In this episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast we hear from a woman named Brianna who has found herself in quite the pickle…
- She is two months removed from the breakup.
- Her ex boyfriend has deleted his Facebook account.
- He has changed his email.
- He has changed his phone number
Now, obviously this is one of the hardest situations that you could possibly find yourself in. I mean, your chances of winning an ex boyfriend back without having the ability to talk to him are slim to none.
So, in this episode I am going to really talk about how you can navigate a situation where your ex has blocked you or has flat out deleted your number and what you can do to influence him enough to want to either unblock you or get in contact with you again.
Here is what you can expect to hear about in this episode.
What I Talk About In This Episode
- Why an ex boyfriend would want to block you.
- The two different types of “blocks.”
- How often an ex boyfriend might actually unblock you (or get in contact with you) on his own accord.
- How to increase the chances of him unblocking you or getting in contact with you.
Important Links I Talk About In This Episode
I really only talked about two major things on Ex Boyfriend Recovery in this episode.
The first being the article I wrote about blocking,
The second being my E-Book,
The Game Plan For This Situation
I have made it clear that in every single episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast I will be formulating a game plan for the situation I discussed in the episode.
So, the situation for this episode is figuring out what to do if you have no possible way of contacting your ex.
Below I have compiled a graphic outlining what to do in this situation,
The game plan basically consists of 4 steps.
Step One- Understand that Time Is Your Best Offense
Most exes will unblock you on their own accord so most of the time you actually won’t have to do anything to get them to unblock you except be a little patient. Of course, there are also a lot of exes who wont unblock or contact you and it is these exes that might need a little extra push.
Step Two- Influence
This “push” is going to come in the form of influence. You have to basically make your ex boyfriend want to talk to you and in order to do this you have to have some sort of influence over him.
Step Three- Find A Way To Get On His Mind
How do you influence him?
Well, the first thing you are going to have to do is find a way to get onto his mind (if you aren’t already on his mind.) Once you are on his mind you can then create the influence you need. You can get on his mind in this case by utilizing two things,
- Social Media (like Facebook)
- Mutual Friends
Step Four- Be Interesting Enough
Utilizing social media and mutual friends you can kind of “control the message” that he hears in an effort to influence him. The idea is to have him hear such an interesting bit of information about you that he will have no choice but to contact you because it is that interesting!
How Can You Ask A Question On The Podcast?
Asking a question is pretty simple.
You really need two things,
- An internet connection
- A microphone or cell phone.
I have partnered with a website called SpeakPipe that basically allows you to leave me a voice mail over the internet.
All you have to do is visit my SpeakPipe page by clicking the link below.
Once you are there you will be able to record a voice mail and it will be sent to my inbox and I can feature your question on the show!
(Side Note: Mobile Phone users may have to download the free SpeakPipe app to record a message.)
Rules For Recording A Message
- I don’t require your full name just something to call you by. I understand your need for privacy.
- Please no profanity or curse words. We are trying to keep this PG.
- Your message can only be a maximum of 90 seconds.
Hope you enjoyed Episode 2 of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast!
Welcome to Episode 2 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I just want to take a moment to thank you for listening to this podcast. It really means the world to me. For everything that you do for this podcast and my website, I have to thank you.
Episode 2 is a very special episode because it’s going to take a look at one of the hardest situations that you can be in with an ex or any kind of relationship. In Episode 1, I explained the format of the podcast. Listeners of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery can call in and ask me a question. I’ll answer it and give a very in-depth game plan.
Today, we’re going to have our very first question. It comes from a woman named Brianna:
“I’m trying to get back together with my ex. It’s been about two months since the breakup. In this time, he has deleted his Facebook, changed his email and changed his phone number. I have no way to contact him. Is there still hope of making it work? I just don’t feel like there’s any way that I can reconnect with him without being able to talk to him.”
Brianna is wondering what to do if you have no way of talking to your ex. She’s been broken up with her boyfriend for two months. He’s deleted his Facebook. He’s changed his email. He’s even gone as far as changing his phone number. She would be right when she said that there’s really no way of getting an ex back if you can’t even talk to him.
I would classify this as a blocking situation where an ex-boyfriend would block you from any form of communication imaginable. I did write a fairly in-depth article on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery on this particular topic. I’m going to link to that article in the show notes. You can go to www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode2.
Brianna’s situation is a relatively hard situation to overcome. But that doesn’t mean you should give up hope. I’ve seen multiple times where an ex has come back and unblocked an ex-girlfriend. I’ve seen a lot of successes in this particular situation.
Obviously, Brianna’s situation is even a step further. Her ex didn’t just block her. Her ex changed his entire Facebook profile, email and phone number. I can understand how she’s feeling. She’s probably feeling a little helpless. Let’s see if we can give her a little help here.
The first thing you want to do in a situation like this is size up the extent of the block that your ex has on you. There are two types of blocks. There is a partial block where your ex-boyfriend might block you from calling but he’s still friends with you on Facebook, Twitter and other social media.
Then you have what’s called a full-out block. A full-out block is a little bit different. This is where your ex-boyfriend is not going to be friends with you on Facebook. He’s not going to be friends with you on Twitter. He’s going to block your phone so that you can’t text or call him. You’re left out to dry with no way of communicating with him at all.
This is what Brianna here is experiencing, but she’s experiencing it at an even deeper level in that her ex isn’t just blocking her. Her ex is flat out ignoring her in every way imaginable, enough to where he’s changing his phone number and email address. He’s deleting his Facebook. This is a really tough situation to be in.
A lot of you may be wondering what would cause an ex-boyfriend to do this. There could be a lot of different reasons that he would want to do something like this. The first one is that he wants revenge on you. Breakups are hard on everyone. There is always a lot of emotion involved, even in breakups that are amicable.
It’s not out of the realm of possibility that he could potentially be trying to get revenge in a weird way. I know that sounds weird but I’ve seen more of that than you can imagine.
Another reason is that it could simply hurt to talk to you. He’s reminded of the past when he talks to you. It hurts him inside because the breakup is painful. His way of coping with it is to push you aside, ignore you for a little bit and remove the temptation of talking to you.
Then there are those situations where the ex really wants to get over you. That’s rarer than you would think.
When you think of a situation where an ex blocks someone, you think, “He’s just trying to get over her. He isn’t really into her anymore.” If you really think about it, if an ex goes through the trouble of blocking you, that means you’re on his mind. That means he’s not over you yet.
While it is possible that an ex could block you just to get over you, it’s also possible that this is not what’s really going on. He may shroud his action with, “I’m trying to get over you.” The fact of the matter is, if he’s blocking you, you’re on his mind. If you’re on his mind, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Here comes the million-dollar question. How often does an ex just, out of the blue, unblock you? You’re going to be shocked to hear this, but it happens more often than you’d think.
Originally, when I wrote an article on an ex blocking you, I would get comments. I was not expecting a lot of success with having exes unblock you. If you look at things on a purely percentage basis, the chances that an ex would unblock you after he’s blocked you doesn’t seem very high. They’re actually higher than you think. I had hundreds, maybe thousands, of women talk to me about their exes unblocking them. They didn’t really do anything but wait.
I started thinking, “What’s going on in an ex’s head to make him do this?” Here is the process that goes through an ex’s head when he unblocks you, free of you doing anything. Usually, what happens after a breakup is that anger is involved. There is a lot of emotion.
They say when emotion runs high, logic runs low. From an emotional standpoint, your ex is more than happy to block you to get revenge. Maybe he is hurting when he talks to you. There could be all sorts of reasons for an ex to block you.
For an ex to unblock you, it’s interesting. Deep down, he still wants to feel admired by you. He kind of still wants you to fawn after him a little bit. There’s no way of him knowing that you could potentially be checking his Facebook profile, texting him or calling him if you’re blocked.
A lot of times, what happens is, in a moment of anger, your ex will block you. But then, once logic starts to set in, he realizes, “I can’t really tell if she’s still into me or missing me if she’s blocked.” What ends up happening is that he’ll unblock you.
What I recommend after a breakup is to go straight into the no contact period. For those of you who are new to the website, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery or new to the podcast, the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast, I am a huge fan of the no contact rule.
The no contact rule is where you set aside this period of time when you completely ignore your ex-boyfriend. The idea is that it’s supposed to make him miss you more. It’s supposed to raise your value in his eyes. Most importantly, it gives you time to work on yourself. After a breakup, I would recommend doing the no contact rule.
A lot of times after a breakup, a girl can get a little clingy. Clinginess, to a guy, is bad. It’s really bad. If a girl is too clingy, he may block her just because of that. That’s another reason.
When you’re looking at an ex who has blocked you and you’re trying to figure out, “How do I get unblocked?” a lot of times, the answer is time. You just have to wait and they’ll unblock you.
We’re dealing with Brianna’s situation here. She has probably the worst-case scenario, which is why I loved her question. I love tackling these really hard situations. What do you do if an ex has not only blocked you, but he’s changed his phone number? You don’t want to go back to high school days where you’re running between friends and passing notes back and forth. That looks lame. To be honest, it really never works for helping you get an ex back.
What do you do in this hard situation? Believe it or not, there are a few things you can do to get him to unblock you. When I look at a situation where you’re trying to get an ex to unblock you, it all comes down to influence.
Let me explain it this way. If you and I were dating, the only thing that’s going to make me want to keep talking to you is your influence. It’s how much you mean to me. The idea here is to influence your ex-boyfriend enough to want to talk to you.
There are a number of ways to do that, even if he’s blocked you. Just because he’s blocked you doesn’t mean he’s not keeping an eye on you. It means it’s harder for him to keep an eye on you. There are mutual friends between the two of you. In Brianna’s situation, he doesn’t have Facebook.
In more general situations, he could still be checking up on you through Facebook. Technically, Brianna’s boyfriend could be checking up on her on Facebook through one of his friend’s Facebook accounts. I often hear stories of women who go to other women to check their ex-boyfriend’s Facebook profiles because they’ve been unfriended. It’s not like it’s an uncommon thing.
You want to leverage these two factors, social media and mutual friends. Let’s first talk about the social media factors. We’re operating under the assumption that your ex-boyfriend is still keeping an eye on you.
There are a few reasons why we’re operating under this assumption. If he’s blocked you, he’s still thinking about you. That is a positive, in a way. I’m not ever going to say that getting blocked is a good thing. It’s clearly not a good thing. But we’re trying to make the best of a really bad situation here, so bear with me.
What do we do through Facebook? You want to project this persona that life is almost better without him. You don’t want to project that so loudly and obviously. You want to post things to Facebook that are really upbeat and positive. You want to post pictures of you having fun with friends. You can try some jealousy tactics. Maybe go on a friendly hangout with a guy friend but don’t kiss him. You don’t want to lead anyone on when you want your ex-boyfriend back.
I should mention that this is not just for Facebook. This is for all social media where he could potentially be keeping an eye on you. A beautiful thing happens through Facebook. A lot of times, even if he’s not keeping an eye on you, there are mutual friends who are friends with you on Facebook. Let’s say that you are posting really clever things on Facebook, trying to project this happy-go-lucky persona. A mutual friend sees this and relays the information to your ex-boyfriend.
Right there, you were just in your exes mind. You want him to go through this though process of, “Wait, why isn’t she missing me?” In an exes mind, if he’s gone through the trouble of blocking you, he’s probably going to think, “If I do this, she’s going to miss me. She’s going to chase me a lot.” That’s the idea that goes through anyone’s head when they try anything related to the no contact rule or blocking.
While we’re on the subject of mutual friends, you can leverage mutual friends to your advantage if your ex does a full-out block on you, like Brianna’s ex-boyfriend did. What is the most beautiful thing about human beings? It’s the fact that they talk. They gossip so much. You’re going to leverage this fact to your advantage through the mutual friends that you and your ex-boyfriend have.
Before I get into that, I want to talk about the strategies that go with using a mutual friend to your advantage. The main goal that we’re trying to accomplish at this point isn’t just to try to get your ex-boyfriend back. That’s an even more complex process.
This is just to get on speaking terms again. In order for that to happen, you have to get him to unblock you. With that in mind, you have to find some way of influencing your ex or at least getting back into his mind in some way, shape or form. If he’s blocking you, while you may be on his mind, if you can do something extra to push him further towards unblocking you, that would be great.
You want to find a way to get your mutual friends to talk to your ex about you without you prompting them to do so. In order to do that, you have to operate under a few assumptions. We’re going to operate under the assumption that people are talkers and that, if you do talk about your ex to this friend, it will somehow get around to the ex.
In a way, if you can control the information that goes to him, it’s never great passing notes back and forth between class and using someone to mediate that, but you’re forced to do that in a bad situation. Why not do our best to control the message that goes to your ex?
You’re probably sitting there wondering, “What kind of message should go to my ex?” It’s a very good question. The message that you want to go to your ex is that you are doing great after the breakup, but you’re mysterious about it. You’re not talking about it a lot. It’s not devastating to you. You obviously miss him. You want to play it cool but add enough mystery to the conversation between you and the mutual friend so that it’s worth enough to report to the ex.
There are a couple of ways to accomplish this. Let’s do a little role playing here. For those of you who read my website a lot, you know that I love doing role playing. I think people learn better when you give them examples.
Let’s say that you are talking to a mutual friend. You happen to slip up and tell your mutual friend that you went on an incredible vacation to Cabo San Lucas. It’s a tropical, beautiful place in Mexico. That might be worthy enough for that mutual friend to report to the ex. He might say, “Hey man. What’s up? You’re not going to believe, I just talked to Brianna. She told me that she went on this incredible vacation to Cabo San Lucas.”
That’s going to do a few things to your ex. Number one, he’s going to get a little jealous because you went to Cabo San Lucas. Number two, you’re going to be on his mind. It might be enough to push him to unblock you. I know many of you may look at that as grasping at straws. It’s better than nothing.
The biggest thing that you can use on your side is time. Given enough time, your ex will most likely unblock you. In the unfortunate instance where he doesn’t unblock you, that’s okay. He wasn’t the right guy for you. You can move on. You’ll survive. My site can help you for that, too.
For those of you who listened to Episode 1 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast, I’m letting visitors call in. I’m going to be answering their questions. I’m also going to be giving them a specific game plan to follow at the end of every episode. I’m going to make that game plan live for everyone in the show notes. You can go to www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode2 to find the game plan.
Here’s my game plan for Brianna. The first point that I want her to take home is, understand that time is her best offense for getting him to unblock her. In my experience, I’ve seen that it takes time for exes to do this. Again, this is a tough situation to navigate.
Sometimes an ex won’t respond with time. You’ll have to do certain things to almost influence him to unblock you. That’s the second point that I want to make. You need to interest him enough to want to unblock you. There are certain ways that you can do this.
Point three is to find a way to influence him enough to want to talk to you. For example, if you talk to a mutual friend and let it slip that you went on this amazing vacation, then that mutual friend is probably going to let it slip to your ex. He’s going to be kind of curious. You’re going to be in his head. That’s exactly where you want to be. It’s like a seed. It’s like an idea.
He’s going to start thinking, “Wait, she went on a vacation? She had fun without me.” Then it’s going to grow from there until he might want to unblock you. He might say, “Hey, I heard you went on vacation.” Then it goes from there.
That’s the game plan for getting an ex to unblock you, or in Brianna’s case, getting an ex to contact her again. If you’re interested in learning more about how to get an ex-boyfriend back, please visit my website and check out my ebook, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. I’ll see you for Episode 3 tomorrow. Thanks.