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554 thoughts on “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”

  1. Jen

    October 20, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    Hey Chris!
    I’ve commented a few times before. Im the same Jen with the ex who was emotionally unstable because of his friend’s suicide.
    Last time we spoke, I was asking if my ex was playing mind games and if I can use his serious sex drive to seduce him. Now, about 2 days after that comment, my ex and I finally meet up, per him. It was the first time we’d seen each other in person in over 3 months. I went into it thinking “don’t give him sex. He’s going to try. DONT DO IT JEN.” I even tried to stop it right before it happened! Needless to say, i didn’t listen to myself (or you πŸ™ ) and I gave in to temptation.
    Right before it happened, I told him I didn’t think we should do that because I know he’s still dealing with things emotionally and we weren’t together. If he wasn’t ready to take the next step with me yet then we shouldn’t. He said “I know. I’m ready. I want to work on us. I don’t want anyone else. I never have.” I proceeded to say I didn’t want him to just be saying that because he wanted to have sex. But he cut me off saying “no no I’m not. I get how it might seem like that but I’m not. I wouldn’t do that to you.” And that he loves me. Andddddd that’s the moment I gave in.
    I didn’t leave right after and we actually had a fun time just hanging out and being silly. He even admitted that he gets upset if I take longer than 15 min to text back (so he is def checking his phone like you said. Genius!) And he told me he had work in the morning but he didn’t want me to leave.
    Before I left, I asked him “what we were doing” so we were on the same page about where we stood. He kept starting his sentences and everything he was saying was sounding like he wanted to define it as fwb but then he’d stop himself and say “no that’s coming out so wrong” and try again. Eventually when he finally settled on a statement, he said “my plan is to slowly work back to what we had. I know we’re both really busy but we’re going to make time to see each other and I’m going to make more effort in talking to you. Sometimes I’m just really busy so I can’t text back right away but I will make time. I really care about you and I don’t want you to think I only want sex. That’s morally wrong and I wouldn’t do that to you because I care about your feelings.” I replied saying that basically want he described is that we’re “talking”. He said yes. Then I finally left, he kissed me goodnight and told me he loved me again.
    Nowwwww, the “talking” phase is not a relationship, so no more sex from now on. We have spoken since then and he does seem to be putting more effort into texting back, even though he might not get to until an hour later.
    I tend to look at the positive when it comes to him, so do you think having sex hurt my process? Do you think my chances of getting him back will increase significantly since I have taken sex away at this point? And should I tell him “no sex until we are together” or just lead him on?
    Thank you!

  2. Kristin

    October 19, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    Hello I ve written here before. My ex boyfriend and I were on and off for 4 years . It finally ended last year in July we didn’t talk for months and then he met up with me in February and told me how awesome his new girlfriend of a month is and then he gave me a Christmas gift after insulting me. Then a month later or less she breaks up with him. He apologizes for being a jerk and we just talk. At first nothing happened and then one night we had sex but he said I was more then a booty call. Then we kept flirting for months he would also get jealous of guys hitting on me etc. would tell me he wasn’t sure about us and then would come back and say I want to take care of you you but I don’t want a relationship. Then a month ago one night he saids he doesn’t love me like a girlfriend. I’m just a friend .idk what to do I feel hopeless….I thought it was working a couple of months ago. I even tried law of attraction.. I saw him a week and a half ago and he tried to have sex with me. I stopped it. He then texted me the next day to invite me to a party which I was already invited to because we have mutual friends. I changed my look that day and was getting attention from others.i was wearing a dress and he kept tossing a blanket on my legs. Then I fell asleep and he put a pillow under my head. Idk what to do please help! Do I have a chance? It’s been such a long road and I finally just want this to just happen already. HELP!!!!

    1. Kristin

      October 27, 2015 at 9:35 pm

      I’m so stupid really he seems to have no interest and even saids he doesn’t yet I look and read into things more then I should probably. There is just no hope is there?

    2. Kristin

      October 22, 2015 at 2:42 am

      Every so often I see him maybe more then once a month. But I have to ask. He texts me back when I so text him. He knows I want him. He said he doesn’t love me like that though. even though he gets jealous and mutual friends can tell that and how protective he is. He put a pillow under my head while were at a party and I was laying down. He also kept throwing a blanket on my knees. He even texted me the night after we were at a party asking me if I was ok cause we were all drinking the night before. That was on oct 11. So far nothing else. I want to be his girlfriend again so bad. Do I have any hope? How are my good are my odds?

    3. Chris Seiter

      October 22, 2015 at 12:05 am

      Well, the important thing to remember is that even though it’s been a long road you are making amazing progress.

      Look how far you’ve come.

      How often do you have one on one dates with him?

    4. Kristin

      October 19, 2015 at 8:20 pm

      I’m beginning to think I’m an idiot and that I have no hope at all.. So please based on my story it’s been over a year since we were a couple do I have a chance? What should I do? I need coaching bad?

    5. Chris Seiter

      October 22, 2015 at 12:03 am

      Don’t call yourself an idiot.

      You are definitely not an idiot.

  3. Camille

    October 19, 2015 at 9:52 am

    Hi chris, regarding my situation, do you think it’ll still apply to my situation. My ex happens to be the father of my 7 year old son, he ended his commitment with me 2years after i gave birth. (Long story) So, until today we are friends with benefits but we haven’t agree with that, it just happen. Do you think there still a chance to get back with him while for your information he also have a 4year comitted relationship, what should i do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 20, 2015 at 2:27 am

      I didn’t understand the end of this message. Are you saying he’s in a 4 year committed relationship with someone else?

  4. Patty

    October 16, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    I was thinking about going with the 30 days if he contacts what I doubt, reduce it for 21 days, does it sound like a good plan? We didn’t have any kind of fight or anything actually we had a pretty good weekend together I’m just tired of the fact that he won’t commit, I did ask him what he thought about us giving ourselves a second chance he said he didn’t know, so I just let it go to don’t ruin our weekend, should I tell him why I’m “moving on” or just start the 30 days no contact, disappear whiteout an explanation?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 17, 2015 at 12:30 am

      Yea that sounds good. No explanation just disappear for this to work. He will get it anyway because you asked him for a second chance already.


    October 14, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    Again do u think this mind-game cud work with my 1-year Tinder crush whom i’ve sexted with a couple of times & he seems intrigued & comes back & wants to try more & more with me? Or can’t it lead to commitment since he’s a player & we never actually dated? What do u think..?

    Thanks alot!

    Ps. He does have other girls around, yet he has a specific interest in that with me, even if it’s just playing around. I have an interest back but it’s doubled coz it’s both emotional & physical.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 16, 2015 at 2:21 am

      I think sometimes you have to play games a little but once you are in a relationship boundries need to be set and you have to be able to communicate and trust.

  6. Boisson

    October 14, 2015 at 3:19 am

    Hello Chris, I an confused as to which is the best way to contact you so I decided to try this one as well. My case is a bit off topic but I hope you get the time to read it… I really need to control my feeling and calm my anxiety by having an honest opinion of what my situation looks like. Please, help me find some peace of mind about this issue
    I met this person in 2012, he had a girlfriend at the time but (not excusing the situation) she had moved to another city before I came along. Immediate chemistry, nothing happened until they broke up, but the attraction was there. He was 24 and I was 20. We both lived in different cities about 30 minutes appart from each other and worked in the same city about 40 minutes from our respective hometowns
    He’s the bad boy kind of guy, but really sweet, clumsy and shy inside. I didn’t know if I wanted to be with him or just be friends with benefits for a bit, but it was inevitable to not fall for someone who was so funny, who was free, independent, who wanted me so bad and treated me the way he did. We dated for about a year, he asked me to move in after 6 months but I asked him to wait as I loved him and didn’t wanna ruin thing by rushing it; I met his family soon, he met mine towards the end. He lost his job and started to focus on art and tattoos (his hobbies)… He drifted away. I could feel it and tried my best, if I was gonna possibly lose him in the end anyway. It still happened, I never begged or called him again, he just said he didn’t love me anymore, that he had not been himself during most of the time and that this person he really was, would not make me happy. He even planned on moving to LA and said he wanted to try to make it work until the night he realized he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore…
    Our relationship had few fights which we handled appropriately, sexual life was great, we had fun and were really comfortable and loyal and close. It just seems impossible he faked all the things he said to and did for me
    I got depressed for several months, deleted his number and blocked him from facebook for about 6. I never stopped going out, eventually got back on my feet, met other people and had my ups and downs. He never left my mind, with him I was as happy as you hear about in poems.
    2 weeks ago I added him back on Facebook at 4am, he accepted around 30 minutes later. A week later asked him how he had been. We’ve talked a little but nothing too intimate, he hasn’t brought any girlfriend up, I’ve tried to not answer him too quick. Do I still have a chance, almost a year later? He never seemed upset by our breakup.
    He’s been mirroring me a little bit, he said he saw I graduated (meaning he looked at my fb profile); I don’t know how distant, flirty or mean/kind to be.
    I don’t think he’s the ONLY one who could make me happy, but I really do love him, I know he is all those qualities I saw in him, he just lets greed and “wanting to be a bad boy” get the best of him… and I think that was not a fair ending to our story. I don’t pretend to save him or have him make me happy or define me anymore, I just want us to grow together, share our own individual happiness for as long as possible. It’s not just that I miss or need him, he’s my great love. I think we deserve another chance
    A bad thing happened today, from the very first message he’s been taking a long time to answer (he’s never been much of a texter or caller except for the honeymoon stage) meaning hours or even til the next day; he is a manager now I learned so he probably has a full time job and is busy… But he hasn’t answered all day or takes 1-2 hours at least.
    This morning I noticed we weren’t friends on facebook but he still Kept the conversation going (with huge tome gaps in between but he didn’t seem rude just not super excited and sometimes a little bit not too interested). I don’t know if I unfriended him by accident or if he did and why if he’s still messaging me and clearly looked at my profile…
    The first message I sent was just “how have you been? What u been up to?” And conversation started off good, but as I said huge gaps between each one. I can’t engage him into a quick answer conversation and I don’t want to seem needy and push him away. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 16, 2015 at 2:09 am

      We have to work on your first contact messages.

      Hey how have you been/what are you up to are not going to cut it.

  7. Nina

    October 13, 2015 at 11:52 pm

    Hey Chris! I wanted to say I really enjoy your work and I think it’s genius. I have a question about whether I should give my ex a second chance. I made the mistake of sleeping with him in July πŸ™ and a couple days later, I texted him and it seemed like he didn’t want to talk to me and told me that we can talk every once in a while. Well after not talking to him since that day, 2 months later he texts me saying what a mistake he made and the whole FWB thing was stupid and he wants to start over. But how do I know he’s actually telling the truth and not just trying to play with my feelings again. He came out of no where with his apology,he sees me everyday in school so idk why he waited this long.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2015 at 1:19 am

      Thank you!

      Well, I think you really need to study his actions to really know the truth. If he actions line up with what he is saying then you have the truth.

  8. Is this Breaking NC?

    October 13, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    Hey Chris
    So my Ex and I were really on again off again for a while then then he got a rebound and there was a time when they were fighting and he was talking to me and got really deep and emotional and said he missed me and wanted me. He also wanted to hook up with me. I didn’t really turn him down, just basically did what you said to do in your article. Then he was good with her again and didn’t text me after that. Just recently they broke up and I was expecting him to contact me again but he hasn’t. How do I attract him again and make sure he doesn’t just go back to her if he doesn’t get his way with me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2015 at 1:15 am

      There is nothing wrong with reaching out to start with.

      What are your reservations there?

  9. Ms. Joy

    October 13, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    Hi chris, so here it goes..

    My boyfriend and i broke up 2 weeks ago because he cheated on me.. And then he starts posting pics of a new girl he’s interested in. But he keeps on messaging me and texting mo on how much he misses me. I tried applying the NC rule but he keeps on bugging me and calling me up to see me.. Yet i dont see and remorse from him. He still flirts online and keeps posting pictures of him with girls. There was this one day he showed up on my place and asked me to talk to him. I gave him a chance and he kept asking things like am i dating someone new? Are there guys courting me right now? And if i miss him too. Then suddenly he begs me to have sex with him. at first i was hesitant and i kept fighting back that i dont want to do anything wih him because we broke up. But then it happened. We had sex and he kept telling me he still loves me. But deep down i know he was just saying it to get what he wants. After what happened i thought to myself i hve no more hope in him valuing me. I havent initiated contact with him since then. Will i still have a chance? After what happened. Pls reply

    P,S he also hasnt contact me since then. Question should i still apply the nc rule when he contacts me about sex? Or i can already talk to him and bait him? Thanks πŸ™‚

    1. Ms. Joy

      October 14, 2015 at 6:05 am

      I dont think he has. But after what happened he’s quieter nowadays in his profile. i really dont know whats going on in his mind. Will i still have a chance if i applied the NC rule? Will he ever try to talk to me again? And ill make sure this time ill keep my distance that there wouldnt be sex involved if he wouldnt commit.

    2. Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2015 at 1:11 am

      Ok, how can I put this in a way that won’t upset you.

      Has he expressed remorse to you at all for cheating?

  10. The Lonely Virgin

    October 13, 2015 at 11:40 am

    Will your advice work for a virgin?
    I followed your NC rule and my ex started speaking to me again and we got closer and it seemed like we’d get back together.
    We broke up cause I cant have sex with him (cultural and religious reasons) and have to keep my virginity. He didnt cheat but did sleep with someone after we broke up.
    Now he broke things off with her and said he’ll do anything including waiting but he needs time to be sure he can fully commit to waiting (no matter how long) and not hurt me again or pressure me or give me an ultimatum.
    He said he wants to be with me but isnt good enough etc etc
    Sounds off to me cause when you love someone you dont look for excuses to not be with them.
    I initiated a 7 day NC (so i can also figure things out) but I’m unsure it’ll work. I did say maybe he needs time to figure things out so we are both currently silent.

    Any advice? Or should I give up and find someone who shares the same ideals?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2015 at 1:07 am

      It absolutely can.

      However, I will say that if that is the reason you broke up I don’t really see him changing his beliefs or his want for sex.

      The thing you do have going in your favor is that you have something he can’t have so I don’t see him leaving the chase any time soon.

  11. Liz

    October 13, 2015 at 12:22 am

    Me and my ex go to different colleges but I made this mistake before we left for school. He tried to continue it and it did continue until I cut it off finally and told him I deserved more last week. Is it still going to work the same way since our sex encounters have been over the phone since we left for school?
    Thanks for the help, he broke up with me almost two months ago now but we’ve had contact somehow almost every week since then. I now understand I clearly need someones advice.

    1. Liz

      October 14, 2015 at 4:16 am

      Okay I am in the middle of that now but next month when it is finished I will be at his school to visit a friend. I don’t know how to act during the visit considering I will most likely see him. I’m scared it’s been too long and too far since he’s had real feelings for me But don’t know how to act in person with our first communication since the no contact period

    2. Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2015 at 12:58 am

      Well, my first piece of advice is to probably do the no contact rule at this point.

    3. Liz

      October 13, 2015 at 1:09 am

      Also in the beginning of our communication after we both left for school, we fought all the time, he was very mean when I tried to be have any sort of normal conversation but now after that, when we mainly talked about sex it was very normal like when we were dating, both of us were very calm, but we only had conversations at 3am and they were all about sex. I ended everything due to the fact that it was very ‘one-way’ he would call me at 3am but if I did that to him he would not answer. Clearly not my best choice to let it go on for so long, it was just hard to let go completely. Now I know I want more than just that, I want our relationship back but do not know if that is plausible after everything that has happened.

  12. Blue

    October 12, 2015 at 10:56 pm

    Those are good and logical advice. But what if you hold off sex with him and he finds it elsewhere??

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 13, 2015 at 12:03 am

      Then I would ask you if he would have found it elsewhere if you had gotten him back.

      Some men are just dogs… plain and simple.

  13. Lea

    October 12, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    Wow Chris! You’re a genius! I asked for advice on your NC 2.0 post. Then, I saw this post & it answered pretty much all my questions regarding the issues I am having with my ex. Great timing on that post by the way! I especially was impressed with the part about how when you turn him down expect him not to make contact for a few weeks. That’s exactly what happened. After two months NC, (we both did NC on each other) he caved and text me & was really pushing to see me. He contacted me daily for a week & I was very sick so I was unable to see him. When I finally got better he tried to get me to come over to his place & I told him flat out I was not putting myself in that situation & ended the conversation before he could. Then like you said, he did not text me for two weeks. So now he is texting me here and there. I wish I would have seen this post sooner…instead of flat out turning him down, the better approach would have been to bait him first. Thanks for everything you do & congrats on the baby!

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 13, 2015 at 12:15 am

      Awesome Lea…

      Yup, the baiting is actually a really good idea.

  14. Michelle

    October 12, 2015 at 7:03 am

    Hi Chris, i was JUST looking into ur site for more info on this and u posted this! I mean i have bought ur book and also have read thru ur articles on frds with benefits and ur older version of how to get him back after sleeping with him, but seeing this new version posted right at the moment i need it is really exciting. Thank you!!!!
    Umm i think i need to repeat myself for another time here so please forgive me if u see some similar story posted by me in ur other section, but u can see how things r going downhill and a trend of desperation.
    We dated half a year and he thinks i am very caring and prioritizing him and i am physically attractive and all that, but he think we dont click (i think we lack communication, thats all) so he doesnt think we have future so he broke up with me two months ago..i actually didnt know we have broken up until a week ago, his frd told me he has been telling others we broke up. The reason why i was not sure, was bbecause of all the mixed signals from the last time we met. He said it didnt work but then we spent a very romantic night together, we slept together, and he didnt mention abt the break up again so i thought we were good. I didnt know that was it. I have been asking him out for a couple times but he avoids it, so we havent seen each other for 6 weeks. I wasnt sure if we have broken up (i was too insecured to ask, afraid to ruin the moment) so i keep texting him all the time (not abt sth intimate but just to get him text me back, the content were all random). Then we met again after 6 weeks and i was going to ask him about us but again, i was too afraid to bring it up and yes, we slept together again.
    After that i asked him out the next day to tell him what i thought abt us and hinting him i want another chance but he said we dont click. He said he dont want to think about it now but he didnt agree to get back togerher.
    Also i learned that he has been asking one of my girl frd oit and this has made me very insecured too.

    After i have read ur sites i knew that i should work on myself and insecurity has ruined my everything. I told him the same too and he said he cant help me with that.

    I know that now i need to go NC,do you think i still have a chance? How can i prove him, while i am doing NC, that we actually click if we communicate more? I really want to get back with him as a confident woman that he first fell for, i know insecurity has ruined us. He said i can still find him anytime. Do u see a good chance of us getting back? Again, how can i prove him?

    I hope u can help me Chris, while i will be working on myself. ? thanks.

    1. Michelle

      October 16, 2015 at 3:46 pm

      Hey Chris, things went a bit downhill last night. He sent me a pic n said one of the girls in the pic look like me, and i know i should have stopped there n not to reply but i did. Then he told me our frds frd is cute, and i was not happy so ibsaid good for u n went to sleep. I dunno if he wud initiate another contact but i wud say probably not. But no matter yes or no, i really want to know if it wud help to set the boundary clear. I wanted to be open n tell him what i think abt him treating me like a frd..it seems like he is thinking we r frds or sth….i dont want to but i am not sure if that wud scare him away becuz it sounds too serious….i am confused.

    2. Michelle

      October 15, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      Thanks for the advice, Chris! I think I will go on some this weekend and on my bday~
      By the way, i didnt cut contact completely. He asked me a few questions and thanked me regarding his work, and i just replied work related topics and cheered him a bit. When he texts me with work related subjects, i am actually not sure if i should reply at all. I dont want to hang it there because he does sound confused, but i am also not sure if that is his tactic to test n see if we can be frds–he has told his friend we broke up but we remain friends, but to be honest i am completely not ok with it. I am not sure if i should cut contact completely. Thanks again Chris~~??

    3. Michelle

      October 13, 2015 at 7:53 pm

      Hi Chris, thanks for ur reply!! I am planning to work on how I look and to learn new language, I al also planning to catch up with friends since I have left them behind ever since I started dating him, and maybe socialize more. I think the reason he said we didn’t click was becuz he only saw me as an insecure woman, but I want him to know that there is more, I want to let him see me as a happy and positive woman who can bring sunshine to his life, which means the real me instead of the miserable insecure woman begging for another chance. But he is kinda a stubborn man, and also I need to get him back fast as i am afraid he may decide to go to another city soon. Do you have better advices for me Chris? I will stick with my plan until i hear from you, but i would love to have your opinion on how i can speed up the process a little bit. ?

    4. Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2015 at 1:13 am

      Oh, and don’t be afraid to go on dates. Youll be amazed at how that can affect him and you too sometimes.

    5. Chris Seiter

      October 13, 2015 at 12:13 am


      How about good timing!

      I would rate you as having an above average chance.

      What will you be working on?

    6. Michelle

      October 12, 2015 at 8:19 am

      And Chris, i am also confused. I think i m more in the first situation, where he got it and became all distant. How can i lure him by the way u described tho, as he isnt that addictive? I think for what u described is more for fwb?

    7. Chris Seiter

      October 13, 2015 at 12:13 am

      Give me a recap of your situation.

  15. Patty

    October 12, 2015 at 4:45 am

    Cris my situation it’s a a little different my ex boyfriend leaves on another city (around 1:30 away) he isn’t much about txt or phone (never was even before) we will talk a little and or he comes to my house for the weekend or I go to his house for the weekend and we always have sex, it’s being like that for the past 2 months we sleep on the same bed i dont see any of us sleeping on the couch or something like that it would be way too weird. When we are together he is really nice, he will say he misses, we look like a couple on that weekend, see friends and family and than we won’t talk for few days. I’m always the one to initiate contact, should I enter the no contact rule again, won’t it be weird? Should I do 21 days or 30 days? what if he contact me and ask us to get together for the weekend like we have being doing? How about events we have together like a friend’s weather on his city coming on? My ex it’s really stubborn man I believe if I ignore him he will think I moved on and do the same.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 13, 2015 at 12:10 am

      What do you think is better for your situation 21 days or 30 days?

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