By Rachel

In the past, I have written about the concept of “winning” a breakup. If you don’t know about winning a relationship, then allow me to explain. When a relationship ends, both sides want to be the one to end up being happier than the other.

It has to do 100% with pride.

Most of the time even the person who chose to end things wants to win. Why? Well they want to be assured that:

  1. They made the right choice.
  2. They were such an important part of your life that you can’t be happy without them, even if you aren’t together. 

When people ask these questions it’s because their self-worth gets wrapped up in the answer.

Today we’re going to talk about jealousy. There are several of forms jealousy comes in.

Here are a few signs your ex may be trying to make you jealous and get your attention include:

  • Bragging about his new girlfriend or the dates he’s going on everywhere he can
  • Posting on social media about how awesome his life is without you in it
  • Talking to you directly about how happy he is without you 
  • Posting or sending pictures of his body trying to get you to comment

What we are going to talk about first is WHY your ex is trying to make you jealous.

Is it because he genuinely misses you and still has feelings for you, or is it because he is lonely and just looking for attention?

Breakups are very messy, and pride and ego make frequent appearances. As much as we wish that attention from a man means that they are genuinely interested in us, that is rarely the case.

People are confusing. Relationships are confusing. It stands to reason that breakups would be just as confusing and messy.

Is Your Ex Trying To Make You Jealous With Another Woman

Spike: You meet my friend?
Buffy: No. Not yet. But she seems like a very nice attempt at making me jealous.
Spike: Is it working?
Buffy: A little. It doesn’t change anything, but if you’re wildly curious, yeah. It hurts.
Spike: I’m sorry. Or, I mean, good!
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Hells Bells”

As I’ve written before, men and women tend to deal with breakups differently.

Women tend to be emotional in the direct aftermath of the breakup and heal as time goes on. Whereas men tend to jump into the dating scene right away. Then after time passes, the feels hit them in the face, and they are forced to face the reality of their breakup.

If a man is bragging about all the women he is seeing or sleeping with, it can be for two reasons.

If he is shoving it in your face, then it is likely that he is trying to get a reaction specifically from you. this could be because he misses you or it could just be because he needs an ego boost. Be careful about jumping to conclusions.

Is Your Ex Trying To Make You Jealous Using Social Media

If he is just putting it out there in general, such as on social media, then he is likely trying to get attention from anyone who will give it to him. So, he might not be specifically shooting for your jealousy.

And I will tell you one thing for sure. The people that post constantly about how much they love their new girlfriend or how happy they are in their new relationship are not secure in that relationship.

Social media has totally changed the way that we operate after a breakup. Back in the day, to stalk your ex you had to call their house or show up to their home or place of work, but now you can see what they are up to at all times, and this makes breakups difficult.

We’ve talked about what it means if your ex boyfriend is constantly bragging about his new relationship on social media, whether it’s on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat, but what if there is no other woman, but he is simply using social media to show off his new life?

This goes back to the concept of “winning” the breakup.

Your ex boyfriend, regardless of if he has feelings for your or not, may be using social media to show off how well he is doing. I mean, social media only gives us a small window into other people’s lives. And most people set up their profiles to showcase themselves in the best light; keep that in mind when looking at ANYONE’S social media profile.

If your ex is bragging about how awesome his life is on social media, it could be that he is trying to make you jealous because he is missing that connection with you, even if it isn’t romantic – after all, aren’t we taught in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery program that we should post our accomplishments on our social media to spark jealousy in our exes, and show them that we are doing just fine without them?

Your best course of action, in any case, is to not give him the satisfaction of a reaction. If you go through No Contact and don’t give him a reaction when he’ s expecting one, then he is likely to start wondering what else has changed.

That’s a key to getting your ex back.

Social media can be a very powerful tool in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery journey, but it can also be also very easy to abuse.

When it comes to posting things on your profile, don’t overdo it – an Ungettable Girl needs to maintain a certain level of mystery.

And when it comes to your ex and social media….for the love of Pete, please stop stalking him online. You are only hurting yourself and hindering your ability to stick to the process.

Why is Your Ex Trying To Make You Jealous?

Ok, so he’s trying to get your attention… but WHY?!

If it’s become obvious to you after reading this article that your ex is trying to get your attention and make you jealous, the next logical step is to try to figure out why.

That can be a pain because frequently, it is hard to tell. Some questions you may be asking yourself may include:

  • Is he just looking to get a reaction?
  • Is he making me jealous because he still has feelings, or is it just an ego boost for him?
  • How can I tell the difference between the two?
  • What do I do now?

It is important to keep tabs on your interactions with your ex. That includes his attempts to make you jealous. There is one of the ladies in the Facebook group that even started keeping up with her interactions with her excel in an excel sheet.

This isn’t necessary, but it did help her find some patterns regarding what her ex did or didn’t answer positively.

This does NOT mean you should be checking his Facebook profile every hour on the hour. I know that it is tempting to find any excuse to focus on your ex after a breakup.

If you want him back, though, then you need to turn your focus towards becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. This is how you turn his small actions meant to make you jealous into him chasing you and even fighting for you. Read more about becoming your best self in our Guide to Becoming an Ungettable Girl or any of the many articles on the website that cover becoming Ungettable.

How to Make Your Ex Miss You Without Talking To Him

The 6 Things That Are Keeping You From Being Ungettable

EBR 060: Dating Yourself During No Contact With Veronica Grant

How to Be Confident When You Feel Like Crap After a Breakup

The Ungettable Girl

Is there a way to tell if him trying to make you jealous means he wants you back? Well, if he has feelings, there will be other signs apart from these jealousy attempts:

  • Your ex is constantly contacting you.
  • He always initiates conversations.
  • He shows genuine interest in what is going on in your life.
  • He makes sure that you, specifically, know what is going on in his life.
  • You are still the person he calls when he needs to vent or something big happens. (This could simply mean that he is comfortable with you, but if he has a good support group of people in his life he could choose to talk to but he still chooses you, that’s a good sign.)

If he is just trying to get a reaction, he likely won’t do any of those things. It will likely be just to see you blow up so he can go tell all his friends how “crazy” you are. My advice is to keep your cool, act like you don’t even notice these ploys, and change the subject as soon as you are able. No matter what his motives are, keeping a cool head on your part is the way to go.

The Take-Away

Jealousy is a very natural, albeit annoying, human emotion that goes hand in hand with relationships these days. Social media makes it impossible not to see our ex’s interactions with other people even if we are in No Contact.

And because both you and your ex want to “win the breakup” using jealousy tactics to get the other person to see how great they are doing after the breakup.

The thing is, if your ex boyfriend is trying to get your attention in any way, it is likely that he cares on some level.

I can’t tell you the exact measure of how much he cares, or in what way. There is no formula. That is something you can gauge through your interactions with him – you have to note the reasons behind your conversations to figure out if he cares about you purely as a way to boost his ego, or if his attempts at jealousy are more emotion-based.

It’s understandable that your ex’s attempts to make you jealous would be painful for you. But I encourage you to not react. Instead, distract yourself by staying busy and act completely uninterested in what your ex is doing. After all, how could a life without you in it be that interesting? And if you start to realize that your ex is using jealousy tactics to be hurtful or toy with you to get a “crazy” reaction, It is time to consider moving on to someone who respects your feelings.

BUT, if he is showing signs of having real feelings and possibly wanting to get back together, you should definitely take care in making your way through the ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO System. It will not only have your ex crawling back to you in no time, it will give you the upper hand if you want to “win the breakup.”

There is nothing like confidence and seemingly not caring to have an ex going, “Hey! wait a minute. I might be missing out!”

So, now that you know why an ex might try and make you jealous and it is likely that your ex is trying to reel you back in… let’s talk about your breakup specifically.

  • I want to know the details surround your breakup.
  • I want to know what exactly you have done since then. Have you played into everything he’s done and come off looking desperate? Or are you starting the program with a clean slate and really just have no idea which way to go from here?
  • I also want to know what YOU think your next move should be after reading this article and the EBR material.

The best part about EBR is that no matter what situation you are in, we can help you turn it around and make lemons out of lemonade. I mean it is literally what we do all day every day. And I don’t mean actual lemonade. I mean helping people in stuations just like yours.

Let our experts help you decide what you next best step is in order to maximize your chances of getting your ex back.

17 thoughts on “Is Your Ex Trying To Make You Jealous?”

  1. Avatar


    August 30, 2019 at 8:26 am

    Hey! So I’m having a major dilemma. There’s this guy that comes into my work and we started hanging out all the time. He knows I’m married but things aren’t going well and a divorce is in the works. So he mentions that his friend thinks we should date and that he thinks we should also. I told him I had to get my life situated before that would be a possibility. So a week or so later I confessed I had feelings for him etc. It then turned weird and he basically stopped talking to me. He started dating some girl and I didn’t hear from him much for 5 months or so. Sooo this girl pretty much broke his heart and he’s running back to me. Texting all day, every day and showing up at my work and hanging out til close mostly. Everything is pretty much back to how it was before except he brings her up constantly and mentions their sex life etc. Even goes as far as shoving her pictures in my face talking about how pretty she is. It hurts my heart but I offer him advice and bite my tongue.

    Recently he met and went to dinner with my family. hes trying to take me around his friends again etc. can you offer some insight on this?

  2. Avatar


    May 26, 2019 at 11:27 am

    Hey Chris, my ex just recently broke up with me the beginning of May . We been together for 2 years and lived together with her 3 kids. She’s from Illiniois, I live in Florida. She says I mental abused her and she was unhappy which it isn’t true. I would never mental abuse and she suffers from bipolar & mental illness. I didn’t find how she felt until she left to visit her family in Illinois because of a death in family. We were fine talking on the phone until she made it there everything changed. She told me she misses her family and wants to be close. The thing is she knows we were moving close to them after my daughter graduates which is this year. I did something stupid after the break up, I had my friend that she hasn’t met post on Facebook page how she couldn’t wait to see me for the weekend. Then I posted we went on date. I made it public so she could see it. I know she lurks on my page , she then blocked me on phone but talked to me on Instagram very upset about it saying I cheated on her for 2 years how did I move on already. I told her she’s the only woman I want to marry and she was only a friend & if we can’t fix it…I will move and get engaged. She were very upset when I said that. Well I decided to go into NC. I haven’t talked to her in 3 days. Just yesterday I looked on her Facebook and seen she’s engaged to a woman she haven’t even met yet and she put the date January 1st of this year. We was together all year , spent New Years together . How can she do that & hurt me in that way? One of my mutual friends that’s my ex friend on her Facebook told me she just met this other person on Facebook the middle of this month. The other person lives in either Houston, Texas or New Orleans. I need help, I’m freaking out. I can’t sleep . Is she really engaged or it’s a ploy to get my attention, to make me jealous?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 26, 2019 at 3:19 pm

      HI Cassie….implementing No Contact sounds like the right medicine. It does sound like a ploy to get attention. Right now what is important is for you to focus on “you”, your healing as you won’t be good for this whole ex recovery process if your emotions are bouncing. Check out my Program (Ex Recovery Pro Bundle) so you understand better how the ex recovery process works.

  3. Avatar

    Stefanie Robinson

    April 16, 2019 at 12:49 am

    My ex comes around more often and we get along more now. He spends more time with me and our son. But he still talks to females on front of me what does this mean

  4. Avatar


    March 13, 2019 at 11:44 pm

    My ex and I have gone through the no contact and we are talking now and have been here and there for a month. He added me back to his fb and he sees guys flirting with me I have a feeling. Now he goes and gets a gf . Texted me the day before, he posted on fb his relationship. I ignored his text . You think he’s trying to make me jealous. I just feel he is but idk he could be just being friendly?

  5. Avatar


    January 28, 2019 at 8:19 am

    My exboyfriend and I dated for almost 4 years. A week after he broke up with me he started dating a woman he (in one night) met in Vegas. 3 months later they were engaged to be married. The kicker here is she is still married in the Philippines (where divorce is illegal). I haven’t given him any reaction and we have mutual friends saying he is doing this to get one. Why would a person go this far?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 28, 2019 at 11:35 pm

      Hi Nicole!

      That is a wild ride for him. He seems to be behaving foolishly. Are you implementing NO Contact right now?

  6. Avatar


    September 7, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    We was in 4 years together , he broke up with me 21 days ago and he was mean to me and made me responsible for all his failuer in his life ( but it’s obivce not true ), i maintain no contact from this and waiting to end it , he clarify why we broke up , it’s because i was so negative and he can’t deal with it anymore.
    I follow no contact from day one , it’s so hard, i miss him, he don’t block me ,and don’t contact me either, he post funny posts in his FB , i was post a general posts not a funny one , i wait to end 30 days no contact but i am afraid he may moved on and forget about me .

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 9, 2018 at 5:42 am

      Hi Haway!

      I know NC is hard, but sometimes is necessary to emotionally detach from your ex to find yourself and gain perspective. If you ex has been mean to you and blames you for everything in his life, just maybe he should not have you back until he gains perspective e on his end.

  7. Avatar


    August 27, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I broke up with my almost a month ago. I started the break-up because I was feeling overwhelmed with my life. He said he was fine with the break but still seemed pretty annoyed. After a couple of days I was ready to make things work but he was like “it’s not the same anymore”. I asked if he was seeing someone new and he said yes. This broke my heart but we agreed to be friends. He eventually said that if we are friends we will end up sleeping together. He messages saying he loves this new girl but he misses our time together and my dog. He even told me that one day he will marry this girl, but it seems to me that he is trying to get to me and it’s driving me crazy. I still love him and don’t know what to do. I was mean to him before the break-up but now I really regret it. help me please.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 28, 2018 at 9:51 pm

      Hi Laila!

      I understand…life can be confusing and overwhelming and sometime we need a change or a break. Its unclear if this new girl is the real deal. Time will tell. Meanwhile, your focus should be on your recovery and reinforcing your value. I thinking implementing no contact and having an ex recovery plan is important going forward. I have a ton of resources on this site. Merely go to my home page to see the books, tools, and other resources available to you.

  8. Avatar


    August 27, 2018 at 4:10 am

    We broke up a week ago and now he’s posting on snapchat and Instagram all the time when he never did before. Is he trying to let me see what he does? To see if I get jealous? Today he went to the beach and he had this one girl twerking on him and he posted it everywhere where he has me. Did he do that on purpose so I can see it? What does he want from me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 27, 2018 at 3:36 pm

      Hi Alexandra….yes…that could be a signal he is trying to indirectly make contact and get a rise from you. Are you in no contact?

  9. Avatar


    April 29, 2018 at 4:06 am

    So my boyfriend and I broke up almost a week ago. I have done some stupid things post-breakup, and so has he. I immediately gave him space like he asked and then two days later i got a message saying how much he missed me. I sent him back a very flatlined ‘we need to cool down before we can talk again’ text. he didnt answer. The next day, he had put a snapchat story up of my things in his room still hanging up. I did a stupid thing and I screenshotted the stupid snapchat story. Then the next day, he liked one of his ex’s photos on instagram, one who he knows I follow, and he was always very careful about not liking any girls photos during the relationship, (his terms, not mine). I immediately added her on facebook… (which i don’t think he can see unless he goes to my friends list to look for that info.) So now I’m getting mixed signals?? Is he just trying to make me jealous to get a reaction? I’m worried he’s getting over me since he was so upset in the very beginning of the break up?? Help please, I’m becoming discouraged

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2018 at 4:44 am

      Hi there Help! No worries…we all do stupid things before, during and after a breakup! So you are definitely not alone. Yeah…he could be playing a jealousy ploy on you. So the best way I can help you “Help” is to encourage you to take a deeper dive into getting a lot smart on how this breakup stuff works. If you have not done so already, go pick up my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (at my website Menu/Products link) because it serves as a comprehensive blueprint and will help you immensely put your action plan in place. There are a lot of things you can do to rebuild attraction and also take good care of yourself, so go look into it. And let me know how things work out for you!

  10. Avatar


    February 19, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    Long story short. I did no contact for a a week my ex was going ballistic sending me tons of emails trying to call me… I accidentally answered a message that popped up while I was talking to someone else…we ended up in an argument. Then he said he no longer knew if we could be friends… I ended up apologizing for ignoring him and hurting his feelings and said we could be friends… he read the apology ghosted me for three days and then I ended up contacting him again asking if I had done something wrong and if he didn’t want to have anything to do with me he proceeded to answer with “No I need time” and cue 15 seconds later sent me a picture of himself with a women taking a selfie. It looked like they were embraced. He then said it was sent by error. I told him I wouldn’t contact him again and he said nothing. I’m pretty certain he sent that image on purpose to hurt me and is being vengeful for me having started NC. What do you think was it on purpose is he trying to make me jealous or just telling me to move on? I am back to no contact this time sticking to it.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2018 at 12:15 pm

      yup, it’s on purpose.. Him ghosting you now and sending that is his way to get his power back.. So, stick to your nc this time.

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