227 thoughts on “What Does It Mean When My Ex Randomly Texts Me?”

  1. Avatar

    Therese Lopez

    October 9, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    Hi Amor,

    Its been my 40th day since the “no contact rule” I implemented on my ex last August 30. I follow your advice to make it 45 days instead of 30. As of the span of days not talking to him, I received messages from him last September 5 asking how am I doing and he noticed that something has change in me the way I talked to him the last time (Btw I beg him for us to reconcile and it was not a good idea). For update, I also received a text from him last September 30 asking how am I doing and if I do have the time he wants us to talk even for a bit. I was so tempted to make a reply but I remember doing this without finishing my no contact rule will adhere me and put me into a situation to start over again the process. I just want to ask if this is a good sign? I know Chris stated on one of his articles that it should be texts first before phone calls.

    Thank you so much

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 9:54 am

      Yup Therese! It’s a very good sign!

  2. Avatar

    Mia

    October 6, 2016 at 3:29 pm

    I’m very confused and I need some advice.
    My ex boyfriend and I were together for about a year. Our relationship was pretty serious. We’re in different classes. I used to be in the same grade as him, but my parents made me skip to the next grade.
    Anyways, he cheated on me with one of the most popular girls in school. Her name is Sabrina but they didn’t last that long. It might have been a rebound.
    Nowadays we don’t talk to each other, but recently he sent me a text message. It says, ‘Hi Mia, sorry to disturb you at night. I just wanna say that several players just now played soccer rough. They tackled me and I fell. Now I have a bruise on my hand and the skin is torn near my elbow, and it’s painful. Just wanna say that’. (BTW, he wrote it exactly like that. With almost proper grammar and everything.)
    I find it strange that he feels inclined to tell me about his injuries. Does he expect me to care? Is he missing the way I sympathized with him?
    I’m really confused. I think I still like him, but I want to know if he still likes me. I was never good at reading the signs… Any advice?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 9, 2016 at 12:41 pm

      Hi Mia,
      Sabrina might be more of a grass is greener case for him.. I think he’s just checking what you feel about him..if he really has an injury that is very painful, texting would be the least of the things you would do

  3. Avatar

    ryan

    October 4, 2016 at 6:40 am

    Hey my boyfriend broke up with me (gay relationship) because i was texting sometimes to guys but I told em i have a boyfriend now so please do not contact me. But my boyfriend said i had intension to hook up with them so he decided to brake up. When he moved to his ex boyfriend in 2 days and started to date him. My boyfriend said he still loves me and doesnt want to pick up his clothes from my apartment and i said are we breaking up and he said he does not want to answer. Hes ex living in different state so they talking to each other via facetime. 3 weeks after breaking up with me he started to like my pics, each of them right away after 1 min of posting them. Then he send me text “sorry for being rude to u i just dont want to hurt you”. Then i posted pic with my friend he texted me “i dont know why you already hanging out with other guys”.Then he contacted my roommate and said to her “i just want to say hi”. He never did that before and he prob thought what my roommate gonna tell me about that message. 2 days after he texted me “do you hate me?” But i did not respond. He still liking all my pics on instagram and he never did that when we were dating. I also know he has some money problems and his ex prob offered him money whats why he prob switched from me to him in 2 days. But almost 3 weeks later he started all these likes and messages. I dont know whats his intensions, what is he trying to do or to say, should i reply to him or just move on. Please help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2016 at 1:01 pm

      Hi Ryan,

      yeah he’s showing signs that he misses you.. there’s only one way too know. You have to talk to him.. but take it slow.. just talk casually, let him be the one to tell you if he really wanted to work things out

  4. Avatar

    STGirl

    October 2, 2016 at 5:31 pm

    Hi there, I am having some serious relationship trouble and would love advice. My ex and I dated for 6 months. I had many warnings from friends not to get serious with him because he had a history of being a player. At first, I held him at arm’s length. It was fun, but I didn’t push anything and didn’t ask anything of him. Eventually though things got serious. He saw me every day, texted me every day to say how much he loved me and how lucky he was to have me, did things like fix stuff my car and things around my home. I met his entire family (grandparents and all). So eventually when he started calling me his girlfriend, I gave in.

    Things were great. Honestly never had a better boyfriend. His own sister came up to me crying one night telling me how he’d never had a better relationship and that he loved me and how happy she was he had finally found someone great. I had so many of his friends tell me how surprised they were at his behavior towards me and that they couldn’t believe the change in him. So, I believed it. I fell into the whole “he just never met someone like me before” trap. Then, during our 6th month together, he stops returning texts and phone calls as much. I can tell something is up. Every time I ask him though, he has an excuse for why he is busy and tells me he loves me. One day, he doesn’t answer my calls at all. I go to find him and he essentially breaks up with me. Doesn’t tell me why, just “I don’t know” and “I don’t know what I want right now.” I ask him if it’s someone else and he vehemently says “No!”

    So I don’t talk to him for a few days. Then, through the grapevine, I find definitive proof that he was in fact cheating on me for at least that 6th month we were together. I lose it. I spend a day calling and texting him a million times, crying, just wanting him to talk to me. He basically ignores all of it. I send him a message at the end of the day telling him he’s banned from the bar I work at. He finally responds to that, saying it’s nice to know what I really think of him. I don’t respond and go full NC.

    Four days later, he sends me an apology message. Doesn’t mention he wants to talk or get back together just an apology for the way he treated me. So I ignore it. Two days later, I’m at my bar (not working that night) and a bunch of his friends approach me. They tell me he tried to get in but was turned away at the door, so instead they went to the bar next door. Apparently he was really drunk and started being a total jerk to his friends at the other bar, so they had abandoned him to come here. There are no bad feelings between his friends and I. They tell me that while they still love him, they believe what he did to me was wrong. We all have a good time, drinking, and end up going to an after-party at my ex’s cousin’s house. I wasn’t even going to go but a girl I’ve known for two years wanted me to, so I caved.

    My ex finds out I went. It’s 2 AM that night and sends me “Thanks, you really took this to a whole new level.” He also writes a sarcastic message to his cousin thanking him for having his back. It’s almost 2 days later and I haven’t heard anything from him since. I didn’t respond to the message and am still in NC (now day 7).

    I don’t know what to do. I do still love him. I don’t know if I should have responded to his apology or tried to explain why I went to his cousin’s house. I don’t know if I should un-ban him from my bar. He is still seeing the girl he cheated on me with. She is 20 and he is 27. I am 26. She is definitely prettier than me. Even if I worked my ass off, I would never look like her. But she is also his ex and cheated on him before. She actually had a boyfriend too when he started seeing her again while he was with me. I also know that they are not exclusive and that he is sleeping with other people now in addition to her.

    Please help!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      Hi Stgirl,

      dont say that you’ll never be prettier than her.. that will just hurt your confidence.. unban from your bar, but dont inform him.. let him find out on his own.. and then focus in healing and improving yourself.. do 45 days no contact..
      and check this out too:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

  5. Avatar

    Andrea

    September 29, 2016 at 12:48 am

    I broke up with my ex because he was being hot and cold. We dated on and off for a year. I think he was trying to get over his ex of 5 years that had broken up with him. Anyway, he always contacted me, always made plans with me, we really enjoyed each other’s company and were very attracted to each other. But then he would have these moments where he would either pick an argument or I wouldn’t hear from him for days at a time after having been in contact daily. I had enough and asked him what he wanted. He said “I want friendship is the intimacy too much”? I said that’s not what I was looking for and best of luck. A month later he asked me to go bowling with him and I said no thanks. Then again a month later he would contact me. I asked him to stop trying to be my friend because it was hurting me, let me move on. He wouldn’t respond and then again weeks later he would text me. This went on for a few months and each time I reiterated that I was looking for something serious he was looking for casual and I’d like him to respect my wishes and not contact me. I didn’t hear from him for 2-3 months and then he sent me this message out of the blue “Hey I saw the movie Brooklyn and it reminded me of you. You don’t have to respond to this. Just wanted to say and hope you’re doing well.” I responded a day and half later with “I love that movie, I hope you’re doing well”. And he never responded and it’s been a month. WHat is he doing? Why would he disrespect my wishes? I want a serious relationship with him and if he can’t give me one then I wish he would leave me alone. What is he doing and why?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2016 at 6:51 pm

      Hi Andrea,

      I think he’s trying to see if he could build rapport or if he could break your rule and still be friends with him.

  6. Avatar

    Mary

    September 22, 2016 at 5:22 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend last week because I found out he had contacted girls on a friends nearby app asking how they were or saying “hello”. Although none of the girls had responded to him. This was a big deal for me because our families were involved and we had discussed marriage and moving to the next step soon. I gave him the chance to explain why he has that app and his response was “I’m a single guy and can talk to whoever I want!” He got very defensive. This was really hard for me to hear. So I pretty much ended it and left and got in my car. He also never apologized to me in person but texted me few hours later saying “sorry for making you upset, sorry for wasting your time, wish all the best.” This sort of apology didn’t sound very genuine to me so I just ignored it. Five days have passed by and he texts me last night, sending me a video about a drug that makes you behave psychotic and writes “is this what you used the other day” meaning the day I confronted him. Anyhow I ignored that text also and still haven’t replied. I think he is a 30 year old financially independent man who still has the brain of a 10 year old when it comes to relationships. Not sure what his motive is behind this behavior.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 23, 2016 at 3:29 pm

      Hi Mary,

      yeah, he’s consistent on being defensive.. And he doesn’t want to apologize.. How long were you together? Stick to your nc..

  7. Avatar

    Lyne

    September 8, 2016 at 11:15 am

    My story is that there was a guy who was harassing me to see me every day who was pursing me inviting me every single day for a date and was complaining that we didn’t see each other much then when I went for a week on a buisness trip he bought a flight ticket to go on holidays on his own and told me he wanted a break so at first I was really confused called him for explanation but got Notting then I just decided to do the NC rule but recently after exactly a month he started sending me messages from Facebook showing off pictures from his differents trips I was just short on comments and didn’t go into deep conversation with him but then few days ago he started texting me more often while he is still on vacation asking me about when I will be going on holiday the exact date so my question is I am supposed to still be in the NC period but I have broken it off by answering in a brief manner but didn’t completely ignored him so what should I do should I carry on the NC period or do I have to keep replying to him and in case he calls me again should I pick up the phone?

  8. Avatar

    Aimee

    September 1, 2016 at 8:20 am

    So after 3days of NC i get a message saying “So this is it…hope you have a good life and keep smiling x” please note i figured out that he is talking to someone else

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 2:46 pm

      let him be.. keep strong in nc.. In a way that’s good because he’s trying to get your attention.

  9. Avatar

    CD

    August 22, 2016 at 8:53 pm

    So, my ex ghosted me at the beginning of July. We had been dating for about a year and 1/2. At first he started being distant and then he just stopped responding to me all together. I texted twice to no reply and then I went into no contact mode. We actually had a great relationship and a not so messy breakup. Meaning I didn’t do the normal bad things ppl do after a breakup. I didn’t beg, text or call repeatedly. Although I thought about doing all of them lol. So I completed the 30 days of NC and then we started reconnecting again, talking and even flirting. So I felt like I was on the right track. But this past weekend one of my friends still has him on snapchat and she noticed he was venting on snap about a relationship not working out and mentioned he loved her. Clearly not me, but my guess was he tried to get back with an ex but realized it’s not working out. My friend told me about what she had seen on snapchat and of course I was hurt because I finally realized why he ghosted me. I honestly knew that a strong possibly but I finally had a confirmation. Even though we’ve been talking, we haven’t discussed any of the details of breakup at all. (I was under the impression I wasn’t supposed to until we actually met face to face.)He texted me yesterday and I left him on read. then he sent another message a couple of hours later and I responded with just a hey and then he sent another message but I didn’t respond and left that message on read as well. I was mad at the time and didn’t want to send any angry texts so I felt like not responding was the best choice. I was wondering what my next move should be?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 23, 2016 at 5:26 pm

      Hi Cd,

      sorry, I just had to ask. If you had a break up, when did he ghost you? before or after it? and when did you actually break up?

  10. Avatar

    Mind games cont.

    July 18, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    Hi again,

    Okay… This really sucks. This guy confuses me so much. I have been in no contact for 16 days and he reached out. I choose to break it because it was a really sincere message in text. No only did he say he missed me but that he felt like I was his person etc. I immidiately opened up and we were inseperable texting since. He wanted to jump on the phone and I declined. Now he has been slowly distant again and did not even reach out today. His exact words. Go live your life and be happy when two days before it was I feel like a part of me is dying without you. I’m so lost and upset and can feel myself being needy but refuse to let that happen. What do I do now? Do you think there is someone else? He is acting like I reached out to him completely. I’m so mad and upset. Should I jump back into no contact completely and do 30 days. Should I tell him I need space before since we did not have a break up talk this time around. I thought it was safe to emotionally trust him again. It’s been a year and a half. Some background… I guess I never really comitted because I always felt like he did not actually care about me and only wanted me because he could not have me fully. Please help!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 20, 2016 at 12:31 pm

      yes, restart and this time finish it..

  11. Avatar

    Morgan

    July 14, 2016 at 10:42 pm

    My ex says he misses me–the way that you said means something. So he insists that I hang out with him and the new girlfriend he had left me for. At their place and at mine.

    Like, he said he couldn’t come to collect his stuff at my house unless she’d come with him and help. (And I’d have to drive them both to my house and back because they don’t have a car). When I refused he accused me of being unreasonable and not wanting to “work on being friends.”

    The reason NC could not last is because me “not paying enough attention to him” is why he broke up with me. So I can’t ignore a call from him without feeling that I’m destroying our relationship all over again. Whether or not it’s rational, it gets to me.

    Any advice? Please? This mess is starting to affect other things in my life. I don’t know what to do.

    Thank you

    1. Avatar

      Morgan

      July 15, 2016 at 7:22 am

      P.S. After thinking about it all long and hard, I think there are three explanations to what’s going on.

      One: my ex is playing me and his new girl against each other. I want him back and she wants to keep him, so each of us is trying to make him happy. And what makes him happy is having two women that dislike each other forcing themselves to spend time together and act friendly for his sake.

      The second theory is that he loves her and honestly wants to be my friend, nothing more.

      The third theory is that she was a fling he did not want me to know about. But I found out and went a bit crazy (insecure crazy, which was a bit of a pattern, unfortunately) driving him straight into her arms. Now we both regret it but it’s hard to undo.

      In a way, all three versions are true. It’s the last one that does not let me sleep at night, though. If he was simply a heartless manipulator or in love with someone else, maybe it would be easier. (Then again, maybe not!) But if I’m the one who broke it, perhaps I can fix it.

      I’m just worried that disappearing for a month will only cause him to write me off completely and settle in with the new girlfriend. He is very big on commitment. Once he’s in a relationship, he stays till the bitter end, no matter how bad things would get. I was the only exception to that. And I don’t want to make any more mistakes.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 15, 2016 at 1:45 pm

      hmm..so you make up for your shortcomings when he’s already in a new relationship? Because somehow, that will mean that when he sees you’re paying attention now, he will want you back and leave his current gf?

      but didn’t he say that all he wants os friendship right now?

      If you want a restart.. tell him you’re happy him and her wants to be friends with you but you’re not emotionally ready yet but when you are, you’ll reach out again..

      and then massively improve yourself and your life during nc

  12. Avatar

    Gamer

    July 13, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    My ex and I broke up a month ago. We’d had limited contact until I stopped talking to him 14 days ago. He contacted me today in the game we both play 14 days in to no contact. He sent me a message to tell me about a change to his status in the game. Was that a test message? I didn’t respond to him. Should I keep doing no contact?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      Hi Gamer,

      yep..that’s right..don’t answer him

  13. Avatar

    Whitney

    July 13, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    A week after my ex boyfriend broke up with me he sent the test message “Are you moving” and then three days after that he sent a check up message “You just not gonna text me back.” What comes after this?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Whitney,

      why did you break up and why did you decide to do nc?

  14. Avatar

    ch

    July 13, 2016 at 5:00 am

    SO my boyfriend and I were dating for close to 2 years. He broke up with while I was crying about the death of my dad. It really messed me up and I swore to never forgive him but a few weeks later I did and we causaly talk for a month, with me saying that he missed me and him saying that he was on the fence. He said that he ” knew what he was giving up.. yet didn’t care enough to change his ways.” and with this I decided to move on. I know that he is currently with a FWB situation with a girl at his job and pushed me even more to move on. He messaged me 2 twice .. once on facebook and one via text.. I igbored both.. then a month later he messaged me “So what do you think about me now?” I ignored it.. then the next day, he messaged me “Can I get my stuff back?” I said yes. He thanked me and said that he wanted to give me my stuff back. I set his stuff outside of my house and when he came to get it. I texted him saying “Leave my stuff ouside.” And he said.. ” Are you sure?” Im pretty sure he wanted me to come outside to get it but I just said yea. (This was the last time I texted him back ever again) Then he texted me ” Thank you.” 3 weeks after that he messages me “how are you doing?” Then the next day ” You are beautiful”

    I was just wondering if you can give me some insight into what you think this could possibly mean. I am completely over him.. I am so disgusted by his actions that I don’t even want to be friends with him.. But I still want him to feel regret for treating me the way he did. I doubt that he is feeling regret right now. He is too busy with his FWB but I would want it to happen some day. But the thing is if I never hear/see him ever again I would totally happy with that.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      Hi Ch,

      he probably didn’t expect you to do this and since you have moved on, you appearer to be the ungettable girl for him but I agree that you should move on from him..

  15. Avatar

    misscani

    July 11, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    Does it make sense to start NC if it seems like he is starting to try to build rapport?

    1. Avatar

      Misscani

      July 12, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      Essentially we were together for almost two years and now have a baby due in September. We broke up about a month ago now. I am 28 and he is 24. Throughout our relationship he has always been the one to introduce the idea of new commitments: he talked me into moving in, brought up marriage all the time, the idea of having kids together, etc. He ended the relationship because he felt “tied down” and the baby coming made him realize that if he didn’t take the time to work on himself/get to know himself that he would never have the opportunity and he was afraid that if he stayed in the relationship it would inevitably fail in the long run because he would regret not doing this down the road. He explained that he still loved me and the person I am but that he thought it was the right thing to do to end things now instead of drawing them out and possibly making it harder later on. He said he was willing to stay for the baby if I needed him to but I told him that was wrong and he needed to do what he needed to do. Sometimes I wonder if it was just another way of wording the old “it’s not you, it’s me” line but at the same time since the break up he really has been doing a lot to work on himself and has not been actively pursuing other women or anything and the situation does make it understandable that he would come to this realization under the amount of pressure a baby coming puts on anyone. (side note- he is very, very adamant about being 100% there for me and our daughter and wants to be the best father he can be, and I know that no matter what happens between us he will be). We knew going forward we would need to be in contact for our daughter and wanted to keep things positive but never really laid out how that was going to go. The first couple of weeks were odd he started out just sending messages daily asking how i was and how the baby was doing and i would reply with simple answers and he would always say to let him know if we needed anything. Then, he started sending random things, like to ask if i ever found my sunglasses or if I wanted him to build a fence for my dog, etc. He texted me before leaving to go to the lake camping with his family for the second weekend saying that he had something for me and stopped by the house (I am staying with family currently) to give me my sunglasses (same pair as aforementioned; he found them cleaning out the truck to pack for camping) and some mail, told me again to let him know if i needed anything, and left. He sent a number of snapchats all weekend of just random stuff they were doing, most he sent to other people as well. I didn’t respond to anything. We haven’t had a NC period– I only just found this blog talking about it and have read the page on the NC rule during pregnancy/when you have children but wasn’t sure how to navigate it before. So, for the next week we just had more generic small talk (I never initiate contact– always him and I always try to keep my responses as brief as possible) and things got a little sour because I got frustrated and started responding negatively but he said he wanted us to have a good relationship and I apologized and we decided to talk. So he invited me to the house and our conversation that day was very friendly and even a little flirty. He bought some steaks to grill us for dinner and we talked while he cooked, he explained how the past two weeks had been good for him he was starting to feel good about himself he was trying to take better care of himself, etc. I told him I didn’t understand how things got sour since the break up was amicable and we were friends a long time before we got together so it sucked we lost that etc. and he agreed and said he’d like us to be best friends and hang out and that I should always feel comfortable showing up at the house when I wanted and that I should leave clothes there since I would be there a lot. We ended up sleeping together (mistake, I know), which felt normal at the time bc at that point we were just talking normally and everything felt normal in that moment. The next week we just had more generic small talk but he invited me to come to the family 4th of July get together so I went to that and the whole day it really just felt like we were together again- he was holding my leg while driving the car, cuddling next to me on the couch at his sister’s house, we had a fun time making balloons with his nieces and shooting fireworks. He started sending me messages most every morning telling me to have a good day and he hasn’t missed sending me a good night text since. He still calls me pet names and I had originally started calling him things I call my friends like “bruh” etc. but he said he’s not my bro he’s more than that so I have been mirroring his pet names. We haven’t seen each other since the 4th and texts were a little generic briefly but recently he has been putting a lot of effort in to making our exchanges into actual conversations. He also talks a lot about things he wants to do in the future like going to the mountains when it gets cooler, taking our daughter camping, going to the gym together once the baby comes and I can start working out again, etc. He suggests songs I would like, sends pictures he thinks I’ll find amusing and things like that. I’m afraid I’ve just fallen into friend territory but at the same time he peppers his messages with kissy-face emojis and pet names, so yesterday I woke up feeling frustrated (maybe pregnancy hormones, I never know) and decided not to reply to his messages. By the end of the day he had started to worry and was asking if I was ok, tried calling, and this morning sent me another message asking what was going on. He messaged my dad on facebook asking if I was ok, and my dad told him I was fine. I haven’t heard anything since but now I’m wondering if that was the wrong move and if I should continue NC or not, and if not how I should restart conversation to keep things positive.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 12, 2016 at 7:03 pm

      hmmmm….it’s better to restart count because he’s so used to talking to you and you being ok with it.. you have to tell him you won’t be able to talk because you need to do a lot of stuff for adjusting as a pregnant woman but you’ll inform him if there’s anything about the baby and you’ll reach out again once your schedule is better.. and then start limited nc.. be active with yourself.. do yoga outside.. exercises for pregnant women, read, any classes for you at this phase,.go out with friends.. shoo for your baby..establish a life of your own

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 12, 2016 at 1:56 pm

      Hi Misscani,

      elaborate your situation more..coz it’s hard to say

  16. Avatar

    Kiki

    July 9, 2016 at 11:43 am

    I did the no contact rule. About a week before my completion on my no contact rule. My ex actually liked a photo of us from my old post in social media, also liked a link that I shared getting my attention. Upon completion of my no contact rule 30days, I posted a photo that got his attention and he actually direct message me. I didn’t reply to his question as I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. It’s been a month from the day he texted me. Ever since he texted me, without me replying to him. He has yet to make any other move for e.g. Liking my photos or texting me. I’ve been missing him lately, desperately wanting to reply to the message he sent me a month ago, but somehow felt it’s kinda rude to reply this late. What should I do? I really miss him and want him to know about this. We’ve dated for 6 years, he was my high school sweetheart.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2016 at 4:52 pm

      Hi Kiki,

      why didn’t you reply back when you’re nc was done that day? anyways..just initiate a different topic..

  17. Avatar

    Laura

    July 7, 2016 at 8:50 pm

    Hi,

    This is such a great site! Long story short, by boyfriend and I have been on and off (mostly on, though) for 4 years. He has started a new career and wants to move to Boston next spring (we live in Chicago now)..About two months ago we got into a fight but made up. After we made up he was vague, but said “start looking for jobs in Boston, we’re moving next Spring” so I was really excited. MY boyfriend will be in Boston this upcoming weekend and last night he said he was going to look for “his apartment” while he’s there. I got really quiet and when he finally asked me what was wrong, I told him I thought we would be discussing the move as a couple, and he got mad at me! I asked why are you talking about it being “your apartment” – I thought we were moving forward together. Anyway, we got into a fight and he said “it should be clear we aren’t moving things forward” … What happened?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 8, 2016 at 5:57 am

      Hi Laura,

      I think he felt attacked when you got upset and then he got angry about that

  18. Avatar

    Lady.C

    July 6, 2016 at 6:10 pm

    Hi,
    I was wondering if you could provide me with some feedback….

    Background:

    Started dating this guy (lets call him “J”) for about 3 months. At the end of May, after he finished his shift (15hr +) I decided to call him… in which he did not respond. I know, as a girl… I kind of called him twice since he didn’t pick up the first time. When he finally responded with a “I was working a long shift and didn’t see your call”…. I responded with “maybe this isn’t working out” in which he ended up breaking things up with me for reals. So I tried apologizing for the comment and he didn’t respond. Around the same time I was leaving the country for my 2.5 week vacation. We were suppose to meet up before I left, but he decided to change his mind last minute and said he felt pressured. He messaged me twice before I left saying “Have a safe flight and hope you have fun”. In which I did not respond. Fast forward, I come back from my trip and decided to respond with a “I’m safe” text. He proceeded to ask me how my trip was and asked to go for dinner, in which I agreed. We met up on a holiday. So he made reservations. We ate and talked about my trip. It seemed like he was really into the conversation which I thought was odd. He made the comments like “I was about to pick you up from the airport but I had to work”, which in my mind i thought was weird, cause he was the one who broke up with me. He paid for dinner which i thought was odd…. but even more odd was the fact he said “Oh, you could pay for the next dinner….” So after dinner, he surprised me with some fireworks displays which we had fun with. He would ever so often brush my hair like he use to do when we were dating, but I kind of pulled away. At the end of the night, he gave me a hug and asked if I enjoyed the night… I said “Its been a long time since i set off fire works”, but he corrected himself saying “I meant the overall night”. I said it went well.. and gave him a hug. The same night, he sent me pics of the fireworks and a video he took of us watching the fireworks via Facebook. The next morning he sent me random links of firework displays on text. I am really confused as to what is happening. Should I just do NC until he asks for another hang out?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 7, 2016 at 2:58 pm

      hi lady C,

      he’s trying to build rapport.. so do it with him slowly too

  19. Avatar

    hi

    July 3, 2016 at 10:48 pm

    hey I have a quick question. Basically my ex and I broke up 2 years ago and we have tried being friends on and off. Last time we hung out was in November and it was going well until he told me he wanted to be fwb and I said no, then we stopped talking til last week. Somehow im not sure , but he got re added to my snapchat in April and so last Monday, he contacted me randomly on snapchat asking how I was doing and that he wanted my number since he got a new phone. Then we started talking on sc for a week until he asked me to hang out that Friday night for dinner and movie and he called it a “date” which I was really confused about. But I did agree to it but he had to work that Friday so we cancelled but he said he definitely wants to hang sometime soon for sure. Now he hasn’t texted me again and its been 2 days. Im not sure how to act or if I should spark conversation. He also told me that he had something important he wanted to tell me and that I might or might not like it but it would be up to me to make the decision. I was really confused to what he was hinting at and Im pretty sure its not fwb again cause I told him explicitly that I would never get into something like that. can you tell me how to approach this situation and how to act aloof but also attract him? thanks!

    1. Avatar

      hi

      July 4, 2016 at 9:36 pm

      thanks for replying! Yeah we’ve been in nc for a while now. We have been in nc for a year and then we started talking last november and then we went into nc again for another 7 months, which brings us to the present. During that time, i really improved myself and I found myself finally getting over him and starting fresh. But he randomly contacted me last week saying hi and what i have been up to and that he wanted to see and hang out with me. He like cancels plans at the last minute and it really frustrated me last week, and since then its been 3 days, so should i reach out to him or just wait for him to talk to me again?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 5:01 am

      this time, let him to really confirm it for sure on that day of he is coming, and continue to be actively busy in your own life and I think it’s better if you wait for him to initiate this time

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 9:13 pm

      Hello,

      hmm..you haven’t done nc right? do you want to try it?

  20. Avatar

    TextingDisaster

    July 3, 2016 at 1:52 pm

    Hi folks,
    My question is not a 100% related to the article above. Its more about I guess misinterpreting texting intentions.
    It has been 4 months since I broke up with my ex. I did NC, worked on myself, changed my appearance. Reinitiated contact. Started texting using tide theory. Went on a few casual dates. We kissed twice. After this my ex went on a holiday for almost a month abroad. He however kept texting me from his holiday and sent me photos etc and he was the one initiating the texts mostly. So at the moment the situation was we kept texting each other about our day every day etc. So I had this awkward situation happen when my crazy friend tried to set me up with this guy (and I am someone who does not like being set up) and neither of us were interested but my crazy friend kept talking and embarrassing me and making the situation super awkward. So I told him I had this awkward story to tell him but I was running late for something so I will tell him later. Now this was the last day of his holiday and he was out partying with his friends. But for some reason he asked me to tell him about the awkward situation when he was still out. So I started texting him and paused to check if I still had his attention and said something like “just when I thought things can’t possibly get any worse guess what happened?”. And his reply was something like “hahaha that is embarrassing.” This told me he hasn’t really read my text and was just giving some superficial reply. And then he started saying things like “But you should give him a try. Things might work out blah blah”. And I suppose after an hour or so I didn’t reply to his texts he went back and read what I wrote because he asked something like “oh what else happened?”. I just got really upset and went to sleep without replying to him. Then in the morning he asked me if I were mad at him. And I just said “no I feel asleep” and left it at that.

    So now I am confused about two things: 1) Why would he text me and try to keep a conversation going when he isn’t even reading my texts. and 2) Why would he want me to date other guys? Is he trying to act cool and it is some sort of power play or does he really not care and is friend zoning me? Maybe he is trying to push me more towards a friends with benefits situation because he leaves comments on how sexy I look and how good my photos are etc. which in my experience only gay guy friends or guys who want something more than friendship do. Its really sad because I thought we were progressing so well and we did have some deeper conversations recently like what are the more important qualities to us in partners etc. and now I feel like I have been barking up the wrong tree this whole time and I am nowhere near getting him back. Did I just choose the wrong story to tell him? I am really confused and upset and he initially wanted to watch a movie or go to a fair with me the first evening he is back but now I am not sure if I should meet him being this upset.

    I would really appreciate any help or advise. I am really upset and confused and feel like I wasted my time trying to get him back and perhaps I just realistically do not have a chance of getting him back anymore.

    Thanks in advance
    TextingDisaster

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      hi Texting disaster,

      maybe you were.texting him at.a.busy time.. or he was just acting cool woth what you do because it looks like he really likes talking to.you

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