3 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Will Leave Without Explanation

157 thoughts on “Why Do Men Break Up With You Without An Explanation?”

Aletha P. Mills

November 16, 2019 at 5:54 am

My boyfriend that was so caring stopped talking to me, I called he’s busy. He doesn’t messaged me back when he gets home; more to that he cancels my call.
Leane

November 13, 2019 at 10:53 am

Hi, My boyfriend of three years broke up with me to go to Uni, the weekend before he went we spend a great weekend away together, he told me he loved me and when he left for Uni he cried knowing we wouldn’t see each other everyday we had lived together for 18 months. I was still going to see him every weekend and was planning to join him at the same Uni next year.
He started drinking every night, partying and he cheated on me, with a few different girls.
We were first loves which hurts a lot. He just text and said he had lost feelings for me, forget him as he wanted to be single.
I have done no contact for 7 weeks, he blames me and calls me horrible names. I am told he blocked me as he knows I’m still interested in him.
Will he ever speak to me again? He’s broke contact with all his friends, he’s still enjoying drinking and having sex with different girls. He has changed his personality.
Will he ever regret what he’s changed into?
What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 13, 2019 at 11:10 pm

Hi Leane, so starting univeristy life is really hard at first when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend the party student lifestyle can take over. But it will calm down and he will then start to miss you. So you need to work on yourself enough so that when he does speak to you again he is seeing you as this happy confident person who isnt sat at home waiting for him. Post to social media showing oyure with your friends and having fun without him

Sabina

November 11, 2019 at 12:00 am

Hi, I would really appreciate some insight on my situation:

My ex and I had been dated for a year and everything was going great and progressing steadily. Our anniversary was this week (which we were both excited for). When the day came, he didn’t wish me a happy anniversary and canceled on me due to work (this upset me very much but I didn’t make a big deal out of it). We didn’t talk for the rest of the day and the next day I asked if he could call me. He responds a few hours later saying he’s going to bed and might call tomorrow. So tomorrow comes and he ignores my texts and calls all day and messages me at midnight saying he’s busy and will call tomorrow. The next day he tells me he’s very disappointed in me and will assess the situation and call me the next day. I messaged him a bunch of times asking what I did wrong bc I didn’t do anything but he wouldn’t reply. The last message he sent me was extremely cruel, he said he is no longer my boyfriend and has seen everything he needs to see and is disgusted by me; he never wants to see my face or hear my voice; he will not call me and there is nothing to discuss. I am so shocked. I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight and feel sick to my stomach. He will not answer any of my questions and has disappeared off the grid. All of this social media’s have been disabled/unfriended. This is very unlike him and I didn’t see it coming at all because we were doing so well just days before he got cold with me.

I texted so many times without getting a response. I want to maintain my dignity by stopping contact but it’s killing me inside not knowing why. I didn’t do anything and I know with all my heart he would NEVER cheat on me. I truly know this. So why… What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 12, 2019 at 9:15 pm

Hi Sabina, you need to give him some time with NC and that is going to have to be a minimum 30 days and in that time you need to live your life, do the things that you need to do with your friends and live your life healing yourself from the break up and the hurt that it has caused. There is no telling what your ex has reached this decision to end things but you need to show him you are not at home crying over him

Monica

November 4, 2019 at 5:37 pm

Im still in shock right now, as my boyfriend of 2 and half years said he wanted to break up. The last two months weren’t smooth sailing for us, since he was promoted as work and was dealing with a lot of stress. That on top of our long distant relationship, put stress on us. He had less and less time and I expressed to him that I felt neglected, while feeling selfish for even bringing it up. This lead to lots of small fights for about a month. Then out of nowhere it’s like he just stopped trying and gave up. He messaged me less, I couldn’t get him on a phone or video call. Then two weeks ago he asked for space, and kept telling me that whatever is going on is not my fault. After finding pictures of him and another girl hanging out, I confronted him. He couldn’t admit anything and just told me that according to him, we’ve been done for months. His irritation and lack of compassion as to how hurtful this was for me, shocked and broke me. All I could get out of him is that he was tired of the fighting, that’s it. Further on he was pretty vague. It’s like I don’t recognize this man that I’ve loved for the past two and a half years. I feel like his breakup gave me zero clarity or closure. I don’t know what to think or feel. I still love him and I miss him terribly. It’s hard for me to imagine my life without him. I just don’t know what to do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 4:04 pm

Hey Monica, so you need to start with a No Contact and focus on yourself for the short term where you do not speak with your ex at all, for 30 days, and then reach out at the end of that time with a short friendly text where you do not mention your relationship or the break up just ask for his advice something you know he knows a fair bit about.

Cat

October 31, 2019 at 11:47 pm

Not even sure what happened with my guy. I met him on a dating app (the Facebook one to be exact) we talked for a couple days and got to know each other, then we decided to FaceTime which was so awkward but we still decided to meet the next day at a local restaurant that’s halfway in between where we both live, we were instantly attracted to each other once we saw each other in person and sat and had a couple drinks and talked and laughed and flirted. Later on we made out heavily in his car, the next day we were smitten and talked all day. The next day after that we had another date (this was one week after we started talking) he took me to dinner then we went for a walk then we slept together (in his car)and he was so into it he wouldn’t stop talking about it. the next day we talked all day and where we would like our relationship to go. He also made plans to hang out with me on his day off. Keep in mind, this guy had just recently been divorced not even a year to a girl he had been with since high school, he’s in his 30s now. Naturally, most normal people might run when a guy tells them that. I am normal lol I just think that a) he seemed well adjusted and I guess I just got caught up in following his lead, I’m not gonna harp on it if he seems over it and he was on a dating site and b) I got caught up in how attracted I was to him lol. Then he flipped on me, this was a Saturday and he spent half the day in good spirits and being sprung on our sexy time together lol then when I said hey tone it down because he was starting to get on my nerves a little, he seemed bothered by it. Then he got all quiet and didn’t talk to me for two hours which was weird for him. The next day he was a little sour then he acted unbothered by me like he could take me or leave me and didn’t want to talk about “us” anymore. Then I tried calling him and he wouldn’t answer and I actually found my self calling him again and he texted me and said my phone is on the charger and I’m busy. So I sent him this long paragraph (believe I’ve already kicked myself for it) but for a guy who came on real strong and then decided to cool his jets just because I told him to hush because he was coming off as a drunk frat guy with all the sex talk he was doing -if that’s the real reason- I had a lot to say about how he was treating me. The next day was ok he said his good mornings and what not and talked to me all day while he was at work, still dropped some perverted inuendos here and there. Then he asked if I still wanted to hang out on his day off and I did a little happy dance thinking things would be okay. He asked if I wanted to meet for lunch at Outback Steakhouse because I had never been and he remembered that minor little detail. The next day came and we met up at Outback. He greets me at my car and we walk in with our arms around each other. Things seemed tense at first when we sat down but then he went back to being flirty and silly and played footsie with me. But still didn’t address the weird ignoring me stunt, but in hindsight I’m glad I guess. He asked if I liked lunch and if I wanted to come back…I’m assuming with him…why make future plans and spend the whole day (yes we met at 1:30 pm and parted ways at 9:30 pm) with someone you’re planning on ditching later on? After that we took both our cars and met at the bowling alley by his house, that’s really the closest one, we get there and it’s packed apparently because of league day, we go in and there’s not a single lane open so we leave and chill in the parking lot for a bit and kiss and joke around. We decide to go to this park, and walk on the trail. We talked and laughed and were just carefree and flirty with each other. Then we stopped and he wrapped my arms around him while standing with his back to me and we just held each other a minute. Then we walk back to our cars and sit in his and make out a little then cuddled. He laid his head in my lap. I massaged his back. He kissed my forehead. Lots of intimacy going on. Which is why I’m so devastated and confused at why he chose to break things off so suddenly. But there’s more….the parking lot at the park started filling up, apparently because there was a little league baseball game about to happen so we left and sat at Chili’s and had some drinks and chips and salsa and he sat in the same booth right next to me and we cuddled and were all handsy with each other. Then we left in my car and went to this other park and walked around, he was all goofy and loud and jumping around like a jackass. Then we went to the bowling alley and to our delight there were open lanes. We got our shoes and balls and opened a drink tab he drank some more but I just had water, we bowled two games, he won both rounds, I was so bad lol. I sat and looked him in the eyes and told him I had a good time with him today and he said he did too. We finished up and left. He drove us back to his car at Chilis. And by this time I am hot, tired and a little buzzed and just want to go home. I could tell he didn’t want to go home yet, I kinda accused him of wanting to get in my pants and he dismissed it but I could sense something like he was hoping or expecting it or something. I really hope he didn’t spend the whole day just in hopes of getting action and then when he didn’t get it (even though I willing gave it to him twice the other night) he split. He seemed a little sad and put off that I wanted to leave. We cuddled and pet on each other a minute then I said I wanted to go home but I hoped he wasn’t mad but he didn’t reassure me and still had that disappointed look. Then we met and hugged as I got out to go get on the drivers side of my car. I asked him to let me know when he got home. It was our little thing we told each other at the end of the night the few times we hung out. He did text me but it just said “Home” not “I’m home babe, goodnight” like the other times. I said I got home ok too he said that’s good I replied with two emojis and he didn’t reply, not that he needed to. I woke up the next day to find he had blocked me on the Facebook dating app. Well at least I assumed he blocked me, our convo disappeared and when I looked it was under the inactive conversations section. I panicked but instead of freaking out on him I wanted to test if he blocked my number. He didn’t block me on Facebook. Like my Facebook profile. He had the send read receipts thing so I knew if I wasn’t blocked it would show that he read it and I was right he read it…all I texted was “hey”… he left on read for 3 hrs before replying “Yeah” and I replied an hr later asking if he was enjoying his day off (because he had the next day off) and I told him I had a great day yesterday and that I hoped he did too and just left it at that. Not a word since.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 12:29 am

Hi Cat, so you need to be doing work to be the Ungettable girl, but your texting with your ex needs to be interesting to him not small talk. That is how you open the window of conversation again so that you can re build that rapport that you had when you started talking.

Tee

October 5, 2019 at 2:58 pm

My ex broke up with me because I asked about a girl I seen him texting . He lied to me the day before about going to his grandmothers house when he actually went to see someone else. We had been dating for the past 4-6 months . We worked together for about 6-8 months . It was not completely official because we were both going through a tough time. He left his gf prior to us becoming involved and he essentially didn’t have anywhere to go. I had ended my relationship of 5 years almost 6 months before we began to talk however I still lived there because of uncontrollable circumstances but me and my ex were not involved at all! Therefor he was unable to stay with me. I was there for him whether that was hotels or money or being there for his kid. He was there for me as well. So we decided to pursue a relationship. We began to fall in love yet everything wasn’t ideal because we had no place to go to be alone or in a relationship. We were basically homeless. We slept in the car some days and hotels other days. We were looking for a place and actively making an effort to have some stability. He was stressed because he was unable to provide and feel like a man. He was stressed because essentially he had no where to bring his child to be with him. It was stressful for me too because I desired him no matter the circumstance .im enrolled in college and also trying to deal with issues. So I went back to my old home to shower before school sometimes just because I mean I’m a woman and no woman likes to be dirty. This was an issue but he never said anything until we were already breaking up . I asked why he never said anything he said because he doesn’t have to. I felt as though the breakup was my fault at that point. I initiated the conversation that led to the breakup. I asked with the most sincere voice. Do you still want to be with me . Do you still love me because it’s hard to tell. He immediately flipped out on me and said he was taking his suitcase and leaving . He immediately said we were done and I was insecure even though I had spoken to his grandmother myself and she denied seeing him. He told me that he owes me no explanation and since I am fighting for the relationship to not end I am looking desperate. That he would respect me more if I just move out his way and drive off. He told me I would never see him again because he had just made arrangements to move to another state with his dad. He totally just said fuck me and get over it. I kept asking for answers. We never arguing and there were no real issues on our relationship. A week prior he explained that he was a foster child bounced around from home to home and he’s used to having to up and leave the ones he love. He also said it’s easy for him to walk away from anything just like that. I explained this made me uneasy however the look on his face was so blank during the breakup. Like he never cared and I never mattered to him. He didn’t wanna explain he didn’t want to talk in fact he was upset that I wouldn’t just walk away and even called me crazy. He did everything and said everything he could to force me to leave and make me upset. He knows he was hurting me yet still looked at me and said we weren’t really doing anything in this relationship and we are broken up now so I don’t owe you an explanation. I’m so lost so hurt so everything. Someone please explain to me how this could happen.
Ann

September 15, 2019 at 8:41 pm

I guess you could say it was a work romance. It started out as flirting with one another, me staying after and talking with him after I was off, then he started giving me gifts, birthday, Christmas, Valentines, ect… We had only went out to eat 3 or 4 times and I have been to his place about 3 times in the span of 2 years. I know it’s not much but he works 2 jobs so when he was working I wasn’t and when I was he wasn’t which is why I stayed after to talk. It had gotten to where we would go and talk for about an hour everyday before I would leave so he could get back to work. We had nice conversations, never any disagreements, he gave me nice bear hugs from the front and behind. We never had sex even though we came close a couple of times but he wanted to wait until I was ready. When I was finally ready about a week ago I let him know and he texted me saying we shouldn’t go any further, that I deserve better, we should just be friends, he doesn’t see us making it and he doesn’t have time for a relationship. Just earlier that day he talked to me and gave me a hug that almost literally swept me off my feet. Why would he break it off so suddenly? I just recently had a Birthday after the break up and he gave me a gift the day before then texted me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and said that I was sexy. How am I suppose to take this? I have never been more confused in my life.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 17, 2019 at 9:07 am

Hey Ann, I think he is looking for more of a friends with benefits situation than a relationship. So, you need to think about what you want from him. If you cant do friends with benefits then do NOT sleep with him, as this wont change his mind. He’s been honest that he doesn’t wan’t a relationship at this time. You need to read up about the value chain and how to be the Ungettable girl.

Jennifer

September 12, 2019 at 11:09 pm

Hi Chris-
Just hoping for some quick advise, I will try to keep this brief. Met my ex 6 months ago online and we immediately clicked. After that weekend we spent every single weekend together at his house or mine. Met each other’s kids, friends, families- planned for the future- never argued, I was over the moon happy and I thought he was too. Exactly 5 months went by, he had stayed at my house Saturday night and left Sunday- kissed me, said he loved me like always. He works nights mon-wed so we didn’t usually see each other much during the week but we were texting like normal Monday, then Tuesday he was barely texting- said his phone was messing up? Barely talked Wednesday- then Thursday’s he usually stayed the night at my house- I texted him at 6, nothing, then at 11…he said he had just woke up and his phone was still acting crazy. I just told him I was going to bed since I work Fridays. Well- nothing Friday which is the first Friday we weren’t together in 5 months- I went to a concert with a girlfriend and got home around 3- a little tipsy- and texted him a few times, told him I wasn’t surprised I didn’t hear anything from him and things felt real off. Well, when he didn’t respond I texted “things are fixing to get weird because I’m coming over”…..and I went to his house (not my proudest moment) but I figured he was up since he works nights- well he woke up when I got there and I was asking him what was going on and he wouldn’t give me any straight answers, kept saying I was amazing but he needed a “break” so, I left. The next morning around 10 the messages I had sent the night before finally reached his phone……so he thought I had just said I was coming over and he wrote “ok…..” I wrote back those were from last night don’t worry I won’t bother you- he said something about his phone acting crazy but that was it. I found your site and started no-contact- and it’s so hard!! I also started focusing on improvement- as of today I have lost 15 pounds! I had gained some after we met but I weigh less now than when I met him. I also got a few new outfits, got my teeth whitened and cleaned- and highlights and a haircut. I have also started meditating (or trying anyways) and did a bunch of yard work/improvements I had been putting off.
So anyways- day 22 of no contact was my birthday…..and he sent “happy birthday” at 10 that night. I was honestly so glad, I was thinking about it all day….hoping he remembered. I waited about 45 minutes and told him it was a nice surprise and thank you, then he was talking about my age and how I look so much younger…said he was really nervous to text me, I said I was glad he did. I told him a funny story- we joked- I stayed upbeat and fun and mentioned nothing about the “break” although I wanted to….so bad! After an hour of constant texting- I ended the call, told him I needed to get to sleep- he said “I don’t want to keep you up, I just want you to know I think the world of you and I hope we can still talk” I wasn’t thrilled with that comment but I just said “sure ”
The next morning, I sent him a link to an article I knew he would like and he responded right away, we talked again for another hour- joking/happy- talked about our kids and stuff, then I let him go again and this time he says “you are amazing I hope you have an awesome day” ??? And that was it
I wanted him to initiate the next contact but he didn’t so Monday I messaged him something funny that made me think of him and he writes back “yea, I think about you 1000 times a day, it’s funny what silly little thing will trigger the thought of you- you influence me in ways I’m still discovering” UGH!?!
So, this is where everything I learned kinda went out the window- I was not expecting that response….so I said “for the record, I definitely don’t want this and I am really sorry for coming over to your house like that” and he said “you have absolutely nothing to apologize for” so then I was like yes I do, your kids were home and I shouldn’t have shown up in the middle of the night like that blah blah blah- said a little joke about separation anxiety- an inside joke- and he read it, right after but never replied.
So- I am back in no contact, ended up at this article because I’m so frustrated with no explanation and the mixed signals. My logical self says “move on, he didn’t care enough to try and work it out or talk to you about whatever his deal was so why would you want him back” but in my heart I just felt something so real and special with him- he’s not like a douchey guy- he has custody of his kids, responsible, great dad- close to his parents- who loved me!?!
Anyways- your thoughts on what he’s thinking and what my next steps should be?!
(So much for keeping this breif)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 15, 2019 at 12:55 am

Hey Jennifer, you need to complete a full No Contact and don’t reply to any more contacts or reach out to him for any reason for 30 days. Read some more of the really useful information, the articles are great to help you through the program. During the no contact you need to work on yourself to be the best version of yourself and happy.

Dixie

August 21, 2019 at 6:57 am

Too complicated. Let me rephrase it- those kind o f men are just heartless and dumb.
Sheena

July 1, 2019 at 7:52 pm

After 10yrs my ex and I broke up out of the blue a week ago. A random Facebook account popped up in his man. He said it was one of his younger brothers playing around trying to get girls under his name(the brother goes by the little version of my ex).He said his brother just left the lil off being messy.The page honestly did just have pictures of all of his siblings together but it just didn’t sit right with me.We had broken up 2 years before because I caught him cheating and after 6 months of wooing I finally broke down and we got back together. Until this day we have never had any problems nothing would indicate that he was unhappy.Back to the Facebook account I don’t have Facebook never had any form of social media ever.This page was brought to my attention by different people from around our city(kind of small town).I told my ex I was going to make a page and find out what is going on with this.He said fine go ahead. In hindsight I don’t believe he thought that I would actually do it because of my dislike of social media. To both with our surprise I actually did and I feel like when they say if you go looking you will find could never be more true.it turns out the person that was on the page was actually his new girlfriend that he planned on moving away with. She is not from our city so she knows nothing of me like all the other people that told me about this account did. so as I’m talking with his new girlfriend she tells me that he’s told her all kinds of horrible lies about me to the extent that I’m a strung out prostitute druggie that’s selling myself to get high. One that is the farthest thing from the truth. There’s more but after she told me all that he said I told her that she can have him and I hung up the phone.in the process of all this going on he was made aware. he was trying to convince me that this is just someone playing a joke on me. And that I really should not be bothering him while he is at work about something so small we’ve been together for 10 years for reason because this is where he wants to be. 2 hours later they call me on three-way both him and her and he tells me that he does not want to be with me anymore. I immediately hung up the phone because I was in a State of shock I don’t know where any of this is coming from. I have never done anything to this man. I’ve done nothing but love and support and take care of him. I’ve shown him more loyalty and love than his own mother I have been there for him through the most trying times of his life. I’ve supported him through some terrible mistakes that he has made. not towards me but just in life and I do not understand what is happening. I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I’m dying he has completely ripped my heart out.he has not come back home he has not come to get any of his stuff and he has not said a word to me. I have not reached out either because I don’t know what’s going on and then I am not sure I will be able to react in a rational way because I feel like I’ve thrown 10 years of my life away my whole 20s. We have children I don’t know what’s going on why is he doing this?

Chris Seiter

July 1, 2019 at 10:41 pm

Hi Sheena…I know you are hurting but there are always other pathways, no matter what happens with this relationship. Right now the key is you having dedicated time to advance your healing and recovery and personal growth. Take a look at my Program as it will help you understand the many benefit of the No Contact Rule and the other things I talk about.

Lisa Jones

June 21, 2019 at 3:48 pm

See, all of these heartbreaking stories I’m reading just proves what I said earlier. NO man is worth the grief he dishes out. My advice: be happy in yourself; be confident; have a life of your own. You don’t NEED anyone, especially a guy! They’re fine to be friends with, but only trust them just so far. Sorry, but I’ve been burned several times and have concluded that it might be a little lonely now and then, but it’s DEFINITELY better than being with someone who is selfish and difficult. Stay single, and enjoy your freedom and independence! Have fun and enjoy life that way. Don’t ever be needy, because there’s plenty of life out there to enjoy on your own!!!
Lisa Jones

June 21, 2019 at 2:42 pm

I looked at this site, because years ago a guy dumped me. He came into church and sat BEHIND me, instead of beside me like he always did, and we did not go out to eat after service, like we always did. I was devastated, since it was a total surprise. When I tried to get him to talk, he would say “My mind is a blank,” and that made me angry,and I chalked it up to cowardice. Wish I had let him go on his way and not looked back, but I was immature and young. Sorry to say this, but after more boyfriends and a long marriage, I have found NO man who is worth the baggage he brings, the heartache he causes, or all the extra work required. What IS wonderful is freedom and independence and an understanding that it’s far better to stay single!!! I love my own company and can do as I please, without anyone expecting or requiring anything. Being free of an emotional burden is HEAVEN!
Victoria

June 12, 2019 at 4:32 pm

I feel like this “no autopsy” “No contact” approach to breakups that is all the internet rage is just a handy way for guys to get away with slipping from woman to woman without the drama of confrontation/consequences.
Miley

June 5, 2019 at 6:21 pm

If your ex avoids talking to you about the break-up out of kindness then that is good news, clearly he thinks highly of you and cares about your feelings.- this is highly irresponsible in my opinion. A girl can take care of herself. Her ex assuming that she can’t handle the reality and trying to ‘save’ her is odd. I find it disrespectful. Sometimes things don’t go as planned, there’s no need to victimise anyone. Heartbreaks are inevitable. The person breaking up should not patronise the other.

Chris Seiter

June 5, 2019 at 9:52 pm

Well said Miley!

Sha

May 23, 2019 at 7:01 pm

Hi I was dating a guy for a year. I fell pregnant and within three months I miscarried. His behavior changed ever since he found out I was pregnant. He said he wasn’t ready blamed me for getting pregnant and stressed me out so much. Eventually I miscarried, he saw me in hospital promised me he will always be there for me. A month ago he blocked me from social media and doesn’t tske my calls. I am broken.
Trina Gail Harrison

May 22, 2019 at 7:14 pm

I was with a guy for 2 years and 2 weeks ago he got into a argument with my daughter at my house over who parks in the driveway well he left and haven’t heard anything from him. He wont text or call .
Sabrina

May 12, 2019 at 10:18 am

Hi Chris,

I was wondering if you can help me. My BF and I are together for 8 years now. I’m German, he’s British. We lived together in London. Last year we decided to move (back) to Germany. I was given a great Job opportunity back in my Hometown, which we both agreed I should take. The plan was I move first, find a flat etc. and he follows once he sorted out his work/life back in the UK. (He worked remotely and wanted to check if he can continue so while living in Germany.) I moved last year in April and he told me he will join me in the summer. Unfortunately he lost job out of the blue six weeks before my move. As I couldn’t postpone it we decided I still move.
Over the last year he didn’t make an attempt in joining me. He moved back to his Annexe next to his parents’ house and indulges in personal projects and playing computer games. I’m quite annoyed with that, as every time I asked when he will join me in Germany, e tells me to ‘stop pressuring him’ or ‘project managing his life’.
We still visit each other on a regular basis. I tell him how much I miss him and he tells me does miss me too.
Things became worse on the Easter weekend; I had a flight booked 25th April to stay with him for 2 weeks. On Easter Sunday I went to see some friends and felt very lonely as I missed him so much. I told him during our daily skype talk in the evening.
The next day (Easter Monday) he told me he doesn’t want me to come and he doesn’t want to see me! I was really shocked and speechless as he couldn’t tell me the reason why…
I decided to ignore it. And we still spoke for nearly 2 hours as every night. The same the next couple of days. I decided to still fly over to see him (although I asked friends if I could stay with them just in case). The night before my flight I told him I’m still coming. He told me he hasn’t clean the flat… As I offered to travel on my own from the airport so he can indulge in his only activity outside the flat (dancing). He told me he will leave the keys in a safe place and I should let myself in. As it happened we both arrived at the same time and he ran towards me, hugged me, kissed me and told me how happy he is that I am there.
Overall my visit was always, he bought and prepared stuff for breakfast for me. We spent a lot of time together. Had a lot of physical contact. By the end of my stay I asked him if he’s ok. He said there is stuff he needs to deal with by himself. I asked him about our relationship and he said it has nothing to do with me or our relationship. During my whole trip he mentioned our future in Germany and what he wants to do once he’s over there. He still does his German course and I told him how proud I am as I know it is not an easy language.
I left a few things behind (with his consent) as my suitcase was full. He delivered me to the airport and it was as heartbreaking as usual.
I came back on Tuesday and while we were skyping on Wednesday and Thursday we said goodbye with a kiss through the camera (as usual). His texts also usually end with a kiss.
On Friday this stopped. All messages without a kiss, saying goodbye on skype no kiss either. I asked him what’s wrong and he said he ‘doesn’t feel like at the moment’. I am really confused and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to pressure him in making a decision but I also don’t want to loose him.
Casey

May 4, 2019 at 9:26 am

Hi Chris,

I found that your article is interesting. My situation now is almost similar. We start the relationship for 2 year and a half. We have different nationality, I am Asian, he is Belgian. This moment I study in Belgium. Of course we have a sort of communication problem, though we spoke a good English. We broke up two times, but always get back together after 1 – 2 months of no contact. I need to mention too… that he has very bad experience in relationship. He divorced 4 years ago, and his ex wife kidnapped his kids to her country. My boyfriend can’t see the kids since July 2015. This case become famous, appear many times in the newspaper and even become part of the TV programme. He said that his ex can’t compromise and have mental disorder. I can imagine that his previous marriage was like a hell. By the way.. he is introvert.
3 weeks ago, we have a good time (normally we meet every 2 weeks, since we live in different city), but in the morning, we have fight. I asked him, to have more time to do outdoor activity. Normally we just sit and watching TV. I admitted that I insist to stay in his house, until he give me an answer. Why? Because its happen several time, he will shut down and keep silent if we didn’t agree in something. If I left him, and did conversation by text message, I know that for him it is easy to ignore my message. Maybe this is a mistake too… I remind him his behaviour that annoyed me for almost 3 years. In the end…. he said that he will think about the idea of outdoor activity we can do together.
For the first two weeks, We keep chatting… But he never answered if I talk about the outdoor activity. He replied very quickly when I talk about another things. But last week, I can’t wait anymore…. I asked him about his thought regarding outdoor activity. I send message several time, and try to call him. I am ready to negotiate, and listen about what he want. I apologize if I annoyed him 2 weeks ago. But he keep silent.
From 29 April, I stop contacting him. I didn’t say anything more. Almost a week from now. He is silent too. I don’t know how to interpret his silence now. And the main question is… are we broke up now? What must I do now… in the previous broke up (2016 and 2017), there was a clear statement…. we are over now. But now… only silence…
I am too afraid to send him a message : “Okay, I assume you want to break up…” I am afraid if we will not answer too… I read many articles that in this situation, I can’t assume that silence means yes or no… He just go silent. I don’t want send another text message too, talking about something else.
Is it a message that he want to break up? Or this is his way in negotiation (that is mean… he won’t compromise). Or… he still want something physical without give my request, that is why he is not blocking me, and still replying another issue messages. I am considering his previous difficult marriage too. But deep down in my heart… I feel depressed. This is too painful… I feel rejected. I am going to see therapist. I can’t sleep… I feel physically sick too.
I won’t contact him for 30 – 45 days. Is it okay to try to start conversation with him after 30 – 45 days? Maybe with something general? I don’t know what to do now.

Chris Seiter

May 5, 2019 at 1:37 am

Hi Casey…the key is to focus on your healing and recovery. The therapist should help a lot, but you can do a lot to help yourself as there are many recovery activities you can get involved in. The bottom line is you will feel better. Much of what people go through after breakups are chemical changes in their body, but the brain is amazing in how it can adapt and regulate. Most NC periods run 21-45 days, so it seems you are in the range.

Marie

April 13, 2019 at 4:01 am

Hi Chris Seiter , how can you help me it’s serious matter that destroying me mentally emotionally tortured but I can’t details all here is too personal not pleasant .I am really seeking someone who can help me please what I’ve been going through ruining my life at this present situation.. please hope you can help me how to reach you personally..

Chris Seiter

April 14, 2019 at 1:31 pm

Hi Marie….what matters is you focusing first on “you” your healing and recovery. My Program is built around that and I have a tone of content on my site that can help you navigate through these dark days. It will get better, but you focus has to be on “you”, not him.

carla

April 9, 2019 at 8:22 am

hello,
I dated this guy I met onlline for over 3 months, we clicked, all great, he seemed to like me as well, we were spending more and more time together. This guy claimed to be shy and introverts, I am introvert too but no shy. so he had a family emergency and flew back to his country for few days. he came back and told me due to this relative’s illness (dad terminal cancer). he will be moving back to his country for longer period. before he went, we made plans to visit each other, to continue ‘together’ long distance, etc.. he made the right sounds, asking for diffferent ways to keep in contact apart from whatsapp.(email, skype). so I was led to believe there was a future. we even spoke of time of the year for me to travel, etc.. we said goof¡dbye saying that we’ll miss each other, etc.. (all sweet and nice).
Few days after his departure, I texted him on whatsapp – no reply – then I called him, again no reply – I thought perhaps my messages weren’t delivered because he changed phone number?? as it showed as ‘underlivered’ in whatsapp – so a week later I decided to calling hiding my caller ID, he picked up and when he realised it was me, he hung up on me. – that was devastating to me. no only I’ve been blindsided but also ghosted.
all this time I’ve been wondered why he did that to me? why promise a future together and then dissapear. wouldn’t be easier to just be honest and end the ‘relationship’ on our last date?. I don’t know if he just been an asshole or a fully introvert? or both? it’s been 6 months since that, I’ve no heard from him. but this episode has damaged so much that sometimes I can still feel the pain and cry not because I still like him.. my tears are from my non-clousure.. I am afraid of dating anymore, I feel it is not worth the pain, but at the same time I want to meet someone special.
thanks,

Chris Seiter

April 9, 2019 at 8:59 pm

Hi Carla…I am sorry you are going thru some difficult times, but just know that closure, in my view, is a bit overrated. It can be really difficult to get the full answer from your ex about what was going on in his head. Relationships are complicated and can be messy. What matters if focusing on those things that will help you with healing. Seeking full closure can be a slippery slope. There are many other ways you can find recovery and continue to advance forward.

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