Here's What To Do If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants A "Break" From You

129 thoughts on “What To Do If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants A Break”

Alli

December 17, 2020 at 5:59 pm

My boyfriend suggested a break, included in the break he set some rules. The rules are we dont date, try to talk to other people or sleep with them. Just self reflection and deciding if getting back together is the right thing. I haven’t been needy or rude and have respected his wishes, he calls and texts daily almost like we are still together. He told me last night he needs to get his life settled first before considering ever getting back together. We spent the other day together and he bought me a few things and shoveled my driveway then tried having sex with me. I’m very confused on what I’m supposed to be doing in this situation with him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 20, 2020 at 7:05 pm

Hi Alli, it sounds as if he considering staying with you but I would suggest that you have a calm conversation first about where you both stand before allowing sex or any intimacy to happen between you both

Jess

December 12, 2020 at 7:35 pm

We spent a lot of time together quite quickly for about a month and a half after we met. Everything was going great. Unfortunately, after this 1.5 months, we are unable to see each other for two months due to university break. When we discussed break, he disclosed that being home was very hard for him due to sickness in the family and that talking constantly would not be ideal. He said he wanted to pause and reconnect after the break, citing that the whole university break was not ideal. When I asked about communication, he said he didn’t mind if I reached out. We have barely talked. Will he forget me and move on over university break? Should I move on?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 12, 2020 at 8:34 pm

Hi Jess, he wont forget you for Christmas break, I would suggest that you do not reach out to him until at least boxing day just to see if he messages you on Christmas day itself.

Bell

December 3, 2020 at 10:11 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for four years, yesterday I told him something which he critic me about before walking away. He didn’t call neither did I call him after. So today I chatted him up with a long text on how I feel when he critic my every mistake. And the next thing he will ask was ‘if I needed a break from the relationship’. I was lost because I know things don’t go right after a break. I know I am a wrack but I love him unconditionally and selflessly and I don’t want to lose him . So I directed this question to him ‘ can u wake up one morning and think of taking a break from me’. He said yes. I have been speachless
Faith

December 2, 2020 at 9:37 pm

Hi. Great article, but what if he wants a break after he found out you cheated and isn’t sure if he still wants the relationship or not?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2020 at 10:33 pm

Hi Faith, so if you cheated you need to understand they need this time and space to decide if they can forgive and move passed this issue. If they choose to end things then you need to follow a 30 days no contact and understand that you broke their trust and it is going to take time to move passed this.

Victoria

November 19, 2020 at 5:32 am

Hey Vixendaily,
My boyfriend asked for a break as he was not in a very good situation and is overwhelmed all the life issue. He didn’t wanted to lose me and asked for some time until things gets fine. I didn’t wanted to pressure him, saw couple of video of your and I gave him break happily by being supportive with sharing a paradigm shift as you said. After that I went in no contact. No begging, no clingy behaviour. Just a radio silence. After 30 days of no contact he blocked me on Whatsapp as i changed my profile picture. I didn’t reacted anything and went to another city to meet my friends. Its been over 3 months, I posted a story of it as we met so long after lockdown and he viewed my story, wishing my best friend on her birthday.Not sure if he is missing me. Can you say something?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2020 at 9:30 pm

Hi Victoria – so the idea is that you reach out after your 30 day No Contact. But if you want to move on then you are doing great! Good for you keeping emotional control.

Elena

November 5, 2020 at 11:12 pm

Hello. My bf and I have been together for 12 months now . When we first started talking I lied to him about something and now it’s hard for him to trust me also he has major trust issues in general . He said he needs time to come at peace with his mind and etc. Idk what to do . I’ve never loved anyone like I love him and I’m scared that he’s going to leave me

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 7, 2020 at 3:29 pm

Hi Elena, be sure to be truthful with him going forward and respect that he needs some time right now

Catherine

October 22, 2020 at 12:53 am

Hi
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years, we actually started dating when we were 17. So on Monday he asked for a break,on reasons that we have lost our connection,we quarrel too often,he finds it difficult to impress me, individual issues. I know things hasn’t been going smoothly for either of us. This year has been the toughest for us, we quarreled more often than recent years. The thing is we love each other, maybe I love him more. But I feel this break will be the end of us and I don’t know if I can take it, I felt like reaching out to him and apologizing,but I don’t know what I would be apologizing for. I don’t know what to do. I really feel sad that I am about losing my best friend and the love of my life.
Hannah

September 25, 2020 at 4:08 pm

My boyfriend and I are currently going on a break. But I fear it’s a break up not a break. He said he’s been stressed and overwhelmed with everything in his life and I have been putting too much pressure on him. And he’s not sure if our relationship is right for me. I’m going crazy. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him, and I don’t want to lose our life together. Please can anyone help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 25, 2020 at 8:37 pm

Hi Hannah, if it is a break then make sure you allow him space by not reaching out to him for at least a week, if he then breaks up with you. You need to go into a full No Contact for 30 days before reaching out again, make sure you work on your holy trinity in that time

clevi

September 11, 2020 at 9:57 am

Hi, me and my bf are together from past 12 months and i found him talking to this another girl and he said he is not able to fall in love with me and he wants a break to figure out his feelings for me. I love him so much, is he ever going to come back? what should i do

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 11, 2020 at 9:06 pm

Hi Clevi, it sounds as if he has grass is greener syndrome so make sure you read about that article on this webpage. Also to follow the program is going to give you, your best chance at attracting him back so make sure you are starting with your NC and focusing on yourself for at least 45 days

Emily rose

August 26, 2020 at 4:58 am

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over a year now and we barely see eachother due to being so busy and a lot happening in life but we pushed through it cause we love each other very much but last week I was really upset on how my life was going and didn’t know what I was doing in my future and I lashed out on him and said some very hurtful things to him which I regretted and apologized right away and told him I was just doing a lot of thinking and then he proceeded to tell me we both need a break and for us to let go a bit,I told him I don’t need a break but if he wants one that’s okay and to txt me when he’s feeling better and it’s been a couple of days and I miss him very much and I don’t know if I should check up on him even though I told him to text me when he’s doing better or I should just wait for the response.im extremely scared that he’s gonna go to break up with me after this break is over.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 6, 2020 at 9:47 am

Hi Emily, often a break is what happens before an official break up – I would suggest that you give him a week of peace. Then reach out to him to see if you can sort your issues, but also prepare yourself for him to end the relationship where you control your reactions and accept the break up which you then go into a No contact

Lilly

August 19, 2020 at 7:37 am

Hello, We had some issues lately due to lack of communication, so I flagged him about it. After a couple days he was reflecting his actions and we had a talk. When he left he suddenly broke up with me via text after a couple hours, I was really surprised by this, because we had a good talk, I thought.

A couple days later I’ve decided to clear things up, so we had a talk again. He told me that he is having some difficulties with himself and he does not want to drag me into it, because he is already aware that I already got hurt. So I told him that if he needs to figure things out, I will give him the space. Both of us didn’t want to let each other go, so I asked him what are we now? He told me it’s complicated. Meanwhile, I did informed him I don’t want to be friends with him, due to my feelings and if he wants a break up I will respect that.

He told that this is a break. Now I’m really confused, he wanted a break, but he still texting me almost one time per day. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation right now, since this doesn’t feels like a break. I still wants him back, but I also respect his choice that he wants space. So I’ve been keeping myself on a low profile. What should I do? Do I still need to apply the No contact rule in this situation? If yes, how and do I need to inform him since we still have almost daily contact by text? Is he testing the water?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 5, 2020 at 8:39 pm

Hi Lilly, so when someone asks for a break – take this as the pre break up warning. I would suggest that you be very laid back for the time being. Answer him when he reaches out but let him do most of the work. IF he comes to you and ends the relationship you then go into a NO Contact and you do not tell him that you are doing one, you just disappear.

SMS29

August 18, 2020 at 12:22 am

Hi so, my boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now.. we live about an hour away from each other he lives in the city where his transportation is mostly trains or buses. While mine is a car so usually I am the one traveling back and forth to spend time with him.. I’ve been doing so for literally the entire relationship he has Come out to see me maybe a handful of times.. anyway since Covid happened his job mandates to work as a live in so he is always at his job little time for “ US time” but we try to make it work.. Recently he told me he felt like I wasn’t putting out as much supportive energy as he was and that I had some healing to do within myself and his. I don’t have the best living situation and he does. Well he asked for a break until we “fixed our issues”. Being with someone for over 3 years is so hard to just drop them after communicating with them everyday. I have never really believed in having good outcomes when couples go on a “break”.. so I’m actually really scared of losing him even though he claims that he isn’t going anywhere and this break is only intended to make us more stronger for our future..
Danah

July 25, 2020 at 10:37 am

My boyfriend and I have been happily and healthily together for a year and a half. I’m 32 and this is the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Everything lines up. We had our first blow out this past weekend and it completely tore him up. He went back to live with his parents and suggested he just needed a few days to recover.

Yesterday we decided we would talk, and he showed up in hysterics. He told me he was worried he wasn’t ready for a relationship (I’m his first girlfriend), and that he’s had those thoughts occasionally but since he loves me so much he’s pushed them down. He spent the nignt sobbing, trembling and shaking while saying he knows he needs a break in order to practice self love and fix some negative traits about himself. He kept going back and forth with “I’m making the biggest mistake of my life” and “I’m so stupid what am I doing?” type talk to himself.

Personally, I didn’t fight him. Who can fight the person they love who is so clearly broken? I told him he was making the right decision by taking time to better himself, and that I’d rather this happen now and perhaps our roads can connect again than us forcing it and possibly crumble entirely.

I’m heartbroken, but I know this is best for him and ultimately for us.

I’m implementing NC, but is there anything else I should be doing? I truly love this man – unconditionally and selflessly.
Leyb

July 20, 2020 at 4:12 am

I’ve been with my bf for 1 year. I’m 22 and he’s 31. We have a big age gap and so we had lots of differences. We fight almost everyday and now he broke up with me cuz he said I was being toxic to him but I didn’t want him to. Now he started talking to me and gave me a lat chance. But before we get back together, he asked for a year to unwind. And that’s making me sad. One year is such a long time

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 25, 2020 at 8:15 pm

Hi Leyb, a year is a very long time! And I think you should show him you are not willing to wait that long for him and start dating casually. If he views the relationship as a toxic relationship then you need to go into a longer no contact period so that he has time to reflect on the positives of your past too. Work the ungettable information and make sure that you are living your life with your friends and family during this time

Jane

June 22, 2020 at 11:24 am

Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for about 9 months and I thought everything was going great till about a week ago he didn’t want to see me all weekend. I then asked to see him on the Friday which he then made an excuse not to see me. That night I asked him if everything is okay he replied that he doesn’t know how he feels about me anymore and that its not fair on me to carry on like this. We spoke on the phone for a bit and decided on a break till middle of July. He did say that he is very stressed with exams and doesn’t know what to do or how he feels. I feel like my heart is broken and we are just in a limbo stage to then break up which isn’t what I want but I think thats what he wants, as a break almost a gateway to breaking up. We still snapchat each other a few times a day but don’t speak in conversation. Do you think i should stop snap chatting him? and he says he doesn’t feel the same way about me as he did at the start of the relationship so i don’t know if a break will work because we are just gonna grow more apart. Do you think a break is the right option and will work? I also worry about him as he has been drinking more recently and has been more sad so I want to reach out and ask if he is okay but also want to give him space and time. How long should I wait to ask if he is okay or should I not ask at all?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 17, 2020 at 11:23 pm

Hi Jane, yes it sounds as if a break is right, but be prepared for your ex to then end things with you so that you can control your emotions and follow a strict No Contact. In the mean time work on yourself and your Holy Trinity and being Ungettable so that your ex sees how great you are doing without him. Your NC needs to be around 30 days, but that is if he ends things with you. During your break if you are still together I would not go over 21 days of NC

Savannah

June 15, 2020 at 5:24 pm

Hi,
my boyfriend and I have been together almost a year now. He has some severe trust issues due to his ex girlfriend cheating on him. We have had minor fights in the last year that all let back to his trust issues. None of which we didnt resolve in a day or so. We have a very loving relationship and have always been very obsessed with each other. Since March when we both got laid off due to COVID-19, we decided I would stay at his house all the time because we were both not working and wanted to just spend time together. The last week I felt as though things were a bit off with us. He hasnt been touching me hardly at all, which is NOT like him. He barely tells me he loves me anymore. I feel like its because we got way too much time together way too fast. Finally last night I asked him why he was acting this way and if he still wanted to be with me and he said he thought we just need some time apart. Things had been weird lately and he did not know why, and I don’t either. I believe that because I thought he wasnt acting normal, i started not acting normal. And it just escalated over nothing. But I dont know for sure. He always assumes I dont want to be with him when I’m acting “weird” but this time, it was mostly him. I moved most of my stuff out of his house and have been back in my apartment for the last day. I tried to talk to him but he didnt seem like he really wanted to. I dont know what to do. I want to be with him and I want him to stop feeling so insecure with me but maybe he really just doesn’t want me anymore.
Joanna

June 7, 2020 at 8:51 am

My boyfriend and I were living together for three years. We had a lot of fights because I developed depression. All that aside we were very happy together, went on a lot of holidays and when I was pursuing my masters abroad he came to visit me once a month! I was getting a little better slowly and suddenly he decided we were going on a year long break.
He says he realized he was never ready for a relationship.
I’m very upset and would like to get him back but I’m not sure how to apply these rules to our situation!
We’re in Covid19 quarantine and he wants me to quit my job without notice and try to drive back to my parents’ breaking lockdown rules. We’re still in the house together!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 8:21 pm

Hey Joanna, while you are living together you need to follow a limited no contact rule. Where you spend as little time around him as possible and avoid talking to him.

Diana

May 30, 2020 at 7:01 am

Hi
ive been with my boyfriend (officially) for about a year and a half.. and its been great.. families involved (approve of us) and everything.
but just like most couples we would argue sometimes and make up.. Traditionally the next step would for us to get engaged and for us to eventually get married..
We spoke about all theses things and about our future together multiple times..
I never felt like there were any deal breakers between us.. I know i am a sensitive and emotional person with a temper but i am also the first to apologize if i ever get loud or over react..
We had a dumb argument 2 days ago over something so silly, I apologized for my part same night but he then asked for some space which is something hes never asked for before so ofcourse in return i became so anxious and turned it into an argument and almost gave him an ultimatum which i didnt mean to.. but honestly we always hated space from one another and esp if it dragged to a 2 day type ordeal..
Anyways.. ofcourse i didnt give him space so then in return he asked for a break..
I dont mean to come accross as a wreck but i love him with every ounce of me and i pray this time gives him some clarity as to why he hasnt been comfortable taking the next step and all of a sudden wants a break.
I am not worried about other girls but i worry that this time apart just make him forget me and all our plans..
He said that he always had some negative thoughts but bcoz he loves when we see each other, it also temp puts a bandage and then when iwe r not together these thoughts come back to his mind (which r not deep or deal breakers)
I will do my best to respect his wishes and give him his 2 weeks break but i dont know what to do with the sadness and anxiety im feeling about whats to come after the 2 weeks..
Brandi

May 29, 2020 at 3:10 pm

Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now. He works offshore so we didn’t see each other that often. He has been divorced 3 times and has compared me to his ex’s in certain ways. He is almost 50 and I’m almost 47. He just finished speeding over 3 weeks at ny house. One of which he was sick with kidney stones. I took care of him the entire time. I also went through this with him only a month into our relationship. Well when he left to go offshore last week he got really quiet and didn’t call or text as he usually does. I finally pinned him down and asked what was going on. He said he just didn’t feel comfortable in our relationship and he needs a break to think about things. He did this about a month and a half ago but in the same conversation he said he didn’t want to and he knew I am who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He says that he doesn’t want to make a rash decision and break up. I’m just at a loss. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 9, 2020 at 11:59 pm

Hi Brandi, you need to go into a No Contact, but as he works offshore. I am going to assume he has a 3 week on and 3 week off period. So follow the longer 45 day No Contact where by the time he is due home you are still not speaking with him so he can feel the effects of your NC. Work on your Ungettable so when he is back around you are doing amazing and dont need him

c123

May 24, 2020 at 5:03 am

actually I and my bf were in LDR and had 2 break up..and the reason for both the breakup is the same..i misunderstood that he was cheating me so I did break up with him.actually during the 2nd break up 4 months before I actually saw him posting close pics with some other women which completely killed me inside.so I lied to him by saying that I got a new bf and did my breakup..but one ques was always disturbing me “y did he cheat me”.so when I asked him he said me it was all my imagination and he said they were like his sis (who were his classmates)who would call him bro.he even did mom and dad promise that he never thought any girl the way he thought me..i thought it was my mistake and tried to patch up by saying him the truth that I was just lying him that I got a new bf..he said me he does not have any trust on me…but wen I started begging him he said me we should wait for some time to know our destiny…wen I asked him do he love me still..he said me he don’t know…but he will only marry the girl who his parents see for him…and he lost faith on girls becoz of me…and asked me to wait until both of us know our destiny wen I begged him so much to come back me..WAT SHOULD I DO NOW

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 29, 2020 at 2:40 pm

Hey there, so I would suggest that you follow the rules of No Contact for at least 45 days and then you need to reach out with the being there method if he is involved with other women at the time. You need to spend your time working on your Holy Trinity and focusing on yourself for some time

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129 thoughts on “What To Do If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants A Break”