How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Broke Up With Him

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

Typically, there are three outcomes to a break up, you can initiate the break, he can initiate a break or you can both agree that you need to go your separate ways. This page is going to focus solely on the women who initiated the break up. So, the ideal person for this page would be a woman who wants to get her boyfriend back after breaking up with him. Before I get going there are a few things that I feel are really important to mention. First off, while I am going to do my very best to give you a winning strategy for getting your ex back I am not going to be able to cover everything that needs to get covered.

Don’t worry though because I put together the best free page on the internet that will literally break everything down for you step by step and teach you how to get your ex boyfriend back. Oh, and FYI, it is going to take you about 30 minutes to read it completely from start to finish (that is how much effort I put into that thing!)

Common Reasons YOU Broke Up With Him

There are a lot of different reasons that women break up with men (some being their fault.) I feel it is important to understand these reasons because it will let you know if your ex is really worth trying to get back. I want you to understand that I am writing pages for this website not because I want to make money, but because I want to help you and sometimes helping someone is telling them that their ex is not worth going back to. So, here is how this is going to work. I am going to list some of the most common reasons that women break up with their boyfriends and give my thoughts on each of them. Lets take a look at our reasons:

  • You believed that the other fish in the sea were better.
  • You were worried they were cheating on you (but they weren’t.)
  • They actually did cheat on you.
  • As time went on you became less and less attracted to them.
  • There was a huge fight that resulted in a breakup.

You thought you could do better.

At one point of your relationship you thought you could do better. However, after the breakup you realized that you didn’t have it so bad with your ex significant other. This is a theme that is all too common among women so it is nothing to be ashamed of. While certain people might want to make you feel bad for feeling this way I actually applaud you. I think everyone deserves to get the best they can in the relationship department. Now, I will say that if your ex treated you poorly (ex: physical abuse, mental abuse) please do not go back to them. However, if they treated you ok then this is an easier reason to recover from. In fact, some of your ex boyfriends might welcome you back quite quickly but don’t expect things to be smooth sailing right out of the gate.

You were worried they were cheating on you (but they weren’t.)

Look, I can massage your ego as much as possible to soften the blow on this one but you messed up. It never feels good to get blamed for something that isn’t true, especially from someone who is supposed to have your back. Nevertheless, you are going to have to work on your jealousy issues. I am not saying that you are wrong for being jealous. Actually, being jealous is natural and everybody who is in a serious relationship will feel it at some time. However, you are going to have to do a better job on dealing with it in the proper way.

They actually cheated on you.

I am going to be straight with you, a lot of “experts” out there are going to preach forgiveness and I agree with them to a certain extent but I disagree with the ones who don’t acknowledge that chances are, you aren’t going to have a happy ending with the person who cheated on you. So, I am not going to say anymore than this: I don’t like cheating but if you are considering getting back with this person figure out if his cheating was an isolated incident or has happened frequently. Has he cheated on other previous girlfriends? If so, it is a pattern.

You became less and less attracted to them.

Have you ever heard the phrase, familiarity breeds contempt. That is exactly what happened here. You were in a relationship so long with a person that everything they did (what they wore, how they talked, how they yawned) just got on your nerves and made them less attractive to you. So, you broke up with them but soon realized that they were the best boyfriend you ever had and you need them back ASAP. It is going to take some work but you can definitely salvage the situation.

There was a huge fight that resulted in a breakup.

If you have spent any time reading this site you may have noticed that I put together a page about legitimate reasons for wanting your ex boyfriend back. On that page I noted that one of the best reasons for wanting your ex back is if your relationship ended abruptdly or impulsively (as the result of a big fight.) Fights aren’t ever a fun experience. However, you definitely have a shot at getting him back.

Is Your Reasoning For Wanting Your Ex Back Ok?

Now that I have listed some of the most common reasons that caused you to break up with your boyfriend it is time to do some soul searching and figure out if it is ok for you to actually take steps to getting him back. In case you are wondering, I would not recommend that every woman visiting this site go back to their boyfriend. In my view, it is all about your happiness and sometimes going back to your ex, while it could make you happy in the short term, isn’t always the best choice. So, the next big step I want you to take is to take out a piece of paper and write a detailed explanation on why you want your ex back.

Writing this explanation down is important for a number of reasons. First off, it might allow you to take a more objective look at yourself. I know that when I write down an explanation like this, take a break, come back and then read it, I can sometimes have an epiphany like “what was I thinking.” Secondly, it is going to force you to figure out if you wanting your ex back is just an impulse at this moment or a much deeper feeling. Again, I highly recommend that you check out the legit reasons for wanting your ex back article. That page pretty much sums everything up.

The Get Your Ex Back Strategy

A few months ago I had an idea. You see, at that point I was getting a lot of emails from women every single day asking for step by step plans to get their exes back. While I would have been happy to help them out getting your ex boyfriend back is such a complicated subject that there would be no way for me to describe, in detail, how to do it correctly in a short email. So, I came up with an idea.

I was going to create a step by step guide that I could point to any time someone wanted the exact process of getting an ex back. Well, the guide took two months for me to write but I am so happy I did it because it has helped so many women already (seen here.) You can check out the guide below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO (The Step By Step Guide)

What Do You Think? (379)

  1. julybornbaby - 0

    julybornbaby

    So, ive been met this boy a month ago.. 2 years older than me.. he asked my number from one of the staff in my college.. we text almost everyday n everytime.our first hangout is at the library, I know its a weird place to go for the first hangout.. the reason was I need to do my revision n he offer me to an accompany as im going there alone.. he’s very sweet, I love how naturally he was when he’s with me…after a while, I declare that I would like to call him my boyfriend.. he seems happy as he did confess me that he likes me.. he like my smile the most, n some other thing that I cant mention here.. :’) I get know that he is born as Sagittarius.. n irony that im a cancer.. emotional n logical combat.. I remembered the first time we fight.. its a small issue, I know.. just I really dont like the way he say it.. so blunt, I just cant take it.. his words hurt me.. we didnt talk for a night, then I make the first move to text him n say sorry.. we talked about the problem, wat we feel, n I know I did hurt his feeling also.. he talked wat ive done until he feel so sad for wat I did.. then we okay as usual.. since then, we’ve been fight over small issues that seem not important to him but it does for me.. n always I will be the first one to ask an apologies..*sometimes I feel like he have no reasons to fight over me, like im nobody to him.. he hate it when I ask that question.. who am I to u?? Deep down I know that I have occupied his heart but his act make me think twice.. the weird thing is we are so happy when we are seeing each other.. we never fight, we laugh, we having lunch, share the same plate, holding hands, we are just lovely.. but when come to texting or calling its just dont work.. the last fight is when I get too emotional when he said he didnt miss me.. we didnt see each other for 4 days n not texting as usual..he said that he just kidding with me.. n he said that if I want to talk to him that night just to fight, he dont interested, then he just leave.. silence, I text him, saying that I tried my best to understand him but pls dont involve feeling as his jokes.. he can joke about how stupid my fashion are, or how much I ate everyday, or even how ugly I am when I make face.. its okay, but never ever joke about my feeling or his feeling towards me.. im very truthful with my feeling towards him.. I said I love him soo much, but this is not wat I want, I just dont know why it wont work.. no reply from him.. he just read my message.. for a week we didnt talk, only then Im texting him back.. say sorry for wat I did, that im too emotional that day, that I treat him like I treat my ex before, that I have a lot of insecurities.. then he did the same.. he say sorry n he said that we should take this as a lesson.. then one again, no reply, the next day, I asked him does I let him feel so down? Then he reply yes.. I said that Im very sorry n I asked if I still in his heart.. he said he just want to be friends first.. n I right away agree with him.. I know that Im also have that commitment problem, im really a family oriented person but I need to make sure I make the right choice..he said, its okay then, if I found some guy that I like, just move on with him, n dont treat him like I treat my ex before.. I said to him that I make my own decision, its not easy for me to get along with any boy and I let him know that I still love him n value our relationship, that he’s still on my mind.. I asked whether he had found any girl that can make his face blush red like wat I did before? He said not for that reasons, he just dont feel like to have any relationship with anyone n he just want to feel calm.. that night I wish him goodnite.. he did reply the same thing but this morning, im sending him a good morning quote but he didnt reply.. do u think by any chance I can get him back.. what I should do?? Do u think no contact rule will work for this situations?? I know I need to.work out some my problem, I have jealousy issue, insecurities issues, I get too emotional, but I really love him, I know he is no filter guy and a bit harsh.. but I like the way he thinks.. logical and mature..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julybornbaby,

      there’s no guarantee that no contact rule will work but if you really want to work in yourself, then it would be better to do that and focus in that instead of trying to chase him

  2. sherry - 0

    sherry

    I met a man that I believe is totally amazing. We are both older I am 51 he is 56. We had been seeing each other for 6 months, he was very persistent. He treats me very well and I love him very much. I am so confused, he tells me all the time how much he loves me, very affectionate, always holding my hand, always sending good morning text telling me how much he loves me .Have been on a few vacations, and have a couple more planned. Last week when we were getting ready to go to dinner, he grabbed me gave me a big hug and told me that he is so happy with us.. This week I noticed that he was stressed with what was going on at work. We had gotten In a disagreement when we went out, when we have a disagreement of any kind he will just shut me out. ..he hardly talked to me the next day, I gave him his space, then it continued the next day. he has done this before, and I would just leave him alone until he came out of it . he is telling me he doesn’t know if its going to work between us, he has done this before when we have a disagreement . then goes back to him being happy and on top of the world, telling me that I am the best thing has happened to him,how can he go from loving me so much, to wanting to break up a when he gets mad at me .he has me on an emotional roller coaster. Its seems like whenever we get closer, he starts having doubts and gets confused, doesn’t know what he wants. He tells me its him, its all him. He doesn’t know if he can give me what I want from our relationship. I told him he is like a ball, bouncing all over the place, he doesn’t know what he wants. , that I have a hard time understanding how he can love me so much one minute then starts to back away and what to give up the next, this has been going on for about a month and half now. I know he is truly confused, and I know he really does love me, its like he gets scared. he is truly upset with his actions and tells me he doesn’t know why he acts like this and is trying to figure it out.I told him he needs to take time to figure out what he really wants. that this unfair to me. I told him I hope he figures out what he needs, but I cant wait for him while he bounces back and forth. I love him soooo much. I hope he will figure out his confusion. I don’t know what I need to do next. will he contact me??? , should I do no contact on him. what should I do?
    sherry

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sherry,

      Is he a commitment phobe? The relationship is still young, so it looks like the honeymoon stage is about to end. Was there any talk about the relationship in having the need to be more serious? Not that I think that there is because with how you described it, it looks like a very happy relationship. It’s just that he seems to connect the relationship with the stress he’s experiencing in other aspects of his life. So, when did you actually last talked? And I think you need to check this one:
      How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit

  3. Maria - 0

    Maria

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 months three weeks ago. He stopped making time for me and although we had discussed how we were drifting apart, not a lot changed. He tried to make more time for me, but instead of it being ‘us’ he would invite me to hang out with him and his best friend. His friend would leave at about 10pm and then we’d be intimate and go to sleep and that would literally be our time together. When I said I wanted ‘us’ not ‘us’ and a friend, he said he works a lot (he works 6 days a week) and he wants time with everyone. Weeks of seeing eachother twice a week, one of the time with a friend and I had enough, i broke up with him. I did it by text message, because i firstly tried to call him, but he missed my call and then replied and we messaged, and he said he wasnt free all week, so we’d have to see each other the week later. Now I feel like i’ve been impatient he does work a lot and he was in his way trying to give me what i want, but at the time i couldnt see it. I have called and text him since i sent the message, and he hasnt replied although he read them straight away. Do i have a chance to get him back? Or do you think we are done? We broke up twice before, and we both agreed we couldn’t break up and get back together again, but i miss him so much. Also in the text message, i said he didnt have time for me showing he didnt care so we didnt have a future – now i think that was really harsh. Ah! I dont know!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,

      You called and texted since that message, so that means you tried to tell him that you didn’t mean what you said. Maybe he’s taking his time now because he’s overwhelmed too. When was the last time you reached out? do you want to try the no contact rule?

  4. Emily - 0

    Emily

    So I dumped my ex because we weren’t really making time fore at other and because i wanted to focus on me. My friend then tried to date him, and he hurt her feelings, which i grilled him about (i was not doing well emotionally). We hadn’t really talked since. His new gf (that he got over the summer and is with now, at high school) hates me because I was telling people she was flirting with other guys. She is, but I didnt start this rumor, and told a few close knit friends of mine, which I told HIM…after she found out what class i had, then waited for me by the door and confronted me. She said after that she wants to physically fight me to her friends. I told him and he said its out of his control. Have I pushed it too far? I don’t know what to do??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emily,

      with whom? With your ex or with your friend? Actually I think your ex just doesn’t want to deal with all of the girl drama anymore. Second, if you hear any rumor about anybody else, don’t pass it on because even if you didn’t start it, it will be used against you. Talk to your friend alone, and clear it out privately.

  5. Drea - 0

    Drea

    Just need some advice. My ex and I had a fight over 4 weeks ago. There were things that were said on my part that really pushed my ex away. He became cold and distant and I knew what I said was wrong and not ok. I had bottled all of my feelings up and it all came out at once. He hadn’t show me affection, stopped doing things with me and I became very insecure. I tried to show him and tell him that what I said wasn’t how I really felt but nothing worked. He and I got in another argument this past weekend and he basically told me he couldn’t believe how I acted that day in the previous fight. I finally said if I’m that bad then maybe we shouldn’t be together. We live together so I told him to let me know when he wanted to move out. He left for a while and came back and I asked him if he wanted to fix the relationship and he said he didn’t know but he thinks hes done. I said ok and walked away and proceeded to do what girls do when they go through a break up (crying, wanting to be left alone and so forth). He insisted that I go to a concert that I had promised to go to with a friend and I did. I got home from the concert with a note on my pillow saying that he hoped I had a good night and that he was looking forward to talking to me the next day but for that time he was going to bed and signed with I love you. The next morning I was still feeling really crappy. He said we would take it day by day and I asked if he though maybe we could work on it and he said I don’t know. The rest of the day he was nice and kind to me. We went to bed in separate beds and he came in during the night to lay with me (I didn’t ask for him to do so, he just did it.) This morning it felt more like we were friends and not exes. I just want to make this all right but I don’t know how to do the no contact when I live with him. I have texted him a couple times today. He said he was looking forward to seeing me this evening. I asked him another question regarding some house thing and he answered. Mostly I would like to get him back. I am not sure what to do to fix this even though I caused it. HELP!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Drea,

      I don’t think you should do no contact.. He already said he’s willing to work it out and to just take it day by day.. why not try that first?

  6. Britt - 0

    Britt

    Just looking for some advice, so I will try to keep this as short as possible!

    anyways, i met this guy through a dating app and we were together for almost 10 months. I thought we were pretty serious, but there were always red flags that I chose to ignore. Throughout our relationship, he always told me that he wanted to move away from the state we live in and travel, and he never gave us a “title”. I never met his family and friends, but on the flip side, they all knew he was seeing someone. But despite those shady things, we still acted like a couple. We went out on dates, we were very open about one another’s past and future goals, we had taken a weekend trip together (that he planned and initiated), he had GIVEN me money to help pay for school (he told me didn’t expect me to pay it back, and to consider it an early grad present). We had even talked about our life together once I graduated school: more trips we would take, where we would end up, casually talked about a family.A couple of weeks ago, almost 3 now to be exact, we were having a conversation. He was going on about moving, so I asked him what he and I were doing relationship wise. He told me that we were “just friends” and then basically called me a glorified friend with benefits. Those weren’t his words, but that’s what he was getting at. So I ended it, saying I wanted a real commitment; he told me that while he had feelings for me, he wanted to move and wasn’t sure where he would end up, so he didn’t want to commit. He never once asked if I would be willing to carry things on with him once he moved. But, he did ask if we could still be friends and continue to talk. He seemed pretty adamant about that. So in a moment of weakness, I agreed.
    A few days later, I was lonely, so I invited him over to hook up. He agreed, but then bailed because he was getting ready to go on a trip. My ego was hurt, so later that night I ended things for good. I told him all of this was too painful. And I needed space right now. Again, he asked if we could still continue to talk. Again, I agreed, but I told him I couldn’t see him for a while. He agreed. We continued to talk to each other for a couple of days. He ended up leaving that Tuesday morning for a week long diving trip. I didn’t talk to him for the whole week he was gone. I also told myself I wouldn’t initiate the conversations- if he really wanted to be friends, then he needed to put forth some effort. While he was gone, he was on Facebook the whole time. I know this, because I would stay online pretty much bating him to talk to me. Of course there would be times that he would wasn’t online for a few hours when I assume he was diving. But most of the time, he would stay online till 2 or 3 in the morning. Towards the end of his trip, around Friday/Saturday he started getting offline around midnight. But he still spent the majority of his day online. I know it’s unhealthy that I was tracking him, but at the time I felt like I was losing my mind.
    When he got back from his trip, he responded to a message I had sent to him before he left. He was friendly with me. I was so angry to hear from him and I was short in my responses with him. A couple of hours later, I got on facebook and told him that I was annoyed to hear from him. And that it’s not ok to talk to me whenever it’s convenient for him. He responded back saying “i just saw that message, but ok”. Later that night after I had time to calm down and realize I had acted out, I sent him a message saying that I acted from a place of immaturity. And that I did want to be friends, and I was sorry for blowing up at him for no reason. He responded back saying it was fine, and maybe we needed some space like I had suggested earlier. I told him that I had moved on from feelings for him (which was a complete lie) and that I could, and wanted to be friends, and that I didn’t want him to think I was crazy. and for him to look back years from now and hate me. He said “ok good” and that he didn’t think i was crazy. there was no more converation after that. The next night, wanting to talk to him, but not knowing what to say, I messaged him. I asked him “so how do friends work”? Because i honestly have never been friends with someone I have dated before. His response was “IDK”. I asked him if I was bothering him, and if I needed to leave him alone. he then told me, that he met someone while he was away, and he didn’t think it was good idea for us to talk anymore. I completely lost it. I tried to remain as calm as possible, but all the pent up emotions from 9 months together just came flooding out. I asked him how 2 weeks ago he could say he had feelings for me, and was unable to make a commitment, but is willing to start dating someone in a different country. I mean, that is a whole other level of commitment right there! I asked him how we could do all of those things together and talk about the future, and it only took 2 weeks for him to just throw it all away. He never responded to my message. And instead, he proceeded to block me on facebook. He hasn’t blocked me on any other social media or my phone number, just on facebook. I sent him a text through “whatsapp” because I wasn’t sure if he had my number blocked; I told him I wanted to move forward in a positive way, and that I lashed out at him because I realized we have always been on a different page when it came to “us”. And that if he has really found someone else, then I hope he is happy. And I won’t contact him anymore. He never responded even though he read it.
    Anyways, despite the fact that he didn’t want to commit, I miss him so much. We have ended things 4 times now (me ending them, all because of him not committing), and we have always gotten back together the next day. He has always come back happily. We have NEVER fought or even argued with one another. But this time, he has blocked me and won’t even speak to me. I am trying my hardest to implement the NC rule; it’s been 1 week since I sent him a message. I am still blocked on facebook, and he hasn’t tried to reach out to me in anyway. I want to give him his space, and I am hoping that with time he will reach out to me. I am also hoping that this thing with the girl in another country is just a fling/re-bound thing. I mean, he can’t possibly want to commit to a girl in another country after knowing her for one week, right? OR are he and I just a lost cause? Should I just cut my losses with this guy and move on like I said? I know this is long, but I could really use some expert advice. I am not sure why this one hurts so much.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Britt,

      it hurts because he knows how to make you feel good but he’s not yours..

      You need to be consistent on what you say. If you say you want commitment then you have to stop giving him the benefits of a committed relationship right?

      He has to see that you’re really full of it because there’s a higher possibility that he’s still going to try again.

      You can try no contact as a last resort. Do 45 days, improve yourself and then after it, slowly build rapport.Don’t sleep with him until he really says he wants to commit and be exclusive now.

  7. Liz - 0

    Liz

    I have a quick question!! It’s my ex boyfriends little sisters birthday September 1st & I got her a gift but I’m currently in NC. I was thinking of just leaving the gift on his porch. Is this ok or should I wait to give it to her?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Liz,

      it’s better to just wait, so that it wouldn’t start a conversation.

  8. Danielle - 0

    Danielle

    I think this is a very interesting circumstance and I would love to get your feedback on this at ex bf recovery.

    I met my ex- SO on a dating app and never actually met anyone else before on it but he was so persistence upon meeting me for 3 months I finally agreed to meet him in february, since we matched in december. Everything was going smoothly however we both live in different cities about 40 minutes away from each other so getting together once a week was a challenge- it ended up being around every 10 days or so. We were dating for around 4-5 months and everything was going great. I met his friends they loved me, we went out for nice dinners and drinks, and I even met his father at his childhood home. His mother and little sister were excited to meet me and things were going great, we had tentative plans for him to meet my father. Until one day at work I got an instant message from a girl who I had known to be absolutely insane, from college. She claimed to have been exclusive with my SO and wanted to let me know. At this point of time we were not exclusive so I couldn’t technically be angry with him although I let him know it was horrible to get my nose rubbed into it. After hours of explaining that they weren’t actually dating and she was actually black mailing another roommate of his- I decided to put this in the past and wanted to move forward in the relationship cautiously. Things were slow after that, and I saw him another time and things seemed to be fine after that but in the back of my mind I knew something was up. After that it was about a week and I hadn’t heard from my SO, it turned out one of his best buddies had past away. I saw him that following weekend and we had a wonderful time together and i met more friends of his at a bar. But the next day he never responded to my text message, and I didn’t hear from him in 2 weeks. I told him that I understand that he is going through a hard time and I am trying to be there for him, but I can’t be treated this way, only being reached every two weeks. We ended things on a friendly note and even chatted a little bit afterwards. This was about a week ago. I have never felt this strongly about anyone in my life before, I truly think this man is my soulmate but I have no idea how to win him back- after I broke things off with him. I am leaving for a three months to travel this summer tomorrow but we are still friends on Facebook and instagram. I am going to follow the social media tips- but I am wondering if this is even possible to win him back at this point?
    I think about him everyday and my heart is absolutely broken, but I know that if I didn’t end it then there would be absolutely no hope for a healthy relationship in the future.

    Waiting anxiously for your help!

    Danielle

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Danielle,

      if he is grieving..then you did the right thing because he has to go through it

    • Danielle - 0

      Danielle

      Thanks Amor!

      Do you think there a possibility that we can get back together if I follow NCR?
      He reached out to me last monday asking about my health because I had some issues.
      We got into a good conversation and then I ended it. Should I do the NCR for a full 30 days?
      and if so should initiate that I would like to see him again when I’m back from my travels?

      Sorry for all the questions!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      we can’t guarantee that ncr will get him back but it will increase your chances..yes, you should do 30 days and reserve asking him to meet up.. do that when you’ve built enough rapport and attraction again

  9. Lizz - 0

    Lizz

    So, i am in a long distance relationship and there have been many ups and downs and mini breaks in which we always end up back together. I was always the one with the doubts, finding reasons to break up and sooner or later i would feel weak and would slide back into the relationship. I have seen him a couple of times since he has been away (over 2 years) prior to him going away we did have plans of settling down, however due to his circumstances he has been left in a state of limbo, and understandably unable to promise anything except his continual feelings towards me. i will admit in the time we have been together (long distance and not- 3-4 years) he has fed my insecurities, this was mainly at the begninng when i found him subtly flirting with/ talking to other girls online however when addressed he did change- i genuinely feel he didnt see itas a big deal- i was also his first serious relationship so i guess a lot of learning was going on. So more recently we broke up as i over reacted to him going out without informing me and pretty much convinced him that we shouldnt be together, that he has wasted my time, has nothing to offer me, makes me feel insecure and that i cant trust him- following this i ignored him for a coupe of days and then sank into old patterns- however i successfully convinced him and he felt that this time i was right- therefore there was a period of distance and he seemd to have lost his fight a bit- within a month things had returned to the status quo (back together, regularly talking etc) shortly i went through a period of distress to which i did not feel i was a priority – i addressed this calmly and explained perhaps we are not suited and we need other people that can bring out the best in us. he was upset and i began no contact – i did tell him before no contact that i needed space to move on- he has always been respectful of my wishes and so did not contact me after this period i contacted him and his responses were polite and neutral- what should i do to get him back ? i have a feeling perhaps he has moved on? i feel if i dont contact him he wont initiate with me and i dont want to come across clingly especially if he has moved on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lizz,

      it is actually the hardest situation in getting an ex back..how long did you do no contact and what did you do in it? When will he be back and how often do you see each other?

  10. Tiffany - 0

    Tiffany

    So i feel like I have jumped around all stages you have suggested with my ex. We broke up a year ago… and I ended it. I moved on very shortly after with a rebound guy. That I put on social media because I was feeling all honeymoonish and thought it was grand idea. After all my ex and I talked. He seemed to be okay with it and wanting me to move to be happy. So I took that as he didn’t want to be with me anymore. Well we spent 6 months in constant limbo of me trying to get back with him… him not being ready… then when I turned around and decided we are better off as friends.. within a weeks time he would want come running back and being my boyfriend… mind it was only after I initiated the first text. Then finally in January we were both on the same page.. but I found out he had became friends with one of my EX-BESTFRIENDS. I flipped… a lot… basically ending that attempt. A week later I calmed down, and was ready to forgive to move forward. Well since then he hasnt been interested in anything more than “friends.” Yet I don’t believe what he says esp. after reading some of your articles and I know he doesn’t mean that. He is testing my loyalty. He is truly afraid I am going to wake up and change my mind everyday. I can’t blame him I hurt him. He has even said “ive been really good for you, and really bad for you. Either way you have left. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” I understand through this post I need to praise him some more.. and do a lot of that communication you were talking about. But I just can’t get him to see that since January I have been here for him and haven’t changed my mind. At one point in January when I was desperately begging him to take me back I decided I needed to do a little soul searching. So I didn’t talk to him 3 weeks.. my own no contact rule I didn’t know was a thing. But I initiated the conversation…. where he mentioned “well you haven’t talked to me for three weeks.” So I know he noticed and he cares. So I haven’t had a plan when talking to him.. I can’t even tell you how often I have or haven’t reached out… But his mom got recently sick and I was there for me. He called me told me right away… I was at the bedside with her, and offered to be there if he needed anything. Well I freaked out on him again because (remember that ex friend of mine) well she was stopping by to visit his mom to … or mainly him rather. I could not believe it. I believe when he says he doesn’t want anything more than friends with her, but he is using her to get a reaction out of me. It is totally working. So we recently had a conversation about what he wanted from me. All I got was he “can’t see if getting back to the way it was.” Then it became “I just don’t want a relationship with anyone right now.” to “How can I trust you aren’t just going to wake up and change your mind again.” So obviously he is scared and hurting. By implementing the no contact rule right now is not warranted because he also stated in there “I want to hear from you no matter what it is about.”

    So is my next step just start the conversation good times? and how long do you wait before you go into the heart to heart section? I feel like with him anytime before he is ready will totally push him away…. I know he is waiting to go to the state academy for his job… once he comes back from their I know he will be ready.. that is the type of man he is. But his reason for why we can’t try things before the academy is “I won’t be able to talk to anymore for two months… how are you going to handle that?” Mind you I dated him for 18 months while he was in the military… so basically he saying … How can he trust me to still stick around for 2 months without talking to him. But i have soul searched this what I want.. I know what I had now, and I know better how to appreciate… mind you I am a very impatient girl. 😉 I am looking for a way to show I am never changing my mind. The thought of us not getting our happy ending together is too much for me to live with.. I simply can’t deal.

    Any advice is greatly appreciated. I will take note in the mean time to you conversation ideas. Also, note we have hung out since January we went out to dinner, and he paid. The vibes were cute like first date smiles, and warm long hugs afterwards. But I couldn’t get him to hangout with me again after that. HE let me in when his mom was sick, but then I flipped about the ex friend showing up. So now I am back to square one. He only came over to see me so I could apologize in person, which is when he stated all the quotes I have listed above.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s going to be harder. Actually I think the next best time to reconnect would be after he got from the 2 months in military because right now he still has that image of you being angry.. Try to continue what you’ve been doing again during nc, take a chance on reconnecting with him after a month, but if it’s not good then that means you really have to wait until he’s back.

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