The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

marie

September 27, 2016 at 4:37 pm

it all started when i was 14.. we actually used to talk on social network togeter just as firends…but we always wanted to meet each other… we talked so much almost everysinge day .. send eachother pictures…one day we decided we need to meet eachother but that was like 2 years later…so when we first met …every thing was good… i kinda felt akward because i just felt like maybe he things im ugly… but we were sitting next to each other.. and the moment i turn my face towards him he kissed me… since that day we started dating…everything was soo perfect i felt like .. this guys .. i need him for ever cus he is like me we have the same interests.. we laugh about the same thing …but our only issue was the distance … we lived 2 hours from eachother so we had ahard time to see eachother…something horrible happend after that… my parents decided bto put me in a boarding school to another country …i was only able to come on my vacation time… so we even saw eachother less….after 2 years of faditng he just suddenly broke up with me…didnt even really tell me why just that he wants to stay friends… we met once again with my friends and his frinds… and he couldt stop lookin at me… we even ended up kissing…and i told him maybe we should just give it a try …he said he will think about it…after i left he said he cant go back with me….when i went back to borading school from my school break…i found out that he was dating another girl…i was so heart broken..i even talked to his new girlfriend… i just told her to take good care of him..and just cryed all the time every day…..i even tryed to talk to him after a year again and he told me to never ever talk to him again and move on .. to finish my studies ….thats when i just completly stopped talking to him…i started to take care of my self even if i new i will never forget him…started to work out go out sing a lot do photoshooting i even had to move to a completly different continent to become more successfull…. but he came back from nowhere after 6 years…he added me on instagram liked all my pics but than unfriend me after a couple of days… he didnt even say 1 word so i just ignored every thing …after a year he came back again added me on snapchat and facebook started watching my snap for about a month all the time.. but removed me again without saying anything… this time i blocked him everywere because it hurts my feeling him doing this to me…he left and now trying coming back twice without saying anything.. and i just dont understand why….he even is now in contact with my sister they are talkin together …he even told my sister that he misses me but its just because of the distance….he dont know that i know that…but still why cant he just speak up to me ..he is the one who said i should never ever talk to him…i dont know what to do… id be ready to leave everything for him and start over just to spend the rest of my life with him but he is being complicated…im even planning to take some vacation to go back there and i really dont know what will happen but can you help me and give me some advise??

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 6:06 pm

Hi Marie,

So, how old are you both now? I think you need to take it slow. You’re not together, but you’re already willing to give it your all. It’s not going to be a healthy relationship if you’re going to lose yourself in it.

Ellie

September 27, 2016 at 10:01 am

Hi,
Thank you for maintaining this great website. It really helps. I do have a question though. With my boyfriend we have been together for 4 years. I moved countries for him and we started living together around our first anniversary. Things were rocky though and we fought a lot. I attribute this to my personal insecurities at the time. We split following a huge fight around our second anniversary. I moved out and after a month, I was still living there, 2we started having sex. When I moved out, we started seeing each other more and more often. Initially he was distant but was warming up. Every time I mentioned relationship though he said he wanted to let things happen and feel it. During the past two months he became even more caring and interested and brought back his boyfriend behavior. I however needed answers. This rollercoaster has been going on for teo years and I wanted to know where this is going. Long story short, after a weird reaction on his side about whether we will celebrate our anniversary, I lost it. It ended with him saying: I like seeing you but I don’t want to make any plans woth you; you convinced me we are waisting our time; i have feelings for you but love is not coming back; maybe I will regret my decision but it is what it is. Just as a side note, three weeks before that we both took separate vacations and the first thing that he did when he came back was to come to my place and surprise me. When I asked hom about all this behaviour and him saying we are together. He could not answer. My question is – is there even a point to try or it is gone and over for good? Thank you. I am very very confised

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 1:53 pm

Hi Ellie,

Look likes you’re actually just friends with benefits for two years but you’re not aware of it, or you try to move past it. If you want, you can still try doing the no contact rule.

Lisa James

September 27, 2016 at 7:34 am

I did sleep with him yeh, I don’t think either of us could ever get into a friends with benefits situation, it just couldn’t go that way, if ever one of us got with someone else I know we would cut it off and that would be that. But I get your point, that’s all I kind of have to hold back isn’t it. I will think about that if there is a next time. I’m trying very hard just to not initiate any chat over text and when I am away will be sure to keep up the no contact from my end. shouod i really be not getting back to his texts considering where we are and how much dialog we are in about it all?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 1:32 pm

If you are going into no contact rule, yes you can’t reply.. And it’s not really good thing if you see each other and keep having sex without commitment. You’re more likely going to end more hurt than him because you know, he might get comfortable with just and not commit.

Erikah07

September 26, 2016 at 11:07 am

My bf called it quits 2days ago after i struggled to gety my phone back from him…
And its less than a month we hust made up from a quarrel.
Its 6 months so far…
I’ve texted him saying I’m sorry n all that but he’s just fixed on he wanting us to remain friends but relationship not any more.
He says.. I’m too hard. Im not loyal for me to refuse to give him my phone.
What do i do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:06 pm

Hi Erika,

why does he want your phone? How old are you both?

Lisa James

September 26, 2016 at 8:33 am

Hi,
I didn’t check back for your response until now and I wish I had. It seems you were right. I called him Wednesday night and we went for a drink and he stayed over, everything very normal. Went for breakfast the next morning and I said I felt a bit silly for being there since all he had said and he said not to and he should be the one feeling silly cos he had gone back on his word. I told him about my trip and said i didn’t want him to feel I was moving away from him and that was the last thing I would want. He encouraged me to go and when I suggested he come he said maybe and when would he need to tell me. We spent all day together and it was lovely. We met the next day , I went for dinner, he made a big effort , nice food, candles etc. After dinner we had a chat and I said I was nervous about leaving and that I was scared he would move on and he said that wouldn’t happen but that there was no guarantee we would get back together when I got back. After that I think I was a bit stressy, I woke him up early cos I thought I needed to go to a meeting and then managed to cancel it. I took the morning after pill and when I took it I told him I didn’t want to take it and he just said I was being dramatic and didn’t get drawn into it at all. He suggested we go for breakfast and I said maybe we were Jst torturing each other, he said we were just having a nice time enjoying each other’s company and couldn’t I just enjoy it. So we went for breakfast and a walk at end of the walk I said I wouldn’t see him before I went and had some stuff to say. He said wouldn’t we meet me for a coffee before I go and I said ok, and then I WISH I had gone but I went into this little speil about what would be different and what I had learned and e was just like – I don’t need to hear this – this is your own stuff – this feels like an assault. He said I hadn’t given him any space and (although I hadn’t contacted him in two weeks) and that he needed time and I needed to give him credit to make this decision and stop just trying to fix it and what would I do if i was in his shoes and did I think I could just say some magic words to unlock some answers. He was very kind and kissed me and told me he loved me when I left but I rly feel I have messed that up and now seeing your answer it is clear you understand where he is at better than me in my post beak up madness. He txt me yesterday after he found an old bank card asking if I had lost it I reported just saying no it was an old one and he could bin it thanks. Then HE asked what I was up to and we went back and forth with him re-starting a convo that could have ended a couple of times. I leave for my trip on Thursday. I won’t contact him for this coffee unless he does. Please give me some advice as to how to play this. I am not clear headed about any of it and wake up every day with an anxiety attack that he is lost.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 12:51 pm

Hi Lisa,

Actually it was good that you didn’t read it right away. You have to hear it like from him, like a confirmation. Anyways, did you sleep with him? Don’t do that or you’re going to be friends with benefits… If you are going to do no contact, that means not replying if he asks for coffee.

Susan

September 26, 2016 at 1:20 am

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with me just a couple of days ago. She recently went to college about 2 hours away and we had plans to visit each other every couple of weeks. We’ve been together for just over a year and practically spent every day together and had so much fun. Although lately we both have been stressed and busy so things weren’t always in a great spot, but we worked through them (after discussing breaking up some months ago). He started to argue about small things and always had me prove I wasnt going to cheat on him (when I never gave him a reason not to trust me). After an argument he decided to break up with me saying it was because of long distance and because I have a medical condition which makes it difficult to enjoy his hobbies (which I liked and were still wanting to do in moderation). He knew when he started dating me that he didn’t care that I wasnt perfectly “his type”. Since he’s been gone he’s been making the long distance worse for himself and I feel as though it was stressing him out for some reason. He says he still loves me but he thinks it’s best. And advice? I love him and want to get back together but I am not sure.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 11:32 am

HI Susan,

do you want to try doing the no contact rule? And I think you should check this one too:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

Cece

September 25, 2016 at 3:31 pm

My ex and I were on and off for a sum of almost four years before he broke it off again four days ago, saying he just wanted to be friends and that he had tried and stayed every time he had tried to end it before because he didn’t want to lose me completely. He was my first everything, and I mean everything. When we first met, it felt like a dream. We instantly hit it off and have not been somehow together (text or in person) for more than a few weeks in the last four years. After we met we started talking, but he was talking to another girl, who he ended up being with for a few months. We still talked and were “friends” but always had that more than friends connection. When they broke up, he said he wanted to pick up where we left off. We started talking as more than friends again, but he also started talking to an old girl again. They ended up starting a relationship that lasted for the next year and a half. During this time, we still grew closer, and despite my better judgement, he cheated on her with me. We went through so much turmoil during this time, with him knowing that all I wanted was to be with him. He decided to move in with her, and I warned him it was a bad idea, and he refused to believe me and said he was ready. She made him call me and leave me a voicemail saying that for his relationship, we could not be friends and blocked my number. Not even a week after, she moved out. After three weeks of no contact, I was at a baseball game and he say me there. He instantly contacted me and asked if I was at the game, and spent the whole night apologizing for everything, saying that what she made him do was the biggest mistake of his life. We started talking consistently again, and after a month they officially broke up. From then, we finally had our chance and we dated, hung out and did almost everything together for the first time. He wasn’t quite ready to be with anyone, but he gave it a shot. We would get into fights here and there about stupid little things, that would scare Gina me make him feel controlled like his last ex did. We always somehow made it work and have texted almost every single day for most of the day since. I have told him I love him, and say it all the time, but he has never said it back. Since then, we have gone through little “breaks” where he wanted space, and didn’t want to talk, and more recently that he just wanted to be friends. But every single time, we would ever stop talking and eventually start being together again after a few weeks. This time, was much worse. He said that he just couldn’t do it anymore, and that we needed space. He said he wants to be friends, because he can’t imagine his life without me, but doesn’t understand why I can’t just be his friend. He doesn’t want to talk, and wants space. He is my best friend, and my rock. I cannot imagine my life without him either, and just have his feeling in my heart that he is afraid of having something real, because he doesn’t think he’s deserving of true love. He told me roommate who works with him, that he just couldn’t do it anymore and that he’s trying to stay away from texting me. I think if he realizes what life is like without me, he will realize how big of a mistake he made. We are on day 4 of no contact, but I am missing him so much that I don’t know how I’m going to hold out and not talk to him. Do I still have a chance to win him back?

Cece

September 26, 2016 at 10:16 pm

Thank you! It’s frustrating, because he’s been asking my roommate about me indirectly every day, and we used to work at the same place, and he is making sure he tells anyone and everyone there that we are”done and never talking again”. He refused to delete my number and still has remains my friend on social medias (he doesn’t have a Facebook). I’m pretty sure this is just for show to cover up the fact that he doesn’t really want to be done, or that he doesn’t know what he wants, but could I be wrong?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 8:02 am

It could be the later.. He may want to portray that he made a solid decision
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 6:57 pm

Hi Cece,

With all your back and forth, yes, he will probably be back later on but you need a restart, so it’s better if you do no contact. Check this one so, you’ll know what to do during no contact:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

lauren

September 25, 2016 at 9:10 am

So my ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. He basically said he thinks I needed to “learn and grow” as a person, and that he was in the way of my growth. I thought to myself, “if that was true, I would’ve approached him about that.” We honestly fought a lot, but it was because I would get frustrated with him, and things would just turn into an argument. After the breakup, I wrote him a short letter about a week later (just apologizing on my behalf because of the things I had said). Some of the things I had said were just immature and weren’t right. I felt it was good for me to just write that, and it made me feel better. He then wrote me a letter back the next day. It was a page longer than mine, and talked about “getting back together in the future.” It made me excited, but I then realized that it was probably just false hope. After that day, we talked for a little on the phone as regular (like we used to). He ended up having to go, and after that day, he didn’t show up to school for almost two weeks and we didn’t talk. When he came back to school, he would wave at me, say hi, try to initiate conversation, etc. It completely confused me, and made me wonder what he wanted. I didn’t even wave back sometimes, and eventually after a week, he stopped waving, and stopped trying to talk to me. After that, it was last Monday where I was finally the first to initiate conversation with him. It was honestly because I was tired of the confusion and annoyed with the fact that I never received closure in the relationship, so it was hard for me to move on. I just wanted to talk, get answers, and quit being confused. We ended up hanging out all last week during lunch, and we even went out after school to talk about things. He bought me food and we talked mainly about how we were doing. I was wanting closure, however, he failed to give me that. Our conversation carried on to the next day, and I even ditched class to “talk” to him, but we ended up just hanging out like how we used to. After that, he basically said “sorry we couldn’t continue our conversation. we can talk more Monday.” I was so annoyed that I said, “why do you want to carry it on until Monday. if there is more you need to say, just text me, as long as you’re comfortable doing so.” He simply said “okay. I won’t text you today, but I’ll text you tomorrow.” He never ended up texting me (which is fine), but I’m just so annoyed because I feel like he is just trying to play games with me. Trying to keep me around and engaged for whatever reason, but it doesn’t help with my growth or my feelings. I’m so hurt. He told me “I would love to get back together, but it’s the timing that confuses me.” That made absolutely no sense to me, and i don’t know what to do. He can’t keep hanging out with me and act like everything is okay. He broke up with me. There really shouldn’t be any contact. I don’t know if he really even cares to get back together, but I just think he wants to act interested so while he moves on, I don’t. I hope I’m wrong, but I’m afraid I’m not. I just want help, and I don’t know what to do next. Do I ignore him? Or confront him and just say I feel like he’s playing games and I’m not gonna play them?? PLEASE HELP!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 3:17 pm

Hi Lauren,

Let’s say, I believe his reason for breaking up with you then that means he probably think you were clingy and he wants to be less of that. He’s still attracted to you but he doesn’t want you to continue to be clingy. And if that’s so, then you should try 30 days no contact.

Sara

September 25, 2016 at 6:23 am

Hi,

we were together for almost two years. At the beginning we saw us everyday and we did a lot. After some month, he just says im not sure, about you, i like you and all but i don’t know. After two days he writes me can we meet? so we went to eat and then talk, and we talked a lot, i also sad that this is new for me(for him also second /3 girlfriend) and i tried to ask why? because everything was for me good, at least we had fun. Then we went back together again, we did a lot, we had a lot of stress(uni, work) and i was with him a lot…on the summer we went together in Spain… I also asked if he is happy? he sad yes. Then after he came later, i started talking about for future, he just reply: how can you be so sure we will be together? I mean i never told you i love you, only if you sad i had the feeling i should say too?! Then suddenly this came all shock to me, i couldn’t believe it!!! Actually i started loving him, and i thought with the time he will be more open and will say to me back, but this was worse, he sad he wanted to say to me after summer plans.. After we broke up, i didn’t contact him for a 27days or something, then suddenly we meet and he tries to talk to me as nothing happened as normal friend!!! so i wrote i need a distance. After a week, i wanted to meet him, and just talk that i finally accept this and see on his face, what he would say.. He just sad that he didn’t felt we will stay forever, and there are some small stuff i don’t like about you !! :O And since i saw the situation i tried to act norma and be a normal friend( i work with him too, so i didn’t wanted to have a wired situation at work)we enjoyed the dinner, talking a lot of things…I still have feelings for him, but this relationship mad me stronger, and made me somehow more selfish, that first i think more about me, that my feelings will not get hurt…i guess i just should move on, and try to forget him because as it look he didn’t love me enough..

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 2:27 pm

HI Sara,

I remembered your comment and I replied on the other one. I’ll copy my answer there and paste it here but I’m going to add another podcast that you should check:

Hi Sara,

Ok Sara, think about it.. If you change your mind, review the article above and check this one too:
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Geena

September 25, 2016 at 4:07 am

Hi me and my boyfriend recently broke up after 5 days break. I’m 21 and he’s 22, we’ve been dating 2 years and 8 months. Reason we broke up, coz he had personal issues with mixed feelings to me and I was depending to him so much. Which we both had problem and caused the unhappy relationship. He send me a text message and saying
‘I’m sorry we have to end it because I don’t want you focusing on getting back to me please don’t wait for me
I want you to focus on your own life no distractions
I’m doing this because it’s best for both of us
I really need my space to myself geena, and I feel like going through this break won’t change anything
So I’m breaking up with you
Please understand’

I am giving him the space, however I really want to back together

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 2:07 pm

Hi Geena,

it’s not a guarantee that no contact will work but it can help to increase your chances. Aside from following the advice above check this one too:
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

Casey

September 24, 2016 at 4:44 pm

My boyfriend and I just broke up last week after 2 years. He was my first love and my first everything. I thought everything was going fine between him and I until he decided to FaceTime me to break it all off because he said he lost feelings. How can someone lost feelings after an amazing 2 years of being together? We were both happy and all of the sudden it just happened. We barely had any fights and we would frequently come to each other’s houses to hang. I’ve been crying nonstop and haven’t been eating or sleeping. I went to the doctor and they gave me antidepressants because I’m not in the best shape emotionally and physically. I tried the NC rule but I always have the urge to text him and know how he’s doing. He would reply but usually it’s just one word answers. I miss him so much and I want him back. I can barely focus in class because all I can think about is him. We had plans for the future and we were both very commited to each other. Do you think he will ever come back? I said I would wait for him but he said we should just stay friends and maybe in the future will be back, just not right now.

Casey

October 2, 2016 at 3:44 pm

Hey, it’s Casey again. I’m on my first week on no contact, and I think I’m doing a little better. I was cleaning up my room and I stumble across a box filled with our pictures and letter that I have collected through our time together. From that, I felt a sharp pain on my chest and started crying again. Without thinking, I threw it away. Did I make the right choice by doing that? Obviously I still love him and want him back I’m not sure if i reacted the right way.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 10:41 am

of it made you feel better, then yes..
Casey

September 25, 2016 at 3:42 pm

Honestly, in my opinion, it didn’t get boring. We still did the things that made us happy. We would plan road trips and go on dates twice a week. He would say he loved me a few days before he broke up with me and I don’t understand how he was able to move on so quickly. We are 20 years old and I know thats pretty young. Hes a huge fanatic of playing video games and most of his friends said he broke up with me because of it! I’m planning on doing NC because what’s the point if I text him and he doesn’t reply, right?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 6:59 pm

Yup.. So, he wants more time to play video games? Seems like you’re the only mature one in the relationship.. or maybe he just didn’t convey to you how he would really like to make time for it..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 9:20 am

Hi Casey,

did the relationship became boring? How old are you both? I understand that it’s hard but I think doing nc is still the better choice than keeping on chasing him right? If you want to increase your chances, then start no contact. And check this ones:
The “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You” Video
The Ungettable Girl

Sara

September 24, 2016 at 4:36 pm

Hi,

we were together for almost two years. At the beginning we saw us everyday and we did a lot. After some month, he just says im not sure, about you, i like you and all but i don’t know. After two days he writes me can we meet? so we went to eat and then talk, and we talked a lot, i also sad that this is new for me(for him also second /3 girlfriend) and i tried to ask why? because everything was for me good, at least we had fun. Then we went back together again, we did a lot, we had a lot of stress(uni, work) and i was with him a lot…on the summer we went together in Spain… I also asked if he is happy? he sad yes. Then after he came later, i started talking about for future, he just reply: how can you be so sure we will be together? I mean i never told you i love you, only if you sad i had the feeling i should say too?! Then suddenly this came all shock to me, i couldn’t believe it!!! Actually i started loving him, and i thought with the time he will be more open and will say to me back, but this was worse, he sad he wanted to say to me after summer plans.. After we broke up, i didn’t contact him for a 27days or something, then suddenly we meet and he tries to talk to me as nothing happened as normal friend!!! so i wrote i need a distance. After a week, i wanted to meet him, and just talk that i finally accept this and see on his face, what he would say.. He just sad that he didn’t felt we will stay forever, and there are some small stuff i don’t like about you !! :O And since i saw the situation i tried to act norma and be a normal friend( i work with him too, so i didn’t wanted to have a wired situation at work)we enjoyed the dinner, talking a lot of things…I still have feelings for him, but this relationship mad me stronger, and made me somehow more selfish, that first i think more about me, that my feelings will not get hurt…i guess i just should move on, and try to forget him because as it look he didn’t love me enough..

Harry

September 30, 2016 at 5:34 pm

So at this point should I leave her alone for a week or so and initiate contact again afterward?!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 9:10 am

Hi Sara,

Ok Sara, think about it.. If you change your mind, review the article above and check this one too:
How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit

Harry

September 23, 2016 at 10:56 pm

Hello,
My name is Henry. My ex and I were dating for 11 months before we broke up. After the break I went crazy and begged and pleaded too much. I started the NC with my ex and completed 21 days yesterday. I missed her and I called her and we talked positively really well. After this, it all went down hill. She’s in college now and lives an hour away. She told me about her schedule and what she’s been doing and how she missed me and didn’t contact me because I told her I needed space. She also found out that I started talking to another girl and she said “aww she’s cute, I’ll talk to her for you.” And then said “wow I’m giving you girl advice now, I don’t like it haha.” She went on to say that “wow you moved on fast” and I said no I didn’t move on. I accepted the break up. I also told her that the girl is only a friend for now. She said she missed me and still loved me and was wanting to know that if she doesn’t move on and I don’t move on, if we could get back together in the future. I told her idk and that’s unfair to me. I said I’ve changed and I want her back now. I know…I’m stupid! She said no she doesn’t wanna be with me right now. She said a lot of stupid stuff like how she wants to kiss me and how my birthday is coming up this weekend and she doesn’t care if I allow her or not but she’s gonna text me. I told her okay. I asked her if I should move on or not because I don’t want to be strung along and I don’t want to be friends and she said I should do whatever makes me happy and that’s all she cares about. I said I don’t wanna move on and that I love her still and I wanna be with her. Again I know stupid move! I asked her what I should do and she said whatever makes her happy! She asked me if she can start texting me and I said no because everytime she texts me, it will just give me false hope. My birthday is coming up in 3 days and I know she is going to text me. I’m planning on telling her thank you and that I’m sorry how I reacted over the call and that I’ve accepted the break up and going to move on and start talking about the new girl I’m talking to and try to make her jealous. Then start the tide affect of texting from there. Idk if this is the best move…but do you think I should do? Please help me!

Harry

October 4, 2016 at 6:40 pm

And when I do finally text her again what should I say? Should I say something like “Just caught myself thinking about you. I was such an idiot. Letting you walk away was the dumbest thing I ever did! I’m sorry for how I acted after the break up. I hope we can be friends again in the future and that you’re doing well :).” Does that sound good? Or should I text something else? What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 3:59 pm

it’s ok harry..uhm.. that’s mote like a confession.. if she’s not interested in getting back together, then she avoid being friends with you.. instead of asking to be friends, just be friendly.. use current topics in the news or about friends or around the neighborhoos that interests her
Harry

October 4, 2016 at 1:38 pm

And she just randomly stopped texting me back. Friday was the last day I talked to her and she hasn’t replied since. Do you think she just doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? Why would she just randomly stop replying? And can I tell you exactly what we texted back and forth so you can decipher it for me? I’m sorry for the trouble I just want to get my bearings back and understand what’s going on in her head before I text her back in a couple of days. Please help. Thank you!!
Harry

October 2, 2016 at 5:51 pm

But how do I carry out the tide theory if I don’t text her everyday? I wasn’t texting her all day, just short texts and then I would leave her alone the rest of the day
Harry

October 1, 2016 at 1:59 am

Because she hasn’t replied back to me in over 24 hours and was being very cut dry and short before.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 1, 2016 at 8:17 pm

Hmm.. you can lay low for a week to help you get your bearings back but after that week, dont text everyday.. dont go back to being a gnat..
let say if you texted today, rest for 3 days again and then text then rest for a day and then text again and then rest for 2 days..

dont make it a pattern..dont be predictable.. and dont forget to focus more on your activities and not just on spacing your text days
Harry

September 30, 2016 at 5:34 pm

So should I leave her alone for a week or so and start to initiate contact again?
Harry

September 28, 2016 at 2:50 pm

Also you’re absolutely right. I think she knows that I still have feelings for her after I did what I did. She said “we’re back to where we started a month ago.” What can I do to become the alpha. I think she knows that she can get with me whenever she wants. Should I do another no contact period? I’m soo confused. After I started the no contact period and talked to her, she was being very cute, telling me a lot of stuff I wanted to hear. After I messed up on my birthday I think I went back to being the desperate and jealous guy. What do I need to do now? I’m in the texting phase and I don’t want to go back to the no contact phase. But should i? What is the best thing for me to do right now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 10:39 am

nope..I mean texting her all day would be boring.. you dont have to do a full no contact but you need to spend more time on activities that can improve yourself.. How would she think you got tired of her if you’re always there? You have to show that you’re moving on and getting better and whenever you talk make it fun, flirty and short..

That way she would miss you, and can regret not being with you because you just keep getting better
Harry

September 28, 2016 at 2:36 pm

Okay what should be an example of mystery? To keep her interested? So you’re saying that if I always end the conversation at a high point and not text her all day until the next day, it will eventually get boring?! How do I fix this issue?
Harry

September 27, 2016 at 5:59 pm

Hey Amor! Sorry for constantly bothering you! But I have an update. I messaged her last night and she responded. But it was small one sentence with 5 word answers. I only sent two messages and she replied with two. Then I ended the convo. Today I messaged her and she replied. It was fast and the convo was interesting. I messaged her 4 times and she replied. I know I’m not suppose to message anymore. But it’s only the afternoon. The book says that I’m suppose to send 2 texts on day 1 and 4 texts on day 2 and increase as the days go by. But wouldn’t it seem weird to her if it’s only the afternoon and I don’t reply to her until tomorrow?! Can you please explain the concept behind this? Thank you so much. Also is there any other advice you want to give me since I am at the texting stage?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 6:25 am

it’s ok.. it’s not a hard rule..
what you need to keep in mind is the mystery and how you would keep her interested.. After what happened, yes she knows you still have feelings for her but you dont want her to think you’re chasing her.. dont be too avaialable.. be the one to end the conversation to end in high point and dont text all day.. if you always do that, it will become boring before you reach the calling phase
Harry

September 26, 2016 at 7:43 pm

Amor she finally called! I apologized and told her I was drunk and that it would never happen again. I also told her that I understand that she’s young and single and that I can’t help or control if she does kiss someone. That I will just have to be okay with it. She said yea and that we should just lead our own lives. I asked her if I can text and she said “why” and I said idk. I asked if she wants me to be in her life and that if we should remain in touch and she said, “why, what’s the point?” She found out I’m talking to a girl and that girl is her friend but not close friend, just friend. She said she was gonna tell that friend that she’s my ex. I said okay, idk why you need to do that but okay. I asked her if we have a future and she said idk. She just seemed like right now she doesn’t wanna talk but she’s afraid of me not talking to her again. I asked if I should leave her alone and she said “I mean no, idk! I just don’t want you thinking there’s something still there.” Should I talk to her? Text her? What should I do? I don’t want to do another no contact. Please help me Amor. I know she still cares about me because she was bothered by the fact that I talk to her distant friend. Please help
Harry

September 26, 2016 at 6:38 pm

Amor I tried calling her and she didn’t answer. I texted her asking her to call me back and she hasn’t replied at all! What should I do amor?!? Last night she said she didn’t love me anymore which is weird bc the time we spoke before she said she still loved me and missed me and wanted to kiss me! Idk what to do anymore. Please help!!
Harry

September 26, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Omg Amor I really messed up! Everything was going amazing yesterday! We were talking and everything. It was my birthday and I got pretty drunk with my friends. One of them idiots told me that my ex was making out with some guy at a random party! I felt so many emotions rushing inside my body that I called her many times to tell her that she lost me and that she fucked me over and I even texted her nasty stuff! It was the alcohol Amor!! Did I ruin my last chances of ever being with her?! What do I do amor? Please help me please!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:40 pm

Yeah, your chances took a hit but I think it’s not yet too late.. Apologize and then avoid that from happening again. You really have to make it seem that you’re moving on now but do not use any forward jealousy.
Harry

September 24, 2016 at 11:19 pm

Thank you for the advice Amor! So what should I do when she texts me for my birthday? And should I start slowly texting her more and more after that or should I still keep my distance?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 11:16 am

Thank her and then start a topic you can talk about. You need to build rapport, so that means you need to talk to her, just don’t be too available. If you had a good conversation today, leave it at that, and then continue it the next day or start a new topic again the next day and it’s important that you improve or maintain yourself. Go out with your friends too and be active in social media. Make her miss you by having fun in your own time, maintaining your own life, having fun conversations with her whenever you talk and maintaining your physical looks.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Hi Harry,
uhm.. not really. It’s going to push her away because it’s too forward. What you want is to make her feel to want to be with you again but that you’re not rushing her. Less words more action. Build rapport through text, don’t ask or demand to be back together. Keep improving yourself. Don’t tell her directly that you are pursuing this girl and things are going forward, yada, yada. You’ll sound like you’re purposely trying to make her jealous. Keep it a mystery. Like yeah, we’re talking, just getting to know like being friends and then end it at that. Build rapport slowly..

Jen

September 23, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Hi!
So my boyfriend and I just broke up 2 days ago. We broke up because I had lied to him about my ex calling me. So far he hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook yet, and he still has a picture of him and I for his default picture. We have been together for a year, but we have known each other for 6. We had split up before for a month because I lied to him about where I was at. (I went to my brothers to drink after my dad’s funeral and didn’t tell him.) He’s really big on honesty. We had a very serious relationship, lived together and everything. I explained to him that I was scared to tell him about my ex calling, thinking it would start a big fight, and that’s why I deleted it. He doesn’t understand and told me he’s given me too many chances and will never trust me again. I have always been faithful to him, I just made little mistakes. I really want another chance with him so I have started no contact. I don’t know what else to do… but I’m willing to do anything.

Harry

September 30, 2016 at 4:25 am

She’s replying to my texts though. Sometimes she’ll be really interesting and talk about her classes and stuff but lately she’s been being very neutral small responses. I’ve been ending the convos on the highest peak of the conversation by using only the disappearing act.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 10:39 am

nope..I mean texting her all day would be boring.. you dont have to do a full no contact but you need to spend more time on activities that can improve yourself.. How would she think you got tired of her if you’re always there? You have to show that you’re moving on and getting better and whenever you talk make it fun, flirty and short..

That way she would miss you, and can regret not being with you because you just keep getting better
Jen

September 25, 2016 at 2:41 pm

Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 3:37 pm

You’re welcome!
Jen

September 25, 2016 at 3:49 am

While I was grabbing the rest of my stuff today. We seemed to be talking good. He said he still loves me, he just doesn’t trust me. He also asked me for a hug and held me tight. I barely hugged him back and he seemed upset by this. I am just really confused. And after this interaction with him, he finally changed his profile pic, relationship status and deleted me, but didn’t block me. Do I still have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 9:33 am

Yes, it looks like you have a chance because of how he reacted with you. You should check this one:
How To Make An Ex Boyfriend Trust You Again
Jen

September 24, 2016 at 6:37 pm

No, I don’t live with him anymore
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 4:09 pm

Hi Jen,

do you still live with him now? If you do, you should check this:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Mary Louise

September 23, 2016 at 5:30 pm

Hi there,

I am wondering about my situation. My ex broke up with me 8 months ago. I did no-contact and we started communicating again in June. He was very curious about me and wanted to see me a lot. It seemed like things were going pretty well, he was a bit hot and cold, then I distanced my self and he came back, being really sweet and loving. Then he went abroad for a month and became distant. Instead of re-instating NC I was confused, and messaged him frequently asking why he was acting the way he was etc. He wasn’t even being mean, but I just felt he wasn’t paying me attention or calling me or wanting to skype. I went a little over the top, but when he came back he wanted to see me, but seemed a bit more distant one moment, but would then be really sweet the next. Finally he said he didn’t know if he could really be in a committed relationship now since a lot of things are changing in his life. I left town for a week after that and did not have cell service so did NC. When I returned home he wanted to see me straight away. There was still this hot and cold thing, we were sleeping together and spending time together because I thought we were moving into a relationship, but he kept pulling away. Then he started trying to provoke me by talking about other women friends, who i believe are really friends, but it seemed like a way to try to make me jealous. He kept talking about all his other friends who he was so grateful for, seemingly as a way to say he wasn’t grateful for me. I was really hurt and then he said he was just confused and didn’t know what he wanted so he was being mean. But then later when i cried he looked smug and uncaring, pretty indifferent. I said i needed some space because he was being so mean, but then later i called him a number of times and texted and he turned off his phone. i was in a state and he wouldn’t respond which made me feel even worse and send more messages. Finally he responded saying that he didn’t want a relationship right now and can not commit “at the moment”, and that he thinks we should not be talking so we can have time to move on and re-connect as friends. I tried to call him and he would not pick up. I responded in a message saying it made sense….But I’m not sure what to do? NC ?

Mary Louise

October 2, 2016 at 11:02 pm

Hi Amor….

More plot twists! So after he said he thought we should be friends and I agreed with him we should take space, and doing so, he started texting me every day, random things, recommending books or movies, and even to meet up. Like I said, didn’t make sense since we were supposed to be taking space. I got really upset by it because it seemed like he just wanted to see me suffer or something….Well I ran into him and his mom at a concert. It was really awkward. They motioned me over to stand near them and I just felt so awful. I really wish he hadn’t seen me as I think it was evident I wasn’t doing so well. I wanted to question him as to why he had been texting when we were supposed to take space, but since his mom was there I was trying to be polite. At the end of the concert some woman he knew came over and gave him a hug right in front of me. I know that they used to work together but it made me so mad. I think he could tell I was uncomfortable. I said I had to go, and said to him “nice to see you”. his mom hugged me but when i told him goodbye he didn’t reach out to hug me. it made me feel so awful, but I was also mad and I didn’t reach out to him. I felt like no contact was actually going well before this incident, because he had been texting and I just hadn’t been responding. But since i felt like he could see how annoyed and sad i looked in person that it backfired. So i sent him a message saying that I felt annoyed and frustrated because we had agreed to take space, and i felt like he was disrespecting that. And i said that was why i didn’t respond, because of that, not because i was being rude. And I said that was why i didn’t enjoy seeing him and his mom, because I need more breathing room and space and i don’t appreciate the texts. I also said i wished him well but i needed space. He responded and said “sounds good”………do you think I have any chance left? This is all so muddled and confusing. I will do NC….but do you think there is hope that he will come back again and start trying to get in touch?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 3:53 pm

it’s less.. and don’t answer his texts if you are in no contact.. unless it’s an emergency.. otherwise, you’re just helping him to slowly move on instead of leveraging this time while he’s still missing you.
Mary Louise

October 1, 2016 at 1:26 pm

Hi Amor,

Yeah that makes sense. i definitely don’t plan on sleeping with him again unless we are back together. he started texting me a lot, asking me to do things and recommending things for me to watch/do, in a very “friendly” way. it seemed a little weird, i tried to respond as little as possible, but he did ask some direct questions so i responded politely to those. i don’t understand. he said he just wanted to be friends, and that we needed space, then i agreed. then he started texting me almost every day? i’m really confused. I think i need space in order to feel attractive and good about myself again. but idk why he would say we really needed space and not answer my calls, and just wants to be friends, and then i agreed and now he keeps contacting me? it seems a little crazy
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 3:10 pm

HI Mary,

if you keep doing nc, in the long run it won’t work anymore. But it looks it’s still the better option now.. Don’t sleep with him again until you’re really back together

eva

September 23, 2016 at 11:11 am

Very stressed about my relationsip well ex relationship.

Weve been together for three years and its gone really well, I knew he loved me and really wanted me.

But this summer it started to fall apart. it definitelt started with me spending all my savings and using my student overdraft (id done it before) and I don’t think he was happy at all :/
really messed things up we are long distance so I couldn’t see him (he wanted me to pay my debt before seeing me) I was accepted into a china summer programme (and he lend me money- now paid back and debt free)

I also saw him again and he surprised me by visiting me up north, and I don’t think I appeared as happy as I shud have been I had my exam and super stressed. we had arguments after him saying he felt used etc…

ive been trying my hardest but yesterday we had a silly argument over nothing and he broke up with me 🙁
I begged him back and he was like too tired to talk and sad. and we ended it.
not sure what to :/

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 10:19 am

Hi Eva,
were you always arguing? If he’s really tired and then just give him space.. I think this one can help too:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

Cherry Chily

September 23, 2016 at 10:42 am

Hei! So, me and my boyfriend had been together for two and a half years. We were both each other’s first. This summer we travelled to Brasil to meet my family, he met my family for the first time. We had an amazing summer and were really happy. But when we came back his Mom got too involved in our relationship, requiring me to pay him back a good deal of the big amount of money he used up on the trip (he used way more than me on both of us). I agreed to it but I got really mad at him for allowing her to mix herself up in our relationship that much and for not talking to me himself, plus letting her say very humiliating things to me. The whole situation kept on escalating since he didn’t stand up against her, and at some point I had to tell her myself that it wasn’t her I was in a relationship with. She got very mad, didn’t wanna talk to me anymore… Called his Dad and etc. He stopped talking to me for a while, like a week, then we started talking again but had a fight about his parents once more at a wedding dinner I was working at. I ended up yelling at him and calling him childish in front of a lot of other people. He told me his Mom was thinking of starting a case against me with the police. I got very mad, and when she called him I kept on yelling on hte background that I wanted them out of my life. I realized I had overreacted, bought him flowers and etc. But he said it was “too little and too late”, and that it was over cause he had to think abou himself. Now his whole family knows about everything and thinks I’m a manipulative gold digger. After the breakup we met two days later when I dropped a gift to him at his job, I wasn’t supposed to meet him… We talked, kissed and he said he was trying to forgive me and etc. The day after he didn’t wanna talk to me anymore and was really mad… Cause he said the day before was proof of how I had been manipulating him for two and a half years. Around one and a half week later, he started talking to me again, we met 4 days on a row. On the 3rd day he kissed me cause he wanted to “test” our reactions to it… On total, by the end of the night we had kissed 4 times. He said he missed me and etc. But the day after when we were supposed to meet up with friends at the cinema, he asked to picked me up and said that he had made a decision that we had to be just friends with no kissing and etc. That he didn’t know if it would be like that forever, but that both his head and his heart were “foggy” and that he felt like a stone cause he didn’t know who he was anymore and he didn’t know what he felt… I cried the whole movie long. And when he dropped me at home, I kissed him and told him that I loved him and nearly begged him to forgive me and to just give us one chance to try again cause I couldn’t be just his friend. He left saying he would try. I sent him tons of pictures of us on Whatsapp and audios telling him how much he meant to me, so that he would listen to them and look at them while thinking… This was on sunday. On monday we talked a bit and at the end of the conversation I asked if he missed me and he said he didn’t know atm, and when I asked if I was bothering he said he didn’t know… That was the final drop for me and I decided to try NC, an hour and a half after I stopped answering he sent an emoji and I didn’t answer to that either. So he just stopped talking to me as well. Yesterday he met up with two friends of mine and said to both of them that it was being very hard for him as well but that he had made a decision of just being friends, even though he was very confused about his feelings… He said that there was too much in the past he wasn’t able to get over in orther to give us a new try. I don’t know what else to do, I have cried all night and all morning today. I miss him every minute of every single day. I don’t wanna see him move on and I don’t wanna move on either. I really want to win him back, and I know he still has feelings for me and loves me but everyone says that just isn’t enough. I’m up for changing and I have been changing. It’s been nearly 3 weeks since the breakup (on sunday). And we’re both 18, he’s turning 19 next month. What should I do? Should I keep on trying NC, and then contact him even though everyone says it’s stupid and I need to just let it go? He says he’s ready to be friends but that I’m not… Should I text him? Call? Try to be his friend now and build it back up from that? Do I even have a chance at all? Or should I wait with NC for 3/4 weeks and then get back in touch again, be friends and try to build it back up? Do you even think I have a chance at all? Specially with his whole family and some of his friends thinking and telling him that I’m a manipulative gold digger? Please answer, I don’t know what else to do! I love him so much!!

Cherry Chily

October 25, 2016 at 1:25 pm

The first message… Does it necessarily need to be a message? Or can it be a fb message, maybe a snap?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 26, 2016 at 6:47 pm

yep it can be a social media message 🙂
Cherry Chily

October 22, 2016 at 5:00 pm

I am… But I’m wondering if the things he’s posting could possibly mean anything…?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 23, 2016 at 6:32 pm

if they have meaning and it’s suppose to make you react or something, then that’s still good because why would he do that, if he doesnt care..but they probably dont have any other meaning, so dont overthink
Cherry Chily

October 20, 2016 at 11:09 am

Hey Amor, I don’t know if you remember me and my situation? Eitherway, I’m on day 31 of NC, and I’m starting to feel pretty hopeless. He hasn’t contacted me (maybe he thinks I’m mad at him by the way I started NC). But people keep on saying he is quite over me and very much on Tinder. I am very scared that he has found someone new, or many girls for that matter? I’m there myself to try to forget him and distract myself but his friend told me he thinks he is there because he isn’t interested in anyone. He started to use Tinder the day after the last time we spoke actually, maybe even before. His Mom has deleted me from FB, and last week he started posting things on Snapchat and Facebook very often. I had been keeping in touch with that friend of his and last monday he sent me a video of my ex laughing in class and etc. (He said he didn’t mean to send me that cause we had both agreed that it was best for me to not hear about him, but I wonder if that’s an excuse?). On monday (last week) my ex posted a picture of him watching a scary movie at someone else’s (I think I recognize it to be his buddie’s house), on tuesday he posted a picture of a calendar he drew himself saying he was starting on a new 30 day’s training challenge since he failed b4, and then on wednesday a picture of him sweating saying he was back from jogging. He never used to post these things before, and he didn’t really like people who posted training pictures either… On friday he posted a video singing to “I don’t wanna miss a thing” by Aerosmith with the song playing on the background in the car, apparently with his Mom driving… And then on Saturday he answered one of my friend’s snaps saying she was going to work at 06:45 saying he had just gotten back from town (he was out drinking… But why telling her that?) He was probably celebrating his birthday that happened on monday. All of my family and friend posted pictures on his FB wall congratulating him and etc, including pictures of us all together in the trip… But I didn’t say a word. And on Sunday evening he posted a picture on FB of a brazilian snack, that we ate there actually, but apparently he managed to get one here where we live…. And then he wrote the name in portuguese with hearts? Does that all mean anything? Or am I just illuding myself and insisting on a hopeless case? Cause I am starting to feel extremely hopeless. I was also wondering if I should let my friend invite him to the Halloween party we’re throwing on the 29th since that will be on day 40th of NC?

Best regards 🙁 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 22, 2016 at 11:13 am

focus in improving yourself instead… take it as a restart if he really moved on..and if that’s the case, he has to see that in you too for him to take a chance on being friends again… if that is your friend’s party, it’s ok to let them invite him..
Cherry Chily

September 27, 2016 at 9:24 am

He also said he didn’t want me to adapt to this new cold version of him because he needed me to be myself so that he could go back to being himself. But that was on friday, before the kiss on saturday and the decision on sunday… I started NC after I asked if he had been missing me and he answered idk, and asked if I was bothering and he also answered idk. Around one and a half hour after his last reply he sent an emoji, I guess to make me answer or something but I didn’t answer anymore… Since then we haven’t spoken. It just went a bit too hell last week when he met up with a friend we have in common and he said that he didn’t see us being more than friends… Then another common friend said the same thing, and that he had some things he wanted to deliver back and pick up at my place… As I said… Should I just give up? Even though he says his mind and heart are foggy he still made this decisions and said these things and the whole picture is very confusing… After this 2nd friend was at my place, he thanked this friend for taking care of me when I was crying and not understanding anything… And our friend said to him that he did it for me not for him, and that he really had to make up his mind… Then he answered that he had made up his mind, and that he didn’t want anything else but friendship… Even though he was having a hard time and the whole foggy thing… Idk! What should I do about this? What do you think is going on in his mind? Is it hopeless? Should I just give up?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 1:44 pm

No, on all situations.. Because you’re in nc.. You should listen to the podcast that I’m linking on why you shouldn’t greet and send a birthday present. He’s confused. That’s normal. Try doing no contact first before giving up. Focus in improving and healing yourself for 45 days..
Cherry Chily

September 27, 2016 at 9:18 am

Oh yes and, last saturday (ot 3 days ago but the one before that) he kissed me. Then on sunady he said he had made a decisionn that we should only be friends because he didn’t wanna confuse himself more nor hurt me. And he also said that he had regreted the kiss. Although he seemed pretty into it on saturday like I told you before… His friends say he seem pretty serious and determined about his decision of staying friends and I am very unsure about if this means I should just give up…? They also said he just seems like he want to get this “Awkard part” over with. He said to me on Saturday that the kiss felt good/normal, as if we had been in a relationship again… But he had also been syaing all the time we had been talking that his mind and his heart felt foggy, that he didn’t know who he was nor what he felt. That he just felt cold inside like a stone. But when he’s on and off, then idk… If he’s mind and heart are foggy then, how can he still regret the kiss and decide to just be friends? Does that mean I should give up and take his decision and his friend’s word as a final word?
Cherry Chily

September 27, 2016 at 9:02 am

I think these are the last questions I have… It’s been 8 days since I started NC, but apparently he’s having a party in around 10 days that I might be invited to… Many of my friend r going… Should I go? And hee’s birthday is coming up pretty soon… Around the 31st day of NC… Should I send a message? I thought of dropping a gift at his job… Should I do that as well or should I do that at all? And should I continue with the other 15 days of NC after that or should I just start talking to him aroung/on his b-day? I guess my question is generally what I should do on these two situations coming up soon… :/
Cherry Chily

September 26, 2016 at 1:53 pm

P.s. Should I do more or less than 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:56 pm

I think you should do at least 45 days.
Cherry Chily

September 26, 2016 at 12:53 pm

Is there anything else I should do besides from (or meanwhile) NC? Or should I do something specific after NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:33 pm

Yes, you should continue the routine that you will start during nc. Be consistent in having your own life apart from your ex and don’t rush things after nc.
Cherry Chily

September 26, 2016 at 8:44 am

I have also told them that I can’t be friends and everything else. It’s just that looking at the situation as a whole it would not have been correct for ME to apologize. It’s really not out of ego, I swear, it’s just that they think I have done things I haven’t. How can I apologize for things I didn’t really do? The only part I sincerely regret was the yelling when he was on the phone with her while I was working however, I had already taken so much from his family, so much judgement and humiliation that when he said what she had said about me… Then I couldn’t take it anymore. I was the one to offer help in the first place but no one even mentions that, they just say it as if I had taken money from him and refused myself to help which was never true. I have always treated his family with very much respect, and I only said what I said after had been yelled at in front of my house for minutes without saying a word… In fact the first thing I said was that I wasn’t comfortable with any of this and that I didn’t wanna hurt her (his Mom’s) feelings. I was called childish, accused of things and still… That was all I said. When I put myself on his place I would’ve set an end to it a long time ago, I would never even have let it get so far. I just wish he would realize that and explain the truth to his family, because I understand their anger towards what they think they know… But when that isn’t true and no one bothers to give a chance to explain myself… Then it’s impossible. Thank you for replying <3
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 12:43 pm

Well, you apologized to his father, that’s the same. The apology is to help you influence the way they think about you. You already did it, so that’s good.
Cherry Chily

September 26, 2016 at 8:17 am

I am not completely sure I should apologize to her because she had already been rude a big amount of times. And by escalating I mean, she even went to my house when he was there and accused me of taking money from him. I don’t feel like I owe HER an apology, but him yes and I have apologized a thousand times at least. I never did anything towards her but after everything she did I had to say something. I sent flowers to his Dad and apologized about ever getting in between their relationship and I have asked him to talk to his grandparents about it because their conception of this situation is very far from the reality. And I always agreed on paying back. In fact, I offered him help paying off the bills while we still were on the trip, and he said no. He said that we would rather talk about it once we had gotten back home. I have already started nc a week ago, after apologizing tons of times to him. But neither me nor my family or friend feel like it would be correct of me to apologize to his Mom, because they created the situation in the first place and constantly accused me og things I didn’t do.
Cherry Chily

September 23, 2016 at 10:57 am

P.S.: The thing he said about having made a decision on just being friends and that he can’t get over the past has been freaking me out and making me cry and feel hopeless. Everyone said he was very serious and determined about his decision and that I just need to get off denial. I’m just wondering if this is normal? For him to react like that? Or if maybe his decision can be changed…? Even though he’s determined. As I said, I’m desperate about it… But just be, brutally honest. We had a great relationship but fought basically every day on the last months.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 10:13 am

Hi Cherry Chilly,

Imagine yourself in his position. It’s hard right? You face the people who hate your girlfriend every single day and you can’t argue because they’re right. You’re girlfriend did something very disrespectful to them and you can’t blame them even if you know your girlfriend probably didn’t mean it.

First, I think you need to say a sincere apology to his family and then try to pay off whatever you can pay off. Yes, you were right that his mom shouldn’t have done what she did. That he should have been the one who talked to you, but because of how you reacted, it doesn’t matter that much now. All everybody can see is that you were disrespectful and you’re not a good influence.

But I think you can still redeem yourself. You’re young. Still immature, so use that to explain yourself. It doesn’t matter now who’s wrong or right. What matters is you make up for what you did. Set your ego aside because being proud is immature. Say a sincere apology first and tell them it was out of being immature. And then don’t try to get back with your boyfriend right after that.
Take it slow. They will probably think you’re just apologizing to get your bf back. So prove them wrong. Don’t do it yet. Get their trust back first. Just be friends with your ex.

Say your apology, and then do no contact with your ex. Before doing nc, tell him you can’t manage being friends with him for a while and you need space to heal and when you’re ready, you’ll reconnect and then do nc. It’s ok to talk to his mom during nc. Just as long it’s nothing about trying to get help from his mom or anyone in his family to get him back. Just make it about the apology and making up. Do it with dignity. Be formal and respectful.

and then after nc, slowly rebuild rapport.

Eunice

September 22, 2016 at 9:55 pm

Hi, we just broke up one week ago. I am 20 and he is 22, we have been on and off for several times. Me and my boy friend together for 6 months. We have been quarrelled all the time and people say we just don’t meant to be together. But we do have a lot of sweet memories. Last Thursday, he came to my house, we have a big argument again because of he doesn’t want to continue his studies and I’m not agree with it. Therefore we broken up because of this. He blocked me from all the application such as whatsapp, facebook, snapchat. I have no any way to contact him. Thus I use my dad’s phone to text him 5 days after we broke up, he ask me to stop wasting his time and said he is happy with his life without me now. I’m sad. But he did not change all his social media profile picture, he is still using the picture of both of us. I really want him back… What should I do?

Eunice

September 23, 2016 at 6:35 pm

Yes and I am already doing the NC now. But what I’m worried about how he still blocked me after NC… then i will have no way to contact him…
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 3:32 pm

If you’re still blocked after nc, that means you need to extend it.. Focus more in improving yourself during nc.. If he sees you have moved on and that you’re not going to try to chase him anymore, there’s a higher chance he will unblock you
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 5:36 pm

Hi Eunice,

What about the advice above? Are you going to try it? Are you going to do no contact?

Lisa James

September 21, 2016 at 9:53 am

I was with my ex for nearly 4 years. The power balance in our relationship was always with me, with hindsight I can see that was a problem now. He always wanted us to live alone without flatmates and I always said I wasn’t ready, he would bring up marriage and I would bat it away and I knew that upset him. He would get quite jealous and although I never had any flirtations with anyone let alone cheated on him I know I didn’t ever reassure him as much as I could have, I was always holding back and he never was. He was away on work a lot and I had a lot on and was very independent and took him for granted I think, thinking he would always be there. At the start of this year I told him I was moving out, that needed space, he was devastated and tried to convince me to stay, I refused and went ahead with the move. He tried to re-start the relationship for a couple of months but I kept on the back foot saying I wasn’t ready and being quite un-committal. Eventually he broke up with me saying it was the only thing left to try and that he felt I didn’t want to be with him. After a week I realised how devestated I was and contacted him but he had found a new flat and was in a different head space. We chatted on the phone and he said the power imbalance in our relationship had always been off (in my favor) and what really has changed etc. We didn’t meet up. I then sent him a letter saying what had changed for me and how I was seeing things now and that I want him back and sorry for what I have put him through. He text me and said thank you and that it gave him lots to think about. He then went on holiday for three weeks and I got completely obsessive about him, I manage to text him just twice and call him twice while he was away. Again saying how sorry I was and that I wanted him back, He responded very kindly and I took hope in phases like “it’s not a mess” and “use this time rather than just panicking” and that he said he loved me etc. When he got back I texted him and he text back genral chat, when I asked to meet up he didn’t reply. I called him three days later and asked if I could come over and see him, I said it didn’t have to be everything, just seeing him. I went over, we had sex and were being normal and like a couple and everything, in the morning I was being very normal bringing up the future as if we would be back together a couple of times. We went for breakfast and when I went to hold his hand he moved it away slightly which I clocked but later we held hands etc as normal. He asked if we could not talk about it today and just enjoy today and I said ok. We had a lovely normal day and hung out until late evening and I asked him to stay at mine and he said he better not and that we would meet later in the week to discuss things. We left on great terms and I text saying it was great to see him and he text saying the same, I asked if he needed help with some work he was doing the next day and he said that his friend would probably be helping him but he would let me know. We texted the following day. The day after that he texted me a photo of something he was doing at 11am and I forgot to text back until 7pm, me not texting back is something that always upset him so this was not a good thing to have done. I texted him a few days later about this meet up and he said he was busy it was his friends BBQ, I made a bit of a fuss saying I had cancelled plans and was this not important to him, not what he wanted and suddenly he said that this chat was about us discussing hvaing broken up rather than about us getting back together and he was insulted that I wasn’t taking him breaking up me seriously. He said he felt like he had been standing still going mad all this time and everytime there is hope we are getting back together it messes with his brain. That night, in the midddle of the night I turned up at his flat, he gave me a hug, told me he loved me, let me sleep in his bed but in the morning said that we are broken up and that is it. I tried to contact him the next night and asked to meet up he said he didn’t think it was a good idea. The next morning I called him and asked to meet up, we had a long chat, I told him he was the love of my life, he said he had always thought I was and now something had shifted and he didn’t feel like that anymore, that he hadn’t been happy and that he never thought I was really in it for the long haul. I begged him and said it would be different but he stuck by it and got angry and said that he was insulted I wasn’t taking it seriously and that I hadn’t given him a second while he was on holiday or since he had come back. I said i would stop contacting him now and he said ok, although there was a pause in his voice before he said ok. I dropped a moving in present off at his flat with a note saying I had bought it earlier and still wanted him to have it. Three days later he texted to say thank you and I replied saying I was glad he liked it. two weeks later I called him in the night and he didn’t pick up and text him and he didn’t reply. Three days ago I asked him to meet face to face and said I am going traveling and wanted to chat before I go, he replied saying he would be up for that and with casual chatty conversation. I have brought up traveling before and said I would not go if he wanted me to stay and he has said I should go. My friend is flying in 9 days, if I am going that is when I need to go but I am not meeting my ex until Friday (today is Wednesday) I am going MAD without him being in the same city as him and am hugely down and sad so going away seems like a good idea but I also know that our main issue is me not committing so I don’t want to add more fuel to the fire by leaving at this crucial point. My friends and family are all telling me to go because they believe it is over and they are worried about me and think I need space but I want to do everything I can to save this relationship and if that means bearing being in the city longer then I would do it. I am really stuck about this. What do you think I should do?? not going would be needy and seem weak and unattractive but going might give him more space to move on from me???

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 7:44 am

Hi Lisa,

you’re giving committment at the wrong time now.. He already made a decision and your actions doesn’t convey commitment, it conveys disrespect and contradiction to him.. Listen to him.. That’s what he has been saying.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 9:12 am

yeah it is really easier said than done..but with what you said right now, it looks like he just like the feeling somebody that is into him and he wants to keeo it in that way only

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