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Marie
October 22, 2016 at 7:49 pm
Quick story abt myself im 29 single mom to an autism 9 yr old me and his father broke it off abt 6.5yrs ago court order and everything .no conract besides walking son out on his days ans thats all ..no feelings either.. So i met this guy from bk in hs he was currently single after a 10yr old break up we started hanging out bk n forth never had anyone around my kid but him ..dated for 7mnths i was acared becausw i had time to heal i felt he hadnt but he kept showing me otherwise ..since day 1 ive been very open i dont take bs and i want respect same way i gave him respect.. Dating new to me learning to be a mom yet tryna picture someone making me n my kid happy ..so being officially for 1yr8mnths we had few breakups due to me catching him being friendly with girls on social media.. I let go of social media because was being a problem ..i didnt wanna be the girl snooping and it was him bk on besides social media hes usually wit me majority time hes very jealous im okay with that but dis last time he broke it off with me its been 1mnth and he says social media is least his worrys but doesnt seem to let go hes txt me how he loves me yet gets mad and tells me mean things to go find better ..just i dont underdtand everygirl he gives attention to is girls with 2-3kids single as well ive done everythjng for him everyone loves me i knoe he does too but i never got a legit answer why he dump me ..today after a mnth i showed up to his hse and he was shockd we cried laughed he kept feeling all over me but im scared yet hurt he says theres no one else he was just tired being in a relationship.. I can even understand it wen he wants me to be the one ..two weeks ago he missed me but hes a stubborn leo ..we ended up having sex he acted like he was tough and den he told me to txt him soon as im home litterly no reply.. Did i really loose my chance he litterly stopp txtn me for a whole week never ever has he done this to me ..dats the only way i popped up at his bkus i cudnt take it anymore ..i knoe he loves me but im so confused i feel so alone and honestly hurted me more then wit my father son even tho we had a kid ..dis guy went out his way for me even for my kid.. Please help honestly i feel pathetic lonely and i just need some type of advice i really want him back!
Marie
October 24, 2016 at 2:34 am
Thankyou for replying and sorry for my spelling errors its my dumb phone it made my story sound weird.. But yeah his ex cheated on him, he cheated as revenge and 9mnths later we started talking i felt like it was to fresh to get with me but we took it slow and hanged out and dated 7 mnths.. Everything was great but our main fights is over social media just dont like him being on it the way he does hes too damn friendly and flirting and acts single i feel dats very disrespectful i personally consider dat cheating for not showing me respect ..i dont act flirty hell i dont even have friends around me because i respect that he doesnt like it once again i dont have a problem im just starting to think its cold feet or idk.. Ive been good to him even gave him guy time so i dont get the u never let me hang out with the boys ..i honestly told him i feel like a rebound but he swears he never ever saw me like dat… ive been reading on the no contact rule and i guess see how it ends up going i thankyou for replying tho i needed anytype of help ty
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 6:54 pm
well, you’re actually right.. what he’s doing is unfair to you.. honestly, all of us do a little flirting with others at some point in the relationship but it’s different if he always do it.. You have to ask yourself, do you really want a guy like that?
Marie
October 22, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Hes also 29 he was wit his ex for 10 yrs and not really a healthy one why i stuck around ..she had cheated on him he tried to forgive and try and it didnt work he ended up cheating which shudnt of been the proper way to leave which i felt he got meano trust issues only understandable wen he should of handle it diff i knoe once a cheater always a cheater they say but i tried giving the benefit of the doubt the time dating we talked abt him being around single life we were close i was mature enuff ppl sometimes fool around because were humans sometimes we need a quick fix no attachment sex is sex but we had a thing we started off slow and he was madly in love i knoe he loves me but wat can i do to get him bk i just want him to be faithful and have respect for me
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 9:16 pm
Hi Marie,
so, you mean, his ex cheated on him,and now he cant stop talking to other girls in social media? He’s doing that, while you’re being a good gf and then he broke up with you?
As of the momeny,.do you want to try the no contact rule? And dont sleep with him again if you’re not really back together
Kelly
October 19, 2016 at 5:34 pm
My ex broke up with me but he doesn’t want me to move out of his house and he admitted he jumped into the relationship and he still being romantic and sexual with me. I knew him a little over two years when we got together. He has been talking to other girls but he isn’t hiding anything from me. He went on an hour and a half drive with a girl one night and wanted to be romantic and sexual with me the minute he got home. He said he was happy I was here and he could watch me change and get back to the way I was when we first him. He also said he didn’t want to get back together this soon. When him and I started dating i had just got out of a domestic violence relationship and I was not my normal self. What is your best advice on how to handle this situation and for me to get him back. I have tried to move on and I feel guilty talking to other guys. My heart is still with my ex. Is this guilt normal? My ex also admitted he still had feelings for me. He always wants to know where I am going who is am talking to and when I will be home. But when I try to do the same thing to him he get mad right before he leaves but then he want me the minute he gets home. Last night we where going to cuddle before bed and i was going to go to the other room and sleep. We ended up doing sexual things then he wanted to cuddle and fall asleep like we always did when we where together. I still love him and my engagement ring is now a promise ring that he will always be a part of my life. Please me give me all the advice you can to get him back and how to handle these situations
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 21, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Hi Kelly,
Most of the time, what you get, is what you allow.. It reflects your standards.. If you’re not together, why is he getting the benefits of a relationship? Why are you handing over to him the decision on whay to do with your life?
nel
October 15, 2016 at 10:14 pm
HI.
I wrote on a similar site a while ago.
Look my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. Said it was because the relationship was shit for him- he felt like he had to ‘manage’ my emotions, that he wanted to feel less controlled and do what he wanted from now on without having to worry about me. tells me that he wants better than me, that hes wasted 1.5 years with me (because it didnt work out).
And we live together.
He went off and partied so much for a couple of weeks, would come home and climb into my bed in the morning a few times then tell me later that it was a mistake and didnt want to give me mixed signals. If he was having a bad drug comedown, he would say he loved me and wanted to work things out and we would have sex, then a day later would blame it on the comedown effects. When he is sick (i.e. last night he woke me up saying ‘baby… baby i have one of my headaches again!’ and I was up like a shot, had him in the shower rubbing his neck, stayed up with him with ice on his neck etc then the next day he thanked me coldly) I always take care of him without thinking about it. I cant not take care of him. But he tells me that he is not going to work towards maintaining my wellbeing.
we have an arrangement where we will remain affectionate. The big killer is that I have uni and i am failing because of all of this and he knows it. Im doing my masters and if I dont have my head on straight, I will lose my masters. He knows that this break up and the way he is is really affecting me. He has agreed to try and build a stable, loving home environment for me for the next couple of weeks- i.e. staying affectionate, not look for a places to live or see girls until that time. However, his parents (who live really close and have a big house and are super awesome) have offered for him to stay with them for the month that i have uni, but he said no. he doesnt even have a working laptop at our place (to look for places to live) so i dont understand why he wont just go there. i want him to. im not sure whether its about power and the idea that he would be going backwards if he went back there?
He tells me that he still loves me but that he doesnt think he is in love with me anymore. he said that he feels i am not good for him and so needs to leave. He says that if I want to not be affectionate, that he is fine with that and wont pike, but every other time we have tried not to, he always does.
I am really confused. I want him back but I know he is using me. He blames me for the break up- he told me that ‘if you had not ruined our relationship, we would be in a different place right now. We would be happy- we would be building a life together and probably planning a holiday. But we are not and we wont because of you!’ He also asks me about certain guys- i.e. a man called me named tom in the middle of the night when he first broke up with me and 2 days ago, he saw me talk to a guy at the gym whose name badge read tom. When we got home he asked if that was the tom who had called me. He also refuses to tell people that we are affectionate- he said ‘why the hell would I tell people that? as far as my friends are concerned, we have been broken up for a while now. Im not going to tell them we are still affectionate and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend- I would have broken up and gotten back with you 4 times!’
He said he is not emotionally connected to me anymore. I don’t know what to think or do. I don’t know how to act. He said we can sleep together but that we shouldn’t if it hurts me (which it does now).
Nel
October 18, 2016 at 9:28 pm
Im not sure. It’s not always sex. Last night we drank wine, had dinner together and watched a movie. We kissed and hugged but didn’t have sex. And in bed (I’m sleeping in his bed) we hugged. This morning he kissed me as he left for work. No sex. But still says there’s no chance for us. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 7:11 pm
That’s good but he probably thinks there’s nothing better with you and him that can make him take another chance.. Start improving yourself now.. if he moves out within this month, that’s your chance to do the no contact rule and your chance to have a restart with him because during nc, you have to focus in starting your own life and improving yourself..
but right now, dont sleep with him again..dont think that it can help you get him back because you’re already doing it and he’s not changing his mind right? so, dont put yourself in the friends with benefits position… start to go out more too.. be civil with him at home but avoid any intimate contact like kissing.. be calm when explaining it..
you can try saying that you’re touched that he’s still sweet but it makes you uncomfortable because the truth is, you’re not together anymore..It just leaves you more confused on what he really wants and hurts you too..
Nel
October 17, 2016 at 7:25 pm
Thank you for the response! I don’t have anywhere to go. My family are in a different state. His parents have offered him a room but he said no. He said he’s moving out within the month. However, we are being affectionate, hang out and sleep together. It’s like we are boyfriend and girlfriend in private.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 7:24 pm
that can be good and bad at the same time because if he’s only like that in private, then he might just have been fulfilling his sexual needs
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2016 at 9:01 pm
Hi Nel,
I answered your first two comments. I’m not sure if you read that so, I’m going to paste my answer there here.
Hi Nel,
I think it would be best if you move out because being with him and being in that place is not healthy for you anymore. Any friends or relatives you could move in with in the mean time? If you can’t, then you have to go out more. No matter what we say to you, if you don’t initiate in helping yourself and making the environment easier for you to help yourself, then you won’t have better chances.
Anna
October 10, 2016 at 8:20 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up because we started arguing and he was going off to college. Most of our arguments stemmed from him not making me feel special anymore or him only focusing on his needs. I did no contact and after a month he messaged me and said he would be coming in town and would like to talk. I happened to drunk text him saying that I miss him and that I do want to hangout while he is in town. The next day he said he “supposed” he could come see me, almost like he didn’t seem interested. That night he said he missed me too and we had sex. He kept staring at me and I could tell he felt something. He just doesn’t do long distance so I don’t know how to deal with this situation
Anna
October 11, 2016 at 4:03 pm
I feel like I should try, but I also feel like I should move on. He only messages me when he’s coming in town, and it makes me feel like a booty call. I feel as though if he wanted to be with me, he would be.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 5:40 pm
why not try the advice as a last step.. if it doesn’t work out, then move on..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 12:37 pm
Hi Anna,
it was a mistake sleeping with him right ahead.. are you going to try what’s advised above?
Levi
October 9, 2016 at 8:54 pm
Hi guys 🙂 First of all I just want to thank you for the great work you do in helping us with our issues.
I was in an on off relationship with a guy for more than 7 years, It was great in the beginning but fought over silly things and he was very insecure (due to past issues) and often I bore the brunt of his insecurities. He is such a giving a kind soul, loves animals and is always looking after creatures that come in to his garden and the bird, always feeding them lol I love this about him.
\he is 11 years older than me, he is 51 and I am 40. The last few years with her were just fvb, but he would also take me out to dinner, lunch and breakfasts, we would go to markets and go shopping on occasions. we would also gout for a few drinks, and always end up in bed.
the reason, i think the relationship ended was bcoz I was going out partying a lot, he never wanted to hang out with my friends. I would get in from my partying at all hours and go to his where we would have the most amazing sex, but after it he would be angry with me, accusing me of being with other men, which simply was not true, hes a cancer man, very deep and emotional. Why was i out partying a lot, well i felt like we were drifting apart, he became less invested in me, he was so convinced I was seeing other guys. We have said a lot of horrible things to each other, but we always made up. Im march this year it was over for good. I hardly heard for him in this time, but when I did it was mostly fine. he even have the first months rent on my new flat, and refused to take it back. I live in a small town, and heard on the grapevine he was seeing another woman. I texted him to say that I had heard and to wish him well.
I was out with friends last night and got blazing drunk, like drunker than I have ever been and must have thought it would be a good idea to go round to his house, i went up to his room, where he was alone, thank goodness, and woke him up, he pulled me in to his arms and we just lay there chatting and hugging, it felt so good. He wanted to please me, he has always been a very unselfish lover, always makes sure I have a good time. In the morning we had proper sex and it was mindblowing for me, and I know he really enjoyed it too.
I make coasters from tiles and decoupage designs on them, they were all at his house, and he has stuck random ones all over his fire-place and it look so good, It gave me a little boost to know that he will be thinking about me everytime he looks at his fireplace. Infact there are so many reminders of me all over his house which is sweet he kept them. I don’t know the status of his new relationship, casual dating or committed, i surely cannot be committed? Im no stupid, sex means nothing….I just cant believe i had the balls to go to his house, imagine is she was there :O What do you guys think, i feel bad for his potential lover or gf, whatever she is. I love this man with all my heart and soul and want him back. please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 9:35 am
Hi Levi,
first, I think you need to cut back partying.. because if that really bothers him a lot, then you have to let go of it.. and then start being friendly again.. just be cautious that you’re not too forward that you will end up being friends with benefits again.
cindy
October 8, 2016 at 5:18 am
Hey…met with ex boyfriend for d first time after 11 years apart….unfortunately ended u having sex on our first night together. Now he never calls and never texts…..im on day 8 of NC but still have not received a call or text from him…..is there hope for us?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 3:13 pm
Hi Cindy,
honestly, it’s very slim.. but if he talks to you again next, don’t sleep with him again.
Dream
October 6, 2016 at 2:18 am
What am I supposed to do if we are together and he wants/tried to have sex? I get brushing him off in txt but how do you do it in person?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 4:45 pm
Hi Dream,
just say no.. Tell him, you don’t want to have sex with somebody who isn’t your boyfriend.
Katrina
October 3, 2016 at 12:16 am
My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, and 2 days later he’s got a new girlfriend. This chick has a complicated backstory, earlier in the year they were extremely close, uncomfortably so, and he said he’d stop talking to her for me and he did. But he kept going back again and again. And well, now they’re dating. I can’t decide if it’s a rebound or not… He says it’s not.
Since we broke up we’ve hooked up twice. The first time was great, it was like closure for me. The second time it was him telling me that I was still attractive (I have confidence issues…). We were just both really aroused and he drove over to mine in the middle of the night. He stayed the night and we snuggled and cuddled after sex like we used to.
He still wants to be friends, in fact HE’S stated that he wants to have a catch up.
We currently work together but his new girlfriend keeps coming in to work and rubbing it in my face that they’re a couple now. And fuck it’s frustrating, have some common decency woman.
Anyway, as I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t done the NC rule (only found out about it today), I don’t know if he intends to have sex again, but I know I don’t want to be that “other girl” like she was when we were dating. I think if she wasn’t part of the picture everything would be much less complicated, because I know that I still mean a lot to him, not as much as her obviously.. I don’t know what to do anymore
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 7:28 pm
Hi Katrina,
Do not sleep with him again. I don’t think she’s a rebound, I think she’s a grass is greener case. You will know more about that in the article I will link below. And maybe you can decide if you still want to do the no contact rule after reading that. But I do suggest that you still do the no contact rule.
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Sam
September 30, 2016 at 2:05 pm
Hi
My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago and we tried not talking at all, however we could only go two days without talking. He broke up with me because he said he is unhappy in his life right now and that he has to figure his life out and that he doesnt want to drag me down too. He says he still loves me. I still love him to. I just am confused on what to do. We talked and I asked him if he wants to hang out and be friends and have sex sometimes. He said he doesnt want to do that because he doesn’t wanna make it harder for either of us, but I convinced him to hang out with me. We started having sex and hanging out. He has been worried that we both won’t be able to move on if we continue to do this. I told him that I still want him in my life and he said he still wants me in his. He just doesn’t understand why I can have sex with him without feeling guilty. He told me that me having sex with him confuses him and he wants to but is worried it will make it hard for him in the future. I wanna be with him. I wanna get back together with him I just dont know how. I have tried everything.
Sam
October 2, 2016 at 3:16 pm
Hi Amor,
We got into a fight into a few days ago and he told me I was being pushy and coercive because I kept asking him to hang out. He then felt bad and I apologized, he said he cares about me a lot and hates saying no to me. We haven’t talked since. Its only been two days of us not talking. I don’t know what to do. I miss him and I want to text him. I am afraid he is going to move on without me. I really don’t know how to get him back. Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 10:02 am
try doing no contact Sam.. give him space and focus in improving yourself.. do 30 days and review what’s advised above too
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 3:09 pm
Hi Sam,
don’t do that. Be thankful that he doesn’t to take advantage of you. You’re putting yourself in the friends with benefits position, hoping that it can help him change his mind, but all it does is lower your value.. Don’t ever do that again. Do you want to try no contact rule again?
Rosy
September 25, 2016 at 4:24 am
My bf of 9 years broke up with me. I tried my best to do the no contact rule but eventually two weeks later slept with him. I realized he was trying to date someone else so I got so upset and told him very mean things. We argued pretty bad. I decided to do the contact rule since I realled love him. We been broken up for about 4 months and recently began texting after the no contact rule. It seemed to be going very well we would text on a daily basis. until we hung out and ended up having sex again. It was very passionate and I really thought be missed me and was going to ask me to be his gf again but sadly he didn’t. He was very kind with me webspoke a lot about but the next day he didn’t even call me or text. I invited him to the movies or something but he told me he didn’t want to go that he was busy. I am very disappointed because I really felt a connection that day but now I see he is kinda ignoring me. What should I do, I really love this man and I dont want to give up in him.
Rosy
September 25, 2016 at 6:27 pm
What do you mean the more by trying the no contact rule and the more I do it the less effective it is? How long should this no contact rule be ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 9:12 am
because you already did the no contact rule. I’m not sure if I understood your comment right but, you did it once or twice right? Since this will be another no contact period, don’t break it. Stick to 45 days and don’t rush things after it. Don’t sleep with him if you’re not really together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 2:15 pm
Hi Rosy,
don’t do it again or you’ll really end up just being friends with benefits. I think you should try no contact rule again but the more you do it, the less the effect. So, make the most out of this time. Improve yourself during and continue improving yourself after. And then take it slow after no contact. Build rapport first. Do not sleep with him if you’re not back together.
Barbara
September 23, 2016 at 6:42 pm
Hi, i dated a guy for one month, he started telling me he loved me but would end up getting irratated over me not texting back fast enough etc. So one day we got into a fight, forgot to take home the flowers he boight me from his house by accident apologized many hurts.. so he went 3 days without talking to me, meanwhile i texted him many sorrys, i love yous, like a lost puppy. So then i figured after a few days it was over, i then made a big mistake. I talked to his crazy ex who dislikes him and is obsessed at the same time. She screenshotted our conversations and sent it to him and my mom was mad he hurt me also sent him one. He right before these things occurred decided to apologize to me and wanted to make it work. Said im the girl he wants to marry etc, even seen him cry. Then i was sitting next to him as these delayed mistakes came through on his phone. I admitted i wasnt thinking clear he said he let it go.. next day i got a text from him saying he was thinking and it was over. I told him it hurt so much ill do anything to fix it. Had my mom even apologize to him. I said can we be friends still and ill come hang out with him. He said yes but friends only. How do i win him back? How do i approach the steps now that i gave the open invitation? Please help me im hurting.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 3:42 pm
HI Barbara,
how old are you both? Stop chasing him.. Did you comment in this article because you slept with him? Don’t do it again. And are you going to do what’s advised above?
Auriana
September 22, 2016 at 12:16 am
l recently broke up with my ex.A months ago precisely. I broke-up with him and a week after the breakup we meet to talk and hopefully get closure because he wanted to know why l broke it of. Hes a very quiet person,hardly shows emotions or feelings unless if ho gets a little drunk that’s when he opens up a bit and shares how he feels.He was drunk the first time he requested to speak about our breakup and everything revolving around it.He was angry at first asking me why it happened then he seemed hurt and heart broken about the whole thing then as the alcohol lost its effect he went quiet and back to being in a shell with an ‘l don’t care anyway’ kind of behavior. We slept together and he insisted on staying over so we can cuddle.He knows l have a weakness for cuddling and l wouldn’t say no to him on that.Ever since that night we slept together 4 more times and the sex was really intense the best of any we’ve ever had even when we were together. We stopped talking for like a week and in that space of time he then went on to date one lady that stays near my place.l felt a little jealous but l ignored it, l asked him to come one day since l felt a bit emotional and l felt hes the only person l wanted to talk to that moment.He knows l always relapse and run back to him. Always. l’ve broken up with him numerous times but l still always run back to him.I end up forgiving him and allowing us to try again. Its got to a point that even his friends said they believed very soon we would get back together. l needed to talk but he called me later and said he wasn’t going to make it, l told him its fine and lm okay now so he can forget l ever asked anything. Next morning he called and asked me to come over l told him lm fine now but he came instead.When he came we set all day long together and we spoke about how we both need to walk away so we don’t continue hurting each other like we always do.We even spoke that us getting back together wasn’t a good idea since we will be fine for a few months then we would l go back to hurting each other like before,we were actually agreeing on that together.He was interested in knowing if l had been on any dates or if l had something going on with anyone.l brushed the topic off.He asked if l could help him find a place in my neighborhood and l said if l hear anything l will let him know even though l didn’t mean that. He also got a job opportunity in another country and he was asking me if l want him to leave,l told him its up to him and he said if things work out here he will stay because he likes being here.He then tried to initiate sex but l turned him down and told him l just started my period.He insisted on seeing because he felt l was lying but l wouldn’t budge so he eventually calmed down. He then said if l want us to walk away then if we keep having sex with him then that means lm literally making him my side-boyfriend.l laughed it off and we ended up talking about other things l didn’t know how to answer him.He still sat with me and watched movies until late then they called him to attend to something.He said he might come back but l knew he wouldn’t, part of me wanted him to come back though. If l wasn’t on my period l was going to obviously sleep with him but now the edge is even stronger than before for me.l almost called him a few times but l always stopped myself somehow.Him on the the other hand he seems to be behaving and hes quiet.I fee like l dont stand a chance in getting him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 12:22 pm
Hi Auriana,
don’t sleep with him again.. do you want to try to do the no contact rule?
Ashley
September 15, 2016 at 7:03 pm
My ex and I are coworkers and after we broke up I emplemented a 30 NC (and he didn’t contact me during this time either). A few weeks ago (right after the 30 NC was up) he started pursuing me again. We got together a few times and I ended up having sex with him 2 different times. He hasn’t said that he won’t commit and he admitted that he has strong feelings for me but I feel like we are just friends with benefits now. I haven’t brought up the commitment topic yet but he knows that I do not want a FWB situation and that I do not like it when he goes for a few days at a time without contacting me (which is what he has been doing). To increase value, should I start another NC, and if so should I do a mini NC OR a 30 day NC? Also, do I do this NC without warning (since we are on good terms since we started talking again)? I feel like it would seem weird to go ‘dark’ all of the sudden out of no where especially since we work together and I have to talk to him occasionally. Thank you for your advise.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 18, 2016 at 2:22 pm
HI Ashley,
No, I think you should just be distant and but not really to stop talking to him.
Taylor
September 11, 2016 at 7:15 pm
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, he broke up with me about a month ago because I went through his phone. Not that I don’t trust him but I went through his phone to make sure he wasn’t talking to any girls. He wasn’t. So long story short I hadn’t talked to him and he came to my house Wednesday night because we have a dog together lol and he ended up trying to say he missed me and he stayed the night we had sex and now he wont really talk to me, when he does it is short and he said I will get back with you when I think you trust me we are done for right now. My mistake to have had sex with him and think he wouldn’t leave and then talk to me. I don’t know what to do! help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 13, 2016 at 3:25 pm
Hi Taylor,
yeah it was a mistake.. do you want to try what’s advised above?
Jenn
July 3, 2016 at 1:25 pm
Hi,
Sorry in advance for the long post.
So my ex boyfriend and I dated for 1 year and about 9 months. He was the one to break up with me. This was my first relationship and I did everything to make it work, I didn’t give up on him. After our break up I didn’t contact him except to get my staff back about a month after. It’s been about 8 months since our break up and I changed for the better. I lost weight, which I feel so good about, and I go out with friends a lot. My ex started dating another girl a few months after our break up and has recently broke up with her in the last few weeks. He suddenly added me on social media again and must have seen how well I’m doing without him. I have to say that I have moved on and but I’m not over him yet and still have feelings. He messaged me a few days after we were Facebook friends again and asked how I was. I wasn’t going to reply too him but ended up saying that I was good but asked why he contacted me. He said he thought it was enough time to be friends. I disagreed and said how happy I was now. He then proposed a friends with benefits arrangement which he’s done before with an ex. I said no straight out because I couldn’t do it since I still have feelings. After that he didn’t contact me for a week. I then messages him saying we could possibly be friends in the future but I couldn’t do FWB. He kept saying how great we were together in bed and how I was the best he ever had. I said I miss the sex but stood by my no FWB. He starting sexting me and somehow I ended up sexting back eventually. That was probably a mistake. I told him we could try one time having sex since and that I wasn’t sure if I could go through with it. He didn’t want to pressure me and wanted me to feel comfortable with it all. He said we would take it slow. We met up and went to his place. Ended up talking for ages, catching up with our lives and flirting a bit. He asked if I wanted to have sex and I said yes. Ended up being a great night and he cuddled me afterwards and was very caring and affectionate with me. More than what he was in most of our relationship. I got a bit emotional and ended up saying that I don’t know if this would work because I wanted me and I said I might still love him. Probably shouldn’t have said that. We were very clear from the start that we were going to be honest with each other, which was a problem in our relationship – he wasn’t being honest with his feelings. After I said about my feelings he said he didn’t know how he felt. His actions was very loving and intimate though, stroking my hair, giving me a massage and cuddling me. We had breakfast and he took me home. Now I want to get him back but I realised I might have made that hard with sleeping with him and saying I still have feelings. I want him to commit so I want to stop the sex seeing as he most likely wants FWB. Should I not contact him at all now? when he dropped me off I said to him that he knows how I feel and it’s up to him what he wants to do. What should I do if he contacts me and he just wants sex from me again and doesn’t want more? Hopefully you can help, thanks.
Jenn
July 5, 2016 at 10:52 am
Thanks for all your help. Should I do nc for 30 days or less? I know I need to get multiple messages that are positive from my ex during this time. I’m just worried he will lose interest if I don’t contact him during this time if he only wants me for sex. Since we have been broken up for 8 months and he’s dated in that time, and now we’ve slept together I’m not sure how long I should do nc for?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 6, 2016 at 6:26 am
if he only wants sex then he won’t lose interest as long as he finds you sexually attractive..do at least 30 days
Jenn
July 5, 2016 at 4:53 am
Yeah I want to figure out if he’s using me for sex so I’m going to try what Chris says above. My ex messaged me a day after we had sex and asked how I was. I sent a message back later and kept it short, I received no reply back. He then messaged me again today saying sorry for the late reply then went on about sex and if I was horny. Should I do no contact now or should I try and do the pied piper/ cat thing as talked about above? I want to show I’ve changed since I used to be really needy with him and dependant on him. I have changed now so I’m wondered if it would be better to do no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 5, 2016 at 6:18 am
yes, start nc first
Jenn
July 3, 2016 at 1:40 pm
Also should add that he found it very hard to break up with me but thought It was for the best, we both weren’t in good places depression wise. I have changed a lot since then and he saw that when we were together and was happy with how far I’d come. Said he didn’t want to ruin my happiness. He broke up with the girl he was seeing because he said he wasn’t into her. He said he didn’t want to be dishonest again like he was to me. I think he is confused but I know he finds it hard to talk about his feelings to anyone. He said he missed our closeness and of course the great sex. He said he didn’t realise how good we were sexually until he dated again. I know I have the power of sex over him and I want to try and do what you said with the cat and ball of string. I don’t want to hurt him though and I don’t want it to be obvious. He is very observant and reads me well.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 7:08 pm
hi jenn,
I think you have to read your comment.. because it was clear that all he wanted was to be fwb and when you asked him what he felt, he was just being nice when he said he doesn’t know what he feels.. you’re not going to hurt him as of now because right now, all he wants is sex.. You have to raise your value.. try Chris’ advice first and then see where it gets
Bob
June 26, 2016 at 8:17 am
So basically I’m a boy and I really need help cause I can’t talk to anyone else cause basically I finished with my ex girlfriend yesterday because we argued and things just hit the fan ! And basically we can’t let eachother go ! We see eachother every weekend but I obviously told my mum and dad that Ive finished with her and they quite happy and we’re saying they would do anything to cheer me up and then today Me and my ex have decided to start fresh and if we argue or anything more that we will leave us there ! I’m 16 and my girlfriend is 16 too I literally love her so much and never wanna lose her ! But after I told my mum and dad that I’m talking to my ex they went in a mood and said they won’t be here to support me no more and that they don’t want to help my relationship or anything ! I literally feel like shit cause I love my ex so much and I literally don’t wanna lose her ever but it’s hard when my mum and dad aint gonna support me ! Because my girlfriend lives 20 mins in a car away from me and I really need help on how to get my parents back on my side and to get my ex back ! I would really appreciate it thank u
Bob
June 26, 2016 at 8:20 am
We were seeing for 4 months when we broke up
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 12:25 pm
Hi Bob,
why don’t they like her?
Cindy
June 15, 2016 at 1:21 pm
Hi Chris,
I have been on and off a relationship, we got engaged. My ex went back to school to do his masters and I sort of like started putting him under pressure for us to get married because I felt like I am going to loose him. That took a strain in our relationship and we ended things after ending things the breakup was messy, we ended up taking each other to court (long story) and involving his family. Few months after we realised we want to be together but he keeps telling me about his family and how they wont accept the relationship. This was two years ago and we used to talk now and again. I stopped being in contact for about two months and called him one time to say hi, he suggested we hook up and have a sexual relationship only because he is scared of his family (I mean this is a grown man he can make his decision he is not dependant on the family) I agreed at the time but we started sleeping and talking almost everyday for about four weeks recently. Today I told him lets stop sleeping together he just said okay and that he understands. What to do from now?How to win him back and this family battle?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 11:04 pm
Hi Cindy,
One step at a time.. (I was reminded about taking things one step at a time recently too.. :D) him first.. family later once you and him are stable because as you said, he’s a grown man.. start nc again, and then start being active in improving yourself, get your life back on track and then slowly rebuild rapport with him through texts firsts and then calls, and then meeting up again.
Jem
June 11, 2016 at 4:52 am
Hi so my boyfriend left me a week ago for the girl he cheated on me with, hes done this twice and then come back to me. They are both in the same town and I am in another country. Hes been coming to my country a lot recently for work and got here again last night and we slept together. A part of me did feel guilty but then another part realised hes not ready to be faithful if he can just leave me for someone else and still wants to cheat. I did want him back but is it ok to keep being FWB until I see hes changed and is actually ready for commitment because right now I don’t see he is.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2016 at 5:40 am
Hi Jem
it’s not a rebound.. it looks like a grass is greener case.. nope don’t be fwb with him. He will think it’s ok for you to sleep with him even if he’s cheating on you.
Josie
June 5, 2016 at 12:42 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend and I broke up over a year ago now and have been sleeping with each other on and off the entire time. We sext often, and keep the sex very casual and low key.. He usually goes off the radar for a bit and won’t hold a conversation with me afterwards. He’s randomly blocked me and unblocked me at his will on social media as well (currently not blocked). We have been seeing other people too but always tend to sleep with each other. He does engage in more meaningful conversation with me every now and then but it’s rare. He sends mixed messages: mostly that he only uses me for sex, but then says other things sometimes that makes me think there’s still something there. We quite seriously dated for over a year, lived together etc. it was a very messy breakup initially by me but then him taking the reins.
I am currently blocked on Facebook by him and he won’t unblock me for no reason..
I suppose the first step would be to stop sleeping with him.. I just still have such strong feelings there and as much as I try not to I still think about being with him and dream about it and want it so bad. Help me! I was so in love with this guy. I just want him to want me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 4:43 am
Hi Josie,
did you follow Chris’ advice above?
Hs
June 1, 2016 at 7:35 pm
My ex and I were together for 2 years. Broke up in December. Followed Chris’ steps – NC, the texting, and eventually asking me out on a date, etc. Eventually, we started talking on the regular. Had our first date in early April and ever since have been seeing each other regularly. We took a trip together twice already – local weekend getaways. He texts me every day, holds my hand/waist in public, we slept together eventually about a month and a half ago. We’ve added each other on social media again, and he posts things to my wall. His family and cousins know we are talking again, his sister came down to say hi to me when I was over one night. But just last week, he has become distant. I asked him the “where is this relationship going” question and he said he was just “going with the flow”. I said that’s fine with me, but I need to know you actually want something out of this relationship and you’re not just playing around with my emotions. He said he doesn’t know what he wants. Ever since, he has not been texting me as much, last time we talked was on the weekend and I haven’t initiated contact with him either, thought it was better to give him space. I thought sleeping with him was my mistake, but he was good until the question about commitment. How should I proceed?
Hs
June 2, 2016 at 3:10 pm
I mean we slept together 1.5 months after we started seeing each other
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 2:38 am
Hi Hs,
well, I think sleeping with him was still wrong, because you were not back together yet, so it’s like ex with benefits.. right now, are you talking again? if not, start to date others and maintain yourself, so that you can spark jealousy.