Have you ever thought to yourself,

“There is no way I can ever get him back…”

Well, if you have then this episode is for you!

Today we hear from “Ex Bodybuilders Girlfriend” whose ex boyfriend (as I am sure you guessed) is a body builder.

I myself am a bit of a bodybuilder…

yours truly

Ok, not really.

    • Here is a rundown of the situation,
    • Her ex boyfriend is a bodybuilder
    • He is a narcissistic but confident guy

(In case you didn’t know a narcissist is someone who is very into themselves and the way they look)

What I Talk About In Episode 26

  • Here are a few of the things I cover in this episode,
  • The idea behind the “Recovery” part in Ex Boyfriend Recovery
  • Why no situation is impossible
  • How to handle a narcissistic ex
  • The mistake “ex body builders girlfriend” made with her ex
  • The idea of being a challenge
  • The role a “neg” will play in getting your ex back

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Important Links Mentioned In Episode 26

The Game Plan For This Episode

The game plan for this episode revolves around being an challenge to your ex boyfriend.

Remember, men always want what they can’t have.

So, the graphic below is the best way to demonstrate that.

white

Implement The No Contact Rule

“Ex Bodybuilders Girlfriend” mentioned in the episode that she was wondering whether or not she should implement the no contact rule on her ex boyfriend.

ABSOLUTELY.

Look, the no contact rule not only shows your ex that you are challenging but it also serves as a nice little reset button that will allow you to potentially re-start things with him down the road.

Neg Him

I have never talked about “negging” before in the history of this site.

Well, a “neg” isn’t an idea that I came up with on my own. No, I actually stole this from the pickup artist community. I figured since “ex bodybuilders girlfriend’s” boyfriend is so narcissistic it would be something she can use to lower his value and raise her own.

It’s a way of showing him that she is better than him and that is a position that she wants to be in because he is going to chase after a girl who he thinks is better than him.

Neg- A compliment wrapped with a “put down”

Ex: “Did you shrink your shirt in the laundry?”

Use Jealousy

Jealousy can be especially effective against an overconfident ex boyfriend.

In the episode I gave an example of something my wife recommended.

Go out with a bodybuilder that’s not your ex on a “hang out” and post a picture on Facebook,

body builder date

Men are competitive so not only will he get jealous but he is going to want to compete with the other guy to win you.

Stand Him Up On Dates

Another one of my wife’s genius ideas.

If your ex boyfriend asks you out on a date tell him that you aren’t available on that day and re-schedule the date a week later.

Show him with this action that your time is more valuable than his.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 26 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I want to start this episode off by apologizing. Last week, I was really focused on content creation for the website. I came out with a guide on body language. It was such an interesting topic to me.

I wanted to dive in and help you discover more about how your ex-boyfriend’s body language can help you to get him back. I put the podcast on the back burner for a little bit. I’m back into it this week. In the show notes, I’ll link to that article I wrote on body language. I think it’s a really helpful guide for a lot of women out there.

Rest assured, I’m going to be on the ball this week with the podcast. I’m going to shoot for four or five episodes this week. Make sure you keep tuning in to my iTunes page or my home page of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery.

Let’s get to today’s question. It’s from a woman who didn’t give me her name. She did give me a really interesting handle. It is Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend. Let’s hear from her:

“Hi, Chris. My ex-boyfriend is a bodybuilder/personal trainer/narcissist/confident guy. He broke up with me about six weeks ago. I was boring him. He wanted something new. He’s dating different girls now and on internet sites. He says that we’ll never get back together. We did have breakup sex once.

Now he’s just being cold with me and doesn’t want anything to do with me. I tried no contact. I’ve tried everything. I played games with him online and he was texting me a bit, but now he’s back to dating the other girls. I think this one is impossible. I was wondering if you could help me come up with a new strategy or if I should restart the no contact. Thanks again.”

Thanks for commenting, Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend. I’m excited to feature you here on the show. I will do my very best to help you out. I want to give a quick recap. Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend had a boyfriend who is a bodybuilder. She described him as narcissist but a pretty confident guy. They broke up six weeks ago.

He stated that she was boring him and he wanted to find something new. He told her that they will never get back together again. They had breakup sex once, which I’ll talk a little bit about later. He’s been cold to her. She’s tried the no contact. They’ve texted back and forth a bit. The specific thing that I want to zone in on today is that Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend described the situation as impossible. I’m going to start there.

I’ve titled this episode of the podcast, how to get your ex-boyfriend back if it seems like it’s an impossible situation. I want to talk a little bit about that. The very act of trying to get your ex-boyfriend back—no situation is impossible. That’s the beauty of this. What I will say is that some situations are less possible when it comes to getting an ex back than others.

For example, cheating or a situation like this where he’s telling you that you’ll never get back together can be a little harder. He has not shown any signs, other than maybe the breakup sex, that he’s into you after the breakup. I look at this situation and think, “I’ve seen 10 times worse situations and people get back with their exes.”

This is definitely not an impossible situation. No situation is really impossible. There are only two outcomes. He can either get back with you or he won’t get back with you. Look at it like that. Some situations are more possible than others. The mindset you need to have, Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend, is that this is not an impossible situation. If you’re really into him, I can try to help you increase your chances of getting him back.

Let’s talk a little bit about Ex-Boyfriend Recovery as a whole. When I created Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I thought up the domain name EBR. The recovery part can be used in two different ways. You either recover your ex-boyfriend or you recover from an ex-boyfriend. It’s a two-fold approach to exes, and I love that.

I really think people should use this website as a way to try to get back with their ex-boyfriends. But in the case that it doesn’t work, this website can also help you recover from your ex-boyfriend. I’ve been trying to structure all of the content that I write and the advice that I give. I’ve been trying to reshape my entire philosophy for how to do both things at once.

How to get your ex-boyfriend back, but in the case that it doesn’t work out for you, how to recover from him at the same time. Doing both of these things at once, moving on without moving on and the un-gettable girl are all tactics and strategies that I teach to women to do both of these things at once. You are more attractive to your ex-boyfriend, but at the same time, heal from him a little bit. Get in a place where you’re emotionally stable and ready to move on with your life.

Today we’re going to be focusing more on the recovering your ex part. Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend, I do have a pretty interesting strategy for you to get your ex back. The first thing I want to talk about is that you described your boyfriend as narcissistic. A narcissist is someone who has an excessive or erotic interest in his self or his own physical appearance.

This would seem to match up with your ex-boyfriend. He’s a bodybuilder. He’s very into his body. He’s very self-conscious about what he looks like. Obviously, he has lots of women telling him that he’s a good-looking guy. Bodybuilders are physically aesthetically pleasing.

They’re very balanced in how they look. It’s pleasing to the eye. I’m assuming that he has a lot of women telling him how attractive he looks. He gains confidence from this. As a result of the confidence, he continues to want to keep his body in shape and look more fit. He’s deriving confidence from the women who give him attention.

There is a credo that I always talk about at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. Men always want what they can’t have. It seems, with your ex-boyfriend, he is getting tons of attention. He’s getting tons of feedback from women saying, “I want you.” He’s looking for that one woman who will maybe do the opposite of that.

Someone who is different. Someone who stands out from the pack, who is gorgeous but at the same time has the personality, strategies and ideas to challenge him. Not many women are a challenge for him, especially if he’s getting this many women. To be honest, from my perspective from everything you’ve told me, your boyfriend is a bit of a player. He likes getting that attention from women. It feeds his ego. As a result of that, he continues to want to work out even more. That’s the way some men are.

Men want what they can’t have. If you really want to stand a chance at winning this guy back—I’m not going to get into how to keep him. I’m just going to focus on how to get him back right now. You have enough on your plate to worry about. If you want to get him back, you need to become the ultimate challenge for him. That means you need to stand out from the pack. You need to be different than every other girl that approaches him.

You did make a major mistake by sleeping with him. By sleeping with him, you’ve already told him that he can have you. I really do recommend the no contact rule for you again. I know you mentioned that you tried no contact before. But you also mentioned that you texted him. I’m wondering how long you lasted with the no contact rule. Did you last a full 30 days? Did you completely ignore him for the full 30 days?

I did bring up your situation, Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend, to my wife. She had a lot of good suggestions as well. You’re not just getting my advice here. You’re getting her advice as well. Her suggestions were so good that I ended up writing them down. I’m going to include them.

Your game plan is going to revolve around the fact that you need to become a challenge for your ex-boyfriend. That’s your whole game plan. It revolves wholly around that fact. I talked about the mistake you made with sleeping with your ex-boyfriend and how you need to restart your 30 day no contact rule. You need to be strict about not messing it up.

There are also a few things that I think would be very effective with your ex-boyfriend. This whole strategy revolves around the idea of a challenge. Restarting the no contact rule is a good idea at this point to last the 30 days. It will serve as a reset button. You will be more of a challenge to him. Like I said, your ex-boyfriend is probably used to getting tons of attention from women. He seems to be a bit of a player. He needs to be taken down a peg. I’m going to show you how to do that.

My first piece of advice is something I picked up a long time ago when I was researching ideas on how to get your ex-boyfriend back for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. I did a lot of research with a lot of different sources on human psychology and the best methods to accomplish the goal of getting your ex back. I found the best methods from a lot of different sources. I found them from other get your ex back coaches. I found them from psychology books. I bought a lot of books.

I also looked in probably the most unlikely places. That was with the pickup artist community. I know it sounds weird. To be honest, these guys are pretty scummy. But they do have a lot of insightful ideas. I’m going to steal one of the ideas from them. I want to give the pickup artist community credit for this.

It’s the idea of a neg. Your ex-boyfriend is used to getting tons of attention from his looks. A neg is a compliment wrapped up in a put down. For example, if you negged your ex-boyfriend, it would be new to him. He’s used to all women hitting on him and complimenting him on how big his muscles are or how good looking he is. You probably did the same thing to him. Like I said, men love to have their ego fed. With a neg, you compliment him but you wrap it up in a put down. I think this would work extremely will with your boyfriend because he is a bodybuilder.

He’s obsessed with the way he looks. He’s so narcissistic. You can say anything about his muscles or the way he looks. He’s obviously concerned about them. If he’s putting this much attention into his body and how he looks, he’s obviously concerned about how he’s viewed by other people.

I’m a guy. I know this. I like working out as well. Sometimes I have the same fears. I want to look fit and buff. I want people to look at me in a certain light. It seems like your ex-boyfriend has taken this to the extreme. If you neg him with a compliment that’s really a put down, it will raise your value in his eyes. You’re not doing what every other girl is doing to him. He’s going to feel the bitter sting of being just like everyone else. He’s going to feel the bitter sting of being that scared, frightened, insecure little boy inside. I think this will work extremely well with your ex-boyfriend.

Here’s an example of a neg. Anything relating to his muscles would work extremely well. You could say, “Hey, did your shirt shrink in the laundry?” It’s kind of a compliment. It’s kind of complimenting his muscles. But at the same time, it’s putting him down. He’s going to be insecure about that. He’s going to think to himself, “Wait, is this how I’m viewed with these big muscles?”

Your value is going to be raised. You’re not going to be doing what all the other girls are doing to him. He’s used to having girls worship the ground he walks on. You’re going to be doing the exact opposite of that. I think that’s an effective strategy you can employ to take him down a peg and put him on your level, so to speak. That’s an interesting strategy that you can employ after the no contact rule.

I also think jealousy would be extremely effective for him. Men who are so obsessed with the way they look are insecure inside. That’s my personal belief. I’m a guy. I’m insecure at times. I think everyone is. A bodybuilder, a guy who has gone so far out of his way to pump his muscles up, is extremely insecure about the way he looks. He’s so insecure that he’s willing to go above and beyond with the way he looks to be perceived a certain way. Jealousy will work extremely well on this guy.

This was from my wife. I thought this was brilliant. He’s obviously very competitive. Men like this often are. Get a guy who looks like him, who has big muscles, who is good looking, and go out and have fun with him. Maybe go to a few parties or a few bars. Don’t kiss him or anything. Post a few friend-like pictures that could be looked at as couple-like pictures with this other bodybuilder guy.

Your ex-boyfriend is going to look at that on Facebook and say, “What the heck? Who is this guy?” He’ll get competitive. No other girl is going to do that to him. If you can essentially replace him, your value will rise. He’s going to treat you in a much different way, in a much better way. You’re going to raise your chances of getting him back. I know that jealousy is a little black hat when it comes to getting him back. But I think, in this case, it can work extremely well, especially with how narcissistic your ex-boyfriend seems to be.

There is another really good idea that my wife mentioned. My wife is the queen of stuff like this. She is a genius. She basically took over this entire episode with her advice. She thinks that you should stand him up on dates. For example, if he asks you out on a date, don’t be there for him. Don’t be too available for him. Stand him up and say, “I can’t do it then. I can do it next week.” Blow him off a little bit. It will raise your value. You won’t be like all those other girls who worship the ground he walks on. They compliment him about his body.

If you give him these compliments wrapped up in put downs about his body, make him jealous and reschedule dates, it will show him that you’re better than him. He’s not better than you. Right now, your ex-boyfriend thinks he’s better than you. You can’t have him thinking that. If he thinks he’s better than you, why in the world would he want to chase after you?

He wants to chase after girls he thinks are better than him, not girls he thinks he’s better than. If you do these things to him, he’s going to think that you are better than him, or at least that you think you’re better than him. At the same time, he’ll chase after you for that reason alone. I know it’s weird. I know the way that men’s minds work is sometimes weird but these strategies can be effective for you, Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend.

That’s my advice for you today. The advice is from my wife and I. I hope you implement it. I hope you keep me updated. I’m really interested to see how this situation plays out.

That will end this episode. If you want to leave me a question, please go to the contact page on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. You can record your question right there on the site. You can also go to my SpeakPipe page. I will put links to those in the show notes of this episode. This was Episode 26, how to get your ex-boyfriend back if it seems like it’s an impossible situation. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. I’ll see you tomorrow.

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326 thoughts on “EBR 026: How To Get Your Ex Back If It Seems Impossible”

  1. Avatar

    Julia

    June 12, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Hi,
    Please help me… my sitaution is awful…
    My ex and I broke up in the end of April, I did the NC for 32 days and thought everything went according to plan. The first text message was a success, my ex responded in a great and positive way and everything was great so far. A few days later he asked for his key back which I told him I destroyed after the break up, just because I couldnt stand seeing him at that time. I thought that was the best way for both of us. However, this made him really upset and he told me how immature I was. This was two weeks ago, and since then he´s been very defensive, suspicious and very “back and forward”. I tried to stay calm but ended up texting and calling him a lot… I also started blaming him for treating me badly. I feel so stupid because I know how wrong that was.

    Everytime I text him, we always end up arguing and sometimes he doesn’t respond at all. Yesterday I asked me not to contact him ever again and just move on with my life. I know that he thinks that I crossed the line (or his line) when I contacted him even do he told me not to and that I acted in a very disrespectful way.

    I am so so so so sad, everthing went so well during the NC-period and directly after that. I know I did a few things wrong, but does that mean that everything is impossible now? Is there anything I can do? Should I start NC again? FYI he never contacted me during NC and I seriously believe that he felt good during that period.

    Should I give up? I can’t find an answer i the book or anywhere at this site…

    Thanks in advance!

    Best regards
    Julia

    1. Avatar

      Julia

      June 15, 2017 at 2:26 am

      Just once!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2017 at 6:37 am

      ok, restart it and do it 30 days for the last time..keep improving yourself while you’re slowly building rapport and continue being active in posting and avoid being emotional with him.. don’t fight with him

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 10:44 am

      How many times have you done nc?

  2. Avatar

    MM

    June 4, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    Hi, I was wondering what to do. I really love my ex boyfriend and we have been together for almost 4 years. In the beginning I did cheat on him with my ex and he did take me back for 3 years after that. He recently broke up with me and sent me this whole email explaining how he cannot stand to deal with my issues anymore as he didn’t want to feel responsible for me anymore, and that we were just incompatible due to our ethics/ virtues. We had a talk about this in person and he decided to give me another chance but that only lasted 2 days. We had the most amazing loving and romantic two days and the breakup took me as a shock as he told me he was trying to end things on a good note with me by giving me a few more good days with him, but he did not love me, but was with me because of pity. I know I can’t force him to love me, but I want to know if there is a chance of even getting him back. I really do love him, and I know he’s said that getting back together wouldnt change anything because its impossible for me to change.
    keep in mind my ex is a very logical person.

    Thanks for any advice!

    M

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 5, 2017 at 9:11 pm

      HI MM,

      when did he break up with you?

  3. Avatar

    Kit

    October 9, 2016 at 4:38 am

    Hi, looking for help here. My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. I found some flirtatious text messages in his phone to other girls, and flipped out about it. I broke up with him, and he pleaded with me to stay with him. I changed my mind and decided to stay, but the messages and what happened were still nagging at me. I flipped out again and threatened (empty threat) to do the same thing to him. This is where things changed. He told me he wasn’t sure if we should be together and would contact me later to let me know where we stand. He broke up with me two days later, saying we could still be friends, but it’s better if we’re not in a relationship. I agreed, but after we got off the phone, I saw that he had blocked me on Facebook, which hurt immensely. I showed up at his house the next day, and asked for an explanation. He said he didn’t want to hurt me, and I used my sister’s account to find out he’d posted “feeling blessed, looks like I’m single again.” We talked for an hour, he said he’d unblock me and erase the hurtful status update, but he never did. I struggled with the no contact rule, and broke at several points, which I’m not proud of (he initiated contact once, me twice). At around day thirty, I reached out stating that I had found something he was looking for (the thing he had contacted me for). I called once, and he texted me asking if I had called. The next day, I texted back that he could call when he got the chance, and he was very hesitant, saying I could just text him what I found. He finally called three times after I didn’t respond, and I called him back about 6 hours later. He didn’t answer the first time, so I called again a few minutes later. He answered. I told him what I had found, but he didn’t really seem to care or eager to get it back as he had been weeks prior. I then proceeded to tell him a silly/cute story about my dog, whom he had always loved dearly, but he still didn’t really seem to care. After about 6 minutes, I said I had another call coming through and that we’d talk later and he promptly hung up on me. The next day, I texted him that I was at a park where we had had a picnic date before, recalling the great time we had and how we’d ended up covered in grass (nothing sexual, just a casual, sweet memory). He didn’t respond for about 2 hours, so I texted him asking if I could tell him something. He finally responded to my first text saying “yes, but that was in the past. You can tell me, as long as it’s not love related, we’re only friends. Not ready for love”. I then texted back, “I was just going to say I’m really happy we’re talking so easily again. Headed to dinner with a friend, tty when I get back.” I then added, “If that’s ok”. He replies “I’m gonna be busy.” I text, “ok then, sorry to bother you.” He texts “Nahh, don’t worry about it, it’s ok.”
    I screw up at this point and text after an hour and a half “I understand that you’re angry, I understand you better than you think. I’m sorry if I put you under pressure. I don’t ever want to hurt you. Friends or not, I care about you.”
    He then replies “I’m not angry, I’m very calm, you’re not hurting me LoL, we can be friends. Oh really, you care about me?”
    I jokingly text “Well, now that I know you’re not hurting, I’m not going to answer that question lol .
    He texts back “Let’s be friends, good night.”
    Pissed off slightly, I text “I never said we were anything but friends . Not sure why you keep repeating yourself. I’m the only one being friendly. You’re being rather rude, goodnight.
    Finally, he texts “Please, no explanation. Let’s stay the way it is. Goodbye.”
    I’m at a loss for what to do now. I feel like I’ve blown it. I didn’t text anything back, this was 5 days ago.
    I had a sudden accidental run in with him just today where he said hello, I smiled and said hello back and just kept walking. I am 23, he is 27, and we dated for 5 months, 2 exclusively. I’m really ready to be with him again, but I don’t know if I have now set myself back even further because of the failed no contact and less than stellar text conversation.

    1. Avatar

      Kit

      January 11, 2017 at 6:29 pm

      Hi Amor,
      It’s been a while. I haven’t spoken to my ex since that last message almost 2 months ago. I still think of him often, and would like to recconect with him. Now that the dust has settled, and my mistakes are in the past, what should I do, if anything? How should I approach things since its been such a long time without speaking? I should note he has also made no attempt to reach out to me either.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 13, 2017 at 10:58 am

      you have to use a more current topic as a story that is interesting for him that also makes sense why he’s the one you’re texting him about it..

    3. Avatar

      Kit

      November 25, 2016 at 3:46 pm

      I sent a variation of the confession text, to which he replied,
      Really, what confession, just say it?
      “And don’t talk about love?”
      “Just spit it out?”
      I waited for about an hour…he replied again,
      “Goodbye nice talking to you”
      I finally sent a message stating I’d been somewhere that reminded me of him, set up as a story. The text was maybe a little long, like 290 characters…and got no reply.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 27, 2016 at 6:18 pm

      I think it was too long and then it was weird because just said to not talk about love and then the text was a memory one.. Rest for a week, choose a topic that’s current that he likes, so that it looks more natural

    5. Avatar

      Kit

      November 22, 2016 at 11:05 pm

      Hey Amor,
      I reached out recently after finishing my nc and he practically bit my head off. I’m unsure of the next step to take, as I don’t want to get steamrolled again

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2016 at 7:56 pm

      What did you say and what did he reply?

    7. Avatar

      Kit

      November 8, 2016 at 8:30 pm

      Hi Amor,
      There are only 2 weeks left before my nc period ends. I’m feeling so much better and what happened before doesn’t seem so bad, lol. My question is, however, should it be extended even more, by maybe another 30? I am pretty upset at being broken up with, and want to drive home the fact that I have moved on, potentially. I also don’t ever want him to do that again, thinking I’ll just come back. There has been only radio silence on both of our ends, and I know that I could, but I’m unsure that I should reach out after the time has gone by. I’m very uncomfortable in the position as the chaser, especially after coming on so strong a month ago. We were still in the getting to know each other honeymoon phase, didn’t know each other prior to dating, and didn’t run in the same social circle. It just feels weird to have to reach out. His social platforms indicate that he is still single, and I’m thinking he’s available, but still won’t reach out. Which has me thinking, why reach out to someone that’s single, and still doesn’t want to talk? I’m a little scared that if I reach out and get no response or a neutral response, it will bust up the confidence I’ve built over the past weeks. I don’t want a potential spark to fizzle because of it. Will even more time make things even better?

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2016 at 9:33 am

      We don’t usually recommend going beyond 30 days but if it helps you more, you can do it.

    9. Avatar

      Kit

      October 27, 2016 at 9:24 am

      How do I approach things after the days are over without looking desperate or like I just can’t get over things? I don’t think he’ll be angry, just scared of me because of how I behaved. How do I approach texting him when my nc is over.? Also, after reaching out, if I can’t use memory texts, what will make him interested in talking to me?

    10. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 28, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      list his interests, what’s current in the news, shows, town, about friends, that’s interesting for him?
      check this one:
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

    11. Avatar

      Kit

      October 23, 2016 at 10:37 pm

      Amor, I’m about ready to give up, I can feel in my heart he won’t have feelings for me after 45 days. If I reach out to him after 45 days in the way that is suggested, I am just going to look pathetic and weak. I’m in so much pain, I can’t even describe it. I really just want to stick with the thirty days.

    12. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 25, 2016 at 3:24 pm

      ah.. well,his look said a lot but even if it’s like that, it’s still a good sign that he unblocked you..and the nc is more for you to heal and improve..it’s not really for him to reach out.. It’s good if he did, but if he doesnt, that means you have to initiate contact.. but in your case, especially that you saw that he’s still emotional, it would be better to extend to 45 days.. If you really did change and you are active in social media, he will notice that and he might think you’re just being friendly for the sake of being friendly because of the shared memories …

      if he’s still angry, that’s not your fault anymore..you cant control him.. It will be a choice of giving him more time or moving on

    13. Avatar

      Kit

      October 23, 2016 at 10:21 pm

      I’m getting a little bit exhausted with this, if I could just get a clear, definite plan or some substantive advice, I just feel like a lost cause.

    14. Avatar

      Kit

      October 23, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      I think you’re thinking that we had a conversation, which isn’t the case, it was just a quick hi, bye interaction as always.

    15. Avatar

      Kit

      October 23, 2016 at 10:13 pm

      I didn’t do it intentionally, it is the only store in town that sells a certain (medical) thing that I need. He doesn’t know that I know I’ve been unblocked, he did it nearly two weeks ago, and I made no effort to reach out or say that I knew. I’ve been strict nc. It was a really innocent run in on my part, and I was hoping not to see him, just planning in case I did. If you think I should add more days though, I guess that is my only option.

    16. Avatar

      Kit

      October 23, 2016 at 2:47 pm

      I just bought the pro system, and it doesn’t seem like it will work for me because I’m coming back from so far behind. I feel like there is no rush for him because he already knows my feelings, and that I’m not going anywhere (which is wrong, I have been on several dates, and have prospects). Nothing in the pro system talks about what to do if you begged, and I just feel so awful. I also don’t think any text messages I send after 30 days would have any effect on him, because of the fact that I begged. There is no curiosity. I feel so exposed. I feel like anything I’d send would just put it in his mind that I’m desperate for him, and it makes me so angry he could feel this way. I don’t know what it would take to get him to reach out to me, so I can regain some power in the dynamic. I feel like if I do what the system says, and keep reaching out after nc is completed, it is going to reek of desperation and he will be even more repelled. I feel like in my case, it’s probably better to just wait until he reaches out and to do nc indefinitely. He literally won’t give me anything to go on, which I guess means it’s over for him. He was pretty conceited to begin with, but had changed considerably when we got together, but all I see now is the conceited part of him, and I’m not eager to make myself look like an idiot over it. I really want him back but what do I do?

    17. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2016 at 7:14 pm

      did you pass by the store intentionally for him to see you? because as you saw,.it was too early.
      two weeks too early to say that somebody has changed and moved on.. and he probably thought you did that after you noticed you were unblocked…so, yeah, I agree you ahould extend to 45 days

    18. Avatar

      Kit

      October 22, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      I wonder if I should extend it from 30 days to 45 days. I feel like he either hates me or thinks I’m creep because I showed way too much of my hand in exposing that I was still in love with him back at the park. I feel like nc is supposed to make him miss me, and it just feels like he is not willing to do anything, and that he feels nothing. Almost as though he’s saying good riddance. We had a tough time at the end, but I never did anything super horrible. He was super in love with me, so maybe he resents me? I just don’t know. I am terrified to even make contact once nc is over, as I don’t want to look desperate for him like I did before, since he’s shown me literally no interest, aside from unblocking me. Can his feelings ever be reversed? I didn’t think anyone could be angry for this long.

    19. Avatar

      Kit

      October 22, 2016 at 6:52 pm

      Hey Amor,
      I’m 2 weeks strong in nc now. I’ve lost about 15 pounds since the break up, and updated my Facebook page to some really nice photos. Last week, I noticed my ex had unblocked me, so I was hopeful nc was working. I was half hoping he would have reached out to me by now, but he hasn’t. I had to visit the store he works at today, and made sure I looked extra amazing in case we had a run in. We did. As I exited the store, a pretty girl was entering, and he looked like he was attempting to flirt with her. I passed the far exit side, but he saw me and made eye contact, giving me the most contemptuous/disgusted look. He greeted me with this look, saying hello and good to see you, though his face told a different story. I kept walking saying hello and smiling. It hurt me to my core, because I really thought things might have been progressing. The flirting didn’t phase me, but the look of contempt stung so bad. It honestly made me cry. He looked so displeased to see me. I wasn’t even engaging, just going about my business. This was our first run in since the park incident, and I just feel a little hopeless.

    20. Avatar

      Kit

      October 14, 2016 at 11:27 am

      By start and stop, I mean I tried to start immediately, but broke a few times during the first 30 days. Im worried another 30 will cause his feelings to vanish completely because of what happened in the first 30 days. We were a new relationship, only a few months in, so I’m not sure I have as much collateral as someone with years invested into a relationship.

    21. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2016 at 4:49 pm

      Well, will staying to talk to him help you? Does it look like that’s what he’s yearning to see from you?

    22. Avatar

      Kit

      October 14, 2016 at 11:22 am

      Hi,
      It is really sinking in what I did wrong and how unattractive I was being. I’m going strong in no contact, but I’m afraid because of my start and stop approach at the beginning, he has lost all feelings for me. I’m really afraid that this is not going to work and will be the death blow to his feelings to me. I’m not sure what to do to combat this uneasiness. I’m shocked at how desperate I behaved and how I probably made his ego swell.

    23. Avatar

      Kit

      October 11, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      Ok. I’m thinking much more clearly and rationally now. I think that that is the best thing to do. Thank you for your help 🙂

    24. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 7:10 pm

      You’re welcome!

    25. Avatar

      Kit

      October 11, 2016 at 4:47 pm

      I mean to say that no, I don’t want to move on if there is a chance I can save things in my relationship with him.

    26. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 5:55 pm

      ok, try one last time.. be distant for now.. do another nc.. although there’s lesser effect of it now because the more you do it the less the effect. But this time, make it seem that you really are moving on by choosing to focus more in yourself. Don’t be too forward in dating others. Just focus in yourself and then after 30 days, start slowly

    27. Avatar

      Kit

      October 11, 2016 at 4:46 pm

      If there is a chance I can save things, no, I don’t want to. But if there is nothing more I can do, I have made my peace. I acted somewhat selfishly and impulsively, and I’m ready to change my behavior if you think it’s not too late. He is the first boyfriend to ever make me behave so needy. During our relationship, and relationships prior, I was very calm cool and collected, but something about him makes me lose my cool. I really fell hard for him, and I feel he might be the one. I will follow any advice you’re able to give me, but I’m also at peace if things don’t pan out. We haven’t spoken since Sunday, and I suppose that would make me two days into no contact.

    28. Avatar

      Kit

      October 11, 2016 at 12:33 am

      I guess I should also add that during the time we spent together I flat out asked if he was good with the idea of me seeing other people to which he replied yes that would be fine since we aren’t dating, which stung immensely, as he was always super protective over me. I just want him to care again, and now he just doesn’t.

    29. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 4:31 pm

      Ok, but wait, what’s really your decision.. Are you moving on?

    30. Avatar

      Kit

      October 11, 2016 at 12:19 am

      Hey Amor,
      I panicked and screwed up royally. The day after we had the run in, I had to go back, and unfortunately ran into him again. He said he hoped I wasn’t angry, to which I replied, “why would I be angry?”
      He said “Because of the text…” and then I said again “why would I be angry?”
      He kinda shrugged and smiled. I then had the brilliant idea to go home and retrieve the thing he’d been looking for. When I brought it back, handing it back to him I said, “to prove I’m not angry” he thanked me and I said we should talk. He asked if the talk was good or bad, to which I replied that it was good. I asked what time he got off, and he said in a few minutes but that a ride was picking him up. I offered to drive him, and he almost accepted, buy then declined because he said he had something to do. He asked if I wanted to meet him at his house instead, and I accepted. I drove their, but suggested by text that we meet by the park near his house instead.”,
      He replied “really, I have a thing to do”. I said “not now, when you’re done. I’m not there yet’”. He texted back, “Hey precious, go to your house. Later we’ll talk. Thank you a lot. I appreciate you bringing my thing back.”
      I didn’t see the text until after I got off the highway, and let him know as much and that I got lost trying to find the park. I told him I’d parked by his house.
      He replied “really, lol so you’re at my place?”
      I said “lol, please don’t laugh, you know this area confuses me”
      He responded “oh, ok wow, so did you go to your house?”
      I didn’t reply, and waited for him to show up. After about 20 minutes, he was dropped off, and walked up to my car, greeted me and said he would be out in a minute. 15 minutes later he came out, and we talked. I was happy and bubbly and he was talkative, but still withdrawn from me. I suggested we get coffee or something, and he looked confused, but said ok. We decided instead to go to the park near his house and talk for a while. I looked really good, and noticed him checking me out as we walked. He wouldn’t keep pace with me though, and walked a bit behind me, which was frustrating when trying to hold a conversation. We sat down on some bleachers and talked, and he sat down noticeably further away from me. I stated he could come closer, but he only scooted a few inches. I said fine, I’ll move closer, and I did and he laughed. We talked a bit more, and I looped my arm around his and rested my head on his shoulder and told him I felt safe. He smiled. He talked more, and we both apologized for what happened. I asked him to kiss me, and he said he wanted to, but couldn’t because he didn’t want to have feelings for me resurface. I said again that I wanted him to kiss me, but he declined. We talked more, and even held hands, and I tried to get him to kiss me again, but he was very resistant, stating “please, don’t force it. I just can’t”. We got back to my car where he opened the door for me, and thought I had asked him to walk himself home from the park (in retrospect, I probably should have to spare myself further humiliation). We talked a bit about the break up on our way back to his house, about how I wished we could have gone all the way during our relationship, to which he replied he thought we did (long story short, it didn’t). When we got back to his place, I again asked he would kiss me. I am embarrassed to say that I was very pushy at this point, (kissing his ear, doing other sensual, not sexual, things I remembered he liked) and I feel guilty for trying to manipulate him into kissing me, but it almost worked. He and I both knew that if he were to kiss me, it would restart our feelings for each other. He was as resistant as I was pushy. Things culminated with me sitting on top of him, finally getting to the point where I could reach his face (he is much taller than me) and I kissed him. He did nothing. It was like kissing a dead fish. I asked him to kiss me back. And he said he couldn’t. The flame in his heart had gone out. I asked why can’t we just kiss? We talked a bit more, him assuring me there wasn’t anyone else (I hadn’t asked), and stating that his heart was still broken and repairing, and we should just keep things as they were. He said I deserved someone better than him, that he knew he would mess up, that he knew I missed him, and that he missed me too, and still cared about me, but he just couldn’t because sooner or later he’d screw up. I said fine, but was visibly hurt, but I didn’t cry or show over emotion. I tried to smile, and managed to, and he told me he loved my smile. I told him that my mom was sick (she is), and tried to get him to stay with me a little longer (I wasn’t ready for him to go). He said he was tired and had to use the bathroom and that he’d be back in a minute. He took forever to return (almost half an hour) and I contemplated just leaving. He came back but didn’t get back in the car. He talked to me through my driver’s side window, said he would pray for my mom, and I could always call him and that his door is always open, but stated again that he just wanted to be friends. He stated he didn’t know this was going to happen today but had a feeling I would do something like this (basically he planned to say no). I said I had a good time, he looked confused and didn’t really agree or disagree. I left, and that was that. I still have lots of feelings for him, but I don’t know how to come back from this very awkward situation or if there is any coming back. I guess I’d still like to be with him, but after this I’d also be ok to move on.

    31. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 9:23 pm

      Hi Kit ,

      yeah… everything was in wrong timing.. I’m going enumerate everything that went wrong ok?
      1)first, I think you think you didn’t restart the count when you broke the no contact rule right?
      2)And then when he didn’t answer your first contact text, you called him..
      3)and then you called twice the next day,
      4) You told a silly story, when in the first place he doesn’t interested in talking to you.
      5)You sent a memory text and then you sent another when he didn’t respond.. in this cases, it’s better to not send another text.
      6) And then you sent a couple of texts trying to explain the situation, asking permission and apologizing which are all awkward because you looked you were trying to please him..
      7) You accused him of being angry and then you told him you know or understand him better than he thinks(which sounds like you even know him better than himself)
      8) and then you sent that pissed off text

      I know, it sucks that I have to list your mistakes, but I have to so that you won’t repeat them.. Honestly, it’s really obvious to him that you still like him but you’re just trying to portray that you’re not.

      Good news is that you handled your run in with him gracefully. But I think what you need to focus on now, is really making it seem you’re moving on.. Focus more in your activities.. do it for 3 weeks and then when you start texting again, take it slow… just one first contact text.. don’t use a memory text. If he doesn’t respond to that, wait a week before trying again. If he doesn’t respond again, wait two weeks. If he still doesn’t respond, then it’s time to move on..

  4. Avatar

    Diane

    September 28, 2016 at 9:55 pm

    Okay, in this society no one puts labels on things that much. I was wondering if you guys also give advice on “non” ex boyfriends. For the last year I’ve been seeing this guy on and off. We haven’t slept together but we have hooked up. Every time we see each other we get into a fight a few weeks later but then he always ends up coming back. It wasn’t always like this, in the beginning everything was fine but his cousin passed away in a tragic accident and he went through this whole depression. The last time I saw him was last week and I basically told him that I had strong feelings for him but that I was getting hurt because to me this was more than a hookup etc. he told me he’s always had problems with relationships (and I’ve known him for a while so I know it’s true) and that if I was getting hurt then “I guess we’ll stay friends.” Me and this guy haven’t gone more than two weeks without communicating. Will the no contact rule work here too? Or is that mainly for ex bfs? Is there a way to use social media to get him back? I want him to man up and chase me but I’m not sure if it’s worth it at this point because it seems impossible.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2016 at 4:53 pm

      Hi Diane,

      Uhm, please educate me. Because I don’t understand you don’t sleep together but you hook up? Do you mean after it, you just go home? Basically you’re friends with benefits?

  5. Avatar

    Melanie

    September 11, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    My boyfriend left me about a misscarriage and a rocky time while.I was pregnant he finally finished with me.after I lost the baby and have been confused and devastated as it is not like him it seems like he has moved on so quickly he messaged saying he still loved me and always would.be.too much had happened and he didn’t his space but I was the only been he was with he truly loved and wanted a life with I broke up with him once before and he begged me to come back this time it’s so much different he hasn’t contacted me to talk or even ask how I am we broke up a month ago and he contacted me last week for his things back I want him back what should I do when I meet up with him should i tell him how I feel as I don’t want to be rejected again and I’m afraid I will because everything is still raw and so much has happened but.if he.really loved me and.I was everything.to him.why did.he leave when I needed him and when it was a hard time
    Any advice.thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 9:33 am

      Hi Melanie,

      I think he needs time to heal from everything. I don’t think it’s a good idea to confess what you feel right away, especially right after nc.. Do 45 days and heal too. Improve and make a new routine, so that you and him can be given a chance to have a restart as friends again

  6. Avatar

    rachel

    September 9, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    So me and my ex broke up 2 months ago. It has been chaos ever since. He is alwys angry msging me claiming that i have slept with this guy and that. He has a long list of guys that he has made up in his mind that i have slept with. I have tried explaining to him countless times but he doesnt seem to be working. I even read the article that states if i have been falsely accused of cheating.
    I have tried everything, i followed that article and not spoken to him for more than a week but i alwys ended up replying to him because of his angry msgs daily.
    I got really fedup and i knew where he was working ysterday, i showed up and he wsnt pleased. We had a huge fight, with him walking away and me following him and him throwing his phone and asking me to leave but i didnt. I begged him to make it work with me but he kept refusing and saying he hasnt had feelings for me in a long time even when we were together. It was very hurtful, it ended up with him getting into his car and driving away.
    I went home all numb and he continued angry msging me in the middle of the night, he sent me a video of him cutting up our picture together, That really HURT !
    He is really angry at me and no matter what i do, he just keeps getting angry at me. He seems so adamant on never getting back together, he is at a point where he hates me ! He has been extremely angry at me for 2 months straight and after last night it got way worst !
    What should i do ? Please advice.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 10, 2016 at 11:52 am

      Hi Rachel,

      stop feeding the fire Rachel.. I know you’ll keep doing what you want to do and I understand that and I also think that’s the only way that can help you realize that the more you answer, the more you show up, the more you beg, the more it will make him angry or take advantage of that power by continuing to be angry at you.

      You basically keep on reacting to him and it’s making him feel good. Take the high road. Ignore and improve yourself. Learn to live life that he’s the only who’s angry.

      You’ve explained. That’s enough. Don’t lower your value by continuing to chase him.

      Stop reacting to him.. It’s like you keep riding the worst ride in the carnival and expecting it to make you feel better the next time you ride it.

  7. Avatar

    Sam

    August 28, 2016 at 7:13 pm

    Hi, so I was with my ex-boyfriend in a long distance relationship for almost a year and he broke up with me about a month ago. He called me and told me that he wasn’t feeling the relationship anymore and that he still loved me and that it wasn’t anything I did. He assured me that there was no one else. Well recently I found out he’s been in a relationship with another girl for a month. I guess I still want to know if I have a chance and if it’s possibly a rebound….

    1. Avatar

      Sam

      August 30, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      Yes, after he broke up with me he got into a relationship with her. I can’t exactly pinpoint if he was already with her before me but I do know that after he broke up with me they were immediately dating. She does live closer to him but it’s still a long distance relationship just way closer between him and her.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 2:14 pm

      ok, well, you have to continue improving yourself and you have to read this one too: The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    3. Avatar

      Sam

      August 28, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      Also, I’ve implemented the NC rule three weeks ago and I haven’t broken it. He did contact me those three weeks ago with a simple “Hey” text message, but he hasn’t said anything since, even though when he initially called to break up a month ago he promised he would call me back and that the conversation wasn’t over. Also, in the beginning of the breakup (and it’s probably still enabled) he blocked me from his phone and most of his social media. There’s a close age gap between us, but I felt that he was mature enough to be in a relationship with someone older, but I guess he wasn’t.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2016 at 7:12 pm

      Hi Sam,

      did you mean right after he broke up with you, he got into a new relationship? because he broke up with you a month, and they’re together for a month now? If he talked to her even before breaking up with you, that means it’s a grass is greener syndrome. Does the girl live near him?

  8. Avatar

    Angry lday

    July 11, 2016 at 11:25 pm

    Hi,
    So my bf broke up with me on 6/2. I caved and slept woth him a week later. At which he wanted to talk after we had sex that he was confused and wanted to make sure he wanted to come back . That he knew its was up to me l. I told him idk. I consented but he had plans with friends that i was supposed to go to but said no cus he ended it nd i was hurt. Then he text me that same day that he wanted to wait a lil hile to talk. I messaged him about 4 days later and asked if we could talk he said no that he feels he made right decision. I got upset and said he almost did it on purpose cus it was right before he was going to vegas. He got very upset. And about hr later i apologize and asked to pls let us talk. Then he ok when he got back. He returned and didnt hear from him so i waited. And text like e days after he got back it was like 23rd of june. He said he would let me know when by the weekend. He never said anything. I then text him on 29th and pretty much said good bye. He had broken up with me cus of lack of affection on my part lack of sex cus we lived an hr away aboth work plus i live with my parents due to going back to school. and he said he didnt see me being the type of wife he wanted cus i wasnt cooking all time, i dod cook when we were alone in my house, he had roommates and we couldnt even leave his room cus it was so dirty. We lived an hr away from each other. And saw each other like on the weekend and only sat cus friday was his time with his son. I got advice from amor and she said to do 45 day no contact. Once on the june 16th he got upset he saw on snap i went out and assumed i dances with guys and he messaged “not surprised i was out dancing with guys” i just replied i wasnt and to pls xontact when he got to talk which never happened. I said i missed him once he just replied “stop”. Then last week on 6th he posted “if you want your girl to loose weight break up with her and you see how fast she hits the gym… lol” after i posted i was at the gym. Yes i gained weight and had back injury. But i did start working out in may and would always text him when i was working out! His sons bday was the 7th and i wanted to message him but didnt as per amor advice but i did post on facebook “hbd av” his son initials. My ex and i dated for 3yrs. I always told him if he didn’t love me to please not waste my time. I am 33 going on 34. No kids and always wanted a family but refuse to get prego before marriage. He said had been feeling this way for about 6 months and everytime he would go to buy my ring he just got all the doubts in his head. But he asked me in april what type ring i like and 2 weeks before ending with me he asked my cousin my ring size. Sigh.. anyway he broke up with me. I cant stop thinking of him or going on his fb even though we are not friends we have our pages set to public. I want to block so i dont see what ive been seeing whihc are girls i always knew wanted im liking his comments. 1 specificwe had fauhht about like 2 yrs ago when she flirted with him in front of me and same day they became fb friends. Is this impossible. Am i going crazy. I hate seeing this girl all over his page. And also i want to block but that would iliminate him lookng at my page. I have not contacted and even though in upset about this girl and his posts im not going to contact. I feel he gave olup on us. When i never gave up on him and he messed up more then once! I do love him. I do want him but i want him to work for me. At same time i don’t want to waste my time but i dont know how to move on… 🙁 i do think he has a lot of qualities and when we were good we were great. We planned out our marriage that how good. I know if we lived closer we woyld have more physical. I just need help with staying off his fb so i dont get so angry and hurt all over again whilein working on myself and doing NC. And he is not the typeto reach out first so i know i will have to. Oh and we did date once before for like 2 months but not officially. Were casual friend for 11 months and then dated became official for 3yrs. Now im seeing my future taken away from me, at least with him. Please help.

    1. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 19, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      Also i forgot to ask, my ex and i shared my hulu acct. Should i change the pw so he cant access. I dont think he does, well im not sure. I know his son and younger brother use it. But i dont know if its from my ex house or younger brother home? Is this a way to keep us conneected? I know i sound dumb. And i leave on a trip ronight for 12 days where i will have to face some pretty sad things from my past but also sight seeing with family. Im def taking this trip to get my mind and heart healed! Ty for all your help and sorry for so many questions. I am def take the ebr with to continue my self improvement. Hopefully i hear from you before i leave. Ty!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 20, 2016 at 10:28 am

      sorry for the late reply.. actually whether he has a gf or not,.you only approach him in a friendly way.. treat it as a restart.. the only difference if he has a gf is that you have to be careful in appearing as a threat.. by making less flirty texts but being an interesting person to talk to

    3. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 19, 2016 at 2:55 pm

      Hi Amor,
      So i really like reading the podcastainly because i need advice and because it keeps me from looking my ex fb pg and also helps me focus in betterung myself. So i know i asked if i should keep up woth the plan try to get him or keep up with plan (nc) and move on. I just the podcast on me king you ex regret breaking up with you. And the advice i feel was mainly for an ex who takes long in regreting. I feel my falls in the category of the short term regret. If you remember from my story a week after we broke up we slept together, i know bad choice but i didnt find this site ti aminth after break up when all mistakes were done. Anyway, after we slept together the next day je asled if we were done and if could talk and that he felt like he was taling me for granted but at same time he wanted to make sure if he got back with me he had to be sure what he wanted. He like to post things on how he is feeling so he posted a song saying he has hope and another one that we both like. I was the one that prolonged the talk because i was very confused. So the next day he ce bacl and said if we could talk later. Then that became he made right choice, i got upset because he was only blaming on why he pretty much fell out love, i said some bad things like he planned all of this. Anyway back to my question, did i start this too late? Since he regret it a week after break up, he isnt the long term regret guy? Btw he always said he never regrets a choice…. and now he is sleeping with this other girl and posting songs about her, well so far just one song. Its what he does. So i dont know if im doing all this effort in vain? Not bettering myself because thats about me but trying to move on wothout moving on? And reaching out at the of nc? And should i be doing 30 or 45? And if by that time this girl become a gf should i even reach out? I dont its roght to contact someone if they are in relationship

    4. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 18, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      Thank you for your words. And you are right i am,learning mainly to love myself. I actually took my friends advice and got on match.com just so i meet new people. I dont want a relationship right now. And obviously i still love my ex. Buti need to move forward and meet people. I just don’t know if i shoul continue with the process and contact him at end of nc of 30 or 45 days?

    5. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 17, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      I think he stayed with her in sd instead of his friends place. 🙁

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2016 at 6:09 pm

      keep being honest with yourself and acknowledging situation.. go through it.. yes, you’re sad, and you think about him and he’s not missing you because he’s in a honeymoon stage with another girl but that doesn’t mean you stop everything to be sad all the time.. you have to keep being in action because those who stay still don’t live and grow..

      everybody meets the wrong people and makes the mistake of trusting them but not everybody is willing to learn from that and meet more people..

    7. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 17, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      He is obviously not missing me. And im sure this is 2nd or 3 erd he is with. He held her hand so he is obviously moving on. I need tactics to stop obssesing and stop thinking of him. Im very busy but it doesn’t prevent from him in my mind all the time. He broke it off 6/1. I need to not think of him anymore, i feel ridiculous.

    8. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 17, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      Ok i just looked at my ex snap again and im pretty sure it is his cousin bff. So i guess she traveld to sd from oxnard to be with him. Smh 🙁 i guess theu will be together now.

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      Angry lday

      July 17, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      Hi amor, hope you are having vreat weekend unlike me sigh. So as i said my ex has blocked me snap. So all i can see is his fb because he makes it public. However i do have his friend on snap and of course my ex went to see him in sd. And my ex also posted that he was in sd, his old playground that he missed it… anyway i just saw his friends snap and of course my ex was shown with a girl holding her hand! Idk if its girl he is talking to, the one that flirted with him in front of me his cousins bff.. or if some girl he met at the club. But they were holding hands and yhen standing with him behind and his arm around. Could not see her face… im really sad. Should i just block my ex and his friends from social media? It just hurts, i get he is a man and will be sleeping or dating probably get in a relationship soon and start posting about her 🙁 idk what day nc i am, and i dont know if i should keep doing it for 45 days. We weretogether 3yrs but he gave himself 6months of feeling hesitant to propose to me and then break up. So i guess he fell out of love. Qhat i was doing wasnt enough for him. Amd he said we are just too different, at poiny he did say that he would never hate me because hw improved because of me that he was man he was cus of me. Anyway he posted yesterday a meme saying “i know what i being to table, and im not afraid to eat alone”. A while back like 3 weeks ago i had posted i knew my worth and that i deserved someone who didn’t give on me. So im not sure if he is responding to that or if he just posted so i know he doesnr care for me anymore. But he has moved on. I do love him and when we were good we were amazing, i dont know what i should do. I feel like blocking him and his friends. Also i about to go on trip with my cousin who is going through worse than me. Her new husband (since dec) had been cheating on her for over a yr, their whole engament period! Wtf is wrong witg men. I dont understand. I told her to go into NC because he just been telling herhe doesnt know what to do. That he doesnt want divorce but je also isnt fighting for relationship. He left to his mothers house and my poor cousin and such a walking mis of emotions and not getting answers or anything but he doesnt want dicorce. I said no contact. And even his mom told my cousin no contact. This is crazy i am loosimg faith in men. Is this new era of socail media and the easy and quick availability of sex? Why invest so much time in someone if you dont plan or want to really have a life togther. I guess in this sence im greatful my ex left me. He was feeling out of love or fed up with me or like i wasnt good enough to be his wife so he left and didnt ask. And i feel stupid for loving him and wamting him back…. sigh. Sorry i guess in ventimg. But i really dont know what to do. Seeing him with another girl has really hurt me.

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      Angry lday

      July 14, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      Thank you amor. As i was suspecting him and these girls are liking each other stuff on fb and im sure communicating othere social media. He blocked me on those. Again not blocked on fb but i unfriended him in anger before i found ebr pro. Well he posted “follow you heart, don’t listen to what other tell you to do because at end YOU have to live with your decision not them”. So after the break up my bff sent him message that he better be sure cus i was too good for him. Idk why she did but it did make him think. Now i posted something similar on sat 9th “you will never escape from your heart, so its better to listen to what it has to say”. I have not ppsted anything since then well maybe the 11th that i posted something that can be seen as related to us. My question do you think he posted that cus of what i said or because he has really thought bout it and is happy he did break up amd didnt really listen to mu friend? Specially since he is obviously having sex. I know cus he could never go long without sex. And how am i going to get him to unblock me from snap and ig? I know he been out a lot with girls my cousins dont recognize!

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 15, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      maybe he meant that at that time, the best was to breakup because he’s getting tired

    12. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 13, 2016 at 6:35 am

      Thank you so much. And sorry to bug again. But i was hanging with my cousin and she told me that my ex has been posting alot on snap. I cant see it on my end even though it says he is still part of my friends list. He till has some my friends and fam on snap and facebook. I still have some of his fam and friends on snap and fb. So i guess he blocked me on snapchat but i cant see all stuff he has posted which according to my cousin he has been going out alot. She is not sure with who. And im sure he has had sex with the other girls i metioned before. Should i just block from fb? And idk why he shows on my snap list but i cant see any of his posts? Sigh pls help. I know his fiends look at my snap and even liked and commented on some of my fb posts?

    13. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      no problem! nope don’t block him… maybe he’s trying to match what you’ve been doing because you’re being active too..just keep on focusing in yourself and in your progress..don’t post or caption anything that looks like it’s for him

    14. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 12, 2016 at 6:01 pm

      Hi amor! Ty for your response. I think yiu misunderstiod ori didnt explain well enough. I have not messaged him in any way since 6-29. However i did post on my fb “hbd av” which are his sons initials on 7/7. Again i unfriended him about 2 weeks after break up in anger. Unfortunately i had not found this site or book untill 6/30 or 7/1. I am noticing these two girls on his fb, both our fb profile are public. And im sure he is talking to them. Last he metioned anything of me in in 7-6 about me going to gym the mean thing about getting you gf to gym break up with her. I am actively doing nc since i 6/30. I just dont know how to stay off his fb so i dont get so upset and hurt when i see him interacting with these girls and im sure he has already been having sex with at least 1and prob will with the other girl (his cousins bff) that flirted woth him in front of me. Sigh. Again i gained weight part my fault part back injury and idoubt i will loose 50lbs in a month to catch his attention. These other girls are pretty and have nce bodies. My fb profile pic is a awesome face shot, my fave of my self but was taken in the of april when still together and he reposted it to his wall saying “all mine”. And my other photo is of my me overlooking the ocean, its an old pic but i reposted after break up. I do want him back but i want him to fight for me. I need help staying off his fb and i guess making myself more interesting to catch his attention. We are friends on snap but he doesnt go on there or avoids my snaps. Plus im dreadinf when he starts snapping with these other girls. Should i block him? Or just continue as i am? Working on myself and posting positive images and hopefully i get better pics of myself not looking as fat. I did loose 10lbs.

    15. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 12, 2016 at 7:25 pm

      oh sorry.. yeah you didn’t because the text was befire 6/30.. anyways.. congratulations on losing 10 pounds!
      being attractive is actually a package of physical, personality and character.. and most of the time personality and character trumps the more physically attractive women.. sex appeal is more from confidence..so, focus on that..

      like the ungettable girl.. the guy is more attractive to her because she keeps improving and she can handle losing a guy.. I’m not saying she won’t get hurt but she knows the balance in things..

    16. Avatar

      Angry lday

      July 12, 2016 at 1:02 am

      Sigh, and he just posted song lyrics about two girls a good one and a bad one…. and i know he is not talking about me! And there are two girls liking all his things on fb. Sigh this is what he does he posts song lyrics about situation he is in. He did wih me and all other girls. He posts everything trying to be elusive but not really. Should i just block and unblock when 45 no contact is up? And should i leep doing 45 or do 30 like book says? I know i should be using social media to show him my improvement. Is this hopeless sigh. m so lost.

    17. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 12, 2016 at 3:28 pm

      Hi Angry iday,

      yeah I remember you.. the nc was broken when you texted him when he got angry…though I understand that it’s hard not to but that was his purpose, to know he still has power over you by getting angry and getting you to text him.. if you stilk want to do nc..that means you have to restart count

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    nicole

    June 10, 2016 at 12:41 am

    Hi Amor
    ok I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. He keeps saying “I want to be friends”, ” we are just friends ” and things like that. I have given up hope any slight bit of hope that I’d get my boyfriend back. Now he doesn’t even want to marry me anymore but a girl from his country in the future. I’ve lost all hope and I feel like giving up. I even ended a Skype session with him because he almost saw me cry. I’ve just given up on any slight chance of him and i being together. I don’t even think i have one anymore

    1. Avatar

      nicole

      June 20, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      Hi Amor
      ok so I don’t know if I was the rebound girlfriend because he never spoke about ex girlfriends and he would never post pictures of me or anything to do with me. I wasn’t even allowed to comment on his pictures but he would do it on mine. He says the reasons were because he had fully on instagram who knew I wasn’t Muslim and would disapprove. But he got with this new girl so quickly it completely blindsided me and im shocked because he posted a picture not of her or him but it was a love quote and he captioned it his and her initials and I’m shocked because it seems he is really serious with her and its breaking my heart. He even blocked me on everything but writhing 3 days he unblocked me and his brother still follows me on every social media and I don’t know if I’m his back up plan because frankly I’m no ones back up plan and I jus want to move on and be happy because I deserve it too

    2. Avatar

      nicole

      June 18, 2016 at 5:56 pm

      Hi Amor
      no he doesn’t he is only 21. This is what has happened in the past almost two weeks. He told me we will work on us as a couple and with time get back together but all of a sudden he changed his tune saying he doesn’t love me and we can’t work out and funny enough he said this because he got a new girlfriend. I had to find out through instagram that he was just lying to me. He consistently said he didn’t want a new girlfriend and we would work but he was just being a liar. I don’t know if this is a rebound relationship because he and I have been broken up foronly a month and a half and his new girlfriend lives in his country and is Muslim and meets all his customs. I’m just really angry at myself for even thinking we could work through it .

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 8:55 am

      Hi Nicole,

      does he need to get married as in right now?

  10. Avatar

    nicole

    June 8, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    Hi Amor.
    Ok so I’m back and let me just recap my story to you. My ex and I were in a LDR relationship and we’ve broken up twice and its really painful for me because I feel he is the one and I love him. He says its better we remain friends but he doesn’t want me to leave him or find someone new. He still says he loves me and flirts with me. Even when we Skype the way he looks at me says otherwise. If you see our Skype sessions we still look so in love. He says that his customs and traditions require me to be muslim to marry him but I’m not thinking about marriage right now. I want to get him back and keep him long term but him saying we should be just friends is the most heart breaking thing ever. I need to get out of the just friends situatuon and prove to him that we can do the LDR without problems. I k ow I can but i want him to get that confidence he had when we were in a relationship
    please help me. Thank you

  11. Avatar

    Maddy

    April 28, 2016 at 9:21 am

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for about 5 months, things were good up until a few weeks ago when we went to the town show but he didnt pay me much attention so I got upset and because he had work the next morning and I felt uncomfortable being alone for the day with his parents I said my mother would pick me up, but he got defensive saying he didn t want her knowing where he lived and stuff and went to sleep without saying anything. he barely talked to me the next week, On the Sunday he texted and he broke up with me saying we havent been us since the show and he thought distancing himself would help but it didn’t. Last night my friend messaged him to ask about the breakup, and he said the distance (he lives an hour away) was hard but that wasn’t the problem and he’s just trying to move on. I want him back but I feel like he just doesn’t want me at all.

    1. Avatar

      Maddy

      May 9, 2016 at 1:42 am

      Hi Amor, It’s been more than a week now and he hasn’t contacted me, I’ve started NC, working on myself and socialising more. I did hear from a friend of mine that last weekend he went and complained to her and another friend that I’m his only ex that never slept with him (this is my first long time relationship so I wanted to go slow) and that I can’t make my own decisions and I acted like a child- which wasn’t true at all. Then told my friend, who I know he doesn’t like and doesn’t respect at all that he likes her, maybe looking for a rebound? I think he may be making out that he’s the victim? I’m still going with NC, though I was rash and deleted him off Facebook, which maybe was a bad idea? I’ve bought the text bible so hopefully that should help as well

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 9:03 am

      yeah, he’s probably just her as rebound..maybe she’s an easy one to get? but even if so, continue on with nc..let him see that the victim card will not be effective

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 7:58 am

      Hi Maddy,

      give him time.. if after a week he still doesn’t contact you proceed to no contact.

  12. Avatar

    Zelda

    February 7, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    I will give some more background. We were together for a year and a half. He lost his job and this was when we broke up and he said he didn’t see a future with me. He told me I was pretty and he felt many things for me but he didn’t know what he wanted anymore and he wanted to be alone right now. We had plans to visit his hometown this summer and do all of these things and suddenly he’s not happy with me anymore. He bought me gear so I could ride the motorcycle with him. We just got our pictures taken professionally two months ago. I just am heartbroken

  13. Avatar

    Zelda

    February 7, 2016 at 12:11 am

    If he says that he doesn’t see a future with me but also said that the time we spent together was the best time he has ever had, can I even have hopes of getting him back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2016 at 4:49 pm

      Hi Zelda,

      For me yes, but that lines is kind of vague. If that’s the only basis, that means there’s not enough attraction in the relationship or desire.

  14. Avatar

    Liese

    January 19, 2016 at 4:29 am

    Hi Chris or Amor,

    My boyfriend has been asking my best friend how I am. Questions like, “how is Liese?”, “Is she okay?”, and “Is she safe? I’m worried about her”. Because of this, my best friend has asked him, “Are you two going to reconnect?” He says no, that we shouldn’t for a while at least. He says that “we both love each other very much but that the relationship does not work and that perhaps we were meant to love each other in another way. Time will tell. If we spend time apart and don’t speak to each other, or at least not often, that will be the ultimate test. If we can go out there and realize that what we can have together is the best thing, only then should we get back together.”

    How can I change his mind about this? Is there any way to convince him that we may in fact be able to work ourselves out together?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2016 at 4:59 am

      Hi Liese,

      The question is what was the problem? I think you need to work on that first and then address it to him if you have a chance to talk seriously. It’s not bad if you reach out first. Just make sure you start on a positive note.

  15. Avatar

    D

    December 24, 2015 at 6:08 am

    Hey Chris,

    Compliments of the Season! 🙂

    Ever since I’ve read through your Website I’ve gotten a ray of hope. My Situation is a little different from others right here which I’ve described better over Email. I felt it was totally impossible to get my Man back but after reading your suggestions I’ve gotten Positive and I’m totally going to follow the NC Rule religiously.

    Please have a look at my Email or if you happened to miss it I can resend it to you.

    Cheers,
    D

  16. Avatar

    U

    December 12, 2015 at 4:49 am

    Hi Chris,
    I don’t really like the idea of trying to make him jealous.. I also don’t think I could neg him.. And there’s no way he would ask me out on a date. I honestly don’t think he’ll come back even if I became the ungettable girl. What do I do?

  17. Avatar

    Katy

    December 12, 2015 at 1:19 am

    My ex boyfriend and I agreed to not talk for a month? Would that be the same as no contact? Because he knows why we won’t be talking? Or should I extend it a few more weeks over a month

  18. Avatar

    Glosses

    November 18, 2015 at 6:57 am

    Hello Chris! 🙂

    Help from you will be much much much appreciated! Really need your opinion and advice..

    I met this guy a year ago and totally loved him. It started off as friends, as we live in the same building. I wanted to get committed, but he didn’t. His family is also very close to me and they all love me. It was never a casual friendship, much much more than that. But he always said “we are nothing more than friends”. I did NC for a week and he pleaded and finally took a week’s time to think over if we could get committed. End of the week, he stacked up reasons that he cant commit, but he still wouldn’t let me go. We were still ON/OFF and then one day we had a huge fight where he beat me up (I made some mistakes too),and I blocked him for a month.

    A month later, we ran into each other and started talking again. I wanted him back and was working on it in every possible way. I took it slow, played it hard, played it super sweet, made him feel special, etc. But then he slowly started distancing out from me. Then he started telling me that “you are the best, but I cannot take it any further, but I cant lose a friend like you”, he also said “I was just trying to end it on a friendship note, but now since u are leaving the city, it will be all special again”… I found out from him mom a month ago that he is committed to a girl for marriage, which he didnt tell me (he just had told me a week before that that he is confused between me and this other friend of his, but his other friend is more apt for marriage)! He even made out with me after all that, and finally I got super mad and texted him how he has lied to me and kept me in confusions and that I definitely deserve a lot better and gave it The End. I am on NC once again for past 3.5 weeks, where he texted me “Happy Holidays” last week and I didn’t reply.

    What is going on here Chris? Was he really confused between her and me? Was he really very sure that I was only in the friend zone and was playing with My Mind all the time to get what he wants?

    What should I do? Please help me out.

  19. Avatar

    Kait

    November 6, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.

    1. Avatar

      yasmin

      December 10, 2015 at 4:12 am

      i’m in the same situation as you! havent spoken to him in 3 days but before we planned to meet on the 22nd. so im seeing him then so i want to know my chances. hes said the exact same things your ex did.. so please reply to us chris.

  20. Avatar

    NANA

    October 25, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    I love this guy from work for two years now and he contacted me last year. We dated for a few times and he told me that he liked me for a year. We were generally arguing about silly things during the dates and there was this tension when we were together. Our final argument happened when I said no to sex since it felt early. We didn’t even kissed back then, because I was very angry when he wanted to kiss me and then he refused when I wanted to kiss him… (Ego fights I know.) Then we stopped seeing each other. But then he texted me, called me, and I felt guilty etc…. But he seemed liking me with the body language, he said NO to the relationship. I kind of told him that I wanted the relationship…. Kind of chased him and cried a lot after him…. Silly me. Although we met and sweet talked on the phone from time to time, he had no intentions to get back together. We were tense at times as well. (We were always tense!)

    Well… I called him two weeks ago and he said he wanted me to invite him to my place to watch a movie (great! isn’t it!). I said ok, why not… And the other night he called me drunk.(Perfect, right?) Wanted to come over. I was out with friends and told him that I would call him when I got back home. So we talked like an hour on the phone. It was actually very sweet and romantic but he made himself invited to my place.(Abusive and great, right!) So he came over on friday. I am so stupid. We talked and had really good time. He was leaving but I kissed him at the door and we made out. But I wasn’t comfortable and stopped him and send him home… Then I called him and wanted to talk to him about an issue about mutual friends and asked him to return my staff. We went out, had great time but in front of the house he started a fight (like gaslighting) and mentioned not seeing each other ever again, made me beg him to talk inside. Clever right! Then we made out a little bit again. But I said no to sex again. And he accused me for wanting him to be my husband. I got very upset. He got upset too and told me he doesn’t want to be apart again. But I wanted him to leave.

    Next day he did not pick up the phone. And didn’t call me back. Then I texted him he returned days after… I texted him again, no response. I saw him at work, he looked at me very sadly.

    I want a committed relationship not a husband. But I humiliated myself by kissing him and making out on the first meet up after months. He was pushy after I kissed him…

    He said this is not working… We are bad for each other. But said I am so happy with you, don’t want to be apart again, we should spend time together etc. All confused…

    Would NC work on him? It seems he wants a fwb. But when I reach out he feels like I am chasing him and tells me that “am i calling you? I am not trying to work things out… It’s been a year” etc… However he asked me out, I just wanted my staff back. He acts like he wants me to chase him which I did…. Is he just confused or role playing to get laid?

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