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S
July 27, 2020 at 4:18 pm
I had a hook up situation in which he said he only wanted sex at the start and I agreed despite being a relationship type person. Since Feb this year until now, also didn’t see each other at all from lockdown. He acts like we are together when we are together. Sometimes he visited and stayed over no sex, just cuddling like a couple would. At the start of July he visited (he works away) and afterwards I realised I was falling for him. I told him how I felt and he didn’t feel the same and said he hopes we can’t still be friends. I had said of course but then on impulse I removed him on social media, with the out of sight out of mind perspective. I gave it 2 weeks and added him again on social media and started messaging him again asking if we can go back to how things were. We didn’t talk as much as we used to and when I asked about it he said he doesn’t think anything will ever happen between us again and has ignored my responses, with the last message left unopened although he had been active on social media, following him saying that. I’m gutted about the situation because it seemed like more than just sex. He said things just got confusing for him, which is similar to what my last ex said before ending things for good so I worry I won’t have another chance with him and work it out. He knows how I feel towards him. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 27, 2020 at 10:07 pm
Hi S, so this situation where he was honest and said he just wanted a sexual relationship with you is him being honest and you should take that as what he was doing with you. It is common that in a friends with benefits situation that one of the people in the relationship gets feelings for the other. I would suggest that you follow the program starting with a No Contact, and go through each stage where you connect with your ex and gain that attraction again. But this time you do not sleep with him unless you get into a serious relationship first.
Tina Cook
July 9, 2020 at 1:43 pm
I have tried to contact my since the break up last March ! I found out he was in a bad wreck and I text to see how he was and then I started to find articles about how to get him back and yesterday I sent him my life isn’t the same with out you in it ,dumb I know! But no response to none of my text’s plus he’s been seeing someone totally opposite of me since before we had broke up actually I didn’t even realize we was broken up until someone told me that he was dating this girl and it was all over his fb page ! So this morning I sent to him that I had a question and I only trust him to answer! No response but he might be done blocked me!
anonymous
July 7, 2020 at 3:11 pm
my ex and I were together for almost a year and a half and lived together. we just broke up at the beginning of June and i was absolutely devastated. i cried for weeks and begged him for weeks. he kept saying he loves me a lot and that he can picture marrying me but that he feels like we are toxic to each other. he is younger than me and a bit immature at times, and that would cause us to fight. he said when he sees me he wants to be with me, but when he doesn’t see me or talk to me it makes him feel happy. i asked him to block me on social media so i wouldn’t obsess over it, and he has kept me blocked. we haven’t spoken in over a week and my heart is completely broken. i really love him and i feel like he loves me too. he was so good to me, never even raised his voice at me or called me a name or made me feel bad about myself. he’s the only guy i’ve ever loved and now i feel lost and confused every day. what do i do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 1, 2020 at 2:44 pm
Hey there, so if he is viewing your relationship as toxic then you need to give him some space so that he does not feel that way about you and the past. Giving it space means he has time to remember the positive things about you and your relationship. You need to work on the Ungettable information that are in the articles to help you show your ex that you are making positive changes to yourself since you parted. I know you are blocked on social media at the moment, but you can reach out to your ex after 45 days on some media to get connected and talking again. Read about the value chain so that you do not try to rush things when you reach out
Anonymous
June 25, 2020 at 5:26 pm
We were together.. kind of for almost a year, I’m 8 months pregnant and hormonal. His family had a problem with our relationship so it was a secret (were interracial). I became upset after dealing with so much from him this past year that I hacked into his social media accounts and told his dad (who was the only one left in the dark) that I was pregnant and he had been lying. My ex became upset, threatened me and told me he didnt want me, care for me, or love me anymore. It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve seen him. I begged, apologized, cried and hed just repeat himself. It was so bad that he actually sent his sister here with things for the baby opposed to him bringing them. I called last night on his break and made a vow that’s the last time I contact him and I apologized again for invading his privacy. There has been nothing since.
Elo Ajise
June 23, 2020 at 11:35 am
My ex and I broke up 6 months ago after being together 18 months. We were meant to get married 2 months ago. We have known each other for 27 years and he used stare at me and hold my hands, which all felt really sweet so I let him but I was not attracted to him in that although I loved him as a friend and we sometimes spent time snuggling, he just never made my heart race…in my 20s I foolishly thought that was important for a relationship. Fast forward 27 years we’re both in our late 40s and finally get together, however we both came with a lot of baggage. I was too scared to trust him because he had cheated on 2 previous ex wives. This and other issues made me break up with him. Now he won’t speak to me. I love him so much and believe we can work through our issues. I have done a lot of growing and improvements on myself since the break up and I just want him back!!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 26, 2020 at 11:32 pm
Hey Elo, even though you have not spent any time speaking with him or rather he wont. You need to give him a solid 45 days where you are not attempting to reach out or watching his social media. Then focusing on your Holy Trinity using any form of communication you have with him to show that you are doing better and are moving on with your life. Then when he thinks you are moving and doing well, he will be more open to talking to you to see if he still has a chance
Kassie
June 21, 2020 at 6:30 pm
A year ago, my ex & I broke up. We maintained the no contact rule for about a month then got back together about 5 months after our first breakup. We were together for another year & just recently broke up again after the whole 6 years we were together. I broke up with him because he simply was not happy anymore from our constant fighting over the smallest issues. He told me that us being together made me happy & even though he wasn’t, he didn’t want to leave me because he wanted me happy no matter what. I still love him so much & I left him because I want him to be happy even if it wasn’t with me but I do secretly want him back in my life. What do I do? Is this second break the final straw for us?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 26, 2020 at 11:57 pm
Hey Kassie, if he was unhappy then there could be many reasons for this, not just your relationship. Some time apart may give him some time to start missing you and realise that he is unhappy in himself possibly. Spend some in No Contact and work on yourself so that he can see how well you are doing and how the break up has not brought you down
Nancy
June 20, 2020 at 3:32 am
We’ve been together 8 years, due to Covid we were together every day for two months. I got caught up in the wrong or bad things in our relationship and began nagging. Now, he’s staying with his son and won’t speak to me at all
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 23, 2020 at 4:57 pm
Hey Nancy, if you have not officially broken up then give him some space to calm down and have a conversation about how to move forward if you are still together. If he ends the relationship then you need to go into an immediate No Contact
Ashley
June 16, 2020 at 9:10 am
After three years together My ex moved away To avoid a warrant. He moved right in with a girl. He blocked me once I found out With no explanation at all and it has been four months now. I feel so hurt and angry still I want to fly to where he is and confront him for closure and peace. Please advise what I should do and how he could be so selfish and heartless.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 16, 2020 at 9:38 am
Hi Ashley, as much as it hurts right now you will get better. As you are blocked you are force to follow a No Contact, but during this time you need to work on your Holy Trinity. Read some articles about being Ungettable and apply this to yourself you will start to feel better
Katherine
June 11, 2020 at 11:51 pm
I split with my ex a week and a half ago. He went back and forth on moving in together and sometimes said disrespectful things about my body. The hardest part of the split was he was great with my children. I did text him wanting to talk and he said he didn’t thing it was a good idea right now. I’m sad of course and it sucks. I’m going to give this no contact thing a try and use this as a little experiment. I’ll let y’all know how it goes!
Nicki Sloan
June 10, 2020 at 12:52 am
Oh dear. It was complicated. I was upset because I felt he never had time. He felt he never could do anything right. Thursday last he said he wish e could work it out. By Saturday radio silence. So I gnatted him..By Monday he finally answered and said I didn’t know how to leave people alone. And back to radio silence
Lisa
May 30, 2020 at 5:39 pm
I was seeing signs that my ex wasn’t fully committed to our relationship. He was the one that gave me the ultimatum for a relationship. Then he was telling small lies. I popped up at his house a couple of times. When i called him on his lies he would get upset but was always quick to tell me that if he ever found out i was dealing with anyone else it would be a problem. One night he called me. We were having a good convo. He said call him back in 5 min then i got no answer. The next morning i questioned him about it. He got upset and hung up on me. I blew his phone up and he told me to leave him alone. I fought to talk to him and have a conversation. He blamed me for everything of course. The next day my friend set up a profile on the dating site we met on. Sure enough he was on it still. He bit the bait and i busted him out. He immediately set up a meeting with her. When she called him on it he tried to make himself look like a Saint. I sent a very vicious text message to him pointing out every insecurity he had and using it against him. He read it and responded then said he moving on.
Courtney Boyle
May 27, 2020 at 5:43 pm
I broke up with him almost two weeks ago but shortly after I regretted it. The day we broke up he went right to his ex’s place. We were dating for almost two years and I have been miserable for the past two weeks. I’ve reached out to him a couple of times apologizing profusely But all he kept saying was we need to move. I don’t see my life without him and I regret everything that I have done I miss him so much and don’t know how to fix things. He won’t talk to me now and I’m terrified of losing him even though I feel like I already did.
Talea
May 25, 2020 at 9:55 pm
So I had broken up with my ex boyfriend of 4 months 2 days ago “But we’ve known eachother since middle”, and he was actually my biggest crush at that time and I was his, so we do have that history, The problem is me and my ex boyfriend has had several arguments but we always bounced back, and i will admit there were things i did and said, but it was both of us who needed to compromise, 2 days ago i had broke up with my ex boyfriend out of anger and he got very upset and he left, I regretted the break up immediately right after and i even tried to stop him and talk to him in the middle of it, he didn’t want to talk to me, i love this man and i just want him to know that I’m sorry and that i just want him back, because I see now where i did things wrong in the relationship and i just want to fix this, but he was pretty serious when he left, idk if he was putting on a show or foreal all i know is that i want my man back.
Rachel
May 25, 2020 at 8:09 pm
My ex was cheating on me during our 2.5 year relationship with the same girl. I forgave him because I love him but he broke up with me after 2.5 years and his friends told me that he was dating her. I used to call him and email him so much and he said that’s what used to bother him the most. He said I was always “too sensitive” and that I should be stronger. After we didn’t talk for 4 months we ran into each other somewhere and he texted me 2 weeks after that. We started talking everyday for hours. This lasted for 3 months. We were planning to meet and then I started asking him if he was still with that girl. He canceled our plans and blocked me everywhere and said he’ll talk to me in a month. That month went by and I didn’t hear anything but I did keep calling and texting from various numbers and emailing him. He kept telling my friends that he wants me to be stronger. So I went over to his house and spoke with him and he said to give him another month to talk to me but the reason he didn’t want to be with me was that I was weak. That month has also gone by now and I didn’t try contacting him this whole month unlike other times. I don’t know what to do I love him a lot and we were best friends too. We had our ups and downs but after everything we still cared about each other. I passed the 30 NC so I don’t know what to do now.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 4, 2020 at 9:28 pm
Hi Rachel because he is with the other girl you need to do 45 day No Contact and then start following the being there method. During your No Contact you need to be working on yourself to become Ungettable
Natalie
May 19, 2020 at 1:24 pm
Me and my ex have had a rocky relationship the last few months where we have been continuously bickering which leading to fall outs and things from the past get brought up in anger. It’s financial, in insecurities that we mostly fall out about. We have been together over a year. (We where together approx 10 years ago, child hood love hearts) . We have broken up a few times in a heat of an argument but this time he blocked me and has now unblocked me. I reached out to him and haven’t had a reply at all. I know he is still mad about the argument and stuff but I don’t know how to change that, and now he is on a dating website. I feel when he is so angry and mad he acts out and once he has calmed down we can talk and he can be so understanding but this has been about 2 months now and I don’t know what to do. It’s causing me extreme stress.
Michelle
May 19, 2020 at 10:05 am
Ok so my ex broke up with me 8weeks ago We were together two years did so much together and he took my daughter on like his own he was so amazing to her. He text me saying he wasn’t happy and that it wasn’t going to work I kept texting and snapping him literally contacted him through everything he removed me from Snapchat cause he said seeing my daughter upset him he phoned me two weeks ago cause I still kept messaging him and he told me to leave him alone that we weren’t getting back and he now gets to see his friends and mum more now we aren’t together I never stopped him seeing them never told him not to he seen them more than he seen me I think it’s an excuse I have heard he has drank this last 8weeks since breaking up. I think he suffers from depression he rang me at Christmas saying he didn’t want to be here any more cause him and his mum fell out I think he blames me for that even tho I never asked him to stay at Christmas he wanted to stay to see my daughter. I’m finding it hard to accept and that he couldn’t face me after two years of a relationship we broke up before and he told me to my face because we were unsure of the future but we worked that all out and moved forward I don’t understand why this has happened and why he couldn’t face me to tell me it’s like he hates me he never said he didn’t love me or care about me he just was so hostile I love him so much we had are future set the very house we were getting spoke all day everyday and now it’s all gone I just want him back in mine and my daughters life he hasn’t just walked away on me but her also how could he do this
Megan
May 9, 2020 at 3:06 pm
My ex and I were together for 2.5 years. In those 2.5 years we went from living together to living states away due to school. Long distance was fine and within the last 6 months we bought a house where we were gonna live, furnished the house, went and looked at engagement rings, talked out our wedding, etc. Because of COVID, school went online during spring break. So we rushed down, moved everything out of the house, and drove back- all within 48 hours. We got into a fight on the way back, but nothing that was a cause for concern. He kicked me out a week later with no explanation other than things had changed. His best friend talked to him a few days later and he said that he wanted to work it out and he wanted to be together. When we had a face to face three days after he talked to his friend, he ended it. He said we argued too much, but I honestly don’t see that. That was one month ago today and we haven’t spoken since. His parents have reached out to me but that’s it.
Lisa
May 8, 2020 at 12:31 pm
Me and my ex started seeing again after we broke up on bad terms, he is the one that broke up with me and reached out to me after a while. So everything was going well for couple months once we started talking again, however beginning April I started having exam stress as I had to revise for my exams, because of this lockdown, not being able to go out and meet and just staying in the house and revising affected my stress level, and i let my stress on my exams affect on him. I started acting needy as in when I felt stressed I wanted him to talk to me, he would say he’d call me in couple hours but I didn’t have the patience and started calling endlessly and started texting numerous texts. I can’t blame it on my exams, but the stress I went through had an effect on everything around me. When I didn’t get the support I wanted I acted out of control and would call him so many times, this happened 3 times atleast, he asked for space but it was so difficult for me to give him that. So he ended up blocking me on all social media and used his friend to tell me to stop harassing him. I made accounts to contact him so he speaks to me but he didn’t wanted to talk to me, so I went to his house to talk to him 3 times unannounced, which I know I shouldn’t have done, I panicked with everything going on in my life. I wanted to speak to him and apologise but he was very mad and angry. He told me to leave him alone and never to text me, he knows how sorry I feel about my actions and my behaviour. He said he doesn’t love me anymore and wants me to leave him alone and that he doesn’t see a future with me anymore. I have tried my best to apologise and asked for another chance but he said no, I do still have feelings for him, and I know I have messed it up so badly, I should have known better. He had a lot of stress going on with his family work, and I never knew exactly until he told me when I messed things up. Now he won’t talk to me, look at me and doesn’t want anything to do with me, and has blocked me from everywhere. In the first few months he spoke about being committed to me….but now I have destroyed it, what are my next steps?, I know he is the one for me, but I acted out of order due to letting my exam stress affecting everything that was going around me .
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 19, 2020 at 11:47 am
Hey Lisa, so I would say that you have to complete your 30 day of No Contact without watching any social media or breaking NC and then reach out
Hannah
May 7, 2020 at 9:20 pm
Hi. My ex and I were together for 4 months. A month after we were together he had to move to a different city 5 hours away for university. I started travelling around the country for a while, and our communication was a little lacking because he was always so busy but it wasn’t causing a problem. He was really invested in the relationship and he was already talking about the future but suddenly he stopped talking to me 3 months ago and told his best friend he was never going to speak to me again. I think this is because he thought I was cheating on him whilst travelling, but I wasn’t. For the first month I gnatted a bit. I understood that he needed to calm down becuase he is stubborn but I would give him only a week at the most of no contact before begging him just to talk to me with no replies from him. After a month, I stopped all contact for 4 weeks and then tried again to get him to speak to me for 3 days (still a bit gnatty). He still ignored me but he was now reading my messages as soon as I sent them (miniscule progress!). Then I found out about no contact from another website. So after 4 weeks I texted him saying that something had reminded me of him and i hope he was well and I respected his desicion, that I wanted to apologise for not giving him space and that I would like to be friends. He still ignored but read it almost straight away. He also always watches my social media stories, often the first person. It has been 3 weeks and i have been doing no contact again. I am planning on sending him a message in a week asking for his help with arabic pronunciation for a song and a video of me singing this song (he has grown up speaking arabic, this is a really famous song which I know he likes and he always loved hearing me sing). Currently, I am using social media occasionally with more pictures of me to draw interest and I have been focusing on getting fitter and learning new language and getting by writing published. I really feel so much more confident through focusing on myself and also experiences I have had travelling since we stopped talking. I understand he is really upset with me but we didn’t have a proper reason for a break up (certainly no big fight) and we weren’t having problems, everything was great. Also I have stopped travelling now and I am hoping to settle down again and esspecailly when he is home for the summer we will be in the same city again. I figured 30 day no contact was best because it is almost 4 months since we broke up so I don’t want to leave it too long (its been 2 months since is gnatted) because that can cause a problem, but also I want to give it enough time to be a pattern interrupt? I am just nervous that he is going to keep ignoring me. I will certianly have to be the one to make contact.
Claudi
May 5, 2020 at 12:12 am
We broke up about a week ago. We had a small fight where I said he didn’t care about me enough. I immediately knew I was in the wrong and tried to call him back but he wouldn’t pick up or reply to the text messages. After about three days of me asking, he said can’t you see that I don’t want to talk to you? And you spamming call isn’t going to help you. He said by him ignoring me, his trying to spare us both. And he also said he wanted more then just space.
I been trying to think calm and tell myself, that I’ve already apologized to him but he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. I get that a relationship is hard but why did he give up when I didn’t. I still love him. But nothing I do now will get him to answer me. He didn’t blocked me as I’ve tried to call. He always on social media and he still won’t give it to me to just talk things out. I still love him, but I don’t really know what to do now.. I don’t want to think that it’s over between us..