I am about to save you from the biggest mistakes that you could make when you run into your ex.
Understanding how you act around your ex is an essential part of getting your ex back and in this post I am going to give you 6 powerful tips that you must read so you are prepared before running into your ex.
I get questions everyday in our private Facebook community about how to act around an ex if you accidentally run into him or her during a no contact period, the first meet up and in the rebuilding attraction phase.
If you are unfamiliar with the value chain or rebuilding attraction after no contact read about it because it’s crucial to understand when getting your ex back.
So, with that in mind let’s begin!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow You Should Act Around Your Ex
Here is a comprehensive list of the six tips mentioned in the video above,
- Act Indifferent
- Don’t Talk About The Breakup
- Don’t Be Mean
- Don’t Be Too Nice
- Don’t Ask If They’ve Been Thinking About You
- Look Good
Don’t be intimidated if you are looking at this list and have no idea what it means or how you should employ it. I am actually going to give you a detailed explanation of each below,
1. Act Indifferent
Indifference is the magic key to a successful meet up with your ex.
Acting indifferent will make your ex feel as though they’ve lost you forever which seems counterintuitive but it will spark a curiosity that they won’t be able to let go of.
This works on both men and women because people are hard-wired to be drawn to curiosity.
A perfect example of indifference is if your ex boyfriend plans to meet up with you for coffee and he mentions a girl he’s dated and you act unaffected.
- You might look at your watch
- You might act bored.
- You can change the subject
- You might respond with a generic statement like “that’s nice” and move on
This will send him the signal that you don’t care that he has been on dates and you’re not jealous.
It may come as a big shock to them if you had established a pattern of being a jealous person during your relationship.
2. Don’t Talk About The Breakup
Talking about the breakup during a meet up is a devastating mistake that will set you back in this process.
Don’t bring up past fights or try to tell your ex how you’ve changed.
It’s more effective if you show your ex that you’ve changed.
Remember, show don’t tell.
The no contact rule is a great way to reset things with your ex but when you bring up the past it reminds them of why they left you in the first place.
So, here’s the fix.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizInstead of talking about the past with your ex make sure you come prepared with 3-5 incredible stories.
These stories should show you in a positive light.
For example, you might say something like,
“While I was volunteering last month at the animal shelter, a labrador retriever puppy was dropped off. He was so skinny from not eating. I worked with him for a few weeks and he’s doing great now and someone just adopted him yesterday. I know how much you love dogs especially Labs. Would you like to see the pictures of him?”
Important Tips To Keep In Mind About Your Story
Your story should be centered around your exes interests. A common mistake that I see my clients making is focusing stories around themselves.
Remember, your ex doesn’t care about you so much, they are more self interested by nature.
In the example above, the story is made with the intention that the ex loves dogs. The result is that they would find the story heartwarming and sweet.
Funny stories are also a great way to connect with your ex.
It’s actually been scientifically proven that shared laughter is correlated with relationship satisfaction (Kurtz & Algoe, 2015 and Dianne Grande Ph.D. 2017.)
It’s not imperative that you make your ex laugh but it will help you bond with them more deeply.
Make sure your jokes or stories aren’t sarcastic or hurtful. Good stories will stick with your ex and make them think about you even after you’ve left your meet up.
3. Don’t Be Mean
This seems like a simple concept.
It’s actually not…
You’re probably thinking “why would I be mean to the person I love?”
Well, what happens when you actually see your ex in person and some of the issues resurface?
You lash out…
Similarly if your ex brings up your flaws you may act unfavorably and try to defend yourself.
If a situation like that arises and your ex says something like,
“You still seem like the same old person you were before,” you need to respond in a clear calm way.
At this point you can show your ex that you’ve changed.
Simply say, “I’m sorry you feel that way” and move on to another topic.
The stories you prepared above are perfect to use here as your new topic.
4. Don’t Be Too Nice
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizBeing too nice is a very common mistake that I see with the members of our support group.
They think if they go out of their way for their ex or are overly nice the ex will fall in love all over again.
This is a huge mistake.
So, here are a few “off limits” behaviors I’ve surfaced a lot in our private support group,
- Don’t buy your ex gifts
- Don’t stroke your exes ego too much
- Do not sleep with your ex
Subtle jealously is important but if you come on too strong you are going to scare your ex and they will run for the door.
You’re also risking the possibility that your ex will mistake your kindness for a weakness.
This will create an unbalanced friendship where you are constantly going out of your way for your ex and they are using you emotionally or sometimes even physically.
I’ve often written about a concept called called the benjamin franklin effect,
Benjamin Franklin Effect: if you ask someone to do a favor for you they are likely to do more favors.
Don’t become the “friend” that your ex uses for favors of any kind. You can start to do favors for your ex when you are back together but until then you do not want to end up in a friend-zone.
5. Don’t Ask If They’ve Been Thinking About You
Nothing shouts desperation like asking your ex if they’ve been thinking about you.
It will seem like you’ve been worried about the breakup the entire time and it may actually hold you back from your overall goal of getting your ex back.
I’ve often compared going through a breakup to going through a withdrawal period.
In fact, he’s located research stating that the part of the brain that lights up when someone is heartbroken is the same part of the brain that lights up with a drug addict is looking for a fix.
My recommendation is to find a way to occupy yourself so that you aren’t obsessing about your ex so much.
Remember, we don’t want to look desperate.
6. Look Good For Your Ex
You need to look good if you think you may run into your ex.
Have you ever heard that old phrase,
When you look good, you feel good and when you feel good, you do good.
It’s true!
Your confidence will be much higher if you feel you look better than ever before.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAttitude is everything when it comes to getting an ex back.
My wife, a long time ago, did an entire video on what to wear when you see your ex,
If you don’t have the time to watch the video here’s a quick crash course.
- It’s important that women wear the color red and men wear either black or blue.
- It is scientifically proven that red attracts men more then any other color.
- Black will help you exude confidence and mystery.
- If you cheated in either case you will need to wear blue since that will subconsciously make your ex trust you more.
I’ve written about the 11 ways you can scientifically make your ex fall in love with you here and I recommend that you study that before meeting up with your ex as well.
The Importance Of Body Language
One of the things that people rarely take into account is their body language.
Body language sends more signals than words can in many cases.
So, when you approach your ex do the following,
- Relax your hands
- Stand up straight
- Keep an open posture
And make sure you avoid the following,
- Avoid closing your fists
- Crossing your arms
- Slouching
I’ve seen it all with my coaching clients. Just the other day a member of our private Facebook group signed up for coaching because she ran into her ex and the encounter went like this.
“I left the house in a stained t-shirt from painting all day to go to the food store right before closing to grab some milk for my morning coffee. You’ll never guess who I ran into… my EX. He was standing there looking handsome as ever and there I was standing there with a stained shirt, messy bun and sweat pants. As soon as I saw my ex I put my head down, grabbed a random box of Cheerios hoping he wouldn’t see me. Within minutes he’s standing next to me and says “Hey.” With a flushed face I say “Hey” back and he walks away. Is there anything more embarrassing then that? Can you help me fix this? Do you think it’s over for good now? I feel so hopeless and devastated! Should I restart no contact?”
After coaching with her I was able to help her turn that situation around with the tips I just gave you.
Conclusion
I also want you to know that if you make one mistake during the re-attraction phase it’s not something you need to worry about too much.
We are here to guide you in the right direction and have seen pretty much every mistake you can think of when it comes to getting an ex back.
You can always turn your situation around no matter how difficult you think it may be.
And if you are that worried all you have to do is leave a comment and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible.
jane rosas
March 13, 2026 at 7:30 am
After being in relationship with markiss for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I h
Ana
January 28, 2026 at 12:11 pm
My ex (fearful avoidant tendencies) and I recently broke up bc I found out emotional cheating so I confronted impulsively through text. I accidentally broke no contact with a long emotional message, but he replied saying he cares and offered to meet this week to return something i said important that I left in his car during our last date. He reached out offered on his own a few days after no contact again bc i waited for him to initiate giving me back my scrunchie. I’m nervous the meetup will be awkward or trigger him.
What’s the best way to handle a short item exchange (tone, length of interaction, what to say/not say) so I come across calm and attractive rather than emotional? And styling question: if I don’t have red to wear, is pink a good substitute?
What should i reply?
He whatsapp this
“I will make time to see you this week Ana is that okay for you”
“To give you back the scrunchie”
Rhiannon Pimlett
December 14, 2025 at 1:42 pm
Me and my boyfriend broke up last week he couldnt cope with my ASD meltdowns. I emailed after a week and aplogised and told him that i am going to work on my triggers and what i am trying to do now breathing got a weighted blanket. We lived together for 4 years. He said he is glad that my insulin pump is going well and he was glad we went to japan. He did say he wants to move on focus on himself and when he is ready wants to be friends. I did ask if he would be ok if I could update him on my Uni Assisgnment results as he was a big part of setting up Uni for me. I have to see him this week as we lived together to give him his parcels. Before we broke up he was very mixed feelings hugging me the night before taking me to see a film putting kisses after texts and buying tickets for events. I just want advice if i keep next week calm confident and low pressure and respect he needs time and space could we if we work on ourselfs apart and be in a better place could we get back together or should i jsut move on completly.
Eliana
February 27, 2025 at 12:06 am
How can I make a guy that has never paid attention to me
Leilani
October 29, 2022 at 7:04 am
My bf broke up w me after big blowout fight. I think he was shocked I had such a meltdown because I was always the indifferent one and he chased me for two years (and and off again distance and during Covid). I apologized in 3 days and he waited 4 days to text me. I took my time responding. He seemed concerned and he continued to call me almost daily but we discussed things and he got angry and I thought he was done. I was dissapointed as he’s sent me a quote and a couple obvious messages that show he still has feelings for me. I called texted after 1 week and he got back to me in a min asking to talk that night (in an hour). It went okay as we kept it on good topics but now I don’t know whether to text and calk him or how to handle bringing him back in to my life seriously . Help
Daniel
June 2, 2022 at 4:39 pm
Hi my girlfriend broke up with me because I am a recovering alcoholic. This is the second time that she left me because of this, this last time I messed up after 5 months sober and she apologized for not being strong enough to stay. It’s been about 4 weeks, and we left on good terms. I saw her last week for ice cream and a catch up, so we still want to stay in contact, however, I don’t want to be just friends I love her too much. I feel like I should have a real talk with her about whether or not we can remain friends or if we should try to get back together.
Felicia
April 27, 2022 at 2:31 am
Hy i broke up with my ex the problem is that we work together and I find it difficult to forget about him because I still love him so how do i get back with him?
mistura okebello
March 13, 2022 at 7:00 pm
Hi
My ex broke up with me becos,he fell out of love which I know he is lying,he said he still like me and dont wanna lose me that was last year but each time I try calling him or chat him up he blocked me.
We plan on meeting this week and am scared because I don’t know what will happen or to say.
Charlotte
February 7, 2022 at 2:03 am
I was living with my ex for about 6 mo we were engaged and very in love. During this time I had a sister 55 who lived in PA, she was very ill and dying. She also had surgery for a tumor so we took my mother to PA to visit her. My mother 85 also during her visit had emergency colon surgery and had dementia during this time covid hit, we could not get my mother back to MI during this time as everything shut down. I could not get to my sister to help out due to low immunity couldn’t risk getting covid. I fell into an emotional depression. I don’t know months past and still trying I held everything in. One day I just woke feeling lost. I felt at the time I needed to go be with my sister when time allowed and my emotions were all over the place I was so confused. I was faced with big decisions #1 not leaving my ex. But moved out without him knowing thinking if I left I wouldn’t face any hurt looking in his eyes. It felt right at the time in my thinking but months went by i didnt see him and had time to realize what I did was horrible to do to someone who loved me unconditionally. I only know I wish I would of talk to him but I didn’t know how I was an emotional reck. We talked some I seen him a few times got along great we still loved each other but I know he was still hurting. We reached out a couple more times always good company and conversations but he started being hot and cold. He told I have to fix me ( himself). I hurt him. But now he dont reach out to me only if I text him once in awhile. Since my sister past in Aug 2021 I was able to work on me. But it’s to late he has moved on says it usnt serious just a friend. I love him I should of stood by him think and thin no matter how my life changed I should if leaned on him. I let him and myself down and I lost him. He was the best thing in my life.
Sam
February 5, 2022 at 9:46 pm
My ex broke up with me two months ago we was so in love with each other but we ended because of me and my anger issues. I feel like I’ve lost him for good as he’s become distant with me now and he won’t meet up with me but he still messages me occasionally out of pity I feel. Have i lost him for good? He’s a kind, caring person who has forgiven me many times before but I feel it’s really the end this time and I am devastated. Do I go no contact to try bring him back or do I continue to try fight for him?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 10, 2022 at 8:24 pm
Hi Sam, you do need to go into No Contact and spend some time working on yourself learn to understand your anger and how to compose yourself when you are feeling yourself getting upset/ angry and how to calm yourself.
Annie
January 25, 2022 at 7:51 am
My ex of 10 years broke up with me because he wanted to revaluate his life. He told our mutual friend that he still has feelings for me but he was hurt, I never cheated but I had a lot of anxiety and didn’t do what I promised to do for a very long time and I get his pain. I ended up doing what I promised in the end. I wanted to give him his space and I’ve had no contact with him for just over 2 weeks now. And I’ve been trying to work on myself. We’re gonna be at the same dinner party at around 3 weeks of no contact. Do I go to that dinner party or not as that will potentially break the no contact?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 29, 2022 at 10:23 pm
Hey Annie, if you choose to go to the dinner party, I would suggest that you go with the intention of looking amazing, avoid spending too much time talking to him or being around him, avoid drinking alcohol if you are likely to get emotional. Use this dinner with mutual friends to show him you are doing great without him and that you have been spending this time working on yourself and your anxieties.
Chanel
January 23, 2022 at 4:27 am
Hi. I’ve been posting less often on twitter since my breakup. He’s dating a model! He’s in another country. He’s stopped tweeting, just clicks like or replies to other people’s tweets. I haven’t posted anything negative, anything related to broken hearts etc. But I feel like he’s so very far away from me now. We used to interact on twitter a lot and it’s like he’s removed himself. How do I handle this? I’ve been contemplating radio silence for a bit. I’ve stopped posting IG pics because it hurts that he still sees my life but doesn’t post anything, though I stopped interacting in any way there once we broke up. I feel shut out. How do I really show indifference without being completely obvious
Ana
January 12, 2022 at 8:43 pm
I’ve started talking with my ex and we’ve been flirting as well. He recommended we met up to talk although I’m kind of scared of how things will go or how to act.
It’s not a date date but I guess I have to act like it could turn into one, right?
He hasn’t shown any signs of disinterest but I just don’t know what to talk about when I see him. Any tips please
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 16, 2022 at 10:04 pm
Hi Ana, so look amazing, keep it short and sweet no more than two hours and be sure that you use that time to just talk about what you both have done positive lately.
Linda
November 30, 2021 at 4:40 pm
My boyfriend leave me because he said , he is repentance and born again. He don’t want any relationship or dating again .so I should find my way.
Xbay
November 30, 2021 at 4:35 pm
I was dating a guy ,it was getting to two years . He was not picking my calls when I call but I haven’t done anything to him .I started argue with him .He just told me he is now born again so he don’t want to get into a relationship again .so he just leave me I called to apologize but he blocked me .Any number I use to call when he hear my voice he just block me .he will come because I love him.
Zouh
October 16, 2021 at 8:00 pm
My Ex and I broke two months ago,the reason is he cheated on me with two girls,I found their phone numbers, chattings and I heard their call with him,when I asked him about them he use to say oneof them was his Ex and another is his sister’s friend,they were at the Same school in o level…and nothing is between them.After discovered that I decide to took their numbers and calling them and asking about the man.They all admit that they are dating with him,for sure I love the man thus I made a call with him and connected those gals in that call.The man replied shit and said he doesn’t know anything about me may be am doing that so as destroy their bond and relationship by fogging (faking) things..we went in fight and at the end we broke
Two weeks ago he start calling me,and asking how do I do,calling again and again by saying he is just sending hi to me and nothing else.I sometimes ignoring his texts and calls.Now we almost have 5 days without checking each other,I really want him back.So should I check him first,or keep on waiting until he checks me???? Advice please
Mpumelelo Papa
June 23, 2021 at 12:44 pm
I’m meeting my ex for a coffee
Moneque Lipscomb
February 20, 2021 at 10:09 pm
I made a mistake telling my ex I missed him.so much he didnt say it back I felt real stupid and mad at myself for saying it we’ve been having sex and he is seeing someoneelse we still talk every day
Jose
January 7, 2021 at 12:23 pm
I went to meet my ex after some months of no speaking at all. The meet up went great! From my view at least. We talked, we shared, we joked laughed etc… I kept it cool and avoided all complicated topics, I was just trying to have a good night with her, but there were moments of little awkward silence… but over all I think it went pretty well. But I’m a lil nervous she doesn’t think the same
Lucie
January 5, 2021 at 4:45 pm
My ex and I broke up over the phone when I was visiting my parents. Due to Corona, I won’t be back in the country until the end of the month. During the breakup, we agreed to see each other to give our stuff back and talk about it again (he said he’ll reply to all my questions but I don’t have any). Should I restart the NC rule after that? Or will the month of NC be sufficient?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 6, 2021 at 8:48 pm
Hi Lucie, so you do not break NC if you are only collecting your things. You can continue with your NC and avoid replying if he reaches out to you. When you collect your things look good and be happy. Avoid speaking to him about any emotional topics or the break up etc