482 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Confused

    August 20, 2018 at 1:25 am

    I’ve been in a relationship with a man on and off for at least 3 years. Known him for 10, and sad to say started talking to him when we both were marrried. We’re both divorced now but he’ll call it off with me because he says his feelings has changed then 2 weeks later he’s texting. Telling me he’s done a lot of thinking etc. It’s been the same way for 2 years now, only gets more serious and deeper in the relationship each time we get back together. I’ve gotten closer to his kids and everything. I’ve started the nc, and going on day 8. I really think he has problems. A lot is my fault for trying to make it work each time. I forgive so easily. Why does he do this to me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 20, 2018 at 8:27 pm

      I there Confused!

      I think NC is the right move. Perhaps he has some issues around insecure attachment…not sure. I don’t see things as your fault. You are simply doing the natural thing in trying to make the relationship successful and work. Use this time in NC to heal and do things to bring meaning to your life. Also, you should pick up my eBook, 247 page ebook “The No Contact Rule Book” as it will help you immensely thru this process on how to maximize the effectiveness of NC both for yourself as well as re-attraction if you chose that path.

  2. Avatar

    Ros

    August 12, 2018 at 8:21 am

    My boyfriend & I just split up after a 3.5 year LDR. He admits to having a commitment phobia. I did all the travelling due to him having big business commitments & it was difficilt for him to get away. The chemistry between us was amazing. I was looking for a bit of commitment back from him, I felt I couldn’t keep doing all the travelling, without knowing if we had a future. The relationship has been quite up & down from the start. Due to me going through a divorce, having 2 children of my own to consider & having to rebuild my own work life. He has 3 children been married twice & has an extremely busy work life which I have supported him with over the last 3.5 years. It came to an end because I felt I was fed a lot of false hope so be both decided to have a break.
    I am now worried that I have lost him for good, seems such a pity because we were so good together when we were together, but I did struggle with us having so much time apart, and came over as insecure & needy I think.
    Anyway I am 4 days into the NC. Do you really think it will bring him back based on the basis of the relationship I talked about above?
    Or should I just except it’s over?
    Obviously not much detail there but it gives you an idea.

  3. Avatar

    Lucie

    August 11, 2018 at 3:36 am

    My ex broke up with me a while ago after some pleading and begging with him I went into no contact and I took him of all social media we didn’t speak for 2 and a half months then he started liking my friends posts if I was on them so I added him on Facebook and sent him a polite message saying There was no hard feelings and I’m in a better place for perspective now and that I also hope he was and hoped we could be civil, he replied saying no worry’s at all, I read his message and left it twenty minutes later he messaged again saying you ok anyway, we had quite a long conversation about work and what we had been up to and he didn’t reply after abit so I have just left it and have not stressed it. I go away in a few days on a girls holiday and have adventure holidays coming up, one of the reasons he split up with me is because he was always traveling and I didn’t want to go with him so as improving myself I have stepped out of my comfort zone and enjoyed it. Do you think with my new hobby’s and leaving the conversation and not trying to force more out of him was the right thing to do? I’m worried he will never message me again but I refuse to be needy and clingy again I want him to want to message me

  4. Avatar

    Erica

    August 9, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    I’ve had a off and on relationship with my boyfriend since two years. He pros ponder our wedding because of his children (thought it was to soon for them)and left me at one point when he got fired. I realize he has low self a confidence but we have moments that are amazing, full of love and compassion We are both in our mid ages and still struggling. I have a tendency to be drawn and attracted to emotional unavailable men and I realize this is an issue of mine, however I feel like I need some feed back. I’ve applied the NC rule for the second time with him and of course it works, however in the long run I’m not sure if I’m happy in this relationship. I want to feel safe in the realationship but I don’t. Just writing this makes me cringe. I always feel I need to have the upper hand and act strong to keep him interested although I’m tired and would love to show my vulnerability. I’m so confused.

  5. Avatar

    Jane

    August 4, 2018 at 9:48 pm

    Thank you for replying. He texted me yesterday “it was because every time we saw each other [after getting back in touch] you wanted to know whether I was playing games with you”, “Now you probably don’t want it anymore yourself”. I asked that exactly ONCE because he was hot and cold and was confusing me. I feel like he’s trying to blame me for his mood swings, so it’ll justify his actions and make everything okay, asking for validation at the same time.. should I reply? I know you told me to do NC but it seems so counterintuitive.. should I leave him on read or not open the message?
    Btw I already have some of your ebooks however they did not target that particular situation, and I’m too broke to buy another one right now, I’m just a student 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 5, 2018 at 2:07 am

      Hi Jane!

      you can always give him a heads up as to you need some space if you feel things are getting toxic with accusations.

  6. Avatar

    Jane

    August 1, 2018 at 6:47 pm

    My ex contacted me a week into no contact and I decided to text back. We saw each other a few times and we seemed to both want to get back together, but take things slowly because he was in the middle of moving out of his parents house (he still is). Everything was getting better and better but two weeks ago he started to have ups and downs again with respect to his mood and his attitude towards me. Now yesterday we saw each other for the fourth day in a row (20 mins each day during my lunch break) and he seemed weird and I made a light hearted joke that he took the wrong way. He then told me that we’d been seeing each other too much and I was getting on his nerves. I texted him later that I would like our relationship to be less strained and he said he felt sorry for putting me in a bad mood with his mood swings and that he didn’t know why he was so reluctant to keep in touch with me lately, he felt like it brought him a lot of obligations. In an answer to a previous comment of mine a few days ago, you told me to act a little coy and make him afraid of losing me, so I told him that if this went on for too long I might not want to keep in touch anymore, as this was dragging me down when I’m actually happy. He said “maybe that’s what you should do”. I read the text and didn’t reply. Should I text anything back? Should I go into no contact? Did I make a mistake by “warning” him? I am really lost right now

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 2, 2018 at 3:14 am

      Hi Jane!

      ooops..you broke NC! He is not being very nice and perhaps need to learn to appreciate you more. I think NC is order and by the way, if you have not picked up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” go take a look as it will help you a lot more than I can here in a few sentences!

  7. Avatar

    Lucy

    July 28, 2018 at 3:44 am

    Hey Chirs, thank you for responding.
    My friends and family are mostly telling me to move on. I’m really really scared that I’ve lost him forever. I’m not quite sure what to do. We were together for 10 months which is a lot for a high school relationship (we’re both seniors). Our relationship was unhealthy towards the end because I kept obsessing if I loved him enough or in the right way. I spammed him in the middle of the night and called him just to get his reassurance that everything was okay. My family have told me multiple times that I drove them insane, so I’m guessing he was really really hurting for a couple of months as he was in the middle of my “emotional mealstorm”. He told me a week after the break up that he didn’t love me anymore, that he did more than anything a week before the break up, but that the feeling started vanishing over the week. He said this after I tried to convince him that a relationship with me would be different and that I would give him more space as I was still assuming that that was the reason he broke up. I’ve decided not to believe him even though he probably believes himself right now. He has a habit of shutting down when he’s hurt (he tried to convince me he didn’t actually like his best friend after being worried sick about him the night before). He also told a mutual friend that he hopes I find someone who I can love and am happy with. I know that my happiness is(or at least was) one of the most important things to him and that he would do almost anything to make me happy. Breaking up with me was probably the hardest thing he’s ever done. Especially since I badgered him into it by constantly asking what was going on (I felt him distancing himself).
    We have most of the same friends so it’s been hard to avoid him. The occasions I am around him he usually does his absolute best to not look at me. Right after the break up we ended up staring at each other a lot. One time we even kept inching closer and closer and were facing each other and staring at each other, getting closer, but a friend pulled me away. Since then he’s been looking better every day, he usually completely avoids looking at me, but I (and a friend) noticed that he keeps staring when his friends aren’t there to distract him and I ignore him. He invited me to his birthday party three times (once through a mutual friend because he didn’t want to be too demanding or rude). After two days of me ignoring him and showing him that I’m still having fun without him he gave me back a movie I gave him to watch with his family back when we were together. He sounded kind of sad. He also sounded sad on the phone when his friend called him while we were at a lake and asked him to join us (not mentioning I was there too… I wasn’t too happy with the situation).

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 28, 2018 at 4:45 am

      You welcome Lucy…..best of luck with you ex recovery plan and I hope my ebooks and posts, and podcasts help you!

  8. Avatar

    Lucy

    July 27, 2018 at 8:29 pm

    My ex told me when he broke up with me that he needed space. A week after the break up when he came up to me and asked me how I was doing and if we could stay friends I made the mistake of telling him that I was trying to show him that I could give him the space he asked for. It’s been 3 weeks and I think I probably broke no contact a week ago. Should I still do no contact if I’ve been seeing signs that he still loves me, but is doing his absolute best to move on (for example staring at me across the classroom when I completely ignore him, but then giving me my stuff back)?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 27, 2018 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Lucy!

      Looks like its getting really close to that time when you can reach out to him in the way I teach in my ebooks and on this site. Starting first with an initial text message to build the connection. I encourage you to look at the program I discuss in my ebooks and to continue to soak up all the info available on this site.

  9. Avatar

    Sara

    May 14, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    Hi guys,

    Need some advice. Left my partner due to feeling neglected and alone. This has been carrying on for over 2months. Everytime I confronted him about it, he told me he would fix it but he never did. I felt like the more I complained the less I got to see him.. I know he has alot going on, his currently not working and other family issues. But its dragged on for so long I couldn’t handle it as I felt like I wasn’t in his top priorities which brought me down emotional that i couldn’t handle it anymore so i ended it 3 days ago. He said right now he would much rather a break then a break up considering he is just going through a rough time. He said he knows how much I want to get married and have kids there for his trying to get his career on track. but I persisted it is a break up and thats it. He said maybe we just need space and in a few days will miss each other and contact each other I told him I am changing my number and moving on. But again I was so certain i wanted it over for good. He asked for a hug when we were saying our goodbyes. I hugged him and he started crying he told to look after myself and he also said he doesnt think I should switch my phone off and that he doesn’t believe this is the end for us. Was this an indication that he was going to get back in contact with me ?

    Please don’t think i am selfish for leaving him at his worse. But for over two months I was getting stood up, he was always canceling dates on me. Or even worse there was times he wouldn’t even see me for 2 weeks and when I confronted him or asked him if I could see him soon he said I’m so busy I don’t even have an hour to spree. This is not something nice to hear. It hurts because I prioritized him so much..

    Its now day 3 and I’ve been wanting to send him a message just to let him know now that my emotions aren’t so high that i happy to give this break rather then a break up…

    Please also keep in mind I did reach out to him as soon as we left each other after the break up. I texted him letting him know I am still here from him if he needs someone to talk too in regards to his personal issues considering his the one that said he didn’t want to cut all contact with me and didnt think switching my phone off was a good idea.

    He is also very stubborn so I can not see him reaching out to me.. Your advice will be much appreciated as I no longer know how to deal with this and I don’t want my next move to be a mistake..

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 14, 2018 at 2:53 pm

      Hi Sara….thanks for stopping by. I think you guys are going to work through this and this period of no contact will allow you both some time to heal and look at your priorities. I know you are going through rough times. But you will get through this! If you are looking for some ongoing, directed help, consider my ebook Ex Recovery Pro. It covers a wide range of topics related to the ex recovery scene. Just click on my website’s menu and check out the “Products” Page to learn more

  10. Avatar

    Alexa

    May 12, 2018 at 7:09 pm

    My long distance ex had broken up with me after 2 years. The reason he gave was the distance issue. He still wants to be my friend and call me or text me like we usually do. I stopped contacting him and its been 10 days since then.
    What should I do.. What if he bever contacts me??

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2018 at 11:05 pm

      Hi Alexa….that is the fear most people have about no contact, but the process is intended to improve your value. So going forward here is what I think you should do! First, take a look at a more comprehensive resource I created called, Ex Recovery Pro. It can be found on my website’s Menu Section under “Products”. It’s full of ideas of what you should and shouldn’t do. Secondly, don’t let this get you down too much. It’s normal to feel bad and worried, but know that the way forward is by having an Action plan and focusing on your own self recovery first!

  11. Avatar

    Anonymous

    May 9, 2018 at 10:04 pm

    Hi Everyone, I need a bit of insight with this situation. I have been in an off-again/on-again kind of relationship with my ex for the last year. Prior to this, we did not speak for over a year. Prior to that we were exclusive for 1yr. Long story short, I ended up in a situation where we were together without the title (FWB). The moment we would get close to getting back together, he backed off saying he doesnt know. Eventually I got fed up and told him we want different things, and I’m not interested in speaking to him if he is not interested in being exclusive. I have implimented the no contact rule for 8 days now. As I am doing this, I don’t even know if this is the man I want to be with, but I know we share something and I’d be open to trying if he came back. I guess, I’m wondering, will he come back? I usually cave in and end up contacting him every time I call it quits, and I know he knows he has me where he wants me (my own fault for doing this), so this time, I’m staying strong and not backing down. Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 9, 2018 at 11:53 pm

      Hey thee Miss A.! Perhaps your ex has a little commitment discomfort going on in the back of his head, though I am sure there are a lot of things going from his side of the equation. I think you are going about it correctly (i.e. NC). Do make sure you are making use of the best tools and resources. If you haven’t already, take a look at my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it is epic in length and is designed to help you through all of the elements of this process. (visit my website Menu/Products link). Use the NC period to focus on “you” and seek to be the best “you”. Perhaps he will be interested in revisiting the relationship. Perhaps not. You can’t control everything around his decision making. What is important is to remind yourself that you are indeed a “catch” and if it doesn’t work out, you will definitely land on your feet and find the right guy. Kudos to you for your commitment to stay strong. Also, if you need some ongoing support, take a look at joining my “Private Facebook Support Group Community” which you can learn more about at my site! Let me know how it goes for you!

  12. Avatar

    Anonymous

    May 6, 2018 at 4:07 pm

    Hi everyone, would really appreciate some insight on my ex’s mind if you could..
    On your second example, the text message example was basically what happened to me. However, when I didn’t reply he said “Fine, avoid me!” And then blocks me.
    I’m really confused and shocked as to why this hasn’t happened, it has now been 14 days.
    Thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2018 at 8:54 pm

      Looks like he is acting immaturely, but emotions can fly high during breakup periods. In time, things should settle down.

    2. Avatar

      Anonymous

      May 7, 2018 at 8:30 am

      Thank you Chris! So I continue NC?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 7, 2018 at 3:54 pm

      Yes…I think it is appropriate in your situations and if you need any Companion Guides, feel free to check out any of my ebooks available on my website (website Menu/products link) as they help guide you through the whole process.

  13. Avatar

    Anonymous

    April 30, 2018 at 5:14 am

    Hello, I broke up with my boyfriend after he blantaly ignored me. We had been having some communication issues and he felt he needed space. I told him he wasn’t affectionate and it came off like he didn’t care anymore and was always short with me. I respected his decision. I told him I didn’t want to come off as if I was being funny by not contacting him and that I wanted to give him his space to come to and talk to me. He told me It was OK for me to contact him. The next day I contacted him by text to see if he was OK he responded that we could talk later if I was up to it and I said yes and he never called. The next day he contacted me and I didn’t mention anything about the previous night. We had a good conversation and he told me he will call me later or I could call him. I called him on my way to work and he ignored the call. I then texted him 2 hours later stating that I wanted him to take his time in also finding out the stipulations of the space that he needed. He never responded to my text so I had my friend text him just so I could see if he was ignoring me and he responded back to her. I was hurt and sent him a message stating that he could have told me that he didn’t want to be with me instead of stringing me along and I wished him well. He texted me back the next day stating that he just feels that if we talk too much then an argument will occur and he also let me know that he wanted to be with me. I didn’t respond to his text message nor did I answer any of his calls. He called me from a different number that I answered and we talked for a bit. I told him that I knew that he was ignoring my call and text messages because I had my friend text him to see if he would respond. I caught him in a lie, he said that he was sleep 1st then he said that he was busy but he didn’t know that I had my friend text him to see if he would respond.I told him and he thought it was me texting him from a different number instead of my friend so he tried to flip the situation and take the heat off of him. I was very hurt and implemented having no contact with him. He has been calling me and texting me and yet and still he has not apologized. It’s only been 2 days but right is right and wrong is wrong. I love him dearly and want him to come to his senses to see that you can’t throw mixed signals and play with someone’s heart.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 30, 2018 at 2:48 pm

      Hi Anonymous! A breakdown in communication and erosion in trust levels can take its toll on couples and you and your boyfriend are not spared. But neither of you are alone in that department. its an issue that plagues lots of couples. This early stage in a breakup can be very volatile. My advice is you should equip yourself with the best information about getting through a breakup. I wrote an ebook called, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” that is a rather comprehensive resource on this topic. Consider it your Companion Guide on all things breakup. You should check it out (go to website Menu/click Products link). I think its going to work out for the two of you, but you both could use a little space from each other to help you both cope with the bruise feelings.

  14. Avatar

    Amy

    April 29, 2018 at 1:19 am

    I currently live with my husband. I believe he is cheating on me and he sees the other woman when he walks the dog. He tells me that they are just friends. I did everything wrong, I followed him, I confronted him and the other woman, only to make me the bad guy because according to him I’m possessive and jealous. I begged him to work on our marriage and he refused.At first it went from I don’t know her, fro I’ve only seen her a couple of times, to she’s my friend. Every night he walks the dog it’s torture for me. I tired to be his friend and show him all the positives about me and I was being kind to him all this time. He told me that he likes being friends but that the romantic door in our relationship is closed. I was devastated, but I didn’t show it. I told him that I understood and that I was goingto move forward. I have changed my attitude. Three days later I removed him from our bank account and I told him that because of our situation, it was best if we started separating our bills and our finances. He told me that was fine, but i could tell it bothered him. I have become distant, but I’m pleasant around him. Around h. I basically keep to myself or with my son. We still eat meals together but I make it a point to leave the table first and to make minimum conversation. He even asked me how to do laundry so that he can do it himsel. I showed him, and that was that. I want to restore my marriage. I’m two weeks he will leave on a trip for a month and 1/2. More than likely he will not contact me. Should I keep silent all that time or should I make contact. Please help me

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2018 at 4:56 am

      Hi Amy…I am sorry you are going through such rough times. The trip may actually do you both good. Perhaps it will provide an opportunity for a reset. I would keep communications with him while you are on this trip at a minimum…family obligations, etc. Have the two of you explored marriage counseling yet? His terms of the relationship are unreasonable and is not sustainable in the long run. I know it hurting you to have to deal with this kind of rejection and lack of trust. I have a Private Facebook Support Group you might want to look into. It consists of about 1500 women and there is a lot synergy. I do weekly Facebook Lives to offer my advice and answer questions. You can explore that if you wish. Just go to my website Menu/products link to learn more.

    2. Avatar

      Amy

      April 29, 2018 at 5:12 am

      Thank you for your kind advice. I am going to therapy. He refuses to go. I have read that forcing it or even asking a partner to go to therapy is counterproductive. I have changed myself, I have lost weight, I’ve been going running, I’ve bought new clothes. I’ve been pleasant with him. I found out about him cheating on me in January, he had agreed to work things out, but he continued with this woman. When I confronted the woman, he became angry at me. I continued to make positive interactions. I finally decided to do the modified no contact rule, it’s my first week. But he leaves in 2 weeks for the 1 1/2 month. I’m just afraid that during that time he will be bonding with the other woman via phone and text messages. I am planning on continuing to work on me during that time, and I’m even considering filing for divorce as soon as he returns. I don’t want to, but I don’t know what else to do.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2018 at 9:04 pm

      I am proud of you Amy…you are a strong woman…even stronger than you yourself realize. Keep the focus on you and those around you that you love and who treat you with love. There are so many positive future paths for a woman like you that can lead to fulfillment.

  15. Avatar

    Ann

    April 28, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I broke up with my ex two months ago and implemented the no contact rule right after. After a month of no contact, he messages me saying he missed me and regrets letting me go. He wanted to work on things and I agreed as well. Two weeks into talking and meeting with him up once, poof! Radio silence on his part. I messaged him twice asking if he was okay but no reply. I was just wondering what I should do in this situation? I haven’t messaged him again since asking him if he was okay.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 28, 2018 at 11:25 pm

      Hi Ann! I think you want to adopt NC again, but longer this time. His behavior is not acceptable and you should use the time not to just focus on your own needs and personal recovery, but also whether he should be part of your life going forward. Don’t try to overthink it right now. You have my ebook, right? If not, go take a look at it (at website Menu/products link). It should be an indispensable Guide to help you through this process.

    2. Avatar

      Ann

      April 28, 2018 at 11:49 pm

      Thank you for the advice! I’ll definitely take a look at the ebook. I’m just annoyed with his behavior and if he does contact me back I feel like I’m just going to blow up on him.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2018 at 12:19 am

      Hey there again! Just go slow. Our emotions can twist us up in knots and annoyances can creep into our mindset. A cornerstone of my approach (which I discuss in my ebooks, in my Coaching Sessions, My Private Facebook Support Group) is the vital importance of your own recovery…that is the ex recovery process that matters the most to me. Not only does it increases your chances of success, but it enables you to embrace many different possible future paths. And you know what Ann? The future is always moving….we never quite now how its going to fall in place. So being prepared and insulated for all kinds of outcomes is wise.

  16. Avatar

    Rey

    April 27, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    I just initiated the no contact on my ex. We broke up 4 months ago and we agreed to stay friends. But since then he had repeatedly let me down in not calling or communicate when he promised to. So last week, after the 4th time, I decided on no contact. Would like to hear from others what may happen from here onwards?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 27, 2018 at 2:52 pm

      Hello Rey…it is often best to have an overall arching plan. So if you have not picked up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro,(at website Menu/Products link) you should take a look at it as it provides you with a comprehensive template on how you can better your chances and helps with navigating through all of the questions and situations that might arise over time. What was the cause of your breakup and how long were the two of you together?

  17. Avatar

    esthy

    April 25, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    HI I just broke up with my bf 3 days ago because he flirted with some girls on Facebook.
    The first time I saw some message from girls on my birthday he told me that he is very sorry and told me that he only talked to them and not cheated me. I forgave him and the second time it was this month I saw some messages again on Facebook .. then I told him that it’s impossible to keep going like that. We made a break during 2 weeks.
    After that he begged me for getting back to him he told me that he will change … I accepted to be with him
    And during the week that we have been together I realised that it was not like before because I couldn’t trust him again even if I still loved him

    3 days ago I texted him and told him that he hurt me more than the first time and it’s impossible for me to keep going in this relationship. He didn’t stop calling me and texting me.. I replied him later when he called me again he told me that he doesn’t feel good and cant go to sleep because of the message that I sent him. He begged me for getting back to him he tried to convince to be with him again I told him that we can’t be together anymore… aaand then he typed me that he wont give up on me… 3 days he didn’t call me or send me some messages… I am afraid that he forget me .. I shouldn’t have broken up with him
    (He is supposed to come at my house to take his clothes back )

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2018 at 11:08 pm

      Esthy…..it seems you both would benefit from taking some time to yourselves to get through all these emotions and feelings that are twisting you both up. But tell him that is what you are doing. That you just need some space to heal and work out your thoughts, but you still care for him and look to chat with him in the future. Have you picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”? Because your action plan and all things around the No Contact Principle are explained in great detail. It’s a pretty massive book, so if you are looking to optimize your chances, then go pick up a copy.

    2. Avatar

      esthy

      April 26, 2018 at 9:52 am

      Well I use the no contact rule since 4 days … I didn’t get any messages any phone calls from him. It’s weird .. because when he called me after that I told him that it’s over between us, he tried to beg me for getting back to him by saying that he wants only me . I told him that we can’t be together anymore because he hurt me and I can’t trust him anymore. I told him to go with someone else for him to recognize my value. He said that he can’t do that and it’s me that he wants.
      After our conversation he sent that he won’t give up on me.. but I see that he did give up on me !
      Because since 4 days I don’t have any news … he ignores me..
      It’s difficult because both of us use the NC
      He doesn’t try to win me back….
      I am so sad I really don’t know what to do.. I regret for telling him that it’s over between us.. I thought it would work .. I thought he would came after 2 days by saying that he missed me.. that he wants me back

      (Or maybe he doesn’t do anything because he knows that he has to see me again to take his clothes back in my house

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 26, 2018 at 2:57 pm

      I wouldn’t be so sure that he doesn’t want you back. He sure seemed to not that long ago. Maybe he is giving you space and you should take this time of No Contact to focus on your side of recovery….healing and focusing on being the best version of yourself. It almost always takes more than a few days for people to work through the feelings and internal issues caused by a breakup and for full value to be restored in the eyes of the pursuer. IF you feel you need some personal coaching, you can check my website (Products) to explore if they is a fit for you.

    4. Avatar

      esthy

      April 26, 2018 at 5:22 pm

      Actually if he comes back after the NC and if he asks me for another chance I don’t know if I should accept it.. I would like to refuse to test if he is really in loves with me.. because if he gives up it means that he didn’t take this relationship in serious

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 26, 2018 at 9:17 pm

      Hi gain Esthy…Its your call, as you know him better. You could play it close to the vest, not pushing him entirely away. I don’t remember if I mentioned it to you, but you might want to consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group. Has about 1500 women now and there is a lot of synergy within the group as people reach out for help and offer advice. I do weekly Facebook Live webcasts. Just let me know how things proceed for ya!

    6. Avatar

      esthy

      April 27, 2018 at 12:27 am

      I am not sure that he wants to win me.back because he keeps this silence since 5 days now.
      He doesn’t try to call me to show me how he loves me.
      So how can I believe him when he says that he will never give up on me….
      He never on what’ssapp and when he is online he don’t send any messages like I miss you or I want u back I feel sad because he shows me like he moved on… and when he called me 5 days ago he looked so weak and shoked and told me that he can’t sleep because of the break up

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 27, 2018 at 5:19 am

      5 days is not very long…though I know if feel like an eternity to you. Some things you can’t know for sure, so no use thinking them. Focus on things you can control and look for some balance in your life so you don’t get pulled down into a vortex of emotions and uncertainty.

    8. Avatar

      esthy

      April 27, 2018 at 10:04 am

      Thank you for supporting me Chris but what I don’t understand its how can he put his hands down for me if he says that he loves me .. so why he doesn’t try to contact me
      This silence kills me it feels like he doesn’t care

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 27, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      Hi esthy…people sometimes act and say things that are hard to process and make sense of logically because their feelings are complicated. He may fear rejection. He may have uncertainty. In the long run the predominant feeling takes over and that will be the truth.

    10. Avatar

      esthy

      April 28, 2018 at 5:48 am

      I understand that he is afraid of being rejected…
      But he looked for it because during our 8 months that we were together he was talking to girls on Facebook that he doesn’t know.
      There was en evening on april 3rd i was invited at his parents place for dinner with him it was very nice and at the end I wanted to get some rest so I was curious to look at his computer to check on his fb if he still talks to girl…and I saw a lot of messages… those are girls that he doesn’t know.. he is not friend with but flirt with them I got hurt because on February when I saw for the first time the messages I was supposed to finish with him it was even on my birthday that I discovered it. He promised me that he will never do something like this. So I forgave him and despite all he did it again !!

      We made a break from april 4th when I got back home… everyday he used to send me messages and I was very cold with .. because I wanted him to take this situation is serious. He called me one time on phone during this break and I told him that we are not for being together because he plays a lot despite that I love his caracter, his heart everything .. this guy has everything but the only default i’s that he loves admiring women.. he never flirted when I was with him but I saw that on his Facebook …
      So, on April 16th when he sent me that he missed me I saw that he really was waiting for me to tell me that he changed .. so we met each other he said that he will never find someone.like me. And he will do everything to be with me. He will never talk to girls ….. I still didn’t accept to go with because I showed him how I was in shoked and didn’t hAve trust for…
      He ended by convincing me… and we got back together.. after 2 days when I have been at his house I wanted to check again his fb because I felt again scared … and I read that during our break(on April 8th) he was talking to the same girl ,, got from her some pictures …I was hurt because during the break I was crying for his absence I was not taking to.men… but he.. he was talking to the same.girl. even after this last conversation with this girl he didn’t talk to her anymore. And he saw that it’s because this conversation with this girl that I wanted to take a break … and despite all he talked to her another.time on April 8

      So I couldn’t see it I sent her a message to tell her that he is with me she said that she is not interested to and she bloked him.. I still didn’t tell my ex that I sent her a message..

      I don’t know what to do Chris after the NC if I have to go back to him I feel scared all the time and asks myself he talks to girls on fb

    11. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 28, 2018 at 11:45 pm

      Hi Esthy….just follow the plan as outlined in my posts and ebooks about the after NC period! And remember, the most important part of NC is your own healing.

    12. Avatar

      esthy

      April 30, 2018 at 1:54 am

      I cant forget him he is really showing me that he moved on

    13. Avatar

      esthy

      April 26, 2018 at 5:16 pm

      He has his birthday on may 5th should I wish him happy birthday ?

    14. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 26, 2018 at 9:22 pm

      I think that would be a nice gesture. While your breakup is still relatively fresh, it is unclear just how dysfunctional the relationship is. Maybe things can get on mend sooner, than later. May 5 still some days away, so that gives NC some time to take hold and provide some potential benefits. Just be sure to follow the steps and guidelines in my ebook as it will help optimize your chances. Meanwhile, hopefully he is learning a valuable lesson about trust.

    15. Avatar

      esthy

      April 27, 2018 at 12:22 am

      I am afraid to cut the break up and send him happy birthday and then not to hear him back or he can only say “thank you” and then I willbe depressed mostly if I see that he continues de NC

  18. Avatar

    Maira flores

    April 25, 2018 at 1:50 am

    Hi my boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago because he said he needed to think about what to do about us . We’re not speaking nor seeing each other until may 20th that’s the day we’re suppose to see each other and see what’s going to happen with us but in the mean time he’s just playing video games and hanging out with his friends is that normal? Or does that mean he doesn’t care ? How do I know if he’s missing me ? I’m scared that he’s enjoying his freedom more and that On the day he tells me he doesn’t want to be together at all anymore does he still miss me ? Is he going to miss me ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2018 at 2:45 am

      Hi Maria! I am not so sure you should do things on his terms. This May 20 date seems artificially selected. He seems to be acting immaturely. I think implementing No Contact is a consideration. Have you picked up my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro? It is designed to help you deal with all aspects of the break up process. You can find it on my website by under the website Menu/Products link.

  19. Avatar

    Tsunade

    April 23, 2018 at 5:19 am

    I am 22 weeks pregnant and have initiated no contact with the babys father. He completely ghosted me after finding out about the pregnancy and then broke up with me when i was 15-16 weeks along. I told him to no longer contact me unless it pertained to our child, and left it at that. Since then he has called me and texted me several “hello?” and left one voice mail asking me to text him back. It’s not about the kid. He’s not wanted to talk about the pregnancy or child at all.. there is no way he all of a sudden does. What do I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 5:44 am

      Tsunade….first of all congrats. I am sure you will have a beautiful child! It always angers me when I hear of guys that act in this way. So I have to pinch back my emotions so as not to be too harsh on him. Perhaps he not the right man for you. I really can’t say. But it was wrong – wrong, what he did. Hopefully he sincerely regrets what he did and can explain why he would behave in such a way. I think No Contact is a reasonable approach. You have a lot of things going on in your life and your focus should be own our own emotional health and physical health. If he persists in his texts, just tell him you need a lot of space right now to focus on your emotional and physical healthy and you will reach out to him when you are ready. Pick up a copy of my book, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it is a good Companion Guide for you that can help you through NC and if you do decide you might want him back, it will help optimize your chances. You can get more information about this ebook and also my Private Facebook Support Group for women going through all kinds of breakup situations by going to my website Menu/Products link.

  20. Avatar

    Hannah

    April 17, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    Hi, my ex broke up with me saying that we aren’t right for each other, he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore and he thinks we’d be better off as friends. He said we can be friends later if I ever want to hang out. I’m on Day 3 of NC right now, I have read your NC Rule Book. I’m so afraid that he’s genuinely trying to give me space and waiting for me to reach out so we can be friends! I’d like to hear your opinion on this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2018 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Hannah…just being your friend is nice and all, but you want something more. And for that to have the best chance, I think using NC will be of help. Just follow the guidelines in the book and if you need ideas on texts you can employ when the times comes to reach out, consider the Texting Bible or Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. Sometimes people need a little space to realize what they are truly missing in their life.

    2. Avatar

      Hannah

      May 1, 2018 at 3:12 am

      Hi Chris, so update…I think I’m on day 16 of NC now, kinda lost track haha. I’ve been doing a lot of stuff with my friends and picking up dancing again. I kinda realized that I feel so much lighter without the relationship so I’m not even sure if I want to go back anymore. I noticed that my ex has been partying a lot lately from the photos in Facebook so I was considering deleting him for my own healing purposes, but he tagged me in a meme a couple of days ago. Just a random dog meme that doesn’t bring up any special memory or meaning, it’s the kind of meme that I doubt he would’ve tagged me in if we were still in a relationship, the only relevance is that I like dogs I guess haha. I didn’t like it or comment but it did take me through an emotional rollercoaster for a day or so. Because we said that we might try to be friends later, is this his way of testing the waters to see if I’m still keen for that? Does it matter if he might think that I’m angry at him because of my lack of response? What do you think about it?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 4:56 am

      Great job Hannah. Yes…he is testing the waters. He might have hoped you would respond, but whatever irritation he may have is more than made up by the value you are building in yourself. Maybe if he does it again in the next few days, you “like” it. Give him a little morsel…something to chew on.

    4. Avatar

      Hannah

      May 1, 2018 at 6:31 pm

      Thanks Chris! My plan is to do 30 days of NC. But since he’s ready to reach out, do you think I should shorten NC to 21 days instead? He’s really stubborn so I feel like if I continue to ignore him for another 2 weeks, he’s gonna move on.

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      I think that works

    6. Avatar

      Hannah

      May 4, 2018 at 10:01 pm

      I ended no contact by sending him a funny meme (relating to our previous experience about how I have no sense of direction) with a text saying that it remainded me of him and asked how he’s doing, he replied 5 hours later with: “haha that’s definitely not me! I’ve been great, you?” – that feels like a neutral response to me, would you agree?

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 5, 2018 at 4:26 am

      That is a positive response. A nice little bread crumb you dropped him and he ate it up.

    8. Avatar

      Hannah

      May 7, 2018 at 6:38 am

      Hi Chris,
      I’ve been in contact with my ex twice now, both times he’s been responding really well, definitely a complete 180 to how he was acting during the break up, such a surprise to me! He’s only initiated contact once during this time, it felt like a booty call (1am with “you awake?”) so I didn’t respond. I’ve been cutting the conversations short before they get boring and making sure that I’m always the one to end it. Neither of us have been big on phone calls when we were in a relationship so I think it’d feel unnatural if I were to suggest it. How long do you think I should text him for before we move to the meet up?

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 7, 2018 at 4:03 pm

      I wrote a book, called “The Texting Bible”, that is full of ideas on the kinds of texts you might want to send along with a lot of other helpful breakup information. So give that some thought. The length of time you invest in texting before meeting up varies greatly depending on the couple and many other circumstances. It could be a few days or a few weeks. With you guys…I think not more than a week.

    10. Avatar

      Hannah

      May 11, 2018 at 2:00 am

      I actually bought that book! There are some great material in there, I’ve tried out a couple of them and they work! I asked my ex if he’d be keen to catch up at this great Indian restaurant that I found and he sounded pretty excited about it. So I asked him if he was free over the weekend and he said no but maybe next week. I replied with: sounds good! Let me know in advance :). Should I wait for him to make the plan? Would a reminder text around mid week from me if he hasn’t texted seem like I’m chasing him?
      Also, now that I’m out of NC, he hasn’t really initiated anything other than likes on my fb photos. Should I be texting him once every few days or should I be waiting to see if he’d initiate?

    11. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 11, 2018 at 3:54 am

      Hi Hannah! nice to hear from you again. Yes…I think a few attraction texts would help. You might want to take a look at my book, “The Texting Bible” if you are looking for something really comprehensive that you can have around for all situations. I think the dinner could be fun…but hold it in reserve unless he initiates..otherwise it puts you a bit too much in the chase mode. But you can do some things on FB to continue to create attraction. If you and your ex don’t end up going, maybe later, you can go to the Indian restaurant with a girlfriend and take some pics of you having an awesome time and then post them on FB….kinda leaving a little breadcrumb for him to follow. Men like to chase, they just need a little arousal or incentive.

    12. Avatar

      Hannah

      May 14, 2018 at 8:07 pm

      Hi Chris! First of all, I just wanna thank you for your replies, they really do make me feel better about all this and how to approach it 🙂
      The last couple of text/Snapchat conversations with my ex have flowed really well, he’s been opening up to me a bit more in terms of what’s going on with him. We flirted a bit but he seems to avoid anything sexual/explicit, the compliments that he give sounds like ones that you give a friend instead of a girl that you are interested in? E.g. he’d say that I look nice/good when most guys would probably regard the photo as sexy.
      He did ask when we are gonna go to the Indian restaurant, I replied with “thought you were gonna let me know when you are free :)” and he didn’t reply to that and haven’t said anymore about it since then.
      The other day, he liked an old photo of us on fb back when we were in a relationship. I thought it’s probably his way of trying to get my attention again, I waited a day before texting him.
      I can feel that he definitely still has feelings for me but he also seems have reservations to act on those feelings. Is there anything I can do to change this up a bit?

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