The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Hana

December 30, 2021 at 12:24 am

He broke up w me after two yrs. at the end he said he loved me but it wasn’t working. We weren’t communicating well and there were past issues he perseverated on. 1. Early on in the relationship I texted an ex who was a friend. Neutral text but he didn’t like it. Never got over that. 2. We got in a big fight on a vacation. 3. I got comfortable and gained 20 pounds and was drinking. I’ve lost all the weight- back to 125 and am back to my healthy active outdoorsy self. He started dating some one 1 month after the breakup. It’s now been 2.5 months. She’s the complete opposite of me, body builder ect. Bc I texted an ex while we were together and he felt it was betrayal he WILL NOT reach out to me. he is in a new relationship and will not do what I did just to make the point that it’s betrayal. Is there any hope??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 10, 2022 at 9:19 pm

Hey Hana, so yes there is a hope as you are going to have to learn and understand the being there method. Knowing that he believes texting an ex is “wrong” you need to understand that this is going to take time and that you are going to have to understand Chris’ texting methods really well before you start reaching out. The first step for you however is 45 days NC and working on yourself during that time, including doing some homework about the “being there” method.

THAIGIRL

December 23, 2021 at 2:16 am

this is just 2 days. he start to send angry message to me now. i feel so arfraid but i should keep follow “no contact rule”

he said

i betrayed love
he hate me
i lied to him
(we broke up becasue he intouch with another girl and now he said he stop contact her)

i am so confuse he made mistake but he blame me
kivanc

October 27, 2021 at 10:14 am

i have just had a good read of this and i am really impressed you have hit the nail on its head. I am currently in a no contact period its been 2 and a half weeks. i received 1 phone call from my ex on day 10 and then 4 calls on day 14. since then it hasnt been anything else. All your situations are great however I cant find the one which suits me best. in my situation my ex has done so many petty things to grab my attention in this period such as like and post malicious memes, he even followed and liked his exes pictures on instagram. i broke up with him because he didnt show me his phone and he deleted me off every single social media right after however, whenever its the weekend he becomes nosey and watches my accounts because i am on open. could you please guide me im 21 years old and i dont have a lot of experience in relationships this is my only one ive ever had and im really confused whether i should walk away or amend things.
Maria

August 28, 2021 at 2:47 pm

I hope I can get a reply because I’m going crazy right now… My ex boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, we got to a point that we will argue constantly but we will still love each other a lot. We were going through a lot of stress in our personal life and also we had ego problems. He made the decision and I completely got confused because we will always work rowards the relationship. I was living in a place he had and also he is receiving my mail. Since the breakup happened I have tried to talk to him to get back together and his answer is “I dont think We can come back” also on our last conversation that was yesterday he said “I don’t know if I have moved on” and “I love you but I don’t think I’m in love anymore”… I have a son and they got attached and he wants to keep seeing my son but I want to start the not contact rule; but is being difficult for me thinking that all my belongings are with him and he is getting my mail. He kept texting me talking about how he feels pain and his head is cloudy and feels empty. My anxiety is killing me and I have that pain too, I want him back, and I want to know if you think I have chances in base of what I said. I’m decided to start the no contact.
Fatima

June 28, 2021 at 5:49 pm

I fell in love with a man 16 years younger than me. When we apentvtime together it was so intimate, emotionally. We shared that we love each other so much. Although he did tell me that he wants to get married and have kids, and I could not give him kids coz my tubes are tied…I still.lersued him and he responded. He moves to another Province temporarily and I supported him through all of it, he even asked for me to remain patient and wait for him. Then I noticed he wasnt answering my calls or text messages, and when he did it was always an apology coz hes been working so much with little sleep, this went on for months. I cannot tell you the whiplashing my emotions went through with this. I finally asked him if he was seeing someone else, he said ot really, then admitted he was. He told me he really cares about me and views me a a mentor that I helped him through some of his darkest times. He asked that I still remain in his life , even as a friend. Even though this outcome was not a surprise to me, I’m finding myself so devastated, my anxiety is so high, I feel lost and abandoned by him. I’m upset because all that time I was trying to contact him and make him notice me, he was with this other woman. I’m so sad and cannot seem to shake this feeling. The last text I sent to him 4 days ago saying I really love and care for u and thought it was evident through my actions but I realize you saw me as a pest, on grateful to have you the little time I did, you deserve happiness. I havent contacted him since and its driving me crazy. I almost tripped up and called him a couple times but I stopped myself. I am trying the NC rule, but given the circumstances, I’m not optimistic about hearing from him again. I feel sad, so sad. I want to move on and be happy, but finding it hard to move away from my sadness. I miss him like you dont believe, bit I’m also thinking about all.mybefforts I put I to him that he just ignored. I really feel aweful and so lonely.
Taylor

May 27, 2021 at 6:47 am

Hi,

My boyfriend (22) and I (32) were friends/acquaintances for about 5 months before we started flirting with eachother and then officially he asked me out, we moved in together at the 6 month mark and dating in total for 11 months.

He was always talking about marriage whereas I was not and I never put pressure on him to do so or kids for that matter.

He told me he was not in love with me anymore and he thinks he doesn’t know what he wants and he says I need a man and not someone who has mood swings all the time.

It was also his first time living a partner and my first time too.

We have a cat together and he owes me $8,500 ( I trust he will pay this back and he has told me he will)

We also have to clean the apartment (he moved out from) that we are still paying rent for another 3.5 weeks on.

I want to initiate the NC rule but how do I go about it when these two major things are involved?

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 1, 2021 at 6:44 pm

Hi Taylor, you would need to follow the limited no contact where you would only speak to him when and if you needed to. Otherwise avoid all emotional conversations possible.

Nova

April 20, 2021 at 6:10 pm

I tried NC several times but when he texts after few days ( 4_10 days ) i reply to him ,,, happened 5 times and everytime its the same breakup talk with some of i miss u .., two days ago I said you left me so why are contacting me , stop texting me … and he said I won’t anymore , will NC work now ? Will he come back even after i asked him to stop contacting me??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2021 at 9:35 pm

Hi Nova, so no contact is only going to work if you stick to it for a solid 30 – 45 days! You cannot break it if he reaches out to you. You need to complete the solid time before reaching out to him with a text that Chris suggests in his articles and videos. I would suggest you research more on this website and Chris’ YouTube channel to fully understand No Contact.

SK

March 16, 2021 at 12:11 pm

He blocked me and my daughter on messenger but not on Facebook. I unfriended him though. He was the angry guy. Will he still contact me? It’s 11 days since our NC.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 16, 2021 at 7:39 pm

Hi SK yes there is a chance he can reach out again during your NC but ideally you will not answer anything that he sends you for 45 days.

Jazmín

March 2, 2021 at 12:48 am

We were together for a year. Since the beginning he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship but at the same time he told me he didn’t want to lose me and wanted me to never leave. He broke up with me in the middle of a discussion over texts. After one week of no talking I texted him to talk over the things, so we did. We kept the relationship but never said that we got back together, we just went with the flow. After 3 months he started to ignore some of my texts or reply to me after 20 or 30 min even hours. I knew he was texting somebody else now so I decided to face him and he denied everything. I finally “broke up” with him and whatever we were having. I asked him to stop texting me while he was texting somebody else “when he wasn’t ready for a relationship”. We have 3 weeks now of no contact. Sometimes I’m pretty sure he won’t show up ever again and sometimes I think he will but just not yet. I think he’s like the stubborn guy. He wants me to text him firts but even that I really love him I know I won’t contacting him if he doesn’t contact me first.

If he’s texting somebody else and having a new distraction, is there a chance that he text first? Will that new girl keep him away for longer of NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 28, 2021 at 9:54 am

Hi Jazmin, the new girl is a distraction yes, but you need to follow a 45 day no contact before reaching out to your ex. So the program remains the same even if your ex is talking to someone else.

Gypsy

February 15, 2021 at 11:43 pm

Hi! So what if I did complete the 30-day cleanse, NC rule. Still no contact. What should I do? Should I contact him first or continue the rule for longer. In addition, he is the type to be very shy and hesitant to message first because I am his first girlfriend. Should I still remain to the no contact rule? Is it necessary to block or unfriend on social media even if he still has me on his profile as if he was still taken or just let things be and see how he carries throughout this rule

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 18, 2021 at 5:54 pm

Hi Gypsy, so if you are following this program then you need to reach out to your ex after your No Contact period is over.

Anistotorial

February 14, 2021 at 4:39 am

I dated this man i broke up with for over 2 and halfs yrs.this breakup was a bad one. I went out to the other city after being invited for the birthday party for my friend. Before i even attended the party,i told my manfriend about it and he allowed me to go though he didn’t seem to be happy. When the day of leaving for the other city came, i went and i even told him how i safely traveled.To my surprised, my manfriend was trying to reach me out but his calls went unanswered because there’s alot of noise where i was and i couldn’t hear the phone .so that’s how he started accusing me of having an affair with the people i was with.i tried to explain the reason i wasn’t picking up his calls but still he couldn’t understand me i pleaded and begged of him if he could give me a second chance but he couldn’t. Now what should i do next in order to get him back to me cause i really love him and i don’t want to lose him. Should no contact rule work in this situation? Cause he’s very upset with me and he’s avoiding to see him.Pliz help me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 18, 2021 at 5:53 pm

Hi Anistotorial, yes following and sticking to the no contact rule and following the work that you need to do for your holy trinity.

A

February 3, 2021 at 4:30 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend in the middle of an argument over text. A few hours later, he called me and told me he didn’t want to fight about it but he still cared about me. We sort of played phone tag that night but after that day I never heard back from him. Two days later I texted him saying I was sorry for what I said over text and that I didn’t mean it, and if we could call and talk over the phone. Now, I am worried that by sending that text I have messed up any chance of the NC rule working. Any advice? What do you think he is thinking right now? (That was about three days ago, and I haven’t heard anything back)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 4, 2021 at 4:38 pm

Hi A, so from the above message you have not yet started your No Contact. Please read some more articles so that you actually understand what it is you need to do.

Eve

January 31, 2021 at 9:16 pm

My partner of three years broke up with me a few weeks ago very out of the blue. He stands by the fact that there is nothing more I could have done for our relationship and I know he has a lot on his plate with work, coronavirus and family life. After the break up he called me a few times to check how I was and I also checked in with him. He says that the situation is as raw for him as it is for me, I still have to collect belongings from his once lockdown is over. We have started a NC rule but I just fear about the next steps and if he will use dating apps as a distraction?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2021 at 9:17 pm

Hi Eve, many do use dating apps as a distraction form the break up and their emotions, but it also means that they realise that dating world sucks! And they start to reminisce about times with you and that often comes with comparing you to these other new women and how great you were for them.

E

January 25, 2021 at 9:33 pm

Partner of 7 years lost his grown up daughter to cancer. He temporarily moved back in with grown up son and ex for support. He’s doing really well. 5 months on and he says he’s ready to come back but pushing the date back all the time saying he needs to make sure everyone’s okay before he come back. There is nothing between him and his ex. See him most days for an hour or so and calls me all day. Supported him so much but starting to lose faith. Do I go down the 30 no contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 5, 2021 at 12:35 pm

Hi E, no you do not need to go into a NC as you’re still together it seems? He is dealing with a huge loss and he needs to deal with it his way. It’s awful situation overall for him, but being with his son is likely the comfort he needs and what his son needs right now.

Maria

January 19, 2021 at 6:40 pm

I love your articles and your web page. Basically, it’s the only thing I’m reading at this special and devastating moment of my life.
Yesterday, I have started the no contact rule because of your advice to many people.
I’m from Oxford and I am a police woman, I am 45 years old and been with my ex for nearly 6 years. I have 2 kids, he does not have children and he is 13 years younger than me.Our relationship was toxic and difficult due to me being Spanish born and him Russian and yes, I would like him back but today, 22 days into our break up I am only his fuck buddy and his entertainment.. I am worth more than that I think…
Love your blog and all the help you give to women’s like me! Going to buy your book to have more knowledge about this subject.
You are great! Thank you! María

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 19, 2021 at 10:57 pm

Hi Maria, so first you need to stop sleeping with him! I know you love him but this is not going to get him back as much as you like to believe or hope. You need to start following the no contact period so that you can have some time away from him and for him to feel that he is losing you. Work on yourself for sometime, if you are buying the program be sure to look into the Facebook group too its a great too for support.

Shec

January 6, 2021 at 2:04 pm

My ex broke up with me but after a week a tried to contact him out of anger that he might have still been flirting with the girl he likes when we were still together. Though he told me he respects me and will not do that, he’s not sticking around that girl, he told me. He broke up with me because he’s fallen out of love, that’s what he wants me to believe in, but i know that its because he likes another girl. He keeps denying about it btw. Im in my third day of NC. Do you think there is still chance of him contacting or trying to get back to me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 6, 2021 at 8:32 pm

Hi Shec, if he has told you he is not with someone else then you are going to have to accept that. You cannot accuse and assume these things as you have no solid proof – as of yet. If that changes, then you know you were right. If you want your ex back then you need to complete 30 days (45 if he gets into another relationship) and then you need to reach out to your ex. Please read some more articles so that you understand how the program works, and the type of messages you need to be reaching out with

Geo

January 3, 2021 at 1:43 pm

Hi

So my ex dumped me Christmas eve over a stupid argument we has he took it way to far and it leaded to us breaking up.

I stopped contact with him straight away as I couldn’t beleive he had done that to me on Xmas eve, it has been 9 days I havent contacted him and he hasn’t contacted me.

Our relationship was great I feel he did it out of anger and not getting his own way I did everything for him and feel he took me for granted.

Any advise?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 15, 2021 at 10:46 pm

Hi Geo, its difficult to advise fully as I do not know what was taken “too far” but usually after a breakup caused from a misunderstanding then after both have had time to compose themselves and stop being angry they reach out. If you have completed your 30 day no contact then you can reach out to your ex and see what sort of response you get to one of Chris’ suggestions in his articles.

Margaret Milbourne

December 26, 2020 at 10:37 pm

So he just recently broke up with me, and he did it because I didn’t agree to an open relationship. He said he needs to “grow up and fix himself.” He said he’s going to end up with me, and loves me more than anyone but basically right now the chase is gone with me so he needs to go receive physical and verbal attention from other women. He said we needed to break up and stop speaking for a while because it will “help me.” Any thoughts on if he’ll come back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 28, 2020 at 8:52 pm

Hi Margaret, this is what you call the grass is greener syndrome he thinks there is more and better out there for him. So yes, he could come back 1 – because there is no one else out there for him 2 – he realises how great he had it with you and he took it for granted. I would suggest that you work on the information given about being Ungettable and show your ex that you are great without him in your life.

mikayla

December 25, 2020 at 7:32 am

My ex and i kinda got back together after 6 years. it started of great and everything until covid happened and we had to go for quarantine in different states hence doing LDR. it took a toll on me and i became irratable, impulsive and mean. i was paranoid that he would leave me again and i just couldnt trust him properly. we ended things in Oct but remained friends and in contact.

fast forward 3 months later, we had another fight and i told him i want him out of my life. i said a lot of other mean things to him that night thru text and i was certain he wasnt coming back. few days later i asked him to meet and he agreed. we met, we talked, had sex and said our goodbye. we both had a hard time letting go but we agreed we canot keep hurting each other anymore as we always fight and i havent been dealing w my traumas properly.

now its been almost a week of NC and idk if he still wants to talk to me after NC. he looked like he had his mind up about not bothering me and it makes me sad bcs i still want to work things out with him. i sent him one last text to apologize before going NC and he didnt respond. i dont know if i still have a chance. but i really do love him though
J

December 11, 2020 at 5:52 am

My partner broke up with me 3 days ago saying he needed to focus on his mental health (there is a lot going on for him here) we were together for 6 months, and during that time I was incredibly supportive and understanding of him whenever he was feeling low (which he thanked me for and acknowledged during the breakup conversation) I explained to him that I wasn’t going anywhere and wanted to be there for him but he was adamant he had to go through it alone – hence his decision to end our relationship. He also said he didn’t want me completely out of his life.

I’ve been doing NC for 2 days now, he sent me a funny video at 11:30 last night (I didn’t respond) and two other messages later this afternoon “I’m miserable” and “but thats not your problem, I’m sorry”

I really really want him to get well mentally, he believes he has to go through this darkness alone, as much as I want to be there for him I also want to heal myself.

I’m unsure if I should send him any messages of support or stick to NC. Help!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 28, 2020 at 9:27 pm

Hi J, in situations such as this, if you know someone else who is close to him, be that his best friend, relative etc. Explain that you have broken up because he is feeling that he is in a dark place and not ready for a relationship. That he is choosing to be single, but you are also worried about his mental health if they can please keep an eye on him. That way you do not have to break your NC for 30 days

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4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”