Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend… Does It Work?

Sometimes all it takes is one text, that one you know you shouldn’t answer, but it’s two in the morning, you’re sleepy and…

…there it is, the familiar notification, the blinding light shining in your eyes as you see his name. You heart jumps into you’re throat, suddenly you’re wide awake and you read,

“Hey. You up?”

You know what 2am texts mean from someone you aren’t dating. It doesn’t matter what other reason is given. 2am texts might as well say,

“I’m going home to an empty bed and I know you’re still hung up on me so… ?”

Heavens knows I’ve gotten them in various forms. I’d be remiss if I said I didn’t find myself tempted to give in occasionally. So, I need you to know that if you are tempted, or heck if you’ve even given in already, I understand completely and you aren’t alone in your temptation.

The idea is to keep from doing this

 

 

It’s easy to find yourself reading the situation wrong. I mean we all hear what we want to hear when it comes to sex.

He says,

“Come over?”

And you hear,

“Us splitting up was a huge mistake. I want you back.”

I hear it all the time.

The thing is, most of the time, when guys do this, all they want is companionship for the moment. And then after that void is filled, they remember all of the reasons you split up in the first place.

 

And then it goes on, in a vicious cycle.

and you’re left there wondering what the heck happened.

 

It’s kind of like when I was little and I wanted something when my mom and I were out shopping, but I didn’t have the money to buy it. I would ask my mom if she would loan me the money till I mowed the yard again or till I got my allowance.

And what she always told me is something I apply to this situation.

If you can’t remember to come back and get it when you have the money, then you don’t really want or need it.

Why can’t we tell guys the same thing when they decide that they want sex?

The Reasons Women Give & Why They Won’t Work

It’s completely normal to try and reason with yourself.

Everyone does it.

And it’s not unusual to still be attracted to your ex and it isn’t unusual to hope that he’s inviting you to be a part of his life again. It’s also not unlikely that you wouldn’t want to admit this, to others and yourself. We hear what we want to hear when it comes to matters of the heart, no matter how reasonable we usually are.

I’ve heard so many reasons women give for wanting to have sex with their ex.

Cleansing the Palate

One last hoorah, cleansing the palate, or getting him out of your system; it doesn’t matter what you call it, it still isn’t sensible.

“But, I need to get him out of my system once and for all.”

Just like you don’t clean a cup by putting more of the item you’re cleaning into it, you won’t successfully “get your ex out of your system,” until you start being honest with yourself.

If you really think about it, this is a completely backwards way of looking at this one and it never works. There is even scientific reasoning behind it.

If you intend to have sex with your ex and walk away free and clear of emotional baggage, man, do I have news for you.

It will be like pulling a Band-aid off in slow motion. It is likely to hurt more than the actually breakup.

Why? Because any progress you have made towards getting over it will be trumped by the familiarity.

Physically being close to someone causes certain reactions withing your body that you cannot control. For example, even hugging someone causes our brains to release a neurotransmitter called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is commonly known as the “Cuddle Hormone”.  It’s called this because it plays a significant role in the bond formed between people by simply being in close proximity.

You may feel like you can handle it now, but you haven’t buried your face in his chest and been swallowed by the familiar smell of his skin and his cologne. You haven’t felt the familiar safety that you once knew that made it so easy to allow yourself to be vulnerable with him. You can’t keep your guard up infinitely, and the likeliness that familiarity will set in is high.

Putting yourself in a situation where you once felt love and a strong emotional connection is nothing but making yourself vulnerable to heartbreak again. And it will hurt worse this time, because you chose to put yourself in that situation, when it could have been avoided.

 

But I do get it. Some of you will decide to give into this desire no matter what I say.

So, as a rule of thumb, it’s best to resign yourself to only going through with this if it’s on your terms.

That means no responding to late night booty call texts or giving into spur of the moment temptations.

Look at it this way, if you have a little sister, a niece, or a friend in your situation, and they were responding to their exes texts like you are, would you tell  them to calm it down.

Make sure that you have given everything thought and feel comfortable with before you do anything. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache this way and possibly your self-confidence.

I Can Handle Being Friends With Benefits

A show of hands for everyone who thought they could handle FWB with their ex….

Annnnnd a show of hands for everyone who crashed and burned…

One of my exes and I used to joke a lot about “Catching The Feels.” His roommate constantly had a five woman tinder roster going. There was really nothing we could do so, we used to make bets about which ones would wind up being the girl that didn’t fully grasp the “no strings attached” type of relationship she had agreed to. I mean he told them all up front that, that was what it was up front, but sooner or later most of them “caught the feels.”

Are you surprised?

Its human nature. That oxytocin kicks everyone’s butt eventually.

It’s easy to say you’re going to keep your emotions in check. But once you’re laying there in his bed with his arms around you remembering the first time you stayed over, or maybe the last time you stayed over, it’s not that easy to keep the emotions at bay.

It may be simple at first, and you may think you have a pretty good handle on the situation.

Then one day you’ll find yourself thinking about what he’s doing when he’s not with you.

That, my friend, is “the feels” rearing their ugly head.

Don’t worry, there is an easy test to see if you’ve still got the feels for your ex.

Used your imagination, you walk into his place. The two of you kiss and things progress. it all seems so comfortable.

Now, imagine everything he would do with you, he’s doing with someone else.

Does your heart drop into your stomach?

Does it make you want to punch something, maybe this imaginary girl I made up?

That would be jealousy, and guess what. It isn’t just a feeling that you’re feeling. It’s once of the strongest emotions there is and it causes you to feel more awful than you will ever imagine.

You’ve done caught the feels.

You see, if you can’t imagine him with someone else and not be completely fine with it… then you should avoid getting into the Friends with Benefits cycle. Because you will wind up wanting something that you won’t get from that kind of relationship… an actual relationship.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

I’ll Show Him What He’s Missing

I mean if he’s down to get down, then he must miss you right?

There are tons of girls out there and there is a major possibility that he either tried and struck out or is afraid to put in the effort with someone new.

Either way, if you walk into his life, have sex with him expecting him to realize,

“oh yeah! I miss this,”

then you are in for a rude awakening.

If the two of you broke up for actual reasons (i.e. serious disagreements, abuse, or general lack of interest) those reasons don’t just go away because the sex is good.

If that was how it worked then the two of you wouldn’t have split up in the first place.

Besides, I’m assuming you had sex while you were together. So, unless you were having some really boring sex, I assure you… he remembers what he had.

So, be honest with yourself about what you want and the chances that you’ll actually get it this way.

The Truth

Okay, you’ve been with me this far, so I feel like we can consider each other friends. I mean, I care about what happens to you. And you clearly think I have something worth saying. That’s a pretty good basis for the beginning of a friendship. right?

Well, since we’re friends of sort, I am going to be honest with you.

There is no good reason to sleep with your ex unless you’ve already gotten back together.

If you are telling yourself anything else, you’re just grasping at straws.

It’s like watching just one episode of your favorite show on Netflix. It’s a slippery slope and the only person you’ll be talking into something is yourself.

You’ve Already Slept With Him

How you should deal with this situation all depends on where you are in your journey.

Now, I’m not one to begrudge someone for enjoying sex or giving into temptation.

But what I will tell you is to stop sleeping with him… right now! Make a conscious decision not to sleep with him again unless he’s on board to get back together. As in, he’s no longer your ex.

Haven’t Done No Contact

If you slept with him and you haven’t done no contact, then that is where you should begin.

Here are some reference points to help get you started.

You can come back from anything as long as you understand one thing. It’s all about power. Whoever, has all the power is the one that decides where the relationship goes. That’s why a good relationship is a balance of power. No one person has all of it. But, in this case, if you want things to go a certain way, you have to stop giving your ex the controls.

That means refusing to let him have anything unless he accepts ALL of it.

When we were kids we got in a lot of trouble for running in and out of the house. It wasn’t uncommon to hear,

“In or out… it can’t be both.”

That’s what you should tell your ex.

Have Done No Contact

You’ve done no contact, and you reached out like Chris laid out in this Article about the perfect first text. But things went horribly out of control.

You meant to move slowly and keep the ball in your court. It doesn’t matter how it happened, that fact is it did. You moved WAY too fast and now you want to know if there is a way to take back control before you get stuck being your ex’s booty call until he finds someone else.

One of the key elements to getting back with an ex is to ease into it. You don’t want to jump right back into the swing of things like nothing ever happened anyways.

Why?

Well at the beginning of a relationship you have to put in effort to catch someone’s interest. 9 times out of 10 the reason your ex is hitting you up to hook up isn’t because he loves you and misses you, it’s because he feels like he’s already put in the work and he doesn’t want to have to work to get sex.

You’re basically being a doormat if you let him do this.

Is that hard to hear?

I certainly hope so. Because if we know anything, we know one thing. People value what they have to work for.

And you want him to value this relationship moving forward.

Right?

So, if you’ve already accidentally jumped in too fast, don’t fear. There is a way to come back from this.

Be busy.

Play hard to get.

You’re creating the space between the two of you that will make you seem more desirable.

No you don’t want to TELL him that you’re taking space. You just need to be unavailable for a couple of weeks. And then, after that time is up, when he texts you, turn it into a conversation about something interesting but arbitrary. and then end on a high note. From there you can pick up on the texting circuit that Chris has so kindly laid out.

Texting Bible

Taking these tactics he’s laid out, you can create what is called “The Pull.”

I don’t know if any of you fish, but here in East Texas we grew up fishing with our dads early on.

Imagine, for a moment, that you are out on the lake.

You’ve been sitting here in this stupid boat for like 4 hours. You aren’t allowed to talk, listen, to music, or really do much of anything because you’ll scare away the fish. So, it’s safe to say, you are probably getting a little impatient and you’ll most likely be needing a bathroom sometime in the near future.

Then… you feel it… a tug on the line!!

You’re first instinct will be to real it in as fast as you can, because, let’s face it, patience isn’t exactly a common trait these days.

Well, as sure as you start reeling that bad boy in as fast as you can… he’ll slip the line and you’ll have to wait another hour or so before you get another bite.

The reason this works this way is because that first tug on your line is that fish just nibbling at your bait. You hook doesn’t get to establish a good enough hold and the momentum you generate in your excitement causes the force of the water around him to pull him right off the hook.

The correct way to do it would be to gently tug on the line causing your hook to pull a little bit. The fish will think that the bait is trying to get away and he will jump at the opportunity and grab it causing him to get hooked. Then you want to pull in short gently burst, because the water that you are pulling him through is constantly working against you.

In the same way, your ex will be leery of getting back into a relationship , especially now that he thinks he can have the fun part without having to put in the work that comes with commitment.

On the upside, you already know he wants to sleep with you, so you have that working in your favor. Chances are, he’ll reach out again, probably soon. If you simply, miss his text until the morning or find yourself busy without an explanation, he’ll start to wonder if you are seeing someone else, or worse, maybe you aren’t that into him anymore.

You want to create this mystery while also allowing him to get to know the you that made all of those improvements during No Contact.

The idea is let him get to know the new you without granting him access just yet.

In my experience, he’ll be confused and might ask why you are being so hot and cold.

This is a perfect time to go fishing…

BAIT: Tell him you don’t trust yourself to be around him.

He’ll either say one of two things. One, he’ll say he understands, which could mean he understands or it could mean he’s calling your bluff and expects you to start chasing him. It’s up to you how you take it. But, if a fish get’s loose from your line you don’t jump in and chase it, do you. (For you non-fishers, the answer is no… you don’t.) You cast your line again and wait.

The other common response would be, “Oh, well we can hang out without having sex.” Which can mean he actually thinks you can hang out as friends, but more often than not you can assume he’s going to use the fact that he knows you want him to sleep with you again. In fact, I am going to insist that you assume that that is the case, because I want you to keep that guard up.

I want you to make a promise to me, and to yourself that you wont sleep with him again until he’s fully committed to getting back together.

FYI, that doesn’t mean to give in just because he’s thinking about it… he has to be all in or nothing.

You Haven’t Slept With Him Yet

Fighting the desire to sleep with him is difficult. I mean he’s there, he’s willing, and well we have needs.

I understand I really do. But the thing is, if you actually want to get him back in the dating aspect, sleeping with him before that happens will make that significantly more difficult.

It’s like watching one episode of your favorite show without being able to stream the rest of the season, you know, like before Netflix, as Chris says, i”n the caveman days…”

Stop! No Contact Time!

The Gameplan

So, back to the question I posed earlier.

Why can’t we just tell men to come back when they want a relationship along with the sex?

Do you want to know the answer?

You probably already know what it is…

Fear

Fear keeps us from asking questions that we already know the answer to.

If we draw a line in the sand there is a chance that he might not cross it.

And the thing is, you will come up with hundreds of ways to get him back as long as it doesn’t involve you flat out having to say,

“this is what I want and I’ll accept nothing less.”

Which, even if we did say it, it wouldn’t work without putting in the time doing No Contact and creating interest and desire.

Not to mention, after a breakup you’re brain is kind of broken.

 

The only way to make things go the way you want them to is to take back control.

So, I guess what I’m asking you is… Do you want to give into fear if it means that you have to settle for less than you want?

I suppose, depending on how you answered that question, you know what you need to do.

If you are wondering if No Contact works… well, here you go…

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes, by Norah Roberts.

“If you don’t go after what you want, you will never get it.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”

So, will you let fear keep you in a cycle of giving your ex what he wants without getting what you want?

I hope you find the courage to go after what you truly want and don’t settle for anything less than everything.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Ashley.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

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72 Comments on "Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend… Does It Work?"

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Kate
Guest
Hi! My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. We have been together for 5 months, but we have already met our families and created a strong emotional bond. My ex have broken up with me, because he still feels hurt after his last relationship, which has ended a year ago (he was single for 7 months before he met me). He said that he sees that his emotional wounds stop him from being 100% engaged with me and that it’s unfar to me. After a break up I did a months of complete no contact. We have met… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Admin
Hi Kate! thanks for stopping by. Possibly, the prior relationship is still a little splinter in his mind that makes him guarded about “commitment”. I think this is one of those situations that will become clearer over time. I think if he says he wants a little time, he is mostly talking to his “insecurities”, because he is largely acting in a different way. Pay less to what he says, and more to what he actually does. Steer away from serious conversations about the relationship. Just live and enjoy the experience of someone you care for and who obviously cares… Read more »
Kate
Guest

Hello Chris!
Thank you so much for finding time to read my story and give some precious advice and support. I’ll stick to that! xx

Chris Seiter
Admin
Hi again Kate. You keep truckin forward. I know you will get through this. If you need any private Coaching or would like join my Private Facebook Support Group (about 1500 women in it now), then just go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more. Thank you for your sweet and kind words. Experts say that couples who interact with their partners with “kindness”….those are the relationships that last. Its called the “Kindness Study” and it was conducted over decades. I think you have plenty of kindness in you, so I have little doubt you will land on your… Read more »
Confused
Guest
Okay so Im going to try and make this short and informative. My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago after being together for a year. Before our relationship we were FWB for 7 months, he had just gotten out of an engagement at the time and in fact was already friendly with me before they broke up. ( we were FWB prior to his relationship with his fiance but we never dated because we were young and heavy party people, at the time he wanted to be with me but i didnt trust him because he was… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Confused,

you have to be clear with your standards.. check this one:
EBR 006: How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship

Confused
Guest
Okay so Im going to try and make this short and informative. My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago after being together for a year. Before our relationship we were FWB for 7 months, he had just gotten out of an engagement at the time and in fact was already friendly with me before they broke up. ( we were FWB prior to his relationship with his fiance but we never dated because we were young and heavy party people, at the time he wanted to be with me but i didnt trust him because he was… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Confused,

you have to be clear with your standards.. check this one:
EBR 006: How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship

D
Guest
My ex and I dated for 8 years and we wanted to get married. He lost himself and got involved and cheated on me with a younger girl and got involved with a bad friend group. He stayed with the girl for the past 3-4 months since we have been broken up and went too fast with her. Within the past month he has reached out and told the girl he needs space because he still loves me and needs to figure it out. We ended up in bed together 4 times this past week. We did no contact for… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi D,

Would you rather stay in that situation than lose him?

D
Guest

I do not want to lose him…
I just want him to get on a better path because he has lost himself and is confused, but I know he wants to come back to me. I just don’t think he knows how.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

he’s and adult. He has his own mind and you’re not his mom.. If you mean you would rather stay in that situation, than choose to walk away and respect yourself, I understand that but frankly, we both know, people don’t change unless there’s a need to change.. and if he is getting what he wants right now, why would he change?

D
Guest
My ex and I dated for 8 years and we wanted to get married. He lost himself and got involved and cheated on me with a younger girl and got involved with a bad friend group. He stayed with the girl for the past 3-4 months since we have been broken up and went too fast with her. Within the past month he has reached out and told the girl he needs space because he still loves me and needs to figure it out. We ended up in bed together 4 times this past week. We did no contact for… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi D,

Would you rather stay in that situation than lose him?

D
Guest

I do not want to lose him…
I just want him to get on a better path because he has lost himself and is confused, but I know he wants to come back to me. I just don’t think he knows how.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

he’s and adult. He has his own mind and you’re not his mom.. If you mean you would rather stay in that situation, than choose to walk away and respect yourself, I understand that but frankly, we both know, people don’t change unless there’s a need to change.. and if he is getting what he wants right now, why would he change?

SC
Guest
So I have slept with my ex 3 times now. We broke up two months ago we dated for a little over 2 years, most of our relationship was long distance then 3 months ago he moved home 15 minutes away from me. His only friend is moving away and we have started to try to become friends but I called him one night at 3 am when he was drinking about some flooding in my area. He said he would come keep me company because I couldn’t sleep but we ended up having sex. This has happened 2 more… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

you’re friends with benefits. The more you sleep with him without commitment, the less he’s going to commit.

SC
Guest

Well he expressed to me we shouldn’t sleep together, how will I know not sleeping with him will make him chase me? I agree that sleeping together won’t improve the situation either though…

SC
Guest

Is there anything else I can do that will make him want to come back to me?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s not just not sleeping with him anymore. You have to start being an ungettable girl.. Start a new routine, have your own life, love and respect yourself more.. check this one:
The Ungettable Girl

SC
Guest

I have been going out with friends a lot, taking classes at school, and I have taken up piano, and recently got visaline to have straighter teeth. I just think he won’t be happy with me again, I have a negative mindset since him and I got into an arguement today. We are going to a grief couselor for past issues on thursday. I hope this doesn’t blow up in my face.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Don’t own negativity.. That’s good that you’re going to a counselor

SC
Guest
Maybe after our therapy session tomorrow I should just stop talking to him. He doesn’t seem to really reach out to me besides inviting me to go out to see a movie with him like last wednesday. I am not sure to do no contact or continue being friends and talking whenever he decides too. He doesn’t want me to think I can always run to him with my problems like how it was when we dated is what he told me today. I feel so confused I really want to spend time with him every now and then but… Read more »
SC
Guest

My ex and I today went to the therapy session he really didn’t want to go but went because I told him I really needed to closure on things that had happened. He said he wasn’t sure about being friends and being in group situations with me and mutual friends. I feel really confused and hurt, I miss him in my life already. I’m trying to be respectful and give him space. Will I hear from him again? I’m pretty heartbroken he doesn’t want me around.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

In a way, thats5 good because it helps you realize that you need to give the closure to yourself, whether he goes to therapy or not

SC
Guest
So I have slept with my ex 3 times now. We broke up two months ago we dated for a little over 2 years, most of our relationship was long distance then 3 months ago he moved home 15 minutes away from me. His only friend is moving away and we have started to try to become friends but I called him one night at 3 am when he was drinking about some flooding in my area. He said he would come keep me company because I couldn’t sleep but we ended up having sex. This has happened 2 more… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

you’re friends with benefits. The more you sleep with him without commitment, the less he’s going to commit.

SC
Guest

Well he expressed to me we shouldn’t sleep together, how will I know not sleeping with him will make him chase me? I agree that sleeping together won’t improve the situation either though…

SC
Guest

Is there anything else I can do that will make him want to come back to me?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s not just not sleeping with him anymore. You have to start being an ungettable girl.. Start a new routine, have your own life, love and respect yourself more.. check this one:
The Ungettable Girl

SC
Guest

I have been going out with friends a lot, taking classes at school, and I have taken up piano, and recently got visaline to have straighter teeth. I just think he won’t be happy with me again, I have a negative mindset since him and I got into an arguement today. We are going to a grief couselor for past issues on thursday. I hope this doesn’t blow up in my face.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Don’t own negativity.. That’s good that you’re going to a counselor

SC
Guest
Maybe after our therapy session tomorrow I should just stop talking to him. He doesn’t seem to really reach out to me besides inviting me to go out to see a movie with him like last wednesday. I am not sure to do no contact or continue being friends and talking whenever he decides too. He doesn’t want me to think I can always run to him with my problems like how it was when we dated is what he told me today. I feel so confused I really want to spend time with him every now and then but… Read more »
SC
Guest

My ex and I today went to the therapy session he really didn’t want to go but went because I told him I really needed to closure on things that had happened. He said he wasn’t sure about being friends and being in group situations with me and mutual friends. I feel really confused and hurt, I miss him in my life already. I’m trying to be respectful and give him space. Will I hear from him again? I’m pretty heartbroken he doesn’t want me around.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

In a way, thats5 good because it helps you realize that you need to give the closure to yourself, whether he goes to therapy or not

sarah
Guest
So I have slept with my ex 3 times now. We broke up two months ago we dated for a little over 2 years, most of our relationship was long distance then 3 months ago he moved home 15 minutes away from me. His only friend is moving away and we have started to try to become friends but I called him one night at 3 am when he was drinking about some flooding in my area. He said he would come keep me company because I couldn’t sleep but we ended up having sex. This has happened 2 more… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sarah,

you’re friends with benefits. The more you sleep with him without commitment, the less he’s going to commit.

sarah
Guest
So I have slept with my ex 3 times now. We broke up two months ago we dated for a little over 2 years, most of our relationship was long distance then 3 months ago he moved home 15 minutes away from me. His only friend is moving away and we have started to try to become friends but I called him one night at 3 am when he was drinking about some flooding in my area. He said he would come keep me company because I couldn’t sleep but we ended up having sex. This has happened 2 more… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sarah,

you’re friends with benefits. The more you sleep with him without commitment, the less he’s going to commit.

Annakate
Guest
So here is my story. My ex never defined our relationship, and we were together for roughly 6 months, he knew that I had problems with this no label relationship, then he just stopped seeing me, I didn’t beg or anything, but I did like him and I still want him. It’s been almost a year since we saw each last time, during this year, he send me pictures some times when he travels, and I send him postcards sometimes when I travel, but it’s just all greetings and nothing deep. Last week, he texted me all of the sudden,… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

he wanted to be friends with benefits.. were you friends with benefits before?

Annakate
Guest
So here is my story. My ex never defined our relationship, and we were together for roughly 6 months, he knew that I had problems with this no label relationship, then he just stopped seeing me, I didn’t beg or anything, but I did like him and I still want him. It’s been almost a year since we saw each last time, during this year, he send me pictures some times when he travels, and I send him postcards sometimes when I travel, but it’s just all greetings and nothing deep. Last week, he texted me all of the sudden,… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

he wanted to be friends with benefits.. were you friends with benefits before?

Monna
Guest
My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 years ago. His main problem was that I was 19 at the time and he was 29. Now I’m 21 and he is 31 and for tha past 2 years we haven’t stopped “getting back together” and breaking up. He says he dosen’t feel the same and it’s only sex. There were times when we didn’t spoke for weeks and we didn’t see each other for a whole year. I have applied the No Contact Rule several times with him and it works. He can’t get involved in a serious relatioship and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Monna,

Are you ready to stop sleeping with him?

Monna
Guest
My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 years ago. His main problem was that I was 19 at the time and he was 29. Now I’m 21 and he is 31 and for tha past 2 years we haven’t stopped “getting back together” and breaking up. He says he dosen’t feel the same and it’s only sex. There were times when we didn’t spoke for weeks and we didn’t see each other for a whole year. I have applied the No Contact Rule several times with him and it works. He can’t get involved in a serious relatioship and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Monna,

Are you ready to stop sleeping with him?

Rachel
Guest
Hi EBR team, My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We moved to the east coast together from our midwest state 2.5 years ago and I have been blindsided by this breakup. We had talked about getting engaged, and I really thought that was the next step. Here is my question about sleeping with my ex: So, we live together, and probably will for another month or so until I can move out. We actually are still sleeping in the same bed. Though he says he wants to breakup for a number of reasons, his… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Rachel, Break up sex most of the time feels better than sex while you’re with him.. I’m not really sure why, but I think it’s because it’s that knowing you’re not committed to the other person, like no strings attached, you don’t own the other person. Which what will make him not want to be with you more, because the sex is much better now that you’ve broken up. Well, aside from the fact that he’s already getting what he wants without being committed to you. Until he thinks that being with you is more than sex, until there’s… Read more »
Rachel
Guest
Hi EBR team, My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We moved to the east coast together from our midwest state 2.5 years ago and I have been blindsided by this breakup. We had talked about getting engaged, and I really thought that was the next step. Here is my question about sleeping with my ex: So, we live together, and probably will for another month or so until I can move out. We actually are still sleeping in the same bed. Though he says he wants to breakup for a number of reasons, his… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Rachel, Break up sex most of the time feels better than sex while you’re with him.. I’m not really sure why, but I think it’s because it’s that knowing you’re not committed to the other person, like no strings attached, you don’t own the other person. Which what will make him not want to be with you more, because the sex is much better now that you’ve broken up. Well, aside from the fact that he’s already getting what he wants without being committed to you. Until he thinks that being with you is more than sex, until there’s… Read more »
Angel
Guest
My ex and i broke up about 3 weeks ago after a 5 year realationship that was rockey.we had alot if issues that started with his dad meddling in our relationship.after that we had other people try and brake us up.But everytime we would get back together.last march we broke up and i got pregnate and we got back together(that was a real brake up).we started going to consuling and we were communicating better but he wanted to date other people and we were working and solving the issues so we both could be happy again and wouldnt feel like… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Angel,

for me, it would take a long time to get a reset… You both need to grown and improve first. So, honestly, I don’t think now is the right time to get back together.

Angel
Guest
My ex and i broke up about 3 weeks ago after a 5 year realationship that was rockey.we had alot if issues that started with his dad meddling in our relationship.after that we had other people try and brake us up.But everytime we would get back together.last march we broke up and i got pregnate and we got back together(that was a real brake up).we started going to consuling and we were communicating better but he wanted to date other people and we were working and solving the issues so we both could be happy again and wouldnt feel like… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Angel,

for me, it would take a long time to get a reset… You both need to grown and improve first. So, honestly, I don’t think now is the right time to get back together.

Jo
Guest
Hi, I’m not sure this is the right section. Last weekend my ex and I hooked up – it wasn’t planned. I pulled away a little bit after that and established distanse. Next week we are going away together for the weekend (we planned it months ago and decided to still go; we’ve been broken up for two months).I do want to cut myself off after that because we haven’t done no contact yet (he insist on being friends and keeps reaching out- he dumped me). I am not sure how to go about next weekend. I told him what… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jo,

why did you break up and how long was the relationship? Yeah, those are definitely mixed signals, it’s like he wants you back. Just have fun at the trip, and don’t ever sleep with him again, because you’re going to become friends with benefits if you do it again.

Jo
Guest
We broke up because he said there was no spark and he felt more like a friend about me than a girlfriend. We were dating for about 6 months and were properly in a relationship for 2. But I don’t think that this is how friends act, is it? He says he’s a friend but then he does all those things that make me question what he’s saying re being just friends. I am keeping my distance and doing a limited NC now before next Friday but it’s so difficult. Last weekend was so confusing. DO you think it was… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

When a guy says you feel more like a friend, that means the relationship is boring for him and he’s not attracted to you anymore.. And now, there’s a probability that he’s just missing the routine but it can also be genuine too.. So, just take everything slow.. Let the trip pass first, then decide from there, on how it goes, of what your next step should be.

Jo
Guest
Hi, I’m not sure this is the right section. Last weekend my ex and I hooked up – it wasn’t planned. I pulled away a little bit after that and established distanse. Next week we are going away together for the weekend (we planned it months ago and decided to still go; we’ve been broken up for two months).I do want to cut myself off after that because we haven’t done no contact yet (he insist on being friends and keeps reaching out- he dumped me). I am not sure how to go about next weekend. I told him what… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jo,

why did you break up and how long was the relationship? Yeah, those are definitely mixed signals, it’s like he wants you back. Just have fun at the trip, and don’t ever sleep with him again, because you’re going to become friends with benefits if you do it again.

Jo
Guest
We broke up because he said there was no spark and he felt more like a friend about me than a girlfriend. We were dating for about 6 months and were properly in a relationship for 2. But I don’t think that this is how friends act, is it? He says he’s a friend but then he does all those things that make me question what he’s saying re being just friends. I am keeping my distance and doing a limited NC now before next Friday but it’s so difficult. Last weekend was so confusing. DO you think it was… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

When a guy says you feel more like a friend, that means the relationship is boring for him and he’s not attracted to you anymore.. And now, there’s a probability that he’s just missing the routine but it can also be genuine too.. So, just take everything slow.. Let the trip pass first, then decide from there, on how it goes, of what your next step should be.

Elizabeth
Guest
I am asking this on behalf of my female friend. She is in her process of divorce and started dating her colleague. He knew her situation but they have started dating anyway. He is ok to be her boyfriend. But he stated that he cannot commit to giving her a future. He upfrontly said he can’t marry her because he can’t accept a woman with a child. Nevertheless,my friend still chose to begin the relationship. She has slept with him too out of her initiation. My questions are: 1) is this a type of ‘friends with benefit’? 2) given he… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Elizabeth,

Yes, it’s like being friends with benefits. It’s not commitment.. For me, commmitment is commitment that you know would end up in a life time companionship. Even if the two people didn’t talk about it, the thought is there. But with your friends situation, it’s clear that he doesn’t want that.

Elizabeth
Guest
I am asking this on behalf of my female friend. She is in her process of divorce and started dating her colleague. He knew her situation but they have started dating anyway. He is ok to be her boyfriend. But he stated that he cannot commit to giving her a future. He upfrontly said he can’t marry her because he can’t accept a woman with a child. Nevertheless,my friend still chose to begin the relationship. She has slept with him too out of her initiation. My questions are: 1) is this a type of ‘friends with benefit’? 2) given he… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Elizabeth,

Yes, it’s like being friends with benefits. It’s not commitment.. For me, commmitment is commitment that you know would end up in a life time companionship. Even if the two people didn’t talk about it, the thought is there. But with your friends situation, it’s clear that he doesn’t want that.

Miranda
Guest
So I did no contact with a guy I was seeing for about 7 months who broke up with me. He got in contact with me a few days before the end of no contact and we talked for 4 hours (I know that was a mistake…i should have cut things off) but at the end of the conversation he asked if he could come over and I said no. Since then we have talked alot and he has asked several times if he could come over. The last time he asked I said i really want to see you,… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Miranda,

if you talked during nc, the first time you talked, it was already broken. It’s very good that you improved yourself, but you have to avoid coming across that you did it for him..So, dont rush.. build rapport slowly through texts first, and then calls, and then proceed to meet ups

Miranda
Guest
So I did no contact with a guy I was seeing for about 7 months who broke up with me. He got in contact with me a few days before the end of no contact and we talked for 4 hours (I know that was a mistake…i should have cut things off) but at the end of the conversation he asked if he could come over and I said no. Since then we have talked alot and he has asked several times if he could come over. The last time he asked I said i really want to see you,… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Miranda,

if you talked during nc, the first time you talked, it was already broken. It’s very good that you improved yourself, but you have to avoid coming across that you did it for him..So, dont rush.. build rapport slowly through texts first, and then calls, and then proceed to meet ups