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Not a cheater
May 14, 2017 at 3:28 pm
My ex broke with me about 11 months ago, and has been mostly ignoring me ever since. I try to keep this short. (there was some issue with this page about catchpa- validation, so this might be posted to other thread comments as well)
– He has been cheated before and is pretty insecure (though never will admit it)
– We dated 9 months
– I has a pretty good friend guy with which I talked weekly (my ex knows him too, they are Facebook friends)
– He suddenly dumbed me (well we had problems with time and school and lots of stress, but nothing major)
– We were NC for a month (his request after BU to not talk for a month, which I think it’s weird that dumber requests for a NC)
– After month we talked about what went wrong and he said that we can stay friends
– Ever since been ignoring me
– I made mistakes (begged to talk, told him I miss him etc)
– He answered me shortly but only for the questions related to school, work, living etc..
– He also has been following me in Snapchat for 6 months after BU (while ignoring conversation), but removed me after I posted a picture of myself and some random dude in the background, I just happened to take a pic in a party
– Three months ago that my good friend guy (person Y) told me he has feeling towards me
– I rejected him cos for me he is more like brother
– We don’t talk that much anymore
– Last month there was one event where I, my ex and that person Y attended, and some how (because mutual friends) ended up hanging to the same friends group in the event. We are still pretty good friends with the person Y and we talked and laughed there
– Before that I had been in NC for 53 days with my ex
– I just totally ignored my ex, but I saw him clancing his gaze towards me when he thought I was not looking (He was more drunk than I was, and his reaction time was not that fast than usual). His eyes were also sad.
– I now realise that there might have been some jealous towards my friendship with the person Y, cos when we talked after the one month of silence, he said that “why wouldn’t you go with the person y?” (we were talking about some event where we planned to go together with my ex) and I was thinking in my mind that “what the person Y has anything do with this thing?”
– I also now realise that my ex must have seen that person Y had crush towards me, but didn’t said anything (he hates fighting)
– I broke the NC after 55 days to ask him basically whats up
– He answers me still pretty shortly
– I made mistake again (asked him if he is mad and we should talk about this)
– Total ignorance from his side
– I asked what’s up cos I know it’s totally abnormal from me to start the conversation with the type of messages you recommend.. I know my ex would think I have lost my mind
I was thinking that if it’s wise to tell him that “hey you were right and I’m sorry that I didn’t realise that I hurt your feelings when I kept talking to that person Y, and that he confessed he had feelings for me and I rejected him cos he’s a friend. I’m sorry”
And then I go total NC and not talking to him before he initiates contact (If ever). We are not going to see each other ever again if not planned, cos I’m graduating and there’s like 1% possibility that we would hang out in the same place in the future. I’m thinking this more like a last chance cos basically I don’t think I have anything to lose anymore cos he’s been ignoring me ever since BU and I just want to be honest.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 14, 2017 at 5:06 pm
for me, you can try that plan
R
April 9, 2017 at 3:05 am
Okay, mine is a similar misunderstanding, but I don’t know how to fix it.
Brief backstory. I was attacked. I asked my ex for support, he didn’t give it. I said if this happened to your niece you should do A,B & C. He took that to mean I WANTED his niece to be attacked, which seems insane for me. Absolutely crazy gun-wielding mental.
I don’t even know where to begin with clearing this up. I’ve apologised multiple times, explained myself, and am on my 2nd successful NC. This misunderstanding is still hanging over my head. How do I clear it up?
R
April 11, 2017 at 9:54 am
Thanks Amor, I can tell you put a lot of thought into that comment & it means a lot to me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 12, 2017 at 12:35 pm
you’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 7:01 pm
if this is the second nc, and he still hasn’t moved on from it, you can’t control that. What you can control is yourself. So, don’t bring it up, especially if he isn’t. If you reached out, and he’s still angry until now even after two ncs, improving yourself and not talking about it, then move on. If he talks to you positively and then suddenly brings it up, apologize casually and then continue the conversation but if he’s consistent on being like that, move on.
X.H
March 3, 2017 at 7:16 am
Hi,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago while he was on a overseas trip. He facetimed me to confront me about the rumours he heard of me sleeping with someone else. But the fact is, I did not. But things got a little complicated because I did made out with the said someone because we were both drunk one night. I swear nothing else happened. However, because it has been months and he heard it from someone else first, he does not believe anything that I say. He decided to come meet me one week after the incident (last Saturday) and he said he is firm on the break up. We have been in a relationship for 4.5 years and I really love him. I want him back. Our mutual friend told me that he looks like he is okay but anyone who knows him knows that he is hurting inside.
What should I do, I really want to get back together with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2017 at 8:42 pm
Hi Xh,
Do you want to try the advice above?
Laura
February 17, 2017 at 7:42 pm
Hi I really need help as I do not know what to do!
My ex boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me because he accused me of cheating with my business partner, I have never cheated but my ex never liked it when I messaged this other person, he asked to look at my phone, I said no for 2 reasons, 1st I want him to trust what I am telling him, I have no cheated nor will I ever and I did not want this to set a presadance for the rest of our relationship, but also, even though it was one way traffic from my business partner, there were messages on there where, after I had signed the contact for our company he decided to tell me he was in love with me, if I told my boyfriend he would of told me to not see my business partner, which is difficult as we own a business together! But I have told my business partner/ friend that nothing will ever happen ever, which was also in the messages on my phone. I tried to reassure my boyfriend but one day we had a massive fight, my ex walked out and that was it. He wouldn’t answer my texts or calls for the rest of the day, 2 days later he messaged asking how I was, I said not good and he’s hurt me, he told me to “check myself”, ignored this comment and said I missed him, he replied with I hope so! 2 days later, Valentine’s Day I get this text from him:
I know you not love me you and you and ******** have thing I’m not trust you now and I can’t trust you never don’t try because you don’t want to lost your time I can’t believe you and you lying I hate lying and now I hate you a don’t need you go away and enjoy this beautiful life and don’t message me
I messaged him saying that there was nothing with this other guy and I only love my boyfriend etc etc, his response was, what’s done is done, so I responded by saying it’s all in his head but I have said everything I can I have nothing left to say and that has been it, we both have not contacted each other, and we do not follow each other on social media so stalking is down to a minimum as his accounts are all private. I do not know what to do, also we live 3 hours from each so it’s a LDR. Please help me if you can
Laura
February 18, 2017 at 12:06 am
Hi Amor
When he asked to look at my phone I explained that he should trust what I am saying and I should not have to prove myself, and he had had a girl message him on Instagram that day saying he was good looking (which he didn’t respond to other than saying he had a girlfriend), he did agree with what I was saying but he really does not like my business partner and feels that he tries to poison my mind against him, which is not the case! This happened a week ago today but the last time we spoke through messages where he said he hated me was 3 days ago. I’m really worried as he is a very stubborn, head strong person, he has been though a lot in his life (he’s only 24) where his parents died when he was young, raised by grandparents who then died and comes from a violent country which he fled, I know this contributes to his trust issues and I believe he’s scared of loving someone and them leaving, the first sign of him thinking he’s going to get hurt he’s ran and everything I have said to reassure him has not helped at all, he’s been very short with me and him telling me he hated me was like a knife to the heart, I do not think I have ever been in this position before. I am not contacting him but I worry if I leave it too long ( we were together under 3 months) he will think I do not love or care for him and that his thoughts of me abandoning him have come true and this feeling will turn to resentment. When I say he is stubborn, he is very stubborn and has a mind of his own, I feel he has shut down completely and there is no going back, last week when this happened I never imagined he would go this long without talking to me, he couldn’t even go a day without talking to me let alone nearly 4 (it’s been a week since we spoke on the phone or face to face). I find this behaviour so strange becuase the morning of our fight he asked ne if I would move to Italy with him in a year as he wants to live there, when I said probably not, he said wherever I want to live is where we will be because he needs me in his life all the time, he went from being near on obsessed with me ( in a romantic way not a crazy way) to not having anything to do with me. I am so confused
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2017 at 10:42 am
tell the reasons you mentioned above to him first.. wait a week if he still hates you, that’s not your fault anymore.. he’s being unreasonable..either you move on or at least start the count of 30 days from there..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2017 at 9:51 pm
Hi Laura,
you mean you said those reasons above to him? Also, what do you think about the advice above? And that’s good that his account is private because you shouldn’t stalk him.
ayushi
January 16, 2017 at 9:18 am
Hello,
My boyfriend of 4 years brokeup with me because I cheated on him. No, I didn’t sleep with anyone. I was not in another relationship. I was friends with the guy whom my boyfriend hated the most. My guy told me to stay away from that person but I lied to him and still kept friendship with this guy. And last week my boyfriend got to know about our secret friendship and brokeup with me saying that I gave more importance to that person than my bf.
We (I and my boyfriend) are still talking. We are planning to move in together next month. I know he loved me so much and I hurted him so bad by lying to him. I’m feeling guilty that I tried to end up my life. I’m very well aware that I did wrong to him. I also have anger issues. I used to yell on him over small things but always been supportive. He left his family to be with me. And I’m so stupid that I hurted him so so so bad.
I said sorry like thousand times but he thinks that I won’t change and I will hurt him again.
I hurted him alot before on small things but this one kinda big.
I really have no idea that whether he’ll take me back or no. What should I do to convince him. I feel ashamed asking for a chance. I really love him and want him to take me back.
What should I do? please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2017 at 5:43 pm
Hi Ayushi,
In the articles that you’ve posted and read, do you want the advice Chris gave?
Anastasia
January 9, 2017 at 4:09 pm
Hi I’m Anastasia, Russian, living in Amsterdam. I just found your website and read a big part of it. It is insanely incredible!
I have a kind of odd situation here. I’m pretty situated haha.
So I have been with my boyfriend for eh.. 9 months?
We started off PERFECT and we were insanely in love (always have been). It is something that we both didn’t know it excisted. We were so good, sex was good, we were like Bonny&Clyde. The deepest connection from both sides. My mom loved him (well that’s a miracle) and his parents who live in Curacao loved me too. (He’s Portuguese/Colombian)
I recently even realized something because of a book I’ve read.. A Russian book that basically tells you that your thoughts turn into reality if you really want it..
When I was single for 3,5 years.. I thought to myself.. I want a guy, and I want him to be like this:
– Gym lover
– Healthy lifestyle
– Not a muslim (got my reasons, ex’s were muslim and it’s doomed to fail)
– Not only the gains, but also the brains
– Someone with that entrepreneur-mindset like me
And guess what, I found my (now ex)! AT THE GYM. Oh God even the same name like my dad (which dumped me & my mom when I was kid)
So we were doing so good until I did a diet for my bowels which led me to heavy mood-swings, my jealousy kicked in, lost 10kg, confidence lvl 0, my immune system went down, didn’t go to the gym, I already didn’t have a job/school (were planning on it.. my grandma passed away and it fucked me up)
Right after I started the diet (which he supported me with) he moved to a new place/studio room and I helped him with EVERYTHING, I was the ONLY one there for him, not even his best friends.
So because my landlord wanted to kick me out bc he couldn’t take it that my bf visited me, I basically moved in with him for a while (we were together for about 4 months?)
We got into stupid arguments, even about cleaning. I didn’t do anything and his school also didn’t start yet. In fact, he fucked up his 1st year because of partying etc..
When he met me, I tried to back him up and I even made calls for him for school and legal stuff, bc he moved to Amsterdam in August 2015 and he knows Dutch but he’s insicure about it.
He also used to do pick-up and that made me even more insecure (he was only 19 yrs and he dumped that lifestyle in 0,1 second, what if he misses it?)
So, we have gotten into a lot of fights. Eventually it was mostly because he thought I had eyes on other people and because he is TOO social and needs to talk to girls. Also because he had contact with girls, and had them as friends everywhere.
He is very stubborn but good-hearted. He couldn’t buy me things, anything (we also fought about that.. come on get me flowers?)
Yet there was this pure, beautiful Latin-Russian hotblooded love you know.
Also he motivated me to be better since I came into a depression and felt horrible..
Basically, we had a hard time because of the discussion about stupid shit, no trust anymore (even though in the beginning we were both like: omg we communicate like no other couple)
Also, people started telling me that he is too young etc.. I told them fuck it, I love him, true love waits (for him to grow up, especially since he is really into self-development)
And people started telling him that I’m crazy, dramatic etc.
He is also very emotional and told me that every time I hurt him it hurts like hell, while usually things never got to him, even his parents telling him that he’s a piece of shit.
Also he cried a lot in the beginning (I’m a scorpio, no mercy..pff) and it got less and less and he started blaming me that I did everything wrong. Yet tried to make it up bc he loves me insanely.
Okay now you kinda got a couple of details to give you a view on it.
So.. The situation got so fucked up and we both couldn’t let go because we love each other so much and it’s a very rare thing..
His best friend (who studies psychology, is a Dutch guy (who usually are horrible people without morals or something) and is also in self-development etc) came over around the 7th of december and we hung out.
When they left for a walk, I started reading my ex’s book “The way of the superior man” which he just bought, I was curious what he was reading about.
When he came back from a walk with his friend, he got mad and said: “Yeahhh you read it to use it against me”. I told him: “Actually, this is a really good lesson for you AND me, on understanding each other”.
His friend agreed with me.. we talked a bit and Gijs gave his opinions and solved a couple of tension-points. Before he left, he told me I could always contact him for help.
So 15th of December arrives. I had a big fight with my ex, probably about that he sent his whole Snapchat list a video with: HEY HOW ARE YOU DOING? LONG TIME NO SPEAK
(his phone died and he used my oldie for like 4 months and got his phone back and started snapping).
He asked me if he could bike himself to the station.. When we left, I pushed off a bike of mine and even hit a car, that’s how mad I was.
He said goodbye like it was all oke, pretty calm. But I was HYSTERICAL and called his friend because calling my mom would only result in: “Just leave him then”.
He calmed me down and I explained what happened. Surprisingly he told me that my ex has done something really wrong and he understood me and told me he would talk to my ex.
Couple of hours passed and my ex texted me with sorry, my friend called me blabla
Next days I talked to his friend and his friend talked to my ex. I wrote my ex a very mature text (like 20 pages, like it came out of a poetry book) about what he’s done wrong, how he’d hurt me, how much I love him etc etc, seriously, it was very detailed and interesting, because I was not accusing him, I tried to make him see what is happening.
I told him: think about it until tomorrow evening, I want it to sink in.. He started texting me SORRY SORRY. He all of a sudden posted pictures of us on social media which I’ve been asking him to do for 1 month but he kept “forgetting”.
He was tryinggg trying..
His friend said: ignore it. Tell him to respect your decision.
So my ex arrives the next evening. All of a sudden he starts his speech about how sorry he is and how he deleted girls and he will do anything and even brought me a teddy bear which is light-brown and cute (like him) with his perfume sprayed on it.
Okay, I was taking it easy okay.
After a while we went to my mom and her bf for Xmas (2 hrs away).. Which is the most beautiful time of the year for me.
It was HORRIBLE. He was CONSTANTLY on his phone. Deleting old pictures from dropbox, playing with his new phone, snapping with his friends.. I got SO butthurt.
Like, the last day before leaving it all calmed down and we went to my place in peace.
He stayed a couple of days, went home for 1 and came back for newyears.
Didn’t went smoothly but my mom told me: The way you go into the new year, that’s how your year will be.
So after showering on nye, I completely changed (I’m very impulsive), we had a BLAST, he even paid at the cafe without a problem, I was in shock.
We spent all night talking afterwards and it was perfect. We later even had a face call about our plans and how to deal with everything.
The days after it it began to go a little worse, YET I stayed calm (incredible omg) and didn’t start arguing.
He noticed my changes and told me multiple times.
SO HERE IS THE REAL THING WHY I’M CONTACTING YOU.
Last friday, he went to that best friend to visit him but I didn’t speak to him since 11AM because he again didnt keep his promise and I told him: “Leave me alone.” He: “cool”
So of course I was nervous about what he was doing but I decided to not contact him and make a drama!!!!! I was so proud.
I watched a chick movie which made me feel good and I fell asleep at 10:15 PM (it’s a miracle, I’m a night-owl)
So what happens.. I am disturbed in my dream, I wake up and I hear something (I live with 4 asshole guys).
I hear my ex asking my roomie: IS ANA HOME? DID YOU SEE ANY GUY WALKING IN? DID YOU SEE ANYONE HERE?
I put on my bathrobe, still half sleeping, I unlock my door and he throws off his jacket & backpack and attacks me.
He starts yelling: “WHO WAS IT? WHO DID YOU CHEAT WITH? WHEN? YOU FUCKING SLUT, WHORE! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU????? TELL ME THE STORY NOWWWWW”.
I was like wtf… First thought: *I posted my last Snaps outside talking about how cold it is at 6pm and didnt post anything after it, maybe he thought I was with a guy*
So I am all scared saying: “WTF ARE U TALKING ABOUT.”
He started talking about condoms that I threw away and a picture with a frind of mine in a club.
(I threw away 2 condoms out of my purse because they were so damaged and he already 1 month ago thought that I used it on someone but we talked it out.
Also when my mom visited me a couple of months ago I said hi in the club to my girl friend who I used to work with in that club, my mom also knows her)
So he was like ;YEAH YOU USED THOSE CONDOMS ON SOME OTHER DICK AND I BET YOU FUCKED HIM WHEN YOU “WENT TO YOUR FRIEND IN THE CLUB” (we even went there in the beginning, he knows the girl…)
He kept on going and submissing me, he pushed me on the bed, closed my mouth and nose that I couldnt breathe, jumped on me, pushed me against my closet, wanted to throw my phone out of the balcony if I wouldn’t tell the story. He was SO mad and emotional, of course because he loves me so much.
I was so confused.. I was like: WHERE DO YOU GET THIS SHIT FROM?
He said: “*his friend* TOLD ME”.
I was like wtf… what?
I said: BITCH, Call him right now, I want him to say it to me. Hell I even asked 2x if this was a prank.
His friend calmly said: “Yes Ana. When you called me that 15th of December, you told me that you cheated on him.”
After the call of 15 secs, my head exploded and I started telling my ex that his friend was going to end up in hell for lying, and he was going with him and that he’s a fucking liar….
So I wanted to leave the house, he called my mom to tell her that I cheated ( she was like wtf no ana would never do that, I know her) and after 1 min hung up on her.
We both went outside together and I tried to hold him from leaving and let me SAY SOMETHING.
He called his friend to say that I denied… wauw. So yeah, after 2 mins he just ran away.
I texted him: “You need to come back, or I will find you” (i was so desperate) he didn’t receive the mssg
1 hr later he texted: “I’m already at home ana go to sleep. Sorry that I called you a whore.. I just cant take this pain.. Youll get your shit pretty soon, besided this.. I dont have anything to talk to you”
I called him and he basically told me its over and I need to leave him alone. Also he told me that if I would go to his place, he would leave me outside.
I texted him: “You have to calm down” 2x
He: “I’m sleeping at *friend* (his good friend who he always goes to 1 min away from him, when he is hurt)
So leave me alone. It’s over.”
I said: “I didnt do anything. You are just accusing me”
He: “I don’t want to. Turn back. Seriously.
Me: “Why are you doing this”
Aaaaaand he blocked me. EVERYWHERE. ALSO MY MOM AND HER BF… Wauw. he also blocked her on whatsapp and ignored my moms calls and message.
So basically I wanted to go to his place but his brother (who I called to ask him to talk to his mom, she only speaks Spanish) told me that it is not safe.. he might kill me right now.
So I turned back and also called his friend. That dude CALMLY told me that he even believed that I cheated and told me he waited 3 weeks with telling because my ex told him that he suspected me from cheating that night, and he decided that he would tell him that his suspections were right.. When I told him that he went really hard on me, he said: “No, I don’t believe you”. I was SO pissed so I just ended the call before I would lower myself on him and he would have ANOTHER reason to make up shit.
I went home, called with my mom, called with his little brother, texted with his mom (his parents told him that he really needs to talk to me) and they all told me to calm down and go to sleep, so I did..
Next day he texts me: “I’ll talk to you but not today.. I need to calm down. We’ll meet up tomorrow somewhere.. I’ll let u know..
I said: “It is indeed only possible to talk if you are calm. Let me know.
He: “Tomorrow I’ll let u know”
So I’ve been waiting aalllll day.. At 3:47 he texts me: “Im not ready to meetup with you, is gonna be some day this week. I’ll let u know”
Me: “Why arent you ready? 5 mins later: Vic, it’s killing me that you’re so hurt..”
Him: “Fuck off leave me alone. I’ll fucking block you. I told you in the week. And in the week its gonna be. Font have anything to say in between.”
So he believes his friend who only said that I said that I cheated. That is the ONLY info he is basing it on. I bet his friend brainwashed him with: She is no good for you blabla. (yeah the guy who wanted to “help” us…)
THIS WAS IT.
So I already prepared a whole letter to read about that he needs to think clear and logical (he’s the most logical person ever) and how it offended me all.
But now that I’ve read your page, I shouldn’t tell him that whole story and I wonder..
1. I have to pick up my stuff (he already took his last thing from my place that night.. The boombox that he told me 3 days ago that I could keep it lol..)
2. He has some xrated material of us on his phone……………………!!!!
3. I still didn’t have the chance to tell him that I actually am innocent, and he really believes that I did it. He even told me: “Yeahhh all the things you did all add up, all signs of a cheater”.
So today I’m going to my mom for distraction and before I leave he wants to meet up (he said: lets meet up tomorrow.. no no nvm i cant take it, make it today.. So I’m gonna keep it short on the station and tell him that i didnt do anything and how he can give it up bc of 1 false accusion (well, in beautiful words)
And my question to you is:
– What to do about our xrated pics and video’s? He would never misuse it, but since he thinks I cheated.. He might take revenge for the first time ever.
– I still have stuff there but I’m afraid that if I do the NC after tonight (IF he shows up) he might do something with the crated stuff or throw my stuff out of his place
Please help me. I hope you can reply to me asap so I can do things right immediately.
God bless you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 9, 2017 at 7:26 pm
Hi Anastasia
do you have laws regarding that? Because you can sue him if he does spread the video. But just talk to him, tell him you’re innocent but you understand where he’s coming from and you hope that he would erase those videos and not use it against you because he’s better than that. It would be best if he erases it in front of you.
If he doesn’t want that, ask police assistance to escort you to meet him and have that erased in front if you and the police..
make the conversation in written form like in fb messenger, so you have evidence that the videos are from him if the worse happens..
you can talk about the things that need to be exchanged during nc as long as its only about those things
Guidance
December 24, 2016 at 2:27 pm
Me and my boyfriend are together since last 4 years.i am all friendly with his family.being a part of his family now i speak to his younger brother as well.he caught one of our facebook chats where we were only talking like friends but he thinks that i cheated on him .he was not satisfying me thats why i moved on to his brother.tried to speak to him had put people trustworthy in between but he thinks that i cheated on him he dosent wants to comeback and hold on to the anger and grudge.pls advice
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2016 at 1:10 pm
Hi Guidance,
he thinks you cheated with his brother? do you want to try the advice above?
Monica
December 16, 2016 at 5:20 am
Hi there.
I would say my situation is extreme and I most likely will never get him back. Here is why. Him and I were together for over 9 years, lived together for 8 years. This past Saturday he broke up with me for good it seems.
I was feeling with low self-esteem and for a few years I felt he was not into me at all. After finding out he reecountred someone from the past while visiting our home country, I felt really lost, but he said all that happened was memories, hugs and no physical cheating. I mean, he was 8000 miles away, how could I tell?! Anyways, I decided to forgive and let this go, but not until a couple of years, I just snapped out of it and decided it was time for a change within myself. I started eating healthy, exercising and taking care of myself. Got in shape, started dancing and really got my sexy back.
These dancing classes really became a passion. I started making friends, performing, going out, doing things I never really was able to do in our relationship. Well, that’s when all started to change. All of a sudden, he became needy, overly jealous, and he was so in love I could hardly believe. Our sexy life that was really blah improved, which is always a plus, however his jealousy towards my dancing and all the friends I was making turned everything into a unberable situation. Fights, arguments, short period break ups… he became really insecure and was not acting himself. He wanted me to make a choice: dancing or being together… And I could not understand y I couldn’t have both. I had a new passion now, and it was making me so good, how could I give that up?!
Anyways, I would constantly get in trouble with him, and I used to share my stories with my new friends. Got their advices, heard how some of them overcame a similar situation with their spouses. In one of the times we broke up, I was in that phase, I didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t take the dance classes like usual, everyone was worried. I was just distraught, I could not function. So one of my friends from there, matter of fact, the leader, the instructor, wanted to meet up, talk, give me some advice. He was a good friend, so I decided to go ahead and listen to what he had to say.
We met, talked, he shared some of his experiences, gave me some good advice and I told him I was afraid I had to give up on who I am to meet my husband’s needs. Anyways, I started crying, sobbing and talking at the same time. All of a sudden he gives me a hug and kisses me. I was caught out of guard, but kissed him back. After that moment, I clearly let him know I never saw him this way, and to me he was just a friend.
After a week or so my husband decides to move back. He said he will try to be more understanding. I decided not to tell what happened because that would mean me giving up what I loved to do the most. Well months go by, and I am still taking classes and this friend calls me and texts me, he becomes like a confident and a good friend. He respected my space but in the back of my mind I knew he could be into me or trying to get something out of it.
As a couple months go by, my husband really never kept on his promise, he was still acting the same way.
I went away on a trip for around 20 days, talked to a few friends and decided to make some amendments and work on my relationship. I came back and after a couple weeks I decided to go for a coffee with my friend to let him know I wanted to start fresh with my husband, and I could no longer be a part of the dancing crew, and no longer keep in touch with him, at all. He understood where I came from, said all he wanted was for me to be happy.
As I am getting to leave, I see 5 missed calls from my husband, my friend asks me if he could walk me to may car, and I told him no problem at all. I get inside, turn it on, and as I am about to close the door, my friend asks me if I could give him a hug. I told him, yes, no problem. I got out of the car, he hugged like he didn’t want to let me go, and then unexpectedly he kissed me. I didn’t really retributed this time, said I had to go and left.
Well I called my husband, he asks me where I am at, I kind of lie, and he tells me, “no, that’s not where you were”. That’s when I realized he had a GPS on my car and had been following me around, meaning, he saw us hugging and the brief kiss.
Now I am dealing with this angry person, kicking me out of the house and calling me names. He threw all of my stuff outside, was being super loud, called the cops… it was the worst break up ever.
It’s been a week now, I’ve been through the stage where I cannot eat or sleep for days, he’s blocked me from everything, and don’t wanna look on my face. I was able to talk to him a few times and tried to explain the situation, but all he does is connect other events to this one. For example, that day I did not feel like being intimate, he thinks it is because I was having sex with this guy. He’s been calling friends, telling I’ve been having an affair, that I have been lying the whole time, not really dancing and just having sex with this guy instead.
I know it is pretty recent, but he has left the house, apparently found another apartment and will be able to move in there next month. He said he will never forgive. He is really hurt. And every tho I begged him to get back together, I don’t feel I should be begging any longer. I really want him back in my life, but I can’t see that happening.
Right now I am keeping my distance, not trying to contact him at all. And I also plan not answering his phone calls, if any, since I am not also able to call him.
What other advices would you give me? I mean, I just don’t have my hopes high. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 18, 2016 at 4:42 pm
Hi Monica,
Try the advice above and yes, dont beg.. you have to let him be and think about your explanation.. dont talk to him while he’s still angry because it’s pointless
Ashley
December 16, 2016 at 4:24 am
Hi, i would really like some advice on my situation. My boyfriend broke up with me because he went into my plenty of fish account and saw that I was messaging guys in July when we were together and also in September when we had broke up for two weeks. I tried begging him to take me back I’m his first girlfriend I know that he loves me and I love him but he will not budge. I sent him flowers chocolates and that didn’t work what else can I do he’s a cancer And he likes to hold grudge is and he said there’s no way that he can ever trust me
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 17, 2016 at 6:44 pm
Hi Ashley,
Try the advice above..Check this one too:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again
sammy
December 9, 2016 at 2:39 am
hi there,
i commented a few days ago, but have not seen any response.
long story short my ex boyfriend broke up with me after being together for a year and few months in september because he thinks i cheated on him, even though i did not.
eversince then we have been arguing, with me chasing him back and fourth trying to convince him that i didnt cheat. he assumes i cheated because i didnt let him look through my phone. he is very angry and will not listen. in october i asked if he would ever come back, he said i dont know. then in november he asked me to tell him the truth and explain why i didnt let him look through my phone. after explaining he didnt message me back. last week i sent him a long message again trying to convince him that i am the right one. he replied saying that we will talk, however he did not message me after that. a few days after, i messaged him again. this time i was being rude. he ended up blocking me on snapchat but not my phone number. i asked our mutual friend to talk to him and my ex told her that he is completely done with me and will not come back. the mutual friend said that my ex is putting his ego first and that he is acting like he is way too good for me. my ex is still upset. i have been chasing him for 3 months.. do you think he will come back? i really love him and would love to be with him.
Ashley
December 16, 2016 at 4:27 am
Im going through the same thing. My boyfriend likes to hold grudges. No matter what i say or do he wont budge
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 11, 2016 at 6:06 pm
Hi Sammy,
do you want to try the advice above?
sammy
December 7, 2016 at 8:40 pm
hello there,
my ex boyfriend broke up with me in September after being together for a year and a few months, because he thought i had something going on with someone else. ever since then he is very angry with me and will not listen to anything i tell him. when i asked him in October if he was ever coming back he said “i don’t know”, recently he said that we will talk, i waited a week, but he never messaged me. so then i got mad and sent him a long message with some negative words, accusing him of things he did in the past. All these months i have been chasing him, he told our mutual friend that he wants nothing to do with me and that he is done with me and relationships. our mutual friend told me that my ex is too stuck up and will not talk to be because of his ego. I feel that because i am chasing him, he is ignoring me more. he even blocked me on social media because of the long message i sent him a few days ago. he will not tell me straight up that he is done with me. i really want him back, i still have the same feelings for him. what can i do?
Sammy
December 16, 2016 at 7:00 am
Hi Amor,
Thanks for your advice! My ex and i spoke over the phone and decided to clear everything out, he told me that ever since we broke up he wanted to get back together but was scared that i was cheating on him, he said we need to work on our trust between our relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 18, 2016 at 5:32 pm
that’s good! I’m happy for you Sammy!
Sammy
December 11, 2016 at 7:17 pm
Yes, i havent contacted him for a week so far.. i just want to know what are my chances of getting him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 14, 2016 at 1:22 pm
I think you do have a chance. Make this no contact period a leverage for both of you to cool down and have a restart.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 11, 2016 at 6:06 pm
Hi Sammy,
do you want to try the advice above?
Henriette Harris
December 3, 2016 at 8:42 am
Hi Chris,
I met my boyfriend who was married at the time, first we were just friends but our feelings towards each other became stronger and we started dating. He was always honest with me and told me that he would not leave his wife. I loved him so much that I accepted it. He would tell me periodically that I should find someone else because he loved me and that he did not want to waist my time. So after being with him for two years, I always stayed faithful to him, he told me again to find someone. I was so sad and feed up that I did start dating a guy. I told my boyfriend this and he was devastated, after a week he told me that he wanted to be with me and that he would divorce his wife and if I would give him another chance, to which I said yes. He asked me if I had slept with this man and I told him that I hadn’t. I did however have physical contact with him but we did not sleep together, but I just couldn’t tell my boyfriend as I felt embarrassed and I didn’t not want to hurt his feelings.
My boyfriend has been in the process of getting a divorce for the last 7 months now, or so he said and I do want to believe him and trust him, but it has been a very stressful time for me. He does not live in the same country as me, he only works here, so he has been going back home to sort things out.
Two weeks ago I got very upset, confused and angry at him because he told me that he doesn’t know if he wants to move to my country or stay in his or if he even wants to continue working at his place of work and then he left again. After his return last week we got a little drunk and as I was still angry with him, I wanted to hurt him too, I lied to him and told him that I did in fact sleep with this other guy. He obviously freaked out and left our flat. The next day I realised that no matter what I tell him he would not believe anything I told him, because he was so angry.
I felt awful and continued to go with the lye. On the second day I told him that I lied because I wanted to hurt him because I was so hurt and explained what really happened between myself and this other guy, but he did not listen and did not accept my apology.
He has told me that I have destroyed everything, his love, dreams for a future together and trust in me. He said that he doesn’t know if he can forgive me and if he can ever trust me again. I kept on trying to reason with him, telling him that I had always been faithful to him, but still he couldn’t see past his hurt and anger. Now he has gone back to his other home and has told me to give him time to think about what he wants to do.
Please help, I don’t know what to do, I have been so patient!
Thank you
Henriette
December 4, 2016 at 11:36 am
Hi Amor,
Firstly, thank you for your very speedy reply.
Yes, I am aware that I suffer from low self esteem and that this is something I really have to work on and resolve. I also realise that if this relationship is to continue there are things which need to change.
In regards to your question, he still lives with his wife in the same house. He told me that he has many things to sort out before he can move out, like sell some of his cars and motorcycles which have been his hobby, he already did sell some of it. He also explained to me that he needs to get rid of everything he owns as he doesn’t want to be in tangled with his wife in years to come. I do understand that as I have been through a divorce myself, even after the divorce I still had to have contact with my ex due to owning a house together.
My boyfriend is a selfish and stubborn man but I do believe him. Perhaps I am gullible but I just can’t believe that someone who suppose to love you could be so mean as to pretend to get a divorce?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 9:43 am
Well, to be frank, he’s not really being mean because he’s been doing it for years..he’s cheating on his wife and maybe he’s just maintaining the situation or prolonging it by telling you he’s getting a divorce.. Because if he’s really serious, why haven’t he done it early on?
The good news for you is that he may have been letting things like that because it was easy.. You were fine with him being his gf so, why go through the hassle of divorce.. But right now, if he realizes you’re serious about not being that anymore, there’s a chance he will step up if he really loves you… Because he can get a place of his own, while he’s sorting his things.. Or just bring what he can to your place and then sell everything left there..of course they will still talk but it’s just unusual that the wife hasnt contacted you yet.. If he really did tell her, the wife would investigate and in some way you’ll probably know that she knows you..
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 3, 2016 at 5:17 pm
Hi Henriette,
to be honest, it may have been patience to you, but to him it’s not.. It just showed you have low standards, so he can do what he wants with you because you allow it.. When you started dating others, he tells you what you want hear, but is he really getting a divorce? Aside from the paper work, do they live in separate houses now?
Melle
November 18, 2016 at 9:46 pm
A girl showed to my ex screenshots of me and her ex chatting. She accussed that guy i was chatting with that he cheated on her with me. And then that guy replied that whatever she says, he can say differently and she cant prove anything while here wasnt anything between us two. Of course, she screenshoted only the part “i’ll say that it didn’t happen” and made up a story so that my ex would think i have cheated on him too. He was furious. He yelled at me and we fought hard. Now he blocked me on facebook, and ignores me. He wouldnt talk to me at all. I love him so much. He calls me names, and says i am a cheater. I am so sad. What should i do to get him back or at least be ok with him?
Melle
November 18, 2016 at 9:46 pm
*there
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 21, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Hi Melle,
let him cool down.. Do you want tobtry the advice above?
Kat
November 17, 2016 at 8:03 pm
Hey, so this is a little different. But the day before my boyfriend broke up with me my friend redownloaded her tinder app. All her previous matches and messages were gone and she was upset. She asked me to redownload mine which I had deleted when I started dating my boyfriend, but she wanted me to check if mine were still there. I checked and they were but I deactivated my account immediately after letting her know. I forgot to delete the app though.
The next night me and my boyfriend went on an awesome date and had such a good time. We went back to his house for a while and he had to wake up early for work so I had to leave. I don’t have a car and the Lyft app wasnt working so I went to download uber. As it was downloading I noticed Tinder was still there. He didn’t see it I dont think but of course I brought attention to it and was all “oh I forgot I had that”. My uber arrives and I leave.
I get home and he starts texting me about it. Accusing me of cheating, I told him my account was deactivated and I wasn’t so much as talking to other guys, that he was the only guy in my life. He thought I was lying and no matter what I said he wouldn’t believe me. He broke up with me and told me he doesn’t want me anymore but he loves me just doesn’t trust me. So he broke up with me but said we would talk about it more tomorrow, which I think was just his way out of the convo beacuse I sent a text the next day saying I would still like to talk about what happened and if you want we can wait a couple days to cool off and revist it. He read it and didn’t reply.
The next day I notice he blocked me on all social media. My number still wasn’t blocked though. I wrote a two page letter to him explaining how I know how it looks bad but trust me and how much I love him because I feel like it’s more personal and shows I do care. It’s supposed to arrive today. I just don’t know what else to do. I love him and it hurts me that he thinks I would do that to him. I want to get him back but I’m not sure how. His ex before me actually cheated on him so he’s scared of being cheated on and was so quick to accuse me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 19, 2016 at 4:39 pm
Hi Kat,
What about your friend? Can she talk to him?
David
November 14, 2016 at 7:24 am
Hi ,I’m David. I need some advice. I’m the guy that accused my ex of cheating multiple times. Because it sounds like she is doing something sexually everytime we talk on the phone. So she finally had enough and broke up with me 2 weeks ago for the 10th time. I Love Her! with all my Heart! and I know she Loves ME! we talked about what happened many times. She tells me not to accuse her no more. Because she’s not that kind of woman. But she invited a coworker to her place. And he stayed the night. She said he tried to have sex with her. But she said she told him no. I don’t buy it. So my accusations kept on after our talk. And now she won’t talked to me. She’s even changed her number. Supposedly Loved me and does that. How do I fix it ? can it be fixed ? she’s 41 I’m 25 we been together for 6months on And off. But she always breaks up with me. I never broke up with her.
David
November 23, 2016 at 9:12 pm
Hi Amory ,thanks for replying. I just want to say A part of me Trust her and a part doesnt. But because she has not tried to talk to me since. She changed her number and it’s been 4 weeks. I don’t know what to think. but I think about her every night and morning. I can barely sleep good. I think about how she is probably happy with another guy. So she doesn’t need me no more. Do you think from what I told you before she was cheating ? Was it my insecurity? What do I do ? If she loved me, would she been have called me ? knowing I have no way to reach her? Thanks !
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 2:11 pm
what if she got tired because you won’t believe her? You need to listen to her, but if you really don’t trust her, then just move on. She’s the only one who knows if she cheated, I can’t answer that for her.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 9:42 pm
Hi David,
well, do you trust her now? Because if you don’t, why go back when nothing’s going to change?
Donna
November 9, 2016 at 5:43 pm
Amor,
2 weeks ago, I took your advice and I tried to ask my ex in his roleplaying account if he is my ex and he ignored the question and asked me how I am doing. I politely replied and kept it short and sweet, telling him about me getting back into walking and riding my bike around the park.
Then just yesterday, one of my friends texted me a screen shot of what he said about why he blocked me and several other people on Twitter. It was because some girl was sending him innaproprate pictures and he was afraid his kids would see those pictures, and because there was so many people involved he blocked me and the others as well. I wholeheartedly empathize with his fear, as I would feel the same way. However, I think he over reacted towards me as I thought he knew me and trusted me. I didn’t do anything wrong from what I could see. I knew about the pictures, but I stayed out of it because I knew it was wrong.
Now that I know his reason for blocking me was completely unfounded, I don’t know if I will ever be able to get him to unblock me and talk to me again.
I’ve gone through the NC for 45 days. Should I do another 45 days to see if he realizes that he was wrong and apologizes? I really don’t know what to do as I don’t want to make this a public display.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 12:49 pm
It’s ok. I’ll be approving both because I don’t know which one you’ll see first.
What’s hard is that we don’t know if it’s really him in the role playing account. He’s not admitting it, although it’s more likely that it’s him. Contacting him about him blocking you in an account that he’s not admitting is like busting him, and it could make him feel embarrassed. Leading to avoiding you more. I think you should just keep talking to him in that account. If it gets better, he might admit since you already asked.
Donna
November 9, 2016 at 5:47 pm
Sorry, I posted this question in another thread. You can delete this one.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 12:48 pm
It’s ok. I’ll be approving both because I don’t know which one you’ll see first.
What’s hard is that we don’t know if it’s really him in the role playing account. He’s not admitting it, although it’s more likely that it’s him. Contacting him about him blocking you in an account that he’s not admitting is like busting him, and it could make him feel embarrassed. Leading to avoiding you more. I think you should just keep talking to him in that account. If it gets better, he might admit since you already asked.
DC
November 6, 2016 at 1:59 pm
Hello,
I’ve been coming to EBR, listening to your podcasts and watching your youtube videos for about almost 2 months now. My ex bf broke up with me end of September this year due to false assumption of me “cheating” on him. Social media is not a biggie for either of us, we’ve been together for more than 5 1/2 years that we’ve never had a problem with logging into each other’s accounts (we had no boundaries which was fine). Until one day where I got a notification on Snapchat from a friend of mine complimenting on a photo (selfie) of myself and his words, “You’re beautiful.” My ex bf and I saw it together but he immediately flipped out and caused a scene. He knew who he was and I’ve reassured him plenty of times that we were just friends and NEVER ANYTHING MORE. But because Snapchat does not keep info, comments, messages whatever … he says since there’s no proof of me and the friend talking or conversing, he knew that I was hiding things from him which is FALSE.
I came across this article and read it MANY TIMES just to follow your advice. Since the day it happened I’ve fully cut ties with that friend, blocked, unfriended, everything in the books. Not only that but also refrained from talking to any of my guy friends (which I don’t have many). We’re currently in the NC right now but I’ve had to start over after 30 days had passed because I just couldn’t help myself to text him. Even before I started NC, I did whatever else other women have done … becoming a GNAT. I did NC for about 30 days with some contact maybe 3 times within that timespan. I started over again after that 30 days and I’ll tell you it’s hard.
I came across your article on “using social media to get your ex back,” because I kid you not …. because he deactivated all of his social media, he still manages to log into my Facebook everyday many times during that day (5 times logging on in one day). Facebook’s really smart and I can find proof of him logging on thanks to me not updating my iPhone to iOS 10. He logs on everyday and not just once during that day, multiple times, yet ….. still not have the guts to talk to me or approach me. I don’t know if he’s looking for proof of me talking to other people (or talking to specifically that friend) or if he’s just obsessed with me, cares about me, misses me, and possibly still loves me and he can’t help but check to see what I’m up to.
I’ve been doing my own thing because it’s all I could do. Getting in touch with my spiritually, putting my priorities first like work and staying busy, I’ve been working out almost everyday during the week, and reaching out to my close friends and relying on hanging out with my family during family functions to help get me by. I’m trying to be a better me and I feel like there’s other things I can do to maybe get a boost because I do love him and I do want to get him back. I want to purchase your e-book, don’t get me wrong, if I had the extra cash to spend I would’ve done so as soon as I came across your website.
I hope someone can help me. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 4:25 pm
Hi Dc,
that’s good.. Start doing new things yoo to meet new people and make new friends. Not because you need to date others, it’s just to help you widen your world and gain a different perspective..It’s a giid sign that he’s still checking on you but honestly, right from the start, it’s wrong to do that.. It shows that one of you is insecure, which is now apparent..
Ashley
November 3, 2016 at 6:26 pm
So I’ve been with the guy i’ve been “dating” for a little over a year (we do couple stuff, but i think im just his glorified booty call).. a couple days ago i went out for drinks with a friend from H.S. (I considered him by best friend in HS) I didn’t tell him because I don’t hear from all the time and I’m not doing anything wrong.. we went to a sports bar and watched the football game and that was all. Later that night I went over to my guys house and he asked me if I had been drinking.. I said yes he asked with who and I told him.. (i could have lied but i’m being honest with him) I got in bed and laid on his chest. I looked at him and asked him if this bothered him and he said no (but I can tell in his expression it did) then he asked me if I hooked up with him.. which threw me off guard and looked at him a little crazy and said what do you mean?!?.. It wasn’t like that in HS and not now either.. we had sex and I went to sleep.. he wakes up a couple times and wakes me up no big deal i just kiss me or rub his back and knock out again.. (apparently he went through my phone) in the morning I leave early to o home and get ready for work. He send me a text like 5 min after i leave to tell him the truth about what happened last night. I told him I did and explained myself again.. he tells me I want to believe you but my gut is telling me not to. he said his Dick smelled like condom.. WTF?!? i replied with telling him we dont use them and he said exactly.. i called him and he didn’t reply said he didn’t want to talk and needed to clear his head.. I’ve made an ass out myself plenty of times.. I explain what he means to me all the time… I haven’t heard from him in 3 days and i’m respecting his time. I understand he might have trust issues with me seeing how when we got together my marriage was ending and I started with him (3 months) before I actually left. I wish I could have met him when I was “single” and yes technically I did cheat on my husband and it eats me all the time (not that i left .. just the fact on how we ended) even though he’s never told me anything its something i feel he thinks of cause i know i do..
will I ever hear from him again? a part of wants to and the other part is mad at him..
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 7:45 pm
Hi Ashley,
I think so, just let him cool down.but why not make your relationship official?
May
October 21, 2016 at 4:45 am
So I have only been dating this guy(or was) for a couple weeks. We will call him Tim.We have had our couple spats but not ones unresolved. The other night(it has been around a week and a half since) we were hanging out at a bar. We had a couple drinks. Well, I had only a few, enough to get a little buzzed. He had enough to be a bit drunk. We weren’t planning on going to my place because he is allergic to my cats and I didn’t want to stay at his place. I hate leaving my cats alone at night. -anyway, i was texting my best friend(who happens to be my ex) long story short, my ex(the one I was texting, we will call him James) and I used to date, he fucked up a bunch and I finally called it quits. However we stayed close because we care about eachother a lot and it has been almost a year since we have dated and I have been over him for a while now. But I am not someone who is open about a lot of things especially my feelings and insecurities and problems. However James is the only person I can tell everything to. When I started dating Tim I was very upfront about how I am close with my ex and we are really good friends and he said that was okay. Getting back to the bar, I was there with Tim, me buzzed, him drunk. I was worried about my mom and feeling pretty depressed, along with being stressed about my job. So I wanted to talk to james and vent. I was texting him and asked him to come over, he said he wasn’t sure if it was too late or not, and I just said aw, please come over? Had I been able to finish my texts to him, I would have explained that I was stressed and just wanted some company while being able to be open. Tim had been reading over my shoulder. He asked what I was planning that night. I, buzzed, and also distracted offhandedly replied I might just hang at home and watch tv, I didn’t know. At the time I assumed James was going to just not come over if he was tired. Tim then freaked out, told me to never contact him again, and drunkenly ran away. Accused me of cheating. Fast forward a couple days, I meet with him to explain things(he was avoiding/ignoring me) he seemed calmed yet still broke up with me. Said he knew I was cheating, said I lied to him, and said I insulted his intelligence by lying. I explained everything, including my problem with opening up with other people. He still refused. Said he knew. I told him he didn’t know me, and it wasn’t fair to say he knew what happened in my head, or what i was thinking. And that he didn’t know my relationship with my ex and when I brought up that I had told him we were close he claimed that I never did. Fast forward the four times he invited me to his place to not just hook up but hang out like we’re still dating. He is really sweet and I don’t know why he can’t even entertain the idea that I am telling the truth, but he still tries to do intimate boyfriend like stuff even though he’s my ex. I pointed out that he wanted to do all the stuff that a partner does, except without the label. So we hang out but he still gets really defensive and hostile when I bring it up or when he does. He also says that because his friends agree with him that he’s right and I am lying. He said he trusts himself more than me. I really like him though. What can I do to resolve things? He has even agreed to go on a date with me. So he’s obviously has kept changing his mind and has cooled off, since he still wants to hang out and contact me and do all that other crap. So I’m not sure what else to do except for just give it time. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 7:37 pm
hi May,
dont sleep with him if you’re not back together.. update us what happened after the date, because he might get back with you on that date.. if not,.then start no contact rule
Kiva
September 25, 2016 at 4:33 pm
I went on one date with this guy and the next day a male friend of mine called his office and told the guy that he and I are together. So now the guy I dated thinks I’m cheating on him. It’s been a week today and we had no contact simple because I thought he needed his space. But at the same time I miss him so much and idk how to make him see that I’m not dating anyone else but him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 7:13 pm
Hi Kiva,
why did your friend do that?