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4,164 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Lorelai

    March 31, 2020 at 3:24 pm

    Hi so I’m currently really confused. My guy broke it off with me after a fight. He blocked me off everything. I waited a week and then texted him off a fake phone number telling him i still care & didnt want to fight anymore and that i dont want to throw away the relationship. He replied saying he still cares about me too. We talked for a little while more. But now he hasn’t texted me since that night and it’s been 4 days. I’m paranoid that him saying that he still cares was a double-edged sword and could mean that he cares but still wants nothing to do with me? I’m not sure if he’s using this time to gather his thoughts, if it’s a power play, or if he is really just done?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 7, 2020 at 11:42 pm

      Hi Lorelai, I would suggest that you give your ex / guy some time and let him decide what it is they want.

  2. Avatar

    Sandra

    March 31, 2020 at 5:40 am

    My situation is a bit different. I am in a detached marriage. There is no physical or emotional relationship. I met my guy by sheer accident and sparks flew. I was honest with him from the get go. Over time, he was just not comfortable with my living situation. He slowly backed away and eventually I said ok, you are uncomfortable, I cant say I blame you, I appreciate your honesty and I said to take care. Its been only three days and I am climbing the walls. We never had a physical affair, it was emotional, a lot of talking and sharing but I wanted a physical relationship. He is my perfect match. I know he was into our emails yesterday because I have pixel tracking on my account. But he hasn’t been in there since. We never had arguments or anything, it was just him feeling uncomfortable and unable to go further. My best friend said he needs time to process the big picture and to leave him be. I am terrified he is gone for good, that he has decided I am not worth the trouble. I am leaving my marriage when our child graduates which will be spring of 2021, this was decided before I met this man. Please give me some tips and advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 7, 2020 at 11:45 pm

      Hi Sandra, I would suggest that if you are to speak to this man again that you are planning on leaving your husband but you can not expect people to be accepting that you are living with your husband. You need to understand that for some people this concept is hard to understand.

  3. Avatar

    Bianca

    March 30, 2020 at 7:08 am

    Hello, my ex and I recently broke up after being together for so long. I am away for school so I assume that is the issue. He told me how much he loved me and then one day, he started ghosting me. He proceeded to ask for space and said we should be friends until I return home. He continued to ignore me. I tried to respect his decision to have space but I am really attached to him so I gave in and constantly called and texted him until he blocked me. We had a great relationship with minimal arguments and no cheating. I started NC but did my gnatting ruin my chances and should i initiate contact after NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 11:17 am

      Hi Bianca, so yes you would reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his videos and articles to get your ex talking to you again after your NC period. Make sure you are focusing on yourself during your NC and working on your Holy Trinity.

  4. Avatar

    Sophie

    March 29, 2020 at 1:09 am

    My boyfriend of around 6 months broke up with me as he said he did not love me anymore . However he then did not know if he just wanted a break or to end the relationship for good . This was around a week ago and we have had some (but not much) contact since . Also one day after the breakup , his friend started flirting with me and he got very annoyed . Only today we established that we are on a break until he makes his decision of if he is ready to be in a relationship (this is his first serious relationship) . We agreed that we would not pursue anyone else but that we would have minimal contact . He said he thinks he needs a few days more to think , and he shall see if he needs more . I have not contacted him since this conversation . Should I not contact him until he makes his decision ? What if he gets accustomed to not having contact with me ? What if he wants to end the relationship for good ? I’m so scared

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 31, 2020 at 1:50 am

      Hey Sophie, giving him space and following the information for a limited no contact is best for now and if he ends things then you start a full no contact from there. Make sure you show on social media that you are doing well and keeping yourself positive during this pandemic and making him see you are not crying waiting to hear from him

  5. Avatar

    Bobo

    March 23, 2020 at 12:28 pm

    Hey any tips on getting “the angry ex” back we just broke up and I understand that the #1 step is to start No contact

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Bobo, so before you get an ex back who is angry at you, you need to allow them time to stop being angry. This is where we do No Contact, but if you really hurt or upset them you may have to do the 45 day NC. If you cheated then make sure you are not attempting to make them jealous or hint that you are around other people

  6. Avatar

    Ally

    March 22, 2020 at 11:39 pm

    Hi I have been with my partner for 9 yrs. I found out he kissed a co worker twice, he didn’t come clean I found out as a result of his distant behaviour In Jan. I asked him to have no contact with her via text or WhatsApp. I caught him messaging her on Twitter two days ago. We haven’t spilt up (yet) but it’s possible, he said he doesn’t know what he wants. I asked are we over he said he doesn’t know what he wants. He has gone to stay with his mum he said he needs space. Where do I stand with NC? There has been minimal contact as he recently had an operation.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Ally, so you need to follow a limited no contact where you do not reach out to him or chase him. He may have a grass is greener syndrome right now so make sure that you show you are not going to hound him chase him or even force him to speak to you. The fact that he cheated on you – dont beg him to be with you! Let him walk away and then work the ERP process if you want him back

  7. Avatar

    Cam

    March 22, 2020 at 12:46 pm

    Hi,
    I wonder if you can help,
    I was with a guy for 6 months, debatable whether he was a narcissist but I love him. I ended it 3 weeks ago to which he begged and pleaded, after I failed to relent he blocked me. A few days later I decided I made a mistake hut he says he had moved on followed by sending me a lot of angry texts blaming me. I stopped replying. He messaged me the next day asking an inane question. Fast forward a week, no contact but I told him I missed him. We spoke abit but he wouldn’t send more than a one word answer. I left it. Then he out of nowhere sent me an essay last wednesday saying how he’s been busy and hadn’t met anyone but jas moved on and needs to focus etc. I replied telling him I loved him etc has want him to be happy. The conversation ended after as usual he ignored what I said to talk about himself. Then nothing. However yesterday he messaged asking ‘ what’s up’. I have ignored it. What do I do? I want him back, flawed or not

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Cam start by following the No Cotnact rule for 30 days minimum 45 if needs be to get yourself over the break up. Work the Holy Trinity during that time and then reach out to him with a text that Chris suggests

  8. Avatar

    Sarah M

    March 17, 2020 at 8:59 pm

    Hi,

    I’ve been dating a guy for about 8 months and we fell in love quickly and things were moving way too quickly. We have been fighting a lot for the last few months due to his lack of boundaries and him being in contact with his exes. After he found out some bad information about school, and the rest of his life started to go down the drain, he started becoming more emotionally distant and pulling away from me. He told me that he wanted to take a break and not break up and that he still wants me in his life and that he sees a future with me but that it scares him and that he thinks I could be the one, but he needs to focus on himself and sorting his life out so he can be happy internally. We decided to take a break and it’s been over 2 weeks with NC, the break ends quite soon. What do you suggest I do? And is there hope for our relationship? I love him and think he could be the one.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:05 am

      Hi Sarah you need to stick to a NO Contact and be social with your friends, while he want to work on himself you work on yourself so that when he speaks to you in 30 days he is going to realise what hes lost

  9. Avatar

    In Pain

    March 17, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    Hello,
    I am trying to implement the NC rule but I don’t think I did it right. He broke up with me March 1 and reached out to me everyday to return our things to each other for four days. Finally I told him I wasn’t ready to see him again to return our things and that I would reach out to him when I was. Since then its been two weeks. Is this officially implementing the rule or am I just cheating since the only reason he wants to talk to me is to return stuff to each other? He hasn’t reached out, nor do I think he will until I message him and even if he does message me I think it’d only be to get his stuff back. Is this part of the plan or am I doing it all wrong?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 3:14 am

      Hey there so if you could get your things back and then go into the rest of your NC without a reason for him to wait to hear from you would be best. As hard as collecting your things may be. It would be best to give your ex the impression you are doing better without him around

  10. Avatar

    Harley

    March 15, 2020 at 4:05 am

    I’m just not really sure where my ex falls. We are coworkers so it makes it even more complicated. We talked during the breakup and he said the breakup wasnt my fault and that we didnt need to cut off all contact. I told him I had to for my sake in order to get over him. A couple of days later, I contacted him because I wanted to talk about the things he said during the breakup but he refused to talk about that, he said he never wanted to talk to me about that stuff again.

    After that I havent contacted him since the 5th, we broke up 2/29.. we are in the same friend group so it hard to avoid him aswell. But I havent seen him that much other than a few times at work and I havent spoken to him directly since the 5th. I sometimes look at his snapchat stories but I try not to. Not sure if that is NC or not. I also post a lot on my snapchat that he looks at sometimes but his bff always sees.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 3:05 am

      Hi Harley, so you need to do a Limited no contact where you speak when you have to but the rest of the time you avoid spending time with him or being around him. Avoid watching any stories if you can at all times. At least until your NC is over

  11. Avatar

    Katrina

    March 14, 2020 at 2:33 pm

    Both in our 50’s, been married and divorced each. He broke it off around 8 months ago because of an illness he has but i dont believe that was the reason. I tried to reconnect but he wouldn’t. In that time i had a major heart op. Couldnt cope with it all on op day and sent him a message (so did my friend). When i came round from ICU, he had messaged to say he had made the biggest mistake. He turned up at the hospital and we started relationship again. When i have a problem i dont talk about it, but go silent or moody with the person. Within last 4 months this has happened a few times with us. At christmas things were great, even at Valentines he sent me flowers. Booked a holiday at beginning of the year for this summer. Things started going downhill about 4 weeks ago. He admitted to talking with an old friend on social media who was having a hard time, and he may have feelings for her. Said he didnt love me or have feelings for me anymore. I poked him and pushed him wanting him to talk to me more but he wouldnt and he left the house (we didnt live together). He now says i attacked him, but i didnt. I was provoked because he wouldnt talk to me. I messaged him after it happened but he didnt reply. I called at his house but he wouldnt let me in. Its now been 12 days since and he hasnt reached out to me. He hasnt blocked or deleted me on Whatsapp which we used. Im so lost. I have no friends at all. I dont work due to some medical problems. I live with my daughter and her family as i cant cope being on my own. I need someone in my life to love and need me. To be part of a team. Its not so much doing N\C as to why ive not messaged him, but because im scared of the message i may or may not receive back after the last time. I have no motivation to get out of bed each day, and fear what the future has in store for me given my health problems and age. What should i do to try and connect with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2020 at 12:00 am

      Hi Katrina, giving that you have completed a 30 day minimum No Contact, and then reach out with a text that you know he is going to want to reply to. Something about his interests. Something that is goign to allow you both to have a short but positive first conversation. And then build up those conversations from there

  12. Avatar

    Kai

    March 12, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    I dated this guy for three months and I recently found out that I’m pregnant now. I informed the guy and basically he said he has too much going on with his current daughter mental health. Which I’m fully aware of he has completely included me in their lives but now that I said I’m pregnant and do not want an abortion he’s angry at me and has not contacted me for a week should I move on or contact him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 1:48 pm

      Hi Kai, think of things this way it takes two to make a baby so he didn’t take precautions to make sure that he didn’t get you pregnant. IF you choose to have this baby then you need to accept that you may be doing it alone if he is not willing to be involved. That is something you have to accept from the start and not hold that against him in the future. You have 9 months of him getting used to the idea of having this baby so make sure you remain as calm as you can during pregnancy and focus on yourself

  13. Avatar

    Agape

    March 12, 2020 at 9:26 am

    Hi.I met my boyfriend last year July,he pursued me till I gave in on November.we have been doing fine until January when he called in the morning and I couldn’t answer his call coz I was asleep n when I woke up n called back he started accusing me of sleeping with another guy.I felt hurt n I wanted yo convince him that wasn’t the case.he broke up with me but I didn’t accept the breakup.I would send him messages explaining how I would never cheat on him n how I loved him.we kept silent for three days n I thought the relationship was over,he contacted me the fourth day n we reconciled.recently two weeks ago,I posted a picture on my WhatsApp status, i took that picture in a certain company which my ex worked at,he texted me saying that I was looking after my ex and he wishes us the best..again I felt disrespected n mistrusted.I tried questioning him why he keeps accusing me of cheating on him while I’ve never done that.we broke up n kept mum for 5days.he sent me a picture of him being awarded in their industry.I was so excited he had finally contacted me.I just replied ‘congrats u deserve it!’ Later on during that same day,he sent me pictures of him at a hiking ground around the area I live,I felt offended coz he lives far from me like 3hours drive from where I stay n he came to hike some place near me n didn’t feel the urge to contact me.I was so hurt .he sent a message that he misses the memories we shared but he’s still going strong.I felt he had already moved on and didn’t mind about my feelings.I told him that I don’t want to hear from him n I blocked him.he has never contacted me since then.it’s now 4 days since then. Will he come back?and if he does, how do I deal with him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2020 at 12:40 am

      Hi Agape, if you want to get back with your ex then I would first assess the relationship and the red flags that you have mentioned above. The fact that you did not answer his call and he automatically assumes you were cheating on his is worrisome. Have you given him a reason to not trust you? Is he going to be willing to work on his insecurities to make a relationship like this work? When you are long distance trust is very important. If you want him back follow the process if you do not want him back then stick with indefinite no contact

  14. Avatar

    Gwen

    March 9, 2020 at 10:29 pm

    So I would say my ex falls in the angry category. Long story short: did/ said some things I shouldn’t have, I apologized, he said he ‘accepted’ but wanted things to end. It happened over the phone and before he initially said he wanted to break up I asked if I could swing by and talk in person but he said that would be “too hard”.
    It’s been a month now since I’ve spoken to him, he unfriended me and hasn’t reached out at all.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 10, 2020 at 10:17 pm

      Hi Gwen if you have completed a 30 day NO contact then you can reach out with a text that Chris suggests to see what sort of response you get and we can work from there

  15. Avatar

    Coco

    March 5, 2020 at 12:43 pm

    My ex-boyfriend broke up with me last mid-February, a week after he asked for space. We’ve been LDR for 2 months and together physically for 3 weeks. I thought we were last forever, everything seems surreal and perfect but our problems started when he invited me to spend Chinese New Year at their home ’cause he wanted me to meet his parents and propose. His parents are nitpicky and complained a lot about me. I got so needy and I overthink a lot. He said that the reasons why he broke up with me are because of cultural differences, and that I am immature and teenager-like (cause I cant control my emotions). Im not really an emotional person but I was too emotional when I was staying for CNY. Because of this, my vacation at their house was cut short and I had to go back to my country a day before CNY. A lot has happened in the span of two weeks and I felt that he isnt the same anymore. My ex before him was trying to sabotage us as well. Eventually he gave up on me. After the break-up, he was sending me mixed signals (Liking my posts; reacting to my stories; sending me photo of him wearing my gift). 2 days after the break up he contacted me and invited me to Bali this April, but right now I’m trying to do the 30-day no contact; I think he knows I’m ignoring him because he is trying to ignore me as well. The whole month of March he’ll be traveling with his guy friend in South US. What do u think I should do? I stopped replying to him last 25 February because he said he is missing me but its just difficult to fix things. I asked him why and maybe we can do something about it, but he just replied hmmm. We’re both Asians but from different countries. When he broke up with me I tried to fix it but he doesn’t want to and so I said I respected his decisions.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 1:50 am

      Hi Coco, so you need to work on becoming Ungettable so that your ex sees how great you are doing and feels like they’ve let someone great go by not trying. And then reach out at the end of your NC with a text trying to re attract him. Read the texting articles so that you can do this correctly

  16. Avatar

    Lisa

    March 2, 2020 at 7:11 pm

    Thanks for the reply!! Ok .. ( I had a previous message dunno where it went ) BUT he did finally tell me to please come over to discuss things Last Sunday . I did. Told me Everything I had ever been dying to hear from him and thought he never would…. he loved me he was sorry and realized he never should’ve pushed me away his friends basically even told him he was an ahole because he told me that he told them I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he knows that he messed things up ( just with not prioritizing me) and asked for another chance and we were going to go out to dinner later that week to discuss what moving forward would look like and some ground rules so I was like yes !!we’re going to do it right this time !!! So. I made sure and got confirmation of why I was there did he really want to move forward and fix things and he assured me that I would not be there at his house right now if that is not what he intended… so. We talked. We played with His dogs. Had some wine. Annnd … I stayed over …But something interesting happened it wasn’t just sex …he woke me up at least twice in the middle of the night just to hold me really tight and tell me how incredibly happy he was again. And then … he went cold again not even 24 hrs later. Distant texts, not asking to see me , no mention of what we planned …I was devastated.When I pressed him he got super frustrated and defensive . I Tried to keep it calm all week long. That was a week ago and we actually had angry words over text this past weekend when I couldn’t take it anymore ( I said you’re friends are right, what kind of game are u playing… and some other not nice things. He just started getting passive aggressive and one-word answering me and that’s when I snapped , etc…)
    Don’t know what to do or what the hell happened he literally did 180° turn I have never seen this from him before..in 7 months . Oh and by the way this entire time his Instagram profile has been private ( I never followed him) and just this past weekend he goes and makes it public like Really?? !? Not that there’s anything wonderful on there that I would ever be upset over it’s just literally a bunch of frat boy pictures. Do i do NC again? I’m so upset , I have a coaching sesh booked.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 10:16 am

      Hi Lisa, its great you have a coaching session booked. You will benefit so much from this but yes you go into a No Contact now!

  17. Avatar

    Being strong

    February 25, 2020 at 10:26 pm

    So I was seeing this guy for about 6 months and he wanted to keep it hush as we worked for the sane company in the same office. Long story short his has this female colleague that he works directly with who likes him. When we started going on dates he would say that she cannot find out and I asked him why and he said she would be so mad. Apparently he rejected her as he is not attracted to her. Anyway fast forward 6 months she found out about use and we had a convo and I asked him why he didn’t tell me. I was acting cold because I just didn’t want to argue and I was stressed, anyway he randomly messaged me saying people at work are asking about me, what’s going on ? (They know me and him were seeing each other) I responded and said like who and said your colleague has just found out and you’re asking me why everyone knows :/ – anyway he has ignored me since it been about 2 months, we bumped into each other but he doesn’t acknowledge me when he is with her, I then bumped into him on his own and he said hey, how are you but this was in passing I didn’t stop and chat. I’m just wondering why he has chosen to ignore my message and why he hasn’t pulled me for a chat, especially as work for the same company and see each other frequently, it’s 2 months and 2 weeks into no contact and I’m starting to think he will never acknowledge what he has done, I also spotted him
    On hinge ( a dating app) he said he would never use, is he affected by it or should I just forget about him ? He was away on a business trip so out of the 2 months and 2 weeks I’ve seen him in office for 4 weeks! I’m just a bit confused by his behaviour :/

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 6, 2020 at 9:36 pm

      Hey there so I would question why he does not want the other woman to know about you, but the fact he has ignored you since work people have found out you have been seeing each other there must be something else going on that he has not told you about. I would work the Ungettable and focus on showing your work colleagues how well you are doing and start casually dating so that the information can work its way back to him and he can know you are not waiting around for him

  18. Avatar

    Lisa

    February 23, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    follow up… I won the duel! He texted last night after 6 days NC ( which was torment btw) ( after being out presumably on Sat night with the ‘boys’) and said
    ‘ Going out of my way to say I’m sorry… again.. Lisa .’ All he has done so far in last few weeks is say sorry but … no real movement like can we talk, can i see you, so (i also have a lot of stuff to get back at his house) i feel better, but I’m back to being in that limbo of , he dropped off.. do i answer him?, …What now? Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:24 pm

      So if you have to get your things make sure you go and collect them, look amazing but make sure you do not stay long. Make a comment how you are meeting your friend for lunch/dinner and avoid getting emotional. Let him do the talking

  19. Avatar

    Lisa

    February 22, 2020 at 5:36 pm

    Hi- with my bf for 6 mos and we had some difficulties in part to his sudden realization that he hadnt had enough healing after his divorce. We had been having agonizing conversations this past month, crying, ( both of us) etc I also think he’s depressed. I know he’s being honest that he’s in a bad place but now I’m starting to smell BS bc after he was on a work trip last week he said he would call me this week to talk when he got back. Never happened. I won’t reach out bc I wasn’t about to say ummm hey HELLOO?? It’s been a week we haven’t spoken – I have sooo much stuff at his house still. This was a serious relationship. Families were involved, my teenage daughters, etc we had 2019 holidays together and he was planning future stuff. This is excruciating and even tho it’s been a week of no contact … idk what to do here he was supposed to contact me this past Wednesday. I keep mindf***ing myself that he must be talking to someone else but given the state he’s in I don’t really think so. But…. help ! I’m sooo sooo sad. Like not sleeping and obsessing. But not contacting. Thanks …

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      Hi Lisa, someone going through a divorce is going through one of the most stressful times of their lives and they also struggle to deal with their emotions on average for 18 months after a marriage breakdown. So work out the timing with your guy and know that no matter what he is doing, if he is or isn’t speaking to others he is not ready for a relationship and he was honest with you about this. You can work on yourself in the mean time with the Ungettable girl information so that when your ex speaks to you again he realises how amazing you are and regrets letting you go

  20. Avatar

    Anne

    February 21, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    Ok. We were only seeing each other for 2 months and I caught him lying to me. I let him know I was aware of the lie and the only response I got was “I’m sorry you feel that way.” I blocked him and haven’t talked to him since. However, I was hurt at work and he helped me out while I was waiting on my settlement money and I still have to pay him back. I should be getting it in a week or two. It’s been a week and I know I blocked him but it’s not hard for him to get in contact with me (he knows where I live) and it’s driving me crazy that he hasn’t tried to talk. We didn’t really end it I just stopped talking bc it was clear he wasn’t gonna take responsibility for what he did and I didn’t want to hear him tell me that my feelings were wrong rather than the fact that he got caught lying. I just don’t understand because right up to the day before everything seemed like it was going great. Do I wait out the whole 30 days or do I reach out when I get my settlement?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 10:04 pm

      I would do the right thing and pay him back when you get the money. However if you want to get him back you need to unblock him and reach out to him after your no contact has finished

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