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194 thoughts on “How To Handle Friends And Family Who Disapprove Of You Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Avatar

    Marilyn

    September 14, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    Hi…

    Sooo my ex boyfriend of a 1 year 6 months and I started talking again, its now been a year since the break up. We started hanging out on the weekends a just having a good time going to dinner or lunch. I told my best friend about it and she completely supported me which made me super happy. However my mom somehow found out and was beyond mad at me saying he never treated me right and we’re too different. In the heat of the moment i yelled back. Then she began saying the only reason i’m going back to him is becaue things with this guy i was seeing didn’t work out. This confused me a lot and got me thinking, but I feel deep down that shes wrong because everytime i see my ex we have a great time and laugh and its like there was never any sadness in between. My mom keeps saying how she won’t support me and he won’t be allowed in the house. She also said he is a great person and he cares for him, but that he is not the right person for me because he “changed” her daughter. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this situation because i really do care about him and want him back in my life but without my moms support it almost seems impossible! Any ideas on how i can make her understand ? Do you think i’m confused and just going back to him because its what i”m used to?

    Also i’m 18 and he is too.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 17, 2016 at 5:55 pm

      Hi Marilyn,

      you can’t control other people.. You can only respect what they feel because that’s their right. Your mom is just looking out for you because she loves you.. Take things slow so, that in time you can feel or find out if you’re just really confused.

  2. Avatar

    Juliana

    September 10, 2016 at 12:49 am

    Ok, so my situation is different enough that I don’t know whether the advice above will apply. My boyfriend and I had been together for over two and a half year when about four months ago we had a massive fight and I broke up with him. We were separated for four days before he came to me and asked to get back together. Unfortunately, in the time we were apart my parents confessed that they never liked him and that he wasn’t good for me. So when we got back together, we kept it from our parents. It worked until we graduated and I moved 200 miles away from him for college. We’ve been on unsteady ground since the last break up, and the long distance made it worse. He broke up with me last night and I thought that I had lost him for good this time. My parents saw the state I was in and demanded I tell them what was wrong, so I confessed that I had been seeing my boyfriend behind their backs, and that he broke up with me. Now they hate him. Today he begged for my forgiveness and said that he had made a mistake, and of course I took him back because I love him and I know that he loves me. So my question is, how do I tell my parents, and what do I do if they aren’t supportive (which they certainly won’t). I know you said that I shouldn’t say anything, but I lied before and it just made it worse when they found out… Can you help me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 10, 2016 at 5:53 pm

      Hi Juliana,

      how old are you? I’m not trying to sat that you’re immature or what not but I just want to understand how emotionally strong you might be.. Your parents only want the best for you and being good parents they dont want you to get hurt. So, be understanding but open too that whatever they feel they are free to feel. You cant control it and you dont have to change it.

      Talk to them calmy in a way that you are taking into consideration what their point of view is and just explaining why you love your bf..

      like, Mom, dad I understand how you feel and I’m not here to change that. I’m just being honest this time because I dont want you to get hurt and lose trust in me because I love you both. I value both your opinions but in fairness to my bf, he is not given the chance to prove himself and I havent really share the good side of our relationship.. I’m not asking you to welcome him with open arm, just give him the benefit of the doubt but if you cant I respect that too. I just want to be honest that were back together and if I get hurt, I’m sure it’s for me to learn to avoid someone worse and to appreciate someone better

  3. Avatar

    JAMES

    September 6, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    I have a reverse ordeal as I am the guy. But I am sure you can apply some wisdom as she does want this I believe. I cheated on her badly and she is very hurt. The family does not like me for that. It was a long distance relationship and I have all but told her that I don’t care about a thing but her and will uproot and move there now to be near her and work on us. She has a fear for her hearts safety which I get but she really is worried about her parents being ok with being with me as she doesn’t want waves to trickle down to her kids if her parents are totally not on board. She said she needs to prey on this and just asked for some space during that time. We spoke last night for the first time in over a month on the phone for near 4 hours. Had some laughs and tears. There isn’t a road I wouldn’t cross for this woman!!! She means so much but this whole parent thing is a tough one. Thank you for any help.

    Regards
    James

    1. Avatar

      JAMES

      September 8, 2016 at 7:24 pm

      Yes it is. She said she is so angry and hurt she cant see me face to face. She hurt me she said lol…i am sure that’s an exaggeration though. Wouldn’t it be a step in the process for us to sit face to face and talk? Or wait for her to want that.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 9, 2016 at 6:05 pm

      I think you need to give her space.. let her heal and think.. do at least 21 days.. She’s of age to make the right decision..

    3. Avatar

      JAMES

      September 7, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      i AM 43 SHE IS 38. Well she isn’t sure the application above applies exactly but i think it does. No where in there does it say these are based on why you broke up. She has allot of anger still and sadness as this is still pretty fresh.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 8, 2016 at 11:03 am

      Because the cheating is the reason for the break up? You have to cut all ties with the other woman and prove to her that you’ve changed. Improve yourself. Don’t mind what the parents are thinking and saying to her right now. Just focus in improving yourself and I think you can read this one too: EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated

      We have a website for guys too: Exgirlfriend Recovery

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2016 at 10:17 am

      Hi James,

      how old are you both? And are you going to try what’s advised above?

  4. Avatar

    Sue

    June 11, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    Hi Chris

    Thank you for your article, it’s very relevant to the situation I’m in at the moment and I was wondering if could give me some advice? My boyfriend and I ended our 2 yr relationship 6 weeks ago because it all got a bit too much, we were arguing over silly things, mostly linked to stress and anxiety I was experiencing. We ended things in the heat of the moment and both felt like it was the right decision at the time.

    My housemates and friends were incredibly supportive and picked me up in the first week when I was an emotional mess. Two friends in particular forced me to write down the reasons for us breaking up / things I didn’t like about him on a piece of paper and carry it round so I could consult them in moments of doubt. They are both convinced that I had made the right decision and that I should enjoy being single. However, I feel that they were almost ‘too on my side’; any time I would mention a situation when I was blatantly unreasonable in the relationship and should’ve been more understanding of his situation, they rush to my defence. They are convinced I was unhappy during the period leading up to the end of the relationship because of him, rather than the personal / private issues I had been dealing with at the time. I know they’re doing this because they love me and want me to feel better about the situation but I feel like they’re trying to distort the truth to help me get over him. Even though I played along with all their efforts to help me get over him, it was all very forced and inside I thought we made a kneejerk decision to break up, that we were right for each other and that I could have done better in the relationship.

    A few weeks after we broke up, he got in touch saying how much he missed me and how it really wanted us to find a way to stay in each other’s lives as best friends and invited me to come to a concert which I had bought tickets for his birthday. I went and, while nothing romantic happened between us we had a lovely time and it reminded me how great we are together and how much I still love him. We also had a chat about the relationship, including situations leading up to things ending, and joked about how silly our arguments were and how irrational we both became in the end. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends I went to the concert as they had repeatedly told me I shouldn’t go. He messaged me the next day saying he had an amazing night, was really happy to still have me in his life and really wanted to see me again the following week.

    Since then, we have been messaging everyday and meeting up every week and are essentially back together romantically. We have both admitted to each other that, while we love each other, we’re very confused about the situation and not sure what the future will hold, but we’re happy spending time together and taking things slow. He’s also been very supportive of helping me through my personal issues about which I feel much happier about now.

    The one thing which has been keeping me up at night is how I will tell my friends that we are seeing each other again after they have been so supportive during the break up. At the time, I was so confused with the situation and made it seem like I agreed that the break up was the right decision. I haven’t even told them we have been in touch, never mind seeing each other and spending the night together. What’s particularly awkward is that one of my friends is also my housemate which means I can’t invite him home. She has also been asking me to go speed dating with her which I keep on avoiding. So basically, I’ve dug myself into a bit of a hole; I feel guilty for not telling them we’ve been seeing each other but I also know they would not approve of the decision and that the relationship was bad for me. Should i just bite the bullet and tell them the truth? Am I caring too much about what they think?

    Any advice on how I should deal with this situation would be incredibly helpful.

  5. Avatar

    Bella

    May 27, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    Hi…

    I’m in a really tricky situation. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years (since the start of uni) and then he finished with me a few months into our final year of uni. I was living with him and after the break up he slept with 3 girls within 3 weeks. One of which was my friend and I walked in on in them in bed. I was devastated, had self-harm issues and moved out of the house. Months passed with no contact from either of them and I leaned heavily on friends and family to build up the courage to carry on with my studies. He was very keen to talk to me and I eventually agreed, we talked things through and he had counselling to overcome the issues he had been suffering with that led to the break up. It’s been 2 and a half months since we started talking again and we have worked up to the point where we are boyfriend/girlfriend again, but we have kept this a secret from everybody as I didn’t want to deal with everyone’s opinions. It is still a secret from my family, but it is out in the open with my friends and some really disapprove and tell me I am making a mistake. I can cope with that (just about) but they are also telling me it is unfair of me to forgive him and not my “friend” that I walked in on in his bed. This “friend” has not contacted me at all since THAT night and for weeks and weeks lied and denied that it even happened. How can I be expected to forgive somebody that isn’t sorry? I don’t want to lose my friends, but they only speak about the “mistake” I am making and the injustice to my “friend” so I now avoid conversations them.

    My family have made it clear they despise my boyfriend and I don’t see any time in the near-future that will be right to tell them we are back together. I know it is my fault for getting them involved, but I hate pretending that I lead my life without him when we are actually planning our futures together.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2016 at 8:42 am

      Hi Bella,

      so what actually is your question? is it about your friends or family orboth?

  6. Avatar

    Not average situation

    April 18, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Hi, I have a very weird situation. He is not my ex, we are not actually “together”. He lives in a different continent. I live in USA. We started talking last august on a dating site. We exchanged numbers, then talking everyday ever since. He was very affectionate in the beginning. Showing a lot of love, and dreams. He said he will come visit me in January, which kept getting delayed.
    A situation happened with his parents, where he had to tell them about me. His father did not approve of me, only because I’m from USA and he had bad experiences with people here. We have no religious differences. Almost the same age. There is absolutely no problem. But ever since then, he has started acting “friendly”. Just to avoid hurting me and himself.
    He is moving to Canada this year, maybe in couple of months. He said he will meet me. I just can’t take the fact that we will act as “friends”. I spoke to him so many times and he says I don’t know what to do. He can’t hurt his parents or me.
    But my problem is, how can he come to this conclusion if we haven’t even met yet. He doesn’t want to give me false hope, which I get.
    Now my question is, what can I do in a situation like this? Cut contact with him? I know if I do, it will hurt him a lot. He has never ignored me or talked rudely with me, no matter how many arguments we had. And I feel bad doing that to him. he is a very sweet guy. He is in depression, bcz he has stress for his family, and the thought of moving to another country and starting all over again. I want to be there for him and support him.
    Would NC help in this case to make him realize my worth? Or whatever I can do to make him try a little harder. I know he loves me but he is not trying at all. My parents found a guy for me and want me to start talking to him. I told him about the guy and he said go ahead. You should start talking to him. How can he be so cold hearted. Is there anything I can do in a situation like this?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      Hello,

      actually I don’t think nc will change his mind but if you want to do it for yourself to heal that’s okay.. It’z not the right time for the two of you because he can’t stand by his choices yet

  7. Avatar

    Allie

    April 13, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    So my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago and tried to get back together with me a few weeks later. He told me he still loved me and etc. I didn’t really feel good about us getting back together quite yet because it had only been a little while since we had broken up (even though he broke up with me) and I thought we’d still have the same problems etc that we had when we were dating. Now that it’s been some more time, I’ve thought about it and I feel good about us getting back together. I told this to my mom and she basically said that her and the rest of the family (who I’m very close with and they’re important to me) wouldn’t want that to happen and think I can do better and don’t like him now because he broke up with me and it would take a long long time for them to accept him again etc. I really want to date him again though. I haven’t told my ex boyfriend any of this. If we do start dating again, do you have any tips for my ex to get back in good graces with my family? I also know they would be mad if we started secretly dating or anything and I feel like they would be happy if they saw me happy but I just don’t know what to do..

    Do you have any advice? I get why they’re mad but is there any way to speed up the process of them accepting my boyfriend again? Is there anything he can do to?

    Hopefully that made sense haha, thanks! I love this website!!!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 9:39 am

      Hi Allie,

      it will really take time..they have to see him making an effort to see and to stay respectful even if they show him that they don’t like him

  8. Avatar

    Emily

    March 7, 2016 at 10:52 am

    Chris, okay here’s my situation. me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago and we got back together to days ago. we haven’t seen each other since we were back together but he messaged me last night telling me how much hate he’s getting of his friends for getting back with me. I don’t really know what I should do to make them feel the opposite way about me and its not like I can really do anything because that’s their opinion.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 8, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      You can say to him calmly that his frienda are free to have their own opinion.. and he has to give them time to understand his decision because true frienda will eventually understand… it’s not his responsibility or it’s not a necessity for him to reciprocate their reaction

  9. Avatar

    Chell

    December 22, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    So, here’s my story.
    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now (ever since my freshman year in college) We’ve been off and on. But I split with him back in August this year and four days later we got back together. My family doesn’t have a clue that we’re back together.
    I think why i took him back was we’ve been thru a lot and our relationship was so long. I really depended on boyfriend during my school, so i moved into his house and we used his car for transportation. When we split I moved back to my moms and I had no clue how I was going to handle everything because I depended on him so much. As we got back together, he said he still wants to help me with my school even tho we’ve gone thru a rough patch. he knows how my family is and he even suggested that I go back to his place for school and to rebuild our relationship again. I’m due to go back to school this coming January, so I sat back and watched how my family was gonna come up with a game plan for my school situation. Surprisingly nothing hasn’t been planned with my family and I’m running out of time.
    So I’m wondering do I move back to my boyfriend’s and take his help or Stick with my family’s no plan?
    Please help, I’m going nuts over this decision!

  10. Avatar

    Taylor

    November 30, 2015 at 4:57 am

    So here is my situation…..
    My ex boyfriend who is bipolar and had some substance issues broke up over 6 months ago. We had previously dated for just over a year. Things ended badly between him and my family as he was always putting me in sticky situations (bringing drugs into my apartment and such). Due to his lack of impulse control from being bipolar he would call my family and leave them nasty voicemails. I just recently went and saw him after having not seen him for 6 months. He’s in treatment and has almost 3 months clean and sober and medicated. I would consider getting back with him. Problem is I am extremely close with my family and they highly disapprove. What should I do?

  11. Avatar

    Please help

    October 26, 2015 at 1:04 am

    Thank god for you Chris !
    I never felt more confident in the idea that I could possibly get my ex back! I have a few questions and I REALLY need (even if they’re simple) answers !!
    One, since I’m his first girlfriend and he is immature does it make getting back with him harder? (He hates on and off and that is what we’ve been doing)
    &&he says he never wants a next time around because I will never change(I’ve said this before I know) & he seems happy, does this change things?
    && lastly … I sorta told him I never wanted to talk to him again && that I can’t be just friends with him like he wanted. After I begged him for chances I decided I wasn’t going to get anywhere and I said okay well can we start over and just be friends? He said no and that we should just let go completely. After that , he ignored every message I sent him, blocked me and my family on all social media, and he told his mom it was horrible being with me and that he doesn’t ever want a next time around, didn’t want to work things out anymore because we always end up breaking up again. I will admit I am the one with all the problems. Everyone says it takes two and blah blah blah but it was all me. I am passive agressive. I am controlling , I am the one to pick the fights and I’m always on the negative side. Since we have been broken up I’ve gotten help and I am ALOT better! The thing is , I’m missing him. I’m missing my other half. I am young but I feel in my heart that we were meant to be. He doesn’t feel that. He use to be so crazy in love with me he always swore he was going to marry me. Something happend and that’s me. I was the one that kept messing up time after time after time. I want this time to be the last. I want to apologize to him for everything that I’ve done and most importantly be in the relationship the right way. No more passive aggression , no more not communicating, and no more bull! He is so against us getting back together , giving things another try(he claims he’s done trying) and just talking about a relationship! He even gets mad when his mom talks about me visiting (I’m close to his parents) I feel so un confident right now. He seems to have everything while I have nothing. Please please get back to me !

  12. Avatar

    Alice

    March 4, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    Hi Chris, first of thanks for this site it’s been a source of help for months. Basically my boyfriend of 4 years had GIGS, dumped me under confusing circumstances, I’ve stayed dignified (I don’t know how) and barely contacted him in 10 months, basically just bumped into him now and then. So recently I learned that after a couple of months after breaking up, he began seeing someone who I have real issues with. This girl bullied me throughout high school etc and I’ve always said that if he got with her it’s the one thing I wouldn’t be able to tolerate. So it’s come out now (despite him denying it and lying to me for months) and he wants me back, made a mistake, knows I’m the person he wants to marry and all this. My problem is- I love him despite almost anything but my issues are a) I don’t know if I can deal with him being with her, a stranger fine but her.. B) is he just always going to lie to me (he lied in the relationship too, always about things that might ‘hurt me’) c) will I look like a complete mug to my friends, family, and considering the fact a lot of people know he was with this girl. Thanks.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 7, 2015 at 5:12 pm

      In the end all the matters is if he makes you happy. Not what your friends think.

  13. Avatar

    Pratz

    February 27, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    I have a very big problem! My family hates my ex-boyfriend and also some of my friends. And I think my ex’s mother also doesn’t likes me and his friends hate me terribly! (for some personal reasons) They are the one who brainwashed him into cheating me. And now they told he that if he patches up with me, they will break friendship with him. My family is not a big problem but his friends are creating too much trouble.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 1, 2015 at 6:46 pm

      I think this article was literally meant for you.

      Did you read it?

  14. Avatar

    Alma

    February 22, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    Hey Chris,

    My boyfriend and I of a year and a half broke up about 2 weeks ago. He ran off really upset that day and showed is sadness and anger towards the break up on Facebook and Instagram. A few days ago I found out he had a new girlfriend. They got together last Wednesday and he’s already saying I love you’s to her and her exchanging. I was hurt, I knew I wasn’t supposed to care what he did because I’m the one who broke it off but I really care. I can’t let this go. I really miss him. I didn’t think I would. My parents didn’t kmow we went out they didn’t know anything and still don’t. My sister and brother knew but they think he’s a loser. That he has no plans for the future. I I told my friends about his new girl and my thoughts about it and they keep telling me that he’s “not worth it.” “A loser” “he’s really ugly though.” “You can do better than him” “he doesn’t deserve you” “he’s stupid” but to be honest.. He’s all I want, yes he isn’t the most attractive person in the world but I like him. I love him. I talked to him lastnight and he said he wanted to hear me say in person why I did what I did. And he did try to keep the conversation going… What should I do? I really need your help Chris.

    1. admin

      admin

      February 23, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      What specifically caused the breakup?

    2. Avatar

      Alma

      February 27, 2015 at 3:40 am

      I had to think things through as my friends and family were saying that they don’t like him and putting him down. And it got to me along with other stuff but when I broke it off I thought about it and realized it was a huge mistake.

  15. Avatar

    M

    February 12, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    What to do if his best friend doesn’t like you?

    1. admin

      admin

      February 16, 2015 at 10:19 pm

      Did the best friend sabotage things?

  16. Avatar

    Ambuja Sabharwal

    February 7, 2015 at 5:48 am

    And I would only block a person if the other person was either troubling me.. which i wasn’t or i can’t get him outta of my head….

  17. Avatar

    Ambuja Sabharwal

    February 7, 2015 at 5:44 am

    Hey chris, This is amby this side.. Me and my boyfriend were together for 2 months( not a long time )..We still have a connection…. We just clicked during our first conversation and things started running at a super fast pace after that… In terms of emotional.. We are very compatible… We rarely fought… At the end of our first date we kissed and he sd that he loves me.. and i didn’t reciprocate the same time.. When i did reciprocate. He started backing off whe I did reciprocate with a lot of intensity…, asking questions in general discussions does love really exist..During his contempltion period of his definition of love his actions that showed me he still loved me were still there… He stopped saying that he loved me though.. When approx when our first month was about end ,we went for a movie and we were making out during the movie.. and while making out i said i love you to him…and he sd the same… During the same date after the movie while having lunch, He said that his gut would flipp out… So I started trying to say things to make him insecure…I told told him that I was going a date with a friend (A date is social or romantic appointment) He seemed insecure in the beginning of our conversation when I told him …i tld him there nothing to insecure about as I was only going to meet a friend socially But he didn’t show much insecurity during the later part of conversation. Instead he sd he didn’t have any problem if i went for either a romantic or a social appointment with that friend… I told him that I was appauled at his reaction and that he wouldn’t even fight for me… he called me after half hour and started apologizing and sd he did feel threatned and he was a retard for not showing it…

    Before the first month ended he broke off with me but still kept in contact knowing that I can’t be friends with my ex… I broke down… Went sucidical… He stopped me by making me vomit the sleeping pills.. Our relationship was a very intense one… And after a week I begged him to take me back…. He said he would only take me back if I got unattached with him and broke off I agreed as I was only looking for an excuse to be with him
    (Doesn’t really make sense as to why would anyone be with a person if he/she has to break up eventually… Why would one waste his time)
    Our next meeting I asked him if he still loved me and he was quiet n on asking as to why he was soo quiet he responded he was thinking to say a yes or no.. as if he sd yes there would the conversation would in a particular way and if he would say no the conversation would goo a perticular… and he reminded me why we were together i started crying…. The look on his face was as if someone had ripped his heart out and mashed it into pieces….
    After this date the same date we got super drunk and called me and told me how much he loved me… and missed me … and also told me during our break up he went on a date with this girl who he knew before he met me.. And on that date all he was thinking was about me…

    Then things were smooth not too smooth though…. And me and him broke off on the 15th Jan he told me to severe all contact till the time both of us were over each other… He didn’t give a reason … It was his birthday on 19th of Jan soo i texted him saying happy birthday and he responded after two days he blocked me on whats app i didn’t contact him at all. My mother had unfriended him from facebook from my account and after 4 days he blocked me on facebook too… and after 2 days he blocked me google plus too… I never tried to contact him. It was my birthday on the 1st of feb and he unblocked me on whats app on one of my numbers and wished me after hours i responded by saying a simple thank you nothing more nothing less.. and he blocked me again after 4 hours of my response… ( I don’t understand why wish me at all if he has to block me)

    My friend made a fake account on fb and added him and gave me the password after he added her (fake account)…. I had one conversation and there was this was connection again… The same kindof of connection that we had when we started speaking to each other… It IS VERY VISIBLE IN OUR CONVERSATION ASKED SOO MANY of my friends… He is seeming interested in her. I know what I did was wrong… I have stopped replying from that account coz it is pure manuplation and i am also scared that he might find out..
    But I also want him and I am scared that he wouldn’t realize my importance till the time the fake account account girl doesn’t break his heart… My conscious is not allowing me to that.. So I should I continue talking to him from that account or do you think she(fake account girl) and i should dissappear..???
    Also I too am having problems the same problems as simran in ordering ur book!!! HELP PLEASE

    1. admin

      admin

      February 9, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      Hold on…

      You made a fake account and made a connection with your ex again?

    2. Avatar

      Ambuja Sabharwal

      February 10, 2015 at 10:07 am

      No I didn’t my girl friend did!!!! And she is talking to him!!!! I only had one conversation with him n then I stopped as I realized it wasn’t right

    3. Avatar

      Ambuja Sabharwal

      February 10, 2015 at 10:22 am

      Wait let me the way it happenened my friend had made the account.. and told to check this account as to if SEEMED FAKE OR not. She knew that he already added her and not told me about it… And the moment I went online he started a conversation n i couldn’t stop myself from replying to him… But after that conversation I was in the comtemplatating mode as to what i was right.. And I realized what i was doing wrong soo my friend started to him n i am feeling insecure… as he is seeming interested who doesn’t exist… Sooo tell me what should I do now??

  18. Avatar

    Simran

    January 28, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So me and my boyfriend ( I don’t want to call him ex as I feel he still loves me as much as I do). He said he does not want to be with me anymore just after 2 days when he answered my questions of how he will play the role of a husband And 6 days after he himself wished me a 14 month anniversary, which he brought to my notice :). I got to know from a mutual friend the day he told me his decision helooked really disturbed and he himself told me after 2 days of this decision that he has high fever and he was not eating since that day (Indirectly pointing out as to he was in terrible condition too) Now the thing that is tricky here is we are from India, and family plays a influential role too. We have been very serious about each other throughout and always spoke about marriage, in fact we were at the verge of telling about us to our families. Now the thing that went wrong is first his decision which I feel came from my insecure, clingly behavior for last 1.5 months and second is he got a arranged marriage proposal (most popular form of getting married in India) He told me about this 4 days after his decision and I got all freaked out asking him whether or not he will say yes to this girl and answer came was “I don’t know” which let me lose my mind and tried to harm myself by trying to cut my wrist, and stalking the girl on fb whole night and getting her no. From mutual friends and calling her up very next morning asksking her to say no the proposal turns out her family approached his family and all the drama happened and he accused me of hurting his family’s reputation (again a major issue in India) and called me crazy for trying to cut my hand and gave me that this is the reason he will not want to be with me and after I jeopardized his family’s name how will he even take a stand for us? ( I just said the girl one sentence that I love him and she should not say yes) We stopped talking and he said he does not want to stay in touch anymore after 10 to 12 days of NC I msgd him and he replied but I got all emotional and he said he does not to be in touch this happened like twice. Now I told him in order for me to move on I want to stay in touch cz otherwise I will not be able to, to which he replied that he cannot move on if we stay in touch even though it was his decision. Since then I msg him like once in three days like a general stuff if I have some work to which he replies in only one word like “OK” “great” etc. I have a strong feeling we can work it out as I have realised what mistakes I did and what went wrong but the only problem I am worried about it how do I win him back? Do I have to go through NC for 30 days as we already did for like 10-12 days. Do I require it again? More scariest is that in India family plays imp role for persuading for marriages esp arranged marriages as for them it is a matter of pride that they chose a life partner for their daughter/son and how obedient they and given the fact that I may have screwed up my reputation in front of them because of calling up that girl. Please help.

    1. admin

      admin

      January 29, 2015 at 2:29 pm

      But you two have broken up correct?

    2. Avatar

      Simran

      January 29, 2015 at 5:09 pm

      Yes :(…. Since Dec 21

    3. Avatar

      Simran

      January 29, 2015 at 5:24 pm

      Yes. Since December 21 :(. I am worried now, because most of my friends are telling me that I have screwed up my reputation in front of his family them by calling up that girl and he is a family guy so now he will not come back.One more crucial part is his younger brother dated my cousin for like 6 years and both of them are against our relation since day one. My cousin feels I am not right for him and his family (being my sister and his brother’s ex she cares for his family than me). His brother even persuaded his mother saying I am not the right girl for him. I haven’t really got a chance to meet her so that she can create a her own impression about me. I have a feeling his brother has also tried to talk him out of our relation and there have been situations in past where my cousin has also tried to create fights between us. Please help Chris. I am counting on you. I am worried if I go for NC for 30 days and in that phase if he gets a proposal for “arranged marriage” and if he says yes? I may lose him forever. 🙁 Please help.

    4. Avatar

      Simran

      January 30, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      Chris and I forgot to mention one more thing that, when he mentioned he does not want to stay in touch he said if he will stay in touch he will not be able to move on. That is why I am little worried if I go for NC again which I already did for 12 days what if he moves on but to my general messages also he is responding in one word. I want to buy recovery pro too but since I am from India I am unable to do payment. Please help me with that also. How do I pay and major worry is about whether or not NC is required in my case because of two main questions? What if he moves on or what if he gets another proposal for “arranged marriage”. Please help chris. I really am counting on your opinion.

    5. admin

      admin

      January 31, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      I think it is required to do no contact.

      Unfortunately, Paypal my payment processor seems to be unable to process payments from India. It’s really unfortunate, however I am going to start looking into how I can fix this issue.

    6. Avatar

      Simran

      January 31, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      Thanks a lot Chris and I really look forward to buy recovery pro as after no contact I feel I ll need it to approach him in a proper way, as I am really a emotional person and too expressive person and in no contact I will work on it. I look forward to buy recovery pro if there is any other way I can do payment and your guidance is really important for me as everybody are negative about my situation….

    7. admin

      admin

      February 2, 2015 at 1:42 pm

      Hmm… right now payment is set up through Paypal or credit cards.

      Do you have those mediums?

    8. Avatar

      Simran

      February 2, 2015 at 2:33 pm

      Yes I tried.. But it is not processing… Also my birthday is coming up this month on 7. What if he calls me up to wish or msgs. Do you think I should answer his call or if he msgs should I reply thanks? Paypal is not processing…. 🙁

    9. Avatar

      Simran

      February 3, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      India. Its my birthday on 7 Feb if he calls should I answer? Or if he msgs should I reply thanks? Please tell me as I am in no contact for 5 days now.

    10. admin

      admin

      February 4, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      Happy early birthday!

      If he calls and you are still in NC then you are supposed to ignore him.

    11. admin

      admin

      February 3, 2015 at 12:58 pm

      Where are you located?

      I don’t think it accepts payments from certain countries. Hopefully you aren’t in one of those countries.

  19. Avatar

    Shannon

    January 28, 2015 at 12:17 am

    Hi Chris! Just wanna say love your site! It’s very helpful! And I bought your book! I broke up with my boyfriend in November. I did the crazy ex girlfriend thing was a text gnat and stuff. He put up with it and would text me back and he never said we wouldn’t get back together. It wasn’t just me texting, he would too. About 2 weeks ago he called me and told me that he missed me and that he wanted to get married before he gets deployed. (He’s in the army) we talked on the phone for like an hour and a half and it was great to just talk to him again. He said he wanted a “trial run relationship” and I said okay. He’s only home on the weekends and is very busy and he said he would try his best to see me. Well the weekend came and gone and he didn’t try to see me. I texted him numerous time to see if we could hang out and each time he said he was busy how about tomorrow. He never made the effort to see me and then started ignoring me. A week ago he texted me and said that he has to move on with his life and this will be the last time I hear from him at least for a while. I’m not gonna lie, I got mad and it didn’t end very well. I haven’t talked to him since and I’m currently doing NC. I’m a week into it, and it’s very hard. I miss him. I just don’t understand how 2 weeks ago he was saying he wanted to marry me and have me move out to base with him, and now he’s saying he’s moving on with his life. Do you think we still have a chance? I’m so confused.

    1. admin

      admin

      January 28, 2015 at 4:33 pm

      Thanks for buying!!!!

      So, he said he wanted to marry you and now he wants to move on?

      What happened in these two weeks that caused such a sudden shift? Was there a fight?

    2. Avatar

      Shannon

      January 28, 2015 at 5:12 pm

      There wasn’t really a fight no, it’s a long story. He said it would be great to see me over the weekend and that he wanted to and stuff, and the weekend came and he told me he would text me when he’s home. I texted him and asked him if he was home and he said yeah but he’s gotta spend time with his family. And I said okay, how about tomorrow then around like 9 or 10, and he said yeah that should work if I’m back, I’m going out of town. So said okay. I didn’t text him till the next day at like 5:30 and said are you gonna be home tonight and he didn’t get back until 10 and said that he was busy. I really wanted to see him because that was the last weekend that he was gonna be home before he leaves for a month of training. So I said can we meet up tomorrow somewhere then and he never got back. And I’m stupid for doing this but then I asked him if he wanted to come look at a car with me because he said he would help me with the whole buying process and again he never got back. I was kinda desperate to see him because he was leaving and maybe that turned him off? I don’t know. I didn’t text him for like a day and then I asked him to call me because I wanted to know what was going on. And he sent back that he has to move on blah blah blah. And I guess this kinda started into a fight because I was pretty mad. He made me think that we were gonna get back together by saying that he wants to see me, and that he wanted to get married before he left. And it wasn’t weird that he told me that because we always talked about that when we were together. So I was mad that he said that to me and then just says he has to move on and that I won’t hear from him. Our relationship was really intense and it was great. We were going through a rough patch and I gave up to easily. I’m not broken hearted or anything. I already went through that, and I know that if it doesn’t work out with him there are plenty other fish in the sea, but I just can’t explain it, the intensity of our relationship was one that people look for and we just had it. We both lost our virginities to each other and his family loved me. His mom told me that she has never seen him happier than when he was with me. I know that he misses me because he told me himself that he does. It’s been like 2 months since we broke up and I have apologized and I realized what I did wrong. I’ve told him this. And I guess I never really did NC because one of us would text each other. More so me, but it wasn’t just all me. He told me to that he was talking to two other girls but he doesn’t want to date them and just doesn’t want to tell them to go away cuz he doesn’t want to hurt them. So maybe that’s what stopping him? I don’t know. I’m doing NC now, and I miss him but I won’t cave. sorry, that was really long. Oh and thank you for replying! I’ve been on this site so much I feel like your a long lost friend that I’m finally talking to lol!

    3. Avatar

      Shannon

      January 29, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      Do you think NC is still a good idea? It scares the hell outta me. I feel like he’s gonna move on.

  20. Avatar

    charice

    January 27, 2015 at 10:19 am

    Hi Chris.

    I broke up with my boyfriend during the new year. He said he love me and to give him 3 weeks to figure things out. And he will get back to me after the 3 weeks.

    So yesterday, it was 3 days before the 3 week will pass. I text him to say hi, he did reply me back.I didn’t give him a chance.to speak and I let my emotions get ahead of me. I saw pictures of him and this new girl all over my Facebook. He kept texting her, talking to her. I panicked and I accused him of meeting someone new before giving him the chance to speak to me. I told him I couldn’t bear being friends with him anymore, because it hurt me so much. He told me he didn’t want us to end like this, and he said but since I have made up my mind he will leave me alone till I am ready to be friends with him again.

    Today, I regretted what I did. I send him a text, just to ask how is he? He told me not to play games. He said I have really hurt his feelings by accusing him yesterday and he doesn’t want to talk right now. He said he is not going to let me act like that, he doesn’t want to be part of this roller coaster. We are done.

    He said i will not be able to get over my sadness if i keep talking to him. He just want to be left alone for now, but assured me once we have calmed down. He will drop me a text. But this time, since I broke the 3 weeks of nc, he doesn’t know when he will ever be ready to talk to me again.

    I am going to give him the time that he needs. But I feel I have ruined us. I feel like I have broken up a possibility of reconciliation. Help me Chris.

    1. admin

      admin

      January 27, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      Haha seems like he is using NC on you!

    2. Avatar

      charice

      January 28, 2015 at 2:38 pm

      So what do you think I should do now? I have decided to let him do whatever he wants, because I have no control over his emotions. Just mine. I am going to be happy, but still hopeful that once he have calm down, he will want to be back with me. For now, I only have a 50/50 percent chance. If at the end of this nc, and he decide that it’s best we both part ways, I will just have to respect his decision despite loving him so much. I will ask for your advice again once the nc is over.

      thank you for your reply. It means alot to me.

    3. Avatar

      charice

      February 6, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      Hi Chris, a week had pass and he finally text me. But to ask when he could return me my clothes at his place.

      He is moving to another country for work for the next 2 years and don’t see how our LDR will work out. That’s the reason why he broke up with me. This time, I briefly asked him when is he going to move, he didn’t ignore me but replied me that he will be moving away in June but still working out on the accommodations.

      I was attending a course at the time he texted me, so I told him that I will talk to him later. He said, “to have fun”. When I was done with my course, I texted him to ask him whether he could meet me for a meal before he leave.. on whatsapp I saw that he had read my message but he did not reply me.

      Did I make a wrong move?

    4. Avatar

      charice

      February 8, 2015 at 6:45 am

      I texted him today and told him “it isn’t to hard to let me know whether we could grab a meal or not. Just say a yes or a no.” He said , “we have a long time to think about that, it doesn’t have to be decided now. He is not ready to be friends yet.”

      Is he playing me? When we broke up, he wanted to be friends and said he didn’t want to break off any contact”

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