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218 thoughts on “How To Handle Friends And Family Who Disapprove Of You Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Avatar

    Angelica

    January 23, 2017 at 8:42 pm

    Me and my ex are 24 and we were together for 6 years. He broke up with me back in august and he’s already dating someone new. (He told me the last time we talked right before new years eve.)

    We have 2 mutual friends. One is 25 and unfortunately I told him last week the really long story of the events that happened between my ex and i after our breakup since I know that my ex didnt tell him and how I’m still upset about it. Now our friend doesn’t support me in attempting to get my ex back since he says I deserve someone better and tried to talk me out of trying to get him back. Should I tell him that I’m doing great now and try to use reverse psychology on him and thank him for talking me out of trying to get him back or what should I do?

    Our other mutual friend is also 24 and has been friends with my ex and I for 10 years. I haven’t been able to get in contact with him but when I do, I’m not sure if i should tell him the whole story. I feel like I should since he’s known both me and my ex for years and he knows all about the long history and past drama with my ex and i (we first got together when we were 14), and my ex is much closer to him and I am also. I’m also still pretty confused about the way things ended between my ex and I and about some of the things that he told me and i would like our friend’s insight on it and what my ex might be thinking. I also would like his advice on whether my ex is worth trying to get back with after everything that’s happened. But I’m also not sure if i should tell him since im not completely positive if he’ll fully support me in trying to get him back.

    If we do get back together, it can only be through the help of our mutual friends since my ex blocked my phone number, I have no social media, and absolutely no one else supports me in trying to get him back.

    I’ve been doing NC since new years day. I have no choice really since he blocked my phone number. If i do try to get him back, I’ve decided that I won’t do it until he contacts me first. (If he ever does. I know he won’t any time soon since he’s happy in his new relationship and I didnt take our breakup very well at that time. I annoyed him a bit). I have no other way of contacting him. Im not sure if he’ll ever try to contact me again even though he said that he still wanted to be friends, that he still cares about me, and that I’m special to him and he’s just giving me time to calm down or if I annoyed him to the point of no return. I know that i have to show him that im a completely different person and that will take at least a few months to maybe the whole year.

    It would be good to know that I have the support of our mutual friends and that they can give information to him about me and my changes when the time comes.

    What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 12:57 pm

      Hi Angelica,

      If you really want to show you’re not chasing him, don’t involve your friends. Just thank the other one for his advice and stop asking for him. You don’t have to reverse psychology him. If he blocked you because you annoyed him or he’s protecting his new relationships then that means he just needs to see you’ve moved on. You can use your friends but not in the way to ask them for help. Do it nonverbally. Ask them to go out or have coffee just to catch up with each other. When they see you’ve improved and not all about your ex anymore, that will reach your ex once they meet up.. If they don’t meet up, then take a photo together and if they’re mutual friends, your ex will see that post. Keep your posts public too, so when he gets curious, he’ll see your posts even if you’re not friends.

  2. Avatar

    brianna corrigan

    January 17, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    my names brianna and i’m 15 and two days ago my boyfriend and i (well now ex) broke up and he gave me about 50 different excuses and honestly i have no idea what’s true and what’s not. the first reason he gave me was that my mom was making our relationship difficult and he couldn’t handle it anymore, that it just wasn’t worth it anymore, another reason he told my friend was that he “just wanted to be single”, and another reason was that he lost his virginity while we were dating to another girl/kissed another girl instead of hanging with me. but then again he tells me he doesn’t know who he wants and that he doesn’t wanna see me with another guy. i don’t know what to do because i really do love him bc he’s my first love, aka serious relationship bc today was supposed to be our 4 month. i really wanna try to fix our relationship and maybe we just need a break but he won’t even talk to me (he leaves me on read) or if he does it’s a few words then he will say “Bye.” he won’t even talk to me about anything or if he still has feelings for me and i don’t know how to get him to talk to me. these past two days he used to be afraid of my best friend but now that we’ve broken up they’ve become buddy buddy from the looks of it, like he still wants to keep in touch but doesn’t want to show it. honestly i have no idea what to do, and i’d really love some help.

    1. Avatar

      brianna corrigan

      January 17, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      also i’ve tried telling him we could fix our issues that my parents have of him because of the first impression he made by lying about his family bc he’s ashamed bc his dad and mom aren’t good role models and i tried talking to him about just talking to my parents and showing he’s a good guy. that’s part of the reason i believe that we broke up bc he’s afraid to do that.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2017 at 9:10 pm

      Hi Brianna,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  3. Avatar

    Ashlyn

    December 25, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    Me and my ex both really want to get back together but I’m with a guy and my mom and dad really like who I’m with. I’m willing to break up with who I’m with to get my ex back. My parents do not like my ex and do not want me having any communication with him… what should I do? If I do it behind their back I would get into so much trouble. I’ve tried setting down to talk to them about it several times but they just don’t seem to understand how I feel about my ex. What should I do? Please help!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 4:46 pm

      Hi ashlyn,
      I have to ask first, How old are you?

  4. Avatar

    Maria

    December 22, 2016 at 2:49 pm

    Hi! So I’m a bit on a backwards situation to what this site says… he wants to get back together with me.
    My bf and I were together for 2 years. I am 5 years his senior (I’m 29, he’s 24) and the relationship was overall good. He’s a bit of an introvert and alienated my family and friends with this behavior. When he broke up with me he said it was because he wasn’t in love with me anymore and could never even consider marriage. He showed up a year after and now he says that he was very depressed when he made that decision and that now he’s been going to therapy. That he does eventually want to get married and that he wants to give us a second chance. I want to give him a second chance but my family is against him, especially my mom. She thinks I’m worthy of someone better but I want to give him a chance (I have a VERY good and open relationship with her). It’s difficult to see things clearly when my mom is so disappointed. What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2016 at 11:54 am

      Hi Maria,

      your parents wants the best for you but they’re not the ones who’s going to live your life.. They’re not the ones who’s going to be happy being in a relationship with him nor the ones who will learn a lesson if it doesn’t go well..it’s your life.. own up to your choices whether it’s good or bad

  5. Avatar

    Stephanie

    November 9, 2016 at 5:02 pm

    Hey! I was with my ex for a year and a half, we never had any issues, until the day he broke up with me and all of a sudden. He started to spend more time with his daughter and then eventually did start to date the mother of his child. Until about a month ago when he came back to me apologizing for ever leaving me, and that he learned so much about how amazing we where together. My parents use to love him but now that they know what has happen between us they do not want me to have any contact at all with him and I am still madly in love with him. I do not know if i should have him sit down and talk with my parents or if we should continue to talk and when things become more serious then bring our families back into the picture.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      Hi Stephanie,

      How old are you both? Talk to your parents, if they don’t approve, respect their decision. And what do you value? If you really value your parent’s opinion on this, then listen to them and move on. If you think they should give him a chance, then you have to be patiend because you can’t force how they should be feeling about him.

  6. Avatar

    Hayley

    October 20, 2016 at 6:17 pm

    Hi. I am 19 y/o and my ex & I are the same age. We dated in high school& early college, so a total of close to 2 years. however, we did split for a couple months because my mom/parents made us break up. We of course didn’t accept that and when I went away continued dating, more long distance, but with visits and when I was home I saw him. We ended things because we simply weren’t as in love and with the pressures of my family not liking him it didn’t seem worth it. Shortly after he got in a rebound relationship, left her for me, and then went back to her after I told him to during a bad argument. They are now broken up and we are on good terms and friends. The feelings are mostly gone. I believe they can come back, but my problem is that my family still hates him. My mom saw that I followed him on Instagram and got mad. She really hates him. Partially because he was a typical asshole @ times and partially because his mental health wasn’t the best and at times he acted poorly in relation to it. No abuse, just basic immaturity. How do I show my mom that even being friends with him is okay- -& if it leads to something more great. But I’m not necessarily expecting it to. I know we can work but my family is a huge huge issue. What can I do. Talking doesn’t really help- she thinks I’m being naive and that I’m letting my feelings for him cloud good judgment.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 22, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      Hi hayley,

      you just have to respect her opinion.. Tell her you understand her and thank her for looking out for you but if this is a mistake, you have to make it to learn..

  7. Avatar

    Sarah

    October 15, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    This is somewhat long, so please bear with me.

    I was with my ex for almost two years. In fact, we are a month away from our second anniversary. So much has happened in our relationship, so many arguments and so many tears. A lot of it was heated and a lot of it happened in front of his family and my family. But, I will start from the beginning. For the sake of the story, I will

    Before I was with my ex(Drake), I had a two-ish month thing with a friend of his (Dick). I broke up with Dick, and he harassed me over and over. Dick would show up to my house and walk right in when I was alone, he would show up to Drake’s house when he knew I was there, and he would call and text endlessly. I was scared of Dick. Within the month span of me breaking up with Dick, I got drunk once and he assaulted me while I was blacked out, and he forced me to sleep with him several more times. Drake was there and knew about all of this, and it hurt him and angered him greatly. He asked me if he could confront Dick, but I knew Drake would get upset because Dick was the kind of person that was “never wrong” and in Dick’s head he and I were in a relationship when he r-ped me. I said no, and Drake never got his closure.

    Dick moved to a different state, and a few days after Drake asked me out. The first year was hard. We fought over what happened with Dick. He asked me why, if I still cared, etc. and I was so confused. I wasn’t even admitting to myself that it was happening when it happened. I told him that I loved the guy (when I didn’t), and I also told Drake that I thought about him as my escape with Dick was doing his thing. We fought over it so many times, we’ve been off and on so many times. We’ve both said hurtful things.

    Drake tried so hard to make the relationship work. So so hard. We would break up and get back with one another within a week. He’s so good at communicating and I’m not good at it at all. I’m finally accepting what happened, but I don’t know if it’s too late. I admit, I go crazy at times but I had started meditating and whatnot. It’s been a week since we broke up and he found out an old friend of mine (who’s a guy) dropped me off home. We’ve argued about it. He came over to my house today and he hit the side of my house. My little brother got involved and told me that if I ever get back with Drake again, he won’t speak to me.

    What to do about Drake? What should I do about my brother?
    How can I get both of them to understand that I want them both in my life?
    I know my ex and I will get back together, we love each other too much, but I don’t want to lose my brother over this issue either.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2016 at 9:55 am

      Hi Sarah,

      why didn’t you report the incident to the police? You should report it. Your brother is just angry.. just let him cool down and then explain the situation to him

  8. Avatar

    Leti

    October 12, 2016 at 5:45 pm

    So my ex and I were dating for a while but he just wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. Recently we started dating again after being broken up for a little over a year. At first I didnt want to restart our relationship because I was afraid of what my family would tell me, in particular my sister who I currently live with. So I decided to tell them a little lie but now that lie keeps getting bigger, they know I’m dating again but they have no idea who the guy is. I don’t know how to bring it up and tell them who he is, they know I’m happy with him but I feel like some of them will disapprove of my relationship. But I don’t want to keep lying to them, I want them to know through me that I’m dating my ex again, rather than them finding out through someone else and then being more disappointed that I didn’t just tell them. Please help me out, how should I tell them? I want to let them know sooner than later.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 9:57 am

      hi Leti,

      You just have to really say it.. Dont make it a big deal so that they dont make a big deal out of it.. Like, for example if you’re having a drink while having a funny chat with her, just say

      “actually, name is the one that I have been seeing lately!”

      if they understand say thank you if not, just assure them that whatever happens it either will be a lesson you have to go through, part of life or a happy ending

  9. Avatar

    S/D

    October 12, 2016 at 3:19 am

    Well here is the situation: My ex and I are trying to come back together but we don’t know how to tell people we are trying to come back together. Taking in consideration that we wouldn’t like to make it public yet, what should we do or say to the people that asked if we are back together again? Even if we want to talk about it and go out together. Should we tell someone? Should we say we are not back together? or should we just ignore the outliers?

    1. Avatar

      S/D

      October 14, 2016 at 1:27 am

      But what should we tell our friends/ family while we are trying to comeback together? If we don’t want to make it public yet, nor say that we are already back together.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2016 at 4:06 pm

      dont make a big deal out of it, so that other people wont make a big deal out of it.. just say it causually that you got back together.. If yore not doing anything wrong why hide it? You have to develop a thick skin and just learn to accept that other people will always give their opinion.. That’s their freedom but it’s your choice if you want to be affected by it.. It’s one thing to listen and asses what they say, it’s another thing to let how you live be affected by it..

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 12, 2016 at 9:59 am

      Hi SD,

      why does their opinion matter?

  10. Avatar

    Veronica

    October 9, 2016 at 3:11 pm

    Hi I’d like to ask how I should explain to my friends(and eventually family) the reasons for me getting back with my ex. I feel like even though I tell them my point of view they still won’t listen yet they are all very important to me, and so is he.
    We met and got together on a showchoir performance tour when I was 15 and he was 18(with my parents permission. He came over to my house and asked for permission to be with me). In the beginning people were happy for me but for him people didnt think it’d last simply because I seemed too young for him. Later on when he graduated from high school and moved on to performing in college he used to get teased a lot because he was dating someone underaged. Throughout it all we still believed in our love and did our best to ignore those who didnt support us and embraced our mutual friends who did. Later on in our relationship we started arguements, usually about what we can do about our bad habits; me with my anti social ways and indecisiveness and him with his slight anger issues. We stayed together for a year and two months before an event happened where I felt abandoned neglected and alone and he just turned it against me saying it was my fault for not going over to him and for not being social enough and for me to stop being so awkward. This led to me looking back at our past arguements and this event and thinking that things will never get anywhere because he can’t understand me and we can’t seem to communicate well enough with eachother so I broke up with him. There was and endless supply of tears on both ends but it seemed that he was doing just fine a week later having blocked me on all types of social media and going through his default getting over an ex routine while I never got over him even after not communicating with him for 6 months. Later on I first contacted him and asked how he was doing, eventually leading up to can we be friends.? Just friends? After breaking up he was crying and pleading with me not to leave him and if we could even just stay friends but I knew it would hurt too much to do that but 6 months later I felt maybe we could and after talking through it, we slowly and cautiously became friends.
    He did tell me that he was surprised to me reaching out to him, but that he still cared for me and was glad to hear how I was doing. We started talking again a bit more and more, like starting fresh. After a month, we started to hang out a few times and maintained a close yet cautious friendship. I remembered all that I felt for him before, and loved it and loved him from afar. Time passed and after months of being friends I guess he started realizing his feelings for me too and we talked about how we made one another feel and how we think it’d be okay to be together. I am now 18 and he is 21, and there are much less barriers than before, less circumstances and obstacles to overcome. We want this now, we are happier than ever being with eachother, in the company of, having that best friend yet romantic relationship, and its the greatest in the purest way and we are just completely happy again.
    We went over how we should communicate and our communication and understandings of eachother has grown too, but its all come down to telling my friends and family. Everyone on his side, his friends and family support him and like me too but its significantly harder for me. My friends view him as someone I shouldnt be with and is not worthy of getting me back and he’s just not the one for me and theres plenty of other guys I’ll meet. The thing is I don’t want to meet another. I feel that he’s the only one for me and he feels the same. I know I may seem to be young and can be unsure or reckless, but I know what I feel and I am sure of it and so is he.
    So is there a way to show them how I firmly believe this will go well? Or should I hide it until a while and if so how long.? I want to come out to them but I am struggling with how much they disapprove of this taboo :/

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 7:58 am

      Hi Veronica,

      nope don’t hide it.. You can’t force other people to believe you. Your friends and family have your best interest at heart, the best you can do is thank them and say sorry to them because you’re still sticking to your decision and ask them to understand to be there if you ever made the wrong decision. Because, this is something you’re sure now is right but you can be wrong, but you have to go through it to learn. You’re not forcing them to be on your side but you do hope they are there if you ever have to say that they are right, and to hope that they are someday too, if it turns out that you made the right decision.

      That’s part of life.. You have to learn to accept that other people have the freedom to their opinions and decision. You can’t live getting everybody’s approval before making your own decision.

  11. Avatar

    Toni

    October 5, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    So I’m 24 and my ex bf is 28. We haven’t been dating long but we had an incredible thing going. He was super mind all that stuff girls say on here. Flash forward to the incident of why we broke up. We got into a stupid little fight early in the day but got over it quickly however he said something that hurt my feelings so when we saw each other later that day I was kind of distant. I tried keeping it to myself. He asked what was wrong but I didn’t want to start another fight. We went to his friends house for dinner he got a little too drunk I guess and when we got home all hell broke loose. Ill skip the details but Basicall he destroyed a bunch of my personal items like makeup and stuff not anything major but still he pushed me when I tried to leave after he told me to get out of his house. When I was outside he pushed me again into his car and I immediately got scared and walked away. i called my parents to come get me because I was scared. I didn’t call the cops because in my mind. I didn’t have any bruises there were no witnesses what were they really going to do. I knew he was drunk and I didn’t want to get him in trouble either. Now obviously my parents hate him. He called me and said he was sorry. I know this sounds stupid but I love him and who I am I forgive so easily and want to see the best in everyone. He tells me he will go get help and he wants us to go together too. He says he really wanted a future and all that stuff and will do whatever t takes for me to forgive him. Should I give him a second chances when it became a physical thing? Maybe it was a one time thing. Maybe not? He’s the best man I’ve dated and the worst because of this incident. My dad would shoot him if he ever saw him again. But I want to believe that we can overcome this. Or am I just being foolish.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 7, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      Hi Toni,

      you’re being emotional.. But I think in order to have a proper 2nd chance, both of you need to go to couples therapy.

  12. Avatar

    Catherine

    October 1, 2016 at 7:43 am

    Hi,I’m Catherine aged 20.My boyfriend is turning 24 come November. We’ve been dating for seven months n never had fights apart from the tiny misunderstandings.He never stopped expressing his love,talking of how happy I make him,consulting me before taking any major decisions even work related.It was a long distance relationship but not that long.Problems started when his family was to relocate to Coast. He wanted to stay but his dad insisted that he quits his job n follow him.I tried to tell him that relocating would cost him a lot n he was like,’he’s my dad’ he depends on me’I’m confused n that he didn’t feel like talking about it. Our chats started reducing.He would go silent or leave me hanging. When I asked him he said his life was in a mess.This continued n he couldn’t even pick up my calls.I decided to give him his space.We didn’t communicate for 3 weeks before I decided to call him up n he was like I regret ever going to Coast. I thought I could cope without knowing when I’d see you again.I’m coming back to Nairobi permanently n dad has disowned me for it.I don’t know how I’m going to pay my fees but I’ll fix it,Don’t ask me how.I’ll call you later.He never called. So after some days I texted him to show him support n he was greatful wanted to see me but I was going back to school.He was in n off.On the 14th we talked well though as usual he left me hanging. So at night I asked him if he’d be busy the next day n he told me he’d be at a conference which I got in the morning. I told him I needed to see him,but he didn’t reply.Then I just texted again I was coming n I packed my bag n left.Hwhen I was almost there his phone was off,I tried his other line n the text was delivered. On calling he was offline n I was left stranded late night with nowhere to turn to since I didn’t know the city quite well.A friend connected me with her cousin n I slept over.The next morning I called him up but he never picked up or texted back.My Siz texted him harshly n since then he’s never called or explained himself n I also considered myself single.I love him deeply n I don’t know what went wrong coz we never even argued.Why can’t he just apologize. Everybody tells me not to accept him back even if he apologizes but I really want him back.I feel there’s so much we haven’t enjoyed together. WhaWhat’s going on through his mind n will he even apologize? It’s been 2 weeks now.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 4, 2016 at 10:02 am

      Hi Catherine,

      I think he was just all talk with you..it was a short relationship… not enough to really know him well.. yes, he says he misses you but he didnt really mean it enough to see you.. and then you went there and all he could think about was just to ghost you..

      I’m not sure if he will even apologize but I think the only chance that you have of him talking to you again is if he’s sure you’ve already moved on and wont confront him anymore of what happened

  13. Avatar

    Tiffany

    September 26, 2016 at 1:17 am

    Me and my boyfriend were together for a year and 6 months. He one day broke up with me with no explanation, and I cried for a while. 3 months later he contacted me and wanted to get back together. I’m willing to give him a chance but once I told my parents they didn’t think it was a good idea and that he’d break up with me again and that it was for my own good. I really want to give him another chance but I feel like my parents wouldn’t let me see him and idk what to do or handle the situation.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 11:22 am

      Hi Tiffany,

      how old are you?

  14. Avatar

    Jerry

    September 25, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    Hi there,

    I have a dilemma. My fiance and I recently lost our baby son. The events that occurred were very traumatic. My fiance is a recovering alcoholic and would have occurrences every couple of months and go out late when I was sleeping. I came down with fever at 8 months one night and he was nowhere to be found. He showed up passed out drunk in our garage the morning I needed him and had to have my step dad take me to the hospital. This is where two weeks of hospital trips and family feuds broke out. Fighting, grief, and everything took place. We are now grieving our son together and are struggling to make our relationship work. There has also been infidelity in the course of our relationship so there’s not much trust. But we love each other so much. Our families don’t support the relationship and think we aren’t good together. We are seeking couples counseling and trying to cope, but we do argue a lot. Mostly about our families. My family hasn’t been the healthiest because they are recovering alcoholics too, so you think they would understand my fiance and his struggles? I really want to make this relationship work and heal. Do you think I should ignore their wishes?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 9:09 am

      Hi Jerry,

      that’s good that you’re already in therapy. Your family wants the best for you but you have to make the decision based on your own wants. You cannot live on other’s opinions because whatever the consequences are, it’s your decision, you can’t blame others just because you listened or didn’t listen to them.

  15. Avatar

    Marilyn

    September 14, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    Hi…

    Sooo my ex boyfriend of a 1 year 6 months and I started talking again, its now been a year since the break up. We started hanging out on the weekends a just having a good time going to dinner or lunch. I told my best friend about it and she completely supported me which made me super happy. However my mom somehow found out and was beyond mad at me saying he never treated me right and we’re too different. In the heat of the moment i yelled back. Then she began saying the only reason i’m going back to him is becaue things with this guy i was seeing didn’t work out. This confused me a lot and got me thinking, but I feel deep down that shes wrong because everytime i see my ex we have a great time and laugh and its like there was never any sadness in between. My mom keeps saying how she won’t support me and he won’t be allowed in the house. She also said he is a great person and he cares for him, but that he is not the right person for me because he “changed” her daughter. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this situation because i really do care about him and want him back in my life but without my moms support it almost seems impossible! Any ideas on how i can make her understand ? Do you think i’m confused and just going back to him because its what i”m used to?

    Also i’m 18 and he is too.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 17, 2016 at 5:55 pm

      Hi Marilyn,

      you can’t control other people.. You can only respect what they feel because that’s their right. Your mom is just looking out for you because she loves you.. Take things slow so, that in time you can feel or find out if you’re just really confused.

  16. Avatar

    Juliana

    September 10, 2016 at 12:49 am

    Ok, so my situation is different enough that I don’t know whether the advice above will apply. My boyfriend and I had been together for over two and a half year when about four months ago we had a massive fight and I broke up with him. We were separated for four days before he came to me and asked to get back together. Unfortunately, in the time we were apart my parents confessed that they never liked him and that he wasn’t good for me. So when we got back together, we kept it from our parents. It worked until we graduated and I moved 200 miles away from him for college. We’ve been on unsteady ground since the last break up, and the long distance made it worse. He broke up with me last night and I thought that I had lost him for good this time. My parents saw the state I was in and demanded I tell them what was wrong, so I confessed that I had been seeing my boyfriend behind their backs, and that he broke up with me. Now they hate him. Today he begged for my forgiveness and said that he had made a mistake, and of course I took him back because I love him and I know that he loves me. So my question is, how do I tell my parents, and what do I do if they aren’t supportive (which they certainly won’t). I know you said that I shouldn’t say anything, but I lied before and it just made it worse when they found out… Can you help me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 10, 2016 at 5:53 pm

      Hi Juliana,

      how old are you? I’m not trying to sat that you’re immature or what not but I just want to understand how emotionally strong you might be.. Your parents only want the best for you and being good parents they dont want you to get hurt. So, be understanding but open too that whatever they feel they are free to feel. You cant control it and you dont have to change it.

      Talk to them calmy in a way that you are taking into consideration what their point of view is and just explaining why you love your bf..

      like, Mom, dad I understand how you feel and I’m not here to change that. I’m just being honest this time because I dont want you to get hurt and lose trust in me because I love you both. I value both your opinions but in fairness to my bf, he is not given the chance to prove himself and I havent really share the good side of our relationship.. I’m not asking you to welcome him with open arm, just give him the benefit of the doubt but if you cant I respect that too. I just want to be honest that were back together and if I get hurt, I’m sure it’s for me to learn to avoid someone worse and to appreciate someone better

  17. Avatar

    JAMES

    September 6, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    I have a reverse ordeal as I am the guy. But I am sure you can apply some wisdom as she does want this I believe. I cheated on her badly and she is very hurt. The family does not like me for that. It was a long distance relationship and I have all but told her that I don’t care about a thing but her and will uproot and move there now to be near her and work on us. She has a fear for her hearts safety which I get but she really is worried about her parents being ok with being with me as she doesn’t want waves to trickle down to her kids if her parents are totally not on board. She said she needs to prey on this and just asked for some space during that time. We spoke last night for the first time in over a month on the phone for near 4 hours. Had some laughs and tears. There isn’t a road I wouldn’t cross for this woman!!! She means so much but this whole parent thing is a tough one. Thank you for any help.

    Regards
    James

    1. Avatar

      JAMES

      September 8, 2016 at 7:24 pm

      Yes it is. She said she is so angry and hurt she cant see me face to face. She hurt me she said lol…i am sure that’s an exaggeration though. Wouldn’t it be a step in the process for us to sit face to face and talk? Or wait for her to want that.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 9, 2016 at 6:05 pm

      I think you need to give her space.. let her heal and think.. do at least 21 days.. She’s of age to make the right decision..

    3. Avatar

      JAMES

      September 7, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      i AM 43 SHE IS 38. Well she isn’t sure the application above applies exactly but i think it does. No where in there does it say these are based on why you broke up. She has allot of anger still and sadness as this is still pretty fresh.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 8, 2016 at 11:03 am

      Because the cheating is the reason for the break up? You have to cut all ties with the other woman and prove to her that you’ve changed. Improve yourself. Don’t mind what the parents are thinking and saying to her right now. Just focus in improving yourself and I think you can read this one too: EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated

      We have a website for guys too: Exgirlfriend Recovery

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2016 at 10:17 am

      Hi James,

      how old are you both? And are you going to try what’s advised above?

  18. Avatar

    Sue

    June 11, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    Hi Chris

    Thank you for your article, it’s very relevant to the situation I’m in at the moment and I was wondering if could give me some advice? My boyfriend and I ended our 2 yr relationship 6 weeks ago because it all got a bit too much, we were arguing over silly things, mostly linked to stress and anxiety I was experiencing. We ended things in the heat of the moment and both felt like it was the right decision at the time.

    My housemates and friends were incredibly supportive and picked me up in the first week when I was an emotional mess. Two friends in particular forced me to write down the reasons for us breaking up / things I didn’t like about him on a piece of paper and carry it round so I could consult them in moments of doubt. They are both convinced that I had made the right decision and that I should enjoy being single. However, I feel that they were almost ‘too on my side’; any time I would mention a situation when I was blatantly unreasonable in the relationship and should’ve been more understanding of his situation, they rush to my defence. They are convinced I was unhappy during the period leading up to the end of the relationship because of him, rather than the personal / private issues I had been dealing with at the time. I know they’re doing this because they love me and want me to feel better about the situation but I feel like they’re trying to distort the truth to help me get over him. Even though I played along with all their efforts to help me get over him, it was all very forced and inside I thought we made a kneejerk decision to break up, that we were right for each other and that I could have done better in the relationship.

    A few weeks after we broke up, he got in touch saying how much he missed me and how it really wanted us to find a way to stay in each other’s lives as best friends and invited me to come to a concert which I had bought tickets for his birthday. I went and, while nothing romantic happened between us we had a lovely time and it reminded me how great we are together and how much I still love him. We also had a chat about the relationship, including situations leading up to things ending, and joked about how silly our arguments were and how irrational we both became in the end. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends I went to the concert as they had repeatedly told me I shouldn’t go. He messaged me the next day saying he had an amazing night, was really happy to still have me in his life and really wanted to see me again the following week.

    Since then, we have been messaging everyday and meeting up every week and are essentially back together romantically. We have both admitted to each other that, while we love each other, we’re very confused about the situation and not sure what the future will hold, but we’re happy spending time together and taking things slow. He’s also been very supportive of helping me through my personal issues about which I feel much happier about now.

    The one thing which has been keeping me up at night is how I will tell my friends that we are seeing each other again after they have been so supportive during the break up. At the time, I was so confused with the situation and made it seem like I agreed that the break up was the right decision. I haven’t even told them we have been in touch, never mind seeing each other and spending the night together. What’s particularly awkward is that one of my friends is also my housemate which means I can’t invite him home. She has also been asking me to go speed dating with her which I keep on avoiding. So basically, I’ve dug myself into a bit of a hole; I feel guilty for not telling them we’ve been seeing each other but I also know they would not approve of the decision and that the relationship was bad for me. Should i just bite the bullet and tell them the truth? Am I caring too much about what they think?

    Any advice on how I should deal with this situation would be incredibly helpful.

  19. Avatar

    Bella

    May 27, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    Hi…

    I’m in a really tricky situation. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years (since the start of uni) and then he finished with me a few months into our final year of uni. I was living with him and after the break up he slept with 3 girls within 3 weeks. One of which was my friend and I walked in on in them in bed. I was devastated, had self-harm issues and moved out of the house. Months passed with no contact from either of them and I leaned heavily on friends and family to build up the courage to carry on with my studies. He was very keen to talk to me and I eventually agreed, we talked things through and he had counselling to overcome the issues he had been suffering with that led to the break up. It’s been 2 and a half months since we started talking again and we have worked up to the point where we are boyfriend/girlfriend again, but we have kept this a secret from everybody as I didn’t want to deal with everyone’s opinions. It is still a secret from my family, but it is out in the open with my friends and some really disapprove and tell me I am making a mistake. I can cope with that (just about) but they are also telling me it is unfair of me to forgive him and not my “friend” that I walked in on in his bed. This “friend” has not contacted me at all since THAT night and for weeks and weeks lied and denied that it even happened. How can I be expected to forgive somebody that isn’t sorry? I don’t want to lose my friends, but they only speak about the “mistake” I am making and the injustice to my “friend” so I now avoid conversations them.

    My family have made it clear they despise my boyfriend and I don’t see any time in the near-future that will be right to tell them we are back together. I know it is my fault for getting them involved, but I hate pretending that I lead my life without him when we are actually planning our futures together.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2016 at 8:42 am

      Hi Bella,

      so what actually is your question? is it about your friends or family orboth?

  20. Avatar

    Not average situation

    April 18, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Hi, I have a very weird situation. He is not my ex, we are not actually “together”. He lives in a different continent. I live in USA. We started talking last august on a dating site. We exchanged numbers, then talking everyday ever since. He was very affectionate in the beginning. Showing a lot of love, and dreams. He said he will come visit me in January, which kept getting delayed.
    A situation happened with his parents, where he had to tell them about me. His father did not approve of me, only because I’m from USA and he had bad experiences with people here. We have no religious differences. Almost the same age. There is absolutely no problem. But ever since then, he has started acting “friendly”. Just to avoid hurting me and himself.
    He is moving to Canada this year, maybe in couple of months. He said he will meet me. I just can’t take the fact that we will act as “friends”. I spoke to him so many times and he says I don’t know what to do. He can’t hurt his parents or me.
    But my problem is, how can he come to this conclusion if we haven’t even met yet. He doesn’t want to give me false hope, which I get.
    Now my question is, what can I do in a situation like this? Cut contact with him? I know if I do, it will hurt him a lot. He has never ignored me or talked rudely with me, no matter how many arguments we had. And I feel bad doing that to him. he is a very sweet guy. He is in depression, bcz he has stress for his family, and the thought of moving to another country and starting all over again. I want to be there for him and support him.
    Would NC help in this case to make him realize my worth? Or whatever I can do to make him try a little harder. I know he loves me but he is not trying at all. My parents found a guy for me and want me to start talking to him. I told him about the guy and he said go ahead. You should start talking to him. How can he be so cold hearted. Is there anything I can do in a situation like this?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      Hello,

      actually I don’t think nc will change his mind but if you want to do it for yourself to heal that’s okay.. It’z not the right time for the two of you because he can’t stand by his choices yet

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