What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?

902 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?”

Arci

September 29, 2016 at 7:52 am

I and my ex-boyfriend broke up last September 25, 2016. I initiated it, but he decided and made the last decision.

September 19, 2016 in the evening, he learned about my sickness from the past. A sickness that can be infectious or not. A common friend told him about it. I didn’t know that even though it has been already 8 years ago that some guy is spreading about my sickness. My first boyfriend from 4th year high school made the rumor 8 years ago. I was so innocent until Sept 19. I was so shocked that the reason my first boyfriend broke up with me was because of my illness. Isn’t it devastating? Because the real story was that, he found someone else. Well it’s true that I was sick, but it never became our reason.. So back to my recent broken relationship. He was also shock because I failed to tell him about it. He was so scared that I might have infected (it’s not HIV) him and he was so innocent that he felt that I broke his trust. He felt betrayed and his views towards me changed. He thought that I was hiding it from him. I told him that I’m sorry and explained to him my side. I was just not ready to share him about my sickness and he can’t understand my explanation. I said sorry. I gave him space to think about it. 5 days I gave him. Sept 19 to Sept 24.. He was so broken that he thought he knew everything about me. I’m also the victim out here, but why can’t he understand that I was just preparing myself to share it. I wasn’t ready to share that one thing about me. He said that he could have accepted it if I told him earlier. But God, it wasn’t easy for me to share that kind of sensitive matter. You see where I’m going, Chris? Our relationship was really doing fine until Sept 19. He can’t take the fact that he trusted me 100% and he thinks that I don’t trust him 100% for me to be able to share that one thing about me. So Chris… Is still there a chance of getting him back? I really love him and I really do feel that he loves me, although he says that he’s trying to find that love again, but he can’t. He still mad at me for not telling everything. But trust me, it wasn’t my intention to hide it from him. I wasn’t ready to share it. But we really love each other. He just felt betrayed to know it from someone else and not from me. Please do help me. He still replies whenever I text him. But last night August 28, 2016.. I didn’t reply to his message “Take care” when I told him “anywaaay. I gotta go. I won’t push our relationship to be fixed, yet” since I felt that he’s still mad and I can’t do anything but to wait for him to realize his mistakes and understand my side.

Arci

November 23, 2016 at 8:55 am

Hi Amor. I think my comment was deleted….

Last November 15,2016 we burst the bubble. We were having a conversation that day. Small talk through messenger. And then suddenly he told me that I shouldn’t expect anything. Then I ask him, what must I not expect. He told me that he doesn’t want the both of us to expect from one another yet. Then I ask him what’s that something. Then he told me to never mind what he said. But I told him to tell me what is it really because it’s obvious. He told me… “What if I really don’t want to fix it again?” I answered him “I’ve though of that already, because it’s obvious.” I told him that at first I thought he was trying to get me back because of the things he was telling me on November 5. and that I misinterpreted him. and that I agreed that we should be friends first before trying again. Then he told me that what happened last September just had a big impact on him that he got tired thinking about love and having relationships. He told me that he’s not saying that he’ll come back or not, he just wants me not to limit myself. He’s really confused and I guess he was really faking his happiness. He’s still mad at me. But I handled the conversation in a subtle manner. I didn’t get mad. I agreed to whatever he was saying. I told him to never stop trusting people. because he said that he might already built trust issues. A friend of ours talked to me too. She told me that she feels like he really likes me/loves me, he’s just confused and always thinking about the reason we broke up. Currently Amor, I deactivated all my social media accounts. But I’ve been going out with mutual friends. Karaoke, jogging, hanging out.. I just wanted to stay quiet and keep myself away from the social media. Amor, please tell me what should I do. Is there still a chance? He never told me that he doesn’t want to get back. He just used the “what if” and he was aware that he treated me really bad. leaving me after knowing about my illness. He felt bad and thought that karma might hunt him in the future. then our last chat..he told me “We really can’t tell what might happen in the future. I’ll sleep now. good night.” It’s been a week without communication Amor. Help me please?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 25, 2016 at 8:49 pm

I don’t know if you saw my reply last 15, I’ll paste it here but in addition to it, it just means he’s not that attracted and he doesnt see you differently than the person he left..

I think it means what it is..he’s undecided so he’s testing the waters by being friends with you.. observing if you’ll revert back to your old self or if you’ve really changed. Just have fun whenever you talk and dont be too available
Arci

November 13, 2016 at 12:36 pm

Hi Amor. Update on what transpired this week. So yep. Right after that conversation. Our communication once again opened. Suddenly he chatted me on messenger and told me that he talked with our mutual friends. He told them about our story. And he explained his side. And all I said was I really don’t know what to say and what to react. He told me that he’s not angry anymore. And i replied that I’m happy he’s no longer angry at me. He then told me that he want to start again. Now that we both know everything. That we’ll see if it will work out or not. And that is, if I still want to. And then I replied that I’m having mixed emotions. That we can talk about it personally. And then I kept it light and just shared stories about my trip. I came out cheerful and I didn’t talk about the breakup. I was showing him that I’m happy. And he keeps on telling me that I found happiness in my job and I seem to enjoy everything now. The next day, he told me that he doesn’t want to confuse me. I then realized that I misinterpreted him. He wanted us to stay as friends first, before entering the relationship again. And then I told him that “hey let’s keep this light. What’s past is past. It already happened.” And then lately, I’m the one who’s ending the conversation and he’s the one texting first. I don’t reply if his replies are boring or there are no questions. Our mutual friends told me that he’s undecided. He really doesn’t know whether he should get back with me or not. He can’t give them answers. Right now, I haven’t contacted him. Amor, what should I do if he’s still undecided? Must I still reply when he’s messaging me? Tomorrow is his birthday and I already gave my present with his officemates, so that by tomorrow he’ll receive it. And I’m planning not to greet him and I’ll be offline on facebook the whole time. My gift for him is a wrist watch, since he needs more time to think. Hahaha so yeah. He’s a complicated guy. And I’ve been thinking, the fact that he suddenly opened up with my friends out of the blue..what does that mean?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 2:12 pm

I think it means what it is..he’s undecided so he’s testing the waters by being friends with you.. observing if you’ll revert back to your old self or if you’ve really changed. Just have fun whenever you talk and dont be too available
Arci

November 4, 2016 at 10:38 pm

Hi Amor. So I initiated first contact last night. Since I alreay ended my 30 days no contact. I couldn’t wait for his birthday because I have a story to share with him. You see we both love game of thrones. So last night’s conversation.

Me(7:17pm): You’ll never guess what happened to me today! And I can’t help not to share it with you! Hahaha

Him(7:21pm): What?

Me(7:27pm): This morning I was outside the office of BIR since I have to do something. A group of teenagers passed by and suddenly shouted “Arya Stark! Is that you?!” And my face was so blank! I didn’t know if they were referring to me! But I really felt that they shouted at me! Hahahaha! And then I instantly remembered that I was always telling you that I’m Arya Stark. And suddenly you popped out on my mind! Hahaha

Him(7:45pm): hahahaha! It’s great that they saw you! XD

Me(8:07pm): But the true good news is..I got the item at the BIR. 🙂 After one year of waiting! Can you believe it? Hahaha I thought there was no hope! But it has! It has! It has! God is really good. 🙂 He’s really listening to my prayers. Haaaay

Him(8:10): What item?

I didn’t reply yet and then he sent me a text once again..

Him(8:34pm): What item?

Me(8:56pm): item=position. Was that your question? Or where you asking about what position I got? Because it’s Revenue Officer. Are my messages double sending? Sorry if it happens. Might be phone problems. Ches I still have a lot to tell you..really so much, and I hate to cut it short, but they are already calling for me. Have a great night! Rain check?

(You see I asked if my messages were double sending because he double sent his message and I thought my messages double sent too.)

Him(8:58pm): Wow! It’s great that you got the position you wanted. :)) I’m very happy for you Ae 😀

And I didn’t reply after that message. Was it a good start? Please tell me if I did or if I didn’t blow my chance. So what’s next after this?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 3:41 pm

Yes! That’s a very good convo!
Arci

November 3, 2016 at 1:00 am

So I’ve decided to initiate contact on his birthday. That will be the 41st day of No Contact. But I don’t know how to start or to construct my first text since there are no given examples about greeting your ex on his birthday on this site. I was thinking if I text him with “Happy Birthday, Ches!”, he’ll only reply with “Thanks, Arci!”. Must I send him more than that? Like “Hi Ches! You’ll never guess what happened to me today!.. And because of that, I suddenly remembered that it’s your birthday today! So… Happy Birthday! I wish you had a blast, I’m sure you did!” I’m planning to send it before his birthday will end..like 11:58 in the evening. To add a spice on it. 🙂 Please let me know if I’m on the right track. Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 3, 2016 at 11:48 pm

yeah, you can try that.. the text is good
Arci

October 29, 2016 at 8:06 am

Hi again Amor. I just home after a very long travel. I’ve been gone for two weeks. Just right now, I was scrolling down on my fb feed and a mutual friend of ours posted a group picture with him in it. I can’t help but stare and examine him. He looks really happy and it seems like he’s really fine. I am overthinking now whether I still have a chance of getting him back. Because I’m thinking maybe he’s now happy alone and he doesn’t need me anymore. Is this normal? What I’m feeling right now, is it normal? I’m chickening out. I don’t know if I still have the guts to communicate first. I’m thinking I’ll start the communication on his birthday. I’m afraid that after one month of no contact, he still won’t change his mind. That he has already decided not to be with me again. I guess, I’m afraid to take the risk.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2016 at 6:18 pm

it’s normal to think like that.. if he had moved on, he has to think you did too for him to be open in starting as friends again.. Remember, this is not a continuation of your previous relationship. Let go of the previous relationship
Arci

October 27, 2016 at 11:41 pm

Hi Amor. Im on my 25th day of no contact and since then he never contacted me. I’ve been posting my travels and for two weeks I’ve been away from town. Going out with new friends and doing awesome things like ice skating and wall climbing. I’ve been really travelling. I’m still away from home. But today and last night, I’ve been thinking about him. I’m trying myself to feel okay and not feel sad. But I really miss him. I’m wondering why he hasn’t contacted me. The NC rule is about to end and his birthday is coming. It will be on Nov 14. Must I greet him? Or must I contact him right after the nc rule is done? That will be on November 3.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 29, 2016 at 1:31 am

if the nc ends in november 3, it’s ok to greet him by nov 14. You should be building rapport by then..
Arci

October 12, 2016 at 6:21 am

Thanks Amor. But what I’m afraid of is that, what if he’s already moved on? What if he realized that he doesn’t need me anymore? Would it be harder for me to open his mind again? It’s sad to think that he doesn’t miss me. But I really get the idea of this whole thing. If he’s acting happy and acting like everything’s fine, then I have to be happier than him. I really need to focus more on myself and ignore him. I need to be genuinely happy.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 12:57 pm

Yes, that’s right. You need to be genuinely whether he has moved on or not.. If he has moved on, the good side of that is he has moved on from the old relationship, and if he is willing to be friendly again with you, that means he expects you did too. In that way, take it as a restart.. Build a better foundation of friendship instead of trying to continue the old that didn’t work out.
Arci

October 11, 2016 at 1:58 pm

I’m on my 8th day of no contact. And today, my bestfriend suddenly told me that my ex looks happy. By the way, they are workmates. She said that there are no traces of him being sad about the breakup. He never brought up the breakup to them. He’s doing fine. I didn’t ask about this. My bestfriend just told me. And I asked her to stop talking about my ex. That I don’t want to know anything about him. Because I’m in the process of healing thyself. And knowing that he’s already happy made me sad. It felt like our relationship is now irrelevant for him. We broke up two weeks ago. Is there still a chance? I’m really trying my best to keep myself busy. Work, going out with friends, traveling and etc.. Is this normal? Is it normal for him to be happy and act like everything is fine? And is it normal for me to feel sad knowing that he’s doing fine without me? I only felt this just today.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 5:23 pm

Everything is normal.. It would be worse if he just keeps being sad.. if he really is happy, and not just wearing a mask, then that means it would be easier to talk to him later on.
Arci

October 6, 2016 at 2:23 am

Should I only do 30 days? or more than that? I just hope I still have a most probable chance of getting him back. For now, I’ve been focusing on myself. doing the things I haven’t done for months. Like swimming and going out with friends. It’s my third day of NC. Still a long way to go. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 4:49 pm

that’s good! Do at least 30 days and continue the routine you started during nc when you’re rebuilding rapport with him.
Arci

October 3, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Hi! I’m 23 and he’s 21. We’ve both graduated and have a degree. We are already working too..

So here’s another story about us. I started NC last Thursday. But after that day (Friday) Morning he texted me and told me that he was sorry for being and asshole. He told me that he was just mad and he needs time to process things and realize things and time for himself. And I didn’t reply because I was implementing the NC. But tonight (Monday) October 3, I failed the NC. I texted him and asked him if he’s still mad at me and whether or not he still needs space and time. But his reply was a negative. Yep he’s still mad and told me “If it’s not now, then it’s not now”. He said he don’t want me to expect anything from him. So after that.. Told him I’m completely letting him go and I’ve accepted his decision. (Well, I just said that so that I won’t look like a beggar. But the truth is, I still want him back) He replied and thanked me for everything. And I did not reply back.

Now you see, I really love him and I understand why he’s acting that way. Trust is really important for him and I broke it. He wanted to know my sickness from the beginning because he wanted to be prepared. He felt like betrayed and scared coz he thought I might transfer my virus to him.

What should I do? Should I start over with the NC rule? I’m currently focusing with myself too. I deactivated all my social media accounts. I regret texting him today. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 10:43 pm

yes, you should restart count.. he’s action just showed he’s not really mature enough.. well, he’s young so that’s normal.. let’s hope he cools down and understands you
Arci

October 3, 2016 at 4:17 pm

He’s 21 and I’m 23. We’re both working now and we both finished a degree. That was what I’m thinking. That he can’t know everything about me in just a short span of time. He was worried he’ll get infected with my virus. 🙁 I thought he loved me unconditionally that’s why I didn’t deny it and told him the truth.

Last friday, he messaged me telling me that he was an asshole for overreacting and that he still needs time to realize things and time for himself. He told me that he’s not closing the doors yet. And I didn’t reply because it was the second day of my no contact rule. But I’ve made a mistake this day. I broke the rule and messaged him. Asking if he’s still mad at me and if he still needs time and space. And yep, he still is mad and don’t want to get back with me. I told him I’d completely let go and I’ve accepted his decision. (Well we all know that I just said that so that he won’t think I’m begging him to stay) He replied and thanked me for everything. And I didn’t reply back to that. I really love him and want our relationship to be restored. What should I do? Should I start over again with the no contact rule? I’m currently working with myself. deactivated all my social media accounts. I regret that I texted him today. Its supposed to be my fifth day of NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 10:43 pm

yes, you should restart count.. he’s action just showed he’s not really mature enough.. well, he’s young so that’s normal.. let’s hope he cools down and understands you
Arci

September 29, 2016 at 7:55 am

By the way.. We only met Last June and officially became boyfriend and girlfriend last month. So overall.. We were together for almost four months.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 9:57 pm

Hi Arci,

Oh, your relationship is new.. Well, in that time you’re not supposed to know everything. Not even when you’re years together. How old are you both?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 1:27 pm

Hi Liz,

Reality is, you can’t control him. If he’s not ready, it’s either you decide to wait or move on
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 2:06 pm

Hi CPL

unblock him… It’s better if sees your posts..just dont open his.. keep improving yourself.

if he sees you’re moving on, improving and having your own life, there’s a chance that he would be comfortable to start as friends again after nc
lexymax

September 18, 2016 at 9:29 am

Hi please how can i let my Ex know that i dont want to be in a relationship with again but be friends? Because i have sent him a message earliy this week stating how much i felt about him and how i will Never hurt him, he didnt respond, 3 days later, i sent anoda saying i will Never cross path with him again and he didnt respond. I just like him but now as a friend but why has he been running away from responding to my chats or text? Is he scared? What should i do?
LG

September 16, 2016 at 7:31 pm

I’ve commented on other threads but I’m searching around here.

Basically I managed to get things back to the first date which turned into a romantic date. Things were looking up, despite a jealous question I asked him after that date.

But now, on Saturday, he called me after a photoshoot because I asked him too. But the thing is that he was at a wedding, and annoyed to talk to me I guess. I picked up on that, and it triggered all the things that upset me before in our relationship. I am dealing with ptsd also. And I was a bit drunk. Anyways, I wigged out on him via text message, and I think I destroyed everything. This was last Saturday, its now Friday.

I hate it because I had told him I was doing better. He’s asked me to send a list of my triggers. But I feel like everytime I talk to him I make things worse. My friends say I should just forget about him.

I dont know if I can fix things. Every interaction has been rough since then, with me feeling like I am annoying him. Obviously, I have to go away for awhile. But will that improve anything?

LG

September 16, 2016 at 9:01 pm

Is there anything I can gain from buying the book at this point?

He says he wants us to be friends. But I can’t just be his friend. I am mad at him a lot because I feel like he abandoned me when I needed him the most. But at the same time, I was having a really hard time and it was difficult because I kept lashing out at him.

I’m not sure what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 8:37 pm

As they say, change you first before trying the situation. If you needed to change yourself because your issues are becoming a problem, of course that would improve the situation. Not just with him but for your future relationships too if this doesn’t work out. You take yourself with every relationship, so, change you first.

Danielle

September 13, 2016 at 6:17 am

Good article/ advice, but I’m having problems connecting it with my particular situation. My ex broke things off after almost 3 months of dating. He admitted that he felt great around me, enjoyed my company, always commented I was different than other girls and he was always impressed by me, his familiar loved me ,and we never had any problems except I would a few times get a little annoyed with his smoking (I would tell him it was fine though). Before he even asked me to be his girlfriend he said he’d quit for me. I told him not to worry but he insisted because he thought it was hurting me and didn’t want to do that to me. So off he went to get on chantix and for a couple weeks things were fine, but 2 weeks before the break up he said he was feeling weird. The meds made him lose motivation and interest in everything, (work, sleep, appitite, sex) and even the relationship. He said he’d see how it went for a couple weeks that maybe the feeling would wear off. So things went partly back to normal. I noticed he was a bit checked out during our text convos (he insisted since day one we keep in contact everyday: communication was the biggest thing for him) but on the weekends we saw each other (our schedules conflict during the week) everything was great and normal. After the 2 weeks he asked me to come over as usual, asked me for dinner, and pulled the we need to talk line. Ended it saying he’s still not feelin right and that he doesn’t think he can go past really liking me to loving, doesn’t think he was giving me all I needed (despite my constant reassurance and appreciation of him most days), and said I deserve better than what he can give right now. My question is, is there any way him and I could potentially recover from this?

Danielle

September 14, 2016 at 11:55 pm

Hi Amor,
I believe his reasons were because 1) the meds he’s on made him unsure how to feel and 2) he started to close up and become afraid because of his past relationships. At least this is what I understood from our convo
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 10:06 am

ok, even if communication was the problem when you were in a relationship, right now, he made a different decision and pushing to ask for a chance might just annoy him. So, give him space. Especially if the reason is the meds and him being upset then he won’t listen to you no matter what you say..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 4:20 pm

HI Danielle,

wait, so he can’t get past from liking you to loving you because you weren’t that available to talk?

Kate

September 8, 2016 at 6:22 pm

I messed up. After 7 months of not talking we got together with a group of mutual friends who pushed us to talk. We clicked instantly and it almost seemed as if we had never broken up in the first place.
He broke up with me initially due to lots of fighting and disagreements. I thought I would never get over him and eventually I did. The moment I did he was back in my life.
So fast forward to last week. we talked privately about everything. And he said “let’s take things slow”. It felt so good talking to him again that I continued to text him. And this is where I messed up, I think. I kept trying to hang out with him and made myself too avaliable to him. He kept giving me short answers till finally he texted me “idk I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t want to get back together”. I asked him why and his only response was “idk I was thinking about it”. Those two lines are the only things I have and I’ve been trying to figure it out.
Is it too late? Did I mess this up? How do I fix this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Hi kate,

hmm.. I think you need to do a 21 day nc.. tell him, you agree..things went too fast and both of you need to slow down.. and then start that nc

Gabs

September 7, 2016 at 9:30 pm

Hello!
So…I was dating this guy, we knew each other for years but just started dating a few months ago, and it was really good.. I felt great, I felt loved, wanted, he was funny, interesting and romantic, I fell for him really bad and he fell the same way for me (at least he said he did). It was something serious and by serious I mean that we were both introduced to each other’s parents and other family members, we went to important events like weddings together…those type of things. We were very “lovey dovey”, at least most of the times, and even though there was no sexual intercourse (I’m a virgin), we did some other things to keep our sexual needs fulfilled. After a while I started taking birth control because I wanted to..”control my system” but well.. It got very out of control also. I became a little grumpy, I started losing my patience pretty easily and…my sexual desire was gone. Just like that! And…because of it we stopped doing the things that we used to do because… well, I never felt like it.
After 2 months most of the side effects were gone, but not the lack of sexual desire. He didn’t like that… and he didn’t really understand, he started to think that I just lost interest in him or something like that, even though I explained it was not the case.
Now… In a few weeks are both going to different cities, to different universities. We knew this would happen since day 1 but we believed that it was going to be alright, it wouldn’t be easy but “our love could fight anything and anyone!”. It comes out that it wasn’t really like that…
We were fine, or at least I though we were, until some days ago, we hang out, we kept our “lovey dovey” vibe, but then… it all went to shit, and excuse my language. He send me some texts out of nowhere saying that he loved me but he had to be honest with me about some things and then he started saying that he felt that I was distant, that he didn’t felt desired and he wanted to, that it was like something was missing in our relationship and that now that we were going to different universities he was scared and insecure and long distance relationships didn’t work for him. Then he called me, we spoke, he broke up with me. I got hurt really bad… It was very painful and even revolting to see that happening out of nowhere but I accepted it. Then, the next day he start texting me saying that he felt bad and needed to explain. I admit, I told him to fuck off a couple of times, but then I let him talk. The way that he was speaking it was like his “love” for me had been long gone. Like if in a few days before we weren’t together like we were and it was really weird to see that. Anyway, now I feel and think a few things: that the “flame of love” disappeared and he was just making excuses; that what he felt for me wasn’t strong enough to at least try the long distance relationship thing; that the breakup was “my fault” because of the no sex thing, because he needed that to feel some sort of connection and since I didn’t give him that he just… got tired of waiting, I guess.
Now…here’s the thing: I want him back… I don’t know if it’s because I’m hurt and lonely, if it’s because I love him or if I’m just dumb, but I want him back… I know that right now he doesn’t really want me, but I’d like to believe that someday in the future, either a close or far away one, we could get back together.
I would like some help to understand the real reason of the breakup and also to know if I should try that, just forget the idea or if I try, what should I do to get it to work?
Thank you! (and sorry if my English is a little off, I’m from Portugal)

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 9:19 am

Hi Gabs,

I agree that he might have started to lose feelings out of frustration from when you started the pill. Try no contact rule as a last resort. Do 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in social media. Don’t break it until he really says he wants to get back with you. If he didn’t do that during no contact, initiate texting after 30 days to slowly build rapport. and then move to calls and then to meet ups.

Yna

September 5, 2016 at 9:18 am

Hi Amore! Does this article have a more in-depth version in the book? I kind of need help with the progressing part of getting him back (after deploying NC and having to meet him again).

Thanks!

Yna

September 7, 2016 at 3:42 am

thank you so much amore! I definitely will buy the book soon from my next salary 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 7:47 am

Thank you too!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 7:53 am

Hi Yna,

Look your best every time you see him.. I dont think you’re too available because it’s just every friday but if it’s becoming normal for him to see you every friday, try skipping 1 friday this month. And this article works hand in hand with the book but ofcourse Chris mentioned some things here that pertains more about a guy that has really set his mind on not going back to you

Gemini

September 4, 2016 at 11:09 am

I brutally dumped my 1 month boyfriend over text cos i got really mad at him taking his best friend out for a movie and not me. Basically i got super possessive and jealous. Its been 2 months since the break up and i havent moved on and i still want him back.
We talk occasionally over text sometimes and he admits he misses me. He isnt dating anybody else. When i ask him to come back he says that the drama will happen again so its better not to be together. When i promise i wont do any drama he doesnt believe me. I dont want to push him or force him to come back.
Is there any way to make him come back on his own?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 5, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Hi Gemini,

Do you want to try the no contact rule and what Chris advised above?

Gracie

August 27, 2016 at 2:09 pm

Hi Chris,

Lie #1. I didnt tell him I had a 3 y/o kid from another man when we started talking. I pretended to be somebody else online. I made him fall for me. After a couple of months, finally meet up and told him that the girl in the pic wasn’t me, but he accepted it. Lie #2. Because I didnt tell him i had a kid, he found out abt it all by himself. I was then 8 mos pregnant with our kid when he found out that the kid whom I introduced as a nephew was really mine.

We’ve been together for 4 years now. We have a 3 y/o kid. We argue at times like normal couple do. But we always manage to patch things up. My ex was not vocal when it comes to showing affection. He was not vocal at all. 2 weeks ago, he forgot abt our anniversary. Then we fought about it. Until he finally broke down and said he wanted to break up with me. I cried and begged. He said things like “he never see his future self with me” “he doesnt have any plans of marrying me” “i never loved you” “i only showed you lobe because it was an obligation” I was so hurt, i begged and cried almost everyday. He even turned down sex, and he always get mad if i initiate small talk. I asked him to give us another try but he doesnt want to. I told him he doesnt even have to love me, as long as he stays. He said he’ll stat but i shouldnt be expecting anything in return 🙁 i was okay with that, but then I realized i dont think I should be treated that wat. So a week ago I stopped talkijg to him. 5 days ago, i stopped seeing him too, I mean we live in the same house but I avoided him as much as I can. Last Wednesday he talk to our nanny and asked her why am I not home, why am I not asking how he has been, if i wanna fix our relationship I sould be waiting for him. When I found out abt it, I had hope. I missed him but as much as I want to initiate “a talk” i try hard not to do it because I’m not sure if he still wants me back or not. A week from now he’ll be moving out of the house together with our baby since no one will look after the kid. I agreed to be visiting our baby during Sundays that means I wont be seeing him anymore l 🙁 please help 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 12:55 pm

Hi Gracie,

continue minimal contact.. improve yourself and continue doing that when he moves out.. Always look your best when you visit your baby. Dont open any emotional conversation.
Be light.. so that he wont think you’re chasing him.. slowly start to have friendly conversations after nc everytime you go there

Mio

August 25, 2016 at 8:08 am

Hi, I and my boyfriend broke up 5 days back…the reason of breaking up is that he is not getting good marks as he wasted his time chatting with me..and because of getting less marks he got scoldings from our class teacher…After seeing that his mom cried so his main reason is he doesn’t wanna make his mom cry again..I want him back at any cost.This was our first relationship and I know he loves me but he said he don’t..So what should i do to get him back? Please help me..

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 29, 2016 at 12:29 pm

Hi Mio,

let him focus in his studies for now and do the same too.. If both you can help each other someday, nobody would think you’re too young to handle a relationship

Sarah

August 23, 2016 at 10:14 pm

My boyfriend and I had been dating for just over 4 months. We hung out all the time and I get along really well with his parents and he gets along with mine. He broke up with me a couple of days ago because he said he can’t do it anymore because we sometimes argued over little things. I went to his house to say thank you to his parents etc, drop some things off and talk to him for a bit. He broke up with me over text so I feel as though I had the right to get some closure. He said he wants me but he can’t do it anymore and he’s over it, he said he’s not good at relationships but all he needed to do was communicate. We’ve never really had any space before and I tried to tell him to just give it time. He’s going on a cruise with his family for almost two weeks and I really thought this would do us some good and when he comes back it would be better. He said nothing I do or say will change his mind but I really like him and I just have a gut feeling that I shouldn’t give up. He said he will talk to me when he gets back from his trip. I just need to know how to get him to change his mind and regret breaking up with me so when he comes back from his trip, he will want to get back together. I really want this to work out.

Sarah

August 23, 2016 at 10:28 pm

Also, when I went and saw him we laughed and talked for a while, things that weren’t even to do with our breakup. I asked if he just didn’t like me anymore but he said “of course I still do” I honestly thought I had changed his mind but I hadn’t. He is a diabetic so he is quite moody sometimes but if he said he still wants me but just can’t do it anymore, does this mean there’s still a chance? Because I don’t want to be disappointed if he still hasn’t changed his mind when he comes back. I’ve read every possible thing from these websites but I feel if I don’t make any contact with him he’s going to forget about me and move on by the time he gets back from his cruise. I wasn’t planning on contacting him until he was going to go on his cruise and his ego is so high I just think even if he changes his mind he won’t want to admit it if you get what I mean? Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 8:03 pm

Hi Sarah

he already made a decision. So, the more you push and try to make him see that he should change it, the more he will be annoyed.. dont chase and improve yourself.. and try to follow what Chris advised above

stuck & helpless

July 24, 2016 at 1:40 am

so my bf of a year & a half broke up with me around 2 weeks ago, I’ve been away on a trip for 3 months & im coming back in two days, he keeps on saying that he wants to see me when I get back so much. he broke up with me because he said he was losing affection for me & just didn’t feel like he wanted to be in a relationship in general anymore (which I think is so selfish) anyways, of course I want to see him too but I don’t want him to hang out with me & think it’s okay to just hang out with friends & think that’s just how its gonna be, during the time we spend, I want him to want to be with me & fall in love again & I want him to want to do stuff with me like before.. is there a chance for me to do this?? im scared & I don’t know how to act, if I act yknow pleasant & nice im scared he’ll think im okay with the situation & just be friends when I don’t want that & I want him to want to be with me again while we’re spending time together… please help…

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 26, 2016 at 9:18 am

Hi Stuck,

don’t be too available.. if you can postpone the meet for now,.postpone it and meet other friends.. when you meet keep it fun and light and leave in high note.. maintain yourself and meet new people too and go out with them..

be flirty when you meet but don’t overdo it

Stuck

July 23, 2016 at 10:55 pm

️HI, so my boyfriend of a year & a half broke up with me around two weeks ago, I’ve been away on a 3 month trip on the other side of the world & I will be coming back next week & he’s pushing so much to see me. he broke up with me saying that he was losing affection for me, he still thinks I’m amazing but keeps saying he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship in general anymore wtf?? I know he’s not leaving me for someone else though, throughout our relationship we had no problem prioritizing other parts of our lives separately such as school friends & family, we had no trust or jealousy issues ever as well, we would fight because our personalities would just clash a lot, anyways, he’s really pushing to see me when I come back, of course I want to see him as well but it’s because I still wanted him as my boyfriend.. since the break up we have only talked twice but nothing too deep I guess, so if I go see him, how should I act?? I don’t want to hang out with him but here’s the problem, I don’t want him to hang out & not get tempted to do things with me.. is there a way for me to kind of get him interested in me again when we decide to meet up without me having to “try too hard”?? I want him to want me Yknkw?? HAHA

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 26, 2016 at 9:19 am

Hi Stuck,

don’t be too available.. if you can postpone the meet for now,.postpone it and meet other friends.. when you meet keep it fun and light and leave in high note.. maintain yourself and meet new people too and go out with them..

be flirty when you meet but don’t overdo it
Stuck Part 2

July 23, 2016 at 11:23 pm

I meant, of course I wanna see him but I want him to I guess see me & think wow what am I doing I want to be with her, he keeps insisting on seeing me since its been so long but when we broke it off it was basically the “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore” bullshit, I don’t really know how to change his mind… he’s so stand still on the fact that right now his feelings are saying that he just doesn’t want to be with someone at all even after being with me for a year & a half?? wtf right?? :-// so I guess a part of me wants to change his feelings again back into wanting to be with me… do you think I have a chance?? & how do I make him get re-attracted to me during the meet up…?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 26, 2016 at 9:19 am

Hi Stuck,

don’t be too available.. if you can postpone the meet for now,.postpone it and meet other friends.. when you meet keep it fun and light and leave in high note.. maintain yourself and meet new people too and go out with them..

be flirty when you meet but don’t overdo it

Lost and Confused

July 14, 2016 at 10:38 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend just broke up with my today after an 8 and a half year relationship. We have been together since we were 14 and are now 22. I just graduated college and will be starting graduate school in August. Our relationship has had our ups and downs, but we always make up and come out stronger than ever. We even survived 4 years of long distance while I attended college. Now that I’m going away to grad school, we initially talked about marriage. At first he seemed like he wanted to make that commitment, but was extremely wishy washy and told me he wasn’t financially ready to do so. We decided to move in together though, as I have to relocate for grad school. Lately though, he started to act really cold and distant towards me. As August is coming up fast, I have been trying to make plans and figure everything out. I could feel him being resistant though, but tried to push past it. Earlier today, he told me he needed to find himself and that he felt like he was being forced to move (he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life, as he hasn’t gone to college and just works at a minimum wage job). He told me it has nothing to do with how much he loves me and that he just needs to figure these out on his own for a change. I guess my question is, is there any hope that he will realize that he is able to do that while still being in a relationship with me? Is this a normal reaction for men when they are faced with a huge change such as this? I’m feeling so down and don’t know what to do. I’m just hoping he will come around and realize that he has made a horrible mistake. I am starting NC today.

Lost and Confused

July 18, 2016 at 7:30 pm

Have you seen situations like this before? Where you do NC and they finally get out of this funk they’ve been in? I have a hard time believing that after this long and everything we’ve been through, that he really wants to throw this all away. He never even said we were “breaking up.” It was all so vague. Even when I said that I would give him the space he needed and that maybe it would be good for us, he agreed. I’ve been sticking to NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 20, 2016 at 12:26 pm

sometimes when the guy is given enough time to reflect and when the guy sees you continue to be happy, the guy will miss the girl and realize that he can improve together with the girl
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 15, 2016 at 1:32 pm

Hi Lost and Confused,

I think he feels he’s being left out and he doesn’t want to be just beside you while make progress and I think he wants to make it on his own to feel like a man..

BJ

July 6, 2016 at 8:49 am

Hi Chris,

I broke up with my boyfriend for the second time about 3 weeks ago. We’ve been together for about 10 months, and were deeply in love with each other, sharing everything. Since we started dating we would always be together, and at some point decided to live together in his shared flat. About 3-4 months ago we had a very stressful time when we weren’t on the same wavelength, had a bad argument and he dumped me saying he wasn’t feeling sure and didn’t feel like been in a relationship anymore. We had about 10 days NC until I phoned him, and he said he was going to on the following day but had been scared and thought I would have never talked to him again. We had an intense conversation and he said that he still wasn’t sure, but then in the next few days he was messaging and calling and finay admitting that he wanted to be together and he understood what it was like to lose me. We were back to get and had an amazing time, but perhaps made the mistake of living together and being always together as before. After few months a new time of stress came, although I felt like we dealt with that in a very positive and mature way. Yet, out of the blue, as this time had just ended he told me that he wanted to break up, saying that something had changed, he felt like he miss doing his things, kind of lost interest, wasn’t feeling sure… kind of a similar speech as the first time. I was shocked and suggested taking some space and just dating for a bit. We dated for a week and it was awful, and I told him that I was suffering and I couldn’t take that any longer. When we saw each other the last time to give back each other’s stuff we had a good chat and he said he was being unhappy without me but still unsure. Unexpectedly, he kissed me and we said we would have been in touch and see each other as I was back from my hometown in 2 weeks. Unfortunately I had to phone him during that time because there were serious formal issues to sort out for housing, and we also had a kind of emotional talk because of some personal issues I as experiencing home. Last week I was back and he knew about that. He wanted to see each other yesterday and we went to the movies. We didn’t talk a lot because we just met before the movie, but after the movie as I couldn’t bear that anymore I asked him what the situation was like between us and what we were doing. He said that he hasnt changed his mind and we’re not together but still wants to see each other but not actually dating as we had some implicit purpose not to create illusions and hopes. I underlined that it wouldn’t be as friends either, as I can’t be friends with him, and that I won’t deny that I still hope for something to happen, but I’m aware that we can only see how it goes, so that should be the idea of this weird going out. And if something happens/change that should be communicated. He seemed to agree and that was the end of the talk. He mentioned meeting today sometimes but didn’t repeat that at the end. I want to follow your advice Chris and show him that were meant together and remind him that I’m his love, maybe going out and then spending days with NC from my side and see how it goes. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 10:31 am

hi Bj,

when you do nc, you have to stop seeing him for a while and focus in yourself only

Myra

July 2, 2016 at 1:28 am

Hello!
My boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 months ago. And I didn’t talk to him for a few weeks. Until a friend of mind told me she saw him.
Then it started to get me to go a little crazy and I text him. He never responded. He still hasn’t tried to talk to me. He’s been drinking so much, almost everyday. And hanging out with people I’ve never met or even really liked. But obviously can’t do anything about it I can’t call him or text him. I’m still on NC.
Been going a lot with friends and staying busy at work. And did so many new things that I’ve always wanted to do. I guess it’s hard to tell if he’ll ever come back. Help?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 11:30 am

Hi Myra,
he won’t come back by just waiting, you have to start by improving yourself physically(which is good because you’ve already started it) and then through your activities by being active and then by talking to him..if he’s not open talking then that means you have to wait longer

Lovestruck

June 30, 2016 at 7:22 am

Hi Chris, great work!
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He insisted that I am a beautiful catch but just not for him because he no longer sees me in his future and has fallen out of love with me.

I feel completely shattered as I had hoped he was my soul mate.

We often had petty arguments and he also wasn’t big on confrontation which I did often.

We dated for 13months and we had an awesome honeymoon 6 months. Gradually, I noticed that he became cold towards me.

When we broke up he complained about a few flaws and capitalised on them. I have made attempts to reach him to try an make us work. I did the wrong things like contacting all his siblings and friends to speak with him to no avail. He simply asked me to move on while he does same.

I believe that he has made up his mind about never getting back. I just started the NCR recommended as I discovered this site while searching for a remedy to depression. I want him back so bad but I want him to want me twice as much.

May I add that I sent hurtful words via text , asking him to lose my number after his cousin who is colleague bragged at work that her cousin dumped me. I felt so hurt and disrespectEd. He hasn’t replied since.

Is there a chance for us? Do I just move on? Can the damages me remedied?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 12:29 pm

HI Lovestruck

I think what you really to do first is to be independent.. Do at least 45 days nc.. and you really have to seem to have moved on when he sees your posts.. so, don’t caption it that you’re doing what you’re doing to move on.. YOu’re the only who’s going to believe that..just post normally but busy with your life.. nc is the start to have your own life and your own routine..

Didou

June 28, 2016 at 8:37 am

Hi
My ex fiancé is texting me every night and tell me that he love me…the problem that I don’t know how to respond. I was trying to make him feel that I don’t care about what he feel Toward me. And the other time I told him that I miss him and I love his eyes and smile…. So my question is how to deal with him??

Didou

June 28, 2016 at 12:42 pm

Thank you

I don’t know how to deal with him?

Should I express my love??

May be he will not make a serious step. He will enjoy being with me without official commitment. as he used to be. The break up was after I got angry because he refused to ask my hand from my parents last year. And he just came after a fight and make me sad.i was waiting for him for 3 years and 6 years before he moved for work to an other country. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 12:36 pm

oh okay.. continue to build rapport but don’t forget to have balance so that you don’t end up chasing or waiting for him again.. be busy with your life.. don’t always be available but be fun everytime you text or call each other
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 28, 2016 at 10:18 am

HI Didou,

why do you want him to feel that way?

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