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198 thoughts on “What Should I Do If My Breakup Is Killing Me?”

  1. Riri

    November 6, 2017 at 12:06 pm

    I don’t know if he is still married. That’s why I need your advice as to how to approach him to see what chapter he’s at in his life. Please note he’s been leaving me messages over the years and I was ignoring him. As I don’t get with married guys, and break anyone’s home. I’m from a very respectable background raised with moral standards and values…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 12:54 pm

      You have to ask him or make sure in another way if he’s married first. Because if he married behind your back, it’s not impossible that he thinks he can still fool you..he didn’t even apologize or explained his current situation in the past years..

  2. Azi

    November 6, 2017 at 10:04 am

    Amor, thanks for your quick response, however it is hard for me to imagine how I can attract a man by treating him like a stranger when it is him who actually ignores my messages, avoids getting into conversation and basically wants to have nothing to do with me.

    I just feel hopeless, alone and wonder if I should give up. He is the love of my life but I guess you can’t make someone love you… Any words of support will be highly appreciated…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:19 pm

      I mean take this as a restart.. as if he doesn’t know you and doesn’t want to talk to you because he doesn’t know you.. That’s why it’s important to be active in improving yourself and in posting because growth and progress helps people move on and it also makes you rational. How long have you been trying getting him back? How many times have you done nc?

  3. Gemma

    November 6, 2017 at 8:59 am

    My ex broke up with me a week ago after saying he wasn’t sure what he wanted (I told him I didn’t know how I felt about him and that made him rethink the relationship even though I told him I didn’t mean it and it was just a heat of the moment thing) I begged and tried to get him back for the first few days then left him alone for a few days but broke it 2 days ago when I asked to see him. He refused, said we’d never get back together but when I mentioned I was going out with a guy friend he wouldn’t go, he kept replying to my messages even if it was just a smiley face. I asked why he hadn’t blocked me like he said he would and then it turned into flirting and we reminiscing about our relationship and then it turned sexual and he invited me over for sex which he said was a mistake the next day. He said he was sorry and didn’t want to use me and said we could still be friends. He said I could do better than this guy. I don’t know what all this means. He broke up with me before but came back. I don’t know what to do now, I last told him that I was getting over him and liked someone else and he said good. Have I messed it all up? What should I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      Do you want to try the advice above?

  4. Liz

    November 6, 2017 at 2:26 am

    1. Dating for 1 yr and 2 months. We have never had a big fight. We’ve both grown so much spiritually during our time together.
    2. He said he felt differently about sex now and doesn’t think it’s healthy for us to date. I felt blindsided so I told him how much I loved him and asked why he wasn’t willing to try getting to know me beyond our sexy times too.
    3. I returned any belongings of his I have and I’m debating on initiating NC for 4 weeks. We already scheduled to meet tomorrow though.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      Hi Liz,

      well, it will depend on what happens in your meet up..

  5. Natalie

    November 5, 2017 at 7:44 pm

    Hi,

    I left you a novel before, but wanted to follow-up on that. I am fairly certain my ex is in another relationship. It would appear they got together fairly quickly after we broke up (or maybe prior to us breaking up..). Between that and the fact that he bad-mouthed me to anyone who would listen towards the end of our relationship, I am scared to make a move. At the same time I am unable to move on..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 7:59 pm

      You have to try because nothing would happen if you don’t do anything..

  6. Tilly

    November 5, 2017 at 4:46 pm

    My ex started talking to me yesterday and I replied. We spoke about sex and he asked for some photos and i stupidly sent some thinking he’d want me back. He invited me over to his place but changed his mind and said it was a bad idea and he doesn’t want to use me (I already feel used) and now he says we can be friends but a week ago he was telling me to never speak to him again. He keeps telling me we will never be together again and I don’t know if he means it. There’s another guy who is interested in me and I think this makes my ex jealous but I’m unsure what to do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      Do you want to try the advice above?

  7. Lynn

    November 5, 2017 at 12:20 pm

    Thanks Amor, you are right but… I know that I could make it if I could buld enough rapport again. Also, I’m going to his new city in three weeks and a half, to visit firneds, and I would like to meet him…So I would need to bulid more rapport before telling him. He is not distant, in fact is really nice and flirty and he initiates contact almost half of the times but…before he moved I wanted to meet and he said yes but in the end it didn’t happen. I am afraid that he is avoiding the meeting because he might feel something (we haven’t see each other since before the break up). So I have three to set the mood before I tell him that I’m going and breaking his wall at least a little (I am pretty sure that meeting could be an “before and after”, not a miracle but a big step). I don’t know how to do it… Any advice? Thank you again

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 1:46 pm

      Mention it when you’re already there, at the day itself ..so that it looks like a casual invite

  8. Riri

    November 5, 2017 at 11:29 am

    I wish I knew what chapter he’s at in his life, that’s what I’m trying to find out with your consultation and assistance..

  9. Riri

    November 5, 2017 at 11:23 am

    Trying to find out with your help..

  10. Riri

    November 5, 2017 at 9:22 am

    I don’t know what his marital status is anymore that’s why I want to establish and ask your advice on how to approach him about it. Will await your response when you have read the full version. Since I have no other way of contacting him would you think it’s OK to call at his work place to break the ice?

  11. Riri

    November 5, 2017 at 9:14 am

    I don’t know if he’s back on the market or still married, he has been pursuing me for so long as stated in my full response. I will await your advice once you reach and have read the whole version X

  12. W

    November 5, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Hi Amor, me and my ex broke up for approximately 5 months. We fought before we broke up and we have lots of cold war. Im the one who broke up. Can see that he’s actually trying to save the relationship before because we have lots of fights and we’re not talking to each other but he’ll always be the one talking to me and wanting to solve the problem. Im the one who always ignore the problems and dint want to settle it with him and end up i said break. I regretted like shit. He once said that he dont really love me anymore and he said that he dont wanna get back tgt with me just because of pure sympathy. He told me he is tired and he want to stop all these alr. I then left him alone for a week or 2 without contacting him. After a week or 2 , i slowly realise that this break up was real and i asked him if he is willing to talk abt it. He said yes . We talked abt it and he touched my head and hugged me and we make out during that talked. He told me that he’s alr very tired and he dont wanna get into a relationship alr. Our relationship after out break up was me going over to his place almost one time every week and he did not come and find me at all. Everytime i go over we talked, we laughed, we cuddled, we make out, and we have sex. But little then i noticed that having sex wouldnt bring us far and therefore i stop doing it. He too promised me that we’ll only have sex if we get back tgt. But we still make out and cuddle everytime i go over. He promised that he will try to renew the relationship but he told me it is a no guarantee. He still dint wanna get into a relationship for now but he said maybe next time or after awhile. He told me that He’s more into his freedom for now where he could hang around and be close with guys and even girls and it’s not abt relationship anymore. Ytd he told me that he dont know how to try anymore actually because he couldnt even handle his friends if he is with me again, there’s a thing there between us and he is not into relationship anymore. We always hang out with mutual friends and my friends became his close friends and his close friends became my close friends too after we couple. Therefore we share the same gang of friend. It’s awkward actually because we hang and share the same gang of friends and all of them knew we broke up and we havent been talking to each other infront of them since the break up. We were all good when i go over maybe because it’s just the two of us so we can talk freely without caring abt anyone. He told me he still love me but just he prefer freedom for now. He’s still ok with me going over his place and have dinner with his parents, his grandparents, his cousins, basically his whole big family. Im not sure whether he still loves me or not altho he say that he does. But his actions are half half where he dint wanna come over and pick me up but me driving over everytime and he doesnt feel like he care abt my safety everytime i drive home late. He just doesnt wanna commit and have that responsibility i guess . What can i do ? Do i still stand a chance to get him back ? What is my chance of getting him back , is it a low or average ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 10:39 am

      Have you tried our quiz? And if you keep chasing him, your chances will get lower…

  13. Riri

    November 5, 2017 at 6:57 am

    Hi Amor,
    I left you a question yesterday about my case scenario. Is my email still here like Sarah’s and needs to be approved before you answer?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 7:08 am

      Hi Riri,

      Yes, I just haven’t reached it yet.. You mean he’s still married?

  14. Riri

    November 4, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    Hi Amor,
    My case scenario, he went and got married behind my back, and I got to know from a mutual friend. This was back in 2007. I do blame myself for losing the opportunity in a way as I was not going about it how I wanted it too proceed as I was still not all there whilst mourning the death of my parents. He was my escapism. Anyhow, after the break up, I met someone else online from the States, (am in UK) and was in a LDR with him but he turned out to be a womaniser. My ex (guy no 1) who got married, started reaching out by leaving me msg on the ONLY social media platform he uses, (not fb, or ig).. I don’t know if he was guilt ridden. Every year from 2014/ 2015/2017 he tried getting in touch but I ignored him except this year. He was curious whether if I had got married, how I am, what Im up too these days to persistently asking for my phone number. I gave him a hard time giving it, I never answered about meeting guy number 2. Plus I don’t want him thinking I’m anyone’s back up plan, am finding it really hard to let him go this time. I screwed up the convo we were having on the social media he uses. He said he was gona block me if I never gave my number, and I still gave him a hard time giving it, and then he blocked me. After a NC period of 21 days, I felt really bad not giving him my number and I thought to email it to him in Oct 2017. Still not heard from him, don’t know if he got it or is ignoring me. Only other way I can contact him is by ringing his work place but don’t want him thinking am stalking him. Can’t help but wander if he is back on the market. Please don’t tell me to move on as I really loved this guy, and am mentally drained and don’t want to be with anyone else. Thank you for your time. Would greatly appreciate your help and input on what to say in reaching out to him. Thanks again!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 7:07 am

      Hi Riri,

      Yes, I just haven’t reached it yet.. You mean he’s still married?

  15. Emma

    November 4, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    My ex left me a week ago and I’ve just told him I’m going out with a guy (friend) and he says he’s going to block me but he hasn’t and keeps replying and I keep telling him to block me and he isn’t. He says he will when he isn’t busy yet he’s got time to reply? Is this a good sign?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 6:46 am

      HI Emma,

      in a way yeah, but it looks like he just keeps you chasing him

  16. Amy

    November 4, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    My ex broke up with me a week ago. I begged at first but went into NC for around 3/4 days and today I caved and emailed him asking to meet. He refused. He says he doesn’t want to start again and wants to start again with someone new. He says too much has happened. He’s blocked me on everything. I feel so hopeless. He’s broken up with me and come back before but last time he came back after I went into NC for three days. He says the best way to deal with it is to stop caring. He says that’s what he’s done and he says he’s happy how he is. I’m sure he’s hiding his feelings or he’s in denial. Will he start to change his mind? He told me not to contact him and told me to go and meet someone else. Please help. I know the NC rule is important but it’s so so hard for me and I don’t know if it’ll work on my ex. He’s very stubborn and angry. He says he doesn’t hate me but acts like he does. He’s very cold towards me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 6:47 am

      HI Amy,

      it’s hard but it’s not impossible.. it’s better to do it than to keep chasing.

  17. May

    November 4, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    Hey it’s May…
    During my NC rule, he sent me msg asking if my gastric medicines r finished already coz he can buy some from pharmacy. I mean he posted a photo with a gal on his facebook just last week, why would he care abt me or my health? He added on that ”Trust me, I pray for u everyday. Ever more, I just hope things r ok”.
    he may wants to stay amicable and friendly, right?
    Instead saying a proper answer, I posted my pics happy(pretending) with my siss at a park on my IG (he still follows me on IG).
    How do u think? Do u think I still have a chance to get back with him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 6:32 am

      That’s good that you didn’t answer. Yeah, it looks like he’s wondering why you’re not contacting him.

  18. Lynn

    November 4, 2017 at 12:13 pm

    Another thing: I hate when he left my texts unread for days. I never demostrated it to him, I just act normal, as if I don’t care. When he texts back, I reply in a few hours (and after that we start texting in minutes, a regular conversation). I don’t want to fall in the loop “you don’t answer in three days, I will wait five” because my goal is making him used to text everyday (step by step, obviously) because this is how we started…and I know that if I broke his barriers, he could be “addicted” to texting me again…And I feel that this is exactly what he is avoiding, maybe for the distance. I have to show him that being with me would be better than not and I don’t know how to do it if we don’t talk more.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 6:24 am

      you can’t make it go on very long because in the long run you would like you’re chasing him. You have to set a limit on until when you would try building rapport. I agree that you shouldn’t do what he’s doing but you have to know when to stop.

  19. Lynn

    November 4, 2017 at 11:55 am

    Hi Amor, thank you for your answer.
    About my post in social media, I try to show an interesting new life and a better me but I already had an interesting social lfe when I was with him so it doesn’t show a great change…I’m working on it. But compared to him…he is in his idealized city and he is doing great (as he posts in social media, almost everyday posting how happy he is).
    By the way, he texted me two days ago just saying that he has arrived home very tired and he thought about me and looked at my pictures and kinda said sorry for not saying good night the other night (we didn’t say good night even if we talk late, the good night thing ended up with our break up). I answer him a few hours after but he didn’t read me. This is so frustrating… And I don’t know what to do

  20. Azi

    November 4, 2017 at 12:33 am

    Amor, can you be more specific? I’m sorry but I don’t understand what you mean, should I understand it in a certain way? I don’t know how to attract a person I know so well but who actually acts like a stranger…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2017 at 1:18 am

      Basically, treat him like a stranger that you’re going to attract and build rapport. Your edge is, you already know what his interests are, so use that to your advantage.. check this one:
      What Men Find Attractive

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