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BrokenButterfly
June 25, 2016 at 2:43 am
Hey there, me and my ex have broken bout a month and a week. It ended badly cause of one sided. the first couple of weeks he totally ignored me (text,block me on all social media). 2 Sunday’s ago, i persuaded him to call me and we talked. was a very good talk and emotional (told him i understand ,hope his happy, i miss him and he did too, and ill be here when his ready). I finally entered my NC. A week later, he texted me. I responded briefly but was kinda pushy (my bad) then that Thursday he texted me and I brought up everything of our relationship (wrong move) but he was nice about it. He said me and him dont work in a relationship, he feels bad about it. I said ok but think about us and he said he does. My friend told me he said he still loves me but he keeps telling me I care for u. What should i do? I’m so confuse, is there a chance.
Break up : 3 years (this coming august was suppose to be our 3rd anniversary, and he was apparently already planning it months ahead) Broke up due to constant arguing lately, temper we both got very temperamental lately and distant (we argue once we’re away from each other like 3 to 4 days) we stay together. NO CHEATING.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 10:21 am
Hi Broken butterfly,
have you restarted nc?
No Idea
June 23, 2016 at 8:20 am
Hello, it’s my first time reading your article which I find really good. Actually I’m still in a relationship with a man who’s 10 years older than me(I’m in my early 20s), but things have changed and I got here bcs I’m still confused why.
Well this is embarrassing but we met from online chatting, he complimented me a lot that I thought he was lying. The first time we met, I could feel he was nervous beside me. He appeared really nice and said he wasn’t disappointed at all after seeing the real me, even he got so excited to meet me again and again and again. I wasn’t really interested at first, he complimented me too much and saying sweet things too much(or cheesy), but at the other hand he seemed like a really nice person so I gave him the chance. We went out only for 3 weeks until officially got into relationship. Our relationship went really exciting for both sides, we experienced our firsts and we are partner in crime. We have similar hobbies and interests, we both work ourselves without involving parents (which is rare in my country) and I like that very much, he’s smart and intellectual, he said that he amazed by me helping my parents not the reverse, I’m not naggy, really easy going and fun, he even said I got the whole package. We had fun together, even he prepared businesses to climb the ladder to success together with me. He lives a bit far away it takes 1.5 hrs to see me, and he usually came to see me like 4 times a week.
Until the second week of our relationship, I still opened the online chatting app and replied the guys who texted me there, but it was only a friendly reply, only because I don’t wanna look like an arrogant bitch so yeah. Unfortunately, my bf found out, he has a mutual friend to a guy whose text I replied. But he wasn’t angry, he said it was okay. But I know it wasn’t, maybe he only doesn’t wanna look so childish so he said that. He changed into a bit ignorant but as the time goes by he got back to how he was. Things went really smooth until a guy sent me a snapchat, only a snapchat but it made him wonder “what if I and the other guy kept texting behind him?” and he said that he thought I was still looking around to find a better person. But no, I didn’t even care about the other guys, I don’t think it’s my fault if a guy sends me a snapchat, we didn’t even texted :/ Is he being too much or is it me who seems like still looking around? He said he trusted me but the trust was starting to break so he overthought. Ugh..
I could do nothing but trying to give him logical reasons why he should trust me and one of them is like “if I like that guy why didn’t I reply his snapchat?” We argued then I could do nothing but cried and told him how much I love him and at the end everything went well again.
After that, things went just like how it was, the sweet text, etc
But suddenly, after the things happened like usual, he didn’t reply my text and disappeared last night, at the midnight he called me but I couldn’t hear my phone ringing so I couldn’t pick up, then I called back and there was no answer. He used to say good morning/night everyday, not even a day ever missed. But today he didn’t text me first, he woke up and updated fb but didn’t text me. I’m not sure why but something must caused this, bcs he’s not the type who disappears just like that.
I am usually good at read and manipulating people, but this guy is a 90%-100% introvert so I can’t guess clearly what’s in his head. He’s not the type that talk first if something ever happened.
Now in my mind, there’s only a lot of negative thoughts. “Maybe he overthought I was cheating or what?” Or “he found another girl who’s better…” Or “he just lost interest in me..”
I’m not the type who overthinks, but this is happening somehow. I don’t want him to lose his trust in me, because there’s no other man, I can see a future with him and I don’t wanna lose him. I am an extrovert who likes to socialize, is it wrong?
Sorry for a long story and lack of English but I need your help 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 27, 2016 at 2:15 pm
Hi No Idea,
what were the kind of texts that he saw?
Alexandra
June 21, 2016 at 1:28 pm
How do I combat the communication resistance he has if I’m in NC? He broke up with me because he thinks I don’t understand him. We were together for 1 year and a half and this is our 2nd break up.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 4:43 pm
Do you still live in the same house? If he initiates a conversation, then listen to him.. let him finish talking.
If he’s not initiating but he’s in a very good mood, then you can break nc and talk to him.. But the key is that he is in the best mood.. Because if he is not and you push talking to him, it will probably not have a good result.
So Confused
June 20, 2016 at 3:47 am
Hey Chris,
So my boyfriend and I were dating for almost a year. Our relationship was awesome with small little arguments as most new relationship have when trying to get to know each other. The day after my birthday he broke up with me. Keep in mind we had a great birthday dinner with friends and family. The next day a conversation via text about me coming over went side ways he indicated that he needed space and had to let me go. I called and asked what was the meaning of the text and his response was I didn’t do things he liked or wasn’t motivated enough. Since that time I followed through with the no contact period and focused only on me. Starting working out, joined a bootcamp that I truly enjoy, restarted my non profit with a host of other things. It’s been 7 months now and just recently I did the old “text him but act like it was meant for someone else” ritual. He turned into him initiating a conversation. I kept it simple with how you doing, how’s family and ended it with take care. Since then I’ve been really thinking did I blow my chance with him? Have a pushed him to move on? I haven’t heard from him since that time( which has only been a few days now).
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 5:18 am
Hi So confused,
I don’t think so..why not try to initiate a conversation again?
Mani
June 15, 2016 at 1:52 pm
Hi Chris,
This is first time, I am commenting. I really like all your articles. I really need your help. My ex broke up with me, because I was nagging, and cranky at times. I did no contact of 33 days and then texted him, a reminder text. When I saw him, I also told him, that I realized that I did many mistakes, he said it’s alright. He replies to all my text but doesn’t take my calls. He also likes my Instagram pictures. I really love him, I have improved, I will never do those mistakes again. Please advice me, what I should do to get him back?
Thank you
Mani
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 11:08 pm
Hi Mani,
how did you tell him you realized your mistakes? and , have you tried to call during a high point in texting? Like to transition a text to a call. And if you’re going to look at the situation from his perspective, does it looked like you’ve moved on?
Curious
June 7, 2016 at 2:02 am
I dated this guy for about 5 months. He’s 33 yrs old, and I’m 36 yrs old. A little background on him – he finalized his divorce 2 months before we started dating. They’d been separated for 6 months, and their relationship had been bad the last two years of their decade long marriage. They have 2 kiddos together, and recently been going through the process of selling their house (waiting till the end of the school year). Our relationship was really fun and laid back, just taking it moment by moment. By all accounts, it seemed like I’m a much better fit for him that his ex, and he was often telling me how comfortable it was to be with me (although don’t get me wrong there was plenty of passion as well). The last 3 weeks we were together, I had to travel for work for two of those weeks. After my last trip, he came to me and said “my heart isn’t really in it.” He hugged me, and said I’m a great girl. There was no fighting, as I was somewhat in shock, but also knew he had been experiencing a lot of stress recently. I knew that he had a LOT going on – figuring out the closing on his old home, where his ex and kids will move to, his ex getting a new job and where that might be in town, and the typical constant worries of finances, well-being of the kiddos with the divorce, etc. Knowing him, it seemed like these pressing issues (combined with my own work stresses/travel) led up to him letting go of our relationship. Two days after we broke up, I texted him happy birthday and that I knew he had a lot going on but if he needed a friend to talk to, let me know. He was appreciative and wished me well, but overall I got the impression there wouldn’t be any further contact. Also, I knew from my last relationship that I didn’t want to spend time chasing after someone who’s no longer interested in me. It was painful, but I was determined to move on.
After 2.5 weeks of NC, he texted me out of the blue. First I thought is was a drunk text, but he referenced one of our early dates. It was before I’d come across your website – so I responded, but only in a friendly manner – nothing over eager. It was a short chat. A week later, I playfully contacted him in reference to his previous text and another of our early dates. We had another quick text chat, and come to find out he’d actually seen me that day from a distance and mentioned it in our text conversation. Two days later, he texted a quick follow-up on that conversation. Again, I kept it short and friendly. Now, it’s been a week of NC, and after reading your website I’m committed to NC but wondering if it should be 21 or 30 days? I have a feeling that once he gets past the immediate stressors that are complicating his life and things start to get back into a more routine pattern for him again, that he’ll be open to starting our relationship again – as there weren’t any deal breakers on the table to force us apart. Any outside insight is much appreciated. Thanks!
Jay
June 2, 2016 at 6:17 pm
Hi, so you’re website has been very helpful in my situation. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and he recently moved away just for the summer (3 months) for work. This is our first time really away and not in much contact with each other. Last week we were arguing a little and I said it felt like a one-sided relationship in the height of emotions. He claimed we needed to breakup. He tends to make very rash decisions so I accepted it, but when my emotions calmed down I asked the next day why. He said that he just really didn’t feel like dating me anymore and after trying to reason he said that we need to take the summer to ourselves and then figure it out in the fall, and I asked what to do to make it easier and he said to give him space. I get that he needs space, but I am still confused, should I move on? Should I intend us to get back together? I don’t want to get my hopes up again, confused
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 8:21 am
Hi Jay,
You said he intends to make rash decisions right? Just give him space and it’s been a while since this comment, so I really hope you went back together but if you’re still broken up, start to do no contact.
Heartbroken
May 24, 2016 at 8:54 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend and I were together for just under a year. We had a great relationship. Everything just seemed so easy. There were no games, I never had to question how he felt about me and we never fought. 7 months into our relationship his dad passed away unexpectedly. I was really worried that he would want space but during the next 2 months that followed we continued as we were. If anything I felt as though it bought us closer. Then suddenly he started to become a little distant. I knew he had a lot going on. He lives at home, is the oldest of his siblings and had been such a massive support for his mum, so I didn’t make a big deal about it and tried my best to be there, to support him and be that bit of a distraction from everything that was going on. Then we spent nearly 3 weeks apart due to travel commitments. In that time he never told me that he missed me and when we were both back he didn’t try to see me which upset me a little. I bought it up with him and that’s when he told me that he had been thinking about us and that he wanted to end things. I am Australian and he is Canadian. He told me he didn’t see a future for us because I would eventually have to move back home despite the fact that I was in the process of getting sponsored. He also told me that he didn’t love me. I felt completely blindsighted. We had spoken about going away together just a week before. He had invited me to come along to a trip with him and his friends a whole year in advance. I’d met all of his friends and family. We spoke for ages about a lot of things. I bought up his dad and the fact that over the last few months I constantly worried that he wasn’t in the right head space or emotionally available to be in a relationship but I wasn’t prepared to walk away. He agreed with what I said about not being emotionally available. After a few hugs, kisses and tears we both left it at “I’ll see you later.” It’s now been over 2 months of no contact and I don’t know what to do or what to make of the situation. Did he break up with me because of grief and wanting to protect himself? Or am I just not the right person for him? I want to respect his decision and give him the time and space he needs but how long should I wait for? Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.
Heartbroken
May 27, 2016 at 8:39 pm
We’re still friends on Facebook. He seems to be doing ok. Catching up with friends etc.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 7:09 am
take a chance and initiate contact..catch up but don’t bring up the relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 8:36 am
Hi Heartbroken
do you have a way to know how he’s doing now? LIke friends, social media posts?
Anon Phil
May 23, 2016 at 6:08 pm
Hi my ex dumped me last week because he didn’t feel attracted to me or like me as anymore and he said that he couldn’t put in the time for a relationship which I think it is a complete lie because anyone can put time for anything. We had only been going out for around 2 months and it was almost as if it was love at first sight all our friends, that saw us together meet first time, knew we would end up getting together. At first it was amazing, we laughed for no reason and small little details were exciting but because of our busy schedule we grown apart drastically and I had a blow out at him one day after the breakup because our conversation was dry but I apologised and told him to forget about it which he said he would try. That is when I started the no contact rule and it has been a few days now. From this I found I got back to what was important to me I started to pick up on my Uni work and I began going back to pole dancing which I lost most of this because I compromised him over myself. Got myself a new haircut, making myself feel different and better. Just recently I asked my friend to tell him off for not trying and just suddenly lose feelings and how I blame myself for the breakup. He replied to my friend saying that I shouldn’t blame myself for the breakup and he found that it was a gradual progression where I found it quite sudden. I felt really insulted with that because he did not even get to know me well enough or put in the effort in the relationship and I guess I see why he would feel that way because I just gave him so much and he had no reason to chase… I know this is silly because it was such a short time we went out together and we are still young but I really want to make it work because we are both similar and different in so many ways and I can see us grow together, so could you please advise me in my situation? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 5:17 am
Hi Anon Phil,
you’re right on track in no contact.. You should only do 21 days.. be active in posting n social media.. if it’s really of your schedules then you have to be observant on when he replies the most when you start texting again
Kim
May 18, 2016 at 8:40 am
I’m still NC period (One more week to go)! No reply to all his text on congratulating my success story, wishing my birthday last week. Instead I posted a lot of my fun pictures on Facebook (yes .He liked some of them though he put his profile to Restricted from me).
Today I received a birthday card and gift from him as a surprise (the delivery just got arrived. He might have ordered before my birthday according to Order date info in the note).
So, what are those signs for? Should I contact him back already or wait til NC is over?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 3:16 pm
Hi Kim,
it’s better if you wait until nc is over
Feeling lost and devastated
May 15, 2016 at 10:57 am
Hi Amor,
I dated this guy for almost 1.5 yrs and we’re both in our early 20s. About a month ago, he said he wanted to take a break and needed some space for at least a few weeks. I contacted him a week later, and because I was emotionally very upset, he wanted to meet up quickly and I told him everything I wanted to say. He said he would need a few more days to think over. He told me he would make his mind up in 4 days–the day we were gonna have dinner together. At the time I felt hopeful because he listened to me, cried with me, held my hand, kissed me etc. He told me he’s happy I contacted him and being honest with my feelings. However, for some reason we couldn’t make this dinner and I suddenly became extremely anxious, worried, and needy. I asked him if he was avoiding me because I was upset with the fact that we didn’t have dinner together that day. but it turned out that he was just too busy with work (I initially thought it was an excuse but he really was too busy). And then we met up a few more days later and he told me he doesn’t want to get back with me. He said the first few days or weeks would probably fine but he would make me unhappy again and he doesn’t want to go through all this again. I asked him multiple times to give ourselves one more change and told him I would change, but he was just too sure that this whole thing will happen again. He even told me he wouldn’t change his mind over a few months. He said he still loves me but I’m not too sure about this–why would he break up with me if he truly loves me? Anyways, the main reason he broke up with me is he doesn’t make me happy anymore. Seeing me upset with him and cry in front of him feels painful and sad, he said.
The first full year was almost perfect–I felt settled and was very satisfied&happy with my relationship and I believe he was too. However, the last 2-3 months were just tough for us. We fought a lot and I cried a lot in front of him. I knew he still loved me but something was changed.
Now that I’ve had a few weeks to think over about our past relationship and him as my ex boyfriend, I have too many regrets. I feel depressed and lost. He said he wasn’t making me happy anymore, but THIS is actually the first time he made me unhappy. I haven’t been in contact with him for almost 3 weeks or so. I rarely go into facebook or instagram because for me even seeing his name or pictures hurts me. I really do want to get back with me, especially because I know he loved me so much and he suits me the best. What should I do? Is it even possible for me to get back with him? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 18, 2016 at 6:35 pm
Hi Feeling lost and devastated..
You should start the count with no contact after you read this.. the three weeks is not counted even if you didn’t talk to him because you haven’t started improving yourself by then.. that’s very important during no contact period and with your case.. When he said the reason is he makes you sad, it means you have to have your own happiness apart from him.. it means you depend too much on him and he’s pressured or burdened about it.. move on without totally moving on.. he has to see you don’t chase him now and you stand on your own, that he doesn’t have to worry about making you happy in order for him to take a chance on starting on being friends again.
Hope
May 14, 2016 at 12:44 am
My break up was initiated by my ex-bf, but I was the one that brought the issue up btwn us, as he was acting really cold to me for some reason. After the break up we met once to head for a common place to get a spa treatment, we didn’t hold hands or anything like that. Basically to him it’s official that we are not an item anymore. I told him that I realized what the problem was and even came out with a solution. He listened to everything I said, left me hanging for days and told me we won’t be happy together. We both still remain our couple photos and still are friends on social media. He told me I’m the best girl that he ever met, and nobody is as good as me. But he fugured our future won’t go well, and it’s better to end things now rather than wasting each other’s time especially I’m a girl he said. I wanted him to meet me and break things off face to face, but he refuse that and don’t see a point of doing it. Since the meeting isn’t gonna happen, I told him all my feelings via text, that I’m grateful for all these years we’ve been together, wish he will get someone that will actually make him happy and suits him the best. He responded that he might have trouble looking for the other half in the future. But that’s not his concern, as for now he will focus more on jobs. Lastly he told me he will keep my gifts to him as part of our memories. Which made me ultimately sad, as I can only see it as a memory. We’ve been together for about 6 years. I really like this guy, and thinks he suit me the best despite him disagreeing that. Also he thinks I didn’t support him completely in our relationship. I felt that he will miss me, but I don’t feel that he wants to get back to me anymore…. Dear Amor, please tell me what you think of this. Tqvm
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 6:50 am
Hi Hope,
if he’s set in moving on then start no contact for 45 days.. focus on yourself only.. improve and grow.. so when you talk again or when he sees your posts there’s a chance he’ll miss you more but even if he doesn’t want to get back, at least you’ve started the procesa of moving on
Confused and Lost
May 5, 2016 at 1:10 pm
I am 24 and he is 28. I had met my ex back in 2013 and we dated for 1.5. We had our issues back then, but it went back to we both had some growing up to do. We have mutual friends so over the Summer of 2015 we would run into one another but would keep our distance and just be cordial with each other.
In October 2015 he requested me back on FB and then messaged me to try and break the ice (our group of friends were going on a beach trip and we got stuck riding with one couple down there). We talked every day from there on out, he was pursuing me, making me feel absolutely special, wanted, everything a girl dreams of. We decided we wanted to give this another shot, which is a good thing because I truly feel like this is the man I am going to marry…I can’t really explain it. We both felt as though we would get married…have never felt that way with anyone else we had dated. He had plans to propose shortly after he returned home at the end of this year and married by the end of next year. We talked throughout the end of the year and finally made things official in 2016.
Fast forward to March when he decided to join the Army Reserves. I was SO excited for him and couldn’t wait to take on this new journey together! As was he, he took my input on everything and wanted to know how I felt because he was making this decision for our future together. During this time leading up to now we were both slammed. I was getting ready to graduate college, quit my full time job, start an internship, and be jobless after the Summer. He was in the process of doing extra work at his full time job because he was getting ready to leave, trying to fix his house up to sale, sale his car, and spend time with friends and his family. So given this you can image the stress we were both under, we started getting into disagreements and then would be fine.
April 22 we had gone to visit his parents and on the way back he held my hand the entire time as I was in and out of sleep and at one moment I opened my eyes and saw him grinning and it clicked in my head that this was the man I truly would marry. I was so excited! Throughout that next week he started pulling back some and seemed distant but I was busy myself trying to graduate, so I tried to brush it off. He was very set on me finding myself this Summer because honestly…I had lost myself throughout college. I had no idea what my passion was or hobbies or anything. My goal this Summer was to better myself for myself!! The week before my graduation (2 weeks before he was set to leave for boot camp) he said we needed a weekend of NC so he could think about our relationship and I guess see if it was “worth it”. I agreed against my will. :/ The following Sunday he broke up with me. I was devastated because I didn’t see this happening this time around. He “claimed” he had lost feelings for me a few weeks prior, which I don’t believe, because the loving way he was acting when we weren’t busy, was something nobody could just fake.
I saw him 3 days after the break up at church and nicely asked him if he had my GPS and he said, very peppy, he did and would go get it! So I walked out to meet him to get it before he left and then he kinda kept me over there to talk, then his sister and nephew walked up and we were all talking. Then before I left he said he thought of me when he got this and gave me a free 1hr shoot at our local shooting range (we had gone on a date there a few weeks prior and both enjoyed it!). It was weird…it was like nothing had ever happened and we were both so comfortable around one another, it felt like home!
The more I think about this break up, the more I think he did this with my heart in mind…for me to find myself this Summer without the stress of worrying when I would hear from him throughout boot camp. Also, I feel as through stress got the best of us and I was the easiest thing for him to cut out so he could focus on everything else.
The problem is, we have the same friend group…so we will always be around one another..no matter what. And we have such a strong connection between one another, it makes it harder! I’m so comfortable around him and he is with me. I love this man and I always will.
My questions:
Why was he saw nice and welcoming when we ran into one another 3 days later?
Does the break up theory make sense?
Any hope he will regret this when he gets to boot camp and he’s virtually all alone?
Do you think he’ll contact me once he gets computer privileges at his Army training?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 4:21 am
Hi Confused and lost,
you’re probably right with the real reason he tried to break up with you.. I think he was like that because you were calm too.. And there’s a great chance he will miss you of course and if he talks to you while he’s in camp, take it slow.. Just talk to him.. have a good catching up.. and then continue to build rapport.. don’t ask him to get back with you..he’ll probably realize that when you maintained communication and you’ve built rapport and attraction, that maybe you can try it long distance.. but if not, the greater chance is when he comes back.
Sofi
April 22, 2016 at 1:09 pm
Hi,
I have been struggeling with this for 3 weeks now fortunately spending time with family but they are all upset with my ex. Have been dating for almost 2 years , lived together from the beginning. I was quite experienced had a couple of relationships and flings. He was everything I was not. 32 year old virgin, never kissed a woman, never hold hands, not talking about sex no relationship.But laughed all day, could just talk about anything and had a strong vision about what we want to accomplish in the future together. With all the struggle we built up quite an adult relationship I was respecting him, we were equal partners I thought. There were basic communication skills missing in him for some bad family background and almost does not have friends who he could see as a reference. On my side I hated my job and travelled a lot so I started to put on some weight and could not do so many activities with him – which we were passionate about. But I thought we were happy loved eachother we can get through everything. We had small fights but who doesnt. So out of the blue 5 days before my 30th birthday and 1 month before going for a month trip he suddenly comes home hold my hand and says he loves my like a family member, he does not imagine his future with me anymore and he is not attracted to me anymore. He is a programmer so knowing him I am certain he made a reasoning , rational thinking and he came to a conclusion. I am afraid I am going to be over it before him although he is the love of my life and I am afraid he is going to realize it was a mistake giving it up without trying to work things out. Can you tell your take on it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 11:20 am
Hi Sofi,
then try to make him miss you.. at least he was honest.. Try to go back in maintaining yourself but don’t talk to him.. make it like moving on without totally moving on.. just do it, don’t make it seem like you’re doing it for him coz he will know that.. so when you post..don’t tag him nor caption it with anything relating to him..
Stephy
April 21, 2016 at 10:45 pm
Thanks for this article. It is helpful to see how the male mindset is, especially since I’m going through a recent breakup where my ex definitely does not view me in the best light. We were together for nearly a year and things were mostly good with a few complaints from him. I was making an effort to change for him because I know how sensitive he is and he meant a lot to me. The problem is he came out of left field a couple weeks ago saying he wasn’t happy and wanted to break up. Apparently some of my behavior was getting to him more than he was letting on and now he views me as someone who has hurt him badly. It hurts me because I didn’t know; he never communicated with me how much it was affecting him.
But he woke me up to my bad behavior and after some serious soul searching I’ve done a lot of letting go of past things that have bothered me, which caused a lot of things I was doing. I was unhappy with myself and it was impacting him and our relationship in a way I didn’t see but I’m determined to not be that woman anymore and I’ve made a serious 180 with myself, which I’m proud of, and I’m working on keeping this positive, happy self who’s been there all along (she just got lost). I just don’t know if he’ll ever get to see the girl he fell in love with again because he told me he has to want to contact me again.
I’m respecting his need for space by not contacting him and doing my best to focus on being the best version of myself every day. I just miss him so much. We were so good together- laughed so hard our stomaches would hurt, would go on adventures often, cooked together, you name it. We had more highs than lows but all he sees are the lows right now and it kills me that I messed up the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t stop thinking about him and keep holding out hope that he’ll one day remember the love we had for each other and want to reconnect. Am I just holding out false hope for myself?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 5:57 am
Hi Stephy,
that’s just normal to feel that way.. what’s more important is how you’re acting upon it.. Improve yourself so, whether he goes back or not, you will still have your self esteem intact.
Sarah
April 18, 2016 at 1:41 pm
Hi there,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 and a half years. We’ve known each other since we were 13, we are now 23. He’s been my best friend through the years, and we both felt a very strong connection and decided to date a couple years back.
For about a year and a half now, he moved to the UK to study. We knew long distance was tough but we also knew we were more than worth it. We decided to continue on, he would come back every 3 months and really, things were going quite smoothly.
Whenever we fought, i would get very agitated and snap quickly. Due to my previous relationship, my ex would always threaten to leave, so i’ve had the habit of trying to run when things got a little bit tough. He’s always said to stay, and always asked for chances.
Distance can be so tough, this time round, he decided to stay on in school to study for a major exam. I have not seen him since Jan. We were planning a trip to paris in the summer (his idea), and i was supposed to fly up there to meet him. In the begining of the month, we got into a huge fight because he was upset i didnt give him my full attention. Both of us snapped at each other, but just like always, we resolved the issue, and moved on. 2 days later we fought again due to a misunderstanding over text. From then on, he seemed very cold, very hurt and definitely had his guard up. Through the week he told me that he doesn’t know if I can change, and slowly, he began to say he didnt know if he could do it anymore. I told him to at least give it to our holiday, because when we met in person, we would at least have a fighting chance. He wanted space as his major exams are coming, and is under a tremendous amount of stress, so we did not talk much for 2 days. I thought he was ignoring me because we never told each other how long we’d not talk. After 2 days, I contacted him and asked him to call me as I was already freaking out. In my heart i knew something was wrong. When he called me back, he said he wanted to break up, and that he’s thought about it and he realised he iddnt want to try anymore. He doesn’t and won’t take it back ever.
Right now, he wants to cancel our trip. That night i told him to think about it and that we discuss it sometime this week. I heard from his friends that he has thrown away our pictures, that he is telling everyone that we’ve broken up. My family and friends are incredibly shocked, as we have always stood by one another, and was even planning to marry in the next 5 years.
Im not too sure where to go from now, all i do know is that i want to change, I’m so willing to change. He says he doesn’t care, anymore and that he doesn’t want this ever again. It really sprung up on me from no where, i feel so blind sided. He has never ever once expressed just how hurt he felt. I wish he did because this all could have been avoided. If i had known, i would have done something sooner. We’ve been together for so long, and been best friends since high school, I can’t believe that someone who was thinking of marrying me, and even suggested a date in decemeber can turn off feelings just like that..
What do i do? I have not contacted him for a week, and intend to stay away until he contacts me. Please help..
Sarah
April 28, 2016 at 1:30 pm
What if he doesn’t? Then how do I approach the situation. I feel like the way he’s handled the situation is not very nice, and is actually quite immature. I just feel like right now, he’s calling all the shots and thinking of himself only. He doesn’t care about how I feel and about what I think.
How do I get him to reconsider everything?
Sarah
April 25, 2016 at 2:07 pm
We spoke yesterday, and we agreed that we should cancel our trip. I told him i thought it was a good idea as he said it was stressing him out. Meanwhile he has already planned another trip with his friends. I don’t think there is another girl involved, but i wouldn’t rule it out completely. I did ask and he said no.
He said that its over for him because he feels like although he wants the old us, and misses the old us, we’re not those people anymore. I do believe it is the long distance that has caused this, although he does not. I asked if it was alright if we spoke when he got home in about 2 months, and he said he wouldn’t mind meeting up, but it will most probably not make any difference at all in terms of his decision because we are too different now.
Personally i feel like he is going through some personal issues. He’s the kind of guy that was also very interested in keeping his appearances and working out. Recently he’s been sleeping till late because he isn’t tired, waking up at noon despite his exams approaching, he stopped working out and stopped eating healthy. He even fell out with a friend because his friend left his cup around his house. I don’t know perhaps he’s going through some kind of crisis, i just wish he didnt cut me out so easily.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 5:14 am
maybe, if that’s the case it’s just his emotions talking. don’t try to ask him if something is wrong if he doesn’t want to talk about it..Give him time.. He’ll open up if he wants to
Sarah
April 23, 2016 at 4:44 pm
Just texted him to tell him that i am ready to talk about the trip whenever he is. He has read the message but has not replied.
I guess he is incredibly angry, i don’t know, he’s always been the one to say stay, we can do this, we have strength. But this time round it seems he has just thrown everything out the window. I don’t think he has been cheating on me, its not in his character to do so. Im not too sure whats going on..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 25, 2016 at 10:08 am
ok, let him be..for now you should start nc
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 5:43 pm
Hi Sarah,
He’s that angry? Try to message him again now.. ask how he is.. let’s see if he’s not angry anymore.. if he doesn’t change his mind.. try nc..
Julie
April 5, 2016 at 11:11 pm
Hello, I have an interesting question. My ex-boyfriend is 43 and I am 29. We’ve been “trying to work things out” for the last three years but he wasn’t in a hurry to get back into a relationship until he was deeper into going to therapy and could better himself. I just found out he met this girl in a church group who is a virgin (and I think she’s 18). I was trying to do NC in order to get him back, but since finding this out I don’t know if I should want him back. He’s a musician and hilarious (which she probably likes) and he is very immature (hence why he dates young girls). I never thought he’d go this young though. I feel it might be a fling that definitely won’t last. Regardless of fling or not, is that a dealbreaker? Because it’s still a very weird thing to do……
Julie
April 5, 2016 at 11:13 pm
Another detail to this is he has issues regarding sex (he was molested at a young age and the thought of it scares him, hence the therapy), so I think that’s why he’s interested in a virgin. Makes me feel like he wanted that all along and it hurts.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 10:46 am
Hi Julie,
move on.. three years is more than enough on trying to work things out and now you’re like just his girl on the side because of the new girl
Dolce
April 2, 2016 at 2:42 am
Hi kris! Thank you for teaching me the importance of no contact rule I realized that this is not only a mind game for my ex to miss me but also for me, to feel better and to be emotionally stable. After almost 2 months of no contact my ex texted me again and we went out together one day, I know that this is not yet a guarantee that he wants me back but why is it now that he is not again texting me, what is he thinking? Im confused with him. What should I do? Help please
Dolce
April 4, 2016 at 3:50 pm
Hi amor. Before he was texting me everyday and asking how my day was, asking me if I already ate my breakfst, lunch and dinner, always finds time no matter how busy he is but now we are just texting each other if we need something, a very short conversation.We could go 1 week without texting each other. I felt that he don’t care anymore. I’m confused why he came back and acted this way. Any suggestion on how to react on this situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 5:55 am
Sometimes that really happens because he’s getting comfortable, try to rest for 3 days and then think of a text topic that you can use to transition to calls
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 4:45 am
Hi Dolce,
it depends.. how many days has it been, was he busy, how was your texting? That’s just some.. it depends on the situation and his personality
Sophie
March 27, 2016 at 3:49 pm
Hi I was with my ex for a few years & we were planning to move in together, there is 13yrs between us but the age gap wasn’t an issue for us. just over a month ago he called things off & dumped me by phone, he the age gap was too much but I’m not convinced that’s the reason. it was a complete shock to me as just a few days prior he still said he wanted a future with me. I then found out a week later he was on a dating website but I’m not sure he is now & im not aware he has someone else.
Anyway I didn’t contact him for a few weeks & he said he wants to have dinner with me in a few days, should I think that this is just as friends or maybe he’s regretted his decision to break up? I’d like to get back with him but I don’t want to mess up my chances nor do I want to have false hope.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 3:46 am
Hi Sophie,
did you go out?
Lovelorn
March 25, 2016 at 8:11 pm
Hey Chris..
To put it in a nutshell, I knew my boyfriend since 2010, but we got together in 2014..and he left me in November.
We were in long distance, and we began fighting a lot because of that. But whenever we met we were really happy.. In November I had a lot of problems at home and I ended up taking out my frustrations on him and he left me. He said he was exhausted.
I commited all the mistakes possible. I begged for him to come bag, I became a texting gnat, I tried getting his friends to talk to him..it did not help at all. During that whole time it made h angrier and a very rude person..contrary to how he was.
Every time I messaged him he would either ignore or say something very rude.
I finally did a 45 day NCR, and I messaged him. He actually responded normally. It’s been over a month since it’s been that way..but all he does is just merely reply to what I say with as few words as possible.
How do I get him to start talking to me enthusiastically? I have tried talking about stuff that interest him and what not..but it’s leading me no where. Once post-NCR I tried talking to him about us getting back together but he kept saying that he will never get back with me and that I should move on. I tried telling him that many couples do well with a second chance, and he said that he isn’t that kind of guy, and that once he makes up his mind, he doesn’t go back on it..
I really feel I need to get him to let go of his ego before he even considers talking to me emotionally..(am I right?) Please tell me what to do, I am ready to do anything to get him back!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 1:52 pm
Hi,
Sorry for the late reply. I read all your previous comments too. It looks like it’s because he knows you want him back and now you’re the one chasing him.. It would really take time after that because until he sees you’ve actually moved on, the he doesn’t think you’re trying to get him back, then that can increase the chances of him getting attracted to you again. Especially if you have already learned to love yourself and have your own life..