I Made Out With My Ex Boyfriend, Now What?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

We get asked about this quite a lot.

We hear from at least a few ladies every day saying,

“I used your system and it worked great. So much so, that we made out, but now I’m not sure what to do.”

Well, The Good News First

The good news is that your ex still finds you physically attractive.

And you got him to meet up with you in person!

That says a lot right there.

Most couples after a breakup, can’t even stand to be in the same room as each other, let alone make out.

But, here you are kissing him and stuff.

Go you! Kudos!

You’d be shocked how many women jump at the chance to play tonsil hockey with their exes.

Once you get through No ContactTexting, and land that first face to face, it’s easy to get sucked back into the physical relationship. Giving into that temptation to jump straight to the kiss and makeup part is so alluring that going back to establish a good foundation for the relationship becomes a hurdle.

Assuming he kissed you back, it could be worse. I mean could have not. He could have run away screaming bloody murder.

What You Really Want to Know

What you are really wondering is how to proceed now that you’ve lip-locked with your ex-sweetie. Now that you’ve experienced a reaction, you are hoping that that means you’re done.

Who wouldn’t wonder that?

I mean as humans we are impatient. We want what we want and we want it now.

The bad part is that no, the kiss means only one thing. It’s just a guess, but I bet he wanted to kiss you when you two were together. Finding someone attractive doesn’t ever go away completely.

So, you guessed it, both the good and bad news is that he wants to kiss you. The bad news for you is also that there’s no shortcut to getting your ex back.

When you are hungry you go out and get some fast food. This satiates your hunger.

When your exboyfriend needed to feel wanted or doesn’t want to feel alone he reaches out to feel connected.

Keeping that in mind, you have to realize that a make-out sesh doesn’t a relationship make. It’s not a promise of one in the future.

When you were fourteen and you made out with someone, it generally led to you being emotionally invested.

I don’t presume to know your ex. But with most of the adults I know, making out with someone just means they’re attractive and up for a quick dose of Dopamine.

The trick to making this become something more is to make him desire more from you specifically. I mean, I’m guessing you don’t want him making out with you AND everyone else.

That’s why it’s important to go through ALL of the steps to succeed in presto chango-ing your exboyfriend into being your boyfriend again.

Let me put it this way. When I was little I loved to watch Buffy. Yeah I know, Chris isn’t the only Buffy fan. But I HATED waiting a whole week for the next episode to some out. Those cliff hangers fed into a desire to see things through to the end.

Or worse, when they would skip a week! It was torture.

Now, Netflix is my best friend and worst enemy.

Judging by the fact that marathoning no longer only applies to running really long distances for a T-Shirt and no good reason. (You know, like a bear, or a shoe sale) I’m going to guess that most of you have the same issue I do.

Too much of a good thing!

There are so many good shows out there and my wilpower isn’t enough not to sit down and watch all 6 seasons of lost in less than a week.

If you watched that show you know things got a little weird toward the end. Sometimes it was just down right hard to watch simply because it was hard to believe or follow what was going on.

But I couldn’t stop watching.

Do you want to know why?

They kept a little bit of mystery going on. Grant it, after they started with the magic nonsense, it just got a little hard to keep up. But the real reason I could stop is because I had invested time into getting to know the characters.

I cared whether they lived or died and what happened to them even though I know that they were 100% fictional.

Emotional investment is hard to force on someone, but investment in general isn’t.

Much like my need to finish things once I start them. You need to generate a need to keep up with you in your ex.

Did you ever watch that movie “Failure to Launch?”

If not, here’s the general premise.

Parent’s who have tired of their grown sons still living at home being couch potatoes hire a woman to make their sons fall in love with her. Basically, her goal is to motivate them to create a life for themselves.

In my opinion, the movie wasn’t one of my favorites, but it always interested me that she had this process of making the men do what she wanted.

Yes, it’s fiction, but she had a pretty good plan that she laid out for his parents like this.

“Young men develop self-esteem best during a romantic relationship, so I simulate one: We have a memorable meeting, we get to know each other over a few casual meals, he helps me through an emotional crisis, then I meet his friends – if he has any – uh, then I let him teach me something; but, the bottom line is, he bonds with me, he lets go of you, he moves out.”

What does any of this have to do with you making out with your ex?

Well… why did you make out with him?

Because you want him back right? You wanted to remind him of the connection he had with you before.

3 of my best friends are guys. So, I get a lot of insight into why they do things. That’s part of why the “Failure to Launch” process kind of struck me as funny.

Most men don’t run around making out with people hoping to create a long lasting emotional bond. Those with low expectations just need the little self-esteem boost of knowing that you still want to make out with him. However, most men are just testing the waters to see if you’ll still sleep with them. Then, they don’t have to invest effort into a whole new relationship quite yet.

It’s sad I know. I hate to generalize men like that.  because I know for a fact that every man doesn’t simply want to sleep with you. But the percentage is high enough that I feel like it’s a pretty safe bet that he wasn’t making out with you to reestablish some kind of deep bond.

It doesn’t mean you can’t create one, though.

“How do I do that?”

Well, I’m sure you know by now that men want what they can’t have.

Once you make it through the ExRecovery program and you are spending time together, ask him for help with something… anything. The goal here is to make him feel needed.

That was the general idea in Failure to Launch. Building self-esteem isn’t something we do easily on our own.

The problem here is accomplishing this without coming off as needy.

Ask him for his help. Let him help. Then thank him and go about life.

I’m hesitant to tell you to do this because the last time I told someone to ask her ex for help to become a source of self-esteem she went a little overboard.

Here I was suggesting she call him instead of me because she was distraught over this desk she bought that came with instructions that were written completely in Japanese.

She called him and, like the knight in shining armor that he was, he came and saved the day. He even brought real tools and everything.

They spent the whole time talking and laughing. He hugged her before he left.

That’s when everything went wrong. She started calling him to help her with everything!

Pickle Jar lids? Call Jared*.

Cat escaped and ran off into the night? Call Jared*.

Car won’t start? Call Jared*.

Can’t decide what movie to watch? Call Jared*.

As you can imagine, Jared* didn’t feel needed. He started to think that no one else cared. She became his “needy ex-girlfriend and he stopped answering when she called.

So, I can’t stress this enough. Ask for his help once, maybe twice, with things that it is possible that you actually couldn’t do on your own. He’ll see straight through a pickle jar situation.

Don’t try and skip to the end of the Ex Recovery Program either.

If you haven’t already, start with No Contact and at least get through a couple in person interactions before playing the Damsel in Distress card. Otherwise, it just looks like a maneuver, when you want it to seem completely innocent.

 

What Now?

Basically, all you have to now is stay on track with wherever you are in the process.

I know. I know. Being patient is a lot more difficult than it sounds.

I’ve dealt with it myself.

According to a study done by Roy Baumeister. Willpower is a limited resource.

The study was an odd one involving a plate of cookies and a plate of radishes. Sounds really scientific I know.

But Dr. Baumeister brought the subjects into the room where the plates were. Some were asked to sample the cookies. Some were asked ot sample the radishes.

Now, I don’t know if your mom loves to bake like mine. But, I used to walk home from school and I could tell halfway down the road if mom was baking. The two smells that stood out above any other were Chocolate Chip Cookies and homemade bread. By the time I stepped foot in the door, my mouth would already be watering and I would go straight for the cookie jar like most children would.

Now, if any of you have ever had to resist warm chocolate chip cookies, you can imagine how hard it would have been to take a radish instead, especially if the smell of warm cookies were filling the space.

The subjects were then asked to complete a difficult geometric puzzle in 30 minutes. What he found was pretty interesting.

The subjects who had to exert willpower by resisting the cookies were the first to give up on the puzzle.

That study was done in 1998. In 2010, though, a Stanford University researcher Veronika Job, PhD, and her colleagues found that simply believing that willpower was a limited resource was what made the subjects more susceptible to giving up.

There are still ongoing studies as to what effects willpower. But according to what Professor Job found, you can extend your willpower (to not try to rush the process of getting your ex back) simply by believing that you can.

As one of my college friends used to say regarding my positive outlook and cheery demeanor,

“That is so Disney of you, Ashley.”

It’s the truth, though. You will be tempted to give up and you won’t get your ex back if you try and jump to the end.

Trust that the Program works and see it through and the likeliness that you will be successful is 100% more likely than if you give up.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Well, most people who want to get their ex back would take making out with him as a sign that they’ve reached their final destination. But, getting a little momentary attention isn’t the main goal here. You want him to beg you to take him back and be completely invested. I little smooching and you’re ready to settle for a layover instead of your final destination.

Don’t settle!

March 29, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (43)

  1. E - 0

    E

    Hi Amor,
    So I tried to find a better answer to this throughout the entire website but couldn’t. I did the first text and was a really good one, I got a good response and we exchanged 4 texts each. I was about to end the conversation and he didn’t reply until over a day later. By this time I then replied cause obviously couldn’t end it then by saying bye before I even spoke that day so I replied with the intention of cutting it short but again he took over a day to reply AGAIN so that’s one text a day usually in the mornings, so I couldn’t end the conversation. He is giving good responses and asking me questions like how I am and things so seem s like he wants to keep the conversation going and also why would he reply if he didn’t want to talk, BUT then he is only sennding one a day so very slow replies and hasn’t replied at all since my last message nearly two days ago. How shall I approach this because I can’t end the conversations like I want to, but neither is he and it’s just like one conversation that could be had in two minutes stretched out over so far four days?? Should I message him again? I don’t really want to be the one to initiate after I should’ve done a longer NC than 35 days anyway AND I don’t want to come across as needy considering he hasn’t replied. Also sounds bad but he doesn’t work and I know that he isn’t very busy at the minute so he does have time to talk? I’m worried that I’m right and that maybe he is seeing someone else’s but as I dont know this for a fact I don’t want to message him and look stupid. PLEASE HELP with my next step! I’ve s spent hours going through the chapters and pages and can’t come to a conclusion

    Reply
  2. E - 0

    E

    Please help me. I posted on here yesterday but it hasn’t been put on? I am stuck now because it’s been theee months and very complicated I just don’t know what to do now.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      I’ll just copy paste my answer to your first comment ok?

      it was 30 days since he messaged you, but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in posting, that’s not a no contact period. If you did that, continue doing that and check this one:
      How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

    • E - 0

      E

      Hi AMor!
      Thank you so much for that link, I hadn’t seen that before!
      However, it says on that plan to extend no contact to 45-60 days. This was my original plan but I didn’t see that article and I already messaged him yesterday after 5 weeks…. so therefore broke NC earlier than 45 days :/ should I continue to talk to him at all? Also where you said did I use that time to improve myself, yes. Definitely. Because it’s been theee months since the break up and a lot of that time has been since I finished the grieving phase and I have really focused on me, especially as I realised I’d neglected myself in the relationship. The reason I broke NC when I did was actually because I realised I’m in a place now where I know I’ll be okay whether I get him back or not but wanted to give it one last shot, slowly, to see if we can work. I don’t want things to start back again too suddenly tho as then it may just go back to on and off again. I hope I haven’t made a huge mistake by messaging him? I will add that altho this was my first NC of 35 days, before that I had gone periods of two weeks with no contact on a couple of occasions so it’s not like he should be viewing me as a clingy needy ex anymore. Not sure what to do

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good that you improved yourself.. just continue building rapport for now while also continuing to improve yourself and be activwe in posting in social media

  3. E - 0

    E

    Hi Amor,
    My situation is a little complicated. Three months ago he broke up with me but then we got back together after a couple weeks cause he regretted it, but then we had a big argument because nothing had changed and I was sour about the break up and we broke up again. But every time I tried to do no contact he would message me after a week or two with personal texts like my clothes smell like him or I’m the only person he can really talk to. We ended up meeting up and started sleeping with each other again. This was on and off for a couple of weeks and I told him I didn’t want FWB but he said it was more than that. Then he told me after me pressuring him for some clarification that he didn’t want to be in a relationship again and so I stormed off told him to F off and not message me again as it seems playing with my feelings and blocked him. After ten days I was so surprised that he messaged me casually again asking how I was doing cause he messaged me on Skype which I never thought to block. I have now done just over 30 days NC since he last messaged me and am feeling different about the situation but still want to get him back. I messaged him today casually telling him I finally did a pull up in the gym! He replied well and we’ve had a short exchange but now I don’t know what to do because I don’t know if it’s gonna change anything. I wish he’d just messaged me again but I blocked him on some things which made it harder. I’ve now unblocked him on everything but not made that obvious. I think he may also be seeing someone. How do I proceed? DO you think I have any hope? Doesn’t the fact that we were back and forth on and off for a couple of months after the break up stop me from being able to apply the action plan? Please help me

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it was 30 days since he messaged you, but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in posting, that’s not a no contact period. If you did that, continue doing that and check this one:
      How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

    • E - 0

      E

      How do you mean by building rupport? How can I do this, should I still be messaging him then? I also don’t know how to tell if he’s over me? Should I start another 30 day NC? He’s replying really really slowly to messages so our conversation is going on like one text a day each. The improvements I’m focussing on now are physical so my nutrition and fitness and hygiene to increase confidence and also being really sociable. He doesn’t have me on Facebook which is the only social media he has because I unfriended him. Do you think I should add him again? Also do you think that all hope is gone if he is seeing someone else and if I find out he is, should I stop trying to talk to him and stop implementing the plan?
      Thanks again amor

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Restart no, do at least 45 days.. Continue being active in improving yourself and in posting even if he’s not your friend.. And then follow the texting advice here:

      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  4. Tash - 0

    Tash

    Hi amor,

    What shall I do now? He’s updating his holiday snaps, shall I keep looking at them?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you’re in nc you shouldn’t

  5. Tash - 0

    Tash

    Hi Amor,

    It’s tash! After successfully completing no contact, my ex met up with me a few times and has been really nice to me. Told me he missed me but never tells me he loves me. I’ve also slept with him a few times and now he’s gone away on holiday with his family for a couple of weeks, before he went, he said thanks for everything and he hopes that I’m ok and that he would catch up with me when he gets back. He’s posting snaps, should I look at them or not? How can I make him miss me? And what are the chances of getting him back, officially? He will be back in 2 weeks.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you’re friends with benefits now.. so, don’t sleep with him again.. be busy yourself while he’s away.

  6. Maddie - 0

    Maddie

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago as he wasn’t ready for a commitment. Did NC for a while, eventually we started talking again, the other day we watched a film and had dinner. Yesterday we went out for lunch and went for a walk and he kissed me. This went on for a while until I stopped it. We had coffee after that but neither of us brought up the fact that he obviously still has feelings for me. How do I approach this? Can i get him back?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just keep building rapport.. go back to texting.. if you build rapport and attraction, then yes you can get him back.

    • Maddie - 0

      Maddie

      We had a talk yesterday, and he admitted that while he still cares for me, he’s not ready for a commitment, but that we can still date if I’m comfortable with it. Not really sure what to do next, getting him to admit that he cares about me was difficult enough.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      decide, do you want to go out or move on

  7. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hi Amor,

    It’s been a while. Broken up now three months now. Did NC and was following Chris’ plan. We ended up hanging out a few times during texting phase (broke the rules). I never followed through the plan to phone calls. We have not had one phone conversation since before NC and that was just a bad desperate call on my end. So it’s been a month and half since NC stopped and since three weeks ago we ended up sleeping together a few times. What do I do? Cant invoke NC as we made big plans together with our friends next week. If I NC he might think I’m getting feelings or feel weird after the sex. He is purely in it for the sex and thinks I am too but of course I know I do it because I wanted to see him. I initiated the idea the first few times and he did the last time. We keep saying and agreeing we shouldn’t anymore to preserve what friendship we still have. He did try to cuddle me afterwards the first few times but not the last time. He said I am a great girl – said it a few times sincere break up. I know he has no romantic feelings for me. Whatever attraction is just physical and I know it’s because I’m being easy and because he hasn’t found someone new yet. Surprisingly when I’m not with him or after the sex I don’t feel overly emotional and attached but I know this is bad for the long run. Especially if he meets someone new cos he is always saying he is ready and open to the idea. I am definitely not the person that’s able to casually sleep with someone so it’s worse that it’s an ex. I know I messed up the plan. Is there hope for me? What to do? This is bad. I gave up and threw all my progress out the window. I thought maybe I could just resume texting plan and build more rapport after the times I did sleep with him but always end up sleeping with him again. I know I still love him and want to be with him. I hope it doesn’t show to him and our friends.

    Thanks Amor.

    Reply
    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      You may not remember me but to recap – he broke up with me after losing feelings and wanted to find himself blah blah. Did not see a future together with me anymore. He talks about it now like I was holding him back or that he is open to more opportunities now. He thinks break up doing us both good. He saw some of my new changes but I know didn’t do enough during NC. Still continuing on to be best version of myself. For myself. I know he is enjoying his life not with me. Said sometimes misses having someone but know he doesn’t want it to be me. Urghh what to do. He has asked me before how I feel about him, did I miss him, hypothetically would I get back with him (but he was very firm when he asked me that that he did not in fact want to).

      I try coming off as confident and nonchalant. I know I’m stuck in friendzone. Urghh sleeping with him was so stupid of me. I knew it and did it anyway. Please help.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well, if you know that you’re always going to sleep with him again. Then no nc can help that.. you have to decide to stop doing that first and to stick with it.

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      Yes, so I’m not going to do it again. So should I start of with the texting plan again?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, try that first..if he keeps insisting being sexual, start nc..

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      Hi Amor,

      So the ex was talking to one of our closest guy friends. This friend found out we were talking again and that we had slept together. He warned the ex that I might be trying to get him back and so when my ex asked I denied it. My ex is on the look out now though. Should I start NC?
      Ex is actually super happy with his life at the moment and I feel like this friend thinks he is better without me which hurts. How do I make him want me emotionally not just physically?

      🙁

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just keep building rapport while not sleeping with him

  8. Bell - 0

    Bell

    Long story short:

    > Dated 5 yeas
    > Broke up
    > 30 days NC
    > Improved myself/Social Media active
    > First contact
    > More contact
    > Met up
    > More contact
    > Met up more often (He would hug me and kiss me, even telling he still liked me)
    > Called to ask him what we are to each other
    > Told me he doesn’t want relationship ‘YET’ (That’s his keyword, he uses it all the time)

    > Thinking about doing a 60 day NC, is that a good idea?

    Reply
  9. Karen - 0

    Karen

    Hi amor

    My boyfriend dumped me a few months back due to me being overly clingy and emotional

    I did nc and contacted him, he responded with one word answer and I sent him angry texts out of spite

    He immediately did a full out block
    Currently on NC before I contact him with another number that he doesn’t know

    However I heard through a mutual friend that his grandmother has just passed away..

    Should i send him condolences text message? I feel like it’s the right thing to do, but will he get shocked that I go as far as using another number to text him since he has blocked me?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      not really since it’sba condolence text..

  10. Nicole - 0

    Nicole

    Hi, Me again.
    I’m curious, how common is it, based on users of this site, is it for an ex to not contact during no contact? and how common is it for them to change their numbers? thank you

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      there’s no concrete number.. but I see it happen a lot

    • Nicole - 0

      Nicole

      And what happens with those girls? Do the guys eventually get in touch or what? Thanks!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      when they see that the girl is unfazed and just kept improving, most of the guys realize there’s no use for him to keep being angry, or that the ex is moving on and not going to chase anymore so there’s no use of blocking her, or they get interested because of the improvement or they forgive and become more open to friendship because they can see the ex is moving on.

  11. Anya - 0

    Anya

    Hi 🙂 I just had a quick question. I live with my ex in his small apartment, we broke up after a massive argument and he said i could stay until I find somewhere new to live. He’s very angry with me. I stayed around a bit but then started staying at someone else’s on their sofa while I look for somewhere new. It has been about 8 days since he officially said it was over and I’m on day 5 of no contact. I can easily pick up my things while he’s at work. Do I continue living there for a while and do the advice from the living with your ex page, or shall I stay away until I move out into a short term lease and go full no contact other than if I need to pick anything up?
    Thanks!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI anya,

      do the advice on living with your ex page while you still live him..

  12. Yumi - 0

    Yumi

    Hi, what do you think of this advice. I’ve had a failed NC so I’m in another one of 45+ days. My ex-ex boyfriend told me I should say something like this “sorry for X it got misconstrued (try to clear it up) i am really sorry, but it would mean so much to me if when youre ready you could message me back and we could try start fresh i miss you”

    Is that good or bad advice? It doesn’t exactly follow Chris’s guidelines…

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Yumi,

      start a fresh with friendship? did you reply to that?

    • Yumi - 0

      Yumi

      Sorry Amor, that was confusing. The advice was given by the ex I had before this newest ex boyfriend. It’s the new one that I’d like to reconnect with, but I asked the old one cos he cut me out the same way the new one did.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ah.. well, that would probably make you friendzoned. Better if you proceed to no contact.

    • Yumi - 0

      Yumi

      Oh I’m sorry, I really made that confusing. Basically I’m wondering if this “sorry for X it got misconstrued (try to clear it up) i am really sorry, but it would mean so much to me if when youre ready you could message me back and we could try start fresh i miss you” is a good advice for an exboyfriend who is still angry and hasn’t contacted me.

      I’m mentioning two different ex boyfriends… one who I don’t have feelings for. Sorry.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope.. dont send that especially if he’s angry.. and saying that you hope if you could start a fresh and that you miss him is like chasing..

    • Yumi - 0

      Yumi

      That is such a good answer, thank you for sticking with me!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

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