me to stop contacting him, move on and he wants nothing to do with me. I went into no contact after that. He also blocked my phone number and I blocked him on fb and he blocked me back.

I received an email from him 3 and a half weeks ago asking me a random question he also asked hows things, i replied said things were good answered his question and left it at that. Then today i sent him an email saying Hey happy easter and asking if he could tell me my member number for a loyalty program he signed me up for ( he had the card with the details and I already knew my number but needed an excuse to contact him) he replied after 10 mins and said hey happy easter then said he wasn’t sure if he still had my number but said he would check later but if he couldn’t find it I could call the company and find out. He them messaged me several hours later with my member number I replied and said oh you found it thanks .
My question is, is this a good sign or am i reading too much into it. What should i do next?
Gloria

April 14, 2019 at 12:13 am

Hi,
Okay, my situation is a bit complicated.
My ex broke up with me out of the blue, we didn’t have a fight or anything. He didn’t give me a reason. So i said okay, i waited though maybe he would call me to talk but he never did. So i didn’t reach out i thought maybe be needed some time. Then 4 days go by he posted on Facebook that he was single. And every day he would post something about him being available. Then he would go on my page a like any post that i made. Later that night he called me in the middle of the night. I didn’t pick up. He also texted me and i didn’t respond. After a week i noticed that he removed all the “I’m single post” on Facebook and she send me a text message saying ( I’m an asshole) i still haven’t responded to reached out to him. Help?
Bassi

March 19, 2019 at 4:34 pm

Hi, i haven’t contacted my ex for almost two months. We we’re seeing eachother for 4 months and ended because he cheated on me nad i sent him and angry text on which he didn’t reply. Then after few days when my head was calm i texted him again asking how he is and he replied. We exchanged few texts and then after 2/3 days i texted him again regarding something we last talked about on which he replied again. And then when i asked him if he is going out that night he stopped, didn’t reply anything. And that was it. After two or so weeks i texted him again only asking how he is doing and he didnt replied at all. I think st the time he was seeing someone. A few weeks back we bumped into eachother in a club and we both turned our heads away and didnt say anyting. Now as the time pass by, i reqlize that i still want to be with him, and that i do want to work it out between us but im scared that if i text him now he will ignore me like last time, and i dont want that. Should i still stay in this no contact period or should take my chance and text him?
MILA

March 17, 2019 at 7:31 am

Hi Brian,
My ex (he broke up with me) reached out to me on the last day of no contact as he found something for me that i asked for and he wanted to give it back.
We met for coffee and then conversation was a normal one. The past was not brought up. He only said that “he had been seeing me on Facebook because he unfollowed me on Instagram (just a few days earlier) only because i had unfollowed him and not because he didnt want to see me”.u
After the meeting i sent him a link to a place he would like to go and told him that it was nice seeing him and we should go to the movies soon. He replied with sure.
Do I initiate another contact next week to actually see himm?
Jkjkjk

February 18, 2019 at 9:43 am

My ex and I were together for a year, we met as children and 15 years later reconnected on the other side of the world on holiday and we’ve been travelling ever since. We broke up almost 2 months ago now, we were arguing a lot (mostly due to my trust issues) we had more ups than downs but the last few months we’ve been arguing more so than usual. I of course made the mistake of pleading, and begging and surprise, surprise, that didn’t work. He said that if we get back together now, the same problems will resurface and I completely agree. He told me we were completely broken up and that I should focus on myself. We dediced to take a break and just do what makes us happy, meaning no contact and we set a specific date for us to be able to reach out to each other again. (We also set a date 3 months from now to grab coffee together to catch up. (sidenote: he also told me during the break up talk that we’ll see if there’s still a spark between us after a few months, and if there is, we could try again. But, I’m not sure if he just said that to make me feel better about the break up or not…) We did 6 weeks of complete radio silence. On the date that we agreed on, he reached out to me and asked if he could give me a call which was a surprise as I was expecting a quick text… and it ended up being a videocall that lasted an hour and a half. He updated me on everything that he has been doing, told me some funny stories that he’s been wanting to tell me, that he’s busy with work to do anything else, he talked about his family and the issues that were going on… it was light, and at the same time deep. No awkward silences, I kept my cool and we just catched up. After the call, I send him a funny video that reminded me of him and that was it. Is there a possibility of us ever getting back together in your opinion? Should I continue no contact and wait for him to reach out, or is it fine for me to reach out to him every now and then?

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225 thoughts on “What To Do After The No Contact Period”