Almost a year ago I wrote an article on how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a girlfriend. That article turned out to be the third most popular article in the history of this site. Right now there are 1700 comments on the page and it doesn’t look like that number will stop anytime soon.

I have received praise for writing it and have even received some personal messages on Facebook from women thanking me for “opening their eyes to the truth about men.” So, you would think that with all the success that, that particular article has had I would be happy but I am not.

I don’t think it’s any secret that I am very different from most people out there who run websites around ex boyfriends. Where they would see an amazing success I see an area that needs improvement. Honestly, every time I open this site and think back to the early articles I wrote I am actually ashamed because I felt like I dropped the ball for you guys.

The how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a girlfriend article is a total of 1728 words. It bugs me that I am heralded as one of the few people who go to great lengths to give you in-depth information and every time I look at that “successful” article I feel ashamed because I didn’t go in-depth enough for you.

Well, that all changes.

Right here and right now!

Instead of writing an “article” I am going to be writing a full fledged guide that is going to be a lot longer than 1728 words. So, sit back and take the knowledge in because this one is going to be special!

Your Fear Of Other Women

fear of women

If you were to ask me “what do you think all the women who visit your website are most afraid of?” I would definitely reply with two words.

Other women..

Since you are this far down the page I am assuming that your worst fears have come true. Your ex boyfriend is now dating a new girlfriend. There is a lot to talk about here but I think what I want to tackle first has to do with your fear of other women.

It is impossible to control a human being. You can’t control what they think. You can’t control how they act and you sure as heck can’t control whether or not they talk to other people. This is a fact that many women visiting this site refuse to accept. The ironic part about all of this is that if you do try to control another human being they immediately resent you. I know I have resented it any time I have felt controlled in my life. Oh, and that just doesn’t go for in relationships. You should talk to me around tax time and I promise you I will have nothing nice to say about our government (which deep down I am really appreciative of.)

The point I am trying to get at here is that human being are going to do what they want to do no matter what. I want you to realize this before we move on because it is going to be really important.

Of course, you are here not because your ex boyfriend “talked” to another women he is actually dating one and this is going to be really hurtful for you.

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How His Dating Affects You

involve me

I am the type of guy that has never really cared about a potential girlfriends past or future relationships. My mindset is very different from probably anyone you have ever met before. If you were to meet me in real life I would be shy but I would have this quiet confidence. In the back of my mind I am always thinking that “no guy that this girl can date can ever be better than me.”

How arrogant is that?

Well, it is very arrogant I am not going to lie but this is seriously the mindset I have. Deep down I know that there are a lot of people in this world and there is probably someone out there better than me but I always convince myself that I am the best. I don’t think I do it because I am trying to be conceited I am doing it because it will give me the mindset I need to have to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be. However, it also serves another very important purpose. It creates this strange confidence in myself and I rely on that confidence to get me through any interaction I have with a potential girlfriend.

What does any of this have to do with your ex boyfriend dating another girl?

I have a lot of experience dealing with women who have been hurt by a boyfriend in this situation (1700 comments of experience ;). Oh, and writing a book.) One thing I constantly notice is that women in this situation have really low self esteem. You know what really turns me off as a man about a woman? One that has zero confidence.

Have you ever heard that phrase fake it till you make it?

I say fake it until you become it!

I want you to have the arrogant “I am the best attitude.” I want you to get confidence from that. Sure, it may not be true at first but say it enough in your head until it becomes true. It doesn’t have to be an arrogant thing either. Use that mindset to work towards actually being the best version of yourself that ever existed if you feel that at the current moment you aren’t (that’s what I do.)

THAT is really what this is all about. Sure, he is dating another girl and sure it hurts but the more reliant you become on him and his actions the less likely you will be to get him back. Having the “I am the best” attitude will free you from being totally reliant on his every move. It will give you something else to focus on for a while.

(See there is a method to my madness.)

Two HUGE Factors You Can’t Ignore

(For more information on how you can get an ex boyfriend with a girlfriend back check out the E-Book.)

2 things

Before we start figuring out the actual “steps” that will be required in order to get your ex boyfriend back there are two big factors that we need to cover. These factors are so important that they will dictate how you approach your particular situation. They will also be a way in which you can determine if your situation is even worth trying.

So, what are these two factors?

Well, the first factor is the amount of time that elapsed before he started dating the new girl. Basically, I want you to imagine an imaginary timer. The second your breakup occurs this timer will start. Now, the timer will not stop until the moment his new girlfriend and him become “official.”

The second factor is a lot easier to understand. It is the amount of time that him and his new girlfriend have been dating. Pretty simple right?

Lets take a few moments and dive into each of these factors so we can determine why each of them are so important.

The Amount Of Time Before He Started Dating The New Girl

whatever

Why do you think this is such an important factor?

For me, this is the most telling indicator of a rebound. Lets go back to the example I gave above (you and me dating and breaking up.) Lets imagine for a moment that after our breakup a total time of 3 weeks elapsed before I got a new girlfriend. Now, you may be wondering why I picked that specific time frame. The truth is that 3 weeks is actually pretty common. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that in the comments.

Anyways, I bet you are wondering what is going through a mans head during that 3 weeks. The truth is that a lot of men react very similarly after a breakup. No matter who broke up with who the fact of the matter is that there is going to be pain on both sides of the breakup (both yours and his.) Most men will look to fill this pain by using other women to make themselves feel better.

This is something that I experienced during my very first breakup when I was 19 years old. Granted, at 19 years old I didn’t have the most mature relationship but that’s not what we are studying here. We are studying the reaction AFTER the breakup. I remember the first thing I felt I needed was to feel validated by other women. I needed to be told that I was still worth something since I felt I wasn’t in that relationship. So, my best friend picked me up and took me to a theme park to try to cheer me up.

While we were at the theme park he tried to get multiple women to talk to me. Now, I was in no mood to talk so I am sure I was incredibly rude to them but I did start to get some confidence back. In my head I was beginning to realize that I am worth something.

Now, even though I admit to wanting to feel validated by other women I am proud to say that I have never rebounded before. However, there will always be some men that refuse to face their pain head on and deal with it. So, instead of doing that they rebound with a girl who can constantly fill their need to feel validated.

One thing I do want to point out is the fact that everything I just described is assumed to happen in under a month. The actual amount of time that elapses matters a lot.

Lets flip the script for a moment and say that 7 months has passed instead of 3 weeks. Well, in this case I believe the circumstances are a little bit different. Assuming that your ex has gotten his spree of getting “random girls numbers” out of the way and he hasn’t dated anyone in that time frame it could be possible that he might be ready to date again.

So, what does this mean for your chances?

Well, I would be lying to you if I said you had as good a chance as you did with him getting a girlfriend in the 3 week example above. It just likely means that him getting a girlfriend 7 months down the road increases the chances that his new girlfriend is not a rebound. So, realistically it is going to take longer to get him back.

So, let me break all of this down for you because what we just covered may have been a lot to swallow.

Essentially the more time that elapses after your breakup with your ex and him becoming official with his new girlfriend the less likely it is that the relationship he just got into is going to be a “rebound.” Now, this also works in the reverse. The shorter amount of time that elapses the more likely it is that he just got into a rebound relationship.

If you would like to learn more about rebound relationships I urge you to check out my guide on them.

The Amount Of Time He Has Been Dating Her

have your babies

This factor also ties into the rebound equation we are going on about.

Look, I know exactly what you are wondering.

“Is this new relationship with this new girlfriend serious or is it just going to be casual?”

Have I ever told you that I am a huge fan of the actions vs words equation? If you don’t know what that is take a look at Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO… And for those of you who are too lazy (check it out below,)

Actions vs Words- In order to truly understand what someone is thinking it is smarter to look at the actions they take rather than the words they say.

So, how would this theory apply in this instance? It’s quite simple really. If you really want to know how serious a relationship is going to be just take a look at the amount of time that has elapsed when the couple has been “official.” I would say anything above 7 months can be considered something more serious. Of course, that means that a 2 month relationships may not be considered “serious.”

You find yourself in a very awkward position though. You see, you are trying to get an ex boyfriend back who probably just got into a relationship with a new girlfriend. Thus, the “action” of time elapsing hasn’t really had a chance to play out in your case.

What does this mean?

I am going to try to make this as simple as possible for you.

Right now your ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend probably haven’t had enough time to figure out if their relationship is going to be considered “serious.” Unfortunately, you are in a bad position because there isn’t a lot you can do right now. So, what I want you to do is keep an eye on their relationship. The more time that elapses the higher the chances are that their relationship could become serious.

This invariably means that the longer they date the worse your chances are of getting your ex boyfriend back. I know that is probably not what you want to hear right now but I am not in the business of telling you what you want to hear. Instead, I prefer to tell you what you need to hear.

So, this begs an interesting question.

What does any of this have to do with knowing if your ex is in a rebound relationship?

While it is true that the more time that your ex dates his new girlfriend the worse your chances become of getting him back it is also true that the less he dates the new girl the greater your chances become of getting him back.

Lets say that he ends up dating this new girl for a total of 2 months. After the 2 months elapse a breakup occurs. Chances are high that the new girl was considered to be a “rebound.”

Why is this such a good thing?

Well, I am a guy and I can tell you that every girl I date I always compare to the previous girl I have dated. Why do men (not just me) as a whole do this? Well, it is all about quality. Men always want to have the most “quality” girl.

So, lets say that I date a girl who I consider to be “quality.” Unfortunately the two of us break up… :(. After the breakup I go on the “rebound” and start dating another girl. It is only natural that I will compare the “rebound” to my old girlfriend. Now, lets say that the rebound doesn’t even compare to the standard that the old girlfriend set. Chances are very high that I won’t date the rebound for very long.

Another Speech On Logical Thinking

(If you need more “step by step” information on getting an ex back I urge you to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

think before you speak

A few weeks ago I was asked an interesting question in one of the comments.

“How did you get so good at this?”

The truth is that I am not so good at this. I am just like you. I don’t consider myself to be a relationship expert (though everyone seems to give me that title) and I don’t even think what I talk about is that “revolutionary.” However, I would say that I have one very rare quality in humans. I have the ability to let my logic trump my emotions.

Have you ever heard that saying “when emotions run high, logic runs low?”

It’s so true. However, the reason I trotted it out in this guide is because YOU are in a situation where your emotions are probably going to trump your logic a lot. I want you to know ahead of time that it is ok. It is human nature and everyone is going to make impulsive decisions based on emotions at times.

The trick to giving yourself the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back is to have a very logical mindset.

Now, I used to believe that was all you needed. However, I have changed my tune a little bit on that. I believe there is a time for emotions. In fact, emotions can be amazing if you use them correctly. The problem is that at the beginning of this process, especially in your case, emotions are usually not your friend.

  • They will make you fight with your ex.
  • They will make you say things you won’t be able to take back.
  • They will make you desperate.
  • They will even make you a text gnat..

The point is that emotions at the beginning part of this process are not a good idea. This brings us back to the beginning where I said that I have a “special ability,” the ability to let my logic beat down my emotions.

Trust me. I have been through some dark times in my life (mostly my own doing I might add.) You don’t think I wanted to pick up the phone and beg for my ex back? You don’t think that I have been so lonely before that I wanted to just find someone to be there (or essentially use them to make myself feel better?)

I have wanted to do those things really badly, but I didn’t.

I had the ability to think ahead to how those actions may affect me and the other person involved in the future.

Chances are, that the “dark times” I gave above wouldn’t work in my favor at all. I was only able to come to this conclusion by setting aside my emotions and thinking logically about the situation. As usual, logic was right!

In order to be logical you almost have to have this special ability, the ability to think ahead and see the future. This is where things get tricky because everyone thinks they can do this, think ahead. However, people who “think” they can do it actually can’t because they are seeing an emotional future instead of a logical one.

Let me give you an example to kind of illustrate this point.

Lets say that person A is in the process of trying to get person B back. Unfortunately, person B is dating someone else. Essentially person A is in your exact situation. Now, person A has a strong urge to beg for person B back (please tell me I don’t have to explain why this is a bad idea.) Anyways, person A wants to remain logical about their decision to “beg.” If they think ahead and imagine an emotional future then they would most likely see something unrealistic like person B dumping their new girlfriend and running away with person A. While I suppose this is a possible outcome the chances of it happening are below one percent probably. Now, if person A imagined a logical future to begging they would probably see the bad consequences that begging has towards re-attracting an ex.

The morale of the story, be logical, not emotional.

My Promise To You

I am going to be straight with you for a moment.

Attempting to get an ex boyfriend back who has a new girlfriend is one of the hardest things to do. Even if deep down he is just using the new girl to fill the void that you left it still won’t be easy to get him back. Out of all the situations you will encounter on this website this will probably be the one that has the lowest chances of success.

Pretty scary huh?

Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to be prepared for anything that is thrown at you in the future. Now, before we really start to move on I want to let you into my personal life for a moment which is something that I rarely do. Ex Boyfriend Recovery is my baby. I have cared for this site from the beginning back when no one heard of it or cared about it. I learned really fast that in order for this site to be successful I had to go above and beyond the normal calling for a “regular” relationship site.

So, I want to make you a promise. All this stress you are feeling about the new girl and your ex, leave all that stuff up to me. It isn’t your job to think up the gameplan to get him back, it’s mine. All I want you to focus on is successfully implementing the gameplan I am about to give you.

Free On Demand Coaching
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Your Gameplan

(For a more in-depth gameplan on getting an ex boyfriend back please check out my E-Book.)

plan

The gameplan for getting an ex boyfriend with a new girlfriend back is not a particularly easy one to understand. When I had the entire plan laid out in front of me all I could think was “how can I explain this to them in a really simple manner?”

The answer- I can’t..

So, I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to break this gameplan up into three different parts and break it down from there. There are a few reasons that I would like to do things this way. For one, it will allow you to process the information in a much easier manner. However, it will also give you the ability to figure out what you need to do at every single juncture of the gameplan.

So, what are these three parts that I am breaking the “gameplan” up into?

  1. After The Breakup.
  2. During The No Contact Period.
  3. After The No Contact Period.

Each of these parts are equally important so don’t skip over them if you think they are not. It is important to read ALL of the information.

Lets begin!

After The Breakup

breakup

When I say “after the breakup” do you have any idea what I am talking about?

This one is pretty self explanatory…

I am talking about that period of time that occurs after you and your ex break up. The thing I want to talk about specifically is that your ex is going to start dating someone new BUT a lot of things are going to occur during this time as well. For one, most women I meet make some big mistakes during this time frame.

The Mistakes You Make

mistake

Begging..

Crying..

Begging.. (oh wait, I already said that.)

Desperation is your mistake. I don’t think you realize how much of a mistake it is so let me just tell you. No guy wants to date a desperate woman. Sure, you may hear a guy say something like “I just wish for once that a woman actually chased me without me having to do anything.”

The truth is that this is not what we want.

I have been thinking a lot about desperation lately because I have been answering so many desperate women and I have come to one big conclusion.

The reason that men don’t like desperate women is that a desperate woman are easy to get.

Men don’t want want something that everyone can have.

While I understand that you being desperate to your ex boyfriend may not mean that “everyone” can have you I want you to put yourself in your exes shoes. He probably perceives the situation as “if I can make her this desperate I am sure every guy can…” What is special about that?

Months ago I was texting one of my friends. I was having a pretty bad day and feeling bad about being rejected by a girl in my personal life. My friend gave me probably the most insightful advice I have ever received. He said to me:

“Chris, the secret to women is making them feel like they are the only one in the world.”

This got me thinking a little bit. Not only did I find it incredibly insightful but I also began to realize that all I wanted to feel was that I was the center of a girls universe. So, men in a way also want to feel like they are the only one in the world for you.

The problem with desperation is that it makes you come off like you aren’t of high value or that you may act like this with any guy you deal with.

Being Too Available

available

Women are hard to get..

Most guys don’t know how to get a girl (sometimes I feel like I don’t either to be honest haha.) I mean, just look around the internet. Did you know there are actual courses completely based around how to pick up women? It’s true! Getting a girlfriend for most guys is a challenge.

Yet I always find it so interesting that the script completely flips after a breakup occurs. All of a sudden the woman becomes reliant on the man whereas at the beginning of the relationship it was probably the guy who was chasing the girl. So, what happened here?

I want you to take a step back for a moment. The fact that you are on this site reading this page tells me a few things.

  1. I definitely know that you are interested in getting your ex boyfriend back.
  2. I also know that since you are reading this page you REAAAALLLLYYY want him back.

It’s crazy right?

I mean, he is dating another girl right now so you must have strong enough feelings for him to want him back. These feelings can be your greatest strength but also your greatest weakness. At this stage, though, it is a weakness. You are becoming too reliant on him.

“Will he call?”

“Did he ever care about our time together?”

“Do you think he still thinks about me?”

I have an interesting idea.

WHO CARES!

I know it seems like I am being really hard on you and I am but I am doing this for your own good. (There is always a method to my madness.)

About a month ago I was communicating with a girl on Facebook that was in the middle of a no contact rule on her ex boyfriend (I will teach you about no contact later.) Anyways, during this period she decided that her ex had treated her so poorly that she didn’t want him back. While I was behind the scenes and had a direct tap into her feelings her ex didn’t. So, while she kept asking me the generic “will he call?, did he ever care?, do you think he still thinks about me?” questions she never let her ex know that she was feeling this. In other words, she was not available for him at all.

That was when a funny thing happened. All of a sudden her ex started texting her. After a while the “I still love you” texts started flowing in and now the rest is history.

The morale of this story?

If you are too available for a guy it can kind of ruin things. Don’t be so reliant on what a guy thinks or does. Living your life like that is not really living. Your life should be about one person and no one else, YOU.

The New Girlfriend

new girlfriend

Seeing your ex boyfriend date another woman is not going to be an easy thing to live through. Especially if you want him back.

So, how are you supposed to handle this new girl?

Well, I am going to ask you to do something that you may not want to do. I want you to put yourself in the new girlfriends shoes for a moment. Believe it or not she is probably going to be threatened by you just like you are threatened by her. Thus, the new girlfriend is probably going to do some really mean things to you.

These things can include:

  • Telling your ex to never talk to you again.
  • Saying hurtful things about you.
  • Trying to start a fight with you.
  • Doing everything in her power to discredit anything positive left over from your previous relationship with your ex.

Now, most women who deal with situations like these go on the attack. I think that, that is the dumbest thing you could possibly do. Make no mistake about it, right now your ex boyfriend chose the new girl over you (rebound or not.) If you do get into a negative exchange with the new girlfriend you are probably going to accomplish one thing, bring your ex closer to her.

Imagine for a moment that you were trying to get me back but I had a new girlfriend. Maybe this new girlfriend was a rebound who I didn’t have a lot of feelings for. While I may have been slowly coming to the realization that the new girl wasn’t for me you did something that was a massive mistake, you engaged my new girlfriend on Facebook and had a Facebook war.

People are always looking for a common enemy. As messed up as it sounds it is unfortunately true. By engaging with the new girlfriend you just became our common enemy. Now, what happens when you become the common enemy?

You bring me closer to the new girlfriend thus prolonging the relationship.

This is one of the many reasons that I recommend the no contact rule. Lets talk a little about that now.

During The No Contact Period

(Find out more information about the No Contact Rule with my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

ignore me

This is the second “section” that I have divided the gameplan up into. This will probably be the shortest section out of the three I talk about because there isn’t too much to go into.

So, what is this section about?

Well, it’s pretty self explanatory from the title..

(it’s the no contact rule.)

Why It’s Important In Your Case

important

You are really dumb..

(What did you say?)

I am sorry but right now it’s true. You are super emotional and a lot of the decisions you are making are not based on logic with a future in mind. They are based on emotions and as a result you are making error after error. Right now I know for a fact that you are way too reliant on your ex boyfriend.

Let’s stop for a moment and think about that. Isn’t it ironic that probably the smartest thing you can do to get your ex boyfriend back (and get him to dump his ex girlfriend) is to NOT care.

These are a few of the many reasons that I want you to try a no contact rule.

What is a no contact rule?

Well, I have written a few guides on it. Namely here and here.

However, the gist of it is that for 30 days you are going to perform what I like to call a “freeze out.” Essentially you won’t pick up the phone to text, call or skype your ex. You also won’t pick up the phone if they call, text or skype you. This is a complete freeze out from them for an entire month.

Now, I know exactly what you are thinking.

“If I do a no contact rule won’t that just bring my ex closer with his new girlfriend?”

To that I have one simple response (well really three but who’s counting?) Lets look at your options here.

Option 1- Continue Doing What You Are Doing

Ya… because that has worked so well for you so far (eye roll.)

Look, what you are doing now obviously isn’t working because you felt the need to search the internet for further advice. Do you know what the definition of insanity is?

Insanity- doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Don’t be insane.

Option 2- Turn Into A Text Gnat

You could try texting him with these super long text messages declaring your love for him.

Maybe that would work?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

This only works in one case, if you are actually dating the person and they want to hear from you.

Option 3- Implement The Gameplan (Which Includes NC)

You could do what I am recommending throughout this gameplan and work to slowly make your ex realize that the new girl isn’t anywhere near the woman that you are.

No contact is important throughout this process because it will allow you to evolve and give you time to reacquire that logical mindset that you need. As for convincing him to leave his new girlfriend. Well, I am going to show you how to make him decide all on his own to do it and you won’t even have to do anything crazy.

What You Need To Do During The No Contact Period

squint eyes

Simply doing a no contact rule isn’t the end of your job during this phase of the process.

No, I am afraid you will actually have to do some work.

Have you ever heard of the Ungettable Girl before? Well, it is basically my own creation. One day I was sitting at my desk and I was thinking. If I could create the perfect girl that any guy would chase what would she be like? So, I took out a pen and paper and start listing qualities down.

About ten days later I wrote one of the most popular guides on this site.

The Guide To Becoming The Ungettable Girl

Striving towards becoming an UG (ungettable girl) during your no contact rule is going to do two things for you.

Thing 1- Make You More Attractive To Your Ex (And The Rest Of The World)

Imagine having the world at your fingertips?

Imagine being able to make any man drool?

Well, that is what I am basically trying to give you by urging you to achieve the ungettable girl status. Look, you want your ex boyfriend back and I understand that. However, imagine if a few months down the road your ex is still dating this new girl but he happens to run into you and you have achieved this UG status I keep going on and on about. Don’t you think he would start thinking that he made a mistake?

Thing 2- Give You A Backup Plan

Look, I am not going to lie to you because a lot of the women who visit this site are incredibly intelligent.

The success rate in this situation isn’t anywhere close to 100%.

I think that is pretty much common sense at this point. But if you do strive towards becoming the ungettable girl not only will it act as a goal to achieve but it will act as a backup plan if this gameplan doesn’t work out for you. I don’t want you to be empty handed and feeling like the world is over if things don’t go your way.

Think of being an UG as killing two birds with one stone.

  • It will make you more attractive to your ex.
  • It will allow you to move on and feel amazing about yourself as well.

After The No Contact Period

call me

This final section, after the no contact period, is probably going to be the longest of the three that we will be talking about today.

Why?

Well, a lot has to be accomplished in this section.

  • You have to reignite your exes feelings towards you.
  • You have to influence your ex to leave his new girlfriend (and make him think it is his idea.)
  • You have to make him comfortable enough to want to go on a date with you.

Obviously this section is going to deal with the period of time that occurs after the no contact rule. This means that you are going to have to figure out how to initiate contact with your ex again after a lot of time off from talking to them. Not to mention, the complexity of the new girlfriend is added into the fray so you have found yourself in quite the pickle. While I am going to tell you exactly what you need to do to succeed in your campaign to get your ex boyfriend back there is a concept you first need to understand.

I like to call it the “setting the bar theory”

Setting The Bar Theory

compare

All men compare their girlfriends.

It is only human to compare the person you are currently with to the person you used to be with.

Whenever I explain this concept to people I like to explain it like this:

Every man has his own internal idea of what he considers to be the “perfect woman.” Every girl he ends up dating is going to be compared to this idea. Eventually a girl is going to come close to his idea of the perfect woman but we are talking about a member of the male species here so something is going to go wrong in that relationship (usually because of something he did.) Anyways, after a breakup occurs every single girl is going to be compared to the standard that the best girlfriend he ever had set.

This is the essence of the “setting the bar theory.”

Now, I want to hit the pause button for a moment and go over what I just covered because it is important for what we are going to be trying to do here.

Recap

  • Every man has his idea of a perfect woman.
  • When one girlfriend gets close to that “idea” she sets a standard.
  • Every girl he dates after this is compared to that standard.

What we are going to be trying to do is highlight your best aspects so he uses this theory (setting the bar) to compare you to his new girlfriend. This can be especially effective if you do this right because not only will he begin to realize that the new girlfriend can’t compare to you but he will think that leaving her is his idea when really you were the one to plant the seed.

Inception anyone?

Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend After NC

I want to especially cover this because there is still a lot of confusion among the visitors of this site on how to properly approach an ex after the no contact rule.

The first thing I want to talk about actually has to do with the new girlfriend. A lot of women are scared to talk to men who have girlfriends.

Why?

There is nothing wrong with innocently talking to a man with a girlfriend. Look, I realize that you want your ex boyfriend back and I would never ask you to try to sabotage his new relationship with his new girlfriend but there is nothing wrong with talking to him as long as you stay away from controversial “feeling” topics.

All we are trying to do here is highlight your strengths so that he realizes the “bar” you set is way higher than the girl he is currently dating.

Now, obviously you can’t come out guns a blazing to do that right off that bat. You sort of have to lead up to it.

So, the initial text message I want you to send your ex has to be uncontroversial. However, at the same time it has to be really interesting (to get him to respond.) One of the best ways to do that is with the following text message.

first contact

(For more texting examples check out The Texting Bible)

The key to really making this work is having something really interesting to say after you send the text above. So, what would constitute as interesting? I might say something like this:

first contact1

There are a few things I want you to take note of here. Notice how the tone of the messages that were sent was really friendly (almost playful.) This is a good opener because it yielded a response. Now, I do realize that in the example I provided above the responses aren’t exactly what you would call positive but this kind of opener is not conducive of a positive response. It is simply to open the conversation up. Once you have the conversation open with an ex you can text back and forth for a little bit and then I would like you to end the conversation.

Highlighting Your Strengths

How can you highlight your strong points while at the same time highlighting his new girlfriends weaknesses?

That is really the question.

Obviously you can’t come right out and say

“Hey, I am awesome and your new girlfriend is not.. WAKE UP!”

We are going to have to go about this more subtly. The first thing I think you need to do is think back to your relationship and list all the high points you can. For example, if you were to ask me to go back and list the best parts of my last relationship I think I would list the following qualities:

  • I felt I was in a good mood any time I saw that person and this person was in a good mood when they saw me.
  • I was definitely happy to be in a real relationship.
  • I felt like there were times where the world ceased to exist and it was just me and her.

(Of course, I can give you the list for the worst parts of this particular relationship and unfortunately that list is a lot longer.)

This brings us to an interesting point. What if you start making your list of the “best qualities” but your mind keeps wandering back to the worst moments. I want you to stay away from these memories as much as possible. I have established throughout this site that men usually only respond positively to good memories so I don’t want you to touch the bad ones with a ten foot pole.

Get it? Got it? GOOD!

Once you have your list of good qualities in front of you it is time to integrate those into your conversation with your ex boyfriend. Now, this is where things get really tricky because you can’t say anything that your ex boyfriend will view as you trying to “highlight” yourself. In addition, you can’t say anything that he will view as you trying to break him and his new girlfriend up.

What I want to do now is use my own list of “good qualities” above as an example to show you how I would “highlight” myself without “highlighting” myself. If that makes any sense.

I think if I had to choose any of the qualities I listed above I would choose the one about being in a good mood. So, basically any time my (now) ex girlfriend and I saw each other we always seemed to be in a good mood. Now, how do you say that in a text message without crossing any of the “borders?”

I think I would try something like this:

good mood

(Again, you want to look at The Texting Bible if you want more texting examples.)

There is a lot to talk about here.

I think I want to start with the initial first text sent.

The “Isn’t it the greatest thing when you see someone and they just automatically put you in a good mood?” is really just used as a set up question. While perhaps it is a risky question to ask, ultimately, it is an innocent statement. I would just use that question as a way to test your ex boyfriend. To see how he responds to it. If he responds positively (like the person in the example above did) I would move on to the next part.

“Actually, I think that you and I were always pretty good about that.” This part of the second text message is meant to highlight your previous relationship, which is the whole goal of this exercise. Now, it is risky to send that alone because it may cross over some lines in your exes mind. That is why I added the last part. “That is probably why we get along so well even now.” I did something really clever here with this statement. Not only did I paint the current relationship between you and your ex in a positive light (you two still get along) but I also acknowledged something that maybe the two of you were afraid to admit, that whether you like it or not you actually still think about each other.

Conclusion

This was a long guide huh?

Actually it is over seven thousand words so I am impressed you read all the way to the end. I realize I left out a lot of the steps to accomplish the goals you need to accomplish but I gave you the overall gameplan that you need to succeed.

Forgive me for leaving things out though. I have to keep some content exclusively for those willing to pay for the E-Book.

I hope you enjoyed this guide. Feel free to leave a comment. I will be happy to answer your questions.

1,078 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has A Girlfriend -Version 2.0-”

  1. Alex

    January 12, 2019 at 3:52 pm

    Hello, my ex broke up with me a week before Christmas. I did all the mistakes- the begging and all. We had dated for a year and eight months and even discussed marriage and our careers together. Because we go to a very small community college together, I see him all the time. A week after the break up, I implemented NC. I have succesfully done 17 days of no contact! I am extremely proud of my success! Anyway, I also dyed my hair, began working out, and got into a writing mentorship program. I fell in love with myself again. On IG, he would be the first to watch my story and the first to look through my posts. During the 1st week of NC, he emailed me, sent me messages on blogs and other things. He spammed my instagram. After two weeks of NC, we went back to college. I find out he began dating another girl. I know that it’s a rebound. He still looks at me and show signs. He blocked me on social media (again) and all that.

    I honestly felt hopeless but I just carried on. I don’t know what to do though. I AM continuing NC, because there’s nothing else to do. I don’t know what to do after, if I shoulf contact him or just wait it out for a bit. In the meantime, I’m still gonna be happy with myself no matter what.

  2. Karyn

    December 29, 2018 at 12:06 am

    Hi Chris, me and my ex had a normal breakup. We both had closure. I didn’t text him for a Month and we still smiled and waved when we seen each other. After a month of no contact, he got a new gf and they have announced being official the day before Christmas. I am still doing the no contact but i really care about him and the reason he broke up with me is because he said he tried seeing us as a couple but he could only see is as good friends. Basically, a lost of connection. What do you think?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 29, 2018 at 2:09 am

      Hi Karyn!

      I know it hurts when the ex gets a new girlfriend. Perhaps we are looking at a rebound. NC is the right choice for lots of reasons. Tap into my eBooks or other resources to help you going forward!

  3. Kate

    December 27, 2018 at 5:00 am

    Hi chris,
    There is no healing on my side. 4 months of limited contact and I’ve still only eaten 1.5 meals in the past 5 days, and haven’t slept through the night in 6 months.
    The other problems come is that the relationship with the new girlfriend WILL be more fun as no little kids. I also can’t get a life because all I can do is work, barely pay my rent and look after my kids. I’m always at home and he knows it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 27, 2018 at 8:46 pm

      Hi Kate!

      Healing and recovery is most important. If you cannot employ some of the things I talk about in my Program to find that emotional balance, then you may want to talk to a therapist or counselor that can help you put things in perspective and undertake some activities that can get your on the right track.

  4. Kate

    December 26, 2018 at 10:14 am

    Hi Chris,
    I try to apply radio-silence. With 2 kids and a lot of things joint/intwined after 7 years, proper no contact is impossible, especially over Christmas and the holidays. We also made an agreement when we broke up to put the kids first and spend time together as a family.
    He’s being extremely selfish, spiteful and self destructive at the moment. But my question is can you have more than 1 rebound?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 26, 2018 at 10:07 pm

      I hear you Kate…its not always the most effective strategy to implement successfully when you have children and other issues intertwined. I agree, kids come first…always. But you can still choose to not communicate with him when it does not involve these other matters. NC also is about your own healing and recovery. Can he have more than 1 rebound….yes, in theory….but if he is jumping from one outside relationship to the next, he is being all those things you said he was and the time of “limited contact” will help you decide which path is best for you and your family.

  5. Kate

    December 25, 2018 at 5:50 am

    My ex and I were together 7 years, have 2 kids and were basically married without the paperwork. We broke up officially mid August. 2.5 months later at the start of November he had a new girlfriend, which lasted for 10 days officially before she ended it as she was a mess coming out of a 15 yr relationship. He has said since that she was a rebound. He started talking to a girl on bumble 3 weeks ago, and now 4 months after our breakup is official with her, and has even introduced her to our kids. He hasn’t told me he has a girlfriend, and their interactions I’ve seen on Facebook are friendly, but the girl and I have other mutual friends and her relationship status has changed.
    Could he be in a second rebound? Or does this affect my chances of getting him back if he’s moving on a lot?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 25, 2018 at 11:36 pm

      Hi Kate!

      Usually relationships that have lasted 7 years put down roots that builds some traction and that can help later. But for now, he is acting very selfishly. Have you considered no contact?

  6. Sam Tessa

    November 13, 2018 at 2:06 am

    Hi! (Sorry for the long post!)
    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me(I believe it’s because I was too demanding and needy), and a few days after he said that finally he would prefer a break because he regretted breaking up but understood that I needed time because he hurt me. 2 weeks later I decided that I wanted a break too and he was really happy about that decision. We got intimate a week after and he said that he still didn’t want to be in a relationship after I told him that I wanted to try again. Finally I decided that the break was too hard for me and we agreed to talk in two months. Two weeks after that decision, he sent me a text saying that there won’t be any reconsideration because I deserve better and I wouldn’t like how he’s acting but he wants to remain friends since we have all the same friends. I learned the day after that he’s interested/seeing the girl that he cheated on me with 2 years ago(we were able to work through it).
    He tagged me on facebook, sent me something on instagram, he even drunk texted me last week saying: ‘man did i love you and man did i f*ck up’ to which I answered briefly with a:’im not sure what to tell you haha’, and he answered with a :’sorry i was drunk haha’
    he even asked a mutual friend if I had slept with someone else since the break up and knows that I have been on a date and seemed sad about it.
    He still keeps tracks of my social media(snapchat stories and instagram stories), I don’t because it hurts too much, I also unfollowed him on facebook
    Now it’s been a week no contact, I think he’s seeing the other girl( don’t know if they are bf-gf)
    I’m probably going to see him next weekend since a mutual friend that lives far away is having a party and we both don’t get to see him often because of the distance.
    I’ve started working out and concentrating on other things like school and projects and even have a coffee date to see what is out there
    Do I still have a chance to get him back? Should I initiate contact? Should I go on the date? I’m scared I’m in the friendzone and he’s not thinking about me because of the new girl. I love him very much and want him back
    Thank you!
    Again sorry for the long post!

  7. Sarah

    September 12, 2018 at 8:50 pm

    Ex-boyfriend broke up with me last November, did on and off thing until January (I did all the begging/gnatting etc). Then did 3 weeks no contact. Then started speaking again but I wasn’t in the right mind set and was weak and needy all the time so was fab sort of set up. I then finally decided I couldn’t do it anymore and at that point in June things started to change and we seemed to be on track, but then it all went up in flames and we were arguing all the time and neither of us felt good (I’m quite insecure). He broke up with me again 16 days ago, and although I did a bit on begging on day one (didn’t want him to leave, ask to stay etc) I haven’t contacted him once since he left after the breakup. I oddly feel a lot better about myself and like the ‘ungettable girl’ I was before we got together. However, I have found out today that he is now seeing someone from his work and because of all the mess and how stubborn he is I’m worried I’ve now lost him for good this time even though I feel the best about myself I have in a long time. Should I end no contact early – 3 weeks instead of 4? So he can see I am different before it is too late? Do you think I have a good chance of getting him back? Really need your advice while I’m waiting to save up for the books!

  8. wilson

    August 15, 2018 at 12:15 pm

    hi

  9. Someone

    April 22, 2018 at 3:07 am

    Hey, Im in day 8th of no contact and he still hasnt texted me yet! We have been in distance relationship for about 1 year now and we have been just waiting on the Fience visa approval ( knowing that Im not An Amirican , thats why I had to go back home). While we were waiting on the visa approval, he met a girl and he cheated on me with her. He tried to break up with me after he slept with her! He said that he is no longer happy with our situation and that he felt lonely since the day I left and went back home. He said, he is not living his life and our relationship made him feel messirsble. Whenever he is with that girl, he does not feel worried about anything and that he is happy. So, after he told me this, I begged him and I cried and told him that he is not a wake and he doesnt know what he is doing and I asked him to be patient till I come there and see him again. That did not worked at all, he was still meeting that girl but at the same time trying to be availabe for me and was texting me back when I text him. I felt very terrible everytime he tells me that he cant really talk to me because he ia with her right now. I argued with him and took a space from him 2 weeks ( during this 2 weeks he was texting me but I wasnt replying back but i did only once) after the sapce, I talked to him and asked to call him, he was very nice and he said he was carious about what im doing and he cried because he was still in pain! So we continued talking and texting but he got changed. He reply back to my text after 3 hours , when I call him, he does not want to talk for one or two hours. I ignored the way he was treating me and I kind of was forcing him to break up with that girl after he told me that he needs me back here and he said that things will get changed if you got back here. So, I told him, if you really want me to come back to US, you need first to break up with that girl! Everytime we talked through the phone, we argue about that girl! Its been 2 months now , everday we talk, we get to the point that we dont feel good and upset. He asked me to give a specific time to figure it out how to tell that girl that he wants to break up with her because he said that they care about each other a lot and he cant just dump her! He started crying and said she is going to hate me I know she will and she is going to stop talking to me!!!! So that why he asked for a time to do that. I gave him a week to do what he needs to do but what shocked me was that, he tried to break up with ME and HER!!! He said he feels guilty and I dont deserve him. He is not happy even with that new girl and he is not trying to be with but he wont stop meeting her( that does not make any sense, why would still want to meet someone you dont want to be with) I did not belive him. I asked him if he is now letting me go and be with someone else? He answered: YES. I asked him if he want me to go and sleep with someone else now , he said : No, Im not saying that, Im just giving you a choice. He also said that he needs to find himself and he needs to love him self so that he can give love. He said eveeytime we talk we get into this terrible conversation that ruin his day or sometimes his night before he goes to bed. In the end , he also said that he doesnt know what he is saying or want. He does not know where he is at right now. And before he hang up the call, he said ” I love you”. The next day I texted him something and was saying to him that ” I feel like a zombie and I my whole body hurts. I bet on you and I loved you and everone told me to leave you but everytime I say that I love him and I love everything about him, LOVE is even a small word for it , he is my soul, he is my heart. But you betrayed my heart and all I want right now, is to run away from people from the world and that I feel stranger and im tired physically tired” he responded back saying that he feels stranger too and he cant do anything right no matter what regardless of hiw much time he spent, give or lose. he is sorrey, he cant do anything. And that he is lonely in this world too and has been feeling this way a loooong time and thats why he wants to run a way too! The next day, I stopped texting him ( im the one who always start texting him) and he stopped texting me as well! He did not even care to ask why I stopped texting him. So now im in NCR for about 8 days and still hasnt heard back from him yet. Im afraid that he went back to that new girl and started dating her again and forgot about me! Knowing that we got the visa approval and Im going to be there in US soon if he is willing to see me . Im affraid that what im doing right now is wrong and that he is getting over me and not thinking about me . Plz help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 22, 2018 at 4:33 am

      Just stay the course with your NC and if you have not picked up my Companion Guide, consider doing so as it will give you more confidence and some direction. Also, I think it will help you cope with the breakup pain better if you start up a journal and start writing things down. It can help you unload some of the anxiety.

    2. Someone

      April 23, 2018 at 12:00 am

      Chris, I need to understand the way he is thinking! Is he trying to get over me now? Or just givibg eachother time to figure things out? Was this his way of telling me that ” i dont want you in my life again”? And thats why he is not contacting me or care to reach out or afraid of losing me?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 12:12 am

      Hi there….knowing what a guy (or gal) is thinking at any given time can be challenging for anyone. Just keep your attitude positive and stick with the plan and avoid thinking about the negatives. In time, it will become clearer, so focus on those things you can control!

  10. Sarah

    March 15, 2018 at 1:37 am

    Hello. Needing some advice. I “chased” my ex for 2 years in high school before we actually dated. We were best friends throughout those 2 years. We were together for 5 years before we broke up. We’ve been apart now for about 7 years. Through these years, he will contact me anywhere from 6 months to 2 years apart. Most of these are apologies about our relationship. I will tell him how he’s forgiven and apologize for my actions as well. We will be friendly again for a while, then he disappears again. (I did make the mistake of kinda begging the last time around, and yet, 3 months later…he’s back again!) This time, after we started talking and getting more friendly, he backs off and starts saying he’s busy all the time, but always responds quickly to any message I send. I think he has a girlfriend now, but he won’t tell me. So since he was becoming distant again, I stopped talking to him (about a month now). The problem is, he has always been “the one” for me, even now I would love to try again now that we’re older. As he says, we were young and dumb. But i’m tired of getting nowhere even though he seems to still care. He sends tons of mixed signals and I don’t know if I should hold on to hope or just to brush off the next msg I get from him and throw in the towel on hoping we will get back together. Could it be that i’m reading too much into his messages when he contacts me again and he just wants to be friends, or is it him wanting to connect again, but for some reason drawing it out? I feel like a fish on a hook! Thanks for any helpful advice!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2018 at 4:08 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      It looks like he’s just stringing you along.. Move on from him. Build skills, do new stuff,.meet new people and make new connections.

  11. Kierstyn Hass

    March 14, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    My boyfriend had a girl before we even broke up. The week before we broke up, he acted different and then broke up with me because he “wasn’t feeling a relationship with me anymore and wants something new.” Obviously, I did what I shouldn’t have. I acted desperate and constantly texted him my feelings. I’ve done that for a week and I’m now seeing that if you act like you don’t care it works. But will it still work after I’ve pretty much annoyed him with me acting desperate? I’m honestly willing to do ANYTHING to get him back, even though he hurt me. What’s weird is the other day he texted me and asked to go to the gym and hangout. Does that mean something? Also, he told me he isn’t getting rid of anything I gave him or deleting any of our pictures. I told him he’ll be back and he said “eventually.” Today I asked if he meant that and he said he’s not answering. I also asked if he’s planning on dating this girl or just screwing around with her and he said “date probably, I don’t even know.” I’m just honestly so confused.. what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2018 at 3:47 pm

      Hi kierstyn,

      You mean he cheated on you?

  12. Anon

    March 10, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    Hey thank you!!! So I’m kind of nervous of what I would do to start contact after nc. He’s blocked my social media/number again. The last time I was like 2 weeks into no contact where I found out he unblocked me on everything and then added me on snapchat (I didn’t add back, didn’t do anything). He didn’t message or anything and unfriended me like 5 days later. Then a month later the whole being friends/Valentine’s day post happened and I sent him a few angry texts that he didn’t respond to. Do you have any suggestions on how I should start contact when the last times we were talking I was just angry and yelling at him? I feel like it would be weird to say anything after how things left off and the fact that he has a girlfriend now. How should I go about that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2018 at 11:45 am

  13. Anon

    March 6, 2018 at 7:03 am

    Hey guys, so I’m 21, he’s 24 and moved onto an 18 year old girl from his school less than a week after a big fight. We were talking for several months/in a relationship for around 3 months. I felt we were really close, talked everyday and he would mention marriage and kids. At this point, he’s been dating her for longer than we have but they only “clicked” after that fight (from what he’s told me, idk) which was on December 1. We were trying to work things out after we broke up in mid November and he even said he loved me and that we have a lot to work on a couple days before that fight where we stopped talking for 2 weeks. That was the longest we didn’t talk before it was like 1/2 days, we talked everyday almost all day. We started getting into fights more often before the breakup and I was surprised when he wanted to break up because I thought we were serious about each other because the fights were so silly. I focused on myself for those 2 weeks because we both had finals so I thought he was focused on that too. I found out he was with that girl 2 and a half weeks later and he said he had already been with her for 2 weeks. He said they didn’t love each other but he thought it was serious. He started dating her less than a week after we stopped talking and visited her parents out of state like 5 hours away less than 2 weeks into dating. Also the last time we hung out which was after he broke up with me (like a little over week before they start dating and I asked him to go to a coffee shop to talk about our situation but asks me to come to his house instead and makes out with me, it really felt like he wanted to make things work), he mentioned he went to her apartment to work on a project and they talked about their last relationships. He said he would never be with her because she’s 18, stuck up, and they have nothing in common. We got into a huge, ugly fight and I called him a cheater because his stories weren’t adding up. I acted really needy, texting him a lot but then I stopped, did no contact, and worked on myself.
    He added me on snapchat randomly like 2 weeks after when he had blocked my number/all social media so I figured out he unblocked me. I didn’t add back or anything and he unfollowed 5 days later after I posted pics looking like I was happy/with friends. So then a month later I sent an ‘accidental heart’ in instagram message and said sorry it was a mistake and he adds me on snapchat again. I ask him why and he said he “thought we could be friends but slowly” and I’m like okay. At this point, I thought maybe things weren’t working out with the new girl because she hadn’t posted pics of them in a month when they were posting many pics before. So then a couple days later is Valentine’s day and she posts a pic with him carrying her on his back and I message him angrily that ‘I don’t want to be friends, what did you think you’d get out of this’ and more long, angry texts that he didn’t respond to and he blocked me again on everything. Then I tried messaging I’m sorry but no response. I felt so stupid after. A couple days later, she posts 3 consecutive instagram posts with him like her arms around him, him around hers, seeming really happy. Under one of them I noticed he commented “so the worst pictures of me ” and didn’t like the post and I saw the comment was deleted afterwords. But now just yesterday he posted pics with her with a caption “what a keeper” so they seem like they are happy/serious. He didn’t post any pics with her since end of December though. He even posted a picture the day before he added me on snapchat, late at night on a rainy day with the hashtag “#foggynight” which looked like he was on a walk and I know he goes on walks when he is stressed or thinking through problems. His gf didn’t like the photo so I think he was alone. I know I’m getting into the details but I just don’t know what to think. I messed up again and I’m hopeless at this point that I even have a chance. I’ve stopped contact again but I don’t know if it’ll work, I’ve messed up too much. Do you have any advice on what could be going on and what I could do from this point?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 4:11 pm

      Hi Anon,

      Try nc one last time and then take it slow after.. Do at least 45 days and follow the advice on this one:
      How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else

  14. Marita

    March 5, 2018 at 3:41 am

    My boyfriend and I technically broke up last August after a really hard year based on miscommunication and his depression. We started speaking again and we’re on the right track last October. He was very excited and even said he loved me twice but i got scared and pushed him away. We basically acted like we were together and neither of us saw other people. After a while he got tired of my pushing him away. He was incredibly hurt and tired . 2 weeks before the new year we admitted we loved each other but when he asked “now what?” I didn’t give him the answer he wanted. We got into a small fight after and he decided he was fed up and blocked me for a month. We met up in February and he gave me back my things. I asked him why not just end it why block me without saying goodbye why hold onto my personal items for a month why not just say you don’t love me and he didn’t say anything. When I explained to him why I pushed him away his eyes softened he even cried but stuck By his decision saying he didn’t want to be in the cycle. Saying even though he meant it when he said he loved me there was a difference between loving someone and caring and wanting to remove yourself from the cycle. He said he hoped we’d hang out and it wouldn’t be the last time we talked. My friend who works with him said he told her he felt like a new person. It has been one month since he gave me my things and technically broke it off and my friend said that she heard around the office that he was announcing on instagram that he had a new girlfriend this week. Apparently they’ve been seeing each other for 2 months (which freaks me out because that’s when he blocked me and just a week prior we had spent New Years together and before that had said we loved each other) I had been trying to implement no contact since I reached out to him for his birthday February 14 but now hearing this I don’t know what to do. Do I do no contact again? Is this the real thing? Should I give up? He genuinely wanted to marry me we had been in each other’s lives for 3 years. We were best friends before being boyfriend and girlfriend and both admitted even in our last major conversation that it was never a lack of love just communication and when I asked if it would never work he said he didn’t know. Please advise! I don’t know how to proceed moving forward and our would have been anniversary is coming up. I took him off social media because i didn’t want to see the announcement but should I just suck it up and unblock so he can see my posts? Is it likely to be a rebound? Should I still pursue this? Please advise!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 6:41 am

      Hi Marita,

      If they started speaking before the break up, she’s more of a grass is greener.. Right now, continue nc and then follow the advice above.. Because talking to him just because you knew he has a gf is chasing and yes, unblock him in social media. Don’t add him yet, just make your posts public.

  15. Marita

    March 5, 2018 at 12:42 am

    My boyfriend and I technically broke up last August after a really hard year based on miscommunication and his depression. We started speaking again and we’re on the right track last October. He was very excited and even said he loved me twice but i got scared and pushed him away. We basically acted like we were together and neither of us saw other people. After a while he got tired of my pushing him away. He was incredibly hurt and tired . 2 weeks before the new year we admitted we loved each other but when he asked “now what?” I didn’t give him the answer he wanted. We got into a small fight after and he decided he was fed up and blocked me for a month. We met up in February and he gave me back my things. I asked him why not just end it why block me without saying goodbye why hold onto my personal items for a month why not just say you don’t love me and he didn’t say anything. When I explained to him why I pushed him away his eyes softened he even cried but stuck By his decision saying he didn’t want to be in the cycle. Saying even though he meant it when he said he loved me there was a difference between loving someone and caring and wanting to remove yourself from the cycle. He said he hoped we’d hang out and it wouldn’t be the last time we talked. My friend who works with him said he told her he felt like a new person. It has been one month since he gave me my things and technically broke it off and my friend said that she heard around the office that he was announcing on instagram that he had a new girlfriend this week. Apparently they’ve been seeing each other for 2 months (which freaks me out because that’s when he blocked me and just a week prior we had spent New Years together and before that had said we loved each other) I had been trying to implement no contact since I reached out to him for his birthday February 14 but now hearing this I don’t know what to do. Do I do no contact again? Is this the real thing? Should I give up? He genuinely wanted to marry me we had been in each other’s lives for 3 years. We were best friends before being boyfriend and girlfriend and both admitted even in our last major conversation that it was never a lack of love just communication and when I asked if it would never work he said he didn’t know. Please advise! I don’t know how to proceed moving forward and our would have been anniversary is coming up. I took him off social media because i didn’t want to see the announcement but should I just suck it up and unblock so he can see my posts?

  16. Heatrbroken

    February 28, 2018 at 3:57 pm

    Hi,

    I did nc for a month and then tried building rapport through texting. He was not responsive to this, he always replied and sometimes opened up to me but never initiated and the more I messaged the less interested he became. His replies were always neutral borderline cold, if I were to message him now he would most likely respond because he doesn’t want to seem like a bad guy but would probably reply really late and say ‘sorry just seen this iv been busy’. and then reply bluntly to whatever I said. He kept promising to see me and then was always miraculously too busy. The last time we spoke was just before xmas, he stayed in the office late and we spoke. I hugged him as he left and it kind of lingered between us. He was very nice and wished me a happy xmas. I asked him to stay a bit so we could get the drink he always promised and he said no. I later found out he went to see his new gf that evening. He messaged me ‘merry xmas’ on xmas day but when I tried to engage him in convo he didn’t reply for hours then said sorry I fell asleep. Neither of us has contacted each other since then and I avoid him at work as much as possible so we have probably said hi twice since then. I guess we have been in no contact now for 2 months.

    I have posted a lot on my instagram, his best friend contacted me after I did nc to ask how I was. He said I looked good on instagram and I asked if my ex was over me and he said yes he was and that I should move on and date other people.

    I have removed him from my social media and blocked him on instagram. His new gf has recently blocked my profile even tho hers was private anyway and I have him blocked. I am unsure if he knows if I have seen the pictures of him and her as I did it through a different account.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 11:35 am

      You have to make your posts or account public so, that if he gets curious he can see them and he will think you have moved on and that it’s ok now to talk you again if you ever bumped into each other at work..

  17. Heartbroken

    February 26, 2018 at 12:17 pm

    Hi,

    My ex bf broke up with me almost 7 months ago, he started talking to me daily while he was still with his ex gf. I did not know he had a gf at the time and found out after a month of us talking everyday, they even lived together which surprised me. He said they were not getting on and likely to break up. We spent some time together and kissed a couple of times. After 6 weeks of us speaking they broke up and we got together the same day. Everything was going well and he was really into me wanting to see me all the time but after a few months he started backing off and things were not going great. We argued a lot because he went hot and cold with me, he introduced me to his friends and family really early on (within a month) but would never post pictures of us together online. He had pictures of his ex gf all over his phone and social media, but refused to post pictures of us. He said he wasn’t in contact with her but I later found out he was lying. In fact his parents were still in contact with her and he was messaging her. Turns out she was still using his Netflix 4 months after we had been together, after 6 months he still had her profile on there too. He never listened to me when I said how uncomfortable all the pictures and the social media interaction between him, his ex, and his parents made me as well as all the pictures inc in his room.

    We argued a lot about it and it made me really insecure. I read his text messages with her and it turned out he had told her he loved her and missed her and that it was so hard to be without her while he was already with me for a month. I had met his parents by this point and it really hurt to read that and find out he had been in constant communication with her for the entirety of our relationship and lied about it. I got really angry broke up with him and made him delete her off his social media. We got back together after but only because I wanted him back.

    I went away with his friends and family camping 2 weeks later and his dad was really rude to me on the trip. I asked my ex why and he said I was imagining it like he said I was being obsessive about his ex for no reason.
    A few weeks after the trip he had been really distant with me and we argued a lot, I had really bad anxiety by this point and had panic attacks whenever we argued. Then one day he went to see his dad and the next day he broke up with me. Instantly he suddenly became very cold towards me, like he had no feelings for me whatsoever over night. I know his dad got involved and told him to break up with me. He did nothing but lie to me our entire relationship then dumped me because I got angry at him about it all the time. He never apologised or seemed upset that we broke up.

    We work in the same office so seeing him everyday has been really hard when he wont speak to me. I tried talking to him but his responses were always delayed and very cold. He said the reason for the breakup was because he was depressed and didn’t want to continue hurting me. He said he couldn’t be in a relationship right now and that maybe in the future things would work out. I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said he didn’t know.

    After weeks of crying and begging I did no contact, when I initiated contact he replied but he was never nice like before. It was very cold and not flirty or interested at all. I then got desperate and asked to talk because I was emotional. He backed off and avoided me often after that and kept promising we would see each other but was always ‘too busy’. 4 months later I found out he was seeing another girl. He had been on dating sites barely 2 weeks after we broke up, talking to loads of girls and flirting loudly with a new girl at the office during this time. It was devastating to see him do that and he has been with this girl for at least 3 months now possibly longer. He has been posting loved up pictures of them together from 3 months ago and it hurts because in the whole 7 months he never posted a single picture of us. He now treats me like a stranger, he never messages me and only politely says hello to me at work. It hurts because he acts like nothing ever happened between us and I never even felt like I got closure or understood why he treated me so badly. I overhear him at work telling people about things he does with her which we used to do together and it really hurts. I never wanted to break up with him and I am in love with him.

    I want to get over him but I don’t know how. I want him to break up with his new gf but I don’t think he will. I think I was the rebound and she is the real thing. It is so sad and I cannot stop thinking about him. I do not feel this way about guys very often and it has been almost 7 months now but I cannot stop crying everyday. I feel like he treated his ex better than me while we are together and eve treated her better post brea up. Now he is giving the new girl everything he wouldn’t give to me and seems really happy.

    What should I do? I feel like giving up but I still have this stupid hope that he will come back to me as I really felt like we were meant to be together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 2:26 pm

      Hi heartbroken,

      how many days did you do nc, how active were you in improving yourself and in posting in social media?

  18. Raya

    February 21, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Me and my ex were on & off due to our insecurities & fear of getting hurt. He felt like I didnt communicate enough when I was hurt, which in turn hurt him. I’ve done no contact before for about 3 weeks & we talked after that. We would see each other & talk & it lasted for bout 2 weeks. I’ve been feeling like he had been ready to just move on with his life because of distance. We bof decided to move on with life. Broke up & now he seeing someone, should I try dis again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2018 at 10:37 pm

      Hi Raya,

      That depends on you.. If you decide you want to, check this one:
      EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend

  19. Amy

    February 15, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    So my boyfriend and I split up back in September. We were together for 4 years (on and off for 4 years before that as well)

    We split because we were at different stages in our lives, he wanted to settle and commit…I just wasn’t quite there yet – slowly heading in that direction but it wasn’t soon enough for him. We would argue and almost split up multiple times but neither of us could end the relationship.

    The weekend before we split up he went to Berlin with friends where he met this American girl who had moved to Berlin. They must have instantly clicked and when he returned home he broke up with me. We were both very upset and he was questioning whether he was making the biggest mistake of his life.

    We barely spoke after the breakup because I knew about this girl. When he returned home the girl went travelling in Asia for some months and they kept in touch the whole time. She returned in December and come over here to stay with him. During that week my ex contacted me (we had had 6/7 weeks of no contact) telling me that he missed me very much. We were going to meet up but our schedules clashed. The following week he then went out to stay with her and on New Year’s Eve they got into a relationship.

    My question to you is, do you think this is a rebound? They seem pretty serious, posting pics together and constantly in contact.

    This whole situation has knocked my confidence completely, before he got back in touch I was doing okay but now I feel I am back at square 1!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 1:15 am

      HI Amy,

      It’s probable that she is a rebound but the longer they stay together, the more stable their relationship gets.

  20. Lisa

    February 6, 2018 at 11:25 pm

    My ex and I were together for 4 years, we broke up in October because it kinda got boring. We always find our way back to each other though. For the first 3 months we were in the ‘weird/messy’ stage. Still seeing each other but not together. I found out he was lying to me during this period and was seeing someone also. He has taken her places we used to go and is doing things we did I.e. a spa weekend. I found out around Christmas. We no longer really. I know he is still seeing this girl but a huge part of me still wants to see if we can give our relationship a shot. I am aware we both need a break but I’m not sure if it’s worth going through the steps of getting him back as he is seeing someone. Any advice would be helpful

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 12:32 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      You can still try nc.. if after it you want to move on, that’s ok.. Just don’t initiate contact and continue on with your life.

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