How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Miranda

September 27, 2016 at 6:35 am

Hi Chris, so my ex boyfriend and I recently broke it off officially about a month ago. It hurt us both very badly. We talked a few times after that and sometimes it was fine and then the last few were messy and the very last one (almost three weeks ago) was ugly and I hung up on him. I texted him today and he said that it broke his heart kind of to see a message from me and that he didn’t really want to talk because he wasn’t over us and that I look great from the pictures on Facebook and that maybe we can talk later. We had been together for a year and a half and at the end we both just knew that we weren’t working out because he never wanted to spend time with me and didn’t want to be serious anymore after we had talked about marriage. There was a lot of nights we spent fighting and me crying and him seeming like I didn’t matter. It hurts to know he’s hurting but he didn’t reach out to me for three weeks and then says he would rather not talk. I have no idea what to do or what to expect and I would love some advice and a heads up about what I can expect… thank you so much

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 12:46 pm

Hi Miranda,

it looks you started doing the no contact rule but then sent the wrong text… But I’m feeling that the last 3 weeks weren’t really a no contact rule right? It just so happened that you stopped talking to him? If it was, well, I think you have to restart count.. and then check this one for a first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

It looks like you have to seem that you have moved on for him to be willing to talk to you

Megan

September 26, 2016 at 9:04 am

Can you help me figure out what to do? My story is a bit different and I don’t know what to do. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year now long distance. I live in MD and he lives in SC. Talking and “dating” since July 2015 and officially asked me to be his girlfriend in January. We only waited that long because he wanted to ask me in person when he came to visit me. We talked everyday either by text, phone call or facetime. He came to visit me twice before he got deployed. He’s been back now and still everything was just so perfect. We planned and talked about me visiting him for a couple weeks after he visited his family. He went to Puerto Rico for 2 weeks to visit his family. Everything was great. He texted me before he left and in between plane changes saying he loved me, and he texted me an excited message when he got there. And then…. nothing. After that I haven’t heard a word from him. He’s been back from that trip a while now and still nothing. He like disappeared out of nowhere and I don’t know why. I’m so confused. I had been texting him periodically just saying that i miss him and hope he has a good day. But he hasn’t responded. I’ve tried calling a few times but he never picks up or calls me back. It’s been a month now like this. Silence, out of nowhere. So he technically never broke up with me… but he hasn’t talked to me for a month. I found this site and purchased the Pro e-book. I started the no contact Saturday, so I’m only on my 3rd day but I just wanted to know if this is the right thing to do even though we technically didn’t break up, but it feels like it.

Megan

September 26, 2016 at 6:23 pm

I was thinking the same that something happened when he went home, but he doesn’t have an ex over there. So I don’t know what it could be. It just hurts knowing he’s avoiding me. I have starting the no contact and plan on doing it for 30 days. I just hope he reaches out in that time.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2016 at 3:55 pm

Yeah, he could have just told you but maybe he’s not ready to see you hurt or he’s not brave enough to say it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:29 pm

Hi Megan,

well something happened when he went home. Does he have an ex there that he hasn’t really gotten over with? And yes, you should start no contact.

PVC

September 26, 2016 at 7:35 am

Hi!

I have read other articles from your website since yesterday. My ex-bf broke up with me yesterday. Last week, I figured out there was something wrong with how he communicated with me but I totally understood that either he wasn’t into me anymore, third party or something huge happened in his life. We are oceans apart. We met thru an online dating site and I laid the cards on the table that I prefer Western men (I’m Asian) and I couldn’t find one here in my place who has the same goals with me – to settle down. After a month of exchanging emails, Skype, everyday calls, he flew here in my country (he’s from the UK) and stayed for 5 days and everything went so well and we were official. When he flew back to the UK, continued our Skype sesh, phone calls, plans of him coming back here, booked tickets to see me again. He broke up with me yesterday (Sept25-2016) stating that he couldn’t do it anymore with distance and other reasons (which at the back of my head, he wasn’t just that into me anymore). Applying for my UK visa was cancelled. He’s not flying here anymore this Oct1-2016. My question is, he paid for my visa and I remembered to cancel my appointment with the embassy today and gotta do the refund. When we talked yesterday and finalizing that the relationship was over, I was real hurt and too emotional (but so calm) that I forgot about the visa fee. I didn’t respond to his last message last night and followed the NC rule. Should I email him about the visa fee he sent to me and give it back to him? And I wanna do the NC rule and wouldn’t greet on his bday soon. I know how logical and rational your answers are. And I want him back not bec I feel like no one could surpass him but I knew there was just something. Just concerned of his money he’s given me for the visa.

Thanks!

PVC

November 9, 2016 at 9:31 am

Hi Amor!

Been over 30 days now and haven’t heard from him. I know I should msg him first but I am.confused what to say. What shall I do?

Thanks,

PVC
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2016 at 2:47 pm

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
PVC

October 16, 2016 at 5:27 pm

Hi Amor!

I didn’t greet him on his birthday nor heard from him. Will just continue the NC rule and will let yoy know once I’m on my 30th day. Thanks Amor!
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2016 at 10:10 pm

Ok! I’ll be waiting!
PVC

October 12, 2016 at 3:37 pm

Hello Amor!

Update : today’s his birthday and without any intention to check his name on Skype, I figured out he deleted me today cuz yesterday, he didn’t remove me yet…

What do you think? // I am doing good with NC rule, too. Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:27 am

it’s probably to avoid answering you if you greet him.. well, at least you won’t have to explain why you didn’t greet him..
PVC

October 6, 2016 at 2:31 am

Hi Amor,

Thanks for the advice. I’m doing good so far with the NC. No signs of him reaching out to me and he was the last one to respond to me and I didn’t reply to his email anymore. Was it okay? I already changed my Facebook settings as searchable. I’ll see then. Will update you.

♡

PVC
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 4:49 pm

Yup that’s ok! I’ll wait for your update 🙂
PVC

October 3, 2016 at 2:40 am

Hello Amor!

Just want to add. I know we were just together for about 2 months but talked to each other for 3 months and he came to see me, I’ve read in another article here that the time being together matters. I will just have to be brave here. And I got a question, he wasn’t on facebook and I’ve been out of it as well. No way for him to see me. He doesn’t have IG, too. On the day he broke up with me, later that night, I msgd him something and he gave me a thank you response. I seenzoned him and I didn’t want to reply. And decided to delete my Whatsapp which we normally used with our LDR. I only got his mobile # and e-mail. How can I show that I’m living my life? I wouldn’t go back to the dating website for now since I still have feelings for him. It was the only place we met. Should I install my Whatsapp again or what shall I do? Just wait til NC ends? Thank you Amor xx
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 3, 2016 at 4:12 pm

Being active in social media is the way to let him see your improvement because even if he’s inactive, it doesn’t mean he won’t get curious. Once he gets curious, he will check your social media posts. And yes, you have to reinstall whatsapp but better to do that after nc..
PVC

October 1, 2016 at 2:06 am

Hi Amor!

Lovely morning from here! 🙂

This is his reply :

“After everything ive put u through the last thing on my mind is that money. I dont want it. You are far too good. Please do with it as you wish but I honestly dont need it. Take care i hope you find happiness.”

I know it could be hurting but pulling my stuff together to get through this, Amor. And will follow everything you say here and with Chris’ to get him back. At least, I’ve tried. ♡ more love to your site!
PVC

September 29, 2016 at 4:04 am

Since he did not reply with my email about how I can send his money back, I will just continue with the NC rule. Am I right? So sorry. 😐
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 7:26 pm

It’s ok! You can ask anytime! Yep, you’re right!
PVC

September 28, 2016 at 6:50 am

Hi! I still haven’t received a response from him. I will just do the NC then? And just forget about if he replies or not? Thanks. I really appreciate your help. This feeling is real hard no matter how strong we look in the outside.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 3:59 pm

sorry for the reply, yes, just continue in nc..but remember it’s ok to talk about getting your stuff
PVC

September 27, 2016 at 2:27 pm

I knew it was wrong. No reply yet. I will restart the NC then. I will let you know here with his response. More than 24 hours, tho, no reply yet. Used e-mail cuz I deleted his #. Thank you.
PVC

September 26, 2016 at 3:51 pm

I already did. I mentioned about I was hurt when we talked yesterday and made me forget about the visa fee thing. Was is something like a relationship talk?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2016 at 2:13 pm

feelings talk is not allowed too, because basically you’re talking about why you’re hurt about the relationship but anyways, you just have to restart the count. What did he say?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 12:39 pm

Hi PVC,

it’s ok to talk to him about it. You’re not breaking nc, as long as there is no relationship talk

Mina

September 25, 2016 at 12:40 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years (the 3rd year was LDR) about 5 months ago. It was mostly my fault and my depression related issues. I felt that he didn’t care enough, even though he did. The first few weeks after the break up, he would send me some general short texts and I didn’t respond well (I’m such an idiot!). Finally he stopped trying and blocked me on Facebook. For the next 4 months we hardly had any contact and then I started feeling more and more depressed, guilty and also deeply missed him. All this while I had been hoping that he would come back (I know I can be egotistical at the wrong moment). Then last week I randomly texted him and at one point I said that I’m still not over him. He then told me about his new girlfriend. I was devastated. It just added to my woes. I can’t stop thinking about how I destroyed everything with my own hands and didn’t do anything when there was still time. I somewhat begged him two days ago and he clearly said that he loves this girl and has gotten over me. He said that with time I’ll be able to move on too. We haven’t talked since then. We already have so much distance separating us and this girl belongs to the same university he attends. What should I do? I mean I have already been out of contact with him for all those months. Will it be a good idea to start NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 4:37 pm

HI Mina,

There’s no guarantee that it will work but it would be better if you start therapy for yourself. YOu can stil try no contact as the last resort, there’s not much to lose if you try it. Just do it the right way. Don’t just stop contacting him. Improve yourself.

Kay

September 25, 2016 at 12:04 pm

Thank you…. Do you think I blew it by being so mean when he missed my birthday and not standing up for me ? I said some really harsh things to him and he said I had a hateful mouth and he can’t change how his friend thinks….And now that he is 6 hours away that we will actually get back together? We were suppose to meet October 14 , I’ll be really said if we don’t . Or Do you think his actions refelect that he is over me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 4:16 pm

No.. it was your birthday.. you were hurt and he should have prioritized your birthday over his friends. Shouldn’t he be the one more concerned about you being very hurt with all that he said? He’s the one who said more harsh words with you and now, he’s even siding with his friend with judging you.
You know what will hurt your chances more? Being emotional. I understand that you love him but in this case, his opinion be your reason of not getting back with him because he humiliated you just for his ego.. If I were to ask, I wouldn’t want you to get back with him but I know you want to try which I understand.
So, at least be more rational before trying again, so that you can avoid having the same problems

Kay

September 25, 2016 at 3:24 am

Hi, I’m unsure what to do. My now ex boyfriend told me he wanted to get married and have kids with me … I am 23 with one child and he is 25 with nine…He moved to Mississippi in June and Im still in Louisiana…. Before he left we were on and off for a year and a half… We broke up again right after he left but he came to visit me Labor Day weekend and we talked it over and got back together … Well it’s only been three weeks and we are off again! This time it’s because I’m black and he is white and his friend made rasicts comments towards me while he was drunk on the 9th and my then boyfriend did not stick up for me… I got really upset and called him a liar about loving me and my child and told him I didn’t want to see him September 17 (my birthday) he started telling me how much he did love me and my child but I stayed mad at him for that whole week. I finally gave in and started back talking to him on the 14…. I was still mad but inquired if he still was coming to see me… He made up a bunch of excuses on why he was unable to come last weekend and I got upset again and this time called him many names … We didn’t speak on the 16th even though he called I ignored him or texted him leave me alone … He finally told me that night he wasn’t coming because I told him not to and because I had been mean to him… He said was going to go to a football game ! And with the same guy who said the rasicts comments ! I cried that night and told him if he goes to that game then he can forget about me! We had spoken about us meeting each other half way and he was going to take me out and treat me that day. Well my birthday came and he did not make any effort to come… He calls me and I answer thinking he was going to say he wasn’t going to the game , he did not , instead he sings me happy birthday and tells me sorry … I got so mad I hung up and text him that it was over …. I have been sad ever since … It’s been a week since that happen and every time he reaches out I am very mean to him … Today I called him around 11am feeling bad and he tells me he is going to another football game and he will talk to me later… AGAIN I tell him how is a game more important than me and you want to get married and have kids? He texts me back saying I know I said that but now I don’t; you don’t know how to act… You can’t be patient…. . SonWe go back and forwards arguing ! He says he can’t bring me around his family or friends because I don’t know how to act , he really wanted to marry me and me move there with him but he can’t because I don’t know how to act… I’ve done no contact on him before and he always tells me he misses me and wants to be in my life but now I’m afarid that with the distance he will just move on… He sent me two pictures of him with girls he meet at after parties from the games to make me upset… He said they’re are pently of girls here that don’t act the way I do…I really want to know if this is even worth saving … He tells me he won’t put me on Facebook because I don’t know how to act , he gets rasicts and says I behave like I’m hood when I can’t have my way… My last text to him was “no worries! Be blessed” and he did not respond … His last message to me was , he will be single and a “f-u-c-k” boy for a few years thanks to me… Basically saying he will go around messing with a whole bunch of girls… I am unsure if I pushed him away by being so upset over what happened and he just wants to get over me? He says he doesn’t care what his family or friends think he just needed time on the social media NOW he is saying he will never put me on there… I was willing to meet him even on my birthday but he didn’t want to come or this weekend… It’s 3 hours for him and for me… With everything that is going on do you think we can recover? FYI we both are teachers , that’s how we meet at work in 2014… He says that’s why he fell in love with me and he does a wonderful job with my daughter … He cried the day he left when she told him she loved him , she is 5… I didn’t cry then but I have this past week only because we got back together AGAIN and he drove here to spend his Labor Day weekend with me and my daughter I honestly thought he was going to try and make things work… Really confused

Kay

September 25, 2016 at 3:27 am

I’m sorry … He is 25 with NONE…
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 11:52 am

Hi Kay,

Ah.. that’s good I was actually going to ask if you meant he has a nine year old but anyways. I think doing no contact is your better choice. It doesn’t look like keeping on talking to him will make him stop disrespecting you.

Mary

September 24, 2016 at 11:04 pm

My ex-boyfriend and I met when we were both medical students in Australia. He was studying in the UK (as he is a British citizen) but came to Australia on a 6 week elective. I am Canadian by citizenship but studying full time in Australia.

We had an amazing time together during his 6 week elective, and a few days after he left, he sent me a message saying he couldn’t get me off his mind and wanted to do long distance.

So we started a long distance relationship, and I went to the UK over Christmas and we toured around England and Scotland. He planned the entire trip and paid for all of our activities and accomodation. He even carved me special gifts.

After the UK, we decided that we were stronger than ever. He visited me in Canada a few weeks later when I was there for holidays, and we had an amazing time in Whistler skiing. He met my parents and told me he wanted to marry me and talked very seriously.

After the Canada trip, he decided to come to Australia for another 6 weeks after he graduated medical school. This time, we didn’t get along as well. We usually loved doing activities together like running and hiking, but he hurt his back and couldn’t move. He was grumpy and rude, and I was not very sympathetic. Despite this, he did go to meetings with the hospital to try and get a job where I was studying.

Despite our bad time in Australia for the second time, I had a trip booked to see him in the UK for 3.5 weeks.

At this point, he had moved to a new city and started working as a doctor. He was living with another female doctor that he had never met before. As soon as he moved to this city, his personality totally changed. He stopped saying good morning and goodnight and stopped saying I love you. I kept asking him what was going on, but he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. Sometimes, he would be awake at 3 am watching movies with his roommate.

Then, he sent me money for accomodation for the time I was meant to be in the UK, and told me I couldn’t come stay with him and he no longer wanted to talk to me. He said he had eyes for someone else and had moved on. He blocked me on whatsapp, skype, and email. He made his Facebook profile limited but we are still friends on it. We haven’t spoken for 2 weeks.

So now, it is 2 weeks away from my trip to the UK. He had taken time off work when I was coming, so I know he is free too. I would really really like to see him as we had planned.

I have booked a sailing/bicycling tour for a week in Croatia, but have a lot of free time for the rest of my trip.

Is there any hope or any way we can meet up while I am in Europe? The only way I can really contact him would be to show up at the hospital where he works, which is a terrible idea and not something I would do.

Any hope or advice would be really appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 11:07 am

Hi Mary,

looks like he’s in a grass in syndrome.. To be honest, you’re right, it would be a bad idea to just suddenly pop up. So, I think the best option would be to surprise him by not doing that and continuing on with the vacation by yourself. Start improving yourself now and be active in social media during that vacation. Even if he didn’t say it, it looks like you’ve broken up.
But I’m not sure if you should start no contact because he sent you money. I don’t think it’s polite to just spend it and then ignore him even if that’s what he’s done to you. But he also said he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, so, it’s ok even if you don’t initiate. So, I think you should just go on the trip, not initiate contact but if he does, talk to him or let him come to you and see you but do not beg him back. Do it out of courtesy. If he is angry, be calm as you can and tell him, you’re just respecting his space because he said he doesn’t want to talk to you. And then let’s see what happens after that. Let’s see if he initiates contact while you’re there or not.

T

September 24, 2016 at 10:31 pm

Hi, ive been in a long distance for a year now. We usually get into fights because of how jealous i am. Recently he’s been confused about life and brought that into our relationship. We talked and he said he thinks we’re better off as friends. A day later i convinced him to give me another chance and he said okay in a way where he wasn’t sure about it. I’ll be seeing him next month and i told him that if he still feels the same way by then we can call it quits. But i dont want to. I told him that he can figure out what he wants in his life but with me in it. Now we usually text good morning and good night. And sometimes during the day if we’re not too busy. We still text here and there. I just need help on how to win him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 10:35 am

HI T,

You commented in the right article but I think you should check this one too:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Serina

September 24, 2016 at 9:48 pm

My relationship with my ex was not only long-distance but also interracial. We broke up this month after being together for over one year. I initiated it actually since I was not satisfied with his current job as a bartender and I pushed him to apply for programs in university (he quit university this year and I plan to start master’s program in his country), but he didn’t cooperate and felt no point in doing that. He cried when I wanted to break up with him as I was his first love, and felt deeply bad about himself. The next day, he started ignoring my messages and his mom who didn’t know our break-up told me he didn’t even talk to anyone including his family. To get his attention, I sent him several hundred stickers on messenger and got blocked by him at last. Then I booked a flight to his country and went to his place myself without his permission. His dad let me in (he lives with parents), but he didn’t talk to me or even look at me at all. In the afternoon, getting annoyed by me, he locked himself in his room and told his mom that he wanted to be alone and would not go out until I leave his place. After struggling for some time, I left his home crying hard while I could also hear him crying in his room. When I went back home, I began no contact, and it has been one week. But to be honest, I have no idea if it will work or not. Is it possible to get him back? I definitely hurt and annoy him so bad…

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 10:19 am

Hi Serina,

We can’t guarantee that it will but you made an effort, he was just not ready to face you yet. Give him time.

Brittany

September 24, 2016 at 12:37 pm

Hi! So I’m 19 years old and out of high school. My ex will be 20 next month. Him and I both met in the 6th grade. We fell in love and dated till he graduated a year before me. His freshman year of high school he had to move to California(LA). (I’m in Nevada).for the following four years we dated long distance. He would always come with his family to visit me 4 times a year. We talk on the phone every day and skype a few days a week so we’d be more happy to see each other. Two years ago exactly he made the choice that he couldn’t handle the distance anymore. So our breakup was mutual. Him and I are still in love to this day. Shortly after our breakup I met a guy online also from cali (north) and he met a girl who lived in his neighborhood. He got into a relationship where he can see her. And I got into another long distance. (But it was by accident how I met my boyfriend online). Since then my ex has come to visit our friends and me 2 times. When him and I are together it’s like we’re never even broken up. But he has his relationship and I have mine. With my new long distance relationship going on two years, we see each other whenever possible. We talk everyday and sleep together on the phone. We both take turns seeing each other so no issues come up. My boyfriend knows a lot about my ex and does not like him at all because we have a huge history. Me and my ex talk pretty often. But some of his signs are confusing. He said that if he was back here he would still be with me, but he can’t because he can see his gf everyday. He hates the pain of not seeing me in person. And me and him still talk without our others knowing. We are. Other living our lives but we still are deeply in love. But it’s hard to leave our relationships were in now. He is thinking of moving back but it’s a small chance and I have had school opportunities in LA and I let him know of that.

Should I keep trying with my ex? I feel he is the one, but I’m scared we won’t be able to be together again.

Or should I just stay with my current and forget about my current bf. I love him but I’m not in as much love as I am with my ex.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 9:39 pm

Hi Brittany,

To be honest, it looks like it’s not the right time. I think it can work when both of you are more financially independent and he would be able to visit you or move closer to you

Kimberly

September 23, 2016 at 11:18 pm

My ex of less than a week lives in Sweden. He asked me for a little time to think about things and I was not able to do it and kept texting him. Now he has deleted or blocked me from all methods of contact. If he can’t see me on social media and I can’t send a text (after NC of course) then how would I go about it?

Kimberly

September 28, 2016 at 4:06 am

He came back on Facebook and we are still friends on there! He did remove his tag from our pics that I had posted but did not remove his pics of us (though now they are Custom rather than Friends so obvs not everyone can see them now). I am excited since I was blocked from everything before. I have resisted the urge to send a message and am really hoping he will send one. Note: I did send a letter during the time I was blocked. It was very short and to the point basically saying his need for space was valid and that I should have given it to him. It also said I was leaving the lines of communication open when and if he was ever ready to talk. That card will be delivered next week. Do I start NC over then?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 29, 2016 at 8:21 am

If he contacts you, you have to talk to him. It will depend on that talk if you would restart no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 5:09 pm

Hi Kimberly,
just keep your posts public.. if you’re still blocked after nc, that means you have to extend it

April

September 23, 2016 at 5:07 am

I did think about doing a longer NC just to make it seem like I’m so eager to get in touch with him. My fear is that from what I know about my ex and his personality, I feel that he can move on quickly especially since he’s the one that broke up with me and we are so far away from each other since he’s in Afghanistan ( I could be wrong, but hopefully not). I should also probably mention that this situation has happened in the past and he has broken up with me because of him being unsure of his feelings but the break-ups didn’t last. We talked and I was able to convince him to give it another try. In some ways, we are kind of an on-off relationship even though our break-ups never lasted a week. I would always be the one to make the first move and I guess chase him in a way. It’s just that from what I know about him and his past relationships, he would never make the first move. Before me, he had never gotten back together with someone he had broken up with. I want to be the one gf that stays with him but at the same time, I don’t want to be the one that always gives in and asks for another chance. I’m so tempted to text him just so I can explain things to him but I don’t want to make him feel annoyed at me. I need your advice and opinion on my situation.

April

October 4, 2016 at 4:56 pm

So my ex just told me that he will be coming home by the end of the month. We talked and we both agreed to try dating again. No labels of being bf/gf. Just go out on dates. Is that a good thing? Should I do this? In the back of my head I’m thinking that he’s just doing it so he has a person when he gets back and we might just have a friends with benefits thing. Am I right?!
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 8:51 pm

yeah, it’s a good sign just don’t sleep with him.. just have fun 🙂
April

September 29, 2016 at 5:20 pm

So I broke down and texted him and he replied. I was kind of shocked that he even replied. We exchanged a few messages and even talked on the phone for a few minutes. He said that he missed me and nothing else. I sort of explained to him what I thought went wrong in our relationship but didn’t talk about getting back together at all. The next day I was surprised that he texted me again. It wasn’t anything serious, just little stuff but we were exchanging messages for almost the whole day. And then he calls me out of the blue to ask if we could be friends because he’s still not sure of how he feels. I didn’t know what to say so I said I’ll think about it. I feel torn. I know that agreeing to be his friend will not help me win him back but at the same time I want to be there for him while he is on deployment. He doesn’t have any social media so he won’t know what’s going on with me at all. I figured agreeing to this arrangement will keep me in his life while he’s away. He’ll be home in 6 months and I’m thinking maybe when he sees me again that he’ll want to try to be with me. I really don’t want to be just friends with him. Do I go back into NC again? Won’t that just make him think that I don’t want him in my life anymore? I really wished I had stayed strong and not broken the NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 11:26 pm

well, you don’t have to do a full nc of 6 months, just 45 days and then after that slowly build rapport through text and calls while he’s still away. If you want, you can restart the count, and just tell him that you’re not ready yet and when you are, you’ll reach out to him. And then go back to improving yourself. Yes, he doesn’t have a social media account, but it doesn’t mean he can’t check yours through a friend’s account so, make your posts public.
April

September 24, 2016 at 10:19 pm

He texted me today to say that he got the package that I sent him (I sent the package before he broke up with me). He just said thank you but didn’t even ask how I am. Does the mean he doesn’t care about me at all? Should I reply? I want to text him back so much but at the same time I’m scared that if I did reply, he won’t say anything back and then I’ll feel more hurt than I do already.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 10:24 am

If you’re already starting no contact, don’t reply. Don’t be too available after no contact and continue improving yourself.. That can help to avoid being friendzoned and I this can still help even if you’re ldr.
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
April

September 24, 2016 at 10:14 pm

So I should still do the 45 day NC? If I just act friendly towards him, how do I avoid being friendzoned? I know I want him back even though we’re still going to be LDR.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 7:51 am

then don’t treat this as a continuation of your previous relationship. Act as if both of you have moved on.. It would be better if he thinks you have moved on and just being friendly.. So, of course, don’t ask him back when you’re slowly building rapport and attraction

Sally

September 22, 2016 at 5:31 am

Hey so my ldr ex of 1.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago. (I haven’t talked/contacted him in a little over a month) He messaged me a couple days ago for my birthday saying happy birthday and asking how I’ve been. I don’t really know how to answer this. To be honest, nothing was wrong with our relationship whatsoever, he broke up with me because he met someone else (didn’t tell me that but I kinda figured). I was blindsided. He published his new gf all over social media. Nobody thinks the relationship is legit but it really hurt me. I don’t think I’m over his immaturity so should I reply to his text? If so, what should I say?

Sally

November 27, 2016 at 10:49 pm

Hey Amor,

So, it’s been awhile and I thought I was really getting over/gotten over my ex however, I keep thinking back on our relationship and can’t seem to figure out where things went wrong. I got my stuff back from him. He’s still with this other girl who he got with less and a week after we broke up. I don’t know, I still feel quite hurt and unimportant and wonder if our relationship ever meant anything to him because if it did then how could he move on so quickly? It’s like he tried to replace as soon as he could and did. He’s done this with all his romantic relationships in the past as well. I guess I just thought I was different and meant more to him because that’s what he told me.

I’ve gone through our old messages repeatedly and it’s really hard to not want that relationship back after rereading so many things. But at the same time I don’t think I could do that because of how much he hurt me. It’s been months and I never really got any clarity on the relationship and it made trusting new guys I’ve dated after him extremely difficult. I am actually really scared to fall in love again and have it all blow up in my face.

We don’t really talk anymore because I did no contact and then it was difficult to start getting back into it when he was already with someone new and I knew that. He still has never told me explicitly but it is implied as it is all over social media. I guess I just felt that if I had started dating someone before him I would have let him know before posting anything online and I guess I thought/expected the same.

It’s been so long and I still can’t go a day without thinking about him. I must seem somewhat insane to still love someone who hurt me so much but I do. I don’t know what to do. I’m confused again and don’t know what I want. I don’t know if we’re meant to be or ever were but I strongly do feel that him and his current gf are not meant to be together. I guess it would make more sense to me if he was with someone who was more like him or at least somewhat like me to resemble all the things he told me he wanted in life. This new girl just seems like a mess and doesn’t have her priorities straight. Of course, I don’t personally know her but that’s what a lot people I know portray her off of social media.

Feeling quite emotional. All the feels are coming back in ways I wasn’t expecting. I feel like I’m back on this roller coaster and don’t know how that happened at all.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 8:51 pm

Moving on is a process and you acknowledging everything you said is a part of it..
Sally

October 12, 2016 at 8:35 pm

So, the building rapport worked for a little bit. I just ran out of things to text him now. He responds right away and keeps the conversation going for 10-15minutes. I usually end it however, he never exactly initiates it. I have having to see him with this other girl who is so wrong for him. I don’t understand how they’re still together. It appalls me that he ever liked me if he could now be with someone like her.

Do you think I should send the “memory” text or should I just drop this situation altogether? I mean I guess I could send it and see if it changes anything but I’m not sure. I had a friend who recently visited him and now she’s asking me all these questions about stuff I know I didn’t tell her so I guess he might still want to know about me… it’s just so confusing I don’t get it. It’s awkward because I don’t what he told our mutual friends but they all still talk to him and not to me. I don’t get it. I also feel that my friend after visiting him is on his side of whatever this is. I guess I just need to find a time talk to her to ask her what she said.

I’ve though a lot about our relationship over all this time. And yes I still love him and wish we were together. I do notice from after dating other guys that he never really made the effort to go on dates which I love because you get to know the person differently. I did bring it up a couple times while we were dating but I guess never thought too much of it. Anyways he still has my stuff and I do want it back. How should I go about asking for it? I would’ve never actually left my stuff there it’s just he insisted it would be totally okay (we were together then) and I planned on visiting him anyways so it made sense that I wouldn’t have to bring there again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 12:07 pm

it’s ok to just casually ask for your things. I think he would understand because those are your things.. to be honest, I don’t think just one text would change anything suddenly but if you are building rapport and enough rapport has been built, it’s ok to send a memory text to build further rapport
Sally

September 28, 2016 at 7:51 pm

Hey Amor, could you please remove my email address from the last post. Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 2:23 pm

Oh sorry! I must have accidentally copied it! Sure!
Sally

September 28, 2016 at 4:11 pm

Okay so I followed your advice and he did respond, in a positive way. However, the conversation only last 2 mins. He keeps positing stuff with this new girl (like meals and dates). And i am doing sooo much better however at times it still really affects me that he moved so quickly. The home he lives in currently used to be our home before long-distance and now it’s like she’s replaced me there…

Should I move forward following the texting advice with the memory text next? How long should I wait for that if so?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 6:02 pm

The memory text should only be sent when you’ve already built rapport. He really won’t be initiating if there’s not rapport yet and if he’s not interested in you. So, that means you would be the one initiating. That’s ok as long you’re the one ending the conversation at high point. I think you need to check this one too to understand how you should act because he has a girlfriend.
Sally

September 27, 2016 at 4:30 pm

Thanks Amor. I followed the advice you gave and we very briefly messaged back and forth. So, what’s next I guess? Do I wait a couple weeks or days and send something else? Or just wait for him to contact first again, don’t know if that will happen…
Sally

September 25, 2016 at 9:17 pm

Question: Do you think this new girl he’s dating could be legit or just a rebound? He basically hooked up with her less than a week after we broke up but they’re still together….;
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 9:30 am

You can still reply with a thank you for his greeting and then start a topic along with that message. Check this one, so you can think about a better first contact messsage:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Sally

September 25, 2016 at 7:10 pm

Okay Amor, that sounds good. I think I can definitely handle talking to him. So should I just ignore the whole birthday message? No, thank you or anything and then just randomly start a different topic? Or should I first acknowledge this? Should I bring up a good memory from our past to start the convo? Like “hey this reminded me of you” would that be weird if I don’t reply to his previous text or is that normal to do in this sort of situation? I guess I’m a little confused on the type of different topic I should start with
Sally

September 23, 2016 at 4:11 pm

I think so. I’ve actually gotten really involved with multiple organizations and rarely even have time to think of him throughout the day. I am actually really happy throughout the day too! Of course, nights and mornings are the worst because he’s the first and last thing I think about. I really want that to go away. We haven’t spoken in any way in over a month. I mean we live so far apart and if we don’t make that effort to see other it probably won’t happen, which really sucks because I’m still in love with him. It kills me to see him with someone else so I don’t look at his social media anymore. I’ve gone out on multiple dates and they’ve been great however, at the end of the day I still want him. How can I get rid of this feeling? lol If I could’ve got him back I would’ve been head over heels happy however, I don’t feel like that’s going to happen and tbh I’m still really hurt that he choose someone else over me so quickly. It doesn’t make sense to me if our love was really real. Sorry for going off on a tangent. I think I just want to move on.

I guess what I’m trying to say is if my birthday was 4 months from now he probably would not have texted me until 4 months from now, right? So is there any point in replying if he’s with someone else? Or should I reply a bit later and just keep the conversation very casual? I think it’s odd that now he wants to know how I’m doing but didn’t really care for so long. I don’t know, I’m just very confused
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 2:34 pm

ok.. that’s good. I asked that because I wanted to know if you can handle talking to him again. I think you should start a different topic. It was a good sign that he thought about you in your birthday but I think it’s better if you start a new topic.. And take it slow.. Don’t ask anything about the relationship or his feelings for you
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 1:10 pm

Hi Sally,
Actually it was just a birthday text.. What matter’s more is if you have improved yourself before rebuilding rapport with him?

K

September 22, 2016 at 1:49 am

He broke off the wedding a week before wedding.. Because I caused arguments a lot.. And he felt like he was walking on eggshells. And he thought it was going down the road.. He asked me not to break up even though he broke it off, but since he called it off I couldnt control my emotions so I guess he got tired of dealing with my emotions.. So he decided to break up with me eventually… We met once before he left Korea(I live in Korea and he lives in the states), i could see he already cleared his head and started moving on.. It was the middle of August..

after he got in the states, he deleted me on all his social media.. And even deleted his account which has our pictures together, made a new one.. I guess he got over it already…

And my friend saw on his facebook he had a new girlfriend but the picture is deleted now so i guess it didnt work well.. I am not sure tho..

When i found out he had a new girl, I was freaked out and sent apology email.. At the beginning of September.. But didnt get a reply..

And 2days after i sent the email, i texted him that I am sad because he blocked me on everywhere like I have never exist in his life..
And he unblocked me and then texted me he didnt block me…
It was 2 weeks ago.

I am thinking of going to the states the end of December to visit my friend and to see him..

I want to send an email a months before I am going,, about I want to reconcile our relationship.. And i am willing to change myself whaever it takes.. And tell him I am coming to the states..

Or i just go there and ask him to show me around and show him my happy look and then give him a letter about reconciliation and talk in person??

Please advice me!!

K

September 29, 2016 at 1:44 am

Yes you are right. But I know he is single now, so I want to iniciate texting before he starts dating(he restarted dating site last weekend) and it has been 3 weeks with restarting of NC.. I think the situation will be harder if he is dating someone… Do you think it is okay?? I broke NC on Sep 10th(3 weeks of NC)
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 7:01 pm

Yep, it’s ok to initiate and then follow the advice on the latest article you posted on how to text him while he has a gf, if he has gf.. Even if you’re long distance, you can still apply it. The social media posts will serve as you being present.
K

September 27, 2016 at 1:47 am

Thank you for your advice but he deleted on all of his social media.. We are not connected on anywhere.. Also I found out he made a new profile on dating site… What should I do? He is the one I decided to marry even though I know all his flaws.. But seems like he is trying to move on.. Should I give up…?? :'( but I cannot….
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 9:43 am

finish nc first,slowly build rapport after..if it doesnt work then at least you know you’ve done what you can.. that doesnt mean he wont check your posts through a different account so make your posts public..focus in your improving yourself
K

September 26, 2016 at 1:45 am

Also he hasnt contacted me.. When I broke at 3 weeks of NC.. He texted me back very coldly with short answers like he is angry at me.. How do I show him with actions since we live far apart and he never contacts me…:(
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 11:39 am

through your posts. Go out with friends, go to class, volunteer, do a project, have a make over, meet new people and make new friends and post photos and videos. Just don’t caption it that you’re doing it to move on.. Make it a normal post. If it’s a food post, caption it with what you think about the food. If it’s an event caption it with what the event is.
K

September 26, 2016 at 1:38 am

Yea you are right, but we are in a long distance, how do I show him with actions?? Please advice :'(
K

September 23, 2016 at 6:19 pm

Thank you for your advice, I have a question… If i dont contact him first, how to convince him that I will change??
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 3:26 pm

with actions.. because just words will sound like you are just trying to convince him.. When you’ve really moved on, you will not want his opinion. You’ll just go on in life
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 12:45 pm

That’s all chasing.. Do no contact first. Instead of chasing him, asking and begging him for another chance and trying to convince him that you will change, do it. Just change. Put yourself first.

07

September 21, 2016 at 7:00 am

Hello!
My 4 year Long Distance boyfriend broke up with me 8 days ago. He wanted to be alone. Didn’t have time for my problems. I was devastated. It had come so sudden and out of nowhere that I immediately began to cry and sob and beg for him to come back. Big mistake, I know. I was not aware of how I should have controlled the situation. I even called him the next day to ask him if his decision was final and if he wanted to just take some time for himself, not fully break up but he had ”already made up his mind.”
I am in a bit more than a week of NC and I rarely see him online on Skype (I unfriended him on facebook because the thought of seeing him would kill me), his facebook has not been changed (besides the profile picture where we were together – I asked him to change it out of anger) and it still shows that he is in a relationship there starting the day we met. He really hasn’t changed anything, added any new pictures to make me jealous or anything.
Here is the catch: By the time the 30 DAY NO CONTACT rule ends for me, it will be a day before my 18th birthday which makes me think that he might reach out to wish me a happy birthday. How should I handle the situation of first contact if it is just so that it ends a little before my birthday? How to reply to ”Happy birthday” after no contact and when should i reach out back?
My biggest fear is that really has moved on and doesn’t miss me. I think about him all troughouit the day. Healthy thoughts, of course. I think about how I accept that he has made this decision and that I respect his need to be alone (hence the NO CONTACT rule after me GNATting to him a day after the break up) and I agree that there were some reasons why he broke up and I am willing to fix them troughout my NC period of self-reflection. I am handling the NO CONTACT strategy well right now, fixing myself mentally and focusing on schoolwork. I am afraid he will be over me and will only want us to be friends – that will be very soul crushing to find that after 4 years of love and passion, he ends up burning out…

Thank you.

07

October 2, 2016 at 8:27 am

Hello, Amor.
Sorry for the late response. After almost 2 weeks of very limited contact, my ex wrote me and told me that he wants to talk to me about something. I responded implying that I am too busy to chat, to get him straight to the point with where this conversation is going in order for the conversation to not turn into a business transaction. He wasn’t being very cooperative until the very next day when I wrote him asking what is it what he wanted to talk about. He told me that he wants to let me know that I am a huge part of his life and he doesn’t want to loose connection with me, if I would like to meet up after a few weeks when he will be coming to his home-country (not very far from where I am), he told me that he is so tired of being abroad.
I didn’t respond immediately to gather my emotions and when he wrote ”I take it as a no”, I told him that when he finally decided to rebuild normal verbal contact, he can give me a call and we can talk about it. He wanted to get in touch with me and I needed closure. And that is exactly what I got.
During the conversation, I was not emotional. I was a little hungover from a party I had attended the previous night and that let me not get too emotional. But I was straightforward about the fact that I was doing great. That I have my life together, that I am making my website, planning to attend belly-dancing classes that I had wanted to do for a while, working hard on schoolwork, getting my eating problems together and that I have been handling it well. He told me he was doing good too. he had lost weight, built muscle, felt good about his body. I expressed that I am happy for him. And he was saying that is genuinely happy for me. Afterwards he told me a few things that happened after him breaking up with me.

He ended up going into a 3-day rebound dating period with one of our friends (girl) who was his gym buddy and who had just broken up with an abusive boyfriend *physically and mentally abusive boyfriend, might I add*. She helped my ex pick out some clothes and she had put up money with him to buy him new shoes (which he did not want to have anymore because they reminded him of her), they went on a few dates, walked together to places… He told me that he misses to cuddle me, he misses the good times and that he would want to meet up and hang out like friends. But he doesn’t want a relationship. He was straightforward and unemotional about saying this: He doesn’t want a relationship. He wants to stay friends. He wants to hang out with me sometime, like friends. When he told me that our breakup did hurt and it was hard to break-up with me, I was like: ”Yeah, sure, of course.. mhm…Sure!” And I told him that I moved on rather quickly. Which made me come to a conclusion that either:

a.) (One of my best friends suggested) that he had an emotional affair with that girl when they were bonding over gym activities and he trusted her his problems when he felt that our relationship was falling to shambles for good reasons (My eating disorders, his depression, us not being able to be there for each other, us not being able to be empathetic and helpful for each other) and was either planning to or was already starting to pursue a relationship with her, hence our lack of communication and sudden breakup.

b.) He broke up with me for that good reason and saw himself attached to that girl because she needed someone to be there for her. She needed an emotional outlet after her breakup, someone who would care about her feelings unlike her abusive ex did (he was our friend before too and we had seen their relationship go bad) and my ex felt like he was the white knight and had to save the damsel in distress. Misery loves company. One of the reasons why he broke up with me was that he couldn’t bear the burden of my problems… And that somehow made it okay for him to bear the burden of her issues? It is confusing.

c.) He is over-exaggerating the story to make me feel jealous. At one part of our conversation, when I asked if they had gone on serous dates, he mentioned: ”Why are you asking, are you jealous?” I told him no. I was just curious. At one point he also said: ”I over-exaggerated my feelings for her so she would tell her ex boyfriend.” It hurt to hear all these things but I kept my cool. I know I don’t own him. As soon as we broke up, he could date whomever he wanted. And I could too. But it was just very ugly that it was that soon (maybe a week later) and that it was our mutual friend. When he asked why I sound like I am crying and I told him that I was a little hungover from a party, he asked: ”You never wanted to drink and party with me…” and I said: ”Well, it was just how it was and yesterday it was an excellent company.” or something like that. I didn’t want to make him think I was sleeping around but that I had friends and I was having fun. I also mentioned to him that I was asked out on a date (which is true, the person who asked is someone who isn’t pushy and is well aware of what I am going trough.) I feel like I just wanted him to see that I am still desirable. I think he knows that I am still quite lovable despite my mistakes in our previous relationship.

d.) A close friend of mine let me know that he is probably just trying to re-tie his relationship back with me. That he is playing safe but he is starting to see what he is missing. That he doesn’t want to be straight-forward and end up looking silly by telling me that he wants to get back with me, that he emphasizes that he wants to still remain friends in order to avoid making it seem like wants me back. But seeing how emotionless he was about telling me about our break-up and the rebound dating with that girl, I am not too sure… Maybe he knows how to play his cards right. But why would he be so eager to meet up with me? I think that he still trusts me if he wants to be my friend.

In conclusion, of course their rebound dating time (3 days) fell apart pretty fast. As soon as she told her abusive ex about her feelings for my ex and my ex’s feelings for her, the abusive boyfriend manipulated and pursued her to get back and stay with him by guilt-tripping her (telling her how miserable he is without her, how he wants to go back home if it isn’t for her, etc). Now, when that guy saw my ex on a bus, he smirked into his face. Kind of like ”I got the girl, nice try”. The abusive boyfriend and that friend are back in a relationship together and don’t communicate with my ex anymore. That is for the better. He might meet them both at the gym because the girl’s abusive ex signed up there too.

And there is where it gets tricky with my ex. I told him gently that he needs to realize that he was an air bag, a rebound for her. I don’t think he realizes this, I think he was in denial about this. He wasn’t accepting of this vision of mine and I can judge this because of what he told me afterwards: that he is angry at the girl for going back to that abusive boyfriend and that he wants to take his revenge on the guy. Oh boy. He is very bitter. He is jaded for letting himself be the air bag and not getting the damsel in distress. He got his feelings hurt. I told him to let things go, to come home, see a therapist for his depression, be with his family. He has booked the tickets and will be home in 3 weeks or so.
In any case. I kept the conversation alright. I was not emotional. I told him that I know why he broke up with me and I know what I have done wrong in the relationship. That I have accepted, agreed, and moved on. During our conversation, I did not say that I miss him or I love him or anything like that. I brought up an incident when I saw something that reminded me of him and when I suggested; ”It reminded me of you. You know.. because we used to….” and he said ”How could I forget.” I wanted to let him know that I am on his side regarding recovery. I was doing what I didn’t do in our relationship – I was trying to be very supportive. I told him that reflecting on the situation made me feel at ease but, to be honest, seeing that he wanted to take revenge on that girl and her boyfriend, it makes me think that he has not recovered just yet. He has not healed properly. He needs to be away from those toxic people. He is not angry towards me (he told me this), I would say that he was very friendly, even. Although he is reading self-help books on how to become a better man some books about masculinity, I can see that he has not recovered, that he still has masculinity issues and he is acting up on his emotions.

”I have realized that being nice is not going to bring me anything in life. I will do what I want, I will be selfish, even if it means being emotionless and mean. I want to hurt him.” – that is what he had said during the conversation regarding me telling him to just let go. He is not having any of that. I have seen young men go down this path before: they get heartbroken, they read self-help, interpret it wrong, and end up acting based on their ego instead of fixing masculinity issues. The rest of the conversation was us cracking a few jokes about a TV show we both watched together and loved. After a while I ended the conversation with: ”It was great catching up with you. Take care and I will see you around!” in an upbeat tone, ending the conversation positively.
He wrote me the next morning regarding his computer, and he asked me what time it is. I didn’t reply. Not because I couldn’t help but because I didn’t think that I wanted to show him that I will always be there for the little problems he was having but then again, I know that he is alone now and that he needs that emotional support… Was I being counter-productive? I just want to be there for him when there is no chance he will get together with that girl, that they will cut all contact and he will finally be away from all that drama.
I have 3 weeks of action until he comes back home. I meditate. I work on schoolwork. I read about communication and how to become more empathetic. I am trying my best to heal. Should I try to get in touch with him once a week to talk about how he is feeling in order to rebuild trust and then, when he comes back home, plan that friendly meetup? Or should I ignore all the unimportant messages to show him that I am busy and I am no longer his 24/7 support, to make him miss me more?
He doesn’t want to pursue a relationship, he repeated it twice, but wants to still be friends because of how close we were… I really do want him back. I want to fix the problems and make the relationship better. He is doing all of the things I wanted him to do when we were together but only now he is getting around to do that when we are not.
I have accepted and I have realized that it would be better if we left that old relationship in the past, that is why I want to show him that I am a new, improved person but I am afraid that I won’t be able to light that spark between us again. What would be the best thing to do for the next 3 weeks whilst he is still abroad to rebuild our relationship if our main communication is Skype? (We also became Facebook friends, though). And what should I do after?

I know my mistakes. Lack of physical contact. Lack of empathy. Lack of contact. Lack of communication. Our mental problems and constant desire to be cared for. I need to show him that I know better now and I need to show him that he still wants to be with me.

How can I take advantage of his desire to remain friends and rebuild a new relationship, convince him that I have learned from my mistakes? Should we plan a meet-up? And when would be the right time to rebuild the friendship?

Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 8:00 pm

wait.. correct me if I’m wrong.. You didn’t finish the 30 day no contact rule right? he contacted you in the middle of no contact for a business transaction but now, it looks like you’ve broken the no contact rule because it’s not strictly business anymore.. Because I thought, his email for your paintings was the only time you broke no contact and kept it business talk only and then you proceeded to finishing the no contact rule.

I think he’s just friendzoning you.. whatever his rebound relationship means, if you continue to talk him to him now, you are either helping him to slowly move on or you’re harming yourself because you’re not that stable yet..

It’s supposed to be straight 30 days no contact so, you can be more rational and so you can start a new routine that you will continue while slowly building rapport with him, and so that you’ll be less crazy about him… but right now, it just looks like you’re back to square one. I think you need to restart it and just focus in it.. after it, slowly build rapport.
07

September 28, 2016 at 5:33 pm

Hey, Amor!
I am so thankful for all of your help. But I just screwed up. Again.
I was so desperate and lonely, I wrote him ”Sorry for the other night, I was busy and it was very late.” That is all. And I feel better because I don’t feel like I pushed him away but left the conversation open for him to reach out. I am thinking that we dated for almost 4 years and maybe he will want to keep me around since he is used to being with me but I felt so awful thinking that I might have scared him off. Anyway, what is done, is done. What should I do now? In the mornings I am doing so well, during day-time I do my best at being the best person I can be. Tomorrow I will be going out to party and the day after I will be partying with more friends, I feel like I will be keeping myself busy so I don’t cry over him during lonely evenings. The fact that we are distanced makes it so difficult for me but I know that he works, hits the gym and spend the rest of his time home. I don’t know what I can do to rebuild the attraction, I don’t doubt that he will get back in touch with me but I have no idea how to avoid the ‘business’ talk and steer the conversations into him missing me and wanting me back, asking to come back.
Please don’t shame me for my awful lack of self control. I already feel awful that I deleted him off of facebook and keep checking his profile often, I don’t want to block him.
I suppose that I wrote him without any bad context. I just want to make him miss me again, to reach out for me. How much did I screw up?
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 11:35 am

Not so much..and dont block him off in social media..he has to see your progress.. what new activities have you started?
07

September 26, 2016 at 3:26 pm

So, you think that he wrote me more out of sheer surprise that I had gone cold turkey? I do think it is quite funny that he broke up with me and then two weeks later wrote me to employ me, as to say. If he really wanted to leave, he would do anything to avoid me and my online presence.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2016 at 2:05 pm

Yeah.. he didn’t expect you to really ignore him and now he got curious..
07

September 26, 2016 at 1:34 pm

Ah, shucks, I know! I wish I was cold. I wish I could just tell him to leave me alone unless he wants to sort things out (even thought he broke up with me and was very clear about it). But I don’t know if I even want to do the paintings for him. I had done sketches for him when we were in a relationship but I always put them off due to lack of interest. I don’t want to do them. And he knows that I was never psyched about the idea of doing them for him but he probably thinks that now I will be motivated by money and that it is HIM. But now that he broke up with me – why should I do them for him in the first place? I really do have better things to do… I don’t even know why he wrote me since he can search for a different artist. I just want to tell him that what I did during our relationship is not valid anymore. That he got what he wanted – to be alone. He made it clear that it was over on his side. Why is he writing me?

As for being on the same team, I thought that giving the person what they want (space, alone time, time apart) will only make them have respect for you. That they wouldn’t think of me as a sad, sore loser. How could I win him over if I would do the things he doesn’t want me to do? I let him have his personal space, I let him be alone. I don’t want to be a business acquaintance. I’d rather be nothing at all – like he wanted us to be. Is he trying to get close to me again? I don’t know what to think.

I understand he didn’t write to talk about how he feels, it kind of angers me that to him I am only a business acquaintance. I want anything but business with him or nothing at all. I don’t want to take money from him. I don’t want to draw/paint stuff I am not interested in but I am sure he will take it personally. Still, the conversation ended with me telling him that I had no time to chat at that moment. Where should I pick this up? Should I even write him to clear the air, should I respond to what he says? Should I go no contact for a while and then attempt at making a somewhat emotional conversation by loosely bringing up some fond memory? I am so confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:54 pm

Well, not really cold cold. Just civil and casual. I actually think you should just continue on with no contact and continue improving yourself. And I think he was just using the email because you’ve gone silent. He didn’t expect you to be really be silent. I think those were just out of emotions and so, that you would stop chasing him. You would be in his team if you don’t chase him. I think that’s what he meant.
07

September 25, 2016 at 11:25 pm

Hey, Amor!
I have quite the situation going on here again.
Just a few hours ago, my ex got in touch with me via my business e-mail. I did not know of this until he described what he wanted me to do (I work as a part-time painter) as I have done art for him during the time of our relationship. He asked how I am doing, I replied I am doing great, he said he is ”I don’t know, weird, but it is hard to tell”…
I tried to play it cool when I replied to his questions about price by saying ”The price depends on the style”, ”it depends on the deadlines”, ”I don’t know when I will be able to work on them” (indicating that I have a life and have moved on), I told him that I am not sure when I will be able to do them because I won’t be free so soon and he replied with ”Right now time is all I got. Will you be able to make it within a span of a month?” to which I replied with ”I don’t feel comfortable doing such transactions with you.” and he replied with ”Well I am like your customer”, after an hour: ” so are not okay to do it?” and I coldly replied that I don’t have time to chat now.

I am so confused… He got in touch with me via my business e-mail to become my client. The money is not an issue, I have a lot of other clients waiting to get my paintings, but does it mean that we will not be on the same team anymore if I decline? I always thought that the way to get an ex back is to be on their team – to understand what they feel, to agree on what you were wrong but he seems to show interest in becoming a client after 2 weeks of no contact.

What should I do? What should I reply with if he writes me again to order some paintings? This is so puzzling…
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 10:48 am

Oh.. you actually started alright. It was just a normal conversation and then you went emotional. You showed that you can’t talk to him because you’re still very much affected by him. Which is normal, I understand. You just have to make your next steps better.

Uh, I’m not quite sure I understand your question. What do you mean by being on his team? By agreeing on what he feels? I don’t understand because he didn’t contact you for an affirmation of his feelings. It was just a business transaction. If you can’t do the painting now, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it later right? Let’s say he did that to check up on you, but even if it’s like that, you should only act accordingly like it’s only a customer-client transaction because that’s what the subject of his email was.
07

September 23, 2016 at 6:10 pm

Thank you, Amor, for replying! I will take your advice and use it to my best ability.
As I only have his phone number and Skype, I usually feel awkward to be ‘Online’ on Skype when he is. He is not writing me, and I somehow feel like he is already over me – he just changed his Facebook picture, hid his relationship status. I think he is moving on. What would make it look like I have moved on more – staying Online and not writing him or not showing that I am Online to imitate the fact that I have a social life? It is funny how I am overthinking things. It is pretty difficult to see someone move on…
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 3:24 pm

Just be normal.. If you’re usually online, be online.. Just keep on doing what you have started during nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 10:47 pm

Hi O7,

That means your birthday is on the 31st day right? And that you’re doing 30 days no contact.. If it’s like that, it’s ok to just say thank you. But I think it would be better to send an initial contact to start building rapport after about 3-5 days after your birthday. If he moved on, then act like he moved on. Make it a restart. Start as friends and then slowly build rapport and attraction.
Focus on how you would improve yourself now. So, that when he talks to you again, he would think you have moved on too and not think that you’re just chasing him so, he won’t hesitate talking to you

safrina

September 21, 2016 at 5:23 am

hi. i dont know how to start my story. my boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks back and since then it has been a hell. we were in a long distance relationship but we used to talk everyday. and he just broke up with me for some silly reason.. and i dont know what to do.. its so defficult i keep thinking where i went wrong i even begged him to stay and used to sent text messages and all. post break up he used to call me up everyday but it was just a casual talk m so confused. i wanted to try no contact rule and i did but it lasted for only 2 days i just couldn’t do it. the thing is i want him back so badly. what should i do.??

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 10:11 pm

Hi Safrina,

but if you don’t restart no contact, what other plans do you have in mind?

Nana

September 20, 2016 at 5:42 am

Hi,
My bf in long distance have just broken up me since 3 weeks ago because he’ve had a thug time of his life, and his family. He told he still love me but he really have to focus on himself. He feel that keeping long distance is very hard for him right now because of all the situation were changed. After break up, We still talking with each other. I just wanna be with him though the hard time of his life. I said it’s ok I just wanna be your friend who you can talk and support you. and i’m here for you. I just want you to feel better. I’m will wait until you ready. Now just take time for yourself. We were talking a lot. We also share our days. He also texted back a lot and asked me a lot of things. He said he is really appreciated that whatever happened to him I always be his side. Sometime, when he got drunk he send his pics to me and asked for my pics. He said he really wanna see my face. We have been talking for 3 weeks after break up. It seems better day by day. Yesterday, he call me asking me if he can called me. We were talking about what we did together. Suddenly, he said he missed me. I was really glad and of course i said back too.

Then, he told me he is really sorry to make us in this situation. he told me he thinks we can’t be like we used to be even if everything is getting better he still not sure. I asked him why ? what are you thinking? He said, right now he feel he really have to focus on himself. He really misses me. especially when somethings were happened he just want me to be with him. When he look around his room he said a lot of our memories come to his mind but I just can’t be there with him. He said he feel really depressed, struggle, and suffered because everytime he just miss me so much he can’t even see me in person. He said whenever he misses me, he feel really painful right now. He said he is exhausted. He thinks LDR is not gonna work on him. He said he still loves me but he think it’s gonna be impossible and not happy ending. He just can’t handle.

Finally, he said we have to end this relations. he asked me to stop texting with him. He said we have to move on.

I stalked his Facebook/IG he still keep our pictures in there.

I already stop texting with him for 3 day
I don’t know what should I do.
Anyway after 2 years I will move to there

Nana

September 25, 2016 at 4:14 am

Yeah I already started NC with him. but what if we still follow each other in social media and we can see what another posts? Doesn’t matter right? and yesterday I saw his emotional post and today he just deleted it. is that some meaning behind?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 2:12 pm

That’s good that he sees your posts. He has to see it. It’s your way of showing that you’re improving.. Don’t put too much meaning into his posts.. Maybe he just doesn’t others to judge what he feels so he took it down.
Kelly

September 21, 2016 at 8:27 pm

You are not alone. Same problem. Two years of relationship ended just yesterday with exactly same excuses. I think they took the partner for granted with the addition of missing our presence. Maybe a little of NC would allow them to miss us and understand what we mean in their life. They need to face our absence to understand how much they miss us and work together a plan for more encounters, for more commitment in the future. To plan a relationship that end with one of you moving in a future and end the distance. Give him a “forced” break without you.
Nana

September 21, 2016 at 2:53 pm

me 23 and my bf 21
we ‘ve been together 7 months
We were dating when i went to his country last January and then i came back. We kept talking and he asked me to be his gf then. We were talking and catching up each every day until i went there again last Summer for 3 months to visit him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 8:38 am

Does he know you’re moving in two years? I think the age is a factor too.. because the truth is long distance relationship is really hard.. If you don’t see each other as often as you can, it wouldn’t work. That’s why you need money and a plan.. You can still try what’s advised above.. What’s more important is if you’re going to do no contact, you improve yourself first and heal.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 1:51 pm

Hi Nana,

how old are you both? how long have you been in ldr? how often did you see each other personally?

Daisy

September 19, 2016 at 7:19 am

Hi Amor,
Thankyou, so sorry to keep asking questions but I’ve come so far & don’t want to mess up . after 2 days of my ex not replying we had some texting back & forth the next day this lasted about an hour & I ended the chat by saying enjoy the game speak soon to which he replied with a smile blush face icon . I messaged the next day but he hasn’t responded & that was 2 days ago , what should I do next , it’s been 2 weeks of messaging sometimes he responds sometimes he doesn’t , he has only initiated once and had complimented me once ,I think my topics may bore him but as you are not supposed to flirt or use the memory messages to often it’s very difficult , I can’t use jokes as there is a language barrier . He works really long hours so I know he gets tired but he is on whatsapp loads so he could reply if he wanted to ( he was always on what’s app when we’re together as that’s how keeps in touch with family & friends back home ) Any advice or am I fighting a losing battle ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 10:20 am

It’s ok! No worries! you can flirt and you should.. find out common jokes in their language or ask about their language.. get interested and be interesting..get his opinion on certain topics, especially on topics that he likes talking about

April

September 18, 2016 at 1:09 pm

My boyfriend just broke up with me after over a year of dating. We didn’t become LDR until 6 months ago. Everything seemed to be going fine. We texted and talked regularly. I felt that he was making an effort to make our LDR work. We even went on vacation a two months ago. Throughout the time we were LDR, he would repeatedly tell me that he was sure that he wanted to be with me for the long run and we were even making plans of trying to live together when he got back from his deployment. And then suddenly, he tells me that he doesn’t think that it was going to work out and that he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. He also said that he doesn’t feel the same way he did about me as he did before and that he wanted to be able to do his own thing while he was overseas. He said that he’s been feeling that way for a while and that he didn’t say anything because he wanted to be sure of himself. I am so confused. It’s hard to understand how his feelings could have changed so quickly. I tried to be the best gf during the whole LDR. Trying to be available when he wanted to talk to me and making sure to let him know how much I loved him despite the distance. I thought we were on the same page but apparently we’re not. When I asked would he still want to hear from me, even to just ask how he was doing, he was the one who initiated the NC for a month. He agreed that I can text him after a month, but just to see how he was doing. What should I do? I’m afraid that if I don’t get in touch with him, he’ll just forget about me completely. Also, I can’t help but worry about him because he’s in Afghanistan and I would want to know if he was safe and doing fine. Should I really just not have contact at all? I don’t know what to do. I know I want him back and I worry that not talking to him will just make it easier for him to move on from me. Please I need your help.

April

September 20, 2016 at 9:59 pm

When I asked him if he still wanted to talk to me, he said no because he doesn’t want to give me the impression that we can get back together. When I pressed him if I can still text him to see how he’s doing that’s when he said that we should wait a month before I text him. He said that it’s just going to be friends texting each other and no relationship talk. I told him ok. I also told him that no matter what I wanted to see him when he comes home (he’s coming back to the US in 5 months) and he agreed to it (I made him promise me although who knows if he’ll stick to it). Am I in a hopeless situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 6:41 pm

Hmm.. if you keep looking like you’re chasing him, yes it’s a hopeless situation. The challenge is he’s the one who initiated nc, so he would probably think you’re just following his lead. But of course, with how you recently acted, he probably expects you to break nc. So, don’t break nc and just focus in improving yourself and I think you should even do 45 days. So, that it doesn’t look like you’re just waiting for 30 days to jump right back in trying to get him back. That way, you would look like you moved on stopped chasing him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 2:49 pm

Hi April,

but does he want to talk to you?

Nana

September 18, 2016 at 9:38 am

Hi,
My bf in long distance have just broken up me since 3 weeks ago because he’ve had a thug time of his life, and his family. He told he still love me but he really have to focus on himself. He feel that keeping long distance is very hard for him right now because of all the situation were changed. After break up, We still talking with each other. I just wanna be with him though the hard time of his life. I said it’s ok I just wanna be your friend who you can talk and support you. and i’m here for you. I just want you to feel better. I’m will wait until you ready. Now just take time for yourself. We were talking a lot. We also share our days. He also texted back a lot and asked me a lot of things. He said he is really appreciated that whatever happened to him I always be his side. Sometime, when he got drunk he send his pics to me and asked for my pics. He said he really wanna see my face. We have been talking for 3 weeks after break up. It seems better day by day. Yesterday, he call me asking me if he can called me. We were talking about what we did together. Suddenly, he said he missed me. I was really glad and of course i said back too.

Then, he told me he is really sorry to make us in this situation. he told me he thinks we can’t be like we used to be even if everything is getting better he still not sure. I asked him why ? what are you thinking? He said, right now he feel he really have to focus on himself. He really misses me. especially when somethings were happened he just want me to be with him. When he look around his room he said a lot of our memories come to his mind but I just can’t be there with him. He said he feel really depressed, struggle, and suffered because everytime he just miss me so much he can’t even see me in person. He said whenever he misses me, he feel really painful right now. He said he is exhausted. He thinks LDR is not gonna work on him. He said he still loves me but he think it’s gonna be impossible and not happy ending. He just can’t handle.

Finally, he said we have to end this relations. he asked me to stop texting with him. He said we have to move on.

I stalked his Facebook/IG he still keep our pictures in there.

I already stop texting with him for 1 day
I don’t know what should I do.
I will go there in 8 months.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 1:51 pm

Hi Nana,

how old are you both? how long have you been in ldr? how often did you see each other personally?

« Previous 1 … 26 27 28 29 30 … 81 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”