There’s nothing worse than pouring your heart in soul into trying to get your ex back only to find out that you are wasting your time.
In this post I’m going to be teaching you the top six signs to keep an eye out for that will tell you that you are wasting your time with your ex.
Many of these signs are things that I don’t see anyone talking about so you are in for a treat.
Oh, one more thing.
All of the signs that I am going to be talking about are taken from real life situations that I’ve seen first hand.
Let’s dive in!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz6 Signs That Tell You That You Are Wasting Your Time With Your Ex
All of the signs I am about to talk about I have surfaced from real life situations where one party has failed miserably to try to get an ex back. In fact, some of these signs I have taken from my own clients.
Now, I do want to say that this article is going to get a bit dark and it may seem like there isn’t a lot of hope if you find yourself in a situation where these signs are present.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that there isn’t anything you can do.
There is, and I’m going to show you what you can do a little bit later.
But first things first, let’s look at the six signs,
- Their Words And Actions Actually Match
- Your Ex Is Married
- Your Ex Doesn’t Respond After Six Months
- You’ve Been Pursuing Your Ex For Years And They Keep Stringing You Along
- Your Ex Hasn’t Proven Things Will Be Different
- You’ve Been Full Out Blocked For More Than Six Months
It’s a pretty healthy list, right?
Well, what I’d like to do now is go over each one of these signs so that you understand it a bit more completely.
Let the learning begin!
Sign #1: Your Exes Words And Actions Match
Three years ago I wrote this beauty. In it, I talk about the importance of not taking everything your ex says at face value.
You see, through experience I’ve learned that usually when an ex is explaining their reasoning for breaking up with you they will lie to you.
They will make some type of concession like,
“I’m not ready for a relationship”
Only to move on to some new person five minutes later.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThat’s when I thought up the idea of the words vs. actions theory.
Put simply, if you want to understand how your ex truly feels or what they truly think don’t pay attention to what they say, pay attention to what they do.
And for you visual folks,
Most of the time people look at this from the context of trying to get an ex back.
In other words, they are looking for positive things.
However, you can also use it to look for negative outcomes.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say that you and your ex go through a very bad breakup and they tell you that they never want to see you again.
Over the course of the next few months you notice they do nothing to establish communication and flat out ignore you every time that you do attempt to reach out.
That simple act matches what they said, right?
Not a good sign for your overall chances.
Sign #2: Your Ex Is Married
You shouldn’t be in this situation ever.
Everyone with a normal sense of right and wrong knows this.
And yet, this is something I see with individuals in our private group often enough to warrant a mention in this article.
There are two points that I want to unpack here.
- The Theory Of Investment
- What Makes You Think You’d Be Any Different
Let’s start from the top.
The Theory Of Investment
I feel like a broken record saying this as I’ve stated it multiple times throughout this website but investment is one of the most important aspects to look at if you are trying to get a commitment from someone.
In fact, studies show that the more an individual has invested into a relationship the least likely they are to leave the relationship.
Consider an ex who is married for a moment,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNot only should you not be in this situation to begin with but your ex probably has invested things like,
- Finances
- Children
- Time
Into this commitment with their partner.
No matter how you slice it they probably have more invested into their marriage than they do with you. Therefore, it’s highly unlikely they will leave for you.
But let’s pretend that, that’s exactly what they did.
They left their marriage to be with you.
That leads me to the second point I’d like to make.
What Makes You Think You’d Be Any Different?
If your ex is willing to cheat on their marriage with you what makes you think you won’t get the same treatment in the future?
Oh, and here’s another fun little statistic for you.
Statistics show that 67% of second marriages end in divorce and 73% of third marriages
Why do you think that is?
Personally, I believe it’s because they’ve already been through the first divorce and that second and third one is a little easier.
Sign #3: Your Ex Doesn’t Respond After Six Months
Usually when I talk to people who purchase my book there is one of two questions that I’ll consistently receive from them.
Do I have a chance?
How long will it take to get my ex back?
To answer that first question go here.
As for the second question, well that’s where things get really interesting.
A few years ago I decided to take all of my success stories (people who have used my program to get their exes back) and chart how long it took them to get their exes back.
The results varied from person to person but in the end I found the most prevalent time frame being from 3 months to 6 months
So, what happens if you break that 6 month threshold and haven’t heard anything at all from your ex?
Oh, and to make matters worse you’ve tried reaching out to them but nothing seems to get the response you are craving.
That is not a good sign.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIn fact, I’d go as far as saying your chances are so low in this type of a situation that it might be worth giving up.
It’s impossible to get an ex back without talking to them or having any type of communication with them. It’s the lifeblood of how this process unfolds.
There’s not much more to unpack here so let’s move on.
Sign #4: You’ve Been Pursuing Your Ex For Years And They Keep Stringing You Along
One of my favorite quotes of all time,
“All human wisdom is contained in these two words – Wait and Hope”
It’s from “The Count of Monte Cristo” and I think it’s very relevant to what I am about to talk about here.
Let’s say that you and your ex dated 3 years ago.
For you, it was the greatest relationship of your life but your ex didn’t seem to think so as they broke up with you.
Oh, but they wanted to remain friends and you were more than ok with that,
As the years go by you wait and hold out hope that your ex will wake up and smell the roses and be with you.
Along the way you get certain mixed signals that hold you over.
- You spend a lot of time together
- Maybe you kiss once in a blue moon
- Perhaps they make some statement about loving you but nothing ever comes of it
Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother put it brilliantly when he described being on someones hook,
It’s when someone strings you along without any intent of ever committing to you.
This is where the “actions vs. words” theory can come into play.
If your ex makes these statements saying that there might be a future for you but they do nothing to back that up with actions.
Not a good sign.
Sign #5: Your Ex Hasn’t Proven Things Will Be Different
This one isn’t so much a sign that you are wasting your time it’s more of a sign that your relationship is doomed.
I estimate that around 50% of my success stories break up again once they get back together.
Why?
Well, it’s because nothing changes the second time around.
Let’s say that you broke up with your ex because they were jealous any time you talked, very innocently, to someone of the opposite sex.
This sparked a lot of arguments between the two of you.
When you eventually got back together, even though it took a while to surface, this same behavior started causing arguments between you guys again.
Albert Einstein famously said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result
Don’t expect to have a successful relationship unless something has changes.
Again, not much more to unpack here so let’s move on.
Sign #6: You’ve Been Full Out Blocked For More Than Six Months
There’s that time frame again.
Six months…
It’s an important time frame to understand because it’s sort of the witching hour but let’s not get off topic.
With sign #3 I talked about how if your ex doesn’t respond to you after six months it’s a bad sign.
This takes that same line of thinking a step further and focuses on those individuals who have been blocked by their ex.
Now, if you read my post here on blocking you’d know that there are different levels to being blocked by your ex.
There is the partial block where your ex blocks you in important places but you still have a way of contacting them.
And then there is the frightening full out block. This is where your ex has blocked you in every way imaginable in every medium imaginable.
You have no way of directly contacting them.
This is the situation I’d like to focus on for this sign.
In my experience I find that generally speaking within six months your ex will unblock you just out of curiosity.
But if that doesn’t happen, if you’ve been blocked for six months straight with no way of contacting your ex it’s a very bad sign.
And a sign that you might be wasting your time.
Conclusion
Let’s do a quick recap of everything you we learned with this article and talk a little bit about how you can dig yourself out of some of these situations.
- There are six big signs that you need to keep an eye out for to determine if you are wasting your time
- Pay attention to see if your exes words and actions match. If they say they don’t want you and their actions back that up, that’s a sign.
- Your ex being married alone is a bad sign. Also, you shouldn’t even be in this situation to begin with.
- Six months is an important time frame to grasp. Especially if your ex hasn’t communicated with you at all in that time frame.
- How I met your mother nailed one of the signs on the head in one of their episodes.
- The chances are high that your ex will break up with you again if you get them back and nothing has changed
- If you’ve been full on blocked for more than six months it’s a bad sign
Some of you may be freaking out after reading this article.
Don’t!
In many of these situations there are things you can do and I want to help you through it.
So, make sure you comment below and I promise I will get back to you 🙂 .
Kaitlyn
November 27, 2021 at 5:02 pm
I’m at my boyfriend right now, and he’s telling everyone I’m his ex, I don’t want to be called an ex. Not his ex, we still see each other but he acts like everything is okay bc we are together but together. It kills me, I go to the bathroom and cry bc I feel so hopeless there’s nothing I can do to fix this bc I came bck so easily. I’m dying inside honestly I wish I would’ve never gave him the time of day or night. But it’s too late for that he has me wrapped around his finger.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 29, 2021 at 8:23 pm
Kailyn, you need to end things with this guy and leave. If he is telling people you are his ex girlfriend, and you are stood right there then you walk away and let him lose you!
Steph
June 7, 2021 at 4:09 pm
Hello, I was with my ex boyfriend for a year and a couple of months. For the most part we got along but when we fought it was bad. I tend to hurt people when I’m fighting with them and in the end he had enough said we need to be apart, work on ourselves get better before we can ever be together again. He was also a father figure to my son because my sons dad is not around . He says he doesn’t want to stop talking to us or seeing us but needs time to figure out his own life and in the future who knows . Am I wasting my time . I don’t want to do full no contact because he does want to maintain a relationship with my son.
Help!!!
Alissa10
August 10, 2019 at 7:45 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex fiance broke up with me 4 months ago after 6 years together. He said he didn’t love me anymore because he felt resentment and anger towards me and just wanted to be friends. There was no cheating involved. I suffered with anxiety and postpartum depression and I lost who I was and eventually it took its toll and made him unhappy. We have a 5 year old child together. The breakup was pretty bad, I was heartbroken for me and our daughter but I worked on myself and got to the point where we have started spending time together as a family and we’ve spent time together just the two us watching movies although nothing romantic has happened. I wrote an accountability letter where I apologised for the things I did that caused any resentment and he cried when he read it and we hugged it out, he said it felt like a step forward….but I dont now if that’s a step forward with a ‘friendship’ or a ‘renewed relationship’ and I was afraid to push my luck to ask! He initiates spending time with me but it’s starting to feel awkward for me. Is he just spending time with me because of our daughter? Have you any advice or any idea what might be going on in his head at this time?
X
February 11, 2019 at 3:20 pm
Hey guys,
I have been broken up with my ex for 5 days now and we haven’t talked since then. We have been together for 4 years and it’s our 3rd time breaking up. I jumped into NC straight away really for myself as I was hurt and I didn’t know how to handle things at that moment, I felt I didn’t want to make the situation worse so I let things be and to be honest because I didn’t have anything left to say. I’m doing no contact for myself as a way to heal from this and do things for myself to feel happy again.
His reasons for the breakup was that he felt the relationship got boring (sounded very imature but it ovb has to be on both parts) and that he wasn’t happy anymore. He was acknowledging the fact that he didn’t know why he felt this way and starting to name the good qualities in me that he always wanted in a girlfriend. I was trying to keep things interesting with us the last few months as alot of things have happened in the recent months as regards career changes for the future etc (and maybe he is thinking this is the best as it might effect us in the future). I don’t know if no contact will change things when he thinks there is nothing more I could possibly do as he says. He has come back after a few months in the past but I felt it was too soon getting back those times as the same issues kept reoccuring, especially on his end. After I finish no contact what would be the smartest thing to do? He will be leaving the country for 6 months in 2 months time as part of his career and I feel that this might ruin any chance there is left. Is any point trying to fix things when he isn’t happy and have there been any success with situations like these. Thanks for any help or insight you can give 🙂
Chris Seiter
February 11, 2019 at 11:34 pm
Hi X!
Sorry to hear about the 3rd breakup, though the silver lining is 4 years together creates traction which can come into play later. I agree, its unclear NC will make a difference, but it has a chance if you are diligent in practicing it and doing it in the way I teach in my Program….the value chain, etc. Feel free to tap into my resources found on my Home Page to help you thru all this!
Sarah
September 19, 2018 at 3:33 pm
Hi Chris!
I’m still plugging away… making progress…
It’s been 5 months since our breakup and for past 2 months we’ve seen each other every week. Having amazing times together. Within the last 2 weeks he has started initiating texts and our outings too! He seems invested in time, energy, money and tells me his friends say “hi” so I know he’s talking about me to them…
2 weeks ago I shared my feelings… told him I love him, am wanting to step back in but it’s felt confusing to me all the time we are spending together, I know we are friends, and maybe we should see each other less often.
He replied that it is indeed confusing, but very fun and meaningful, he’s happy to spend time together. That he’s gun shy from our past so can’t be as freewheeling as he’d like, that he’s not sure what to make if all of this but he’s figuring it out as we go. Says he’s trying to stay open and open hearted.
But when we are together he’s total friend energy. No romantic gestures.
Your advice has been spot on thus far so thought I’d run this by you…
Am I just being friend zoned/strung along for fun companionship?
Chris Seiter
September 20, 2018 at 1:00 am
Great job Sarah! I know none of this is easy and there are no sure things, but making a good effort based on solid plan makes good sense.
Too early to tell if this is a friend zone thing. But sometimes relationships move from one state to another and then another. The whole term “friend zone” is much more complicated than people realize and is not always a negative phenomenon given the different permutations.
Tammy
September 13, 2018 at 3:28 am
Hello Chris. I’ve been trying to move on from my ex. Was hoping if you could give me a bit of clarity on this situation: I went out on a date with a new, seemingly great guy. For the first time, I was able to get my mind off my ex. He made out with me a lot, held my hand, took me back to his place, we made out some more and I asked him to walk me back to my place (I wasn’t ready to sleep with the guy). He walked me back, I kinda felt the vibe was off and he kissed me. I texted him saying I had fun, thanks for the drinks. No reply. The next day, I thought, to hell with it, I kinda want to hang out with him to potentially hook up – why not text him? So I texted asking if he wanted to hang, he said he was watching football all day — maybe later? I said okay, just let me know. he never replied. I later said, “I tired you out last night — maybe some other time.” Then I waited till the next night to ask if he wanted to hang out later that week as I wanted to destress. No reply. At this point I knew he was ghosting me, so I wanted to hear what was up straight from him. I messaged him saying, “up to come over tomorrow night? if you’re not interested, that’s totally fine — would rather you just be straight up with me so I’m not under the wrong impression. He messaged saying, “yep was fun. I don’t see this going further, sorry.” I was very upset because I thought we had a great time — he held my hand, made out with. What went wrong? Was it because I didn’t sleep with him? I know I should “move on,” but I felt like things went super well… any chance of hitting him up in the future to give it another go?
Jamesia
September 7, 2018 at 1:47 am
Hi Chris –
I was in a long distance relationship (with a European) for 3 years. He broke up because “the tension wasn’t there”. Quickly followed by “you know that I want to marry you, I want to see if we can get the spark back”. This back and forth went on for 2 years with him “missing me” and “I love yous”, with us visiting one another and taking trips together like always, his family staying engaged with me. I finally backed away a year into this and instantly he was “ready to prove himself to me”. 6 months later, he visited and we had some deep conversations about my expectations of how would things look if we tried this again (being in the same country, having his own apartment, etc) – I wanted to take things slow. He saw me out on a social media post of a mutual friend dancing with a guy on NYE. I regretfully also didnt say HAPPY NEW YEAR because I was so drunk and sick the next day. He understandbly jumped to conclusions (has always had some jealousy/insecurity issues) and we couldnt have a rational conversation, so I broke things off. We went 3 months without contact and he reached out to “check on me”. Since, he has told me he doesn’t see us working out, learned alot from me, wishes we could truly forget and start fresh, and now has been “seeing someone, not dating” for a few months. He’s made sexual comments and I’ve gone with it and also stopped it. But now, I just don’t know how to get us back on the right track, as it seems he has really moved on. He seems to not want to break contact, but the hope never leaves me. Occasionally I bring up the fact that it’s tough that he’s moved on and I haven’t so it may not be best to be “friends”, especially now since the girl has met his parents. I was just in Europe for a personal trip alone and put it on the table for us to meet up, but he declined (truthfully had work, but also declined my coming to him because if I stayed, it would look bad to his family since he’s brought the girl over).
Please – even just your quick assessment of this would be helpful. Thank you!
Chris Seiter
September 7, 2018 at 3:30 am
Hi Jamesia!
Wise of you to want to take things slow. So you are in an up/down cycle with him. Maybe best to break the cycle. Consider employing no contact. You can read about on my site. Its a central element of my program. I have written books about it. Go check em out and make use of my program in your ex recovery plan.
Raeann
September 5, 2018 at 1:05 am
Hi Chris and team!
My ex actually broke up with my while I was in treatment – currently 4 months sober! While there he dropped off a box of my stuff at my parents and cut off all contact with me at treatment. I came home and sent him a text trying to make amends and take responsibility. He did not respond positively. I lied to him to him previously about my last stint in treatment, I was embarrassed and ashamed. However, we talked and I was under the impression we worked it all out. However, when he broke things off over the phone he brought up that and said there were “other lies” and he was emotionally done. I attempted to make amends and take responsibility for my wrong doings, and i asked what the other lies were so I could accept them and be responsible for my actions. However, he keeps beating around the subject and will not tell me them. He blocked my cell phone number, which he unblocked me to tell me he blocked me and to not contact him and that he’s going to block me again (what the hell). However, he did not block me on social media – just unfriended me but still has all of his featured photos being ones of us together.
I am doing the no contact rule now, I know that it’s for the best. I just want to know how to move forward and be able to show the changes and improvements that sobriety has helped me make and that I am 100% serious.
Chris Seiter
September 6, 2018 at 4:11 am
Hi Raeann!
You right, NC is the right move. So proud of you Raeann for your commitment to be sober! Think about picking up my eBook as it lays out a blueprint on how you should proceed during the post breakup period.
Den
September 3, 2018 at 1:52 am
Hi Chris, my ex broke up with me July last year, and I went through two relationships in a year. I realise he’s still the one. But after I ended my last relationship in July, he seems to be dating someone. We are in contact as friends, but his frequency of contact has come down. He didn’t send me birthday greetings (yesterday) too. I was so heart broken. Although I told myself to move on after my birthday. It’s tough even after a year. What should I do?
Chris Seiter
September 3, 2018 at 3:57 am
It is tough to let go of a relationship past. A lot of time has gone by. One is never sure what the other person thinks and sometimes both people are afraid to make a move. A lot has happened since the breakup. You have been thru 2 relationships. He might be with someone now. Why not just gain some clarity and simply reach out and suggest a meetup. Tell him there is something you want to share with him, but you wish to do it in person. Then just talk to each other. You will know if its time to really move on or not.
Chana
September 2, 2018 at 11:14 pm
well, my ex blocked me because I told his new girlfriend we were still having sex. He said that I don’t care about anyone else’s feelings and he’s not upset. he will just never speak to me again. Advice?
Sonia
September 2, 2018 at 11:49 am
Hi, Chris and team! My situation is a bit complex; the guy in question had been a really good friend for about 14 months before we started getting involved with each other in both romantic and sexual ways and it was complicated because he had and has a girlfriend (the same one since I’ve known him) who I have been friends with but I had a hard time with self-control because I had developed strong feelings for him by that point. He made it clear he was staying with his girlfriend which I supported because I didn’t want to be selfish and hurt either of them but we continued to engage with each other in ways that people who are just friends don’t, and he would also say it’s his fault we’ve been the way we have been with each other. We live at about anywhere from a 25 to 40 minute driving distance from each other so we wouldn’t see each other unless we planned to meet up and after about 8-9 months of our involvement with each other I have now been blocked on all the mediums by which we could contact each other. The reason why, as far as I was able to get as an explanation from him, is that he wants to keep his relationship with his girlfriend healthy given that his girlfriend always gives him signs of not liking or being uncomfortable with us talking and being close friends; however, later I also heard from him right before he blocked me on our last medium of communication that it’s not just because he wants to go the extra mile for his girlfriend by cutting me off but because he no longer wants to associate with me mostly because he found me too clingy and he got overwhelmed with things like me not knowing how to relax when he hasn’t responded to me in a timely manner-he said what he likes is people not caring about things like that, and he didn’t like the fact that when he was trying to dissociate with me that I kept asking him what I could do to continue being friends instead of letting him go through with his decision to end ties without fighting it. I’m not entirely sure what made me become clingy but it might be that I started to confide in him more and more over time and I started to treat him like a best friend, so he would be the person I’d go to about the smallest and largest things and then near the end of whatever relationship we had with each other, I’m guessing I was clingy in that he didn’t get back to me in days and I’d often tell him that it worries me when he does that because I assume the worst that I’ve done or said something wrong when I reflect upon a text conversation. Unfortunately, I was told about the clinginess and wanting to have a better relationship with the girlfriend only because I showed up at his house because otherwise I had no way to reach him, and as expected, he was freaked out by that but he told me he was simply not being responsive to me and hoped it’d be enough for me to get the message that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Later that day before I was completely blocked by him I said that all it took was for him to tell me if he’s feeling uncomfortable with something and I would’ve very seriously implemented that in the way I interact with him but he didn’t communicate any of that to me until he was saying he wanted out, and his response was that he shouldn’t even have to tell me how to interact with him and that’s part of the problem, and that I can’t fix things like clinginess or not knowing how to unnecessarily worry because at that point he had lost his interest in having to do anything with me. So this guy is not an ex in the conventional sense, but a guy I’ve had the kind of connection with as one someone may be in a relationship with, and even if him having a girlfriend prevents me from being in an actual relationship with him for however long he’s with her, I really would like to at least get him back as a friend but I don’t know what to do when he blocked me on everything, doesn’t see me unless it’s planned, and currently doesn’t want anything to do with me. I don’t want a life without him-he was my best friend if not more and I am still in love with him. Thank you so so so much for any guidance!!!
Danielle Urlacher
September 2, 2018 at 2:30 am
Long story short.. we dated for 4 plus years. In the beginning.. things were great. We were so in love. Then.. over some stupid things that made me insecure.. I found myself being the criticizing nosy person I never wanted to be. And after him saying he never wanted to get married over and over. It made me question everything. I didn’t feel good enough. Then one day he broke up with me. It hurt so much.
After a few months.. I had some serious drama and we had been texting a bit and after my brother beat the crap out of me my ex let me live at his house.
Things were.. ok. But not great. It’s difficult to live with someone who you have romantic feelings for. And through it all.. trying to help myself get it together and move out.. it’s been over 2 years and I’m just now moving out.
A few weeks ago he came to me and said that .. he wanted to get married. And after I got upset because that was one of the biggest obstacles in our relationship.. he said he thinks he is growing up. And that he prays about our relationship and cares about me more than he let’s on. That things won’t ever get fixed with us living together. But yet.. after crying to me.. still goes out and does whatever he wants. I hate that I let his complete disregard for me and my feelings get to me. He takes me to church every weekend. And recently told me he feels “stuck”.. and made me feel like it’s my fault. I kick myself for living with him. I wish I never would have done it. And now I feel like I have ruined everything and that his opinion of me is so low he could never want me. Ever. And it makes my anxiety go through the roof. I don’t expect him to want me back but I hate that I feel like he hates me and cant wait to get rid of me. I dont even know how to feel at this point.
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2018 at 3:33 am
Hi Daniella…..I think you going to work thru this. You have not ruined everything. Just slow down, take a step back, and appreciate the positive things you have in your life. Relationships are work. And when there are problems, it is never the fault of one person.
amy
September 2, 2018 at 2:05 am
Hi! My situation is a little weird. My ex boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago because he said he was losing feelings, we had been having petty fights, and we wanted independent time to grow BUT we were planning to get back together because the feelings were still there, we just needed time. So during a month post breakup, we were still BEST FRIENDS & flirting and still doing our own thing but planning on getting back together eventually. Then, everything went south when someone told me a rumor about him at a party “making out” with another girl (this summer he got really engaged in the party/drug lifestyle and loved it. its a big change. he only starting drugs this summer and I don’t approve). Anyways, I lashed out on him & even when he told me he didn’t (he actually genuinely didn’t) I replied with “I don’t care I hate you”. He was upset by this. We didn’t talk for a week after and when he finally approached me, he said he still loves me as a person and wants us to be best friends (since we have always had a solid friendship). But, he said that he ultimately lost romantic feelings for me and can’t even see me as a potential gf as of now. He said that maybe he’s upset & thats clouding his judgement. He also said that as of now he doesn’t have feelings but he might in the future because we don’t know the future. It broke my heart. Since then, for the past 2 1/2 weeks we have been talking normally as best friends. I went all out for his birthday and he expressed his love for me, said he feels bad that I care for him so much but he wasn’t exactly nice to me this summer because of our falling out, and he said that he loves me so much, doesn’t know what he would do if he lost me. He said “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you but I didn’t lose you because you’re still my bestest friend, my other half. ily”. Yesterday we were hanging out in person with a mutual friend and we just talked like friends but he did mention my surprise birthday he threw for me, and how my family is cute, and he did touch me once. I’m not sure. We had dated for 2 years and are the bestest of friends. He said after the fight that I should stop saying he’s the one because we are fighting even after our breakup.Prior to the big blowout fight, I had been doing No Contact for a week randomly and he mentioned this during the fight & was like “oh you’ve been ignoring me this whole week and now you bring this random rumor up & it hurts”. What do I do? I know 100000% he’s the one and my gut says he will come back. His mom & I still talk and he might come visit me and my family tomorrow or next week. What can I do? I don’t think no contact is the best idea in my scenario because everything is built on our friendship but I don’t want to be friend zoned and I want him to miss me and realize he wants to work through this. He had texted my mom recently and said “I am focused on my academics right now but I also want to possibly try again in the future when both of us have grown academically and bettered ourselves”. Please help, thank you
april
September 1, 2018 at 3:06 am
hi chris, i actually have no idea what situation i am in right now. my ex and i has been together for almost a year and a half. last june, he broke up with me saying he wanted to focus on his study/career. i find it unacceptable. i had a gut feeling that he has another girl, and i trust my gut feeling. i tried to win him over by begging, i told him i can wait (i know its pathetic but my emotions got in the way). i would like to note that during our relationship, we had no major fights and we really seemed to get along. anyway, after the breakup, he said he wanted us to be friends instead. i agreed coz i really cant imagine him not texting me anymore. so i tried to be friends with him last july. during the friendship period, he posted something on facebook implying that he has another girl. to cut the story short, i found out he has another girl. i didnt confronted him about that, i just asked him if whos the lucky girl. and he just diverts the topic. now that made me confused as hell, he wants to keep me close but always says to me that we have no future, he just wants me to be his friend/texmate. when i can no longer take the pain, i told him last august that i dont want to be friends anymore, that i am hurting so much i wanted to end everything between us. and so he never messaged me again and unfriended me on facebook. during this no contact period, he posted a loveletter on facebook confessing to the girl of his dream (the girl he cheated on me). my heart was torn when he implied that i am one of the girls that he just considered to be an option in case he wouldnt end up with his dream girl. well i knew about his fb post because he was fb friends with my sister, my sister just informed me of the post, which i dont know if he was aware i could read it. anyway, i stayed silent and didnt lashed out. he posted that like last august 21.. last august 29 during the no contact period, he messaged me for the first time saying “were not friends anymore, but is it okay to ask if youre okay?”.. i waited for like an hour or 2 before i responded that its totally okay to message me and im doing great.then i asked about how is study/school. we exhanged messages but it took us hours before replying to each others messages. we ended up replying smileys and stickers at messenger until we have nothing to say at all. his last message to me was last august 31 saying he hope i have a great day. in which i replied thanks. and until now he hasnt reached out. i dont know what i should do next and how do i respond or start the converstaion with him. i really dont know if he still wants me back or if he is just stirring my emotions..
Bel
August 30, 2018 at 2:47 pm
Thank you for the quick answer. I am following your program and I use to read some blog posts more than once, depending on the circumstances. I really love your content and had helped me a lot but now I’m “trapped”.
The thing is that I don’t feel comfortable initiating contact. Last interaction wasn’t good. We didn’t end up in bad terms, on the contrary, but he had given a medium step (suggested a skype session, never happened since the break up) and in 24 hours he changed his mind and the way he told me felt like we was breaking up with me again…without having had nothing. I don’t know why he changed his mind (well, as you say, this kind of thing is not unusual) but I’m afraid he may be dating another girl or something like that… And I felt rejected. This is why I don’t feel comfortable initiating, I need him to initiate, but it’s like NC isn’t working this time, I try to master my UG tricks, using social media and all but… That’s all I can do without talking. I need him to chase me, I need him to miss me but something is getting wrong this time…
Bel
August 30, 2018 at 12:00 am
I’m in the “hook” situation, I guess. I tried NC several times and it worked…but the loope never ended: NC – he contacted- rapport – he gave a step towards me – he inmediatly backed again – NC – he contacted… And now almost 40 days had passed (I decided not initiating until he does) and nothing. I am afraid he may have met another girl. Also, our situation it’s long distance, and he hates LDR. That wouldn’t be a problem if we got back together because he can come back to our city whenever he wants (there’s no job holding him back in his current city) but now I’m invisible to him again.Even during the rapport phases I couldn’t get enough investment, everytime he was getting closer, he seemed to scare himself off and got distant. I am afraid this time was forever. I don’t know what to do
Chris Seiter
August 30, 2018 at 1:19 am
Hi Bel…so this is not too unusual….a few steps forward…one backward. Guys can be fickle. Unclear what is going on in his head. No wrong in reaching out to test the waters given the number of days that have passed. Hopefully, you have my eBook and have been following my program!