44 thoughts on “The Psychology Of A Man During The No Contact Rule”

1. 

   Livvie

   November 5, 2019 at 4:41 pm

   Hi! So me and my fiancé broke up 3 weeks ago we where arguing often.. he flew away on a holiday after the split.. I saw him a week ago he wants everything on his terms so I went into no contact 4 days ago.. he messaged me yesterday saying we need to speak face to face to break things off properly I simply replied that I got the picture and there is no need to meet. Today he messaged me asking for the engagement ring back yet the ring I bought him he lost.. I haven’t replied to him… do I remain silent?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   November 9, 2019 at 1:47 am

   Hi Livvie, as the ring would be expensive you would probably be best to give it back to him, or drop it off at his place when he isnt home so you dont have to see him. Make sure you do a complete 30 days No contact first

2. 

   Eileen

   September 25, 2019 at 9:56 am

   My ex for more than 3 years asked me for break up just 2 days ago. Of course i was sad and depressed. Before the break up, my ex was the one who told me all his sins such as spending time with his friends in a club, still talking casually wih his ex and there was this girl from his work who confessed his feelings for him and eventually he admitted that he entertained and developed ‘feelings’ towards her but since the day he felt it he was the one who cut the communication with her.

   Now, his reason of breaking up is he is confused of his feelings with me, because why would he did those things behind my back if he truly loves me and think that he is not yet ready being in a relationship. During the couple days after that day of confession, he asked for space and i gave him that but we agrees to still communicate each other. He’s telling me he is confused but still telling me ‘I love you’.

   He is very guilty and experiencing great remorse for what he did, that he doesnt want to talk to people and even me. He is shutting himself to the people who care and love him. He thinks that he is becoming like his father who cheated on his mom. He always telling me, i dont like us to end like our family so right now i think, its better for me to leave.

   On the day of the break up, he told me that he thinks like the feeling was gone for me and cannot totally commit. But he was the one who really cried hard and still very clingy, he still hug me and kiss me. So right now, I am also confused. And one nighr i told him that.okay i wipl not cross uour path, and he is in panicked and told me no no no, we have to talk about it. But at the end, we agreed that we will break up but I told him that he needs counseling and i will accompany him.

   I really want to have him back, but how if he seems he is not capable in loving a person at this moment?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Shaunna

   September 26, 2019 at 9:22 pm

   Hey Eileen, you need to follow the program complete a NC and work the Holy Trinity and then reach out when it is time to start the texting phase. During your NC you can focus on being the best version of yourself but you cant control if he doesn’t get himself in a better place where you can only do so much to show your worth and hope that he is willing to put in the effort to have you in his life

3. 

   Brooke

   September 10, 2019 at 11:11 pm

   Hi there!

   My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. He just turned 29 last week and I am 21.

   Our relationship hadn’t been going great for about a year. It was both of our faults, neither of us were paying enough attention to each other, we were both working a lot, I had been turning him down for sex, we’d even go to dinner a couple times a week and sit in silence (he’d play on his phone). He doesn’t have a college degree, hates his job, and never wanted to talk about his day or work, no matter how many times I asked. On the flip side, he rarely wanted to hear about my day at college, my job, or my friends.

   About a month ago he went out of state for work for a week, and while he was there he met a woman, she is going through a divorce after 13 years (although she was still wearing her ring that week), and although they didn’t sleep with each other, they hung out and held each other.

   When he got back, we got in a fight and he left me for her.

   Since then, he has texted me every single day. Sometimes things like “I love you” or I miss you”, but sometimes just like “I hope you have a good day” or a picture of something he saw on Facebook. I never text him first, he always texts me, and recently I’ve been trying to implement the no contact rule.

   But before I started NC, he asked to see me or go to dinner a few times, which I did. At one point he said he wanted to get back together but then changed his mind before I saw him.

   Two weeks ago we were hanging out and he told me he wanted me back and that he would stop talking to this other girl, but I said I wasn’t sure and that I needed some time to think. He said he wasn’t going to stop talking to the other girl until we got back together.

   I found out he was still talking and seeing that girl after that. Last week I saw him and he said he still wants to talk to me and hang out, but that he just wants to be friends. That maybe staying friends is my way to win him back. I said no, I don’t want to be his friend and that our relationship probably can’t be fixed now. He said it can be fixed and that he sees a long term future with me, but that he wants to see where it goes with this girl. He said he doesn’t know if he sees a future with this girl, and that she might be the kind of girl that you just “hang out with for a while and then get tired of”. But that he likes talking to her. They have the same job, and maybe they have more in common.

   He’s told me he loved me since then.

   I took him for granted during our relationship, and even though he would do anything for me, favor after favor, I didn’t do the same for him.

   Now I’m just wondering if I should continue with the NC rule, even though he never stopped talking to me. And he fought for me during our relationship over and over again, and I’m wondering if I should be fighting for him.

   I did cry and beg for about a week after our breakup, and I said I wanted him back up until about a week ago.

   Additionally, he talked to an ex for about a month approximately two years ago, which I forgave him for, so this wasn’t the first indiscretion.

   What should I do?

1. 

   Shaunna

   September 12, 2019 at 8:39 pm

   Hi Brooke, only you can decide if you want him back or not. But yes, complete a full NC before you start reaching out to him and building rapport if that’s what you choose

4. 

   Helen

   August 20, 2019 at 3:39 pm

   Hi Chris,
   I was at the videocalls phase with this guy but lately the things got cold. He is in a complicated situation (depression) and even if I tried to use the being there method, sometimes he needs space, I understand without him telling me and we used to have a good balance with that (and he always thanked me and told me I was being too kind, more than he thinks he deserves).
   The thing is that lately we barely talk, I am afraid he lost interest (I try to be a good UG but…). I am going to spend a semester studying abroad and I would like him to give me a chance when I come back (or come to visit, something). I wanted to write him a letter before going away, but I don’t know the tone. I don’t want to make him feel “pressure”, I don’t want to seem I was “illusioned”, but I don’t know how to tell him what I feel without being overwhelming or negative (since I am a pessimist and think he will never text again or something).
   What would you recommend? I need your help.
   Thank you.

5. 

   Gaea

   August 19, 2019 at 10:40 pm

   I have been blocked since half a year. Since then, he hasn’t expressed any interest in getting back in touch with me.
   Have I lost him forever?

6. 

   Tschuch

   August 19, 2019 at 6:14 pm

   I just want to warn everyone out there that the no contract rule is not an end all be all solution to getting your ex back. There is nothing binding that says just because you enter into no contact that means your ex will be sitting at home crying over you and missing you. In my case, 5 months in, it was nothing more than an opportunity for my ex to be free of me and for me to find myself. He is not missing me, he does not wonder what I am doing, he will be moving on to someone new, and no matter how much work I put into myself it will not change that (it will only improve my own conditions for myself).

7. 

   Missing Him

   August 17, 2019 at 2:31 pm

   My bf and I dated for a year. He just broke up with me a week ago and I’ve been using No Contact since. I have a question about social media. I have not contacted him through it, but I am finding myself constantly checking to see if he’s on, if he’s posted anything, if he’s liked my posts or viewed my stories. It’s driving me crazy. Even though he doesn’t know I’m doing these things, I’m wondering if I should deactivate my accounts for my own sanity?