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Kyra
October 23, 2016 at 1:42 pm
Hi! I’ve been following your site since a year when I broke up with my boyfriend. I did NC three times already and the last one was almost 3 months no contact. We both had rebound relationships and after that reconnected again and he even introduced me to his father when his father visited the country (last January). He’s always responding positively whenever I’m inviting him out or messaging him but he doesn’t initiate at all. I have tried to move on that’s why I did not contact him for 3 months and deleted him in Facebook. The other day we agreed to meet and he invited me for a short road trip and we had fun. I showed him the portrait I made and he liked it so he took it. maybe it made me too obvious that I’m still into him but I was keeping it since months so I couldn’t keep it anymore. While bidding goodbye, he said we will do it again next time and hugged me tightly. Do you think we still have chance to be together again? Or he has moved on and just keeping me as his friend?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 10:19 am
Hi Kyra,
hmm.. let’s say you’re just starting out as friends again, use this time to build more rapport, more good memories but dont be too available.. It’s like leaving good memories to him and then continuing to have your own life.
like an ungettable girl.. dont invest too much in the early stages.. if you’re that girl that he always has fun with yet and is high value in his eyes, there’s a chance he will be attracted again
Pinktie
October 21, 2016 at 6:14 am
My boyfriend have been broken up a few weeks. he said she is not in love me anymore. I hurt with not fulfilling his needs. I now understand how he may felt neglected but is saying he does not want to be in a relationship with me. He is telling me that he wanted to focus his time for himself and his parents (with financial crisis). Aside from our differences in attitudes, goals he fell in love with girl 10years younger. (in a 1 year relationship with his bf).because she appreciates him and believes in his strenths..blah..the girl knows that he’s inlove with her and they were exchanging txt mesaages.We’ve been together for 13 years. He keeps on telling we that we have to separate now.. Do you think we still have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 8:24 pm
Hi Pinktie,
I think you need to check this:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
katzenmoon
October 20, 2016 at 6:02 am
I’ve been doing the whole “friends” thing with my ex this year and it had been going really well up until last month when we went to a concert together and we sorta acted like we were a couple again. I questioned the friendship and he came back with he just wanted to be friends and nothing more. after that he became really distant and barely answered my texts. I confronted him about this and told him how I felt only to have him get upset with me and tell me he wants to be single and nothing was going to change his mind and he doesn’t want to date. I told him I agreed with his desicion (even though I dont) and never wanted him to feel smothered by me. I don’t get why he’s playing mind games with me and I wish I could do something. – thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 21, 2016 at 9:27 pm
hi Katzenmoon,
looka like you’re friendzoned.. check this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
A.
October 19, 2016 at 3:10 pm
ok. so me and my bf had a 1 year relationship, it was going well except for fighting because of many women friends in his life. they were flirty with him and i couldn’t stand it, i was getting jealous and we end up fighting a lot. we broke up first in august, but with him saying i dont want to lose you, lets have a break and see if it works and so on. i tried to travel, not to be on his back constantly and give him time to reflect. we were in contact – on and off – all this time, even slept twice, but he didnt want to get us back and we continued to fight over the same reason – other girls.
at this moment he doesnt want to talk to me anymore, says he will never take me back, and he doesnt have any feelings anymore. my best friend tried to talk to him yesterday, with no success. the reason is that we had huge fights over the weekend about my behavior towards his lady friends.
i will get into more detail if necessary. my question is, even though he seems determined now, is there any chance for me left? what can i do? because it was my best relationship in my life so far, and his as well – we’re both past 30s. the only fights we had is because other women 🙂
A
October 22, 2016 at 6:54 am
thank you A. i tried that but we have the same hobby and mutual friend. so it is inevitable to interact at some sort. last night i only talked to him if he talked first, and tried to keep it short. i hope i did well 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 21, 2016 at 12:25 pm
Hi A,
the question is what do you really want to happen? Do you want him to stop befriending girls? Have you said that to him? What did he say?
Because if he said he’s not going to do that.. it’s either you try doing no contact and just focus in improving yourself.. so, you can have a restart and then after no contact slowly buold rapport, see if he’s changed.. or move on..
Jenny
October 18, 2016 at 6:06 pm
My boyfriend have been broken up a few weeks. HE claims he loves me but he is not in love me anymore. I hurt with not fulfilling his needs. I now understand how he may felt neglected but is saying he does not want to be in a relationship with me. We’ve been together for 3 years. Do you yhink we still have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Hi Jenny,
yeah, I think you have a chance.. You had a long time together..
Michelle
October 12, 2016 at 12:36 pm
So i have an issue with my boyfriend. To make this short…We went on a trip in late auguest and i had to much alochol and i acted stupid and hurted him by my words. I never ment it at all from my heart. I saw he was hurt and he held it in. After the trip, he didnt text me but responded to my text. A week after he stopped and i text him few times. And then I gave him few weeks of no texting to give him space. Then adding up total of 1.5 months of not seeing eachother i texted him again alot, explaning for my action how im sorry. He texted me back saying i wasnt myself and what i said made him feel like unwanted in rude way. Now what hes saying to me back is exactly what i said to him during the trip in different words. I still have my stuff at his house. Im not sure what else to do or say. I said anything i can in a sweet amazing way to him and explaning how i was so stupid drunk and its my fault that shouldnt have happened etc. he then texted me that im not for him blah blah and to leave him alone. Hes the love of my life and we been together for 5 years. I cant believe myself…… Im trying to win him back and never ever drinking this much. I remember He told me when we met how i changed his life for better and was so happy. I felt same. I think my words hurt him so much and it hit him hard. We are in our early 30s. Any suggestions for me and what you think gonna happen?
Michelle
October 25, 2016 at 9:16 pm
I dont want to move on, i want him back in my life like it was before… but its past 2 months and im like feeing ugh! I feel like hell never contact me back or itll be months and months. Im feeling like irriated with his attitude like that. He does have a tough attitude. I apologized and asked forgivness like 10 times and acting like the sweetest person and nothing. Does it really take this much work for guys? They must be worst than females. I usually forgive him same day because i dont wanna lose him. But him maybe never.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 10:34 pm
I wish I can assure you, and say that if you just do this and that, he will certainly get back to you. But it doesn’t work that way.. We can only work with facts, and if he’s not changing, you have to make a decision..
Michelle
October 24, 2016 at 9:28 am
Im just not sure if its to early to start online dating and move on? I dont know how much longer to wait.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 8:13 pm
if you really want to move on, it would be better not to use a rebound.. Date yourself first.. check this one:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
Michelle
October 24, 2016 at 9:26 am
Its been 2 weeks and i doubt well be back together at all. I send him one more text and told him to block me if im annoying with my text but he didnt. I just dont think well be back together unfortunately. Im trying everything and anything to work it out. And i still have his stuff at hisnplace. Im really sad and disappointed with him.
Michelle
October 12, 2016 at 6:45 pm
Im wondering like is there a chance well be together again? He said i dont have to be sorry even tho i did because i want to say im sorry for my bad action. I wasnt acting like me that got him mad. And he did mention about a month ago he needed some time and doesnt know what he wants. I guess my words were that terrible. Its driving me crazy and i miss him alot. At least he didnt ignore my textes completly. Still not what i wanted to hear tho. I understand hes hurt because if i was him i would be too. He has hurt me in past and i still forgave him the next day because i dont like fights.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 10:52 am
I think there is.. just dont rush him after 21 days.. dont ask him right ahead of he still wants to try again.. try to rebuild rapport first
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 2:26 pm
Hi Michelle,
He needs more space.. to heal and think. You’ve done your part, you’ve apologized. Now try doing 21 days no contact to really give him space.. and use that to heal and improve yourself too 🙂
Karly
October 12, 2016 at 4:00 am
Hi,
So my boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me saying that he doesn’t think he’s ready for a serious relationship, it was a mutual break up and he said he still wants to be friends. It came as a bit of a shock to me that he did it a few weeks after I had just had a knee reconstruction (which has been difficult as sport is a major part of both of our lives) and just before exams were beginning for us. We had a great relationship together that was full of love and laughter and it felt like we have just become two strangers.
We had organised to go Go karting with two other friends on the AFL grand final as like a double date, and he asked me the day after the break up if I still wanted to go if I was up to it, which I did. Turns out we ended up going to the same place after it to watch the grand final and he just seemed very distant and he didn’t want to sit next to me, there was also this girl that he has a soft spot for who would not stop flirting with him in front of me and in a way he was going along with it, which really hurt me big time. Afterwards he asked if I wanted to go back to his and see his new dog the family got so I dropped him home (the drive home we joked and laughed) and hung out with his family for a bit, he was still very distant which then again hurt.
I asked him to meet up a few days later to tell him that I think this breakup was a great idea and that I think we need this time apart because I realised how much I relied and hung off him throughout our relationship, and that I don’t want to be friends and ended all contact even though we have P.E class together.
We bumped into each other a week later walking into town and the conversation was so awkward, so I texted him asking to meet up for a chat to talk about our relationship which he agreed to.
I pretty much just said that I’m not here to beg for him back and that I want to acknowledge the year we spent together before I move on, we talked for a hour before he had to go to class and it was all positive with laughter, he didn’t say a lot about the relationship beside he felt the spark just wasn’t there anymore and that he didn’t love me as much as he did that it was more like a friendship in the end.
We were a very affectionate couple and would always make one another happy, just things went a bit blunt when I injured myself and started getting self conscious and super clingy.
He is someone that makes me a better person and made me feel beautiful, he always reminded me his love for me and was just such a family/friend orientated Guyana I’m devastated that this has happened to once an amazing relationship.
Have I screwed up my chances of getting him back?
What should I do???
Karly
October 12, 2016 at 11:03 am
I’ve been trying but give in at about a week it’s been about 4 weeks since the breakup and he hasn’t made an effort to contact me or even try and mend the problems.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 1:56 pm
The no contact rule is for you to heal and improve, not for him to contact you. If you’re going to do it, do it for yourself, not for him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 10:31 am
Hi Karly,
I think there’s still a chance, do you want to try the no contact rule?
Kate
October 10, 2016 at 7:17 pm
Hi
Me and my ex were together for 2 years and then he broke up with me because he said he needs just him and is very anxious as he can’t give me everything. He said I am perfect and amazing and he has feelings for me. The next day I was still confused and tried to fix things however he was nice but wasn’t changing his mind. A couple of days later i initiated conversation just saying hi how are you. He replied saying he was busy xx. I was really hurt the next morning as he didn’t say anything else so I had a little outburst and he had an outburst back at me saying how can he miss me if I am always there. I then was blocked on whats app so I text him asking why he blocked me and he ended up unblocking me. We then went a week without speaking he met up with mutual friends and it hurt me hearing about it so I decided I needed to move on so i connected him to give everything back to him and he responded in a rude way. I realised I was being really dramatic with all my emotions everywhere. I messaged him half a week later asking if we ever will be friends and he said we will one day. I messaged a few days later asking if he cared and has feelings he said he doesn’t think so and he cares for me as a friend and he has been put off because I have contacted him. He then had an outburst and told me to leave him alone and i need to go away and never contact him again. He said if i ever contacted him after we split he would have contacted me we ended the conversation with take care and kisses tho. I feel like I have ruined everything now. Is there a way I can fix this? What do I need to do? I know he said horrible things out of anger and I know I have been super annoying because my emotions are so up and down. Please help me! Do you think he will still contact me or does he just hate me now?
Michelle
October 12, 2016 at 6:43 pm
Im wondering like is there a chance well be together again? He said i dont have to be sorry even tho i did because i want to say im sorry for my bad action. I wasnt acting like me that got him mad. And he did mention about a month ago he needed some time and doesnt know what he wants. I guess my words were that terrible. Its driving me crazy and i miss him alot. At least he didnt ignore my textes completly. Still not what i wanted to hear tho. I understand hes hurt because if i was him i would be too. He has hurt me in past and i still forgave him the next day because i dont like fights.
Kate
October 12, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Do u think he hates me? And do you think i still have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 2:00 pm
I don’t think he hates you, he may be annoyed but not so much as hate.. I think there is but you have to change, genuinely.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 11:35 am
Hi Kate,
Honestly, I think you should do the no contact rule.
Sarah K
October 6, 2016 at 1:37 pm
Here goes.. so my boyfriend broke up with me (for the 2nd time) a week ago. He says he loves me and that I’m the only person he’s ever considered getting back together with down the road, I just need to get myself together. (We were only together a few months so I understand why he can’t emotionally wait around for that) His reasoning for the breakup is fair. While together, my job started taking a mental and emotional toll on me and I began to act meaner and harsher towards him. I am in the process of finding new employment, but that also means finding a new place to live since I live on site, so it’s taking a bit longer than I’d like. I realized how off centered i had become. I had stopped practicing yoga and had taken on a negative mindset… I have recently begun daily yoga and meditation and I feel great! I’m feeling more balanced and although I still need to find a new job, I am a hopeful about my search. Here’s the problem. He has deleted me from all social media and has also deleted all pictures of us that he had posted. I have been in NC for 8 days, but today got a shipment notification about a medication that both of our dogs are on. He had asked a few weeks ago (while we were together) to remind him when his dog was due. I sent a text just saying that mine had shipped and that his dog was due soon. I made it positive and said nothing else. I have a feeling he blocked my number but I want to make sure his dog gets her treatment. Also, do you think there’s a chance for us? Even though it was a short relationship, I never felt the way I do about him. He is an amazing guy and was always trying to make us better, I just wasn’t in a good place to allow it. I just need guidance! I was gonna do NC for up to 60 day, bUT take it in milestones (21, 30, 45, 60) do a kinda mental/emotional health check before reaching out at each point. I truly feel he’s the one for me, but I don’t wanna keep holding on to be broken again in two months. As far as getting social, I am new to the area and don’t have friends here yet (that aren’t friends of my ex) and I’m extremely tight on money.. Please help me!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 12:22 pm
Hi Sarah K,
if you’re going to do 60 days, that means it ahould be straight 60 days of no contact.. in regards to his dog, it’s ok to talk or bring the meds just as long as you only talk about that, no feelings nor relationship talk…
I think there’s still a chance, just take it slow
Michelle
October 4, 2016 at 4:41 pm
Theres so much stuff on this website wow. well, this is another concern of mine. Its been about three times in this on/off relationship that whenever we break up he’ll say he doesnt want me anymore. Up until the last time, we’d still keep in touch. We’d play online together and still fall asleep on the phone, send me his work schedule for the week. Sometimes he’d let me be affectionate but whenever he’d get comfortable he’d push me away. And he admitted he’d do this because he wanted to unattach himself and “not fall in love again.” well, this last time i kept trying to beg, he’d still answer my texts, and pick up the phone. But still claimed he didn’t want to get back together ever again. I brought up his history of always coming back and then he said this time it wouldnt happen and then hung up in my face. and yes, im reinitiating NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 7:41 pm
Hi Michelle,
You have to stick to no contact rule this time because you’re on and off. There is that chance that it wont work if you will break it once he misses you and messages you that he wants you back. Because he has to see that you’re getting tired of his actions and he has to think that you’re finally moving on. He has to think he will lose you if he will not stick to his word of committing to you. So I think you have to do at least 45 days of no contact.
Megan
September 28, 2016 at 4:17 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me a little over 2 months ago for the 3rd time saying he can’t love me – or anyone. We were together almost a year to the day. I’ve seen him around but I’ve done no contact and he finally contacted me 2 wks ago. Like, NINE texts in a row. He started it off with “So I’m early to a party and I have some time…” like I’m an afterthought. I waited 2 days to reply saying i appreciate him reaching out, and I’m not angry but that it didn’t feel like a response was needed. He immediately responded saying he was relieved. I am actually angry because I asked if he’d like to meet for coffee but made it all about him – wanting to do dinner. Considering the place he wanted to go (it was an emotional trigger for me) and go as friends it felt innappropriate to me. The night before I said I’ll just have to meet him for coffee and he said ok. It was lovely seeing him. A bit awkward but we laughed and it was nice. I’ll admit I was guarded and eventually brought up the 9 texts and said that I don’t know why he sent them other than to make himself feel better. I was a bit surly – I’d mentioned a cute pic of his dog and he mentioned I should post it. I said I’d need to crop him out first. Half joking. It was beneath me I know. But he told me that the relationship went as far as it could but that he’ll continue to look for love – something which he initially told me to be impossible. I was crushed and before I lost it I told him it’s great seeing him but it’s just hard to trust him at this point. He said he was sorry I felt that way. I said me too. And that his texts – if he’d wanted to reach out he could’ve done it in a way that didn’t make me feel like an afterthought. I got up to leave and he said, this is just crazy – I mean a friend of mine just told me I’m not allowed to date her friends! I cut him off and said – I just told you how you made me feel like an afterthought, but THAT just made me feel like shit. I can be cordial, and I’m sure I’ll see you around. And left. We haven’t spoken since, but I heard from a friend who happened to be at the same place, they kept their distance – said when I left he had his head in his hands for several minutes then got out his phone as though to text then sighed and put it away. We haven’t spoken since. He later tweeted, “Well today didn’t go as planned”. Have I lost all hope?! What can I do? Should I reach out? I could’ve reacted better.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 11:19 am
Hi Megan,
yeah.. it was all wrong.. first it looks like you jumped to meeting up instead of building rapport first and then instead of using the meet up as an opportunity to show you’ve moved on and leave a good impression, it became a blaming opportunity.. But i understand..
I’ll be honest, your chances really took a hit but if you dont trust him, why continue?
But if you want to try as a last chance, then take it slow.. Make it seem that you have moved on.. Do a one last 30 days nc and then take it as a restart after that.. start as friends only and slowly build rapport
Heartbroken
September 23, 2016 at 1:16 am
I was together with my boyfriend for almost two years. Things were amazing for the first year or so and we moved in together about 6 months in. After the honeymoon period ended he wanted to start spending less time with me and more time with his friends and pursuing his interests and wasn’t giving me the time, attention, or affection I needed.
Last week I tried to explain how his going to a particular dinner really hurt and upset me and why I need his time. He got defensive which led to an argument. In the heat of this argument I got truly angry and broke up with him.
I didn’t think the breakup would stick, but he went to stay at a hotel the next night and hasn’t come back since. I’ve tried apologizing, begging, pleading, explaining how I could be more understanding and how I would work through therapy to improve my trust and abandonment issues — all to no avail. He remains incredibly angry and says he can’t get past the things I said (“I don’t want to be with you. I’m miserable.”). Further, he doesn’t believe me when I say I don’t mean those things and has repeatedly asked for space.
I did NC for about two days and then he texted me today asking when I’m moving out and yelling at me for making him waste money on a hotel. Now I’m just sitting here heartbroken and so regretful for everything that has happened.
I’m moving out in a few days but love him more than anything and truly want him back. But, he’s so angry I don’t know if he will ever be willing to worst things out. What should I do?
Also — we work together so I’ll see him in the office sometimes making all of this even harder.
Heartbroken
September 25, 2016 at 10:32 am
Thanks Amor! Do you think it’s possible that he will want to get back together? We’ve traveled the world together, went to multiple weddings and funerals on both sides, lived together, and have shared so many incredible memories. I know he loves me and he is angry. I just can’t tell if I am being hopeful and NC will help or if I am in denial and should still use NC but to move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 3:30 pm
Yes, I think there is a chance.. It’s human nature that he will miss you especially that you had a lot of memories together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 6:19 pm
Hi Heartbroken,
Check the article below so you can navigate no contact while working with him…Stay as calm as you can while you live with him and when moving out.. Use no contact to heal.. and do your best to squeeze in time to improve yourself.
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Ash
September 21, 2016 at 3:50 am
So I think my question is a straightforward one…should I send an email to my ex apologizing for some of the things I said during our breakup?
We’ve both been in nc for about 6 weeks since the breakup and this is our second breakup, both initiated by him. During this NC time I’ve read a lot of your posts and realized that I don’t think I should attempt to get back together with him. We got along incredibly well, but our breakup wasn’t great. It was one of those situations where he said and did all the things that indicate emotional investment (meet families, friends, he brought up moving in together one week before the breakup, etc.) and then called me up one day and said he thought about us that day and realized he didn’t have the feelings for me that he thought he should. Needless to say, I was surprised and said a few things that I wished I hadn’t. They weren’t hateful but they were insensitive. I feel like the right thing to do would be to apologize but I do not want to send the wrong message about any considerations for the future. I’m torn between is it best to let sleeping dogs lie or reach out and apologize?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 22, 2016 at 9:12 pm
HI Ash,
You said you don’t think you should attempt getting back with him, then if sending the email is a way to help you move on, go ahead.
Unsure
September 6, 2016 at 1:25 pm
My ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago today. Back story, there is a 21 year age gap between us, I’m the older. We were best friends prior to crossing that line into dating. Our relationship progressed quickly and the feelings were intense on both sides. After 3.5 months, there were a lot of outside influences regarding the age gap, which caused 2 fights, 2 weeks apart. The 2nd was loud and hurtful on both sides, which ultimately led to our breaking up the next day. We have had to see each other twice since the break, the first occasion was fine, the second he brought another woman in what seemed an obvious ploy to make me jealous. I chose the high road and ignored his actions, as I don’t believe in playing games. Other than those two instances, we have texted once each week since the break. The first was his reaching out, the other 2 were me. Both times i reached out, he was immediately responsive and positive. We did not unfriend each other on social media, neither of us removed pictures of us together, but we don’t interact through those facets at this time. While I still very much love my ex, I’m actually more concerned about keeping our friendship. What do recommend in this case? Should I implement a NC to try to save the friendship, or should I continue to reach out sporadically?
Unsure
September 7, 2016 at 1:23 pm
That’s correct. There were just too many hurdles with the age gap, I’m not willing to go through that again.
Thank you for the response. I’ll keep the lines of communication open and hopefully the friendship will eventually come back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 11:19 am
You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 8:03 am
Hi Unsure,
so, you don’t actually want to get him back? You just want to stay friends? If that’s just it, then yes, keep talking to him
Sam
September 4, 2016 at 8:33 am
Hi Amor…My bf and i broke up during a drunk argument then i asked to get back he said no because i expect too much from him. He was a chain smoker and i said i didnt approve (mainly bcos i have a blood condition and have lot of treatment) and he stopped the day before our first date(he said he always wanted to stop one day anyways). I also asked him to sign up to the doctors because if there was an emergency it would be helpful because he was recently unwell and we couldnt go anywhere. I also asked him to plan a few dates because all our dates were wherever i wanted to go so i said he should choose if he wanted to (because i wanted it to be an equal relationship not just going to wherever i wanted ). He didnt graduate from uni so i told him that if he should maybe look into reapplying and doing a course he enjoyed. Obviously i’ve listed the things i’ve asked but it were just passing comments during our relationship. He said he felt like there was too much pressure from me and that i expected too much from him. He said he wanted to smoke. (he started smoking again the day we broke up). He said he didnt care about the doctors etc. He was the one who said he was embarrassed for not finishing uni and i told him it wasn’t the end of the world and that there were so many other options out there. I don’t understand why he felt as though i was putting pressure on him and being unreasonable. I kept telling him these were ideas and that i’m only giving him my opinion because i care. He just wouldn’t have it. We were also in an interacial relationship and he said to me that his brother is married to someone from another culture and that he sees the stuff his brother has to go through and he can’t be bothered to deal with that and my culture. I was shocked at that and then he said he didn’t mean it. but now that’s also playing on my mind. I know he didn’t mean it in a racist way he just feels some cultures are much stricter. I’ve done nc and we spoke and he told me he again he didnt want anything to do with me because i’m trying to change him. I said to him he can smoke and give up when he’s ready and I won’t give him advice on his education etc. He said he just can’t commit to a relationship with me. I asked him what was wrong with me. he said there’s nothing wrong but he doesnt want to be with me. I did nc again and tried but he didn’t reply. Is it time to give up?
Sam
September 8, 2016 at 8:55 am
But i don’t want to be friends..it was a lie to try get him back. if i do nc again for the third time its effects will wear off.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 3:17 pm
well, you don’t have to restart no contact.. You just have to rest for a week, and then send a text again.
Anonymous
September 7, 2016 at 4:14 am
My ex boyfriend and I had been broken up since June, and I tried no contact with blips for the first three weeks. We started talking again and eventually resumed a physical relationship which he would usually instigate or dictate. I spent his birthday with him and have invested in numerous conversations since. However he seems to be pulling away and talking with me less–it is as if the excitement wore off. We still talk but it is not consistent: some days he will be more talkative and other days he will barely say two things.
What can I do at this point? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 7:53 am
Hi Anonymous,
you said you resumed a physical relationship? Meaning you’re friends with benefits now?
Sam
September 5, 2016 at 7:18 pm
I did nc for about 30 days the first time and i lied and said i wanted to be friends for 1 month then told him i wanted more cos i was scared he was going to search for another gf. I did nc the second time for 45 days after reading all your articles which he replied to and when i replied he didnt reply. I sent another text sayign i just wanted to be civil as we will see each other around but he didnt reply. A mutual friend said she has seen him around and he seems happy and he said he was over the break up. He apparently wasn’t wearing the watch i bought him either. He’s also deleted me off social media. Should i just give up and not contact him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 5:04 pm
He might have thought you’re using friendship again to get back with him. I think it would be better if you would let thing happen naturally once you start seeing each other personally. To prove that you’re just being friendly.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 1:13 am
Hi Sam,
how long did you do both nc? and did you ask him to get back with you right after the first nc?
Sarah
September 2, 2016 at 11:57 pm
Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 6 months, we booked a holiday together while we were in the honeymoon phase which was a big mistake, it was a lot of pressure for us both. The night before my birthday he finished with me. I went three weeks NC then he got in touch asking to meet me again, I told him that night that I was busy so I would let him know. I got home that night and he was waiting outside my house to surprise me. We got back together within two week (rushed). He was putting loads of effort in at the start but then it quickly changed. We argued a lot in our first relationship and there was alot of jealousy from both parties. Second time round the arguments didn’t start for a couple of week, I trusted him this time completely and I wasn’t jealous about anything. But he was more than usual. 6 weeks into the relationship he’s finished with me again. He’s saying that he still wants to stay in contact and be friends, I can’t be friends with him because I am too emotionally attached to him.
Do you see any chance of things working out for me and my ex again or should I walk away this time for good?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 3, 2016 at 5:52 pm
Hi Sarah,
why did he break up with you again? Did you continue the activities you started during no contact after it?
Stacey storey
August 31, 2016 at 2:35 pm
My boyfriend and I of two years broke up on hi s behalf. We still have to live together but wants me out as soon as possible. He says its over and I don’t even understand why. The only answer he gives me is we are to jealous of each other. There’s more to this story if someone has time to listen……. Sincerely and desperate. I love this man with ever fiber of my being and just want to in him back
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 5:03 pm
Hi Stacey,
I think you should read this first: EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
Stacey storey
August 31, 2016 at 2:29 pm
My boyfriend and I oh two years broke up on hi s behalf. We still have to live together but wants me out as soon as possible. He says its over and I don’t even understand why. The only answer he gives me is we are to jealous of each other. There’s more to this story if someone has time to listen……. Sincerely and desperate. I love this man with ever fiber of my being and just want to in him back
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 5:03 pm
Hi Stacey,
I think you should read this first: EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
Ange
August 27, 2016 at 12:19 pm
Hi there! my bf of 4&1/2 years moved out on me in May, right after our split he had a new girl friend. I was trying the NC rule for 3 weeks, then he told me he and the new person weren’t getting along very well, they are not dating any more & he regretted ever left me. I told him i can give him another change but he had to cut call contacts with the rebound. Apparently the rebound is quit good at appraising him which made him felt loved and being chased. My ex didnt want to cut contacts with her and told me he wanted to be with me but want to have 3 months to stay alone in order to avoid making me the rebound.
I would like to know during this time should i use the NC (i am 15 days in) or treat it as he is having girl friend & i should be “being there”? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 11:40 am
Hi Ange,
there’s no such things as just being there when the guy has a girlfriend.. Either you’re friendzoned or he’s stringing you along. If I were you, I would be firm on what I said because it reflects my standards.
Jessie
August 23, 2016 at 11:48 am
I just broke up with my long distance boyfriend of one year that I met online, and never in real life. Things started off very natural, and somehow we just found ourselves dating without outright saying it for quite sometime. We were happy, except I’d probably say about half way through that he began to become very stressed. He has very low self esteem issues, and was having a lot of trouble keeping up in his classes and his regular life, because of everything in life, not just because of me. During the last few months of our relationship, we started to spend less and less time with each other, because he spent every day feeling terrible about himself. We would try to spend time together, but he would always end up doing other things, and then apologizing later, but we always called before bed no matter what. He broke up with me after a bad trip out of the country with his family. He says he just feels bitter about everything, and that he wants to be able to fix everything himself, that he needs to fix everything on his own. This just happened almost a week ago, and yet I’ve had a hard time establishing the no contact rule. I’ve been slipping up and finding myself crying to him about how I want to get back together in the future, and at first he had been telling me that maybe the possibility could be there, but that he’s just not ready to be in a committed relationship right now. I tried establishing the no contact rule, but just today I slipped up and spend two hours on the phone with him, crying about how much he meant to me and how I just wanted him to get better. I’m very 50/50 about how I feel about everything, because he’s my best friend, and we both still want to be very close friends, and because of that, I know that he will get better. I have full confidence in him. However, there is that other 50% of me that really just wants to be with him. After I talked to him today, he cried and said that everything was moving too fast, that he couldn’t possibly imagine what could happen in the future, that he was unsure about so many things, not just regarding me. He said he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore, at least not in the same way that I love him, and I attribute that to the fact that he really can’t love anyone until he really learns to love himself. He said also himself that he wants to try no contact, that maybe there’s a possibility of us getting together in the future, but it’s probably a super low chance, below 15%, because it’ll take him such a long time to be ready to be in a relationship and he’s scared that our feelings will change in that time. I want him to grow. I want him to learn about himself and to find confidence in himself and his future, and to focus on school and get the degree and the job he wants. He’s been so stressed out, failing classes and pretending not to care about it, and it’s all caught up with him. No matter what, I want us to be close friends… but I think my hope is that after a period of no contact, when our feelings settle a little, that we can continue to be close friends, and slowly fall in love again like we had before, but as better people that have more control over their lives. He had said that while we were together, everything began to move too fast, and I think that’s because everyone I knew and everyone he knew that knew about us was pushing us to speed up our relationship, to hurry up and meet each other, to hurry up and do all these things that you would probably normally do in a relationship… but we were entirely happy just taking it slow, and when things sped up, he never let me know how much of a blow he was taking to keep up with my feelings. He keeps things to himself, and has trouble talking about them.. which is part of the reason why he wants to grow on his own. Should I have hope for us getting together, when he’s taking the first initiative step for his personal health? I know it’ll take awhile.. he doesn’t want me to wait for him, he says he doesn’t want to drag me through the mud anymore, but I’ve never seen it as dragging me through the mud. This is my first real relationship, the first boy I’ve ever truly truly loved, and while in that case I know I’m probably overreacting, he’s so very important to me. I want to be able to communicate with him, equally with the same feelings and same standards. I want him to be happy, and to be able to do whatever he wants in life without worrying about his past actions. I’m scared he’ll continue to fall out of love with me with no contact, and that he’ll decide he’s better off without me after all.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2016 at 9:02 am
Hi Jessie,
does he know about the no contact rule or you just talked about not talking to each other? I think you should read this:
EBR 017: The Importance Of The No Contact Rule