What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationships are hard. Getting an ex back who you had a long distance relationship is even harder. Today, I am going to tackle this very complex subject and give you a set of actionable steps you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your relationship back. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning that this page is probably going to end up being the second longest in the history of this site. A lot of people have contacted me directly begging for a page like this so I took a lot of time to research and brainstorm a plan for getting an ex back in this specific circumstance.

Before I really get started I want to mention that while this guide is probably one of the most in-depth ones ever created about long distance relationships it pails in comparison to the training I put together for you below.

In other words, if you want even more personalized and in-depth information I recommend checking this out,

What Are Long Distance Relationships?

long distance relationship

What a stupid question right? I mean, you don’t really need to know what a LDR (long distance relationship) is right?

WRONG!

In this section we are going to define long distance relationships and talk about the different kinds of LDR’s that exist in today’s society.

Long Distance Relationships- A specific type of relationship where the couple is separated by a considerable amount of distance.

The keyword in that definition is “considerable.” You might be shocked to learn that a lot of people who I have communicated with as a result of this site think they are in a LDR because they live an hour away from their partner. That is simply not true. In my mind, a true long distance relationship is one where you are separated by states, countries or even oceans. That is where the word “considerable” comes into play. A considerable amount of distance to me has to be a minimum of 500 miles.

Now, lets talk a little about the different kinds of long distance relationships that currently exist.

The Marriage LDR

This is always a tough one to deal with. In this long distance relationship the couple in question is married. Perhaps at one time they even lived together. However, a certain set of circumstances have caused one of them to relocate (a considerable amount of distance away.) Now, since this page is dealing specifically with ex boyfriends don’t let that fool you, this page can work for married couples who have broken up as well.

The Move Away LDR

This is another one of those stories I hear way too often when it comes to long distance relationships. Here is how this one works. Basically, a couple is dating and doing fine. However, after time one of the couple members are presented with an opportunity that causes them to move away for a considerable distance (or in some cases they are forced to.) If you and your ex are in a situation like this then this page can work for you.

The “Few Months” LDR

Believe it or not but I have actually dealt with a lot of women in this exact predicament. How this type of long distance relationship works is pretty simple. A couple is dating and due to a certain set of circumstances one of them has to relocate (very similarly to the marriage LDR above.) Of course, there is one BIG difference. Instead of relocating indefinitely the person that relocated is only going to be gone for a few months. If you and your boyfriend have broken up and have a very similar story to the “few months” LDR then this page can definitely work for you. However, you might also want to check this page out too.

The Internet To Person LDR

This is an interesting type of relationship. Initially, you met your (now ex boyfriend) online and that led to you meeting in person. The thing is though, when you met online you were separated by a considerable amount of distance and even today you are separated by a considerable amount of distance. If this sounds like your situation then this page can pretty much help you out a lot!

The Strictly Internet LDR

This is the ONE type of long distance relationship that this page can not help you on. In this type of relationship the two of you have never met on person, you have only ever met online. The reason why this type of a relationship won’t work for this page is because I personally don’t consider it a relationship. I mean, come on, you have never even met your so called significant other in person.

What It Takes To Have A Successful Long Distance Relationship

successful LDR

You failed..

That’s why your here right? I’ll admit, long distance relationships are hard. In fact, I find them so hard that I don’t personally think I can enter one. Well, I suppose I should never say never but I am generally not a fan of them for one specific reason. If I am dating someone I want to be able to see them IN PERSON. However, a lot of people aren’t like me when it comes to long distance relationships. In fact, some people can thrive on them. One of my best friends dated his girlfriend (long distance) for two years and they are still together today. So, it is possible to have a happy ending.

Anyways, back to the point. If you are here it is most likely because you and your ex had a long distance relationship but you are now broken up. Whatever the reasons may be for the breakup the two of you are not together anymore. That means you couldn’t make the long distance relationship work.

Look, no one is blaming you. I just stated above I couldn’t do it so my hats off to you for even trying. Nevertheless, you are here because you want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I thought it might be a good idea to figure out what makes a successful long distance relationship so you know what you need to do the second time around (assuming you are able to get your boyfriend back.) So, I did a lot of research and came up with the following qualities that are constant among successful LDR’s.

(For more in-depth information on getting a long distance ex boyfriend back please visit this page.)

Doing Things Together Over The Phone

One of my best memories in high school is talking on the phone with girls. You see, when I went to high school texting hadn’t become as big as it is now. Add in the fact that I didn’t even have text messaging and you are left with someone who actually had to go “old school” and call girls for dates. I remember staying up so late at night and literally talking until a girl would fall asleep on the phone with me.

Every successful long distance relationship has this type of element to it. A tireless ability to talk on the phone for hours. Of course, couples in long distance relationships take things a step further by actually doing things together on the phone. Common examples include:

  • Watching a favorite television show together. (Netflix is great for this 😉 )
  • Cooking together on the phone.
  • Playing a board game together.

Communicating On A Daily Basis, NO MATTER WHAT!

Another quality that successful LDR couples have is that they talk every single day. Now, there is a difference between stalking and communicating. Unsuccessful LDR’s usually have one couple member constantly freaking out over what the other one is doing. There has to be some trust involved or else your whole relationship will fall apart.

Technological Face Time

We live in a world of electronics and smart phones. I mean, for god sakes there is an entire section of this website dedicated solely to texting. For a couple separated by distance it is imperative that you take advantage of such electronic inventions.

We have already established that successful couples are always communicating with each other via a phone. Ah, but there is a problem with a phone. While you can hear the person talking on it, it is impossible to see their face. Well, with inventions like Skype or “FaceTime” this is no longer a problem. You can communicate with someone face to face over the phone.

Actually, the first time I heard about Skype was from a buddy of mine who was dating a girl that had left for college across the country. I remember him telling me that they skyped every single day and it had helped a lot to maintain the closeness that both of them were so vigorously craving.

ACTUAL Face Time

While things like Skype and FaceTime are fantastic tools for maintaining a technological closeness with your significant other nothing can beat actually seeing them in person. The feelings you feel, the ability to actually hold someone in your arms and do “other” things is part of the total package when you see someone in person. I don’t care what you say, in my mind nothing beats seeing someone you care about in person.

Every and I mean EVERY long distance relationship that has stood the test of time has a member taking time out of his/her schedule to see the other member in person. Now, that also presents us with an interesting problem…

You Have To Have Money (or EXTREME Budgeting Skills)

This point kind of goes hand in hand with the one above, in order to see your significant other someone in the relationship has to be willing to shell out the $’s. I can’t tell you how many women I have communicated with on this site whose LDR failed because someone wasn’t willing to fork over the money when the break came in schedules to see each other.

No relationship can survive if the two people never see each other. Speaking of things that relationships can’t survive without…

Phone Sex

This may be a little controversial but this is my firm belief, no relationship can survive without sex.

So, that leaves you in a really bad spot when you first embark on a long distance relationship. I mean, what are you supposed to do?

Enter phone sex!

My friend (who I have mentioned a couple of times already on this page already) is one of the few people I know who has made a long distance relationship work. Let me give you his statistics. He has been dating his girlfriend for about five years (two of which were long distance.) When I asked him how he did it, how he could bear being away from his girlfriend that long he muttered two simple words.

“phone sex”

He told me that without phone sex he would have broken up with her. I have no statistics to back up the claim I am about to make but I think women can go without sex longer than men can. A point will eventually come where men, who have been on a “dry spell,” will start to wander else where. So, in order to combat a mans wandering eyes you have to actually schedule “phone sex sessions.”

Is It Even In Your Character To Do A LDR?

LDR meme

In the section above I described some of the characteristics/ things that all successful long distance relationships have. Now, lets not get in over our heads here, LDR’s are very hard. I am not going to lie to you, most long distance relationships I have dealt with fall apart because they require an extreme amount of patience and dedication.

I wanted to put this section on this page for one simple reason, I want YOU to know if you are cut out for a long distance relationship. There are certain people that just can’t do it. It isn’t in their character to do it. If you are one of those people don’t feel too bad. At least you have learned something about yourself.

Lets start with the type of women that ARE cut out for LDR’s.

Types Of Women Who Are Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You enjoy talking on your phone.
  • You don’t mind talking on your phone in public.
  • You have experience emailing, texting and calling on the phone multiple times a day.
  • You don’t mind going to new place and having experiences
  • You are a patient person.
  • You DON’T have any kids.
  • You are a phone sex goddess.

Ok, now that we have the “good qualities” for LDR’s out of the way lets focus on people who aren’t cut out for it.

Types Of Women Who Are NOT Cut Out For Long Distance

  • You hate talking on the phone.
  • You are not a constant emailer or texter.
  • You are very impulsive.
  • You are not patient.
  • You are not a fan of traveling.
  • When you talk you use a lot of body language to get your points across.
  • Deep down you aren’t willing to put in the work a LDR requires.

What I am about to say is really important so I want to make sure that you are listening because I am about to give you the key to knowing if a LDR with your ex boyfriend could possibly work if you get back together. Take a look at the two lists I created above. Essentially I gave you the qualities that you need to have in order to be willing to have a LDR. In addition, I gave you the qualities that you can’t have if you are going to do a LDR.

Now, I know you read those lists and immediately thought to yourself:

“I have ALL of the good qualities.”

Well, that is really great and all but you are only HALF the equation. In case I missed something I think that a relationship involves two people. When it comes to long distance relationships your man has to have the “good” qualities I listed above for you to have a shot at making this work. I want you to think really hard and figure out if you think HE has what it takes to make a LDR work.

The Headwind You Have To Face In A LDR

Long-Distance-Relationship2

While you are figuring out that little nugget of knowledge I gave you in the section above lets talk about some of the things you have working against you in a long distance relationship. You see, in order to get your ex boyfriend back if there is a considerable amount of distance separating you right now it is important to discuss all of the things that you have to overcome.

Just a word of warning, this section may be a little depressing. Don’t get too down though because I am going to give you the tools to combat all of this headwind later in this article. For now though, lets talk negatives.

Headwind #1- You Can’t Talk To Your Significant Other In Person

A normal relationship usually goes something like this:

Billy and Sally love each other. They live about 30 minutes from one another but spend time every single day together. They text, call and do all the things that are supposed to happen in a normal relationship

A long distance relationship probably goes like this:

George and Jeanie love each other. They are separated by two states. They do their best to call each other every day but their schedules are so busy that they sometimes forget to. The distance causes problems mostly because they haven’t seen each other in person in two months.

Make no mistake about it, being able to see someone you care about in person is a distinct advantage that regular relationships have over long distance ones.

Headwind #2- Touch and “Other Things ;)”

No hugging..

No kissing…

No holding hands…

NO SEX…

When I date someone I expect to do all of the above. Of course, I am a guy so being able to “touch” a woman is high up there on my list. What it all boils down to is that when you are physical with someone it provides a sense of security and togetherness that you just can’t make up over long distance. No doubt about it this is some serious headwind that you are going to have to figure out a way to overcome.

Headwind #3- No More Dates 🙁

I like dates!

I like the nervous feeling I get before I take a girl out for the first time. I like it all and I am not alone in this. While some guys will say they hate dating I think most of us enjoy them a lot more than we let on. When you are in a long distance relationship there are no more dates. Sure, maybe once a month one of you comes to see the other person. However, I am talking about the every week dates that happen when you are dating someone. In a LDR that just isn’t possible and as a result you are missing out on important bonding time that could further cement your relationship.

Headwind #5- Missing Out On Birthdays Or Other Special Occasions

Tell me if this story sounds familiar.

Billy and Sally are in a long distance relationship. For three straight months they have been an unbearable distance away from each other. Sally is having a birthday that Billy desperately wants to attend… only he can’t because of the distance.

Another negative of LDR’s is that you cannot attend your significant others birthday in person. Sure, you may give him a call but ultimately you can’t be there in person. Oh, but I am not only talking about birthdays here. Lets say that one person gets sick and you aren’t able to be there for them. What if a pet gets hurt, a child’s first step or word? These are all very important bonding moments in a relationships life and you could be missing out on them.

Headwind #6- The Commute

Lets fast forward for a minute and pretend that you and your ex boyfriend got back together. You implemented the steps on this page and are reunited ;). Well, in order to keep your relationship alive you have agreed that you will commute to see each other more in person. There is just one problem, you are having trouble agreeing on who should commute to who. If handled incorrectly this negotiation (for the commuted) could cause a strain in your relationship.

Headwind #7- Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

I saved this one for last for a reason, because it is the number one killer of long distance relationships.

Women tend to cheat for emotional reasons. Mostly because men aren’t giving them what they need emotionally.

Men on the other hand cheat because they get horny. I know it is a sad thing to hear but it is true. If a man is in a committed LDR there are going to be certain “dry spells” where he won’t be getting any. These dry spells will make that man horny and he will be more likely to cheat because of that.

Adding insult to injury, it is likely you won’t have any clue because the two of you are separated by so much distance.

What To Do After A LDR Breakup

crazy breakup girl

So, you and your ex broke up… now what?

You clearly want him back but are completely unsure on how to approach things because there is a great distance separating you. Not to mention all of the headwind I talked about above..

So, what are you supposed to do?

In my experience there are really only two ways things can go now.

  1. You can beg to be taken back essentially turning into a text or phone gnat (annoying your ex.)
  2. You can implement a no contact rule and work on evolving while the dust settles from the breakup fallout.

Option two please!

The No Contact Rule

A lot of people ask me “will the no contact rule work if I was in a long distance relationship?”

You bet your butt it will. Admittedly, it will be more effective if you and your ex were used to talking to each other every single day. However, even if that wasn’t the case I would still recommend doing the no contact rule. Now, before I get into the nitty gritty lets talk a little about what the NC rule is.

The No Contact Rule A set period of time where you will not text, call, email, facebook, google plus, snap chat, skype or talk to your ex in any way shape or form.

In your case I am going to recommend that you do a NC rule for 30 days. That means that you have to stay in NC for an entire month without any slip ups. If you do slip up and talk to your ex then you are going to have to start over from day 1 again.

Why The NC Rule Works

I received an interesting email yesterday. One of my visitors was reading through the site and found solace in a paragraph on one of the pages. The paragraph was all about the guys perspective during the NC rule. Essentially describing why the NC rule can be so effective.

Since that person emailed me wanting to know more about the guys perspective during the NC rule I figured everyone would so I wanted to put this section in.

IF the no contact rule is implemented correctly and works here is what will happen in a guys mind:

Day 1: “I bet she is the one who breaks first and contacts me.”

Day 2: “Yea, she will definitely be the one who reaches out first.”

Day 3: “Why isn’t she reaching out?”

Day 6: “WTF is going on?? She was supposed to talk to me by now.”

Day 10: Your ex boyfriend will send out a text message checking up on you. Of course, you won’t respond to it.

Day 11: “Ok, now I am mad.. I can’t believe she ignored my text.”

Day 12: He will call you, which you will of course ignore.

Day 13: “That B&*ch, how could she do this?”

Day 15: “I totally hate her..”

Day 25: He will send out another text which you will ignore again.

Day 26: “That is it.. she is the scum of the earth…”

Day 30: You send out your first text to him and he literally runs around like a little girl filled with excitement.

What You Do During The NC Rule Is The Most Important Thing

funny bench

This is where a lot of people who come to this site fail. They think if they try out a 30 day no contact rule that all of their problems are over. After the thirty days their ex will just come running back into their arms. Sorry Charlie but it doesn’t work that way. While a part of the NC rule is for your ex a big part of it is for you.

What you do during the 30 days is essential to getting your ex back. Remember, this isn’t a vacation and if you want him back you have to be willing to put int the work. Now, people in long distance relationships have a pretty good advantage over normal relationships when it comes to this section.

Usually, with a normal relationship I recommend that women evolve during the 30 days into basically the hottest version of themselves that ever existed. That means, women in normal relationships have 30 days before they potentially could see their ex in person. While a lot can happen over the month I am not entirely sold on a life changing transformation happening in that amount of time. Where you have the advantage is the fact that it could be months before you even get to see your ex. While you may look at that fact and frown I tend to take the opposite approach.

The fact that it could be months before you see your ex in person just means that you have more time to prepare, more time to knock his socks off when he sees you.

I recommend picking up my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for ideas on how you can change both mentally and physically during the NC period.

The Mindset You Need To Have During No Contact

Sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Women who understand this tend to do really well when it comes to getting an ex back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you will find the next phrase I am about to say all too familiar. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have and since I am assuming that you want your ex boyfriend back really really badly right now he is sensing that he can have you.

Here is your main problem. Right now, you aren’t willing to walk away to get him back. I will never forget the time when I was a little boy and went with my dad to watch him negotiate for a car at a car dealership. The thing about my dad is that he is always prepared when it comes to these types of things. He did a lot of research and had what he thought was a fair price in mind. So, when the time came to haggle over the price the car salesman and my dad went back and forth. They haggled and haggled and haggled until my dad determined that he wasn’t going to be getting the price he wanted.

So, my dad did what you are supposed to do in these circumstances. In the middle of the negotiation he literally got up and said “Chris, come on we are leaving.” It took about ten steps before we heard a “wait, come back” from the car salesman. That little tactic just won my dad the negotiation as he got his price.

In this case it was “sometimes in order to get the car you have to be willing to lose the car.”

The Contact Guide For LDR’s

talk to me goose

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. In this section I am going to give a pretty in-depth game plan that you should follow when talking to an ex who you were in a long distance relationship with. Now, before I really dive in here I do want to mention that the ONLY time that you should begin this “contact guide” is when you have completed the 30 day no contact rule that I talked about so much above.

You are about to find out that the rules are just a little bit different when it comes to contacting an ex in a long distance relationship.

What Is Different About Contacting An LDR Ex Vs. A Normal Ex?

  • It is all about setting up a date where you see each other in person.
  • You are allowed to use things like Skype and FaceTime BUT only when I specify below.
  • You SHOULD take a little more time to build rapport with your ex.
  • IF you do succeed in reuniting you have to find ways around the headwind I talked about above.

Ok, enough talking. Lets get to the good stuff.

Your First Contact After NC

Before I dive in to the first contact text message I just want to make you aware that the example texts found below aren’t going to be enough for you. Inevitably you will always want more examples which is why I created The Texting Bible.

So, if you want to up your “texting game” I suggest you take a look at it. Especially since it’s such a vital part of getting an ex back in an LDR.

The first contact you have with your ex should be done via a text message like I recommend throughout my site.

What’s my best advice for sending out a first contact text message? Simple, make it so intriguing that he will have no choice but to respond to it. You should be planning your text message throughout the NC period. I would like to recommend that you run it through what I like to call the first contact text.

Remember, your first contact text message has to be so intriguing that he will have no choice BUT to respond.

So, before you send out any text you should ask yourself “is this intriguing enough for him to respond 100% of the time?”

Ah, but there is another key to first contact text messages that I am leaving out. They have to fill your ex up with a positive memory about you. You don’t have to send him anything controversial to accomplish this. If I was you I would try something like this:

faith first contact

(For more text examples like this please visit The Texting Bible.)

Lets say you sent this exact text and get a response from him, what then? Well, then I would like you to simply end the conversation with something like

“Marie just showed up, I have to go but I will talk to you later :).”

The key with sending a first contact text message to a LDR isn’t to try to get him back. It’s to test him to see if he will be receptive to talking.

The Random Meme

I love internet memes.

In fact, I have an app on my iPhone that is actually JUST for memes. Whenever I get bored I start looking through the memes and just have a good laugh.

What is a meme you ask?

Hmm… I am not sure I can really define them in words. It is better if I just show you.

The Buffy Meme

buffy meme

The Photoshop Meme

photoshop meme

The Superman Meme

superman meme

As you can see, memes are meant to be light and funny. They are the type of things that will go viral in the blink of an eye. If you search the internet there are literally hundreds of thousands of memes out there. What I want you to do is send your ex a text with one of these memes (you pick what you think if funny around the internet.)

You are testing to see if he will respond. If he does respond then you are going to engage him in a very light conversation. You don’t want to engage him in any relationship talk yet. Sending out the “random meme text” is more to test him to see if he is responsive when talking to you. After you engage him for a while I then want you to end the conversation. It is important that YOU end it because it puts you in a position of power and will hopefully leave him wanting more.

If he doesn’t respond to your “meme” then that just means you have to go back into NC for about a week before you try texting him again.

The Remember The Good Times Text Message

If you are familiar with my monster 10k word post on how to get your ex boyfriend back then you should be familiar with this text message. With this text message you are really trying to get your ex boyfriend to remember some of the good memories you had together. So, I want you to brainstorm and list all the special memories you had together. These have to be memories that you know for a fact that your ex enjoyed.

Now, I do feel it is important to point out that you can’t use any sexual memories or anything of that nature yet. The memories you pick have to be strictly PG rated. I would try something like:

swarm of bees text

(Again, if you want more in-depth information on texting I suggest you pick up The Texting Bible.)

Notice how I chose a bonding experience in the above example. The closer you felt together during an experience the better it is. Also, another little nugget of knowledge I can give you is to make sure you use a lot of details. You don’t want to use so many details that you end up having to send 3 texts. However, try to include as many details as possible.

Now, lets assume that he responds to your “remembering the good times” text. What I want you to do is engage him in a conversation. Text him for around 3-5 hours that particular day. Once those 3 hours are up I want you to just not respond. End the conversation by not responding. Remember, our mantra here is to always leave him wanting more.

Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy

Jealousy can be a very powerful emotion. I have found that couples have gotten back together on jealousy alone. While I don’t recommend getting back together with someone b/c they are jealous and don’t want to see you with anyone else I do think it is ok to sprinkle in a little jealousy to remind your man what he is missing out on.

Of course, you do have a small problem since you were in a long distance relationship with this person.

How are they supposed to see you with someone else initially making them jealous? Well, they can’t but don’t worry I have found a way around this. It is called Facebook! Actually, I don’t want to dive in too deeply here because I already created a post that will help you pimp out your Facebook profile and I cover jealousy in there too!

As far as using jealousy directly with your ex via a text message the key here is to be subtle. Here is an unknown fact about this site, did you know that I actually get men contacting me? Yes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is a site dedicated to women. However, every once in a while there is a man that will reverse engineer the process and wind up on this site because he wants his ex girlfriend back.

A few months ago I had one particular man that really wanted his girlfriend back. He wound up on my site and figured that jealousy was the best way to accomplish this goal. There was just one problem, he didn’t read my warning:

You have to be subtle when you use jealousy directly.

He ended up telling me that he sent his ex girlfriend a text like this:

“I just went out with a really hot waitress last night!”

You can imagine how well that went over with the ex. The key to pulling off a jealousy text isn’t to actually tell your ex that you are out with someone new, it is to plant the idea in their head and let their minds run wild with all kinds of assumptions. One of my favorite ways to accomplish this is by sending a “romantic movie text”

romantic movie text

There are a couple of things I want to go over now. The reason this text is amazing at making an ex boyfriend jealous is that it is so subtle that your ex has to make all kinds of assumptions.

Romantic movie? Was she on a date?

A friend? Was this a guy friend?”

Time To Kick Things Up A Notch

Who doesn’t love a compliment? Let me rephrase that. Who doesn’t love a compliment from the opposite sex. One of my friends said it best:

I don’t care what she looks like, as long as I am getting compliments I am doing things right.

I don’t think you women realize the amazing effect that they have on men. Personally speaking, I am one compliment from the opposite sex away from having a great day. Oh, and I am one put down from the opposite sex to having a bad day. If you are going to compliment your ex boyfriend who you were in a long distance relationship with you have to be really careful.

Part of the reason that I made you jump through all those texting hoops in the previous section (first contact, meme, etc) was to kind of butter your ex up for this type of a text message. I want you to send him a compliment. Yes, it is a risk and you could fall flat on your face but in the end fortune favors the brave so it is time to be brave.

This compliment has to be different though. You have to be detailed and you have to send it at the right time. I recommend sending it when the two of you are in an emotional texting conversation. Here is an example I would use:

compliment text

This is kind of do or die for you. What you are looking for here is a positive response. Ideally, you want him to say more than “thank you.” You want a really positive response and perhaps even get him to compliment you. I would end the conversation after you send this text though no matter what.

Remember, always leave him wanting more.

I Miss You..

Assuming you have progressed this far you are in really good shape. Now it is time to heat things up just a little bit more. After you have gotten very positive responses on all the previous texts I want you to send a “I miss you” text message. This can’t be a simple “I miss you” though. You have to dress it up and kind of make it seem like you aren’t saying “I miss you.”

How do you do that?

Simple, you add lots and lots of details.

Take a look at the example below:

i miss you

(Lots and lots of texts huh? Well, I have 250+ more examples waiting for ya 😉 .)

Notice how that is nothing more than just a really complicated way of saying “I miss you.” You essentially dress the “I miss you” up in details that it doesn’t seem like you are missing your significant other. Obviously, you are looking for another positive response from your long distance partner here. If he responds in a positive way you can move on to the next section.

The Skype of FaceTime Call

skype

(Disclaimer: if you don’t have Skype or FaceTime then you can skip on to the next section.)

If you were in a long distance relationship then I am sure you are pretty aware of what Skype and FaceTime are. If not, they are essentially video software you can download to your smartphone (or computer) that will let you talk to the person face to face electronically.

It is essentially a step above texting. If you have progressed to this point of the page then that means you and your ex are ready to talk in person again (kind of ;).)

I want you to initiate a skype call where you kind of lay your cards out on the table. I want you to finally have an in-depth talk about your relationship. No, you aren’t asking him if he wants to get back together. I just want you to discuss your relationship and any feelings that you may be having for each other still.

Some key points for the Skype/FaceTime call

  • Be very confident.
  • Be very pleasant and happy.
  • DO NOT lose your temper.
  • Try to remain calm about everything.
  • Smile a lot.
  • Make sure you look amazing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell interesting stories.

The Call (Duh Duh Duhhh..)

I ONLY want you to do this IF the skype call went extremely well. This is it! This is where you are going to try to see your ex in person again. Everything up until this point was just to prepare you for this moment. No pressure though haha ;).

Alright, you are going to make a phone call to your ex and see if you can set up a date where you two can see each other. Since there is long distance involved one of you is going to have to agree to come see the other one. I would actually recommend that YOU be the one that comes to him. That will require you to clear your schedule and have some extra spending cash which is why I want you to call him and let him know (to see if he digs the idea or not.) If he does then you are in! Great job.

If not, then that means you need to reenter NC for a while and try again later. Perhaps do a better job of recreated attraction during the text message portion. For that, I recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

 

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

So, that’s it. A kind of condensed version of getting your ex boyfriend back if you are in a long distance relationship. I realize there will be a lot of questions since I did leave out some stuff. If you have any questions feel free to comment in the comments section below.

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

4,929 responses to “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Saumya says:

    Me and my ex had a LDR, but we really shared a good relationship between us! Suddenly he changed, he started taking me for granted, he didn’t give me time, and I started feeling like he has lost interest in me! But at times I used to feel that he still loves me! I started getting frustrated , we started fighting and we broke up! He thinks I am wrong! I made mistake that I texted him for around 2-3 times. He says, he hates me! There is nothing called love for me anymore!

  2. Ann says:

    Hello
    I have clear the situation between me and my ex. I didn’t stick to what I should do on this website because wondering what is actually going on and unable to feel secure and certain is just too much energy and time. So in the end when I tell him this flirting and he still talk like we were together is just confusing (it wasn’t even me trying to treat him like a boyfriend), he just simply said, What do you want me to say? There is nothing I can do. For me, it was so irresponsible and made me think of all the insecure and bad feeling that his immature behavior brings out. Like he would constantly eye wondering or even turn his head to see the girl’s face that he didn’t get to see…..So maybe it is better to move on than waste time on this, cuz with all that I wouldn’t be able to trust him. Most of all he didn’t even say he loves me. Thank you for all the tips and advice you gave me. Hopefully, I will learn to know better and love myself more to be the ungettable girl and find a lovely guy who wouldn’t need me to put these efforts and unable to be myself in order to keep him. Thank you.

  3. Ja9 says:

    Hi Amor. My story briefly.
    – he lived in UK and we dated 6 months
    – he went home to USA and it took me 6 months to convince him to do LDR and also fought off an OW
    – 1 year with lots of visits and lots of love and also a plan to end the lDR but towards the end lots of fights
    – fights due to my depression / external sources which resulted in me taking my bad days out on him
    – he broke up with me 23rd june, after alot of begging from me he still went on the holiday with me we had planned the next week (it was to activate my canadian visa so we could be closer)
    – he then seemed a tiny bit unsure but re broke up *sigh* 15th July due to gnatting
    – since break up, my house has sold, my debt is gone, my move from UK to canada is confirmed and im also much happier

    my problem is, when he broke up with me the second time, i had wrote him a letter, telling him he did the right thing ending it with me, i needed a wake up call to realize my depression had taken over again. but i asked him to give me time to fix myself and to come back. he said no, several times… so now i feel he knows why i’ll be texting when i break NC. Is there any way to get past this with a guy who is stubborn and swore we’d never get back together and had fallen out of love with me? Is it hopeless Amor?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Just convey through your posts that you have your own life, you’re moving on.. He probablu doesn’t expect you to really stop contact

  4. Sally says:

    Hi. My boyfriend of 4 years ended things because his parents were against our relationship because we were of different religions and also we were doing long distance across countries for the past 1 year without an end date in sight. The uncertainty for our future and continuous pressure from his family made him break up as he’s worried about dragging the relationship further and us not ending up together. I know a He still loves me and he’s said it too that he’ll never feel for anyone the way he does with me. He’s trying to keep a distance from me and doesn’t really initiate contact but will reply immediately if I text him. I really do love him but everytime I bring up getting back together he’s says he doesn’t know and needs to think about his as it hurt him too much to break up once and doesn’t want to go through that again ever. He’s been trying to distract himself by texting other girls but nothing too flirty.. its been 2 months since the break up and I’m on day 17 of no contact at the moment..I’m scared he’s gonna replace me to get over feeling alone.

  5. Rachel says:

    I have been talking to this guy for 4 months now. He always assured me that he will be will be dating me in August when we both have graduated from school.
    Recently he has been hesistant, he says he doesnt belive in love because of his ex gfs etc. We did have a conversation of his mother picking up the girls he will be dating as he doesnt trust his choices.
    On wednesday, he told me that his mum and sister set up a date with a girl. He said that he needs to jst do this and he will be going out and dating me. He needs to do this because his mother insists.
    Thursday, he was acting weird all day and at night he started saying, we are different people and he doesnt believe in love etc. He later added that he told his mum about me and that we have a 10 year age gap and his mother rejected me because she wants him to date someone older.
    He told me that nothing can work out between us and i should leave. I replied saying “his mother knows best and i hope he finds someone he has a connection with” He too replied in a nice way

    I really like him and i dont know how to approach the situation. He has already told me that nothing can work out so theres nothing i can say at this point.

    What should I do ?

  6. Ginnie says:

    Hi there! So my LDR ex-bf and I’ve been in contact for about 8 months now. I’ve done the no contact and texting. Now I’m at the stage of phone calls. He’s been talking about meeting up this fall and on the last text message (a week ago) he wrote “really lets talk on the phone sometime, just in case my number is -, miss you”.
    I never asked for his number! The thing is, he asked me for my number 8 months ago and hasn’t called yet. So do i call him first? does he want me to? or should I wait till he calls me? His birthday is in 29 days and I’m planning on not contacting him till his bday.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      I’m confused..if you’ve been talking for 8 months now, when did you break up and do nc and how long did you do it?

    • Ginnie says:

      We broke up in 2012. Had zero contact since the break up. He got married in 2015, got divorced in 2016. He reached out to me first, last year December. I did the no contact in Jan 2017 for about 40~45 days. I’m always the one initiating the texts.. his responces are mutual.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      oh.. it took 8 months to transition to calls? then yes, you should initiate a call.

  7. Tara says:

    I’ve read all of Chris’ posts about LDR’s, what is still unclear is the timing. Should I send the first contact text, and wait a few days to send another (even if it’s positive?). I don’t want to move too fast or too fast. Right now I’m on day 11 of no contact. He wanted to take a break and still “talk regularly”, but I told him I couldn’t do that and would prefer to not talk at all. The next morning he told me, “have a safe trip home, baby” and I told him thanks and I enjoyed watching his soccer game the night before. The last contact was from him saying, “thank you, Baby”. I plan to wait 30 days, but feel like I need a plan regarding timing. I don’t want to do too much too soon.

  8. E says:

    Hi, my LDR boyfriend just broke things off with me because of his mom pressuring him (she blames me for every little thing he does wrong or not to her liking) We had a great relationship, keeping in contact everyday etc etc but I guess the pressure got to him. He told me he can’t handle the stress from his mom and grad school at the same time and he also can’t stand to see me stressed and getting ruined by his mom stressing me out. I tried convincing him but it didn’t work. He didn’t even want to discuss it, he just said this is his decision. He actually said this all through messaging he wouldn’t discuss this over the phone because he’s worried he’ll change his mind. He told me he still likes me a lot and I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had. He also blocked me on every social media because he’s scared that he’ll call me or message me when he’s drunk or when he misses me. I just don’t know what to do, he’s honestly my soulmate. I’m willing to go through what his mom does to me. The original plan was I was gonna move to where he was (i was going to do this regardless of him – for work purposes) in 2 weeks. I was going to try the no contact rule for 30 days but I have to meet up with him to hand over some things I have of his. I don’t know how I should act when we meet up. Should i ask if we can talk about or just hand over the thing while being polite and leave asap. We agreed to meet up at a train station.

  9. A says:

    hi no contact ended today and I sent my first text he replied positively, and after an hour I replied with my ending text which he saw, but didn’t reply. How do I take things from here? Is it good to wait for few days before I initiate again. Oh! and it was on fb chat where we always talked and I also noticed that he checked out my fb story after that

  10. Ally says:

    Hi! I bought your book and found it to be a great help! But I am having some trouble, I haven’t exactly broken up with my bf yet, but we have become really distant and are having trouble communicating! I will be seeing him in 15 days, but I would love to have help in how to avoid getting to the breakup. We still talk and haven’t gone in any fights so I think it would be too harsh to start a no contact rule, but I do want to save the relationship and we have already talked and he says he no longer feels in love with me because we don’t talk anymore. I just don’t want to suddenly start face timing him excessively and make things feel forced, so I am not quite sure how to increase our communication in a more natural way

  11. Anna says:

    Hi first of all the texting bible is a nice read. Secondly, my ex broke up with me because I let myself go and became clingy. I have texted him to reconsider for 2 days but I immediately stopped after that cause there was no point. Nowadays, I’m 21 days into no contact, I feel a lot better I am changing things I don’t like about myself and I am having a confidence boost, I go out with my friends, recently went on a trip, and kept my Facebook updated with all these positive changes. I know that probably he won’t try to contact me cause he is stubborn thinks that everything is my fault. But I recently noticed through a friend that after a week of breaking up with me he updated his instagram (I’m not active there anymore) with a photo of him and his pet stating that “all people are searching for someone to look at them like their pet looks at them” and he has also been posting selfies while wishing others to have a good day. Right now he is on summer holidays too and keeps the world updated every now and then. At this point I would like to add that when we were together he never updated that app what does this change tell me about him? And should I go for a 45 day with no contact or stick to the 30 rule? Right now I’m feeling really good about myself. Thank you

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you were clingy before go for 45.. That might be his way of coping with the break up

  12. Amy says:

    I’m trying if there’s a possibly that I can get back with my ex but he broke up with me on good terms. We were together for a year and half. We both live in the same state but we live a hour or so away. We often talked about our future together since we dated and maybe four months ago…
    Three months ago, I noticed a change in him maybe it’s from the effect from the weed. His emotions went from sunny side up to rock-bottom. I always ask him if he was ok and he always told me everything is fine. At this point, we both are working on careers and taking classes. We both gave each other space to work on assignments and work but we always communicated with one another. In May, he graduated and asked me if I could go to Mexico with him and I accepted it. Between May and June, he became less attentive towards me. I’m guessing that is when he started acting weird or distant towards me. I don’t know if it’s the drugs , his insecurities, and his depression is the source how our relationship ended. I asked him many times to come talk to me because I knew he was stressed or something was up. I did not want push him sometimes I did but no change from him. I don’t know what to do because he’s my first official relationship.
    We broke up on July 4 on good terms and I thought everything was fine between us. We had a great night with our friends. He told me he was unhappy with his life. He doesn’t love himself and cannot love someone else. He needs learn how to love himself before loving someone else. He’s going through depression so he pushes people away. He told me he was unhealthy for everyone especially me but I knew about his depression already. I deserve better and he couldn’t be the man i deserve. His past relationships were really bad because his exes cheated on him. I just want to prove to him that i do indeed care for him and love him but i’m not going to beg him to take me back. I want him to know that someone does indeed care and support him despite how he feels right now. He’s doing drugs despite of both his physical and mental health. I just don’t want to be one person says one thing and abandons him like everyone else in his life. He knows I’ve been faithful to him, really good person, and love him. I feel like he has mixed feelings regarding me but i kept reassuring him. I don’t know if it’s his insecurities, jealousy, the drugs he’s taking that caused our relationship to end. I’m not only one whose shocked regarding the break up. his best friend is surprised because we always talked about our future together. What should I do? I really don’t want to NC and I am giving him some space. I’m texting him once a week and it was fairly good. What can i do? I really want to get off of those drugs but he probably won’t listen to me. If I tell his parents they will kick him out. My best friend told to basically call the police to see if he gets caught as a wake up call. I don’t want to do that 🙁

  13. Briana says:

    I’m trying if there’s a possibly that I can get back with my ex but he broke up with me on good terms. We were together for a year and half. We both live in the same state but we live a hour or so away. We often talked about our future together since we dated and maybe four months ago.
    Three months ago, I noticed a change in him maybe it’s from the effect from the weed. His emotions went from sunny side up to rock-bottom. I always ask him if he was ok and he always told me everything is fine. At this point, we both are working on careers and taking classes. We both gave each other space to work on assignments and work but we always communicated with one another. In May, he graduated and asked me if I could go to Mexico with him and I accepted it. Between May and June, he became less attentive towards me. I’m guessing that is when he started acting weird or distant towards me. I don’t know if it’s the drugs , his insecurities, and his depression is the source how our relationship ended. I asked him many times to come talk to me because I knew he was stressed or something was up. I did not want push him sometimes I did but no change from him. I don’t know what to do because he’s my first official relationship.
    We broke up on July 4 on good terms and I thought everything was fine between us. We had a great night with our friends. He told me he was unhappy with his life. He doesn’t love himself and cannot love someone else. He needs learn how to love himself before loving someone else. He’s going through depression so he pushes people away. He told me he was unhealthy for everyone especially me but I knew about his depression already. I deserve better and he couldn’t be the man i deserve. His past relationships were really bad because his exes cheated on him. I just want to prove to him that i do indeed care for him and love him but i’m not going to beg him to take me back. I want him to know that someone does indeed care and support him despite how he feels right now. He’s doing drugs despite of both his physical and mental health. I just don’t want to be one person says one thing and abandons him like everyone else in his life. He knows I’ve been faithful to him, really good person, and love him. I feel like he has mixed feelings regarding me but i kept reassuring him. I don’t know if it’s his insecurities, jealousy, the drugs he’s taking that caused our relationship to end. I’m not only one whose shocked regarding the break up. his best friend is surprised because we always talked about our future together. What should I do? I really don’t want to NC and I am giving him some space. I’m texting him once a week and it was fairly good. What can i do? I really want to get off of those drugs but he probably won’t listen to me. If I tell his parents they will kick him out. My best friend told to basically call the police to see if he gets caught as a wake up call.

  14. Sha says:

    Hi Amor!
    I was dating a guy (a very long distance) for 7 months, we spent a month living together at his place and were discussing the possibility to move together to close up the distance. But some weeks after I left instead of coming to visit me as it was planned he sent me a weird letter announcing 1we’d better be in casual relationship for now rather then be in serious committed relationship when we only see each other because of the distance 2 I opened him up for a potential of love he thought might not exist 3 he loves me in every way a person can love another 4hope we will continue talking seeing each other and sharing ideas.
    I took it as a break up for sure even I was confused by the mix of feeling in it I thought he’s trying to be nice. Still I’m not sure you normally end break-up letters saying ”with love”.
    I didn’t accept casual relationship of course since he told me before he was serious about me (but also confessed me his insecurities) and for me we were in love and going to something big and beautiful. Literally that was me who told him good bye and wishing him good luck (but I felt forced to).
    I admit it was going too fast for a very ‘young’ relationship to want to move together after 6 months of dating. Crazy enough to want to slow down, but to go casual…that didn’t make sense for me. I thought he didn’t love me and was just cruel telling me he did and not wanting more than FwB…
    I did a kind of nc but little one (10 days) and since we are texting each other for two months now. He often says he misses me but never suggests more (like a Skype date or something). Recently he started to call me all nice nicknames (he did it for a while) we used to use and then try to sex talk to me. I told him for me it was not casual and that I needed him to be my friend. First he agreed, acted nicely for a few days, then sent me a ‘friend style letter’ to inform me about his traveling plans and asking for my news, didn’t answer to my reply and basically started to withdraw himself.
    I’m again devastated since I thought we were in our way to rebuild the connection.
    What should I do? Saying it’s not casual for me sounded like an ultimatum for him? Was it a strategic mistake from my part?
    Can you also say, please, is his way of bringing casual relationship is common in the US (since I’m not anglophone and have a limited experience in the american way of thinking)? Is it just normal (I had doubt since there were not only an email but quite a long process of him ignoring me then sending heartbreaking texts, existential talks and so on)? It all looked like he was teared apart but in the other hand he just ruined it all himself.
    Thanks in advance for your advice!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It looks like he friendzoned you and then he tried to be fwb.10 days is too short.. Do at least 30 days

  15. XZ says:

    My long distance boyfriend just decided that he doesn’t want to continue the relationship. We were together physically for 3 months and 10 months of LDR. My tourist visa to America was rejected, till then our relationship is a little unstable because he’s been stressing about what and where do he see himself in the future. I’ve been asking him if he is coming to see me instead and planning to close the distance but he said he has to be stable first in order to bring someone into his life forever, so he is trying to think about things.

    However, he has decided to end things today. He said I frustrate him (probably by pressuring him) and this distance tears him apart and that he is not the type of person to be stressed about things and when it comes to us he is always stressed.

    I’ve been trying to give him more space but he said It’s not working. He does not want this pain and stress anymore, it’s not a single thing and it not something that can be simply fixed.

    I’m in despair now. I believe he still cares for me as we still talk and keep in touch with each other’s life daily before breaking up. What should I do? Will the no contact rule works?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It’s not a guarantee that it will but it’s better than begging and chasing

    • XZ says:

      We have no contact since the break up. I posted a selfie of my new hair cut on Instagram few hours after our break up, he liked the photo. Two days later I posted another picture of myself, he liked it too.

      It’s making me feel sad because I’m not sure if he is doing it as a “friend” or he still has feelings for me. It’s giving me hope and it hurts.

    • XZ says:

      Do you think I have a chance to reconcile or he is moving on and treating me as a friend by liking my photos?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It’s a good sign that he’s liking your posts.. You’re giving him more reasin to miss you, therefore increasing your chances

  16. Sasa says:

    Hi,
    I need help pls. I met a guy on his holidays to Asia and we hit it off. Ten I decided to visit him. He was so attentive and lovely yguy. He introduced me to his best friends. And we spent times together with his work buddy’s family. He was really happy to have me with him. I asked him how he felt about visiting him. And he said he felt great to have with me. We talked after I left and still seemed things are okay. After almost one month back my home country, he become cold and not responsive to my texts. Started not following through what he said he would call me. He blamed on time difference and got stressed with work. I gave him space. I checked him on two weeks later nc and he responded so slow and just say sorry, I wrote him a letter to admit how I feel about him and ask him to make it clear. He ignored and I didn’t nag him at all. Then next two weeks, I texted him about receiving my gift for his bd or not. He replied me with hey, princess….. then I waited for three days to reply him and made it so short. Just welcome…
    He went for not text or call again for two weeks and I reached out to him by saying he should have called me to say he lost interested or seeing someone new. Then he said he is sorry and he has not felt what he thought he would feel when I left him. And he didn’t have any idea to tell me that. I accepted the truth and wished him all the best .and I said I m moving on with my life although I still miss him sometimes. It has been almost two weeks .Now I feel like I wanna text him again. Don’t know what to say. Pls help me. 🙁 I feel so depressed

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Sasa,

      Try the nc for at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself and in postinf and then slowly rebuild rapport after

  17. Tessa says:

    He wanted a pause since we’re far away but I knew it was bc he met a new girl and were dating.
    The same day he blocked me and our mutual friends on social media, so that’s it, I never begged/tried to reach out
    I completed the NC for more than half a year now. Recent months, he reached out to couple of my friends asking how I am, he also dm me once, of course I never replied. Looks like he comes from a friendly way idk
    First time he contacted my friend, I thought he was bored bc he ended his rebound..
    Then me… and my other friend like asking if I met someone…

    1) I’m confused now, maybe he’s just bored?
    2) Or that actually meant something?
    3) Does he still have feelings for me?

    I’d done so much to improve a better version of myself. After we separated, I travelled a few times for work and with friends. We used to love travelling together, so I have an idea, in my next trip I’ll send out a post card with a short message for first contact instead of a text,

    4) is that a good idea?
    5) Or should I reply to his last text?

    Please give me some ideas, thank you so much

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      The text is better because it’s more casual.. You wont know what his real intentions are if you don’t talk to him.. Talk to him and observe, instead of making assumptions

  18. Anna says:

    I came to know that my bf is still hurt because of his ex who cheated on him because of which they broke up
    We are in a LDR . I don’t how to respond to this so I asked him for a break for sometime till I get done with exams . Did I make the right decision of giving him his space ?

  19. Nina says:

    Hey,
    I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for 2 years we werent really in (ldr) relationship but my parents arent okay with the idea of dating so i had to be careful that my parents not to know about it , but we were meeting every month or 2 weeks and sometimes we meet every 2 days and the longest time takes 2 months .. but now im moving on to other country so i can complete my study , we’ve talked about it and we were okay with that he said that he will try to visit when he can and the same way with me , and we planned to have vedio calls and face time more often.
    2 days ago he suddenly said that we’re not for each other and we have to break up , my parents and my family are different that his family they’re more open-minded , he said the he is afraid to hurt me so he broke up with me .. and i cant believe what actually happened i missed him so much and im really suffering for what is happening to me now and when we first broke up he gave so much love he said that he cried for the first time in his life , and he will never find someone like me and he made me to promise him that I won’t harm myself such as not completing my studies or have drugs ..etc. .. i talk to him too much and we text but im the one who text first , i tell him my feelings im so broken , but he’s so rude with me now and harsh .. he says that he’s now regretting for making me so attached to him , and i have to move on and get used to it , i really dont understand him and what he really feels he never told what he really feels im so lost i don’t want to move on , i want him back im so lost and broken without him we used to talk 24/7 now maybe 10 minutes, i don’t know if he stopped loving me or anything he seems like he doesn’t care about me and I started feel kinda sticky , but I can’t stop texting him i missed him so much this 2 days broke me like no one can imagine .. im so lost i need help. I need him back

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Nina,

      maybe he got afraid because of the impending ldr.. are you going to try the advice above?

  20. Gabrielle says:

    Hi Amber,

    I don’t know why but I think my comment didn’t show up there, so i’ll just post it again: I just broke up with my 3 years boyfriend a week ago. We were on Long Distance Relationship for 2 years, but suddenly last week he said he didn’t love me anymore, then he started talking with this girl on Instagram. He also said that I was too busy with my life, and I didn’t have time with him anymore. I am so broken even until now. He blocked me on his Whatsapp, Wechat, and Instagram. The first day after we broke up, I begged him a lot but I now I already started the no-contact rule with him.
    I was actually planning to see him in July, I already bought the ticket as well. He told me that he will meet me for 1 hour only because he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I am afraid he will change his mind and I have to beg him again to meet me later. What should I do? I really want to get back with him. 🙁

  21. Ann says:

    Me and my ex were together for 6 month when I was in the UK, and he insist that we can’t be together when I move back to Taiwan. since we are going to have long distant relationship. I thought he would just disappear because he just uses this as an excuse. But he told me he misses me and called me saying he just want to have a nice talk with me when I trying to reply his messages with less enthusiast and take longer than before. I am now going to move to Dublin which still going to be long distant but at least is closer. He knows it but he didn’t say anything about wanting me back just keep asking about my plan to Ireland. I really would want this to work but I am not sure if he just care about me as friend or want my attention because he is not finding anyone yet, and I know long distant is hard, but I am still hoping this would work out, so what should I so ?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Why not try the advice above?

    • Annnn says:

      Hello, yes I have tried no contact and succeed it and sent the first message with a pretty good reaction from him.
      However, because of the time difference and his work, it is really hard to keep the conversation flows and end the conversation properly. Also when we were together, we hardly say goodnight or finish the conversation properly, he would just go to sleep or be busy with our things and left the text hanging, and I notice that and did the same. The only thing I know is that I know his working time pretty well, so I know for certain time he would check his phone for sure like when he woke up and after work. Since our first text after no contact, he has been telling me he is having day off and not doing things, tell me he really wants the breakfast we always have together, feels tired. Also if I ignore his message sometimes he would send another one. I am not sure if I should hold it and not show that much interest or I should see this as a positive thing and just follow the texting rules see if it will get better and better. I am really scared he trying to be close to me just because he is not seeing someone at the moment and just use me as emotional rebound. Because he told me that he did that to his ex and she was in the same situation as me, he was talking to her when he first starts talking to me and even had the plan to meet when she visits the country. He told me he planned to have sex with her back then, but he started to date me so had to cancel their meet up and she got really pissed. Obviously, because of the distance, he won’t be able to booty call me and we never had the flirting conversation after we separated. I just don’t see why would he want to send me messages that often and keep asking about my life? Since he never been like this when we were together and I am afraid he just try to keep me hanging on which I know he is good at it according to all the stories he told me about his exes. This makes me not sure how to respond his message, I am confused ….

    • another annnie says:

      Hello, I have finish NC and sent out the first message. The response I got from him was positive I would say. However, due to our time difference, our conversation always end up dragging for four days with one text to each other every day. and normally it is him who initiate conversation, I would just answer and when I stop talking he would just send out text with things that tell me about his life. Like he is having his day off not doing anything, I think is just he is bored and fancy a chat. But that leads to me that, I am not sure if I should keep building rapport with him or not. Because he did tell me that he have a tendency to keep in touch with exes and he did had flirty miss signal conversation with his previous ex until we start dating and they were supposed to meet for the meet up that was supposed to lead to sex. but had to cancel because we started date properly. I am just not sure why he would want to keep in touch so much and tell me about his life. Any advise that I should take it slow with building rapport or change the pattern of how we text or attitude of how i answering? because I am still keeping my reply in a polite way with not too much emotion. Thank you.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you want to get him back yes you should keep building rapport and use interesting topics

    • another annnie says:

      Hello
      Sorry for some reason my laptop didn’t show that the comment was posted, so I post twice.

      I got another interesting situation today. He initiates the conversation most of the time, and this week he been talking about stuff that to do with us, and even ask if something remind me of him, blablbal. After that I had a proper chat with him, and when he was talking about his week, he sent me his dick picture, not in a show off way, but telling me things about “it”. I reply calmly without getting engaged with the conversation by bringing something up and end the conversation with an excuse that i have to go. However, this behaviour makes me confused again. Can you give me some advice about why he did that, and talk things about us. Also, what should I do when text him in the future?
      Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      I think he’s trying to be fwb..just dont initiate those kinds of topics and you did the right thing about not engaging in those convo

    • aNNA says:

      I see, thank you, as I guessed. Never thought long distance can also be fwb, haha! So should I keep going create rapport or should I create more “full moon” time so he will take our conversation seriously again. Because before I always answer short and polite message, and he would answer long sentences, more like a proper conversation. But now he would just send random messages like what is he doing, or feels sick and can’t sleep…. but I think it is more like he needs attention from whoever he can get from… apparently I need more advice, since I thought things are going up heel but maybe is not… that you!

    • amya says:

      I know I have left another message for my question, but I have more question, sorry. so after that dick pick, I was scared to let him think he can use me emotionally and be fwb, after that he text me about he eaten too much and can’t sleep and I leave it until next day and initiate another interesting topic then he answered. I left it for a day agin, he left a message on my Instagram. But when I answer his message today, he answers short and left me on read…… what should I do ?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yeah you can extend the full moon a little and.. If he didn’t respond just rest for a day or two

    • ania says:

      Thank you for answering my questions! we chat a lot these days now, but I can sense he has been talking to other people as well, which makes me super insecure. and he said to me that I am such a good soul and good person after tried to ask nudes , also left comments on my instagram account and when he knows I am going night out he said he doesn’t want me to get hit on. I am worry that he trying to friend zone me? or is he feel bad about step over the line? or he is just saying nice things so I don’t feel bad, and he might start seeing someone else? You can tell I am confused by his acts and word. I nee help! Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you asked him for nude pictures? have you progressed to calls?

    • anna says:

      Hello!
      ohhhhh, nooo, he asked! and no we haven’t process to phone call yet, he tried to call a long time ago but reception was really bad so we had to end without even chat. but I guess we can actually call with skype or sth. Now we talk quite a lot, and we flirt, but some how he started to ignore my messages a lot and answer with like one word. Feel like he talks to me but he is not in the mood or tries to pull off with a cold attitude, and if I ignore his message cuz I am not liking the vibe, he would just send me an emoji or random stuff which I find it insincere. Also, most of the time, when he text me is and have proper conversation always leads to a sexual topic. I am sort of ignore his random text at the moment, but I am not sure how to build up rapport anymore….

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      That means you need to rest for a few days for now.. and then transition the next text to call

    • Ain says:

      Hello, I took your advice, trying to stop talking to him for a few days, and he texted. However was in short texts again and again, and then I think I make a mistake by asking why he brushes me off after two days texting like that. He explained that he didn’t and we texted more, and feel ok until some point he start to freak out again when I ask his day. He was like I “is not like if i am busy then i am talking to girls” and I panic said to him “yeah, I am so nervous is she again, she is asking things from me.” ……………I think I made a really big mistake here. Even though after that he still say flirting things about why I go to a party in a bikini, but when I say compliment things or flirty things he wouldn’t respond to that. He still text me daily, and like my photos on social media, But I am not sure anymore. I have lost my faith completely and haven’t be really craft what I text him… think I not only won’t be able to get him to talk to me on the phone because he doesn’t call even when we were together, and maybe I even blow up the good vibe I finally build up! What should I do now? Think I need serious help, Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yeah, that was a mistake.. You need to avoid doing that because it will push him away.. rest again for at least a week.. If he initiates, reply and mirror his texts.. and be indifferent. If you’re trying to convey you’ve moved on and just being friend, you can’t be emotionally demanding from him. I know it hurts and it’s hard but think of it as you two being strangers. You’re just starting to make him interested in you. So, no negativity.

    • ANNA says:

      Hello
      So after seeing your reply, I started, I rested for almost a week, he showed up almost every day so and I only reply when I woke up and go to bed with an indifferent attitude. However, on Sunday morning he sent me a picture and saying he hurts his leg don’t know if he should go to the hospital. Obviously, he is still texting so he is fine, so I wait until the end of the day to reply (was suppose to end the rest on Tuesday) since I was in a psychology class. After we talked a little bit about his leg, he suggested talking on skype and I instinctively said yes (I am not sure if it can consider as the transition to phone call), we talked quite long which I am not sure is entirely right. but at least we were better than last week. and we keep talking next day. I am just wondering should I consider this as progress? and if it is what should I do to get it closer for him to think to get back together in and give long distance relationship another try (he had a three-year relationship and one of the years were long distance. they both cheated during that year and end badly because too many unrepaired feelings so he doesn’t trust himself that he can manage it with me and it is not fair for him as well , that’s what he said at least). Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yeah it’s a progress..juat keep in to not rush things… It’s really longer with ldr situations..just keep building rapport while having your owm life.

    • Anna says:

      Hello
      Thank you for letting me know the situation and the advice. I start to notice that He would talk to me a lot on his day off, and always online, so probably like his social time on the phone when he doesn’t need to work. We would have ok conversation on the day, but if he goes back to work he would just send me emoji without saying anything or just say “sleepy” when he woke up. I know I should take it slow, but just send an emoji and expect me to respond is like I am just checking you if you are there with no effort really annoys me. I tried to ignore him by not respond to it when he does that, but I still wondering what can I do to make him want to have a quality conversation or at least something more than a lazy emoji or what are you gonna do today? …… doesn’t feel good to always get brushed off. Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Then some days when he is not working, dont text him.. Be out, and then post.. And when you do, use topics that he’s interested in or topics he would be curios about. Dont text at work times if that’s a busy time for him

    • Ann says:

      Hello
      I have clear the situation between me and my ex. I didn’t stick to what I should do on this website because wondering what is actually going on and unable to feel secure and certain is just too much energy and time. So in the end when I tell him this flirting and he still talk like we were together is just confusing (it wasn’t even me trying to treat him like a boyfriend), he just simply said, What do you want me to say? There is nothing I can do. For me, it was so irresponsible and made me think of all the insecure and bad feeling that his immature behavior brings out. Like he would constantly eye wondering or even turn his head to see the girl’s face that he didn’t get to see…..So maybe it is better to move on than waste time on this, cuz with all that I wouldn’t be able to trust him. Most of all he didn’t even say he loves me. Thank you for all the tips and advice you gave me. Hopefully, I will learn to know better and love myself more to be the ungettable girl and find a lovely guy who wouldn’t need me to put these efforts and unable to be myself in order to keep him. Thank you.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You’re welcome Ann! We sincerely hope the best for you!

  22. Fel says:

    So I’ve been together with my ex for 7 years (LDR). He is a nice guy, he don’t drugs or anything. We date since Feb 2010 and I went to US in August 2010. In 2012 we broke up (I said it) and we got back together in 2014. Even though we broke up, we still in contact. We broke up because our time different and bad communication so I was mad a lot of time. Moreover, his mom really like me so I asked her help when I want to get back. But, it was okay, after that we were so great together. We already thought about marriage, kids, and future together.

    So in Feb until March we did not FaceTime that often because I was busy and also I only reply his chat short because I don’t feel like it. So in late March we broke up again. I said the word ‘let’s break up’ because he pushed me to go back home soon while I want to work here in the US (I am still thinking). 6 days after, he asked me to get back together. I said, “This is not our first time. I don’t know. But, let me think”. So 3 days after that, I finally said, lets get back. He said, “Why I am not happy and excited when you want to get back. Let me think.” After that I started to tell my self, ok this is over. However, each week I really miss him to death so I texted him even though I decided not go get back. The truth is I am not okay, I just pretend to be okay. I thought he might feel bored.

    In May 19th, I decided I want him back (kind of). I asked him, “Are you sure you want to break up?” He said, “Yes. We have too many differences. There is no way we get back together. It’s enough. 7 years is enough for us.”. So then I said okay and asked him to not contact me ever again.

    Until I saw some website that said No Contact. So I started NC for 3 weeks to think and make the ill feeling gone. I finish I NC around June 9th which is several days ago. At the same day, I heard from his friend, he knew this one girl through his parents and started to keep in contact with her for a week. They never meet, only texting (chatting). Several days ago, I heard my ex said to his friend that this girl and him are pretty suitable for each other. So I don’t know what to do and asked his mother if my ex really like this girl and asked her to help me (yes I am desperate). After I finish taking with her, apparently she called my ex and asked him to clear our problem.

    So then he said again: “I already told you. We are only friend. There is no way we gonna back together. I don’t love you anymore. I think it’s enough. We broke up before too. This is not our first time (yes he used my line), It is your fault you are too easy to say the word break up. I want to know her more. etc.” It makes me really sad. I mean I was fine for the past 2 months and here I am again, in the darkness. However, when we broke up before in 2012, he said almost the same things that makes me confuse if this is real or not.

    After he said that, I told him I’ll be waiting and he kept telling me NO, he need to move on and want me to move on too. After several hours I said okay we are friend. After that incident I kept texted him. Asked his day, and yes just like normal chat without talk about it again. His response was good. He chat me a long text, like he is enjoying our conversation. However on June 13th, I texted him ‘good morning’ and he said “morning. If you chat me everyday, how you gonna move on?”. I was so shock. I thought it was fine yesterday but why now.

    I don’t know what I should do. I am in a LDR and this girl is only 30 mins away from him and I think he might attracted to her. I think because his parents introduces them. Everybody said I should move on, but should I really? I still want him. I don’t believe our 7 years will be gone in just a minute. 


    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Fel,

      are you going to do the advice above?

    • Fel says:

      Hi Amor,
      Thanks for getting back to me. So I keep texted him. It has been around 2 weeks. At first his replies are good, but later on he started to replied longer than usual and he finally (yesterday) said that he wanted to reduce out text. He said he is afraid I can not move on if we keep in contact. He also kept telling me to fins a good guy, bla bla bla. What should I do now? I am going back to my country in 2 weeks, but seems like he doesn’t want to meet.

    • Fel says:

      Hi Amor,
      Thanks for getting back to me. So I keep texted him. Later on he started to replied longer than usual and he finally (yesterday) said that he wanted to reduce out text. He said he is afraid I can not move on if we keep in contact. He also kept telling me to find a good guy, bla bla bla. What should I do now? I am going back to my country in 2 weeks, but seems like he doesn’t want to meet.

    • Fel says:

      After he said he wanted to reduce out text so I can move on (evening), I texted him at midnight, he did not reply my text until today 🙁

    • Fel says:

      I did the ‘remember good times text’ but his response was ‘yea but now you do it with someone else, you can’t do it with me’. So this means really bad, right? What should I do?

    • Fel says:

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for getting back to me. I haven’t see your reply in a while. So after that we keep in contact by chatting. After a while, he asked me again that if we keep in contact, it will be hard for me to move on. He also talked about our past while I am not and showed that we have different opinion. He started to takes longer to reply my text after that and I did not reply his last text now. What should I do? It looks like our communication became better and then decrease, not like the advice.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      But have you done the no contact rule, improved yourself massively and were active in posting?

    • Fel says:

      Yes, I felt so much better after the NC. I exercise more, read more, etc. However, when I knew he meet this one girl I am scared. When I contact him again, his first response was positive and then getting bad. His reply took longer and always said “if we chat you can not move on” thing. I didn’t contact him for several days but he still takes forever to reply me. I am moving too fast? It has been 2 weeks after NC and his response getting bad not better. I am going back to my country next week and should I ask him to meet? Or just ignore him? Honestly I don’t know what to do now. Thanks.

    • Fel says:

      Yes, I felt so much better after the NC. I don’t get angry easily now. I exercise more, read more, etc. However, when I knew he meet this one girl I am scared. When I contact him again, his first response was positive and then getting bad. His reply took longer and always said “if we chat you can not move on” thing. I didn’t contact him for several days but he still takes forever to reply me. I am moving too fast? It has been 2 weeks after NC and his response getting bad, not better. Should I just not contact him and wait? IDK what to do.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yeah, you’re rushing it but it looks like you weren’t active in posting, because he still thinks you’re not moving on. What did you say when he said that? And nope, don’t invite a meet up when you get there.

    • Fel says:

      I kinnda active in posting.. he also knew where I go from my friend posting if I didn’t post it.. So what should I do now? Start a NC again (if yes, how long?) or just keep in contact? When he said that I always said “Im okay, I just text you as a friend, no more”. And I never start to talk about it, he is always the one who talk about it first. He asked me to find someone better, smarter and more successful one, and I said that those things doesn’t matter to me. But he said, we are now only friend. I confuse why he started the conversation like that at the first place, did he only want to tell me again we are friend or what? I’m not sure if I hurt his pride or something that makes him like this. I knew him for 7 years and he is like a totally different person now. Please guide me what to do now. Thanks.

    • Fel says:

      I sometimes think that he thinks I came to him because I knew he has this 3rd party. However it is my plan that doing NC and then contact him again. He knew this girl during NC is unexpected for me, and when I pursue him again he thinks I came to him because he has this girl. He said to me that he feels connected to this girl a week after he knew her. Do you think this is rebound or real?

    • Fel says:

      How long I should not contact him? All my friends told me to contact him around a week after my arrival. I only will be in my home country for 2 months. I have limited time. Looking forward for your reply. Thanks!

    • Fel says:

      I am afraid if I don’t contact him, he will become more and more closer to that girl 🙁

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Right now, you just look like you’re chasing him.. He’s making it clear that he just wants to be friends because he can see you’re trying to get him back.. Restart nc at least 30 days and then follow the advice on this one:
      EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend

    • Fel says:

      So I should start NC for 30 days even though we will be in the same country? I will be home only for 2 months though. Do you think he gonna get closer to that girl if I start NC again? 🙁 Thank you so much I really appreciate your help.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yup you should start nc.. Even of dont do nc, he will get close to her if he wants to

    • Fel says:

      I heard he is dating this new girl now. I did not contact him. When we met during our friend’s wedding, i completely ignore him and he was just being nice try to say hi to me. What’s next? Move on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You last post was June, since then you’re still in nc now? If yes, how much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting? Check this one:
      What To Do After The No Contact Period

  23. Karen says:

    Here is my situational breakdown.
    My ex is choosing Florida over me.
    I’ve watched your videos and I agree that if my ex still loved me he would do anything to still be with me.– though he says he still does love me it’s just according to him “our lives are going in separate directions”. I’ve been watching a few Matthew Hussey videos, and he explained something that hit home to me, he explained that men can meet the woman they love and should be with, but they think it’s at the wrong time of their life because it would mean they couldn’t do all the things they thought they were supposed to get to do before they met the love of their life (i.e traveling, making money, meeting other people, or moving to f$&*cking Florida).
    I am very late to the relationship game. I am-28-years-old, and he was my first boyfriend—in fact he was my first everything, yup that’s right, everything. So emotions run pretty deep for me. Before he and I met, I was very involved in my studies, ending up pursuing a master’s degree, and love fell to the wayside—it didn’t help that my standards are quite high. My ex and I met eleven months ago. It was through a dating app, but we ended up having a meet cute situation where we shared a mutual friend. So our lives started to intermingle, and before long we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
    He and I stumbled upon each other when I was in a bad place, and he really brought me out of it. I invested a lot in him, especially since he is my first love, and I thought he felt deeply for me—or at least at one point he must have because two months ago I was offered a very prestigious position, but it required me to move four and half hours away, yet we continued seeing each other long distance. I tried to break up with him before moving, feeling like he wouldn’t be interested enough in investing enough into the relationship to make it work-but we both weren’t ready to give each other up so after two days of being “broke up” we were back together. During that break up, I did a lot of No No’s—texting angrily, posting sad things, checking his social media… so I’m determined to do this right this time around to get him to realize he does love me, and he is going to regret his decision.
    A week ago he called me late at night to say his father and stepmom have decided to move to Florida, and he thinks this is the perfect opportunity to move because now he will have family support and life will be rainbows and streets lined with gold there. Two months ago he wanted to try long distance, and now he is calling it quits.
    To further the pain, he called a day before he was supposed to come with me to my sister’s wedding. He said it just would have been too hard to face everyone who would be wondering when he would ask me to marry him. It’s not the first time he has said he isn’t close to marriage (he is 26-years-old, not old but not a spring chicken). But again it rings solid that if he truly wanted me, it would be something he wanted with me someday, and that moving to Florida would be a harder decision than he made it out to be. During our first break up, he said things like he knew he might be making the wrong decision, and he knew what he would be losing if he left, and that I was the best partner he could ever hope for– but obviously that couldn’t be true or he couldn’t imagine not having me in his life.
    I committed to staying in this town for at least 5 years, but then would have the opportunity to apply to other markets in other states—but apparently seeing that through was going to be too much for him, even though we could see each other just as much as we do now. My current job even does all-inclusive trips several times a year with plus ones, and he was getting to go with me to Hawaii, but breaking up and moving to Florida is better than that and me apparently.
    Continuing our long distance wasn’t something I brought up to him the night he broke up with me, because I was too shocked and angry at being dumped right before my sister’s wedding. A time that I was counting on the support I would need to get through the jealousy of seeing a younger sibling be promised to someone who loved her. And I wasn’t willing to let myself be the beggar, when he should want to stay with me. So I said mean things as he choked up and said he “just didn’t know what to do”, and he “didn’t want it to hurt worse if we continued” (which was my argument when I broke up with him two months ago— and the night he broke up with me he had the audacity to try and say I wouldn’t let him go the first time around even though it was a mutual decision to try again) so I hung up.
    To keep myself from doing as much damage post breakup as I did the last time, I haven’t had any contact with him, and plan on continuing through the 30 days. I didn’t see your video about unfriending on Facebook until I already had, so I don’t know how to rectify that mistake. Two days after the breakup he sent me a text saying “Hey, I just want to sincerely apologize for what you’re going through. I can relate. I know it’s not fair, and it’s beyond rattling. I just hope that someday you can forgive me. Take care”. I did not reply.
    His family and I grew very close while we were dating, and they were truly hoping I’d be the one for him-saying that they could all tell how much he loved me, and what an influence I’ve had on his life and making him a better man-so his decision is so confusing. His sister-in-law texted me, to let me know she wanted to stay friends and how stupid she thought he was, and even though I really felt like chiming in, I just laughed it off and scheduled time to see when I go visit so I could feed the right information about how “great” my life is post break up down the pipeline to make it to him.
    I’m hurt, and I just didn’t see it coming, but I do still love him despite his extremely insensitive actions-and I have a sneaking suspicion he does love me, but has the stubborn mentality that he isn’t ready to be with me because he needs to experience all these others things in life. But I want him to feel the love he seems to have buried, and be made to realize that something like what we have can’t be found again with someone else, that fate and what is meant to be is a load of Bullsh%&t and we won’t magically find our way back to each other, and it will be something he will deeply regret someday.
    I’m second best to Florida, Please help,

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      just make your posts public and you can follow the advice above, since you have to approach like an ldr relationship from now on

  24. Lily says:

    Hey Chris!
    My ex and I dated for a year and a half and broke up 10 months back. Initially after the break up we’d still talk.. But I cut contact with him for 3-4 months (just a few texts here and there). Recently we started texting again and have been texting quite a bit. He finally called me today and we spoke for a few hours on the phone… How do I go about it from here? I won’t meet him in person till a few more months, and feel that it’s too soon to bring up the whole getting back together conversation.
    How should I make myself absolutely irresistible and indispensable, and get him back given my current situation?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      are you active in your life and in posting in social media? how much are you improving yourself?

  25. Prats says:

    I and my ex were in relation from last 2 and half years from which 1 year is of long distance. We had our parents involved and were in talks to get married. Though our parents were not in favour of us getting married, we were determined to take our relationship to the next level. We were in process of convincing our respective parents to get us married. His parents somehow agreed for us, my parents didn’t but we still wanted to get married only after convincing both sides. There were ups and downs in our relationship as well but none of us cheated on each other. We were steady going trying to settle in our careers and at the same time convince our parents to get married. My ex had been quite frustrated with things at his office, trying to get a new job and our long distance relationship. We were not getting much time for each other from last 2 months. Only last month, suddenly he had a fight with his father and he started behaving differently. His frustration increased all the more. He told me he would switch off his phone for weekend and not want to talk to anyone. Be by himself in peace. I gave him that space. Monday morning, I was expecting his call and he called only to say that he has decided something. I asked what and he told he would tell me when he meets me, but I insisted on knowing that, that very moment. And he told me that he has decided to end the relationship. He has realised that he doesn’t feel the same for me. He has realised that he would never be able to be in relationship with anyone and even get married. He realised that he is not made for marriage. He won’t be able to be in a relationship forcefully. I tried explaining things, how time would make things better but he didn’t budge. He was persistent on his decision. I went on to meet him and explain him against his wish to meet. It was not fruitful. I then googled about getting the ex back and I came across this site and many other like this too. I have this belief he still loves me and I’m sure about it. I just don’t know how to make things work out. I need help on this. I am currently on no contact period from last 23 days and have not contacted him since last meeting him. Please help how do I go ahead next.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      how much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting?

    • Prats says:

      Ever since I read about developing self interests and being happy, I am constantly trying. And he being not present on any social networking apps, I didn’t make many posts except a few. I have not tried to contact him since the day I last met. Neither has he.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You have to be active in posting..so do that first..even if he is not active in social media

    • Prats says:

      I will do that but how would it make a difference in the process of getting him back? It’s been almost two months and I’m still waiting for him. About how long would he take to contact me again.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      dont wait..you can initiate.. but be active in improving yourself and in posting..so that when he gets curious, he can see you’re moving on and not going to chase..
      check this:
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

    • Prats says:

      I just came to know that he cheated on me and started dating another girl at his current workplace and he conveniently dated me for some 2 to 3 months and had a crush on that other girl at the same time. He then broke up with me giving this reason that he doesn’t feel the same for me and started dating that other girl in the month of April. He said they are going to get married in few months. Do you think he would ever come back to me? He just left me shattered. What do I Do? Should I even expect him back or not?

    • Prats says:

      2 days back I came to know that he cheated on me and started dating another girl at his current workplace and he conveniently broke up with me giving this reason that he doesn’t feel the same for me and proposed that other girl at the same time. He concealed the facts from his family and presented the story as I left him and got engaged to someone due to family pressure. I only came to know that he did this after talking to his brother. He confessed this to me when I blackmailed him that I would go to his father and tell him the truth. And out of fear he accepted the fact that he had crush on that other girl while he was with me. And so he decided to break up assuming we may not be successful in the relationship. He is now saying he would be happy with her and getting married in few months now.
      PS. This other girl already had a fling with one of his friend just before he had crush on that other girl and she landed up getting pregnant out of breach of protection.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      the other is pregnant now with another man’s child? If he’s really set on getting married now, let him go. But if all those are just rumors, then when you’re feeling more rational, start to build rapport slowly.

    • Prats says:

      The pregnancy thing happened in the month of March and my ex only had told me this at that time when we were still together and joining dots of his version of story he was being with that girl for the emotional support for what she was going through and he developed feelings for her. Also his version states that she got it aborted then and he believes they are better as a couple. Is he out of the me and never come back or atleast realize who is worth? Does this happen to just go away for ever in just a few days with no justifiable reason?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You need to let him go.. If you want him to regret doing this focus in yourself

  26. Jess says:

    Thank you for your advice.
    I started the NC period last week but right before it he told me he really missed me after a discussion we had. So I got a bit confused because I don’t know if he misses my friendship or what, because he told me he loves me as he loves a friend. Is there any chance that this NC period just put him away or make him forget about me and move on since he leaves in another country and the fact that the major reason of why we broke up was because our relationship had cooled off ?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if he moved on, that’s because he has long started to.. if you’re friendzoned, that means he has.. that’s why you need to get out of it by doing nc, and to have a chance of a restart.

  27. Lily says:

    I know its long but please respond. Hello i honestly need some advice I’m kind of going crazy right now . I’ve been reading your articles and they’ve been helpful but I need some specific advice for my specific situation. My name is Lily and my ex boyfriend name is Brian. We were friends for a year and he was kinda my rebound I was kinda his this was when we were friedns. this is long distance we have NEVER met . We are both high school students and he is graduating this may. so we developed love for each other. We finally got together in October and everything was good but it was hard for me to adjust from bestfriend to being in a relationship. We had a rough time and I feel like I was happy but I nagged him ALOT . throughout the relationship i have treated him poorly not TOO poorly but im very clingy and controlling and after a while he broke up with me and it was hard but we started talking a week after. eventually we got back together and things were kinda shaky we began arguing for those 2 months we were together and I had hoped things would look up. I tried my hardest but he tried then hed stop. He claims he just isn’t ready. So so we ended up breaking up a week ago he broke up with me saying he doesn’t love me as much and that he is not willing to try because he’s barely been able to keep me happy. He says it’s not something I did and that he wants to be friends . I begged him not to go telling him I love him and all that. in the end all he said was I love you but I don’t want to he said I was forcing him to stay. He thinks I’m super clingy which I may be. He ended up waiting till I fell asleep and promised he would call. me. the next day he didn’t call and hasn’t called since. Is this the end for us? He he said he’s honestly really done and I just asked why but he only sais because he doesn’t want the relationship. idk if I should let go or what but I REALLY really need the advice. Will he come back and be committed or should I not waste my time?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      did you have plans of meeting up? do you want to try the advice above?

  28. Jess says:

    Hello,

    I have been in a relationship for 5 years. 2 years together and 3 in a LDR. We kinda lost contact over time and we didn’t talk so often anymore. We decided to broke up because I was not giving him attention enough and I was hurting his feelings and I really needed him by my side. We kept in touch and after a month I tryied to get him back, but he didn’t want to no matter what I said. He told me that he is better now and that he suffered to much with our relationship because I have hurt him so bad. But he still want to be friends with me.
    I am not sure of what I should do now. Should I proceed to NC rule? Will he forget about me or move along with his life because he is better now?

    Please help me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Jess,

      he’s trying to friendzone you, yes proceed with nc and try the advice above.

  29. Jess says:

    Hello,

    I have been in a relationship for 5 years. 2 years together and 3 in a LDR. We kinda lost contact over time and we didn’t talk so often anymore. We decided to broke up because I was not giving him attention enough and I was hurting his feelings and I really needed him by my side. We kept in touch and after a month I tryied to get him back, but he didn’t want to no matter what I said. He told me that he is better now and that he suffered to much with our relationship because I have hurt him so bad. But he still want to be friends with me.
    I am not sure of what I should do now. Should I proceed to NC rule? Will he forget about me or move along with his life because he is better now?

    Please help me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Jess,

      he’s trying to friendzone you, yes proceed with nc and try the advice above.

  30. J says:

    ahhh i already said happy bday before checking this site for your response 🙁 what now all he said was thank you

  31. Hninsimarn says:

    Hi
    I am hninsimarn and 22 years and i live in myanmar.my ex boyfriend is 33 years and he live in france .we met online and we were so close mind and we were so friendly and he came in myanmar and then we were lover
    We really so deep love each other &kindly and tenderness each other and many promise for marriage and baby born.we was so happy by talking online and everytime connect and really deep love each other and sex share by phone and he so gave me kindness and safe feeling and always connect whatever he go. So care me . Next 6 months ..i heard one news
    He has chinese woman in appartement and i felt so depress and broken heart and he deep cry and he appologize me so much and they are already separate and next two years they will divorce .now cann’t because of they have to sale their appartement .and then we ok and more closer and more share many talking about life and we was happy but i have doubt upon him in holidays often and i asked by negative way .he always explain and confidence give me .but last march 28 .i asked and he said me for comfirm for separate and he cried and i also cried.he said me..my love we have to .becuse of we are suffering about LD RS and this complicate situation .and he came in myanmar 2.apirl .and we deep love each other and kiss and sex many andmany tenderness and 4 .apirl he go alone our trip.he told me.he must surrender pressure .he need alome and need forget everything .he has risk for lose his job and stomatch also pain because of pressure and i also begged and followed him and he was so angry but we was sex and kiss and then he cancel my call and blocked me but he always talk with my sister and request her for care me and i also was sucide and hospital.he came to me and gave me flowers and then he come back to france and he contact me everyday and then 2 days once contact for 10 minutes and slowly slowly he far to me and more strange and he said my sis .i have to get forget him by day by day and slowly slowly.

    Please help me by details advice and what should i do?
    Thanks

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Hninsimarn,
      Are you going to do the no contact rule? did you mean for the next two years he will be living with his ex?

  32. J says:

    its ok to say happy birthday and such in a few days correct? then go back to 1 year NC? even if he prob wont message back saying thank you but i do want to wish him a good bday etc

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you shouldn’t..that’s an opportunity to show that you don’t think about him because you’re moving on and not chasing anymore

  33. Sloan says:

    Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend met online and dated for about a year but our relationship got a bit sour cause he had money problems and I got bored of not doing anything. Then it came to a sudden end when he did something bad for some quick money. We met up after A week and spoke about everything. Thing is we’re quite different people in terms of and views and beliefs etc but we always pushed those things to the side because of how much we loved each other. When we met up we realised they’re quite big things but we also realised there are some things we have in common. Anyway I told him I wanted to try again but he said he doesn’t feel like he can give me everything I need because he’s not in Avery good place right now and needs to get himself together and work on himself before being there for me. Which he’s 100% right about. That he ‘thinks’ it’s the right thing to do and it’s a heart vs head thing because he does actually want to be with me. He said he’ll most likely spend the next few weeks questioning that decision. So we kinda left the door ajar in terms of relationship but definitely open in terms of friendship in the future after some time though. – NC Time.

    However, I am going to uni in a few months for 4 years (3 years but one year working abroad) and he’s starting business in Asia so he will be to and fro England and there. So that has always been something hanging over us. But he’s not sure how long that will last or if he’ll even enjoy it.

    But I do want him back in the future but not sure what to do? What do you think in this situation? We both said that our love was something we’re never felt before. Our chemistry and passion and happiness we brought each other was more than either of us had ever felt in life. We kissed before we left and it was great. And we agreed that we’d never forget each other and that to be honest we don’t think we’ll ever find someone that can make us as happy as we made each other…
    please help

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      have you laid out a plan on how you’re going to do the advice above?

  34. Rita says:

    Hi, I met this guy through instagram and we got talking for over a year on and off – he lived 2 hours away – I was never interested in him eventhough he showed a great deal of interest in me – always putting the effort to call and text – 1 year later i decided to give him a chance in getting to know him i gave him a considerable amount of attention and it was mutual. We met 1 month later and i liked him alot more than I initially thought. He isnt the type to express his feelings much but he felt sort of uncomfortable meeting me often because he felt that i was ‘too much’ for him – was overprotective of myself… we finally met again after 11 months afyer discussing it many times and had a great day.. now 3 months later we wanted to meet again but it wasnt planned properly and i cancelled last minute.. he went mad at me for that and two days later told me about how he really felt .. said that hed never back out from meeting a girl apart from me.. that hurt.. alot.. but i didnt show it. I just negociated as he kept saying it isnt going to work.. i told him that i never minded going down to see him often and that he should of told me how he felt from the beggining as it was basically a waste of my time. I then said it was genuinely nice knowing you and he quickly replies ‘we don’t have to stop talking’ i said what do you want.. he said friends.. what does this mean in a guy! i havent been in contact for a week and dont plan to until he does.. help please

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      that’s normal than an ex wants to be friends because they’re still used to talking to you but doesn’t want to get back together.. do you want to try the advice above?

  35. J says:

    Helloo remember me ! Its been more than a month about 50 days of NC and I recently found out my ex has a new girlfriend but he is still away in military service. I also found out he deleted all our pics together on everything as well. I controlled him in our relationship so badly and now i do think its over. Like i know now the relationship is over but obv i want to get back with him sometime down the future. Do you think i have a chance still? When i was the needy controlling ex gf and he finally had enough of me

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi J,

      I remember you! Stick to your 1 or 2 year nc.. if you really want to get him back.. don’t beg ever

  36. Adriey says:

    am/was (cos I’m not sure anymore) in a LDR with this guy for over 2 years. We met in the university during our first year in 2009. we got talking but never got to date. we lost contacts for almost 5 years and we started talking again on Facebook in 2014. Then we started dating, all this time we were in two different cities. throughout the LDR, I visited him almost 6 times, and he visited only once. we had a quarrel in march and I apologized and he said he’d forgiven me, but he said he had complicated things by getting involved with someone else. He said he needs time to be sure if he wants us back or continue with the new girl. I kept begging him. but I got to this site and I’m confused on what to do. I love him and he still loves me but he thinks the other girl is better off cos she’s closer to him and they get to have sex when we haven’t ever had sex before. I’m quite confused. He says he needs till about end of this month to get to know what will be, I dunno if to start a NC with him or not. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so confused. please help me

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Start nc.. don’t look like you’re just waiting and doesn’t have your own life..

  37. Steffi says:

    Hi, we started dating in Feb and then suddenly after 4 days he got a call that he will have to change the city because of his job. He had a month in my city. We made most out of it. We really liked each other but realised that we will be in different cities. We thought we will try long distance, initially it worked like a magic l. It was just perfect as both of us had discussed about putting effort. It was going great for one and a half month when I decided to visit him. Both of us were very excited to finally see each other. We made plans and we were literally counting days when we’ll be together. When I went things were good but when I returned back he suddenly felt that connection was missing. He told me he used to feel more connected on phone and FaceTime and suddenly he feels that vibes are gone. Since there was a distance I couldn’t meet and explain him he stopped communications with me. I tried to give him reasons and told him this will work out just give one chance. He said he’ll give 10 chances but he doesn’t like the distance. He cannot take the distance and he simply walked out of it saying that he will try to get back to my city, if he does we can give it a shot. If it cannot happen then this is over. What should I do in this case. He doesn’t want to be in LDR doesn’t want to talk to me. He still like sleeping me he says but cannot take the distance. Was he just with me for sex?should I wait for him? Can I get him back by no contact rule ?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Steffi,

      it’s not a guarantee but you can still try the advice above

  38. Nici says:

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2+ years, he is 23 and I am 19. Thing is that I really messed up..we met in December for the first time and overall we had a good time. But then there was this thing about me not telling him important stuff because i was afraid of upsetting him or hurting him. He also felt that I was distant although I don’t think so. Note that this is my first relationship and first time I really got close to a guy, and I’m shy. Now he doubts everything and thinks that I fooled around with him although it is not the case. I simply don’t know what to do and how to approach him now. He completely lost his trust in me because I was not open with him. Any advice?

  39. Emma says:

    My ex and I broke up a bit over a month ago and he went back to school. We haven’t contacted each other, I actually told him at one point that if I wanted to contact him I would. Since then, I texted him on his birthday and he responded kindly and wished me happy birthday as well (mine is a few weeks before his) I made no attempt to further the conversation because In a couple of weeks, he’ll come home. I think he hasn’t dealt with the breakup emotionally yet, because of being surrounded by other girls as a newly single guy. But once he’s home, I’m thinking it might suddenly set in that he misses me. Think there’s any truth to this? How likely do you think it is that he’ll contact me, since our relationship mostly ended because of grass is greener complex and distance? He’ll be home all summer and I’m not sure I still want to contact him, but I’m really hoping he’ll try to contact me.

  40. Kim says:

    I didn’t see my message anymore, so I post it again: He just broke up with me a couple of days ago. Our relationship was so incredibly amazing. We never fought and it was the best relationship I ever had. We were together 9 months before he moved to California for a job (I live in Europe). We decided on me also trying to get a visa and move with him within a year. 3 weeks before he moved away he wanted to break up, because he was afraid getting a workvisa for me was too difficult and that it would only end in tears. I convinced him that we can make it happen and it changed his mind. We were starting to make plans of me coming over for a vacation end of May.
    Then he moved away and the LDR started. We were going to wait a couple of weeks (his idea) for me to get a ticket, to see how the first weeks would go by. It was actually really good, no jealousy, we called/facetimed everyday and also texted a lot. He shared all his experiences with me and I with him. The day came that I was going to buy my ticket for my vacation with him, and I was waiting for him to make time so we could do it together. He was very busy (really true) and I got a bit upset because of the time difference. In that conversation he suddenly said: ‘I think it’s best if you don’t buy the ticket anymore’. he broke up, because he didn’t think it would be possible and that his other LDR’s also broke off and he thinks he can’t handle us being apart and that everything is too hard. The LDR didn’t even last a month.
    I want him back, because I know this relation is worth fighting for. He loves me a lot, but doesn;t want to conitnue. What do I do? I am not sure if the 30 nc rule works with this situation, because he just doesn’t want me to come visit anymore.

  41. Kim says:

    He just broke up with me a couple of days ago. Our relationship was so incredibly amazing. We never fought and it was the best relationship I ever had. We were together 9 months before he moved to California for a job (I live in Europe). We decided on me also trying to get a visa and move with him within a year. 3 weeks before he moved away he wanted to break up, because he was afraid getting a workvisa for me was too difficult and that it would only end in tears. I convinced him that we can make it happen and it changed his mind. We were starting to make plans of me coming over for a vacation end of May.
    Then he moved away and the LDR started. We were going to wait a couple of weeks (his idea) for me to get a ticket, to see how the first weeks would go by. It was actually really good, no jealousy, we called/facetimed everyday and also texted a lot. He shared all his experiences with me and I with him. The day came that I was going to buy my ticket for my vacation with him, and I was waiting for him to make time so we could do it together. He was very busy (really true) and I got a bit upset because of the time difference. In that conversation he suddenly said: ‘I think it’s best if you don’t buy the ticket anymore’. I broke up, because he didn’t think it would be possible and that his other LDR’s also broke off and he thinks he can’t handle us being apart and that everything is too hard. The LDR didn’t even last a month.
    I want him back, because I know this relation is worth fighting for. He loves me a lot, but doesn;t want to conitnue. What do I do? I am not sure if the 30 nc rule works with this situation, because he just doesn’t want me to come visit anymore.

  42. Ana says:

    I’ve been in a relationship for five years, two and a half of which is a long distance. I am 25 and he is 23 years old. He said he wanted space and initiated a break up. What I am going to do? I am broke.

    Thank you

  43. Misty says:

    My Ex broke up with me 7 months ago. We had communication once in a while within this 7mos period. I can feel that he still likes me and I feel the same way. We were together for 10mos before we broke up. We are in a LDR and we did have a few very short vacations together when we were still together since we are in a different state, we talk almost every day too and the reason for the break up was he can’t handle LDR. We did’t fight.
    I did NC for a month and he initiated the message. We barely communicate over the phone. He just always sends messages. Since he says things that confuses me, I sent him a message telling him everything that I feel and to stop playing with my feelings since I am still hurting and that made him not contacting me for at least 2wks.
    After 2wks, he sent me a message and for several days even called me and saying sweet things again like “of course I love you”, “I miss you” in a joking way. He called and sent messages for 4 straight days which is not normal since we broke up. After again being silent and no communication with each other for a week, he reached out once more, there was a little sweetness again and said he misses me. He really confuses me. I’m just thinking, why can’t he just tell me what he wants or why he was doing this, giving me mixed messages and being there at the moment then dissappears for days or weeks. It’s him who broke up with me and why should he make me confuse? Or am I just overthinking and giving meaning to what he was doing? I don’t know if he is seeing someone else, we never talk about that. Is it possible that he’s contacting me this way from the time we broke up while he being with someone else? Would you give me your opinion, please?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it could be ego.. or he could mean he misses you but not enough to want to go back with you, like friendzoning you..

  44. Olivia says:

    I broke no contact on the 20th day. 🙁 i thought i was getting better and that i was emotionally ready to talk to him… but turns out i was not. It was a text message saying something i saw and that i know he would have absolutely loved it, but he did not respond. And i shouldn’t have but i called him twice on skype and he did not pick up… I felt so stupid for doing those things especially the skype call because after that my sister told me he posted on social media a photo of him with two of the girls who was associated with the girl he had cheated on me with.

    What do i do now?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if this is your first no contact, restart it..

    • Olivia says:

      Thank you Amor.

      Should I do another 45 days again, or 30?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      just three weeks to 30 days.. YOu’re welcome!

    • Olivia says:

      Ok, i am on day 6 now 🙂 feels like it has been so long since we’ve actually spoken that a part of me feels numbed by it and almost used to his absence. Doesn’t mean I like it, but getting used to it. I wonder if he as well feels the same way.

      Anyway, on the day that i had contacted him but he did not respond, he had also coincidentally donated to my fundraiser which i had recently started. He had done it before my call around the time he posted pictures with those girls. I thought it was really kind of him to support my cause, but is he also maybe trying to let me known he still thinks of me?

      He did not respond to my messages, which makes me feel like he is trying to move on maybe, but then a day after i had called and he did not respond, he had posted a photo on social media (i dont follow him but my friends do) of a pocture he had taken of a place we had been to, with a caption “its quiet now,painfully quiet”.

      I’m not sure what to think of his actions, but to stop myself from thinking so much i had deleted him off my skype recently.
      What do you think is going through his mind?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it looks like he thought of you, that’s is a good sign

  45. Miranda says:

    Hey Amor,
    So my “ex” we met via online he is from Germany and im from Mexico, and things were great at the beginning, but then he would be so busy and barely talk cuz of his exams and so on and i know i really fucked up cuz i was being needy asking if he was ignoring me or so on, and we were kind of bit distant since then, that was 2 months ago, but still we would talk everyday but I started to realize that he became more distant or gave me lame excuses for not talking to me everyday anymore like “i need some time for myself” and then was “there is nothing interesting to talk about every second” or “i get annoyed if i text 24/7 with anyone” or talk some days straight then wont talk for 3 days and then again and i was really tired cuz i had already told him i didnt like that and that if he needed time for himself to letme know but ofc never happened, and he is js going to NYC in july and he several times asked me to come with him so we could meet and i bought a ticket to germany for the summer but i wanted to tell him some weeks before igo as a surprise; anyways later on he started exams again few weeks ago and we were talking a bit everyday then he talks to me then no reply for 3 days and again talks then 3 days off and last time we talked normal he got jealous cuz he thought i had a boyfriend which i dont have, and gain later no reply, 2 days after i tell him that what we had wasnt going to workout because i wanted someone who appreciated me and wanted to be there and he basically said i wasnt a priority and I told him what i really needed from the relationship and no reply again and its been a week since that, no talk from any of us, what should i do?move on and let it go or try NC and try? Cuz seems to me he doesnt give a crap about me, he said “if u can’t understand that i have things to do then fine for me”

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      just keep being active in posting..but do it more in sites that the post stays like Instagram and Facebook..

  46. Anonymous says:

    My situation is pretty difficult and I need extra help.
    I met my ex boyfriend in my hometown, in Europe. He is from the States. He was doing an Exchange year abroad post high school, before college. We went in two different high schools, but had friends in common. We madly fell in love with each other since the first time we met. Our relationship has always been extremely intense. It’s either unbelievably great, or extremely awful. When we were physically together, it was 85% of the times amazing, and 15% not so good. A pretty good percentage, if you ask me. I have never felt so deeply connected to anyone, it had me amazed how in sync we were. Our bond was the most beautiful thing in the world. He is the first person I truly trusted and opened myself with. We started dating October 2015, and left in July 2016 for a 20 days romantic vacation all around Italy. We went to Venice, Cinque Terre, Sicily, and some of the most romantic and iconic spots in the country. Everything was truly perfect. At the beginning, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him, ’cause I knew he would’ve left me, but then I saw how genuinely and deeply he loved and cared about me, that I thought those feelings were never going to go away. He told me he was going to love me forever and never let me go, and I obviously believed him. We both had never felt so happy and never loved to that level. I was the most important person of his life, his number 1 priority, and it felt really nice. He was always thinking about me, buying me presents, I was the one maybe not as attached. My dream was to pursue my undergrad in the U.S., but I didn’t believe in myself enough. He did tons of research on opportunities and scholarships for international students, and convinced me to take a gap year after high school to work on the application. I have always been a top student with perfect marks and leadership skills, just like him.
    August came, and he left me. We decided to continue our relationship long distance. He is now studying at uChicago and I went and visited him in October, with the excuse of “visiting the schools” in Chicago area. In reality, I just wanted to see him. Only 9 days after he got back in the States, we had a 4 hours phone call where he broke up with me, because his life at uni was too hectic, and he couldn’t handle the expectations of a relationship. He wanted to talk to me when he could, and not always because he had to. He just admitted to have no time for me because involved in too many activities and societies that were now priorities, and also studying applied mathematics, one of the hardest programs. He needed to think about himself first. I understood that. So we continued talking every day, but were not officially a couple. We told each other I love you, FaceTimed, acted like a couple, but were not one anymore on paper. He bought me a ticket to visit him in his hometown, Nashville, during Christmas break, so I went. When we were not physically together, we used to fight quite a bit. But whenever we saw each other in his hometown, everything was perfect again, nothing had changed. After a week with him, I went to Michigan to visit my host family from when I was an Exchange Student too, 3 years ago, and before I flew back home, I stopped three days in Chicago to spend a little bit more time with him. Even then, all good. The problem is whenever we are not together. We can’t seem to make it work. We fight all the times. I get very insecure and intolerant. He responds me after 5,6,7 hours. There is a time change of 7 hours between us, that means we exchanged one text per day.
    I started to complain more and more, until I became unbearable and I am aware of it. He joined a fraternity on campus, and I got very nervous and apprehensive about it, because that involves tons of partying. I trusted him, but I just wished he could try to reassure me a bit more instead of not responding for hours and hours. FaceTime stopped. We became angry at each other and always passive aggressive and rude. However, he never stopped talking to me, even though I became toxic and suffocating. I sent him very long text messages of mere complains, telling him all the things he was doing wrong. I started feeling rejected, ’cause he refused to call me, respond, talk to me. However, I got into some really great universities both in the U.S. and U.K., and one of these universities was uChicago. We both were thrilled. Things between us started going a bit better, he told me he didn’t want to lose me, that I am the most special person he knows, there’s no one that can even be mentioned in the same sentence as me, and that he will never let go of me, that’s why he keeps talking to me even if things are stressful. He said I deserve better, and he should try to give me better and make me feel more involved in his life. At the beginning, I didn’t think uChicago was going to give me a decent financial aid package, so I gave up on that idea. However, I got into the most prestigious university in London, and thought about the possibility of spending my entire junior year at uChicago, which is a partner university of the university in London. I called him to tell him this and we talked, but as usual, I perceived him so distant and cold, he didn’t want to talk to me as it was happening quite often of late. I complained, we had a huge fight. In the next few days he kept responding me because he said he didn’t want to let go of me, it was too hard, even though the relationship became awful and we both hated it. I begged to be answered at the phone, and called 5 times, he never answered. He asked me for a few weeks apart, told me he still loves me but needs time to think and to feel less suffocated by my seemingly endless text messages. I gave him two days, then I couldn’t help it and I texted him again, telling him I was missing him and if he could call me. He didn’t respond. I sent maybe 30 texts, all long as novels. I know what you’re thinking, the worst I could’ve done, I pushed him away more. He blocked me out. The more I was texting him, the more he was avoiding and ignoring me. I was being obsessed by the situation and the feeling of rejection. I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated in that way. Until the other day, when he responded after a thousand of long texts. He said he didn’t want to have anything to do with me, that I couldn’t even give him few weeks break. He told me he hopes our relationship is over forever, that he is not in love with me anymore, and that he feels lighter and happier without me. He said he is finally ready to let go, move on and that is what he wants to do. Our relationship went from being the most romantic to an authentic nightmare. I was crushed. He had never told me he didn’t love me anymore, or that he wanted me to be gone forever. Not after everything we have shared. I never thought we could’ve gotten to this point, because for me our relationship was too solid. We fought a lot ever since we were distant, and you could tell none of us is made for a distance relationship, but our feelings were so deeply rooted that I never thought of the possibility of actually losing him forever. He said that I mean nothing to him, that he is numb to me and our relationship. He doesn’t feel anything anymore but indifference, and if he deeply thinks about me he only thinks “pain”. It is not worth pursuing anything with me because I am gone. He only gets sad, angry and irritated talking to me. He said he forgot about me and us, and he doesn’t think about it anymore. I was heartbroken. We didn’t text for a few days, then I received an email from uChicago. Due to merit and low income, I’ve got a full ride. I was already enrolled to the university in London, but I still thought that could’ve been an opportunity. I texted him to tell him the news. The same person who convinced me to apply to uChicago in the first place, or that used to call me 4 times if I didn’t reply for 80 minutes, literally begged me not to go there. He was out of his mind. He said I’ve got into some great schools, just as great if not better, and to consider those instead. He said he didn’t want anything to do with me, and that our relationship is for him over, forever. That I need to understand this. He said he panics only thinking about me being there, that if I suffocate him 5000miles away, I am completely going to ruin his experience there and cut all his freedom. He said he is scared by us, the toxicity of our relationship and terrified thinking of me there. He discourages me to go and I need to know that if I do, he is going to pretend I don’t exist. We haven’t seen each other for over three months, but I know that when he sees me, he is going to want me again, it has been like this ever since we started long distance. I am really not doing well these days, and I don’t know what I should do. I know that I love him still, I don’t know how. I am still attached to all the wonderful memories and how sweet and perfect he was with me. I can’t let go, and I don’t want to because we are just too good to each other when together. I hate life separated us and I can’t believe he begged me not go to his uni, when it is all he was hoping ever since I applied. The university in London is more suited to my personality, and I believe I will go there. But I don’t want to give up on this relationship, and I want him back. I want him to realize he made a mistake, and realize he is still in love with me but said a bunch of things only out of frustration and because he is exasperated by the situation. We were supposed to see each other in the summer, he is going to be in France for a month and then he will come in Italy for three weeks. He said he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I’ve believed and had so much hope and faith in this relationship and I just can’t believe it’s truly over. He was so lost in me that I didn’t even consider this possibility and I don’t know what happened. He told me he was in love with me one week ago, and one week later he wants me gone. It’s just senseless.
    What do you think I should do? Do you think there is still hope for us? How to go from here?

  47. Sam says:

    This is a great site and I can see you have put in a tremendous amount of work, well done! I met my bf online a year ago, we are long distance but see each other every two weeks and I spend weekends at his. I’m very communicative, open, patient, tolerant and he is a good guy, mindful, sweet, self aware. We text all day and he responds to everything i say. When I speak with him and try to get clarity on us and where we’re going he is a master deflector, it’s actually impressive. Or he says nothing but it’s not out of ego. I seriously don’t know how he does it so nicely. The other day he did it so well by saying “I don’t want to change the subject but that ice cream store blah blah”. Amazing. Anyway, he has a highly stressful job and it’s really really getting to him and his adhd. Last week he sent a long text explaining how he needed the weekend to himself and that he cares for me and doesn’t know what to do because he knows he is hurting me with his indecisiveness. This is the most he’s communicated with me but it was wrapped inside needing the weekend to himself, like it was so much about the weekend but reading between the lines it was about us. I feel like he’s about to end things and I would really like some advice or a link to another part of your site. This page is gold, but we are still together. Thanks so much!!

  48. Amaia says:

    Hey EBR,

    So My ex and were on a LDR for 10 months have made the effort and also by the nature of our jobs we got to see each other pretty much every month. We went through a period of no having too much contact, in February he is a very busy man, with a lot of projects that are growing, he travels a lot, lots of jet lag, and was having some personal issues. so his life is a bit complicated to say the least… Anyway in February he came to visit in Montreal, he lives in Miami… But he mainly came for business purposes. We had a discussion because we only saw each other one night he got “tied” up with work so I didn’t see him again and he made me feel like I was completely unimportant.. I got pretty upset and sent him a big text as he would never give me any priority in his life. Anyway we discussed and broke up.. 3 days later I messaged.. apologized, no reply. He deleted me of social media.. I didn’t Say anything, Few day later he messaged me but I didn’t reply. It’s been more than 30 days and I haveI followed the NC rule I know he will be in Montreal next week for business, so I was thinking on paying a surprise visit to give him back a chain he loved and left at my place last time.. should I wait and see if he would contact me, or should I show up to his event be casual, sweet, and go from there?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you improved yourself and were active in posting in the past month, start with initiating texts..if not, restart the count and do that first

  49. Long distance break up says:

    Me and my ex met when i was in Australia we dated for like 4-5 months and then traveled asia together. There were some tough times during that period as we had only just started dating and then practically started with with each other. But we got through it and near the end of asia was the first time i told her i loved her and she said it back. We were so strong. The plan was for her to go back to Australia (to re-new her passport) and then come to be with me in New Zealand where i am now. So we left each other in January and we were both on agreement about the long distance and were so looking forward to seeing each other again. But then we had an argument over something ridiculous and things got misunderstood via text message and then i said some things that i shouldn’t have in the heat of the moment. I tried to rekindle things but she was just like no im not doing this and has now blocked me off everything no contact. We “broke up” in march 2017. The last phone call was with her saying some nasty things but i know its because she was angry and her friends had been getting in her head telling her things. I know her heart and i know she wouldn’t mean any of those things. I plan to fly out and “suprise her” in Sydney at the beginning of may. But i just want to know if you think thats a good idea ?

  50. Olivia says:

    I am on day 9 no contact with my ex now, I am being active, going out etc. But I did not start no contact immediately after the break up. What are the chances that he will miss me less and move on as no contact progresses and we are off each other’s radar?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it’s a small chance if you’re active in posting.. because it’s human nature that he will wonder on why you stopped talking.. and if he thinks that what you’re doing is not real, then you have to patient and to keep improving yourself while slowly building rapport. Don’t focus on the negative because you will act upon that. Come from a strong mindset, instead of thinking how low chances will be, think of how you’re going to hook him in your game.

    • Olivia says:

      Thank you, I finally understand what you mean. So I have to do my best in moving on (even without moving on). I recently changed my whatsapp profile picture to a picture of me when I was out, and I made my facebook public but not sure how often he uses and social media. My insta is private but I’ve linked my recent insta photos on facebook.

      I’m on day 12 no contact and have posted three instagram photos so far, and changed my whatsapp profile picture. I have also been very active, exercising everyday and hanging out with friends but because I have a very important exam coming up, most of my days of spending time with friends is done at their house or my house as we study. Also, I logged him out of my netflix (haha) cause I could see that he was still using it and I changed my password. How is my progress? And was logging him out of my netflix the right thing to do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it’s not wrong but that’s ok.. that’s your account, you have the right to do that.. that’s good that you changed your profile pic.. keep improving day by day

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