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92 thoughts on “How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If He’s "A Player"”

  1. Dede

    March 23, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    Hello, just wondering if anyone out there from the EBR team received my message yesterday and will respond soon. Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2016 at 2:48 pm

      Hi Dede,

      yes we did, sorry for the late reply.. Honestly I don’t think you should go back with him. He just made you an option

  2. Dede

    March 22, 2016 at 3:18 am

    I’m not sure if any of these methods can help me. So, I met this amazing guy on an online dating website. As soon as we met we totally hit it off. He was a total charmer and he wasn’t used to the strong/self assured type of woman I am so he was all about the chase with me. He and I were both dating other people (he was sleeping with others and I wasn’t). I told him I was divorced. So he starts telling me he really likes me and that he’s dating others but wants to see where things go with us and at one point he asks me if I was interested in working towards a commitment. I start spending more nights at his place, and he even ended up getting a little dresser for me to start leaving my things. So, first time I left some things within a week I noticed he was distant so I asked him about it. He said the distance may be true but it didn’t have anything to do with me and didn’t mean to project him needing space onto me. Said he needed to sort his priorities out. Well I felt uncomfortable so I met him the next day and got my things. I let him know that we got close and him suddenly being distant concerned me. It was an amicable convo. He said he felt everything was fine and told me again that t had nothing to do with me. I let a few days pass, then I reach out to him via text. Let him know I had to catch myself from falling too hard, projecting and expecting too much. His response was that he didn’t know what else to offer me, that I acted preemptively and assumed something without validating it thru him and now there is a fork in the road. So a little more time goes by. I start feeling a bit guilty bc I realize I was falling for him so I let gi know that I am not fully divorced yet and am actually in divorce proceedings (I’ve been separated, living separately for 3 years). I let him know that I cared about him and felt he needed to know what I was dealing with. So, that bothered him a bit, we had another convo and I told him I wanted to know how to treat him without rubbing him the wrong way and that I know I set some difficult boundaries and I didn’t want to cross that line again. I asked him what level am I on with him. He basically said that he understands I’m getting a divorce and it wouldn’t have been a burden but it was still a lie. That night he wanted to have sex, but I held back bc he didn’t answer my question – What level am I on with you right now ? – So I called him when he was driving home to let him know that I was glad we talked, however he still didn’t answer my question m, what level, what position am I in your life right now? He said that he wanted to open the door back up to let me in to see if he could trust me again. So I asked him this: Are there other women? – he started to stutter, he said – no not really – then he said he recently connected with his ex at her bday party the weekend prior. He said he was exploring the idea of where things may go with them. And then he told me he actually ever fully closed the door on his ex, that they’ve always been in contact and stayed connected. So, I said to him “so basically what your saying is that you are opening the door for me to come back into your life and you want to trust me again, And, you have opened the door back up to your ex to see what the possibilities are with here?” He said “yes”. Wow! So I made small talk and then got off the phone. I got the truth from him. The thing is, it’s hard because I fell for him. We were dating for about 2.5 months and never had the exclusivity talk and now this. He texted that night and I didn’t respond. Then he texted me to enjoy my weekend, I didn’t respond to the text until over a week later lol, I just said – enjoy your weekend as well. Take care –
    I’m not sure where to go from here.

  3. princess

    March 16, 2016 at 10:59 am

    Hi…
    So i had not come across this site 1 week ago, i was in a long distance relationship for 2 months with this guy…. he claimed himself to be the biggest play boy, he even told me all he’s stories before we went out. But when we met for the first time it was magical, the following day after meeting him he asked me out, but him and I both had trust issues especially me. The relationship was going well and he claimed that he wanted to be very loyal to me and that once i got back from my holiday he would change he’s number and what not which to me made it sound like he wanted to be with me and i started to feel a whole lot more for him… but things got bad as one day after out 2 months anniversary i broke up with him, reason being he didn’t speak to me properly for two days and didnt even bother with wishing me for the anniversary or replying to me… which of course got me very angry and the following morning i see a text from him stating that he was very sorry and that he loves me very much, that melted my anger. But the same morning we got into an argument as he got angry at me for not wishing him good morning and me still being a little angry just said what i had to and in the fight he said i wasn’t important and that he didn’t care etc and a little further he said that if he would of left me i would be crying like a little baby… which got me angry with all these things in mind i said the words i regret saying… and i ended it. It’s been more than a week since our break up and i’ve begged and pled to him stating that i was sorry and literally chased after him and everytime he would say no i don’t want to be with you or even if i do get back with you i probably not going to be loyal etc and the time that i decided to try he told me to -move on- and literally that tore me apart… i spent two days crying in my room thinking how someone like him who said all those things could move on so easily and tell me to do the same. I recently just found your page and i am now trying the No contact method but honestly i don’t know what to say to him or anything… in the relationship i deactivated my facebook account because of certain reasons and he did the same without me asking him too do so… and i as well changed my number etc… but straight after the breakup he reactivated facebook he’s accounting and started to talk to girls etc and when i reactivated he unfriended me from his account but he hasn’t blocked me on anything. Please help me out i really need help. i really love him and him and i had so much in common which another reason why i fell for him.. i really want him back but im done chasing him… please help me out…

    1. princess

      March 18, 2016 at 2:42 am

      sorry… what i meant was
      im doing the no contact method but my biggest fear is that he told me to move on and it feels like he doesn’t miss me or anything since he said those words… like would he do anything because it really feels like he doesn’t care.. like do you think he would realize or something :/ im sorry if i dont make sense im just really very tensed…

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 19, 2016 at 8:37 am

      it’s ok princess.. That’s because he knows you’re going to chase him… That’s why it’s very important that you use nc to heal, improve, and find your own happiness because it can help make him miss you and it can help you move on if ever he doeasn’t want to go back with you

    3. princess

      March 17, 2016 at 5:43 am

      Thank you x
      just another thing, would maybe notice and miss me not chasing him as i haven’t connected him and won’t be… ?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 17, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      Sorry princess! I didn’t catch what you said, can you rephrase it?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2016 at 10:27 pm

      Hi Princess,

      If you’re doing no contact that means you just let him be, and do your own thing. Don’t text or private message him, don’t like his posts.. Focus now first on you because if you don’t make this nc for you, you would end up just chasing him again after nc.. Be productive, find things or activities that make you happy, have a make over, spend time with friends and post everything in social media..

  4. Sarah

    March 15, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    Hi Chris,

    can I just ask you an insight into my ex player mind. I will try to keep it short:

    He is 10 years younger than me, a proper player as I know now thanks to your site, a regular guy in my naive thinking back then, one that I never wanted to get involved with. I did eventually. After a half a year of him chasing me we spent a short time together, 2 months, he broke up with me and went into a passionate relationship or so I thought. I know now that he has been cheating on that woman too the whole time.

    Anyway, no contact I applied naturally without knowing all the logic behind it, it just was unacceptable for me to beg somenone to be with me. I only contacted him once after I dont know, 2 months, to arrange a meeting, he turn up late, I was already gone. Immature, I know, but well, my emotions gotten the best out of me. Then no contact from me whatsoever for some 9 months until now. He occasionally reminded himself by liking my profile pictures with no reaction from me, until recently he started really reminding himself with last like of my old picture so I realised he was trying to get me to contact him this way.

    So I did, in a good frame of mind, thinking I was well over him. After two fb msg exchanges he grew silent. I gave up on him until our mutual friend, his best friend told me that in his rare 5 minute opening he told her he stopped texting me because he got affraid he would “fall into it” again. (During the post break period he completely avoided talking about me or changed the subject if something related to me arose. So my friend knowing him really well thinks he sees me as something special, just to clarify he might have been telling the truth. I think it is because he knows I want a commited relationship and he wants to keep on chasing women).

    So, later he texted me, confessed it to me as well so we arranged to meet for a drink under the disguise “to close the whole thing up between us”. What happened is that he called it off the day of meetind to which I replied that since we were to meet in the evening it is nothing to do with work, you just went for something more interesting, which is fine by me, I just don´t know why you arrange to meet up in the first place. I consider this a game, one I don´t like. And the contact after such long time was a mistake, let´s leave it at that, I will deal with it my way, you, I am sure, yours and no hard feelings but I am not playing this with you.

    In about and hour our friend told me that he is currently sleeping with four women outside his girlfriend and he is actually with one of them now. Idiot. So to avoid him dumping me again, two days later I blocked him on fb.

    Now, I don´t want to get back with him, such behaviour is unacceptable to me and it was the best decision, I feel like I´m free again without the need to check up on my mobile all the time, big relief. I will definitely avoid player types, thanks to your site as well, thank you so much for such a great amount of valuable information.

    My question, however, is what is going in his mind in the case of such heavy blocking? He will know it is serious, he must know me by now. So, what is going on in his head, if he know he messed up again such big time? He does not know I know he was with another woman though. From knowing him he will not contact me for a very long time if at all in the future. He used to whatsapp me, but I would be very surprised if he did in this case. Can you please shed some light into this? With all respect for you, girls, I would appreciate an answer from a man in this case, thank you all so much for understanding.

    1. Sarah

      March 17, 2016 at 4:49 pm

      Thank you, Amor, that would be nice.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 17, 2016 at 5:01 pm

      You’re welcome!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      I’ll forward this to Chris okay?

  5. Eleanora

    March 4, 2016 at 9:54 pm

    So would it be wise to go into NC again for 30 days? Or answer him when he texts me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2016 at 9:59 am

      for me, I won’t talk to him until he’s like that.. he even has a trip with a bunch of female friends? if you continue to talk to him.. you’ll be just “one of”

  6. Rosanna

    March 4, 2016 at 10:12 am

    I’m gonna try to keep this short since I really need help…

    My ex and I have been apart for almost 9 months now, which is just as long as we were together. I did apply no contact for a bit longer than a month, maybe 2, after we broke up. Actually the second time I just started over again because I realized I’d messed up, getting jealous after the first month of NC.

    However, we are now on speaking terms. I see him one evening every week at a Christian meeting we both attend where we have lots of mutual friends and actually first met. The contact has been pretty good, we even flirt a little, and I text him every so often, keeping it fun and short.

    He’s even texted me back saying how proud he is of me and the changes I’ve made over the last year several times. However he never does initiate the texting.

    I spoke to our mutual friends about it and they all seem to think that he won’t come back to me because of how badly he now realizes he’s treated me in the relationship and when he broke up with me, and also cause they seem to think I was his rebound. He did get out of a year long relationship only two months before we started dating, but in the beginning he really seemed to love me and think of me as the best thing walking God’s green earth.

    He even seriously talked about wanting to marry me all the time.

    Why is it though that I can’t seem to get him to spontaneously chase me again? I know he had a reputation of being a player, but I know now he’s at an age where he really wants to get married and have kids. Like he did with me.

    Please help me? I’d do anything to get him back… Even after all that time and improving myself and my life, I still feel like he’s the one for me and the only thing keeping me going is the hope I find in reading and using these tips. I know I’ve been doing very well ever since the second NC period, and I know he’s seen it, too.

    1. Rosanna

      March 5, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      Dear Amor

      First of all, thank you so much for responding! I really appreciate it.
      I don’t see how he would know exactly… I’ve been taking lots of distance, really. He sees me doing my own thing with my friends whenever we meet, I never go to him. And he sees me living my own life on social media, etc. I don’t chase him. I don’t even like his Facebook status or anything.
      I have texted him a few times, but very, very rarely and only when I find myself in a situation where it’s a low risk. For example, when he just got back from a trip to Italy he told me he was going on, or when something important that I knew of was going on in his life. I don’t even text him every week, not even every month. And I always act a little cheeky and playful, but not in an overly obvious kind of way, and I usually end the conversation first, and pretty fast.

      I highly doubt my friends told him about it too because I know they’re really trying to stay out of it and refuse to pick sides.

      Any tips on how to be less obvious and yet keep in touch, perhaps? Maybe some texting advice on how often I should text him, etc?

      Thank you so much!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 6, 2016 at 5:55 am

      You’re welcome..

      That’s good but it seems like it’s nit working.. it’s like you have to really stop initiating texting and let the relationshio start over again.. if you’re sure he doesn’t know you want him back, start with being friendly again at Church, if you’re not sure, keep your distance until it seems okay to approach again

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2016 at 5:43 am

      Hi Rosanna,

      I have to be honest, if he knows you still like him, that might be one of the reasons he’s not chasing

  7. Eleanora

    March 4, 2016 at 1:58 am

    PS He also routinely complains about how I’m the only girl who never asks him to do anything. Apparently I’m the only one of his girl “friends” who makes him chase.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2016 at 7:20 am

      Hi Eleanor,

      If he’s player then that means you have to be ready to lose him because a player only commits if he really sees the value in the person and that person doesn’t want a player… He may see you valuable but if he sees you’re ok wth no commitment and you’re just there, he will continue being a player

  8. Eleanora

    March 4, 2016 at 1:22 am

    What are your thoughts on using 30 days of NC a second time? I’m definitely with a player who does not want to commit. After NC, things have definitely improved, but he spent Valentine’s Day with another girl–spent the day after with me. I’ve been making him chase me, and he has been, and we had a talk about commitment that went well, but I’m still sensing his resistance. He also planned a week long trip to Belize with some female friends and did not invite me. Should I just cut him off for good? Thank you!

  9. Julie

    March 3, 2016 at 9:57 pm

    Hey, if a guy is so much of a player that after 6 months of dating he’s still using the same dating app that you met on – and you fall out over it and you tell him to never contact you again, will the no contact rule work, how long should it be done for?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2016 at 6:30 am

      Hi Julie,

      if he’s really player, nothing will work until you are firm on your standards.. he may change if he values you and he knows you’re going to leave because you don’t want a player.. but don’t wait for him to change..coz that will not happen if you stay.. he will just see thay whatever he’s doing is ok, since you’re still there..

  10. Khaleesi

    March 2, 2016 at 4:20 am

    So it has been about 6 months. I did the no contact at first. Then tried to reach out and it went well. We even sat down and caught up. But I had run into him at a few parties, he ignored me, so I did what I thought was right and ignored him and just went on with my night. Eventually I stopped trying to even contact him because I started getting the cold shoulder. He also started using my friends to make sure I wouldn’t show up to where he was going or would avoid places because of me. I’m not sure why he has acted this way. Kind of like he hates me, but our relationship didn’t end on bad terms. He had just said he didnt know how to handle the relationship, he wanted to but couldnt. I dont know what that means, but it doesnt matter. The fact is, I feel like I should be over him since it has been 6 months, and I feel like he shouldnt still be acting this way (digression almost). At this point I’m not sure if I want him back or not. I do know though, I don’t want it to be this difficult to be around him/our friends. He recently blocked me on IG as well (I have him blocked on FB because I needed to break my habit of looking and have been afraid that if I unblock him, he will block me). I still love him and care about him and would like to just be able to talk. I know I don’t have control over that. But recently he has seem to be like trying to “one up” me when we are around our friends or flirt with other girls in-front of me (and it hurts) and I dont know if he is doing it on purpose or if he is over me. But when a mutual friend talked to one of my friends about not coming out to the bars with them because it was his birthday and making sure I didnt go to the same bars (this was about a month ago), it makes me suspicious as to why it is so difficult for me to be around him if he doesnt have feelings. Anyway I want him back, but after 6 months I feel like giving up but I still have feelings for him and that is what is stopping me from giving up. I am okay if I don’t get him back but I want to at least be able to talk to him again. I like the strategy that was presented here but I just don’t know what to do when he is so damn STUBBORN!!!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      March 2, 2016 at 6:08 am

      Khaleesi!

      We got a game of thrones fan in the house!

      May I ask how long you did no contact for? Also, I am not going to lie. Being 6 months removed from the relationship is tough. I would say the first thing you should look into doing is establishing communication and getting back on speaking terms with him at least.

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