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151 thoughts on “EBR 014: How To Convince An Ex Boyfriend To Be With You”

  1. MissT

    March 10, 2015 at 9:23 am

    Hello Chris,
    Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 6 months and broke up about 4 months ago. The reason we broke up is because i discovered he has a baby who is 4 months old that i ddnt know about and he ddnt know about too.But the baby was conceived while were not together. He wasnt sure the baby was his so he did a paternity test behind my back before he told me.So we got into a huge arguement and i ended up breaking up with him. i still love him so much.i have completed no contact for 35 days and i have been following ur advice and he does respond nicely but the problem is everytime i send a good memory text or the jealousy text he shuts down and doesnt respond.why do u think is doing this and how can i get him to talk more?
    thank u.

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 6:29 pm

      Wow, that is pretty shocking.

      A baby.

      I think he needs to internally work this out himself before he is ready to consider taking you back.

    2. MissT

      March 16, 2015 at 8:12 am

      so what do i do? wait ? and how im i going to know he has worked it out internally?

  2. Trying to understand my ex

    March 10, 2015 at 3:25 am

    Hi Chris. Few weeks ago, my ex fiance asked for a break up. Immediately after, i went NC for around 35 days or more. I sent him a long email answering to his 2 emails during the Nc. We finally met up and talk about the real issue behind the break up and truth is, it wasnt the first two reasons which is fighting or trust. He said that the real reason is because he dont feel happy bout himself and that he has depression. He told me that he has been going for counselling. During this meet up also, he kept on talking about if i were to be in his future (example: our kids happiness will be my priority) but at the same time begging me to let him go. Which i did. He told me to keep the engagement ring as a sign he loved me and was crying badly when saying so. He also asked me to keep the ring so i will remember him.

    I know i should do NC again Chris, but whats next? Im noob in relationship matters. Your insights as a relationship expert is much needed.

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 4:30 pm

      I hate the emails. I wish you would have subtly built up attraction after the NC rule.

      Maybe you go ahead and jump into NC for 21 days this time.

    2. Trying to understand my ex

      March 10, 2015 at 3:26 am

      * the kids happiness will be his priority and my happiness too*

  3. Alyanna

    March 10, 2015 at 1:12 am

    I can feel your enthusiasm i. this podcast and i also listened to this first thing in the morning while having reakfast! I have a quick question (and I am asking this on behalf of my sister who is confused too). What if it went like this, her boyfriend told her he wanted some time off or space, she was confused if he meant breaking up because websites here and there say that wanting time off is a red flag for “I want out.” And the click here is that he is seeing this new girl who is undergoing depression and he is starting to have feelings for her. I am asking this question because I feel it is relevant to some points in this podcast. Seeing the situation, A position of weakness makes a man want to care and cling all the time, but you mentioned that it is good and important to act in a position of strength. I’m hoping for some clarification because I’ve also been seeing couples here and there who stick it out because both are coming from some sort of position of weakness and they “need each other to become stronger.” I’d like to hear what you think of this. Thanks!

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      I think you are right.

      Some couples both need each other to become stronger.

      Here’s the thing though. When you look at couples like that they are equals.

      When you look at a woman who is trying to get her ex boyfriend back they are not equals because she wants him and he doesn’t want her.

    2. Alyanna

      March 16, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      okay, but given this situation: wouldnt it make him drift further away from his girlfriend because this other girl “needs him” more than she (who is strong) needs him? Having the “my girlfriend is strong she will be okay” mentality and the “this other girl needs me so much I have to be there for her.” what can you say about this? i have read your stuff and i was thinking maybe we should just let him be and make him friendzone that other girl. That would mean sis would have to walk away?

    3. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      To be honest I think men are more selfish than you give them credit for.

      I think with men its all about which girl makes him feel the most emotions.

  4. Tamaaraaaaa K

    March 10, 2015 at 12:24 am

    I know this kind og doesnt have to do with a title but i realy need help. I have been dating this guy for like 3 months.. before that he hasnt had a gf for like 5 years and we kind of run into eachother, i was with his friend before but he and i didnt know eachother.We had sex , and we are basically same in every aspect.. so we had problemms.. we broke up (he) few times but he maneged to come back every time .. i love him , and he loves me but im mabye pregnant and that scared him and me too.. after few weeks he began pulling back , he told me he needs break ( i forgot to say he loves to be alone and i ruined his balance) he wants to be alone , he said to me everything started to bother him
    i suffocated him , he just for now wants to be alone. I asked him if he wants to break up je said he doesnt know.. but the break is there. So i need your help as soon as possible … i had head trauma and its kind of his foult .. he apologized that he must do this but he said ” i thought i could do it but i cant sorry” i need time space… He said also that we will be in touch to tell him if im pregnant..WHAT TO DO , TO GET HIM BACK .. I KNOW I HAVE TO GIVE HIM HIS SPACE NO MATTER WHAT… BUT HOW DO I BEHAVE .. WHAT TO DO .. IS HE GOING TO LEAVE IF IM NOT …

    1. Tamaaraaaaa K

      March 14, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      i mean we havent broken up but we are in break … is he going to leave me ?

    2. admin

      March 15, 2015 at 4:52 pm

      Most likely yes (just saying that so you are prepared.)

      Give him the break.

    3. Tamaaraaaaa K

      March 15, 2015 at 11:54 pm

      i gave him .. and when i told him that.. i also asked if he is going to break up to do it.. i told him that this makes me suffer that im holding hope. and that it hurts .. he just said .. i have no idea i need just few days more to think about it.. he is not a very typical man he perfers to be alone but pregnansy shocked him is that way he need it a time out i m just crying every day and he doesnt even texts .. btw thanks for advice

    4. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 6:53 pm

      I know this pregnancy is a tough time for you but stick to the plan.

      Keep in LC for now.

    5. Tamaaraaaaa K

      March 15, 2015 at 11:59 pm

      And he made so much plans for us and just out of a blue .. he told me this he was angry everything started to make him mad to choke him …so he just said this.. im so confused

    6. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 6:53 pm

      Wait, you choked him?

    7. Tamaaraaaaa K

      March 14, 2015 at 5:00 pm

      and i find out now that im not preqnant i told him he felt better ..

    8. Tamaaraaaaa K

      March 10, 2015 at 12:25 am

      Im sorry for my bad english .. but please i need help fasttttttttttt

  5. Ang

    March 9, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    You have said that convincing ex to get back doesn’t work because it will make me more need and unattractive.
    But why do you suggest how to convince ex? Convincing still works in some situation, right?
    I and my ex have been together for 2 years. He is my first love. We shared a lot of emotion together. We broke up since Jan and now I am in the 8th day of NC. Should I come and convince him again after NC period?

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      Are you talking about convincing or begging?

    2. Ang

      March 13, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      Can you explain the difference? I am too confused.

    3. admin

      March 15, 2015 at 4:12 pm

      If you convince someone you do it through emotions and influence. If you beg someone you are asking them to be back without any influence you created.

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