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245 thoughts on “The Four Best Ways To Respond To Your Exes Text Messages”

  1. Irish

    December 28, 2019 at 8:36 am

    Hi chris, done with 30days NC and i started to leave a short message to him and he replied positively saying merry christmas and happy new year takecare of your self and your kid. then i replied back saying: yes noted. You too! But im still blocked in facebook and phone. And i recognize he put our chat box in ignore settings. Is he trying to be nice at me and want totally to move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 28, 2019 at 11:53 am

      Hey Irish, so one positive interaction is not going to get him to unblock you and jump straight back into where you were. You have to keep working on it, building up the amount of time you spend talking slowly. You do not mention that you are blocked you just talk to him about his interests and if any of your common interests. Getting small positive conversations through texting is the goal for the first few interactions


    November 25, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Hi there,

    How do we know if he is doing NC or I am doing NC? He got mad at a joke I had made, I apologized straight away. He went radio silent for a week at which after a week he says (after he had been drinking) ‘I’m done being mad now’, which then made me super mad and then he got mad because I got mad! We both stopped taking to each other for 4 weeks and one day until he wrote ‘Hi, how are you?’ which is a low investment message. We are supposed to spend Xmas and NYE in Japan together which he knew months ago I had paid for and struggled to do so. Also, it is non refundable. I am also missing Xmas and NYE with my family because of him. I cant change the flights.
    Do I reply or not? If so, what do I say?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 26, 2019 at 8:42 pm

      Hi Rose, so by the sounds of things its a communication issues youre having in the relationship. If you made a joke that was going to upset him or hurt him you should have been prepared for his reaction. as you have gone 4 weeks not speaking you could reach out and see what happpens in that time

  3. Liz

    November 12, 2019 at 2:15 am

    My ex and I were on and off for three years and it has now been almost a year since we’ve dated but we have spent most of this time talking until about two months ago. I tried the no contact rule for about a month on and off now and I’ve now decided to stick with it. Two days ago, I told him I needed space from him and I asked him to respect that, to now again implement NC. Yet today he has already openly responded to posts on my social media and stories from my Snapchat. Responded to something about how I have a lot of love for those around me and said that it isn’t wrong. I feel he’s trying to get my attention already but it might be just bait. He contacts me at least twice a week here and there on my social media, because I’ve left it open for contact channels but I don’t know what to do. Keep doing no contact and ignoring him? I guess that will probably drive him crazy.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 8:05 pm

      So as your relationship was a long time ago I do recommend you read about the being there method, and articles about long term break ups as this will help you understand what it is you need to do to get your ex back. Keep with your NC and do not reply to anything at all for 30 days minimum.

  4. MixedBusinessWithPleasure

    September 20, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    Hi Chris,

    How can I implement NC when he’s my business partner and my livelihood depends on interacting with him constantly – day and night. I made it clear to keep the conversation strictly business, but these first thing he does is ask how I’m feeling today…I was short – responded, “Sad. But busy”. Was that a bad move? His response was “I’m sorry your feeling sad” and then proceeded with business.

    I don’t know what to do…I love our businesses. Work amazingly together and are more successful together than working alone. I don’t want to walk away from all of the energy, time and resources I’ve invested – yet want to protect my heart, sanity and well-being.

    Heartbroken and confused in TX.

    Many thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 21, 2019 at 5:20 pm

      Hi there, so you need to do a Limited No Contact, and you can find the information on the website. You strictly only speak about business and responsibilities and nothing else. Then once your NC is complete you can build up the conversations slowly

  5. Anna

    September 18, 2019 at 1:44 am

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been basically doing NC for 35 days. We broke up because he didn’t put much effort into the relationship. One day we decided to meet and He stood me up and told me he can’t make it and didn’t even bothered to give me an explanation about it and after that I pretty much stopped texting him. Then suddenly out of the blue he texts me that, Do I still wanna be the same way? he told he misses me and wanna work it out but I don’t understand whether I should continue my NC rule or respond him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 19, 2019 at 9:07 am

      Hi Anna, so hes told you he misses you and wants to work it out – which is great. But him standing you up is a worry as he may be may be questioning his decision. He needs to put more effort into the relationship, based on your reasons for breaking up. Which I would suggest completing the NC and working in yourself to become the UG and then work on texting phase to show him your value

  6. Abigail

    July 19, 2019 at 10:40 am

    Hi Chris

    My ex texted me on Facebook messenger last night saying “I’m just gonna admit it to you, I miss you.” We’ve been apart for almost a year now and I really don’t know how to respond to this text. I thought of just ignoring it but I feel like I need to text something back.. HELP!!

  7. Ann

    July 3, 2019 at 4:32 am

    So, I broke up with my bf because he was treating me poorly after one of our mutual friends broke up with her bf and was spending all his time hanging out with her, doing couple-like things together (obviously I wasn’t cool about it and felt totally disrespected). After two months of texting each other every 5 or so days we meet to talk and return some stuff and I’ve been in no contact rule for about 40 days or so.
    Today I shared some pictures of a small trip I did with a friend for a long weekend and he texted me asking about my trip (“did u really traveled to X place for X event? I would’ve loved to go but I had to work :(“). I asked about his new job (he was unemployed at the time we broke up) and congratulated him on getting the position he was after. Then he stopped talking so I mirrowed. Guessing I’ll text him with some interesting stuff tomorrow or the following day and see how it goes 🙂

  8. Ana

    June 14, 2019 at 2:51 am

    Hi Chris,

    I was trying to be supportive for my bf by cleaning around his apt where I usually, because he is so stressed with work and school. He kept nitpicking everything I did and yelled at me about how I cleaned. Three days past by and I decided to speak to him, as I calmed down and I could get impulsive at times. I told him how I felt and he just focused on his view on the case. He said he couldn’t relate and understand what I wanted. I told him I would appreciate if he didn’t speak to me that way and that I was trying to support him the best way I could. He then said I should only stay in his place once a wk, because he thought me staying in his place would make ya argue less. I got upset and started picking up my stuff at 1AM, he helped me. I left and took a breather for four days. He txts me random things about his family. When I try to meet up to talk about what happened and put it behind us he just ignored that txt. Two wks later I’m trying to speak to him, he doesn’t want to and he txts how could he speak to the person that left him when he most needed me. That I left him. I write I didn’t and that I’m sorry he misunderstood but that I never did that. He ignored it. One week later, at this point three weeks past I txt him I missed him and he said to not txt him, that I have to understand how serious this is, to delete his number and forget about him.

    Now keep in mind we have been dating for almost three years, this happens may 15 about to be a month. He kept using my Netflix account so I changed my password because I’m nice but he is taking advantage of it. He txts me that night and says can I have the password. I ignored the msg and he txt me four days ago
    are you up? I reply yes and he just spoke about himself through txt and then said nice catching up with you good night.

    At this point I’m writing you because I’m confused and know that he is my ex but I don’t know how to handle this at all, it’s really hard to process as he never communicated anything to me. And he told me to delete his number and is txt me. So what can I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 14, 2019 at 3:40 pm

      Hi Ana…it looks like you would benefit from Program. Your guy seems to have some pent up issues and sometimes employing No Contact for a period of time and doing the other things associated with a sensible ex recovery plan is the best move.

  9. Shannon

    June 11, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    My ex contacted me about 30 days into NC. He wrote I think about and miss you everyday and I will never stop loving you. You’re a very special person and I just wanted to remind you of that. First that last sentience really bugged me. Now what…

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 11, 2019 at 6:11 pm

      Hi Shannon…usually NC periods run about 30 days so you might consider using my recommendations covered in my Program on how to reach out.

  10. Brilyn

    May 26, 2019 at 8:19 pm

    what if your EX sent you message “U miss us?” after 45 days of NC. what should the ideal reaponse to that?

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 27, 2019 at 8:35 pm

      So Brilyn…you have to ask yourself how long should your NC period be. It may be time to reach out and see if you can ignite the spark again, but you should do it the way I teach in my Program

  11. Jill

    May 13, 2019 at 10:07 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Things with my ex ended a little messy a couple of days ago. He cheated on me. The ending text from him sounded something like “…good, I’m tired of being on trial all the time. Good luck with your life.” I immediately implemented NC (because I honestly believe that he had a poor lapse in judgement, and that we’re supposed to be together someday), and today is day 4. He messaged me earlier today saying “I hope you’re doing okay.” I don’t know what that means, or what his thought process behind the message is, and I don’t know how to respond or if I should respond at all. I’m hoping to get some clarity on the situation.

    Thank you,

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 14, 2019 at 2:27 am

      Hi Jill…implementing NC was the right move. Your ex has some lessons to learn and let’s hope the space and time will reveal to him how big a mistake he made. It seems it is starting to catch up with him.

  12. Maria Smith

    April 26, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    its really amazing and awesome post i rally like your this post thanks for share and keep it up..

  13. Victoria

    April 13, 2019 at 3:04 pm

    Hi Chris. My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago, and I’ve been doing no contact ever since. Then last night, he just texted me out of the blue and said he just isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship and it woukd be unfair to continue things with me. What does that even mean? He already broke up with me! Shoukd I even respond to him? Do I even have a chance of getting him back now?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 14, 2019 at 1:29 pm

      Hi Victoria….so I think No Contact is the right medicine. Best to have a solid plan helping you throughout this period which includes understanding all the elements of the No Contact Rule. Guys will text out of the blue to try and trigger a response

  14. Sean

    March 23, 2019 at 9:37 am


    I helped a lot to my ex during our 3years of relationship, about 2months ago my ex talked to me disrespectfully and said I’m not in love with you then I moved to No-Contact. After 1month she messaged me for my birthday and admitted that I helped her too much and said she loves me, after 12hours I replied normally and she changed her txt tonnage and told me I’m the most stubborn person that she ever saw. I said I’m not stubborn, but you told me something which is my red line and you crossed that line.
    She didn’t message anymore, but I know she will message me again when she needs something or seeks help.

    Should I reply to her if she asked for help or something else?
    if Yes, How should I respond?


  15. Zan

    February 4, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So to briefly sum up my story. I dated this guy (childhood friend) about 2 years ago now. We dated for a few months, he ghosted, I did no contact, attempted to contact with little success. He has attempted over the last couple of years to contact with. The last time he texted me around October or November, we were talking for a bit and then of course he just went ghost again. So I changed my number, never gave it to him. (We also don’t follow each other on social media anymore, but my account it public). I’ve come to accept that although I love him, I deserve more. But a couple days ago, he messages me out of the blue on Instagram with a heart emoji. Thinking this took no effort, I just didn’t bother messaging back. I would love the chance to rekindle what we had. How can I get him to notice me and put more effort into trying to get me back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 4, 2019 at 5:11 pm

      Hi Zan…best to have a sensible ex recovery plan. So check out my Program as it will help you thru this post breakup period.

  16. Diaz

    January 15, 2019 at 5:41 am

    We broke up because he said he needed time to sort his life out. All along I’ve had trust issues with him because I found out halfway through the relationship that he’d been chatting up other girls and asking them out. But he said he was willing to try to build back the trust. Eventually he started becoming distant, saying he had a lot on his mind about his career and personal life. What eventually triggered the breakup was when I demanded he show proof that he was exactly where he said he was (which he didn’t anyway).

    So it ended and we agreed that being friends would be better. The day right after he’s texting me already, showing me what he’s been up to and then the following day again asking how my day’s been. This confuses me and I have no idea how to respond.

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 16, 2019 at 4:03 am

      Hi Diaz! Have you considered NC?

  17. dontspeak

    December 20, 2018 at 10:44 am

    If he starts to text after 30 days NC, how soon is the best way to reply?

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 21, 2018 at 1:01 am

      My recommendation is pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it is lays it all out in great detail!

    2. Chris Seiter

      December 21, 2018 at 1:01 am

      My recommendation is pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it is lays it all out in great detail!

  18. Lauren

    October 29, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    What should I respond if my ex texted me “I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you” after a bad breakup 3 weeks ago? I have been keeping NC What does this mean?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 29, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      Hi Lauren!

      Well, its sounds positive on its surface. He could be feel a bit of guilt and also trying to elicit a response from you. Probably best to stay in NC and see if he reaches out again positively. With more positives, then perhaps you end NC a bit early. A lot of factors involved with that though! I cover it in my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”!

  19. Dee

    September 10, 2018 at 1:09 am

    Hi so what should I say if my ex boyfriend sends me a sweet happy birthday text and wishing me well after about 50 days of NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 10, 2018 at 2:00 am

      Hi Dee….So first, I would not recommend a 50 day NC, unless in a unique case. And certainly if you are interested in your ex and he sends you a pleasant message after all that time, you would respond positively and explore the connection. Do you have my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it serves as a comprehensive breakup guide.

  20. H.N

    August 8, 2018 at 4:34 am

    hello , i am trying to post a comment but its always disappear

    anyway could u please advise me
    i know a person for 5 months i know its a short time we are also LDR but we have been talking daily and almost 24 hour . he likes to talk all the time

    we stopped talking once for 3 weeks . then he received a gift from me so he talked to me back

    second time we fight and i stopped talking to him and blocked him 2 months . i unblock him, so he received a message i sent before blocking him and he answered the message .that happen before 1 week ago

    i feel he wanted to talk but he is so stubborn and thats really make me sad.
    i mean if i dont make any sign . he will not talk ! and he also letting me so easily
    ( thats why i feel anger and fight with him always i want to change that )

    we start talking and he was so cold .. careless telling me to find my way
    then we start to talk normally now . but he keep telling me he let it go in that day i left
    and he is not ready for me . he wasn’t even ready for me .and lots of stuff like that
    at first i was trying to tell him we was good but he did not try
    then i told him i dont want to talk about the past lets be friends ( is that good ? or i might make it worse by saying that ) ?can u give me ur advise and what should i respond here?

    and also could you advise me should i talk normally and answer him like before ?
    i have read what u said that i should not send him daily ” but i have a different satiation here.
    1. he is the one who sending me daily now so what should i do ? pretend that i’m not seeing the messages for day or two ? or just few hours ? or what ?
    2. the other thing that our relation is still new and it need a strong base ” i’m afraid if i did not build a more nice memories he might find someone to give him the attention ” because he need to talk daily that what he said when we talk first time ever
    3. now he start to send a lot of positive things then he say oh i should not do that because ” he is making his guard down ” he was refusing to tell me details about his day now he is telling me or he is say sorry when he dont respond something
    so should i tell him that i like his good behaviors ? and be postie with him or pretend normal and ignore more ?

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