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193 thoughts on “What Should I Do If My Breakup Is Killing Me?”

  1. Avatar

    Linda

    November 25, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I had a closure last Monday, I wanna blame myself for everything bec when we fought 3months ago I didn’t even reach out to him but he didn’t also try to reach out. We meet again yesterday to give something for his mother and I ask if we can still have another chance he said that it would be best for us to just move on. I can see that he’s also struggling but I think he already made up his mind to move on. Help!!! Do we still have the chance? What to do??

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:40 am

      Hi,
      Accept that he has moved on, and take it as a restart.. you can still try the no contact rule

  2. Avatar

    May

    November 24, 2017 at 12:34 pm

    Sighhh… This is May again
    After, I added him again on messager, and I started the conversation via texts, after a week later, he posted the photo of his new gal with hearts sticker on messager story. And plus, that gal also posted the photo of them together at a bar having dinner together and tagged him on Facebook.
    I dunno what to think anymore! I want to get insane.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 12:45 pm

  3. Avatar

    May

    November 23, 2017 at 9:05 am

    Hey it’s May again..
    After the NC rule (it’s 30days), I waved at him on messager and he waved me back instantly.After a few days, I sent him text msg asking if he did buy the gastric meds that he told me he would buy for me, he replied instantly that ”he hasn’t this time, but he would buy next trip for sure”. Then I said ”it’s ok, after u have the meds, pls let me know”. He replied ”ok”. That’s all But after that he hasn’t contacted me and I also do not contact him, it’s been like two weeks already since we last texted each other. As far as I know, although he claimed that he has a new gal before we broke up and after that he posted a photo with her on Facebook, that’s all. He doesn’t post anymore photos with her yet.
    Plus, he also hasn’t deleted all the photo album together with me on Facebook too.
    What should I do and what should I think? Do I need to do another NC rule? I dun wanna lose him anyway.

  4. Avatar

    G

    November 22, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    We were together for about a year and a half, we had some issues previously and had broken up before about 9 months in, but we got back together and things were seemingly great, until last week he broke up with me saying that he does not have the time to give me and just wants to focus on work (he’s moving states for a new job in about two months, but we had discussed our future and how long distance would work). I’m pretty blind sided and the whole breakup was weird as he went from being mean to really sweet to mean again and so on, he said he still cares and then proceeded to block me on everything, and we have not talked since (started my no contact without a choice I guess lol).

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 11:37 am

  5. Avatar

    T

    November 18, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Thank you Amor. I will start NC for 30 days. I’ve also already started working on myself. I started exercising alot and doing some reinvention (new hair cut and color). I just need to focus on the mental aspect. I hope the NC will pay off!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:36 am

      Wow! That’s great!

  6. Avatar

    w

    November 18, 2017 at 6:06 am

    Hi Amor, he texted me this morning and asked if i want to go out for a movie. But he dint offer to fetch me but asking me to go over myself. Im still in nc btw. Is it normal for him to not etch me because we are just friends and he dont have the need to fetch me anymore? What should i do next time if he ask me out for a date? Should i request him to fetch me or i could go over myself. He once said that he’s the one always coming over and fetching me when we’re a couple. But after we broke up i did silly things like driving over to find him almost once every week and then i decided to stop and do nc. So what should i do the next time if he actually ask me out for a date again?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:07 am

      You need to restart nc because when you’re in nc you shouldn’t initiate nor reply

  7. Avatar

    Hanna

    November 16, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    Hi. We were together for 15 months. And although we both agree it was the best 15 months, he keeps insisting we were too different and our fights made him feel suffocated because they were mostly either about how immature he spoke or how he’d inappropriately place his female friends before me. On my part, I know I was slowly starting to become stricter and harsher. But the breakup was hard for the both of us. We decided to stay friends because we really were the best of friends, and the next day he started talking to me like nothing changed and that hurt me because I started to hope this meant he wanted us back together. But he keeps making it clear he just wants to be friends. So I asked him first if I could take some time off to move forward on my own, that I’d still be friends with him afterwards, that I still love him and would still be praying for him. But now I’m scared I won’t be able to win him back at all by the time we start talking again

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:35 am

  8. Avatar

    T

    November 15, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    This is my situation….
    My ex and I were together for 5 years. He broke up with me sort of out of nowhere. We stayed in touch after the break up. Although all of the communication wasn’t necessarily good but we are ‘cool’. However, it has now been 2 months after the break up and I’m still very sure I want another chance. About a week after our break up, he was already talking to someone new but is not dating her (I think it’s a rebound). We were together for a very long time so I doubt he could move on so quickly. Especially since nothing really went wrong.
    Is it too late for me to start No Contact? Should I do 21 days or 30?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:12 am

      Hi T,

      you can still do 30 days nc..

  9. Avatar

    Terry

    November 15, 2017 at 8:00 am

    We were together for almost 4 years, although we are young, I am 21 and he is 23.We were living together, we go to school together. We have been through so much, including me having cancer. At the beginning of this semester he started going out with friends a lot, which wasnt really his thing. He started to become distant, and 4 days ago he told me he is not happy anymore, when I asked why he said he didnt know.
    The day after I went to get my things, he hugged me, I cried and that was it. He didnt text
    me since then, I didnt text him either,he is avoiding me at school. I just cant function.
    I hate the fact that I dont know the true reason. I want to give him a week without any communication and then text him if we can meet and talk it through. I dont want to give up so easily. We were best friends, we know each other perfectly, he got through cancer with me. How could he give up so easily without working on it.
    Should I try and suggest starting from the beginning? Seeing each other once a week just to talk like we did 4 years ago. I am so hurt and confused

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:06 am

      HI Terry,

      talk to him after your one week of silence, if it doesn’t work out, start the no contact rule of at least 30 days and get a counselor for yourself..

  10. Avatar

    Bethany

    November 14, 2017 at 4:01 pm

    Hi, my ex and I dated for 2 years. Before we broke up, I started feeling more distant from him.. I felt like an option to him while he would hang out with his friends and not tell me. I told him how unhappy I felt and he distanced himself even more. We talked for a while about the situation and both agreed to put in more effort if we want things to work out. However, the communication on his end was effortless and he still seemed really distant. I broke up with him impulsively after an argument we had. Weeks later I realized how much I really loved and missed him. I even apologized for what had happened and opened the door for reconciliation. It took a while for him to respond, but he decided he didn’t want me back. I was crushed that he would just walk away. A lot of people think he cheated on me, but the mixed signals he gave during our break up told me he was really hurt. I just think he didn’t want to take the risk of being hurt again. We have had no contact for 30 days now. Since then, I have exercised more, seen a therapist, and hung out with friends more. Sometimes I feel better and other times I cry myself to sleep thinking about him and what could have been. I know he is just as miserable as I am. Do you think he will come back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:33 am

      Hi Bethany,

      how active were you in posting?

  11. Avatar

    arcy

    November 13, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 months now of which the last three months it was long distance. We had a great relationship,just that he never bought anything for me even though he is a bit well up hence he refuses any gifts from me as well because he says he doesn’t do gifts. I asked him if we were going to do christmas together but because of the gift issue he didn’t like the idea but then he said I will just do it for you.Before he told me that he would do it for me he said the love that you want is just too much.I didn’t say a thing. The thing is,I travel to different countries a lot,he can as well but is too busy with work and for me that is part of my work hence I always find myself wanting to by things for him but I don’t because I want him to take the first initiative ad when I come back he expects something which I don’t show up with.So,I broke up with him three days ago because I was tired of wanting to do for him and not doing it,I had used my money on him for some other things tho.So,for the past three days we were not talking till today,he sent me this message in the early morning hours,’ I hope you are good,I miss talking to you.Have a gud day’ and I responded later,’I’m great thanks.I hope you are doing great yourself’.I really love him and I will be going back to the city where he lives in two weeks to work there for three months. I still love him dearly and I got depressed of late because I love him to bits but i can’t wait for him to start taking responsibility when he marries me as he says.what should i do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Hi Arcy,

      the truth is, if the guys is not taking responsibility, he will wont either after marriage.. check this one:
      Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

  12. Avatar

    W

    November 13, 2017 at 9:15 am

    Hi Amor, i dint date him out that day. And i haven been texting him for almost a week alr . Should i send the re-breakup text ? Or just go on nc like this ? How long should i do nc ? 21 days or 30 days or 45 days ?

    But i really dk how to face him during training. I thought nc should be done like not seeing him for a month and not seeing his insta story and all for a month ?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:45 pm

      If you can skip a month of training, then good.. but if that’s something that doesn’t help you personally in your life, then don’t sacrifice it just for a guy.. Improve yourself, your skills, your health and your relationships with friends and family, for yourself. Not for him.. Do what helps you grow as a person..

  13. Avatar

    Elaine

    November 13, 2017 at 8:47 am

    Hi,

    I was in a 10 month relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We were together 6 of those; then had LD for 3 and in the 10th month; he paid for my flights and to come to his home country to meet his family. We met in another country and then both moved back to our respective countries with the intention of me moving to his country. I felt things were very different and he was very distant. Despite communicating after I returned from the holiday, he insisted it was just the distance. We had many little arguments and then it ended 3 weeks ago. He said that he hates living in his home country and its taking me very long to get a job there so its for the best if we end things. We have both had no contact for 3 weeks. Do you think I will ever hear from him or is it a lost cause? I miss him…and I still feel blindsided but how fast everything changed.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      Hi Elaine

      have you tried our quiz? check this one too:
      If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

  14. Avatar

    Alyna

    November 13, 2017 at 2:09 am

    My break up is killing me. We were long distance. We met for a week because of a conference and in the last day we got together. I had just asked my hb for divorce a month ago when I met this guy.
    After I left home, I continued the divorce process and this new guy kept texting me everyday and being very sweet and supportive to me, talking about moving here and marrying and all that. We started to skype everyday and he seemed so much into me, he told me he was crazy about me. I was getting crazy about him too but had so many doubts if it would work out or not.
    Like seven weeks into this he came to visit and we spent a week together, it didnt go as well as I hoped it would, but I wouldnt say it went bad either. I was still struggling with my divorce and was not in my right mind all the time but still managed to have some lovely memories. The day he left I was cold to him and didnt talk much because I was not in my right mind that day (I was diagnosed with depression because of my divorce and had to take medication, and that week I wasnt taking it).
    After a few days he left, I started realizing what a great guy he was so we went back to normal texting and skyped a few more times, he was the same as always and I felt so happy and excited to go see him in december. Then he started texting less and saying he was gonna call me and then just dont doing it. I was patient and didnt complain about that at all.
    Then, like a week ago, 1 month since he has left, he texted me that he didnt fall in love with me, even if he wanted it very badly, that he was
    dissapointed. And that he was sorry about it but that he didnt think we would work in the long term. That crushed my heart.
    I texted him some days in a row telling him how I felt about him, that I cared so deeply about him and that I was willing to do anything for us. He reacted a bit, even tho I know for a fact he is very stubborn, said he knew how I felt, that he understood, told me he was going to call me to talk about it but he didnt.
    I started the NCR but only could make 6 days. Some texts he responded very friendly, then he got colder, some he ignored.
    I know I have to start NCR again. But do you think we stand a chance? Should I tell him I was dealing with depression?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2017 at 7:22 pm

      Hi Alyna,

      go back to your counselor, don’t rush things and be impulsive.. honestly for me, you shouldn’t be in a relationship while you’re still healing.. but I know you’re not going to stop trying. So the better option is to do nc..

  15. Avatar

    Sammie

    November 11, 2017 at 7:35 pm

    I broke up with my ex via voicemail. We were together for 10 months and LD for 5. Everything was going great. We were going to end the distance and we planned a future together. A month before I broke things off he started acting more distant, less affectionate, and eventually ignoring me. I heard from an old co worker of his that he had been talking to another girl and telling her he’d come visit her. Although the rumor was never proven I acted on my emotions and tried to get it out of him. He never replied. So I immediately ended the relationship out of anger. We loved each other and missed each other due to the distance. I did not beg for him to come back to me. But I want him back. I had to stand up for myself. I was not going to beg for my ex’s attention. I’m willing to do anything. Please help.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 1:23 am

      Hi Sammie,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  16. Avatar

    Lynn

    November 10, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    Thanks Amor, I will try to remain calm and I wish he agree to meet and then we’ll see… Thank you again

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 12:34 am

      You’re welcome!

  17. Avatar

    W

    November 10, 2017 at 2:29 pm

    Hi Amor, tmr was supposed to be our 3rd anni. Can i ask him out for a date ? Maybe a one last one before i send the re-breakup text and start nc ?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:24 pm

      I hope you didn’t..

  18. Avatar

    Yas

    November 9, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I dated my ex for almost two years. Mostly long distance because we both moved. This summer we broke up because we had communication failure. I did no contact for almost two months, then i followed your texting advice and messaged him. He was kind and replied, we talk here and there but the issue is he will always randomly stop answering.

    What can i do? Should i go visit him? Ask him to hangout in his city?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 11:45 pm

      Hi Yas,

      nope, because you don’t have enough rapport to meet with him.. How much did you improve yourself and how active are you in posting?

  19. Avatar

    w

    November 9, 2017 at 3:23 am

    Hi Amor, i couldnt change my training schedule as we train together every week as a team. But skipping training for a month shoulnt be a big problem because i’ve tried skipping for a month or two before this because i still couldnt face him and look at him in public. I’ve red the re-breakup msg on this website, could i change to to something similar like this? ‘ Hey, I have been thinking abt things lately. I have really enjoyed spending time with you and i really would like to continue but i am looking for someone who values commitment and exclusivity and you seem confused about moving forward with me.Im not a confident person but would say that choosing freedom over me is definitely a wrong move because life with me will definitely be more enjoyable than having fun yourself. I think you need some time and space to be alone and think about what you want but at the meantime it would be best for me to …. ‘, what should i say after that? I felt like if i say ‘search for that special someone ‘ he’ll just freak out even more because he’s someone who sees face importantly and therefore since i alr said that im searching for a special someone he’ll just let me go. Could you help me alter my re-breakup text abit? And how many days of NC should i do? Can i do a 21 days NC or it must be 30 days?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:26 pm

      It’s too long.. you don’t have to skip a month of training too… make it short.. Just say this:

      Hey, I have been thinking abt things lately. I have really enjoyed spending time with you and i really would like to continue but i am looking for someone who values commitment and exclusivity and you seem confused about moving forward with me.

      and then end it with thanking him for everything..

      don’t try to explain or convince him or tell him that his choice was wrong because that just looks like you’re bitter with him and he will just prove to you that his choice was right.

  20. Avatar

    Rachel

    November 8, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    We were together for 2 and a half years

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      Do no contact rule of at least 30 days.

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