How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Paula

September 17, 2016 at 9:40 pm

Hi I was in a two month LdR with my ex who just recently broke up with me. I previously told him not to like other females pics online which he agreed too. Since he hasn’t until last week when I approached him about it he went off. He was talking rude to me and broke up on top of that he told me he would never post pics of us on his Instagram… Is this my fault what do I do??thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 6:15 am

Hi Paula,

you approached him about it because you saw he started to like other girl’s pics? But until can’t you do that? Did you agree that this is just a break and not a break up?

diana

September 16, 2016 at 4:37 pm

Hi Amor. Please help me.
We were in a long distance for 3 years. We had a huge fight last 6 months because I found out that he was flirting with another girl…I felt betrayed. At first he wouldn’t admit it, lied and even fought with me but then he finally admitted he had feelings for her but loves me. I was so hurt and betrayed.. Due to hurt and anger. I insulted him like he’s a flirt, cheater etc. After the break up… I was suffering a lot while he was happy..flirting with other girls on fb. I tried getting him back..apologized..begged..promised to change but he kept rejecting me. I tried no contact after months of break up but it did not work. He had a rebound relationship in July…one night he messaged me and said he miss me and our past.. He confirmed he doesnt love her and he feels guilty. He did not say he wanna get back together. I tried moving on and we had no contact for 45 days or more. I saw his status on fb and thought they broke up. Reached out to him. He confirmed he’s single again. Said sorry for hurting me. About a week later..he started posing sad status..He claimed he was heart broken. I was so shocked that he was heart broken from 1-2 months of relationship(it was a rebound) while he was never hurt from our breakup even when we were together longer. Last night he admitted that he loves her and she is a girl from his city. I thought I no longer love him but that crushed me. I cried for hours and I feel so heart broken. I told him I still love him…He felt sorry for me but I told him I will move on. It was really an emotional conversation last night. An ex hurting a lot and another ex feeling bad for his ex.
Please tell me what to do. I want our past back. I wanna be with him again and us to be happy like we used to be. I don’t think I will be happy again in life now that I lost my love. Do you think I can still get him back or should I just move on? </3 I don't know what to do anymore. I feel dying inside. I want my love back. Please help me on what to do. I beg you I can change. Be a better person for him. I just want the guy who used to love me a lot back. Don't know what to do anymore.

diana

September 18, 2016 at 12:48 pm

I become emotional with him…now he wont even talk to me anymore. I messed up a lot
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 8:12 pm

Hi Diana,

Even if you did a lot of nc, how much have you improved? And also, everytime you talk to him after it, you jump right in confessing that you love him or in some way he knows that you’re chasing him. So, it’s not attractive. Improve yourself first, slowly build rapport by starting out as friends firsts and maintaining yourself even when you start talking to him again.

And review what’s advised above. Check this other ones too:
The Ungettable Girl
Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again

Sharon

September 16, 2016 at 4:20 pm

hey amor,
I just contacted my ex on FB after 30 days of nc. The conversation went on pretty well and he said he’d want us to meet up once he comes back as he is currently studying abroad. He also said that he had unblocked me on whatsapp 2 weeks ago however I didn’t suggest whatsapping again as I felt it was too soon.
I was genuinely busy today and so I took a little longer to reply to his messages. And once I felt like I didn’t know how to carry on the conversation, I told him that it was nice talking to him after a long time and I said goodnight, to which he said take care and peace out. It is unlike him to reply this way. So I added on and said that if he wants to he can message me whenever he likes or if he feels like he needs someone to talk to. and he simply said, ‘im good, and thank you.”
I’m confused as I don’t get the sudden change in his replies. One minute he was so enthusiastic, and even brought up some sweet stuff about me. And the next minute it feels like he’s shutting me off. What should I do?

Sharon

September 19, 2016 at 7:30 am

I’ve asked him if we can be friends and he suddenly got angry and said he didn’t want us to be. And that if I wanted to message him I could, but he would never message me to initiate a conversation. Why would he do that when initially the convo between us had been going so well.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 12:39 pm

hmmm i’m bot sure but it can because he’s sensing that you said that because you’re trying to get him back..because if he just wanted to be friends, he would have agreed
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 8:02 pm

Hi Sharon,

what did you mean that you feel he’s shutting off? how?

Amanda

September 16, 2016 at 4:35 am

My story is one of ambiguity. I fell in love with a musician who has depression in 2014. I was a huge fan of his music before we began our physical affair (the songs he writes and performs are my favorite songs, and that might be the most heartbreaking thing) and got to know each other through this physical connection. He was impressed by my autonomy, humor, and intelligence. His social prowess had always intimidated me, and I could never see how this amazing talented person could see anything interesting in the studious academic (I’m a grad student who doesn’t really even care for the ivory tower at all..ugh). It has always been long distance with occasional meet ups where he’d fly out here for gigs, or just to see me (how lucky am I?!) or would fly me out to wherever he was. There were times where he said things that bothered me and made me feel insecure. The insecurity was especially borne from being in love with a guy that didn’t seem ready to commit at the same time as he seemed to good to be true. When it comes to depression, there is an opposite event: once the depressive episode is over, the person skyrockets into the stratosphere and lacks consideration toward effective communication or obligations toward anyone. I kept my cool. I never initiated contact. He promised phone calls in Summer 2015, and kept me hanging. He even WROTE ME A LETTER PROMISING ME A PHONE CALL. I mean, who does that?! When he LEARNED (yes, learned) about his actually doing that, he apologized, and in November we “got back together,” as he says it, but in my mind, it was the first time we were actually “together” as a monogamous couple based in communication. He always seemed happy to converse with me via text and still after the “space” that he claims to need, does so as well, although now our texts are dismal. Some of our mutual friends had poisoned my thoughts of him, saying that he’s promiscuous, a D***-slinging musician, and so forth. My ears perked. I began paying scrutinizing attention to his every move. It really put a lot of strain on our relationship, but he was willing to “double down” with me, and his year so far (2016) had been centered around actually moving in with me, albeit, depression can complicate things. He wavered, and I became even more insecure, thinking that he would hate it here in San Antonio (he lives in San Francisco) and resent me, and thinking that since he loves the West, to be supportive of his back-and-forth about moving to Texas in the South. Later on, while these wavering plans to move here were being pondered, I was aggressively hit on in two separate instances by friends of mine that are in monogamous live-together relationships of their own. It made me question if the relationship I want with this man could ever even exist. I began to doubt this person I had fallen for even more, and it again added strain to our relationship. The other kicker is that the previous relationships I’ve been in were emotionally and physically abusive, so I was afraid of falling in love with another person that might mess with my heart. It wasn’t until he asked for space from our relationship shortly after my unappealing displacement on him for these aggressive scenarios where I was hit on that and the preceding slandering of his character that I realized, “Oh no. This was a great man and my belief that it was too good to be true ended up manifesting exactly that: a loss of something with so much potential and so much good. I’m such a failure” He came to visit once more about a week ago, and our experience together was so beautiful, but the way the visit ended was nothing short of frantic on my part. We always played house so well together. He visited me out of support, but would jokingly say that it’s the last time he’d come here. Well, back to our physical connection– we shared a lot of that together during his stay, as well as snuggling with movies on the couch. We didn’t do many of the things he actually enjoys doing: riding bikes (he is a lot more graceful than I am and I try to impress him just by trying to keep up), reading books..and he didn’t touch my piano even once. The last time we physically connected was subpar, and despite so many positive physical connections (and yes, of course, intellectual connections), I can’t help but think that THAT memory of faltering in the bedroom was a major turnoff for him, making it easier for him to just not like me anymore. That in tandem with the obvious heartbreak and tears on my part while he was leaving (“emotional overload” would still be an underestimation) makes me think the situation is hopeless. We did play chess, and then my grandmother left to me a beautiful glass chess set which makes me cry whenever I look at it. I have learned so much from this man. I know I am romanticizing the good. He is in a place now where he questions his desire to support me in a long distance relationship. I should also add, that we are currently experiencing a pregnancy scare. I tested a false positive. I did not tell him about it in a nice way. I think it went something like: “I’m pregnant. Thanks for the space,” although before that text message, I did send him one prior that said, “I think some attention should be given to…” and proceed to explain in a very vague manner, and this was a text that was embedded in a barrage of other texts. The sense of urgency with me has been strong. He and I are about to talk on the phone about the more recent, NEGATIVE pregnancy test that I took. After that, I will leave him alone. But I wonder: will the NC rule apply after a long distance pregnancy scare? Even writing this out, I have SLIGHTLY more hope than I did before. Oh, and he has no Facebook account, except for his music page, so he can’t really see any updates I put on Facebook. He does have instagram, but all I do is study because it’s what I have to do, so I don’t see any potential jealousy opportunities. He has reassured me that he loves me, but doesn’t know what he wants. Of course, I have to agree. I still feel that I’ve lost the good parts of this relationship just because I was too stupid to realize what I had when I had it, ready for me, ready to support me, readyish to merge with me, and willing to see me and “double down” and solidify things, however slowly. I would love some advice on how to increase my chances with this very sensitive man; a man who doesn’t reflect typical masculine behavior, but is rather very loving but put off by me and my questioning things.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 4:36 pm

Hi Amanda,

First, don’t put him in a pedestal. You’re over thinking on how to impress him. Just enjoy everything when you’re together and if not, continue being amazing on your own thing. You know, he liked for you who are. So, nothing to worry about anything. If you continue to worry about him and the relationship, you will then become someone or not and then the relationship would be unhealthy for the both of you. Even if I can’t guarantee if the no contact will work, I still think you need to do it to regain balance

MA

September 15, 2016 at 4:37 pm

Dear Amor,

I have been watching your videos recently and trying to understand my situation. My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with Sept. 4th.
He is from California, 64 and Im in the Philippines, 34. He doesn’t look old cause he took good care of himself. We met Jan 2014 online on a dating site and started communicating since then. We decided to meet each other to see if there’s a connection in person and we did. He first visited me June 2014. Then he came back Sept, 2014 and then December 2014 and stayed New Year with me. Then June 2015 and December 2015 and spent New Year again. The last visit was June 2016.

That’s when I found out that he cheated on me. The girl he cheated with me on is from Cebu, Philippines and she sent me a photo of them together. I asked him why and said he felt I was not inlove with him and that his friends says that I might just be a rebound because he just got separated with his wife 6 mos before we talked. So he had to find out for himself. I walked out of the hotel and went home without saying anything. While travelling, I was thinking what I really want. I cannot just throw away the relationship that we had cause I love him. I called him back and he said he changed his flight and he’ll be back in the states tomorrow. We talked and he cried and asked me to give him another chance. To cut it short, he stayed with me and I forgave him, because I love him. When he was back in the states, the girl started communicating with him again and only a month after I found out that they are still together. I made him choose, he chose me again. They broke up and the girl message me again that they broke up but will still be talking as friends. I asked her to give us time to heal cause the pain is still fresh. But She kept calling him every day and that’s when I get jealous and angry. We had been fighting almost every weeks because the girl keeps posting status about him and photos of them together as her profile picture. So, I was very angry and jealous. I asked why he cant give up talking to her even though it’s ruining me and my relationship with him. He said he was helping the girl move on slowly. And I have nothing to worry because they’re just talking as friends. And that he is coming for me. Few weeks, we still argue then later I gave up.
I told him I will never ask him about their conversation anymore, he can talk to her anytime he wants but I want to see his iPad where they talk when he comes in December. He said if I don’t trust him, we should not continue our relationship. I told him don’t call me for 2 days and that we need time. But I tried calling him the night on the same day but he is not answering so I just waited until we can talk. I called him Sunday, Sept. 4th and that’s when he called it off. He said I was controlling him and that I was not reciprocating the love he has given me. I did not trust him and that’s not the life he wants. That I was too demanding because I kept bringing up the divorce (he’s just separated and live different house) and the jealousy. I know in myself that I was not pushy about the divorce because he was the who promised to work on it but after almost 3 years, there’s nothing done and worst, he cheated on me. I admit I got too jealous about the other girl. I cried and begged not to leave me. But he still left. His last words was he needed to protect himself from further pain. He thought I was the one but now, not anymore. He loved me still. Then he hang up.

Im not sure what to do since he is not responding to my messages. I sent him messages once a day for 3 days after we broke up after that, no contact at all. I dont know what to do but I will try not to beg him to come back to me. Just as I was writing this, I accidentally called him on Skype but I ended the call immediately. But I think it’s too late because the missed call notification was sent.

P.S.
The week after we broke up, his wife was scheduled for a breast cancer surgery and I understand that he had other things to do. Tickets and reservations has been made as well. He is scheduled to arrive Dec. 27 here. I called the airline and the reservation is still active, I checked online and he is now searching for another. He may got back with the girl he cheated me with on or really looking for another girl.

Respectfully,
MA

MA

September 19, 2016 at 12:41 am

Dear Amor,

Thanks for your response. May I ask why 45? Im already on my 2 weeks nc. I dont understand how he can still talk with the girl he cheated me with after break up and talk as friends when he cant even talk to me. Skype is the only way we talk most of the time. He is old and doesn’t have any facebook or social media accounts. We do have iPhones so we can talk through Facetime or iMessages.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 8:20 pm

Because a lot has happened.. You need to heal.. And it doesn’t stop after 45 days.. You can initiate messaging him after 45 days but it doesn’t mean it’s all ok and you stop improving yourself. Continue improving yourself and take it slow..
MA

September 16, 2016 at 9:56 am

Oops, it should be October 2015 not 2014. He used the same reason when he came to visit me. He said he was going on a camp for two weeks. Same reason he gave to the girl when he visits me. The girl knew me December 2015 and she said she thought we broke up. But now that she knew we were still together, I think she intentionally made me jealous to break us off.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 2:10 pm

Hi Ma,

do you want to try the no contact rule? And if yes, I think you should do 45 days.. Focus in improving yourself and be active in social media while you’re doing that.
MA

September 15, 2016 at 4:41 pm

By the way, he visited the girl twice, October 2014 and May 2016. He also said that he was inlove with two women and he made a trap out of himself that he can’t get out. I felt that he love the girl too but we really had a good connection and stronger relationship. Im very hurt.

Taylor E.

September 15, 2016 at 11:08 am

My boyfriend and I of long distance have just broken up over the phone. We were LDR recently becausr im still in college and he playing professional soccer. I told him that due to closure reasons I would like to do it in person but won’t be able to get to him untill next weekend. He is a soccer player and he wants to focus on his sport is what he told me, but I could tell the breakup was hard for him too aND I’m pretty sure he was going through a “dry spell”. I am torn between going down and seeing him in person or startin the 30 NC rule. Since I already said I’d come see him and I know he is kinds looking forward to it, but I’m also certain that if I go see him within only a week it hasn’t given him enough time to miss me and figure out his own stuff. I guess I could go down and see him, and then start the 30 day NC rule.. would love to here others thoughts.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 2:44 pm

Hi Taylor E,

if you go see him, what would that make you feel and would it help the situation?

Soma

September 14, 2016 at 12:44 am

Well, My fiance, 33y old, broke up with me, 30y old, for 4 mths nw, i can’t seem to get over it , i made alot of mistakes during the engagement (which lasted for about 8 mths) and even after the breakup. It sucks ! But i still think he’s my dream guy and can’t stop loving him or forgeting him since then.
He works in KSA and me in Egypt, we had so many in common, we loved each other so so much, and it was very intimate between us but everything started to fall apart in the last 3 mths when i got sick and i was depressed, nervous, and nagging all the time. I know it’s bad but it was out of my control, unfortunately, i was taking alot of medicines that changed my mood all the time and even couldn’t sleep sometimes because of it 🙁

I am working in university as an assistant lecturer, i had to do my Phd degree but everything just stopped because of my illness and this annoyed me even more, i was sitting at home most of the time, feeling pain, getting nervous about anything and nagging at him for not being with me, not caring or loving enough although nw i see it as he was doing his best regarding that it’s LDR.

He tried to solve our problems in the last mth and i tried to talk too but my temper was bad all the time, he broke up with me telling me he’s feeling stressed all the time, he can’t make me happy, and he did his best in the relationship and nothing he can do more!

I called him after the break up many times for about 3 wks, and sent him text messages that am sorry and i’ll change for good but he still refused to get back! I went into no contact for about 3 mths nw but nothing changed, i sneak into his fb from time to time and i think he got over it that sometimes i think he hates me nw!

Recently, i used Fb to embrace my new activities like swimming, going out with friends and achieving goals at my work, but still nothing from his side

I know i screwed everything up, i feel bad all the time that it’s my fault but i can’t seem to get over it 🙁 we were so happy at the beginning and we were a true match.

Is there any hope for me !

Soma

September 21, 2016 at 9:35 am

Can you please reply !
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 4:42 pm

sorry for the late reply.. dont worry I answer all of the comments, so it means I just havent reached yours yet.. If he doesnt initiate in the first contact text, rest for a week.. If he doesnt reply in the second text, rest for two weeks.If he still doesnt reply that means it would be better to move on
Soma

September 19, 2016 at 9:24 pm

Am afraid he won’t even reply and he’d think i’m begging again !!
Soma

September 18, 2016 at 9:32 pm

Am eager for ur tips !
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 1:25 pm

then if that’s the case, try initiating contact and then slowly build rapport.
Soma

September 17, 2016 at 12:46 pm

No, he didn’t contact me at all since the breakup…
Last time we talked was about 3 mths ago when i called him after the breakup to ask for another chance but didn’t work!
And yes, my new fb posts seems like i’m moving on..
What should i do ?!
Is this means it’s over ?!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 11:13 am

Hi Soma,
did you mean he didn’t contact you for three months straight? Or you talked and he still knows you still want him back? If he sees your posts in the last month up to now, would it seem like you’ve moved on? When was the last time you talked?

Mandy

September 13, 2016 at 9:00 pm

Hi Amor,
I had a 2 years relationship out of which 9 months were in long distance. I have two kids (7,12) who are not his. The first 15 months were incredible. We agreed on leaving the kids out of our relationship as I see it only as my responsibility and he is not really well with connecting to kids. He was nevertheless very supportive on me fulfilling my responsibilites as a mother. Of course things got harder when he had to move away for his career but I always supported him. Now he broke up with me because he cannot see a future based on the complexity made out of distance and my kids since we cannot move easily close to each other and he cannot experience me anymore. He sais it doesn’t have anything to do with me, it is him who cannot give me the security of the future and that he is not sure if he wants the big picture of me and the kids. The point is that we are really good with each other. It just looks like our obstacles are too big. What do you recommend?

Mandy

September 21, 2016 at 5:40 pm

Hey Amor, we agreed on building our personal career first and to support each other. We were also able to see each other once a month. Of course, I was sad of always leaving each other after a nice weekend and sometimes I just missed him around. The problem for him is the future since he cannot see living with me under one roof when the kids are there. Neither can I by the way. That’s why I wanted to leave the kids out of this and wait until they are old enough. It was working when we were living in one city. But now, he cannot see beyond that. So he doesn’t want to give me empty hopes he said. I really care for him and I want him to be good. Is letting him go really the only option?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 9:51 am

Oh, actually once a month is good enough.. but the thing with the kids can really be a deal breaker. He doesn’t want to be a father to them, which I think, if he broke up with you because of that, then you are saving yourself and the kids a bigger heartbreak.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 16, 2016 at 8:05 am

Hi Mandy,

I think he’s not really ready for a mature relationship and let’s face it, long distance itself with or without the kids is hard.. In reading the article above, what solution did you think for time, money and a plan to be together? You have to resolve that first, because without that, even if you kept talking, it wouldnt work

Nala

September 13, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Hi,

I’ve been reading this site among several others. Getting confused which advices to follow and a bit doubtful if I should try to get my ex back. We met online in May and hit it off really great. We met about once a month in our home countries. After my last visit there he began to pull away, he said we had been moving on too fast. I thought we were on the same page, since he was the one talking about our future together, how much he loves me and that I’m the woman of his dreams. I agreed and had mutual feelings. About a month ago he broke up with me with a message saying he can’t do this any more, it’s too difficult and he doesn’t know what he wants. I was surprised and dissapointed. He has been treating me like a princess and our relationship has been the best I’ve had so far. He did mention he fears commitment, but didn’t believe it since he was treating me like a true gent. I do love him and it would be a shame if we wouldn’t give this another shot, but I know I can’t force him to be with me. I’ve been on NC for 23 days now. Should I continue a week more? Been following this other program and according to that NC is 21 days. I feel nervous contacting him, otherwise I’ve been doing my own stuff and getting on well during NC. Would appreciate your tips, thanks in advance!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 5:58 pm

Hi Nala,

yes, I think you should extend to 30 days and read this one too: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit

Jess

September 13, 2016 at 10:32 am

My ex left me about a month ago. We lived together and it was out of nowhere. At the beginning of our relationship we did long distance for a while as he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He didn’t last long and came back. We have a great time together. I think he has some personal issues and so he has decided he needs to be alone. I saw him on a few occasions over the past month (collect his things which he did very progressively) and he was really down and said he missed me. It was the saddest I’ve seen him. He also texted on a few occasions when he hadn’t seen me or heard. He told me on a few occasions he almost just came home to fix it. He is says he is too scared he will do it again and hurt me more. (It’s happened before and I did NC and he came back) now I’m thinking there may be an underlying issue with himself. He finally packed up and went home which is states away. But not before coming over and telling me he loves me, which led to tears, and he kissed me a lot. Afterwards he said “this isn’t over”
He was saying he didn’t know why he was doing this, and that he is scared he will regret it because he is full of doubts. He still went through with leaving though. (And I didn’t try to make him stay) Now we are just long distance broken up. Do you think it’s worth another try or not? I love him. I feel like he left to run further away so he doesn’t have to deal with it. Seems he doesn’t stay happy in one place for long though. Is this common? If it is an underlying Heath issue like depression would NC be too harsh? Should I make him sweat or should I offer support of he reaches out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 5:15 pm

Hi Jess,

I think you need to let him figure this out on his own.. Because you might end up being friendzoned if you become to present later on.

Katie

September 12, 2016 at 10:41 am

am I able to contact someone privately about their advice on my particular situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 8:30 pm

Hi Katie,

Yep you can! Our team member Leia will answer you. You can email us at [email protected]

J

September 11, 2016 at 6:09 pm

I told him “I miss u” then i said sorry i prob shouldnt have said that. He didnt answer back he just said hes going to bed goodnight….do you think he still misses me? he didnt say anything back

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 3:21 pm

Hmm.. maybe he does, but in accordance to your previous comments, I still think he’s getting you used to moving on.

K

September 11, 2016 at 5:30 am

My ex fiance broke off the engagement a week before wedding.. And a week later he broke up with me… And he went back to the states(i live in Korea)
2 weeks after he went back to the states, he has a girlfriend( he deleted his instagram and made a new one since we had so many pictures tagged together)

I sent an closure email about things im sorry and thank him.
He didnt reply back.. But i texted him and he just answer.. Very short..

We are in a long distance and he already moved on… But i still want him back.. Cuz he is the one i was going to spend the rest of my life…
I am thinking to go to the states this winter…
I dont know…. If i could ever win him back..
Please help me..

K

September 13, 2016 at 9:44 am

He called off the wedding on the 6th of August. He came to Korea on the 8th.. He didnt want to break up but i didnt know what to do…
But then out of the blue, he changed his mind and wanted to break up on 13th(it was out wedding day)
We met on 18th of August for the last time and he left Korea the next day..
I texted him safe flight and a day after the day he arrived in the states, he texted me ‘got home, so tired’ and then I didnt text him back and we didnt contact.. I was doing NC and after 2 week, I found out he deleted his all social media and made a new one.. Also blocked me.. Like I never existed in his life.. And my friend found out he has a new girlfriend.

So I was working on writing an apology email.. I changed it to closure email.. And sent him couple days after I found out he jumped into a new relationship. But no reply…

And then I texted him again.. I got hurt that he blocked me on everywhere like ive never existed in his life.. But then he unblocked me and texted me back he didnt block me…

I think he was dating the girl while we were in a long distance relationship and he just asked her to be his gf after he broke up with me…
I feel so worthless and I cannot start dating again.. I dont know what to do….
I hate him calling off the wedding, I hate him moving on quickly…
But I do love him so I want to reconcile this relationship.. So I cannot show him my anger….
Please advice what to do..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 4:52 pm

Oh ok.. if he broke up with you for her, she’s not a rebound. She’s a grass is greener case.. Don’t do anything out of anger anymore. Start to no contact so you can heal first. This is a more appropriate article for you: EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend
and this one
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

and I think you should do at least 30 to 45 days.. even if you already did 2 weeks before, I don’t think that matters now with how much you hate him..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 4:29 pm

hi K,
she’s probably a rebound..when did you break up? and did you do no contact or are you going to do it?

J

September 9, 2016 at 10:12 pm

also reminder he is going to the army in less than 3 months if that makes any difference so 45 days of nc maybe a long time….

Laura

September 11, 2016 at 3:18 pm

My ldr of almost 2 years just stopped talking to me. He is busy with work but even in the past when he has been busy we have connected 3 or 4 times a day even with a 13 hour time difference. We didn’t fight. I have texted twice since his last text not knowing he wouldn’t respond but I don’t know if I should just see how long he takes to text or if I should text again. My last boyfriend broke up with me just by never talking to me again. I don’t want a repeat experience. I have used the no contact rule in the past with success. I’m just not sure if it applies to situations where you have no idea if you have broken up.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 2:53 pm

Hi Laura,

give it a week, and then text him again. If he doesn’t respond again at that time, start no contact for 30 days.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 12:35 pm

owkie.. In translation, he just wants to be friends. I think it’s confusing for you because you’re expecting something else..

and actually you said it yourself, you were expecting that if you keep talking to him, it would convince him to get back in a relationship with you.

With all the messages you sent, it’s apparent that you don’t want to do the no contact rule and I understand that girl. I can’t force you to do something that you don’t want, and I don’t want you to feel like you regret not doing what you wanted to do and then you end up blaming me..

I think the only way you would feel at ease is that you do what you feel is best right?

Our opinions are opinions only. The decision is always yours.
Now just to clarify why I think 45 days is the choice and why it doesn’t matter if he’s leaving in three months is because, you’ve been clingy and ending the no contact rule earlier won’t change the fact that he’s still leaving.

And I think the distance plus your clingyness is the reason why he doesn’t want a relationship with you, because he can see it will be hard for you so, maybe he thought to just end it now while he’s still here to slowly accommodate you to the fact that you’re not together anymore and for him to be less guilty of just leaving you behind. At least this way, he can help you slowly move on.

J

September 9, 2016 at 4:17 pm

im so confused tho i asked him if this was a friendzone thing and he said that the most hes willing to do rn is remain friends and be on good terms and see what happens bc he doesnt want to jump right back into a relatuonship esp when he hasnt seen any chance yet so far so by talking maybe he will see it….why is this so confusing??
Paula

September 8, 2016 at 4:56 pm

PPS Re previous comment about long distant relationship with the guy I met online.

I have been over to stay at his apartment 2 different weekends since May and he has been over to my country several times(where he is actually from & his kids are here) but I didnt invite him to stay at my house as I have teenage kids and I feel it is too soon. He paid for my flights to his country and always pays for meals out etc. The last time I stayed at his apartment, he asked if I would like to go away for a week in October which he said he would pay for.

I would hate to lose him because he is so kind but I can’t believe his behaviour towards me now.

Sorry for all the messages I just thought of stuff that I felt was relevant and wanted to add it.

Paula

September 10, 2016 at 3:50 pm

Thank you so much Amor.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 8:53 am

You’re welcome!
Paula

September 9, 2016 at 4:11 pm

Thanks Amor

Should I send him an email something like this:

Heading: ‘FYI’
Dear ……

See below screenshot of text message i sent to X re flowers the morning after I received them. As you can see from the 2nd screenshot, I have deleted his contact details from my phone & blocked him. I have NO interest in this guy. The only one I’m interested in is you.

(include screenshot of text, proof that I deleted his contact no etc)

I didn’t even keep the flowers, I gave them to my neighbour who was just out of hospital.

If you think about it, if I had for one second thought that there was any chance that the flowers were from another man, why would I have sent you a photo of them. I genuinely didn’t think that they were from anyone other than you. I certainly wasn’t expecting flowers or anything else from him. I made it clear to him that I was seeing you.

Also the card I received saying “hope you change your mind” shows that I turned this guys offer of dates down. It would be a different matter if the card had said ” Had a great night last night, hope to see you soon”. But it didn’t.

You are believing your imagination and probably coming up with all sorts of scenarios that just did not happen. There really was no cosy chat. I had a couple of dates with the guy last year, he didn’t follow up with a 3rd date and I just moved on. It didn’t bother me. After the 2nd date I felt he was a bit big headed and arrogant.

You should believe me. I am a very loyal person. I have never cheated on anyone. Even in the last 7 or 8 years of a terrible marriage, I remained faithful. You said when you met me that there was no side to me and that I am straight up. Anyone who knows me knows that this is true.

I hope over the past couple of weeks that you have had time to think about things and realise that maybe you might have over-reacted. Why would I cheat on you? You know how I feel for you. Do you think that everything I said to you over the past few months was a lie?

I’m sorry if I caused you distress, thats the last thing I would want to do to you. But hand on heart, I honestly did nothing wrong. All I’m guilty of, is having a conversation with someone and telling him I had met someone else that I really liked.

Kind Regards
Paula
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 12:25 pm

I think you should change the following sentences, so that it doesn’t seem like you’re attacking him.

“You are believing your imagination and probably coming up with all sorts of scenarios that just did not happen.”
–You’re right with this but there’s just something in it that makes me think he will be offended by it. Rephrase it like

I understand that you thought I was chatting with him or something but –there was really no cosy chat..

I think you should omit this sentence too because it sounds like you’re trying to sell him you’re idea just through words or something like borderline, pushy..

You should believe me. I am a very loyal person.

Other than that, everything else is enough 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 11:41 am

Hi Paula
I think you should follow the 14 day rule and then send the proof..if he doesnt reply, do a 30 day nc after..

J

September 8, 2016 at 4:05 pm

update: i asked him if i was just “there” to him even if we have good convos, he said “to me its either you want to be my friend and talk normally or not be there at all” and i said so basically im in your life or not at all. and he said pretty much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 3:20 pm

so, he’s friendzoning you… for me, you should tell him that you underdtand his decision but you’re not ready being friends right now and when you are you’ll reconnect..

and then do 45 days nc.. dont tell him you’re doing nc..

and then improve yourself massively and continue improving yourself while rebuilding rapport..

I think you should review this article too:
The Ungettable Girl

J

September 8, 2016 at 3:28 pm

idk what to do anymore, a few days ago i told him hard to talk as a friend and i will when i can, then blocked him but gave in a few hours later, the next day our convos were good but its still me talking. He did say if he can see a chance thru text maybe he will reconsider just maybe….so if we dont talk it might make it worse and he will think its a game cuz ive tried many times
J

September 8, 2016 at 3:22 pm

His words were “if you cant be a good friend to me why the hell would i get back in a relationship with you”. He said we can either talk as friends or not at all. So if i dont talk to him, would this mess everything up?
J

September 8, 2016 at 3:21 pm

How long should I rest from texting him?

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