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eva
September 30, 2016 at 9:09 pm
My boyfriend and me dated for 8 months. We had a very loving relationship, partially living together, partially long distance. We loved each other very much and had special kind of chemistry. We could just be ourselves together. Unfortunately, 2,5 weeks ago, he went abroad again, as his visa ran out. I had no doubts about us getting through this, as he was applying for a visa for my country and he has started the process when he was here. He’s trying to build his own business. Once he got back abroad, he had to work a lot on the side and was not able to work on his own business. He also had run out of money and was really stressed about things not getting finished in time. On top of that, I have been going through some emotional stuff the past month, and he seemed overwhelmed with it all, apparently scared to fail. He thought about breaking up with me last week and it came out of nowhere. He wanted a break, caved after one day, told me he just loved me soo much and he wants us to work out. Then, 5 days later, he breaks up on the phone. He told me he can’t make the commitment right now, needs to work on himself, needs to be self sufficient. But loves me and misses me like crazy, but it is for the best, etc. I immediately deleted him on all social media. I took of the relationship status on FB, and I told him I did not want to talk to him if it is really over, as it would hurt me too much. He said, ok. He attempted contact for the next two days via text and email, I did not respond, except when he received a card I wrote to him last week (it arrived too late). Emailed me that he cried when opening it, and how much he loves me, but just feels he really needs to be alone right now. Then again says he cries all the time. Told me he thinks of moving over here in 2,5 months on his own and wanting to be in my life somehow but can’t say for sure what will happen, as he wants to focus on himself now.
I did then reply that the card was from last week and that things have changed now.
He replied “ok, well, just wanted to say i appreciated it a lot.” – as if i care. Urgh, i am angry at him. he is so selfish!! he now changed his relationship status to single and changed pictures of fb of us to other things (profile, cover, etc). I am so deeply hurt by this but want to try to do no contact. Have not heard from him for two days now. it’s been over for 5 days since breakup. Am I doing ok? Is there a chance for us to get back together? What should be my next step?
eva
October 1, 2016 at 12:43 am
I should probably mention that I am a bit older than him, he is 24, I am 29. He often felt like I was more experienced than him, perhaps I was too poised for him? Not sure, but he kind of left hints regarding this throughout our relationship, and especially in the last 2 weeks of it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 3, 2016 at 1:55 pm
Hi Eva,
Yeah, looks like you have a chance.. The good thing about doing no contact now is that he’ll have his time to sort things out while you have time for yourself to heal and improve
Linda
September 30, 2016 at 8:53 pm
Oh my goodness!!! I absolutely love the updated version you have written about The No Contact Rule. Two thumbs up CHRIS
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 3, 2016 at 1:33 pm
Thank you Linda! I’ll forward this to Chris!
CA
September 30, 2016 at 6:49 pm
My ex and I speak on and off, spend the night sometimes.
It’s been 2 days since Iv spoken to him, I do all the texting and calling, however he is supposed to take me on a ‘date’ tomorrow, I have yet to hear from him and I’m not even sure if I will.
I’m in a mind set of I don’t care if I do or don’t go.
But what do I do if he calls asking are we still on? Ignore him?
CA
September 30, 2016 at 6:50 pm
If he will*
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 3, 2016 at 12:49 pm
Hi CA,
I don’t understand.. If you really don’t care if you go or don’t, then if he asks, you’ll just if you’re available. But if you’re trying to get him then I suggest you try doing the no contact rule instead.
maps
September 30, 2016 at 6:28 pm
Hi, I succeeded in the 30 day no contact and my ex contracted me around day 25. I responded shortly to his message and continued with no contact. We are back together but I think I have totally lost feelings for him, I felt so cold when he made love to me and we are in a 10yr old relationship. Is it time to move on? He cheated on me and I found out that relationship has been on for 5yrs. I’ve made peace with it and we spoke about it but I just feel indifferent towards him noe. He is talking about settling down with me and it’s all I ever wanted in the past but now I don’t think I’m ready. Is this normal?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 3, 2016 at 12:32 pm
Hi Maps,
Yes, most of the women realize that they need to move on after doing no contact because they’re more rational. They can see what they can’t see before. If you’re really not in love with him anymore, then of course you should move on.
Anna
September 30, 2016 at 4:35 pm
Hello, so I have a quite weird situation. I had a pretty bad break up, it lasted for 2 months, after which I tried no contact and failed after 15 days. Then after a huuge fight I did it again and it lasted for over 30 days. I sent my ex few days ago a mail saying that I want us to be okay again, to be friends and talk from time to time again. First he didn’t want, but then said yes. The thing is I want to take another 30 days of no contact and start messaging him. Is that a good idea? I want to take it super slow and work on getting back together. I believe that in the next 30 days I’ll make progress too. So my question is was it a bad idea to mail him? What should be my next step? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 8:06 pm
Hi Anna,
that would be weird.. because you asked him to be friends and then you dont but I’m guessing it’s because you think you look like you’re trying hard to be friends again in that mail right?
So, you’re going to try to make thibgs right by starting nc again and initiating contact the right way? Actually, the more you do no contact, the less the effect but if it’s really because you want to really focus in improving yourself this time before talking to him then go ahead
Kaddie
September 30, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Hi,
My break-up with my boy-friend is more complicated. I thought I was pregnant and going through a miscarriage I thought that my boyfriend wasn’t supporting me or emotionally supporting me like he should. I end up texting him, saying how I felt and I suggested breaking up and he agreed, which I thought was strange. I was serious with breaking up I was just frustrated. I asked him why he wants to break-up, he gave me multiple different reason like I wasn’t showing him enough attention, he felt obligated to do thing for me, and how he wasn’t there for me. We agreed to give each other space. I waited a week to see if he would contact me but he didn’t and I was not satisfied with his reason for breaking up because it didn’t make sense. We was fine for one moment and I told him that he never express those feelings to me of me not showing him enough attention. He said we could do better as friends but I said no I don’t want to be your friend. I keep push it and he just kept lying to my face. I had a feeling that it was much more than that and it turns out I was right. He finally told me that he found attention elsewhere. So he was cheating on me for an entire month with someone younger and I asked him for details and I was disgusted. We was going to work thing out until I found out the whole extent of him cheating. I don’t even see us working out. He said he love and care for me, but he didn’t even try to get me back or text or call me. We been going out for almost 3 years now and I would think that he would have some kind of trust and loyalty to at least to tell me the truth. It’s hard for me to get over it, I’m still upset it’s been almost a week of us officially over. His cheating was out of the blue, I really didn’t even expect it or thought he was up to something. I thought our relationship was going fine until the last month. I don’t know what to do. I really want to get over him. He still lied to me about detail information about the cheating and the person he cheated with. I ‘m a person who can’t get over something until I know the full truth on what happen. I really don’t know if there’s any way of us getting back together. What do you think I should do? I think that he needs someone to talk to other from his friends that’s not giving him the best advice. His friends gave him the ok to cheat and he did it. I really want to tell his parents of what’s being going on. Do you think I should or leave it alone? His not make smart decision and his going back to his bad habits of smoking weed and hanging out late and now cheating. What is your advice on this situation? And I feel like he is going to the wrong path and even if he did me wrong and he bascially act like he don’t care about my feelings, I do want to help him. Should I help him or let it be? Also should I inform hi sparents on the sitaution or let it be?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 6:00 pm
Hi Kaddie,
If you really want to help him, talk to him first. He’s an adult, he can make his own decisions. If you really want to speak to his parents for his own interest, that’s ok but of course, you have to accept that he will be pissed about that.
Kim
September 29, 2016 at 9:04 pm
Hi. I have been in NC for 16 days. On the 4th day he dropped something off at my work, drove by a couple times and waved. I acted like I didn’t see him the first time, but broke down and gave a half-wave the 2nd time because I didn’t want to be mean or act childish. On the evening of the 11th day of NC, he texted me “Whoops.” I had to laugh because you can’t send an *Oopsy* Text. Sending a text requires entering a word or sentence and then hitting SEND, at a minimum. It’s not like accidentally butt-dialing someone. However, it did make me feel good. I didn’t respond. Then on the evening of the 13th day of NC, he called me. I let it go to Voicemail. This is where I’m having a problem and need your help. He basically said that he had heard about the accident involving 2 of my coworkers (tragically, one of the men died), and he wanted to know if I was ok. He added that he hadn’t seen my car at work for a few days (even before the accident it hadn’t been there), and that he knew I probably wouldn’t call him back, but asked that I just text him saying that I’m ok. NOT EXPECTED AT ALL…this threw me for a big loop. I was almost halfway to finishing NC and was 100% focused on the Finish Line, but at the same time, how could I ignore his sincere request? I do believe he was concerned…not necessary about the accident, but about me basically vanishing on him. Even though I felt his concern was for a slightly different reason than what he stated, I thought it would be very mean and insensitive to just ignore his simple request. Bottom line…I texted him the next morning (Day 14 of NC), and said, “I got your voicemail this morning. I’m just texting you to let you know that I’m ok.” He texted back that basically it was so tragic and that his heart went out to the families and everyone at my company. I briefly agreed and thanked him for his kind words. He texted back and asked if I was still working out by him, that he hadn’t seem my car for a few days. I did NOT respond, though I really wanted to. However, interestingly. enough..I found myself wanting to keep my whereabouts a mystery to him. I was kind of surprised at myself, but also felt a little empowered by it. I do worry that he will feel put off by me not answering such a simple question and I really hope it doesn’t damage what I feel is progress.
Anyway….(sorry I got off track a little), I guess I feel that my texting him IS a justifiable breech of the NC Rule and shouldn’t warrant me having to start over. Please tell me what you think and if you agree. I’d also like to know if you think what I did, said, or didn’t say, has hurt my chances, or any of the progress I’ve made? Could any of it have possibly even improved my chances or progress? I look forward to hearing your thoughts and advice. Thank You!!
Kim
October 12, 2016 at 7:09 pm
Amor,
Thank you! You are so right. I definitely overthink everything concerning matters of the heart. I tend to expect others to feel and respond on/at the same level as I do. When/if they don’t, I feel hurt and react accordingly. Basically, I create issues and drama that doesn’t even exist by setting myself up for disappointment. Crazy as it sounds, I’m starting to see that my ex never even had the chance to disappoint me…I did it for him. Geesh!!!
I’ve restarted NC and I’m already on Day 4. I have also started the process of working on Me, for Myself, like you suggested. I completely understand what you are saying, and fully agree. I hope with time, and by doing the things you’ve recommended, that I can at least salvage our friendship. I have 2 FINAL QUESTIONS I’d like to ask. 1.) I unfortunately need to address a work related issue with him, per my boss’ orders. If I can do this through a strictly business/professionally based email, which will NOT, in any way, require a response from him, do you think that would be ok? 0r should I try to get out of having to do it? And finally, 2.) IF he does, by some miracle, reach out and contact me, like he did before, should I ignore him for a minimum of 30 days, before responding? I just struggle with feeling like I’m being mean by ignoring someone. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 11:40 am
you ca ask as many as you like.. you can continue to talk to him regarding
business purposes.. ignore him girl.. you can do it… coz if you answer, you would look too available
Kim
October 12, 2016 at 4:22 am
So basically Amor, he is gone and I should not anticipate that he will ever want to return? Honestly, 6 months to a year, or even longer, are really bad odds. Is that how long you think it will take before he MIGHT possibly consider being my friend again??? People just don’t put their feelings or love on hold for that length of time without moving on, IMO. I look forward to hearing your opinion. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 11:01 am
not forever.. there’s a chance that he will talk to you or answer you if you initiate but that doesn’t mean he thinks you’ve changed or sure that you’ve changed.. Don’t overthink.. For now, focus in improving yourself for yourself.. I’m not saying you can’t try to initiate but the truth is, reaching out after a month may not be the best time to do so.. the least could be two months..
Kim
October 12, 2016 at 12:00 am
Sorry, but I forgot to ask what “a really long time” means by your definition? Thank you!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 12:05 am
it is hard.. this is not sure time frame but more realistically it can 6 months to a year or longer for him to really think you have changed.. Because the change has to be consistent. And by your reaction, I think you need that time frame too.. You have to learn to be more independent first, be less emotionally attached to him, and that doesn’t just take 30 or 45 days..
Kim
October 11, 2016 at 11:55 pm
Thank you so much for your quick response Amor! Please know that I am NOT trying to challenge or disrespect your opinion, in any way. I just want to make sure that I am fully understanding what you are saying and advising me to do. So in hopes of saving your valuable time and energy, clarifying what you’ve said, I will write down my interpretation and you can tell me if I’m just not getting it, or that I am. I hope that is ok and works for you.
What I think you are saying, based upon what I told you he said to me (via text), is that he is tired? That he has finally given up on me, or at least feels that he HAS TO? That he is choosing to, even if it means having to “force” himself to let go? That he does NOT have the same feelings for me anymore, even though it’s only been 7 days? That he is no longer interested in pursuing anything romantic with me, now or at any time in the future? That he is finally convinced that I will never change and that he won’t ever be able to trust that I have? That even if I truly do succeed in changing the things that push him away, he will most likely never allow me to show him because it will have taken SO LONG for me to change?
I hate to admit it, but I keep telling myself that he has basically said “goodbye” to me before, only to reach out to me within weeks of saying “goodbye,” and even doing all the pursuing while allowing me back into his life. However, I am starting to wonder if I should just believe him this time? Perhaps I need to just accept and respect that he has chosen to say “goodbye” to me, and acknowledge the fact that I’m not being fair to him, or doing what’s best for him, by trying to hang on to hope, when all I do is frustrate him, hurt him, and disappoint him by repeating the same habitual behaviors. Besides, my stubborn persistence has only resulted in him pushing me further away, in ruining our relationship, in destroying his feelings for me, and damaging his opinion of me as a person.
I truly believe that I WILL LOSE HIM by letting go, by creating space and distance (NC), and by taking whatever time is required to change the things I know I need to change. I know I should have addressed these “things” long ago, but they aren’t easy. Their existence is not only discouraging, but they are disappointing to look at, difficult to acknowledge, hard to accept, painful to analyze, and exhausting to engage in and work through. Unfortunately, there are no quick or easy solutions when it comes to making progress that involves change. Especially when the changes being made are permanent in nature. It can also feel overwhelming when you must accept the fact that one rarely succeeds in changing 100% of all the things involved, and certainly not when the change we seek is permanent. If I could keep him in my life, while making the necessary changes, it wouldn’t feel so overwhelming. After all, change is hard enough without having to, simultaneously, deal with a broken heart. The bottom line is this… I know I MUST make the necessary changes; I know I must focus on Me; I know I have to keep moving forward. BUT IN ALL HONESTY, DOING WHAT I KNOW I MUST DO AND NOT DOING WHAT MY HEART SO BADLY DESIRES FOR ME TO DO, IS ONE OF THE HARDEST, MOST PAINFUL, SAD, AND GUT-WRENCHING, DECISIONS EVER!!! AND IT LEAVES ME FEELING HOPELESS AT BEST…
Kim
October 10, 2016 at 2:46 pm
So I continued texting with him. He was pursuing me and initiating all contact. It felt great and things were good. I stayed positive, didn’t bring up anything about our relationship or the breakup. Then after contacting me one evening and opening up more than he intended (he had a few too many with his friends, LOL) and I think it bothered him. The next morning he did apologize for calling so late and said he’d be home after work if I wanted to talk, on the phone. He didn’t call so I let it go. The next evening I did call him and told him I figured I’d do the reaching out this time. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE CALLED!!! I think he would have been fine if I’d backed off and waited for him to initiate contact after he had time to realize he missed me and that it was ok to reconnect and initiate contact with me again. But when he said something that sounded to me like he knew he shouldn’t have called me, that nothing good will come from us staying in contact, and that this would be the last time I’d hear from him, I just felt so hurt and reverted back to pushing on him, talking over him so I could “make him understand my feelings,” and I just couldn’t let it go. I didn’t stop when he got frustrated and mad to the point that he hung up on me. I went into Desperate Chic Mode and blew his phone up. UGGGH!!! Now he says contacting me was a mistake and when I pressed him (will I ever learn?), he finally said “Kim, it’s over.” and the reason why, according to him, was because, “you can’t let shit go. You keep picking at it and picking at it until you piss me off, just like today, just like the other night, and every other night when you can’t let something go!!!! You will try to contact me again and try to justify your position and every time you try to do that you push us further away. Leave it alone. I don’t want to hear from you again.” And went on to say he would delete my emails before reading them, and block me if I tried to call or text him. That he doesn’t want this drama in his life ever, and that I obviously love drama because he has told me he doesn’t like this and I continue to push it on him, and push it on him, and push it on him. He finally finished with, “Leave me alone. You got it? I can’t say it any clearer than that. Leave me alone.”
I instantly wanted to email him AGAIN. It’s like I really can’t just let it go. I at least refrained from contacting him. Also, he did email me again after saying that the one before was going to be the last time I would hear from him.
SO, now I’m scared that I have not only ruined ALL the progress I had made in NC, but that I may have actually done enough damage that he really won’t ever contact me again, if just due to His Pride. YIKES!! Have I finally chased him off for good??? I’d also love to hear your thoughts about what he said to me. Does it sound like he wants me to change or is he saying “adios” because he feels I can’t or won’t ever change?? PLEASE HELP!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 10:31 am
honestly, that’s more likely goodbye because he’s already tired.. it would take a really long time for him to think that you have really moved on and give the chance of starting off as friends again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Hi Kim,
Nothing to worry about.. You actually handled it pretty well. It was formal and it was right that you didn’t answer when he was trying to know more.
Franco
September 29, 2016 at 3:15 am
My ex and I broke up for good 3 days ago. We have been together a little over 6 years and she says that she has no time for me. I am in love with this girl and feel like she has just abandoned me. Yesterday I called her to confirm we were done and she was so cold towards me. Last week she said she loves me and I am one of the most important people in the world to her. This week we are broken up, and my heart is hurting. She starts her new job next week where she thinks she will travel a lot. We have been together so long and have invested so much in each other, it’s weird that not having the time is causing the split. I am afraid she will move on without me. Any suggestions? Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 7:21 pm
Hi Franco,
Just to make it clear, you broke up because of her new job because she wouldn’t have time for you anymore?
Aside, from that, do you want to try doing the no contact rule?
Ana
September 29, 2016 at 12:50 am
Hi! I need your advice as soon as possible. I dated a guy for five months and he broke up with me. I did not speak to him after that (for month and a half) and I was working on myself a lot. We saw each other before a week, and he drove me and my friends to the place we were going. He was nice, a bit flirty, but we did now talk after that. I have a small trip this weekend to different country, and i decided to ask him to come with me. I sent him a message saying that I want him to come, just to have fun, no obligations, talking about past, relationship etc. This was the first time I sent him a text and he was very cold about it. He said that he was going to be there as well, but during the day he will have some conferences while at night he planned going out with his guys, but we will maybe see each other (if he finds time). What should I do? I was really surprised with how cold he was, and expected him to be more enthusiastic about me calling him. Maybe he is just over it..?
Ana
October 4, 2016 at 3:15 pm
No, we did not talk at all before that. Now, the weekend is over and we spent one night together. We had sex, but there were some cute moments that reminded us of our relationship. He asked me about hundred times If i was with someone else after him, and I did not want to answer that (even though I was not). I see that he still cares for me, even though I noticed that he does not want relationship back (not just with me, but generally). He also thinks, that after him I just started having fun, and that I do not want to take things too seriously now. I really do want a relationship with him, but I see that he is still not ready for it. Is it smart to have some flirty relationship with him, where we will hook up or have sex from time to time and can that eventually lead to relationship again? PS. we did not talk at all after that night
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 8:14 pm
more like you will just be friends with benefits.. so don’t do it…
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 6:55 pm
Hi Ana,
before you asked him, were you already texting or having phone conversations with him?
Aparna
September 28, 2016 at 2:13 pm
We had a fight and I said I’m breaking up but I didn’t mean it ,after 2 long days still he didn’t contacted me .So I approached his friends and then he texted me .While texting he said its better to end this here as he doesn’t have a career nor a job and we both are from different religion too.We dated for almost 2 years.These reasons were there from the beginning .Then why ending now.I can assure that he doesn’t have anyone else in his life.After the breakup we used to text as friends.He actually friendzoned me. And at last yesterday I asked if there’s any chance of getting back together .He said a complete no and told me that he knew I would ask all this and due to that he limited texting me. I didn’t replied to him after that.what should I do? I need him back .Not as a friend , but as my partner and how we were used to be.please help me with this!! I love him a lottt. Its been 2 days I have implemented the NC.what should I do after the 30th day.
Aparna
September 30, 2016 at 7:39 am
We had a fight and I said I’m breaking up but I didn’t mean it ,after 2 long days still he didn’t contacted me .So I approached his friends and then he texted me .While texting he said its better to end this here as he doesn’t have a career nor a job and we both are from different religion too.Now hes doing his family business. We dated for almost 2 years.These reasons were there from the beginning itself .Then why ending it now.I can assure that he doesn’t have anyone else in his life.After the breakup we used to text as friends.He actually friendzoned me. I asked him if there wasnt a fight then would he have broke up with me .He thensaid someday it would have happened.And at last yesterday I asked if there’s any chance of getting back together .He said a complete no and told me that he knew I would ask all this and due to that he limited texting me. I didn’t replied to him after that.what should I do? I need him back .Not as a friend , but as my partner and how we were used to be.please help me with this!! I love him a lottt. Its been 2 days I have implemented the NC.what should I do after the 30th day.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 10:33 am
be focused in having a new routine and improving yourself during and after nc..so that when you initiate a text after nc, he would be ok with it because upon seeing your posts, he would think you have moved on or is starting to move on and you’re just being friendly…
follow this for the first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Paula
September 27, 2016 at 1:25 pm
Hi, I have tried the no contact rule for 6 days and then broke it as I asked my ex boyfriend if I can have something back that he has at his house. He didn’t answer. I figured that it was a bad idea for me to contact him straight after I sent the text, and so I started the no contact period all over again. I’m on day 4 now. Do you think it would still work? Or would that have made it worse and it will be more difficult to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 3:46 pm
Hi Paula,
it’s ok to contact your ex about your things, as long as you only talk about your things and not feelings nor the relationship..what’s more important is that you improve yourself
angel
September 25, 2016 at 11:14 pm
my husband left me recently. we are newlyweds (3 mos married). he was in a depressive state and wasnt taking medication. i recently was reading about narcissist behavior and i think he may be one. he was perfect then wgen we got married he changed. im confused and want to know whats going to happen. should i use no contact with his state of mind?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 10:39 am
Hi Angel,
When did he exactly leave and how long were you together before you married? Does he threaten you in any way? You need to consult a therapist in dealing with him, honestly, it’s hard to say what’s going to happen. But narcissists always put themselves first. They can make you feel what you want to feel but only for their satisfaction. No contact will not heal him, it can only help you be more rational.
Kristyna
September 24, 2016 at 2:46 am
I tried the NC and I felt like it went quite well. During the NC we only communicated about our son. However I hit a major road block during our NC. I was rediagnosed with an illness and was an able to be left alone and required around the clock supervision or to stay in a hospital. The second choice I wouldn’t be able to see my son often. So after being unable to find anyone to help me my ex moved in with us. I tried to continue the NC but it was useless when I couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom or even feed myself. I feel like being sick has sent us even further than were we had left things. Now that I’m able to a lone more often he is gone even when needed. In a few weeks we all move to the city he works in. We will live separately again. Him and his now girlfriend (he says friend) are moving in together. My question is, is it even worth trying the NC again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 5:23 pm
Hi Kristyna,
so, I’m assuming you’re well now right? If not, I think it would be better if you hire a nurse. Nc is not just for trying to get an ex back but it can be a way for you to help yourself heal.
LoveSpain2014
September 24, 2016 at 1:12 am
So I began taking to a guy online back in July, at the time I was visiting home for a few weeks due to personal reasons but we began chatting and he seemed nice enough. When I returned to the city I have been living in the past year we continued talking and decided to meet up. We clicked instantly, we spent hours together until neither of us could keep our eyes open and then he walked me home. We met the next day and the next, each equally as great. He took me to places that meant a lot to him. Everything was going great and we saw each other every day for a week. Until then he got an interview for a job in a different city, which he then got. He was like it’s okay you can visit me etc.. and continued to contact me like normal. He returned from the city at the weekend to collect stuff and also visited me too and we had a great evening together. He said things to me like he’s so glad he met me, he likes everything about me bla bla.. anyway the next day he moved. I had asked him to let me know he got there ok because his car was doing some strange things but of course once he was settled and had been to work. I didn’t hear anything but I know he is often up late and was online so I messaged him and he was fine but I did say oh you didn’t let me know you got there… he apologised and said he was tired and lots of friends and family talking to him etc.. anyway a couple of days passed and we were chatting but I increasingly felt like it was me making the effort. When I asked he said it was ok but I could just sense something was wrong. Also I had seen that he had been active on dating sites recently, though he had moved and we weren’t at exclusive stage it bugged me he was on these but saying to me everything was ok, he liked me and wanted me to visit. So I deleted the sites to save my anxiety. So after a couple of days of feeling a bit rejected and crappy because I hadn’t heard from him I sent some casual messages to see how he was. He responded quickly… until I suggested meeting up to which he made an excuse. So then I thought ok he is clearly not interested but he’s a man he can just tell me right? So I ended up getting a bit annoyed and sending a message in short saying hey this is not cool… he replied a couple of days later (after leaving my WhatsApp unread and liking all my Instagram posts) Saying he likes me for sure but he’s under a lot of stress right now with moving etc and he just doesn’t have time to talk to me like he wants to bla bla, that he wants to see me etc…. I thought B******T! But sent a reply saying ‘ok that’s cool, well they say if you really want to see someone you will make time for them 🙂 Hope you are settling in well and hope to speak to you soon. I received no reply. So after reading this site I have gone no contact. The first few days were so hard, especially when he was posting up stories on Instagram that I wanted to look at. But despite a difficult few days it is going well. I’m on day 10 so far and although improving myself hasn’t gone too well because I have been ill the past few days I feel like it really has given me time to reflect. I am thinking less and less about this guy and feeling better about myself. I am a strong, confident, independent woman and I want to advise girls out there to keep going with no contact. And yes I started no contact initially with the idea of winning him back but it has actually given me some real reflection time and I now think that if I really have to go through this effort to win back a guy I like, is he really worth it? Girls, there is a guy out there who is worth it and they won’t make you go through this if they really care. I’m on my journey to feeling indifferent about this guy, I’m not there yet and I hope he doesn’t contact now because I could weaken but I’m definitely in a more positive mind set thanks to reading on this site. Prince Charming isn’t this one, but who’s to say he isn’t the next???
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 5:16 pm
Hi LoveSpain2014,
That’s a good mindset.. If he messages you, remind yourself why you’re doing no contact and how far you’ve achieved.
Stephani
September 23, 2016 at 5:45 pm
So here is the thing me and my bf broke up we got into fights . He block me from facebook it past 4 days and i texted him saying how he was and said he was good and it was a good conversation. And then i told him if he was going to unblock me since i wont have a way to text him back since i wont pay my phone and i told him to unblock from facebook since we can talk in their by just going to the library well he said he doesnt know how to unblock so i told him to get help on how to unblock someone from facebook he said ok but i have log in to facebook and still no friend request my question is will he unblock me someday just like he said
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 3:20 pm
HI Stephani,
if he’s talking to you in some other way, then he might get lazy with unblocking you because there’s no need at the moment
Abbey
September 23, 2016 at 9:08 am
Hi I’m currently on day 28 of NC. My ex has not contacted me over this time online or over text but we do see each other very often at school and have had to socialize at times. What do I say to him when I talk to him in the next two days? I’m not entirely sure if I want to get back together with him but I still want to know what went wrong in the first place.
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 9:27 am
Move slowly.. start with a casual smile if you bump into each other. Be natural. If there’s something you can talk about with a current situation you’re both in, talk about that.
Lucy
September 22, 2016 at 9:07 pm
My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me in mid-August. He said I had been pulling away physically and noticed that I was refusing to spend the night often. I tried the no contact rule for the first week but he blew my phone up saying he misses me and needs me. I have seen him a few times since. He has asked me to the movies and asked me to spend the night. We are even going to a baseball game tomorrow. He says we are friends now but I want him back. Should I start NC for 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 4:53 pm
HI Lucy,
were you friendzoned or friends with benefits? Yes, you should restart nc..
The Obsessed one
September 22, 2016 at 3:08 am
We were dating for about 18months. Things started getting ugly when I moved to a different city. He would read my texts but fail to respond I would end up bombarding him with texts. Then he would say I was not online so he didn’t tell me about his whereabouts. Moreover whenever we met on weekends he would meet me for few hours and say go spend time with your family and friends and he’d drop me home. He broke up with me few days back saying he can’t be available for me all the time and told me to be friends as this relationship is tiring him mentally. I’m 10days into the NC rule but already growing restless. Will he ever come back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 12:55 pm
Hi The Obsessed One,
I hope I can guarantee that but I can’t. Have you tried our chances calculator? And are you actively improving yourself?
The Obsessed one
September 22, 2016 at 3:03 am
We were in a relationship for about 18months. Things started getting ugly when I moved into a different city and kept on constantly badgering him and needing his attention. I would get angry if he failed to reply even after reading my texts plus not telling me where he was. It made me restless. He would duck them by saying I was not online so there was no point revving you
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 12:56 pm
Hi The Obsessed One,
I hope I can guarantee that but I can’t. Have you tried our chances calculator? And are you actively improving yourself?
S
September 21, 2016 at 4:31 am
me and my ex were together for about one year and 3 months when one day we got into a huge argument because he thought i was cheating on him since i didn’t let him go on my phone. then he went silent on me, which made me really anxious, so i started messaging him constantly and he ignored me. and while constantly messaging him i began to bring up the past and accused him of things. a couple days later, he said we are over and that i can go to the guy he assumed i was cheating on him with. it has been 14 days since he broke up with me. But he wished me happy birthday a few days after breaking up with me. and he also still has my phone number and has me on social media. my question to you is that can i get him back? i really love him and want to be with him. i am trying no contact but it has only been a couple days.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 5:18 pm
Hi S,
There is a chance but we cant guarantee that.. I think you should check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t