The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

michelle

September 12, 2016 at 6:43 pm

We were together 4 and 1/2 years. I broke up aug 1 because some trauma issues from childhood I did not realize were keeping me closed. we mutually agreed on break up aug 3. He told friends he could not talk to me because he would fall back in. He called me drunk and ugly on aug 11. It is now sept 12 and I have not talked to him. I did try on aug 26 and I am blocked on his phone. Should I just accept its over?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 2:23 pm

Hi Michelle,

First, if you’re still blocked then you need to extend no contact and have you taken the steps you need to do to change yourself? Therapy? Doing new things? Stopping the ones that need to stop? Having a makeover?

Angie

September 11, 2016 at 7:41 am

Hey, thank for doing this and reading this. You rock!! Heres my story. We have been having problems for a couple of months. About 6 months, been together for over a year. Mainly just like emotional problems, him becoming distant, it just felt like he was putting in less effort then before, which made my more clingy(oops), he’s been asking for space for a while and it took me a long time to understand that ( but i do now) and i get that it’s not personal that sometimes he just needs space for himself, his family has always been a problem because his little sister (18 years old) hates me for absolutely no reason and his family matters a lot to him, so that pretty difficult to fight, and just a lot of emotionally straining thing like that, but anytime we spoke about breaking up we never did it, like we would both say things like”it seems like the right thing to do” but we wouldn’t last a day broken up. like we really do (or did) love each other( I’m not sure how i feel right now). Last week we had a conversation and he said he thought I was unhealthy for him and I didn’t allow him to grow. And that did it for me, knowing that he felt this way made it easier for me to let go of him since I love him and want him to be happy again. And I told him we should break up and that i was doing this for him, because i want him to be better, and that i didn’t want him to be with someone who he thought was unhealthy for him. And yeah he called today (Saturday) and I didn’t answer, he left a voicemail that said ” i just want you to know that if you need anything I’m here for you.” When i heard the voicemail, i sent him a text that said ” thanks for the offer” and that was that. So with that, is 30 days enough? More or less?

Angie

September 15, 2016 at 3:44 am

Also, he just texted me since i did the NC. Its been 4 days. He asked me if i will be watching my favorite show tonight. Would it be okay to text him that I’m not ready to talk to him yet, and that I need more time? I know itd be breaking the NC rule. & I’m dont want to start it all over again. Also my read receipts is on so it tells him i saw it which I’m sure doesn’t feel nice.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 11:38 am

It would be better if you just ignore it. And then check the latest version of the no contact rule article. Start with the true purpose of nc section so that you’ll have an idea on what to do during nc.
The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
Angie

September 15, 2016 at 2:53 am

Okay. I plan on getting a gym membership and reading more books. But i have a question, he doesnt have any social media, so how will I still keep him in the loop that I’m like living life and having fun ? Also where can i read about what to do after the 30days?
Angie

September 13, 2016 at 6:22 am

Wait I’m confused? And if a get back with him…. (What?)
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 4:24 pm

Sorry!!!:D Wrong grammar! I mean, continue that routine that you will start during nc even when you get back with him..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 6:04 am

Hi Angie,

yeah I think 30 days is enough..both of you need a breather.. Use this time to start a new routine that you will still continue when you start to rebuild rapport and if you get back with him…

Keisha Moore

September 10, 2016 at 11:29 pm

Hey!!!! My boyfriend and I were together for a year and 7 months, however, we began to argue a lot. I would say things I really don’t mean but I would then apologize for it and he would forgive me, which became a pattern. He is a very strong willed person and feels that he’s always right, so we argue about that too. I was single for three years before I met him but I was dating. I had a lot of male friends that would still initiate contact every blue moon. He begged me to change my number and I did. Everything was good for a little while then I started to feel I wished I hadn’t done so because we would argue too much over little things such as me not wanting to go places because I was too tired. He claims I’m selfish and I don’t know how to love a man. He broke up with me because of my ways but I was still having sex with him. I tried everything to get him back, but he keeps telling me we can be friends. I would ignore him for about a week then I get into my feelings again then I would call. He wouldn’t answer but would text me, so I would get angry and pop up places I know he would be to question him about his actions. When I approach him he would have a smirk on his face but would act nonchalant. He would answer any question I ask then walk away and don’t answer when I call. He tells me quit popping up and stop calling but when I ask him if he’s involved with another female he’s always telling me no, but his actions makes me feel like he hates me and his attention is somewhere else. He doesn’t call anymore. I took my social media page down and then he requested my friends. I’m thinking he request them so they could tell me things. I would log on for a couple seconds to check his page then I log off. He would put pictures up of himself on his off days. The last picture I saw was a pic he took somewhere he was supposed to take me so I questioned him if he took a female and his response was no. My main question I want to know is does he loves me anymore, is he dating someone else, and is he completely done? Its been two months since we’ve been going through this but I’m always initiating the calls so I feel like I’m being irritating and I’m not giving him the chance to experience life without me. I want to try the NC but I’m afraid it will make him forget about me. Help me please….

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 12:52 pm

Hi Keisha,

I want to answer you here, but I think you need to check this article to answer your other fears regarding no contact:Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

Nya

September 10, 2016 at 11:40 am

A month *

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 7:23 am

Hi Nya,

It looks like she’s a grasss is greener case..Even if it’s hard to nc, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Stay strong in it and make a new routine with your daughter.. Don’t chase. Do 45 days before reinitiating talking with him.

Beachrose

September 10, 2016 at 7:35 am

My sort-of ex (he’s “not sure”, and also ADHD) moved out because he “fell out of love with me” and “realized he never wanted to be married” – after asking me “off and on” for 6 years. He also resented my putting boundaries on his being out almost every single night/ weekend, and being a real spendthrift, getting himself into debt – all of which really impacted our getting other things done. I was his last priority / taken for granted.

I want to do the NC, but some of his stuff is still here, despite my giving him a month to get his stuff. I tried to make it easy on him, gathering & boxing almost all of it up – and still some of it sits here. He wants me to keep some relationship stuff intact, like keeping his photos displayed with mine at home, and helping me with my cabin, where he also still has some stuff. I think that’s just his using me as an emotional crutch. He hates the idea of “losing” access to my cabin, which he put a lot of time into.

I really think he needs to get out of my life completely, to feel what life’s like without me, because I know I set the bar really high. He had a hard time leaving me because he knew that, and still – GIGS.

What’s my strategy to get him to pick up his stuff, but not sound stressed about it – like I don’t care? He still cries when he picks things up at my place, sometimes takes me out to eat, and then we get on great – but then he disappears again and “cocoons” in his life, just texting me – not so different from when he neglected me here.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 7:05 am

HI Beachrose,

That’s your home and he decided to move out, so the decision on what keeps to be displayed, who goes and in and out should be yours. If he doesn’t want to get his things, so be it. Leave it at the front yard for him to easily pick up whenever he’s ready. Have your own decision and be strong with it, because the more you allow him to do what he wants in your life and in your home, the more you look like you rely on him.

He has to feel and realize that you’ve really had enough and he has to respect your home. About your social media posts, yes make them public.

DivineD

September 9, 2016 at 5:23 pm

Long story short — he is good on paper, began cancelling plans after date 3, but would always text or call daily… After 1 month of not seeing eachother I asked for him to express his intentions…he said he would after church and disappeared for 2 weeks…he come back with general inquiry texts, but led to saying he missed me and wanted to see me. Again he would not confirm plans…I asked again for him to say what he wants from me…he asked me to call him to discuss we spoke about him being lost while driving, he said he would call back, and did not. 2 days later i noticed he unfollowed me on instagram. I sent him a text saying he was petty, delete my number and never talk to me again. He replies who is this ? Being a jerk…then 4 hours later says lol i kno who you are . I did not respond. 2 weeks later i went to a club he frequents with my friends. On my way back to our table I walk into him. He’s about 10 feet away – sees me, stares, acted like he didn’t know what to say or do. I broke the eye glance and proceeded to continue walking to the table where I was sitting with my friends. Unfortunately my view was directly aligned with where him and his friends were. He turned his back to me for the next 10 minutes or so and then they vanished. About an hour later I saw him heading up the ramp to another level. The next day he texts me saying “You looked cute last night”. I did not respond. While he is good on paper and a gentleman at times, the majority of our dynamic has been his communication with me via text solely that is geared mainly towards himself. I know he was dating other women. I think I deserve better. My question is I was 2 weeks in of having no contact and we bumped into eachother. While I said nothing verbally – he texted me the next day. Would I need to start over ; by the 30 day NC standards ? I get the feeling he may reach out again; so just wanting some guidance around how to play this although I may not even entertain him at a later date. Any help is appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 12:47 pm

HI DivineD,

you’re good.. You didn’t break nc.. just continue it.

Johhny deep

September 8, 2016 at 4:57 pm

Hi team expect

I know this girl about 3 month . And she do like me . asking me to see his parent . But i realise i be texting her daily . One they she do not have a feeling for me . Should i apply NC rule . How many days

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 4:44 pm

Hi Johnny Deep,

Try just 21 days and be active in improving yourself and in social media

Sam

September 8, 2016 at 11:48 am

If he messages me should I reply back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 2:10 pm

if you a restart.. you shouldnt..

Anne

September 8, 2016 at 8:28 am

Hi,

A month ago my partner and I broke up after 9 years (we are both in our 20’s). The past few months had been less than idea, but not 100% terrible. He has been confused about what he wants, but as of this week has made the decision that he needs to break up, the reasoning is so that he can learn to be alone and discover himself. He said for a while he has been feeling unsure of our future but was too scared to tell me. We have been chatting during the month and saw each other a few times just to discuss things generally. He keeps saying that possibly in the future he will be the person I need, after he does some self-discovery. But there was no time frame given here.

I am starting the no contact rule today for 30 days, but he already knows that in order for me to move on (which he has recommended I do because he says not to wait around for him), that I need to stop contact. He would prefer to still talk and see each other but respects that I cant do that. And he is very disciplined and wont contact me if I don’t contact him. Is there any point in doing the no contact rule or would it be better just to cut him out completely as I’m not sure if it will even work in this case? Given that we have been speaking/catching up and that he has made his decision.

Thanks!

Anne

September 9, 2016 at 3:22 pm

Hi,

Do you think it wouldn’t work to get him back then in this case? Just because he has been changing his mind on and off, even though he has now told me to move on and not wait. I know he is still conflicted but I guess he is trying to stick to his decision.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 12:16 pm

I think there’s a chance.. but raise it by improving yourself… don’t just stop talking to him..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 11:35 am

Hi Anne,

do no contact more for yourself. So that you can be regain having your own routine and being independent because 9 years is long.. do 45 days and if you still want to get back after that, initiate contact and then slowly build rapport

Catherine

September 7, 2016 at 3:05 pm

My boyfriend of 4 months is having doubts about the future with me but says that he loves me. He has been acting distant for 3 weeks now and I felt really emotional and tried to understand where this was coming from especially since our relationship was perfect. Having fun all the time, connecting on intellectual subject, having mature discussions and great sex as well. A lot of new things have been happening in his life, new house, new jobs, new girlfriend etc. I don’t understand where it’s coming from and makes me really sad, especially since he’s been pushing me away from his social life and stopped the romantic little attentions he used to do. What should I do? I talked to him about it, and he said that he will make more efforts. I have been distance and stopped texting him first and I have been cold but polite. He’s been a little bit more sweet but I am obviously hurt. Help me please

Catherine

September 8, 2016 at 4:16 pm

Should I do the no contact rule or wait if I broke up with him? I want to give him a chance first off. What do you mean by grass is greener case
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 4:33 pm

oh sorry… it means he might be looking forward to doing better things than being in a relationship.. but this article explains it more: The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

if you feel that there’s still chance to work it out before doing nc, go ahead..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 2:17 pm

HI Catherine,

maybe it has something to do with everything that is happening in his life right now. It can be a grass is greener case.. Are you going to do no contact rule?

Sam

September 7, 2016 at 10:21 am

I’m not to sure but he did say at the time he wants to forget the past and move on meaning he wants to move on from me as he always starts to think about the time I had left him.. I want to message him but I don’t know if its the right thing to do

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 10:10 am

To be honest you have to move on first. Because if you have been making an effort in the past months then any effort now, would just seem like you’re chasing him. It will take a long time before he is really convinced that you have moved on.. I think you need to be silent for at least 6 months before trying again.

Amy

September 7, 2016 at 7:37 am

Hi here!
I believe you have been work really hard and I am gratitude that you are helping to numerous women everyday. I wish I could have a good patience like you!

Anyway, today is my 5 days NC, but I am still unsure if I should text him back since my ex bf keeps texting me(8 texts total) for three days straight to check out if I am doing ok, and told me he is getting understand how I feel. He even called to my mom tonight to check out if I am doing too that I have never expected! She answered him that I am doing fine. He also gtalked (hang out) me that he will be waiting for my response and depressed that he can see my profile pic has no longer of our picture. But he never mentioned me to be back to him and only told me he misses me and want to talk him when I am get around to it. So should I text him back or just keep follow 30 days NC rule? Thank you for have a time to listen me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 8:24 am

Hi Amy,

Thank you too! I think you need to read this to understand more if you can break nc rule. Click it:
EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?

E

September 7, 2016 at 1:43 am

Hello, So my boyfriend and I have been together for not even two months yet. (I just turned 16 In July, and he just turned 18 in July as well)He’s a great guy. He takes me places. Such as swimming, gym, etc. We always have fun together! And he always knows how to put a smile on my face! So when we first started talking/dating, I told him I don’t want to have sex again(Until I find the right guy) (I have had a sexual experience in the past) and he said he respects that. Because he’s interested in me, and not just sex. He knows I’m a true girl. He’s even told me that I’m different from the females he’s talked to in the past. So recently, two weeks ago on a Friday, my boyfriend called me after school, asking if I was busy. (To see if we can hang out) I said,” Yea I’m going swimming with my little sister. (Yes, they have met before)” He said,”Ooo can I come?” I said,”Yea, you can come.” So then my little sister and I went swimming, and I was looking around to see if he came, but he never did. So I called him that night, he answered, and I said,”Hey, why didn’t you come?” He was telling me that I can’t really get mad at him, because he didn’t say he was gonna come, he just asked if he could come(I know, weird right) and he went on by saying that he was watching a movie, and fell asleep, or whatever. So I just said okay. I didn’t get mad, even though I thought he was really gonna come, but I was confused at first. So then the next day, Saturday, My little sister and I went swimming again. And I called to see if he wanted to come. He said he was cleaning his room, and that he’d call me back to tell me whether he was going to come or not. (He had a stuffy nose) so he didn’t really want to go swimming (to avoid getting more sick) so he called back, and said
Him:Hey, I’m done cleaning my room
Me: Okay, So are you going to come?
Him:*dead silence*
Me:Hello?
Him:I’m thinking,I’m thinking
Me:didn’t you say you were available today?
Him:Yea I am
Me:So what’s stopping you from coming?
Him:You’re little sister
Me:How is my little sister stopping you from coming?
Him: Cause I don’t want no little kids around, I want to spend time with you.
Him:Why can’t you just come over here
Me: Cause I’m with my little sister, do you want me to bring her?
Him:No
Me:Okay then
Him: And I have a runny nose and shit
Me: Okay then if you don’t want to come then don’t come
Him: Why are you getting an attitude
Me:If you don’t want to come then don’t come
Him:Okay then I won’t come
Me:Okay bye*hangs up*
So after the Convo, we didn’t talk for 5 days. I tried calling him last Wednesday, but he didn’t answer(his phone was off) So then, that following Friday night, I called to see if he would pick up, and he did. So he picks up the phone, and I say,”Hey, what’s up?” And for a second he said,”Hey I’m kind of busy right now.” My bad I’ve been going through a lot of s***(He said that as an excuse of why he hasn’t been calling me.)Then I said,” My bad if I seemed a little grouchy on the phone last time.” He said,”It’s all good.” So I told him,”Well I’m going to be available to hang out, like on Monday and stuff, since we don’t have school Monday because it’s labor day.” (It was labor day weekend)And he got silent! So I said,”Are you okay?” He said,”yea.” You’re still in Spring Valley right?” He said,”Yea.” So I said,” are you sure? It seems like you hesitated.” He said,”Yea.” And then he went on by saying,”You called at the wrong time.” And so I was confused for a second, so I said,”Huh?” He said,”You called at the wrong time.” So I just said,” well when you’re ready just give me a call.”and we both just said,”Okay bye.” And hung up. So two days later,(Sunday) morning, I woke up, and noticed that he texted me saying,” Hey.” He sent that text to me at 4 in the morning. And I barely replied to it at 7, since I was asleep when he did text me. So he replies at 11, (He sleeps in lol) and we have a little convo in our text messages with one another. So then the last message I sent was,” You can call me later on tonight if you want.” And he didn’t reply, but I knew he would call. So I went to bed that night, and it was 3 in the morning(It was now(Monday) when he called, so I woke up, and answered his call.” So some of the things he was saying was,” So what are you doing today? I said, “Were supposed to be leaving in the morning(Since my family and I were in another part of California) and I would also like to see you today and stuff. So he said,”Aw you want to see me?” I said,”Yea.” So he breaks the news and says,”Well I got something to tell you.” I’m not in Spring Valley anymore. I’m not even in San Diego anymore. I’m in a whole mother state.” So I asked,”Where are you?” And he says,”I’m in las Vegas.” So I was shocked that he would leave without telling me, but there were some clues that I knew he was about leave to go there. (Before he left) (I knew I wasn’t stupid) he told me that he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore. He said he wasn’t going to call, text, nothing. But the only reason why he did is cause when I called him on Friday, he ‘accidentally ‘answered my call. Its like, you know how in the movies the boy falls in love with the girl, the girl disappears, the boy is on a mission to find her? Well that’s basically what he was trying to do. But God didn’t let it work out that way, because it wasn’t meant for it to happen so ha! Now he looked stupid! So then he goes on by saying encouraging me to not let him get me down, and to continue to focus on school. He also tried to lead me on for a second by saying,” And you can find you a nice guy) and I asked, “What do you mean by that?” He said,”Long distance relationships aren’t healthy.” So then, he also says that he’s trying to focus on him, and so on. Trying to make it happen. I asked him how did he get to Vegas, he said,” Grayhound.” He told me that his Lil sis was crying, and he told me that he was telling his mom bye. So before he left, he basically kept saying this quote to me, and it says,” Don’t let no one stop your success. Not him, not my mom, not my little sister, and not my friends.” And I asked him when he was still here, “Where did you get that?” And he said,”I made it up.” So when we were talking on the phone on Monday at 3 in the morning, I said,”Is that why you kept saying that little quote.” he said,”yea, I was trying to prepare you.” And while he was talking he said,”Whatever happens, just know that I’m just fine.” So then we continue to talk or whatever, then he said that he has to go to sleep, and that he’d call me tomorrow. So it was still Monday, but it was nighttime. So I was about to get in the shower, and I decided to go ahead and call him. So I called, he didn’t answer. So I went a head, got in the shower, I get out , and I call my Aunti. (She’s very wise, and gives great advice) (I’ve told her about him) so I called her, and talked to her about what was going on and stuff. I had called her earlier that day anyways, telling her how he moved to Vegas, didn’t tell me, etc. And I told her that he doesn’t have a job, his own place, a car, etc.and he just barely turned 18! And she was just telling me,”He’s not ready.” So back to after I got out the shower that night, I called her again, cause I had more stuff to tell her, but he was on the other line calling me back. So I told her that he was calling, and that I would call her right back, and she said okay. So I answer his call, and I say, “Hello?” He says,”Yea. I was handling some business.” So then I asked him,”Do you truly value me?” He says, “What do you mean by that.” I said,”Like, do you truly value me?” Then he started going off, raising his voice, saying,” I don’t got time for that s****. I don’t got time for that lovey dove s****. You don’t know what I go through! I don’t even talk to my own mom anymore! I’m out here by myself! I’m focused on me! You always trying to make it about you(he tried to make it seem like I’m always talking about myself to him, which is not the case) and so he goes off still talking stuff, saying more stuff like,”I thought you understood, but I guess not.” And so , I got quiet, and he noticed I got quiet, and said,”Anything else you want to say? You sure did quiet over there.” So I said,”I just don’t understand why you would throw me under the bus.” And then he just kept going, talking stuff. So my little sister kind of heard him yelling at me over the phone(She was in my room while I was on the phone with him) and so she wrote down for me to say to him,”Don’t yell at me.” And so I told him,”Don’t raise your voice at me.” He said,” Or what? You gonna hang up?” I didn’t say anything. So he kept talking for a couple of more seconds. Then it got quiet. So I whispered to my sister, “he’s still yelling.” To let her know that he was talking stuff to me, and she signaled for me to hang up, so I did. So I called my Aunti back, told her what happened. She said,” There’s a chance he may never call back.” And she also told me that I did the right thing of not saying anything, and hanging up. And that its up to him to come to his senses. And she also told me that he had no right to take his family problems out on me. Because that is between him and his mom, and it has nothing to do with me. He means well, but his priorities all over the place.” (Him trying to make it happen and all that) So after I got off the phone with my aunti, I told my sister I kind of felt bad for hanging up, and she said,”Why? You need to be a woman!” For a second I thought we were breaking up(When I hung up on him) but my sister was telling me,”It’s not the end of the world! All you did was hang up on him! He needs to calm down first! He probably feels stupid now since you hung up on him. “And I said,”You’re right.” The whole “him yelling at me” thing took place last night(Tuesday of this week) my question is, should I do the no contact rule? Do you think he will regret what he did to me, and will eventually miss me?) We have(or at least had) a great relationship. We haven’t had fights, nor arguments. It was wrong for him to try to avoid not talking/contacting me anymore, especially for the fact that he knows I’m a true girl, and that I’m innocent through all this! So why would he want to try to let go of someone who managed to be there for him, and stick by his side? You know?

E

September 9, 2016 at 2:13 pm

Okay so, he just texted me last night. I didn’t reply, because I’m letting him see how it feels to be ignored. Since he ignored my calls/texts when he moved.. All that smack he was talking on the phone on Monday, but yet.. He obviously feels bad about it now..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 2:32 pm

For me it’s ok to be silent for you to cool down but maybe after 2 or 3 days, talk to him.. Say what you really feel in the calmest way possible… do it in text so you can edit it and he will have to read all of it before answering
E

September 8, 2016 at 1:55 pm

That’s stupid for him to do that. For the fact that he knows I’m his girlfriend. I remember on Monday when we were talking at 3 in the morning, and since we telling me he’s in Vegas,etc. You know how he was telling me that he wasn’t planning on calling,texting, me anymore? (When he got to Vegas) Well I asked him,” So you were trying to end the relationship?” And he said,”no.” I know, weird right! He is definitely giving mixed signals. And its like, he doesn’t want to lose me, but yet his actions are… You know? Just.. He has a lot going on with him. My question is, should I just imply the no contact rule? Our last Convo was Monday(when he was yelling at me) and I wasn’t arguing with him, or anything like that. I asked him one simple question, and he basically messed up. (By trying to yell at me for HIS problems) Me? I was just quiet. But I wasn’t tolerating the yelling thing.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 7:12 am

HI E,

I think what’s he’s trying to say is that you’re not his priority right now. Maybe he went to Las Vegas to find a job there and fulfill his dreams, so that’s his priority right now.

Sophie

September 6, 2016 at 9:10 pm

Hi,
I was with my ex boyfriend for nearly four years and broke up two weeks ago because he feels ‘lost and confused’ about what he wants. He told me he loves me and our relationship has always been very happy, even up until two weeks ago. I started the no contact eleven days ago and haven’t had any mobile communication at all – however we work together and I started back at work today and he came to my office and spoke to me – work related and general chat – is this breaking no contact? It will be very difficult to ignore him at work. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 10:51 am

HI Sophie,

nope.. YOu should read this: EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Vee

September 6, 2016 at 7:42 pm

long story short…married in february of this year, been together for 1.5 years. In June my partner told me she had been messaging back and forth with an old flame. in july she moved back to her parents, from july to august she was back and forth with her feelings toward me. saying she didnt know what she wanted, but would end up saying she wanted to move back with me and work on our relationship. a week ago me and the “old flame” found out that my partner was lying to both of us and leading us both on. my partner got upset at me for talking to her old/new flame and blamed me for our relationship ending and for her “losing” the chance to be with this other girl again. everyone is telling me that it’s over, but i love my her so much and want her back. i know that the old flame and her started talking again, since all the drama a week ago. do i still have a chance with “no contact”, or should i just move on? i honestly feel that she still loves me but she is so angry with everything that has happened. i have never done anything against her or our relationship and i hate this. i just want my partner back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 10:15 am

Hi vee,

try the no contact rule first to heal and improve for 45 days.. Just focus in that..if you still want to try with her after it,.initiate contact

Sam

September 6, 2016 at 5:58 pm

Hi..the guy I really loved truly has moved on.. He was talking to a girl after I left him on and off which I didnt not know about. I found out through social media he was in contact with her I confronted him asking why he had lied he said he wanted to stay friends with me. We don’t speak much anymore he has a new number which I don’t have but he talks to me through online if he has to ever but since I confronted him we have not spoken since and I miss him so much I know you’ll be thinking his not worth it but I just can’t imagine my life without him what shall I do! I have not message him since either I really miss him

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 9:52 am

Hi Sam,

are you continually active in maintaining and improving yourself? If you contact him again, would he think you’re chasing or just being friendly?

krisha

September 6, 2016 at 10:34 am

we has a very string connection we broke up because his parents were not covinced he tried to convince but could not .As they started giving emotional pressure he gave up, we are in a long distance relationship and its been 8 months we are dating and he broke up three days back since that day i have tried not to make any contacts with him and even he has not made any effort. does NC will help in this case .

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 7:35 am

Hi Krisha,

we can’t guarantee that nc will work. But it will help increase your chances and make him miss you.

Desperate

September 5, 2016 at 11:00 pm

Hello,

I was with someone for 5 months. The relationship moved very quickly and he told his family (I was informed after the break-up) that he couldn’t imagine anyone else more suitable to be the mother of his children). The reason for the break-up was that he was not ready to settle down. I contacted him a week after the break-up, again at the 2-week mark, and on the 3rd-week mark. At this point he contacted me here and there through snapchat and sending me a screen shot through text. I then met up with him to get my apartment key (he had the spare) and he told me he didn’t want to say goodbye to me and wanted to talk here and there. That didn’t last. I messaged him a few days later and the conversation died. and the last time he texted me, I answered with a smart remark. Every time we talk we end up talking about the relationship as much as I know i should avoid this. I started the no contact rule and I am on day 9. I am afraid that because he is so prideful he won’t reach out to me again, and if he does reach out to me and I ignore him, that he won’t contact me when I do re-initiate contact. UGH I don’t know what I should do if he were to contact me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 6:07 pm

Hi Desperate,

What needs to happen is a restart. So, that means when he initiates during no contact, and you ignore him, he has to see through social media that you are moving on. So, that when you reinitiate after no contact, he will think you’re just being friendly and then he’ll more likely talk to you.

And another thing also, he will less likely become resentful of you ignoring him because he’s not even initiating that much. You’re the one who’s always doing it. And the last you said it died..

When you end up talking about the relationship, what does he say?

Aubrey

September 5, 2016 at 10:17 pm

Hello! My fiancé and I have known each other for a year and a half. We’ve officially were dating the past 6 months and just 2 weeks ago he broke up with me. I’m on day 4 of NC (I had to restart a lot) but today he wrote in his blog that I’m an amazing girl but we entered a relationship when he wasn’t ready. He claims that we moved fast (which I completely agree) but now he’s saying “I don’t know if I want to be alone to focus on my passions or if I want a partner to live life to the fullest.” He’s having a mini life crisis where things in his life keep changing. He seems committed to this break up and I know he’s confused. I feel like during the 30 days he’s still going to be confused and not willing to work things out or talk. I don’t understand why he rather figure it out on his own than have my love and support.. I have no clue how to get him back or what to do. Any advice would help

Aubrey

September 6, 2016 at 11:04 pm

I am trying the no contact rule. It’s day 5. We’ve been together 6 months then he broke up with me because he claims he was scared of his feelings. Got into a rebound relationship for 3 months then came back to me for 6 months we got engaged and now he’s “confused” he doesn’t know if he wants to be alone or wants a partner. I know he still loves me. At the end of the 30 day contact falls right on our birthdays (his bday is the day after mine) do you think he will come back? He hasn’t made any effort to contact which I don’t see him trying to, but if he does I plan on ignoring it
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 10:59 am

We can’t guarantee that.. but I think things were too fast for him, so take it slow this time
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 5:39 pm

HI Aubrey,

he chose to figure it out on his own because he realized that being engaged after 6 months is too fast. That decision was probably made while you’re in the honeymoon period. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Kay

September 5, 2016 at 9:06 pm

Me and my guy weren’t in a relationship yet. We’ve talked on and off for 2 years. Well this time I was super clingy . I think I was a little scared but nonetheless I was clingy and annoying he hated it. I know I messed up i’m not usually like that He’s blocked my number and all. Is the NC rule right for me?

Kay

September 8, 2016 at 1:51 pm

45 days and such is really long. I may reach out after a week I may not . But i’m giving at least a week of nc. After a week I know my feeling won’t be completely hurt and I won’t care as much
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 2:27 pm

yes it’s long but that’s what’s usually recommended to people who has been a gnat, especially that you’re blocked.. he has to thik that you’ve moved on and not chasing him anymore.

and to really increase your chances, you have to improve yourself during and after nc
Kay

September 7, 2016 at 1:19 pm

Yes i’m restarting today, I’ve set it for a week so I can take things a week at a time
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 11:16 am

Hmm what do you mean? after one week you’ll contact him again? It will have less effect if the nc is done in that way. The more you do stop and start the nc, the less it’s effect because he’ll notice the pattern. It should be done in one big blow. Some do mini nc but in your case. You have to do a full one. You have to do 45 days.
Kay

September 6, 2016 at 9:14 pm

I’m weak and I contacted him on social media (he hasn’t blocked me on there) not sure if that’s a good sign or not, but i’m trying nc , I just miss him a ton and want to work it out
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 10:51 am

are you going to restart the no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 5:35 pm

HI Kay,

Yeah, he already blocked you. So, if you keep trying to contact him,you’ll annoy him more.

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