By Chris Seiter

Updated on June 9th, 2021

If your ex only wants sex from you it can be a little difficult to comprehend what’s going on in their head.

Meanwhile, you probably have hundreds of questions running through yours.

Questions like,

Why don’t you want more?

Why would you only want to sleep with me?

Is there anything I can do to make them want more?

Today I’m going to tackle those elusive questions and hopefully provide you with some answers on what I’ve seen working with hundreds of clients and combining it with real psychological studies.

In other words, I’m going to teach you what to do when your ex only wants sex with you.

My Ex Still Wants Me Sexually

When you find yourself in this situation it’s easy to get distracted.

Making love to someone is supposed to be the ultimate sign of trust and love.

  • Why wouldn’t an ex, someone you’ve shared so much with, want more?
  • What do they get out of just having sex?
  • What tends to happen to people who just have sex with their exes?
  • Is it a good or bad idea?

These are the most common questions that my clients tend to have and this article is going to answer them all.

Let’s start with a big one.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Why Does My Ex Only Want To Have Sex With Me?

Let me start by asking another question first.

Is having sex with an ex a good or bad idea?

This is actually pretty easy to answer because I have a lot of experience coaching individuals in this situation and I get to see what it does to them.

I can definitively say it’s usually a BAD IDEA to have sex with your ex

Now, that may not be what you want to hear.

There might be a certain excitement that comes from sleeping with your ex.

Heck, on some level you might believe that if you sleep with them you’ll be able to win them back.

Before I actually answer that lets talk about what goes through your exes head when they want to have sex with you.

In my experience, five thoughts tend to be prevalent when your ex wants to sleep with you,

  1. You’re Familiar
  2. You’re Available
  3. They Want Some Type Of Closure
  4. They Miss The Sex
  5. Idealization (The Peak-End Rule)

Let’s take a moment and dissect each of these thoughts so you have a better idea of what I’m talking about here.

1. You’re Familiar

Patterns often establish who we are as individuals.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Personally this is how my average day looks.

  • I wake up
  • I go to my office
  • I work for around 4 hours straight
  • I’ll sometimes break for lunch
  • I work some more for another hour or two
  • I’ll play tennis for a couple hours
  • I’ll come home and spend the rest of the night with my family
  • When they go to bed I’ll read for 4 hours
  • I got to bed

That is the pattern I’ve gotten myself into over the years.

When that pattern is broken I tend to get pretty annoyed.

You and your ex established a pattern over the years and now that you’ve broken up it may be driving them nuts.

Having sex with you is potentially a way to remember that pattern.

It’s familiar.

It’s safe.

It’s there.

Oh, speaking of there…

2. You’re Available

I often see this with exes who break up under the pretense that they can do better than the person they are with.

The problem is that once they go out and try to sleep with other people they learn it’s not as easy to get someone else as they think.

In fact, it’s become so difficult that they revert back to the person they are familiar with and they know is available.

Heck, maybe they even think you’ll be easier to have sex with because they’ve already had sex with you before.

3. They Want Some Type Of Closure

You’ve heard of break up sex, right?

The premise is simple,

We have sex one last time, one last hurrah and then go our separate ways

This thought is a little like that.

It’s their version of break up sex.

It’s very common if you have an ex who says something like,

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Hey, let’s do it one last time

The problem is that sex is addicting by nature and one last time turns into two last times, two last times turns into three and so on and so forth.

4. They Miss The Sex

Do you remember the very best sex you’ve ever had?

Do you think about it from time to time?

What if the best sex you ever had was with your most recent ex and even though the breakup was bad you know they weren’t thrilled with having you leave the relationship.

You know that they’d do anything to get you back.

Including sleeping with you.

So, you miss the sex… and they’d take you back.

Do you see where I’m going here?

Sometimes if your ex misses the sex enough they can try to sleep with you again.

5. The Idealization Of The Relationship

You’ve heard of the peak-end rule?

It basically states that when we remember an experience we don’t remember it based on the sum of it’s parts. Instead, we only remember it based on two distinct points,

The peak of the experience and the end of the experience.

So, if this is true then that means your ex is either thinking about your awful breakup or they are thinking of the very best moment of your relationship.

Sometimes you’ll get an ex who idealizes the relationship based on thinking only about the peak of the experience.

They forget all of the bad stuff and only remember the very best moments.

This turns them on to the point where they’ll want to have sex with you.

It’s an interesting phenomenon but what often happens if you make the mistake of sleeping with an ex?

What Happens When You Sleep With An Ex? 

According to a recent poll from the Associate Press around 36% of individuals who’ve gone through a breakup have slept with their ex,

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Another poll I stumbled across claimed as much as 44% of individuals sleep with an ex after a breakup.

Those numbers sound about right based on my own experience as a breakup coach.

So, what often happens if you do end up sleeping with an ex?

Weirdly enough I see a very clear commonality that occurs, friends with benefits.

Think of it like this,

There exists a proverbial line in the sand when it comes to sex.

“The line” tells you if the person is willing to sleep with you without being in a relationship.

Most people hold true to that line.

In other words, no matter what they will not have sex with someone unless they are in a relationship with that person or there is some type of relationship agreement in place.

However, when that line is crossed.

When you set a new precedent that it’s ok to sleep with you without being in a relationship you’ll find that your partner will continually take advantage of it.

Which is why you get exes who sleep with their exes and try to institute a friends with benefits relationship.

I can hear the detractors readying their verbal jabs,

But my ex told me that he can’t commit right now… but he will

My ex said that we are more than friends with benefits

That’s the thing about the new version of friends with benefits.

In almost all the cases I encounter the men or women aren’t stupid enough to tell you want you actually are.

There’s a certain negative stigma attached to being friends with benefits. Often, I find they’ll dangle false promises of reconnection in front of you but those promises never materialize.


So, lets talk about what we learned today and also explore some of the next steps you can implement.

To recap,

  • There are typically five reasons an ex will only want to sleep with you
  • You’re Familiar
  • You’re Available
  • They Want Closure
  • They Miss The Sex
  • Idealization (Peak-End Rule)
  • Friends with benefits usually await those who sleep with their ex

So, what can you do if you find yourself in a situation like this?

Quite frankly, I’d recommend that you explore our website.

If you’re interested me or one of my team members can personally work with you.

Oh, and if you want to download everything I do have a best selling book.

What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

7 thoughts on “My Ex Only Wants Sex”

  1. Takalani

    March 13, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    Thanks, I got all the answers… I was asking myself. What confused me more is that I still have feelings for him, but I can live without him… Thank you very much

  2. The hopeless romantic

    July 23, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    Is there hope if I really think he wants more?

    His friends are telling me to wait for him because they have a feeling that he might have pulled the trigger to fast. I did the NC for 3 weeks and then he contacted me and asked to come over. I was suprised and told him it was okey. I thought he was going to give back my key and take some stuff and then leave. That is not what happned tho. He spent the whole day with me and he was really intense and he spent the night. I did try and asked him if he had thought about us. His answer was “we will take that another day”. We did have sex thee times but not vaginaly and all the time he was the one chasing me and making the moves (did this only then we where teenagers)

    I still have not heard anything more from him but to be fair its only been two day since then.

    My ex really is not like the rest of men. He thought that I had not contacted him for three week because I was angry with him even tho when we last talked it ended on a good note.

    I really can’t understand this man or boy which is how I see him.

    We where in the process of buying a house? Like did he get cold feet? I think that his best friend breaking up with his girlfriend may have triggred the “oh now I have someone to party with”. Although, since we broke up he has not been partying that much and he has not pressued any women at all? He downloded “Tinder” but has not made a profil because he says he does not have a good picture of himself. Also his friend is in a new relationship so does not have a party buddy anymore.

    I am starting to think this is all a test to see if I truly love him.

    There is of course more to the story but I really can’t understand all of this. He wants me but kinda not?

  3. Sexy hoops

    July 7, 2019 at 5:58 am

    To be honest, your boyfriend has an incorrect view of what love is. Casual sex is NOT love. Love doesn’t take from another, it seeks to give. As an outsider reading your e-mail, it seems that your boyfriend is trying to pressure you into having sex and willing to dump you if you don’t give it to him. Is this really putting your desires and concerns ahead of his own pleasure?

  4. Antonia

    November 22, 2018 at 12:03 pm

    Hi Chris, I purchased your book already in February and it helped me a lot to get through nc period and also in improving my life. But rn I am feeling I lost the way again and don’t know if nc would work this time. You always say that it works like a reset button. Should I give it a try or rather continue talking to him?

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 24, 2018 at 2:25 am

      Hi Antonia…first try the talking/communication route, but if that fails, then NC is an option.

  5. Antonia

    November 20, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    my ex broke up with me in february, we talked afterwards for a month and then had nc until may. Then we met and he said he cant start anything with me so this is goodbye. He wrote me three months later, I didnt reply. Then he tried to contact me again and we had a short talk over whatsapp, I didnt reply anymore. He tried to contact me again 2 weeks later and we have been talking since then, it has been 2,5 months. 2 weeks go he asked me if we wanna hang out and I agreed, he came to my place everything was nice , we watched movie, cuddled and ended up having sex what I know was wrong. I asked him if this was his intention and he said: I wanted to see you and talk to you, so much happened in your life and I wanted to know how are you but I have to admit I wanna have sex with you. We were texting the whole week, whenever i didnt reply he wrote me another message, I asked him if we wanna see eachother again and he said: sure why not? I wasnt sure about his intentions and it was killing me, i couldnt sleep or eat or focus on work so I wrote him that it was nice to see him again but that I would like to know where is this all going to? he replied: I can tell you where it isnt going- to another relationship. If I will want try it again with you I will directly tell you. I know how it is to hoope and think that my feelings could change, when they will I will let you know. We can stay friends and I would like to add benefits to it but if it is not ok with you then I respect that…..I was shocked, 3 months of reconnecting and then this…it hur me a lot and I havent reply yet cause idk if I should. I really love that guy and i want him back but idk what to do…

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 20, 2018 at 9:57 pm

      Hi Antonia!

      Do you have my Program Guide. Its 485 pages long and is called “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. I think it will help you in coming up with our plan!