How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Meghan

September 8, 2017 at 12:57 am

I’m having a really difficult time right now. My boyfriend broke up with me last week, and it was pretty much out of the blue. I was not expecting it at all. He lives in PA, and I live in NJ, however, we were doing fairly well with the distance, although we had some bumps a long the 2 and 1/2 months together. Today marks day 3 of no contact, as I had to contact him on Saturday when I was picking up my things from his house.

Here’s a little background for you…we are both fitness competitors in the NPC (he competes in classic physique/bodybuilding, and I am a bikini competitor) We competed at the same show in April, however both of us had SO with us and didn’t really know each other at the time. I be came single just after that show, as I found out my SO had been cheating. In June, I was competing in Chicago at my first national show. He randomly sends me an IG message wishing me luck, and asking how everything was going. I had previously seen on IG that he had been liking my posts, and I had been liking his as well. I also noticed he no longer had the SO in any of his posts. We started talking and he basically kept me company all weekend through his texts and all of that. We had decided that we wanted to get together to see each other and if there could be something, so that following weekend, he came down to my house. From that weekend (June 24), we were together every single weekend, up to this past weekend. He helped me prep for my final show of the season, which was July 8, and he was with me that entire week prior since he had off from work. It’s very difficult finding someone who understands your lifestyle, the dedication, the time in the kitchen and in the gym. And honestly, I thought that I had found my match. Everyone said we were perfect for each other, and he even said he wanted to marry me. That I was perfect for him. And he was so thankful he had found me. And the feeling was mutual. We were right there with each other, every step of the way. We cooked together, we worked out together, we facetimed, texted all day long, he would call me at 5am on his work days to wake me up so I go to the gym for my morning cardio, we would snapchat each other during the day, all of it. He even wanted my input on the tile for his bathroom, he wanted to make sure I liked it, and the comforter choice on his bed, etc. I knew that things would get more difficult as I work for my Dad (and have a great job), and he has a great job in PA as well. I got a little ahead of myself, and he said that I was talking too much future talk, and to just go with the flow, so I did. I stopped talking about all of that, and just decided to be there in the moment with him when I saw him. He has anxiety, so I was trying to keep it from getting too out of control for him, since the distance makes it harder. So, I would leave little post-it notes around the house before I left on Monday mornings to drive back to NJ for work. He would also leave them for me in my bags, so I found them when I got home. I also left him cards telling him that I miss him, and little things like that. We helped each other meal prep, we did each other’s laundry, all of it. He had told me that things were getting a little overwhelming for him, and he was feeling like he was pushing away from me, but he was trying to get past it. He’s having a lot of money issues, as competing is expensive, and our lifestyle, he has his own house and he has to re-do his master bathroom since there is a crack in the tub, he needs a roommate to help keep him afloat, since he’s barely getting by with what he’s making. I’ve known about all of this stuff, so I’ve been trying to help him where I can. He works 12.5 hr days, doesn’t have a whole lot of time at night, so I was helping him meal prep when he’s at work (he works weekends so when I was there I would cook his food for him) and clean up the house/do laundry, etc. Things were going so well. We had plans to attend 2 weddings together (one this upcoming weekend, which he’s now going alone to, and one in October). The last weekend we were together, we picked out the wedding gift together, he told me that his anxiety has been so much better, he feels so much more at ease with me than he’s ever felt in any relationship he’s been in.

This past weekend we were supposed to have a photo shoot on Saturday. Due to the weather, we had to reschedule it. I asked him what time he was leaving my house on Sunday to go home and he said 12-1pm, he had to do laundry, get his dogs, cook food, prep his meals for the week, etc. I responded to him with I didn’t realize he was leaving that early. And his response was that our schedules are different, he needs to get his stuff done, if he doesn’t its going to throw him off and he will be moody, etc. And then the next text from him said ‘something’s just not chiving here with me.’ And that was the start of him saying he needs to focus on himself and his finances/debt problems, his issues (anxiety), and he just doesn’t think we can pull through this one. He said his feelings for me faded…which I find very hard to believe. I asked if I could see him to say goodbye when I got my things, and he said he didn’t think that was a good idea, that it would be sad and emotional. And that we would see each other again. I asked him if there was someone else, he said there is no one else. I asked him what I should do, he said focus on you and your goals. We need to go our separate ways. Seeing each other would not be good, not right now, and we will see each other again. He said I was amazing, and he thought he was as invested as he needed to be for us, but he just isn’t, and that it kills him to hurt me like this.

We’ve literally been inseparable for the last 2 1/2 months. The morning he ended things was like every other morning, he called me at 5am to wake me up, sent me my good morning text and picture from him, he asked how cardio was, etc. I’m literally left with this empty feeling, and I have no idea what I did wrong. Everyone’s been telling me that he will come back. That he’s never going to find someone like me ever again. And that he’s an idiot if he doesn’t realize it. I know I need to give him space, and that’s why I’m doing the NC for 30 days. But I’m left feeling alone, unwanted, and unworthy. I just don’t understand it. And I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I am a pretty damn good catch! I’m not one to talk about myself like this, however, I’m in amazing shape (I won my last bikini competition, actually won the whole show, took home the women’s title belt), I’m beautiful, I’m honest, genuine, caring, all of it. I wear my heart of my sleeve, and when I meet someone that I have a connection with, I’m all in, and it doesn’t happen that often that I find someone like this. I know in my heart that this isn’t over, it just doesn’t seem like it is, at least not to me. It’s literally tearing me apart, and I just can’t seem to get a handle on it. I’m doing everything I can to keep my mind off of it, but something’s just not right. I feel like he made a rash decision….I’m 5 days in of NC. Help!!

Meghan

September 14, 2017 at 11:43 am

Thank you for the advice. I will read the article. I just don’t feel as though I was clingy. He wanted me there, he was the one who said he wanted to spend every weekend together even if he was working since it was our only time together. It’s just all very confusing because the things he said and did, never led me to believe he would break it off with me. Even up to that morning…it’s just all very odd.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2017 at 9:38 pm

HI Meghan,
maybe he found the last two months suffocating for him..
check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

AD

September 4, 2017 at 9:08 pm

Hi!

My partner (ex or not, I’m still confused) and I had been together for 7 long years – 4 years in person and 3 years in an LDR. We began our LDR 3 years ago, when he moved to the US for a PhD and I moved to Switzerland for my Masters. To begin with, there was no cheating whatsoever involved. We took trips to see each other whenever we could. My biggest problem with him so far has been his commitment phobia. Well, both of us are at a stage in life when all our friends are getting married. And that builds up an expectation of marriage which he can’t handle. However, he did get both our families to meet when he was visiting this time. And for a few months things seemed to be normal – no arguments, regular facetime, talking for the phone, proofreading drafts etc. People around us would call us a perfect couple who’ve managed to accomplish the unimaginable (3 years of a marathon LDR!). But now, I am moving to Ireland for a PhD which is a 3 years commitment to say the least (Well, not that he’s finishing anytime soon!). His biggest problem with me has been the fact that I keep fighting for our relationship against all odds; the fact that I feel so certain about us but he’s been a little uncertain owing to the distance. That makes him feel less of a person. I finally gave in to the odds staked against us and broke up 3 days back. But when I asked him if he was considering visiting me in Ireland this winter, he said that he was thinking about it; but then now he would most likely not visit because of lack of time. I don’t really know what to do. But all I can say is the fact that we had been pretty awesome for the first four years and managed to stick by each other through our lowest moments in life. There’s noone who knows him better than I do and I am sure he can say the same about me. Is there any hope of salvaging our relationship? He is definitely the man I want to grow old with!

AD

October 4, 2017 at 5:24 pm

Hi!
I have no plans of marriage until 2020 (I should be way ahead in my PhD and my (ex)partner would have completed by then). I don’t really see myself marrying anyone else because I think it would be unfair for me to bring in someone else that I wouldn’t be able to love as much!
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2017 at 7:21 am

Then focus on what is going on now.. Because you’ll never what may happen.. 3 or 4 years is still a long time.. Enjoy what you have now and reserve talking about getting married or being sure of each if it’s not in the really near future… If you want to get him back to try for a restart, try the advice above..
AD

October 4, 2017 at 7:18 am

Hi!

I don’t see myself getting married before 2020 (I should be well into my PhD, almost nearing it’s completion and he would have just completed). That’s what I have in mind. But if it’s not him, then I don’t see myself getting married to anyone else. I mean it’s unfair to the person I would get involved with, because I wouldn’t forget my partner and what we shared for the 7 years that we’ been with each other.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2017 at 8:25 pm

HI Ad,

your friends are getting married, but if I ask you, just you, not considering him, when do you want to get married?

Ruru

September 3, 2017 at 10:00 am

Hi, Me and my Fiance broke up a week back, it was a really bad breakup and He had been ignoring me for months prior to the breakup. I have my issues and he wanted me to work on them but I did not. Now that he’s gone , I realised so many thungs that I could do better to save the relationship.

My question is, After he broke up with me, I begged and cried for him to come back and to not leave me. For almost a week. Will the No Contact Rule still work? If I impliment the no contact rule after begging and calling and crying for him to return, will it still work?

I am looking forward to your response.

Thank you so much for this amazing website and for helping so many of us.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2017 at 6:41 pm

HI Ruru,

check this one:
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

Ruby

August 21, 2017 at 6:54 am

I’ve texted my ex a few times over the course of 2 weeks after no contact.. in my last text it wasn’t a text that he should answer anyway.. it was a meme.. anyway he didn’t answer for 2 days and during those 2 days he blocked me then unblocked me.. I just seen he texted me ” this is the worst summer of my life “..
should I answer today? Since he didn’t answer for 2 days should I delay my answer?
If he says he wants me back.. should I accept right away or what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 9:40 pm

Hi Ruby,

when and why did you break up? how long did you do nc? How was your conversations during this two weeks?

Saumya

August 9, 2017 at 11:49 am

Me and my ex had a LDR, but we really shared a good relationship between us! Suddenly he changed, he started taking me for granted, he didn’t give me time, and I started feeling like he has lost interest in me! But at times I used to feel that he still loves me! I started getting frustrated , we started fighting and we broke up! He thinks I am wrong! I made mistake that I texted him for around 2-3 times. He says, he hates me! There is nothing called love for me anymore!
Saumya

August 9, 2017 at 11:48 am

Me and my ex had a LDR, but we really shared a good relationship between us! Suddenly he changed, he started taking me for granted, he didn’t give me time, and I started feeling like he has lost interest in me! But at times I used to feel that he still loves me! I started getting frustrated , we started fighting and we broke up! He thinks I am wrong! I made mistake that I texted him for around 2-3 times. He says, he hates me! There is nothing called love for me anymore!
Ann

August 9, 2017 at 9:42 am

Hello
I have clear the situation between me and my ex. I didn’t stick to what I should do on this website because wondering what is actually going on and unable to feel secure and certain is just too much energy and time. So in the end when I tell him this flirting and he still talk like we were together is just confusing (it wasn’t even me trying to treat him like a boyfriend), he just simply said, What do you want me to say? There is nothing I can do. For me, it was so irresponsible and made me think of all the insecure and bad feeling that his immature behavior brings out. Like he would constantly eye wondering or even turn his head to see the girl’s face that he didn’t get to see…..So maybe it is better to move on than waste time on this, cuz with all that I wouldn’t be able to trust him. Most of all he didn’t even say he loves me. Thank you for all the tips and advice you gave me. Hopefully, I will learn to know better and love myself more to be the ungettable girl and find a lovely guy who wouldn’t need me to put these efforts and unable to be myself in order to keep him. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 4:22 pm

You’re welcome Ann! We sincerely hope the best for you!

Ja9

August 6, 2017 at 3:18 pm

Hi Amor. My story briefly.
– he lived in UK and we dated 6 months
– he went home to USA and it took me 6 months to convince him to do LDR and also fought off an OW
– 1 year with lots of visits and lots of love and also a plan to end the lDR but towards the end lots of fights
– fights due to my depression / external sources which resulted in me taking my bad days out on him
– he broke up with me 23rd june, after alot of begging from me he still went on the holiday with me we had planned the next week (it was to activate my canadian visa so we could be closer)
– he then seemed a tiny bit unsure but re broke up *sigh* 15th July due to gnatting
– since break up, my house has sold, my debt is gone, my move from UK to canada is confirmed and im also much happier

my problem is, when he broke up with me the second time, i had wrote him a letter, telling him he did the right thing ending it with me, i needed a wake up call to realize my depression had taken over again. but i asked him to give me time to fix myself and to come back. he said no, several times… so now i feel he knows why i’ll be texting when i break NC. Is there any way to get past this with a guy who is stubborn and swore we’d never get back together and had fallen out of love with me? Is it hopeless Amor?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 2:27 pm

Just convey through your posts that you have your own life, you’re moving on.. He probablu doesn’t expect you to really stop contact

Sally

August 5, 2017 at 5:44 pm

Hi. My boyfriend of 4 years ended things because his parents were against our relationship because we were of different religions and also we were doing long distance across countries for the past 1 year without an end date in sight. The uncertainty for our future and continuous pressure from his family made him break up as he’s worried about dragging the relationship further and us not ending up together. I know a He still loves me and he’s said it too that he’ll never feel for anyone the way he does with me. He’s trying to keep a distance from me and doesn’t really initiate contact but will reply immediately if I text him. I really do love him but everytime I bring up getting back together he’s says he doesn’t know and needs to think about his as it hurt him too much to break up once and doesn’t want to go through that again ever. He’s been trying to distract himself by texting other girls but nothing too flirty.. its been 2 months since the break up and I’m on day 17 of no contact at the moment..I’m scared he’s gonna replace me to get over feeling alone.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 7, 2017 at 6:43 pm

Hi Sally,
How old are you both?

Rachel

August 4, 2017 at 2:20 am

I have been talking to this guy for 4 months now. He always assured me that he will be will be dating me in August when we both have graduated from school.
Recently he has been hesistant, he says he doesnt belive in love because of his ex gfs etc. We did have a conversation of his mother picking up the girls he will be dating as he doesnt trust his choices.
On wednesday, he told me that his mum and sister set up a date with a girl. He said that he needs to jst do this and he will be going out and dating me. He needs to do this because his mother insists.
Thursday, he was acting weird all day and at night he started saying, we are different people and he doesnt believe in love etc. He later added that he told his mum about me and that we have a 10 year age gap and his mother rejected me because she wants him to date someone older.
He told me that nothing can work out between us and i should leave. I replied saying “his mother knows best and i hope he finds someone he has a connection with” He too replied in a nice way

I really like him and i dont know how to approach the situation. He has already told me that nothing can work out so theres nothing i can say at this point.

What should I do ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 6, 2017 at 7:32 am

Hi Rachel,

check this one:
EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

Ginnie

August 2, 2017 at 8:18 pm

Hi there! So my LDR ex-bf and I’ve been in contact for about 8 months now. I’ve done the no contact and texting. Now I’m at the stage of phone calls. He’s been talking about meeting up this fall and on the last text message (a week ago) he wrote “really lets talk on the phone sometime, just in case my number is -, miss you”.
I never asked for his number! The thing is, he asked me for my number 8 months ago and hasn’t called yet. So do i call him first? does he want me to? or should I wait till he calls me? His birthday is in 29 days and I’m planning on not contacting him till his bday.

Ginnie

August 9, 2017 at 7:18 pm

We broke up in 2012. Had zero contact since the break up. He got married in 2015, got divorced in 2016. He reached out to me first, last year December. I did the no contact in Jan 2017 for about 40~45 days. I’m always the one initiating the texts.. his responces are mutual.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 10, 2017 at 4:20 pm

oh.. it took 8 months to transition to calls? then yes, you should initiate a call.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 5, 2017 at 6:55 pm

I’m confused..if you’ve been talking for 8 months now, when did you break up and do nc and how long did you do it?

Tara

July 31, 2017 at 6:01 pm

I’ve read all of Chris’ posts about LDR’s, what is still unclear is the timing. Should I send the first contact text, and wait a few days to send another (even if it’s positive?). I don’t want to move too fast or too fast. Right now I’m on day 11 of no contact. He wanted to take a break and still “talk regularly”, but I told him I couldn’t do that and would prefer to not talk at all. The next morning he told me, “have a safe trip home, baby” and I told him thanks and I enjoyed watching his soccer game the night before. The last contact was from him saying, “thank you, Baby”. I plan to wait 30 days, but feel like I need a plan regarding timing. I don’t want to do too much too soon.

Tara

August 1, 2017 at 5:43 pm

Thank you for your response, although, I’m not sure you read my question. I haven’t had contact and I’ve read the guide above. What is unclear in the guide is timing. When to move things to the next steps.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2017 at 5:23 pm

Oh sorry, I forgot to include the link. It’s below. You can try the tide theory in it. Check the other one too.
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
What To Do After The No Contact Period
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 1, 2017 at 3:48 pm

If you replied to him during nc that means you need to restart the count.. Initiate contact after nc and then follow the contact guide above

E

July 31, 2017 at 5:43 am

Hi, my LDR boyfriend just broke things off with me because of his mom pressuring him (she blames me for every little thing he does wrong or not to her liking) We had a great relationship, keeping in contact everyday etc etc but I guess the pressure got to him. He told me he can’t handle the stress from his mom and grad school at the same time and he also can’t stand to see me stressed and getting ruined by his mom stressing me out. I tried convincing him but it didn’t work. He didn’t even want to discuss it, he just said this is his decision. He actually said this all through messaging he wouldn’t discuss this over the phone because he’s worried he’ll change his mind. He told me he still likes me a lot and I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had. He also blocked me on every social media because he’s scared that he’ll call me or message me when he’s drunk or when he misses me. I just don’t know what to do, he’s honestly my soulmate. I’m willing to go through what his mom does to me. The original plan was I was gonna move to where he was (i was going to do this regardless of him – for work purposes) in 2 weeks. I was going to try the no contact rule for 30 days but I have to meet up with him to hand over some things I have of his. I don’t know how I should act when we meet up. Should i ask if we can talk about or just hand over the thing while being polite and leave asap. We agreed to meet up at a train station.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2017 at 4:42 pm

Hi E
Just meet up, be kind casual and civil and then leave..

A

July 27, 2017 at 9:40 pm

hi no contact ended today and I sent my first text he replied positively, and after an hour I replied with my ending text which he saw, but didn’t reply. How do I take things from here? Is it good to wait for few days before I initiate again. Oh! and it was on fb chat where we always talked and I also noticed that he checked out my fb story after that

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 30, 2017 at 5:09 pm

It’s ok to wait 2 days

Ally

July 21, 2017 at 10:09 pm

Hi! I bought your book and found it to be a great help! But I am having some trouble, I haven’t exactly broken up with my bf yet, but we have become really distant and are having trouble communicating! I will be seeing him in 15 days, but I would love to have help in how to avoid getting to the breakup. We still talk and haven’t gone in any fights so I think it would be too harsh to start a no contact rule, but I do want to save the relationship and we have already talked and he says he no longer feels in love with me because we don’t talk anymore. I just don’t want to suddenly start face timing him excessively and make things feel forced, so I am not quite sure how to increase our communication in a more natural way

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 2:40 pm

Hi Ally,

check this one:
How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

Anna

July 21, 2017 at 12:27 am

Hi first of all the texting bible is a nice read. Secondly, my ex broke up with me because I let myself go and became clingy. I have texted him to reconsider for 2 days but I immediately stopped after that cause there was no point. Nowadays, I’m 21 days into no contact, I feel a lot better I am changing things I don’t like about myself and I am having a confidence boost, I go out with my friends, recently went on a trip, and kept my Facebook updated with all these positive changes. I know that probably he won’t try to contact me cause he is stubborn thinks that everything is my fault. But I recently noticed through a friend that after a week of breaking up with me he updated his instagram (I’m not active there anymore) with a photo of him and his pet stating that “all people are searching for someone to look at them like their pet looks at them” and he has also been posting selfies while wishing others to have a good day. Right now he is on summer holidays too and keeps the world updated every now and then. At this point I would like to add that when we were together he never updated that app what does this change tell me about him? And should I go for a 45 day with no contact or stick to the 30 rule? Right now I’m feeling really good about myself. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 11:36 am

If you were clingy before go for 45.. That might be his way of coping with the break up

Amy

July 17, 2017 at 3:55 am

I’m trying if there’s a possibly that I can get back with my ex but he broke up with me on good terms. We were together for a year and half. We both live in the same state but we live a hour or so away. We often talked about our future together since we dated and maybe four months ago…
Three months ago, I noticed a change in him maybe it’s from the effect from the weed. His emotions went from sunny side up to rock-bottom. I always ask him if he was ok and he always told me everything is fine. At this point, we both are working on careers and taking classes. We both gave each other space to work on assignments and work but we always communicated with one another. In May, he graduated and asked me if I could go to Mexico with him and I accepted it. Between May and June, he became less attentive towards me. I’m guessing that is when he started acting weird or distant towards me. I don’t know if it’s the drugs , his insecurities, and his depression is the source how our relationship ended. I asked him many times to come talk to me because I knew he was stressed or something was up. I did not want push him sometimes I did but no change from him. I don’t know what to do because he’s my first official relationship.
We broke up on July 4 on good terms and I thought everything was fine between us. We had a great night with our friends. He told me he was unhappy with his life. He doesn’t love himself and cannot love someone else. He needs learn how to love himself before loving someone else. He’s going through depression so he pushes people away. He told me he was unhealthy for everyone especially me but I knew about his depression already. I deserve better and he couldn’t be the man i deserve. His past relationships were really bad because his exes cheated on him. I just want to prove to him that i do indeed care for him and love him but i’m not going to beg him to take me back. I want him to know that someone does indeed care and support him despite how he feels right now. He’s doing drugs despite of both his physical and mental health. I just don’t want to be one person says one thing and abandons him like everyone else in his life. He knows I’ve been faithful to him, really good person, and love him. I feel like he has mixed feelings regarding me but i kept reassuring him. I don’t know if it’s his insecurities, jealousy, the drugs he’s taking that caused our relationship to end. I’m not only one whose shocked regarding the break up. his best friend is surprised because we always talked about our future together. What should I do? I really don’t want to NC and I am giving him some space. I’m texting him once a week and it was fairly good. What can i do? I really want to get off of those drugs but he probably won’t listen to me. If I tell his parents they will kick him out. My best friend told to basically call the police to see if he gets caught as a wake up call. I don’t want to do that 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 18, 2017 at 9:16 pm

HI Briana,

check this links:
The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

Briana

July 17, 2017 at 3:02 am

I’m trying if there’s a possibly that I can get back with my ex but he broke up with me on good terms. We were together for a year and half. We both live in the same state but we live a hour or so away. We often talked about our future together since we dated and maybe four months ago.
Three months ago, I noticed a change in him maybe it’s from the effect from the weed. His emotions went from sunny side up to rock-bottom. I always ask him if he was ok and he always told me everything is fine. At this point, we both are working on careers and taking classes. We both gave each other space to work on assignments and work but we always communicated with one another. In May, he graduated and asked me if I could go to Mexico with him and I accepted it. Between May and June, he became less attentive towards me. I’m guessing that is when he started acting weird or distant towards me. I don’t know if it’s the drugs , his insecurities, and his depression is the source how our relationship ended. I asked him many times to come talk to me because I knew he was stressed or something was up. I did not want push him sometimes I did but no change from him. I don’t know what to do because he’s my first official relationship.
We broke up on July 4 on good terms and I thought everything was fine between us. We had a great night with our friends. He told me he was unhappy with his life. He doesn’t love himself and cannot love someone else. He needs learn how to love himself before loving someone else. He’s going through depression so he pushes people away. He told me he was unhealthy for everyone especially me but I knew about his depression already. I deserve better and he couldn’t be the man i deserve. His past relationships were really bad because his exes cheated on him. I just want to prove to him that i do indeed care for him and love him but i’m not going to beg him to take me back. I want him to know that someone does indeed care and support him despite how he feels right now. He’s doing drugs despite of both his physical and mental health. I just don’t want to be one person says one thing and abandons him like everyone else in his life. He knows I’ve been faithful to him, really good person, and love him. I feel like he has mixed feelings regarding me but i kept reassuring him. I don’t know if it’s his insecurities, jealousy, the drugs he’s taking that caused our relationship to end. I’m not only one whose shocked regarding the break up. his best friend is surprised because we always talked about our future together. What should I do? I really don’t want to NC and I am giving him some space. I’m texting him once a week and it was fairly good. What can i do? I really want to get off of those drugs but he probably won’t listen to me. If I tell his parents they will kick him out. My best friend told to basically call the police to see if he gets caught as a wake up call.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 18, 2017 at 9:11 pm

HI Briana,

check this links:
The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

Sha

July 14, 2017 at 1:30 pm

Hi Amor!
I was dating a guy (a very long distance) for 7 months, we spent a month living together at his place and were discussing the possibility to move together to close up the distance. But some weeks after I left instead of coming to visit me as it was planned he sent me a weird letter announcing 1we’d better be in casual relationship for now rather then be in serious committed relationship when we only see each other because of the distance 2 I opened him up for a potential of love he thought might not exist 3 he loves me in every way a person can love another 4hope we will continue talking seeing each other and sharing ideas.
I took it as a break up for sure even I was confused by the mix of feeling in it I thought he’s trying to be nice. Still I’m not sure you normally end break-up letters saying ”with love”.
I didn’t accept casual relationship of course since he told me before he was serious about me (but also confessed me his insecurities) and for me we were in love and going to something big and beautiful. Literally that was me who told him good bye and wishing him good luck (but I felt forced to).
I admit it was going too fast for a very ‘young’ relationship to want to move together after 6 months of dating. Crazy enough to want to slow down, but to go casual…that didn’t make sense for me. I thought he didn’t love me and was just cruel telling me he did and not wanting more than FwB…
I did a kind of nc but little one (10 days) and since we are texting each other for two months now. He often says he misses me but never suggests more (like a Skype date or something). Recently he started to call me all nice nicknames (he did it for a while) we used to use and then try to sex talk to me. I told him for me it was not casual and that I needed him to be my friend. First he agreed, acted nicely for a few days, then sent me a ‘friend style letter’ to inform me about his traveling plans and asking for my news, didn’t answer to my reply and basically started to withdraw himself.
I’m again devastated since I thought we were in our way to rebuild the connection.
What should I do? Saying it’s not casual for me sounded like an ultimatum for him? Was it a strategic mistake from my part?
Can you also say, please, is his way of bringing casual relationship is common in the US (since I’m not anglophone and have a limited experience in the american way of thinking)? Is it just normal (I had doubt since there were not only an email but quite a long process of him ignoring me then sending heartbreaking texts, existential talks and so on)? It all looked like he was teared apart but in the other hand he just ruined it all himself.
Thanks in advance for your advice!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 7:27 pm

It looks like he friendzoned you and then he tried to be fwb.10 days is too short.. Do at least 30 days

XZ

July 13, 2017 at 8:17 am

My long distance boyfriend just decided that he doesn’t want to continue the relationship. We were together physically for 3 months and 10 months of LDR. My tourist visa to America was rejected, till then our relationship is a little unstable because he’s been stressing about what and where do he see himself in the future. I’ve been asking him if he is coming to see me instead and planning to close the distance but he said he has to be stable first in order to bring someone into his life forever, so he is trying to think about things.

However, he has decided to end things today. He said I frustrate him (probably by pressuring him) and this distance tears him apart and that he is not the type of person to be stressed about things and when it comes to us he is always stressed.

I’ve been trying to give him more space but he said It’s not working. He does not want this pain and stress anymore, it’s not a single thing and it not something that can be simply fixed.

I’m in despair now. I believe he still cares for me as we still talk and keep in touch with each other’s life daily before breaking up. What should I do? Will the no contact rule works?

XZ

July 20, 2017 at 4:58 am

Do you think I have a chance to reconcile or he is moving on and treating me as a friend by liking my photos?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 25, 2017 at 8:16 am

It’s a good sign that he’s liking your posts.. You’re giving him more reasin to miss you, therefore increasing your chances
XZ

July 15, 2017 at 3:31 pm

We have no contact since the break up. I posted a selfie of my new hair cut on Instagram few hours after our break up, he liked the photo. Two days later I posted another picture of myself, he liked it too.

It’s making me feel sad because I’m not sure if he is doing it as a “friend” or he still has feelings for me. It’s giving me hope and it hurts.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 4:14 pm

It’s not a guarantee that it will but it’s better than begging and chasing

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