Have you ever thought to yourself,
“There is no way I can ever get him back…”
Well, if you have then this episode is for you!
Today we hear from “Ex Bodybuilders Girlfriend” whose ex boyfriend (as I am sure you guessed) is a body builder.
I myself am a bit of a bodybuilder…
Ok, not really.
- Here is a rundown of the situation,
- Her ex boyfriend is a bodybuilder
- He is a narcissistic but confident guy
(In case you didn’t know a narcissist is someone who is very into themselves and the way they look)
- He broke up with her claiming that he “wanted something new”
- He has also claimed that they will never get back together
What I Talk About In Episode 26
- Here are a few of the things I cover in this episode,
- The idea behind the “Recovery” part in Ex Boyfriend Recovery
- Why no situation is impossible
- How to handle a narcissistic ex
- The mistake “ex body builders girlfriend” made with her ex
- The idea of being a challenge
- The role a “neg” will play in getting your ex back
Important Links Mentioned In Episode 26
The Game Plan For This Episode
The game plan for this episode revolves around being an challenge to your ex boyfriend.
Remember, men always want what they can’t have.
So, the graphic below is the best way to demonstrate that.
Implement The No Contact Rule
“Ex Bodybuilders Girlfriend” mentioned in the episode that she was wondering whether or not she should implement the no contact rule on her ex boyfriend.
Look, the no contact rule not only shows your ex that you are challenging but it also serves as a nice little reset button that will allow you to potentially re-start things with him down the road.
I have never talked about “negging” before in the history of this site.
Well, a “neg” isn’t an idea that I came up with on my own. No, I actually stole this from the pickup artist community. I figured since “ex bodybuilders girlfriend’s” boyfriend is so narcissistic it would be something she can use to lower his value and raise her own.
It’s a way of showing him that she is better than him and that is a position that she wants to be in because he is going to chase after a girl who he thinks is better than him.
Neg- A compliment wrapped with a “put down”
Ex: “Did you shrink your shirt in the laundry?”
Jealousy can be especially effective against an overconfident ex boyfriend.
In the episode I gave an example of something my wife recommended.
Go out with a bodybuilder that’s not your ex on a “hang out” and post a picture on Facebook,
Men are competitive so not only will he get jealous but he is going to want to compete with the other guy to win you.
Stand Him Up On Dates
Another one of my wife’s genius ideas.
If your ex boyfriend asks you out on a date tell him that you aren’t available on that day and re-schedule the date a week later.
Show him with this action that your time is more valuable than his.
Welcome to Episode 26 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I want to start this episode off by apologizing. Last week, I was really focused on content creation for the website. I came out with a guide on body language. It was such an interesting topic to me.
I wanted to dive in and help you discover more about how your ex-boyfriend’s body language can help you to get him back. I put the podcast on the back burner for a little bit. I’m back into it this week. In the show notes, I’ll link to that article I wrote on body language. I think it’s a really helpful guide for a lot of women out there.
Rest assured, I’m going to be on the ball this week with the podcast. I’m going to shoot for four or five episodes this week. Make sure you keep tuning in to my iTunes page or my home page of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery.
Let’s get to today’s question. It’s from a woman who didn’t give me her name. She did give me a really interesting handle. It is Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend. Let’s hear from her:
“Hi, Chris. My ex-boyfriend is a bodybuilder/personal trainer/narcissist/confident guy. He broke up with me about six weeks ago. I was boring him. He wanted something new. He’s dating different girls now and on internet sites. He says that we’ll never get back together. We did have breakup sex once.
Now he’s just being cold with me and doesn’t want anything to do with me. I tried no contact. I’ve tried everything. I played games with him online and he was texting me a bit, but now he’s back to dating the other girls. I think this one is impossible. I was wondering if you could help me come up with a new strategy or if I should restart the no contact. Thanks again.”
Thanks for commenting, Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend. I’m excited to feature you here on the show. I will do my very best to help you out. I want to give a quick recap. Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend had a boyfriend who is a bodybuilder. She described him as narcissist but a pretty confident guy. They broke up six weeks ago.
He stated that she was boring him and he wanted to find something new. He told her that they will never get back together again. They had breakup sex once, which I’ll talk a little bit about later. He’s been cold to her. She’s tried the no contact. They’ve texted back and forth a bit. The specific thing that I want to zone in on today is that Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend described the situation as impossible. I’m going to start there.
I’ve titled this episode of the podcast, how to get your ex-boyfriend back if it seems like it’s an impossible situation. I want to talk a little bit about that. The very act of trying to get your ex-boyfriend back—no situation is impossible. That’s the beauty of this. What I will say is that some situations are less possible when it comes to getting an ex back than others.
For example, cheating or a situation like this where he’s telling you that you’ll never get back together can be a little harder. He has not shown any signs, other than maybe the breakup sex, that he’s into you after the breakup. I look at this situation and think, “I’ve seen 10 times worse situations and people get back with their exes.”
This is definitely not an impossible situation. No situation is really impossible. There are only two outcomes. He can either get back with you or he won’t get back with you. Look at it like that. Some situations are more possible than others. The mindset you need to have, Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend, is that this is not an impossible situation. If you’re really into him, I can try to help you increase your chances of getting him back.
Let’s talk a little bit about Ex-Boyfriend Recovery as a whole. When I created Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I thought up the domain name EBR. The recovery part can be used in two different ways. You either recover your ex-boyfriend or you recover from an ex-boyfriend. It’s a two-fold approach to exes, and I love that.
I really think people should use this website as a way to try to get back with their ex-boyfriends. But in the case that it doesn’t work, this website can also help you recover from your ex-boyfriend. I’ve been trying to structure all of the content that I write and the advice that I give. I’ve been trying to reshape my entire philosophy for how to do both things at once.
How to get your ex-boyfriend back, but in the case that it doesn’t work out for you, how to recover from him at the same time. Doing both of these things at once, moving on without moving on and the un-gettable girl are all tactics and strategies that I teach to women to do both of these things at once. You are more attractive to your ex-boyfriend, but at the same time, heal from him a little bit. Get in a place where you’re emotionally stable and ready to move on with your life.
Today we’re going to be focusing more on the recovering your ex part. Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend, I do have a pretty interesting strategy for you to get your ex back. The first thing I want to talk about is that you described your boyfriend as narcissistic. A narcissist is someone who has an excessive or erotic interest in his self or his own physical appearance.
This would seem to match up with your ex-boyfriend. He’s a bodybuilder. He’s very into his body. He’s very self-conscious about what he looks like. Obviously, he has lots of women telling him that he’s a good-looking guy. Bodybuilders are physically aesthetically pleasing.
They’re very balanced in how they look. It’s pleasing to the eye. I’m assuming that he has a lot of women telling him how attractive he looks. He gains confidence from this. As a result of the confidence, he continues to want to keep his body in shape and look more fit. He’s deriving confidence from the women who give him attention.
There is a credo that I always talk about at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. Men always want what they can’t have. It seems, with your ex-boyfriend, he is getting tons of attention. He’s getting tons of feedback from women saying, “I want you.” He’s looking for that one woman who will maybe do the opposite of that.
Someone who is different. Someone who stands out from the pack, who is gorgeous but at the same time has the personality, strategies and ideas to challenge him. Not many women are a challenge for him, especially if he’s getting this many women. To be honest, from my perspective from everything you’ve told me, your boyfriend is a bit of a player. He likes getting that attention from women. It feeds his ego. As a result of that, he continues to want to work out even more. That’s the way some men are.
Men want what they can’t have. If you really want to stand a chance at winning this guy back—I’m not going to get into how to keep him. I’m just going to focus on how to get him back right now. You have enough on your plate to worry about. If you want to get him back, you need to become the ultimate challenge for him. That means you need to stand out from the pack. You need to be different than every other girl that approaches him.
You did make a major mistake by sleeping with him. By sleeping with him, you’ve already told him that he can have you. I really do recommend the no contact rule for you again. I know you mentioned that you tried no contact before. But you also mentioned that you texted him. I’m wondering how long you lasted with the no contact rule. Did you last a full 30 days? Did you completely ignore him for the full 30 days?
I did bring up your situation, Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend, to my wife. She had a lot of good suggestions as well. You’re not just getting my advice here. You’re getting her advice as well. Her suggestions were so good that I ended up writing them down. I’m going to include them.
Your game plan is going to revolve around the fact that you need to become a challenge for your ex-boyfriend. That’s your whole game plan. It revolves wholly around that fact. I talked about the mistake you made with sleeping with your ex-boyfriend and how you need to restart your 30 day no contact rule. You need to be strict about not messing it up.
There are also a few things that I think would be very effective with your ex-boyfriend. This whole strategy revolves around the idea of a challenge. Restarting the no contact rule is a good idea at this point to last the 30 days. It will serve as a reset button. You will be more of a challenge to him. Like I said, your ex-boyfriend is probably used to getting tons of attention from women. He seems to be a bit of a player. He needs to be taken down a peg. I’m going to show you how to do that.
My first piece of advice is something I picked up a long time ago when I was researching ideas on how to get your ex-boyfriend back for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. I did a lot of research with a lot of different sources on human psychology and the best methods to accomplish the goal of getting your ex back. I found the best methods from a lot of different sources. I found them from other get your ex back coaches. I found them from psychology books. I bought a lot of books.
I also looked in probably the most unlikely places. That was with the pickup artist community. I know it sounds weird. To be honest, these guys are pretty scummy. But they do have a lot of insightful ideas. I’m going to steal one of the ideas from them. I want to give the pickup artist community credit for this.
It’s the idea of a neg. Your ex-boyfriend is used to getting tons of attention from his looks. A neg is a compliment wrapped up in a put down. For example, if you negged your ex-boyfriend, it would be new to him. He’s used to all women hitting on him and complimenting him on how big his muscles are or how good looking he is. You probably did the same thing to him. Like I said, men love to have their ego fed. With a neg, you compliment him but you wrap it up in a put down. I think this would work extremely will with your boyfriend because he is a bodybuilder.
He’s obsessed with the way he looks. He’s so narcissistic. You can say anything about his muscles or the way he looks. He’s obviously concerned about them. If he’s putting this much attention into his body and how he looks, he’s obviously concerned about how he’s viewed by other people.
I’m a guy. I know this. I like working out as well. Sometimes I have the same fears. I want to look fit and buff. I want people to look at me in a certain light. It seems like your ex-boyfriend has taken this to the extreme. If you neg him with a compliment that’s really a put down, it will raise your value in his eyes. You’re not doing what every other girl is doing to him. He’s going to feel the bitter sting of being just like everyone else. He’s going to feel the bitter sting of being that scared, frightened, insecure little boy inside. I think this will work extremely well with your ex-boyfriend.
Here’s an example of a neg. Anything relating to his muscles would work extremely well. You could say, “Hey, did your shirt shrink in the laundry?” It’s kind of a compliment. It’s kind of complimenting his muscles. But at the same time, it’s putting him down. He’s going to be insecure about that. He’s going to think to himself, “Wait, is this how I’m viewed with these big muscles?”
Your value is going to be raised. You’re not going to be doing what all the other girls are doing to him. He’s used to having girls worship the ground he walks on. You’re going to be doing the exact opposite of that. I think that’s an effective strategy you can employ to take him down a peg and put him on your level, so to speak. That’s an interesting strategy that you can employ after the no contact rule.
I also think jealousy would be extremely effective for him. Men who are so obsessed with the way they look are insecure inside. That’s my personal belief. I’m a guy. I’m insecure at times. I think everyone is. A bodybuilder, a guy who has gone so far out of his way to pump his muscles up, is extremely insecure about the way he looks. He’s so insecure that he’s willing to go above and beyond with the way he looks to be perceived a certain way. Jealousy will work extremely well on this guy.
This was from my wife. I thought this was brilliant. He’s obviously very competitive. Men like this often are. Get a guy who looks like him, who has big muscles, who is good looking, and go out and have fun with him. Maybe go to a few parties or a few bars. Don’t kiss him or anything. Post a few friend-like pictures that could be looked at as couple-like pictures with this other bodybuilder guy.
Your ex-boyfriend is going to look at that on Facebook and say, “What the heck? Who is this guy?” He’ll get competitive. No other girl is going to do that to him. If you can essentially replace him, your value will rise. He’s going to treat you in a much different way, in a much better way. You’re going to raise your chances of getting him back. I know that jealousy is a little black hat when it comes to getting him back. But I think, in this case, it can work extremely well, especially with how narcissistic your ex-boyfriend seems to be.
There is another really good idea that my wife mentioned. My wife is the queen of stuff like this. She is a genius. She basically took over this entire episode with her advice. She thinks that you should stand him up on dates. For example, if he asks you out on a date, don’t be there for him. Don’t be too available for him. Stand him up and say, “I can’t do it then. I can do it next week.” Blow him off a little bit. It will raise your value. You won’t be like all those other girls who worship the ground he walks on. They compliment him about his body.
If you give him these compliments wrapped up in put downs about his body, make him jealous and reschedule dates, it will show him that you’re better than him. He’s not better than you. Right now, your ex-boyfriend thinks he’s better than you. You can’t have him thinking that. If he thinks he’s better than you, why in the world would he want to chase after you?
He wants to chase after girls he thinks are better than him, not girls he thinks he’s better than. If you do these things to him, he’s going to think that you are better than him, or at least that you think you’re better than him. At the same time, he’ll chase after you for that reason alone. I know it’s weird. I know the way that men’s minds work is sometimes weird but these strategies can be effective for you, Ex-Bodybuilder’s Girlfriend.
That’s my advice for you today. The advice is from my wife and I. I hope you implement it. I hope you keep me updated. I’m really interested to see how this situation plays out.
That will end this episode. If you want to leave me a question, please go to the contact page on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. You can record your question right there on the site. You can also go to my SpeakPipe page. I will put links to those in the show notes of this episode. This was Episode 26, how to get your ex-boyfriend back if it seems like it’s an impossible situation. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. I’ll see you tomorrow.