By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 1st, 2021

Ah, it’s the age old question of unfriending an ex after a breakup on Facebook.

Should you do it?


Should you not do it?

Well, that’s what we are going to explore today.

Now, I want to start off by saying that you aren’t alone in asking this question. In fact, I must get this question or a form of this question every single day in my private support group helping women through breakups.

No seriously…

Check it out,

Pretty crazy, right?

And these were queries just from the last two days (like I said this is a question that gets asked every single day.)

But you know the thing that really struck me about these people asking these questions.

It’s the fact that most of them were on the other end of the spectrum when it came to unfriending on Facebook.

Rather than being able to ponder what to do about unfriending their ex after the breakup their ex boyfriend had initiated a preemptive strike and unfriended them first.

So, while I was going to just focus this article on whether you should unfriend your ex on Facebook I decided to also include what to do if HE unfriends you.

In other words, this article is going to have two parts,

Part 1: Should You Unfriend Your Ex Boyfriend On Facebook Or Other Social Media After A Breakup


Part 2: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Unfriends You First

Are you ready to jump in?


What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Let’s go!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Part One: Should You Unfriend Your Ex On Facebook Or Other Social Media?

Well, ultimately this is a question that depends on your overall goals with your ex.

The way I see it is that when it comes to a breakup with an ex you have two choices,

  1. You can choose to try to get them back
  2. You can choose to try to move on and get over them

Now, I am not going to lie to you.

Most of the women who end up on this site are definitely in the “I want him back category” whereas a small segment just want to “move on.”

However, every once in a while you will get someone who straddles the line of wanting him back and wanting to move on.

Have you ever seen those swinging pendulums?

They just swing back and forth between a fixed point.

Well, that’s how I kind of view those women who swing back and forth between wanting their ex back and then cursing him and wanting to get over him.

It’s my experience that these are the types of women who have the most difficult time with the breakup because they can’t ever seem to make up their minds on what they want.

Now, you may be sitting there and wondering why I am bringing this up.

Well, it’s because in order for this article to be very helpful for you, you need to have your mind made up on what you want.

Unfriending an ex makes a very bold statement but if you go back and forth between unfriending him and then refriending him you are going to kill any progress you can potentially make.

Get it?

So, let’s cut right to the heart of the matter.

If You Decide That You Want Your Ex Back Should You Unfriend Them?

What I am about to say may very well be the most important thing I say regarding Facebook and other social media when it comes to reconnecting with an ex.

Facebook and social media is a weapon and you definitely need to be using it to raise your chances of success.

Studies have found that on average 90% of people will check an exes Facebook after a breakup.

In other words, there is a 90% chance that your ex will come snooping eventually and you need to make sure that when he does he sees you having the time of your life.

Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about the importance of this for a moment.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Why is it important that he sees you having the time of your life?

Well, I have long been a believer that men have this very strange belief that if THEY broke up with you then they think that it makes them better than you for some reason.

They can literally convince themselves that this is you after a breakup,

They think that you are crying over them and eating ice cream in a corner.

So, when they hop on Facebook to see that you are actually having the time of your life,

It does something interesting to their perception of you.

Instead of thinking of you as this weak woman who can’t get over a breakup they start to realize that maybe they didn’t mean as much to you as they originally thought.

If there is one universal truth about men it’s the fact that we all want to feel wanted by woman.

Take that away from us and we become like putty in your hands.

Now, lets switch gears for a moment and answer a pretty big question.

If You Decide You Don’t Want Your Ex Back Should You Unfriend Them?

There is no easy way to say this so I am just going to spit it out.

Getting over an ex isn’t as easy as you think.

How do I know?

Well, I understand the body chemistry behind it.

But before I get to that I have a question to ask you,

Do you think that it is easy for a cocaine addict to kick the habit completely?

Usually not.

I mean, I have heard some crazy stories about addicts robbing their own families just so they can find money for a “fix.”

Now you may be sitting there and wondering why I am bringing up such an “off limits” subject since it has nothing to do with a breakup.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Well… not so fast.

Did you know that the part of the brain that becomes active when you are going through a severe heartbreak is the same part of the brain that becomes active when a drug addict is going through withdrawal?

In other words, you are experiencing a lot of the same physical manifestations that you would if you had a drug problem.

Now, I have been doing this a very long time (half a decade to be exact) and I have found that the best way to get over a breakup is to limit your temptations.

We live in a world where we can literally check up on our ex in a matter of seconds through Facebook.

And even though checking up on our exes through Facebook seems like a small thing (and it is) it can balloon into a big thing that can prevent you from getting over him because you are engaging in your addiction.

Now I am going to say something shocking to you.

Are you ready?

I don’t think you should unfriend your ex on Facebook.


This way you limit his avenues to talk to you and it’s a way that you can stop yourself from constantly getting addicted to seeing what he is up to.

Part 2: What Should You Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Unfriends You First

And now we switch gears and start talking about what the heck to do if your ex boyfriend unfriends you on Facebook.

Before we get into the nitty gritty I do have one little statement to make,

Going forward I am just going to operate under the assumption that you want your ex back.

After all, if you really were trying to get over your ex you wouldn’t care at all if he unfriended you, would you?

Ok, so the biggest mistake I see women making now-a-days when this happens is that they react in a crazy way.

Take one of the questions I posted above at the beginning of the article,

(Side Note: This is a real comment from a woman in our Private Support Group.)

This is a prime example of reacting in a crazy way.

Think about it for a moment.

Your ex boyfriend unfriends you and you are so hurt by it that you directly confront him to ask him way.

Does this seem like desperate behavior to you?

The answer is YES!

Look, in these kinds of circumstances it’s important to not react.

However, it’s also important to immediately set a goal.

And in this case your goal is to get your ex to “refriend you”

So, how do you make him do that?

Well, I am a big believer in the rungs of the ladder approach to getting an ex back.

You see, a surefire way to ruin your chances of getting your ex back is to try to do everything all at once.

Re-connection rarely happens that way.

Instead, a smarter approach is to slowly but surely work your way up the re-connection ladder.

So, maybe it looks a little something like this,

(For a more complete look at our process for getting an ex boyfriend back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Do you see how it works.

In little bite sized steps you slowly work your way towards getting your ex to to become your friend again on Facebook or other social media platforms.

Now, I know you are probably sitting there thinking,

Ya, I get it but how do I ask him?

Honestly I don’t think you have to.

It’s all a matter of timing.

Consider this for a moment.

Lets say that your ex boyfriend unfriended you yesterday and you were to immediately try to refriend him the very next day.

What are the chances that he would accept your friend request?

Probably very low, right?

Now let’s say that it’s two months later and you and your ex have been flirting a lot recently.

So, you decide to send him a friend request.

What are the chances that he would accept it now?

Much higher, right?

Timing matters when you try to get him to refriend you.

Now, would that be the exact way I would go about recommending one of my clients to send a friend request to an ex?


I’d probably recommend them to qualify the friend request.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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How To Qualify A Friend Request To An Ex

What I am about to teach you here is really ninja so listen up.

No, not like that.

It’s important that you don’t friend request an ex out of the blue. That is very weird and bound to get ignored.

Instead, what you want to do is qualify the friend request so that it makes complete sense to him when you send it.

Imagine that the two of you are texting back and forth and you text him this,

After sending that text you wait for exactly three minutes and then you text him this,

Now, the genius behind this method is that you are the one leading him into doing it.

Of course, this method will only work if you time it properly.

In other words, you can’t try this method if you aren’t in a good place with him. If he still hates your guts then forget it you need to first work on getting him to not hate your guts.

The other catch is that this method only works if you have something super interesting to share.

In the example I decided to choose something funny because that is what would appeal to me but it works even better if it appeals to his interests.

For example, if you know that your ex is really into movies and his favorite movie just announced a sequel then it might be a good idea to send him something around that.

Generally the better your “bait” is it’ll start a new conversation in a new medium and it can be exciting for both of you!

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83 thoughts on “Should You Unfriend An Ex If You Want Them Back”

  1. Karen

    June 17, 2022 at 10:03 pm

    I am wondering. My ex unfollowed me now on ig and Facebook 1,5 week after the breakup. He immediately unfriended me on Snapchat and a few days ago duolingo. We had no contact since the breakup. Is this him being angry that I haven’t reached out? Or is he trying to move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 20, 2022 at 7:07 pm

      Hi Karen, it is likely he has seen something or had a memory that triggered him about your past and chose to block you rather than deal with those emotions. It is possible he is angry at the time of blocking you, but it is an emotional reaction so try to look on the bright side – he still has feelings towards you. We’re not angry with people we don’t care about. Check out the article I have posted below.

  2. Lam

    June 7, 2022 at 11:03 pm

    My ex broke up with me. I tried to make it work but she didn’t. We haven’t spoken for 2 months. She “accidentally” pocket face-timed my mom. They talk for 30 min.
    The next day she texts me and tells me that she sees that I am happy in my posts but that she also sees sadness in my eyes. She said this makes her sad.
    She said that she finds herself waiting to see my posts and because of this she must unfollow me. I never responded. She unfollowed me but is still watching my stories( because my page is public). Why did she even reach out to me after 2months to tell me that she was going to unfollow me. She could have just done it!

  3. Krystal

    May 21, 2021 at 12:41 pm

    Breakup was at the end of March, we spoke daily though until I went into NC on May 4th (out of the blue tbh which I regret). My ex reached out multiple times and on multiple platforms on May 7th and 8th. Obviously I didn’t respond which I think hurt him a lot. On May 17th, he viewed my snapchat story and instagram posts, then on May 18th he removed me from both. I haven’t posted anything on Facebook yet but today (May 21st) he has unfriended me there too. This hurts so much and I don’t know what to do. My profiles are public but I’m really struggling. I know I shouldn’t reach out because it’s the wrong time and it’s what he wants, to get a reaction out of me, but I can’t help hating how I’m clearly hurting him, and how ignoring these unfriendings is just going to make him think I don’t care. I really want to explain myself and make his hurt go away, but I know Im not supposed to. Why is he doing this and how do I recover? Where do I go from here? 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 23, 2021 at 10:28 pm

      Hi Krystal, this is just how people deal with the break up. He is clearly upset by the fact that he cannot watch your social media posts. I would suggest that you complete a 45 day NC and then reach out to your ex after that using Chris’ texting advice

  4. Lindsay

    March 8, 2021 at 1:42 am

    I broke up with him, he asked for a break instead, & now has been giving me an unclear answer. I ended up deleting him off social media and deleted his number after about three weeks of uncertainty but now I’m afraid I closed the door too soon. What should I do?

  5. L

    February 11, 2021 at 12:38 am

    He unfollowed me before I started no contact but I never unfollowed him back. I’m now on the last week of no contact and I don’t know if I should unfollow “accidentally” and refollow him right away or unfollow him now and refollow him in a few days time to get his attention or to just continue following him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2021 at 2:45 pm

      No do not do this, this is breaking your NC and also shows you are trying to get his attention

    2. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2021 at 2:45 pm

      No do not do this, this is breaking your NC and also shows you are trying to get his attention

  6. Kimmy

    February 5, 2021 at 4:55 am

    My guy said he loves me, that I was the kindest person he has ever known and he tried really hard to commit. Gave me a closet and drawer in his room and. Made an honest go even though I knew he was mint ready. But he was more afraid to loose me. I met his parents and female best friend. It was a disaster, his parents are amazing and I’m sure his BF is very kind to him but to me it was awkward and hard to find my place. About 2 weeks after he started pulling away. We have kept our children separate and only visit when we don’t have them. Which was about 3 days a week. I saw him this past Wednesday and we had a great visit, but in my heart I knew he wasn’t ready. I brought his Valentine’s Day gift over early and he asked to wait (which was a personalized book of him and his daughter) but I knew he was struggling with commitment. He cried like actually bawled when he saw the gift and said that was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for him and that he loved me. He couldn’t talk, I knew he was struggling, so I helped him and said I think this is where we part ways. He told me he was so sorry and he tried, it just happened so fast and he didn’t want to be in a relationship but tried so he didn’t loose me. I told him it was ok. I love this man with all my heart. And the hardest thing I did was pack my belongs up, he asked if we could still be friends, I told him I love him but no, it would be too hard for me to keep him in my life. I went to my car and got out his belongings I had packed from my house, and gave them back to him. I said goodbye and left. I removed him from my Instagram account and him from mine. And only texted him to asked how he wanted to pick up some mail that was scheduled to come in the next few days. He replied with “I appreciate you and our amazing times together xoxo” we never fought, always have amazing chemistry and intimacy, laughed and had adventures together. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do from here…he told me that after meeting his parents he knew it want a fit, the situation was extremely awkward for me. I’m not texting him, I have no form of social media with him now. What am I supposed to do. I know I’ll be fine in time, but I love him and myself enough to leave, but all I want is to love him. Help!

  7. art

    November 26, 2020 at 11:34 am

    My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. It wasn’t necessarily amicable, but it was over the phone while she was driving home from work (or her therapist, one of the two). We were together 1.5 years. I immediately went NC but didn’t unfriend her, though I never looked at her profile one time. I was trying to be mature. I also made only one post unrelated to the breakup or her in those 3 weeks (dog photo). Today I realized she unfriended me. I should have acted like it was no big deal, but I reacted and immediately unfriended her family members. Should I have done that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 12, 2020 at 8:54 pm

      Hi Art, ideally no you wouldn’t have given any reaction but it happens often so try not to worry about it. Keep going with your NC and working on yourself in this time before planning a text like Chris suggests to reach out at the end of your 30 days NC

  8. Lyn

    November 24, 2020 at 10:41 am

    My ex broke up with me 6 months ago
    He unfriended me since his seeing someone new and I think I have no chance of getting him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2020 at 9:11 pm

      Hi Lyn, read about the being there method, make sure you are following the rules of No Contact for 45 days

  9. H

    July 8, 2020 at 5:47 am

    I still follow my ex on Instagram. Should I avoid watching my ex’s Instagram stories during NC? I mean, he sees if I watch them.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 12, 2020 at 10:14 am

      Yes avoid his social media as much as possible while in No Contact

  10. Bananas

    July 4, 2020 at 8:51 pm

    He unfollowed me on Instagram. Do I unfollow back or pretend I didnt notice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 4, 2020 at 9:50 pm

      Pretend you didnt notice

  11. Hannah

    May 14, 2020 at 1:15 pm

    My ex and I broke up less than 2 months ago because of my ex’s parents opposition (They wanted him to focus on his career, not on dating). I unfriended him first after sending him the message “I won’t contact you via Facebook anymore” (He seemed uncomfortable receiving my calls). I recently heard from our mutual friend that he was having a difficult time. Would it be okay for me to initiate a conversation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 12:43 pm

      Hey Hannah, if he is going to allow his parents to make his decisions for him then I would suggest that you take that on board when trying ot speak with him again. If you want to get him back as a boyfriend then I suggest you follow the program. If you just want to be his friend then I would say you can talk to him but understand when you are put in the friend zone it is difficult to get back out

  12. Meaghan

    April 26, 2020 at 8:58 pm

    My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I broke up with him because of this and we kept talking mainly because I needed to know why it happened and I wanted him to make it up to me. He told me he loved us both and wanted me in his life and regretted what he did and wished he’d never done it because he would still have me. He tells his friends he can see us getting back together but I told him this is up to me and I’m not ready. I know he made a mistake and I forgive him for it but he won’t show ownership of his mistake he’s just compartmentalising what he did so he doesn’t have to deal with himself. So sometimes we talk for hours and he is his old self and other times I’ll ask to meet up and he’ll just ignore me. What do i do? I want to get back together but I deserve to be treated better. Why does he ignore me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 2:16 pm

      Hi Meaghan, you need to complete a period of No Contact and then start following the being there method. You need to make it more about he has you OR her. Not both. He knows that you are sitting there waiting for him with breadcrumbs that he is willing to give you. You need to follow the being there method but you also need to start casually dating so that your ex feels some pressure to decide between you both or he will lose you long term

  13. Allie

    April 24, 2020 at 11:04 pm

    Hi guys,
    I broke up with my ex after he cheated on me. We spoke fairly often after it happened he regretted what he did and wanted me to still be in his life he’s been telling his friends he thinks we might get back together in a year or so. I don’t know if I want this, but I don’t know whether to delete him off social media because we talk sometimes and then other times he will ignore me. What should I do? No contact and use social media to my advantage?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 12:20 pm

      Hi Allie, I think while you’re not sure what you want that you should follow a NC rule but do not remove him off social media for now

  14. kaitlyn

    April 6, 2020 at 3:33 am

    My ex broke up with me in March 14. I immediately unfriended him & began no contact. He has reached out multiple times about his things which were placed in his mailbox 2 days prior to texting me without any notice from me. He text me 4 days in a row & then proceeded to bring up our anniversary. No contact has been made on my end. Last night he friend requested me on fb. what does this mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 7, 2020 at 12:01 am

      Hi Kaitlyn, it sounds as if your ex wants to talk to you. If you are interested in getting him back stick to a 21 day no contact and then reach out to have a short conversation that you need to end first.

  15. mich

    March 3, 2020 at 2:50 pm

    My ex keeps trying to add me on Instagram
    And I keep declining his add. The reason why is because I feel it’s too soon for him to be on there as we haven’t even met up yet. So I feel maybe he just wants to be on there to stalk me. Get what I mean?
    I did have him on Snapchat for a while and decided to remove him off there because I sent him a few snaps and he didn’t even bother opening them but he would snap me all sorts of stuff but wouldn’t open mine so made no sense to me.
    He is also extremely flakey one minute he reaches out says he misses me wants to see me then flakes out. So to me i didn’t think having him on social media was a very good idea?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 9:41 am

      Hey Mich so I would say don’t over thing him adding you to Instagram it is only a social media it is not. If anything it is to your advantage to have him on social media if you want to get him back so he can see how great you are doing. Just because he is on your social media does not mean you need to reply. Also you should not be asking for the meet up. He should be investing in chatting to you through texting and phone calls before you meet up. Have you completed a full No contact?

  16. Lia

    October 28, 2019 at 4:29 pm

    Hello and thank you for your brilliant article.
    My ex broke up with me 2 months ago after 5 years of being together and 4 living together, in a very sudden and brutal manner. However, he didn’t unfriend me from fb nor ig. After about a month he liked some of my posts, and he also did about a week ago. He also watches all my ig stories. I have not liked any of his posts and I am not watching his stories, and it goes without saying that I am not contacting him in any way. However I am addicted at stalking his profile… Why is he doing that? And what should I do?
    thanks for your attention!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 6:02 pm

      Hi Lia if you want him back and havent spoken for over 30 days then reach out and talk to him, you do need to stop with the stalking of his page though just shift your focus to something else every time you get the urge to look

  17. Gabrielle

    October 6, 2019 at 4:02 pm

    I feel Like I messed up…I really want him back but I blocked him last night because I was emotional…what can I do to fix it .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 7, 2019 at 8:32 am

      Hi Garielle, so you can unblock him in a few days but take some time for yourself to gather your emotions and control them. Do some research about how to calm your emotions, help you control your thoughts and feeling without acting out. Read some articles here about being the Ungettable girl. And make sure you stick to your 30 day NC

  18. Andrea Lim

    April 8, 2019 at 7:04 am

    I dated a guy for 4 years on and off. The reason for the on and offs are mainly because he was busy all the time. We were in university together. Then as we graduated the whole issue became worse, we barely talked (not even once a month), long distance due to work. I love him, I was always patient with him during university and work. But it became unbearable when he didn’t talk to me for 3months, I was always considerately asking him whether he’s busy, I hate to bother him when he’s busy, but it’s just too much, no contact for 3 months because he’s busy, just a text ” Busy” just doesn’t cut it for me. All this took place in the course of 1 year, and I finally had enough I told him, I’m not sure what is going on, because you have been very distant for the course of one year. You hurt me deeply, I believe you will find a better match, I am not as patient as I can be anymore, I’m not the girl for you. I love you but it seems I can’t make you happy. I will always want your attention and you will always be unavailable, I want to leave this cycle. So I want to end this, I want the 2 of us to be free if our feelings are not mutual anymore.
    His response was ” you make me feel like shit so goodbye, I will block you. I replied “thank you” and he just ignored me. I didn’t contact him after that conversation. Now after 6 months, he unfriends me on Facebook.
    I don’t know why I felt a sudden overwhelming misery, I guess deep down I want him back, I was hoping that he would come after me and that in a way showed me that these 4 years have meant something for him and me.
    How should I approach this to get him back? or do you have another suggestion to my situation?

  19. Tia

    March 28, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    What do I do if I have already unfriended my ex on Facebook? Should I add him back after some time has passed? I have been thinking about friend requesting him but I am not sure how that would come across. I think he would most likely accept the request.

    My ex and I also frequently see each other in person. We have a lot of mutual friends. Slowly we have become a little more friendly. I don’t initiate any interaction with him. Usually I remain indifferent except for the few times he has initiated something. Then I will smile back or join in the conversation. I feel like I am being rude in these instances though by almost ignoring him unintentionally and wonder if I should be a little warmer around him. I am not sure how to go about doing that though.

    I think since the breakup, I have built up value by rejecting him some ways. I feel that he may think that I am done with him though and that he is beginning to accept that.

  20. Joce

    December 20, 2018 at 5:41 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. We were together for over a year. We haven’t contacted each other since. He didn’t even want to be friends. However, he continues to watch my instagram stories even though we unfriended each other on all social media platforms. It gives me hope he might come back but it is also messing with my well being. I want to confront him about it but I also feel like it would be best to block him. I’m just scared that if I block him it will scare him away from ever coming back. Thanks also sorry if this is a repost I wasn’t sure if my last comment posted.

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 21, 2018 at 12:57 am

      Hi Joce!

      Its positive that he is kind of watching the social media. I’m a fan of keeping the social median channels open as you can leverage that to build value in your ex recovery plan. Are you using my Program?

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