Understanding Why Your Ex Boyfriend Is Ignoring You- And How To Get Him To Stop

1,957 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”

Ally

August 17, 2013 at 11:51 am

I am struggling with the no contact because I work with him in a small very close knit hospital! We went out for 3 years and lived together. He started seeing someone almost immediately after the breakup and that lasted a month. I started NC around five days before the breakup with the new girl. On the 5th day he approached me at work, started crying and said that he had broken up with the new girl and that he wanted to start things afresh. I said that I needed at least a month before we met up and he said that he understood. I sent him minimal texts asking him how his exams were going and rang him once over a week period to ask how his studying was going. He has not initiated any texts/phonecalls. I’d greet him on the corridor but noticed that he started ignoring me. I approached him 2 days later and asked him if everything was ok. He said it was fine. I then got a text saying that he doesn’t want to lead me but he doesn’t know if we’d get back together and he wants to be friends. He has a close friend who said he was surprised to hear this as the ex has been saying he missed me and that he was still in love with me. He was adamant on meeting up this weekend and said to me that even though he is writing exams he will give me his undivided attention for as long as I want. I initially agreed but then a male friend advised me not to as he feels that I’m going to totally blow it because I’m emotional and he will sense desperation. I sent the ex a friendly text to say something came up but I would reschedule. I am confused because when he sees me, he is generally thrilled to bump into me. What he verbalises/texts (I want to be friends, I don’t want a relationship) is different to how he generally is in person. He says that after all that happened after the breakup he knows I’m going to harp on about all the wrongs he’s done. To me it looks like he is looking for a fresh start with someone new but it seems that at the same time he is trying to bury feelings for me. I have started NC again and am going on holidays for 3 weeks after the month of NC would have ended (fingers crossed I have the strength to do this). I want him to see me as fun to be around and not someone whom he associates as being angry with him etc. Thank you for the fantastic site. Apart from the fabulous advice you give, it’s great to have the support from others going through similar situations. I love the way you interact with your subscribers 🙂

admin

August 18, 2013 at 4:03 am

Hello Ally!

So, what is your plan on how you are going to improve during NC?
Ally

August 18, 2013 at 7:19 am

Hi Chris, I guess what I’m going to focus on changing is my mindset. I need him to see me as the fun and happy go lucky person that I was. I need to stop bringing up the negatives and I need to be calmer in his presence. I’m also going to get a new haircut!
admin

August 19, 2013 at 3:06 am

SWEET! That is exactly what you should be focusing on. Great job.
Ally

August 21, 2013 at 3:01 pm

Me again…. you’re probably sick of me now! So because we work together it’s pretty much impossible to do no contact. I managed to avoid him for 2 days at work which brings the grand total of my NC to about 5 days. I was sitting in the hospital coffee shop yesterday and he casually sat down and began to chat. He was talking at a million miles per hour about the gym, his exams etc. I was myself – friendly and relaxed. After about 15 mins I said I had to run. He looked upset. Texted me about 30 mins later to say that that was nice and then texted me today to ask how I was. I have ignored both texts. There is still this incredible chemistry between us but I am conscious that last week he just wanted to be friends and a week ago before that he was seeing someone else (deffo a reboud). What do I do? (P.S I have read through your post ‘understanding your ex boyfriend’ and I think my ex might be a mutant.
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:31 am

Well, I hope he isn’t a teenage mutant ninja turtle… sorry that was a bad joke.

I think you are doing everything right and you should be ecstatic that he is reaching out to you. Keep doing what you are doing as best you can.

Oh an and ally, in case you are interseted I came out with my E-Book: Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO
Ally

August 19, 2013 at 9:36 pm

3 days into no contact and he texts to say he wants to meet up and start afresh… I’ve tried that before. He also sends me an email with sentimental pics from the relationship. I haven’t replied yet… Help! Ps haven’t got the haircut as yet but have booked a fab holiday…
admin

August 20, 2013 at 4:51 am

Is he saying he wants to meet up and get back together? If so, I say you take it. Otherwise, no response.

Katie Markegard

August 16, 2013 at 3:01 pm

Hi Chris,

Thanks for the insight! My boyfriend and I were together for a year and have been broken up for a month and a half. He unexpectedly broke up with me over the phone. He had been very busy with two jobs and school and wasn’t making me a priority at all. The day the breakup happened he had left me a voicemail telling me how much he loved and missed me and couldn’t wait to see me. I called him back but he didn’t answer. The past few months of our relationship he only saw me late at night and hadn’t been investing very much time for me. He said he was doing his best and I could tell he was overwhelmed with everything going on in his life. Anyway, that day hours later I texted him telling him that it wasn’t okay that I hadn’t heard from him all day or seen him in a week. He called and said it was best to break up and he needed to get “control” over his life.

After that, I didn’t contact him for three weeks. Then I had to move so I called and left a message to come get his things. He ignored it for a while and when I sent another text saying I was going to take it to charity if he didn’t get it he replied and came over. He told me he loved me as he was pulling away, which made no sense to me. After that I texted him again a few weeks later and he responded with long texts back saying how he was doing and telling me that he hoped I liked my new place and I was doing well. His texts didn’t really ask me anything about me but indirectly said he hoped I was okay. I replied and he didn’t respond. I kept texting him every few days and he replied with long responses but didn’t really ask anything about me or open the door for conversation. When I told him to be honest and tell me why he wasn’t responding very frequently he said “all I want is not to hurt you anymore. I think it’s best if we don’t keep in touch for a while.” I sent him a long text telling him how horrible it was that he ended things over the phone and hadn’t helped me move when he was supposed to and he knew I have no family out here. He also knew my car was having serious issues and never asked about how that was going. I also called him out on telling me he still wanted to keep in touch and see each other but told him it was rude that he was picking and choosing when to talk. He never replied to the text of course.

I just don’t understand how right before the breakup he could tell me that I was the greatest girl in the world, he loved me so much, and everything was worth it. I don’t understand how he could tell me he loved me and we would discuss the breakup again as he was getting his things. Maybe you can give me a little insight on what he may be thinking and what I should do next? I know I shouldn’t have texted him that much after he got his things. I just hope it isn’t too late to save my dignity.

admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:30 am

Well, one thing that you have learned through this relationship is that feelings change. He definitely felt at one point that you were the greatest girl ever. However, his feelings changed. Of course, this is proof that his feelings can change back.

You didn’t do yourself any favors by texting him that much. Hopefully you didn’t go into crazy ex territory.

Enter into the NC rule for a month before you reach out again.
Katie Markegard

August 18, 2013 at 3:39 am

Thanks for the input! I haven’t contacted him since… I haven’t obsessively texted him by any means. I went 3 weeks without initiating conversation and then texted him after that, one every few days. I sent a few long and angry ones but that’s because of the cowardly way he ended things and left me without closure! I wish I hadn’t but I’m a girl! Haha. I just don’t understand why he won’t address why he did what he did and why he thinks not talking to me “for a while” will keep me from hurt. I don’t understand why he told me he loves me and hasn’t told me to meet someone else and move on. He left things so open! He went out of his way to say that he doesn’t want to meet anyone else either. Do you think he was just trying to be nice and do you think it’s too late to get him interested again?
Katie

August 21, 2013 at 7:37 am

I’ll stay strong… do you think his last text could be a sign that he’s starting to miss me?
Katie

September 2, 2013 at 3:30 am

Okay… so I haven’t contacted him. He sent me a text a few days ago that just said “hope all is well.” I haven’t replied yet. My birthday is next weekend though. Should I casually invite him to go or still maintain no contact?
admin

September 3, 2013 at 2:48 am

I would say stay in NC.
Katie

August 22, 2013 at 8:25 pm

That’s comforting! As a guy when you’ve been completely over someone did you tell her flat out to move on and that you didn’t love her anymore? He still hasn’t said anything to me about not loving me or that he’s moved on. Seems like he’s left everything in limbo. I don’t know if he’s trying to hurt my feelings or if he still is unsure about what he wants. Still haven’t contacted him but he hasn’t contacted me again either.
admin

August 23, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Yes I would. Maybe not to her face, I would just ignore her all the time and distance myself a lot from her.
admin

August 22, 2013 at 2:28 am

Sure I do!
admin

August 19, 2013 at 2:57 am

I think there is a chance for sure! Of course, a chance doesnt guarantee your success I want you to keep that in mind.
Katie Markegard

August 19, 2013 at 5:32 am

Good to know! Thanks for helping us women get through this. He just texted me a long text late last night in response to the last one I sent him four days ago… he said he never lied about how much he cares about me and that it’s all his fault. He said he lost happiness but he’s trying to find it again. Also that it was so unfair to leave me without responses so many times and that he will always love me as a person. He said he isn’t asking for forgiveness but that he needed to tell me this. Also that he never wanted to break up with me over the phone. I haven’t replied…. should I ignore this text?
admin

August 20, 2013 at 3:35 am

If you are dead set on doing NC then don’t reply

Sarah

August 15, 2013 at 2:16 am

What if at first you were a text gnat but now your not can you still have a chance? Plus what if he is already in a new relationship? Its only been two months since we have been broken up but we were together over two and half years.

admin

August 16, 2013 at 3:19 am

Absolutely you have a chance.

Pollyanna Suarez

August 14, 2013 at 10:03 pm

Hi Chris,

I have been following all of your keen advice on this blog and I wanted to start by thanking you. I has really helped me!

Let me start her by saying that I had been in contact with my ex before. We were back and forth about becoming friends with benefits, he had said he missed me and that he acted like a di*k, that he knew we had a good thing going on – until I realized it was ridiculous that sounded despite of him being vocal about his regrets and apology… and told him to take a hike, he was obviously confused or just wanted to have sex. We didn’t speak for a long time, he again apologized for his behavior and expressed that I was still a very special person to him and that he wanted me to be a part of his life. I did not reply.

And here is my question, I was on my 28th day of the NC period, I left my cell phone on a table and the kid that I babysit took my phone and randomly started to call different numbers friends, family and unfortunately …MY EX! (I wanted to kill myself) he called me back again and asked me how I was doing (he seemed enthusiastic), to which I just said I was busy working, and since it all caught me off guard I gave the lamest excuse about butt dialing him haha , and then told him nicely I was busy working (sounded as carefree and neutral as possible.

After that he sent me a friendly text message to which I didn’t reply.. After a while I have to say I was tempted and we engaged in a very short conversation. The next day he contacted me again and asked me if I wanted to grab a drink after I went back to the city (I’m spending my summer at my parents). I replied a simple “Yeah, could be” to which he responded “Ok cool. No pressure if you don’t want to. I’d like to see you though” After that I told him I was exhausted studying US History and that I was going to bed, and the next day he said that if I ever needed any help, to let him know because he was good at this specific subject then “haha”. I just responded after a few hours with “Ok, thank you!”

So now my question is… any tips on how I should approach this situation now? Should I contact him after I get to Austin if he doesn’t contact me or let him take the lead?

I would appreciate your input, and again, thank you!

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:45 am

We are Facebook friends 😉 I will deal with ya there!

Sophie

August 14, 2013 at 6:25 pm

So my ex had been ignoring me for a while and it made me so angry that I threatened to tell his ex that he had cheated on her for the duration of the relationship. (Immature I know) he was very mad about this, as he had every right to be and told me he was changing his number. He hasn’t yet. But after that he blocked me on everything. Facebook, instagram, and snapchat. What I’m wondering is, do you think he’s doing this to punish me for wronging him? Or do is it because he legitimately wants nothing to do with me anymore? I really think the latter might be the case. Advice please 🙁

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:35 am

Ok, I think it may be a bit of both. Punishment yes. However, at this particular moment he doesn’t want to talk to you and he shouldn’t he has every right to feel that way. He won’t in a month though. He will come back down from his anger train and you two can have a civil conversation.
Sophie

August 15, 2013 at 12:53 pm

I mean, what I did was pretty immature. Do you really think there’s any hope for us? I’ve said some very mean things to him before too after he went behind back and hung out with his ex. We weren’t dating at the time but he did promise me he wouldn’t see/talk to her because it made me uncomfortable. And because they went camping a few weeks before with some friends and he kissed her on the shoulder.

I’ll just give you a run down of our “story.”

He was friends with my sister’s boyfriend so that’s how we met. We texted for about a week and then he came over. We were VERY attracted to each other and got physical the first night of knowing each other. On the third day of knowing each other he asked me to be his girlfriend. Needless to say things were moving very fast. In the first week of knowing me he was telling me he could see a future with me and he told me he loved me the second week.

Then all of a sudden his ex texted him. (They had dated for 2 years and had broken up in May.) Things went downhill from there because they started communicating and hanging out behind my back and it made me sooo mad. I started saying really mean things to him out of anger for what he did. I wanted to see his phone to see if he’d been texting her, etc. All the things an insecure girlfriend would do. Then he broke up with me but said we would still talk and hang out and that we could try again when school started. (His reason was that we were moving too fast, but actually he was the one initiating all of the conversation about the future.) This was in June. School starts in a week and we go to the same small private college so I will run into him.

So after breaking up things were different of course. He kept talking to his girlfriend while he was talking to me, but he justified it by saying we weren’t dating. I just was so nasty and mean to him at times and I think that’s what’s turning him off about me. I say things I regret later when I’m mad.

Now he’s ignoring me and this has gone on for about a week. He literally won’t respond to anything I’ve sent him. I’ve even tried the “I have a confession” text and nothing has worked. I know I’m supposed to wait a month but I’m just being impatient I guess. On the bright side, yesterday was my first day of NC! I was very proud of myself lol. I’ve already started working out again, eating healthier, and just taking care of myself like you recommended. I guess after reading all of that, do you think there’s any change of getting him back?
admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:22 am

Day one is pretty easy. The toughest part is to do it consistently for 29 more days.

There is always a chance, however, you have to realize that Me and no one else on this planet except for your ex can guarantee your success. All I can do is point you in the right direction 🙂

Mary

August 13, 2013 at 8:26 pm

I’d love to hear more about what to do if he doesn’t respond at all….where does one go from there? My relationship didn’t end because “I wronged him.” He told me the typical he needed time and space….things were moving to fast….he wasn’t ready to settle down….I was left blindsided.

admin

August 14, 2013 at 2:44 am

Well, if he doesn’t respond at all I would say you wait a week of NC and then reach out again. If he doesn’t respond to that I would then wait another TWO weeks of NC before trying again. If he doesn’t respond to that I would wait THREE weeks of NC.

Chris Seiter

May 3, 2018 at 1:04 am

I think so. Your value will grow when he sees that you don’t rush out to contact him.
Unsure

May 2, 2018 at 3:00 pm

He did initiate, but he’s a bit hot and cold. And sometimes he doesnt reply, do i initiate after like a week?

Usually he will bring up trust, and when I reply him nicely he will be okay with it

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1,957 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”