Here's What To Do If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants A "Break" From You

129 thoughts on “What To Do If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants A Break”

Media

May 14, 2020 at 1:54 pm

I am dating a guy for about 6 months and he suddenly said to me he thinks we dont match each other and his feelings are not growing up but he also didnt want to break up he just said he just want space And also he said after this quarantine time we will continue dating to see what will happen
But also he keep texting once in each 4,5 days and ask how im doing and whats new in my life and … i also texted 2 times during that time but mostly he is texting
in the last months of our relationship i became so needy and wasnt focusing on my life and lower my standards and was so available and he thought he got me completely
And thats why he is pulling away in my mind And i got And understood this from his talks

But i want help from you for knowing should i answer his texts when he texts me ?
I feel like with texting him back he is thinking so im available whenever he felt ok he can come back to me and i dont want him to think like that
I want to change my value in his eyes and be strong again and be stronger and not needy

My question is should i do (no contact rule ) in this situation with him
I mean dont answer even his texts during 30 days so that he has a little bit fear of loosing me and maybe forget negative things about me

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 26, 2020 at 11:03 pm

Hey Media, yes you still need to follow the No Contact rule if you want to get them back

Frankie

May 14, 2020 at 11:07 am

My boyfriend of 4 years has moved out to his brothers house and asked for a break. I’ve been obliging, and since he has moved out properly I’ve started the NC rule as of yesterday (he was messaging sparsely to see if he could collect things etc). His last message said he felt refreshed being at his brothers, and that he felt sad because he was making me sad – not that he missed me or anything like that. I don’t want to read into his messages too much, but due to lockdown on top of this I can’t do a lot to try and take my mind off things. Any advice? Obviously even after the NC rule stops, we will need to discuss the house etc, so do I have a lower chance of winning him back due to this as well? x

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 1:44 pm

Hi Frankie, lock down is difficult during these times but make sure you have plenty to keep you busy. Read, draw paint decorate garden whatever it is to stop you sitting and thinking about the break up. During Nc you need to be working on your Holy Trinity, so maybe look for some online jobs, or just work on your health and relationships around you with family and friends a lot of people will be struggling with what is going on around them right now. Help someone and it’ll help you feel better too. After NC is over oyu need to start the texting phase where you have short positive conversations with your ex. There are many articles on this website to help with that too

Vishakha

May 13, 2020 at 1:39 pm

Hey,
I was in a LDR with my boyfriend for 4months now. Suddenly he stopped calling me and we had a fight and he said he wants a break. I got crazy and tried talking to him. He just replies me saying he need to be alone. I have now clue how to deal with it and if he will ever come back.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 19, 2020 at 8:46 pm

Hi Vishakha, this is where you would complete a 45 day NC and then reach out after you have spent that time working on yourself and preparing yourself for your first short conversation with your ex.

Laura

April 26, 2020 at 2:15 pm

My bf has trust issues with me and thinks I dont really want to be in a serious relationship with him bc of some things I said that came out as me being flaky and not thinking of him as a boyfriend (he is also waiting for me to get my divorce which i am working on). I just started working on making him feel less insecure, but he’s been pulling back saying he doesnt know what he wants and that he fell in love with me too fast. When I confronted him he said he wants to focus on himself and cant do that when he’s with me bc he thinks about me (and prob insecure thoughts) too much. So I moved out to give him the space he asked for. He said we can still talk but he hasnt reached out. I know I should wait but I also dont want him to think i left for good and make him think I didnt want to be with him in the first place. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 3, 2020 at 2:55 pm

Hi Laura, so the No Contact period needs to be around 30 days where you do not reach out to your ex, then you start the texting phase, when someone asks for space the most important thing you need to do is give him the impression of what he wanted – life without you in it. In that time you need to work on your HolyTrinity

Tania

April 19, 2020 at 5:55 pm

Hi!

My bf and I recently went into LDR. We lived together for 4 years and currently in LDR for the past year. Out of the blue, he decided he needs a break to determine if he wants to be with me forever because right now, he’s stalling and he just doesn’t know why. He stated he needs time and don’t know how long. Is putting a timeframe unreasonable?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 20, 2020 at 1:06 pm

Hi Tania, it is not unreasonable – but you do not tell him he has a deadline. You tell yourself how long you are willing to wait for an answer

Tessa

April 17, 2020 at 6:30 am

My boyfriend has had a hard time because his grandma passed away (they had a close relationship) so he asked for a week of no contact. (He always says he likes to deal with emotions by himself) Obviously i missed him a lot but i gave him the space he asked for. Then after a week he messaged me “i miss you” so i said that i missed him back. He explained that it was because after he stopped thinkinh about his grandma he thought of me. But the next couple of days he wouldn’t message me. The only time we talked was when i messaged him in the evening asking how his day been etc. Well i asked him if he like wanted to talk to me at all and he said that It feels hard for him to initiate the conversation. And i didn’t know where that was coming from. We never had problems with communication. Then the next few days he wouldn’t text and so i asked if he doesn’t feel like he needs me/misses me. He just got very upset very fast and after few messages saying that break would be the best for us because he doesn’t want to bring my mood down and that talking to other people (men) might make me happier and all that nonsense he knows i would never do. Then he said that he needs to go and didn’t reply to me again. I apologized for pushing on him with these feelings questions but he just ignored it for two days. Then i got a very short message saying that from now until the lockdown is finished we are on a break and after he wants to talk to me in person. It’s been a week now and he hasn’t texted me, and neither did I. I just see him following other girls on instagram and liking their pictures, he is chatting to his friends as if everything was back to normal and yet he is ignoring me. ( he has never been the type to like other gilrs pictures or care much about their posts but it feels like he does now) Tomorrow is his bday and i don’t know whether i should text him saying happy bday or not. I really want him back but i don’t know if he is moving on already and i should too orr if there is a chance for us to be together.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2020 at 10:30 pm

Hi Tessa, it is necessary that you complete your NC and allow him some time to truly miss you thinking that he has lost you, even more so when you do not reach out for his birthday he is going to question why you didn’t text him. He is grieving a loss of someone who was important in his life so you need to understand he is also learning how to cope with those feelings. Complete 30 days NC minimum and then reach out to your ex after starting the texting phase

Deja

April 17, 2020 at 12:31 am

Hi,
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Lately, we have been arguing over the smallest things. He would say that he would be busy and I was calling a lot when he sometimes he didn’t communicate and I just would want his time. A couple of weeks ago during the lockdown, we were arguing and he said can we take a break because he has other things he has to do and was tired of it and he blocked me off everything. I was trying to find ways to talk to him but he texted me on one social media a couple of days later making sure I was okay and I asked him what did he mean by a break no reply nor did he say he wanted someone else so I’m doing no contact and I’m on my 6th day of no contact because I am kind of confused and a little scared. Is he thinking of something or want someone? What could he mean by a break? Will he unblock me off of everything including from his phone and reach out to me and talk to me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2020 at 10:48 pm

Hi Deja, it is likely that you will be unblocked eventually but by the sounds of things he wants a break from the fall outs and the arguments that you guys have been having lately. Allow him the space and when he comes back be happy and easy going so that he thinks the space has not upset you

M

April 15, 2020 at 6:43 pm

Hi my boyfriend and I have been doing long distance for about a year. We started dating the beginning of his senior year in high school and as he went into the military. We talked last Wednesday and he told me he just feels like he needs time for himself and he doesn’t get the same feeling with our relationship and that he’s holding me back. There is nothing I can say to make him want to try and not give up on us. Next week we were suppose to hit a year and a half. I convinced him to go on a break until next Saturday to think about it, he says he doesn’t think he will change his mind. His friend that’s also military did the same thing with his girlfriend. I don’t want to lose him but don’t know what to do. He has never even talked about splitting up before and promised to never leave me. Also I can’t see him until Christmas and I think the 3 year Apart reality really hit him. I didn’t react so good at first and spammed him a little. I have t reached out in 2 days we are suppose to talk on Saturday. I don’t know what to do. I think we weren’t giving each other enough freedom.
Lou Lou

April 14, 2020 at 12:05 pm

My boyfriend dumped me during lockdown and said he needed space to sort out His own crap . He’s said we on time out for now . he’s now currently blocked me . What do I do . Do I chuck his things away

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 14, 2020 at 9:13 pm

Hi Lou do not throw his things away, you just box them up and stick them out of the way for the time being. He will unblock you eventually just follow the No Contact information and make sure you are taking care of yourself during this time

Dianna

April 1, 2020 at 12:25 pm

Hi, I am in an LDR relationship for almost 4 years now.. I admit I have been demanding this past few months.. My bf got fed bup and said I am impatient and wants us to be friends for now.. I told him I don’t like the idea and if he would pursue leaving I will settle down with someone else since I have already waited a lot.. He said, we are still friends and that there is no need for me to block him caus we might get back together.. I told him I will block him and leave as well if he wants us to be friends for now.. Please help.. I’m dying..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 2, 2020 at 4:07 pm

Hi Dianna, I am not sure what you want help with. But if you want your ex back in a relationship then you need to accept that LDR are difficult and that at times you don’t get to see or speak to your partner much. Was there a plan for you both to be together one day?

If you start following the program, you need to not block your ex, but you do need to read, understand and follow the rules of a No Contact Rule. I would suggest doing so for 30 days before you reach out to your ex, which should be a text that Chris has suggested in his articles and videos

Cindy

April 1, 2020 at 7:58 am

Hi
My boyfriend and I have been sleeping together for almost a year before we officially started dating. I later find out that he cheated on me , I confronted him and he said he has slept with 5 girls since we started dating. I was so heart broken I still forgave him and agreed to continue the relationship. Few days later he sent me a message saying he needs a break , that he still thinks about his ex everyday even when I’m around, but he still loves me . So I asked him if his Ex comes back will he go back to her, he said he doesn’t know. I’m so confused, I even begged him to stay but he insisted it’s the only thing he wants right now. He said it’s a difficult decision for him but he has to do it, claiming he still loves me. He said let’s still be friends and I agreed ( I shouldn’t have). I don’t know if the NC will still work, I did not block him from any social media, we chatted this morning but it was casual. I asked him if the break is not a gate way to breakup and he said “It depends on how long it takes”. I still love him and he knows, he apologised for disappointing me. Please I need advice.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 8, 2020 at 3:51 pm

Hi Cindy yes you need to go into a NC as he needs to feel what his life is going to be like without you – if you want him to be you boyfriend then you can not be his friend right now – you need to work the Holy Trinity and then reach out in 30 days

Sonia

April 1, 2020 at 6:19 am

Hello Chris,

My boyfriend and I have been having issues for a while now because of my temper problems we often have long fights over meaningless things I now realize how wrong I have been and I only want to change myself for the better. I do not consider us to be a toxic couple we have had the most best times but also the hardest times. He now wants a break he said he still loves and misses me but wants to be alone and did not specify for how long he wanted the break. When I said I would wait for him he asked me not to and asked me to figure out if this is what I really wanted and that he wont mind if I dated someone else. I know that he is all I want and I have made some mistakes along the way and I want to fix things, I only want another chance just to prove to him that I have changed and I will not hurt him the way I did before. I just need him back to prove that I am not the same person and this was not a mistake or something he would regret. What should I do during this break? I only need him back because this is my fault and I pushed him towards this decision because of my hurtful actions

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 9, 2020 at 11:44 pm

Hi Sonia, look up the Holy Trinity that Chris speaks of where you are going to work on yourself to be the best version of yourself.

Rita

March 28, 2020 at 3:21 pm

Hi, me and my boyfriend are in relationship for 14 months. He recently told me that I’m too demanding, and has stopped staying over at my place overnight since a month ago. He used to spend at least two nights with me in the previous months.

I’m worried that he may ask for a break/breakup soon. Could you advice what I should do? Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 28, 2020 at 9:54 pm

Hi Rita, I would suggest that you become less demanding and start spending time with your friends or in your own company to show your bf that you are giving him space and not going to demand anything of him going forward.

Saloni

March 15, 2020 at 3:45 pm

Hi
I and my boyfriend is in relationship for past 2.5 years everything is going very good even in February we have spent lot of time together bt suddenly we have a small fight and later on he told me he wants a break to understand himself what he wanted to do in his carrer and whether he see our future or not in the meantime i have texted 4 times and 2 times I called earlier he was texting me back bt he is not its been 15 days so i am not able to understand what to do

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 17, 2020 at 8:37 pm

Hi Saloni so you need to start your No Contact where you spend some time focusing on yourself. You need to stop texting your ex for at least 30 days and then when you are done reach out with a text that Chris suggests

Rita

March 10, 2020 at 10:18 am

I got news from someone that my man was checking on me. I was angry, i over reacted. I Said a lot of things to him. He tried talking to me but I didn’t listen. Later run I found out that’s not true he had nothing with the Lady, now he’s angry I didn’t trust him but rather I trusted what people where saying. He needs space, have begged him he still stands on his ground about the break what should I do I need my man back.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 1:30 pm

Hi Rita, so you should allow your ex some space as he is hurt and upset that you did not trust him. Just be cam about this if it is a break up then allow 30 days of no contact before reaching out to him again

Very sad and confused

January 23, 2020 at 12:04 pm

Hi,
Me and my boyfriend were together for 4 year. Everything was great, we had lot of fun together, he called and texted me constantly so sometimes I find it boring but never told him.
Every birthday, Christmas, Anniversary he tried to make me happy with some cute stuffs, and most importantly he was there.
Last two months we were arguing little bit more then previous 3 years.
I never knew what jelous means, because, luckily, he never gave me the opportunity to feel it.
It comes Christmas time and he act so weird, he announces that he needs pause to make change his life, to find a job, to teach Everything he needs for life.
He said he still loves me but he can not focus on our relationship right now and that he does not want to hurt me with his nervous.
He said he want to have thar feeling of missing me and that Everything within us will be ok.
Every day since zhat he call me and say that he is happy hearing my voice happy and that he miss me but now he can’t be with me.
I do not know what to think.
He is 24 now and we still live separate. He lives with his parents and all the time arguing with his mother about mistakes he has done since he was teenagee.
Please, help me

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 24, 2020 at 12:59 pm

Hi there, so it sounds like your boyfriend / ex needs space and less stress and pressure on him. So go into a No contact focus on yourself for some time and know that he is has been on hoesnt and said he can not do with a relationship right now while he is over stressed with his life situation

Lost in LA

December 8, 2019 at 12:58 am

Are you only to break no contact if they reach out asking to get back together? My ex (as of 2 weeks after 3 years together) broke up with me saying he believes we are incompatible (Lots of fighting lately due to stress on both sides) reaches out to “check in” and wish me “happy holidays” and then turns around and states he “feels like he’s chasing me only to be ignored” when I don’t respond trying to implement no contact. I’m just not sure if checking in warrants no contact. I’ve blocked him on all social media (seeing his name pop up on our mutual friends posts is too painful) the only way he can currently reach me is via text. This is so hard and I’m devastated especially given it’s the holidays.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 10:56 pm

Lost In LA, yes only if your ex wants you back that you reply if theyre just checking in, then they just want to know if you reply to them and still available to them

Amber

September 10, 2019 at 3:42 pm

My boyfriend and I are technically broken up (we have gotten rid of our pictures of each other on social media and Facebook statuses have been changed), but we are continuing to talk because he said he just needs some time and space to try to get his life together. He is under a lot of stress, we both are, with moving, school, and jobs. It honestly came out of the blue for me, and it’s only been a couple days. I am absolutely heartbroken and when we talked last night in person, he was very upset too, like actual tears happening upset. We decided that we would do this for as long as 4 months, so he could have his time. But I keep reading different articles and I’m getting contradictory answers. Lots of people are saying that more good can come from this break than bad, but others are saying that this is just going to lead to a true break up, for good. Right now, of course we are both in pain, but I do not want the pain to go away until I know whether we will get back together or not. I want him to be happy and I am not going to try to change his mind anymore, but I am just so confused as to where all of this came from. I am also scared that if we do get back together, it will be even worse than before.
Feeling confused

August 30, 2019 at 3:31 pm

Where did my comment go??
Feeling confused

August 30, 2019 at 3:19 pm

My boyfriend and I were only together for a short three months. Which was amazing. But he is overworked although I was understanding to his swing shifts he feels like he is letting me down a lot of times and he said this isn’t the man he is. He put me in his future. But he has a lot going on such as remodeling his home so he can move in it plus the work. I am 39 and he is 40. I’m in nursing school which I’m pretty busy myself. And I have a two year old disabled son. We got into a misunderstanding and he said he was done which I did nothing wrong. He was pulling away and we communicated about things but I guess I was not on the same page and was a bit confused. So we left on bad terms he deleted me off Facebook. So two weeks later he can back saying he didn’t want to be on bad terms. That he doesn’t want to lose me or his best friend and I’m a round about way told me he loved me. But not direct but I could tell his feelings were so sincere. He said he just wanted us to break so he could focus on getting things done to prepare for the future. Well I’m ok with a break but not ending things. But I’m still sitting here confused. Bc we talked the next day about some school news I had that he told me to contact him about but it’s now been two weeks of no contact. So is the break continuing I mean it seems like it. Ugh I do not feel I should have to contact him even if we were last on good terms bc I’m not the one that felt this was needed. Any advice? Should I just keep going on with my life and wait for him to contact or should I be like hey remember me? Lol

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129 thoughts on “What To Do If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants A Break”