What Your Ex Boyfriend Is Thinking During The No Contact Rule

546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

irine

May 21, 2019 at 12:52 pm

Hi, after dating him for 5 months and he kept on telling me hes broken from his previous relationship I gave him a chance but he never used to spend most of his time with me only there and there, and the time we spend together was so special and it felt so real and he made me to love again after a long time and we had lot of argument because of his behavior of not wanting to be with me, and suddenly he said he wants break and he told me he loves me its only he needed to sort out his life, I am not coping well with the break at all and it is so hard to live without him as I was used to him and I am doing the NC method but it is really killing me inside

Chris Seiter

May 21, 2019 at 3:46 pm

HI Irine….NC can be the right medicine. Check out my Program (EBR PRO Bundle) because it has all the tools to help you with coping better and give you the insights you need to get thru this

Khristine

May 18, 2019 at 2:58 pm

My boyf and I broke up the second time. Our love is still there for each other, but he broke up with me because we argued too much. Is it possible to get back with an ex the second/third time? He blocked me on Instagram, doesn’t seem like he’s using his Snapchat, and has not yet blocked my number (partial block). He believes that we will never get back together. I told him that i know were able to fix things, the only thing we kept lacking was communication. We both go to different colleges, and he told me that he doesn’t want to deal with our problems while in school. I love him so much, and I’m extremely scared of losing him. I am planning to do the NC rule, but he’s stubborn and I feel like he wouldn’t even care if I do so. Do you think that the NC rule might help? Is there a chance of us being together again?

Chris Seiter

May 18, 2019 at 11:06 pm

Hi Khristine….so I do think NC can be of a lot of help in many way. Its important you understand how it works…all its elements, etc. So feel free to take a look at my EBR Bundle Program!

Giulia

May 17, 2019 at 11:41 am

Hi Chris,
I recently split up with my long distance boyfriend after we dated almost 7 months (4 months officially together). We were friends for seven years before we started dating and we always talk about everything. Our time as a couple was really beautiful, we tried to switch our turn to see each other (2 hrs driving) and we usually spent two-3 days together every time. At the end of the last month we started to discuss about silly things and he said I have no respect of him at all which is not true. I frequently asked him about it but he didn’t give me an answer. The last time we saw each other, we talk about our problems and we start d to kiss and hugs. I express my feelings for him (not the first time for both) and he said nothing. Then I asked him to leave, he stopped and asked me lot of times if I meant it. I said yes but while he was going I tried to stop him. He said this was a test and that we should break up. I cried and begged him. I made him stay but he was really angry and said it was a mistake. So I really asked him to leave again but he said he want to be with me again. I said no. Making a long story short, the conversation lasted for six hours and we change our mind multiple times. He said first break up, the try again, at the end he said he need a pause to understand his feelings and that one week was enough. That I’m really important, that he cares about me etc. He left me and I tried call him twice (no answer) and texted him after a couple of days if he was okay (he replied so and so). After two days I texted him again asking how he was but no answer. So I started the NC rule. Do u think I still have chances? He was pretty confused during our last argument and quite angry, he came to make peace and we needed up breaking up. What do u think? Thank u in advance

Chris Seiter

May 17, 2019 at 4:33 pm

Hi Giulia…so yes, NC can do many things for you both in the healing departments as well as enhancing the attraction over time.

anonymous

May 15, 2019 at 8:47 pm

Thanks a lot for the insight Chris..My boy friend and I were chatting on whatsapp when we had a small miscommunication, the chat ended with a bye from his side after which his internet was disconnected .I further sent some messages which got delivered few hours later, read by him.Instanly after reading the messages(normal message in which I told him I wanna tell something special to him)he blocked me on whatsapp.2 days later he unbocked me(no other communcation during these 2 days).I tried to send him few hi hello how are you type messages for few days after being unblocked, but no response.I decided to give him space. Today is the 6th day of no contact, but this is killing me.I am not even sure what he was thinking while he blocked me initially.Really need some valuable inputs from your side.Appreciate any response from you.
Kate

May 13, 2019 at 5:25 pm

Please stop using the word “Anyways”. Because it’s not a word. It’s “Anyway”. ANYWAY. Seriously, NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD reading it with the “s” on the end.

Chris Seiter

May 13, 2019 at 9:19 pm

Sorry Kate if the use of the word “anyways” bothers you. I agree its a nonstandard, slang use of the word “anyway”. My readership talk in all kinds of ways, so I sometimes take liberty in using non standard words.

Violet Colavito

May 7, 2019 at 3:49 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of over 3 years recently broke up with me. He said he had been unhappy for awhile but he kept staying. When he said he wanted to move out, he told me that he was not in any hurry to get married. I never put any pressure for that to happen. We did a lot of fun things together. Then in the process of moving out, he would bring me food and watch movies with me. At first, I did text him but I have started no contact and am hoping he will realize that he does miss me in time.

Chris Seiter

May 7, 2019 at 7:57 pm

Sounds like you would benefit from having a sensible ex recovery plan and that is what my website and Program is about. Consider picking up my Pro Bundle as there is much to do in the weeks to come.

Ally

April 13, 2019 at 11:51 am

Hello
My husband and I have only been married 12 months. We have children to previous partners and no children together. In our relationship we have had so many external factors impact us (court, exes, blending the family etc…) In December everything came to a head as it was all too much and we both weren’t in good headspaces because of everything… He moved out with the intention of staying with his parents for a bit to clear our heads… a month later he ended up cheating on me. He told me straight away and we began counseling. He has been very up and down, his parents home is a toxic environment and he is very easily manipulated by his parents.

I’ve now moved out of the house with my child and he is living full-time at his parents. The communication has all been me essentially, he does respond, we barely see each other and he says one thing but does the opposite.

I have asked him multiple times flat out does he want to break up? He can go be single and I’ll walk away. He says no he wants to be married to me, he loves me, he will do this this and this to make it work and fight. But then does nothing. It’s very conflicting and I am being left in limbo and don’t understand why.

We are married and when we are together the love is there and it seems genuine but as soon as we are apart and he returns to that house it changes.

I love the man I married and fell in love with, the things he has done the past 4 months isnt that man and he would be ashamed of who he is now. I don’t want to walk away from my marriage but I have nothing left to give as I have tried.

I haven’t contacted him since Thursday and he hasn’t made any contact. I just feel lost and confused. As I said he is saying he wants to be with me but his actions contradict that but when I try to end it he won’t, says he loves me, wants to be married to me and will fight but does nothing.

Any advice on what to do, why he is doing this and how to move forward? It’s not only hurting me but my child who he has raised her whole life that misses her dad.

I want to be with him, I don’t feel like it’s over but am in limbo and we are both in No Contact. I just don’t understand what he is trying to achieve, end it or make it work.
Amanda Benn

April 12, 2019 at 2:40 pm

Hi Chris, I’ve been with my ex 13 years we’ve now been seperated 6 months there was lots of issue but also good to, long story short I had an affair there was reason for my doing it was wrong and ended in a baby unfortunately we have already one child together, we are married and have been for 5 years since he moved he’s been self destructive alcohol drugs those kinds of things, it’s a very big process we both played a part in the failure and where we have got to right now, I was honest and open about it all and have tried to get forgiveness he’s back and forward in his decisions, he comes to my house and we are intimate and then a few days later he goes cold and says he can’t do it what do I do ????? Then a week or so later he’s messaging or coming up with excuses to contact to do with our daughter he’s told me over and over move on and he is trying but then says something different again the next week???
Chrissy

April 10, 2019 at 5:54 am

Hi Chris,

There’s a guy that I knew for about 8 years now but we were friends for the first 6 years and then we decided to be more than that in 2017. It was great when we first started talking until one of his friends lied on me and told him I was sleeping with someone that I truly had no contact with at all. I noticed the change in his behavior and we were arguing a lot. Besides that I was angry at him for something that is too long for me to explain. I decided to cut him off and I didn’t speak to him until maybe April of 2018. It hurt me to have to let him go, but it hurt me even more waiting for him to show me that he cares about me. When we started speaking again he admitted to me that he was hurt by what his friend told him and then I got to explain to him that it was a lie. I had a lot going on at the time so I would always disappear on him or promise that I would see him but never end up going. Eventually, I went to see him and everything was fine. Now this is when it gets bad …. I found out that he slept with a girl about 2 weeks after seeing me and I was HURT. We have so much history together especially since we were close friends before all of this so I expected him to have a certain amount of respect for me. He lied for weeks about it and even though deep down I knew the truth a part of me just wanted us to be on good terms so I got over it. I use that term loosely because I didn’t really get over it since I would bring it up every chance I got. He claims he did it because he thought that I was going to disappear on him again and not speak to him. ( Him and that girl stopped speaking the morning after he slept with her) Things were going great we were speaking non stop and he always wanted to see me. Like I said I COULD NOT GET OVER WHAT HE DID! I’m a Scorpio so it’s extremely hard for me to forgive someone for hurting me even when I want them in my life. He would get annoyed because I would bring it up and one day we got into a really intense argument and when we made up I promised I would let it go. Now before we made up he deleted me off of snapchat ( I was so mad he deleted me and I’m pretty sure he realized how important having him on social media was to me so he can use that to his advantage even though he stalks me on there and is always the first person to view my stuff no matter what time I post it) and when he added me back I realized he didn’t post anything so the psychopath in me decided to watch his snap points. If they went up that means he was blocking his posts from me. Low and behold I caught him hiding them from me and he lied about it first but when I got really angry he admitted that he didn’t want me to take little memes he posted the wrong way ( I admit that I cursed him out that day about something he posted). He ended up unblocking me from not seeing them being that he did that I COULDN’T TRUST HIM EVEN MORE! So yes I admit that I would accuse him of hiding them from me when it turned out that he wasn’t. ( if you’re in streaks or send a vid/pic to someone your snap points go up) At this point I know deep down he’s getting frustrated because we would be good and then I’ll get mad at him or have an attitude because I think he’s being sneaky. I wrote him a long essay expressing my feelings and he wrote me a long one back in return expressing his and it actually made us closer. One day last week I reposted something that a girl that we both know had posted on Snapchat. It was something that related to him pissing me off at the moment. He commented it and made a remark about her being a whore and that’s the wrong person I should be taking advice from. I told him he probably slept with her and he said he never did so I let it go but it was noted in the back of my mind. Now Chris… listen to how I feel about this situation… back in 2017 he used to hang out with a guy that was also friends with that girl. One day I seen her post a pic of him but she made it seem like it was friendly. I was always suspicious but I didn’t make it a big deal. Anyway, on sat I saw his snap points go up 6 points but he had only posted one thing so I instantly became infuriated and before I wrote him I wrote that girl and asked her to watch his snaps and tell me if he has more than just what I could see posted and she said no it’s only that one post. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS ANNOYING! She ends up asking me if me and him have relations so being the sneaky Scorpio I am I made it seem like we didn’t and that I was considering giving him a chance but first I wanted her to tell me if there was something I needed to know about them. She then tells me that he wanted to sleep with her I guess back in 2017 but she just wanted to keep him as a friend so she didn’t. I know they don’t speak because when I sent her to tell me what he posted she asked me what his snap name was which meant she forgot she even had him as a friend on there. I WAS SO ANGRY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THE FACT THAT HE COMMENTED SOMETHING I REPOSTED OF HERS TALKING SHIT ABOUT HER MEANS HE’S SALTY THAT SHE DIDN’T SLEEP WITH HIM. It hurt my feelings because it’s like why even bring attention to a girl that you know you wanted to sleep with and you know I’m a psycho. I sort of cursed him out and when he responded I left him there. At about 4 in the morning he texted me a little paragraph stating he wishes the best for me blah blah but he thinks it’s best to leave me alone blah blah he’s going to delete my number and delete me off Snapchat. I was sleeping so I didn’t respond until the morning and then he ended up blocking my number and me off of every social media. My heart was aching and I called him 42 times CRAZY I KNOW * pouts in embarrassment * he was really angry tho and refused to talk to me and told a friend that he’s done and I’m annoying and he can’t take it. I decided to write him from my friends phone one last time asking if he wanted me to move on and he said yes and I never responded. He’s been this angry and said those words before and we got back together but I refuse to be indenial and automatically assume that he’s not serious this time since he has never blocked me on ever social network. ( besides Instagram that we never had each other on before but he told me he tried stalking me on day while I wasn’t speaking to him but he couldn’t find me and when he asked to add me I declined it because I knew seeing him like stuff would piss me off ) I admit that I pushed him away but I feel like since he’s the one that hurt me he needs to suffer through my feelings and allow me to trust him again over time. I know he has real feelings for me but Idk if his pride is stronger than his feelings. Deep down I’m still mad at him for a lot of things he did but I love him to much to let him go or watch him be with someone else. I want to be able to trust him but I needed him to try harder but instead he couldn’t take the pressure and walked away. We always make up whether it months or weeks down the line but like I said idk how he feels this time. We got closer than we’ve ever been so at some point I know he’s going to be thinking about me a lot. Plus I bought the things he uses to exercise with daily so I know that’s a reminder. Tonight around 11:15 ( the time that he knows I’m out of work for sure by ) I got a call from a private caller and after about 3 times of me saying hello they hung up but I heard noise in the background at first and then it went silent as if the person were to mute the phone once they realized I said hello the first time. I think it was him in my heart but I’m not sure. I miss him so much it’s killing me even though a part of me hates him and does want to let him go since he’s a coward. I just need to comfort of knowing he tried to come back though. What’s your feedback?
Jaz’mine

April 8, 2019 at 2:50 pm

Hey I’m Jaz’mine I really loved your insight. I broke with my ex for cheated, he calls, he texts, I don’t reply I miss him dearly what should I do. Lol how long is this no contact rule.

Chris Seiter

April 8, 2019 at 10:40 pm

Hi Jazmine…so the NC Rule period can range 21-45 days on average, but its fairly adaptable given each situation

Bree

March 28, 2019 at 6:45 pm

Hi Chris,

I have been reading a lot of your articles the last week. My boyfriend, ex boyfriend and I just split up. We had been together over a year and were so happy so this came out of no where. He had just bought a business and was in a very stressful time crunch to get it open with his partners. I recognize that he had a lot on his plate. We got in an argument one night and then things went quickly downhill. A little back story, our schedules were opposite and that was kind of the route of the argument/I wasn’t in a great place mentally and needed a little support that day. I apologized the next day, said I felt vulnerable in the moment but that I understood he needed to focus on the business and I supported him fully and I was looking forward to celebrating his success from him. He said “Thank you, b” (B was my nickname from him).

What happened over the next few days was weird I gave him some space, but he seemed to keep pulling away, by Wednesday morning I sent him a message just saying “I am doing my best to give you the space you need right now to focus on this bar, but please don’t decide to end things prior to us getting to talk.” So he made time that day. He had multiple reasons, none of which really came full circle to me….

In our talk he said that our schedules continued to grow apart and that he didn’t foresee a future where we wouldn’t have an issue with that, he said that he was selfish, and an asshole and that he didn’t think he had the emotional capacity to be with anyone ever. He said he only wanted to focus on his career.

This doesn’t add up to me, he was an incredibly affectionate man, who told me how safe he felt with me, who was always telling me how he wanted to make me proud, who would make eye contact me across the room at a party and mouth “i love you”….

We have currently been in NC for nine days and I want to get him back….please help!!

Chris Seiter

March 28, 2019 at 11:20 pm

Hi Bree…So I agree that NC is the right direction for our situation. I hope you are tracking with my Program and feel free to tap into all the resources I offer on my website!

Tara

March 26, 2019 at 10:38 pm

Hey Chris,

I’m reaching out to you because I simply have no one else to ask. I moved away from family/friends with my 2 children to be with my boyfriend then fiancé, with been together for 6 years and were due to marry this summer. When we would have a disagreement he would go off for days to his parents and basically ghost me for days sometimes even week then he’d return and apologise, I’d always accept him back. During the Christmas period we had a minor disagreement, I knew he was stressed with work (sales environment) and believe he took this out on me. He never seem able to have a simple disagreement then make up as normal couples would do, and would aleays leave saying we were over and ghost me again. This past January was much worse as he actually cancelled our wedding, we’ve lost a huge amount of money, but most of all I’m devaststed, I’ve not told my family or friends because I moved here away from them to be with him. I tried speaking with him, not begging but I was upset, this continued for a few days (he had to answer his parents landline) so couldn’t ghost me. After searching for advice on how to cope with the devastation I cane across your advice and the No Contact rule which I have implemented, purely for my own sanity.. after just over 2 weeks I received the first, how are you text, followed by the reaching out text then 3 calls and then I hope your ok! I didn’t pick up or reply to any of the messages as I was following the No Contact rule, he’s not been I touch again for a week now. I do love and miss him but to be perfectly honest, I’m devastated that he could actually call our wedding off out of anger, his family and friends now know but I’ve not summoned up the courage to tell my family or friends because I’m so upset. What I’m asking advice for is, should I ever take him back, is the ghosting behaviour normal, what should I do if he texts again? Can anyone really get over having their wedding cancelled? I would sincerely appreciate your advice since Ive no one else at this time to ask.
Rachel

March 17, 2019 at 6:40 pm

Hello, I’m in a sad situation right now. My boyfriend and I were together on and off for 18 months. We were happy but had communication issues.

My boyfriend and I broke up last May after being together for 7 months, but never really broke up; carried on seeing each other almost every day, he moved back in and we continued to act like a couple. He said he wasn’t sure if he wanted us to be together again. We got back together officially in September and then on a holiday in December he broke up with me again. He said he was hoping to see improvement in my approach to life but nothing had changed. I’ve had depression on and off for a few years so at times I’ve not been the greatest to be around and he often said he was tired of dealing with my emotions. I’ve often felt he hadn’t been as affectionate and supportive as he could have been and got upset at him about it and then we would argue. He said he felt I wasn’t making an effort to improve my life. But I’ve been trying so hard. He got angry at me yesterday and said I wouldn’t realise I needed to make changes until I’d lost everything and that I’m certainly not changing wih him being here.

We carried on living together after the break up in December but not sleeping together apart from twice as he said he wasnt sexually attracted to me anymore. Then he said it just doesn’t feel right being intimate with me. He has told me he no longer loves me and doesn’t see us getting back together as he wants to be alone. But we have carried on having emotional intimacy and he said he thinks the world of me and wants the best for me, we laugh and joke and talk, we support each other in our daily routine and often spend our spare time together. He even talks about us going away with the dog on a bus we were converting to travel on. I was going to take him away in May for his birthday and he has spoken about my birthday in August. He knows how much I love him and we have argued because I am resentful that he doesn’t love me.

He told me he was only staying to make sure I’m okay financially which I assured him he didn’t need to worry about. Then he said he was staying so I wouldn’t be alone and I said I’ll survive without him and then he said he just likes living here but doesn’t want to argue. He said when the bus is ready he will be leaving as he will be travelling on it.

I feel like my life is in a good place now as I’ve just got a new job that I enjoy, I’m enjoying my social life and I have plans for the future. I’ve completed therapy and I’ve reduced my dosage of antidepressant. The only thing dragging me down is this situation.

I asked him to leave yesterday and he moved out today. He started getting messages from women he says are his friends from travelling and are overseas. He said one of them was over here on business and he was going to meet her today, I was a little concerned but then was like whatever it’s his friend. But then saw a message with her giving him the name of her hotel and this just made me suspicious and my heart sunk. He said nothing would happen as it’s weird for him to be living here and sleep with someone else, that they are friends and then that even if he did want to do something, we aren’t together. When he left we were amicable and he asked to kiss me but I said no, then he asked to kiss my cheek and I let him. He said he’ll see me soon but I didn’t respond.

Is it too late for the no contact rule to work? Is it over for good? I want time alone and space away from him to gain perspective and build myself up again, but maybe we could come back together after some space and realisation and I just want to know if that’s possible. I hope he doesn’t sleep with this woman today but I think he will.

Thank you x
Jenny

March 10, 2019 at 6:32 pm

Hi there Chris

I need your advice! 5 year relationship that he ended. We clash alot but the love and intimacy is only what I can describe as amazing. I’ve taken alot of responsibility for the problems and by text have tried to tell him after 2 months not seeing him I’ve changed. He doesn’t believe me and I cannot show him unless he tries. I’ve tried no contact and a fewctjmes he’s reached out. Now he’s ignoring me (as I stated I met a make friend) – stupidly. I’m back in no contact as I was getting no reply. How do i prove I’ve changed if he won’t let me or denies I have? It’s do hard and although I’m moving on slowly o just wish we could get to point I could show him. X

Chris Seiter

March 10, 2019 at 9:28 pm

Hi Jenny! So 5 years is meaningful in that roots get laid down and that traction can play a role in recovery. So its happens sometimes that we can’t resist contacting our ex, only to see our progress slide back or show little improvement. Better to do it fully to allow it to help you in both the healing department as well as improve your chances with your ex. Go pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as its epic in length and will help you through all of this.

sabrina Collins

February 28, 2019 at 8:26 pm

Hi Chris,
I was with my ex for 17 years. We have a house together and two dogs. I moved overseas and he stayed at home. The agreement was he would follow me over once he sold the house. He made several excuses not to sell the house, so I felt no other option but to end the relationship with him as waiting for him become too painful and distracting for me. He wasn’t very open or honest during the build-up to me moving overseas, I started to doubt everything he would say about moving. (He didn’t show any signs of excitement and wasn’t displaying big gestures of affection either.)

Since the breakup last November, we’ve been messaging each other almost daily, although he insists that I must contact him first! However, he denies that he wants to get back together and insists he’s just being supportive towards me when I text or call him but he never fails to answer my calls. He’s not dating anyone yet either and tells me that he’s not ready to date anyone either. He tells me that he doesn’t want to be with me and I can remove him off my visa which would definitely mean it’s over. He doesn’t show any signs of regret or even much emotion about us ending.

The whole situation is a total mess. Before starting the NC 5 days ago, I became very irrational saying things like, ‘I regret the day I met you’ etc. I would then apologise and tell him how much I missed him. I totally lost control of my emotions because I felt like it was all too much to handle. I felt no other choice but to give him space and protect my sanity by using the NC rule.

What do you think my chances are of a reconciliation? How much time do you think I should give to the NC rule? Do you think I should make a trip overseas to visit home as I still have all my belongings over there? Last time we saw each other in person was at the airport over 6 months ago.

Chris Seiter

February 28, 2019 at 11:53 pm

HI Sabrina….so 17 years is a good deal of time in which traction gets a grip and roots get laid down, so that couple play a role in pulling you both back into each other orbit…its referred to as lingering attachment. But beyond that, yes, NC is a worthwhile strategy going forward. You should take a look at my eptic 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it can dive into more of the details than I can here with the limited time I have. NC periods range from 21-45 days, but it varies for everyone depending on a lot of factors and sometimes exceptions can be made along the way or ending it earlier depending on his behavior. BUT NC is much more than just an effort to get your ex back…its about your healing and recovery and having time to regain your emotional balance so as to evaluate what is in your best interest. I cover much of this in an specialized eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. So lots of resources to consider.

Leila

February 11, 2019 at 6:17 pm

Hi Chris
I’ve been reading a lot on the internet to help my situation. I was with my husband for 4 years. And after Christmas I found a spare phone which he had active. He denied anything wrong with it but he said he wasn’t happy and me having doubts about what he is doing and packed his stuff and left to live at his mums. My daughter (his step daughter) and I were devastated and I couldn’t understand what I did wrong. He said he was never coming back and things had gone to far. He then started texting he missed me a week later and we met up a few days and I thought he would be coming back, but I found the same phone in the car this time I looked and it had lots of women’s numbers and his tinder profile which had a picture of a selfie he took on our wedding day that he sent me. I was gutted. I was calm and asked him why he was in our home and he said he loved me and just couldn’t come back. I showed him the phone and he said I should leave since you know the truth now. So I said I respect your decision and just leave. I was in pieces. He threw the phone over the balcony and said I want to save my marriage and I’m bringing all my stuff back. He then flipped and said I’ve hurt you so much I’ll never gain your trust again and he left. I didn’t text him. I was still in shock. I fell asleep early and in the morning saw all these messages. I tried to reply back but he blocked me. He said he couldn’t do this anymore and he hated himself for what he did and that to start the separation papers and to remove him from my property. So I did all he requested and said I accepted his decision as I had no other choice. The lawyer advised me to tell him the papers were sent out. He responded and tried calling but I couldn’t answer his calls as I was hurting so much. His messages basically said he will sign anything and send back. I was gutted as I thought he’d say sorry and that this isn’t want he wanted. I then sent a text back saying ‘as requested I’ve done everything you have asked to help you move on quicker from all this. I need to now focus my energy on me and my daughter and getting us to a better place. I won’t be in contact for a while whilst I sort all of this out. Hope you are doing well in your new job. All the best’ he responded with a sad face emoji and then text ‘I hate that message’. I didn’t reply. And I know he has paid the separation papers. I’m so gutted as I wanted to work out my marriage but he didn’t put if shame and pride. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard from him. But I don’t think I’ll ever hear from him again. And I guess I’m using the no contact rule to sort my feelings out as I’m still in shock with everything. We had an amazing wedding, a great relationship with travelling, restaurants etc. Yes we argued. And had moments apart but nothing as serious as this. We bought our first home together. Only lived in it for 4 months before all this. He is in massive amounts of debt, living in his dads living room and dropped his wages at work. He tried to get his own apartment but failed referencing, now looking for a room to rent. Yet I’m here willing to help, but he gave up so quick on everything. I don’t understand tbh. Will he ever contact me again?

Chris Seiter

February 11, 2019 at 11:29 pm

Hi Leila…so my advice is to tap into some of the resources you will find on my home page to help you implement the No Contact rule properly and all of the rest of the things that go along with that. Remember that sorting out your feelings and focusing on your own healing is the most important part of NC.

Anna

December 14, 2018 at 10:02 am

Hi Chris,
for some time I read your articles and watch your clips and hope you can help me … if possible of course.
I am 28 years old, I have been married for 5 months, been with my husband together for 5 years, been living together for 3. After the wedding, the things between us seemed to get worse. Later I realized that my husband had feelings for his colleague (info – his colleague is also married for 3 months). A month ago, we decided to give ourselves time (thirty days) to figure out what we would do with our relationship from here on. He left the home. The end of this month comes in two days. During this month, I applied the no contact rule and did not search for him, I did not call him, I closed my social accounts. I found out that several times he looked for me. One time he came home to pay utility bills, next time I know he saw with my mother (they had a pretty good relationship) and he asked her for me – how I am. He has asked about me a friend of ours. One of the ways in which he called me was my personal holiday. Call me to tell me that he went home to leave me something for the holiday – he had bought me a big bouquet of flowers. I want to save my marriage and the relationship, but I want to know if I have a chance at all. I am worried because on other days I will know what my future will be from now on! What do you think? Do I have a chance? Is there a chance for a month to overcome his feelings towards the colleague and become aware of what he want from me? Sorry if my writhing isn’t good, but English isn’t my native language.

Chris Seiter

December 15, 2018 at 12:03 am

Hi Anna!

All things are possible because the future is always moving with many possibilities. What most important is having a plan that can help you realize what you want. Do you have an ex Recovery plan. If not, visit my Home page and check out the resources I make available.

Amy Griggs

November 30, 2018 at 3:41 am

Hi, Chris. — I’m an older woman, who’s been in a long-distance relationship, for the past two years, with a man who’s also older. Though he’s traveled to see me, I’ve done more of the traveling to see him – and I haven’t minded that, because I love the area in which he lives (we bought a house and acreage, together – jointly). When apart, we’ve spoken on the phone, nearly every night, as well. The situation is that though he’s a decent enough man at heart, he’s a country man – with a very low level of education and a limited perspective. I do really feel that, for various reasons, I’ve turned myself inside out, trying to help him and to help make our relationship work. — Quite often these two years, I’ve become angry at things he does (or doesn’t do). Recently, something happened (it was an accident on our property), that could have been prevented – and when I tried to explain that to him on the phone, three nights’ ago, it turned into an argument. I felt that he was really making stupid remarks, when he really should have known better. (It was a common sense issue.) The argument escalated (and I truly do believe I was right, and I also believe most people would objectively believe I was right – and this is not even about my being right, really), and he then said he’d call me the next day – thereby he wanted to control the conversation by ending it. I was fed up by then and said, “You know what? – don’t call me.” He hasn’t. (After all, I DID tell him not to call me.) That said, I’m not going to call him. On top of this, I’m having health concerns – and he knows this – and I’ve been under a fair amount of stress, as a result. — Bottom line, I won’t call him – and it could be that he’ll never call me. Being that we co-own our property, it could be a bit sticky and awkward, if this all heads toward a break up. Perhaps he took my “Don’t call me” as meaning that we’re done. — Relationships are complicated, but I’m still not going to call him.

Chris Seiter

November 30, 2018 at 5:18 am

Hi Amy…first off….the most important thing is your health….emotional and physical. You should take a deeper dive into the no contact principle which is an important element in many ex recovery programs. It affords you an opportunity to accomplish many things for yourself and potentially for the relationship recovery. Visit my home page as I have a lot of resources and tools for you there. But its starts with you healing and there is a process for that.

praj

November 26, 2018 at 8:37 am

hi chris… i amin a relationship with a guy for about 3 to 4 years now and we are about to get married but suddenly he changed his mind saying 100 reasons but he didnt break up and wanting me to be around him. i was frustrated at the start but hold on to my emotions and now its 6 months never contacted him upfront but replied to his texts minimal. meanwhile he keeps saying or giving some hints he wants me and as wife but just keep taking time and no commitment. what should i do?
Stacey

November 19, 2018 at 9:20 pm

Hi Chris,

I done the no contact for 2 weeks (because we have children) in August. One day I had 32 missed calls, then another 25. But the worst one was 58 times in one day and a few texts! People said “no way he’s calling all those times just to speak to the kids. He’s stressing because he’s wanting to know what your up to as well and showing your moving on etc”
He was doing this whilst he was sleeping with this girl (she had a husband and 4 kids. I know, terrible)
Anyway, I’m back on the no contact because this girl is getting too involved when we have family time (which makes us end up arguing) he’s apologised and said he knows I’m not to blame and it’s her but I just don’t know what to do anymore. The last thing I want to be doing is arguing over her because that’s what she wants. So that’s why I’ve decided to go back to no contact until he sorts his sh$t out. But the sad thing is, he doesn’t get to speak to his son either because of his age.
It will be 2 weeks on Wednesday that we’ve not spoke. He does send nice messages can I ring him please or tell the kids he loves them, then to not so nice messages. Which, I ignore.
It’s hard because we have children but I’m not having someone of 5 minutes of knowing him keep spoiling our family time, it’s wrong (which he’s been kind of allowing) . He said that wont be happening again and he sees what she is doing etc… We’ve been together for 13yrs and he’s known her a couple of months. She is so needy and obviously threatened by me.
He told his friend who I saw the other day it was just a fling gone wrong and he feels he’s got himself in such a mess and all she does is go on at him all the time. To his friend saying back that he would be stupid of risking losing a very good family that he had. He said “he knows, he knows, and he’s working on it. He said his head is up his arse.
His friend said “I got onto him straight away. He doesn’t sound the same person and he didn’t sound too happy”

I just don’t know what to do. I am focusing on healing myself and showing him I’m moving on and spoke to someone, but, I’m scared if he thinks I’m moving on it will push him in her arms just for the sake of it.

I feel like I’m at a lost cause because I just don’t know what to think or do. One minute I think “there could be light” then the next I think “I’ve lost him forever!”

Please, if you have any advice is be grateful…

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