The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Joyce

August 20, 2017 at 4:28 am

Good morning! I just want an advuce from you guys. I had a bf for 3months only but it means a lot to me.it looks like we had 1yr relationship because of everything we had been through. My ex bf broke up with me 2weeks ago because we had arguement for small thing. He was mad at me during that time and crying in front of me. Both of us were crying. He told me he didnt love me anymore and our relationship must come to an end. I didnt contact hime for 2weeks but yesterday i messaged him. His reply looked like he was not interrsted to me anymore. And it breaks my heart into pieces everyday. I hope you can help me. I dont know if he really means to tell me that he doesnt love me anymore. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 7:02 pm

HI Joyce,
restart the no contact rule, do at least 30 days and check this links:
How To Make It Through No Contact Period
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Taylor

August 19, 2017 at 3:20 pm

Hi! My ex and I agreed to be friends during our break up. I was about 14 days into NC and he reached out asking if we could talk. I responded and said i didn’t feel comfortable being friends and didn’t want to talk and wished him the best. I’m worried that I ruined everything by breaking nc

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 6:39 pm

Hi Taylor,

that’s ok.. you didn’t say you were in nc..just don’t reply again.

Rachael

August 18, 2017 at 5:22 am

my bf of 5 years finally broke up with me about a month ago. we were incompatible from the start and i knew it wouldn’t last forever but he became my best friend. the breakup was mutual and respectful and for a full week afterwards we were still texting like best friends. but then i admitted to him that i had been cheating on him at the end of our relationship and he immediately wanted nothing to do with me. of course i don’t blame him for that and i don’t think we should ever get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend but i do miss my best friend. do you think it’s possible he will ever want to be friends again? should i bother trying to find out since i know that he thinks it’s unhealthy for him to even talk to me right now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 18, 2017 at 5:39 pm

HI Rachael,

Yeah someday when much time has passed.. It depends from a person to person but a safe bet would be maybe after 6 months or a year he would have moved on..

Charm

August 16, 2017 at 6:57 am

My boyfriend and I have beeb together for over 8 years. It was an on and off thing since in the first five years we did not have enough time to spend time together because our relationshio is kind of a long distance. Well not a really long one since we get to see each other every now and then. After 5 years, we had a big break up but got back together after 9 months. I was so happy. I moved in the city since i already work there. After 10 months of being together, we were sweeter than ever and we see each other very often, we decided to live together. It was so wonderful. We had fights but we always find ways to resolve things. After a year and a half, he told me that he does not love me anymore. Not in a romatic way at least. He told me that he still loves me but it is more like a love between a friend / lover. In short, he does not love me the way he used to before. We had that talk last april right before our 8th year anniversary. I asked him to stay and to give me one more chance to work things out. I asked him to give me until july. He did stay and we went back to being sweet. I thought things are already working out but at the back of my mind i was thinking that july is fast approaching. Months past and july came and he is still there. He remained sweet caring and loving. He is one of the kindest person i ever met. Last august 3rd, he told me he was going home. We do that by the way every other week so i said okay. He was so sweet and we cuddled the whole night. We slept embracing each other. I was so happy and secured. The next day, he dropped me off at work. When i got out of the vehicle, he told me that he loves me. I reaponded that i love him too. While i was walking away to the office, he again told me he loves me. It warmed my heart and responded back again. He was extra sweet. He watched me as i went to the office. The whole day, i got no text from him. I then texted him to ask him bow he was and he only responded after an hour saying he is already going home and told me that he left a letter for me. Then told me he loves me. I reaponded with pure love that i love him to and take care. I thought that it was a love letter. When i came home from work, i saw the letter. It was a long one. In the leyter he told me that he is sorry that he had to leave for the same reason. He still loves me but not as before. His things are gone. I cried the whole weekend. I never texted him. I did not respond. I thoughy this day wont come. I really love him please help. Btw i have been on nc since we broke up. Do we still have a chance? Sorry for the novel 🙁 i am very sad.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 16, 2017 at 2:28 pm

Hi Charm,

Check this one:
How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

Brandy

August 14, 2017 at 9:39 pm

My boyfriend of 2 years said he wanted a break to Be single & focus on himself… after about 5 days I text him to get the terms of our break … I suggested no contact for a month and he said we can stay in contact but just have space…. and later that day I asked about seeing other people (I wasn’t planning to but just wanted to know his plans on that and I told him that) and I said that dating others is a factor between a break and a break up…. then he said “we’re broken up, that’s all I can say you go live your life”

Again, he said he wanted to be single to focus on himself without pressure and he thinks we should both move on, but could stay friends. At that point I said I supported him and that if he wanted to be friends, we should go without contact for a while.

Am I really being too pressuring? And am I giving him too much power over me? If both of us take some time apart, do we have a good chance of getting back together? I’m on day 1 of nc right now

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 15, 2017 at 8:01 pm

Yeah, not really pressuring but clingy.. The thing is, you told him about nc..so it’s not going to help you as much as it should be because he knows you’re doing nc and that later on you would be contactung eventually.. So, the better thing to do is to stick to at least 45 days and be very active in improving yourself and in posting

Katelyn

August 10, 2017 at 6:53 pm

My ex and I were together for a year and a half. We mutually broke up but then turned it into he broke up with me. He has been a franctic caller in the past but then will turn into a cool calm collected guy. I texted him Monday and told him “he was right and that we should go our separate ways” and he responded with “we probably should but it doesn’t make it any easier.” I haven’t talked to him since and am on day 3 of no contact. What is the average time a guy will start texting during NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2017 at 2:08 pm

sometimes a week, sometimes not at all.. focus in improving yourself and be active in posting in social media.

Melanie

August 6, 2017 at 12:13 pm

Hi,

We broke up about 2 weeks ago, it was mutual. During the break up he was very emotional, he cried a lot and he even wanted to cuddle me. He broke down after that and he said that he needed some time and space. During the breakup, I was the one who kept telling him that it is better off this way. He just said he didn’t know anymore. Now, I feel stupid for letting him go ofcourse.

After 4 days i texted him. I told him something about the series that we watched together and I asked him how he was. I texted him again a minute later, to tell him it was okay if he needed more time. He didn’t respond to the text.

I’m currently on NC for 10 days, but i’m really confused about it all. I had never seen him so emotional before, what is going on in his mind ? He seems to be doing fine now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 2:16 pm

He’s probably like that because it’s really a break up for him.. It doesn’tean that it doesn’t hurt, but he already made a decision

Maddie

August 6, 2017 at 1:13 am

I am in day 15 of my no contact. I am trying to “move on without moving on,” I have been posting on social media, showing how happy I am without overdoing it, going on dates, things like that. He knows I’ve been dating too. He contacted me twice. Once 6 days after no contact and the next was 4 days later. Since then it seems like nothing is getting to him and it doesn’t feel like the no contact is being successful. Should I be worried or is he just putting on a really good poker face?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 11:35 am

Nope, if you didn’t reply just keep going..

Sarah Ann 29

August 3, 2017 at 11:05 am

Me and my ex were together for 6 months he is utterly incredible I cannot fault him what so ever I got down as I hated my job so we argued at times but he would always say I’m in this for the long run ,we have been broken up
For nearly 2 months due to him getting depression and he is now seeing a councillor twice a week he said he ended things with me because he said he needs to focus on himself and the reason he didn’t just lie to me and leave was because he knows I’d understand and he said he still loves me,after this he contacted me through the week but I said that it’s making it hard for me to move forward so after that he hasn’t contacted me, Iv had 3 times where Iv contacted him called him drunk crying, text him asking why can’t I support him through this and thirdly texted him asking how he was then ended up being emotional through text I’m 2 months down the line and Iv started the no contact rule and it’s been nearly 2 weeks ( it’s killing me)
His reply to me is always I just know this is right for me right now but who knows I’m the future

I feel like each day I don’t talk to him he’s forgetting me

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 6, 2017 at 5:46 am

Hi Sarah
Check this one:
The No Contact Rule Is Killing Me…

Nancy

July 14, 2017 at 9:43 am

Hello.. I’m really confused can anybody help me out.
So I was with this guy for about 7 months now. We were very good to each other. He was also very kind and caring to me. He introduced me to his friends and family too. We were even planning to get married very soon.
Things took a turn when he started spending more time with his friends and when I started asking to give more time to me. Like that one day after and argument we both broke up.
After that for 2 months we did meet to each other and got closed even. However, he suddenly decided not to talk to me anymore because he feels that this relationship won’t work anymore. Before breaking up with me he did ask me to give him some space and time to figure out things, but at that time I was very emotional and couldn’t give him space and I keep calling him every now and then. Now he says that due to the disturbance I gave him he got bored and has moved into another relationship. However, he I saw still on my fb and Insta. He talked to me very nicely and even if we meet now also I am sure that he will talk to me nicely. I think his current girlfriend is just a rebound and even if he misses me he won’t let me know about it because he is very stubborn to tell me that.
I’m 100% sure that he loved me before and it’s been 3 days since I applied this no contact rule. What do you think guy? He also kept his current relationship private from his family and friends. So guys. Do you think I can win him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 7:03 pm

Hi Nancy,

Check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

JJ

July 8, 2017 at 5:28 pm

I have had a very close friend for a long time and a year ago he told me he loved me and we ended up getting together. After being like bf and gf for awhile he would still not really commit and was out with other girls. I would always try to brush it off. One day one of my friends had shown me pictures of him out with another girl and he had been hiding it from me. I confronted him about it and he got really mad and had told me they were only friends and then he went on to telling me that me and him were just friends and its not any of my business. After a bit of fighting about it i decided to take some space. He contacted me a few times but i was always just short. Then it’s been a few weeks and he was talking to me lastnight trying to flirt and act like nothing so i reminded him how he said we are just friends and thats not the kind of girl i am. And that turned into another fight and he had told me i was only mad at him because he had other friends (when that was nerver the case) after fighting a lot. We stopped talking for the night and this morning i was trying to telk him i was sorry for fighting but he said he was to angry to talk and wasnt sure when he would feel like talking to me again. And when I asked him different things he had stated that i had just ignored him for a few weeks so it doesnt really matter. So i took that as he and i were done and i asked him and he said he doesnt feel like talking and he doesn’t when he would. So i just was ready to move on and just asked for my stuff back then and lets just move forward and he got mad at me again and said i was making things up in my head and doesnt feel like talking. But also hes not giving me my stuff back. Like my keys. Where am i at? And what should i do?? I do still love him and want it to work out but i also just dont want to be strung along anymore. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 9, 2017 at 7:29 pm

Hi jj,

Check this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

BiBa

July 4, 2017 at 10:32 pm

Hi

I’m in a messy situation and don’t know what exactly to do.

A guy from my workplace confessed that he liked me a lot, but also told me he had recently gotten married. He told me how he was trying very hard to NOT fall in love with me, but said the harder he tried, the more he felt he was falling for me, to the point where according to him he had no control. I told him straight I could not be a house breaker and that he should try and keep himself on track (although I also had feelings for him since he really treated me well). We continued working on a very big project together and throughout the course of it, became closer in terms of communication and enjoying each other company and being each other’s support system. I could clearly tell he was madly in love with me, and I too was slowly headed towards the danger zone. Slowly and gradually, we became very close and he told me he loved and was going to do anything to make it work out with me. After seeing his commitment, hearing his assurances, and being treated like a princess- we started dating. Dated for almost 6 months and he made me feel as if I was the only girl in the world. I had dated a few guys before him but never felt what I did with him. He almost told me on a daily base that he was going to end his marriage and that he could not even think about a life without me. I did get anxious about his marital status at times, and told him we should part ways, but whenever I did, he either convinced me but talking to me, or even resorted to hurting himself if I did leave him. I was also in love with him and didn’t want to leave and he clearly communicated he wasn’t going to call it quits either. He was also very open about his love for me, and even told some of his close friends about us. He got me expensive gifts, which further supported the fact that he was serious, and also proposed marriage to me. We did face challenges in our daily lives, mostly because of his marital status again, but always made up and everything on the whole was very good. I never pushed or pressurized him to end his marriage or anything, thinking it is a big step and he should take his time to go about doing it, didn’t want to add onto his worries, but it did worry me a lot and he knew.

But one fine day, post a rather rough week (of some work related stress and some arguments), I felt distant for the first time, and upon asking he said what I could never have imagine him to say. He said he didn’t have the guts to end his marriage or tell his family and wife about us, and that the families were also involved and he feared this would not go down too well with them. Basically he said he was too afraid of this and couldn’t do it, and cried while he said this to me. Said he hated himself for doing this as he loved me so much. I was in shambles when it happened last month, and did whatever I shouldn’t have, from begging him to trying to reason out, to everything else. He didn’t stop meeting me or contacting me, but it was clear, that was the end of the road for us. At first, he also looked very upset, and cried many times, and would come all the way to see me, even if it was a silent meeting. But then that was it.

I was majorly depressed, cried myself to sleep everyday, couldn’t even sleep, resorted to pills to calm myself. Prayed so hard to get him back. Those three weeks were terrible. But he was with me throughout. After that, I traveled, and decided to go no contact. Since we were in touch throughout, he obviously tried to reach out to me in every possible way. He tracked every second of my flight too. I just told him that I had arrived safely, and that was it. Almost for over a week I was in no contact, he kept whatsapping and emailing me, but I didn’t open, nor responded. After over a week, he found me on whatsapp once late at night, and texted me the second I got online, as if he was waiting for me to come. It surprised me coz it was very late in the night, and I had got online that very second. Anyways, I replied, trying to keep it short and sweet, and he told me I should stay in touch. I did this for a week, casual small talk, not very frequent. He tried to get a bit intimate in his talks, reminiscing old times briefly. Also asked me if I was uncomfortable with him being intimate now. I slowly started talking to him even less, and now think I will go totally on full NC. I do still love him and wish we could get back, but I am not sure what really is going on in his mind, perhaps even he doesn’t. Havent spoken to him since yesterday and he has tried to reach out a few times with has “Hey are you Ok” kind of texts. I don’t want to put him off but a complete NC, nor do I want him to keep me on a string. Just don’t know what to do. I do feel a little better than I did initially, although I still feel very hurt and lost at times, and wish it never happened. And i am going to be heading back soon.

Please advise.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2017 at 5:52 pm

Hi Biba,

If he doesn’t intend on divorcing his wife.. Dont be his mistress..

Lauren

July 4, 2017 at 5:25 am

Told him to never talk to me again, totLly blew ip on him and bloxked him, later i regret it.. w8 days 2e days later saw him at a night club we were both polite to each othrt just Hi.. he still has not tried to contact mr, and i want him bCk.. but teying to stabd my ground with his selfishness.. any chance he will reaxh out? Its been e0 days now. And everytime we breakup I reach out.. i dont eant to do this again..

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2017 at 4:39 pm

Im sorry lauren, how many days? How active are you in improving yourself and in posting?

N

July 1, 2017 at 2:34 am

Hi, need your help, needless to mention.

My ex and I had a long distance relationship for about 8 months till he broke up with me last week. We started off really well and admitted we are soul mates. I was a happy and secure initially, but I guess the lack of his presence around me made me insecure and frustrated and angry, and I started losing my temper quite often. We started having fights and he told me I am not the same person he fell in love with. It was only last month we were planning a holiday to his sister’s place in US, and now this! It came as a sudden shock to me, I really didn’t see it coming.

The day we were breaking up, he didn’t talk much. However, since I still feel for him very strongly, I couldn’t help asking him the reason for it, and he had nothing to say but ‘I don’t feel the same and I can’t put in more effort.’ When I asked he would reconsider, he said he won’t.

Anyway, he called me morning and night for 5 days to check on me if I’m doing fine. It was then when I read your article yesterday and decided to start the NC period. Told him last night not to call me anymore.

Honestly, what kills me is the fact that he is supposed to move out of the country very soon and we had decided that I’ll follow him very soon. We would have had the perfect chance to live together and test it out, which he doesn’t want to do now and I think can really revive the whole thing. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2017 at 8:15 pm

Hi N,

Check this one:
How To Make It Through No Contact Period

Kate

June 29, 2017 at 5:22 pm

Wondering if there is an email I can contract someone at? I have a lot of questions!

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 30, 2017 at 12:42 pm

Hi Kate,

You can email at [email protected]

JOY

June 26, 2017 at 3:00 am

Fated guy for 2 years have known for over 20. Addresses him about possible lies and he got super upset and said NO contact ever and forget we ever knew each other….whixh is nothing new for him but he always come backs after a few days. This time it’s been a week and the first time I didn’t chase after him when he initiated silent treatment. But still don’t know how to handle it if he comes back or should I stick with NC to get him to understand he can’t run for issues and has to communicate.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2017 at 6:27 am

Stick to at least 30 days..

Ap

June 21, 2017 at 8:54 pm

Hi my situation a little diffrent he left me 5th may 7 weeks since the break up but nc has been going for about 21 days now we have children I still go around with the kids however he doest seemed to mind me being there around his family and special occasions I catch him out looking at me and he does to I’ve told him I’ve accepted the situation weeks ago and left it to that as I need to move on he really upset I spoke to my ex on text but nothing seriouse or bad was said I think it was principle of and ex however this is third time he left me 1st time I I did nc was three months second was 4week this one so far 21days he said I’ve gone to far ect I apologised befor nc and I’ve done hand written letter however if he doest come back befor date in auguest our marriage divorce is over he knows in our relgion he has three months to return back if he doest however that means in our relgion he can no longer re marry me and I would have to re marry and divorce for us to actually be toegav which he no after auguest there is no return there no cheating involved just a lot argewments and debates we are both at faults to however there fu signs there he looks me and looks away quick and then sometimes he will say no one stopping u to come round even in farthers day however I’ve applied to ignore his text today regarding him going out next week and he won’t be Abel to see the kids do u think this is wise if me I’ve been really civerlised for 21 and kept it short and sweet and just spoke about the children my children have caught him looking at me whilst on my phone however if he texts it’s just about the children I don’t no he is the love my life and I don’t want to loose him but 6year relationship 5 year marriage it’s hard he really stubborn but then puts on show when I come always nitty picking about the kids I just agree so they are no argewments however I don’t make talk he does regarding them I reponsde politely but not to nice some of his things still here to not asked for them yet as he said a month ago I’m in no rush when I did tell him I accepted the situation he said someone’s is advising u I know u to well. I didt reply I dress nice ect make effort smile be happy however I’m going around for family occasion this week. Not sure what to do now ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 23, 2017 at 5:36 pm

How much are you improving yourself now?

Mariah

June 16, 2017 at 10:22 pm

My situation is a little complicated. Basically, I broke up with my ex boyfriend about a year ago and started dating someone new for a little. I still loved my ex and we still talked all the time, but he was clearly hurt and angry about me breaking up with him. I stopped seeing the other person a while ago and my ex and I started sleeping with each other again, even saying “I love you”, and talking about the possibility of being together again in the future. Just a week after we talked about that stuff again, he ignored me and I found out on Facebook that he went to Vegas with another girl. He was there for the entire week and when he got back, we talked and I was so upset and confused. He told me he still loved me, but was now in a relationship with this girl. (Also, he met her at a nightclub) it has almost been two weeks of NC and he texted me on the 9th day saying that he’s sorry he hasn’t set up a time to talk again and he will let me know when he is free. I am so confused as to what I need to do at this point. Is it even possible to get him back? Is this new girl a rebound? Also, I’ve known him for 7 years and we were officially together for about 2 and a half.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2017 at 3:46 pm

Hi mariah

do at least 30 days and then dont be friends with benefits again.. check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

Mariah

June 16, 2017 at 10:11 pm

My situation is a little complicated. Basically, I broke up with my ex boyfriend about a year ago and started dating someone new for a little. I still loved my ex and we still talked all the time, but he was clearly hurt and angry about me breaking up with him. I stopped seeing the other person a while ago and my ex and I started sleeping with each other again, even saying “I love you”, and talking about the possibility of being together again in the future. Just a week after we talked about that stuff again, he ignored me and I found out on Facebook that he went to Vegas with another girl. He was there for the entire week and when he got back, we talked and I was so upset and confused. He told me he still loved me, but was now in a relationship with this girl. (Also, he met her at a nightclub) it has almost been two weeks of NC and he texted me on the 9th day saying that he’s sorry he hasn’t set up a time to talk again and he will let me know when he is free. I am so confused as to what I need to do at this point. Is it even possible to get him back? Is this new girl a rebound? Also, I’ve known him for 7 years and we were officially together for 2 and a half.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2017 at 3:46 pm

Hi mariah

do at least 30 days and then dont be friends with benefits again.. check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

Mariah

June 16, 2017 at 10:03 pm

My situation is a little complicated. Basically, I broke up with my ex boyfriend about a year ago and started dating someone new for a little. I still loved my ex and we still talked all the time, but he was clearly hurt and angry about me breaking up with him. I stopped seeing the other person a while ago and my ex and I started sleeping with each other again, even saying “I love you”, and talking about the possibility of being together again in the future. Just a week after we talked about that stuff again, he ignored me and I found out on Facebook that he went to Vegas with another girl. He was there for the entire week and when he got back, we talked and I was so upset and confused. He told me he still loved me, but was now in a relationship with this girl. (Also, he met her at a nightclub) it has almost been two weeks of NC and he texted me on the 9th day saying that he’s sorry he hasn’t set up a time to talk again and he will let me know when he is free. I am so confused as to what I need to do at this point. Is it even possible to get him back? Is this new girl a rebound?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2017 at 3:45 pm

Hi mariah

do at least 30 days and then dont be friends with benefits again.. check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”