By Chris Seiter

Updated on May 6th, 2019

On February 4th, 2004 the way we looked at relationships forever changed.

What happened on that date?

Well, a little site by the name of Facebook was launched and with Facebook came three little words that are vitally important to relationships, even today.

What are those words?

“In A Relationship”

It’s funny how these three little words can sometimes define relationships. I always used to say that relationships weren’t truly official until both couples updated their Facebook statuses to reflect it and I still kind of believe it.

I want to do something fun here for a moment.

Close your eyes and think of the three happiest, cutest or strongest couples you know.

Have you thought of them?



Ok, now I want you to look those couples up on Facebook and see if their relationship status is either,

A.In A Relationship


B.Married To…

I am willing to bet that all three of those couples Facebook statuses reflect their “official” status.

Ok, now that you have thought of the best couples you could think of I want you to take another moment to think of the worst couples.

Do you think that these couples have their Facebook profiles updated to reflect that they are in a relationship?

Some might but some might not.

The point of this fun little exercise is simple, it’s to show you that there actually is a correlation between happy couples and happy Facebook relationship statuses and unhappy couples and a lack of a Facebook relationship status.

What’s The Purpose Of This Page?

This page is pretty self explanatory.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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What we are trying to accomplish here is to understand why your ex boyfriend won’t update his Facebook profile to reflect the fact that you two are officially in a relationship.

Now, this particular situation can occur in two separate ways.

  1. Before you two were broken up and when you two were clearly dating he wouldn’t update his Facebook status to reflect that fact. (Before The Breakup)
  2. You two have gotten back together after a breakup but he won’t update his Facebook relationship status. (After The Breakup)

Obviously the purpose of this page is to give you extreme insight into why he refuses to update his Facebook status in both of these situations but I don’t feel comfortable diving into that until I first highlight why I think it is such an important thing for a couple to do for one another.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Why The “In A Relationship” Status On Facebook Matters A Lot

relationship status meme

Imagine we are studying two couples.

For the purposes of this article we are going to call them (Couple A) and (Couple B.)

(Couple A) – Has changed their Facebook statuses to reflect the fact that they are in a relationship with one another.

(Couple B)- Neither member has changed their Facebook statuses to reflect the fact that they are in a relationship with one another.

One thing we can assume right off the bat is that (Couple A) is never going to have to worry if the other person is committed to them 100% like (Couple B) will.

What do I mean by that?

It’s quite simple really.

Changing your Facebook status to “In A Relationship” is like standing on top of a table in the middle of a crowded room and screaming at the top of your lungs,


Look, I have been a single guy before and I know that any time I would be interested in someone the first thing I would do is go to Facebook to check and see if they were in a relationship or not. If I did find out that they were in a relationship then I knew not to pursue that person.

So, lets pretend that a single girl out there is prowling Facebook for a boyfriend and she stumbles across the (Couple A Male’s) profile and learns that he is in a relationship. Well, then that single girl is most likely going to determine that this particular guy is not for her.

In other words, by changing your Facebook status to in a relationship you are lowering the chances that you are going to be pursued by single people which as I am sure you are aware is never a good thing if you are in a relationship.

What do I mean by that?

Well, lets take a look at the same situation happening to the male in (Couple B.) Remember, (Couple B) has not changed their Facebook status to say that they are in a relationship with one another.

So, here comes this single girl on to the male in (Couple B’s) Facebook profile and she determines that he is not in a relationship. So, rather than moving on like she did with (Couple A) she decides to pursue the male in (Couple B.)

Now, I don’t know about you but it is never a good thing when your man is constantly getting hit on by other women in a relationship.

This is how cheating often occurs.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The male in (Couple B) starts some harmless flirting with the single woman who contacted him through Facebook. Eventually that harmless flirting turns into a friendship where he vents about his girlfriend. Pretty soon he starts to develop feelings for the single woman and then that’s when the unthinkable happens, cheating occurs.

So, the point I am trying to make here is that since (Couple B) didn’t update their Facebook statuses to reflect the fact that they were in a relationship with one another they are almost inviting this kind of thing to happen.

Now, I basically just highlighted an extreme case there but take it from someone who has seen a lot with regards to this kind of stuff.

Those three little words, in a relationship, matter quite a bit when it comes to Facebook.

So, now that you understand why updating your status matters lets try to understand why men feel the need to not update it.

Lets start with before your breakup.

Why Your Ex Wouldn’t Update His Status Before The Breakup

facebook status nerd

Lets hop in a time machine for a moment and go back to that beautiful time where you and your ex boyfriend first started dating.

Do you remember that time?

All the happy moments…

All the laughing…



Everything was perfect with the two of you except one major thing. Your boyfriend refused to update his Facebook status. Now, this kind of hurts you because you made a conscious effort to update your status hoping that he would follow suit. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the hint.

Eventually you start to become so fed up that you decide to take hold of the situation and confront him about it.

You tell him that you think it’s important that he update his Facebook status for the sake of your relationship. You tell him that you did it for him so it’s only fair that he does it for you.

His response to this point is a typical,

“Facebook is dumb. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is how we feel about each other and that’s it.”

So, what is really going on in his head here?

Are there truth to his words or is it just some line he thought up so he can string you along?

The Timing Of The Status Update

Believe it or not but in this case timing really does matter.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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When I look at the beginning stages of a relationship I think of something that is very unstable.

There are a lot of ups and downs.

Take the graph below for example,

Screen Shot 2015-01-06 at 11.20.16 PM

Pretend that this graph represents your relationship with your boyfriend at the beginning stages of your relationship.

Notice how this graph is very up and down.

Point A: Lets say that you just had an amazing date where he asked you to be his girlfriend.

Point B: Lets say that after a few days he didn’t call or text.

Point C: Lets say that here you went on another date and got him to kiss you for the first time.

Point D: You are wondering why the heck he won’t change his Facebook status to reflect that he is in a relationship with you.

My point of taking you through this exercise is that things aren’t always smooth at the beginning of a relationship where you are trying to create a spark with someone. The last thing that man wants to do is make the mistake of calling you his girlfriend and then find you smooching his best friend. The beginning of a relationship is unstable because not enough intimacy, trust or rapport has been built yet.

So, the point of me writing this section is to kind of inform you that you need to manage your expectations at the very beginning of a relationship.

Now, with that being said there is going to come a point where if he hasn’t updated his status on Facebook there isn’t going to be any excuse from him.

When will that point arrive?

If in one month of the two of you officially calling each other “boyfriend and girlfriend” and he hasn’t updated his Facebook to reflect that fact then you have my permission to trigger the apocalypse.

Why Would He Not Want To Update His Facebook Status?

Lets say that it’s been a month of you dating your boyfriend and he still hasn’t updated his Facebook status.

What the heck is going on in that head of his?

Well, as it turns out there are quite a bit of reasons that he may not want to update his Facebook status. I am going to do my best to cover them all for you.

Reason #1- He Really Doesn’t Care About Facebook


I have this friend who I have known for about three years now. He is a bit of an introvert and though he is not technologically impaired he doesn’t really log on to Facebook that much. Seriously, as I am writing this I went to his Facebook page to see if he has posted anything recently.

He hasn’t…

Seriously, this is what his wall looks like,

Screen Shot 2015-01-06 at 11.41.32 PM

Essentially what this means is that he hasn’t logged into Facebook in so long that Facebook literally has nothing to show for his Facebook wall.

So, tell me something.

Do you really think that someone who logs into Facebook once a month is going to be concerned with updating his Facebook status to say “in a relationship?”

Something tells me he won’t.

Reason #2- He Is Playing Facebook Chicken


You have heard of that game chicken right?

Ever seen footloose?


Geez, am I getting old already?

Basically chicken is this game where two cars race towards each other as fast as they can and the first one to swerve out of the way loses. Now, imagine that happening with your boyfriend except instead of using a car he is using Facebook.

In other words, the first person to change their status on Facebook to say “in a relationship” loses.

Why would he do this?

Because men are weird?

No, it all goes back to his need for power. He needs to feel that you care for him so much that you will do it before he does.

Reason #3- He Doesn’t Want Anyone To Know You Are Dating


Lets imagine that the two of us are dating and I won’t update my Facebook status to say “in a relationship.”

I don’t have any of the normal “couple pictures” even though we have taken plenty and every time you confront me about it I simply blow it off and say,

“Why are you making such a big deal about this?”

Now, I don’t know about you but I personally think that, that paints me in a very bad light.


Because there is absolutely no evidence that we are dating at all anywhere on my social profile. If you look through my pictures I don’t have any pictures of us. If you look through my statuses my status says “single” as opposed to maybe me just leaving things blank.

What’s to stop other girls from hitting on me?

The Answer – NOTHING!

Oh, and that’s the way I like it.

(Not in real life.)

Put yourself in my shoes for a moment. I have a beautiful girlfriend in you but I can also try to get as many women as I can on the side.

It’s unfortunate but some men do think like this.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Why Your Ex Won’t Update His Status After Getting Back Together

Now that you have a pretty decent idea of why an ex boyfriend would want to hold off on updating that status on Facebook lets take a look at another complex Facebook situation.

Why an ex won’t want to update his Facebook profile after you have won him back after a breakup.

The thing you have to keep in mind here is the fact that navigating the social media landscape of Facebook after a breakup is kind of tricky.


Probably because of this,


Everyone who was connected to you via Facebook was informed of your breakup and as I am sure you have realized by now, not all of your friends and family were 100% supportive of your relationship to begin with.

(Just trust me on this.)

So, making your grand re-entrance as a couple on Facebook might be kind of scary for him.

Why Might He Won’t Re-Update His Facebook Status?

status not diary

There are actually quite a few reasons for why your ex boyfriend doesn’t want to update his status if you were to get him back. I intend to do my best to outline them all below.


Reason #1- Things Aren’t Quite Like How They Used To Be Yet

not the same

Now, the first thing you have to understand is that when you start over with your ex boyfriend for a second time around things are going to be kind of awkward for a little while. The two of you are still trying to get to a place where you feel comfortable with each other again (like you did in the past) and adding in the pressure of a Facebook update might be a little too much at this juncture.

I am going to use myself as an example here.

I hate awkward situations.

In fact, I hate them so much that I will literally do anything to try to dispel them so I don’t get that gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach that something is wrong.

I know that if I were to just get into a new relationship with an ex of mine I would definitely not feel comfortable putting “in a relationship” on my Facebook profile until I was sure this was going to be a more permanent thing. Things are just too awkward at the beginning.

I mean, most guys are going to sit there and think to themselves, “I wonder how long we are going to last,” after just getting back with an ex.

Again, it’s kind of an awkward situation to be in.

Reason #2- It’s A Facebook Status Stand Off Between Him And You

(We talked about this above and here it makes a reappearance.)


As many of you probably know, I got married last year.

When I think back to who updated their Facebook status first I am kind of proud to admit that it was me who initiated it first.


Because I am aware of the fact that sometimes when you get two stubborn people who date each other you get a Facebook status stand off.

What is a Facebook status update stand off?

I’m glad you asked!

Facebook Status Stand Off– A term that describes what happens when a man refuses to update his Facebook status until the woman does and the woman refuses to update her Facebook status until the man does.

So, basically how this works out is that after getting back with you your ex boyfriend is going to think to himself,

“I am definitely not updating my status to say “in a relationship” until she updates hers.”

Of course, you being the incredibly stubborn person you are say the same exact thing to yourself.

What ends up happening is both members of the relationship begin to get annoyed at each other because no one breaks down and updates their Facebook status.

Reason #3- He Doesn’t Want To Deal With The Fallout Of Friends And Family Knowing

hate me

This is an especially interesting one.


Because it kind of perfectly pertains to this situation.

Look, everyone takes sides when a breakup occurs. Your family rushes to your side and his family rushes to his.

The same goes with friends. His friends rally to his side and your friends to yours.

Now, if there is one thing on this earth that will make people say or do mean things it’s a breakup. Usually you think of the people involved in the breakup when you think of this but in most cases it also extends outside of it too.

For example, years ago my exes friends prank called me for three days straight and eventually came to my house and poured mustard all over my car.

Now, I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous and like I am making it up but I promise you it really happened.

(Fun Side Note: It rained later that day so I didn’t even have to clean my car. Joke was on them I guess!)

Anyways, my point is simple. Your ex boyfriend knows and understands that your friends and family probably said or did mean things to him during the breakup and making a relationship re-official on Facebook might rub some of these people the wrong way.

Reason #4- He Claims “He Doesn’t Want Anyone Knowing His Business”


Your ex boyfriend claims he doesn’t want anyone knowing his business, eh?

Ok, well I am going to interject my personal opinion on this one.

In my professional opinion I think this is a statement that makes absolutely no sense at all.

Allow me to explain.

Facebook is without a doubt one of the most “business shouting” type sites there is.

For example, what is the very first thing that you are greeted with when you log in to Facebook?

A news feed, right?

Basically this feed that keeps you up to date on what your friends are doing. I mean, isn’t the point of having a Facebook is so you can connect with your friends so you can know their business and they can know yours?

If someone truly didn’t want anyone to know their business they wouldn’t even have a profile on Facebook. In fact, the very act of making a Facebook profile ensures that everyone who is connected to you will indeed know your business.

Thus, I fail to see the point that some men try to make when they use this phrase.

Yep, even this one is beyond me.

Do you think you can help me crack what they mean when they say this?

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79 thoughts on “Why An Ex Boyfriend Won’t Make Your Relationship On Facebook Official”

  1. Sammy

    October 29, 2021 at 2:05 pm

    Hiii, a guy has a crush on me and we have been chatting and getting to know each other for a month, and he is once in a while on facebook to update his dp. Recently i came across his FB account and saw it said “in a relationship” i asked him about it but he says he’s single and that he don’t know how to change it which is obviously a lie, what is he going at why is he pretending he don’t know how to change? Could he be scared to let his fb friends know he broke up? he said his ex cheated on him and is dating his best friend now, so don’t know whats happening with him?

  2. Brittany

    September 15, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    Chris/Support Team:
    Can anyone give me a little bit of insight on the reverse situation? My ex and I were in an LDR, but he was stressed and overwhelmed about starting a new life back home, finding housing and jobs, etc. The fights over the future led to him saying he needed to be alone, needed to focus on himself and what he wants, set up his life, and how we weren’t strong enough to handle a big step like moving together (Canada/US move) based on the conversations that were happening. We are currently on day 11 of NC since the day of the breakup, and he left our relationship status up on Facebook.

    Is the only legitimate reason for this the fact that he doesn’t want to have to explain the breakup to his friends/family? Is it possible it could mean more; that he might still be open to getting back together, and doesn’t want to take it down prematurely? Is it something else entirely? He tried to make it clear during the breakup that his mind about us was made up, but I know the decision was more based on situational difficulties than personal issues between us.

    Every day I keep thinking it’s going to come down, but he hasn’t changed it. I don’t really know what I should do. I don’t feel comfortable taking it down myself when the break up was his idea, but it won’t look like I’m moving on if I leave it up. For the moment I just changed it from public to seen only by friends, so it’s not at the top of my profile. Any advice would really be appreciated!


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 10:09 am

      HI Brittany,

      more likely because the break up hasn’t sinked into him yet..

  3. Confused

    April 5, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    What about the instances were you date someone for years and they never change the Facebook status but as soon as you break up two weeks later they put up their new bf or gf and change the status?? That never made sense to me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 7, 2017 at 6:38 pm

      can be just to piss you off..

  4. Lee

    January 11, 2017 at 8:18 am

    Hi, I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and 3 months. We had ups and downs in the relationship. I broke up with him after being together for 1 year 8 months because he didn’t take anything seriously. I did the NC rule but it lasted for 2 weeks only and i called him. We got back together but we broke up again after 3 weeks because i suspected that he was cheating on me since i called him this one time and he didn’t say anything the whole night which was unusual for us. I did the NC for 30 days and he came back and told me his life is not the same without me and he loves me. During our last month he was asking me to move in with him but i said i will think about it. Then he went back home for the holidays and left me at his apartment as i was lazy to go to mine. I was left with his laptop and when he was formatting his phone he said everything there and he didn’t know there were pictures of him and other girls kissing and hanging which he took during our first breakup. I was shocked because i asked him if there was someone during that time and he said no. There was nothing from the time we made up but just pictures of me and him. I was angry that he lied in my face and I broke up with him. he asked if he can contact me and i said no but i didn’t show him that i was angry as we said our goodbyes. I went to a concert days later and i came across his friend. I hanged out with a lot of guys there but i am not sure if his friend saw that. Now when i went to facebook i saw that he now has a girlfriend and they tell each other how much they love one another and how happy they are. He moved on in less that a week. We had a long distance relationship and it is the same with him and his new girl.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2017 at 1:27 pm

      Hi Lee,

      she’s probably a rebound..just like the other girls in your former break ups..

  5. Laurah

    January 10, 2017 at 4:31 pm

    My boyfriend, who was once my ex, has been back with me since September, we’re living together in the apartment we got before he left me the first time…he’s talking about wanting me to have a baby, marriage, etc. But he REFUSES to change his Facebook status to in a relationship with me!!! He gives many of the above examples in the article like it’s no one’s business what I’m doing, why is it such a big deal to you? I don’t want to talk about this right now, stop all you ever want to do is serious talk…blah blah blah. One of his more recent comments was “it’s not like it shows I’m single on my profile though”, and it doesn’t because he has that information set to “only me” on his page so no one can see it. But with all the temporary girls he got with before coming back to me he always had in a relationship with them up. And if you’ve moved all your stuff in, talking about babies and marriage, it doesn’t sound like he’s keeping his options open to leave again….so why in the heck won’t make us Facebook official and quit fighting me on it?!?!? He shuts down with any type of confrontation, angry or sweet, I can’t get him to change it or give me a REAL reason why he wont. Please HELP!!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2017 at 11:15 am

      Hi Laurah,

      is he an active social media user? if it’s not really a big deal for him, its just normal that he will not update it and if you two has been fighting over it, pride can also be a reason why he isn’t.. aside from that is he acting like he’s dating others?

  6. Mia

    November 22, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago but still hasn’t changed his Facebook status from being in a relationship with me. He recently told me he misses me and is rethinking his decision to end our relationship. Do you think he hasn’t updated it on Facebook because he is genuinely unsure he made the right decision and doesn’t want to announce our break up to the world until he knows for sure what he wants? Very curious as it has been 8 weeks since we broke up….

    1. Mia

      November 24, 2016 at 11:00 pm

      He has been away for a few weeks for army training, but before he left he told me he wanted to see me and talk to me when he gets back. It will have been 10 weeks since he broke up with me by the time he gets back and I really want to talk to him about our relationship but at the same time I don’t want to scare him away. We have been kind to each other throughout the break up and I miss him and love him a lot. He broke up with me because he said he wanted to “do his own thing” but after a few weeks (after I did “no contact”) he told me he isn’t sure that he made the right decision. We had a loving, caring and respectful relationship for over two years and it will be such a shame to waste it but I don’t want to scare him away so now I am unsure when he gets back whether I should just keep hanging out with him in a relaxed and fun way or whether I should bring up the topic of our relationship? I don’t want to ruin any chances of us getting back together because we had the most amazing relationship and I think he is just going through a phase where he got scared of commitment (we are only in our early 20s).

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 27, 2016 at 10:01 am

      have fun, build rapport first, when rapport and attraction is built, then that’s when you talk about the relationship. Do it at a time when he’s in the best mood and in person.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2016 at 6:41 pm

      Hi Mia,

      it can be.. Since he also says he misses you

  7. Natalie

    November 6, 2016 at 3:56 am

    My husband left me last week and moved in with a guy from work…
    A fight started because I wasn’t feeling well an he wasn’t even paying attention to me or cuddle with me before his friends came to drink at out house and I WAS NAKED.. WTF?! His friends come I go in the bed room, originally to put on clothes. Then when he was having a harsh tone and threw my clothes in the bed room I just laid in bed and cried. His friends have to go get some juice for the base of the alcohol he comes in the room and notices I’m crying. He asked what was wrong I said I felt he didn’t care because I would’ve told my friends I’m going to chill with him till he falls asleep and then come out and he got mad said I’m not dealing with this and left the and said I thought your goofy ass was coming to the living room.. I cried for HOURS and he didn’t even check on me once.. Then I hear things getting wrapped up.. I get dressed and leave I took his phone and it looks like his friend sent him nudes so I sent the images to myself. I come back he takes his phone and said oh you’re looking for something you won’t find I asked were those pictures of her? He said I’m not going though this with you and left the room I asked him to leave. Then he left with a girl that was there (he says to drop her off).. Then I put his stuff on the couch and sent his best friend’s husband’s family the images (he should know his wife’s body)… She messaged him saying I ruined her life and blocked him from everything. He said he was done and slept in the car. The next day he said I’m going to take baby skating I said thanks for inviting me, he said you never let me get there.. Then we had a 5 hour argument trying to come to a resolution he left and when he came back his friends were there and he moved out. He told me I can’t let things go (he moved in with a girl he had been on and off with since 2014 this January came back in April AFTER I slept with someone else), we can’t come to an agreement and that I ruined his best friend’s life.. he said he knows he was wrong and he will ALWAYS admit he was wrong but he’s done. He loves me enough to let me go…

    He still has us as married on Facebook. He text me on Monday:
    Him: Good Afternoon, Did you send baby in her Halloween Costume?
    Me: Hi, yes I did
    Him: Oh, ok just making sure.
    Me: Yup:
    Him: How are you?
    Me: Good how are you
    Him: Good
    Me: Nice, Happy to hear that.
    Him: Yeah, but I’ll let you know when I get settled in somewhere.
    I didn’t text back, he KNEW that would crush me…
    Then on Facebook he still has us as married and he messaged a guy friend and told him he was getting a divorce because I can’t let the past go and we can’t agree on anything, he also said he’s only going to fight for summer visitation of our daughter… That night he tagged me in a post on Facebook that said: The worst this a woman can do to a man trying to change for the better is keep reminding him of his past. I still ignored him.

    Tuesday he text me:
    Him: Hey
    I ignored him.

    Then he liked the following statuses I posted Wednesday:
    1. A man will only put in work for a woman he really wants.
    2. The most beautiful part of loving a guarded girl is this: When she lets you in, it’s not because she needs you. She stopped needing people a long time ago, it’s because she wants you. And that – that is the purest love of all.
    3. The more chances you give someone the less respect they’ll have start to have for you. They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you have because they’ll know another chance will always be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.
    4. (A Meme from Tyler Perry’s: the girl cheats on her husband and gets aids). Caption: and aids… don’t forget aids cuz yal forgot to put aids on the photo and you gets aids too..
    The photo says The Karma you get for F***ing over a good person is the asshole you end up with.
    5. Listen, I’m a nice person so if I’m an asshole to you, you need to ask yourself why.
    6. Being intimate isn’t just about sex, sometimes the best intimacy is when you lay together, just laugh and enjoy each others company.
    He commented saying: Hell yeah.

    Later Wednesday he text me saying:
    Him: Hi
    Him: How’s baby (2 hours later)
    Me: She’s great
    Him: That’s good took you long enough to reply lol
    I stopped messaging him.

    Thursday he text me:
    Him: How’s our baby
    Me: She’s awesome
    Him: Well that’s good.
    I looked in his messages and I see he messaged a childhood friend:
    Him: Hi
    Her: How’s life?
    Him: Rocky
    Her: Why
    Him: She can’t let sh*t go. She’s toxic I’m losing my mind.
    Her: Sorry when are you coming back to our home state?
    Him: After probation
    Her: Probation
    Him: Yea she told the police I beat her
    Her: That’s F***ed up
    Him: Yeah now you see why I’m leaving
    Her: I’m sorry you’re a good guy
    Him: Yeah you know I wouldn’t do that
    (But he PUSHED ME… I told the cops he PUSHED ME and the neighbors saw we were in a SCUFFLE because he wanted to run off with baby this was back in 2014)..

    Friday I hear no word of him but he told people on video that he was put in jail because of me and that he was staying here to finish probation and weren’t together and it sucked but that’s how the cookie crumbles.
    Then he made a Plenty of Fish dating account and I saw that he viewed me on Monday his profile said I just got out of a relationship so I will be real I’m not looking for another at the moment but I’m not just here for a one night stand either. I wanna have fun and looking for someone who wants to have fun with me his relationship status was separated and it Then I accidentally favorite him he messaged me:
    Him: For what reason?
    Me: What are you talking about
    Him: You favorite me
    Me: It was an accident.. I saw you viewed me I viewed you..
    Him: I guess
    Me: What’s to guess
    Him: Nothing
    Me: I guess, this isn’t making any sense
    He ignored it..

    I’m not sure what to do we’re still married on Facebook should I just move on or do I have any hope?

    1. Natalie

      November 7, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      Hi Amor,

      What about me makes it a toxic relationship?
      What about him makes it a toxic relationship?

      How can we fix this?

      He blocked me on POF and made his profile private.. he didn’t do that last time we split..

      Do we even have a chance to get back together?

      He hasn’t made any videos since Friday night and his last SnapChats were him at the club.

      He still has us married on Facebook. Is there a series of reasons he may not have changed it?

      I just want him back I miss him so much.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 7, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      so much negative events has happened and negative words have been said that made the relationship toxic.. If you really want a restart, start with yourself. Be independent. Grow. Dont make your life revolve around him.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 7, 2016 at 11:37 am

      Hi Natalie,

      it’s a very toxic relationship.. If you really want to try, it wouldnt be now.. Both of you need to fix yourselves and your lives first.. let’s say your daughter is in the same situation, what would you advise her?

  8. Natalie

    September 29, 2016 at 11:48 pm

    Ok…. So what if he immediately puts his Status as single and takes down every pic of the two of you on his page within a week of the break up?
    Is this a bad sign?
    I just took the status part off all together off my main profile page.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 1, 2016 at 1:52 pm

      Hi Natalie,

      Just keep your posts public.. Unfriending you doesn’t mean he won’t check it anymore. And that’s a more common move for him to take down the pics, because they are affecting him. So just focus in improving yourself.

  9. Jenn

    August 29, 2016 at 7:37 pm

    Hi, so my ex of 4 years & I started hanging out again a couple months ago & we’ll go on dates & I’ll invite him to do things & events with me & he’ll post them on social media Instagram, fb.. Etc but he’ll never tag me in any of them or give me credit but when it comes to his other friends or literally anyone else he’ll tag them in a heartbeat.

    I feel like he’s like ashamed of me or something. But I don’t know how I should approach it or even if I should? It bothers me a lot & ive tried to let it go.

    1. Jenn

      August 29, 2016 at 7:38 pm

      Granted we’re not officially back together & we re not friends on any social media platforms but we re also both really stubborn. I just don’t know how to handle this situation

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 10:31 am

      HI Jenn,

      maybe he’s just used to other people asking him to tag them.. and since you don’t, he’s out of his mind? Don’t give too much of a negative meaning, try to bring it up casually when you go out again.. try to ask him first to not forget to tag you

  10. Maddy

    May 24, 2016 at 7:23 pm

    So what does it mean when your boyfriend broke up with you a month or longer ago and his status still says he’s in a relationship? I was mad and took it off my page but it’s up on his still and he’s been online since.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2016 at 8:30 am

      Hi Maddy,

      How many days are you in no contact? Have you started to do new things? Do you have any clue why he wanted a break? Did you fight?

  11. Teya

    May 18, 2016 at 3:53 am

    Hi! Ok so it’s not so much the relationship status I care about but his posts. I have been back with my boyfriend for a month now and everything is going fine except we have been fighting about facebook which is really dumb I know. He never posts anything on FB but when he did this week it was of him and another girl (a friend) I saw red because he has never posted a pic of us and I actually don’t expect him to. Was it unreasonable of me to get upset? It hurt that he felt the need to post a pic of her and never of me. I guess the underlying issue is also my boyfriend has a womanising past but he has told me he has changed and wants to only be with me. I have seen changes in his behavior so I should just let this go right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2016 at 2:02 pm

      Hi Teya,

      observe more before reacting, but maintain having your own life so you won’t get paranoid

  12. KAM

    January 20, 2016 at 9:23 pm

    Hi Chris,

    First of all thanks alot for your really helpfull page. I learned a lot from you and introduced your page to my friends who are going through exback recovery.

    My ex broke up with me in november out of Blue saying that she has been seeing someone since 4 months ago and that she and I have been done since then (lie). I just realized that the guy she has been seeing has updated his status to “in a relationship” with her, but she doesn’t let this status on her profile.

    1. What does it mean that the gu updated the status so fast?
    2. Why doesn’t she let this to be visible on her profile?

    I am confused I really apprecciate any help.


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 12:06 pm

      Hi Kam,

      Thanks for recommending our page. Well, that’s hard to gauge. But maybe for the guy, it can just mean for him she’s the one even if they’re not together officially. It can also mean, that they’re together but the girl isn’t really into updating statuses in social media.

  13. Ashley

    November 3, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    Hi Chris,
    This is not exactly about my ex boyfriend but about my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend.
    We recently became a couple but after 4 days after officially becoming official, he deleted his Facebook. I believe he deleted his Facebook so his ex-girlfriend would not see our relationship and it seems like he wants to hide the relationship from her. They broke up about two months ago and they had an on/off relationship. They still talk occasionally and he also helped her when she had car problems last week and I only found out because I read his text message with her. Could it be possible he still has feelings for her and that is the reason why he deleted his Facebook right after we became official boyfriend/girlfriend?

  14. Liezl

    September 11, 2015 at 1:41 am

    hi Chris,
    First of all, Thank you for all the information you share! Absolutely helpful! Also the Secrets of Attracting men which i purchased. However, I am curious, I got my ex back no contact for 21 days and he finally proposed and is now helping me with my annulment which is quite costly, but then he refused to update his status on FB, telling me he wants it private. He said only friends can view his relationship status. We actually broke up because of that FB thing. He consistently flirting with this girl who he knows 7-8 years back before he meet me but still cheating for me as he never mentioned about that. I found out that he puts single to his status from the time were gf and bf 5 years ago and only now that he said he puts engaged but only friends to see. I cant check that as we are not friends as i don’t use facebook. He posts our pictures there now and blocked the “girl” but then no status. For me, that is nonsense. Is he hiding something from me? What would you suggest for me to do? Pls I need your help. I thought its a happy ending already but this…….Pls help Chris…

  15. Lynnette

    July 14, 2015 at 10:38 am

    Hi Chris. I am from a distant country and can’t use the voice message to contact. I really need your advice. My boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me on phone. It was a long distance relationship. I accepted it but during the third day I called him and broke down crying. He was very cold and hang up. I had been nagging him for the last week asking him to visit me and I think that was the reason. I haven’t called him since that last time and it has been about 28days. Today he changed his status to single and it really hurt because I see like the nc is not working. On instagram he keeps uploading movies cause he’s a movie junkie and is always liking other girls pictures. Do you think he will be back or should I move on?

  16. l

    May 12, 2015 at 8:39 am

    You know, just because Facebook is about broadcasting your business doesn’t mean you have to broadcast everything. It can make sense if the guy suddenly wants less Facebook drama over his relationships and only cares to tell a small group of people he just got back with his ex.

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2015 at 1:19 pm

      True… but I am a guy and its usually not a good thing if he isn’t willing to broadcast his relationship status to the world.

  17. Sadaf

    April 27, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    Me and my boyfriend met each other through our mutual friends on Google+.I was the UG and he was head over hills for me. Although we loved each other very much and we were really happy together, the fact that he didn’t update his relationship status on G+ really bugged me. He used to say that he doesn’t want anyone to know we’re dating. I didn’t really care at the beginning but as the time passed it got more and more annoying 😐
    He was (and still IS) kind of famous on G+ and he knew a lot of people on G+ ,so I had to put up with all those flirty comments from girls.
    During the last month of our relationship he got so distant that I thought there’s something going on between him and one of the girls on G+.
    When I checked the girl’s profile I saw his (to some extent flirty) comments there and I got furious …I called him and we had a fight and during the fight He dumped me!!
    Even though I really loved him and I still do, the fact that he didn’t change his relationship status really bugged me ..
    I don’t even know if I should try to get him back ..because in our breakup phone call he said that there’s no future for us :((((

  18. Lauren

    March 31, 2015 at 1:10 am

    Hi Chris,

    I wrote to you previously about losing my baby and my ex went off with a 22 year old. He’s 30.

    Today I noticed he put me on limited profile in attempt to hide his new “in a relationship” Facebook status. He doesn’t know I can still see it under his ‘about’ tab. In all the years we were together he said he would never add relationship status to his Facebook as it’s not important. Yet they’ve been together for only 2 months and when she updated her status he accepted two days later and tried to block me from seeing it. I’m wondering if he was ashamed of me or if she’s forced him to add it. Also why is he trying to hide it from me when he already told me he’s seeing someone?

    1. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 10:28 pm

      He is worried about what you think…

      That is very interesting.

    2. Bereaved and heartbroken

      March 31, 2015 at 10:38 pm

      Interesting in what way? What are your thoughts on it?

  19. Laura

    February 26, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I was just curious about if an ex has a new girlfriend, yet they haven’t changed their relationship status on Facebook what exactly that means. His stil says he’s single and they’ve been officially “dating” for about 2 months or so now. Both of their friends all know they’re together, so does this mean by not putting it on facebook they arent as serious and perhaps could be a rebound? Just confused

    1. admin

      March 1, 2015 at 6:20 pm

      It means that they haven’t had the facebook talk yet or they are waiting for each other to do it first.

    2. Laura

      March 1, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Thanks Chris. Maybe it would be better to explain the whole situation fully as I am stuck at this point on where to go from here. My ex and I dated about a year and just recently ended this December when he wanted to “be friends and not hookup”. I immediately implemented the 30 day NC and was actually trying to move on and see someone else. 2 weeks after we ended it comes out that he is dating another girl he has been friends with in his group of friends. I think he had been talking to her as well as me at the same time, obviously why they dated so fast. This summer he went on vacation and met a girl who clung to him and eventually came into town with friends and pretty sure they hooked up. I did 3o day no contact and it worked, he wanted me back again. A few months later I saw a girl had been added to most of his friends social media, and then got a phone call that another girl was waiting for him at the bar and they were “together”. She obviously found out he was still talking to me and stopped talking to him. This is the third incident except now he is officailly dating her, calls her his girlfriend etc. They are not facebook official but she has pictures on instagram and now a default picture of them two. the problem lies with the fact that his friends have become friends with her friends when they are in town. So now all his friends and hers know they are together. And when i found out they were dating I made the mistake of putting up an instagram picture, making fun of her weight. I deelted it after but was seriously hazed by her friends. After following NC, I decided to proceed with yoru tactics of being friends and slowly start contacting him, and we have been in contact emailing/ texting and i saw him in person foa month and a half now. Recently i saw she changed her facebok picture of them two, got upset and threatened to tell her and send her all the texts and emails. He therefore told me he didnt want to talk to me again and deleted his email. The problem is that its just too hard for me for him to be with her, yet still contacting me and being flirty. He wants best of both worlds it seems and to have his cake and eat it too.

      I really need your help on what to do next. He told me not to talk to him again after i threatened to tell her. So I was going to implement another round of 30 days NC so he doesnt have me there as a friend for his emotional support and her for other things. But I also am at the point where I want to contact the girlfriend and send her everything. He probably will not talk to me again in the future or be hesitant to because he thinks i will tell her weve been talking. So I’m really shot in the foot here in terms of what to do. Please respond as soon as possible. Also after i told him i might tell her he told me just wait to see how disrespectful he will be. This is her first serious relationship so I’m sure she wont break up with him but the things he has been saying to me i would be so upset about. The problem is now im the other woman and im extremely confused on what to do. If he never is going to speak to me again shouldnt i just tell her anyway? They have been dating since January so its been 2 months of them being “together”. she has a facebook picture up of them two but htey arent facebook official in a realtionship but i can imagine if i tell her eventually they will be official as well as she will try to upset me by posting more pictures of them/ attending weddings together we had planned. And im assuming he will tell his friends that I’m crazy and obsessed and thats the reason I told his girlfriend everything. Just really stuck here. Why does he like their facecbook picture but they arent official on facebook?

    3. admin

      March 2, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      Its just a facebook picture like.

      I think you are focusing on the wrong thing here.

    4. Laura

      March 3, 2015 at 2:44 am

      Could you be a little more detailed please? Basically I am asking where to go from here. I think i am implementing your ideas however have let my emotions get the best of me and when i see pictures of them get extremely upset and threaten to tell her we are talking. Now he has deleted his email account after i threatened to tell her and stressed him out, and i have no way of contacting him as he has had my number blocked. I guess i wanted to maybe tell her he was contacting me in hopes of shaking their relationship up a bit. We dated for a year and they have been together 2 months. And when i mentioned a friends wedding in August he said “relax ive only been dating her a month”. He even texted me on Valentines day. Just extremely confused here. I was making great progress being “friends” emailing him and chatting on my terms almost every day and then i blew it. Should i revert to another 30 days of NC and work on myself? Or is it time to give up and just tell the girlfriend everything? He already said he wouldn’t talk to me again. I have no way to get into contact with him. PLease i just reall yneed some direct advice here…..

    5. admin

      March 3, 2015 at 9:49 pm

      I think actually the problem is you threatened him and he feels backed into a corner by you.

      That might also be something to keep in mind here.

    6. Laura

      March 3, 2015 at 11:11 pm

      Right and i get and understand i probably shoudlnt have done that because immediately his defenses went up and potentially wont talk to me when he thinks i will tell her. we were making great progress like how youve said in terms of talking almost everyday but the problem is i think he wants her and me for emotional support. right now he has had both. why would he dump her when he has best of both worlds. I obviously will not tell her anything but its also extremely difficult to not get upset when theres pictures up of them two, when hes contacting me everyday. Basically im asking is where do i go from here. I was going to start another round of 30 day NC to let things cool down with him and hope by then he talks to me

    7. admin

      March 5, 2015 at 8:00 pm

      I think that might be the smartest thing to do at this point.

      Just restart it and go from there.

    8. Laura

      March 15, 2015 at 9:32 pm

      Thanks Chris. While I am re-doing my 30 days NC I’m going to continue to work on myself. Although him and I were making great progress before I blew up, I felt as though he knew he could have me, even tho i followed your tactics i may have come off desperate at times. After the new 30 day NC, what should i do next? My number is probably still blocked and he said he was deleting his email. How am i to get into contact with him? And what if he never talks to me again after fear I will tell his new girlfriend. HELP

    9. Laura

      March 3, 2015 at 2:45 am

      Would emailing you be better? I really just need some constructive advice here on what to do from here. I feel like i have tried to follow your guidelines then in small ways messed them up. Really just need some help

    10. Laura

      March 3, 2015 at 2:47 am

      All i am saying is why is there a facebook default picture up of them but they arent official on facebook? Its just toying with my emotions and really gets to me. Not sure i can keep trying and having false hope anymore.

    11. admin

      March 3, 2015 at 9:49 pm

      Definitely toying with your emotions and possibly trying to work an angle with the new girl.

  20. Vanessa

    February 6, 2015 at 2:58 am

    My boyfriend (now my ex), in the two and a half years we were together, never changed his relationship status on Facebook. After we became an official couple, I told him he could change it if he wanted to even though I didn’t have a Facebook, but he said he wasn’t going to, his reasons being that our relationship wasn’t other people’s business and we didn’t need Facebook to make our relationship official for us. I agreed, and it never bothered me. Even after reading this article it still doesn’t bother me. Facebook isn’t necessary to make a relationship official (in my opinion.)

    1. admin

      February 6, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      I understand your points and respect them!

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