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Maggie
January 29, 2017 at 3:48 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend 3weeks ago i love him so so much i broke up because i was depressed i had family issues .i need him back and i know he loves me too but he made a statement that he’s thinking about us coming back and i have this strange feelings he won’t im so scared of loosing him AGAIN.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2017 at 12:51 pm
Hi Maggie,
why do you think he wont? when did you last talk?
Lynn
January 26, 2017 at 2:21 pm
I Broke up with my ex 7 years ago,reason being i felt i was not good enough and he was not really there but honestly i was young around 20 years and i met this famous guy who i fell in love with he was fun and he introduced me to people and it was amazing then.2 years later i got pregnant my son is now 4 years old.Well now my current boyfriend the father of my son was amazing before the baby came,after the baby he started cheating and drinking and always not being there i haven’t been happy for the last 4 years.Well in the 7 years we broke up with my ex we would always reconnect and i was never able to leave my current bf since i always felt attached/or scared of what people would say.I met my Ex a few weeks ago and i realized that i made the biggest mistake of my life he is all i ever wanted, i felt alive he is my soulmate.well he still has feelings for me but he is unsure if we should get back together.he has never really settled down and deep down i hope he chooses me.I know he has his reservations, but i know i would make him the happiest and he would make me the happiest.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 27, 2017 at 9:20 am
Hi Lynn,
whether he gets back with you or not, if you don’t love the father of your child, find the courage to be independent
nddd
January 19, 2017 at 5:09 pm
Hello!
My boyfriend and I were together for 1 and a half years and it was fantastic! We started dating when he was 15 and I was 17. We both were excited about the future and both of us spoke about the future when we would live together and get married, blah blah. We broke up about two months ago (me 19 and he 16) and I was completely blindsided at the time. We broke up over text and when we returned stuff, he told me that he didn’t want to see me in person because he didn’t want to see how much he had hurt me.
After the school year started in September, we began the transition from seeing each other many times a week to around one time a week. The relationship imploded around a month and a half later, and we actually got back together three days later and were together another month before the relationship ended for good.
I was so surprised and shocked and have made every single mistake, from breaking no contact MULTIPLE TIMES to begging him for a second chance several times. At the beginning of the breakup he told me that we can’t predict the future and that it’s possible that we’ll get back together in the future. However, he was cold and distant when we would talk.
He continued to send me mixed signals for the two months, which confused me beyond belief. Some days he was warm, and would immediately become cold. So finally I confronted him and told him we needed to talk about why the relationship ended. He told me that the relationship was absolutely fantastic until the last month, where I became too clingy. He was afraid to tell me that he couldn’t hang out because I would get either mad or sad about not being able to see him. He told me that he became more sad than happy in the relationship. He said he was upset that we always did what I wanted to do and that he felt like a kid because he didn’t have money and I was always paying for stuff. He said that it felt like he was taking care of someone rather than being in a relationship with them. He also said the age gap (2.5 years) played a part in the breakup. To top it off, when I asked if he could give me a chance to fix those aspects (since they were only present in the last month when we had the transition from summer to school) he told me that he never wants to be with me ever again. He says that the break up left a bad impression of me in his head (“you’re the girlfriend who was annoying and clingy and would get upset when we couldn’t hang out”) and that he wants to be like old friends who catch up every once in a while to talk about life.
He told me I needed to move on, that he has moved on and that he wants nothing to do with me. I asked if he was seeing someone else and he replied with “well….just kidding I just wanted to see your reaction, what did you think when I said that?” He says that he isn’t looking for a relationship at all and that he just wants to be chill. I stupidly told him that I’m going to start letting go of him, but I’m never going to completely give up just because of the relationship that we did have and how wonderful it was until I became too insecure.
After that conversation (which happened three days ago) I have done a lot of thinking. The reason my relationship fell apart was because of my actions. I was just so scared of losing him and I really just wanted to hang out with him at least once a week. I should have given him that space, but I really didn’t see that anything was wrong. But now I do and even after we broke up two months ago, I’ve been working really hard on making myself a better person and becoming myself again. I have entered NC and am working really hard on myself to find myself again, since I lost myself in the relationship in the last month we were together. We’re both working in a musical together, so we have to see each other at least twice a week. I’m not talking to him in person or over text, but he obviously makes an effort to not be near me when we’re in the same room.
I’ve taken so many steps to getting better and I’ve actually improved a lot. I’ve learned how to accept being told “no” to hanging out and being positive, and I’ve spent a lot of time with my friends and family and have found myself again. I’ve been keeping super busy with school and friends, and after the breakup I gained 30 pounds so I’m working out and eating well to get rid of that extra weight. I’ve gotten to the point where I know I may never get him back because of how I acted, but I’m okay. I also know that I don’t need him in my life, but I want him in my life. I’ve learned not to be dependent on other people and I’ve gotten much better at handling issues on my own.
After NC (I’m aiming for 45 days), should I try being friends to initiate our emotional connection again?
nddd
January 21, 2017 at 5:32 pm
Thanks for your response, Amor! It’s super appreciated!
Do you think that because he’s so young, he could eventually change his mind?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 22, 2017 at 10:17 pm
most of the time, with young people, yes..
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2017 at 12:15 pm
Hi Nddd,
yes, you should slowly start being Friendly again to build rapport and attraction
Dreida
January 18, 2017 at 6:54 pm
This is great article! However, how do I get my ex to know the benefits if we are on the NC period and may not interact together again? I haven’t decided yet if I’ll reach out to him after the NC period since he broke up with me because we fought a lot and he doesn’t know what he wants, if he even wants to be in a relationship, also, I don’t want to come off as needy or chase him.
Dreida
January 23, 2017 at 3:40 pm
What if I unfriended him on social media (I read the article too late)?
Thank you, Amor.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2017 at 5:58 pm
Hi Dreida,
through your social media posts indirectly.. if he sees your posts and sees how much you’re changing, he’ll relate you more to something good rather than the person he used to know..
Pinky
January 8, 2017 at 9:10 pm
My ex feels said very tired to love me. It’s been 4month he didn’t want to text me, call me or meet me. Now, he’s rather stay single than a committee relationship. He choose his career to sacrifice our love. Another reason, his mum don’t like me because we fight every month due to both of us have communication problem. I think we don’t have a chance being together in this life. It’s pretty hard to turn back. I have try to call him last month but the conversation ends up like normal friends. I’m very scared being hurt again if ask him out. The day when we break up he’s totally very mad and scold me very rudely.. that I still have phobia in my mind I don’t know what to do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 11:22 pm
Hi Pinky,
do you want to do the advice above?
Khai
December 30, 2016 at 2:02 am
Im so confused. He broke up with me in September aftwr he found out i cheated (once, and yes i know its still horrible). I was devastated. I felt like i was losing my mind. He said terrible things to me and refused to take my calls or respond to messages (well i note he didn’t block me from whatsapp). Anyway, i begged and apologised for the better part of a month and he came back (so i thought). Only to “ghost” me a month later. He has disappeared and the only contact i have with him is whatsapp. He responds to messages but few and far between. He has also asked questions again about the sexual encounter (he had already asked a whole lot of questions prior to getting back with me). I feel lost. We have been together for 6 years during which i was completely faithful, while he was not. Im in love with him and miss him so much. One moment i feel like i should leave him alone if he doesnt want to be with me. The next moment i am desperate to be with him. Im in turmoil. I need peace, and i need him. Confused: Why would he come back to me then abandon me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 30, 2016 at 2:52 pm
Hi khai,
because he still hasn’t forgiven
Nancy
November 18, 2016 at 7:53 am
Hi
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and we had a really good relationship except lately we’ve been having fights and argumenrs over little things and i could tell he gets really annoyed by them so he told me 3 weeks ago that he can’t keep having arguments and that it’s better we don’t stay together and i told him that these things are normal in a relationship and that you can’t expect everything to always be perfect but then suddenly he became cold with me and when i tried to find out the reason and he kept saying that he didn’t care any more and these kind of stuff.i told him i can’t stay with someone who just doesn’t care so i rather not be with you right now and we havent talked since.im really confused because everything was going great and only because of some stupid fights(that Are normal in every relationship) he went cold.
I’m really heratbroken and don’t know what to do since i don’t even know if we’re officially broken up or not cause he told me that he’s having these feelings now and when i asked him if he thinks it’s possible those feelings would change he said he didn’t know.
Im really confused and don’t know what is going through his head or if he’s ever going to reach out.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2016 at 4:58 pm
Hi Nancy,
well, what do you always argue about? Are you always together? Because when you said that’s just normal and he doesnt like it, it’s like you’re telling him that that bad moments will always happen which is unattractive.. I’m nkt saying it’s yiur fault. I’m just saying what he might be thinking.check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
Emily
November 17, 2016 at 10:02 am
I met my ex online early June, we became exclusive in 3 weeks and shortly after I was spending both weekend nights at his place. About a month he said things were going too fast than his emotions are ready for (he finalized the divorce paper in Feb). After a week of thinking he ended it over text and said I’m an amazing person he would be up for contact in a few months as friends. I told him to reach out when ready and went no contact also restricted him to my FB post. About 30 days he texted late Friday night saying he was thinking about me and asked how are things. I replied a few days later after returning from overseas, he then said it was for the best that I was out of town when he texted as he was being selfish. I told him I’m just starting to feel better let’s keep contact to minimize, he said reach out anytime when I’m ready. I unrestricted him from my FB then, he left a HBD on my wall in Oct. I texted him on his birthday last week (he didn’t disclose his bday on FB), I kinda want to see him so I said tell me about your trip sometime? He replied soon saying he is happy to meet for dinner or drinks to catch-up whenever I feel up to it. He also mentioned something about my parents so obviously he has been paying attention to me FB post. I told him to touch base in Dec since I was leaving for vacation in a few days. I really want a second chance with this guy we had such a great time together, but I feel he needs more time and would be extra cautious with me since he hurt me once already. Should I reach out to him in December or give it more time before meeting?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 17, 2016 at 5:05 pm
Hi Emily,
if you moved too fast before, then move slowly this time… After your travel, build rapport through texts first, and then calls, and then do meet ups..
Seleste Frohling
November 15, 2016 at 10:17 pm
I need some help. Mind anyone who sees this it is a long at complicated story.
My fiance and I have had a lot of breaking up and getting back together in the past, and we both always come back to one another because we can’t stand the idea of not being with each other. Now the usual reason that we break up is someone has pushed their way into our relationship and finds any means possible to manipulate us. This time he broke up with me and even though I believe in my heart that he will come back and I already know that this was orchestrated by his mother…She doesn’t like the two each age difference, I say it’s not a big deal compared to some relationships with age differences of 10+ years. I have tried to bond with her for a long time now and it seems like every time I do she takes that opportunity to lie and manipulate what really happened simply just to meddle in her son’s and my own happiness together. The break up itself was extremely sudden. We had spent some time together not even a day before the initial break up and everything was seemingly perfect. Laughing, cuddling, picking on one another left and right-our usual; but the next day he breaks up with me. Refuses to tell me why, bu then I realized that his mother was whispering to him from across the room. She was trying to make it so I couldn’t hear her but that didn’t work very well. Granted I couldn’t hear specifically what she was saying I knew it had everything to do with why Steven wasn’t saying anything to me as to why he had broken up with me. I told him that I deserved an explanation, which I do even though I pretty much already know what the general reason is, but I still need to hear it from him. He replied with that he would give me an explanation soon; however, the way I see it is that he will tell me as soon as his mother stops hovering over him like last time. Mind you, last time as soon as she had let him be about it was the moment we had started talking again and it was only days after the break up itself. The point is is that everything was fine between us, no problems or difficulties at the time and I was under the impression that I would get to see him soon to spend time with him since we were both busy on our anniversary, but whatever she said to him this time that he just couldn’t say around her has manipulated him into thinking he has no other choice just like last time. I don’t know what to do. All I want to do is go to wherever he is just so I can hold him close again. My mind and heart feel like they’re in shock even though I still do believe that at some-point things will smooth out and everything will be as it was. And as soon as he is at work tonight I will send him this message, “I know none of this was your decision even if you say it was. I refuse to give up on you because of the promises we made to each other. I’ll be right waiting for you when things calm down. I love you so much. Have a good night.” … Yes I realize some people will see this as weird but we both have fought for each other in the past and I’m not letting his mother stop me for stupid reasons. I love this man with all my heart, but it seems that the wait for him to come back, whether it be days or a couple weeks, it is what hurts the most. I can’t stand the fact that she keeps doing this but I would go through the seven gates of hell for this man, and my heart and mind can’t think straight at the moment.
****After the text I will be sending him tonight, what do you all believe I should do in regards to getting back my angel and dealing with his mother?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 11:03 pm
Hi Seleste,
it depends on what he will say after that text.. so, we’ll see.
Laura
November 10, 2016 at 11:24 pm
My Ex and I are on texting terms but mostly because I reach out to him. How can I make him be interested. We already were on no contact for about 3 months.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 6:36 pm
Hi Laura
how much did you improve yourself during those 3 months, are you still doing so? How long have you been texting?
Vini
November 9, 2016 at 5:06 am
Hi Team ,
I need your help so badly .
My ex broke up with about 20days ago and since then I am in No contact with him. Since the breakup , I blocked him from everywhere but after few days , unlocked him but I did not texted or called me even once and He did not tried to reach me either. We are not talking since 20days already .
So coming down to the breakup, We had on-off relationship for about 7months . We had few fights going in relationship since last november . In March , we had huge fight and over the text , in heat of the momemt, I said him since things are not working , we should now breakup. But what I meant was a break and not breakup ( communication mistake ) .
This broke his heart and he was miserable . After few days , we met and I told him we should get back together and make things work.
But he said that he cannot see himself in a relationship anymore with anyone , not only with me . He has lost belief in relationships and marriage and all ( beause of all fights in our relationshiop and his past relationship ) .He had issues going on within himself as to what is his purpose in life and his career was also on downfall during that period. He told me to be friends with him . He was in depression for few months , but I was nice during this time and he slowly came out of his depression .
Later , we slowly got back together . In may , we had another fight and he said the same thing again that we cannot be in relationship with anyone and the fights he cannot deal with it. He again broke-up with me . Next day , I said him to take time and think wisely.
One week later , he came back saying he cannot live his life without me and that without me , there is no happiness in life.
We got back again together and I was so happy that finally we are together for good.
Things went good later . I was working on my personal issues of being too insecure slowly gradually.
But few days back , I sensed he was being little cold and he told me he has some problems within , He is not able to see him in marriage or relationship with anyone . and that marriage is scary for him . I understood that men do feel this fear and its normal, but inside deep down I was so scared and afraid that he is going to leave me again one day.
We got into an arguement , which strecthed the resentment for few days , discussions , stress and all . Unfortunately , he was stressed with work also during these days (which I should have understood and delayed the discussion by few days ) . However , I told him to take a break for few days and we wont talk for few days .
Later a week, I called him and he said he is thinking the same , his current state is same that he cannot see himself in relationship , he has other stresses in life , he cannot handle added relationship stress at this stage in his life . He is not able to keep me happy . He has family issues , financial issues , work stress going on . So I understand he has lot to deal with already.
I asked him if I should wait , if he is going to be fine . He said he has no idea if ever he is going to fine again . So he said me to move on and find a stable Man who can keep me happy.
Seems like , he was so confused about the relationship . At one point , he feels like to be alone , doesnt want to be in relationship and other side , he is thinking if he should let me go , for good.
Please help , what I should do. Should I wait for him ? Should I move on ? . I have tried so hard since March to make things work , but seems like he is not in a state or resolving things , rather in state of getting rid of them.
He was always in attitude of resolving issues before March , but after that incident , he is just not ready to make it work.
Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 2:08 pm
HI Vini,
instead of pushing it, why not try the no contact rule?
Keri
November 2, 2016 at 4:37 pm
I don’t know what to do. I bought your ebook after I had already made contact and need help!
Was with my boyfriend for 3 months (we were casually dating off and on for a year two years ago when he didn’t want a relationship & I let him go; he came back 9 months later saying he was ready).We got along pretty great, laughed a lot together and had a solid connection. Things were progressing well; met his family and he met mine etc. He said he likes everything about me and that’s why he came back, we have great sex and have a good connection. He said he was falling in love & had those feeling but the last several weeks, it just stopped & he doesn’t know why. (I feel like we were having our first couple arguments & things were kind of strained) When he ended it a week ago, I didn’t push back and wished him well. The next morning I texted him & told him what I thought love meant & that it wasn’t going to always be butterflies and unicorns and wished him on his way. Then a couple days later I ran across an article about being scared to allow someone in and I forwarded it to him. He responded saying his heart has been hurting and hes been off and the article is making him think. We ended up meeting last night to talk. He said again that he has been off since we talked last and is confused. We talked about things we could do differently in the relationship. I told him I needed him to try and open up more and let me in and he said he’s realizing hes an awful communicator and immature when it comes to relationships. He said he has been in a lot of fear and was surprised at how sad he was after we broke up. He asked if he could have some time to process everything we talked about. I said yes. He texted me later in the night telling me thank you for sharing what I did and that his heart hurts but in a good way; that he has feelings for me. Now I just don’t know how to proceed. I know I am planning on giving him space and time. I am not following up on this. But, if he does reach out, I guess I want to know how to proceed??????
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2016 at 4:54 pm
Hi Keri,
it will depend on what he says after he reached out..if he says he’s still not ready then try doing the no contact rule
Jessica
October 26, 2016 at 5:39 pm
Hi,
My ex-boyfriend left me about a month ago. He said that he loves me and that it’s not that he doesn’t want me anymore just that nothing feels the same as it once was. He said nothing that he loves feels the same anymore. We were best friends before we started dating and spoke every day for 7 years. We had a connection unlike any other, even all of our friends would get annoyed at how good we were together. We had our issues, yes, a major one being that he lies to me about things that upset me because he is afraid I will leave. I understand his decision, as I found out that he has been lying to me for a long time now and that he is having mixed feelings for another girl. I spoke with him and he said he just wants to be alone, and isn’t trying to get with this girl. I do not want to be with someone who isn’t sure that he wants to be with me, however, I know that lately he has been under immense pressure and isn’t acting like himself. He said that nothing he loves feels the same anymore and I am worried that he is depressed. I picked up on it and every time I asked if he was okay he got angry with me. I know him better than he knows himself (he admitted this), which I think scares him because he doesn’t like to open up to anyone, but with me he doesn’t have to, I just know. I knew that he was lying to me about something and that something wasn’t right, which was why we fight leading up to the breakup. I understand that he is not emotionally available for a relationship and I want someone who is, but I also want what I had with him before he got stressed and started changing. Do you think there is anyway to remind him of why he loves me so that he does not lose himself completely? He is scared to talk to me because he knows once we start he can’t stop because our connection is just that strong. He also doesn’t like talking to anyone about the breakup because it feels too real for him. I know he is depressed and when I reached out after two weeks of no contact he said he was glad that I reached out and that I was the only one who sees that something isn’t right with him right now. This has been a very difficult time for me. The relationship had some issues so I agree that we shouldn’t be together right now, however, to see someone I love dearly and who meant so much to me change like this is heart-wrenching. I miss my best friend and I really want him to see that I want to be there for him without a relationship. I have had a lot of time to improve on myself and I can feel myself getting stronger. I know he is unhappy with everything in his life. How do I get my best friend back? No contact doesn’t work too well because he just wants to be alone and feels he doesn’t deserve to speak with me. His mom has been in touch with me (she knows how close we were) and we are both extremely worried. How do I help him?
Please help me. I don’t want to lose my best friend to this heinous illness or overwhelming depression that is causing him to act out. I am trying to give him space and time, but I don’t want him to think I have given up on him as a person.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 4:46 pm
Hi Jessica,
if he doesn’t want to talk to you, being constantly present or trying to be present will be annoying for him. He has mom, so the best move should be is that he gets therapy.. If he doesn’t want therapy, at least he has his mom by his side. So, don’t worry too much. I’m very sure his mom will look out for him.. You can’t control him and you can’t force him. You have to let him go through this. Let him have his own space and time..
flower
October 23, 2016 at 3:25 am
I already read every articles you have on the blog, i really like the blog! but i need an advice from you personally.
– We were together 3 years, we broke up this month because i started to hang out with one of my ex’s(i didnt cheat on him but i accepted all the invitations for events and for flight trips from my ex.. i felled good at the time and i had a little bit of a pression and after all i was needing for attention) after that i started to notice that i made some mistakes letting someone enter between us and i apologize to my bf but he just don’t want to come back, he’s very angry with me he says that for him this was cheating( i made some mistakes texting him a lot…apologizing myself).
I was with him to apologize personally and talk face to face but he’s just to angry and he doesn’t know how to react in this situation(its his first relationship, we are both 20years old). He says that i don’t deserve a chance and he personally can’t give me a chance.. because i hurt is feelings alot(he things that i changed him for a old ex. soo he’s not that important for me as he was thinking..).
Both of us agree that we had an intense and awesome relationship and we have a good connection between us, even he tells me that its not gonna be easy to find someone like me again because we really were between a lot together.. we learned from each other, we had a lot of great moments, and we visited a lot of countries together, we had a lot of expectation for ur future. Soo its not easy to move on because of a stupid mistake, i really want to learn from this but i want to stay by his side.
I don’t know what can i do more i feel very sorry for what I’ve been doing(i feel guilty and depressed), i promised him that i can change and i can learn from this mistake everyone does a mistake one time or another, and we can start all over again with a fresh start, but he really doesn’t want he says that nothing that i can say will change his idea to move on in his life without me. ( he doesn’t want to block me from any places soo he wants to stay with all my social profiles and with my number even he says that we can still be friend in the future cause he doesn’t trust me anymore in a love relationship..)
I stopped texting him the 19 oct even if he replies me everytime… and he replies me faster but its always to put me down and to say the same and to be rude.
Do you know that maybe the no contact 30 days will work for this case? and how can i act in this case to have is emotion and reason connected ? (because i know that he really loves me intensely but his afraid to try again and to be hurt again, and his reason tells him always that i cheated on him and his friends don’t help at all with that too.)
I don’t know what to think, i don’t know if i should give up or wait that maybe he will come back later when he realizes that maybe i was the one and that we can try again…(I’ve been doing everything i possible could to show him that im really sorry even one of my older friends that he really likes texted him to calm him down saying him that mistakes like this happen in a relationship and its not the end of the world).
thank you very much.
flower
October 24, 2016 at 11:48 pm
Thank your for your reply.
I already read that post.. im gonna start with the no contact rule and then we re gonna see whats gonna happen. do you think i have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 1:02 pm
There is, although I admit, it’s not that big..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 24, 2016 at 8:19 pm
Hi Flower,
Follow the advice the post I will link below, because even if you didnt cheat, for him you did..
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
Lex
October 22, 2016 at 12:58 pm
My boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago . We were together a little over 2 years. We had been fighting on and off but never about anything big. They were always little arguements. We had said time and time again we were going to fix the issue but it never happened. He works full time and is also renovating a house, so he is very busy and I got a little needy when it came to seeing him. We saw each other usually on weekends I wanted more time with him to keep getting more serious. I thought time would be the answer but I realize that was wrong. We were together over 2 years, we were a strong couple, we could have made it through anything. He has been here for me through thick and thin. I had spoken to him recently and he said it’s too soon to get back together even if things change. He distanced himself from me and I am afraid he is going to move on. I don’t want to loose my true love
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 2:55 pm
Hi Lex,
do you want to try the no contact rule?
Nikki
October 15, 2016 at 9:10 pm
Hi everyone,
So I am going through a really hard time right now. My boyfriend, of 2.5 years, and I broke up. it has been a week since it happened and we are going to meet up in a few days to finish talking about everything.
Our relationship was great. We were happy and in love. we could goof off, makes jokes, and have serious conversations. We talked to each other every day since we stated dating. then one day he says we need to talk and we break up. I did not feel it coming. There was no lead up. its not like we were fighting 24/7, we hardly ever fought.
He said he didn’t want a girlfriend. That he fell out of love with me, but I don’t think that’s true. he always told me he loved me, the texts and phone calls hadn’t stopped.
we were both busy the month of September so we hardly got to see each other. he said that since we hardly saw each other it didn’t feel like we were dating any more. I honestly believe that if we gave it a second shot and put in the time (a few dates here and there) then we would be able to go back to our old relationship.
How do I make him realize this?
Nikki
October 23, 2016 at 1:42 am
Thank you for the advise. I just have one more question. should I initiate the no contact rule for 30 days before I try to talk to him again? and if so, will it have the same effect? I’m worried that because I met up with him last week its going to effect my chances of getting him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 24, 2016 at 7:29 pm
what’s done is done..so,.move on from it..focus in improving yourself instead..and yes, initiate contact after nc..
Nikki
October 20, 2016 at 10:06 pm
So I talked to him today and things didn’t go horrible but they didn’t necessarily go the way that I wanted. He said he doesn’t want me to hate him and he wants us to be friends. He said he knows that all couples say they want to be friends but he truly means it. He said that our break up has been the hardest break up he’s ever had and our relationship was the most serious, so he said he too is having a hard time but he feels like it is for the best. He said that he was happy when we were together in person but when we weren’t that was when he began to feel iffy about our relationship. I asked him “what do you see me as in your future” and re replied “I’m going to say friends but only because I don’t want you to get your hopes up and then have them fall through”. So I’m not really sure where to go from here. I need advise.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 4:08 pm
that’s good..because it means you can start out as friends..just dont ask again if there’s a chance that it can progress to being in relationship again.. it would still be the same steps..build rapport and attraction through texts, then calls and meet ups.. keep maintaining yourself, keep improving so that you keep being interesting
Nikki
October 18, 2016 at 4:59 pm
No i have not told him that. I needed help on finding a way to word it so I don’t end up pushing him away even more. He is a very stubborn man and doesn’t like to change his mind.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 4:05 pm
ok, actually it’s better if you don’t do that.. Because if he already made a decision, trying to convince him will just look like you’re chasing him.. If I were you, I would agree with his decision.. Do no contact for 30 days, improve myself and then slowly build rapport after..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2016 at 8:13 pm
Hi Nikki,
Did you tell him that? If you did, what did he say?
Maria
October 5, 2016 at 3:11 am
Hi,
My ex and I dated for 3 months and it was a very intense relationship, but with a lot of problems. He said he wanted a family with me, he said I was the best sex he ever had, but he just could not handle all the fighting. I took the blame for my part, we spent 3 weeks apart because of a business trip I had to take and he was acting hot & cold. When we saw each other again, he said he still had feelings for me and wanted to take things slow, baby steps he said. Then a week later he said “I’m just not ready, don’t wait for me, let’s just be friends”. this was a week ago. Since then he contacted me briefly every day for one reason or another. even late at night. He even swang by my house one day to say hi. Then today we went for coffee, and even though I tried to keep it friendly and not talk about our past relationship, it did came up, and he still seems not to want to get back together – he also said he doesn’t want to do friends with benefits ’cause it would hurt him. He did talk about hanging out and write songs (which is what we always talked about doing together).
I am pretty sure he’s dating around, though he said he wasn’t. He asked if I was (which I’m not and told him so). Do I still have a chance with him? Should I go no contact, keep in the friendzone until he changes his mind? and how? thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 11:02 am
Hi Maria,
more likely you’ll stay in the friend zone if you don’t distance yourself, worse is you might end up being friends with benefits later on even if he says that’s not what he wants right now.. Try doing 30 days no contact and check this one too:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Emma
October 3, 2016 at 11:10 am
Hi There
I also commented on the no contact version 2.0, but I’m just looking around to see what related to me and my situation.
As per my last post my ex broke up with me because of a drunken conversation we had about commitment, I voiced my opinion and he ended up packing his stuff and leaving that night. From my stand point we had a pretty good relationship we talked everyday and told each other pretty much everything were always laughing and having a good time, but when breaking up with me he mentioned that he didn’t think he could give me what I wanted and that we were just not meant to be together so whats the point in continuing with our relationship …. Thing is he had introduced me to his parents the weekend before and had mentioned that I had past the friends test and the family test he seemed pretty smitten with me at that point.
I was just wondering if there is a chance of changing his mind about him not being able to give me what i want when he was already giving me everything and more, he can also be pretty stubborn once his made his mind up.
Emma
October 5, 2016 at 11:38 pm
Hi Amor
I’m not to sure what it was exactly that I said that made him respond by packing up his things and leaving, I can only assume it was the fact that I opened up about my hopes for marriage in the future and what it meant to me. I think he took it as me placing an expectation onto him for him to give that to me at sometime in the future but I didn’t mean for it to be perceived that way I was just opening up to him (my parents are divorced so its a bit of a topic I struggle with at times). When I tried to explain that he just brushed me off and didn’t want to discuss it further and ultimately ended the relationship.
I’m also confused by his facebook as his changed his relationship status but hasn’t taken down any pictures with us together (given there’s only a few) do you think its just an over sight or his done it so that people don’t know we’ve broken up until he tells them or that his doing it in spit of me?
He ended up dropping my things off last night while i wasn’t home and left them in my letter box, he messaged me to say that he had but I haven’t messaged him back so no contact rule is still in place.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 4:27 pm
If he just got scared then just be active in your life.. If he sees, you have your own life, he may think he’s just over reacting.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 7:35 pm
Hi Emma,
So what was it that you said that freaked him out? You can still do the no contact rule even if you have to give his things, just make sure that you only talk about these things. No relationship no feelings at all.
Yanna
October 2, 2016 at 5:02 pm
My ex and I broke up about 6 weeks ago. He broke up with me saying that he doesn’t need drama in his life. After a few hours we spoke again and we cried on the phone together. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have never seen in him cry other than when his grandme passed away and at that time it was only tears. That night it was full blown sniffles and heavy breathing, that really intense cry. Over the month of September we were talking once or twice a week. I would sometimes bring up the relationship and he seemed like he just didn’t want to talk about it, it was “too emotional.” About 2 weeks ago I invited him over FOR sex and during that time it felt like nothing had changed. He was saying he missed me and he thought about me everyday after the breakup. Finally when I was walking him out, we were by his car and as we were walking i started crying and he was wiping my tears and saying things like “don’t cry you are too beautiful to cry. I want you to be happy.” I told him he makes me happy. He said I can’t predict the future “who knows we may get back together and have a bunch of kids together,” but I want you to work on you and live life. He claimed he still wanted to be friends, but his actions are not matching what he is saying so I am confused.
Currently I have been doing no contact for 11 days which is the longest we have gone without reaching out to each other in a year and a half. I am a college athlete and he has attended a few of my games, one of which he drove with my mom to. I know he loves me, he has never loved anyone the way he loves me and in my heart I believe he was created for me. When we were laying together he said he might surprise me at one of my games also when he came over, he originally asked for some of his stuff because he said he didn’t want another guy wearing it, but then he said they were gifts to me an that I could keep them. SO now my question is what should I do. Should I continue no contact until he shows up to one of my games??? Should I contact him after 30 days of no contact is up? Is there even a chance? I was naggy at times, but only because I care about him. Sometimes I was overly playful and I do understand that I can be immature, but I know my faults. I have had time to think and reflect on my relationship with him. If I wanted to date I can go do that. I don’t miss being in a relationship, I miss being with him. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Hi Yanna,
the more important thing is if you are doing new things.. because if you didn’t you have to restart the count.. It’s very important that when he sees you, he’ll think you’ve changed.. since you’re an athlete, just maintain your physique.. have a haircut, join a new club or volunteer to meet new people and make new friends..and then after 30 days initiate contact but continue those activities
Nee
October 1, 2016 at 5:59 pm
Hi,
I just wanted to hear your opinion on my situation.
I broke up with my bf in June after nine months together. While we were together, he was very much in love. However, bc he suffers from anxiety, he has severe issues with relationships in General. When he is in love he gets scared and tries to break it off, convincing himself he has never felt anything at all. Ours was the First of his relationships that lasted more than a month or two.
I dumped him when I relaised he needed to see his issues before we got back together. I went into no contact with him, despite my being in love, because I knew he needed to see I was wrong.
He came to me cryig a month ago after three weeks of NC, not saying explicitly that he loved me, but saying he understood that the breakup was all his fault. We started to text every once in a while and went out for times, and every time he would flirt more. He started to look at me tenderly for minutes in a row, to speak to me softly, to hug me for forever while sighing. Then he would go cold for a couple of days (and I would not engage or be mad, but act as if nothing was happening ). Then he would write to me again.
Finally last week he helped me move to another apartment, and then he kissed me and we had sex. Afterwards he had a panick attack, saying he was unsure of what would happen next. I told him we should take things slow. Three days afterwards we met again and again he kissed me and we had sex. He took me home, kissed me goodbye, even told me to take care not to take a cold and to wear a jacket.
This was two days ago. Now he is distant, he berely replies to my texts, and generally seems cold. He told me we coukd not see each other for a few days, and that we could meet next week bc he is super busy.
I think he is starting to be afraid again. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 5:47 pm
HI Nee,
you can’t control him.. The best you can do is to have a talk and tell him that you understand him but you can’t wait and be part of his pattern your whole life. The best you can do is to be serious in your own life now and let him do the work.. Let him prove his commitment first before jumping in the opportunity of being sweet with him again.