How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

August

October 12, 2016 at 11:36 am

Hi, I was in a LDR of a few years (my ex is European, I am American). She broke up with me 3 weeks ago and 9 days ago I implemented No Contact. However, during our last Skype call my ex explained that she no longer loved me. But, she was adamant that we stay best friends because of all the time and love we shared. We had a rough patch with a lot going on in our lives and the distance became slightly longer due to some circumstances, but we were working through it. I was upset–betrayed actually. So I told her, “I never want to talk to you again”. She cried but said, “if that’s what you want”. We hung up and I started NC ever since. Here’s where things get complicated: I deleted her on every social media so I wouldn’t check her statuses every hour. She did the same and has no access to my profiles now. We only have a texting app for any communication. How am I supposed to reinvent myself for her if she can’t see anything I post?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 1:59 pm

Hi August,

Make your posts public.. so, that she can see it through a different account.

J

October 12, 2016 at 4:37 am

So… My bf and I broke up and we were talking it out and we suggested either time by ourselves or just kinda talk to see if the spark rekindles…
He kinda knows about the no contact rule, but not like how long and that I can’t talk to him… I think that ruins my chances now bc he knows that I can’t be talking to him. I did tell him I had to go which was a lie so that way I’d be the one to stop the conversation.

J

October 12, 2016 at 2:49 pm

Yeah, he knows I need space and that we can’t talk, so now I’m afraid it won’t work and he won’t start missing me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:16 am

if it’s just missing you, he will probably miss you because that’s human nature.. And he probably doesn’t expect you to really to stick to it and improve a lot in a short amount of time.
J

October 12, 2016 at 4:48 am

He also knows that it’ll make him miss me .-. So I really don’t know if it’ll work now
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 12:17 pm

Hi J,

so, all he knows is that you told him you need some space?

Jackie

October 11, 2016 at 7:19 pm

The same person with the 5 year relationship… I think he might just take it as my expression and maybe then he’d finally realize how much he relied on me to be his, like, emotional support. Because he wanted to be friends still and I wanted to do anything to keep him in my life so I agreed… But then it started getting mixed signals and I can’t handle that because I still love him, so… I’m sticking to the no contact rule. Day 1.
Jackie

October 11, 2016 at 3:24 pm

So, my long distance ex of 5 years broke up with me officially about… two weeks ago. He said he didn’t have feelings for me anymore, but keeps sending mixed signals and saying that he just wants to be friends. I don’t want that. I want to be more than friends… But I was so scared of being abandoned and begged him back. Became the phone gnat. He told me multiple times that it was bugging him. I was just so desperate, but I finally realized my doing that was just making things worse. So, I found this site. Now, I kinda started the NC rule last night around 7:30ish, but broke it to just let him know that I need some time to myself. Which I do… and to also let him know that I am okay. Will that lower my chances of getting him back now that I actually told him that I needed some time? I feel like it’d weigh heavy on my conscious if I didn’t tell him and just left him since we did talk every day for 5 years. I am trying to get my life on track so I could go see him. So, there’s a chance of us meeting… I’m just wondering now if that ruins my chances of him ever missing me? I mean, he already said he needs me and would miss me if I stopped talking, so…
Like, I just don’t understand why he would say that, but then give me mixed signals. He also did say he just didn’t know what he had or did have… So, I think he’s just confused on that part. Ugh. I also don’t have a card or money to buy “The Texting Bible”… in which I really need. Someone help me, please…

Jackie

October 11, 2016 at 4:10 pm

No, I didn’t. He texted me last night before bed “See you tomorrow I guess…” and then this morning “Morning?” and I felt bad just leaving him in the dark like that with him knowing how bad I took the break up in the first place… so I just said “Morning. I’m here. I just need some time to myself. We’ll talk later. :)”
To which he replied with the “Oh, okay”
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 5:42 pm

Oh no.. why did you say talk later? that would be confusing if you didn’t reply if he texts later.. but anyways, he might think it’s just it’s just your expression and now you’re really taking your time for yourself.. so, you have to restart count.
Jackie

October 11, 2016 at 3:28 pm

Oh, and he already responded with “Oh, okay” and I just deleted the convo.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 3:46 pm

Hi Jackie,

nope, that’s ok.. As long as you didn’t say you’re doing nc and for how long you’re doing it.. And be very active in improving yourself.

Oliver

October 11, 2016 at 3:51 am

Hi, my LDR girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. I had been reading these blogs and started NC about 8 days ago. However, my birthday is in 5 days. What do I do if my ex contacts me on my birthday? Do I ignore it and finish out the 30 days? Or should I respond? I know that responding isn’t going to win her back as it has only been 1 week of NC but also I feel like not responding to a “Happy Birthday” might be rude… or maybe not responding to it will make her want me to respond even more and make her think about me more like the blog suggests?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 4:45 pm

Hi Oliver,

it would be better if you don’t respond. Check this one:
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule

Julia

October 10, 2016 at 10:15 pm

This is not about an ex or break up. I had (have?) a strange relationship via just emails with a guy who is much older than me. Nothing explicitly romantic. We exchanged emails but mostly we had misunderstandings and one day in my frustration I told him off which made him run away and disappear for months. I tried to apologise and find any excuse to email him again. One day he finally replied and explained why he didn’t reply. We were sort of in good terms until he said something I didn’t like and I let him know how I felt and he thought again I had told him off and asked me not to contact him again. So I did but again I wasn’t happy with that and after 3 months I emailed him again to say how I felt and why I was annoyed by his comment as I was very fond of him. He didn’t reply. 4 months later I asked him if we could finally meet up and I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to reply or say no. I just thought the only way to sort the whole thing out was seeing each other face to face. I waited for two weeks for a reply. I gave up and started to finally move on and he replied and said yes. I couldn’t believe it . So we met and before I could say anything he hugged me straight away, we talked and then he mentioned the times I told him off and gave me a cuddle and kissed me (not on the lips) and said it was all forgotten. Another hug and kiss and said goodbye. The next day he sent me an email to say it was good to finally meet me but he finds it difficult to maintain a relationship online. So I proposed we could spread the times we get in touch so it’s not very often. He didn’t reply and I was tremendously upset, confused and disappointed but I didn’t say it. I waited for 10 days, put myself together and sent him a last email to say what I would like to happen but I understand he doesn’t want to keep in touch and that I enjoyed meeting him and all his affection gestures as I didn’t expect them.
I really like him, I waited all this time to once and for all have a good relationship basically as friends because it’s almost impossible to have something else. Should I wait for a month to keep in touch again? And use all those tactics to wake up his interest?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 4:07 pm

Hi Julia,

So, you mean you just want to be friends with him? If it’s just that, go out and do the things you love to do and make real life friends. If it’s him, then yes, just give him time. But I strongly suggest, that you interact in the real world because real friends are made in real life.

J

October 10, 2016 at 9:09 pm

Hi. My ex boyfriend of 4-5 years initially broke up with me about a week and 4 days ago. We still talk because he says he still wants me around while he thinks about us. We’re still kinda close, but I’m trying to detach myself as much as I can in case his final decision is that he doesn’t want me. He’s confused and doesn’t really know what he had or has. I get it. I understand, it’s harder over a long distance, but neither him or I have a car. I’m trying to get my license so I can see him since he still does want to meet me. Hell, I want to meet him. I still want him, he just doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. I tried to make him see that we were a good thing and make him understand but he doesn’t quite understand, really. He doesn’t understand how it feels to feel like your other half is missing so I’m thinking of starting the NC rule. I’m shaking as I text this out because I really don’t want to lose him, but I have to try. I feel like he’s the ONE. I’m just kinda wondering if it is too late to start the NC rule? He already said he’d miss me if I’d stop talking, so… I’m thinking it may help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 3:46 pm

Hi Jackie,

nope, that’s ok.. As long as you didn’t say you’re doing nc and for how long you’re doing it.. And be very active in improving yourself.

Chris

October 10, 2016 at 5:05 pm

I am in a LDR and my situation right now is that we text probably around an hour a night. I initiate 99% of the communication. He says the door is not closed to us getting back together, but right now he needs to get himself together. I know he is on a dating site looking for a relationship. We had planned to meet two separate times. The first time the east coast gas shortage interfered and then hurricane Matthew. He would draw closer to me and then pull away when I couldn’t make it down. I’m still improving myself and trying to show him that I’m doing great. Is the push pull he is showing normal? Am I making progress or do I walk away because of the dating site? Thanks so much Chris and Amor. I wouldn’t have made it this far without you! Also, the texting Bible has been extremely useful.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 11:24 am

Hi Chris,

Thank you too! Yes, it’s quite normal..

Mike

October 9, 2016 at 2:57 pm

Hey,

My girlfriend broke up with me two days ago. Before that we were dating for three years. She just moved to another country (2 weeks) ago. I believe, she genuenly still likes me, but the past year was pretty hard for us, due to some personal issues. Do you thing that I should implement the no-contact rule or not? On one hand, I believe that she still likes me (one week ago she told me that she can’t wait for me to visit) and needs some time to regain herself, on the other hand, however, she seemed pretty determined. I don’t know what to do. Best, Mike.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 7:45 am

Hi Mike,

she wants to friendzone you?

AJ

October 9, 2016 at 1:39 pm

Hi! I was in relationship for 21 months when my fiance dumped me because I am so crazy as what he calls me. I am so jealous, immature and so annoying. My ex is 43 and I am 25. He is sweet but I think he is not romantic. He broke up with me Sunday and I asked him to talk to me today. I did the begging in front of him while we were talking on Skype. BTW we are in long distance for a year now. I acted crazy so he told me he will never ever get back with me because the more I pursue him the more I do things he doesnt like. I acted crazy and very obsessed. Noe, I am thinking can I get him back?He said there is this mountain that I need to climb but he don’t believe I can make it because I am not showing him respect, love, calm and peaceful relationship. I need an advice. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 7:27 am

Hi Aj,

do you want to try what’s advised above?

M

October 8, 2016 at 9:06 am

Hi,
My ex and I broke up about 5 months ago, we were doing long distance for most of our relationship(1 year and 1 month), and he had previously broken up with me before for a short period, then he reached out and we got back together. This time, it was more or less for the long distance reason and I was leaving to asia for few months which is even further away, and it ended very abruptly. He reached out about 2 months ago, but I didn’t reply, I was angry and hurt, and I didn’t want to talk to him. Then a week ago, he reached out again, saying he’s been thinking a lot about me, and he wants to know how I am doing. I waited 2 days and replied a positive msg back. And then he wrote back after an hour and say he will write to me later that night as he was out. Then I waited and waited… 3 days laters he finally write back, saying he was sorry for the late reply, and carrying on the conversation, he asked me when I was going back to Europe and what plans I have. I felt a bit weirded out and annoyed by the fact that he said he would write but didn’t, and I don’t want to get my hopes up even though I know that I want to be with him again. Is the best strategy to wait some time and reply, or to not reply until he write again? Should I address his late reply at all, or should I just pretend it didn’t bother me at all?

Thank you for doing this, I really hope that I would be able to get him back!
-M

M

October 14, 2016 at 4:57 am

Hi amor,
I listened to your advice and tried to have a conversation with him yesterday, it wa pretty positive some inside jokes, some catching up and then I cut the conversation at one point. How often would you recommend that I initiate contact with him? Or should I wait for him to initiate now? I don’t want to come off as needy, because that would pros not scare him off.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 4:21 pm

If he’s not interested in you, he will not initiate contact.. It’s ok to initiate just as long as you’re the one ending the convo.. If you want try the tide theory, or text 3 days straight then rest for 2.. change the up the routine, so that it doesn’t get boring. there’s no hard rule.. You have to use your gut instinct too..
M

October 13, 2016 at 12:51 am

Yeah I thought about that, but one of us will be working at the time or sleeping, it’s 6 hours difference. And in the first place, I wouldn’t know how to ask him to have a conversation with me if he is working or busy. And it doesn’t seem like he is very eager to read or answer my messages if it takes him 4 days to reply… :'( i have two messages now, one from him that was a reply to my previous msg on Facebook which doesn’t ask me anymore questions. And one from him on whatsapp upon discovering that I didn’t block him, that also doesn’t say much either. Should I answer either or them for now if he suddenly became cold now that I am messaging back? Or should I wait it out and see?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 3:01 pm

I think you shouldn’t continue the topic of those messages if it would seem awkward.. That’s going to be really hard.. be creative in your texts, like sending trivias or sending videos, because it would really be hard to build rapport if that’s how you talk.. the least you can do is make it exciting for him to receive a message from you.
M

October 12, 2016 at 7:28 am

Hi amor,
Thank you for getting back to me! What if we are not really have “conversations ” because we are not in the same time zone. So I cannot really end conversations. Also he has been replying, but always a few days after, and I would do the same. I am not quite sure why he would have reached out if he doesn’t seem eager to talk to me, in terms of the timing, not necessarily the context. He replied again yesterday, and now I am thinking to not reply for a while, and see if he initiates contact again. Does that count as being the one to end conversation or would that push him away?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 1:00 pm

it would be better if you really have conversations.. as in talking in the same time.. what about his mornings and your evenings? how big is your time difference?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 3:29 pm

Hi M,

it’s better to pretend it didn’t bother you because if you want him back, the last thing you want him to think is that you’re being a nag when you aren’t even back together yet… And, I think at this point, you should just let him initiate but be the one to end the conversations.. and then later on, when he’s initiating more, you can initiate too..

JCK

October 6, 2016 at 11:15 am

Hello Amor,

My now ex boyfriend broke up with me yesterday morning (Oct. 5th). We have only been together for 4 months, and he lives 3 hours away, we see each other fairly frequently, every weekend or every other weekend. This last time was about two weeks before he came and visited me last Wednesday (Sept 28). We never fought before but would get in small disagreements about miscommunication over snapchat. This didn’t happen often, only 2 or 3 times. The night before he broke up with me (Oct. 4) we had one of these arguments. He got free wifi from his upstairs neighbors, and I asked what he had to do to get it. He thought I was asking if he had to do something sexual (his upstairs neighbors are girls), but that wasn’t what I was implying, I was just asking how he managed to get free wifi without having to do a favor, such as take out their garbage or clean their car, etc. He fell asleep after this happens and I sent him a text while he was asleep saying “I hate that you get upset with me over little things like this. When I asked if you did something you should know that I didn’t think you did anything wrong or whatever you thought. I was asking because maybe they asked you to do a favor or something. I don’t like that you’ve been acting weird with me lately and I don’t know what I’ve done to make it this way. ” I followed saying “sorry I said anything, goodnight”. The next morning (Oct 5) he texted and asked if we could talk after his class, I already didn’t see it going well. Immediately when he called he started to talk about how he couldn’t do this anymore and the distance was too much on him, and how he isn’t the guy that can handle diatance because when he wants to see me he wants to see me right then and not have to drive 3 hours to hold me in his arms. I got very emotional and started bawling crying. I told him I didn’t want to accept a breakup right now because I am willing to go there more to see him and that we are so good together that I don’t want to just throw that away. I kind of just kept going in circles saying the same thing and crying. He told me he needed time to think it through and decide if he wants to continue the relationship or not. I continued to cry and he just said “I gotta go J, I gotta go” and hung up. We haven’t spoken since. I know that 4 months isn’t a lot of time, but I could see myself being with this guy. We spent the entire summer together and did a lot of road trips and outdoor exploring. Last month he introduced me to his entire family at his brothers wedding, and they all loved me. I am only the second person he has ever introduced to them, and they hated his previous girlfriend. I am even in many of his brothers wedding photos. This is hard because I never saw it coming. We would always joke about how he “can’t get rid of me because his family loves me”. He is going through a lot right now with school and moving after school for his full time position. He also needs to find a job during the school year to help pay for rent and other things. Please help. I love this boy with my whole heart and I can’t bear to let 3 hours tear something so good apart.

JCK

October 10, 2016 at 2:28 am

I haven’t contacted him since that day. I accidental sent a mass Snapchat, he was included, but it wasn’t personal. I want to try no contact, but I’m afraid that because we are long distance he will forget about me, or find someone new. I’m so torn as to what to do
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 10:04 am

check the links below to help you decide:
The Ungettable Girl
Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 8, 2016 at 9:23 pm

Hi Jck,

maybe it’s not really the distance, it’s him being overwhelmed… That he has been feeling that for a while because of everything that’s happening in his life and the last event was just a reason to take a break from relationahip duties.. do you want tp try the no contact rule to give him space and for you to improve yourself too?

Fly

October 4, 2016 at 3:01 pm

Hi, my ex of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. We are on LDR, he is in NZ and i am in Germany.
but had planned to unite the end of this year, getting married , so i would live there for 2 years and then we would move to europe.
We had many rows before, but mostly because of petty reasons, like i wished him to be more proactive on calling or texting me, or that i wished he would facetime me as planned. (Used to facetime for 3-5 mins every morning and nights), but few months ago, he started to miss the facetime date, even “too tired” to text me good night.

My biggest mistakes were : i used to say, “if you cant keep simple schedule pf saying good night, i dont believe we should be together at all”. Or “come on, i dont mind you get out with friends drinking, but 10 hours without text and not even a good night? Let’s break up!”
(Which i never meant, as i love him so much, but i did say those “let’s break up” words few times in our relationship.

we used to “get back together”after few texts and sorry from him or from me.

I thought he was a very loyal man, but the changes began when he took the second job , and mentioned another girl (his colleague) quite frequently.

Anyway, since two weeks ago, i kept pushing him about schedule for christmas, as we did plan to be together and get married in civil ceremony early this year, so at least we can be together , and wedding party next year).
His answer was : i will be very busy this christmas and not fair for you if you are home alone. (Although his family said i should stay with them and spend christmas with his family, ifhe is too busy )

Anyway, last week he broke up with me, with lame excuse that “you broke up with me many time, i cant live with that, and i have lost that special feeling i’ve got for you).”
(I called it lame because we were not in any Fight at all).

I have a feeling, he met someone else at his new job, and didnt know how to tell me that, so he had became colder but as i kept asking for real plan for christmas, he had to break up with me.

I still want him, i know i made him happy and content in the past, i did loads of silly mistakes too, but never had i betrayed or cheated on him in any way.

So i just answered him with : i am so sorry for hurting you many times in the past, i never meant to ever break up with him in real.
I still love you dearly, and i wish i could change his mind about the break up but i respect your decision. I wish you all the best and find the love you deserve. ”
Then he answered with :

Then 2 days after that, he called me (i ignored the call), then he texted our friend to check on me because he was allesgedly blocked by me (which i never did), then last night he sent another text , saying : i still want to be friends, we have been through so many things to not to be friends still.
I am so tired ans on 35 days of working Continuesly. ”

Now, 2 questions :

1) do i still have hope, as he said he had lost that special feeling for me?
2) i am in no contact since i gave him my answer to his break up text. Should i tell him, that beeing friends is not a good idea for me, as i still have strong feeling for him?
Or just ignore that text and any other text for another 25 days?
Will he think, it means i really dont want anything from him anymore ? (Because deep down, i do really want him back and have seen where i did wrong all this time).

Please help. I had tried to read everyone’s comment but cant find similar situation.

I will appreciate every thoughts and comment, thanks in advance,
Fly

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 8:08 pm

Hi Fly,

stick to no contact.. You already answered him, so that’s enough… if he gets angry or what, that’s still a good sign because that probably means he still has feelings for you.. but more likely he will respect your space.. it would be better if he thinks you’re moving so that you can have a restart instead of ending up in the friend zone

Grace

October 4, 2016 at 6:11 am

Dear Amor,
It’s been 8 weeks since my 1 year LDR (2000 miles away) boyfriend broke up with me. I did the no contact right after the break up without nagging, crying or texting/calling. On the 35th day of NC, I received a text message from him. The message was very simple that he wants to know how I am doing and he knows my birthday is coming up in few days and wants to make sure I am ok. I politely texted back and said I was good and hope he is too. We exchanged some messages few days after and have not been in contact again for 2 weeks now.

I am actually moving to another country in 3 weeks’ time and will be even further away from him. He has no idea about this decision as I decided after we had broken up. Now I have this urge to tell him but not sure if it’s the right thing to do. I still think about him and miss him very much but I really don’t know how to make it work due to his lack of interest and now the even longer distance.

I would be greatly appreciated of your feedback. Thank you so much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 12:46 pm

Hi Grace,
was the distance the reason for the break up?
if yes, and you still want to try again, do you have any solution for the time, money and plan to make it work? because honestly, if there’s none, it can’t work.

Jane

October 4, 2016 at 4:56 am

My boyfriend broke up with me a week and a half ago after 1.5 years of a ldr. We are both 19, and have been dating since high school. We were extremely serious, talking about living together after college, where we wanted to live, what type of dog we wanted to get and its name, and more. We texted very consistently throughout the day every day and face timed at least once per day, sometimes twice. Our schools are only a 3.5 hour drive apart, and we saw each other at least once a month, until the end of this summer where we had to miss 2 months. I was always the one who was scared to try a ldr and thought I would end up hurt and that it couldnt work, but he always reassured me, saying that no matter what happened we would stay together and we wouldnt break up like everyone was saying because we love each other and that is all that matters we could work through any other problem. I think maybe not seeing each other for that long caused our break up. Everything was going great we were not fighting, just face timing as usual and he was talking about coming to visit me sooner than we had planned because he missed me. Two minutes later he was saying that this month has been really difficult so far because we had not seen each other and he felt like he was missing out on the college experience, and that he was maybe missing something watching all of his friends have girls going in and out of their rooms all of the time. He said he still loves me but he wants to be a regular college student, and maybe we could have an open relationship which I said no to. We then decided to take a break for 9 days, and at the end of those nine days he broke up with me, saying that he may want to get back together in the future and may regret it but he just has this feeling and he wanted to break up. We texted more about it that day, he was saying that he had been crying and he still is in love with me but he still thinks we should break up. We haven’t had any contact since that night. I do want to get him back more than anything, but I want to know if you think it is worth my time trying or if I will just end up hurt again and have to go through more emotional stress.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 11:39 am

Hi Jane,

I think he’s in a grass is greener syndrome.. You’ll always get hurt when you love someone.. read the article I will link and then decide if you want to try the no contact period.
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

R

October 3, 2016 at 6:51 pm

Hi,

I read this this article and think it’s great, just hoping you can help me more!

my boyfriend for a year and a half and I broke up (I think we broke up) the other night. He lives about 3 hours away and I do most of (all the travels) every other weekend. The past couple of nights I admit I’ve been naggy about him coming down here more often since it takes a toll out of me and my car and not really fair. (He also has anxiety about driving long distance since he’s been hospitalized for anxiety) anyways he didn’t talk for a day. I got really upset and texted him to call me. He did, and I asked if he even cared that he didn’t talk- his response is no. I asked him if he still cares about me? He said if he didn’t he wouldn’t call. Then I asked if he still wanted to be with me, he goes maybe, I don’t know. He also told me he hasn’t been happy lately. So me being typical girl I was crying and he said he has to go, he’ll talk to me tomorrow or some other time. So I did the NC rule for about two days now and he hasn’t called at all.

When we were together we’d talk on our lunch break take the same time like we would eat lunch together and everything was super healthy in that sense. I am just nervous that he isn’t going to call, because he isn’t the one to tell his emotions. Holds it in then it all comes out in a bad way.

Basically I just want your insight to ask if you think it’s even worth it. It’s day 3 with no talking now.

Please let me know!

Thank you

R

October 6, 2016 at 5:38 pm

hello,

Thank you for responding, I have been ignoring him. It’s about 6 days since we talked now. 4 without me calling. In this bizarre situation my sister and his best friend contacted him (he used to live in my town but moved away for better work and she contacted him without my knowledge, I was upset about that) so we have a lot of mutual friends. His friend told my sister that I call him often and want to talk for hours when he has work to be done and I nag him about driving to see me – I apologize for nagging then the next night do it again which I know I do and at fault. I just love him a lot and would like him to even just be my friend since he was my best friend. Do you think if I keep up the no contact he’d be like wth and end up calling me. He’s also the type who holds everything in and then bursts when he’s had enough.

Look forward to hearing from you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 9, 2016 at 2:07 pm

it’s not really just about ignoring him.. he has to see that you have changed, you have moved on, for him to trust that you’re just being friendly when you talk to him… it could also raise your chances of him reaching out during no contact if you really seem like you have let go
R

October 3, 2016 at 6:55 pm

Sorry I also wanted to say is that I caved and ended up calling him and he didn’t answer at all. That he’s ignoring me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 7:08 am

Hi R,

if he’s ignoring you, it would be better to just to restart the count and stick to it.. let him be and then be active.. go out, have fun…show him that you’re not going to bother him anymore

Na

October 3, 2016 at 3:29 am

Dear Amor
My bf broke up with me 4 days ago right after I visited him, he is in LA and I am in Chicago. Then he blocked me on phone, deactivated on FB, just left me a message said he doesn’t want to be with me. But one day ago, he still said he love me and miss me, and I am pretty sure he does. He doesn’t have many social, no very closely friends, sometimes he like to close himself and I am worried about him. He knows I love him very much but he can’t promise me anything, he said he is not ready. I was upset and cried. His mom told me that he disconnected his phone for past 3 days and they couldn’t contact him either, I am so concern about his situation and want to fly to visit him, but I can’t reach out to him. What can I do? I am desperate.

Na

October 7, 2016 at 3:54 am

Dear Amor

We’ve been together more than 1 year and know each other for 4 years, I don’t know why he broke up with me, he just send me a message said he doesn’t want to be with me and then blocked me. His mom called him at work and found out he is ok, but he still disconnects his phone. I am 3 years older than him, I am 31. He is really emotional, sensitive, he broke up with me once in May and then contacted me a week later, but this time he still block me, already more than one week. I think he is very unsecure! probably his parents got divorce when he was little, he always blames himself.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 9, 2016 at 5:53 pm

ok.. I think uou need to start doing 30 days no contact now
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 8:17 pm

Hi Na,

why did he broke up with you? how long were together and how old are you both? I’m pretty sure his mom will check him, so let his mom do that..

k

October 2, 2016 at 9:44 pm

we just went on a “break” but I know he is coming home for thanksgiving, I live in Canada so this is only a week away. He said he wants to talk when he comes back.. should I still follow the LCR until then? Or simply ignore him through this time that he will be home…

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 6:51 pm

Hi K,

I think you should follow the LCR.

Jacquline

October 2, 2016 at 3:25 pm

I’ve never done something like this before and I feel as if I’m completely losing my sanity.
My boyfriend and I met last year on New Year’s Eve. When I met him, he had planned to move late January. We started dating, he moved and we had a break for nearly a month.
March I went to visit him, which we decided we would commit to the distance with one another. I’ve been to see him many times and he has been back to see me once as well. Our relationship has been great.
Of course being away from one another wasn’t beneficial.
My boyfriend started working for a church and trying to find his beliefs as well.
I recently had a visit which was amazing and we spent great quality time with one another. After I left, the pastor of the church had found out I was staying with him. This is risking his job & fairh with living sinful.
We have fought and fought again on how he is going to allow others control his life and how he chooses to live. I feel as if he is blinded and choosing the church over our relationship. I had a trip to see him this coming Wednesday, going there for our longest time together thus far; 3 weeks. 3 days ago is when he called me to tell me about the pastor and if I were to come that I wouldn’t be able to stay with him. He fought the conversation to blame the church, and tried to turn it into a feeling he was having and that we needed to be done. He had felt as if he was checking in, or it was something he needed to do while talking to me. Everything was fine before this conversation that came from the church. I don’t know what to do. We left our conversation after his computer died and we could no longer FaceTime.
He currently does not have a phone, nor does he have any social media.
Never in my life did I think I would be in a relationship to end over God.
I know this is a lot, and we don’t even need to speak to the religious points. I just need answers on whether or not, to give him space and see about reconnecting later. Or try and get the answers I need now, in case things get to deep for him later in which he feels he can’t even have a conversation with me.
I just need some guidance.

Jacquline

October 2, 2016 at 3:30 pm

Also. With the breakup that happened Friday morning we still have yet to communicate in anyway.
As I said before, he currently does not have a phone or any way to get in contact other than email of gmail messaging. We typically talk everyday or FaceTime through his Apple computer. It’s now been nearly 3 days since we have talked and I don’t know what to do.
He ended things with saying he didn’t want me to come and that we need to be done, because he doesn’t want to continue to talk, long distance or anything anymore. What the hell am I suppose to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 10:10 am

Hi Jacquiline,

if you’re not going there anymore, i suggest you start doing 30 days no contact

Kate

October 2, 2016 at 9:22 am

Hey, I really need some advice and help. I have been in the most amazing relationship with my now ex-boyfriend for 10 months. Although not long in time it was very intense. He lives and is from Europe and I live and am from Australia. We lived together in Europe for 4 months, then had three months apart and he recently visited me here for 2.5 months. Four weeks ago he went back to his home country after being on holiday here. Everything was perfect and we were so in love. I was going to move over in 7 weeks from now to be with him ‘forever’ as I was finalising my studies. Then two weeks after he was back in his home country he called me one night out of the blue and just broke up with me. I think he became overwhelmed in his transition back home and starting up work and school again. A few things he mentioned to me when we broke up was that if I was from his home country then we would still be dating. He never gave me a legitimate reason as to why he wanted to break up- just continually telling me he ‘had a bad feeling’ and ‘didn’t feel good about our situation’. Upon reflection I realise now that the core as to why we broke up is due to the fact that I am not from his home country and he will not be able to get over that. Even though I am willing to move and live my life over there- it is not a ‘sacrifice’ for me but rather what I want to do more than anything in the world. In the break up phone call I told him that I thought he was the one and he said the same about me. I have not abided to NC, I have messaged him a couple of times since the break up and I will admit in one post-break up phone call I was ‘a mess’. We have also sent some messages, I have always initiated but he has always responded. One of the last messages he said, he told me that the break up ‘seems like the best decision’ and wanted to clarify with me that we won’t be getting back together. I miss him so much and I would do anything to have him back. I want to spend my life with this boy. I have experienced pain greater than I could ever imagine. I just want my one true love back and I just want to be myself again. I have the time to go over there in a couple of weeks for a couple of weeks in October or late November. Should I tell him I am coming over or what should my approach be? On one hand I understand that I need to give him space and to realise his true emotions because I don’t think he has fully come to terms with them yet. However, I am scared if I leave it to long he will definitely just move on with his life. He is very headstrong and I don’t think he will ever admit to himself he made the wrong decision. It also seems that he has been going out basically every weekend since we broke up with his friends. When he broke up with me he told me that it wasn’t to do with me, there was no one else and there never was and that when he visited me he never wanted to break up. I am so confused and hurt and need help. Please tell me how to get him back, I will do anything. I am scared I’ve lost the love of my life for things I can’t change. I just want to let him see and move on from this idea that because we are different nationalities we are doomed. I will move over there for the rest of my life and I can’t wait to start my life over there with him.

Kate

October 5, 2016 at 8:12 am

Sorry realise I have repeated myself a lot and not clarified. I would not move over there if I wasn’t with him. I am considering moving to England instead which would be closer to him than I am now but not living with him. Even though the plan was to move in with him in 7 weeks, at this stage because our relationship has broken up I wouldn’t move over. I would visit as in like a “holiday” type visit to speak with him. I’m not sure if I should wait more time or to go now or whether I shouldn’t at all. Although I think mentally for “closure” and a clearer understanding I need to go it just depends when I go. He is not very good at communicating feelings and I don’t know if he completely understands his feelings. Our relationship was a lot more than what it seems on paper. This was it for me and ever since 4 weeks ago he told me and lead me to believe that this was it for him as well.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 1:44 pm

ok that means it would be better that you start the count of no contact rule after you visit him.. but honestly, you really have to focus in yourself only during no contact..so you can be less emotionally and to be more emotionally independent.. You need to check this one’s too:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
Kate

October 5, 2016 at 7:47 am

Oh and basically he told me the last messages that we sent that, it has been really tough for him but he thinks its the right decision, he doesn’t feel ‘good about our situation’, he needed to look after and out for himself, he needs to be happy again (although he has never once mentioned or shown me that he was unhappy- in fact he told me he’s so happy with me) and that he has to be honest and say that we aren’t getting back together. I know I wasn’t perfect in the relationship, I have identified that in myself that I was insecure. I have told him about my ‘findings’ of myself but he confirmed to me that it was never me and has nothing to do with me at all. And he had the most amazing time when he was here visiting, ‘it was the best experience of my life’. Something occurred in the two weeks of him returning to his home country that has triggered this need to make this decision. He cant tell me what it was apart from ‘our situation’ and ‘not a good feeling’. Please please help me and tell me what to do. I need him in my life 🙁
Kate

October 5, 2016 at 7:43 am

Hi Amor,
The last time we spoke was exactly a week ago. I sent him a letter which in which I guess I ‘called him out’ on his decisions. He never responded to the letter. Basically I have been told from a lot of people that this is a self defence decision and is based out of fear of things maybe moving too fast for him. He has a lot of pressure between work and study and it is believed that having an international come over there and require his time would be too much strain on him. I am so heart broken as we spoke about this through and through about how I was going to go over there and live and he was so excited and sent me 36 hours before the break up a message saying ‘yes it is hard being apart but it will all be worth it when you are here’. He has been a bit selfish and coward like in his break up. He didn’t want us to be in contact so ‘we had time to get over one another’. He has done what is best for him and easiest for him as though it is easier to hurt me than it is to hurt himself. I will do whatever I can for this boy though and he consumes my mind more than is healthy and I can see this. Although I am not ‘better’ in being without him, I know I am stronger in my emotions than I was when he first broke up with me. I did not have a ticket to go over there before we broke up. I haven’t told him I am coming yet purely because I haven’t confirmed with myself what the best choice is. One person has told me that now is not the best time to go because he hasn’t come to terms with his feelings and his decision may have been influenced by people around him. On one hand I want to go now before this gets any further or any worst. On the other hand I don’t know if I should give it some time and hope that he comes to his own understandings of it all. I think a lot of this also comes down to timing for us. Maybe he thinks he is to young, scared to commit and scared he will loose his freedom. He has lost a bit of perspective as I am not there to remind him that these things aren’t true. Rather this is a manifestation in his mind of everything. I am scared if I make a move I will mess it up, but if I don’t I will mess it up. When you’re heart is broken and there is no guarantee patience is minimal and tested. I would do whatever it would take to have him back. I honestly feel more than anything I have ever felt before that we are for each other. There is no doubt in my mind. So basically, we are not speaking as I am trying to respect him, but also because I think if I bombard him I will push him further away. It has been a week today since no contact. I was thinking of going next Thursday to see him as I have a two week window of time (with an open return ticket). Otherwise I will have to wait until the end of November or potentially in the middle of November (only being able to go for 10 days). I would appreciate your advice more than anything. (Sorry I write a lot!)
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 8:16 pm

Hi kate,

when was the last time you talked and what was the last thing you talked about?
does he know that you’re still going therr?

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