Should You Unfriend An Ex If You Want Them Back

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Ah, it’s the age old question of unfriending an ex after a breakup on Facebook.

Should you do it?

Or

Should you not do it?

Well, that’s what we are going to explore today.

Now, I want to start off by saying that you aren’t alone in asking this question. In fact, I must get this question or a form of this question every single day in my private support group helping women through breakups.

No seriously…

Check it out,

Pretty crazy, right?

And these were queries just from the last two days (like I said this is a question that gets asked every single day.)

But you know the thing that really struck me about these people asking these questions.

It’s the fact that most of them were on the other end of the spectrum when it came to unfriending on Facebook.

Rather than being able to ponder what to do about unfriending their ex after the breakup their ex boyfriend had initiated a preemptive strike and unfriended them first.

So, while I was going to just focus this article on whether you should unfriend your ex on Facebook I decided to also include what to do if HE unfriends you.

In other words, this article is going to have two parts,

Part 1: Should You Unfriend Your Ex Boyfriend On Facebook Or Other Social Media After A Breakup

 

Part 2: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Unfriends You First

Are you ready to jump in?

Yes?

Let’s go!

Part One: Should You Unfriend Your Ex On Facebook Or Other Social Media?

Well, ultimately this is a question that depends on your overall goals with your ex.

The way I see it is that when it comes to a breakup with an ex you have two choices,

  1. You can choose to try to get them back
  2. You can choose to try to move on and get over them

Now, I am not going to lie to you.

Most of the women who end up on this site are definitely in the “I want him back category” whereas a small segment just want to “move on.”

However, every once in a while you will get someone who straddles the line of wanting him back and wanting to move on.

Have you ever seen those swinging pendulums?

They just swing back and forth between a fixed point.

Well, that’s how I kind of view those women who swing back and forth between wanting their ex back and then cursing him and wanting to get over him.

It’s my experience that these are the types of women who have the most difficult time with the breakup because they can’t ever seem to make up their minds on what they want.

Now, you may be sitting there and wondering why I am bringing this up.

Well, it’s because in order for this article to be very helpful for you, you need to have your mind made up on what you want.

Unfriending an ex makes a very bold statement but if you go back and forth between unfriending him and then refriending him you are going to kill any progress you can potentially make.

Get it?

So, let’s cut right to the heart of the matter.

If You Decide That You Want Your Ex Back Should You Unfriend Them?

What I am about to say may very well be the most important thing I say regarding Facebook and other social media when it comes to reconnecting with an ex.

Facebook and social media is a weapon and you definitely need to be using it to raise your chances of success.

Studies have found that on average 90% of people will check an exes Facebook after a breakup.

In other words, there is a 90% chance that your ex will come snooping eventually and you need to make sure that when he does he sees you having the time of your life.

Now, lets hit the pause button and talk about the importance of this for a moment.

Why is it important that he sees you having the time of your life?

Well, I have long been a believer that men have this very strange belief that if THEY broke up with you then they think that it makes them better than you for some reason.

They can literally convince themselves that this is you after a breakup,

They think that you are crying over them and eating ice cream in a corner.

So, when they hop on Facebook to see that you are actually having the time of your life,

It does something interesting to their perception of you.

Instead of thinking of you as this weak woman who can’t get over a breakup they start to realize that maybe they didn’t mean as much to you as they originally thought.

If there is one universal truth about men it’s the fact that we all want to feel wanted by woman.

Take that away from us and we become like putty in your hands.

Now, lets switch gears for a moment and answer a pretty big question.

If You Decide You Don’t Want Your Ex Back Should You Unfriend Them?

There is no easy way to say this so I am just going to spit it out.

Getting over an ex isn’t as easy as you think.

How do I know?

Well, I understand the body chemistry behind it.

But before I get to that I have a question to ask you,

Do you think that it is easy for a cocaine addict to kick the habit completely?

Usually not.

I mean, I have heard some crazy stories about addicts robbing their own families just so they can find money for a “fix.”

Now you may be sitting there and wondering why I am bringing up such an “off limits” subject since it has nothing to do with a breakup.

Well… not so fast.

Did you know that the part of the brain that becomes active when you are going through a severe heartbreak is the same part of the brain that becomes active when a drug addict is going through withdrawal?

In other words, you are experiencing a lot of the same physical manifestations that you would if you had a drug problem.

Now, I have been doing this a very long time (half a decade to be exact) and I have found that the best way to get over a breakup is to limit your temptations.

We live in a world where we can literally check up on our ex in a matter of seconds through Facebook.

And even though checking up on our exes through Facebook seems like a small thing (and it is) it can balloon into a big thing that can prevent you from getting over him because you are engaging in your addiction.

Now I am going to say something shocking to you.

Are you ready?

I don’t think you should unfriend your ex on Facebook.

I THINK YOU SHOULD BLOCK HIM!

This way you limit his avenues to talk to you and it’s a way that you can stop yourself from constantly getting addicted to seeing what he is up to.

Part 2: What Should You Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Unfriends You First

And now we switch gears and start talking about what the heck to do if your ex boyfriend unfriends you on Facebook.

Before we get into the nitty gritty I do have one little statement to make,

Going forward I am just going to operate under the assumption that you want your ex back.

After all, if you really were trying to get over your ex you wouldn’t care at all if he unfriended you, would you?

Ok, so the biggest mistake I see women making now-a-days when this happens is that they react in a crazy way.

Take one of the questions I posted above at the beginning of the article,

(Side Note: This is a real comment from a woman in our Private Support Group.)

This is a prime example of reacting in a crazy way.

Think about it for a moment.

Your ex boyfriend unfriends you and you are so hurt by it that you directly confront him to ask him way.

Does this seem like desperate behavior to you?

The answer is YES!

Look, in these kinds of circumstances it’s important to not react.

However, it’s also important to immediately set a goal.

And in this case your goal is to get your ex to “refriend you”

So, how do you make him do that?

Well, I am a big believer in the rungs of the ladder approach to getting an ex back.

You see, a surefire way to ruin your chances of getting your ex back is to try to do everything all at once.

Re-connection rarely happens that way.

Instead, a smarter approach is to slowly but surely work your way up the re-connection ladder.

So, maybe it looks a little something like this,

(For a more complete look at our process for getting an ex boyfriend back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Do you see how it works.

In little bite sized steps you slowly work your way towards getting your ex to to become your friend again on Facebook or other social media platforms.

Now, I know you are probably sitting there thinking,

Ya, I get it but how do I ask him?

Honestly I don’t think you have to.

It’s all a matter of timing.

Consider this for a moment.

Lets say that your ex boyfriend unfriended you yesterday and you were to immediately try to refriend him the very next day.

What are the chances that he would accept your friend request?

Probably very low, right?

Now let’s say that it’s two months later and you and your ex have been flirting a lot recently.

So, you decide to send him a friend request.

What are the chances that he would accept it now?

Much higher, right?

Timing matters when you try to get him to refriend you.

Now, would that be the exact way I would go about recommending one of my clients to send a friend request to an ex?

No…

I’d probably recommend them to qualify the friend request.

How To Qualify A Friend Request To An Ex

What I am about to teach you here is really ninja so listen up.

No, not like that.

It’s important that you don’t friend request an ex out of the blue. That is very weird and bound to get ignored.

Instead, what you want to do is qualify the friend request so that it makes complete sense to him when you send it.

Imagine that the two of you are texting back and forth and you text him this,

After sending that text you wait for exactly three minutes and then you text him this,

Now, the genius behind this method is that you are the one leading him into doing it.

Of course, this method will only work if you time it properly.

In other words, you can’t try this method if you aren’t in a good place with him. If he still hates your guts then forget it you need to first work on getting him to not hate your guts.

The other catch is that this method only works if you have something super interesting to share.

In the example I decided to choose something funny because that is what would appeal to me but it works even better if it appeals to his interests.

For example, if you know that your ex is really into movies and his favorite movie just announced a sequel then it might be a good idea to send him something around that.

Generally the better your “bait” is it’ll start a new conversation in a new medium and it can be exciting for both of you!

May 2, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (6)

  1. Daisy - 0

    Daisy

    Hi Chris / Amor,

    I’ve been on here quite a few times over the years… have found it really helpful! I’m just stuck in a bit of a rut right now and really unsure what to do next. I was seeing a guy for 6 months (but we were unofficial) over a year ago. It was the best time I’ve ever had in my life and everything felt so magical when I was with him – even random things in my life seemed so much brighter, even when he wasn’t there. He just made me & everything in my life feel so good & happy! We ended it because whilst everything was going brilliantly, we were both still on the dating site & I wanted to know where it was going; we arranged to meet at a pub and I asked him where he saw us going… to this, he took my hands in his and told me really gently that he didn’t think what we were doing was going anywhere. I couldn’t believe it; wasn’t expecting this reaction at all and it came out of nowhere! I kept myself together even though I was breaking up inside; he obviously felt bad and he even bought me a surprise icecream after this (the waiter just brought it over & it was so sweet!) – it was as if he was trying to make me feel better. He still wanted to be friends & wanted to keep seeing me – he says he still desires me & thinks I am so beautiful as a person, and that he likes me; but I was quite fierce, refusing as I said I liked him too much and needed to move on. Anyway since that, we’ve spoken a lot on social media and on two occasions I’ve got upset seeing his face pop up on my news feed & so have deleted him on Facebook – only to re-add him the next day and he accepted straight away. He has often said he sometimes thinks he’d never want to be in a committed relationship as he can’t commit (he says he has a problem & is worried about getting hurt), but then at the same time he’s also said he doesn’t think we’re right enough for each other. A couple of months ago I followed all the advice on this site and managed to initiate 2 dates πŸ™‚ the first was quite low key but he was complimenting me and even insisted on walking me back to my car (15 mins away) and gave me a tight hug at the end. The second really felt like the best date we have ever had (well, to me anyway!). It was so subtly romantic, a bit of subtle flirting, +++eye contact (he seemed to be just gazing at me with a happy look on his face at times) and at the end I kissed him… and he then kissed me too. However, I perhaps kissed him too soon (being only the 2nd date for a long time) & came on a little strong and trying to arrange a third date was like trying to get blood out of a stone! He was pretty inconsiderate about times and took ages to get back to me; it was really upsetting & I felt really strung along. Finally, we agreed on a third date but by this point I was so frustrated with feeling strung along, I told him to forget it and went out with someone else instead!! I sensed that this annoyed him a little but he said he understood and that he’s really sorry for making me put up with ‘his crap’. The last convos we had, he said that he was hoping I’d gone on more dates and was feeling happy and bright. I have pretended to be happy by putting lots of positive things on Facebook; I’ve been going out with friends, dating other guys, concentrating on my work, booked an amazing Caribbean holiday with my friend which I’m going on in 2 weeks (!!!) & I’m about to qualify from my degree and have accepted 4, yes 4, jobs in amazing new cities! (currently trying to decide which one to actually go for). I just still really miss him and think about him most of the time, every time I wake up & before I go to bed. It’s like a dull ache and I really can’t move on. Sometimes I feel so depressed and have even thought that life is not worth living like this πŸ™ cos the horrible feeling never goes away (I’m actually worried about the next time I feel so low… as I feel SO low and feel like not living anymore). It’s been a year. I messaged him a couple of weeks ago (after he didn’t reply to my previous message; not that there was much to say to it) saying that I just really miss hanging out with him & that I really hope that he’s happy and met someone lovely and is enjoying life etc.). He read it but still hasn’t replied & he’s added this gorgeous looking girl on Facebook and I’m thinking maybe he’s seeing her instead :\ I just feel like such a fool and I really feel like I’ve tried everything and that there is nothing else to do. I thought I could hide my Facebook and just get rid of social media altogether as I think it’s making me feel more miserable, especially when he ‘likes’ my posts and it’s almost like a false sense of security that he does still want to get back with me in the future. It’s so hard πŸ™ What could you suggest I do? πŸ™ Would you suggest I disappear from Facebook for a bit? (Not deleting him) Daisy xx

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      for me you should move on.. when he said he thinks you like him too much that means you’re chasing and he doesn’t see you as an ungettable girl.. he has to think you are first.. improve yourself first and if you want chance, dont rush things..

  2. bubblegum - 0

    bubblegum

    I want to share my experience. I some time visiting this site and I love it has helped me so much in growing as a person so I wanted to thank everyone who works on this site cause thanks to all of you my life has changed for good … So now the experience I want to share is kinda ironic my ex full blocked me in everyway he deleted all social medias, changed his phone number and also told me to never contact so we’ll I decide to go for a forever NC rule lol I mean no option lol more than trying to become the Best version of me and trying to use social medias to make him curious .. so I did it ..got in grate shape. Fix my life that was a mess, took me months to understand and change many things I did wrong and I was posting Happy pics going out pics I even took the sunny pics with a photographer to look beautiful.. all that to make him curious I knew he was stalking me cause we have a common friend and LinkedIn told me lol but after trying and trying I posted many questions here and trying to make him talk to me after more than a year last week i said can’t anymore I don’t care anymore what you think of me, my life is not gonna be around you! so I deleted all social medias, now I have no pics online he can’t know what I’m doing anymore and guess what ..after more than a year of full NC 3 days ago I received a call it was him saying hello where are you I want to see you, are you in your apartment right now? I was like omgggg! Haha and I said I’m working right now I can’t, and he said ah ok but with a disappointed tone of voice so after that I text him saying he could contact me there for anything he needs but he is not answering back that was 3 days ago but I mean why now when I finally stop caring?.. I have to say I’m way more happy now that I I’m not seeking approval I worked so hard on myself trying to improve myself in everyway and I believe this site has helped me a lot, I also feel more mature and calm, so anyway I still work everyday to improve myself maybe he will text back.. who knows

    Reply
    • bubblegum - 0

      bubblegum

      Sorry for the grammar lol is my phone

  3. Marlene - 0

    Marlene

    My ex is dating my best friend. He said he’s still attracted to me and that he is dating someone who is boring to him and that he will dump her… I told her because we tell each other everything and I didn’t know that she is that girl. She told me later that she is seing him but they are not official and he hides her from everyone- she is very jelous and hurt by the fact he was madly in love with me and he is very cold to her. She thinks it’s some kind of revenge to me.
    I am not angry with her, I just feel sorry for her, she is a miserable person with no self respect. And he is a piece of sh*t. I told her I cant be friends with her anymore because I also had a chance with her ex and never do such a shameful thing.
    He wanted to mess with both of us but I told him so many hurtful things after I found out that he is dating her and he hates me now which I don’t care.
    She was expecting that I will comfort her because he treats her bad and she is not me, he is not in love … Unbealivable.

    I don’t want him back, he is worthless for me now. I just want advice how to forget him and win that situation. How to make best from that betrayal. They are both desperate and fucked up and I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up married with her or she gest pregnant.
    I just want to forget them foerver.
    Can Chris wrote an article about that kind of betrayal?

    Reply

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