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Roni Stacey
May 12, 2020 at 4:30 pm
Hi,
I split up with my ex of 7 years 4 months ago. Just over a week ago he messaged me out of the blue telling me how miserable he was without me in his life and I feel the same way, I tried dating another guy 2 months after we split but it didn’t feel right and I ended it. My family does not like my ex and I have even had the conversation with my own mother about it, she said if I get back with him then she will disown me… I love my ex and always will and I am so miserable without him
What should I do??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 20, 2020 at 2:50 pm
Hi Roni, this is difficult situation to be in but honestly it is YOUR life. So you need to decide if he is worth the risk and fall out with your family over him. Do you think he is going to treat you right and prove your family wrong about him? The reaction from your mother, coming from a mother, is going to be more about protecting you than not liking him. He has left and hurt you and he now wants to come back after you picking up the pieces. I would suggest that you take it very slowly with your ex and decide if he is in it for the long haul and if he is worth going through some troubled times with your mother.
Andrea
May 11, 2020 at 11:57 pm
Hello,
Please help me! I had been with my boyfriend for three years and we recently broke up. We had been a very strong couple for the time and we faced many obstacles together including a large part of our relationship being over long distance. There had been a few issues throughout until things started to get bad and we were fighting constantly. Throughout he didn’t have the best relationship with my family because he wouldn’t put in the effort my family expected (which at times can be excessive). My family is incredibly picky and often times only think about superficial qualities that aren’t my priority. My ex started being very selfish and not the best partner. I broke up with him still loving him. We had no contact for a month until we met up in person to talk about what had happened because we were apart when we broke up. I noticed he was very different and he was being genuine about being sorry for the way he treated me and I could see he was making a great effort to change and be a better person. He was incredibly respectful and mature about the situation which had surprised me. We are college students and we still live with our families which makes it difficult to be together without their consent. I know he wants to be with me and now I want to get back together with him but I’m terrified of having to tell my family because they will disapprove and it’ll sort of ruin the relationship. We already have our issues to work out through together adding my family would make it so much more difficult. What should I do!?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 20, 2020 at 11:54 pm
Hi Andrea, I would suggest that if you want to get your ex back that you follow the program but avoid sharing with your family what you are planning on doing for a while so that they do not get involved.
Theresa
February 19, 2020 at 9:30 pm
Hi,
My ex and I have been on and off for 5 years. He has had a bad relationship with drink and drugs and when things get bad he calls things off because he can’t deal with the unhappiness and arguing between us. I always knew he has a problem and I have always wanted to help him. I saw so much potential. About 5 months ago he called things off again as his problems got bad again. But within 4 weeks he comes begging me back.. this time I thought it was really over so I explained the whole situation to all my family and friends. He realised he has an unhealthy problem with alcohol and drugs and has stopped ever since, he wants to change and I beleive him. I know him better than anyone and I know he loves me. I want to give it a few months to be sure he has changed. But I dont think my family or friends would accept him back. I am also worried it will happen again. It’s hard because I love him and have always loved him. I would support him through anything. But has too much damage been done. Will I lose my family and friends? 🙁
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 22, 2020 at 10:47 pm
Hi Theresa I understand how hard it can be when you love someone but you can not able to have your family and friends support. However this person sounds as if they need time to get clean – properly. So I do suggest that you avoid getting into a relationship again and support them through getting clean.
Blossom
January 23, 2020 at 2:58 pm
Please help me. This is the second time we broke up and got back together. Both time my family was involved. But this time I have moved totally out of his place but we talked about it and everything is okay between me and him.
I don’t know to to tell my family that I’m back with him without upsetting them and making my self look stupid.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 24, 2020 at 11:18 am
Hey Blossom, so I say this to many people and I stand by this. Your family are going to love you if you are with him or with someone else. They just want the best for you. So if you believe this person is going to make you happy then be with them. Your family will accept it if you are happy
Nikki
January 22, 2020 at 4:34 am
My ex and I dated for 9 months before breaking things off because he didn’t know what he wanted and was confused. We both realized that we had some parts that we need to work on. On the day we broke up, he invited a girl over to his house, but nothing dirty happened (according to him). After a week of separation, my ex realized that his love for me is still there. The thing is that my parents hate him. They didnt appreciate how he hurt me like that. They hate him so much that they made me block him from everything, which I can understand because it’s all about healing. But, they told me that if I even talk to him then they will disown me. They said this because before, I tried running away from my ex because I was sick of the insults my parents would say to me every time I get lectured. I came back because I felt really guilty. I’m going to be moving out of town once I graduate high school and I have been keeping contact with my ex. My ex doesn’t really like my family as well because of the personal stuff I told him as well as his experiences with them. I don’t know what to do. Both sides are against each other and I’m basically in the middle who is in a lose-lose situation. I try to talk to my parents about how I feel wanting to go back, but never mentioned them that I’m still contacting my ex. They don’t support it and they say “once an ex, always an ex” I want to prove them wrong, but I don’t know how. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 22, 2020 at 9:14 pm
Hi Nikki, so as far as advice goes I suggest that you do what is going to make YOU happy, as far as friends and family go they just want the best for you and they see your ex as someone who has hurt you and is going to hurt you again. However if you follow this process properly it takes time to be back with your ex officially but you will have been re building your connection with your ex so that by the time you are back together you would have already met up with your ex a few times and your family will have accepted that this was going to happen by then.
Cait
January 16, 2020 at 6:24 am
Hi, so I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we broke up because basically it was a Friday night I had work and his best friends dad had pasted away so he and some friends went and had a drink. He ended up getting too drunk and cheated and well for fear of me hating him he broke up with me. We cut contact for two weeks until we ran into each other. He was a total mess and apologized over and over and over to me. After that we started to talk more and more and we have spent some time together. He is trying everything to re prove himself to me and I truly love him and want him in my life. So we are starting slow and everything because again my trust isn’t fully there, but his ability to prove himself has been beyond words. The huge problem is my family absolutely hates him for what happened. And I understand that because we are a very tight close family. But I haven’t said anything to my family about him and I resining comunication and talking again. But I need advice on how to get my family to understand I love him and that we are trying to fix this. Should I wait to talk to them? And how would I even get them to remotely understand? Also my ex-boyfriend wants my parents approval and it means everything to him too. I need help!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 18, 2020 at 6:41 pm
Hi Cait while you want them on your side remember that they do only want the best for you, but you have to do what makes you happy and if that is being with this person then explain this to your family and that you are sticking to your decision, it takes time for family to forgive someone who hurt us
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 7, 2020 at 10:21 pm
Hi Gracie, it is difficult as your age you are still under your parents guardian. If your boyfriend/ex boyfriend is willing to be patient and you show he is a good person they may be less against your relationship.
Bailey
December 4, 2019 at 4:11 am
Ex boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 months. The second month he broke up with me because he thought he rushed into our relationship. Two weeks later we got back together. We have a spark that i’ve never felt before. I love him and he loves me more than anything. About 2 days ago, we broke up again because he is having family issues and didn’t want to drag me along and end up hurting me. My mom is completely against me getting back with him. I love him and I don’t want my mom to get in the way of my relationship. I’m 17 and he’s 17. But i want to keep my relationship with my parents in good standing. I just want them to understand that me and him are okay. They need to let me grow and decide my future. What do i do? Do i not get back with him due to my moms views or respectively ignore them and be with him?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 6, 2019 at 8:52 pm
Hi Bailey, so if you look at this from your mothers view this guy keeps ending things with you which, keeps hurting you. Along with the fact that there is family problems she is not seeing him in a great light right now. If you and he want to get back together you can do, but you are going to have to stop the childish on and off games, or not tell your mother everything while things are only just back on you need to understand that she is only wanting to protect you, you are her child still. Even when you are 17 or 37 your Mam is always going to want to protect you. I would start up dating him slowly again and if he does mess you around and end things, be done with him because it is not good to be in an on and off again relationship when you are still young enough to go and have fun with your friends and not stress over relationships or guys.
Bryan
November 3, 2019 at 3:48 pm
My ex broke up with me last week due to me making a suicide attempt. He had been supportive of my mental illness really well before that and I supported him with his. He said he’s concerned I’ll do it again and his sister has made many attempts (most recent was 2 months ago). I’m sure he had a right to be angry. He said right now his emotions are too raw for us to work things out however he still believes I am the one for him. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 9, 2019 at 4:22 pm
Hi Bryan I am sorry thing are so dark for you right now, I do suggest working through therapy and coming out of your dark place before re entering the relationship as it makes it tougher to work through these things when we have someone else to consider. You need to be selfish right now and how to be happy (single) and that is how your relationship, or any relationship is going to work. Even if your boyfriend / ex boyfriend is supportive this event is proof you need to work on yourself first
Megan
October 13, 2019 at 10:44 am
Hi! I hope you can help me. I went out with this guy for 7 months. We were good together. But then we we broke up because I called him out on not being open to me enough. His break up line was that he didn’t know why his feelings were not deep enough to label the relationship. I said the same thing. We thought we were better off as friends. Few months in, we both realize that we really do love each other. He wanted to get back together with me by coming clean about his past: He was holding back because he was scared I’d leave him like his exes when they found out he emotionally cheated in his past relationship. That I would never look at him the same way. But my friends said that the way he broke up with me is unfair and that I should ask for space. They also said I shouldn’t give him a chance anymore. But I can’t help but feel that maybe this time we’ll get it right. I dont know what to do. When we broke up, he went out with the girl once but called it off saying that there wasn’t really anything there in the relationship. I don’t know what to do. We’ve been trying to fix for 2 months now but I’m still hung up over the fact that I might not be the girl he really loves and that by ignoring my friends advice, I would lose them if this guy ever break up with me in the future.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 15, 2019 at 8:58 pm
Hey Megan I think your friends are just worried and looking out for you, but you need to try and work on being happy (single) and see how things develop with your ex slowly. Be cautious and watch his actions not his words when you are building a relationship again and make sure that the other girl who you are worried about is not in the picture
Brittney
October 10, 2019 at 3:14 am
Hello! My ex boyfriend broke up with me abruptly 7 months ago. It’s a long story but it was basically over an issue I had with my house which I had recently purchased. It was an outside environmental issue and he is an engineer so he had a lot of expertise with helping me fix the problem. I feel like I ended up giving up and letting him handle most of the issue. He said it got too stressful to help me and that he knew he was making me feel badly. He also said I should have waited to buy a house so that maybe we could have bought a house together, but we had only been together a few months when I was in escrow. I felt terrible that he basically left me over something that was out of my control and my family and friends were surprised when he broke up with me. Consequently, they absolutely do not like him and have said they never liked him anyways. Although we were apart, we would text each other every now and then. He started texting me more frequently and eventually asked to meet for drinks. Even though I was dating someone else, I agreed and he ended up telling me he was still in love with me. He asked for a second chance and said he has changed and regrets ever doing what he did and that he would never hurt me again. He even showed me a note he prepared to say to my family apologizing. My heart wants to give him another chance, but when I hear my family say I should move on and stay with the person I’m dating, it gives me so much doubt about trying again and shuts me down. It has been multiple times that he has shown up to ask for another chance and I’ve kept saying yes then backing out because of my family’s reaction. After all the rejection and hot/cold reactions from me, he has started dating someone else. He said he hopes I figure things out before it’s too late. Now it feels like an ultimatum and I feel at war with myself. Please help!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 12, 2019 at 8:51 am
Hi Brittney, so even though friend and family love us, they are not going to be the ones who control your happiness. So if your ex is going to be your person who you are happy and in love with then go for it. Because at the end of the day it’s your life not theirs.
Olivia
September 30, 2019 at 8:41 pm
Hello. I am in a bit of a pickle here. None of my friends are supportive of me getting back with my ex and have threatened to “shun” me if I do. The thing is, I have reconciled with him and we have been seeing each other for two weeks now. Everyone thinks I’m still single. I just feel like they’re giving me an ultimatum here. They’re trying to make me choose between him and them. My ex and I have been on and off for three years and this is our third go at things. We have been through a lot together and we were each other’s best friend and each other’s worst enemy at the same time. We were both severely depressed and unmotivated but i was the only one that had enough drive to work so the bottom line is that he freeloaded off of me the entire time. We broke up last time because i told him i was going to live with my mother and that we moved in together too young and too soon into our relationship because i felt that he didn’t have the chance to figure out how to adult and be responsible by himself. We were apart for 8 months and he is working and has a house of his own now. I’m living with my mother and i think if he keeps up being independent like that our relationship could work and he could learn to support a family. My friends do not feel the same at all and it’s just like you said. they see a picture but they haven’t read the whole book. All i know is i’ve never felt a love like this before and i know it sounds like a train wreck but it’s my life. Can’t picture myself having a family or wedding in the future where he isn’t in it. Really looking for some advice here. Thank you for this post it’s the only thing on the internet i could find relating to my issue.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 1, 2019 at 8:38 pm
Hi Olivia, so its a personal experience here. I found Ex Boyfriend Recovery during my break up from my current partner, and my family and friends didn’t want me to go back with him, they couldn’t understand why I would go back to someone who hurt me. But I knew this is the person I wanted to be with so – even though it was awkward and some people were upset with my decision its my life and I do what is best for me.
As long as he wasn’t mentally or physically abusive in any way and you think this is something worth the backlash then go for it. You have to live your life being happy for yourself not for others. Even though they think they know what is best for you, its YOUR decision.
Christina
September 27, 2019 at 7:57 am
So I recently broke up with my boyfriend and then we talked out why we were having communication issues. It wasn’t just his phone but his busy schedule with 8 college classes and 2 jobs. He hadn’t talked to anyone outside of school and work except for me in three weeks. We met on discord about 2 years ago and started a long distance relationship and I found out he had someone before he got with me because of his parents and was still with her when I stepped away and then he talked to me and he broke up with her and we got together in December of 2018 and I broke up with him because I asked others for advice on my relationship because I wasn’t getting replies from him not knowing the situation and those people got involved in my love life bc I asked for advice and told me to break up with him which I did and then we worked things out. And relationships are all about breakups and makeups sometimes. I just wanna know how I should tell my friends that I got back together with him bc they say that even before he got two jobs he hardly talked to me but he has a really bad phone. His phone is the only iPhone 6 that freezes and goes crazy and he can’t really afford a new one. He two jobs are just so he can survive. He has 72 hours of school stuff such as classes and homework and then 40 hours is work and then 46 hours is sleep in a span of 7 days.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 29, 2019 at 8:35 pm
Hi Christina, his schedule is crazy busy, however if you are willing to accept that he doesn’t have that much free time for you that’s your choice, and your friends have to accept that. If you want them to not have an opinion about your relationship this time around I do suggest not complaining to them if things are getting difficult, or if you have one friend who is more of a listening ear than about giving you advice.
Lauren Maas
September 15, 2019 at 6:06 am
Me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago and my parents absolutely hate him because he wasn’t very nice to them or me but we have resolved our issues and want to get back together soon but my parents threatened to kick me out last time I talked about getting back with him and that’s where I need help. How do I get them to accept him enough so I can keep living at home? I’m only 17
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 15, 2019 at 1:50 pm
Hey Lauren, that’s a difficult situation to deal with. My best advise is to speak to your parents about how you feel about him and get your guy to apologise to your parents for behaving badly in the past. If you wanted to be treated as an adult be honest. They may not like the face you’re with him but honesty is the best policy
Meisy
May 15, 2019 at 11:26 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up twice in 2 months after dating for 11months; once because he was worried sick I didn’t tell him I got home safetly one night, and wanted out (no, he didn’t and still doesn’t control me), we talked next morning and I basically calmed him down. But I gave him a warning, that another move like that and I wouldn’t try to fight him. We were done.
And the second time the next month, he was smelling trouble, and instead of talking to me to fix it or something, he did something similar. He shut himself from me little by little, he pushed me… Till a week he was on call, really stressed out and he decided that he didn’t want to continue. That he was always on a relationships and never alone, and didn’t know if he wanted to continue.
We lost contact, althought he wasn’t having it and wanted to remain friends; and I asked him to let me be. Before we closed things up, I pointed out (nicely) he needed help, he admited it and said he was going to look for help; and that was it. I didn’t trust it would be true his last statement.
On what it would have been our aniversary, he contacted me after nearly 4 weeks apart. He asked me for a chat face to face. He apologized, he was still attending the psicologist (I knew it before I accepted to that chat, was the main reason I accepted to meet up) and wanted to fix things, that he regret everything and was going to fight for us; and in a near future, wanted to live together (something he always made little comments such as a tiny flat for both of us to live, like making excuses and I confronted him about that in the end). He said he managed poorly stress and he was sorry for that and was working on it. He wanted to continue going to the psicology because he didn’t want to lose everything.
I, was beginning to move on and admiting that I couldn’t continue that relationship with that much stupid breaking up.
Now, we have compromised to take things slow. I still have to break the news to my family (he isn’t close with his) to someone, because I’m afraid of their reactions and to tell them the next day that we are done again.
Ali
January 29, 2019 at 12:59 am
So I am still in love with my sons father 8 years later. We had him while we were in high school. And since then we have had multiple domestic violence disputes, he has been arrested multiple times for drugs and such, and he even had a child with another woman. I have always forgiven him for everything he has done. And I love his other son like my own. And I have even grown to love his mother in an oddly way we get along very well. But my family despises my sons father. They are big into loyalty and he betrayed me. Now we have both grown up though and I kind of want to give it another shot. So does he…… I think…. unless he is lying which could very much be the case with his track record. Anyway. I am scared to death to tell my family and don’t even know if I should go for it. Like we have a huge past and a child. But I love him.
Avery
October 2, 2018 at 3:15 pm
I have the opposite problem. My ex broke up with me because I lied. All of my ex’s friends and family loved me, but now they hate me and say terrible things about me since the breakup. What can I do to improve the sphere of influence and give myself a chance to get back together?
Chris Seiter
October 3, 2018 at 1:23 am
Hi Avery. Everybody lies. You are not a terrible person. Forgive yourself for the mistruth you told and move forward. Acknowledge to your ex you know what you did was wrong. Leave it at that. Then start NC as its a process that provides many benefits. Visit my home page for more information on the resources and tools I provide.
Chris Seiter
October 3, 2018 at 1:23 am
Hi Avery. Everybody lies. You are not a terrible person. Forgive yourself for the mistruth you told and move forward. Acknowledge to your ex you know what you did was wrong. Leave it at that. Then start NC as its a process that provides many benefits. Visit my home page for more information on the resources and tools I provide.
Chris Seiter
October 3, 2018 at 1:23 am
Hi Avery. Everybody lies. You are not a terrible person. Forgive yourself for the mistruth you told and move forward. Acknowledge to your ex you know what you did was wrong. Leave it at that. Then start NC as its a process that provides many benefits. Visit my home page for more information on the resources and tools I provide.
Tom
August 27, 2018 at 2:43 am
I need help
Thompson
August 27, 2018 at 2:39 am
Hello, my girlfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago, I’m 17 and she’s 16. We were dating for 6 months, and we broke up because I made a terrible mistake. There was one night where a friend of her got on her phone and texted me saying I was a terrible person and boyfriend… I didn’t know it wasn’t her and I was so hurt. That same night I went to hangout with some friends and there was this girl that was there. She moved close to me, I moved away. She did it again and I didn’t pay much attention. I was just to upset to really notice, she then like started moving her hands on my body and then she moved my hands to do the same to her. It happened for maybe 10 minutes and then I stopped it… I should’ve stopped it before it ever happened. I’ve felt awful since, she broke up with me a couple days later after I told her. We have both started talking again and decide we want to give it another try because we want to make this work. The problem is, her parents know about everything and they won’t let her see me whatsoever and tell her we have to be just friends. We want to be more than friends and want to date, and I have done so many things to try and show I am not a terrible person and that I care about their daughter so much. I have tried to talk to them in person and apologize and show how much I care and how I’ll do anything but her mom won’t let me talk to her. I am considering trying to talk to her dad one on one and just really owning up to my mistake but really showing how much I care about their daughter. We want to get back together so bad but her parents are holding us back, what can I do to show them I am not who I made myself seem to be? To show them that I am a good guy who love their daughter as will do anything to make things right and make things absolutely amazing for their daughter. Thank you!
Kaddi
August 8, 2018 at 9:00 pm
Hi, my boyfriend and I were dating for almost a year. During this time he got really close to me and my family. About one month before our anniversary we got into an argument and during a heated moment he broke up with me. We cut all communication and for exactly one month I there was no contact until out of no where he reached out and apologized and wants to fix the relationship and give it another try. I still love him and have a hard time giving up on what was a great thing up until that argument. So as of now we are taking things slow and are trying to see if the relationship can be saved. The problem is that I am extremely close with my family, specifically my older brother. I discussed that me and my Ex were going to give our relationship another try and my brother is extremely against this and now has a lot of animosity torwards my Ex. I love my brother a lot and he was really there for me when the break up happened. I feel extremely torn between the two of them and really want to ease my brother’s anger but I’m not sure how to do so while still attempting to fix my relationship with my Ex. Please give me any advice you may have. Thank you.