Navigating General Breakups- The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast

300 thoughts on “EBR 047: Navigating A General Breakup”

Confused

June 9, 2016 at 4:05 pm

Hi,

I’ve been reading the advice on the website and I’m very unsure as what to do.

We were together for 5 months, and it ended about 6 weeks again. He said he thought the relationship wasn’t working and he didn’t have enough time for me so it wasn’t fair on me. To put this into context we are both graduating this year and moving away from each other, I have a job lined up and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I implemented no contact straight away, we actually work together but he’s not been working the shifts I normally work during NC period so I think he’s been purposely avoiding me but I’m not certain. Also at the staff party he didn’t even speak to me or look at me. After about 35 days of NC I sent a text saying that I wanted to break the ice as with only a few weeks before graduating I didn’t want things to be awkward if we saw each other at work or on a night out and stated that I hoped exams and revision were going well. He replied saying that he agreed with me and asked me how my exams were going. I just replied the next day saying they went fine thankyou. We haven’t spoken since then. We had a very good relationship and the split seemed sudden, so I don’t know why he’s been so cold and cut me off. I don’t know whether I should just give up and move on or if I still have a shot to making it work.
Heartbroken

June 9, 2016 at 9:19 am

Hey Chris. 41 days ago by ex said really means thing to me like “get out of my life” and a very vulgar insult. I think he though I was using pregnancy as an excuse to contact him that time. I wasn’t though and I found out that I’m not and I’m just not seeing my period for some reason. But either way, that is no excuse for him to talk to me like that. I wrote him a long paragraph telling him to never message me again. We were dating for 5 months and we have been broken up for 5 months but it’s been a rollercoaster of me going on and off NC, acting crazy, him being a jackass, random sex, etc. I have already forgiven him for his behaviour even though he never apologized. I don’t even know if he feels sorry because he hasn’t attempted to reach out at all. But right after our fight, he blocked me and I did the same. Then a couple of days later I saw that he has unblocked me, but I still have him blocked. I’ve been missing him a lot! The last time we spoke he told me how much he misses me but unfortunately that wasn’t enough for him to want to be with me. What can I do from here Chris? My friend told me to message him but I’m scared he doesn’t reply and I think that’s what he’s expecting me to do. He’s expecting me to message and I can’t be the “ungettable girl”.

Heartbroken

June 19, 2016 at 8:09 pm

Just an update. I messaged him. We have had sex a couple of times. Things were going so well. The way he looked at me like he loved me, we cuddled, he gave me tons of kisses all over. He said he missed me so much. He thought about me all the time. I truly felt like he loved me until he said, “I don’t love you like you want me to.” We’re still talking and I’m not planning on having sex with/meeting him anymore. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 4:06 am

yup..start to be more busy.. like you’re doing nc while you’re talking with him
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 9:59 am

Hi Heaerbroken,

why can’t you be the ungettable girl?

So Confused

June 8, 2016 at 5:03 pm

This article has a lot of good points….

My question isn’t super related to this topic, but this page seems to be getting more activity!

I’m currently past the first individual date and second (group) date. For the third date, what do you think would be a better activity? I’m thinking going to a museum or to the beach and doing some water activity. I’m not sure what would be more comfortable for an ex boyfriend, or if I should suggest something else entirely.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 6:28 am

sorry for the late reply.. if you both love that go for it! If you have something else in mind that you know you both will enjoy then choose that. the key is just to have fun and to create good memories

Tori

June 8, 2016 at 3:23 pm

Hi Chris,

So recently I’ve broken up with my boyfriend of four years. It started out as a little tiff where I feel (now looking back ) I pushed it to far with him ending the phone call with ‘I’m done’ days go on and he’s come to pick up his stuff, blocked me on facebook and blocked my calls (called once at 3am in the morning self sabotaging… I know, he blocked me after that) I find your website and try NC. I get to day 3 and his mum is texting me asking me if I’m okay and all that and basically suggests that I should talk to him and it gets to the weekend and I feel like I need to talk to him, I ask him to chat and he says he’ll text in Sunday. Saturday comes and he’s changed his mind saying we don’t need to talk or meet after me trying to arrange a time for us both to talk. Long story short I pick up my stuff from his house on Monday evening with the intention of starting NC again and him not being there. HE WAS THERE! and I ask him why again as I don’t understand why after four years we’ve ended like this and he says he’s not happy anymore, he doesn’t love me (apparently it fades in a week) and he’s doing it for him. Just to make things worse we both attended my grandmother’s funeral in another country together the week before this happened and I’m going to be honest we weren’t 100% but we were OK, I’d realised that some of it was my own fault and said this to him days before that I’ve lost my confidence (due to weight gain) and I’d would like to work on getting it back. So basically my question is do I still go ahead with the non contact rule as he’s said to me he never wants to talk to me again or… What I don’t know I’m lost!! It feels like I’ve done something horrible when I haven’t we just had a little tiff about him playing a game on a day we usually see each other, I know this is probably the tip of the iceberg. Just not sure what the best thing to do is.
I’ve brought your guide and have listened through it but I feel my situation isn’t clear cut. Thanks for your help!
Charlotte

June 8, 2016 at 4:15 am

Hey Chris!
So, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. There was no big fight, or anything. We went two weeks without seeing each other and he suddenly realized that I had ‘issues’ and that he didn’t love me “as intensely as he did”. I initiated no-contact, bit of a rocky start cause I broke it after 4 days, taking the advice of ‘experts’ saying that the no-contact rule was bogus. But after doing a LOT more research (I mean a LOT) and coming across your site, I realized the mistake I made and started no-contact. In the meantime I bought your book and followed your directions. Taking steps to rid of my acne, get into better shape, eating healthier, going on dates, using social media to my advantage, and focusing on fixing my ‘issues’. And I can happily say that in this month I have accomplished more than I could have ever dreamed of. I want to thank you for that, Chris. You and this team of amazing people put together this wonderful site that motivated and inspired me to be my best self. Even if I don’t get him back, I now know I can be happy. That’s not to say that I don’t want him back. Now around day 8-9 of full on no-contact he texted me asking when he could grab his things. I ignored that, cause A. I had a date that night and B. I didn’t think I could have handled seeing him without getting angry or crying or begging. Then, at around day 23, he messaged me on facebook asking again, when he can get his stuff back. I ignored it for a day and decided to break no-contact and tell him I was too busy. It’s day 29 and he sent another message on facebook asking for his things back once again. I told him I was again, busy and I’d let him know when we could exchange things. I just don’t know what to do. I know he’s entitled to his things and all but I just don’t think I can stand to see him right now. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 8:37 am

Hi Charlotte,

if you want, offer to send him his things instead and then tell him you’ll get yours when you’re free

Alice

June 8, 2016 at 2:52 am

Hi Chris, did you cover cross country relationship?This is my situation. I’ve done 30NC, I reached out yersterday, texted him on a chatting app, I think he saw but ignored. (The message was you won’t belive what I saw, was it a wrong first contanct message?)We have only dated for 2 months since January, I’ve never met him since broken up. we fought half times during dating, I turned him a cold shoulder and made a face. He said he wantted to be over as a couple, we were not right for one another, I don’t fit in his future, he wantted to meet other people, blah blah blah, he mentioned we can date if I want, but I made a closure (be friend with him). I have second thoughts and want to date him again, if he keeps ignoring me, what do I do next? FYI, my phone number has been blocked.
Thank you for any advice.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 8:24 am

Hi Z,

when did he block your number?

AmIFailing?

June 7, 2016 at 10:25 pm

Hi guys!
I broke up with my ex almost 3 months ago after almost being with me for a year. He broke up with me as he said he has doesnt feel the same way about me anymore (its quite vague I know) . Been on the 21 day NC. I have changed my hairstyle completely and I took up an old hobby and even got an opportunity to perform on stage with it. I then started building rapport using texts and tide theory. I used seduction in the texts and also used push-pull theory. My ex was very responsive and flirty and even asked me to invite him to the premiere of my show. We met up twice in a low key environment and we kissed ones. We decided to go play laser tag with some friends when he returns from a holiday he is going to with his friend. We has been texting me everyday and he starts the conversations more often than me these days. Since I have been using seduction he did want to meet me late at night several times and I returned him down every time when it came to actually sleeping with him. Today we were texting and he said something concerning. The conversation got sexual and he said “I know you don’t sleep with someone unless you have an emotional connection and commitment with them. Don’t worry I will keep you entertained till you find your next boyfriend”. Is he somehow friend zoning me? Or Is he trying to somehow manipulate me into sleeping with him? Should I continue flirting or am I doing something wrong? Am I somehow losing him again?
Eagerly awaiting your response
AmIFailing?

Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:24 am

I think you are making great strides.

He is trying to put you in the friend zone. So, how you combat this is friend zoning him first. Maybe work some very light jealousy into the equation. Also, keep utilizing push/pull.

And if he still doesn’t respond I would disappear on him for like a week.

He is trying to sleep with you is my guess.

Sophie

June 7, 2016 at 10:26 am

Hi Chris!

Thanks so much for your advise on this site. It’s great and it really helped me! At the moment I’m finding myself in a situation where I couldn’t find answers on what to do on your site. So I was hoping you could help me a bit and maybe other readers would find it helpful as well, if the are in the same kind of situation.

I dated my ex for a couple of months, but I was so insecure at that moment (personal stuff going on) that I was acting really stupid and needy. He still wanten to see me, but I thought it would be better to put some distance in between us, because I didn’t liked the way I was acting around him.
So I did. He understood. We split up and he contacted me after a week or so. I told him that I still wantend distance and then went without contact for about a month and a half. Then I decided that I wanted to try it again (circumstances had changed), so I started to google:’ how do I get my ex back’ and I came across this site!
I felt like I kinda already did the no contact thing, so I just texted him. He responded really positive and said that if I wanted the grab a beer or a coffee I should let him know. Almost right off the bat!
What is the best way to go about this situation. Should I wait a while to suggest this, or should I just go ahead and do it right away?

Thanks!

Kind regards, Sophie

Sophie

June 8, 2016 at 6:08 pm

I’m actually a bit fuzzy on what to do in my situation texting/dating fase, because my situation is a went a bit different.
He did respond really positive after I texted him and said (twice) that if i wanted to grab a drink I should let him know, right after i send him my first text message after a no contact period.
Do you suggest skipping the texting and phone calls in this case and just suggest a drink right away, or do you suggest to wait a while and maybe just try to text him more and sort of ignore the fact that he asked me to suggest a date?

Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 9:29 am

it’s better if you don’t.. but did you go?
Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:23 am

Hi Sophie,

We are always happy to help you find answers. May I ask if you had trouble finding a specific article that matched your situation? If so, I would like to hear about it since it’s kind of my goal to create a site that covers every conceivable situation.

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300 thoughts on “EBR 047: Navigating A General Breakup”