Almost a year ago I wrote an article on how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a girlfriend. That article turned out to be the third most popular article in the history of this site. Right now there are 1700 comments on the page and it doesn’t look like that number will stop anytime soon.

I have received praise for writing it and have even received some personal messages on Facebook from women thanking me for “opening their eyes to the truth about men.” So, you would think that with all the success that, that particular article has had I would be happy but I am not.

I don’t think it’s any secret that I am very different from most people out there who run websites around ex boyfriends. Where they would see an amazing success I see an area that needs improvement. Honestly, every time I open this site and think back to the early articles I wrote I am actually ashamed because I felt like I dropped the ball for you guys.

The how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a girlfriend article is a total of 1728 words. It bugs me that I am heralded as one of the few people who go to great lengths to give you in-depth information and every time I look at that “successful” article I feel ashamed because I didn’t go in-depth enough for you.

Well, that all changes.

Right here and right now!

Instead of writing an “article” I am going to be writing a full fledged guide that is going to be a lot longer than 1728 words. So, sit back and take the knowledge in because this one is going to be special!

Your Fear Of Other Women

fear of women

If you were to ask me “what do you think all the women who visit your website are most afraid of?” I would definitely reply with two words.

Other women..

Since you are this far down the page I am assuming that your worst fears have come true. Your ex boyfriend is now dating a new girlfriend. There is a lot to talk about here but I think what I want to tackle first has to do with your fear of other women.

It is impossible to control a human being. You can’t control what they think. You can’t control how they act and you sure as heck can’t control whether or not they talk to other people. This is a fact that many women visiting this site refuse to accept. The ironic part about all of this is that if you do try to control another human being they immediately resent you. I know I have resented it any time I have felt controlled in my life. Oh, and that just doesn’t go for in relationships. You should talk to me around tax time and I promise you I will have nothing nice to say about our government (which deep down I am really appreciative of.)

The point I am trying to get at here is that human being are going to do what they want to do no matter what. I want you to realize this before we move on because it is going to be really important.

Of course, you are here not because your ex boyfriend “talked” to another women he is actually dating one and this is going to be really hurtful for you.

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How His Dating Affects You

involve me

I am the type of guy that has never really cared about a potential girlfriends past or future relationships. My mindset is very different from probably anyone you have ever met before. If you were to meet me in real life I would be shy but I would have this quiet confidence. In the back of my mind I am always thinking that “no guy that this girl can date can ever be better than me.”

How arrogant is that?

Well, it is very arrogant I am not going to lie but this is seriously the mindset I have. Deep down I know that there are a lot of people in this world and there is probably someone out there better than me but I always convince myself that I am the best. I don’t think I do it because I am trying to be conceited I am doing it because it will give me the mindset I need to have to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be. However, it also serves another very important purpose. It creates this strange confidence in myself and I rely on that confidence to get me through any interaction I have with a potential girlfriend.

What does any of this have to do with your ex boyfriend dating another girl?

I have a lot of experience dealing with women who have been hurt by a boyfriend in this situation (1700 comments of experience ;). Oh, and writing a book.) One thing I constantly notice is that women in this situation have really low self esteem. You know what really turns me off as a man about a woman? One that has zero confidence.

Have you ever heard that phrase fake it till you make it?

I say fake it until you become it!

I want you to have the arrogant “I am the best attitude.” I want you to get confidence from that. Sure, it may not be true at first but say it enough in your head until it becomes true. It doesn’t have to be an arrogant thing either. Use that mindset to work towards actually being the best version of yourself that ever existed if you feel that at the current moment you aren’t (that’s what I do.)

THAT is really what this is all about. Sure, he is dating another girl and sure it hurts but the more reliant you become on him and his actions the less likely you will be to get him back. Having the “I am the best” attitude will free you from being totally reliant on his every move. It will give you something else to focus on for a while.

(See there is a method to my madness.)

Two HUGE Factors You Can’t Ignore

(For more information on how you can get an ex boyfriend with a girlfriend back check out the E-Book.)

2 things

Before we start figuring out the actual “steps” that will be required in order to get your ex boyfriend back there are two big factors that we need to cover. These factors are so important that they will dictate how you approach your particular situation. They will also be a way in which you can determine if your situation is even worth trying.

So, what are these two factors?

Well, the first factor is the amount of time that elapsed before he started dating the new girl. Basically, I want you to imagine an imaginary timer. The second your breakup occurs this timer will start. Now, the timer will not stop until the moment his new girlfriend and him become “official.”

The second factor is a lot easier to understand. It is the amount of time that him and his new girlfriend have been dating. Pretty simple right?

Lets take a few moments and dive into each of these factors so we can determine why each of them are so important.

The Amount Of Time Before He Started Dating The New Girl

whatever

Why do you think this is such an important factor?

For me, this is the most telling indicator of a rebound. Lets go back to the example I gave above (you and me dating and breaking up.) Lets imagine for a moment that after our breakup a total time of 3 weeks elapsed before I got a new girlfriend. Now, you may be wondering why I picked that specific time frame. The truth is that 3 weeks is actually pretty common. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that in the comments.

Anyways, I bet you are wondering what is going through a mans head during that 3 weeks. The truth is that a lot of men react very similarly after a breakup. No matter who broke up with who the fact of the matter is that there is going to be pain on both sides of the breakup (both yours and his.) Most men will look to fill this pain by using other women to make themselves feel better.

This is something that I experienced during my very first breakup when I was 19 years old. Granted, at 19 years old I didn’t have the most mature relationship but that’s not what we are studying here. We are studying the reaction AFTER the breakup. I remember the first thing I felt I needed was to feel validated by other women. I needed to be told that I was still worth something since I felt I wasn’t in that relationship. So, my best friend picked me up and took me to a theme park to try to cheer me up.

While we were at the theme park he tried to get multiple women to talk to me. Now, I was in no mood to talk so I am sure I was incredibly rude to them but I did start to get some confidence back. In my head I was beginning to realize that I am worth something.

Now, even though I admit to wanting to feel validated by other women I am proud to say that I have never rebounded before. However, there will always be some men that refuse to face their pain head on and deal with it. So, instead of doing that they rebound with a girl who can constantly fill their need to feel validated.

One thing I do want to point out is the fact that everything I just described is assumed to happen in under a month. The actual amount of time that elapses matters a lot.

Lets flip the script for a moment and say that 7 months has passed instead of 3 weeks. Well, in this case I believe the circumstances are a little bit different. Assuming that your ex has gotten his spree of getting “random girls numbers” out of the way and he hasn’t dated anyone in that time frame it could be possible that he might be ready to date again.

So, what does this mean for your chances?

Well, I would be lying to you if I said you had as good a chance as you did with him getting a girlfriend in the 3 week example above. It just likely means that him getting a girlfriend 7 months down the road increases the chances that his new girlfriend is not a rebound. So, realistically it is going to take longer to get him back.

So, let me break all of this down for you because what we just covered may have been a lot to swallow.

Essentially the more time that elapses after your breakup with your ex and him becoming official with his new girlfriend the less likely it is that the relationship he just got into is going to be a “rebound.” Now, this also works in the reverse. The shorter amount of time that elapses the more likely it is that he just got into a rebound relationship.

If you would like to learn more about rebound relationships I urge you to check out my guide on them.

The Amount Of Time He Has Been Dating Her

have your babies

This factor also ties into the rebound equation we are going on about.

Look, I know exactly what you are wondering.

“Is this new relationship with this new girlfriend serious or is it just going to be casual?”

Have I ever told you that I am a huge fan of the actions vs words equation? If you don’t know what that is take a look at Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO… And for those of you who are too lazy (check it out below,)

Actions vs Words- In order to truly understand what someone is thinking it is smarter to look at the actions they take rather than the words they say.

So, how would this theory apply in this instance? It’s quite simple really. If you really want to know how serious a relationship is going to be just take a look at the amount of time that has elapsed when the couple has been “official.” I would say anything above 7 months can be considered something more serious. Of course, that means that a 2 month relationships may not be considered “serious.”

You find yourself in a very awkward position though. You see, you are trying to get an ex boyfriend back who probably just got into a relationship with a new girlfriend. Thus, the “action” of time elapsing hasn’t really had a chance to play out in your case.

What does this mean?

I am going to try to make this as simple as possible for you.

Right now your ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend probably haven’t had enough time to figure out if their relationship is going to be considered “serious.” Unfortunately, you are in a bad position because there isn’t a lot you can do right now. So, what I want you to do is keep an eye on their relationship. The more time that elapses the higher the chances are that their relationship could become serious.

This invariably means that the longer they date the worse your chances are of getting your ex boyfriend back. I know that is probably not what you want to hear right now but I am not in the business of telling you what you want to hear. Instead, I prefer to tell you what you need to hear.

So, this begs an interesting question.

What does any of this have to do with knowing if your ex is in a rebound relationship?

While it is true that the more time that your ex dates his new girlfriend the worse your chances become of getting him back it is also true that the less he dates the new girl the greater your chances become of getting him back.

Lets say that he ends up dating this new girl for a total of 2 months. After the 2 months elapse a breakup occurs. Chances are high that the new girl was considered to be a “rebound.”

Why is this such a good thing?

Well, I am a guy and I can tell you that every girl I date I always compare to the previous girl I have dated. Why do men (not just me) as a whole do this? Well, it is all about quality. Men always want to have the most “quality” girl.

So, lets say that I date a girl who I consider to be “quality.” Unfortunately the two of us break up… :(. After the breakup I go on the “rebound” and start dating another girl. It is only natural that I will compare the “rebound” to my old girlfriend. Now, lets say that the rebound doesn’t even compare to the standard that the old girlfriend set. Chances are very high that I won’t date the rebound for very long.

Another Speech On Logical Thinking

(If you need more “step by step” information on getting an ex back I urge you to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

think before you speak

A few weeks ago I was asked an interesting question in one of the comments.

“How did you get so good at this?”

The truth is that I am not so good at this. I am just like you. I don’t consider myself to be a relationship expert (though everyone seems to give me that title) and I don’t even think what I talk about is that “revolutionary.” However, I would say that I have one very rare quality in humans. I have the ability to let my logic trump my emotions.

Have you ever heard that saying “when emotions run high, logic runs low?”

It’s so true. However, the reason I trotted it out in this guide is because YOU are in a situation where your emotions are probably going to trump your logic a lot. I want you to know ahead of time that it is ok. It is human nature and everyone is going to make impulsive decisions based on emotions at times.

The trick to giving yourself the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back is to have a very logical mindset.

Now, I used to believe that was all you needed. However, I have changed my tune a little bit on that. I believe there is a time for emotions. In fact, emotions can be amazing if you use them correctly. The problem is that at the beginning of this process, especially in your case, emotions are usually not your friend.

  • They will make you fight with your ex.
  • They will make you say things you won’t be able to take back.
  • They will make you desperate.
  • They will even make you a text gnat..

The point is that emotions at the beginning part of this process are not a good idea. This brings us back to the beginning where I said that I have a “special ability,” the ability to let my logic beat down my emotions.

Trust me. I have been through some dark times in my life (mostly my own doing I might add.) You don’t think I wanted to pick up the phone and beg for my ex back? You don’t think that I have been so lonely before that I wanted to just find someone to be there (or essentially use them to make myself feel better?)

I have wanted to do those things really badly, but I didn’t.

I had the ability to think ahead to how those actions may affect me and the other person involved in the future.

Chances are, that the “dark times” I gave above wouldn’t work in my favor at all. I was only able to come to this conclusion by setting aside my emotions and thinking logically about the situation. As usual, logic was right!

In order to be logical you almost have to have this special ability, the ability to think ahead and see the future. This is where things get tricky because everyone thinks they can do this, think ahead. However, people who “think” they can do it actually can’t because they are seeing an emotional future instead of a logical one.

Let me give you an example to kind of illustrate this point.

Lets say that person A is in the process of trying to get person B back. Unfortunately, person B is dating someone else. Essentially person A is in your exact situation. Now, person A has a strong urge to beg for person B back (please tell me I don’t have to explain why this is a bad idea.) Anyways, person A wants to remain logical about their decision to “beg.” If they think ahead and imagine an emotional future then they would most likely see something unrealistic like person B dumping their new girlfriend and running away with person A. While I suppose this is a possible outcome the chances of it happening are below one percent probably. Now, if person A imagined a logical future to begging they would probably see the bad consequences that begging has towards re-attracting an ex.

The morale of the story, be logical, not emotional.

My Promise To You

I am going to be straight with you for a moment.

Attempting to get an ex boyfriend back who has a new girlfriend is one of the hardest things to do. Even if deep down he is just using the new girl to fill the void that you left it still won’t be easy to get him back. Out of all the situations you will encounter on this website this will probably be the one that has the lowest chances of success.

Pretty scary huh?

Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to be prepared for anything that is thrown at you in the future. Now, before we really start to move on I want to let you into my personal life for a moment which is something that I rarely do. Ex Boyfriend Recovery is my baby. I have cared for this site from the beginning back when no one heard of it or cared about it. I learned really fast that in order for this site to be successful I had to go above and beyond the normal calling for a “regular” relationship site.

So, I want to make you a promise. All this stress you are feeling about the new girl and your ex, leave all that stuff up to me. It isn’t your job to think up the gameplan to get him back, it’s mine. All I want you to focus on is successfully implementing the gameplan I am about to give you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Your Gameplan

(For a more in-depth gameplan on getting an ex boyfriend back please check out my E-Book.)

plan

The gameplan for getting an ex boyfriend with a new girlfriend back is not a particularly easy one to understand. When I had the entire plan laid out in front of me all I could think was “how can I explain this to them in a really simple manner?”

The answer- I can’t..

So, I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to break this gameplan up into three different parts and break it down from there. There are a few reasons that I would like to do things this way. For one, it will allow you to process the information in a much easier manner. However, it will also give you the ability to figure out what you need to do at every single juncture of the gameplan.

So, what are these three parts that I am breaking the “gameplan” up into?

  1. After The Breakup.
  2. During The No Contact Period.
  3. After The No Contact Period.

Each of these parts are equally important so don’t skip over them if you think they are not. It is important to read ALL of the information.

Lets begin!

After The Breakup

breakup

When I say “after the breakup” do you have any idea what I am talking about?

This one is pretty self explanatory…

I am talking about that period of time that occurs after you and your ex break up. The thing I want to talk about specifically is that your ex is going to start dating someone new BUT a lot of things are going to occur during this time as well. For one, most women I meet make some big mistakes during this time frame.

The Mistakes You Make

mistake

Begging..

Crying..

Begging.. (oh wait, I already said that.)

Desperation is your mistake. I don’t think you realize how much of a mistake it is so let me just tell you. No guy wants to date a desperate woman. Sure, you may hear a guy say something like “I just wish for once that a woman actually chased me without me having to do anything.”

The truth is that this is not what we want.

I have been thinking a lot about desperation lately because I have been answering so many desperate women and I have come to one big conclusion.

The reason that men don’t like desperate women is that a desperate woman are easy to get.

Men don’t want want something that everyone can have.

While I understand that you being desperate to your ex boyfriend may not mean that “everyone” can have you I want you to put yourself in your exes shoes. He probably perceives the situation as “if I can make her this desperate I am sure every guy can…” What is special about that?

Months ago I was texting one of my friends. I was having a pretty bad day and feeling bad about being rejected by a girl in my personal life. My friend gave me probably the most insightful advice I have ever received. He said to me:

“Chris, the secret to women is making them feel like they are the only one in the world.”

This got me thinking a little bit. Not only did I find it incredibly insightful but I also began to realize that all I wanted to feel was that I was the center of a girls universe. So, men in a way also want to feel like they are the only one in the world for you.

The problem with desperation is that it makes you come off like you aren’t of high value or that you may act like this with any guy you deal with.

Being Too Available

available

Women are hard to get..

Most guys don’t know how to get a girl (sometimes I feel like I don’t either to be honest haha.) I mean, just look around the internet. Did you know there are actual courses completely based around how to pick up women? It’s true! Getting a girlfriend for most guys is a challenge.

Yet I always find it so interesting that the script completely flips after a breakup occurs. All of a sudden the woman becomes reliant on the man whereas at the beginning of the relationship it was probably the guy who was chasing the girl. So, what happened here?

I want you to take a step back for a moment. The fact that you are on this site reading this page tells me a few things.

  1. I definitely know that you are interested in getting your ex boyfriend back.
  2. I also know that since you are reading this page you REAAAALLLLYYY want him back.

It’s crazy right?

I mean, he is dating another girl right now so you must have strong enough feelings for him to want him back. These feelings can be your greatest strength but also your greatest weakness. At this stage, though, it is a weakness. You are becoming too reliant on him.

“Will he call?”

“Did he ever care about our time together?”

“Do you think he still thinks about me?”

I have an interesting idea.

WHO CARES!

I know it seems like I am being really hard on you and I am but I am doing this for your own good. (There is always a method to my madness.)

About a month ago I was communicating with a girl on Facebook that was in the middle of a no contact rule on her ex boyfriend (I will teach you about no contact later.) Anyways, during this period she decided that her ex had treated her so poorly that she didn’t want him back. While I was behind the scenes and had a direct tap into her feelings her ex didn’t. So, while she kept asking me the generic “will he call?, did he ever care?, do you think he still thinks about me?” questions she never let her ex know that she was feeling this. In other words, she was not available for him at all.

That was when a funny thing happened. All of a sudden her ex started texting her. After a while the “I still love you” texts started flowing in and now the rest is history.

The morale of this story?

If you are too available for a guy it can kind of ruin things. Don’t be so reliant on what a guy thinks or does. Living your life like that is not really living. Your life should be about one person and no one else, YOU.

The New Girlfriend

new girlfriend

Seeing your ex boyfriend date another woman is not going to be an easy thing to live through. Especially if you want him back.

So, how are you supposed to handle this new girl?

Well, I am going to ask you to do something that you may not want to do. I want you to put yourself in the new girlfriends shoes for a moment. Believe it or not she is probably going to be threatened by you just like you are threatened by her. Thus, the new girlfriend is probably going to do some really mean things to you.

These things can include:

  • Telling your ex to never talk to you again.
  • Saying hurtful things about you.
  • Trying to start a fight with you.
  • Doing everything in her power to discredit anything positive left over from your previous relationship with your ex.

Now, most women who deal with situations like these go on the attack. I think that, that is the dumbest thing you could possibly do. Make no mistake about it, right now your ex boyfriend chose the new girl over you (rebound or not.) If you do get into a negative exchange with the new girlfriend you are probably going to accomplish one thing, bring your ex closer to her.

Imagine for a moment that you were trying to get me back but I had a new girlfriend. Maybe this new girlfriend was a rebound who I didn’t have a lot of feelings for. While I may have been slowly coming to the realization that the new girl wasn’t for me you did something that was a massive mistake, you engaged my new girlfriend on Facebook and had a Facebook war.

People are always looking for a common enemy. As messed up as it sounds it is unfortunately true. By engaging with the new girlfriend you just became our common enemy. Now, what happens when you become the common enemy?

You bring me closer to the new girlfriend thus prolonging the relationship.

This is one of the many reasons that I recommend the no contact rule. Lets talk a little about that now.

During The No Contact Period

(Find out more information about the No Contact Rule with my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

ignore me

This is the second “section” that I have divided the gameplan up into. This will probably be the shortest section out of the three I talk about because there isn’t too much to go into.

So, what is this section about?

Well, it’s pretty self explanatory from the title..

(it’s the no contact rule.)

Why It’s Important In Your Case

important

You are really dumb..

(What did you say?)

I am sorry but right now it’s true. You are super emotional and a lot of the decisions you are making are not based on logic with a future in mind. They are based on emotions and as a result you are making error after error. Right now I know for a fact that you are way too reliant on your ex boyfriend.

Let’s stop for a moment and think about that. Isn’t it ironic that probably the smartest thing you can do to get your ex boyfriend back (and get him to dump his ex girlfriend) is to NOT care.

These are a few of the many reasons that I want you to try a no contact rule.

What is a no contact rule?

Well, I have written a few guides on it. Namely here and here.

However, the gist of it is that for 30 days you are going to perform what I like to call a “freeze out.” Essentially you won’t pick up the phone to text, call or skype your ex. You also won’t pick up the phone if they call, text or skype you. This is a complete freeze out from them for an entire month.

Now, I know exactly what you are thinking.

“If I do a no contact rule won’t that just bring my ex closer with his new girlfriend?”

To that I have one simple response (well really three but who’s counting?) Lets look at your options here.

Option 1- Continue Doing What You Are Doing

Ya… because that has worked so well for you so far (eye roll.)

Look, what you are doing now obviously isn’t working because you felt the need to search the internet for further advice. Do you know what the definition of insanity is?

Insanity- doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Don’t be insane.

Option 2- Turn Into A Text Gnat

You could try texting him with these super long text messages declaring your love for him.

Maybe that would work?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

This only works in one case, if you are actually dating the person and they want to hear from you.

Option 3- Implement The Gameplan (Which Includes NC)

You could do what I am recommending throughout this gameplan and work to slowly make your ex realize that the new girl isn’t anywhere near the woman that you are.

No contact is important throughout this process because it will allow you to evolve and give you time to reacquire that logical mindset that you need. As for convincing him to leave his new girlfriend. Well, I am going to show you how to make him decide all on his own to do it and you won’t even have to do anything crazy.

What You Need To Do During The No Contact Period

squint eyes

Simply doing a no contact rule isn’t the end of your job during this phase of the process.

No, I am afraid you will actually have to do some work.

Have you ever heard of the Ungettable Girl before? Well, it is basically my own creation. One day I was sitting at my desk and I was thinking. If I could create the perfect girl that any guy would chase what would she be like? So, I took out a pen and paper and start listing qualities down.

About ten days later I wrote one of the most popular guides on this site.

The Guide To Becoming The Ungettable Girl

Striving towards becoming an UG (ungettable girl) during your no contact rule is going to do two things for you.

Thing 1- Make You More Attractive To Your Ex (And The Rest Of The World)

Imagine having the world at your fingertips?

Imagine being able to make any man drool?

Well, that is what I am basically trying to give you by urging you to achieve the ungettable girl status. Look, you want your ex boyfriend back and I understand that. However, imagine if a few months down the road your ex is still dating this new girl but he happens to run into you and you have achieved this UG status I keep going on and on about. Don’t you think he would start thinking that he made a mistake?

Thing 2- Give You A Backup Plan

Look, I am not going to lie to you because a lot of the women who visit this site are incredibly intelligent.

The success rate in this situation isn’t anywhere close to 100%.

I think that is pretty much common sense at this point. But if you do strive towards becoming the ungettable girl not only will it act as a goal to achieve but it will act as a backup plan if this gameplan doesn’t work out for you. I don’t want you to be empty handed and feeling like the world is over if things don’t go your way.

Think of being an UG as killing two birds with one stone.

  • It will make you more attractive to your ex.
  • It will allow you to move on and feel amazing about yourself as well.

After The No Contact Period

call me

This final section, after the no contact period, is probably going to be the longest of the three that we will be talking about today.

Why?

Well, a lot has to be accomplished in this section.

  • You have to reignite your exes feelings towards you.
  • You have to influence your ex to leave his new girlfriend (and make him think it is his idea.)
  • You have to make him comfortable enough to want to go on a date with you.

Obviously this section is going to deal with the period of time that occurs after the no contact rule. This means that you are going to have to figure out how to initiate contact with your ex again after a lot of time off from talking to them. Not to mention, the complexity of the new girlfriend is added into the fray so you have found yourself in quite the pickle. While I am going to tell you exactly what you need to do to succeed in your campaign to get your ex boyfriend back there is a concept you first need to understand.

I like to call it the “setting the bar theory”

Setting The Bar Theory

compare

All men compare their girlfriends.

It is only human to compare the person you are currently with to the person you used to be with.

Whenever I explain this concept to people I like to explain it like this:

Every man has his own internal idea of what he considers to be the “perfect woman.” Every girl he ends up dating is going to be compared to this idea. Eventually a girl is going to come close to his idea of the perfect woman but we are talking about a member of the male species here so something is going to go wrong in that relationship (usually because of something he did.) Anyways, after a breakup occurs every single girl is going to be compared to the standard that the best girlfriend he ever had set.

This is the essence of the “setting the bar theory.”

Now, I want to hit the pause button for a moment and go over what I just covered because it is important for what we are going to be trying to do here.

Recap

  • Every man has his idea of a perfect woman.
  • When one girlfriend gets close to that “idea” she sets a standard.
  • Every girl he dates after this is compared to that standard.

What we are going to be trying to do is highlight your best aspects so he uses this theory (setting the bar) to compare you to his new girlfriend. This can be especially effective if you do this right because not only will he begin to realize that the new girlfriend can’t compare to you but he will think that leaving her is his idea when really you were the one to plant the seed.

Inception anyone?

Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend After NC

I want to especially cover this because there is still a lot of confusion among the visitors of this site on how to properly approach an ex after the no contact rule.

The first thing I want to talk about actually has to do with the new girlfriend. A lot of women are scared to talk to men who have girlfriends.

Why?

There is nothing wrong with innocently talking to a man with a girlfriend. Look, I realize that you want your ex boyfriend back and I would never ask you to try to sabotage his new relationship with his new girlfriend but there is nothing wrong with talking to him as long as you stay away from controversial “feeling” topics.

All we are trying to do here is highlight your strengths so that he realizes the “bar” you set is way higher than the girl he is currently dating.

Now, obviously you can’t come out guns a blazing to do that right off that bat. You sort of have to lead up to it.

So, the initial text message I want you to send your ex has to be uncontroversial. However, at the same time it has to be really interesting (to get him to respond.) One of the best ways to do that is with the following text message.

first contact

(For more texting examples check out The Texting Bible)

The key to really making this work is having something really interesting to say after you send the text above. So, what would constitute as interesting? I might say something like this:

first contact1

There are a few things I want you to take note of here. Notice how the tone of the messages that were sent was really friendly (almost playful.) This is a good opener because it yielded a response. Now, I do realize that in the example I provided above the responses aren’t exactly what you would call positive but this kind of opener is not conducive of a positive response. It is simply to open the conversation up. Once you have the conversation open with an ex you can text back and forth for a little bit and then I would like you to end the conversation.

Highlighting Your Strengths

How can you highlight your strong points while at the same time highlighting his new girlfriends weaknesses?

That is really the question.

Obviously you can’t come right out and say

“Hey, I am awesome and your new girlfriend is not.. WAKE UP!”

We are going to have to go about this more subtly. The first thing I think you need to do is think back to your relationship and list all the high points you can. For example, if you were to ask me to go back and list the best parts of my last relationship I think I would list the following qualities:

  • I felt I was in a good mood any time I saw that person and this person was in a good mood when they saw me.
  • I was definitely happy to be in a real relationship.
  • I felt like there were times where the world ceased to exist and it was just me and her.

(Of course, I can give you the list for the worst parts of this particular relationship and unfortunately that list is a lot longer.)

This brings us to an interesting point. What if you start making your list of the “best qualities” but your mind keeps wandering back to the worst moments. I want you to stay away from these memories as much as possible. I have established throughout this site that men usually only respond positively to good memories so I don’t want you to touch the bad ones with a ten foot pole.

Get it? Got it? GOOD!

Once you have your list of good qualities in front of you it is time to integrate those into your conversation with your ex boyfriend. Now, this is where things get really tricky because you can’t say anything that your ex boyfriend will view as you trying to “highlight” yourself. In addition, you can’t say anything that he will view as you trying to break him and his new girlfriend up.

What I want to do now is use my own list of “good qualities” above as an example to show you how I would “highlight” myself without “highlighting” myself. If that makes any sense.

I think if I had to choose any of the qualities I listed above I would choose the one about being in a good mood. So, basically any time my (now) ex girlfriend and I saw each other we always seemed to be in a good mood. Now, how do you say that in a text message without crossing any of the “borders?”

I think I would try something like this:

good mood

(Again, you want to look at The Texting Bible if you want more texting examples.)

There is a lot to talk about here.

I think I want to start with the initial first text sent.

The “Isn’t it the greatest thing when you see someone and they just automatically put you in a good mood?” is really just used as a set up question. While perhaps it is a risky question to ask, ultimately, it is an innocent statement. I would just use that question as a way to test your ex boyfriend. To see how he responds to it. If he responds positively (like the person in the example above did) I would move on to the next part.

“Actually, I think that you and I were always pretty good about that.” This part of the second text message is meant to highlight your previous relationship, which is the whole goal of this exercise. Now, it is risky to send that alone because it may cross over some lines in your exes mind. That is why I added the last part. “That is probably why we get along so well even now.” I did something really clever here with this statement. Not only did I paint the current relationship between you and your ex in a positive light (you two still get along) but I also acknowledged something that maybe the two of you were afraid to admit, that whether you like it or not you actually still think about each other.

Conclusion

This was a long guide huh?

Actually it is over seven thousand words so I am impressed you read all the way to the end. I realize I left out a lot of the steps to accomplish the goals you need to accomplish but I gave you the overall gameplan that you need to succeed.

Forgive me for leaving things out though. I have to keep some content exclusively for those willing to pay for the E-Book.

I hope you enjoyed this guide. Feel free to leave a comment. I will be happy to answer your questions.

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1,114 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has A Girlfriend -Version 2.0-”

  1. Avatar

    A

    December 22, 2020 at 2:34 am

    Hii its me again..um i tried the being there method but she doesn’t budge..and i made a mistake by asking him if his feelings are stronger for her..he said they are stronger for her..and he’s usually not a loyal person and he said “I do love her and I want to be loyal to her so it’ll be better if we did nothing” And he said nothing is gonna happen between us..is it hopeless..what should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2020 at 5:20 pm

      Hey again A, I understand it is frustrating but the being there method you are not supposed to be asking him for something more than friendship at this point and it can take up to 6 months for the being there method to work. You need to understand that right now he is with her and thinks she is the better woman, and as you say he does have feelings for her. I would suggest that you go back into another no contact as you have clearly had an emotional conversation with your ex to be discussing “nothing going to happen” between you both. This is not part of the program, please read the materials on this website to help you

  2. Avatar

    Ashley Morriseau

    September 25, 2020 at 3:38 pm

    Hi!
    I feel like my situation is a bit more complicated. I was with my bf for 6.5 yrs. I broke up with him 2/2020 and left our house with our dog. He just was living his own life with no regard to a life together and I got tired of it. I thought leaving would wake him up. He continued to text me and ask to see the dog saying he missed and loved me, from Feb until May. He stopped texting in May/June but we ran into each other and made plans to see each other. He ended up staying over one night but then faded away after that. I was confused and felt we were heading in a direction of working things out, which he said I “wasn’t wrong for thinking that.” A few weeks went by where I was a mess and confused and he finally told me he’s seeing someone and “wants to see how it goes” he said he was “sorry that he wasn’t giving me the answers I wanted right now” and that I’m not the only one hurting. After that I took a day and responded wishing him the best and started no contact. He continued to send me snapchat memories of the dogs, etc which I didnt respond to. Its now September and I still have stuff at the house and he still has stuff at my parents. I broke no contact last week with a friendly text and he responded positively. I now need to make plans to get my stuff, but am using it as a ploy for him to see me since we haven’t seen each other in months. I wish to work things out but i feel its impossible if he makes it difficult to see or talk to each other especially with him seeing someone. I am still confused about him seemingly choosing this other girl over me when things started going in the right direction with us.
    Any info would be helpful!
    I appreciate all you guys supply here! Itsb helped!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2020 at 5:47 pm

      Hi Ashley, you would need to follow a No Contact of at least 45 days where you just do not reach out or reply to him. From there you work on yourself and start casually dating, before reaching out with a text that Chris suggests at the end of your NC.

  3. Avatar

    Laura

    September 7, 2020 at 12:11 pm

    Hi,
    5 weeks ago my partner of 10 years left me. We have had a rocky year (I emotionally cheated on him in jan, but we had been trying to work past that)
    We have 2 young children and were supposed to get married this year.
    I found out this weekend that he is already seeing someone and had built up a relationship with her over messages prior to us splitting up, although he denies anything physical. He is taking her abroard next weekend. He has said to me its “probably just a rebound” but I’m sure he is just playing down how serious it is between them.
    When he sees me he is flirty and tells me he misses me and loves me but doesnt want us to be together.
    How do I win him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 7, 2020 at 4:00 pm

      Hey Laura, you start with a 45 days limited no contact and in that time you work on yourself. You need to also question why it is you both started looking elsewhere for attention. Read about the being there method too. Reading the articles on this website is going to give you the best chance of getting your ex back. Understand also that it may take some couples therapy to help you past your hurdles if you do get back together

  4. Avatar

    Jaslyne

    August 24, 2020 at 7:37 pm

    I’m married, going through a divorce and I contacted my ex boyfriend about a year and half ago. We started seeing each other. Before you know it we became intimate. He asked me several times if I was getting a divorce and I told him yes and we were working out the details because my husband got deported and I have to go about it differently. Ex boyfriend and I stopped speaking in June of this year, following month he got into a relationship with someone else. I didn’t even know he was talking to someone else. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m still going through a divorce. How can I win him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 27, 2020 at 4:13 pm

      Hi Jaslyne follow the program and specifically about what to do when they have a new relationship. Follow the No contact rule for 45 days too

  5. Avatar

    Monica

    August 18, 2020 at 3:56 pm

    Hello Chris, My ex and I were together for 5 months, but then he ended it because we had some disagreements and mostly because his parents told him he couldn’t be with me because of the disagreements (he’s in his 30s I’m in my 20s). But we became FWB for 4 months following the breakup, until I ended that. I’ll admit I did a fair amount of begging to get back together during this time. After this he would call and text me from time to time and 1 month later he tried to start seeing me again. At that point I was afraid we would just be FWB again so I told him we needed space until he was ready for commitment. I realize I probably pushed too hard for commitment, but as I said I was scared of falling back into a FWB situation. He continued texting me but much less and we talked on the phone a few times. Now it has been 2 months since I told him we needed space, and a total of 8 months since the initial breakup. By now I felt like I was ready to start talking and maybe see each other again slowly to guage how he was feeling, so I reached out, only to for him to tell me he’s now been seeing someone else for the past 2 weeks. I asked him if he’s moved on and no longer interested in me, and he said yeah. However later in the conversation he mentioned the possibility of getting back together at some point too. Mind you he had never stopped messaging me almost every day. I’m not sure what to do now and if there’s any hope in eventually getting him back? We always had amazing chemistry and he was extremely attracted to me. What would be my best game plan now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 9:43 pm

      Hi Monica if you want to start following the program that starts with a full no contact

  6. Avatar

    Vi

    July 31, 2020 at 2:51 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I was in a relationship for 10 years. While I felt nothing was wrong, apparently the past one year had been hard for him that resulted in him “loosing his feeling for me”. We’ve talked about it and got to the core problems only after we broke up. We broke up cause I found out he’s been having another girlfriend for four months.

    I want to implement this gameplan, however I’m having problem with NC. We still live together right now, cause we have to, hence it’s hard to have no contact. I’ve been following your recommendation in another article, just be a respectful roommate and talk when he initiates the conversation. But I got a feeling he’s not experiencing the breakup. Maybe cause he’s got the replacement already, so no heart broken.

    We still act as normal as possible, with limited contact. But for him to still see me, we eat meals together even though not talking, we do our own things but in the same space. I feel the lost but I don’t think he is. He still has that gf to talk to while I don’t have my bf anymore.

    How do I make this gameplan effective with my current situation.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 9:13 am

      Hi Vi, I am sure I have answered but following limited no contact, and trying to avoid him as much as you can would be the best way to go show him that he has lost you. Even start casually dating yourself if your area is lock down free now. He will miss you even though he has this new person it will just seem to take longer as she is not going to be the same person as you and he is going to realise that over time. While it is new they are in the honeymoon phase so she will be “great” at the moment that is why you need to NC for 45 days and allow the new relationship to pass. Even though they have been together for 4 months it has been a secret up until recently so now its out in the open they’ll be happy for a while. But you work the Ungettable information and you will see he notices the positive changes you are making

  7. Avatar

    Rebecca

    May 10, 2020 at 10:41 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years and he broke this off in January…i found out in February that’s he has new girlfriend (from his work) I have been in no contact since February.
    It is the 3 year passing of his brother this month and I am still very close to his family and they have been keeping in contact. I will be contacting his family on the anniversary as I supported them all through that time period and his brother means a lot to me…I still love my ex and hope that we can reconcile in the future …my question is should I reach out to my ex to say I hope he is ok on the 3yr passing? Or stay in no contact as I am also not sure if this new girlfriend is a rebound as they work together.

  8. Avatar

    Jane

    May 7, 2020 at 5:42 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Just wondering what to do if you broke up 2 months ago, and he started dating someone else about 2/3 weeks ago? I completed 35 days of no contact, messaged after (responses were neutral and then stopped) and I’ve been in no contact again since (over 2 weeks).

    Will I try to message again? Or leave it for a few weeks?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Jane you can try to reach out again but make sure the texting style is as close to Chris as you can so that you get your ex hooked on interest and end the conversation first at the peak

  9. Avatar

    Twyla

    April 16, 2020 at 4:17 am

    My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me through a texted one day saying he didnt love me anymore, after kissing me and telling me he did that same morning before going to work. There was alot of fights and cruel words spoken during the month before I moved out and the whole time he was talking to another girl and getting dressed up and going to hang out with her. Turns out the girl was his friends widow who he had been talking to sense this friend died. After I moved out with our son we didnt speak for a few weeks but than we started talking and even sleeping together and hanging out. He left me 5 months ago and this has been going on up until a week ago. where after we slept together he told me we cant do it anymore because it makes him feel guilty cause he will never have feelings for me again and he knows I still love him.While we have still been sleeping together and acting as if we were still together he has been talking to this girl and still hanging out with her. Hes told me before that they have been talking about starting a serious relationship but I never believed him because of the fact that we were still being intimate and having heart to hearts. But now he doesnt talk to me, or see our son. Easter just past and he didnt call or anything but instead bought this other girls kids gifts and spent the whole day talking to her. They have been looking at houses to buy and stuff as well.. Throughout this 5 months it’s been an emotional rollercoaster and we have had some pretty nasty fights where I have said cruel things about her and been extremely mean to him. I think I have pushed him closer to her because of my crazy emotional outburst. Is it to late to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 4:31 pm

      Hey Twyla, so if you want to get him back then you need to stop all contact now for 45 days and focus on yourself for that time, read the articles that apply to you, and most definitely read about the being there method. Following a 45 day no contact gives them time to pass the honeymoon phase as you want the problems in their relationship to start forming before you attempt to befriend your ex.

  10. Avatar

    Aly

    April 2, 2020 at 1:31 am

    My boyfriend and I dated for 6 years, we lived together all throughout this time, built a life together, bought a house and share a dog and 2 cats. He broke up with me a day before Valentines Day saying he “wasn’t in love anymore” but the week and a half that followed resulted in a lot of talks, him coming home and spending time with me, sleeping together, a lot of tears and by the time I was about to move out he told me that he is still in love with me but he’s just not happy. So I moved out. I tried to keep my distance but we have definitely kept in contact, most of my things are still in our house and I’ve come to spend time with the dog when possible. It’s always been friendly interactions and he’s even told me that this is hard on him too. A week ago, I found out he’s talking to a new girl and he seems to really like her.. he’s even brought her over our house which hurts. I know she knows that everything in the house is mine, it’s very obviously decorated completely by a girl. I want to believe it’s a rebound but I’m scared he will actually like her and never miss me. I’ve started no contact and plan to stick with it but is it worth waiting to see?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 8:59 pm

      Hi Aly I would say it was a rebound yes, but it still requires you to do a NC of 45 days and work on your Holy Trinity in that time. Then start following the being there method if they are still together by that point

  11. Avatar

    Sarah

    March 20, 2020 at 6:07 pm

    Hello! My ex boyfriend and I are students at the same college and we’re from the same hometown. We broke up in December after dating for 10 months. After the breakup, I religiously followed the no contact rule and any other article/book/website that provided advice about getting your ex back. It seemed to work very well- after no contact of 30 days our interactions seemed very flirty. He would call me cute, buy me food, etc. Unfortunately, in February I found out that he got back with his ex girlfriend, and they’ve been dating since only two weeks after him and I broke up in December. (Meaning that he’s been flirting with me despite his relationship). Here’s the kicker- this girl used to be my best friend until she treated both my ex boyfriend and I horribly. When my ex and I dated we agreed to cut her out of our lives and that she was not a good person. So you can imagine how betrayed and shocked I felt when he told me they are dating a second time. Unfortunately, I let go everything I had learned about winning your ex back and let him have it. (More than once). I told him why I was hurt and that he is setting himself up to get hurt by her again. (Also might have told him this more than once). Since that interaction, I apologized for lashing out but he surprisingly agreed that I made lots of good points and I might be right. In short, I’m worried that by my wave of emotions and lashing out I ruined any chance of him and I getting back together. Advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 5:30 pm

      Hi Sarah so after your emotional conversation you do need to complete a 45 day No Contact to allow the time to pass. As for him going back to his ex before you check out the latest video about this topic that Chris has just posted. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHc0CoFOsvk

  12. Avatar

    Julie

    January 4, 2020 at 1:33 am

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago after almost three years and we were still doing things just without the title but in the past couple of weeks he got very strict and doesn’t want to do anything because he says he feels as if he will get sucked right back in. We are still in contact (barely) but he is asking for space and he is talking to someone new. He says he still has feelings for me but he’s just blocking them and not wanting to feel them. He says this new girl is not a rebound and that they’re getting to know each other but he’s going on dates with her and everything. He also says that right now he knows he does not want a relationship with me at all but that you never know what can happen in the future. We did go about a week without talking and I asked him how he felt about it, if he had thought about me throughout and all he responded was “we’re not together”. I’m just not sure if I still have a chance. Please help me. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 5, 2020 at 12:05 am

      Hi Julie so you need to start a No Contact and stick to it. After a full 30 day no contact and then reach out in a friendly way

  13. Avatar

    Pepe

    October 31, 2019 at 9:11 pm

    Hi EBR,
    I am in NC yet feel quite down. Your website and advice help a lot to go through and not reaching out.
    Today I found out that my ex gave me STD and I am very angry about him leaving me and giving me this. I’ve started the medication but anyway the urge to reach to him and tell him is high.
    What do you think is the right thing to do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2019 at 9:27 pm

      Hi Pepe, so the dilemma you have is telling him that he has an STD incase he ends up passing it on to others and so on. I would suggest sending a brief calm and to the point message telling him about that. And then straight back to NC and not reacting to anything he says in response

  14. Avatar

    S

    October 13, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    I’ve been on no contact for a little more than 2 months. Is there still any hope left?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 8:35 pm

      Hi S, as long as you’ve worked on yourself then yes! Read some texting articles or watch some youtube videos about how to reach out for the first time after a NC

  15. Avatar

    Melissa

    September 18, 2019 at 11:20 am

    Hi Chris, I really need your advice.
    I was with my ex boyfriend for 6 years when on
    Christmas day he told me he needed space, I didn’t let it happen, I panicked, instead I chased him hard, I have now drove him away.
    We carried on seeing each-other once a week, going for food, shopping etc. When in June he blocked me and I found him with another woman 10 years older than him. It ended bad, police involved, they offered him a restraining order but he rejected it. For 2 months I was stupid and carried on begging to the point we were arguing daily. We agreed on 3 weeks no contact, after that he got in touch with me, added me back on everything wanting to be friends, where I found out he has now moved into this womens flat with the excuse of “Shes been the perfect distraction for me, you’ve pushed me towards her” . We tried being friends, I ended up being needy and it ended up him blocking me again, he said we cant move forward if I keep sending essays how hurt I am and how bad I want him. I bumped in to him Monday outside the doctors and he hugged me and said he needs time and he hasn’t had 1 day in 9 months to miss me, and he will contact me when he is ready. My mum was also there and she said she can tell he still loves me but he’s in a mess. I can’t give up on us I know there is a future for us, I said there are things I need to talk to you about he said put them in a letter so thats what I did today and dropped it off at his pub. I have said how I dont want our old relationship back but we can start fresh, for him to have this space and clear his head but I can’t promise I will be waiting for him. I know he isn’t happy, his eyes were full of pain yesterday. I also know me begging and being there hasn’t given him any chance to experience life without me. I know I have to do this no contact and wait for him, but oh my god it hurts.. Can couples get through stuff like this? Im trying to be positive and know I can get him back if I leave him alone now, I just feel he will see it as a phew shes gone I can get serious with this woman now?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 19, 2019 at 9:30 am

      Hi Melissa, so begging and pressuring your ex to take you back, or give you a chance is NOT going to give you what you want. You need to complete a full NC and at this point you need to do a 45 day NC because of all the negative impact. While you complete a no contact, work on yourself, ignore any contact me makes with you. Like he said he hasn’t had a chance to miss you. Let him miss you!

  16. Avatar

    Kate

    April 27, 2019 at 8:11 am

    Hey Chris!! it’s amazing that you respond to so many comments (although a search bar for the website wouldn’t go astray). It’s now been 10 or 8.5 months since my ex left (depending on when you are counting from) and he has now been with his gf for 4-5 months (depending on when you count from). I posted earlier on 12 Feb, it has now been 3 months since we had any interaction on social media, he doesn’t call and only texts about arrangements for picking up and dropping off the kids, he has now started picking them up when I’m at work. 6 weeks ago he got kicked out of his housemates house, moved in with the gf and he parents, before they got their own place and furnished it from scratch together. He is no longer nice to me, about 2 months ago he did something nice for me and he got in trouble, he is no longer willing to do family time with our kids (possibly because he got in trouble) and will no longer see me with or without the kids outside my house. My 6yo has also said that Daddy and Steph will be in love forever and don’t fight like we did. He has no regard for how I feel about our kids around the gf and responds to any of my concerns with “well they’re not like that when they’re with me” or “I don’t where that’s coming from”. He has also taken our kids around to meet the gf’s mum and grandma.
    I could see that he was hurting a for a couple of months after he left, but that is gone now, he is at peace and happy. Basically I’m just looking for the confirmation that it’s time to give up hope and move on

  17. Avatar

    Amber

    April 14, 2019 at 11:03 pm

    Hi Chris!

    So my ex who’s had a girlfriend for the last 8 months is still looking at my Instagram stories once in a while but at odd times..a couple weeks ago he was looking at my story very early morning on a Saturday…he doesn’t follow me.

    Does he miss me or is this just curiosity?

    I want him to come to me and I’m thinking maybe he’s slowly coming around considering he’s thinking of me at much odd times but I don’t know how to take this.

    Thank you!
    Amber

  18. Avatar

    Danielle

    March 29, 2019 at 9:40 pm

    Hey chris,

    I was wondering if you could give me advice on my situation. I broke up with my ex almost 5 months ago. I initiated the breakup during a really emotional time and I deeply regretted it. I have tried to do no contact but I failed at least 3 times now because we work together so its difficult to just disappear. Aside from that, I’ve been the text gnat, and I’ve done my fair share of crying. We still text each other, but I find that I’m the one who has to reach out if we are to talk. Recently I found out that he started going on dates and hanging out with this girl. And I really want to know how should I go about getting him back, or should I just give up now?

  19. Avatar

    Kate

    February 13, 2019 at 1:02 am

    Hi Chris,
    I should also mention her mum got him a new job working with her. Given your expert knowledge. Do you think I should approach her like a rebound, or like something more serious?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 14, 2019 at 3:39 am

      HI Kate! Time is the real arbitrator in matters like this.

  20. Avatar

    Kate

    February 12, 2019 at 10:52 pm

    Hi, I am confused about the status of my ex and his new gf.
    It has now been 6 months since we broke up, he first messaged her on Tinder 3.5 months after we broke up and became official with her 3 weeks later, and I know he was messaging other women from Tinder during this time, they have now been together almost 2 months and seem quite happy together. We see each other quite a bit because we have kids.
    – the weekend he first messaged her he bought me a Space-Jam T-shirt, he has bought himself all the male ones
    – his hid the relationship status change on fb from me
    – he started avoiding me
    – when she came up in conversation he referred to her as ‘a friend’
    – he doesn’t post a lot but she posts ALL THE TIME, my friend knew her years ago and says shes whiny, but she always posts on fb, almost daily, there is a post involving him once every 3 days on average.
    – I confronted him about her relating to the kids, so then he knew that I knew
    – he re-gifted her a bracelet from his first rebound that says “his queen” while wearing one saying “her King”
    – When I saw this on fb and laughed at the re-gifting he got defensive and made a point of telling me that it was from Wish, so not expensive
    – he stopped avoiding me
    – He spends all his time with her, he told me he doesn’t like his housemates, so he’s never really home (so he’s with her)
    – he has tagged me in a few posts on insta and sometimes watches my (rare) snapchat stories
    – he doesn’t really have his own friends, he has added a lot of hers on fb and insta, including her mother
    – he responded well when tagged him in a post on fb.
    – he tells me about all his plans (going to this thing, then it’s her friends birthday, so if we feel up to it, we’ll be going to that place later)
    – changed his night with the kids so he could spend V day with her.
    – we were an opposites-attract couple, they seem to be a lot more compatible (seafood, steak and wine&cheese night, I am vegetarian and don’t like wine) I think he also likes the freedom of being able to go out all the time without kids, which she doesn’t have.
    Any thoughts on this? we’re past the point of no-contact, but I am still doing limited contact

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 13, 2019 at 12:34 am

      So limited NC seems like a fit. You should invest in my ex recovery Program as there is so much more info in my 485 page eBook than I can cover here!

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