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245 thoughts on “The Four Best Ways To Respond To Your Exes Text Messages”

  1. Jean

    January 3, 2018 at 3:02 am

    I’m sorry for the typos I haven’t had sleep and I’m using my mobile in the dark of my room.
    Please help me what style fits a highly insecure guy and yet he will learn to respect my parameters.

    Thank You.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 7:00 pm

  2. Jean

    January 3, 2018 at 2:57 am

    My exboyfriend and I shared a deep, loving relationship of 2 months and had petty quarrels, but really fought once not talking for only 4 days max. Now lately I found out he has tried chatting girls in foreign countries and we agreed we will not chat with the opposite sex specially random people online not friends or family. I stuck to that and he did not. Then aside form that he has been touchy with my new friend ( he pulled her arm when making her go to tje dance floor witj hks friend and lightly kicked her but while dancing. ) when we went on a double date with his friend. My friend told me she did not like it and clearly my boyfriend was very drunk that night and was too high on alcohol. I was embarrased too for his actions and felt disrespected. That triggered me to ignore him on messenger our only form of communication as I am a tourist here in his country. I know he has deep insecurities as his dad died when he was 7 and his first love left him for a fixed marriage. Thus the need for flirting and constant validation in even the slightest form. I will not tolerate him though so I ignored him 4 days which is our normal when angry. Instead of being sorry.. He infriended me on fb ( he does that to make me reply ) and said- goodbye!!! I then told him. I did not like your actions with my friend and for the 2nd time broke your promise of not trying to chat with girls. So okay.. Goodbye also. Just know that I never did the same.. All I did was respect you and love you.
    Then I started the no contact. On the 14th day for new year’s I had to text our common friends a greeting and decided I will be polite to throw him one generic happy new year and would not want a convo. He replied with one word- happy. I continued on with no contact, but on 16th day at 4am he messaged several times asking if I’m awake and that he misses me.. I did not reply. I don’t know what to do from here. He is highly insecure. I’m afraid he might block me when he gives up during no contact- he is that type. He already un-friended me on fb.. It is our only way of communication. Plus he did not actually cheat he just likes to flrt. On day 5 alone of our no contact.. He posted a music video with lyrics like being in the dark and almost like dead and someone should just rip his heart out. Should I do only 21 days not discounting the new year day as it ends on the 8th. Or start from new year the 21 again or do a 30-day from what point of my applied nc already..? Will it be too hard to handle for an insecure guy? I also do not want to be blocked. I know that’s what he will do next to avoid the pain. Same time I want bounderies established. What should I do about my fragile situation dear Expert? :))

  3. Andrew

    November 1, 2017 at 7:48 pm


    I am a gay man and my ex boyfriend messaged me this after 29 days of no contact –

    “So, today I had to change password at work because it was expiring. That’s where I realized I’ve been using your name as my password for the past 90 days. It made me think of you. I hope you’re doing great! I loved your Halloween Costume:)”

    I replied – “Thanks. Hope you’re well.”

    Was I rude? He saw my Halloween pictures on Facebook but didn’t like it. But he messaged me 3 days after Halloween appreciating my costume. Also, if he has been using my name as the password, obviously he would login everyday at work using that password, why think of me when it is about to expire. Do you think it’s an excuse to talk to me? or is he just trying to play with my feelings to test the waters? He asked me to be friends with him after break up to which I had said I can’t be friends. And I received this text after 29 days of strict no contact. Also, was I rude with my reply to his message? What should I do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 9:44 pm

      Hi Andrew,

      It’s not rude.. But when you replied your nc was broken.. So you can start slowly building rapport now.. And yes, he probably is thinking about you

  4. Lucy

    August 30, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    My partner broke up with me in January 2017. We had been together for 5yrs and I had been wanting to get married. We talked about it but he never committed to the idea and made weak plans concerning the future. I suggested we take a week to think about what we want and after that week he was no clearer. regarding our plans. We argued and he told me he needs to focus on himself as he has nothing to offer and there was a sense of panic, sadness and desperation in what he was saying. He’s cheated on me via text and taken girls out whilst we were together. It’s likely that he was physically unfaithful too. I got upset following the break up but he was resolute and his mind could’t be changed. I begged and cried and he stayed with me that night to make sure that I was ok, but still insisted that he needs to focus on himself. He walked out of my life and asked me to respect his need for time. I couldn’t accept the break up and kept in touch, as did he after 3 weeks of initially barely responding to me. Following the initial silence we would talk and still see each other (at each other’s homes) but we didn’t go out and do the social things like we used to. We were intimate on 3 occasion within a period of 4 months, but the majority of the time that we met we were not intimate. He’s currently in the process of renovating a property he bought and would ask me to look at bathrooms and kitchens with him. He’d send me the options to choose from and send me pictures of the house as it was renovated. He also asked, quite generally, how I’d feel if I ever lived with a lodger/tenant. I knew this was something he was considering as his mum had told me that she had suggested he take in a tenant to save money once he moved into the property. The plan before we broke up had been to move into the property once married. Anyway the property is taking longer than expected and as time has passed I became impatient and dissatisfied with the lack of progress. I brought up the relationship and he pulled away and contact became less. This was around 4 months after our break up. The following month he then saw messages between myself and his mum and was angered that we were ‘plotting’ behind his back to get us back together. He asked to see the messages in my phone, but refused and he told me to leave despite me apologising for the way the messages made him feel. I get on with his mum and she wants nothing more than for us to reconcile After this I resolved to move on. He then messaged me when I got home but I didn’t respond. He messaged me again the next day asking me to call him, but I didn’t so then he called me and I ignored this too. I didn’t hear from him for the next two days, then he called again. No response and so the following day he sent a number of angry texts telling me that I had no right to be angry or to ignore him as he was the wronged party. I then caved and we met up talked and parted amicably but not as a couple. Again my intention was not to contact him as I didn’t like where the relationship had gone. A week later he messaged me and I told him I was at the gym (new hobby I had taken up). He then called me and we spoke. I ended the conversation and there was no contact for nearly 3 weeks before he contacted me again asking how I was. Initially I was quite collected but then I binged on contacting him as I had missed him and sent lots of messages. His responses were positive but I knew I was going about things the wrong way. I then asked to him to see a film and he told me he had seen it already and when I asked to meet up and some excuse about not having time so I told him his contacting me sets me back and that it’s best we part ways properly. He didn’t respond straight away but contacted me two days later on my dad’s birthday wishing him happy birthday and apologised for ignoring my last message, but said he didn’t want to go over things again. He had previously said he needs to focus on himself and to allow him to miss me and make his own decision regarding us. I responded to his messaging by saying thanks and that I would pass his message to my dad and nothing more. It was at this point that I found out about the NC Rule. I went NC for 23 days and then reached out with a first contact text. His response was positive and in my 2nd response I ended the conversation and didn’t respond to his last message. I also didn’t contact him the next day and then the following day he contacted me asking if I was up to date with a TV show. He then sent another text asking me to call him because he wanted advice regarding a job application which I believe was an excuse. I didnt see his message straight away and when I did I asked him to give me half an hour to call him as I was busy. I then called him and we spoke on the phone for the first time after NC. The converstaion was friendly and he asked for advice. I made sure that it did not go beyond his job and I didn’t volunteer information about myself and didn’t enquire about him either. I followed up the next day by emailing him information that I promised, that would help with his interview, and also got back to his question about the TV show. He then asked me more questions about the job, and was really upbeat. I responded to his questions and then told him he’d do great and wished him well. I had plan to follow up in 2 days time on the day of his interview to see how it went, but today he text me thanking me once again for my help and giving me another update about the job.

    My question is does this sound positive and should I resume texting even though we’ve now spoken on the phone? I don’t want to skips stages and I want him to work at getting me back if that’s his intention. I’m actively changing my profile picture and have hinted that I’m out at times in my text responses. I’m a lot more detached than I’ve ever been in my responses to him although I’m trying to be fun and helpful and to rebuild that emotional attachment again. I have a feeling that he’s wondering if I’m different towards him now because i’m not readily divulging information and I’m somewhat nice but aloof. He may think I’m dating now as I have boundaries.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Lucy,

      It’s ok to interchange texting and calling to further build rapport.

  5. summer

    August 4, 2017 at 10:38 am


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 8:28 am

      why did you separate?

  6. alia

    August 4, 2017 at 9:26 am

    My long distance bf broke up with me two weeks ago. He said he loved me but because of his problems and difficulties he didn’t see how it could work out. After two days of panicking and begging him I went NC. A week later he sends me a funny joke. I ignored and next day he sends a romantic pic of us on a trip. Do I ignore or reply something very casual? He has relied on me being the one who’s always there, begging him and making things right, I’ve never ignored him for so long. I do want him back but I’ve played it cool so far.

    1. Alia

      August 10, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      I really don’t know what to do.. my ex just keeps sending me funny video clips, memes etc… every day. I also know he’s checking my instgaram account daily. Now I haven’t responded him for two days.. what does he want? And what shoul I do to get him back? I’ve done the no contact for almost three weeks now apart from me sending him one message.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      that means you have to start the count after the day you sent the last text.. be active in improving yourself and keep being active in posting. Just let him be, that’s a good that he’s like that.

    3. Alia

      August 6, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      I ended up just replying “haha” two days later which he replied with a laughing emoji… I’m just very confused of why he would send me a picture of us. When we broke up he told me “you’ll get over this” and he knows how difficult it is for me so why would he send this? He also contacted me right after the initial breakup: he ignored my messages and I had had enough and told him “that’s it then, good bye”. Next morning he texted me casually that his dad had been on hospital for a few days, I asked if it was serious, he said no. After this I went NC.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 8:26 am

      Hi Alia,

      I hope you didn’t reply and are you actively improving yourself and posting?

  7. subita

    July 29, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    So I finally got through no contact, my ex boyfriend kept messaging me off and on throughout the no contact period asking me to talk to him or atleast provide an update on whats going on with my life. I worked on myself during no contact, got a new job, hung out more with friends, posted in social media, worked on my looks. I finally messaged him after no contact and our exchange has been positive, too positive i feel. He first wanted to know all about me, and seemed keen on knowing about “any major changes” in my life. He said that he is stunned by the change in me, how positive and confident i am, and really seemed excited about my new job. Then he started updating me on things in his life, and it seems he has been upto a lot of improvement in himself, and has been doing a lot of fun things like going on trips, working out etc. I said I am really glad for him, and seems that he didnt let the breakup stop him from things, he started saying that it was really difficult for him, and that I dont know, he is “struggling to move on and move past”. I get a feeling that he is either talking about the positive changes in his life to attract me, or he is trying to match upto me in terms of the positive changes I have achieved, in order to not fall short in front of me. In either case, I dont know how to respond to these changes. I definitely dont think I dont matter to him, because he has always tried to contact me, and shown that my presence and my opinions matter a lot. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 7:34 am

      HI Subita,

      that’s good that you’re very active but did you answer him during the no contact period or commented on his comments to your posts if he did?

  8. sina

    July 20, 2017 at 9:33 am

    I did no contact for 27 days. but he contacted me to wish me a happy birthday (with my pet name and kiss smiley) said thank u (1 day later) and told him, that I am on vacation and the trip reminds me on our trip together. we have contact. I answer him unregulary (same day, 2 days, 3 days)
    he used the kiss smiley again. I am staying cool and funny. playing cool girl. now, the last message was a little bit effortless.
    is he testing my reactions? how can I keep the contact? how can I keep the interest? how to get on to get him back? I am unsure

    we hadn’t a proper split. we had a time out because he got cold feet

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 8:17 am

      You have to restart the nc and to do it properly by not replyig, not initiating, no liking and commenting back..just keep being active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

  9. Nikki

    June 6, 2017 at 11:03 pm


    Currently in the no contact zone.. one week deep. Got a text from my ex saying “just wanted to say hi” … didn’t respond, but he deleted me on social media. Help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2017 at 3:10 pm

      HI NIkki,

      just let him be and continue on being active in improving and posting in social media.

  10. Tammy

    June 5, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    I do not contact my ex …but every week he texts good evening…l thought he would just stop…l just say hey hope you ok have a blessed day….he responds thank you have a blessed day yourself….l wish he would stop textinh.l dnt want him back he makes me very unhappy.

  11. jul

    May 25, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    I initiated the breakup with him after 8 months as he was just too busy for me. It was always me initiating texts and meetups. I couldnt take it anymore so I ended it and went into NC immediately. Went out with my friends, did the things i have been wanting to do and enjoyed myself in the longest time.
    2 weeks into NC.. he contacted me with the following:
    “life have been tough for me. I hope you will not be angry with me anymore. You do take care.”
    I have not responded as I wanted to continue NC. But was just wondering what is he trying to say? Now I am at Day 21 of NC..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Hi Jul,

      he probably misses you and wanting to talk..

  12. Virginia

    May 22, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    My BF and I broke up about 6 most ago. For the 3rd or 4th time. I finished 40 days of NC. I sent an email, to which I got a polite response. So I asked if I could text, because we had blocked each other. So I tried the action, story, end text. This guy would sometimes take hours or days to respond when we were together, but now he responds within the minute. But I just found out he has a new girlfriend he met during NC. He doesn’t know I know. How do I respond if he tells me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2017 at 6:27 pm

      be indifferent.. and then go back to whatever you were talking about.

  13. Miranda

    May 9, 2017 at 11:20 pm

    so after the 21 one days of no contact he contacts me saying he was a dick and saying he was sorry for behaving that way, i mean when we “broke up” he didnt answered at all, and then he said he didnt know how to handle the situation
    so we have been talking for a week or so again but now he is still doing the same things that annoy me and that i decided to stop talking
    like not letting me know he wont talk that day or no talking for days
    and we were supposed to talk a day at night and he stood me up… and i asked if i had done anything wrong and he just said sorry for not being in phone all day, and i told him it made me feel bad what he was doing, not talking and standng me up and he called me paranoid
    and i actually didnt do the text messages strategy ( we are in long distance) so my question is
    should i start doing the text msg strategy or is it too late? or what topic of the blog must i read for help in this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      Truth is, you’re not together anymore. He’s not obligated to let you know when he’s available to talk or not..so, that means you have to be more patient if you want to build rapport.. you check this one if you Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  14. Shanna

    April 29, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Hi I was doing the 30 Days NC, reached day 33 yesterday and my ex text me at 9pm…
    He said “Have you been keeping ok?” I haven’t responded because I have no idea what to respond with and whether or not I’m ready to talk to him again. He dumped me after 6 months of dating because he didn’t have any romantic emotional feelings for me. I was being guarded due to previous relationship disasters and as I did like him and was slowly falling I was holding back. So now I have no idea what is going on. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 12:39 pm

      did you do nc to move on?

  15. Sisi

    April 18, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    Hi team,

    My ex bf and I had been dating for 6 yrs and he broke up with me a month ago. We agreed not to speak to each other and for him to call… it’s been 30 days NC and he reached out with a text which sounds pretty neutral. “I dont know when you will be ready to chat but yeah just message me and ill find some time. Don’t even know what to talk about but anyway hope you are doing ok.”
    Not really sure how to respond, I want him back but it’s complicated since it’s LDR and we were more of the Skype type rather than texting


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 25, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      How much did you improve in the past month and how active were you in posting?

  16. Natalia

    March 1, 2017 at 6:10 am

    I was wondering how should I respond while txting with my ex if he say smth like ‘I met someone else’ or even ‘I am seeing with someone else right now, I think we shouldnt txt this much cause I want to focus on this new relationship’ ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2017 at 8:33 pm

      Hi Natalia,
      Agree with him and
      Check this one:
      Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend

  17. Daria

    February 25, 2017 at 2:06 pm

    Hello, so I recently started initiating conversation with my ex this week after completing 31 days no contact. The responses so far have been positive and he has been responding in a timely manner. I have been following the texting chart Chris has laid out in the ebook, but on Monday I will be leaving for Costa Rica for a week and will not have access, to the internet in order to text him. Does this mean all rapport will be lost when I leave? Should I start over with texting or pick up where I left off? I will be on day 7 or texting when I leave.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Daria,
      Nope, it won’t. Use it to your advantage. Have fun, take lots of pictures and do a lot of stuff that you can share to him and talk about. You can continue with the topics you left off or start new ones.

  18. Suzanne

    February 23, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    This may seem like a random question, but since it consists of “contact,” I’m curious. At what point in the post-NC texting phase is it appropriate to go back to things like Playing Words with Friends or things you did like that as a normal couple for fun? Maybe that sounds silly, but if it was something you bonded over and had playful competition, wouldn’t it help rebuild attraction? If so, is it okay to initiate that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 23, 2017 at 9:38 pm

      Hi Suzanne,

      when you’ve built more rapport, when you’re exchanging more text messages and when he’s more comfortable talking to you. You’ll know that because you’ll feel it.

  19. Marie

    February 22, 2017 at 5:00 am

    I’ve read The Texting Bible and know that Chris recommends 12 days of messaging before calling. What if my ex calls me– or wants to talk on the phone earlier after re-establishing contact? Is that okay or should I wait? I’m on day 28 of NC! I’ve almost made it! Whoo hoo!

    1. Marie

      February 25, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      Okay, so here’s the exchange– he’s obsessed with eggnog. Funny, I know, but true! Like crazy loves it. So this was our conversation. (He cheated, which is why I broke up with him. He asked for a second chance the day I broke up with him and I did a 30 Day NC. So conceivably, he could still be with her, I don’t know.) You said it was neutral. Is it?

      Me: Wow– I don’t know if your grassroots crusade has paid off or if this is some sort of North Pole distress signal, but I just saw a carton of eggnog. In Giant. In February. I think the universe is trying to tell me something. It’s either to text you… or to stop shopping at stores with expired dairy! Either way, it made me think of you.

      Him: (one minute later) Thank you for thinking of me
      Him: (10 minutes later) Btw did you buy it? I would pay for it

      Me: Ha– I’ve forgiven you, which is why I DIDN’T buy it. I’m pretty sure that three-month old eggnog is not how you’d choose to die. (Actually, it probably is, but you’re not old enough yet. So I’ll save it.)

      Him: Lol thank you
      Him: I hope you are well

      I don’t know what to think– or even if I should initiate again. Part of me thinks that I’ve opened the door and told him I’ve forgiven him, so shouldn’t he text me if he truly wants to move forward?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 10:25 pm

      That’s positive! If he only said thank you and hope you are well, it’s neutral because it’s not conversational. It sounds like he’s just being nice. But that whole conversation is positive. It’s one conversation, yes, it looks like you’ve forgiven him but that doesn’t he’s sure about that with just one conversation. So, for now, if you want, you can wait if he initiates but it’s ok if you initiate too.

    3. Marie

      February 25, 2017 at 5:01 pm

      Okay, so here’s the exchange– he’s obsessed with eggnog. Funny, I know, but true! Like crazy loves it. So this was our conversation. (He cheated, which is why I broke up with him. He asked for a second chance the day I broke up with him and I did a 30 Day NC. So conceivably, he could still be with her, I don’t know.) You said it was neutral. Is it?

      Me: Wow– I don’t know if your grassroots crusade has paid off or if this is some sort of North Pole distress signal, but I just saw a carton of eggnog. In Giant. In February. I think the universe is trying to tell me something. It’s either to text you… or to stop shopping at stores with expired dairy! Either way, it made me think of you.

      Him: (one minute later) Thank you for thinking of me
      Him: (ten minutes later) Btw did you buy it? I would pay for it

      Me: Ha– I’ve forgiven you, which is why I DIDN’T buy it. I’m pretty sure that three-month old eggnog is not how you’d choose to die. (Actually, it probably is, but you’re not old enough yet. So I’ll save it.)

      Him: Lol thank you
      Him: I hope you are well

      I don’t know what to think– or even if I should initiate again. Part of me thinks that I’ve opened the door and told him I’ve forgiven him, so shouldn’t he text me if he truly wants to move forward?

    4. Marie

      February 24, 2017 at 2:08 am

      So I finished my NC and texted him with a message that ended ‘made me think of you.’ He texted back in one minute, and said ‘thank you for thinking of me.’ What the heck does that mean? Then he texted ‘hope you are well.’ We’d both sent two messages at that point, so I stopped responding. I can’t tell if either of those are good or not. They could be nothing…

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      it’s still better than nothing.. but it’s kind of neutral. So, initiate again with a more conversational topic, one that he always loves talking about after 3-5 days.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2017 at 10:56 pm

      it’s ok to answer if he does..12 days, is when you’re the one initiating the call.

  20. sarah

    February 18, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    need some advice. my ex dumped me out the blue last sunday morning, however I do have a suspicion he was talking to someone else even though I do not have proof. I wished him the best, asked him to get his things,and even though I was devasted i immediately began nc. he initially blocked me on fb and then I noticed yesterday that he unblocked me and today I received a text from him and he was being super nice asked to grab his things one day next week and told me thanks and be blessed. should I respond?: why is he texting now and being super nice about it?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 6:35 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      probably wondering why you’re handling it the way you’re handling it right now.. You can talk to him about exchanging stuff during nc, but only about those stuff.

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