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85 thoughts on “Signs That The No Contact Rule Is Working On Your Ex”

  1. Zoe

    January 30, 2020 at 9:06 pm

    Hey. My ex broke up with me a couple of days ago due to him saying he thought he had fallen out of love with me and doesn’t see a future with me. We had been together for almost a year. Throughout our relationship, we had argued a good amount. We took a break about a month ago and I thought we could get through our problems, so we got back together. 2 weeks ago, he wanted to end things but said he couldn’t because he was too attached and wanted to work on things. The past two weeks we had been working on things and I thought we were happier, but come Sunday he tells me these things and breaks up with me. Just last week he had said he loved me and wanted to be with me. I just don’t know what to do. I’m an emotional mess and he seems happy now when I do see him at school.

  2. Antz

    January 18, 2020 at 3:27 pm

    Hi, i just broke up with my bf after 6 months relationship. We were deeply in love and it was serious, until I made a big mistake which causing his losing his love and trust for me. However we still communicate everyday and tried to give a second chance. But ended up he was just took me for granted cos I was so demanding to ask him to act normally and show love. He said he cant cos his feeling is now changed and he still trying. Then just now I decided to end it as I am too hurted to feel neglected and taken for granted, and we decided to be friends for now. He seems to still want to maintain contacts with me, but I am afraid maintaining contacts will make him get used of the form of being friends. But to do NC it might give him a negative signal since we mutually agreed to keep on communicating. But I want him to miss me, to comeback and to remember how good our love was. I believe he just take it for granted because I was always there and available. How to do NC when he keeps reaching out everyday being friendly?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 5:20 pm

      Hi Ants, so you just stop replying even if he is being friendly you ignore him for 30 days

  3. Jasmine Hary

    January 16, 2020 at 8:53 am

    Hey there, currently two weeks into no contact and i am definitely healing but i do really want my ex back. He has texted me multiple times and more that I could not see due to unfriending. But recently i found out he is talking to this new girl yet its apparently nothing. Now i am just worried that if he is talking to other girls theres no space for him to miss me or want me back. He also goes out all the time and i feel like it stops him from having a proper think.
    Do you think this will effect my chances

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:44 pm

      Hey Jasmine, going out all the time is a sign that they dont want the opportunity to sit and reflect on the emotions he is going through and not wanting to deal with missing you but, yes he will be thinking about you and no matter what he does to distract himself it only works for so long. Keep going with your NC, keep on track

  4. Pretty

    January 15, 2020 at 10:13 am

    Hi EBR

    I’ve been with my ex for 4 months, we were working in the same place, staying together..everything was perfect, we were in love and happy until his ex showed up wanting to fix things, they have been together for more than 8 years but it was on and off and unhealthy….he decided to leave me for her but came back again, so we have been fighting over his ex and finally he’s over her but now he’s saying he wants to be alone, he doesn’t want a relationship anymore..I tried reasoning with him and explaining that our relationship is worth fighting for and he refuses, he even said the whole time he was dating me he didn’t see a future with me, I’m thinking of embarking on a no contact rule…will it work for me in this case?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:02 pm

      Hey there, so yes it is 100% worth doing the No Contact, however as he has been in a long term on and off relationship it may do him some good to be alone for some time as he is going to go through emotions that are not going to be fair on you. In that time you can work on becoming the Ungettable girl and when your ex starts to think about you and sees that you are doing so well and having this amazing happy life he is going to question why he ended things and feel like hes missed out on so many amazing times because he wasnt with you

  5. Milli

    January 15, 2020 at 8:54 am

    Hey my ex boyfriend and I have been together for one and a half years, I did work and travel and lived with him in his country. After I got back home because I did not had a visa anymore he said that he wants to break up with me and cannot love me because he has troubles loving himself and that he is very unsure in what he wants and that he will be for awhile. We have still been texting for about a month after that and calling but it came mainly from me, sometimes from him, but all of the conversations were about the relationship and me being super emotional, he said that pushes him further away. I am very unsure what to do because I really love him and I dont know if he decides that he wants to be with me or if he decides he is better off without me, what should I do in the situation. I stopped texting him 5 days ago but he did not try to reach out to me, I told him I need a little time off, but what if he decides that he does not want to be with me because he forgot about me after having no contact, or what if he sees he is better off without me, I am really unsure what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:14 pm

      Hi Milli he is not going to forget about you from 30 days of No Contact, but it is important to go into a No Contact after a break up so that you get time apart, you can deal with your emotions without causing more damage to the situation and then you can also change the image your ex has of you, cultivate the image that you want him to have of you by working on yourself and then he is going to see you in this new light and regret ending things with you. It also gives him that time to himself as he said he does not love himself you can work on himself so that he is in a better place when you are in the texting phase again

  6. Maja

    January 14, 2020 at 11:09 am

    I think my situation is hopeless. I was the one that broke up with my boyfriend after we weren’t on the same page and we weren’t able to resolve our problems, he didn’t want to communicate and I pushed him to and always nagging and we had several fights, but eventually we would undestand each other, get back on track and were happy and in peace, we lived in different cities (45 min drive) so we colud be together. We were 5 years together, seen places, been there for each other, we were supposed to move in together but were fighting about that matter, because he wanted me to move to our home town and live with his parents and I wanted us to be just the two of us. I will move to our home town this year but by myself, he will be there too, but we are not together anymore. Miss him, and I now understand what I did, and I was thinking it through. I broke up on the end of October 2019. We texted each other for Christmas (I texted first, wanted to meet) and he told me that there is nothing to talk about and that he is angry, then texted short for my birthday and New Year and that is it. Before that he deleted me and my friends from social media. So the no contact period starts from January 1 st when we last contacted or I sholud stop waiting and move on?? Can I make this right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 12:01 am

      Hey Maja you can follow the program to give yourself your best chance of getting your ex back but it does involve reading, following through with the information given to apply to your situation.

  7. Lyn

    January 13, 2020 at 2:25 am

    Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs. We have a lot of things in common and same interests. I work in the medical field, while he works in the business field. Though we have different points of view, we still manage to share infos and discuss issues. Then, while we were on our second yr, I had a lot of fall down with my career. I got depressed most of the time. I always talk to him and ask for more of his time for comfort. We do quarrel but tend to fix it within the day. Fast forward, during holidays he was with his family on vacation. We were okay. The usual conversations. Though I was quite furious if he isn’t able to respond back. Then suddenly, the last reply I got from him was “i want to have time alone”. I panicked. Thinking that he’ll break up with me. So I still text him everyday. Kept on saying sorry for my mistakes in our rel. I even told him I apologized to his parents because I was insisting him to marry me soon enough. I texted him that I promise not to do things that he’ll get mad of, like me being repetitive. Today is our 2nd anniv. I greeted him and told him I am wishing we could still have another chance. It’s been 2 weeks since the last talk with him. And for that time being, I’ve been texting him. What should I do now? Is there any chance he’ll come around? He haven’t said anything about breaking up. So I am still really hoping we’ll be okay soon.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 4:16 am

      Hi Lyn keep in NC for another two weeks where you do not reach out or reply to him. you need to NC for 30 days. If you follow the advice on this website and implement it to your life then you give yourself your best chance at getting your ex back. Read about being Ungettable and do the work that is needed

  8. Abigail

    January 9, 2020 at 5:54 am

    Hi..My boyfriend and I we’re together for 9 months LDR (he’s a seafarer). During that span of time, almost every month we had constant fights and misunderstanding which I normally start.He says sorry first but after every conflict, I don’t talk to him usually 1-2 days. The silent treatment seemed unacceptable to him since he is also very sensitive, he can’t seem to bear my harsh words taking it personally and he gets mad too which causes me to reach out first and say sorry. We agreed not to deal with conflict that way but I guess it did not improve. (I just can’t really change my behavior, I am a highly emotional person and keeping silent was my way of calming my anger and avoid saying hurtful words).And the misunderstanding, silent treatment, reaching out cycle went on. Fast forward he got back to work and is now at sea.It was the first time for him to be in a container vessel and he said the work is so stressful and hectic, he had difficulty adjusting,he can’t almost get enough sleep (it was pretty obvious bcoz he really did lose weight). It has been also very difficult for us to communicate because of time gap and his poor signal; our means of communication was messenger (we can’t even videochat most of the time). During our 7th month together which was his 2nd week starting work, we had a big fight which caused by my frustration over him not being able to contact for almost 4days. He explained but he said something (which I will not mention) that really got into my nerve I burst out of anger. He also got pissed which made our conversation worse.. After a few hours I reached out.That was then the 1st time he asked for space saying he was just so tired from work and our arguments doesn’t help.. I gave him space (but deep inside I was in panick state) but after a day he already reached out and we were back on track. Misunderstanding still came from time to time until this recent conflict that we had which I did not spoke to him for a day. After calming my feelings, I contacted him like nothing has happened.. He only responded once and did not talk to me then.. Few hours after I messaged him and said sorry for not communicating with him for a day.. His reply shocked me.. He said he doesn’t understand his feelings now and is confused of what he feels towards me..Like he can’t think of me in his happy times but only remembers me when he’s alone & lonely. That he became a boring person.(I wasn’t able to clarify what he really meant by that). He also said that he loves me so much but it’s cooling down and that he doesn’t like the situation he’s in. He feels as though he is holding back his words and actions and is in prison of the thoughts of me not to be hurt unlike when he was single where he was just carefree and comfortable. He was asking for my help.. After reading his rply I was really hurt and scared. I immediately replied of possible solutions to resolve the issue to which he only replied with let’s talk about it some other time.. I was not able to sleep that night thinking about what he said. I wasn’t expecting that because we were very much okay before the misunderstanding and did not feel a cold shoulder from him. The next day, I chatted him asking for time for us to talk. But he said he can’t give me time because of his hectic schedule to which I assumed that he really didn’t want to talk to me at at all, anymore.I called him but he did not answer (he was still at work then). That’s when I decided to break up with him. Then he asked was that really what I want, that he was just only needing space and not a split.. (I think he got alarmed that I wanted to break up).That he can’t just take the pressure anymore..That he’s situation there is unbearable. (I’m not sure if it’s because of his work or our relationship or both).He also kind of blame me for deciding immediately without even hearing his side..That I only listen to him when we are in situation like this..I replied, I asked you how many times but you did not respond and you don’t even want to talk to me..He explained he wasn’t able to answer because he was still at work. (I was irritated because he said he can’t give me time but now explains reason that he’s at work). It was clear to me then that he just wanted space, again. So i told him that I will give him the time he needs and wait for him.. He asked me until when will I wait and I replied it’s already up to him when will he let me wait.. After that, I sent a last long message asking sorry and that we’ll be in cool-off stage reiterating that I will for him for as long as I can until he’s ready to talk and make his decision to which he did not reply anymore.. Right now I’m in dilemma.. Should I wait for him or just move on? Is there still a chance for him to get back? I really need enlightenment.To be honest I am dying for him to reach out..But is confused if he is worth the wait.. It’s been two days already.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 7:41 pm

      Hi Abigail, so from the sounds of it the constant arguing bickering that you have been doing has taken a toll on your ex where he needs to be away from it and essentially you as it is you who he is arguing with. The fact that you have gone through this cycle with him over and over again it is important that you follow a full NO Contact for at least 45 days. No one can tell you if he is worth the wait, it is your decision

  9. Aria

    January 8, 2020 at 5:15 am

    Hi hope you can help,
    My ex and i were dating for 5 months… mid december his mom went into heart surgery… one day i asked him if everything was okay because he seemed distant.. he said he was feeling depressed and stressed From coming home from work and have not eaten anything to going to the hospital to take care of his mom and did not want to talk to nobody.. he said it was my decision to be patient with and give him time till things were ok.
    I told him i would be with him through this rough patch.. he thanked me for being patient
    But just 2 days ago he texted saying it be better if we stop talking because he felt extremely bad he couldn’t give me time with all he has going on.

    I told him i would be by side , to see him through that i was there to support him.. or to tell me if he was never coming back to me
    That it was over?
    He left me On read…

    I removed him from my instagram due to hurt
    Should i go into the no contact even if i unfriended him from my instagram?
    Please help… i really care for him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 6:35 pm

      Hey Aria, yes go into a No Contact and see if he reaches out in time, he is going to be going through some things so you may find that you need to do the longer 45 day no contact before he starts to have time to miss you.

  10. Heidi

    January 6, 2020 at 12:33 am

    I need advice, my boyfriend and I were together for 9 months. We ended moving in together. This past year has thrown alot of curve balls at us and it been one thing after another. I love him so much. New years Eve he went to work and we were texting back and forth, I asked if he was ok cause he was acting weird. He told me his 10 year old daughter had called him the night before crying saying she thinks he loves me more than her and wants us to break up. He broke up with me over text and literally completely changed into a different person. He told me I need to go and move out. He doesn’t love me anymore and he has enough problems of his own and feels my problems are adding to his.
    I packed some of my stuff and am staying with a friend. I have not contacted him since yesterday and I am going to try this NC thing. I am so extremely heart broken. He started calling me names and has said some really mean things. I’m scared it’s really over. I don’t want to lose him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 8, 2020 at 10:44 pm

      Hey Heidi, if he is putting your family first I would suggest that you allow him time to fix things with his daughter, not only has he got to feel guilty that he may have put you before his child. He needs to prove that is not the case to her for now. When things are calmer for him he may reach out to you, but he was more than likely emotional that he hurt his childs feelings. Give it time and just you focus on you for now to get over the break up

  11. Lalam

    January 5, 2020 at 1:49 pm

    I broke up with a man whom I used to stay with for 2years,we broke up n he hurriedly entered into a rebond relationship and his woman got pregnant for him,later on I blocked him for months and he started looking for me through my friends,he later called for a meeting and asked for forgiveness and he wanted us to be back together and the other woman still stays with him,he promised me to give him time,by doung that ,he promised to be doing me shopping and taking care of me and paying my rent,I was very patient but days past by I don’t see any struggle he was making for the relationship, instead he never had tome for me,if I call him he never replies,if I complain about him not having time for me ,he get upset and never talk to me, during December seasons,he took the woman to his parents n he gave me the silent treatment ,what to do
    Because he has not paid my rent and he kept the woman on profile picture for me to see,what to do now

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 8, 2020 at 10:24 pm

      Hi Lalam, can I ask why you feel that the way he treats you is acceptable? Because he has fathered a child with someone else and he lives with her and has taken her to his parents. Giving you the silent treatment when he is unhappy with you. This is controlling manipulative and he is cheating on this other woman with you. The best thing for you to do in this position would be to walk away from a person like this

  12. Tess

    January 5, 2020 at 12:26 am

    Hi, my ex is bipolar.. after a week filled with fights and him dumping me and coming back, I broke up with him (I am busy with exams and his behavior was stressing me out even more). I did my research now and realized how serious his condition is, so I do want to be there for him.
    He hasn’t contacted me since we broke up (it was through text because he was in 1 of his moods where he didn’t want anything to do with me) and I’m not sure if he hates me, loves me, wants space.. NC rule is going on for 10 days now.
    I am wiser now and want to make it work, but I have no clue on how I should approach this! He is such a wonderful guy until his darker thoughts take over…

  13. Bonnie

    January 4, 2020 at 5:19 pm

    Hello there, so I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years on and off yesterday he told me that he was done and that i needed to work on myself and that i will eventually find the right person. Im so in love with him im scared of losing him. He got fed up with me be i wasn’t reacting fast enough in changing my life. He would give me advice and if i didn’t do it fast enough he was upset with me. So moving to yesterday he ended up hanging up on me because i was telling him how much he meant to me. So is it really over.? Would the no contact work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 4, 2020 at 9:31 pm

      Hi Bonnie, so when you are on and off again with someone it is hard to break the patter, when he says you need to work on yourself, is there an issue of self esteem or confidence? Is there something you feel that needs work, read about the Ungettable girl and apply that to your life if you can. Reaching out to your ex at the end of 30 days no contact

  14. K

    January 3, 2020 at 7:49 pm

    My ex reached out to me first over the holidays. It’s been 5 months of no contact and I was so so surprised to hear from him. He said it has been a long time since we talked and he wanted to check up on me to see how I am doing. I waited a day to respond back to him since I was still in shock that he had contacted me first. My feelings for him haven’t changed and I hope to get together with him. I don’t know if he’s still with his rebound and can’t understand why he would even think about me after so many months have passed. Anyways, we had several text back and forth and my last text I asked him why he thought of me during Christmas and reach out to me. It was so out of the blue but I was happy to hear from him. He didn’t answer my question which was odd since he told me that I can ask him anything. He replied back hope you have a good near and you take care ! I am so confused. Do you think he’s regretting breaking up with me and his rebound relationship ended? I don’t think he would have reach out to me if he was still with her. Any advice be great. So confused now and don’t know what to do. I haven’t even responded back to his last text since it was so short.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 10:10 pm

      Hey K, so I think you were on his mind when he reached out and the conversation was pretty basic. So if you want to get the guy back then you can reach out in a few days time and have another short conversation with him again but you need to end the conversation each time not him

  15. Jy

    January 3, 2020 at 8:03 am

    Would the no contact rule give my ex the idea that I’m mad at him because he broke up with me and would that be counterintuitive?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 4, 2020 at 11:55 pm

      Hey Jy no it would not be counter intuitive, go into No Contact and do the work on yourself in the mean time

  16. Aisha kamran

    January 2, 2020 at 7:53 pm

    Hi. I was with my bf for 3 months everything was great but I had so many things going wrong I kind of lashed out on him and asked for a break just to sort myself out. I’ve since apologised explained and everything but hes now adamant that he only wants to be my friend and hes now mentally not ready to get back together. But hes messing with my head. He says I still love you I care about you but I want to be friends. I said ok but he hardly texts never calls takes hours to reply so eventually I told him I cant be friends as it’s too hard for me and that he needs to decide too and he was perfectly fine with not being friends but checks my status on WhatsApp as I dont use other social media. Hes commented on my pic too I’m starting the no contact rule today but Im worried will it work since hes doing more no contact than me anyway? Wont this push him more away?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 1:24 am

      Hey there, so spending time doing a No Contact and actually sorting the issues that are causing you stress in your life is the best move to make right now so when you reach out to your ex in 30 days you are going to be a better composed and happier person. Showing that you are not who you were at the time of the break up anymore

  17. Erica

    January 1, 2020 at 8:59 am

    I was seeing this guy for almost 4 years not a serious relationship but we enjoy each other I will see him twice a week sometimes once a week and there was time once a month but he will text often to check on me. everything was going good, but a month ago I stopped receiving text from him so I text that I wanted to see him and he sad ok let me know when you are available so I did a week an a half went by any i received a text at 9:30 that he wanted to see me. I text back and told him I was out of town, so he respond it ok I’ll see you soon . I ask him what was wrong he said nothing , but I know him very well And I know something is not ok so I ask him why he was so distance with me or if he didn’t want to see me any more to please tell me instead of avoiding me
    He said
    I’m not gonna say “ I don’t wanna see you again” anytime soon. I didn’t really understand that
    I insist Him what was wrong so he got mad and said that It seems like our conversation was just that and he said we needed a break. I call him and said to him can you please tell me what is going on and he said nothing so I said to him I don’t understand then but I’ll respect your decision. he said that he decided we take a break Because he felt like it was forced. The last thing he said do you want to see me for the last time and I ask what do you mean with that , I thought it was a break he said yes it is but before we take a break we see each other for the last time . I told him no I’m hurting with This decision you have taken and that will hurt me more.
    it has been very difficult for Me this decision he took and He knows that and he knows that i’m going to call or text him to clear thing out
    I don’t know what to do. I hate that he left me with uncleared answer.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 4, 2020 at 11:15 pm

      Hey so I would stay with no contact until he reaches out to you with a “i want to get together” if you want to be official and it lead to somewhere then start and follow this program and it will give you, your best chance

  18. Lily

    January 1, 2020 at 8:15 am

    Hi EBR team,

    I have a question. Should I do NC with my boyfriend who is experience a type of depression?

    We got on well for 7 months, we were friends for 1 year previously. In our relationship, we never fought, cheated or hurted each other deliberately. We were empathized enough to calmly sit down and communicate whenever misunderstanding.

    The thing happened when he was too busy to take care of me. I didn’t blame on him, but he blamed himself for hurting me. He had pressure from his family, feeling of ‘not being good enough’, fear of being a burden to others. So he chose that we paused our relationship. He didn’t want to hurt me anymore. My perspective was I wanted to stay with him when he was weak. But he kept pushing me away, and experience depression of working at the same time.

    It has been 4 months and I was still the one who initiates our conversation. Of course I’m hurted because I can’t convince him. He still sends signs that he loves me, I know it too. But I realize it’s not the key problem. The key problem here is he still hates himself and deals with his personal problems. As long as he hasn’t been overcome it yet, we can’t get back together.

    Recently I’m thinking of not contacting him anymore so that I can change my mind and don’t feel down. I have a mix thought between “I should do something different that will lead to different result” and “I should not give up on him, this is just a challenge”.

    What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 4, 2020 at 11:53 pm

      Hey Lily yes still follow the no contact rule

  19. Tammy

    December 31, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    My exboyfriend is bipolar. After him breaking up with me multiple times in 1 week and always coming back, I broke up with him. He was ignoring me on Christmas and I am in the middle of exams so I felt really lonely… I didn’t text him a lot tho, only in the morning to be ignored until the late evening. He then posted a pic on Instagram with a sad caption and that was too much, so I called things off through text (giving him a taste of his own medicine).
    I was convinced in that moment that he was just gonna ghost me, but after researching more about bipolar disorder, I realized he is an amazing person who needs help.. he is currently not on meds.
    I don’t know how to handle this, because I don’t know if it was the bipolar flaking on me, or the actual person…
    When and how should I reach out? He hasn’t tried contacting me at all.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 5:53 am

      Hey Tammy, so I would spend some time reading about the condition so you understand what it means to be in a relationship with someone who has bipolar and is not medicated too. As the lows and highs can be tough to understand unless you are aware of what is going on with him. As for ending things and getting back together it is hard to say if that is his way of dealing with the lows, even though peoples lows last a few days not a few hours. So it really depends on how long he ends things with you for.

  20. Marianne

    December 29, 2019 at 9:51 pm

    Hi ,
    So I’ve done NC and then i saw that my ex started texting me asking if im doing good and he noticed that I unblocked him in my social media the thing is that he tried to get my attention sending me pictures of him ,but that was three days ago now he Is being hot and cold again so i dont know what to think or what to do in confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 11:40 pm

      Your conversations need to be short positive and you need to end them first, not him. You need to reach out about something that you know he is interested in that he can advise you on or that you have done, and when the conversation is at the high point, you stop replying

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