How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

J

October 2, 2016 at 2:19 am

my biggest worry after reading the male mind during no contact, that he wont have any of it in mind and he might be the angry guy or stubborn guy and since our relationship seemed to have mind games, it might be a mind game since i texted him this morning a funny pic and he replied, but then i straight up ignored him and starting NC for the 9th time now…gonna try 7-15 days….and see if i improve…..idk what can happen…..my chances are low cause i have become a text gnat and annoyed him so much…….he probably wont even contact me! im so stressed

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 4:44 pm

you’re the only who can help yourself. I think you’ll know what to do when you’ve done everything you wanted to do..

J

October 1, 2016 at 3:27 pm

Okay, but what if we both made some sort of agreement right after we broke up that we’ll still hold onto each other in whatever way we prefer and to try again. He said he would IF he feels I have changed and that the convos we have now as friends can kind of give him an idea but like i said it went downhill…..i broke NC at least 8 times within these 3 months…..im getting hopeless and it hurts i really want a chance…..im trying to be strong and restarting NC now….but yesterday i broke NC and talked to him but it was mainly me talking AGAIN….like he had nothing to say and we got into another small argument since its frustrating i have to text him first….i WANT to do NC but how can I be strong enough to stick through it….?? My friend said that I have a higher chance for the future with him depending on how things end with him before he leaves for the army…maybe ill do NC for 1 week? I am short on time and only have this month and Nov….hes leaving in December….
Christine

October 1, 2016 at 9:26 am

Hai, I am truly confused about my relationship. I met my boyfriend in Instagram.After seeing my pictures he wanted me as his girlfriend. I also approved and started loving each others. At the beginning he was really awesome , calling on Skype , talking. But once he lost his work he ignored me. Then we met only once in real after he went abroad. We had LDR and after getting new job he was okay but busy.If he in sex mood only texting me calling me in Skype.Not answering my any questions. If he feels loved sharing a little thing about his life ,career how going. Several times he was saying that I might have a new boyfriend.I said no and no again . He says that I am bad so you are having a good ne boyfriend.When I asked him will u marry me? He says not sure will see.But when I am not texting he send me I am alone. Then again talk sex talks.This is like routine in our relationship. Now I am really afraid whether he leaves me and not marry in future. But I love him a lot, need to marry him. Please read my comment and reply me what should I need to do for get him back and love Mr crazy.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 3:28 pm

Hi Christine,

to be honest, it doesn’t look like a serious relationship. It looks like all he wants is sex.. How old are you both and how long were you together?

J

September 30, 2016 at 1:42 pm

You said hes moving on does that mean its completely over? Even if i improve myself but what if he told me if i changed after the army he may consider it again? But rght now we cant even have a convo as friends so it might make him not even want me cuz he said if we cant be friends why would i get back in relationship with you

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 1, 2016 at 2:57 pm

It’s ok J. You can ask anytime.. Hmm.. I’ll try to explain my point of view in the best way I can.

He’s going to the army but he doesn’t want to continue the relationship because you’re clingy and emotionally immature. So, he thought it would be better to break up now so you can adjust. He thought being friends with you at the beginning would help but he decided to stop it because it wasn’t working and you’re still expecting.

When he decided to break up with you, that means really breaking up with you.Meaning, he can do everything he wants because you’re not together anymore. He’s not in a relationship anymore so, he has the right to flirt and have fun. He’s not going to chase you because he already made a decision.

It doesn’t meant there is no chance someday. But there’s definitely no chance now because you’re not the ungettable girl. You just kept chasing, expecting, and blaming because you’re expecting him to still have feelings for you and maybe to see your change.

But the truth is you’re only fooling yourself that you’re trying to make him see you’ve changed by keeping on talking to him because if you’ve really changed, you wouldn’t stalk him and you wouldn’t talk to him because you’re busy with your new routine and in improving yourself.

J

September 30, 2016 at 1:38 pm

I also had to break NC because my therapist wanted me to send a exercise to him so i had to let him know when its due and to check his email…i didnt say anything else besides that and to do it by due date….i ignored him afterwards he didnt seem to care to start a convo….did that count as breaking NC since it was an email for therapy matters? I told him i downloaded whats app as well if he ever wants to talk to me and he just said ok.
J

September 30, 2016 at 12:34 pm

Sorry if im annoying i broke NC after 1 day it is so hard …hes been getting food with this girl alot lately (i stalk him) and sending her dirty joke tweets etc..is he moving on or what? He said he cant be in a relationship w/anyone rn cuz of army but i dont want him to move on should I restart NC ? If yes should i just ignore him or tell him i gotta go?
Pai

September 29, 2016 at 6:06 pm

Hi-

Need help here please. I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. We were in LDR for 4 years and hardly saw each other during those time. We are complete ooposites with him an extrovert and I an introvert. A year ago, i noticed a big change in his behavior esp in communication pattern. We have a certain routine you see, but all of a sudden he wouldnt text me and often that his replies are very very late. I would often notice he’s online on facebook and been a frequent liker of photos of some girls. I have been confronting him for all these and he gets very angry, accusing me of not trusting him. With all the mixed feelings, I contacted someone who’s living in the same house with him and got some revelations of what he’s been doing. Sounds to me that he really is too busy with someone else (co worker, they said, but no one really knew). Given these information, i decided to pull away a little- i stop responding to his text right away, limited my text to only 1 message a day, and completely stopped texting him for 2 days. i wanted to see how far he would go should he sense i was pulling away. Instead he got mad after day 2 when ge was asking where i am and is getying no answer. he was trying to make it look like breaking up is my idea. In response to his anger, i slowly confronted him of all the things ive learned (the secrets). He got so angry, replying my texts with curses in all caps. He denied most of what i revealed and was so protective of his privacy. I decided to stop the exchange of messages right there because things were already out of control. He never contacted me after that and i havent either. Its almost 60 days of NC and im missing him so much. Ive been stalking his social media accounts as well as the accounts of a couple of women that i hunch he’s having an affair with but nothing. Im beginning to think that i broke up with him too soon and im regretting it. Could it possibly be that his actions were just misinterpreted? How could he be so nice one day and extremely cold and distant most days? Should I still try to contact him after that big fight we had? Ive read some experts say its a good sign if your ex is angry, as he still feels some emotions. But its been a while now. I have no idea how he is now or did he even think of me after we broke up. Please help me.

Pai

October 3, 2016 at 4:50 am

No improvement I guess. Still thinking and wondering of him no matter how much i try to distract myself. How do i get in touch with him in this kind of situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 8:23 pm

If there is no improvement, then that means you have to restart the count of no contact. It doesn’t matter how long you go in no contact if you didn’t improve. Because the most important aspect of doing the no contact rule is improving yourself. It’s not about distraction it’s about making progress. Do activities that improve yourself. Have a makeover, join a new class, volunteer, meet new people and make new friends. Do that first. You have to do something that makes you feel the sense of achievement.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Hi Pai,

Yeah, it was a good sign but with what you said, it really looks like he is a player.. Or he did when it was near the end of your relationship.. How much have you improved?

J

September 29, 2016 at 12:43 pm

Also today i saw he followed his ex gf on his instagram & i remember he unfollowed her last year when we began dating but he unfollowed her by himself and i never said anything about unfollowing her etc. why did he randomly think of her now? Ironic that hes annoyed and mad and hates me rn and he follows his ex gf out of nowhere on his instagram…his ex gf does have a boyfriend now…i feel like i should question him about it and break nc it hurts …maybe he moving on and forgetting about me

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 12:57 pm

He is moving on.. questioning him about his actions will just annoy him because you’re not together anymore..he can do whatever he wants..if you really want to increase your chances, stop chasing and messaging.. because obviously it’s not helping you.. do 45 days and use that as start to make him regret by just improving yourself..

He’s already saying to you to have your own life.. I know it hurts but that’s the truth

Sukey

September 29, 2016 at 12:00 pm

Hi,

I wonder if anyone can help. My boyfriend of 2 years sent me an email a couple of weeks ago saying that it was over. Bit of history. We were LDR about 3 hour drive for first 22 months. Saw each other quite regularly as we were often in same city ofr work. Then he got offered a chance to work in America (we’re in England) for 2 months. Off he went and then he emailed and said that he was staying until the end of October and then he was going to South America and we were over.

We finally talked this morning and he said he just didn’t feel the same way about me anymore and that he wanted to go and do this new job and that meant we wouldn’t be able to see one another. Next thing he said it had been really hard being apart for so long and I asked if he had missed me and he said of course he had. So I asked why he thought ending it was a solution if he misses me. Why didn’t he want to talk about things and see if there is a way to make it work.

By the end of the conversation he was saying that he needed to think things through in ‘baby steps’ as he struggles with having really open conversations about his feelings and could we carry on talking. He has asked if he can call me over the weekend. I have said yes but I wonder if I should go NC? He finally seems willing to talk but maybe I should just leave him to it for a bit? I feel exhausted and so, so sad. I find it hard to believe he just doesn’t love me anymore but maybe he doesn’t?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 10:44 pm

Hi Sukey,

Hmm..it depends, did he say he would want to stay talking to work it out or just to help him move on slowly?

Carmen

September 28, 2016 at 5:50 pm

Hi, I’m in a long distance relationship and my ex-boyfriend broke up with me yesterday we would have been together for a year in October. I recently graduated in May and he has two years of school left. He said he has alot on his plate right now with school, sports, and his family. He took a test that day which he didn’t do well on (which sucks because he’s on academic probation). He also said that we’re in two different places in life and we should be equally yoked. I feel as though he is just very overwhelmed (I was in the same position my senior year and I broke up with him a couple times but got back with him the next day or within the next hour), but this time when he called me he seemed pretty set in his decision so I don’t know if he’ll change his mind. We never had any problems our relationship was amazing, we were perfect for each other. He was crying when he told me and said he didn’t want me to hate him but of course I was angry and said some mean stuff. When I asked if there was anyone else he said no, and he has never cheated or talked to anyone else besides me. He said that I’m talking about marriage and he’s trying to finish school after which I said that’s normal for girlfriends to do. I asked if there was anything I could do to change his mind he just said no, I think this is best for me. But, when I tried to break up with him the past year for the same reason he didnt think it was valid and said he doesnt want me to break up with him ever again. I tried to contact him and he will not respond to me, I talked to his close friend at school and he said he doesnt think we’ll stay broken up but I’m not sure, anything could happen. I just want to know if you think it’s likely that I’ll hear from him or he’ll change his mind in the near future. Should I follow the plan set in this article of NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 1:04 pm

Hi Carmen,

there’no guarantee that nc will work but you will have a higher chance of getting in touch with him if you do nc

J

September 28, 2016 at 5:47 pm

I forgot to mention, he said “id prefer you live your own life before talking to me about what will happen in 2 years”
He is already annoyed at me and pissed to the max that he sees no point in talking to me since were not becoming friends at all. Doing NC Im afraid he will be happy im gone from his life and he wont miss me….

Hes becoming friends with so many girls lately. I dont know if hes trying to make me jealous or what not cause he is a nice person in general.

How long should I do NC for? Hes leaving for the army in December..

My last words to him was today when I broke NC and after asking how he was and his neutral respsone “good”…i said well gotta go bye! and he said “oki bye”

NC starts today but idk what to do this situation is hurting me and it really helps hearing back from you guys!
J

September 28, 2016 at 3:47 pm

I couldnt last one day doing NC…i broke and asked him how his day was and he just said “good” so i said gotta go now bye! now i will start NC after reading all my previous comments please help my situation…what do you think…i think hes sleeping with another girl because he keeps tweeting her maybe i am overthinking…thats why i broke NC….but we broke up cause i never trusted him….we are long distance and hes going in military….please read my other comments

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 5:27 pm

Hi J,

I remember you! Well, you’re the only one who can help yourself.. We can only give advice, and then it’s your choice if you want to follow it.. So, it’s still the same advice.. stick to no contact rule and really improve yourself, have your own life and make it seem like you moved on because it looks like he thought talking to you would help you move on but now he can sense you’re still hoping to get him back but that’s not what he wants..

I can still feel from what your current comments that it looks like you would keep talking to him until you feel that it’s really not working.. if you’re going to do that, jusr remember, he’s not attracted to you.. So whatever method you decide to do..aim to be the ungettable girl..
open this link to review that article about being ungettable.
The Ungettable Girl

And if you decide to really stick to nc, you should really read this one too:
Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

sera

September 28, 2016 at 8:31 am

hey,
My story is a little different .. which makes getting good advice really hard to find … My boyfriend and i have been together for nearly 2 and a half years.. out of which a year is long distance but ive gone home after very 4-5 months ( break from uni – im doing my masters ) We have this brilliant bond that makes long distance not a problem really (aside from the sexual craving). In march he got diagnosed with cancer …. it shattered my very existence… since it was caught early , thankfully, hes been under going treatment and has been extremely strong so far . He is a gem … wont complain even when he is pain.. strong, brave and so so courageous… when he got diagnosed i was smack in the middle of finals for the sem… my professor agreed to let me go home a couple of weeks early to be with him and had to send in my finals online. My parents were against our relationship so being home was difficult for me… it was a very hostile environment and my parents made it very difficult for me to see him … i still did see him obv .. every day … but fear of loosing my relationship with my parents caused me to make some decisions that now in hindsight i see hurt him …. i tried to make the most of a very delicate situation and in the process ended up hurting everyone… its been 3 months since ive returned to uni … and with time my relationship with my parents has healed and gotten better.. they even finally except him and are supportive… but he feels like i dissapointed him the one time he needed me … and he cant move past it no matter how much iv done to fix it … 3 days ago he broke up with me … im beyond torn up …. i cannot express enough how imp he is to me … he told me not to get in touch with him because he needs this and if i do he will block me ….. he still has one treatment to go and i cant even function because i dont know how hes doing … if hes ok … if hes gonna make it … have i messed this up beyond no return … i know this is my doing and i should have known better … please help …. i just want the best for him … want him to be happy … i want to fix this … he has one last treatment thats spread across a month and a half … one last chance for me to prove that i am really there for him … i fear in this situation not keeping in touch will cause a permanent damage than help…

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 29, 2016 at 10:59 am

Hi Sera,
let him cool off for now and then message him again nwar before his treatment, if he refuses, it’s.nkt your fault anymore because you showed you wanted to be there

Prat

September 28, 2016 at 5:19 am

Hello, I am also struggling to get over my ex, cause I don’t actually wish to. My situations are a little too complicated. He is 10 years older to ( Me-16, Him-26). We used to live in the same society and then he shifted back to hometown to take over his dad’s business. We didn’t used to talk much when he was here, but we started talking a year ago on phone just out of the blue. We used to talk as friends or someone who can be more than a friend late at nights or just very often. Then he came to meet me after 2 months, it was a short meeting and we did not get close as that time we had not confessed any feelings of ours. After that a few months later we confessed our feelings and we got really close on calls and would just talk more often either in texts or on calls and our talks used to be really romantic. But we haven’t met since then because none of us were able to. And he always told me from the start that he was afraid about our future as our families would not be accepting us because of our age gap. We live in India so this all does matter a little more too because of the Indian society and stuff. We had many talks regarding this problem and we continued to have an on again off again sort of relation. He always tried to stop talking so we could get apart before coming too close or it might get difficult in the future because he thinks that we cannot have a future together. He wants to be with me but he wants me to accept the fact that it cannot happen because the situations are not at all in our favor. He says that he thinks he will ruin my life as he cannot give me as much love as I can to him and that I deserve much more love and our long distance and his busy schedule(because he just had a business crisis and needs to get over it) hardly gives us the time to talk. But we always ended up talking and getting back together. But this time he said that I should understand that if he’s doing it he’s doing it for the good of both us and has put some thought to it. I know he is correct at his place but I don’t feel I am wrong either. I mean I just want us to be together and I am ready to face whatever comes in the way because at the end of it we both will be together. We didn’t talk for a week but then I ended up texting him and then we ended up unfriending each other. I really want him to want me back and want to be with me and miss me. Whenever we stopped talking and then started talking again he would never say that he does not want to be with me…He would always say that he wants to be with me but cannot and is afraid of spoiling my life and so we need to separate. I miss him and want to be with him and want him to be wanting to be with me too more than I do… Please help me out here. Will I be able to get him back ever or should I try to move on…??

Prat

October 12, 2016 at 9:13 am

I think I can do that…but i did a tiny mistake I just texted him to wish him Happy Dusshera yesterday…he did not text back nor did I text him again…is it okay..i wont do that again ??
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 1:36 pm

nope, greeting are not allowed too.. but since it’s done, just don’t do it again..
Prat

October 11, 2016 at 10:41 am

And afraid as in of the future in general…of our future..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 4:56 pm

he has to mature.. and he’s the only who can do that. You need to set a time limit on until when you would make an effort for the both of you. I know it’s not the best advice but that’s the truth. You can only control what you can, and that’s yourself but you have to know when to let go. I think you should do at least 30 days.. if you need to extend to 45 days go ahead.. and then after that slowly build rapport.. observe for a month if your relationship will progress
Prat

October 11, 2016 at 10:40 am

So should I talk to him and maintain contact so as to keep him attracted to me…its been like 20 or 22 days that I have successfully maintained NC…so is it the right time to text him again..also as one of he main problems is that we don’t see other because of living in different cities…??????
Prat

October 7, 2016 at 3:24 am

Hey Amor, Can you please help me out here one last time…actually I just didn’t receive a reply from you to my last comment so I just wanted to tell you that I just need your help here this one more time…I am sorry to bother you this much but your suggestions are really helpful and so I would just request you to help me once more please..waiting…:)
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 8:43 am

Sorry Prat..I just haven’t reached your comment yet… you can ask as many as you like!:)

Anyways.. afraid because you’re too young or just afraid of the future in general?

When you get in the right age, the distance won’t be a problem anymore because you can just go there.. but right now, the best you can do is really to just keep improving yourself until you reach the right age.. so that when it’s the right time, you’ll be emotionally mature too…

if you’re worry is that he’ll get married now, well, we can’t control that.. but there’s a higher chance that he will wait for you if he keeps being attracted to you…
Prat

October 5, 2016 at 12:40 am

You are so great! Thanks a lot for helping me out all this time!
So the thing is he is afraid that none of our parents would approve of us..and is quite sure that his’ would definitely not…and he says that if we stay together and keep going this way and move forward physically also in our relationship, then it’ll be even harder for us to separate and that would leave him in the guilt of not being able to keep his promise to me..and he does not wish this to happen…he says this would ruin both of our lives…and the end of the day he says being practical he is quite sure that us ending up together (provided the situations we would have to face) has very less chances….he said he wants to be with me but its not that what you want will always happen…and i keep on explaining that atleast we need to try and put in our efforts….I just want to somehow make him realize that ‘we CAN make our own destiny’…we are so great together…even he said that when we are together things do feel right and good….since the time we broke up I may have smiled but truly my heart isn’t happy…I see a lot potential in us and that is why I wish to work this out…but this is possible only if we both actually give in our tries….

So actually summing you down the problems –
1) His fear about our future and our families’ approval
2) Long distance (which makes it difficult for me to make him understand as calls are just not as effective as face to face talks, when you look into his eyes and actually see through them about what he truly wants…)
Prat

October 2, 2016 at 4:59 am

You know actually his family had once opened up the topic of his marriage and then he himself just refused at that time and that made me feel like he really wanted me…but then his ‘fears’ of our future make him take a step back…He is such a great guy…and I know if however he gets certain of us being together, then he can love me more than anybody else…but that’s not possible we cannot be certain of being together or even not being together..its all a matter of where fate takes us..I love him a lot and don’t in fact wish to get over him…just the alone thoughts of us brings such a wide smile on my face but along with tears as I know we are not together..he said if he was here then things would have different….but I don’t really wish to not be with him…but this all is so complicated…can you please please just suggest me whether I should try to approach him after the NC and make efforts to make us come back or should I just leave and try to move on…I am ready to do anything but provided it is actually worth it…what if I just keep on trying like madmen and what I get at the end is nothing..?? I want to be with him, love him, and be loved by him…please help me out..please please..I going mad day by day..his thoughts just don’t leave my mind..why is this happening to me..I have never cried this much or felt this way about any guy ever before…what do I do ?????
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 7:16 pm

Be clear on what the problem really is.. so, you can address it. If the problem is your age then talk to your parents. I do believe in destiny but for me, we make our own destiny. We don’t suggest begging or chasing after doing no contact. But we do suggest that you slowly build rapport.. But before doing that, you have to improve yourself, be independent, be more rational and love yourself more first before talking to him again. Talking to him mean, starting out as friends and then slowly building rapport through texts, calls and then meet ups.. If it doesn’t work out then you should move on..

but going back to your situation, you didn’t mention what the real problem is.. what is he afraid about? Is he afraid because you’re too young and that your parents won’t approve? If it’s just that, then both of you talk to your parents. If he doesn’t want to talk to your parents, then that means he’s not brave enough for you.. He’s 26, he should be matured enough to face your parents and to tell them that he’s willing to wait for you to get to the right age before getting married.
Prat

September 29, 2016 at 3:10 pm

Sorry for two replies…I really don’t know what happened..:P
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 10:24 pm

It’s ok! No worries! You can’t force him what to think or to make him want you. You can only influence him and ironically, the way to influence him wanting you is to not chase him. Men want what they can’t have.
You said, he would be talking to his parents about marriage, and you won’t be ready until school is over. So, that means, there will be a time or an age for you that they would approve. It’s just that, that wouldn’t be in the near future for you.. If he really loves you, or is so attracted to you, he would wait for you.

The best you can do, is just to be your best self. Keep improving. You’re young. You don’t work yet so, you have a lot of time to do that. Improve yourself and grow. It’s not just because you’re young. Whatever age you are, you have to keep improving yourself because that’s what helps in keeping the interest in the relationship alive.

When you know you are your best self, you won’t easily regret losing a man, because you know it would be hard to replace you and that a lot of other good men who are in your standards surround you.

So, basically, if the problem is time, you just have to let it go for now until the time is right and just to keep improving. Keep improving even when you reach the right time for the two of you.
Prat

September 29, 2016 at 2:51 pm

Actually the main problem is that he is too afraid to even try to face the problems as they thinks that we are not going to succeed whatsoever…he says we should be practical…I am 16 and he is 26…in a year or so talks about his marriage are going to start and he cannot tell them (his family) that he is with a school girl as they are just not going to approve of it and I can only tell my family anything about us once I pass school i.e a year and a half more…I really want to be with him as he is one person who really makes me happy and I have never felt this way before for anyone…I think he wants to be with me too (maybe, cause at times he makes me feel he really does and at times when his conscience awakens he tries to avoid me as he thinks that it is correct for both of us)…I don’t know I just want to stay with him…plsss help me..or should I try to move on..??
Prat

September 29, 2016 at 10:21 am

The problem is maybe he is unable to get ready to face the problems as he thinks we will be failing whatsoever..how do I make him realize that wee can always try and if it doesn’t work out we will be ready to face the consequences but we need to try….I am 16 right now and he is 26…His marriage talks would be starting in a year or so and he cannot tell about me right now as they(his family) would just not approve of being with a school girl and I can tell about him at my home once after I pass school i.e a year and a half more….I really want to be him and want him to want me..cause he has made me feel really different..I have never felt this way before and I feel we are really great together and he also wants to be with me (maybe, cause he sometimes shows that he really wants to and sometimes his conscience stops him to)..please help me out..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 29, 2016 at 9:31 am

Hi Prat,

wait so the real problem is the age gap because your parents wont approve right? So how old would you be for them to approve?

MTR

September 27, 2016 at 8:06 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend exactly one week ago. We had been together for 3 years and 3 months, last year I moved to another city to study a master degree for a year. It went fine, we got to meet up a few times and created tons of memories together. Once I finished my studies he asked me to comeback to his city and look for a job there so we could be together. He offered to me his summer house to stay so I wouldnt have to trouble looking for an apartment and so that my cat would be less stressed. So I did, I couldnt stay at the city I was considering my roomates were leaving too and there was no time in between to find a job so that I could keep my old apartment or evem find a new one.. besides moving to another place was difficult because of my cat (people dont seem to like renting when there are pets involved..). So I moved back. And then, soon after.. (not even 4 days had passed) he got a job offer in another country.. in another continent.. we talked about it and we decided to give it a try. I would never ask him to choose between such a great opportunity and me. He was always supportive when I was away so I was ready to do the same. He left barely a week later and the first couple months were fine. We would talk everyday, he would tell his day and how much he missed me and loved me. But then, just a couple of weeks ago something changed. He started doubting our relationship.. our future together.. distance seemed to be affecting him hard. That hurt me a lot, and I asked him to think thibgs and talk to me when he had cleared up his mind. He told me he was sure about us and would give his best just about 2 days later. But then one week after that we were talking about his weekend, he had a party and somehow he ended up telling me he was worried about messing everything up, about finding someone else who may make him feel good and think things over and that he is on alert mode not to messs up.. that was the last straw to me. I believe if you are even thinking about finding someone else then you should come through and be honest. If that’s the case it means there’s no real love then.. distance was a test and it seemed like our bond was not strong enough to me, based on his actions and thinking. He didnt expect menti break up with him over those comments but it hurt really bad to realize he didnt love me as much as I did love him. My boyfriend didnt even try to stop it or.. he was only sorry and kept apologizing. I felt stupid for giving my all and getting nothing back. So a couple of after I texted him a long message just to end tjings the right way, I told him I dont plan to be friends and to be happy and lucky wherever he goes. He replied he didnt try to stop the break up because he didnt want to hurt me anymore, and that he still loves me and hopes to be friends one day.
So now here I am… I am willing to give it a second try IF he shows me he loves me and that he is actually stronger than it seemed. But it’s been a week and he hasnt contact me and I dont think he will. I feel awful living at his place so I am working on finding somewhere else to move and still searching for a job. I havent contacted him since that last message and.. am going to give it 30 days. If he doesnt try to contact me should I really be the one to talk to him? He admitted it was all his fault.. I have too much pride so giving that step is not easy.. idk.. I broke up with him because of him and he admitted it was because of him.. so wasnt that basically what he wanted? Should him not showing any sign during the NC stage be enough for me to give up? I jusy feel that if he loved me he would be the one to initiate contact.. and that if he doesnt it’s because he really doesnt love me.. and that distance won over him/us.
His parents are visiting him these days, it’s their house so I thought I would text them a message thanking for everything they’ve done for me and telling them I will move out as soon as I can. However I dont want to perturb their holidays so I am thinking about texting them when they come back. Given the situation, is talking to his parents considered to be indirectly breaking the No Contact? But it’s their home I am living in, I feel I owe it to them..
I am sorry this became such a long post!

MTR

September 28, 2016 at 10:05 pm

Sorry, forgot to mention we had a very nice relationship (in my opinion). We barely ever fought and when we disagreed on something and one of us got upset it never lasted more than a few hours or day at max, we would always talk it out before that happened. He knows I am loyal and deeply loved him. I would give us a 9/10.. and, in case it helps, I think he would give it a high score too. When we were breaking up he told me he felt he was losing the best person in the world and that he was sorry about being the “weak one” (note he didnt try to prevent the break up or solve it anyway…). He also said he wont forget about our good memories and that I will always be a part of him somehow… I dont know if this says anything really because in the end he still was having doubts..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 4:48 pm

There will always someone better. All relationships experience that. That’s why you need to keep the interest alive. Why not try to find a new place, be very active in improving yourself and then after nc, continue improving yourself and maintaining your new routine while rebuilding rapport with him slowly?
MTR

September 28, 2016 at 9:54 pm

Hi Amor,
Thank you! It was an interesting read. I do think it is a GIGS case too. We both are 24, and it was the first relationship experience for both of us. And he is in a new country where “people are curious and want to get to know him”. I am still unsure on what to do… for now I think I am just going to wait to see if he tries to contact me during the NC period while recovering myself and working on my future and well being. If he does not I will take it as him moving on and me deserving better, and will continue to try my best to get over him.
If he does howevered up contacting me (which I doubt will happen) during the NC 30 days.. and has not initiated a new relationship, then what should I do? Would I have to wait until he experiences a new one and may be miss me (if that’s the case I may just try to definitely move on from now).. or should I follow through with the long distance guide for example? (If we got back like that, wouldnt he still suffer the syndrome again sooner or later tho?)
I dont have my hopes up, but I would like to know what would be the better strategy just in case.
Thank you in advance for the advice ♡.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 7:16 pm

Hi MTR,

it’s ok to talk about the house. I think it’s a grass is greener case. Read this one, maybe it can help you in making a decision on what to do during and after no contact.
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

J

September 27, 2016 at 4:16 pm

I think i messed up telling him that maybe he will talk to me again or maybe ill talk to him again. He now knows I am doing NC and he wont initate a convo with me cuz he knows im purposefully ignoring him cause i also said “ill say goodbye to you now for good”

help me pls
J

September 27, 2016 at 3:33 pm

Adding on to what i wrote, idk how to be his friend when i still love him while he has no feelings for me. I talk about random stuff and my day to him and thats it but we talked everyday til now when he said he doesnt seen any point in talking cuz were not becoming friends…i havent talked to him like were in a relationship….idk what he wants…..also were currently LDR so now ive initated NC. If he didnt see me as a friend then why did he keep responding back i am so confused and hurt and idk what to do pls help
J

September 27, 2016 at 3:27 pm

Hello ive commented here few times before. My ex and i broke up few months ago due to his military service at the end of Fall. He will
Be gone for about 1-2 years without any communication. We also broke up because i was dealing with anxiety issues and there was alot of trust problems and he said he couldnt deal with it now on top of all the stress he has for the army. He told me he wants me to work on myself for the future maybe he would consider trying again when hes back from the military. For the past few months after our breakup he said we can be friends and continue talking but we still got into fights and today he said i see no point in talking to you tbh like it’s not like we’re becoming friends or anything. He said its more annoying talking to me than not talking to me. We made these promises that we would get back together but how can we do that when we cant even remain on good terms and he keeps getting mad and annoyed at me. I am trying to be his friend but he never talks about or comes up with convos. After he said that i told him ill stop talking to him now and told him that maybe he will have a diff mindset and stop looking so down on me and want to be good friends for our future. I told him maybe youll talk to me again one day or maybe ill talk to you and i told him to remember our promises for the future then i blocked him. Ive tried NC with him before but always failed. What do you think about this situation? I need help i want him back and stay good friends so he can like me again. He told me he really dislikes me rn.
Lauren Lamont

September 27, 2016 at 12:40 pm

Hi there. I need some advice. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago however, he decided to revive the relationship to give me another to change his mind about me because he no longer sees me long term and he no longer loves me the way he used to. Obviously, I want him to love me the way he used to more than anything because we’ve been together over a year and we also initially met each other in person whilst I was on vacation. The last time I saw him was in August and I’m not going to see him again until next summer. Should I still apply the NC rule even though we are in a relationship albeit he no longer sees me long term? He told me that deep down he wants it to work and he will try his best to help me make this work but he’s not guaranteeing anything as he is ready to move on but I have this chance to make him reconsider his feelings for me and love me again. Should I still follow these steps and apply the NC rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Hi Lauren,

nope.. so you’re long distance right now?

Lea

September 27, 2016 at 10:05 am

Sorry this is so long, but I need your advice on what I should do, please.
I met this man 9 years ago through my brother. We are both in our thirties now. We got on extremely well from the start and spent a lot of time together. We even ended up renting rooms in the same shared house for a few months. We were never together at that point because he had some issues he wanted to deal with first and then I got into a relationship with someone else. After a while, I moved in with my boyfriend at the time and he left for another country. Our contact diminished massively over the years to just a random email, text or phone call here and there, but he kept in contact with my brother and the rest of my family.
About two years ago, he contacted me on FB. We started writing with each other. He admitted that he had loved me since the day he met me, but he had viewed me as the UG and never thought he had a chance with me at that time and that he had issues he wanted to deal with first. After about 2 or 3 months of messaging on FB, he suddenly stopped writing. It somewhat hurt my feelings because I got into it a little, but I soon got over it. About half a year later, he randomly called me. We had a nice chat and that was it till last April when he wrote to me on FB again. Taught by experience, I was very brief in my responses, which really worked because I had him coming back for more. We ended up messaging back and forth till the 11th of September. During this time, him being madly in love with me turned into me being madly in love with him instead. And that’s the problem.
Over the last few weeks of messaging, I started being more and more brave and descriptive about how I felt about him, and around the same time, he started writing less enthusiastically and taking longer to reply. I could tell something had shifted in the dynamics between us. The change happened to coincide in time with his move to another city. I am now thinking that he could’ve met someone there, but to start with, I thought he simply didn’t have enough time to write anymore, so at one point I asked him directly if he was too busy and if he wanted to stop writing. He replied that he wouldn’t stop writing until the day we’re together, so I continued as before. But about two-three weeks later, I sent him a long message where I explained that waiting for his replies for so long each time (a few days, lol) upset me (as I was used to him writing back sooner than that) and that I thought I needed a break so that I could detach myself from him a little bacause I had become too dependant on his messages and too in love with him in general.
He replied saying that he loves me dearly and appreciates me and has since the day he met me, but we should leave it if him not writing back immediately upsets me. He said he would never want me to hurt because of him or anything in life in general. He also said he comes back from work so tired that he just goes straight to sleep. I thought his reply was sweet and I started feeling bad about “picking on him” for not replying to my messages sooner. So the next day, I replied saying that I had thought it all through and that I was sorry for being so selfish, expecting him to drop everything and to write to me at the end of such a tiring day. In fact, I sent him two long messages. Unfortunately, that was it. He never replied to either.
I know that the mistake I made was that I made myself too available for him and since he didn’t have to chase me anymore, his interest dropped. I realized it too late, though. I know it wasn’t technically a break-up, but I applied the NC rule immediately and I haven’t contacted him since my last message. However, I am rather active on FB and I have added a few positive posts since then (a funny video off the internet, a post about how the beaufiul weather made me feel fabulous and some videos from a performance I went to see). I have also had another (cute) guy comment heart-eyed emojis under a picture of my face (which I thought was good to make him think he had competition) and a female friend posting on my wall about an event she can’t wait to go to with me. Do you think that’s a good thing or not? He doesn’t go on Facebook a lot anymore. I’ve seen him online just twice since his last message. What should I do to make him crazy about me once again? I want to stick to the NC rule for now (but for how long?). I want him to miss me. And I know for sure that I will be brief in my responses to him in the future if we ever write again. But what shall I do till then? Also, his birthday is in October (a week after the NC rule should end). Should I wish him a happy birthday or not?
Just so that you understand our “case” better, we both have commitments in the countries we live in for at least the next year and half – maybe two years, so we can’t live in the same country at least until then. I was considering moving closer to him after that time and we were planning on meeting this coming winter. He had also told me he could easily imagine being with me and even having a family together. I really do like him a lot. The break has actually woken me up from the daze I was in and made me see that I had become too clingy. I would do it all differently now, but how do I prove I’m not needy if he’s not writing to me anymore?

Lea

October 2, 2016 at 9:53 am

That’s actually a good idea. Thank you! Do you have any suggestions on how I could word the birthday/initial text message and what I should include in it?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 8:20 pm

check this one for the initial contact text..and then just say happy birthday at the start of the message
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Lea

September 30, 2016 at 5:21 pm

Thank you. And I am. I’m really working hard on myself, losing weight, buying new clothes, staying very active, going out and everything. My question is, though, should I be the one to reach out to him after the NC period ends or should I just leave it since he was the one who never wrote back? Also, should I wish him a happy birthday (a week after the NC period ends) or would it be better not to? I need some advice. I do care about him a lot and I think we would be a very good match, but it’s not really in my nature to chase men. Plus, I can deal with it if he doesn’t reach out to me any time soon because I have a feeling he will do it at some point anyway. It may just take a long time. Not sure what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 1, 2016 at 8:11 pm

why not take the birthday as an opportunity to send an initial text too? That way, it’s not that weird that you would send a text.. make the greeting and initial text one message only
Lea

September 28, 2016 at 6:08 pm

Hi Amor,
Thank you for your reply. I haven’t contacted him since the 11th of September. That was the day I sent him my last message.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 1:29 pm

ok that’s good.the posts are your way of showing that you have your own life now.. so be active in improving yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 2:40 pm

Hi Lea,

How long are you in the no contact rule? And yes, all the posts are a good move.

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