What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

I Made Out With My Ex Boyfriend, Now What?

We get asked about this quite a lot.

We hear from at least a few ladies every day saying,

“I used your system and it worked great. So much so, that we made out, but now I’m not sure what to do.”

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Well, The Good News First

The good news is that your ex still finds you physically attractive.

And you got him to meet up with you in person!

That says a lot right there.

Most couples after a breakup, can’t even stand to be in the same room as each other, let alone make out.

But, here you are kissing him and stuff.

Go you! Kudos!

You’d be shocked how many women jump at the chance to play tonsil hockey with their exes.

Once you get through No ContactTexting, and land that first face to face, it’s easy to get sucked back into the physical relationship. Giving into that temptation to jump straight to the kiss and makeup part is so alluring that going back to establish a good foundation for the relationship becomes a hurdle.

Assuming he kissed you back, it could be worse. I mean could have not. He could have run away screaming bloody murder.

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What You Really Want to Know

What you are really wondering is how to proceed now that you’ve lip-locked with your ex-sweetie. Now that you’ve experienced a reaction, you are hoping that that means you’re done.

Who wouldn’t wonder that?

I mean as humans we are impatient. We want what we want and we want it now.

The bad part is that no, the kiss means only one thing. It’s just a guess, but I bet he wanted to kiss you when you two were together. Finding someone attractive doesn’t ever go away completely.

So, you guessed it, both the good and bad news is that he wants to kiss you. The bad news for you is also that there’s no shortcut to getting your ex back.

When you are hungry you go out and get some fast food. This satiates your hunger.

When your exboyfriend needed to feel wanted or doesn’t want to feel alone he reaches out to feel connected.

Keeping that in mind, you have to realize that a make-out sesh doesn’t a relationship make. It’s not a promise of one in the future.

When you were fourteen and you made out with someone, it generally led to you being emotionally invested.

I don’t presume to know your ex. But with most of the adults I know, making out with someone just means they’re attractive and up for a quick dose of Dopamine.

The trick to making this become something more is to make him desire more from you specifically. I mean, I’m guessing you don’t want him making out with you AND everyone else.

That’s why it’s important to go through ALL of the steps to succeed in presto chango-ing your exboyfriend into being your boyfriend again.

Let me put it this way. When I was little I loved to watch Buffy. Yeah I know, Chris isn’t the only Buffy fan. But I HATED waiting a whole week for the next episode to some out. Those cliff hangers fed into a desire to see things through to the end.

Or worse, when they would skip a week! It was torture.

Now, Netflix is my best friend and worst enemy.

Judging by the fact that marathoning no longer only applies to running really long distances for a T-Shirt and no good reason. (You know, like a bear, or a shoe sale) I’m going to guess that most of you have the same issue I do.

Too much of a good thing!

There are so many good shows out there and my wilpower isn’t enough not to sit down and watch all 6 seasons of lost in less than a week.

If you watched that show you know things got a little weird toward the end. Sometimes it was just down right hard to watch simply because it was hard to believe or follow what was going on.

But I couldn’t stop watching.

Do you want to know why?

They kept a little bit of mystery going on. Grant it, after they started with the magic nonsense, it just got a little hard to keep up. But the real reason I could stop is because I had invested time into getting to know the characters.

I cared whether they lived or died and what happened to them even though I know that they were 100% fictional.

Emotional investment is hard to force on someone, but investment in general isn’t.

Much like my need to finish things once I start them. You need to generate a need to keep up with you in your ex.

Did you ever watch that movie “Failure to Launch?”

If not, here’s the general premise.

Parent’s who have tired of their grown sons still living at home being couch potatoes hire a woman to make their sons fall in love with her. Basically, her goal is to motivate them to create a life for themselves.

In my opinion, the movie wasn’t one of my favorites, but it always interested me that she had this process of making the men do what she wanted.

Yes, it’s fiction, but she had a pretty good plan that she laid out for his parents like this.

“Young men develop self-esteem best during a romantic relationship, so I simulate one: We have a memorable meeting, we get to know each other over a few casual meals, he helps me through an emotional crisis, then I meet his friends – if he has any – uh, then I let him teach me something; but, the bottom line is, he bonds with me, he lets go of you, he moves out.”

What does any of this have to do with you making out with your ex?

Well… why did you make out with him?

Because you want him back right? You wanted to remind him of the connection he had with you before.

3 of my best friends are guys. So, I get a lot of insight into why they do things. That’s part of why the “Failure to Launch” process kind of struck me as funny.

Most men don’t run around making out with people hoping to create a long lasting emotional bond. Those with low expectations just need the little self-esteem boost of knowing that you still want to make out with him. However, most men are just testing the waters to see if you’ll still sleep with them. Then, they don’t have to invest effort into a whole new relationship quite yet.

It’s sad I know. I hate to generalize men like that.  because I know for a fact that every man doesn’t simply want to sleep with you. But the percentage is high enough that I feel like it’s a pretty safe bet that he wasn’t making out with you to reestablish some kind of deep bond.

It doesn’t mean you can’t create one, though.

“How do I do that?”

Well, I’m sure you know by now that men want what they can’t have.

Once you make it through the ExRecovery program and you are spending time together, ask him for help with something… anything. The goal here is to make him feel needed.

That was the general idea in Failure to Launch. Building self-esteem isn’t something we do easily on our own.

The problem here is accomplishing this without coming off as needy.

Ask him for his help. Let him help. Then thank him and go about life.

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I’m hesitant to tell you to do this because the last time I told someone to ask her ex for help to become a source of self-esteem she went a little overboard.

Here I was suggesting she call him instead of me because she was distraught over this desk she bought that came with instructions that were written completely in Japanese.

She called him and, like the knight in shining armor that he was, he came and saved the day. He even brought real tools and everything.

They spent the whole time talking and laughing. He hugged her before he left.

That’s when everything went wrong. She started calling him to help her with everything!

Pickle Jar lids? Call Jared*.

Cat escaped and ran off into the night? Call Jared*.

Car won’t start? Call Jared*.

Can’t decide what movie to watch? Call Jared*.

As you can imagine, Jared* didn’t feel needed. He started to think that no one else cared. She became his “needy ex-girlfriend and he stopped answering when she called.

So, I can’t stress this enough. Ask for his help once, maybe twice, with things that it is possible that you actually couldn’t do on your own. He’ll see straight through a pickle jar situation.

Don’t try and skip to the end of the Ex Recovery Program either.

If you haven’t already, start with No Contact and at least get through a couple in person interactions before playing the Damsel in Distress card. Otherwise, it just looks like a maneuver, when you want it to seem completely innocent.

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What Now?

Basically, all you have to now is stay on track with wherever you are in the process.

I know. I know. Being patient is a lot more difficult than it sounds.

I’ve dealt with it myself.

According to a study done by Roy Baumeister. Willpower is a limited resource.

The study was an odd one involving a plate of cookies and a plate of radishes. Sounds really scientific I know.

But Dr. Baumeister brought the subjects into the room where the plates were. Some were asked to sample the cookies. Some were asked ot sample the radishes.

Now, I don’t know if your mom loves to bake like mine. But, I used to walk home from school and I could tell halfway down the road if mom was baking. The two smells that stood out above any other were Chocolate Chip Cookies and homemade bread. By the time I stepped foot in the door, my mouth would already be watering and I would go straight for the cookie jar like most children would.

Now, if any of you have ever had to resist warm chocolate chip cookies, you can imagine how hard it would have been to take a radish instead, especially if the smell of warm cookies were filling the space.

The subjects were then asked to complete a difficult geometric puzzle in 30 minutes. What he found was pretty interesting.

The subjects who had to exert willpower by resisting the cookies were the first to give up on the puzzle.

That study was done in 1998. In 2010, though, a Stanford University researcher Veronika Job, PhD, and her colleagues found that simply believing that willpower was a limited resource was what made the subjects more susceptible to giving up.

There are still ongoing studies as to what effects willpower. But according to what Professor Job found, you can extend your willpower (to not try to rush the process of getting your ex back) simply by believing that you can.

As one of my college friends used to say regarding my positive outlook and cheery demeanor,

“That is so Disney of you, Ashley.”

It’s the truth, though. You will be tempted to give up and you won’t get your ex back if you try and jump to the end.

Trust that the Program works and see it through and the likeliness that you will be successful is 100% more likely than if you give up.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Well, most people who want to get their ex back would take making out with him as a sign that they’ve reached their final destination. But, getting a little momentary attention isn’t the main goal here. You want him to beg you to take him back and be completely invested. I little smooching and you’re ready to settle for a layover instead of your final destination.

Don’t settle!


Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

64 thoughts on “I Made Out With My Ex Boyfriend, Now What?”

  1. Jessica

    November 12, 2017 at 10:24 pm

    To add for some clarification he said he is hurt because he feels I always make him out to be the bad guy. I didn’t trust him. He’s never cheated on me and when I heard a bogus story I never gave him the benefit of the doubt.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 2:05 am

      Hi Jessica,

      If you’re in the no contact rule, then you shouldn’t initiate nor reply… You have to be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. You already did what you can do, to keep pushing it is chasing..

  2. Jessica

    November 12, 2017 at 10:06 pm

    My fiancé and I have been together 12 years. Of course we have had ups and downs but always ended up together.

    We got in a bad fight the beginning of October. He was out with some guy friends when we were supposed to have plans and I heard a rumor he was flirting with a girl. I flipped out and told him to leave (in much harsher words). He has been staying at a second home of ours during this time and had blocked me for about 3 weeks. During that time I found out the truth about the situation and he did nothing wrong. I tried to contact him to reconcile and apologize but no response.

    I finally stopped by the house twice to see him. The first I was nervous if he would even talk to me but he let me in. We didn’t end up talking about anything pertaining to the fight just small talk. When I would try and bring it up he would say he didn’t want to get into it right now. So I didn’t force it. I initiated leaving first and he asked me for a hug to which we ended up making out. He told me it was good to see me and he had our mutual friends check on my Facebook while we were apart. (He doesn’t have social media).

    Two days later I stopped by the house again. We ended up talking for a few hours and discussing our fight to which felt like a reconcile. We said sorry and I love you’s and ended up having sex and he unblocked me. We talked on the phone and texted for the next few days and ended up making dinner plans.

    Throughout that time he was very hot and cold. One hour he was back to talking about us and our future plans together and saying I love you the next he would be cold and tell me he was still hurt and mad. He said I was expecting things to just be back to normal like we were together when we’re not but in the same argument was mad I had made plans to go visit family over Thanksgiving (during what would have been our anniversary. ). It was a rollercoaster of emotions.

    He ended up bailing on our dinner plans on Sunday. The 3 days following our cancelled plans I texted him trying to reconcile. I told him how much I loved him and how we could work it out together. Each reply I would get from him would be how angry he was at me and how hurt he was. Eventually I said one last I love you and gave him some space. I have told him how much I want to be with him and love him and apologized multiple times.

    It has been 5 days now and today I read about the No Contact Rule. I sent a text to get back to neutral territory and said “Sorry I was emotional and lashed out at you, wish you luck.” He replied “thank you, you too.. have a safe trip.”

    Any advice? Should I not contact him?

  3. Eva

    October 8, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    My ex Bf asked me to get together the other night where he ended up telling me he wasn’t over me. We agreed that we both wanted to slowly try things again, and he said we would have to do things a little differently this time. It was him who brought up us trying things out again, there was no way I was going to put myself in a position to be rejected. We ended up cuddling and kissing that night and it felt like we had never broken up. He asked me to hang out again the next night, but I already had other plans. Today I ask him to get together and he says he will see. I feel like I’m getting mixed signals and I am afraid to get hurt again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 9, 2017 at 12:28 am

      Hi Eva,

      Check this one:
      Keeping Him Once You Get Him Back

  4. W

    October 7, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    Hi , it’s been 3 days and he have yet to initiate. I initiated a text and told him that if he would wanna talk things out again tmr. At first he told me that he don’t think so because he has something going on. Later then i ask him if he could swap his appointment because i would really like to spend the day with him. He then told me he might need to go out at 3. I asked him again until what time and he answered me maybe he have to go out latest by 5. And i asked him if he could change his appointment to the other day again and he asked me if how long im gonna take if im going over. I told him i would like to spend a whole day with him but if he really have to go out then nvm it’s ok. He ended up telling me he have to go out at night and other than that he’s ok with it. He has been changing his time from 3 to 5 and to night. Does it really mean anything? If a guy doesn’t want anything to do with you he wouldn’t have actually agreed on meeting up to talk abt it right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 8, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      Hi W,

      When your ex is being distant, don’t ask for a date.. That means there’s not enough rapport… But since you already talked, it’s clear that he has or is moving on and he can see you’re chasing him.. So, it’s either you do one last nc of 45 days, slowly rebuild rapport after it while you continue having your own life or just move on..

      If you’re doing nc, approach it like he had moved on. That way you’re not going to ask or demand for time or to take you back.. You’re going to try to make him attracted to you, like you would do to a stranger that you’re interested with…

  5. W

    October 6, 2017 at 6:06 am

    Hi Amor, but since it’s a good sign , why he hasnt been texting me after the day we met ? Hmm … you said i can initiate a text after 3 days if he dont iniatiate right, can i ask him out for a date too?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 8, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      Hi W,

      When your ex is being distant, don’t ask for a date.. That means there’s not enough rapport… But since you already talked, it’s clear that he has or is moving on and he can see you’re chasing him.. So, it’s either you do one last nc of 45 days, slowly rebuild rapport after it while you continue having your own life or just move on..

      If you’re doing nc, approach it like he had moved on. That way you’re not going to ask or demand for time or to take you back.. You’re going to try to make him attracted to you, like you would do to a stranger that you’re interested with…

  6. W

    October 5, 2017 at 3:38 am

    Hi, will do what you said. Thanks . do you think it’s a good sign where he is still thinking abt our relationship?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2017 at 8:36 am

      Yup, it’s a good sign..

  7. W

    October 4, 2017 at 4:09 am

    Hi. My ex asked me over to his place ytd to talk abt our relationship stuff. He asked me how have i changed these few months and i told him getting better in person. He asked me how better in person but i was too shy and nervous so i just said better in person means better in person. He initiate to hug me and kiss me. We then end up making out but i pushed him away at last and told him that im not someone who is cheap and someone who will simply make out without being in a committed relationship. When i left home, he did not give me a goodbye hug or kiss or anything he just said bye to me. I texted him after that like ‘ did you call me over ytd just because you want to have some physical touch or you wanted to talk abt us ‘ . He replied ‘ supposed to talk ‘. What does he mean, what should i do ? Should i asked him out the other day and talk again ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 4, 2017 at 12:29 pm

      Nope, let him initiate a conversation or a text.. If after 3 days he doesn’t, you can initiate..

  8. Pink

    July 24, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    Hi Ms. Amor

    I got a problem after NC (30 days), my ex and I attended a friday activity then he ask me to stay a while in my house but sad to say we ended to have s*x, I dont know why this happen, it’s just we miss each other, he told me that his still inlove with me but he cant commit because he dont want to hurt me, his not yet ready. Now, Im so ashame of what Ive done, I dont want to be his friend with benefits, because when I message him the following morning, telling him that Im upset and disappointed, self pity, ashame of what weve done, I also inform him that it would be the last and he responded to me that we will restraint ourselves next time.. He told me that I’m so beautiful and sexy and still He love me, but I doubt it, because I found out his still flirting with other girl in his social media account and even sending message and calling the girl.. I dont know what to do now, please advise. should I start again the NC? or should I avoid him? but I want him back, how can I make him commit?. thanks and God bless.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 4:05 pm

  9. Sandra

    June 18, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    Relationship for 8 years, looking for a baby, however issues from both of us on not communicating issues made our relationship stale, I felt unhappy for past 8 months, he did for past 2 years. I got attention from someone else, told my bf but I broke up within 2 weeks. Dated the other guy straight after for 3 months. Worst mistake I’ve ever made. Dated other people, no one compared to 8 yr boyfriend, want him back. It’s been 7 months of break up, no contact in between, texted him recently to chat about us during coffee, he agreed. Met and talked for 4 hours, discussed how each other felt in relationship, connection and feelings were still there, laughing and hugging, holding hands, kissing, like nothing happened. He told me how much I hurt him and the pain I created in him, I listened and understood he has every right to feel that way. He doesn’t know if he can trust me again. He also has been seeing someone on and off, a family friend, they kissed and hang out but nothing else. No contact with this girl for past 2 weeks. He asked me for time, as he has strong feelings for me and also feelings for her. Although there were things of her he wasn’t sure about, she wanted to move to their home country, is very much into religion and he is not, and he feels he is more mature than her.
    We agreed to meet again in two weeks, we agreed on no contact from now until 2 weeks. What shall I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2017 at 3:03 pm

      Hi Sandra,

      I think you have a good chance. Have you started improving yourself?

  10. Erin

    May 23, 2017 at 11:28 am

    Hey! I need advice desperately.
    My boyfriend and I broke up 3 months ago. I did the no contact rule and we texted a few times after, but I really was not interested in pursuing getting him back anymore. Then I saw him out at a bar two nights ago, he came right up to me and we talked the whole night. He gave me a ride home and started intensely making out with me. He asked me to come home with him, I said no because I just was not expecting any of it and really thrown off. Now I want to see him again, we both ended up crying that night to each other we talked for another hour after the make out at drop off. I just can not stop thinking about him and I feel all the emotions back when he was in front of me. I need advice on how to see him again and how to go about this!! Thank you in advance’

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 25, 2017 at 4:09 pm

      start it like you’ve just ended the nc.. slowly build rapport with texts first, and then calls and then meet ups

  11. Tracey

    May 6, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    My ex and I broke up in January, with him freaking out and saying he couldn’t commit. We didn;t talk for over a month and then slowly became friends again. Recently, we kissed on a drunken night out and agreed to casually start seeing each other again. this has involved us sleeping together for the first time as well. But things have become quite intimate over the weeks. Whereas I tended to have to make plans for us when we dated the first time around, he now instigates regularly, even if that means us sitting on the sofa watching tv. he’s gone from someone who hates sharing space in bed to cuddly and kissy. recently I was ill and he took care of me, and when I was recovered we planned to go out and just ended up tenderly cuddling. Considering his fear of commitment, are these good signs? And how do I broach the topic of us being a couple. He kisses me in public so that’s not a problem.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 7, 2017 at 1:23 pm

      Hi Tracey,

      yes, that’s a good sign.. check this one:
      How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You

  12. E

    April 18, 2017 at 6:03 pm

    Hi Amor,
    So I tried to find a better answer to this throughout the entire website but couldn’t. I did the first text and was a really good one, I got a good response and we exchanged 4 texts each. I was about to end the conversation and he didn’t reply until over a day later. By this time I then replied cause obviously couldn’t end it then by saying bye before I even spoke that day so I replied with the intention of cutting it short but again he took over a day to reply AGAIN so that’s one text a day usually in the mornings, so I couldn’t end the conversation. He is giving good responses and asking me questions like how I am and things so seem s like he wants to keep the conversation going and also why would he reply if he didn’t want to talk, BUT then he is only sennding one a day so very slow replies and hasn’t replied at all since my last message nearly two days ago. How shall I approach this because I can’t end the conversations like I want to, but neither is he and it’s just like one conversation that could be had in two minutes stretched out over so far four days?? Should I message him again? I don’t really want to be the one to initiate after I should’ve done a longer NC than 35 days anyway AND I don’t want to come across as needy considering he hasn’t replied. Also sounds bad but he doesn’t work and I know that he isn’t very busy at the minute so he does have time to talk? I’m worried that I’m right and that maybe he is seeing someone else’s but as I dont know this for a fact I don’t want to message him and look stupid. PLEASE HELP with my next step! I’ve s spent hours going through the chapters and pages and can’t come to a conclusion

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 22, 2017 at 2:04 pm

      Restart no, do at least 45 days.. Continue being active in improving yourself and in posting even if he’s not your friend.. And then follow the texting advice here:

      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  13. E

    April 16, 2017 at 8:51 am

    Please help me. I posted on here yesterday but it hasn’t been put on? I am stuck now because it’s been theee months and very complicated I just don’t know what to do now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 3:33 pm


      I’ll just copy paste my answer to your first comment ok?

      it was 30 days since he messaged you, but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in posting, that’s not a no contact period. If you did that, continue doing that and check this one:
      How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

    2. E

      April 16, 2017 at 6:40 pm

      Hi AMor!
      Thank you so much for that link, I hadn’t seen that before!
      However, it says on that plan to extend no contact to 45-60 days. This was my original plan but I didn’t see that article and I already messaged him yesterday after 5 weeks…. so therefore broke NC earlier than 45 days :/ should I continue to talk to him at all? Also where you said did I use that time to improve myself, yes. Definitely. Because it’s been theee months since the break up and a lot of that time has been since I finished the grieving phase and I have really focused on me, especially as I realised I’d neglected myself in the relationship. The reason I broke NC when I did was actually because I realised I’m in a place now where I know I’ll be okay whether I get him back or not but wanted to give it one last shot, slowly, to see if we can work. I don’t want things to start back again too suddenly tho as then it may just go back to on and off again. I hope I haven’t made a huge mistake by messaging him? I will add that altho this was my first NC of 35 days, before that I had gone periods of two weeks with no contact on a couple of occasions so it’s not like he should be viewing me as a clingy needy ex anymore. Not sure what to do

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 17, 2017 at 4:43 am

      that’s good that you improved yourself.. just continue building rapport for now while also continuing to improve yourself and be activwe in posting in social media

  14. E

    April 15, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    Hi Amor,
    My situation is a little complicated. Three months ago he broke up with me but then we got back together after a couple weeks cause he regretted it, but then we had a big argument because nothing had changed and I was sour about the break up and we broke up again. But every time I tried to do no contact he would message me after a week or two with personal texts like my clothes smell like him or I’m the only person he can really talk to. We ended up meeting up and started sleeping with each other again. This was on and off for a couple of weeks and I told him I didn’t want FWB but he said it was more than that. Then he told me after me pressuring him for some clarification that he didn’t want to be in a relationship again and so I stormed off told him to F off and not message me again as it seems playing with my feelings and blocked him. After ten days I was so surprised that he messaged me casually again asking how I was doing cause he messaged me on Skype which I never thought to block. I have now done just over 30 days NC since he last messaged me and am feeling different about the situation but still want to get him back. I messaged him today casually telling him I finally did a pull up in the gym! He replied well and we’ve had a short exchange but now I don’t know what to do because I don’t know if it’s gonna change anything. I wish he’d just messaged me again but I blocked him on some things which made it harder. I’ve now unblocked him on everything but not made that obvious. I think he may also be seeing someone. How do I proceed? DO you think I have any hope? Doesn’t the fact that we were back and forth on and off for a couple of months after the break up stop me from being able to apply the action plan? Please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 1:18 pm

      it was 30 days since he messaged you, but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in posting, that’s not a no contact period. If you did that, continue doing that and check this one:
      How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

    2. E

      April 17, 2017 at 7:49 am

      How do you mean by building rupport? How can I do this, should I still be messaging him then? I also don’t know how to tell if he’s over me? Should I start another 30 day NC? He’s replying really really slowly to messages so our conversation is going on like one text a day each. The improvements I’m focussing on now are physical so my nutrition and fitness and hygiene to increase confidence and also being really sociable. He doesn’t have me on Facebook which is the only social media he has because I unfriended him. Do you think I should add him again? Also do you think that all hope is gone if he is seeing someone else and if I find out he is, should I stop trying to talk to him and stop implementing the plan?
      Thanks again amor

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 22, 2017 at 2:04 pm

      Restart no, do at least 45 days.. Continue being active in improving yourself and in posting even if he’s not your friend.. And then follow the texting advice here:

      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  15. Tash

    April 11, 2017 at 8:57 am

    Hi amor,

    What shall I do now? He’s updating his holiday snaps, shall I keep looking at them?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 12, 2017 at 11:29 am

      if you’re in nc you shouldn’t

  16. Tash

    April 10, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    Hi Amor,

    It’s tash! After successfully completing no contact, my ex met up with me a few times and has been really nice to me. Told me he missed me but never tells me he loves me. I’ve also slept with him a few times and now he’s gone away on holiday with his family for a couple of weeks, before he went, he said thanks for everything and he hopes that I’m ok and that he would catch up with me when he gets back. He’s posting snaps, should I look at them or not? How can I make him miss me? And what are the chances of getting him back, officially? He will be back in 2 weeks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      I think you’re friends with benefits now.. so, don’t sleep with him again.. be busy yourself while he’s away.

  17. Maddie

    April 10, 2017 at 11:43 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago as he wasn’t ready for a commitment. Did NC for a while, eventually we started talking again, the other day we watched a film and had dinner. Yesterday we went out for lunch and went for a walk and he kissed me. This went on for a while until I stopped it. We had coffee after that but neither of us brought up the fact that he obviously still has feelings for me. How do I approach this? Can i get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 8:41 pm

      just keep building rapport.. go back to texting.. if you build rapport and attraction, then yes you can get him back.

    2. Maddie

      April 11, 2017 at 9:05 am

      We had a talk yesterday, and he admitted that while he still cares for me, he’s not ready for a commitment, but that we can still date if I’m comfortable with it. Not really sure what to do next, getting him to admit that he cares about me was difficult enough.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 12, 2017 at 11:35 am

      decide, do you want to go out or move on

  18. Anon

    April 9, 2017 at 1:22 am

    Hi Amor,

    It’s been a while. Broken up now three months now. Did NC and was following Chris’ plan. We ended up hanging out a few times during texting phase (broke the rules). I never followed through the plan to phone calls. We have not had one phone conversation since before NC and that was just a bad desperate call on my end. So it’s been a month and half since NC stopped and since three weeks ago we ended up sleeping together a few times. What do I do? Cant invoke NC as we made big plans together with our friends next week. If I NC he might think I’m getting feelings or feel weird after the sex. He is purely in it for the sex and thinks I am too but of course I know I do it because I wanted to see him. I initiated the idea the first few times and he did the last time. We keep saying and agreeing we shouldn’t anymore to preserve what friendship we still have. He did try to cuddle me afterwards the first few times but not the last time. He said I am a great girl – said it a few times sincere break up. I know he has no romantic feelings for me. Whatever attraction is just physical and I know it’s because I’m being easy and because he hasn’t found someone new yet. Surprisingly when I’m not with him or after the sex I don’t feel overly emotional and attached but I know this is bad for the long run. Especially if he meets someone new cos he is always saying he is ready and open to the idea. I am definitely not the person that’s able to casually sleep with someone so it’s worse that it’s an ex. I know I messed up the plan. Is there hope for me? What to do? This is bad. I gave up and threw all my progress out the window. I thought maybe I could just resume texting plan and build more rapport after the times I did sleep with him but always end up sleeping with him again. I know I still love him and want to be with him. I hope it doesn’t show to him and our friends.

    Thanks Amor.

    1. Anon

      April 9, 2017 at 1:34 am

      You may not remember me but to recap – he broke up with me after losing feelings and wanted to find himself blah blah. Did not see a future together with me anymore. He talks about it now like I was holding him back or that he is open to more opportunities now. He thinks break up doing us both good. He saw some of my new changes but I know didn’t do enough during NC. Still continuing on to be best version of myself. For myself. I know he is enjoying his life not with me. Said sometimes misses having someone but know he doesn’t want it to be me. Urghh what to do. He has asked me before how I feel about him, did I miss him, hypothetically would I get back with him (but he was very firm when he asked me that that he did not in fact want to).

      I try coming off as confident and nonchalant. I know I’m stuck in friendzone. Urghh sleeping with him was so stupid of me. I knew it and did it anyway. Please help.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 6:32 pm

      well, if you know that you’re always going to sleep with him again. Then no nc can help that.. you have to decide to stop doing that first and to stick with it.

    3. Anon

      April 10, 2017 at 10:47 pm

      Yes, so I’m not going to do it again. So should I start of with the texting plan again?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 11, 2017 at 9:59 pm

      yeah, try that first..if he keeps insisting being sexual, start nc..

    5. Anon

      April 20, 2017 at 2:08 pm

      Hi Amor,

      So the ex was talking to one of our closest guy friends. This friend found out we were talking again and that we had slept together. He warned the ex that I might be trying to get him back and so when my ex asked I denied it. My ex is on the look out now though. Should I start NC?
      Ex is actually super happy with his life at the moment and I feel like this friend thinks he is better without me which hurts. How do I make him want me emotionally not just physically?


    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2017 at 3:48 pm

      just keep building rapport while not sleeping with him

  19. Bell

    April 7, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    Long story short:

    > Dated 5 yeas
    > Broke up
    > 30 days NC
    > Improved myself/Social Media active
    > First contact
    > More contact
    > Met up
    > More contact
    > Met up more often (He would hug me and kiss me, even telling he still liked me)
    > Called to ask him what we are to each other
    > Told me he doesn’t want relationship ‘YET’ (That’s his keyword, he uses it all the time)

    > Thinking about doing a 60 day NC, is that a good idea?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 3:27 pm

      just do 45 days

  20. Karen

    April 6, 2017 at 4:53 pm

    Hi amor

    My boyfriend dumped me a few months back due to me being overly clingy and emotional

    I did nc and contacted him, he responded with one word answer and I sent him angry texts out of spite

    He immediately did a full out block
    Currently on NC before I contact him with another number that he doesn’t know

    However I heard through a mutual friend that his grandmother has just passed away..

    Should i send him condolences text message? I feel like it’s the right thing to do, but will he get shocked that I go as far as using another number to text him since he has blocked me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2017 at 2:52 pm

      not really since it’sba condolence text..

  21. Nicole

    April 5, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    Hi, Me again.
    I’m curious, how common is it, based on users of this site, is it for an ex to not contact during no contact? and how common is it for them to change their numbers? thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 7, 2017 at 12:59 pm

      there’s no concrete number.. but I see it happen a lot

    2. Nicole

      April 9, 2017 at 2:39 am

      And what happens with those girls? Do the guys eventually get in touch or what? Thanks!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 6:56 pm

      when they see that the girl is unfazed and just kept improving, most of the guys realize there’s no use for him to keep being angry, or that the ex is moving on and not going to chase anymore so there’s no use of blocking her, or they get interested because of the improvement or they forgive and become more open to friendship because they can see the ex is moving on.

  22. Anya

    April 3, 2017 at 7:38 am

    Hi 🙂 I just had a quick question. I live with my ex in his small apartment, we broke up after a massive argument and he said i could stay until I find somewhere new to live. He’s very angry with me. I stayed around a bit but then started staying at someone else’s on their sofa while I look for somewhere new. It has been about 8 days since he officially said it was over and I’m on day 5 of no contact. I can easily pick up my things while he’s at work. Do I continue living there for a while and do the advice from the living with your ex page, or shall I stay away until I move out into a short term lease and go full no contact other than if I need to pick anything up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      HI anya,

      do the advice on living with your ex page while you still live him..

  23. Yumi

    April 3, 2017 at 12:03 am

    Hi, what do you think of this advice. I’ve had a failed NC so I’m in another one of 45+ days. My ex-ex boyfriend told me I should say something like this “sorry for X it got misconstrued (try to clear it up) i am really sorry, but it would mean so much to me if when youre ready you could message me back and we could try start fresh i miss you”

    Is that good or bad advice? It doesn’t exactly follow Chris’s guidelines…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2017 at 11:20 am

      Hi Yumi,

      start a fresh with friendship? did you reply to that?

    2. Yumi

      April 5, 2017 at 9:20 am

      Sorry Amor, that was confusing. The advice was given by the ex I had before this newest ex boyfriend. It’s the new one that I’d like to reconnect with, but I asked the old one cos he cut me out the same way the new one did.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 5, 2017 at 6:53 pm

      ah.. well, that would probably make you friendzoned. Better if you proceed to no contact.

    4. Yumi

      April 6, 2017 at 12:04 pm

      Oh I’m sorry, I really made that confusing. Basically I’m wondering if this “sorry for X it got misconstrued (try to clear it up) i am really sorry, but it would mean so much to me if when youre ready you could message me back and we could try start fresh i miss you” is a good advice for an exboyfriend who is still angry and hasn’t contacted me.

      I’m mentioning two different ex boyfriends… one who I don’t have feelings for. Sorry.

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 8, 2017 at 4:43 pm

      nope.. dont send that especially if he’s angry.. and saying that you hope if you could start a fresh and that you miss him is like chasing..

    6. Yumi

      April 9, 2017 at 2:50 am

      That is such a good answer, thank you for sticking with me!

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 6:57 pm

      You’re welcome!

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