What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend… Does It Work?

Sometimes all it takes is one text, that one you know you shouldn’t answer, but it’s two in the morning, you’re sleepy and…

…there it is, the familiar notification, the blinding light shining in your eyes as you see his name. You heart jumps into you’re throat, suddenly you’re wide awake and you read,

“Hey. You up?”

You know what 2am texts mean from someone you aren’t dating. It doesn’t matter what other reason is given. 2am texts might as well say,

“I’m going home to an empty bed and I know you’re still hung up on me so… ?”

Heavens knows I’ve gotten them in various forms. I’d be remiss if I said I didn’t find myself tempted to give in occasionally. So, I need you to know that if you are tempted, or heck if you’ve even given in already, I understand completely and you aren’t alone in your temptation.

The idea is to keep from doing this

 

 

It’s easy to find yourself reading the situation wrong. I mean we all hear what we want to hear when it comes to sex.

He says,

“Come over?”

And you hear,

“Us splitting up was a huge mistake. I want you back.”

I hear it all the time.

The thing is, most of the time, when guys do this, all they want is companionship for the moment. And then after that void is filled, they remember all of the reasons you split up in the first place.

 

And then it goes on, in a vicious cycle.

and you’re left there wondering what the heck happened.

 

It’s kind of like when I was little and I wanted something when my mom and I were out shopping, but I didn’t have the money to buy it. I would ask my mom if she would loan me the money till I mowed the yard again or till I got my allowance.

And what she always told me is something I apply to this situation.

If you can’t remember to come back and get it when you have the money, then you don’t really want or need it.

Why can’t we tell guys the same thing when they decide that they want sex?

The Reasons Women Give & Why They Won’t Work

It’s completely normal to try and reason with yourself.

Everyone does it.

And it’s not unusual to still be attracted to your ex and it isn’t unusual to hope that he’s inviting you to be a part of his life again. It’s also not unlikely that you wouldn’t want to admit this, to others and yourself. We hear what we want to hear when it comes to matters of the heart, no matter how reasonable we usually are.

I’ve heard so many reasons women give for wanting to have sex with their ex.

Cleansing the Palate

One last hoorah, cleansing the palate, or getting him out of your system; it doesn’t matter what you call it, it still isn’t sensible.

“But, I need to get him out of my system once and for all.”

Just like you don’t clean a cup by putting more of the item you’re cleaning into it, you won’t successfully “get your ex out of your system,” until you start being honest with yourself.

If you really think about it, this is a completely backwards way of looking at this one and it never works. There is even scientific reasoning behind it.

If you intend to have sex with your ex and walk away free and clear of emotional baggage, man, do I have news for you.

It will be like pulling a Band-aid off in slow motion. It is likely to hurt more than the actually breakup.

Why? Because any progress you have made towards getting over it will be trumped by the familiarity.

Physically being close to someone causes certain reactions withing your body that you cannot control. For example, even hugging someone causes our brains to release a neurotransmitter called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is commonly known as the “Cuddle Hormone”.  It’s called this because it plays a significant role in the bond formed between people by simply being in close proximity.

You may feel like you can handle it now, but you haven’t buried your face in his chest and been swallowed by the familiar smell of his skin and his cologne. You haven’t felt the familiar safety that you once knew that made it so easy to allow yourself to be vulnerable with him. You can’t keep your guard up infinitely, and the likeliness that familiarity will set in is high.

Putting yourself in a situation where you once felt love and a strong emotional connection is nothing but making yourself vulnerable to heartbreak again. And it will hurt worse this time, because you chose to put yourself in that situation, when it could have been avoided.

 

But I do get it. Some of you will decide to give into this desire no matter what I say.

So, as a rule of thumb, it’s best to resign yourself to only going through with this if it’s on your terms.

That means no responding to late night booty call texts or giving into spur of the moment temptations.

Look at it this way, if you have a little sister, a niece, or a friend in your situation, and they were responding to their exes texts like you are, would you tell  them to calm it down.

Make sure that you have given everything thought and feel comfortable with before you do anything. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache this way and possibly your self-confidence.

I Can Handle Being Friends With Benefits

A show of hands for everyone who thought they could handle FWB with their ex….

Annnnnd a show of hands for everyone who crashed and burned…

One of my exes and I used to joke a lot about “Catching The Feels.” His roommate constantly had a five woman tinder roster going. There was really nothing we could do so, we used to make bets about which ones would wind up being the girl that didn’t fully grasp the “no strings attached” type of relationship she had agreed to. I mean he told them all up front that, that was what it was up front, but sooner or later most of them “caught the feels.”

Are you surprised?

Its human nature. That oxytocin kicks everyone’s butt eventually.

It’s easy to say you’re going to keep your emotions in check. But once you’re laying there in his bed with his arms around you remembering the first time you stayed over, or maybe the last time you stayed over, it’s not that easy to keep the emotions at bay.

It may be simple at first, and you may think you have a pretty good handle on the situation.

Then one day you’ll find yourself thinking about what he’s doing when he’s not with you.

That, my friend, is “the feels” rearing their ugly head.

Don’t worry, there is an easy test to see if you’ve still got the feels for your ex.

Used your imagination, you walk into his place. The two of you kiss and things progress. it all seems so comfortable.

Now, imagine everything he would do with you, he’s doing with someone else.

Does your heart drop into your stomach?

Does it make you want to punch something, maybe this imaginary girl I made up?

That would be jealousy, and guess what. It isn’t just a feeling that you’re feeling. It’s once of the strongest emotions there is and it causes you to feel more awful than you will ever imagine.

You’ve done caught the feels.

You see, if you can’t imagine him with someone else and not be completely fine with it… then you should avoid getting into the Friends with Benefits cycle. Because you will wind up wanting something that you won’t get from that kind of relationship… an actual relationship.

I’ll Show Him What He’s Missing

I mean if he’s down to get down, then he must miss you right?

There are tons of girls out there and there is a major possibility that he either tried and struck out or is afraid to put in the effort with someone new.

Either way, if you walk into his life, have sex with him expecting him to realize,

“oh yeah! I miss this,”

then you are in for a rude awakening.

If the two of you broke up for actual reasons (i.e. serious disagreements, abuse, or general lack of interest) those reasons don’t just go away because the sex is good.

If that was how it worked then the two of you wouldn’t have split up in the first place.

Besides, I’m assuming you had sex while you were together. So, unless you were having some really boring sex, I assure you… he remembers what he had.

So, be honest with yourself about what you want and the chances that you’ll actually get it this way.

The Truth

Okay, you’ve been with me this far, so I feel like we can consider each other friends. I mean, I care about what happens to you. And you clearly think I have something worth saying. That’s a pretty good basis for the beginning of a friendship. right?

Well, since we’re friends of sort, I am going to be honest with you.

There is no good reason to sleep with your ex unless you’ve already gotten back together.

If you are telling yourself anything else, you’re just grasping at straws.

It’s like watching just one episode of your favorite show on Netflix. It’s a slippery slope and the only person you’ll be talking into something is yourself.

You’ve Already Slept With Him

How you should deal with this situation all depends on where you are in your journey.

Now, I’m not one to begrudge someone for enjoying sex or giving into temptation.

But what I will tell you is to stop sleeping with him… right now! Make a conscious decision not to sleep with him again unless he’s on board to get back together. As in, he’s no longer your ex.

Haven’t Done No Contact

If you slept with him and you haven’t done no contact, then that is where you should begin.

Here are some reference points to help get you started.

You can come back from anything as long as you understand one thing. It’s all about power. Whoever, has all the power is the one that decides where the relationship goes. That’s why a good relationship is a balance of power. No one person has all of it. But, in this case, if you want things to go a certain way, you have to stop giving your ex the controls.

That means refusing to let him have anything unless he accepts ALL of it.

When we were kids we got in a lot of trouble for running in and out of the house. It wasn’t uncommon to hear,

“In or out… it can’t be both.”

That’s what you should tell your ex.

Have Done No Contact

You’ve done no contact, and you reached out like Chris laid out in this Article about the perfect first text. But things went horribly out of control.

You meant to move slowly and keep the ball in your court. It doesn’t matter how it happened, that fact is it did. You moved WAY too fast and now you want to know if there is a way to take back control before you get stuck being your ex’s booty call until he finds someone else.

One of the key elements to getting back with an ex is to ease into it. You don’t want to jump right back into the swing of things like nothing ever happened anyways.

Why?

Well at the beginning of a relationship you have to put in effort to catch someone’s interest. 9 times out of 10 the reason your ex is hitting you up to hook up isn’t because he loves you and misses you, it’s because he feels like he’s already put in the work and he doesn’t want to have to work to get sex.

You’re basically being a doormat if you let him do this.

Is that hard to hear?

I certainly hope so. Because if we know anything, we know one thing. People value what they have to work for.

And you want him to value this relationship moving forward.

Right?

So, if you’ve already accidentally jumped in too fast, don’t fear. There is a way to come back from this.

Be busy.

Play hard to get.

You’re creating the space between the two of you that will make you seem more desirable.

No you don’t want to TELL him that you’re taking space. You just need to be unavailable for a couple of weeks. And then, after that time is up, when he texts you, turn it into a conversation about something interesting but arbitrary. and then end on a high note. From there you can pick up on the texting circuit that Chris has so kindly laid out.

Texting Bible

Taking these tactics he’s laid out, you can create what is called “The Pull.”

I don’t know if any of you fish, but here in East Texas we grew up fishing with our dads early on.

Imagine, for a moment, that you are out on the lake.

You’ve been sitting here in this stupid boat for like 4 hours. You aren’t allowed to talk, listen, to music, or really do much of anything because you’ll scare away the fish. So, it’s safe to say, you are probably getting a little impatient and you’ll most likely be needing a bathroom sometime in the near future.

Then… you feel it… a tug on the line!!

You’re first instinct will be to real it in as fast as you can, because, let’s face it, patience isn’t exactly a common trait these days.

Well, as sure as you start reeling that bad boy in as fast as you can… he’ll slip the line and you’ll have to wait another hour or so before you get another bite.

The reason this works this way is because that first tug on your line is that fish just nibbling at your bait. You hook doesn’t get to establish a good enough hold and the momentum you generate in your excitement causes the force of the water around him to pull him right off the hook.

The correct way to do it would be to gently tug on the line causing your hook to pull a little bit. The fish will think that the bait is trying to get away and he will jump at the opportunity and grab it causing him to get hooked. Then you want to pull in short gently burst, because the water that you are pulling him through is constantly working against you.

In the same way, your ex will be leery of getting back into a relationship , especially now that he thinks he can have the fun part without having to put in the work that comes with commitment.

On the upside, you already know he wants to sleep with you, so you have that working in your favor. Chances are, he’ll reach out again, probably soon. If you simply, miss his text until the morning or find yourself busy without an explanation, he’ll start to wonder if you are seeing someone else, or worse, maybe you aren’t that into him anymore.

You want to create this mystery while also allowing him to get to know the you that made all of those improvements during No Contact.

The idea is let him get to know the new you without granting him access just yet.

In my experience, he’ll be confused and might ask why you are being so hot and cold.

This is a perfect time to go fishing…

BAIT: Tell him you don’t trust yourself to be around him.

He’ll either say one of two things. One, he’ll say he understands, which could mean he understands or it could mean he’s calling your bluff and expects you to start chasing him. It’s up to you how you take it. But, if a fish get’s loose from your line you don’t jump in and chase it, do you. (For you non-fishers, the answer is no… you don’t.) You cast your line again and wait.

The other common response would be, “Oh, well we can hang out without having sex.” Which can mean he actually thinks you can hang out as friends, but more often than not you can assume he’s going to use the fact that he knows you want him to sleep with you again. In fact, I am going to insist that you assume that that is the case, because I want you to keep that guard up.

I want you to make a promise to me, and to yourself that you wont sleep with him again until he’s fully committed to getting back together.

FYI, that doesn’t mean to give in just because he’s thinking about it… he has to be all in or nothing.

You Haven’t Slept With Him Yet

Fighting the desire to sleep with him is difficult. I mean he’s there, he’s willing, and well we have needs.

I understand I really do. But the thing is, if you actually want to get him back in the dating aspect, sleeping with him before that happens will make that significantly more difficult.

It’s like watching one episode of your favorite show without being able to stream the rest of the season, you know, like before Netflix, as Chris says, i”n the caveman days…”

Stop! No Contact Time!

The Gameplan

So, back to the question I posed earlier.

Why can’t we just tell men to come back when they want a relationship along with the sex?

Do you want to know the answer?

You probably already know what it is…

Fear

Fear keeps us from asking questions that we already know the answer to.

If we draw a line in the sand there is a chance that he might not cross it.

And the thing is, you will come up with hundreds of ways to get him back as long as it doesn’t involve you flat out having to say,

“this is what I want and I’ll accept nothing less.”

Which, even if we did say it, it wouldn’t work without putting in the time doing No Contact and creating interest and desire.

Not to mention, after a breakup you’re brain is kind of broken.

 

The only way to make things go the way you want them to is to take back control.

So, I guess what I’m asking you is… Do you want to give into fear if it means that you have to settle for less than you want?

I suppose, depending on how you answered that question, you know what you need to do.

If you are wondering if No Contact works… well, here you go…

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes, by Norah Roberts.

“If you don’t go after what you want, you will never get it.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”

So, will you let fear keep you in a cycle of giving your ex what he wants without getting what you want?

I hope you find the courage to go after what you truly want and don’t settle for anything less than everything.

Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

25 responses to “Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend… Does It Work?”

  1. SC says:

    So I have slept with my ex 3 times now. We broke up two months ago we dated for a little over 2 years, most of our relationship was long distance then 3 months ago he moved home 15 minutes away from me. His only friend is moving away and we have started to try to become friends but I called him one night at 3 am when he was drinking about some flooding in my area. He said he would come keep me company because I couldn’t sleep but we ended up having sex. This has happened 2 more times since. He says if we don’t stop having sex when he is nervous I will get hurt, and isn’t sure we should have sex anymore when we hangout. I am nervous I am going to lose him, I still have feelings for him. It is tough since we have been through 2 miscarriages together and now we are in the same city. He is the one saying no sex so I am not sure that will make him not want me anymore. He says he wants me to be able to be open and to lean on him with my feelings. Everytime we hangout it is always good, never a bad time. I just feel confused as to what is happening between us, and if there is a chance we will be together again, and if he still does or doesnt have feelings for me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you’re friends with benefits. The more you sleep with him without commitment, the less he’s going to commit.

    • SC says:

      Well he expressed to me we shouldn’t sleep together, how will I know not sleeping with him will make him chase me? I agree that sleeping together won’t improve the situation either though…

    • SC says:

      Is there anything else I can do that will make him want to come back to me?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It’s not just not sleeping with him anymore. You have to start being an ungettable girl.. Start a new routine, have your own life, love and respect yourself more.. check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • SC says:

      I have been going out with friends a lot, taking classes at school, and I have taken up piano, and recently got visaline to have straighter teeth. I just think he won’t be happy with me again, I have a negative mindset since him and I got into an arguement today. We are going to a grief couselor for past issues on thursday. I hope this doesn’t blow up in my face.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Don’t own negativity.. That’s good that you’re going to a counselor

  2. sarah says:

    So I have slept with my ex 3 times now. We broke up two months ago we dated for a little over 2 years, most of our relationship was long distance then 3 months ago he moved home 15 minutes away from me. His only friend is moving away and we have started to try to become friends but I called him one night at 3 am when he was drinking about some flooding in my area. He said he would come keep me company because I couldn’t sleep but we ended up having sex. This has happened 2 more times since. He says if we don’t stop having sex when he is nervous I will get hurt, and isn’t sure we should have sex anymore when we hangout. I am nervous I am going to lose him, I still have feelings for him. It is tough since we have been through 2 miscarriages together and now we are in the same city. He is the one saying no sex so I am not sure that will make him not want me anymore. He says he wants me to be able to be open and to lean on him with my feelings. Everytime we hangout it is always good, never a bad time. I just feel confused as to what is happening between us, and if there is a chance we will be together again, and if he still does or doesnt have feelings for me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Sarah,

      you’re friends with benefits. The more you sleep with him without commitment, the less he’s going to commit.

  3. Annakate says:

    So here is my story. My ex never defined our relationship, and we were together for roughly 6 months, he knew that I had problems with this no label relationship, then he just stopped seeing me, I didn’t beg or anything, but I did like him and I still want him. It’s been almost a year since we saw each last time, during this year, he send me pictures some times when he travels, and I send him postcards sometimes when I travel, but it’s just all greetings and nothing deep. Last week, he texted me all of the sudden, asked me all kind of weird questions, like if I have another lover now, and if I slept with anyone else after him, and last, he asked me if I would like to have sex with him again – just for fun? I replied haha no, then he said ok, just a question and hope I don’t mind, and that’s the last words he wrote me. I feel insulted and I seriously don’t know what to do now. What should I do? Do I still have a chance to earn his respect or should I just move on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      he wanted to be friends with benefits.. were you friends with benefits before?

  4. Monna says:

    My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 years ago. His main problem was that I was 19 at the time and he was 29. Now I’m 21 and he is 31 and for tha past 2 years we haven’t stopped “getting back together” and breaking up. He says he dosen’t feel the same and it’s only sex. There were times when we didn’t spoke for weeks and we didn’t see each other for a whole year. I have applied the No Contact Rule several times with him and it works. He can’t get involved in a serious relatioship and always comes back to me, but onle for sex and emotional comfort. When in t comes to sex, well, I always give in. What should I do to get gim back?

  5. Rachel says:

    Hi EBR team,

    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We moved to the east coast together from our midwest state 2.5 years ago and I have been blindsided by this breakup. We had talked about getting engaged, and I really thought that was the next step.

    Here is my question about sleeping with my ex: So, we live together, and probably will for another month or so until I can move out. We actually are still sleeping in the same bed. Though he says he wants to breakup for a number of reasons, his actions are giving me mixed signals. He cuddles me at night, rubs by back when he thinks I am asleep, flirts with me and asks me to do girlfriend-type things.

    Over the past couple of years, I was suffering from PTSD as a result of a sexual assault that took place years ago. Our sex life really suffered – only once every couple of months (I know). I’ve since recovered, but our sex life never really did. I felt a lot of shame and forgot how to feel empowered through sex. Neither of us was really sure how to initiate. In the beginning of the relationship, I had a huge sex drive, but over the last couple years, as I’ve been dealing with this trauma, It hasn’t been as great.

    Since we broke up two weeks ago, we have had sex twice. REALLY good sex. He’s for some reason decided that now is the time to come out of his vanilla shell. I know people say that sleeping with your ex lowers the likelihood of reconciliation (why commit if you can get it for free?), but that’s more often than not couples who had a more or less healthy sex life, right? What about couples who struggled with that part of the relationship? Couldn’t blowing his mind a couple of times (not making it a habit, obliviously), to remind him of how good it can be, be potentially more effective than the status quo of no sex? If we’re coming from the perspective of how to leave the biggest impression when I move out so that my absence is REALLY felt? When I have sex with him I feel like I’m getting some of the power back temporarily. Like I have some control. After the first time, he made a face, and when I asked what was wrong, he said “I’m just not sure how I feel right now.” I briefly succeeded in confusing him.

    I imagine your advice on this will remain “Don’t sleep with him again”. If so, I’m wondering if you could walk me through the logic of this in my particular situation, because I have clearly managed to convince myself that my situation is unique and that sleeping with him is a good idea.

    Thanks so much!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Rachel,

      Break up sex most of the time feels better than sex while you’re with him.. I’m not really sure why, but I think it’s because it’s that knowing you’re not committed to the other person, like no strings attached, you don’t own the other person. Which what will make him not want to be with you more, because the sex is much better now that you’ve broken up. Well, aside from the fact that he’s already getting what he wants without being committed to you.
      Until he thinks that being with you is more than sex, until there’s something that makes him want to be with you apart from sex, more probably he won’t want to get back.

  6. Angel says:

    My ex and i broke up about 3 weeks ago after a 5 year realationship that was rockey.we had alot if issues that started with his dad meddling in our relationship.after that we had other people try and brake us up.But everytime we would get back together.last march we broke up and i got pregnate and we got back together(that was a real brake up).we started going to consuling and we were communicating better but he wanted to date other people and we were working and solving the issues so we both could be happy again and wouldnt feel like that.sadly i lost the baby and there was a miss understanding with his parents and he couldnt see the babies body (which i think he cares way to much what they think).and they told him that they need him to come back home (we loved together) and to get away from me because i made up the whole pregnacy to get him back (which he knew i didnt and he got to see the body because we buried him together) after we buried our son .we hooked up and continue to work out of our bills which is all done now but we talked for a hour and a half last week about how my life is going how he plans on going back to school on august(this Is the guy that said we couldnt talk for 10 years and we weren’t getting back together ever)it went well we talked about if we ever got together again everything will be different and we can call and check on each other.i was doing no contact on and slipped up on v day and sent him a funny picture and told him about a bill which he responded to the bill part.i just want to know if in my situation is it hopeless since so much happened?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Angel,

      for me, it would take a long time to get a reset… You both need to grown and improve first. So, honestly, I don’t think now is the right time to get back together.

  7. Jo says:

    Hi,

    I’m not sure this is the right section. Last weekend my ex and I hooked up – it wasn’t planned. I pulled away a little bit after that and established distanse. Next week we are going away together for the weekend (we planned it months ago and decided to still go; we’ve been broken up for two months).I do want to cut myself off after that because we haven’t done no contact yet (he insist on being friends and keeps reaching out- he dumped me). I am not sure how to go about next weekend. I told him what happened last weekend won’t happen again but I’m pretty sure he will try anyway. Should I go NC after coming back? Make him miss me? Is there even any point or all is lost?

    I might want to mention that he’s been sending very mixed signals – getting flowers for birthday, initiating contact, texting every day, asking me if iI’m dating etc, he even bought tickets to a show 5 months from now! I am very confused. Please advise.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jo,

      why did you break up and how long was the relationship? Yeah, those are definitely mixed signals, it’s like he wants you back. Just have fun at the trip, and don’t ever sleep with him again, because you’re going to become friends with benefits if you do it again.

    • Jo says:

      We broke up because he said there was no spark and he felt more like a friend about me than a girlfriend. We were dating for about 6 months and were properly in a relationship for 2. But I don’t think that this is how friends act, is it? He says he’s a friend but then he does all those things that make me question what he’s saying re being just friends.

      I am keeping my distance and doing a limited NC now before next Friday but it’s so difficult. Last weekend was so confusing. DO you think it was confusing for him as well? It was like we never broke up.

      It still feels more like a relationship than being broken up. Should I go NC after the trip?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      When a guy says you feel more like a friend, that means the relationship is boring for him and he’s not attracted to you anymore.. And now, there’s a probability that he’s just missing the routine but it can also be genuine too.. So, just take everything slow.. Let the trip pass first, then decide from there, on how it goes, of what your next step should be.

  8. Elizabeth says:

    I am asking this on behalf of my female friend.

    She is in her process of divorce and started dating her colleague. He knew her situation but they have started dating anyway.

    He is ok to be her boyfriend. But he stated that he cannot commit to giving her a future. He upfrontly said he can’t marry her because he can’t accept a woman with a child. Nevertheless,my friend still chose to begin the relationship. She has slept with him too out of her initiation. My questions are:

    1) is this a type of ‘friends with benefit’?
    2) given he can’t commit her anything except dating,is this considered a commitment to my sort that allows my friend to sleep with her boyfriend?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Elizabeth,

      Yes, it’s like being friends with benefits. It’s not commitment.. For me, commmitment is commitment that you know would end up in a life time companionship. Even if the two people didn’t talk about it, the thought is there. But with your friends situation, it’s clear that he doesn’t want that.

  9. Miranda says:

    So I did no contact with a guy I was seeing for about 7 months who broke up with me. He got in contact with me a few days before the end of no contact and we talked for 4 hours (I know that was a mistake…i should have cut things off) but at the end of the conversation he asked if he could come over and I said no. Since then we have talked alot and he has asked several times if he could come over. The last time he asked I said i really want to see you, but we really need to go out on a date first to reconnect. Also, I worked no contact like there is no tomorrow, lost some weight, got my hair done, got my anxiety under control and it was definitely noticed. He has made several comments about how great I look and how he is glad im so happy (all sober during the day texts) and the first time I see him in almost 2 months I want to look hot…not smeared makeup and bedhead at 2am! Now I know its only been 2 days but we have talked and he hasn’t suggested getting together. I really want to see him…but I dont want to go down booty call lane!! Is there anything I can do to salt the oats to help bring him around?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Miranda,

      if you talked during nc, the first time you talked, it was already broken. It’s very good that you improved yourself, but you have to avoid coming across that you did it for him..So, dont rush.. build rapport slowly through texts first, and then calls, and then proceed to meet ups

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